When to Quit with Steven Bartlett (Part 2)
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What is the difference between real ambition and fake ambition? This is one of the things that Stephen Bartlett and I talked about in this part two of our conversation. He's remarkable. He started building businesses at the age of 18 and at only the age of 30 has gone on to become one of the leading voices for entrepreneurs in the world. We talked about all sorts of things, including knowing when to quit and when to persevere. I hope you enjoy. This is a bit of optimism.

The best companies in the world, the best leaders in the world, it's not that they just have high standards, which they do, but they make it abundantly clear the culture that you're walking into.

I've also ran the test. So like, I've got multiple companies that I have this bird's eye view on. And I see the companies that have high dissatisfaction that I'm an investor in. Yeah. I'm on the board. And I see the, it tends to be the case when there's lack of clarity, regardless. Yeah. Either way, if it's remote working, or if it's in the office five days a week, the biggest disease is lack of clarity. Yeah.

And then people can choose. And the worst company cultures in companies that I invest in are the ones where they have weak leadership in terms of giving clarity and setting expectations, regardless of what the expectations are or regardless of what the working dynamics are. And so with my thing in my companies, if I'm the CEO, if I'm driving the company, you're going to know. You're going to know exactly what's expected of you. You're going to know exactly what our cultural values are. And I'm going to defend it like no one has ever defended it that you've ever seen. Yeah.

And if you speak to people that work for me, like the CEO of one of my companies called FlightStory, he will recite moments where I acted totally against the company's short-term objectives in a way he could not understand to defend our values and our culture of kindness. Even though we needed this person and we're going to lose a client if we let this person go, me finding out that they did something to a junior member of the team, they spoke to them in such a way, which I think is unacceptable.

I remove them, which means we lose the client, fine. And I remember the conversation that day with Oliver saying, "I'd rather not have a company with my name attached to it than allow that behavior to exist anywhere in any of these walls. It's a violation. And if we allow that violation, it's like a frog in a frying pan. It will slowly creep on you. It's like a disease."

So this is why I said earlier on, I'm obsessed with culture because for me, I'm clear and it's unnegotiable and we do the best work of our lives. We do great, great stuff. We really do. We outfail all of our competition, which is really the key to becoming successful. I think, especially in a world that's changing at lightning pace and is only increasing in pace of change. What does that mean?

Like, you know, so if you remember reading about, I think it's Ray Kurzweil, he's the eminent futurist in the world. And he says, if you're 10 years old now, you'll experience a year's change in 11 days by the age of 60. Ray Kurzweil says that we'll experience 20,000 years of change in the 21st century, which is 100 times more than the rate of change in the previous century. We're going into a world that's changing faster than ever, where books and

typical sources of information aren't going to give you the answers. So how do you find the answers to key questions in podcasting, marketing, business, sales, processes, when the world is changing so quickly? Well, you have to be failing faster than your competition. And that's a philosophical thing. It's a behavior thing. It's a culture thing. How do I get my team to out fail the competition? If we do, then we're going to arrive at the right answer continually faster than everybody else. If I, you know, because podcasting is a good example.

I can show you on my phone now the diary of a CEO translated into every language in the world. A two-way conversation. So you're speaking in Simon Sinek's tone, but in Italian. I can show you that on my phone right now because we've done it. I can show you the tool we've built to A-B test 40 thumbnails at the same time before the episode comes out. And then when it comes out, it tests eight every hour. I just appointed this week a head of experimentation.

And I know that these, and it goes back to my obsession with these 1% games. I know we're going to fail our way faster to the right answers across the businesses that I run. And that's why I'm sure we'll be number one.

because our rate of failure is significantly faster than every other team because of culture, dynamics, a lack of bureaucracy, empowerment, smaller teams, incentivizing the experiment, not the outcome of the experiment, conducting type two decisions faster than everybody else, decisions that are reversible, realizing that time is in fact usually the biggest cost in decision making, not the outcome. That's the way we operate. And it's always worked for us. And it's

I feel like in that regard, I have like a, I feel like I have a secret to business, which is most people are, you know, they're messing around and trying to make big steps forward. My obsessive belief is that it's the tiniest small steps forward that are discovered through failure and higher rates of experimentation that make all the difference. And it's little because little failures are not a big deal. I think people are so afraid of failure, but the problem is they're thinking big.

They're thinking of large steps, big decisions, small quick things, small quick things, constant, constant improvement. I spent 10 years working in marketing. So I would sit in these boardrooms with CEOs and there was this father and son. They run two different brands under the same company. I'm going to call it dad's brand, son's brand. Now, when I took an idea, if I, you know, there was this one moment where I figured out a loophole in Instagram where we could grow a following cheaper than anybody's ever grown it before. And I took it to the dad and the son.

The dad, I present the idea to him. He's arguing about the cost. He's da-da-da-da-da. He wants evidence. Nine months of him deliberating whether to proceed with the idea. I take the idea to the son. The son would always say, "Jenny, go and get Nicky and the entire team. Call them into the room and say, 'Steve, repeat what you just said to me.'" And I'd repeat the idea and he'd say, "We're going to do it now. No contracts. No worry about the money. How much we're going to get paid." He says, "We're going to do it now." We'd conduct the experiment. And in that particular case, it gave them 13 million Instagram followers.

Now, why do I say this story? This is not a one-off. This happened for five years with me working with the dad and the son, $2 billion companies. The conclusion of the story is the son's business overtakes the dad's business and is now the biggest business in the space. The moral of the story is the son intuitively knew that the cost wasn't the 20K. The cost was time wasted, procrastination, and the missed opportunity. He also knew that in the grand scheme of things,

that really what mattered more was getting onto the next experiment. And Amazon are the prime example of this. The Fire Phone, the this, they have a graveyard of failed experiments, but then they have AWS. It's one in 20 and you don't know when it's coming like a slot machine. So it's really getting through 20. The sun knew we needed to get onto the next experiment. If that experiment had failed, the next day we're onto the next experiment. So he's going to conduct

20 experiments in the nine months that the dad is deliberating one experiment. It was the rate of experimentation. And I just watched him wipe the floor with his father. And people that know me will know who I'm talking about. Wipe the floor with his father because of speed of experimentation.

So I think about that a lot now. Get all of the things out of your way that are slowing your rate of experimentation and measure it. The Kaizen philosophy, which I write about at great length in my book, is a prime example of this. It shows it's all about empowering the people at all levels. And innovation isn't the job of the C-suite. Empower the people on the production line, incentivize them and measure the amount of experiments they're conducting.

And then in the case of Toyota, who are still leading the world in auto production, you'll get 100,000 times more ideas from all levels of your company than your Western counterparts, which will drive efficiencies, drive profits up, drive costs down, reduce the amount of absenteeism, defects in the cars and everything else.

With the Kaizen philosophy in particular, which is this idea that everybody at all levels in the organization is responsible for innovation, and it's a flatter organization where you just have three levels, where you have like management, team leader, and then leader. They've proven because they've taken over other companies like GM back in 1970, they took over GM.

installed their culture and a factory in America that had 12 defects per vehicle, had 20% absenteeism rates, had a backlog of 5,000 grievances from their employees, became GM's best production facility in the world with the same workforce.

with the same people, they put in a firing freeze and it was just culture. They went from being the worst GM plant in the world to being the best GM plant in the world with a change of culture, which was centered on empowerment, removing levels of bureaucracy, giving people the knowledge that they needed and listening to people as well. Here's what I've learned sitting with you. And I find this last bit absolutely magical.

Everything about you is a work in progress. And what I mean by that is, is you apply the same philosophies to yourself as you do to your businesses, which is constant improvement, constant improvement, constant self-evaluation, constantly looking for something new. The reason being is when it works, you know, those little glimmers, because they're glimmers. Those little glimmers feel like when you're in the backyard, in the garden, with your brothers, with the sun shining, and it's just effortless and unbearable.

The family is functional and the constant improvement, the constant working on it is for these glimmers of magic. The motivation is the sun on your back with your friends. And you've spoken about this, which is the way you describe that experience in the garden with your family is the same way you described it.

When I asked you to give me a business example that if every day was like this, you'd be the happiest person alive of every project. And you described Diary of a CEO. And it sounded very much the way you described your – except your brothers were replaced by your team and the sunshine was replaced by that you're making an impact. Even though everybody's working really hard and even though you're running around and everybody's sweating, there's this joy and effortlessness that comes from it. And at the end of the day, it's about family, right? It's about creating –

that sense of family and people who share in the joy. And this is what I find absolutely magical about you, which is you're very unselfish about your success. You want to bring as many people. You want to bring the team with you. The driver's is a great example where at the end of last year, we took, we show everyone in the bank account in the team. So everyone gets to see how the money's being spent. And then at the end of the year, we take last year, I think it was 20% of what's in the bank account and give it to the team. Yeah.

It's a new way to build a company. But again, it goes back to this thing of trying to go for 10 years where there's people in the team whose size of bonus at Christmas was the same size as their salary. And they're 21. Handing over that check in my house where we all met every single member of the team, including Sophie here, who got enough to pay off her mortgage at Christmas, she said, was the best day of my career. You know, it was genuinely the best day of my career being able to do that. Build a company where there's not like these other shareholders, you know,

and being able to pay off Sophie's mortgage with a Christmas gift that she wasn't expecting. That's, you know... That's the sunshine. That's the sunshine, yeah. That is, it is. We do run like a family. I mean, like... It's the pursuit of sunshine. Yeah. Yeah, I still think I'm trying to figure out why I do what I do. The pursuit of sunshine is a nice way to sum it up. And I think about it a lot. I just think more broadly about humans. Why we struggle. Like, why we need to climb and why we need to achieve. Human beings are dopamine-driven animals, right? For good reason.

Find food, find shelter, find protection. You know, here I found some food, got it, dopamine, do it again, do it again. But that's only one half of how human beings work.

The problem is that it's a very tangible thing. Dopamine is produced by tangible outcome, a metric that I can count, food that I can eat, my keys that I lost now that I've now found. Here they are. That's dopamine. I hit three sevens on the slot machine. You have to be able to see it. And we're very, very tangibly driven animals. It's a very powerful motivator, but it doesn't produce feelings of joy, safety, love,

which are the other flip side. And that's all of that slow building chemical stuff of serotonin and oxytocin. The hard work of being human is maintaining the balance. AI might be the most important new computer technology ever. It's storming every industry and literally billions of dollars are being invested. So buckle up.

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For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living has been dedicated to creating an award-winning company culture so residents and families receive best-in-class services. Across our 50 communities, Brightview associates help deliver peace of mind, safety, security, transportation, daily programs, delicious food, and high-quality care if needed.

Discover how our vibrant senior living communities can help you live your best life. Visit brightviewseniorliving.com to learn more. Equal housing opportunity. For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. However, one murder of a crime boss sparked a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the mob.

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I think this is so funny because we're animals, like all animals in Mother Nature. Cats don't have to work very hard at being cats. They're just cats. But humans have to work really hard at being good at being human. And we can screw it up so badly. And remember, we're very old machines. We're a very legacy machine, tens of thousands of years old, operating in a world that our bodies and our systems were not designed for.

Perhaps 50,000 years ago, we didn't have to think about how to be a good human being. It probably was organized to work. But in this modern day and age, we have to because there's so many things that will break the machine. Think about it. In the West, because there's so much abundance, you just go to the supermarket. We actually have to think about nutrition. We have to think about what we should eat and how we should eat. 50,000 years ago, that never happened. You eat whatever you found. And by the way, it was fine.

It's because everything around us has hijacked and broken the human being. But I just get a kick out of the fact that it's so hard to be a good human. This idea of constant improvement for you is very, very balanced on working very, very hard to be a good human being, be kind to those around you, bring those around you on the journey with you. The sunshine is paying off the mortgage. I just love that you do it. I think a lot of people talk about it.

And we live in a world where the hard-nosed business people scoff at the people who talk about kindness and generosity as business philosophies. And then you have the other side of the sort of like the universe will provide that scoff at people who are driven by metrics. And the answer is you're both right and you're both wrong. It's both. It's both. Where so many CEOs look like Jack Welch today, which I think is abhorrent.

I'm bullish that in 10 or 20 years that the majority of CEOs will look and act like you. When we talk about mental fitness, I think the antidote isn't yoga. It's working together.

for people, with people, who care about you and want to see you succeed and succeed together. The business is the modern tribe. Yeah, it's exactly that. And the tribal leaders have a responsibility to make sure that the tribe survives bad weather, drought, an attack from another tribe, an attack from a wild animal. And it is very tribal. I don't think somebody older than you would have figured this out. And I hope that you inspire people who are younger than you on how to do this right.

I want everybody to read all your books. I want everybody to listen to your podcast. You know, when I think about the diary of a CEO, it's not the CEO part that matters. It's the diary part that matters. It's the self-reflection. It's the recording. It's the gratitude. That's exactly why I chose the name, which is you don't often get to see into the diary of a CEO. No. They tend to keep it private. So it almost felt like a bit of a juxtaposition, something so secretive and elusive and somewhat guarded. And then the diary, which is vulnerable and open and the antithesis of that

That's really what I'm trying to do is trying to get people to open their diary and to share the wisdom, the honesty and the vulnerability that exists within it. So you're good at getting other people to open up their diaries and you do it by demonstrating your willingness to open up yours. That is true. Just as you said, you'll stay up till one o'clock in the morning with your team and not ask them to do anything that you wouldn't do. You're not asking anybody else to open up and answer questions that you wouldn't answer. They wouldn't. When we first met, if you got the impression that I was like,

threatening or I had like, I was unwilling to be equally open with you. I don't think we would have had the conversations that we had. When I say focus, consistency and showing up every day and trying to find a 1% gain, this is why. And this is also why we're not going to launch the podcast network, which we spent 12 months and I extended an offer to one of the biggest CEOs in the media world. And I sat down with my team and I said to them,

And I talk about this idea of this premortem analysis. I said to my team the day before I was going to sign off this job offer for this guy to quit his job at this big company and come and join us to launch a big global podcasting network with all the skills and knowledge we have. I said, why will this fail? Question I haven't asked a lot in my career. And there was this pause amongst my team.

And then minutes later, boom, reason one, reason two, reason three, focus. If we have talent or celebrities, what if they leave? We'll lose sight. We don't have enough resources to run multiple podcasts. We'll lose sight. All of these reasons came out. I made the decision after 12 months of work and spending hundreds of thousands of pounds to not pursue it and to go back to focus. You know, I think this is something that people don't understand, which is the momentum of a decision. Like just because we spent time and energy doesn't mean we should do it.

There's a lot of leaders who are plagued by this, which is, we have to do it. Why do we have to do it? Because look how much time and money we've invested. There's a psychological bias, which I write about, where they tested, they basically got a group of people. It's Elliot Aronson, the psychologist, the American psychologist, one of my favorite. They got a group of people and they put them into a very boring book club, very boring.

Very, very boring. Everyone in there was purposefully intentionally dull. And then they asked them how good the book club was and they all gave a score. So these people that were put into that, then they got another group of people and they made them go through a rigorous testing process and surveys to get into the book club. The people that had done the rigorous testing and surveys and applications to get into the book club, even though it was dull and boring, reported that the book club was amazing and was much better than the people that hadn't fought to get in there. And it speaks to this kind of like sunk cost issue.

idea that leaders have where just because we've worked hard on something they trick them themselves into believing that it is good and then it must be good that's it's a psychological bias and that's what we had done we'd spent a year working on something so no one had stopped to pause and ask ourselves why this is a really bad idea we invested so much too much a friend of mine he invited me to sit in on his company all hands which he does i think like twice a year and they just they have this rigorous process where they go through everything

And it was amazing because I just sat back. And there's something that they do that I absolutely love, which is when they invest in a company, they do an internal analysis, which is what are the three reasons we shouldn't invest? Yeah. Right? But he does it on his own company too. He asks his own team, what are the three reasons someone shouldn't invest in us? And it doesn't matter what's on the list.

What matters is when they do it again next time, if the same things are still on the list. I think it's important to say why this is so important because what it does is it, for me, is it changes my perspective. It takes me away from the painting. Sometimes you're too close to the painting that you can't see the picture. It takes me away from the painting and puts me in another perspective where I can look at myself. Just that simple question. And immediately when you said that, I did that with my company, Flight Story, my marketing business. I thought, what was the reason why someone shouldn't invest in it? And the answer came to mind. Yeah.

There's always going to be reasons why people shouldn't invest in you. The problem is if one of them continues to be on the list, that means you haven't addressed it. Because what it does is it reveals the things that need to be fixed or addressed. So address them. And I know we've done this analysis on ourselves. And the frustration is we had one thing that kept showing up on the list each time we did. And we're like, okay, we have a serious problem here, but this thing is always on the list. So that's our focus is to address that thing.

But I love that test. I love that test, which is the three reasons not to do something. Because I don't think we do that. I think we talk about all the upside. And you and I have talked about this before, which is the cost of things. And we don't mean money, which is everything in the world comes at a cost.

There's a cost for the money you make. There's a cost for your relationships. And it's not for us to weigh whether the cost is worth it. Like if somebody thinks it's worth being driven by the size of your yacht and the size of your plane and the size of your house and the number of Lamborghinis you have front. And if the cost is, I'm lonely, I have no relationships, all of my friendships are deal friendships. They're all transactional friendships. If that cost is worth it, then have at it. Like who am I to tell you the life that you should or shouldn't live? But don't wake up one morning and be surprised

that you're lonely and have no friends. You knew that going in and you decided that was worth it. Now, if you want to make a change, fine, then be open about it. I thought it was worth it. I realized I was wrong. It wasn't worth it.

And so I'm a great believer in evaluating the cost of things all the time and asking myself, was the cost worth it? You've made sacrifices in your life for the life you lead. I've made sacrifices in my life for the life that I lead and the way I choose to build my movement and spread my message. And if you ask me, was the cost worth it? And it came at great personal cost of personal life and social life, you know, relationships. The answer is no.

The answer is yes. Yes, it was worth it. Because the thing that I care about, I was willing to pay that. And other people weren't willing to pay that. Again, it's not judgmental. It is all subjective to each individual. And they're North Star. And it's a North Star. But you have to be open and honest with yourself about

What is the cost of this decision that I'm making? For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living has been dedicated to creating an award-winning company culture so residents and families receive best-in-class services. Across our 50 communities, Brightview associates help deliver peace of mind, safety, security, transportation, daily programs, delicious food, and high-quality care if needed.

Discover how our vibrant senior living communities can help you live your best life. Visit brightviewseniorliving.com to learn more. Equal housing opportunity. For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. However, one murder of a crime boss sparked a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the mob.

It sent the message that we can prosecute these people. Discover how law enforcement and prosecutors took on the mafia and together brought them down. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeartRadio, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. The first two episodes drop on August 22nd.

Plus, did you know that you can listen to the episodes as they come out completely ad-free? Don't miss out. Subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel today. Available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. In the summer of 2020, in the small mountain town of Idyllwild, California, five women disappeared in the span of just a few months.

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Everyone, it seems, has a different version of events. Hear the story on Where's Dia, my new podcast from Pushkin Industries and iHeart Podcasts. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I also, one of my favorite decision making criteria before I make a decision, and this is stupid little stuff even sometimes, interpersonal stuff sometimes, not just big business decisions. Sometimes it's mundane little stuff. I'll always ask myself, what good will come of this decision? And if no good comes of this decision, then why are you making this decision? And sometimes people who say like, well, what good will come of this decision? It's the principle and they need to know the principle.

No, no, no. But what good will come of this decision? Like sometimes the best decision to make is nothing. It's the decision of indecision. But I want to make sure that good comes from my decisions. Giving somebody feedback. Sometimes I want to give people feedback because I really genuinely care about them and I want them to grow. I'll give you a real life example. Early, early in my career, and I was just starting to start with why there was no book, no TED talk. Nobody knew anything about me or any of my work, anything like that.

I was giving a presentation to a big conference of entrepreneurs, business people, thousand people or something. It was a big deal for me. It's very exciting. I got done giving the start with why speech and the very first comment, guy raises his hand and he says, have you ever led a billion dollar company? I said, no. He said, have you ever led a significant size team? I said, no. He goes, well, I think you're naive. I think that

Nothing that you've talked about today is based in reality. And I don't think your work is realistic in the real world. And I said, so don't do it. Next question, please. Right? And the point is, what good will come of me defending my ideas and preaching to him? He's not open to an alternative way of thinking. And I'm cool with that. My job is not to fight with you and be the entertainment for the room for the day.

They're like, no good will come from me picking this fight, taking the bait. It goes back to what I said at the start about the quitting framework. Yeah. Which is at some point you go, the rewards on offer here are not worth the hardship. But I think quitting is an underappreciated topic. I think that you must never quit. You have to have grit. I'm like, that's really bad advice. But at the same time, quitting easily is also bad advice. And so the question, and I grapple with the same thing as you, is like, well, when do you quit and when do you not quit?

quit. I literally wrote a framework for this to help me understand in hindsight why I quit sometimes and why I don't. And this kind of goes how I said, where are you thinking about quitting? There's a flow chart where on the left-hand side, you're thinking about quitting because it's hard.

Okay. So is the, is the hardship worth the effort? And that's, these are all broad, subjective things, but you have to separate something being hard from something in my words from sucking. Sucking is like that misery. It's that like kind of the toxic miserableness that I experienced in my companies or that people experience at work or they experienced in a relationship. Hardship is the physical hardship. It's not, you know what I mean? And that's the distinction that I'm trying to make. That's, I have an example that I think might make tangible what you're trying to say, which is,

Leaders Eat Last was the most difficult thing I've ever written, the most difficult thing I've ever done. Writing that book was excruciating and impossible. And the reason was it was like a Pandora's box. Every single chapter could have been a book unto itself. Start with why it was something like 68,000 words, something like that. When I sat down to write Leaders Eat Last, I wrote 150,000 words and I thought I was just getting started. Like it just was never ending.

And I couldn't organize the information. And I couldn't understand when I got started, like why had none of the social scientists that I was interviewing, how come none of them has ever taken the biology of human decision-making, oxytocin and serotonin? How come none of them had ever taken these chemicals and overlaid them to corporate culture and written about it? It's because it was absolutely impossible to organize. And I couldn't figure it out.

And the stress was extraordinary. I lost two relationships writing that book because I was not in my best mind. It was awful. And so at some point I quit and I realized it beat me. It won. I can't do it. And I remember I went for a walk. I was living in New York City. It was about eight o'clock, nine o'clock at night. And I went for a walk and I was walking to plan my exit. I went to plan the checklist of quitting.

So I would have to call the publisher and say, I can't do it, which is technically a breach of contract, which means I'd have to give my advance back. Okay, that's going to suck, but okay. I'd have to tell all the people who supported me and were friends that I can't do it and I'd be humiliated, but I'll get over it and so will they. I'd have to tell the people who were big fans of my first book, that second book that I told you is coming, it's not coming. They'll be disappointed. I'll be humiliated. They'll get over it. I'll get over it. Like literally going through the emotional and practical checklist.

of quitting and for some reason i don't know why i called a friend of mine who at the time was in the air force special forces i called him up and i don't even think i said hello when he picked up the phone he was active duty at the time and i said what do you do when you can't complete the mission and as is his nature he started telling me a story he said um he used to be a helicopter pilot he said they were assigned to go on this mission in afghanistan and all the intelligence said that it was a suicide mission and not a suicide mission like kill hitler and you're gonna die it was like

You're all going to die and the mission will fail. It's just a worthless loss of life. And as they were preparing for this mission, they all knew that that's what the intelligence was, that this was literally a pointless mission. And they were prepping their helicopter and his wingman turned to him. They got wives, they got kids. His wingman turns to him and says, what do we do? Like, do we refuse to go? Like, what do we do? And my friend said to him, no, this is what we signed up for. We go. Obviously, cooler heads prevailed and the mission was scrapped. And then he says to me,

Is this book more or less powerful than the first book you wrote? And I said, it's having a greater impact on my life just in the research than the first book. He goes, okay, I'll tell you a funny story. He says, before I met you, I was completely disillusioned with the military. I didn't know what kind of leader I could be. And I read this kooky little book that somebody gave me called Start With Why. And it completely re-inspired me. And I can tell you the reason I'm still here and loving my job is because of that book. And if you're telling me that this thing that you're working on is more powerful than the first book, then...

you have to write this book. He says, this is what you signed up for. You have no choice. Now he didn't mean this is what you signed up for. You have no choice. What he meant was, this is what you signed up for. You have no choice and I will be there with you every step of the way. Just like that was the underlying message to his wingman. I'm going to go with you. We're going to die together. I literally turned around, went back to my apartment and finished writing that book. The pain was excruciating, but I realized that the stakes were worth it. And that's what you mean by hardship versus sucking. Yeah. Like

It was unbelievably hard, but it didn't suck. It did have health consequences and it made me stressed out of my mind. Sleeping became difficult. And there was a moment where you weren't sure whether it was hard and worth it. There was a point where I couldn't understand if it sucked or if it was hard. And this is why I think to go back, and I sort of pushed you a little bit before, which is...

I'm not always sure that we by ourselves can distinguish because hardship and sucking often feel the same. Sleepless nights, stressed out of my mind, I'm short-tempered, I'm losing relationships, my friends fucking hate me. And I think it sometimes takes calling one of those friends who you know loves you and asking them, why am I doing this? And I love the question that I asked him, how do you know when to quit the mission?

And his answer was basically, if it's worth it to other people, you signed up for a life of service. You have no choice. But the most important thing was I felt alone prior to that and I never felt alone after. So it still was awful, except I felt hard and supported versus hard and alone. And so I think the decision to not quit, the check is, will somebody support me? And if other people think it's not worth it, then they're not going to support me.

Especially if it's a selfish pursuit, right? I'm going to make a million dollars. Nobody gives a shit about you and your financial ambitions. Nobody's going to sweat with you for that because that's just for your benefit. And the funny thing is I didn't hate every second because there were epiphanies that were magical, but there were two years of my life that were awful and it was 100% worth it.

And that's a situation where you don't quit. That's a situation where you don't quit. I told you about my discipline equation, didn't I? Where I was trying to figure out why some areas of my life I have high discipline in. So the discipline equation that I came up with was at the start of the equation, you have the why. Oh yes. The reason for doing it. So you just gave a list of why's there. Plus the psychological enjoyment you get from the pursuit itself. Yeah. Minus the psychological disengagement or unenjoyment that you get from the pursuit. Yeah. And trying to make sure, and even in the case of writing that book, you said like,

Like it was incredibly unengaging and unenjoyable. So that part of the equation rose up. The enjoyment part rose down, but the bit that you managed to get back up again was the why part of the equation. So you go like, if you said like why plus enjoyment plus friction, I constantly think about ways and areas of my life that I can remind myself of why I'm doing this thing. I can make the pursuit of the thing as enjoyable and frictionless as possible. And I can limit the discomfort and friction of the pursuit of the thing. So DJing is a good example of,

Really really love music want to DJ. I'm clear on that I have to remind myself by putting the deep my DJing decks as the wallpaper my iPhone the process of actually Practicing and doing DJing is therapy. It's therapeutic playing the music. I love so it's a really enjoyable pursuit now the friction is time and setting up the DJ equipment and

and the nerves you get when you walk out on stage, that's all friction. How do I limit? And that's where I think I've come to learn in my life. The things I'm disciplined on are when the why and the pursuit are there and the friction is low. Yeah. The annoying thing about talking to you is I could talk to you forever. Yeah. There's a point at which I think we have to pull the ripcord. This might be that time. I'm going to go back to what I said before. I think you are a representative of CEO 2.0.

I tell you this not to blow smoke up your ass. I tell you this because I think the stakes are high and I think you're reinventing what leading a company looks like that flies in the face of what too many leaders and future leaders have been told or are being told. You lead by example and you are an example of what leadership should look like. Don't fuck it up because the stakes are high.

It's the future of business and all the people who work in those businesses. And there's this rise of populism and there's this rise of anti-authority and anti-leadership in government or in business. And people are cynical and rightfully so. And I think that leaders like you are the antidote. I honestly believe it. I think if you get this wrong, I think that the social ripples are significant. You and I both meet a lot of people. Not a lot of them

lead like you do. I'm a preacher. I talk about ideas, I share ideas, I write about ideas, but you're doing the things. And the fact that you would say to me that one of my books had such a profound impact that you changed the way you led your business is the reason why you have to keep doing it because you're a tangible representation of a philosophical idea that I talk about.

I really appreciate that. I find it really difficult to take compliments. Just say thank you. Say thank you. But I know I really appreciate that. And yeah, I really appreciate that. And I appreciate all the wonderful things you've done for me. I mean, the first time you came on the podcast, I...

there's a part of me that still freaks out about the fact that you even said yes to coming on. I'm being honest, of course, because you're someone that I've been reading about and, you know, your books have helped me in such a profound way that to have those initial conversations and our friendship with you is something that I hold dearly.

and I cherish greatly. Yeah, and everything you've said about the responsibility part, I really hope that I can continue to be honest with myself. That's the thing I hope I can do, and I hope I can go further in that direction, because there's a lot of people listening now, so I hope that I can continue to be honest and open. And in doing so, we create these environments where...

it brings value to people. So that's my objective. That's the responsibility that I spoke about with Rebecca in the things that keep me up at night and all of those things. It's that sense of like, I have a chance to do some good stuff.

So I'm going to do my best to continue. This is what you signed up for. You have no choice. And I will be with you every step of the way. Thank you. If you enjoyed this podcast and would like to hear more, please subscribe wherever you like to listen to podcasts. And if you'd like even more optimism, check out my website, simonsynic.com for classes, videos, and more. Until then, take care of yourself. Take care of each other.

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Welcome to the CINO Show. I'm your host, Cino McFarlane. I'm an addiction specialist. I'm a coach. I'm a translator. And I'm God's middleman. My job is to crack hearts and let the light in and help everyone shift the narrative. I want to help you wake up and I want to help you get free. Most importantly, I don't want you to feel alone. Listen to the CINO Show every Wednesday on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.