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So, you're here again. I am. I'm back. And you got a podcast. Look at you. Welcome to comedy. You're now officially a comic. You have a podcast. Well, my real show is real time. I mean, that's where you go to get canceled every week. I mean, it's just, look...
It's just, that's a real show. Yeah. This is just us kicking it. And there's a place for that. Just like there's a place for, you know, Sgt. Pepper, a meticulously produced, timeless album, and then a jam band. So this is a jam band? Yes. And some people like that better. Yeah. You know, it's raw.
But, you know, people need to see all sides of you. They need both. But they need to see all sides of you. They need to see that you two are a person, right? Because you're just... See, again, I think you mean that as a compliment, but I think people see me as a person. No, but I don't mean it as a compliment. What I mean is... Oh, I can tell. Let's just be clear. No, what I mean is that people need to see...
all sides of you. And I think it's important because, you know, the conversation about you is always about your political, your social point of view. Look, we're not basically disagreeing. No. We're just saying that, you know, like the figure of Janice, we are multiple sides to us.
Do you feel that people enjoy disagreeing with you? Like that it becomes for it? I don't know if they do, but I know I don't. I don't like any disagreement. If I had my way in the world, if I was king, everyone would see how right I am. Yeah.
which I usually do prove to be about everything. And I don't want to argue with anybody. I only do it because it's like, well, I've got to try to convince you that this is the way it is and should be. And, you know, I mean, a lot of people think
That's just common sense. But, you know, the world keeps drifting further away from common sense on both sides. Absolutely. You and I talked about that. First of all, I want to say I would pay handsomely to have this confidence of a white man's.
I don't have the self-esteem. I think I'm always wrong. Really? But yeah, you know, I had a conversation with you last time. Yeah. And we talked about how. But you're not always wrong. No. Everything you were saying was right. We were talking about, because nobody has, we don't explore nuance anymore. Everything is. There's something that's right. Right. Why do you think you're wrong? You're right.
I'm telling you, I talked to you in this very spot or that spot or some spot in this room. And I was like, wow, yes, you really have your shit together mentally about all these issues which so many people have their head up their ass about. People just generally have their head up their ass and they just want to bitch and bitch and bitch. It's never about what the actual...
you know, engaging in the actual argument. It's always about some stupid side argument. I mean, what they always, when they come after me, it's like, you're old. Yeah, but am I wrong? Yeah.
They say you're old? Yeah, that's like the best thing. Like, oh, fine. I mean, I certainly don't feel old and I probably act younger than they do because they're the ones who are like afraid of the world and, you know, the virus and everything. But okay, engage with the argument. Absolutely. You know, engage. Okay, I'm old, but tell me why my argument is wrong. That they don't even want to get in that game. They don't want to suit up for that one. You know, I wish we could document other people calling people old. Right.
Right. So that when they get older, talk about it a lot. It's a it's the last acceptable prejudice. Yeah, it's you're so right. And I don't allow people to call me auntie because that's when that's a go to. But it's funny to me.
Auntie is what they call you when you're an older woman. When they're 19, they'll call you, like, auntie. They do that to Maxine. That is so mean, girl. But it's true, right? That's what young girls do? It's the Maxine Waters. Guys do it, too. But I think it's interesting. Auntie. Or they'll call you uncle. That's why Denzel Washington was like, don't call me uncle. I'm not your uncle. Right. But the thing is that these are the people who are upset about you not using pronouns. Yeah.
These are the people who are upset about... Yes. But yet they use these microaggressions to call you old. Right. And it's such hypocritical bullshit. And that's why I... It is the last acceptable prejudice. And I've seen it... I saw it on my show recently. You know, somebody... And it was...
It's a terrible argument because, I mean, we're talking about whether, you know, a guy wrote a book about focus. You know, the Americans have lost their focus. And he's a millennial, I think, like 40 or something. And, you know, it's things like phones and, you know, Facebook and, you know, the lack of sleep. But mostly it's the technology and what the phones do. And, I mean, this is what he's saying in the book, and I'm agreeing with him completely.
And some other panelist was like, well, you know, when you get older, you know, sometimes you just like it the old ways. It's like, that's not what's going on here. It's not that I like the old ways. I understand what the phone is. I use the phone. I like my phone. But it is fucking up with people's minds and their attention span. It's not because, oh, I'm old and I can't – I'm not –
pining for the telegraph, you know? No. And it was like, you know, wow, you couldn't get away with it. I couldn't say to her as a woman, like, well, you know, your argument, should we really listen to it because you're a woman and, you know, you bleed from the crotch once in a while? Right, right, right. How could we really depend on anything you're going to be saying about this subject? I mean, really, we should just take whatever you're going to say with a grain of salt because you have the, you know, but with old, you can totally get away with it.
It's annoying. You're in better shape than a lot of the people who are calling you up, right? You're healthy. Yes. And now I'm fat shaming, right? Because that's what it trickles down to. Now, if I say you're healthy because you're lean, then I'm dissing the people who are overweight. Well, that's wrong. We have got to arrest that trend in America. I mean, we should not shame people, but we are at a place where we're not allowed to talk about the subject. And the subject is too relevant to health issues.
both in the COVID era and in general, even before that. And it's a little dangerous to be unable to talk about a major health factor, no matter what that factor is. And that's where that has gone. I mean, we've moved to a place where just in the last few years, at least like five years ago,
Losing weight was a goal. Yeah. And it wasn't bad to say it was a goal. Now you have an illness and you need to go to a 12-step program. Well, no, it's like, why? It's just a different way to be. Right. And it is, but it's also science does not stop being science. It makes you unhealthy.
And unhealthy has ramifications throughout society, especially when there's something that is killing people. Yeah, you know, I think capitalism, right? We talk about all of the things that draw people.
money and how they've weaponized all of the stuff because women are constantly worrying about their weight, but you also see men doing it too. I had an eating disorder when I was modeling. I got down to 117 pounds. I'm 5'10", and I was deadly. I looked like a walking skeleton. But the fear of getting big controlled my life for so many years. And
And even at that time, I had really bad body dysmorphia. And I still thought that I was big. But it was because we're always talking about this stuff. But what we don't talk about is health. We talk about appearance. The goal should be to be healthy. And there are some big people who are healthier than people who are thin. It's pretty hard to do that.
Yeah, no. It's pretty hard to be healthier big than thin. Thin is for your body. What does the body mostly use energy on? Digestion. Yeah. Digestion. And when you give your body a break from that or don't ask it to like constantly be just, you know, I mean...
Yes. I mean, again, I'm not making this up to shame people. It's just the science. And it makes it, you know, it's intuitive. You know, when you do a fast.
Have you ever done a fast? Oh, yeah, I do. I do four times a year. I do it. Really? That's very good for you. For how long? 21 days. I do 21 days. Raw foods. Yeah. All raw foods. Wow. Well, that's not exactly a fast, but it's a kind of a fast. I mean, I've done like a fast. I don't do more than three days because I'm hypoglycemic. I can't go without eating. But even that is a lot of discipline. But that's so good for you.
Yeah, it is. It changed my life because I was unhealthy and I was thin and unhealthy and I had bronchitis and I had this ugly breakout on my face and I went to this herbalist. He gave me his herbs. I did a 21-day fast. I ate all raw fruits and vegetables. The breakout went away and I've never had bronchitis again. And it really changed my life. It changed my health for the better.
And I battle with this on a constant basis. L.A. makes it very hard. Everybody, you know, there are people who are walking around here. I don't know how they're walking around. I see them on Instagram. They look like perfect. But in real life, they probably don't. Because that's Instagram. Because Instagram is all about faking your life. And again, something, oh, you're old.
So, but am I wrong that it's worse to be more concerned with your virtual life than your actual life? That it's wrong to like want to look like you're having a good time than actually having a good time? No. That's right. I feel you on that. I could be a thousand and that would be the correct assessment of that particular situation. But I agree with you because I, I, I was. But it's not how they live.
But it's not just kids, too. And there's a bunch of grownups. And, you know, think about it. Kim Kardashian is in her 40s and she is the Instagram queen. So when you think about social media, it's just become one guy paid four hundred thousand dollars to buy a house in the metaverse next to Snoop.
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When we were here the other night, I was like, boy, that girl's a tough crowd. But she's honest. I'm not a tough crowd. I love to laugh. I enjoy... No, but you're smart and you're in the business. So, like, you know, when you get a laugh from you, it's a real laugh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, you know, you don't like, you know, fake, you know, you don't Jimmy Fallon me. No. And I love Jimmy. This is not a... But, I mean...
You know, that's what those shows are. You have to, like, enjoy the fuck out of every guest. And I'm actually enjoying the fuck out of you. Me saying ditto. I know, but... You know, it's funny. For a long time, my Puerto Rican ass didn't know the difference between Jimmy Fallon and Chris Kattan. I was like... And I did a show with Chris Kattan in New York. Chris Kattan is not Jimmy Fallon in drag? No.
my God, you just rocked my world. You know, and he was doing his thing that he always does, Chris Kattan. And I was like, is he supposed to be working right now? Oh, Mungo, that character that was... Yes. Were you mad at Jimmy Fallon when he did this to Donald Trump? No, no, no, no. You can't get mad at... Jimmy Fallon's not a political show. He's not a guy... I mean, you know...
He's a genius sketch player. I would just... When he gets into a character or does... I mean, nobody can touch him. I just... And he's actually become a pretty good monologist, but I just want to see... Like, when I see somebody, I always think the secret of show business is it's so competitive. Do the thing that only you can do the best. You know, because otherwise...
Somebody who is more natural at that will eat your lunch. Absolutely. Whereas do that one thing, you know, you know, Jim Carrey, when he, who's a fantastic dramatic actor, actually, but people saw him as Ace Ventura and like, like I always say,
a great actor is one nobody else could do the part. Jim has done roles where I'm like, yeah, I don't think anyone else actually could have done that. Lots of roles you look and go, oh yes, a lot of people could do that. - Nah, the Truman Show was him. - Yes, well, yes, that too. But especially where that manic, one of my favorites of his is
Cable Guy. Oh, yes. That's, I feel like a genius. That was us. That was me. What do you mean you? Watching TV, raised by the television. Right. Remember when HBO came along and cable, sitting there watching Fraggle Rock. Fraggle. That's us. Well, that's you. That's not my generation. Oh, no.
And I never had kids. You know what I was thinking about? The reason why I do comedy. I learned how to speak English watching television. Really? Yeah.
You talk about Jim Carrey. I was thinking about him the other day because I love Jim Carrey. Love, love, love. Ace Ventura couldn't go on today. That's what I was saying. That was the first one. I don't think anyone else could do that part. No, that was hilarious. But that movie today could be considered transphobic. But why were we talking about that? We were talking about doing the thing that you're good at. Oh, yes, doing the thing that only you can do. Right. And, you know, because I remember once...
Prince put out a jazz album and he didn't announce it as such, or at least I missed the announcement. I bought this back when it was stuff on CD, one of the last CDs I think I ever bought. It's like, okay, fine, but you got me. You got my 1195 or whatever it was. That's a sad time, you made me laugh. Fuck that because like,
I don't like jazz. This is not why I buy a Prince album, you know? Yeah, you know what's funny? You can't lick yourself to a jazz record that Prince has seen. I need a metaphor. I love Prince, but I don't want to hear Prince singing. Exactly. So when I was doing Politically Incorrect, he became a big fan.
Later on, as it became more apparent that I was disdainful of religion, I think that became a bridge too far. But he once, when I was on, you know, just a few years, and I remember he went on The Tonight Show and talked about it. And I was like, it was such a feather in my cap. Nice. That Prince likes my show. Right. And somebody who worked for him said,
He would sometimes, like, he'd go out after the show. I don't know if this is true. But, and would, like, go to the strip club and bring, like, four strippers back to the room, and they would think it was going to be a great orgy. And then he would just sit there, like, and play politically incorrect with them. Wow, and that's funny. And a lot of it, you know, led to...
He was a proselytizer for, was it Jehovah Witness? Yeah, I think he was Jehovah Witness. He was very, very serious. A lot of the big families in the entertainment business
But when you, or what? Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh, really? Yeah, no, no. The Jacksons, were they? I believe the Jacksons, the Wayans. Wow. I like Prince. I like sex Prince, though. Well, that's the thing. I mean, when you think about the dichotomy there in his mind. Yeah. On the one hand, it's this Dionysian figure.
who is all libido and super sexy and always thinking about sex and writing about sex. Yeah. I mean, just oozing sex, even in his diminutive state. I mean, you could, like, have you seen him in person? Yes. He was a diminutive man. And then to also be, like, super Christian, which is very anti-sex, has got to create kind of a...
I'm familiar. And because? My family. Well, I was born into Catholicism. Me too. And then they became Pentecostal. Oh, fuck. And that was really scary for me as a child. And then my grandmother became... What do they do?
- So, they speak in tongues. - Tongues. - Yeah, the church, best music, very good music. But then my grandmother became a seven day at dentist. - Oh. - And that, those are, well they're the closest to Jews, right? 'Cause they keep the Sabbath. - Oh. - Yeah, they don't eat pork. Fridays, the lights go out, everything goes out. - No! - No Saturday cartoons for your girl.
You lived through this? Yes. And I couldn't wear pants, no makeup, no jewelry. It was extreme for me. Oh, my God. So then to become like sometimes when I'm doing stand-up and people who I know who are religious come to the shows, I can't look at them. I avoid looking at them because I know that they don't want—I can't be my—
myself self because they don't think a woman should be cursing, a woman should be doing stand-up, a woman should be... Why are they out? Because everybody wants to laugh. But now, I mean, now they want you to make them laugh without making them uncomfortable.
It's so funny. I just got this offer for a bunch of money to perform at some private company. You know, as I'm sure you know. Yeah, the corporate. Like what? Corporate gigs. Right. Have you done them? Yeah. Really? I'm sure I haven't gotten...
as an exorbitant amount of money as I heard tonight. But I've got some better money than a regular person. Well, I don't do them. Even though the money, I mean, and like, I don't think people know this because they're always close and they're private, but like everybody does them. I mean, up until some years ago, I don't know how many, but I know Beyonce, you know, would get like a million dollars a song.
Wow.
Fuck them. And they're always horrible because it's corporate. It's not my fans. Yeah, they're terrible. I need the people who understand me already. Yeah, absolutely. Right? I've done them. So this is a corporation and maybe some people are fans and some people are like, who the fuck is this? And some people are like, I don't like this guy at all. You know, it's like, I don't want to. So it's like a lot of money. It's like close. I could drive to it. It was.
And it was like, and there was something like, but something we want, we want you to be, you know, not clean, but they say PG, something like that. And I was like, well, fuck no. And then...
I was like, so I turned down, of course, no, the strongest word in show business. When they say no, that we've got to have this guy now. He's too good for this money. Oh, wow. It's like, no, I don't want to, like, play your PG game. So they send back a thing. Well, we really want you, but, you know, just don't make people uncomfortable. Impossible, right? And then they write.
Last year, Wanda Sykes. Oh, I know. And I'm like, you know what? If Wanda Sykes upset you, first off, fucking good. Yeah. And two, then you're really going to hate me. Those are the worst. I did one in Miami and they said, don't talk about race.
You can't talk about sexual orientation. They were like, yeah, everything. And then I and I did everything that they told me not to do. And I got a standing ovation because those people are repressed. Right. Because they're scared to laugh because they don't want people in the workplace to know who they really are.
Right. That's really what that's about. And it's just annoying. It's like, but you get a little alcohol in them and then they want to hear, they like dirty. They love blue. Of course. And I'm not that kind of comic. No. No. No, no. Cerebral. So this is interesting to me that you were, you modeled into, model into comedy? I,
That's interesting. I modeled more into writing and acting, and then I became a comic. But I've always wanted to do stand-up. Like I said, I used to watch— It seems like you're so natural fit. Thank you. I love it. That's a great compliment. I'm surprised you came to it that late. I know. Well, it was religion, you know, being— Right.
Gives you a lot of material. And the sexism of, you know, my mom used to tell me, nobody's going to want to marry you. They don't want to marry a goofy, funny girl. Like,
And now it's such an old way of looking at it. Yeah. That what man is going to want to be in a room with a woman that sucks up the air and all right. But I'm listening to this woman like this on her third husband, give me advice about, I was just like, why am I listening to her? But it was, they don't. And then when it started working out, it became something different, but it was just, why are you doing that? Like, is,
I'm sure you have never had any problem with suitors. I mean, not... Right? Yeah. I mean, no. We've been looking for the good ones at this point. Guys are trying to get with you. But not now with comedy sometimes. It takes a specific type of guy. You know, Sherri Shepherd and I were talking about it. They have to be secure. Yeah.
Like, insecure men. But, like, doing comedy, like, it's terrible, but it's sort of apropos. What I'm saying is, I remember this comic when I first started. It was older than me, doing better. And he had been, like, an engineer or something, right? And then he went into comedy, like, in his 30s.
He was telling me his theory of why he was a real hound. Oh, yeah. So he was telling me his theory of why this was great. He said, okay, say you work at an office. There's eight chicks there. You know, like two of them are married and two of them already hate you. So, like, you know, what are you going to do? But if you're a comedian, you meet like 500 new people every night. And it's like, yeah. I mean, look at all the guys who see you.
Every night. Or when you work. And that guy is the type you're talking about who like, oh, I mean, I've seen guys go nuts over Sarah Silverman. Yeah, she's hot.
You know, there's like, but also she's funny. That's not a bad point. Lots of guys like, yeah, I want the woman to take the limelight away from me. And you be the, you know, the one who we go into the party is the. That's the secure man, though. Or just shy. But yes, secure. But do you how many times have you dated somebody who offered you a joke, offered to write you a joke or a punchline?
Offered or just I stole it? No, because that's one thing my friends and I who are comedians always talk about. A guy's like, I got a joke for you. And I'm like, all the time. But I mean, what a joy it is to ever be in the company of a woman. But if you're dating them and you find them beautiful, who is also beautiful.
Funny. And yes, I have stolen jokes from girlfriends. Absolutely. Not that they were telling me a joke. They just observed something funny and I went, oh. But that's not stealing a joke. Well, it's not my thought. So in that sense, it is purloined. But I would always make a joke of that. I'd be like, oh, honey, that's so brilliant. Sometimes...
I just get, it's like I hear a voice and it sounds a lot like yours. Oh, that's funny. That's different though. But you know what? That's a compliment, right? It is. Because that woman's never going to go on stage. Right. I remember once somebody bitching me about it and I was like...
You should be honored I'm going to do your job. I got my back up about it, you know. She got mad? No, she was just. She wanted to get paid for the job? I think she was mad at something else. Oh, okay. Well, that makes sense. You know, people in relationships, there's got to be a better way. I mean, I don't know. This is the most personal topic in the world, and I've never been married. I've never had kids, so, like, I can't really speak on an expert level on those areas. And
And your skin looks amazing, so it worked out for you. Well, I don't know about that. But, you know, for me, again, I know so many people who...
live for their kids, and I'm talking about guys. I know lots of guys who are, over the years I've known, hounds, but they love being a dad. Like they could not not cheat on their wife, and they were always out there, but boy did they take the dad part seriously and love it and do it well. That's a dichotomy.
That's in men. But that's why I think that progress is necessary and important because I love the reality that we live in now where you can opt to be a parent and not be married and not be shunned. You know, like where I come from, you know, I had women who all were teenage pregnancy cases that did not, who were not married and had children tell me that I had to get married a virgin. And
I was like, yeah. I was like, what if it was not good? And that was something you couldn't say because now I'm stuck with this dude?
Like, how long? That's the ultimate buyer's remorse. Yeah. How long is the penance? Right. How long is the penis? No. That's the question you want to know before you get in there. Yeah. Right? Don't you steal my joke. What? Whose joke? It's a callback to you stealing your girlfriend's jokes. Oh, I see. But...
So, but you have kids. I do. I love my kids. My son is 27. 27? You have a 27-year-old? And a 25-year-old. You're a MILF. I am a MILF. But you know, it's funny. Are you a cougar and a MILF? No, I'm not a cougar. And I was a young mom. My son went to one of these private prep schools. You must have been.
And it was weird when he played football because I would sit at the in the stands and no one would stand would sit next to me. All the women would look at me because they were all significantly older than me. And I would just sit there by myself because people were like, I'm not sitting with that young bitch. She's not going to fuck my husband. The only person who befriended me.
was Corbin Benson's wife. Who's that? She's Australian. I forgot her name. Corbin Benson. Yeah, Corbin Benson was on one of those procedural shows. I forgot his name. Oh, L.A. Law. L.A. Law, yes. Bernson, I think. And his wife was this Australian woman. Yeah, no, he was hot for a minute. Yes, she was beautiful. She was bold and fearless. And she'd be on the sidelines. You can't do this anymore. She would be like, stop being...
and Ron and I was like oh shit this lady is from the hood like I used to go sit by her all the other parents would just look at her and they would scoff but I loved her because she was authentic everybody else was just you know the phony shit and it was just interesting being a mom in LA being a mom feels like so your kids are um millennials or yeah yeah
Like young millennials. They're young millennials. They're at the end of the generation. Yeah. And from everything I remember from talking to you the first time, you must be trying at least to slap the snot out of them about all their bullshit wokeness that you seem to always have the...
in my view, the smart, correct, we're living in reality take on. Well, my kids have the blessing of having a mother that grew up in the ghetto.
So in the hood, if you will. So they have the best of both worlds because there's a level of progress of things that they have learned because of my evolution. But there are some things that I am not willing to part with that I grew up with from the people who are from the old world that gave me, you know, they gave me.
a cold and I'll never release that. I'm always going to be loyal to that because I think that being well-rounded is how I've survived. Like I'm never, my grandmother used to tell me, my mom used to tell me, dick and alcohol ages you, proceed accordingly.
Right? You couldn't say that now. Dick and alcohol. In Spanish, it sounds even worse. Why does dick hate you? But they were just saying, keep your numbers low. And, you know, some people would be like, oh, that's slut shaming. That's patriarchy. Whatever it was, I took heed because I didn't want to look like an old bitch. And I'm not an alcoholic. Don't you think it's in most women's nature just to not...
have a lot of dicks. - Nah, nah, I know some hoes. - There's that too. - You know what, socially though, I mean, I think that this is a different time. - Those tiny girls never liked me. I wish they had, but that was never, so. - They wanted to marry the guy with the corporate gigs.
That took me a second. I'm like, why is she bringing up corporate? They were willing to give you a joke or two. That's a good call. For security. That's a good call. Yeah. But, you know, it's funny that I know women who are liberated. They have a lot of the way that they see men is just very differently than, you know. It's still an invasion.
Yeah. You know, it's still different to, like, have the thing that goes in versus to have to, like, you know, to cross that divide of, oh, I'm going to invite you in my body. That to me is like, you know, that's a divide. I think it's still psychologically a divide. Right.
That's easier for a man to cross than a woman. Yeah, you can't say that anymore. And you know what I think is, you can't say it anymore. What I just said you can't say. You can't say it anymore, right? Why? Well, I think that a lot of us are in denial about science and the reality of what it is.
You know, you know, it's interesting, like you can't slut shame. But if a woman says she wants to be a virgin until she gets married, there's someone always trying to tell her that she's backwards, that she's wrong. Like that's patriarchy. Right. You can be pro-choice.
But you meet somebody that's pro-life who believes that they're going to go to hell if they have an abortion, and you just can't leave them alone. And I've seen it. I've seen it. Because I believe in a woman having the choice to choose. But I also believe in leaving other people the fuck alone and minding my business. Well, I'm going to...
Because I would never illegal spritz you. Okay. You know what I mean by that. Like when a comic does a joke from his act. No, do it. But I'm announcing it. I appreciate that. Because I'm telling you, I would never try to, we used to call it an illegal spritz. Right. When you do that. It's one thing to get a joke.
that starts in conversation and then put it in your act. But you can't do a joke from your act and then play it off like, I mean, you can on The Tonight Show. Yeah. But you can't with each other. Right. But this is just too apropos. You heard that? Yes. O.S.? O.S., you hearing this?
It's a bit in my act about, like, I have seen, because I have seen a few times in a restaurant, a person go up to a woman who's pregnant who's having a glass of wine at dinner and scold them, which I really have no patience for, that kind of busybodying. And my thing is that I'm sure the person who's doing the scolding was pro-choice and I'm pro-choice. But, you know...
It is definitely becoming a human. I don't think a fetus is a human, but it's definitely becoming a human. So what? It's okay to kill it, but not get it a little drunk. Oh, wow. Yo, this is a level of... But kind of true, right? That's a level of fearlessness that I want to have in my comedy. That's where... You do already. No, no, no, no. I want to go further. Like, I hold back sometimes. You will. You'll all go. Of course, we're always going further, all of us. But you're plenty there.
I appreciate that. But that's really, you know, it's just, like I said, nuance is gone. We can't have like those conversations about, you have to be. We can. We can. And you do. And we will. You should not be selling yourself short at this point. You're doing great. You're very hot in the industry. I feel like, I just went to Hawaii, my annual Hawaii trip. Nikki Glaser, I tell her to take two comments. She was there.
I feel like I'm becoming, and I love it, if I can be any kind of mentor to the, you know, you're the next generation, she's the next generation. It's like, you know, I never had kids, but I do have a little bit of a paternal
bone in my body that's like, you know, that I could like, I don't know, do anything because, you know, trust me, I wouldn't want to sit down and talk to you for a fucking hour if I didn't think you were a big talent. Well, I agree. I'm glad I was thinking that. I love Nikki Glaser, too. Yes, she's a fucking big talent, too. Yeah. You know, and as I said to Martin Short recently, the younger comics...
What can we do to stop, I mean help them? Oh, Martin Short. Oh my God, he was so good in The Only Murders in the Building. In everything. Oh, but yeah, you know what? He was in Law & Order SVU. He was on a two episode, yes.
And he was a killer. He killed a nun, a black nun. Was it a no comic part? Just straight? It was dark. It was all drama. He was so good. And he's such a good actor. But in All the Murders? So funny. Yeah. No, he stole the whole show. It was a really great show. I had two of them on real time slugging it. And I mentioned to them that
I swear I wasn't stoned, but I'm such a huge fan of Selena Gomez and her song "Love You Like a Love Song Baby." I love that song too.
I was under the mistaken impression it was only like two years old and then I found out it's ten years old. Yeah, she's a whole grown-up. Yeah, I did not realize that. But like, you know, I really, I'm always looking for new music that I like and there's very little of it that I think comes up to the standards of the best stuff that I already have. But,
When you put out one like that, it's like, yes, I would say that record could have been a hit in any decade. Right. That's what I'm looking for. Listen, and as long as Taylor Swift keeps dating, she will always be number one. Yeah. Because every album is about a failed relationship, and we want to keep them coming. Spotify is in. Okay, so what do you do?
Speaking of that, for Valentine's Day, like, are you... I'm going to dinner. I'm doing a Kelly Clarkson show. As a couple? A dinner? I'm going on a date, yeah. Oh. Yeah. But I'm going, I'm doing the Kelly Clarkson show. But you don't expect a ring or something? No, I don't expect anything. I'm good with some lobster. Lobster.
Like, I mean, I'm all right with some lobster. Like, I don't... Come on, man. Like, I just... I don't... I think it's cool to go. I was invited, so I was like, I'm going to go to dinner. But I don't have expectations. Like, I think...
I don't know. I just think I've never been like that. I've always been thankful for just people appreciating me. My grandmother used to always tell me she was very important in my life. Nobody has to do anything for you. So everything anyone does for you is always an added plus. And so that that is always bled into everything that I do. I just somebody. How old is this guy you're going out with? He is fifty five.
He's a grown, I don't like, I'm not into like younger men because I have one at home. Well, he's not at home anymore. Well, I mean, but like the maturity level of men and women is not on a par. Yeah. I mean, men just take way much longer time to mature. Women like need someone who has at least a 10 year head start. Yeah. On maturity. Yeah. To even have a prayer. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not. I had this football player who was like in his 20s, like maybe 29, 30. And he kept sending me these messages on Instagram. And I was like, I'm not interested. And, you know, I just said I'm not interested. He was like, I hope it's not because of my age because I'm a grown ass man and I make my own money. And I'm like, that is the...
Indicator that you are not a grown ass man. Because I used to work at Anna's Fried Dough when I was 14 and I used to make my own money and I was not an adult. Right. If you're bragging about that fact. It was so weird. I blocked him. I was like, how can he block? Like, I don't, I already had my football player. I must say, things like blocking, I find, I don't know, you know,
That phone, again, I guess it makes me feel old, but I'm sorry, but there are just so many things about it that make people into worse human beings. Yes. Oh, see? I agree with you. Right. Absolutely. And it's like, it makes you passive-aggressive, right? Yeah.
Anonymous so you can be more of a dick. Yes. The shitty side of people. It enables them. I would agree. It's shitty side of you enabling technology. No, I agree with you. And you know, it's funny. They're going to use that phrase because it would not be good. We should market it, though. Hey, Club Random. Right. Come get your truth. You know, I think you're absolutely right. My daughter...
Went into my phone and used the Focus app. I can only be on social media one hour out of the day. It locks me out. And she has the password. Yeah, the roles have reversed. The daughter did that to the mother. Yeah, because I only use social media for work stuff.
Right. But it's just so toxic that it was messing with my head. I told her, I said, it makes you feel old, fat, ugly, unaccomplished, dumb. It's just because you're reading mean things that are said about you on Twitter? Yeah, it's just all of it. Why would you do that? No, no, it's just toxic. Not that, it's just like... What specifically made you feel this list of...
Just going on there and like you said, everybody's on social media trying to always show that they're living their best life. And then you see a comedian and you're like, oh, my God, look at this person. They're doing all of this and I'm not doing enough. And it's all lies. Everybody's putting out, you know, the best. But you don't think of it. But if you constantly your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality. So you have to be able to turn it off.
And so my daughter was like, enough of this. Like, tell your agent to go post on Instagram. Like, this is too much. And it's been so much healthier for me. I've been so much more productive because I only have one hour on social media a day. And...
And I write most... I've been writing, you know, scripts. Because I also write on stage like you. I don't sit down with the flow pad to show people that I'm writing jokes at the back of the line. Well, I didn't say I write on stage. I said I write here. Well, here, wherever it is. I mean, that's how I write. Like, for me... No, on stage, too. I mean, like, you know... Yeah, but I'm not sitting around... You know how the comics are with the notebook and they want you... Oh, let me tell you. When I started...
It was like that was the day rigger thing we all had to like, yes, start today. Just start writing. This was like the template that we all, and you know who told the comics this? Bill Cosby. Oh, wow. Like Bill Cosby was like the guru. Some of the comics would like visit him and learn about the great man's comedy. And that was it. Like, yes, you get a yellow pad and you write. And even if it's bad, you just keep going until something comes out. And it's like, I tried it.
I can't do this. It's so much better to just get fucking up, fucked up. And get it. And, you know, and just bullshit and, you know, something will come up or, you know. That's because you're smart though and you can get it. I mean, no, guys do that who I respect greatly who they do the yellow pad method but it's just not for me. It's like marriage. The fishbowl. Remember, that's what Dave Chappelle does, the fishbowl. But I, but what,
What is the fishbowl? He says he puts different topics in the fishbowl, and then he pulls it out, and then he just writes a random joke about it. At home he does this? No, he did it on stage. That was when, I think it was Equanimity, or no, no, Sticks and Stones, when he did the joke, and then I kicked her in the pussy. That was what he pulled out of the bowl, and he said...
He had to write a joke around that phrase, kick her in the pussy. Oh, oh. And then he did it at the end. So he's working backwards. Yeah, he did it. He's really, it's quite strict there. I know. The great Chappelle will do a deconstructed joke backwards. Yeah, but what I want to say about Bill Cosby is that I have a friend who's an actor, and she was telling me that he used to curse like a sailor. And it was interesting that he would curse
you know, try to shun Eddie Murphy and criticize Richard Pryor for being, for cursing. Right. She said she hosted a show and he called her and every word that came out of his mouth was, motherfucker, fuck, bitch, bitch, bitch. And I was like, that's because that's who he is. But have you been watching the... I haven't started yet. Okay. Well, I've seen two episodes of a terrific documentary, what we need to talk about Cosby. And...
Of course, this is something that people are always talking about these days. How do you separate the artist from the person? Well, I don't have that problem with Bill Cosby. He never made me laugh. I never thought he was funny. But watching this documentary, I'm reminded and sometimes just learned for the first time
What a major motherfucker he was as a groundbreaker. Like, way back when. Educational stuff and new roles for black people in movies and television. Like, he...
Sort of has a reputation of, oh, I just talk about the family stuff. And no, he was a bad man. Yeah. And, you know, the sad part is at the same time being a very bad man with women. I mean, that started early on.
But, you know, you can't take that part of him away. He was a huge pioneer, groundbreaker, and did it great. He was. I also feel like, you know, I thought,
That wasn't my brand of humor because I loved Richard Pryor as a kid. Like, I always... He made me laugh. He made me... Bill Cosby never made me laugh. No, like, I used to laugh at Bill Cosby on The Cosby Show, but I never thought that that... That stuff used to get... was so annoying to me, but...
I was I remembered listening to Richard Pryor do a joke about his dog getting high. And I was a little kid and just cackling, not even knowing what he was really talking about, but always was somebody that I really loved. But I was going to tell you that my daughter, who is 25, and I were having a conversation and she said to me,
I mean, when we talk about this art versus, you know, bad behavior stuff, she's like, isn't the punishment for sexual assault dangerous?
jail and not cancellation. And I was like, you have a point, young butterfly, because she was like... Well, and he went to jail. But she was saying, we have been watching art that has been created by problematic people forever. Ever. You know, she's like, some of the great... Artists are problematic people. Because they're complicated people. I mean, they're not all rapists and stuff like that, but they're very complicated, and they very often have...
aside to them, that's a huge asshole. And, yes. And, you know, you can't... If you got rid of every movie and...
music in your library, you know, there would be too little left. And, you know, we're humans. We have the ability to have two thoughts in our head at the same time. I can separate the... There's no music that I wouldn't listen to because the guy was an asshole. R. Kelly, I will play right now if I fucking feel like it and wherever I feel like it. I believe I can fly as a classic. The music did not rape anybody. And...
You know, Michael Jackson, you know, when I can't watch a Woody Allen movie, I don't think he even did it. But, you know, all these people. Marilyn Manson, I don't really listen to him anyway. Yeah.
Oh, Marilyn Manson. But you know, it's funny. Well, I was always creeped out by Marilyn Manson. Yes, it wasn't like he wasn't a creepy guy to begin with. I wasn't like when I heard about him. What a leap. Yeah. It was like, let's act like, right, he was Mitt Romney. And then we were finding out he's carving his initials in girls' thighs and raping them on camera. Mitt. No, he was practically that creepy.
To begin with, he did what Trump did. He committed his crimes in plain sight. Absolutely. I love that. That's the truth. Donald Trump never, ever, ever hid who he was. He was kind of gangster. But I'll tell you this.
The other day I was like, damn, I miss Donald Trump because I am so tired about hearing about the Kardashians. Remember when Donald Trump was president? You never heard about the Kardashians. Really? No, he trended. Donald Trump will wake up offending people. Right. You know, they'd be like, President Trump, what do you feel about Chinese children? Fuck Chinese children. Chinese children are stupid. Boom. Tweet, tweet. It would be trend, trend, trend, trend. That indicates to me how you get your news.
By what's trending? Well, no, I get my news by the newspaper. He knocked the Kardashians off the track. Oh, I study that because I write jokes about it. But he used to trend every day. I had a joke about it, and I was like...
Every single day you wake up, he knew because he picked up on it. He's a reality check. You're saying that it knocked the Kardashians off? You never heard about them. They were gone. As soon as Donald Trump was out of there, and I believe Kris Jenner got rid of him. I think she's behind it. What about shark attacks? Did that go up also when Trump left office? Hmm.
Yes. So you're saying that the stupid trivial things that we obsess about when we have a normal president made a resurgence after the mental patient
Stop monopolizing. Solidor. That's interesting. It's the truth. It's like... No, I get it. But now you've been trending every week. Every week. Oh, no, no. Yeah, but when Donald... Well, when Donald Trump was here, you were trending all the time, too, because... Really? Yeah, because you say things that people... I don't understand the sometimes... People. Yeah, I don't get it sometimes. I don't... People don't make me mad, like...
I see some people get upset. I have some friends, they're like, oh my God, can you believe what such and such said? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Exactly. What shocked you? Or somebody said, racism, every week we are listening to how somebody was racist. I don't want to watch that anymore. I'm like, fuck.
No shit. Really? The man with the Confederate flag hanging out of his car, you know, riding around in a pickup truck with cussing people out the window just says something that was inappropriate. Like, why do you not consider the source? And I don't want to hear that anymore. I'm tired of it. What are we doing? What are we going to do? Yeah.
I hope it's a dwindling number of people who want to keep dwelling on, you know, stuff that doesn't change their lives. Yeah, because you know what? If it changes your life, I'm all with you. I'm with you on that. Yeah, I know you are. I'm telling you. Because you look at these people...
The more things change, the more they stay the same. You see all of this diversity push. You see all of these initiatives, diversity and inclusion. And then the pendulum swung back. And now you see a picture of the groundlings and everybody's white. And people are outraged again because such and such wasn't nominated by an Oscar. And I'm like, because you are focusing on bullshit and not policy, not law.
not getting rid of your senator that's trash. You just want to talk on Twitter because you're bored, you don't have anything to say, or you're trying to sell something. See, this is my girl. Oh. That's...
Trying to sell something, right? No. All right. I got to go back to my real job. This has been fun. Yes. Congratulations. Make it a habit. On having your podcast. You know, TV is still a thing. HBO is like on a level. This is my fucking basement. Like, I don't, I never confuse that. I love you. I love you.
Well, I mean, I think people are going to fall in love with you and then the people who love to hate you will continue to. Fall in love is a strong. No, I'm telling you. Really? The podcast community is different.