Story Time With Rose Cousins
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Hello, hello, hello on this beautiful pre-summer morn. I bid you welcome to all our listeners far and wide and near and nether worlds. No, don't even know what I'm saying. Hi, it's Jan Arden. I'm here with Adam Karsh. And back by popular demand, Rose Cousins from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Rose Cousins is one of the best speakers

I know that sounds really pedestrian. She's one of the best singers in the world, I think. I discovered her a number of years ago. No, I didn't. But I like to say that. And that's the story that I tell to people when they ask, how do you know Rose? I'm like, I found her on the internet. Rose, welcome. And also thank you to you. How have you been since we last spoke about our aeronautical travel disasters? Fine. You know, a couple, two, three breakdowns.

Um, but you know, that's pretty good for a week. Well, you've had a breakdown with your car too, because I was looking on your social medias as I do. I like to check in on people's socials and your muffler fell off. And that's not a euphemism for any kind of menopausal talk. Nope. Nope. Like when a woman's muffler falls off, a woman's muffler actually falls off her car. Yep. In this case, it was the physical muffler coming apart from the car.

I drive a 2006 Camry that I love for many reasons, but probably the number one is its trunk space. I can fit my keyboard horizontally across the back with ease. Microphone stands and every instrument that I own. People don't think of those things. They don't know. And then you can close it and then no one knows what's in the trunk, right? And that's also not a euphemism as well. If you've just joined us...

Welcome to Euphemisms of the New Age with Jan and Rose. No, I know what you mean. Like space is always whenever I lease a car. I just lease my car. Yeah. And...

It's probably half a dozen at once. Six of your mother, as they say out with you people. That's exactly what they say. And I always say to the guy, the salesman, because they're always trying to get me to kind of upgrade or do something that's going to be another $200 a month in the lease. Like, that's just how it goes. Yeah.

And I'm like, I've got to fit in two large suitcases and probably a couple of guitars and some boxes. So that always, always makes a difference on what I get behind the wheel of. I just like a trunk. I like an old car with a trunk because like no one cares about that. They're not going to screw around with you. And also if it scratches, guess what? Don't care. Yeah.

it's dirty don't care you know you just gotta do you gotta keep the oil changed you gotta keep the tires good you gotta make sure it's good and then you just have to everyone needs to calm down about it yeah you know i mean like i don't no one's gonna break into a 2006 camry because you know why there's nothing in there for them

Well, I remember you getting broken into just pre-COVID in Los Angeles in a rental car. Yeah. Some twinkle toes took your guitar. Can we just tell this guitar story? Because it's so fantastical. And it is such a, I think, a great story.

representation of a musician's life on the road and what can happen but also how good things come out of bad things and how stories sometimes find a really beautiful ending so the time is yours it's a great story and so if you would regale the I'm going to call the story um gather your children around the radio everyone this is the tale of the stolen guitar by Rose Cousins

Oh, my God. Gather ye round. Gather ye round. Gather... Is everyone gathered? Okay. All right. That's a big lead up. Anyways, I was in Los Angeles, California, staying in Silver Lake. I had a really, you know, decent SUV rental. I usually don't like to get really nice rentals. I just like to get a standard rental for the same reason of the 2006 Camry. Anyway, I had...

um left my my instruments in the vehicle on sunset boulevard and i i had left them a couple times in the vehicle before but more up in the in the windy hilly streets versus on a main street and i came down the next morning to kind of get i think i'd forgotten something in the car maybe and i came back down to get it and the window the side window was smashed in the back when it was smashed and and uh my guitar and ukulele were gone

Terrible feeling. And it was an interesting, yeah, it was an interesting feeling, kind of a clash of feelings like, oh my God, like I'm there on tour specifically. And I've just felt like, oh my God, I'm also in a huge city and this doesn't matter. This isn't going to get, this doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Like no one's going to care about

these instruments. You mean like the police force? It's like petty crime. It doesn't matter. Yeah. There's no recourse. No, no, there's no recourse. Like it was just an interesting like clash of feelings of just like, oh my God, I'm literally not going to get it back. Imagining how many pawn shops there might be in Los Angeles. But I also felt immediately in that moment of like, kind of like this sadness for whoever was in that desperate situation to

to be like, this is what I'm going to do now. I'm going to, I'm going to smash this and I'm going to take these things because I'm desperate in some way for something. And I kind of had a wave of, of feeling like that. So it was definitely a better person than me. Cause, well, I don't know. Um,

Anyway, that day I was supposed to fly to, and I did, I think I flew to Seattle. I was just doing kind of like up the Pacific Coast tour. And I basically just put it out that they had been stolen on social media. And I just said, if anyone in any of these four cities has a guitar or a ukulele that they can bring to the show,

Oh, I'd be grateful. And people were sharing it and like sending, they're like, I've got a friend who has a friend in Seattle. I've got someone who knows someone in Portland. And I had instruments at every single show. People just like people who I did not know brought them to me. And I had instruments to play at every single show. And so it was, it was just this beautiful, like gathering around of,

like people who support me and people who don't didn't know me before that and so it was kind of a good things come out of bad things and then in the end so I didn't find my the two instruments I was more sad about the ukulele because one of my guitar was kind of like a a secondary it wasn't my like original martin it was one that I'd gotten to replace my original one was broken but anyways I got back to Halifax searched for a new guitar and

But I had my backup one. And so the company that makes the cases main stage, which is literally in Sussex, New Brunswick, I emailed them and I was like, can you replicate my case? I have to go to England in this amount of time, maybe two weeks, but it was just enough time to get the case. I was like, what would it take to get to the front of the line? Is it even possible?

And then my friend Yukon in Boston, Massachusetts, he's part of my family down there. He's a luthier. And he's like, I'm pretty sure I have that same ukulele in amongst my shop. Let me see if I can do it, put a new neck on it and blah, blah, blah. And he shipped it to me and it got there the day before I went to England. Gosh. And I drove to Sussex to get the case. And just like, it was just...

It was such an amazing, it's actually turned out to be like an incredibly heartwarming experience. It was really, yeah, it was, it was, it was memorable in, in more of a positive way than it was a negative way. And I just, yeah, it was really. I think if you, I think it's such a lesson in how we look at things because there's an opportunity there, or there certainly was an opportunity there.

for you to be bitter, to be like, people are a-holes. I don't trust anybody. Why would somebody do that? And to pack that anger with you, to put it in your knapsack, carry it around, carry it to England, carry it to your gigs, sit on your stool at your gigs, tell them about this terrible person that did this and how awful. And instead you chose, and it is an absolute choice,

to find the light coming in the crack as Leonard Cohen so succinctly put, you know, that's how the light gets in. And, um,

People showed you how good they could be. Yeah. Bringing you instruments. I find it so funny, Rose. It's like, listen, it's a Rose Cousins show. If you'd like to hear me sing and play, you need to bring an instrument. It was really amazing. There was, I literally had a guitar and a ukulele at every gig. And it was only a handful of gigs. And one of them, luckily the last one was actually at an instrument store, which was the original place I bought in Santa Monica. I bought my original ukulele that I loved so much that I was so heartbroken by and

And they sadly didn't have one. But so I was able to, yeah, it was really amazing.

- Look, sometimes if I use like a really like masculine voice. - If you lower your voice, yes. - "Mitty, I mean it, I'm doing a podcast." - Okay, I think that did it. - That seems like it did it. - Yeah, 'cause if I go with just, "Mitty." - You can't be soft with her. - Come on now. - Yeah. - I once was singing in a little tiny place called Orlando's Bistro on 17th Avenue in Calgary. It would have been- - Absolutely. - It would have been probably 1981 or '82.

81, I'm going to say.

And a fight broke out in this little bistro over probably a chicken pot pie not being cooked properly. Who knows why people go off? Who knows? But these two, like, grown men were drunk on something. And they came flying into me in my Washburn guitar that I just love so much, my Washburn cutaway that I was making $18 a month payments on for five years. But in the last minute... So anyway, they come...

like barreling into me, cracked the thing in half. Devastating. And I think it was like in 1981 to buy a $900 guitar for me, it might as well have been a million. Oh, totally. But the patrons that night, I remember everyone was putting money in a hat. And I think by the time sort of the restaurant left, because I was a singing waitress. So I'd serve tables, sing a few songs. I think there was like 4%.

400 bucks in the kitty so I was halfway to you know certainly getting a repair or yeah yeah you know whatever so people can be good and uh well anyway Jan Arden podcast Rose Cousins is here with me we're so excited we'll be right back

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Welcome back to the Jan Arden Show, Friday hour. I don't know why I always say that. It's more than a podcast. It's more than a podcast. There's those of you right now that are listening to us on a real radio. Like you're in your cars, we're on the radio.

We're on the radio. We hope you guys are doing good. We hope you have your seatbelts on and we hope you're, what else do we hope Rose? We hope that at some point today you get ice cream. Yes. And don't leave your dog in a hot car. Like it's summertime's coming. Rose and I are dog owners. Rose, your dog yesterday on yesterday's Instagram story. I don't know if it was the story or the feed, but your dog was resting his head on a shoe and you guys were kind of having a blue day yesterday.

And I just, I looked at Harrington and I'm like, wow, Harrington is just, he's got the shoe. There's nothing sadder than one shoe. Well, he has, it was, it was like post reprimanding him actually. Cause he does this thing if I let him. So if I have the front door open and he's kind of like attached to a lead and he can, he can wander around on the radius of that lead. But he, if I leave the door open, he'll come in and get a shoe and take it out into the yard and delace it.

And so I had brought him in because I was, I was, I had to get on another call or whatever and I didn't want to have to pay attention to him. And then I left the door, there's a porch door. So I left that open and he went in to get a shoe and I stopped him. So I caught him like mid, mid shoe get. And then he just laid down with his head on it, which was what I posted, which was very cute. The guy's cute. He really is. You know, I've known you for quite a number of years, Rose. And I guess I'm still pretty, um,

surprised about you being a dog owner and and we've all talked this last 15 16 months about how you know the pandemic has changed our lives I'll tell you right now I personally don't think had it not been for COVID I just don't think you would have gotten a dog

No, I wouldn't have at this juncture. Like if I had to, if I was still working at the clip, I was working at. But it was always the someday. It was always a someday. Always the someday. When I slow down, when I get to. Totally. Okay. I've done all the some days. I've done the two big some days that I, that I had had in my. House? My head, the house and the dog. Yeah. So, so that's, that's interesting. It was such a, like this time last year, like May was really hard. Yeah.

and and and um why well may was kind of like the realization of like the world was changing like in march when all my shows got canceled i was just kind of like okay well sure april a whole month will go by a whole month will go by and this will probably resolve not really knowing having any concept of what it's like to be in a world pandemic or

So I would have spent time watching, like just like getting my head around what was happening. And just like the, the microscope, I felt like I became under even just to myself in may, just the self-reflection of just kind of, okay, well the whole year has been wiped. What is my life now? I still have that question today, but like what, it was just like a new kind of loneliness. And what was interesting is that, so I went, I was like, I'm going to get the dog. And when he arrived, he,

Of course, he's like eight weeks old and like I could be anybody. And I was like, I took him for a walk the next day and I was like, oh God, this isn't helping anything. This is not curing my loneliness. It's not like what now, what is my life? Oh my God, what have I done? So it's been interesting. I mean, we're completely bonded now at this point, but it was just like the, just the discomfort of self-reflection really. And it's, it continues on its spectrum now.

But yeah, you're right. I wouldn't have gotten a dog if I was still, if the pandemic hadn't happened, I wouldn't. I find it very interesting how we live, most of us live in that place of someday. And I remember thinking to myself, you know, for so many years, I'd look outside the window

door of my house and I'd like, oh, I'd love to do a tree house. Like when I was a kid, someday, oh, I'd really love to. I had that thought dozens, dozens of times. And I'd ruminate and I'd look online and I'd kind of look at what people were doing. And I would go onto YouTube and I would spend like three hours watching home builders building the trees for their kids. And I was so fascinated with it. But anyway, when my dad got sick,

Gosh, he's been gone. He's coming up six years, six and a half years. So let's say seven years ago, just for the story. I want to have a tree house before he passes away. I phoned the guy that built my house, Phil, wherever you are. Hi, thank you. And I said, Phil, like, do you know how to...

build a tree house? He goes, Oh, yeah, that's no problem. That'd be great. Do you have an idea for a spot? And I'm like, Yeah, yeah. And I said, Well, I said, the trouble is, Phil, do you have you ever built a suspension bridge? Because my vision is a little tiny suspension bridge, nothing like 12 feet across. Well, no, not really. But I'll just I'll just look, I'll just Google it. Like, I'll just Google suspension bridge. And I'm like, really? Yeah.

So anyway, I built it that next month and it wasn't that much money. Yeah. And I remember my dad was in a wheelchair at the time and wheeling him across the suspension bridge, which is, I thought if I'm going to test out the suspension bridge, it's going to be my dad with dementia because he's going to go anyway. Yeah. So, Oh my God.

Terrifying. Okay. But anyways, I wheeled him across there and he just really got a kick out of it and wheeled him back. It's a sweet little, it's a sweet little perch up there. But the Sunday, right? Totally. Living in a state of Sunday. Oh my God. That is definitely something that has been very like, yeah, there's all those things that you kind of push to the side because you're too busy to do whatever, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

that's definitely things I've been examining and things that I have done. And it is true. Like, how long are you going to wait? What is it? The thing that's like, can you get it now? Can you be it now? Can, can, you know, can you reach that thing now? What is it? Yeah. Like, it's like,

looking forward to something is, you know, maybe one of the definitions of happiness. And it's been very hard to look forward to things like I would be looking forward to seeing you in Toronto or looking forward to plans or working back from a thing, an event that's going to happen, but you really have to like recalibrate. I don't know that I've recalibrated. I don't know that you have. It's like, I mean, you've been very, very busy, but to calibrate on like who you are and I haven't, I haven't. Yeah. I just think that it's like,

The recalibrating of like, you know, what was I ever anchored to? I was anchored to the motion of work, you know, and now what am I anchored to? Like, I really like being home. And now it's the, there's, you and I have talked so many times about the rickety bridge of transition. We've constantly going across the rickety bridge from being home to on the road, from being on the road to coming back and constantly like moving in and out of this, this,

Like where you can like expand and contract. And without that, there's really a lot of self-examination of like who you are to yourself and in relation to your job. How do you think we get out of someday?

What do you think? I mean, I think you have gotten out of Someday just because of the things that you have moved. You have done these big moves. And even I was freaked out, Rose, when you were selling your place that you'd been in quite comfortable for a while. And you're just like, no, this is it. And the dog and the house. And it blew my mind because I thought that I knew this version of Rose Cousins.

And then you're doing these big things. What do you think? I mean, more than just COVID, what was the catalyst? Is there something that you can attribute to having the bravery to have that leap of faith? Because you don't have income coming in. It's not like you...

Well, it's just time. The thing I'd always complain about would be I don't have time to sell my house because I don't have time to pack it up, stage it, get it ready, put stuff in storage. I don't have time to get a dog because I really wanted to get a puppy. I'm like, I need at least three or four months to be home to train it so it knows I'm its person. It was time, time, time, time, time. And so I looked at it and I was just like, well, here is the time.

And there's no reason not to do it. And so I just kind of like plugged my nose and jumped in because I had the time to do it. And I think I would have. Yeah, I just didn't have the time. And so I saw my excuses go away. In the last like 30 seconds, what what part of this experience do you think you'll pull forward into your life when COVID resolves itself?

That it's okay to, you know, not turn my phone on right away. It's okay to like read in the morning. It's okay to move slowly. Really, a new friend in my life said to me something that I literally have to repeat to myself every day. And that is a question that her therapist asked her, which was, what's the rush?

And oh my God, if I can't answer that question, like if I'm, if I'm freaking out about something, which I do, I have like pangs of anxiety with things that are happening, but I'm just like, what's the actual problem and what is the rush? It's fine. Just take, take a breath. You know, what's the rush you're listening to the Jan Arden show. We'll be right back with Rose cousins. I wish I was born.

Welcome back, everyone, to our weekly podcast. If you would like to subscribe to our podcast, you can hit the subscription button on any of your favorite podcast listening platforms.

Venues. No, that's not it. Platforms. Platforms. Platforms. Thank you, Adam Karsh. You know, listening venue, I think it's going to catch on. Sure. People are going to start saying that. Just hit subscribe and then you'll be reminded of our podcast each and every week and you won't miss it. Adam Karsh is here with us. He's in his Toronto home as always. Rose is coming to us from Halifax. And this is the new frontier. We're looking at each other on Zoom.

And it makes it easy for us to speak. We don't use the audio for very specific reasons because we look really disheveled. I am saying the video. Yeah, the video. We'll never see the light of day. You did. The video will never see the light of day. The video will never see the light of day unless, Adam, you and I do that thing that we've talked about, kind of a special sidebar project called The Worst Of. And we're still...

Hoping to get that together. We're looking for a network. We're looking for a network right now. Because if you could have seen Alicia Cuthbert, just that one sports bra thing with the rip. I, you know, anyhow, we're going to keep pitching. Aren't we, Adam? For sure. Rose cousins. What mistake do you keep making again and again in your life? That's a good question. I think I move to,

conclusion too quick. I think I have historically moved to conclusion too quickly, but I'm really enjoying like getting another opinion or perspective or kind of being wrong. It's not so terrible being wrong. It's not. And it's like, it's, I find it actually very relieving. I think that there's something I was reflecting on our last chat about like the constriction of travel and the tininess of our worlds and how like,

how when you expand your palette of food, it's relieving and you can feel like you can eat more and you like try new things like listening better and deeper and wondering in the present more about someone I'm talking about as opposed to being worried about time or worried about being responsible for the whole experience, which was one of the first things I ever talked about in therapy. Like,

Yeah, I think I don't, because I don't have, I haven't had much control. It's been relieving to not have to be in so much control, even though there are moments where that control is really not having it is very frustrating. Like, for example, not being able to go and see my family. But there's, yeah, there's something, I think I'm a better listener. I think I've made the mistake of

Of thinking I was a better listener than I was. I think I can. You're an excellent listener. I think I can be a good listener, but I think I have, I think I'm becoming a better listener and I really am enjoying that. But I think, I think that's, you know, whether you call it a mistake, but it's, you know, I see how the speed and constriction of my, of, you know, 15 months ago life, it's, it's interesting to see the contrast between her and, and I today and,

As well as, and that's like, I have that feeling in tandem with who is this new person? Am I allowed to have, am I allowed to just wake up and read a book? Am I allowed to do this? What the heck am I supposed to do today? How am I supposed to be this productive person that I've been? How do I keep up to this bar that I've set so high?

And then, yeah, it's so interesting to experience. This leads me to my next question so perfectly, Rose. You couldn't have set this up any better had we done a pre-interview going into the show. What is the most significant difference between the person you are now and, you know, the person that you were, let's say, five years ago? I think I know...

more who I am and what's beautiful about getting older is that these beautiful moments of wisdom that can only be collected over time come and help me in moments.

where I might have been nervous or worried, whether that's in regular day conversation or worried. Just like as time passes, you gather more information, you read more, you learn more. And it kind of equips me to, I feel like, be more confident moving through the world. I think there's a fulcrum that I hit when I turned 40,

And it's kind of like, it's a big marker. Yeah, I just, I really, I really felt it. The best way I've ever been able to describe it is a fulcrum and really standing in that balanced moment and looking back and being like, whoa, I just worked really hard for a really long time. And, and I'm here I am. And it was, and then it switched and I turned to the forward direction. I was like, oh my God, now what?

Now, what do I actually want to do? What do I care about? What of this work do I love? How fast do I want to move? You know, what is, I don't know how much time I have left now. And it was more about what do I want to do actually versus maybe the things we get falsely obligated and spun into later.

in the tornado of the music industry of where like, I was going to ask you if you were going to work the same. I was going to ask you, are you going to work the same when we get back? Because inevitably we're going to find ourselves, you know, as these cases dwindle and as it zeros out and as it's vaccinated and do we suddenly find ourself chugga chugga chugga, we're back on that train again. And we're like, Oh, I'm doing exactly what I was doing. Are you going to be conscious of that? Do you want to, do you want to go back to that place or do you want to work differently? Yeah.

I'm so, I've had so many deep pangs of fear of my, of my 15 months ago self, like terrified. And, and like, and it was interesting because I'm the only one that's deciding the pace at which I move.

move. And so I was like, it was this fear of like, there's this expectation of me to go back to moving that fast. And I was like, Oh, yeah, right. I'm in charge of that. So, so I want to answer solidly and confidently that no, I, I don't think I can, my body is better now. And my, you know, I mean, like my, I'm healthier now. And so I need to figure out what the new thing is. I have no idea what it looks like. I don't know how to re interact with

the world that I had because it's different. I think there'll be things to be revealed about the industry. Like what's, what are the things that are, you know, important to me that matter to me? And what does the industry look like? What, what venues are, are, you know, like what, what, what I care most about the people who follow me now and who have followed me through my career is

I'm so deeply loyal to them and I feel the most, I feel like they are the most important to me. Like I've got lots of things left to make and I do think it is my job to do that. But I don't need to move a million miles an hour. And, and so that's,

Each day I'm thinking about that as I have like pangs of fear and then like, no, I can decide and pangs of fear. And so, so no, I don't want to go back to the, to the same thing. I didn't expect you to say the fear part. Oh my God. That, that really, that really clipped me somehow. Yeah. The word to be fearful of it. It says something about it. Just, it's, it's just like how, how, yeah. It's crazy to look back and be like, how the hell did I even keep that pace? Yeah.

Rose, I'm telling you, from where I stood, and you and I have so much to relate to in so many ways, and I think that's such an integral part of our friendship, is that understanding and that we can talk about things, whether it's traveling, hotel rooms, weird hotel rooms. Rose, I'm now in a hotel room somewhere in...

and there's a hot tub at the foot of my bed. Yeah. Like there's just strange hotel experiences. But just as we go out of this segment, what do you, you have a minute, what do you get out of your music career? What is your, what do you get out of it? I guess that's my question. I think I get things I wouldn't get if I wasn't, like I think I'm naturally introverted and I think the stage pulls me out naturally.

and the travel takes me out and puts me in uncomfortable situations, which then it can only really lead to growth, right? Like discomfort is what happens when you learn and when you're learning it's difficult and uncomfortable, but then yields and is fruitful. I think it puts me in front of people I never would have met. The collaborative, like the emotional spiritual thing of, spiritful thing of collaborating with other musicians and never knowing what's really going to happen, like

I love the unknowns about it the most. And so I find it intriguing in that way. And maybe that's a small part of it. And most of it is like the hellish travel, which I don't miss. But man, the magic that has happened on stage or even just like little like.

So many things, like a little girl coming up and dancing in the middle of Australia. I'm having like, I'm completely like having a terrible day. And this little girl comes up and dances because I've invited anyone who wants to come up and dance to dance. And it's just like, she gives me a big hug at the end. And it's just, oh, it's the small thing. It's the tiny things. Yeah. You're listening to the Jan Arden podcast. My special guest, Rose Cousins. We'll be right back. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Welcome back to the final installment of our show with Rose Cousins. Rose Cousins has been with us for the last...

Three weeks. And it has just been a joy having you. I'm telling you what. We were talking in the break about, well, hamsters. I don't think anyone needs to know what hamsters.

Well, Adam loves his hamster. His girls have a hamster. He loves his hamster. COVID hamster. COVID hamster. And I love my dog, and Rose loves her dog. And for those of you who are listening, you missed it because Harrington just made an appearance on the Zoom, and we were, well, Rose was patting his side. And I commented that, Rose, it sounds like a really great kind of a kick drum sound that you could sample. Yeah.

I can just hear you regaling, Rose, that kick drum sound was so innovative and everyone's using it now. What is it? It's my dog's torso. Yeah, it's my dog's rib cage. Are you looking forward to getting older, Rose? I don't think about that as a specific thing. I just know that it's happening. And so I know that it's happening and I've enjoyed it.

Um, like I, I enjoy each day. I enjoy the accumulation, the, the, the cumulative wisdom that I have. And I'm, you know, me, I'm kind of like a bit of a health nut. I really want to live as long as I can, but mostly live as an able person as long as I can. Is it, do you find it fearful? Is it, is it, is it hard? Like when you, you know, you're, you're in your early forties now, um,

I don't, I recall your 40th birthday vividly and I don't recall it being difficult or like, Oh my gosh, I'm 40. This is it now. I'm middle-aged. Like, I think there was a lot of joy. I don't know if that's true. I found like, I was, I actually seemed very joyful. Maybe it was just because you were going to eat cake. I don't know. You know me and cake. I tell you what, there's no barriers between me and cake. I come on to her pretty hard. Um,

Yeah, I don't know. I think I was like, there was something about the stigmas attached to, like societal true or not true stigmas attached to being a single 40-year-old woman, which I don't care about. But for some reason, maybe deep down, I kind of did. They call it self-partnered now. Yeah, and I remember that. Yeah, but yeah, I don't think I have a worry about...

Getting older like I it's happening So it's just one of the things that's happening and I'm and I'm getting I'm preparing myself as best I can like and I think actually there's a beautiful way to like circle around to what you said about like people waiting for the someday I'm there was a point at which um, I'm like, yeah well here the here's the list of you know, five small things five significant things that would make me feel like I'm an adult and Why what am I waiting for and can I have them now kind of thing? Um

But I think those questions get deeper as you get older. It's kind of like, what do I actually want the shape of my life to be? Can I get up and read in the morning and is that okay? How many hours do I need to grind at work? Do I need to grind for work? What do I want to do kind of what's left? What are the things that are really meaningful to me? Who are the people that are really meaningful to me? And how do I stay connected? How do I keep myself healthy? Those are the things that have always interested me and

that and like and staying connected with the people who are loyal to me in my career and hopefully collaborate with people on a continuous basis but like really in in in a manageable way which is the thing I haven't quite figured out yet but I'm very interested in you're you're an excellent communicator oh thank you I think you are you're you're so articulate I think I

one of the biggest stumbling blocks that people have in their lives is an inability to express really how they feel. Because when we say to people, and this is what we do, it's just part of our culture, hey, how are you? I don't know if we stop long enough to really put weight and, I don't know, I think maybe an earnestness behind those three words, how are you? Mm-hmm.

And do we really ever answer the question? Well, and I don't know if you should ever ask if you don't actually want to know. But people do. They do because it's a silly social formality. You're in Costco. Oh, how are you? And then they're moving on to get a bag of avocados. Exactly. Yeah. I'm deeply intrigued. I feel more curious than I ever have in my life, I think. And probably because the last year, as the constriction has become more relaxed in my body and in my mind,

I'm finding myself just generally more curious and have more of an ability to reach outwardly. But with regards to what you're just saying about communicating, maybe I find it easy to articulate myself, but it's a lot easier for me to talk about feelings than it is for me to simply have them. I find having them just absolutely eviscerating. Yeah.

So to have, let me just dig a little deeper here. Yeah. So to, to be sitting there feeling something, whatever that emotion is and to not express it verbally, you don't like that. You don't, you, you, you need to talk about it. I tend to need, I don't want to misunderstand what, what you're saying. Yeah. I think, I think what I do and this has applied and helped me in, in like

So I'll experience emotion, it'll be uncomfortable, and I won't respond or react from it. I'll think about it so that I land on the thing that I know is true about it versus reacting from a feeling, which I think happens a lot and makes communication very hard. Then sometimes I will...

And then I'll be able to be like, this is how I feel about it. And I'll be able to speak about it without having the feeling at the same time. Okay. And then as how that applied to my job would be like, I have to prepare for this really intense event, or I'm going to release a record. I'm going to have as many emotions as I can up front and go through it, almost take my body almost all the way through it so I can have all the physical reactions emotionally. Okay.

so that i'm just dealing with the actual physical anxiety emotions of it while it's i'm in the day i don't know if that makes sense but it's i also i've been using that since i was in high school i i became like the person that did all the events and i did that all the way through university and then of course i did that into my first job and it perfectly applies to this so it's like seeing and seeing a thing all the way through what are all the possible things that could happen and basically solving every possible problem as i could see it before it happens

So it's this interesting system that I've created to not experience, not to have to live from my emotion, but to have my emotion behind closed doors, let it go all the way through, distill it down, be like, right, that's what it is. And honestly, that applies perfectly to my writing as well. It's like, sometimes I have to think about it for a long time before I really understand how I feel or think about something. And it comes out in a song and I'm like, well, there it is. That's how I feel. Well, herein lies my point. A lot of people,

don't know how they feel, never mind how they feel. They don't know what they like to do. They don't know what they, they don't know themselves. I mean, know thyself, right? To know thyself is, it really is, well, it's uncomfortable, but it's also liberating. So I think people that are, that are reluctant to look in the mirror and examine their life and their behavior are

Most of the time when you see and you know, I'm no Glennon Doyle here. Don't get me wrong. I'm no Brene Brown, but both incredible women, by the way, just if you ever want to listen to their podcasts or their words, these these women are exceptional in every way. But anyway, I you know, when people take the time to examine themselves. No, here's what I was going to say.

You know, any, anytime you see someone who's volatile or, you know, rude in a, in a grocery store or, you know, is, is their opinion is the end all be all. And you, you, you're wrong. You snowflake, you follower, you, you know, usually those are the people that have no sense of themselves. They don't even have a sense of their space. And we have literally 60 seconds left and I'm going to give it to you. So you're going to wind it up.

I think that coming from a compassionate place and from more of my reading and more of my listening to podcasts such as Those Two Women, I really understand that people are coming from a place that already exists inside of them

And it's coming out as an emotional reaction to you. And it has nothing to do with you. And so much of that reaction, reactionary stuff emotionally doesn't have to do with you. It's so hard. It's so hard, especially when it feels like there's a misunderstanding happening and like somebody misinterprets something that you said and it's devastating and somehow it's caused this rift and you don't even know what it's built and it's devastating. And it's very hard to separate yourself and take, not take the blame or not like,

it's just, yeah, it's a lot of the times it doesn't have to do with you. And you're right. It has a lot of, there's so much work to do to just know ourselves, you know, and isn't that an ongoing thing? And that's our show. So what a great place to leave things. And it's really, really great advice. Thank you for being with us these last 47 episodes, Rose. And I hope I can, I hope I can hit you up soon. Yeah. Call me anytime, girl. Look after yourself. I look forward to sitting next to you on a plane. Oh,

God, we've never done that. Nope. So we're going to do that. Anyway, look after yourselves, guys. Lots of cool things are happening in the world. And yeah, get vaccinated. Just going to throw that out there. I can't even apply for my second shot until June the 14th. But hey, we'll get there. Well, that's very soon. I know. It's very next week. I love you, Adam. Thank you, as usual. Thank you. Take care, everybody. We'll talk to you soon. Toodaloo.

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