248. The psychology of solo travelling
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For a lift and relief, ask about adding Braylar, V-R-A-Y-L-A-R. Visit Braylar.com or call 1-877-6-BRAYLAR to learn more. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our 20s.

What is a more glamorous, in like a uniquely non-glamorous way, what is a more quintessential, chaotic but wonderful 20-something experience than solo traveling? Packing everything up for a few weeks, maybe a few months, a year, and just exploring the world by yourself, backpacking across Europe, going to Bali for a month to do yoga, catching like

a last minute train to the other side of the country or a flight to the other side of the world to find yourself, to find memories, to test yourself. Solo traveling just feels like this really important thing that we need to do in our 20s.

Almost like a rite of passage, I would say. I will meet some of the most incredible, independent, self-assured 20-something year olds and I can just tell they have solo travelled. I can just tell that they know exactly who they are more than most of us because they have had this experience.

Very unique, important experience of having to truly trust themselves, of knowing that there is no one else in that moment who can make a decision for them, who can be their constant company, who can help them in certain situations. It is this like entirely self-directed and at times scary situation.

That is also equally magnificent. And I've heard from so many of you, our wonderful listeners, who basically credit solo traveling with...

transforming their identity and their personality during this decade, especially at very pivotal points, you know, post breakup, post graduation, between jobs. A lot more of us are using travel and doing it on our own to really be this experience that brings us into a new chapter of

of our lives and it's just absolutely remarkable. I am such a big advocate for doing this. You know, when I was 20, I solo traveled to Europe from Australia and just spent hours walking around to different sites and churches and getting lost and

I actually remember back then I had like an iPhone 10 or like an iPhone 11 and I didn't want to pay for a data plan. So when I was at my hostel with Wi-Fi, I would literally point my phone in the direction that I would want to go. And I kid you not, I would be like, OK, where is the sun right now?

Is the sun behind me? Like, when I'm pointing in this direction, is the sun to my left, to my right? As long as the sun remains in that position, I can just keep walking in that way and I'll find myself getting there. And of course, you know, I would get lost. I would never really know where I was going, to be completely honest, until I stumbled into a McDonald's with Wi-Fi. But...

It was just such a beautiful experience and I really learned to be confident and self-directed. I watched the sunrise in Amsterdam. I had dinner with strangers. I got a tattoo and then I got another one. And those are the kinds of memories that you tell your children or you tell your friends in the nursing home. They are the ones that form the foundation for our life. One big misconception that I really want to address is that solo traveling does have to be this huge moment

multi-week, multi-month, multi-location, expensive trip and I don't think it has to be. It can be as simple as a weekend away by yourself or a camping trip just to you know two hours away. That is something that I also have loved doing you know packing up my tent in my car and just spending three days alone by

by myself to clear my mind. My cousin was recently texting me like a couple of days ago actually about a solo camping trip that she did only two hours away from home for only like 48 hours and even in that short span of time she was like this is amazing I feel so liberated I feel so free I just think there are so many other ways to experience the joy and the gift that solo traveling has which

without breaking the bank, without feeling, you know, really, really out of your comfort zone to begin with. It's definitely something that needs to be, I think, talked about more instead of this glamorous, luxurious, often expensive rite of passage. You can literally do it in your own neighborhood. And I think people, because of that, but also just because of the wider accessibility of travel, are really picking it up, especially post-COVID as well. I think...

A lot of us are not so keen to wait until someone else is ready to do the things we want to do. A lot of us are

have realized that if you wait and you wait and you wait until the time is right, until you have company, you know, a pandemic could begin. Things can get in the way and you're going to miss the opportunity. There was actually a 42% increase in people taking solo trips over the past two years. And, you know, now solo travelers, according to this really amazing research done by Solo Travel Statistics, because of course there are people who are measuring this,

Solo travelers make up 11% of the overall total market and 84% of those solo travelers are women.

So, it's likely that if you go out looking for adventure in a foreign country or, you know, just up the coast, you will find other people similar to you doing the same thing, looking for something, wanting it to be self-directed, no longer wanting to wait until someone else will raise their hand and say, yeah, okay, I'll come with you. So,

Today I want to talk about this increasingly common experience, the psychology of solo traveling and how uniquely beneficial it can be to us during our 20s. There will definitely be hard times, there will be lonely times, but we also get to experience this freedom. We get to experience this unique sense of, I don't know what the right word is, liberation, transformation. I

I think it's only when you're in those moments and you're experiencing it that you almost become addicted to the sensation. And it seems like a lot of us are. I also want to talk about some of the unique challenges that you might encounter, but psychologically how to overcome them and what happens when we return home. What happens when the solo traveler is called back off the road? There is so much to discuss in this. This topic is huge.

so much deeper than you can imagine. So without further ado, let us get into the psychology of solo traveling.

There is nothing worse than a bad cold at the worst possible time and not like the sniffles but one of those really tough colds that just knocks you down hard. That's why it's a good idea to always keep the new Theraflu soft chews nearby and I mean right at your fingertips ready for action. It's got the same multi-symptom relief that you get from Theraflu but they're easy to take chewables and when you're suffering through a really severe cold easy is always really really nice.

That way, while you're laid up in bed or hunkered down on the couch, suffering through your cold, you can just grab a Theraflu soft chew whenever you need it instead of stumbling to the kitchen and, I don't know, making some herbal cold remedy. Plus, these chewables have the same power of Theraflu in every single bite to relieve symptoms fast and energetically.

and anywhere. So don't get caught unprepared during cold season. Go ahead and pick up some new Theraflu soft chews. Faster relief by your side. Use as directed. Step into the world of crumble where delicious desserts are packaged in the iconic pink box.

In 2017, two cousins, they embarked on a flavorful journey to create the best chocolate chip cookie. Who hasn't been on that mission? But that was just the beginning for them. Today, Crumble's weekly rotating menu features an array of desserts like Tres Leches cake and snickerdoodle. So there is always something delicious that everyone will love, whether you're picking up a mini cookie for a quick snack.

treat or a party pack of desserts to share with friends when you're hosting every treat is crafted with love and creativity with the mouth-watering aroma of freshly baked desserts in the air crumble's open kitchen concept invites you to witness their talented bakers whip up delectable treats right before your eyes adding like an extra layer of excitement to your visit

And with the convenient options for delivery and pickup available, enjoying crumble has never been easy. Perfect for family or friend gatherings or simply treating yourself. Crumble's amazing desserts turn every moment into a delightful celebration. Visit your nearest crumble today. Explore the delicious options on the crumble app and experience dessert like never before.

Did you know that when it comes to gut health, dairy can work wonders and that when your gut is healthy, your body and your mind feel it too? There are so many benefits to adding dairy into your diet, but here are just a few. Fermented dairy foods like yogurt and kefir can deliver probiotics that benefit your gut microbiome and a healthy gut can help minimize inflammation and keep our immune system strong.

Plus, eating dairy foods can help you feel full, satisfied and balanced. And who doesn't want that? Now, if you're thinking, not me, I'm lactose intolerant. I have got great news for you because there are tons of dairy foods that you and your gut can enjoy without any of the digestive disruptions you might be expecting. Yes, your favorite foods like yogurt, natural cheeses and kefir, they are naturally lower in lactose than

It's all about starting small and learning your own tolerance level. And whilst dairy is nutritious, it's also delicious. So don't let lactose sensitivity get in the way of a healthy gut because your body and your mind will be so much better for it. This ad is sponsored by Undeniably Dairy.

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That's dimebeautyco.com for 25% off with code HOLIDAY25. Happy shopping and happy holidays from Dime.

A lot of us feel deeply drawn to solo travel specifically, I think because of how sacred it feels. And that's how I would describe it. There is, as I said before, almost a rite of passage feeling that is attached to this equally scary but ultimately rewarding experience. How often in our lives do we actually ever get the opportunity to be truly alone, to be truly dependent on ourselves for something?

everything you know how often are we actually able to call most of the shots in our life most of us myself included I would say we are constantly surrounded by friends family loved ones colleagues and we also are in a very comfortable environment that is familiar and that is really easy to navigate but solo travel really throws all of that up in the air

Firstly, you're in a place that you don't necessarily know when you solo travel. Then you remove your support network. Then you might add in, you know, a language that you don't speak.

But also with that, there is an excitement. There is this unlimited possibility of what's tomorrow going to bring? What am I going to choose to do? It's novel. It's scary. And when was the last time that you actually felt that way in your current routine? So what is it about solo traveling that is so alluring other than what I have just described?

Well, there was a 2015 report from the International Journal for Tourism Research that looked into this. It wanted to know why are people suddenly so drawn to this experience? And what it found was that the majority of solo travelers are motivated by one of the following things. They are motivated by the need for a feeling of freedom.

by a desire to escape or a desire to find themselves. So feelings of freedom, a desire to escape or a desire to find ourselves, which honestly all sound like pretty much the same thing wrapped into one.

There was another study from 2021 that found something very, very similar. When this researcher interviewed a number of people who were solo travelers, who had solo traveled in the past year or two, what they said motivated them was very similar. But besides those previous inspirational motivational actions, besides those previous intentions, they

They also said that it was the flexibility, it was the promise of a transformative experience and this anticipated self-discovery that was really, really motivating. So maybe you can relate to that with your own solo travel ambitions. We are seeking out the promise of knowing ourselves better.

And this is particularly influential after you've just been through something really tough or life changing like a breakup, for example, or you've just been made redundant or you've graduated. You are, I think, particularly poised for growth at that moment. And travel really, really brings that out. I think that it's actually really important to do after one of those moments. You can't just go back to,

you know, living an everyday life. After you graduate, you know that normalcy is gone. After your breakup, after you've been made redundant, everything about your current everyday reality has shifted. And I think giving yourself time to go and solo travel through that allows you to kind of jump into the next chapter of whatever life is going to bring you. Being more confident, being more self-assured, genuinely just knowing what you want and knowing how to

speak about that, knowing how to say that. Some of us do have more of a propensity for solo travel than others. And it's actually influenced by this personality trait called an openness to experience. I don't think that's a surprise, but you might be familiar with this trait. It's one of the big five personality traits. And if you are someone who measures high on this characteristic, on this openness to experience, then

you are typically more curious, you are more independent, adaptable, willing to try new ideas, new values, new emotions, new experiences and you are more adventurous. So this openness to experience combined with something that we call high self-efficacy which basically refers to our belief in our ability to influence our reality and to influence the outcomes that we would like is

Those two things essentially allow us to really trust in our agency, but also to feel quite passionate about having these experiences. And it makes for the ideal solo traveler. I will say the final big reason I personally like solo traveling that isn't related to finding yourself, that isn't related to an openness to experience. And it might sound selfish, but it's basically just that you don't have to consider other people in your plans.

And if you are someone who is very hyper independent, maybe even impatient like I am at times, that can be such a big factor in what is influencing us to solo travel. I am already someone who finds travel to be kind of anxiety inducing. You know, I have fun. I love it once I get there. But I do find like I do need to go at my own pace, my own speed. I want to see things that other people might not see.

And sometimes I like to go back to the same places. I'm a very particular kind of traveler and I appreciate that I'm also quite indulgent and that might be like indulgent with my time. Like I want to go slow. I want to just really bask in the experiences. And that's probably annoying for people to travel with. But it also means that people who travel differently to me, I find it kind of frustrating sometimes having to compromise for something that is so uniquely like

Like traveling is a selfish experience. It is a self-driven experience. You know, you've already spent all this money to get somewhere, at least coming from Australia. If I want to go to Europe or Africa or North America, it's going to take me at least 15 to 24 hours and it's going to cost me a lot of money. So once I get there, it's kind of like I don't want to have to consult anyone.

group of friends or every single member of my family anytime I want to eat or book accommodation or spontaneously change my plans and I think that's really sometimes another really valuable thing to consider like this if this is such a personal and I know I said selfish but personal experience and

Sometimes you don't want to share it with someone else. This actually brings up a memory I have, not even a memory. Basically, when I was 15, I went to New York with my family for Christmas because my mom is American and we were kind of visiting some of her family as well.

And I was a very avid journaler at the time. I wrote a journal entry every single night. And recently I was looking back through my old journals from that time because I was just doing some reminiscing with my book being announced. And I found an entry from that time and it said in all caps,

quote, you do not like traveling with other people. Do not do this again. When you become an adult, do not travel with other people. And I just had to laugh about it. I was like, that is so funny that 15 year old Gemma already kind of knew what was up. I like showed it to my boyfriend and he was like, yeah, absolutely. Like even when we travel together, I need my days to just go and do my own thing. Same with when I travel with my friends. It's not like I don't like doing it.

But I definitely need that solo space within that. And this really brings me to my first major point as to why solo traveling is so valuable to do during your 20s. And it's that it makes you confident in your own choices and it really ensures that you get to prioritize the experiences that you want to have.

If you are someone who is, for example, you know, maybe a people pleaser, that experience of getting to prioritize what you want to do can be so liberating. Sometimes it's like one of the first times that we've ever been allowed to just, and we've ever given ourselves permission, I guess, to just do what best suits us without having to carry the burden of thinking about other people's

preferences it can almost bring you to tears sometimes you know getting to eat lunch when you want watching the sunset on a random day because you want to it's like the weight of always considering what would make other people happy and having to juggle all of their contradictory preferences is gone the burden is really lifted

And I think you'll be surprised to see how much your relationship with yourself improves as a result of this. Suddenly, you really learn to listen to yourself. You know what it feels like to just have it your way. And that feels really fucking good. I think that is why women especially find a lot of freedom in solo travel, especially if you're an eldest daughter or came from a large family or felt a lot of

of expectations from your parents when you were younger, solo traveling is this unique space where you are actually rewarded for knowing what you want and doing it. And isn't that so contradictory to, you know, the childhood environments and the teenage environments that we were raised in?

In fact, you know, to bring another psychology study into the mix, because we can never have too many, there was a paper from 2023, so last year, that found that traveling alone means you actually experience the sensations and the moments of your trip more deeply because you are less distracted by a second person.

you actually have the chance to meet new people, chat to new people, pay attention to the small things. You know, as you walk the streets, you are naturally more aware, both from a safety perspective. But I think that with that awareness, it brings more moments of noticing and that in itself is

The necessity of being more aware of your surroundings. It really promotes being present, which is really fantastic for the emotional and mental experience that we get from traveling. We also know that this experience really allows you to prove to yourself that you can do hard things, things that you never really imagined yourself doing.

Let me tell you a story about how I had this very experience, this very realization that I was a lot tougher and smarter than I thought I was because of solo traveling. So one uni break, I was traveling somewhere and I can't even remember where.

specifically where I was traveling to because I was coming back. I was returning home to Australia and I had booked, of course, you know, the cheapest flight possible. I remember it was like $800 return, I think, to Amsterdam. Actually, I was going through Amsterdam to Europe and some other places. So $800 return from Sydney to Amsterdam and then back.

And you have to remember, this is firstly Australian dollars. So a lot cheaper than like the US dollar or like pounds or euros or whatever. Very, very cheap at the time for a 24 hour trip. Like that's how long the flight took.

Anyways, the catch of this cheap flight was that I had to spend 15 hours in Taiwan overnight. And at this point, I had completely run out of money on my international card. I only had one $50 American bill in my shoe, like a $50 American note that my mom was like, always keep this in the bottom of your shoe just in case. Thank you, mom, for reminding me to do that. Well, so I'd stayed in this. I was staying in this house.

small three-room motel. I couldn't stay in the airport for whatever reason. I had to leave the airport. So I was staying in this three-room hotel motel thing and I'd paid for it before the start of my trip. Did not think about the fact that I would need to get a taxi to the airport and that I would need to eat dinner. You know, this was a 15-hour layover and I didn't have any money. So I remember like sneaking into, there was a wedding banquet like

Someone was getting married. There were so many people there and they had this huge array of food and I was like, okay.

I'm just going to sneak in and, you know, they're just going to think like this random white girl is here, like who invited her, but no one's going to question it. I'm just going to eat some food and sneak out. And luckily that worked. I honestly think that they kind of knew and they probably just felt really sorry for me. And then came the moment when I needed to get a taxi. I had to get a taxi to the airport and I was kind of panicking and I'd gotten the

front desk to call me a local taxi. Had no idea how much it was going to be. Had this $50 note. He drops me off at the airport and I just give him the $50 American note. No idea if it's more, less, right on, you know, if he's even going to accept it. And he kind of just looked at me and he just was like, okay. And just took the note. And I got my bag out of the back and he drove off and it was just the biggest sense of like relief and

And accomplishment that was like, OK, look, I did that hard thing. I also didn't have any Internet. I had no money. I just had myself. I couldn't call anyone. I didn't know anyone in Taiwan. It was equally scary, but also the most empowering thing.

to just realize that, oh, wow, I'm an adult in this situation and I figured it out. And I've never felt so alone, but also so self-sufficient. And it's those experiences that we are all bound to have when solo traveling that are going to give you lifelong skills, such as problem solving, such as decision making,

I often think a lot of us get worried about solo traveling that we're going to have this gap in our resume. If I was an employer and I saw that someone in their 20s had done this huge solo traveling trip or took time off to go and explore by themselves, they are honestly going to be at the top of my list forever.

to hire because there's just so many skills that you cannot teach, that a workplace won't teach, that a university won't teach. And I think life is more about just having...

professional experiences and also about having life experiences those are the people who are the best to work with the most interesting often the most driven so if you ever worry like I've taken all this time off to solo travel everyone else is further ahead than me everyone else those people you're comparing yourself to are most likely looking at you and being like

wow, I wish that I'd actually taken time to explore and to know myself. This is why I also think that solo traveling continues to be important even when you are in a relationship, even when you have a long-term monogamous partner. Of course, you know, you want to have those moments and experiences and memories with them. You want to travel with them.

But if you are in your 20s and you really want to go somewhere, there is a place on your bucket list that you've always wanted to visit. You have the means, you have the time, you have the opportunity. You shouldn't feel like you need to wait until someone else is ready to go with you. You can go alone. You can do it alone. You are not suddenly a paired item with this person alone.

no matter what, especially like not to be a cynic, but that relationship could not work.

something could happen tomorrow you guys could break up next month or in the next two three five years and when you two are no longer together and the opportunity to travel has passed there is going to be this what if sensation this what if surrounding the memories you could have made the skills you could have built the things you could have you could have seen and I think that

You know, a relationship is important and we do care about someone. It doesn't mean that we need to give up all of our solo experiences and only do it with them. So hopefully I've made an argument for continuing to

to do this you know maintaining your independence through solo traveling when you're in a relationship it really ensures that your self-concept this like overarching fundamental idea of who you are that that remains very very strong so this is a really glamorous idea of solo traveling that we've painted so far one of adventure of self-discovery of once in a lifetime moments and

But there are also hard moments, moments of doubt and loneliness. And I think that's worth discussing. I think it would be remiss of me to just

paint this picture of sunshine and rainbows and self-discovery there will be hard times that we inevitably encounter but we also have a lot of really deeply seated psychological tools to help us get through them so we're going to talk about that and so much more along with what happens when we return home what is post-solo travel shock all of that after this short break

There is nothing worse than a bad cold at the worst possible time and not like the sniffles but one of those really tough colds that just knocks you down hard. That's why it's a good idea to always keep the new Theraflu Soft Chews nearby and I mean right at your fingertips ready for action. It's got the same multi-symptom relief that you get from Theraflu but they're easy to take chewables and when you're suffering through a really severe cold easy is always really really nice.

That way, while you're laid up in bed or hunkered down on the couch, suffering through your cold, you can just grab a Theraflu soft chew whenever you need it instead of stumbling to the kitchen and, I don't know, making some herbal cold remedy. Plus, these chewables have the same power of Theraflu in every single bite to relieve symptoms fast and energetically.

Step into the world of crumble where delicious desserts are packaged in the iconic pink box. In 2017, two cousins, they embarked on a flavorful journey to create the best chocolate chip cookie. Who hasn't been on that mission? But...

that was just the beginning for them. Today, Crumble's weekly rotating menu features an array of desserts like Tres Leches cake and snickerdoodle. So there is always something delicious that everyone will love. Whether you're picking up a mini cookie for a quick treat or a

party pack of desserts to share with friends when you're hosting. Every treat is crafted with love and creativity. With the mouth-watering aroma of freshly baked desserts in the air, Crumble's open kitchen concept invites you to witness their talented bakers whip up delectable treats right before your eyes, adding like an extra layer of excitement to your visit. And with the convenient options for delivery and pickup available, enjoying Crumble has never been easy. Perfect for family or friend gatherings or simply treating yourself.

crumble's amazing desserts turn every moment into a delightful celebration visit your nearest crumble today explore the delicious options on the crumble app and experience dessert like never before

Did you know that when it comes to gut health, dairy can work wonders and that when your gut is healthy, your body and your mind feel it too? There are so many benefits to adding dairy into your diet, but here are just a few. Fermented dairy foods like yogurt and kefir can deliver probiotics that benefit your gut microbiome and a healthy gut can help minimize inflammation and keep our immune system strong.

Plus, eating dairy foods can help you feel full, satisfied and balanced. And who doesn't want that? Now, if you're thinking, not me, I'm lactose intolerant. I have got great news for you because there are tons of dairy foods that you and your gut can enjoy without any of the digestive disruptions you might be expecting. Yes, your favorite foods like yogurt, natural cheeses and kefir, they are naturally lower in lactose than

It's all about starting small and learning your own tolerance level. And whilst dairy is nutritious, it's also delicious. So don't let lactose sensitivity get in the way of a healthy gut because your body and your mind will be so much better for it. This ad is sponsored by Undeniably Dairy.

The holidays are coming fast, which means time is even more of a luxury. That's why Dime Beauty needs to be your one-stop destination for clean, master-aesthetician-founded skincare that really works. From rejuvenating eye serums and clean retinol alternatives to indulging body oils and non-toxic perfumes, Dime has it all. And for a limited time, Dime is offering 25% off site-wide when you use code HOLIDAY25. Look

Looking to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles? Try their best-selling TBT cream, a clean, gentle retinol alternative that has all of the anti-aging benefits of retinol without the harshness. Or in search of a new winter perfume, try Dime's non-toxic woodsy fragrance, Don LaBois. Dime has over 2 million happy customers and thousands of amazing five-star reviews. Don't wait. Go to dimebeautyco.com for 25% off site-wide with code HOLIDAY25.

That's dimebeautyco.com for 25% off with code HOLIDAY25. Happy shopping and happy holidays from Dime.

Doing anything alone can be tough, even when it has its perks. You know, people who solo travel a lot in their 20s, they will most likely tell you how rewarding it is. But if you dig a little deeper, some of the other things they may tell you to essentially be prepared for is the loneliness, the decision fatigue, the exhaustion, the fear of the unknown, maybe safety concerns, wanting to come home early, etc.

And also I think the pressure for personal growth. You feel like if you're solo traveling, you can't just have a normal trip. There has to be some greater personal development goal that you are striving towards. Some epiphany that needs to be had before you return home so that you can come home a changed person.

So it doesn't sound like a challenge, but I think it kind of is because it influences the mindset that we bring into the trip. Let's walk through some of these challenges and how to feel more confident addressing them. Something that has always been comforting to me is that there have been thousands of people before me in this exact experience who have experienced the same sensations, the same anxieties and worries.

And they've pushed through. They've always come back with more good stories than bad. And also, you know, the best place to grow is right when you start feeling a little bit uncomfortable. You don't need to be so insanely uncomfortable that you want to leave. But a bit of discomfort, that's really stretching you as a person. And with that stretch, you grow, you know, without tension, without friction, nothing will ever challenge you.

So I think the biggest thing that we are going to confront that will challenge us is loneliness. Without the companionship of friends or family, I think we feel quite isolated, especially in an unfamiliar environment when we don't even have those kind of small creature comforts. There are definitely many times when you think it would be really nice to share this with someone. Or you go to sleep at the end of the day and you realize like, huh, I'm not going to share this with anyone.

I haven't actually said a word to anyone else this entire day. And it feels definitely very odd. But the loneliness can also be a really sacred and special element of this experience. For one, it's definitely the price you pay for more freedom. But additionally, you know, you get to really zone in on your inner world.

There was a study done that assessed the importance of having this kind of alone time, not just when traveling, but in your everyday life. And it assessed a sample of 150 people. And what it did was it asked them to prioritize spending an hour alone for three weeks, only three weeks, an hour every day.

So those who did this, those who went through with it, they felt so much more introspective. They actually had more social energy. They felt more in touch with themselves. Some people are never going to get that. You know, the noises and the voices they hear in their head, they will never just be their own.

Like imagine that, imagine spending your whole life never knowing what you would think or do or see or believe if no one else was there. And if you solo travel, you will never have to wonder that. You will never have to wonder.

Also, just because you solo travel doesn't mean you need to solitary travel. Like there's a big distinction here between being completely solitary and isolated and just going into the trip alone. So book a group tour for a day. Stay in a social hostel, even if you have your own room or you're in a smaller bunk space.

You could travel with someone that you meet for a few days and then leave them at your next destination. So don't fall into the trap of believing that the purpose of this trip is to be isolated. It's definitely not. It's just to be self-directed. I also find that people who start travel Instagrams love that. Love that for them. I love seeing people's like photo dumps of where they are. And when you're a solo traveler, it means that you do still feel connected to people back home. You don't feel like...

People are forgetting about you. You don't feel as lonely. You can still have that kind of ongoing communication with people about what you are experiencing, what you are learning. Another big thing that we face that I don't actually hear talked about a lot is decision fatigue. Making every single choice for yourself every single day from, you know, what am I going to eat? What sites am I going to see? Where am I going to stay? How am I going to get there?

That can be exhausting and solo travelers often face more decisions, not just logistical decisions, but also spontaneous decisions day in and day out. So our cognitive capacity for making decisions is actually rather limited. Each choice you are going to make, no matter how small, it does deplete your mental energy. And what's more is that, you know, everyday environment, you know, when you're at home or

You make basically the same choices every day. You take the same route home from work. You have the same routine. You go to the same gym, the same cafes, the

Everything is typically familiar. And so when you are traveling by yourself, things that we typically wouldn't have to think about, like how do I catch the train? How do I pay for the train? What's on the menu? You know, suddenly we have to think a little bit harder about those things and that is going to contribute to your cognitive overload. This can definitely make us more tired, a little bit irritable at times, anxious, but the

But the worst thing, the worst consequence of this, I believe at least, is that it can lead to indecision and avoidance. I don't know if you've ever found yourself in this situation before at home, but you know when you just have so many options of what you could do in a day? You know, you could do chores, you could see a friend, you could go to the gym, go out for dinner. And because you have so many options, you're just like, I just don't want to do any of them. You know, it's not possible to decide which one would be best. So I'm just not going to make a decision at all.

That can happen when you're traveling. And the consequence of decision fatigue in this environment is that actually you feel quite let down. You feel like you should be seeing more. The easiest way to counteract this is to actually do the counterintuitive thing and give yourself less choice. I know we speak about, you know, solo traveling and talk about how it's all about freedom, but imposing some restrictions on yourself is

may actually mean you get more out of it. You know, eating breakfast at the same places every day or having that breakfast spot, that's really smart because that's one decision that isn't going to overload you cognitively and you can use that mental energy, those resources to make a better decision.

The other thing that I do is that I make a list of 10 things when I go on a trip, say the trip is two weeks long. I make a list of 10 things that I really want to do and I make a rough itinerary that still leaves me like three to four days.

of having nothing scheduled, but during those days I know kind of what I'm going to do. I have a loose plan and I make sure that things are in the same area. So once I'm out of the house, there is kind of a continuity between where I'm going and my experiences. I also think it's really important here when you're facing decision fatigue, often that comes from a sensation or a deep feeling that you need to make the perfect decision.

Right? This is such a sacred experience. You're solo traveling. You're in this new country. There's so much to do. I don't want to miss out. I want to make sure that I come back with a good story. I want to make sure that I see everything, do everything. What do I do first?

Don't aim for perfection. Even people who live in their cities, their whole lives never see half the things that you want to see. So just know that actually some of the best experiences do come from being quite spontaneous. They do come from just getting out of the house with no plan or just choosing one thing to really focus on for the day. This is not an assignment. This is not a piece of work. This is not...

Anything that needs to be perfect for someone else to judge or for someone else to see. It's actually really fascinating. We talk about decision fatigue and how it can be really hard for solo travelers. But actually, when solo travelers return home, they report how difficult it is to adjust to having to consider other people.

Because you're so used to being self-directed in these environments, you come back and your family's like, let's go out for breakfast. And you're like, great, we're going to go here. And suddenly it's like, no, no, I want to go here. I want to go there. And it can actually be quite frustrating for solo travelers. It's often this sense of like a shock of returning to a system or returning to a situation or an environment in which you do actually now have to consider other people again.

So the final difficulty I think we face when contemplating solo exploring, it's a deeply human one and it's a fear of the unknown. And with that can come a heavy dose of catastrophizing, right? This is the biggest thing that I think people bring up when you say you should solo travel. Solo travel is so worthwhile. It's what if I'm kidnapped? What if I get lost? What if I get robbed? What if something terrible happens? What if no one knows where I am?

Our brain takes the unknown and it likes to make a mess of it, likes to make it its little fantasy playground of all the worst things possible that our brain can conjure up. That is anxiety. That is a survival mechanism. It is not the truth. I want you to remember though, it is a very valid concern. Safety is a valid concern. But everything in life is a risk. There is fear embedded in everything that we do. Even getting out of bed, even walking out of our front door.

You though, you were not put on this earth to play it safe and you were not put on this earth to only go where it's comfortable because that would mean that you really never grow, you never move from where you are now. Things can go wrong, they do go wrong but when you have your wits about you, when you do the common sense things, you still are a lot more capable than you know and

And the very nature of solo traveling is to show you that you know what you're doing, that you are capable, strong, independent. You have that mental toughness. You have that

adaptability that flexibility so those experiences and the thought of those experiences can be scary but firstly you're very unlikely to encounter them secondly when you do you will realize that you are a lot more capable in that moment it's not as scary as you thought it would be and I think finally when you have common sense when you just do basic safety things like

Like having an anti-pickpocket bag, registering with your embassy, telling people where you're going...

a lot of that risk is definitely minimized. So I want to finish up with just some general advice, some fast rapid fire tips from me to you, but also from some of the audience, some of the listeners who are solo traveler pros. This piece of advice, I believe in 100%. It's to set intentions, not expectations.

When you have really high expectations for something, you are always going to be disappointed, not because the experiences are better or worse, but because your expectations tint your perspective. They tint how you see things.

So focus on what you're hoping to learn, what you're hoping to experience, what you're hoping to get out of it emotionally and psychologically rather than rigidly planning every detail and being like, you know, if you're in Paris, like I have to go to the Eiffel Tower and I have to see it lit up because that's on my bucket list and it's going to be beautiful and magical and everything needs to be perfect. Your expectations are too high.

set them low. Be like, I just want to have a nice time. I want to have a nice meal. I want to meet some new people. I want to walk around. I want to see a sunset. More general ideas of what the trip could be. So don't plan everything. Remember that you have freedom. So if you're not enjoying where you are, if you're not enjoying your accommodation, you're not enjoying the country, the city, the suburb, the neighborhood that you're in,

move on. You don't have to ask anyone for permission. That's the beauty of this. If you're not having fun, just leave. And I always say this, you know, it can be hard when you've already paid for a hotel, you've paid for an experience. This is what I always say. You can either waste your money and do something else or you can waste your money and your time and

And that is a double whammy. You can waste your money by, you know, you're still doing an experience. You're still staying somewhere you don't enjoy and you've already spent the money on the thing. But then you're also wasting your time because you could have been using those hours, those days to be somewhere else, somewhere better, somewhere that you may have enjoyed more. Rest, please take a break. I did an episode, I think at the start of the year on travel burnout for people who solo travel a lot.

It's a real thing. You know, you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be go, go, go. You've spent all this money. You want to see everything, do everything, taste everything. It sounds strange. Rest will make those experiences better. If you, my general rule is that for every four days that you are doing something, take one day to do nothing. Take one day or even a half day to just walk around, take it easy, have a nice meal, have a sleep in.

It will really mean that you get more out of the trip. And finally, bring a journal along and try and do an entry every night or every morning reflecting on the previous experiences. This is a really great way to see how you're growing, to remember the realizations that you're having when you get home. It's also just a great historical document to have the older you get.

I think about this all the time, you know, my kids being able to read what I've written, a museum getting a hold of it, maybe some future human finding it tucked into a drawer of some antique piece of furniture that's probably from Ikea, but they don't know that. Like, I really like that idea of the memories that I've had taking on some permanence. So I would really encourage you to get a really nice journal and use it.

I hope that you've enjoyed this episode. I hope that I've made a compelling argument for solo traveling in your 20s and also given you a bit of a pep talk if you are someone who solo travels on what to do on those hard days, why it's all worth it at the end, how to elevate the experience.

It genuinely is something that I deeply believe that we should all do, even if it's just going on a camping trip two hours away from home. It's accessible and available to everyone, hopefully in some capacity. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you leave a comment, you leave a review, hopefully a five star review, if you would be so kind. I do read everything that you guys say. It makes my day. I spend like

a couple of minutes or like 20 minutes every day just reading through the new reviews, reading through the comments you guys are leaving on Spotify. So thank you to all of you who are giving feedback, telling us what you think.

Make sure you are also following us on Instagram at that psychology podcast. You can learn more about the topics that we talk about on the show. We go more in depth. We talk about some of the studies and I give you the options to choose new episodes to give your input, to talk about your experiences. So we would love to see you over there. And until next time, stay safe, stay kind, and please be gentle to yourself. We will talk very, very soon.

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