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My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn.com slash results.
LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. I've had a Zippo lighter in the past. They suck. If I don't put in every five times. But in Vietnam, they were always like,
burning the village. It's all Zippo. And you can't light a fucking cigar with it. How did it always work in the jungle of the Mekong River? Because Zippos work when it's nice and moist out. Really? No. But
But, you know, do you drink? I do. Well, you know, we have my booze over here. Oh, what am I asking? I'm asking a guy who's got a giant tequila company. That's not the only thing. Can I try your Das Hombre? Would you? I feel like we're doing an infomercial. Would you? Can I try it? Step up to the smooth, refreshing flavor. It is a great little sipping thing. I love it.
You always drank tequila? I've been drinking... No, actually, mezcal. This is mezcal. And our mezcal has been around now for three and a half years. Mezcal? Yeah. Is it a type of tequila? Actually, it's the other way around. Tequila is a mezcal. Oh. So...
Is that from mescaline? No, no. It sounds very much like mescaline. It does sound like mescaline. It sounds like they possibly could be the same drug. Would you like it with soda? No. No? You just drink it straight? Oh, yeah. Jeez. Is that because you're on the company or just because you really like it that way? I like it this way. But if I want to sip something all night and I want to drink, I'll put soda in it. Well, I drink it with this. I'm going to give this...
company a plug because I think they should advertise here maybe I think that's a soda it's I drink this stevia soda it's called stevia it's called zevia oh zevia because and I can never find it anywhere I literally take it into a restaurant because it's the only soda that doesn't it doesn't have sugar or aspartame
So it's carbonated. It's stevia, which I think is, I'm not sure it's health food, but I know it's better than sugar and aspartame. So you're saying stevia, which is that sweetener. Cheers, by the way. Nice to see you. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you, bud. You know I'm a big fan of yours. I mean, I'm not just saying that. I'm glad of yours.
Well, that's probably why we both accepted to do this because, you know, we're almost the exact same age. Do you know that? I'm January 20, 1956. Ah, you're two months, like a month and a half older. March 7th, 56. Mel Gibson, I think, is March...
Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson, yeah. Exactly right. Can you imagine if you and Mel had just switched parts your whole career? Why couldn't you have been Braveheart? Why could I not have been? Or why couldn't you be, you know, with the, I'm too old for this shit guy. You could have done that. And he could have been on Malcolm in the Middle. And Breaking Bad. And Breaking Bad, yeah. He probably would have. I wouldn't switch with Mel at this point.
You could have been in The Passion of the Christ, wouldn't you? Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Did you ever see it? I did not see that one.
You might be surprised at this, but I even said this publicly. I think it's a terrific movie. I think he's an amazing filmmaker. Apocalypto is a great movie. Braveheart is awesome. And look, I'm an atheist, but I get the story. I'm here for the story and the popcorn. As storytelling, it's very compelling.
No, he is a very good storyteller. And, you know, he was also a very good actor at one time. And I don't know. I mean, personal life. Yeah. Conflagration. Sugar tits. Remember sugar tits? Oh, boy. Well, he had the loon father. Right? Yeah. You know about his father. Not too much. I try to stay away. He had...
He had like more Catholic than the Pope. You've heard that. Oh, okay. Yes. He had the more Catholic than the Pope father. I mean, crazy Catholic. That's tough. Who was like, it's almost like, you know, Trumpers who the regular Republicans aren't. That's right. Enough. Yeah. Like these 20 clowns who, who just held up the speakership with Kevin McCarthy. They go far right. Right. That's Kevin. That's Mel Gibson's father with the Catholic church. He was always criticizing the church because they did things like,
you know, the mass in English was too liberal for him. Oh yeah. Or like they used to do the mass with the priest would have his back to the crowd. I was one of the congregants at that time in a fucking church. And even I at seven years old on a Sunday having to wear a goddamn tie and a suit, that's the last place in the world you wanted to be. And I,
My brother and I would get an ear twist from our mother when we were fucking around in the pews and those hard bench pews. Yes. And the only thing we could have fun with in the Catholic Church in those days was, are we going to stand next or are we going to kneel next? Right. We stand or kneel. And it was almost like, you know...
So it was terrible. And the priest coming down, and you don't understand a word. He goes up to the pulpit. He turns his back, facing the crucifixion. And I mean, it's like, what the hell are we doing here? What is this? It's terrible.
I'm so interested to hear you talk about this because, you know, I was brought up Catholic. And I also was a seven-year-old boy in hard bench pews. And probably I made the movie Religious because of how much I was turned off to religion back then when they scared the shit out of me and we went to catechism. Did you go to catechism with nuns who taught you the Catholic? I still have the mimeographed
thing they gave us of a hundred questions that we had to memorize. Like, who is God? Where is God? You know, all those kind of, and there was suspicious, and you had to, and I remember crying because I was in seven or, in school, they weren't that strict. Catholic schools, they don't fuck around.
No. Even today, when parents want their kids to get an actual education instead of the bullshit that goes on in other schools, regular schools, even if they're not Catholic, they send them to Catholic schools if they can get them in. And they just tell them, yes, there's going to be some bullshit about Jesus. Just ignore that. They're going to teach you grammar. And I've seen it with kids. Absolutely. Yes. You can tell when a kid has got a Catholic education. Yeah.
Yeah, there's no shit about that. So you went through Catholic school all the way to high school? No. Not Catholic school. No. And my mother was Jewish, which I didn't find out until later. But a hint should have been that she never went to church with my sister and my father. And I never asked why. It just was never a thing, so I never questioned it. And I was so...
nervous about going to church itself. It gave me such anxiety that I wasn't even thinking about that. It just, she just never went. So, but yes, my sister and I would be driven to catechism first. That was like two hours before the mass we went to. And then my father would show up at the church and then we'd go to the mass together and then we'd go home.
Did you go to Bible study and all that stuff? No, but that was Bible. Yeah, your catechism was that. Catechism was just learning about... It's interesting you mentioned what you found appealing, which is sitting and standing. My big thing was the collection plate. That and the red candles. They had these red... The candles weren't red, but they were in this little red...
The glass container. Right. And you lit them for like dead people. Right. No, you did. I remember. And you put a dollar in a quarter of 50 cents. They had the little slot where you put the money in. Oh, yes. Yes. Right. Where they had all the candles and there was a slot with a cash box, basically, and they would come empty it every now and then.
That's a good description of a church itself. Yeah, the cash box. But you're right. Split with a cash box. I always thought, how did they get that job? The guys look like pool skimmers, right? And they send this little trade. That's what fascinated me. It was a basket on the end of a long pole. Filled with money. And it was just so filled with money. And my father would give me a quarter to put into it. Oh, wow.
And one time, I remember that, God, the things you remember, but I guess it was traumatic.
You know, I was bored to tears, of course, as you were. And so I had, for some reason, rolled the quarter up in my shirt. So then the basket's there, and I'm like, I couldn't try to get the quarter out of my shirt. I think that's where my sneaky Pete started, really. When I was so bored, I needed to do something, and I was given a dollar to put in the basket, and
And I would fold it up as kids do. I palmed it a couple of times. I rattled. Really? Yeah, rattled the basket and just. Good for you. Wow. There's a candy bar and plus. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that takes balls. It would have really took balls to take some out.
Now that would have gotten my attention. Yeah. Can I get a change? Yeah. Put in a 10. Yeah. I find it fascinating that all those sermons I sat through, and I remember my father talking about the sermon, like I guess to my mother or something like when we got home.
because that was the part that he was interested in, because it was a guy, you know, he was obviously still a practicing Catholic. He did quit at some point, but so he cared. And he was very often disappointed because he wanted...
you know, some soaring rhetoric from some wise person. Because a sermon is just a speech about something that the priest or the pastor chooses to speak about. So it can be good, it can be bad, it can be trite. And it's interesting that, of course, I was a kid, but I can't remember one word from one, there is nothing that sticks in my mind that that sermon ever reached me. No. No.
Well, they were talking over us. Well, they were talking to adults. Yeah, they were talking over us. It wasn't for us. And I remember distinctly thinking,
Why are they doing this to kids? I remember like it was a punishment. Why are they doing this to kids? This is awful. And it turned me off too. I mean, it is. I mean, I think it was Richard Dawkins who called it, you know, when just bringing a kid up in a religion, child abuse, because the kid has no choice. I mean, you're, you're just inculcating him in this superstitious voodoo and it's,
full of bad, I mean, occasionally the Bible stumbles upon some morality, but it's almost unintentional, you know? Yeah. And pretty obvious. Do unto others as you would have. There's a couple of greatest hits, but there's a lot of, you know, I always go, I've talked about it on my show. I mean, slavery for the people who are wanting to cancel Thomas Jefferson and
And George Washington, because they had slaves and everybody else in an era when everyone had slaves who could afford it, including people of color in other parts of the world. Yeah. It was a human thing. Yeah. It's not just a white thing. Yeah. Okay. So if you're going to cancel Jefferson and Washington, you have to cancel Jesus because he never spoke against it.
It's not in the old God. There's a million rules about slavery. None of them are. Don't do it. And the reason is because it literally didn't cross their minds. No one ever says in either testament, what about we just don't do it at all? What? Don't do it at all.
Well, who's going to schlep the big stones over to make the cathedral? It just did not enter their minds. It just was a way. Every civilization did it. The Romans did it. The Egyptians did it. Slav is a slave comes from the word Slav. Slavic. Yeah, very widely. I mean, there were slaves everywhere. It's just people were like, hey, if I can make you my bitch, I'm going to do it. I'm going to fucking do it. God. You know?
So I just want to hear them answer that question. What about your boy Jesus, the Prince of Peace? Yeah. Because he's got sweet fucketh all to say about this kind of, you'd think it'd be kind of a big issue. Or maybe it would, the Ten Commandments, don't you think that should be maybe in the top ten? More than like false idols? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, he did come out and he did, of course, embrace. Well, Jesus, he didn't come out. No, he's still closeted. That's why they say, Amen. Amen.
He, you know, I mean, Mary Magdalene, he was embracing of her, not judgmental of her and saying. Yeah. Oh, I'm not saying he wasn't a good guy. That's a good thing. I'm just saying. It never crossed his mind to condemn slavery. I'm telling you, they had rules about it, but it was like. We have some issues. If.
a man decapitates your slave, you make him decapitate it. One of his slaves. Yeah, it was never like, but don't do it. But let's just junk the whole concept. It just never occurred to them. It never occurred to them because that talk about being privileged was superior then. Because mankind advances just the way humans do, in increments. That's why.
200 years ago, it's just how people thought. There was an abolition society in America at the time of the founding of the revolution, the founding of the country. It had 24 members. That's how many people- That's it. That's it. Now, by 1860, it had changed. Yeah. And most of the world had got rid of slavery before we did. We were bringing up the rear. But-
you know, you could gay marriage. Obama was against it his first term. Speaking of bringing up the rear, you know, yes, he was, you know, but that was a political move. That was because he thought that politically it's too soon. Of course, because it was, because it reflected where the people were. Yeah. My point being that people just don't
grow up overnight. Society doesn't. It doesn't. But for God's sakes, it's time. It's 400 fucking years that we've dealt with this. And our country still has not taken responsibility or accountability for the history of the systemic racism that's in this country. What should we do more? Well, I mean, for one thing, critical race theory.
I think is essential to be teaching. It depends on what you mean by that. Well, I mean teaching how the race trade and racism is systemic in everything we've done in government, in social activities. Yes, it has been. I mean, it's embedded in it. It's like, for example, why the Second Amendment really was, I mean, this is one person's theory, but I think it's the truth.
the Second Amendment really has to do with, in a country where you were keeping hostile people in chains, you needed guns to, you know, you needed very loose reins on guns to keep the lid on that. That has a lot to do with why other countries don't have like a Second Amendment the way we do. And we didn't have an organized army. We didn't have an organized militia. So you had to
You had to form one quickly and be able to get your arms quickly when we were being attacked. But critical rights can mean, I mean, it's just one of these catch-all terms. If you mean we should honestly teach our past, of course. If you mean more what the 1619 book says, which is that it's just the essence of America and that we are irredeemable,
That's just wrong. It's not. I mean, I agree with that. But even even teaching our past and being honest and owning up to who we are as a country in the history of most schools are doing that. I'm sure there are ones in Texas that are not.
In Florida, they want to do away with critical race theory. In a lot of other states... Because sometimes it veers off into things that are really not appropriate in schools. So how do you govern that? If you're telling five-year-olds that you're either an oppressor...
or someone who was oppressed, you're introducing ideas about race that are inappropriate for kids that age who can't understand it. Okay, so common sense would govern that. Common sense is what's lacking in this country. But that is why people wind up passing laws about that. And yes, you're right, very often the laws go too far. But it's not coming from nothing.
It's coming from things that have started in colleges and very far left woke thinking that many people feel is not appropriate in schools. I mean, the same thing with gender stuff. You know, can they just be kids for a minute? Right. Okay. And that's absolutely. And we have to find that time, that level of maturity when a child can understand that
that at certain times in this country's history, there was a grave mistreatment of other human beings. I think we get that. Well, no, we don't get it. What do you mean you get it? Really? You think that is not something that is now widely understood and agreed? It's definitely not widely understood. That America has a sorry racist past?
It's talked about and whispered, but they don't know it. Whispered? Yes. What, the Jim Crow laws? But that's 100 years ago. So Emancipation Proclamation in 1865. It was 1965 or 1964 when the Civil Rights Act was passed by LBJ. But this is 2023. It took 100 years is my point. Can we live in the year we're living in?
You don't think... Of course you live in the year you're living in. Okay, well, the year we're living in is not... You're going to drive me to drink. It's not what you're describing. You're describing in America, yes, that I think most right-thinking people would agree was deplorable in so many ways. No, no, I'm good. You're good? It's tasty, though. It is good. It's very different, and I like it. It's a little smoky, but not too smoky. Because it's mezcal and not... It's mezcal and not tequila. Because it's smoked and not steamed. Yeah. Yeah.
Anyway, what were we arguing about? Well, probably the Golden Globes, which you sound like you should be making a... I just think we need to live in the year we're living in. And acknowledging progress is not saying the past isn't horrible or that we're done and there's no more work to be done. It's just being realistic about where we are today. And where we are today is nothing like the times you're describing.
as bad as they were. So, so, so you're, you, I mean, this is, I think a problem with a lot of the left. They, they seem to be obsessed on the past. The past is important. It,
It's not the only thing. They teach it like the Holocaust. I think most places do teach it. There are places that go too far on either side. Can we agree with that? But I bet you most places in America, I mean, again, this is 2023. The people who are doing the teaching are of a generation that is not mostly interested in suppressing the past or being racist.
I disagree with that. Well, then you don't watch a lot of the videos that they themselves post. They themselves. Teachers and educators. Trust me, they're hyper aware of race. If anything, it is injected too much into everything. But you sound like you're more in the Hollywood woke camp. I'm not saying that. It doesn't mean we have to. No, it's like it's a humanistic camp.
Did you know when you were a child, did you know that segregation was all through... Again, when I was a child was the 60s. Yeah. This is 2023. You keep going back to like how it was. And as if the same people...
Of course, you know what? Racism is always going to be present in not just white people, but in all people to a certain degree. You can't completely...
sanctify human nature. It's just what it is. It's tainted. We try to extirpate it as much as we possibly can, but we can't. Certainly, it's a great thing that we've passed most of the laws that you would need. I mean, discrimination is illegal, has been for a very long time. Obviously, it'll always be fought in the courts and so forth. But I mean, as opposed to these errors you're talking about when it wasn't even the law
Jim Crow, yes. Before the Civil Rights Act, yes. But that's a long time ago. And you seem to think that the country in 2023 is populated by seething racists who are unaware of our past and the obligation we have to do better. I...
I do agree that there are people who want to move forward without looking at the past. And when you move forward without looking at the past and course correcting, you're in trouble because it can happen again. Well, can't we do both? Can't we be cognizant of the past and move forward? Yes, you can. Let me ask you a question. And acknowledge the present. And let me ask you a question. When you look at this guy's hat, make America great again,
What do you think about that? Sweetheart, nobody has made more fun of Donald Trump than I have. I know. So you can't get me on like, I like Donald Trump. I'm not saying that. Okay. I'm not saying that. And I get your point. I've said it myself. Yes, make America great again. I understand to a certain number of people, that's a dog whistle about America was better when it was whiter. I get that.
OK, but I will. Would you then also accept that there's a large swath of people in his camp and other people like him who have no clue that that's a dog whistle, that they think, oh, yeah, make America great again is for everyone. But when was it great? Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this.
I know. Oh, God. I mean, make it a big sigh. Come on. When was it great for for African-Americans in this country? When was it great? Well, if you're applying for college now, I would say now. So in our history now, it's great.
I didn't say great. It's never great for anybody fully. Never great for anybody? Well, life is full of problems. So great, you know, yes, if your life is great, you're very lucky. Most people would not say my life is great. Would you say your life is great? Yes, I would. Yeah.
Okay. I mean, I would. Yeah. I mean, and a lot of it. I'm glad for you. And I've been privileged. Yes. Do you believe in white privilege? I like the word advantage better.
Because advantage is broader. Here's the reason why. When you say advantage, now, have I had advantages, especially growing up in being a... Again, we were born in the same year, 1956. If you're born in that year, yes, you were a young person in the 80s, probably in the 80s,
You know, could I have been up for a job at a comedy club when I was working little comedy clubs and there was a black comedian and they gave it to me instead because they thought I would do better being a white comedian or that they were just...
maybe had racism in them. Yes, I think that probably could have happened. And that was wrong. Again, I didn't do it. I mean, we can't all be- I'm not saying you do it. It's just recognizing that it exists. I don't think I should be even questioned that I'm someone who doesn't recognize that it exists. I have a pretty good record of speaking on the right side of civil rights issues. I just like to
be real about where we are. And where we are is not where we were. And some people seem literally reluctant. It seems like they feel like,
The worst I think things are, the better person I am. That's what I get from a lot of the left. I think things are worse than you do, so that's what makes me good. And I just want the reality. I just want the truth. What is the truth of the situation? And again, I'm not decrying that these changes are made. I'm applauding it. I'm applauding it that it's great that if you're a black kid applying to college...
Yeah, you don't have to face discrimination like they used to. And very often those colleges and businesses also in America are trying to make up for their sorry past. I think I think we're not we're not really far apart. I think it's to to I mean, yes. Are there factions that are on both extremes? Of course. But to be to say you're you're a liberal person, as I would consider myself, I'm.
I think common sense is the law of the land. It's what should be. I think we are in a much better place than we've ever been before as far as civil rights, as far as acceptance. It's just, you know, the people who are running the world now are millennials and Gen Zs.
They're just, they're not, I think you're thinking of your generation and they are still in place in some places. They're certainly not all racists who are in place, but yeah, there are, you know, like I said, I don't know if we'll ever get rid of it completely like any human flaw, but the people who are running things, you know, I just don't think that's their mindset is let's be racist to people of color. They don't understand it, but they are innately that way. Innately? Yeah.
- Oh Lord. - Oh no. - What have you been reading? - Oh babe, you know, come on. - Is that white fragility or some bullshit like that? - No, it's not white fragility. - Well, that's the book. Is that where you're getting that from? - No, not from white fragility. - But innately, like original sin, like we're toxically white born racist? - Not toxically, but you recognize your experience
And what we don't recognize often is the privilege that you said, the advantage that you have. Look at Congress.
Look at the makeup of Congress. You cannot deny that older white men are the predominant factor in Congress. I don't have the stats in front of me, but there's plenty of people in color in Congress. And yes, we are moving from a place where it was all white. We get it. Yes. But what direction is it going? And I'd like to see the numbers in Congress. Yes.
Certainly in the Democratic Party, I bet you they're at least representative percentage-wise. I would say so. Okay. Yeah. Less so in the Republican Party. But I have to tell you, Republicans are doing better and better all the time with people of color. I hope so. Because the woke shit actually doesn't help.
Any black people? See, to me, this is the difference between liberalism and wokeism. Liberalism is about lifting people up. Woke is just about self-loathing and hating yourself and scolding everybody and virtue signaling. It doesn't actually help anybody. Lifting people up who have gotten a bad shake in this country, who are for some reason downtrodden or have been cheated. Absolutely. I've always been for that.
But I don't think that's a lot of what's going on. And I think there are, I just look at the numbers from the last election. I mean, Trump, would you think that he would get even one black or Hispanic vote? He got 20% of the male black vote. And he did better with Hispanics than he did the first time. Yeah. Comes out.
you're rapists, then gets respectable numbers in that election. And from women too. And then four years go by and he does better. The people, especially immigrants,
They don't like this unrelenting negativism about this country. They're like, you know what? I totally agree with that. You should see the fucking river I swam through to get here. And I get here and all you people do is shit on your own country and tell me how horrible it is. You know what? I came from horrible. You want to know horrible? I'll tell you fucking stories. So how can we bridge the chasm that has been created between
This divisive world that we live in. Oh, good. I thought you were going to say you and me, and I don't want there to be a chasm between us. No, man. So you don't mind having a good Irish debate like that? Fuck yeah. Good for you. Oh, my God. Come on, buddy. And like two old white guys, we don't know, should we do this? What's the handshake? I don't know. That was the 1956 handshake. Yeah.
By the way, I just found out, too, from 23andMe, that I'm 10% Ashkenazi Jew. Oh, wow. My grandmother converted to Catholicism.
Like your... Like my mother. Like your mother did or didn't or whatever. You know, I used to love my mother telling this story about she was... My parents got married in 1951. Now, back then, that was more outrageous than an interracial marriage is today. Yes. Okay? So neither family was very happy about it, but my mother agreed to take Catholic lessons.
And she really had the greatest affection to the end of her life about this priest who did it because she said he was cool.
He understood that this was a charade. So he didn't really... Oh, my God. She could have gotten some asshole who gave her the hundred questions and made her do it. But he said they just talked. Good for him. Yeah. And when I asked my mother at the beginning of Religious, I took her back to that church we used to go to. And I don't know why they let us film there, but they did. And I said, like, why did you go along with it? And she said...
Well, I just thought having some structure was better than nothing. Like, that's how they thought in those days. It was like, you just can't have no religion. Even if it's a bullshit religion I don't believe in. Well, a lot of the teachings were meant just to keep children in line.
Right. That to scare children and adults and adults. Yes. It's like starts with children and you'll be damned to hell if you don't do this. But so were nursery rhymes.
All those Grimm's fairy tales. I mean, they were all designed to scare children into behaving. Right. Yeah, they were gruesome, right? Oh, fuck. Weren't they gory? Putting kids in the oven and cooking them. Right, right. Yeah. Jesus. But people were so much rougher, you know, back then. People are just pussies now. Well, you and I had an upbringing where you could...
My mom and dad, they didn't know where I was. I'd come home. I'd hop on my bike. Exactly. I'd be with my friends and I was off.
There was no helicopter parenting. No. There was no, what do they call it, bulldozer parenting. What's that? That's when they push out of the way any objects or impediments. It's even worse than helicopters. That's terrible. Yeah. I mean, there were people who've always done this. I mean, we used to just call them spoiled kids. But now it's gotten to be, you know, so, I mean, that's the, who was the lady? You probably worked with her at one point.
And she got her kids into college by... Oh, yes. Yes, I know who you're talking about. What's her name? Yeah. She was on some show. Yeah. And you probably played Uncle Plunky one week. I didn't play Uncle Plunky. But I'll tell you, you know where we first met? Where? Murder, She Wrote. Really? Yeah. Yeah.
You were the old lady? I was Angela Lansbury in drag. And... No, they were...
Wow. You were being groomed. Yes. They were grooming your ass, man. They were saying, okay, we're going to make this guy the next star of this show. Oh, boy. And you were her nephew. I did not realize that. Yeah. No, you did too. No, I didn't. They put you in a position. Here's what I remember. Okay, here's what I remember. I did one episode.
with Roddy McDowell. I remember I was in a hotel room with him all day. No making any jokes. Not going to say a word. Such a sweet guy. Where I was just like a guest star. Where I was like one of the maybe people who killed somebody in this small town where everyone died every week. Then, I guess I did well enough, I came back the next year and did a one-hour episode where she wasn't in it. She just introduced it. That's right. And it was me and Faith Ford.
Yep. That's the one I was in. What? Really? I was in that one. Go on. We've got to find it. Yeah. I remember reading the script...
Perhaps not all the way through. Yes. Because I remember they were fitting me for a dress at the end. And I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, I got into a witch's outfit or something. Oh, maybe that was the other one. I don't know. One of them, they had me in a dress, like a witch's outfit. And I think I was- Did you feel pretty? I felt, hey, I should read the whole script. But the other one was a one hour, they used to call an MOW. Yes. Movie of the Week. So we were hoping it was-
We saw it also as a pilot. Yeah. But it was me and her as like, I guess, you know, husband and wife detectives. Okay. So the other actors who were just co-stars, guest stars for the week. Right. We're going, this Bill Maher guy, he's being groomed. Really? Oh, yeah. It was totally that. And you know what? We were going...
Good luck, man. Yeah. You get it. Get a gig. You know, it's when when you worked, you remember in those days they call your agent calls you and you're saying yes before the. Oh, before you hang up the phone. Oh, yeah. I'll do whatever you want. I'll. Oh, you know, what is it? What is it you want me to do? Yeah. I'll sit in a hotel room with Roddy McDowell for. Oh, no. I was thrilled to get that part. And we're at that point. Roddy fucking McDowell, man.
I remember going to auditions for sitcoms I knew were horrible and
I was once sitting in a room, and do you know the comedian Charles Fleischer? Sure. He was kind of weird looking, very funny guy, but he was like a nut. That was his thing. And I remember I walk in, and he went, we're rooting for this sitcom, and he went, okay, nuts over here, pricks over here. That's what it was. And did you get up and move? I was out for the prick part, and he was out for the nut part. Yeah.
You know? Oh, who framed Roger Rabbit. Yes. That's his claim to fame. And he was brilliant. Yeah, he was. Charles, Charles Fleischer. Charles is a good fucking actor, man. I should tell you the time that, you know, remind me of Charles Fleischer and, you know, like...
There was a time when I was doing a movie in Toronto that John Ritter was supposed to do. He was supposed to do this movie and said he did a play and it went to Broadway. And he was still producing this movie I was doing. So I said, I was talking to him every day and I said, well, I'll come to New York. I'll see your play. No, no, no.
You don't have to see it. You don't see the play. I go, no, come on. What are you talking about? Of course, I'm going to come see the play. He said, no, no, really, you don't have to see the play. And I said, well, stop talking that way. He said, well, give me a call when you come in and we'll see. My wife and I fly in. It was during Malcolm in the Middle. We were doing Upfronts.
And I said, we're going to go see John Ritter and his play, Dinner Party. It was a Neil Simon play. I vaguely remember that. Dinner Party. Dinner Party. Yeah. Inevitable name for a play. It's got to happen at least once. So she says, oh, no, we shouldn't go see that. I go, what? He goes, it got panned by everyone.
no one liked this play. And I said, well, I told him I'd come. So we have to go. Let's walk down to Times Square. Let's see where it is. So we walked down to Times Square and we looked down. Oh, there, there. Let's go down and see the marquee. Let's see the one sheet and whatever. We didn't know what time it was. We walked down. As soon as we approach, the doors open.
It's the end of the play. Oh, my God. End of the play, people are throwing down their playbills going, this is a piece of shit. This is a horrible, horrible play. And I said, oh. I reached down. I grabbed a playbill, and I grabbed my wife's hand, and I said, come on. She goes, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. She's not one to be able to fake anything through. And I proudly say she's never faked anything. And so...
We knock on the stage door. He said, I'm here to see John Ritter, Bryan Cranston. Come on. Oh, come on up. He's surprised. So I come up. He goes, John, why didn't you call? Don't tell me about the call. Are you kidding? The call. Why would I call? He said, well, what did you think? What did I think? What did I think? Are you really? No words. Are you seriously asking? What?
My God. My God. That's perfect. And talk about funny. Right. He goes, seriously. I go, are you kidding? Of course. Come here. Give me a hug. I hugged him. And my wife goes over and talks to his daughter who was in his room. In comes John Lovitz. And oh, my God, I'm just blanking on his name. A comic actor does a droll.
Droll. Stan Laurel. We'll think of it. They come in, they're taking over. And he says, Brian liked it. And I went, oh, are you kidding? Liked it. This play. And they're going, really? Oh, my God. Are you kidding? Come on. Let's have a drink. To this day.
So Lovitz had seen the play? Lovitz went into the play. And did he say anything to betray your lie? No, he was shocked. He was a little shell-shocked to look at it. And, oh my God, I can't think of his name. He's such a great comedian. First you take money out of the collection plate.
Then you lie your way. Is this a review? Backstage. Yeah. I'm just saying I'm getting a fuller picture of you, Brian. You're getting the full picture. That's it, you know? It is. You get to know somebody in increments. And I see you kissing Angela Lansbury's ass in order to get a job.
Well, look at, but look at how it came out. I mean, the, you know, the irony as we fast forward in this movie of our lives is that you are the award-winning, famous, you know, critically lauded, universally loved actor.
A-list actor. And here I am, lonely in my little club random, all by myself, smoking my blunt. No. In your cave. We both went exactly where we should have gone. I was not an actor. An actor is the opposite of what I do. It could never work. A comedian can be. Believe me, I saw your work. It was the opposite of what you do. Was I terrible in that?
It just wasn't you. Yeah. It just wasn't you. That's what acting is. You're not you. You're not you. I wasn't some guy who found a John Doe body. I remember that I did not... To this day, I don't understand that script. It was so convoluted. Yeah. Pretty confusing. Yeah. And like... No, I'm very fortunate that I wasn't cast as the...
you know, office creep on bringing up Chunky because I could, you know, have done 10 years on a show and then have never been able to have the credibility to do what I really do. Bringing up Chunky 2, Chunky 3, Chunky... Well, you know, I mean... It would have been a whole series. The residuals would have been... Would have been fantastic. Amazing, but... No, but you... I met you over 20 years ago on Politically Incorrect. Oh, that too. I remember that. Fantastic. Yes.
And groundbreaking. And I'm not here to kiss your ass. But it was fucking great. What if you watch it? No, it was great. It was great. Well, I hope you don't think it was better than the show I do now. Because most of us who worked on both think it was a giant step up to go to HBO and do the show we do now. Well, because you had more freedom.
It's just more adult. You know, Politically Incorrect was, I would say, a planned train wreck. It was four people who should never have been together in the same room. Right. And were, you know, and that's what we... And that's fun. You know, it's like, hey, this is a democracy. Everybody gets to vote. Why can't Bob Dole and Carrot Top have a debate? You know, I mean, but it wasn't, you know... And that was what was so brilliant about it is that...
Now, in all truth. But for me, it's not nearly the work I've done on real time. No, real time. It just isn't. It's just different. It's a different world. Yeah. Well, it's just, anyway. I remember you went shortly after Politically Correct ended. I remember being on one of the shows near the end. And I remember, correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember you hinting like,
I'm going somewhere else. Oh, really? On the air? No, no. Oh, no. Oh, sorry about you. No, no. It was after. Yeah, it was, I'm going somewhere else. A dramatic aside. Yeah, I was like, I'm going somewhere else. Hark, I'm going somewhere else. I think you used semaphores. Yeah. And I got the message. Well, um...
I loved the last six months of Politically Incorrect, even though we were canceled. Even though we were... One critic called us dead show walking. Because we were still on for like nine months after 9-11. And it freed us to do much closer to the show I'm doing now. It freed us to... Because you know why? The country was in this somber mood. So it wasn't appropriate to have dumb asses and sitcom...
twerks. So I did a much more adult show with like a panel of people who like actually could speak instead of just verbal. It's, it's been, it's been amazing to watch this. Oh, it really has. I can't believe, you know,
First of all, we're both so lucky that we're still working. You know, this is a business that puts people out to pasture. You know, whereas, you know, I mean, you've never been busier, right? It's been really busy. Yeah. But see, you look just, I think we both look, no one is fooled that we're Chris Hemsworth. But like you look generically still like busy.
Late middle age, but middle age. You don't look old, you know. So it's not like you can play parts. I look Hollywood middle aged. Well, you look, you can play parts where like your looks are not distracting. Yes. We're not, we're not, you're not, no. Oh my. We're not confused that you're the guy who's going to, who's going to be, you know, getting. Your looks are not distracting. Right. I love that. That's true. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
I look in the mirror and I don't get distracted at all. But at 67, that's not a bad... Yeah, that's right. Okay. It's coming. Right. It's as good as you can do. Yeah. And you have all this acting experience and popularity built up from your past roles. Yeah.
So you're like, you're in the killing field now. No, really. Yeah. It's good. It's a good time. And I feel like almost the same thing for me. It's a good time. Yeah. Built up enough credibility. I've been around and you can still look at me. I'm not repulsed. You're not doing it. I don't recoil. Exactly. You're not doing it for the reason of looking at us. Hey, let me ask you this. What?
Is there a bathroom around? I mean, it's like, do we do that on a show like this? Can you hold it for like five minutes and then I'll just let you go. Oh, okay. I mean, unless you want to like... I really, I got to go. Then come here. Should I go? Yeah. And then we'll come back. Okay, plugs. Yes, why not? If you're watching this, you'd want to know what I'm doing. And these are very entertaining shows, these live shows. I mean, entertaining.
February 17th and 18th, I am at the David Copperfield Theater. I know that must be at the MGM, because that's where I'm moving this year, the MGM Grand. Very excited about that. Las Vegas, February 17th and 18th. And February 25th, the Hard Rock Live.
in Sacramento. I think it's outside of Sacramento, but I think that's the market. Anyway, if you're from Sacramento proper, what I'm saying is you don't have an excuse. It is drivable. It's California. You know, it's not going to be a snowstorm. Although, yeah. Oh, the rain, I forgot. If it's still raining, you're off the hook. Okay.
Good God. I feel that that really humanized you.
It did. It caught me down a little bit. That choice you made in the scene to go to the bathroom. I feel like we don't see that in enough movies. And I'm liking, you know, these super spies, they do everything. They run off buildings. They shoot a hundred people without getting a shot, but they never have to go to the bathroom. They never have to pee. Really? They never have to pee. I feel like if you did, if you did a superhero movie and I'm sure you wouldn't, um,
That would be a good, to have a really vulnerable, like maybe a superhero, but who has a urological problem. And he has to. A superhero who wears the pens. He just, he just. Who's always. Leaks. Always leaks. He's always at the urologist's office. But you would not do a movie like that.
Have you been offered, are you, like, could you be like the villain in Dr. Shitfuck? Yeah. I would consider. Really? Well, I would because. Oh, then they're going to hear that and they're going to do it. Because you're exactly, you're, like I said, Killingfield for you. You're exactly at the perfect time to play like a super bad villain. And because of who you are, built this up to, you'll get, you know, a backstabbing.
bankload of a truckload of money I will yes absolutely you won't be the star that'll be Liam Hemsworth but you'll be you know but they need you too I would do it and it'll be the fun part of the picture that's the one I'm saying you'll steal it because you always do it's the fun part of the movie yes and
And why would I say no to that? Because you wouldn't. Why aren't they offering it? Because they need like someone who's the bad guy to be of like equal credibility, but on that different level. Yeah. You know, not, he's not, okay, I'm not Liam Hemsworth. I'm not...
You've said that like four or five times now. Fuck you. But you were going to see me in my youth. I wasn't. I did on Murder, She Wrote. And everybody was saying, that guy's going nowhere. Look what we know. What did you play on that? I don't remember. I don't fucking know. You know, it's these...
I don't know. I honestly don't remember the shit I used to do. I do remember an actor on that named David Huddleston. Yes, of course. Old David Huddleston. He was the sheriff. Yeah. And he did that shit for a long time. I remember one day he was complaining. I think he played Santa Claus.
Yeah. There was a Santa Claus movie. He would be a good Santa Claus. Yes. And... I did a Matlock where I was a Santa Claus. You did a Matlock? Of course. Oh, my God. Don't ever... Didn't you? Don't... No. I was...
I'd be. We're the same age. Matlock was on, oh yeah, I guess in your 20s. I don't know. When Matlock was on, I was like, I feel like I was a million miles from doing anything real in show business. Yeah. No, I did that. I met my wife in a show called Airwolf.
Do you remember that? Yes. With the guy, wasn't that Jan Michael Vincent? Yeah. Did not end well for him. It did not. You see how lucky we are, Bryan Cranston? Yes. I mean, here we are.
You know... We got our hair. We got our hair, some of it, not every one that was ever there. You know, our careers are peaking in our late 60s. Look at that. I mean, it could have gone a lot worse. White privilege on display. You know... Oh. Speaking of that, you know what one I love? The one you did with Kevin Hart. Oh, yeah. That is... Thank you. Oh, man.
Wow. We're doing a sequel to that. And Kevin Hart, by the way...
When he is encouraged by the right director to just be an actor, fantastic. He is terrific. He does not need to just do what, you know, look, there's no shame in getting famous by being very popular doing a kind of- And selling jokes? Yeah. Well, he's also a good comedian. Great. But I'm saying in movies, he had that one kind of thing he did where he was a little over the top, but it was funny. And yeah, it's a comedy. Let's live, okay? Yeah.
But when he is encouraged the right way, where it's not appropriate, he was so... It was terrific. It was called The Upside. Yeah, The Upside. The Upside. And I went to lunch with him. I wanted to find out if he was ready for this. If he was like, if he got this. I said to him at lunch, I said, you know, this is really not a comedy. I mean, this is really a character piece.
Are you ready for that? He goes, I know exactly what it is. Right. And it's exactly what I need for my career. Right. And he was entirely correct. Right. And I said, this movie rests on your shoulders. You have to drive every scene. Sure. And he did. Yeah, he did. He did. Well, I mean, that's a bit over. It was a fairly equal two-man show.
It was two people who are locked together because in the movie you're in a wheelchair. But he was such a whirling dervish. He carried the show. So we're doing a sequel to it. Oh, wow. Yeah.
You get up. Okay. For those of you who haven't seen The Upside, I play a quadriplegic in a chair, and that's why this bastard said, do you get up? You know, I got shit for that. What? I got a lot of shit for that. For what? Oh, this is going to set him off. Uh-oh. I am not a...
Oh, because you're not in a wheelchair. Yes. Well, we'll fix that. Yeah. I am. I am an able-bodied actor playing a disabled actor. Well, Sean Penn had the great line about that. He said, it's getting to the point where you can only play Hamlet if you're a prince from Denmark. Yeah. I mean, it's called acting. It's almost the whole point that you are doing something that you are not. Right? Yeah.
I can't even. I can't even. And again, you know, not to get back to woke goes too far, but you notice it when it enters your own life, don't you? Like that. Yes. It was noticeable to me. I was pretty surprised that I got some blowback to it. And I thought there's a good point that disabled actors are not given an opportunity. It's a kind of a catch-22.
too that that um you know it's like do you have the cachet to be able to carry a film
It has to make sense. If, you know, if you're playing Jim Thorpe, you got to be able to run. We lost all common sense. Yes. Should there be the thought given to, hey, you know, this part could be. And by the way, it's not like I've never seen anybody in a wheelchair in a movie. Pretty much anyone who ever works a computer is in a wheelchair in every movie I've ever seen. OK.
OK, so but yes, are there other doctors and lawyers? Yeah, they could. And where it's appropriate without like taking you out of the story. Great. We would have missed some great performances. But this Daniel Day-Lewis, my left foot, Al Pacino, Incentive Woman. Oh, there is a lot. Oh, yes, yes.
It's not even worth considering. It's so silly. I think I'm just saying it's perspective. You can only have the perspective of a 66 year old white male.
That's all you can have. All of us can only have our own perspective. Exactly right. It doesn't mean I can't, I'm not a sentient being who can't see. You can understand, but you cannot really know what it feels like to live in that skin. Nobody can. Except them. If you had said that again in the era we were born, like somebody did a book on it in the 50s called Black Like Me, where he put on blackface basically so he could see what it was like.
in the 1950s to walk around, it would be just, that's why that book resonated. Yes. It would be a shock. And in the 1960s, during the riots in Watts and in Detroit and Chicago and elsewhere, I remember asking my mother, why are these black people so angry? Why are they so angry?
I couldn't understand. Why are they throwing rocks and bottles? Because they lived in the 1960s. Yeah. But surveys now show that black people, especially young black people, are way more optimistic about their future in America than whites.
I hope so. Whites are actually the only ethnicity that has a bias against themselves. Yes, they're the only group that—this comes from the far left, I think—they just—the only group who doesn't want to be with their own kind of people. Every other ethnic group, at least, is okay with them.
Yeah. Wow. There is a weird kind of white self-loathing that does go on in America. It's kind of a kink. It's kind of like wanting some dominatrix to dig a high heel into your neck to a certain degree. Let's not disparage that kind of activity. That could be very engaging and exciting. You could put that on your judge show. Yeah.
My judge show. Why? Why? Why? Why? You sounded a little bit like walking there. Why? Do you do any impressions? I do impressions of impressions. Everybody does. Kevin Pollack, you know. Oh, that's good. Yeah. You do Kevin Pollack's. Yeah. I do Kevin Pollack's walking. Right. Right.
I can do, I know exactly what you mean. I can do somebody's somebody. Oh, this is perfect. I can't remember. You can do some impression. I can't remember. Who is it? Who can I do? What's the impression I can do? Somebody. But yes, but that happens a lot with impressions. There was a guy, you probably remember this because we're the same age, Will Jordan. Yeah. Okay. He was the guy who first did Ed Sullivan.
And then everybody else was kind of like, yes. Doing Ed. Yeah. Doing, yeah, Will Jordan. Everybody was doing Will Jordan's Ed Sullivan. Yeah. You know, mailmen were doing it. Yeah. It was not, you just had to do. The big shoe. Yeah. Ed, yes. That's right. Yes.
Oh, man. See, that was something that made America an easier place. Great again? Oh, God. No, I'm just saying. That's what made America. Go get your Golden Globe, really. Just go up there and do what they want. Engage in your kink. Make them feel guilty about just existing and their privilege because they're at an award. Oh, come on now. Well, I mean...
An award show is pretty privilege-y. It is, isn't it? Isn't it? Your life is fine. Why make yourself feel guilty about it? I don't feel guilty about it. You didn't do it. You didn't do Jim Crow. I'm not guilty about it. I know. I'm just accepting that this is the world that we have lived in. Have lived in, yes. Yeah. And are making great strides and still work to be done. True. True.
And let's try to accurately place ourselves where we are. Yes. Is what I would say. I like that. But I still think you should go to the... Now, wasn't the show last night? Wasn't that the Golden Globes last night? It was, yeah. Were you there? No. Not up for anything this year, though, on what you're doing? No. Isn't that surprising? Now, weren't the Golden Globes themselves canceled because they were...
They have completely, you know, Jared Carmichael, who hosted the show. Okay. Young, black. I know who he is, sure. He had the temerity and the balls, and I was happy to hear that, that he said, the reason I'm hosting this show tonight is because I'm black. And gay. He's like, here it is. Yeah.
And that is to get back to our thing about the actor versus the comedian. That is why he's a good comedian. That is what comedy does. It is like a divining rod.
Yeah. That goes toward the thing that is true. It's the truth. That everybody either is thinking or recognizes when they hear it. Totally get that. Or phrases it better than they have. But it's the elephant in the room. And you're right. Good for him. That's what's so beautiful about that. Yeah.
Yes. I mean, a lot of America is trying pretty hard in the last few years to make up for the sorry past. Can I ask you a question? In your work, did you ever pull up from the joke because you thought it was not going to be received well? No. Well, I mean, pull up from the joke...
I mean, I guess I could do that in the monologue because that's just really a bullet point here or there. So I'm really saying it, but I don't remember doing it there. The editorial I do at the end is, you know, I worked hard on that all week, getting every word exactly the way I want it. So I'm never going to pull up on that. You work really hard. No. You do. Yeah. I mean, pulling up is not the way I create a bond with my audience. No. You know. Even if they don't agree with me. I think most people...
will look at your show and go, oh my God, he's just winging it. He's just having a great time. That's what it should look like.
That's exactly right. That's fantastic if you think. Yeah. That's the skill, part of the skill. Yeah. Is to, you know, I think the Italians call it sprezzatura, like to make something difficult look easy. And, you know, hopefully, yes. I mean, I'm old school with showbiz. It's like I'm there for them.
Like I don't ask the audience, like if I have a problem, you don't hear about it. My mother died, you didn't hear about it. Some people do that, it's fine. On talk shows, I'm not knocking it, it's just not me. Like I am there for you. So like if I don't feel good, that's my issue to work out before the show and to make the show just fly by and glide by and yes,
make serious things still stay buoyant and funny at times so that it's not a trip to the dentist to find out what happened in the world that week. So I'm there for them. I will do what it takes to get to that point. I've never seen your show, your Vegas show. Come with me to Vegas some weekend. I will.
And how long is it? Like just guys? Yeah. Your wife let you do like just a guy? Yeah. Really? Oh, absolutely. Even if it was me? I've been married for 33 years. I know, but I'm known as a bad influence. No. You're not going to...
Your influence is not going to... I'm just saying, be prepared to have your picture taken at the Spearmint Rhino at 2 a.m. It's Vegas. It's great. Okay, so you would do that? Oh, yeah. You'd go to the Spearmint Rhino with me? I totally would. Oh, this is so going to happen. Let's do it. Let's do it now.
I totally would go. I go to Vegas. The Lisa Marie is fueled up and ready to go. I'm telling. I've got the peanut butter and banana sandwiches on ice. How long is your show?
When you do Vegas, your Vegas show. Vegas is different than any other city. Okay, so you go to- 70 minutes. 70 minutes. Why? Because normally I would do 90 or maybe a little more. But in Vegas, they always want to keep the show short because any minute you're in the showroom, you're not in the casino losing the house. Right. Do you want a little more? No. I have strict limits. No, really. Seriously. Seriously.
It's important. At our age, you know, you just cannot. I mean, it's one of the saddest things in my life is that I have to be very careful and circumspect about how I drink. Not that it's going to kill me over tonight, but like, come on, we're just not playing with the house money anymore. You know, I always say about health and you look great. You look like you're in really good health. You're no Liam Hemsworth. Yeah.
I thought one more time for the road. But here's how I look back on my decades and how I handled myself. There's a saying in sports,
Whatever the defense will give you in other words like if they're playing against the run you throw the pass if they're throwing against the pass You know, we took what the defense would give us I feel like that's what I did with my body when my body in my 20s and 30s would allow me to have 30 drinks a week. I did it. Yeah, I smoked cigarettes, you know, I mean I just did stupid things but my body didn't revolt enough to make me stop, you know, I still could function and
You know, when you're 30, you can fucking drink, have eight drinks at night and, you know, pass out or whatever, fall asleep pretty easily. And you're at work the next day. I couldn't. That is inconceivable at this point. I mean, I'm impressed with you like throwing these back because that would knock me on my ass. Not that I'd be so drunk. I would just be sick drunk.
For like till tomorrow. Oh, no. Well, purity. I don't smoke, but I do. Yeah. I do like the drink. But I sip. No, I think it's just you probably have a very strong constitution. I do.
Are you Irish? I am. So me too. Yeah. Irish and Jewish. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have more Jew in me than you. I'm more Jew than you is what you're saying. But it's not a competition. Otherwise, we are, not only are we going to, excuse me, not only are you and I going to go to Vegas, but
And the Jetty bar. But I feel... Okay. I really want to see your show. You can. I want to see the show. No, I know. You're coming with me on the plane. You're going to be gone a total of 30 hours. Okay. You can see the show twice. We'll go... I will do that. Friday late afternoon...
We'll have Friday night after the show. We'll have brunch, a leisurely. I've done this before. Trust me. We'll have a leisurely brunch on Saturday. It'll be awesome. And then do whatever in the afternoon. Do the second show on Saturday night and get right back here. You'll be in your bed Saturday night at midnight. Great. Your wife will hardly know you're gone. She'll probably like it. She'll say, Raul, is that you? Yeah.
Let's do it. No. I can't wait. But beyond that, I do think we should do some sort of reboot of the Bing Crosby, Bob Hope road pictures. I think I'd be a good Bing. I mean, a good Bob Hope. And I think you could do Bing Crosby. So you think you're Bob and I'm Bing? Oh, yeah. I'm the comedian. I'm the comedian.
Oh, yeah. You know. Yeah. And I can play that, you know, cowardly sort of schmuck, you know, that... Bob Hope, for a guy who was so beloved, his character was a shyster, and in his personal life, he was just known to be a huge prick. Oh, my God. Graydon Carter tells a great story. I read it, like, in somewhere. Probably Vanity Fair, his magazine. But he...
was at staying at Bob's house in Palm Springs. This is, I don't know, 25 years ago or something. And...
i don't know i guess he was doing a story on him or something you know he was a well-known editor but you know he became a much bigger i think this is before the vanity fair oscar party right but he was still great in carter or maybe it was after it must have been because he was a sort of a celebrity himself so whatever reason he was staying at bob's house in palm springs and he goes in there and put him to bed you know whatever and you know he says he's about to turn out the light he said it was 11 o'clock at night and
He hears this padding outside the door and then a little faint knock. He opens the door. It's Bob. Bob says, hey, I don't want to tell you. Why don't we go into town and pick up some girls? And then Graydon wrote, he was 80 at the time. Unbelievable. But I want to tell you.
Yeah, I was going to town to pick up some girls. Yeah, I was going to town to pick up some girls. I mean, and of course married. Connie Francis, ladies and gentlemen. Connie Francis. And that's what you guys are fighting for. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's 8 o'clock? It's 8 o'clock. All right, I'll let you go. Good time, bro. But I'm telling you, that was fun. You don't mind going from here to here and then back. I love that about somebody. When they can bounce from, we're very serious and then we're laughing.
And I was serious. Right? It's rare. It's fun. How it should be. I admire the respect, the shit out of you. And I, you. Really. Really do. You have, over the decades, been the voice of reason.
Oh, I hope so. I never miss your show. Oh, great. I never see it, so how can I miss it? You don't watch your show? No, that's Milton Berle's old one. I never miss your show. I never miss it. I never see it, so how can I miss it? See, I was serious. You were, yeah. Yeah, well, that's why we should go pick up some girls. 80.
gotta love that gotta love it anyway we're doing good thank you man all right let's have a good year it's the beginning of a new one new year my birthday's in uh nine days i'll get to 67 a little before you my friend i know but look at us we could play in a perhaps not the ingenue but uh
And a band of some sort. I'm not saying I could do Kate Hudson's part in Almost Famous, but I think... But I'd try. Club Randal.