cover of episode Let's Be Raw...with Shannen Doherty

Let's Be Raw...with Shannen Doherty

2024/4/1
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Let's Be Clear with Shannen Doherty

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Shannen Doherty discusses how her cancer diagnosis has led her to prioritize her relationships and experiences over material possessions, focusing on making life easier for her loved ones.

Shownotes Transcript

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for free. So to join Lenovo Pro, visit Lenovo.com and unlock new AI experiences with Lenovo's ThinkPad X1 Carbon powered by Intel Core Ultra processors. This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. Hi, everyone. Welcome to a new episode of Let's Be Clear with me, Shannon Doherty. So I've talked to you guys a lot about my cancer journey, my divorce, life in general, and I

I've broached the subject about, obviously, funeral list and trying to make things clean for the people that you leave behind. But I had an experience very, very, very recently when I was in Tennessee where I had decided that I was going to get rid of a place there because...

I just felt that even though I have a lot of hopes and dreams and I'm a fighter and I believe in science and I think that something will come along that will keep on prolonging my life, like these amazing protocols and the meds that I'm on or, you

or CAR T cell therapy, there's just, there's more options out there and I know that. I still felt that I needed to make things clean just in case. And listen, it doesn't matter if you have a terminal disease or whatever. I believe, yes, obviously you should live life to its fullest and embrace life while you're alive, but

I guess it's the cancer for me that has really made me take stock of my life and shift my priorities. And my priority at the moment is my mom and about making things. I know it's going to be hard on her if I pass away before her, but so sorry, this is a hard one for me, but because it's going to be so hard on her, I want other things to be a lot easier and,

Meaning that I don't want her to have a bunch of stuff to deal with. I don't want her to have four storage units filled with furniture because, yeah, I have a furniture obsession. Some girls, you know, obsess over buying purses or shoes or clothes. I buy furniture. It's my thing. I love furniture.

And I love rugs. So I have storage units filled with stuff. And I have a really good friend, Julie, who's starting to like help me go through my storage and get rid of stuff and donate stuff and sell stuff. But there's bigger things like houses that I have to worry about. And so we were in Tennessee and I was packing up my stuff.

one of the places there. And it was really hard and it was really emotional because to a certain extent, I felt like I was giving up on this dream. I was giving up on this dream of, you know, building this property out and putting a house for me and a house for my mom and then extending the barn and rescuing horses and having a sanctuary for, you know,

Hopefully enough land eventually that I would keep buying to help rescue all these horses that are abandoned by their owners because they're too old or they get broken down because they work them too hard. Or what BLM is doing with the wild horse roundups in California and Arizona and Wyoming and Colorado. It's horrifying to me and I see these

these families of horses just being rounded up and lots of deaths in the roundups because of helicopters and everything else. So I thought, you know, that was one of my dreams of starting to help rescue and take some of the relief off of all these other amazing rescues like Return to Freedom and All Seated in the Barn. And so I was packing up and...

I started crying because, again, I felt like I was giving up on a dream. And what did that mean for me? Did it mean that I was giving up on life? Did it mean that I was like throwing in the towel? And, you know, my mom was there and she was like, don't, you know, don't get rid of this place. Like, it's fine. And you don't have to. And you can keep going. And I was like, yeah, absolutely. I can't.

The funny thing is, is that a week and a half later, when I went back to throw it all in a U-Haul and have my friend Zach drive it back to California, I started noticing all the things wrong with the place and like how much money it would cost me and how it was kind of a stupid idea anyway. So, you know, I think somehow the brain works in mysterious ways where even though you're incredibly sad about something, you

and it feels like you're giving up on something that was very special and important to you, you know that it is the right thing to do. And you know that it's going to give you a sense of peace and a sense of calm. And because you're helping the people that you leave behind just have a cleaner, easier transition, which brought me into a whole other area about possessions.

I have, I've accumulated so much crap and it's sitting in a storage and I'm not enjoying it and others aren't enjoying it. And do I really need any of it? Do I need, do I need to have, you know, three dining room tables? I know it's so sad, uh, in storage just because they were, you know, antiques that I found at some amazing price at, uh, you know, some antique Mart or, uh,

or flea market? And the answer is no. Like none of us really need all the stuff that we have. And we can all, you know, do with a little bit of downsizing and not be a hoarder, which I was becoming with all of my furniture. And you can still, I can still live my dream of helping horses buy and dogs and cows and sheep and pigs and goats. I can still live that dream by really,

participating with rescues that are far more capable than me of doing it. But it was, listen, it was hard. And I

I talked to you guys at some point, or at least touched on, you know, a will and what you leave behind and how you do it and trying to make it as easy as possible. I keep on saying that word easy. And again, I know it's never going to be easy for the people in my life. But maybe, maybe it's more about ease for myself. Maybe it's,

And I'm talking this out with you guys because I have so many thoughts and so many emotions about it. And I have found this podcast to be really cathartic. So I guess I'm using it as a therapy session. So thank you for digging in with me and listening. And again, I'd love to hear your comments and everything else. So feel free after you listen to this to let me know your thoughts on it. But

I think it's ease for myself. It's, again, that peace of mind. It's the looking at what you've accumulated over a lifetime. I'm 52 years old. I think I'm 52. And I've accumulated a lot of stuff and some of it is gorgeous and valuable. And it's time to start selling that stuff off.

It allows me to take more trips because I'm making money off selling it. So then I get to build different memories and I get to build memories with the people that I love. I get to take my mom on vacations because I have all this extra sort of play money laying around and I'm not digging into the money that's in my state that's going to make sure that everybody in my life is taken care of once I'm dead. So yeah, do I need an armchair that I can sell for money? Do I need...

Any of this stuff that doesn't bring that much enjoyment after a while, you after a while, you walk into your house or you're walking to your storage unit and it's just stuff, especially when it's been years and years and years since you've looked at it. You're like, yeah, I don't I don't need this. It doesn't really bring me any great joy. But what does bring me a lot of joy is joy.

you know, taking my mom to the places that she's always wanted to go to and building those memories with her. I took her, she had always wanted to go to Italy. So years ago, I did this amazing trip to Italy with my mother and took her to, uh,

And that's something that she still talks about all the time. She talks about that experience and what it was like to be with me. And I just remember getting out of the car with my mom as we were driving to Positano and

And she looked out from the cliff over and she started crying. She had tears pouring down her face because she never really thought that she would see that. And she certainly didn't think that she was going to be able to see it with me. And those are the memories. And that, those are the things that matter the most, not your possessions, not what you have. It's all about building memories. And I have, you know, a handful of,

Maybe more than a handful, but not more than two handful of really, really, really good friends, friends that like I cherish and I love. And I was with two of them, actually four of them last night. And we were talking about, you know, another trip that we're planning and to keep building those memories. And I took my mom with my best friend, Chris, and my best friend, Julie, and her husband, Anders, and Honoré and Kirby. And we all

went to Croatia on, we rented a boat and we went to Croatia and we traveled all throughout Croatia. Again, my mom still talks about that trip. We all do. And so as I was so sad about giving something up, I'm also now reminded of the freedom giving that up has given me to then provide something

memories, not only from myself, not only treasured moments from myself, but for the people that I love. And, you know, I'll touch on this in a different episode. I'll get into it a lot more in another episode. But in life, you know, we all go, we want to find our person. We just want to find our person. And I've had a couple of moments where I thought I'd found my person as far as a partner goes. And

Recently, I lost my person. And as hard as that was, it gave me a couple of realizations. So one is, yeah, it's really hard to lose your person. And it's really traumatic. And particularly when you're facing cancer or depression.

any disease, any life altering event, you are so used to going to your person and being able to have a conversation and being able to say, you know, that's, it's your person. So all of your fears, you get to share with them. And because they're your person, they're comforting, they know how to help you through it, or you cry together, you laugh through it together. And

I had a feel sorry for me moment, you know, self-pity moment where I was like, wow, like I don't sure it'd be nice to have my person. Like I don't have a person anymore. And then I kind of like slapped myself in the face and said, what are you talking about, Shannon? You lost one person. But because you lost that one person, you put your trust and love and faith aside.

in so many others that I gained like six persons. I know that's incorrect grammar because now instead of only turning to one person, I turn to a lot of others. And what ends up happening is I get a completely different love and support and caring and advice from each one of them. And

And yes, it's a different kind of a love, but my love for these people in my life is so deep and so rich. And I know how much they love my mother and I know how much they're going to take care of her when I'm gone and how important that is to me.

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Look, I can track Allison and we can message back and forth. She gets her independence and I get my peace of mind. That's exactly what I need. I've been resisting giving Jackson technology. I guess I just needed a TikTok 5. It's the safest way to introduce it.

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I just felt like I could open up to him more and not protect him from what I was going through because I tend to do that. I tend to protect the people around me and I try not to share so much stuff so that they're not perpetually in fear mode with me. And I've stopped doing that recently. I now call my brother and say, hey, I'm having a really bad day. And

I woke up really scared and really contemplating like not being here anymore because I don't want to die. I'm so not the person who wants to die. I mean, nobody wants to die. But I have so many like hopes and I have so much left to accomplish. And I can't imagine not being able to do that. And, you know, my brother...

My brother has a very, very, very strong belief system. And he, you know, they go to church all the time and they pray all the time. And he's just, you know, a great human being. And I, you know, thoroughly believe in God. And I definitely have faith. And I believe, you know, that we're walking the path.

that we're supposed to. But he, I think his faith gave me what I needed at that moment when I called him in a weak state. His faith renewed sort of my faith and made me stronger in my faith, which was really a great thing. And maybe that wasn't something I would have gotten from my person before, whatever person that was. And, you know, then I can call

Chris and we'll cry together on the phone and we'll laugh together about it. Or I'll call Julie and she'll be like, let's go here. Let's go there. Let's do it. Everything that you want to do, let's do it. Do your bucket list. Let's do it. So I guess my point is that if you're going through something difficult and if you have a disease like I do and everybody tells you

The internet tells you when you look it up that there's a timeline on you and you don't have a person. Like, it's okay to not have a person in the romantic sense. Just your friends are your person. And I'm so glad that the last week and a half, two weeks has brought a lot of different emotions to the surface from giving up a home and

to what that led me to emotionally and coming to the realization that the material things don't matter, that it's the time that I spend with people. It's the memories that I build with them. It's, you know, the road trip from Kentucky to Tennessee with, you know, Holly and Drew. It's showing my mom Leaper's Fork in Tennessee for the first time and realizing that she connected with it as much as I connected with it.

Going on those trips with friends, planning things, downsizing, selling things off and putting it in a, you know, I now have what I call a bucket fund. And that bucket fund goes along with a list that I made that says,

That is all about the things that I want to do with certain people, all the places I want to take my mom, all the things that I still have yet to see and do and the impact that I still want to make. So now I'm looking at it in a very positive sense and saying, I'm cleaning stuff up.

So that I can have a better quality of life. It's not even, yes, ease for everybody else, but it's my quality of life is going to be so much better because I get to just take a lot of adventures and live out a good majority of my dreams that way. Obviously, this comes with ups and downs. There's going to be times when I feel great about the decisions that I'm now making and

And there's going to be times that I'm really, really sad about it. But those are the moments that I think that you have to draw a lot of strength from your friends and your family and a lot of strength from God. And just try to dig deep and try to be positive and try to believe that, you know, there's a lot more life in you. You know, I had talked about...

a protocol that I said the word it's my statement on the podcast was that, you know, I'm on a, I'm on a protocol that's, it's like a miracle to me because it's, it's, it's working. It's not a miracle protocol. It's just a protocol. Like that's, you know, they're just, if they last a really long time, like some of mine have, that's a miracle to me because I watched one of my best friends blow through a

protocols so quickly. And, you know, she didn't, she didn't have cancer for long before she died, because she just kept on blowing through protocols. Her body wasn't responding to them, versus mine, that has responded really well to protocols. And, and I recently switched protocols again. And I guess part of this whole emotional thing was that I switched protocols and

I have had like a lot of back pain and hip pain and knee pain. And to me, traditionally in the past, that has meant that the protocol isn't working. And I think because of my head, I said, oh my God, the protocol is not working. I need to, I need to, you know, sell things off. I need to make sure my,

My will is, and I've now double checked it five times and I keep on making changes to it and just making sure that it's ironclad and that everybody is taken care of.

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Discover more at mytiktok.com. That's T-I-C-K-T-A-L-K. That's T-I-C-K-T-A-L-K. So when these pains started coming back, I was like, okay, that's, I, yes, I'm getting rid of the place in Tennessee as much as it hurts me to get rid of it. Yes, I'm going to start selling off my furniture and my storage unit. But you're doing it with a little bit

With a lot of fear behind it, by the way, I'm fine. It's actually the protocol causes this a little bit because it does something with your bone marrow. So once I spoke to my doctor and came clean about sort of the pain that I was in,

Which wasn't long, by the way. It's not like I went months without speaking to him about it. I speak to my doctor basically every single day. But sure, it took away the fear that I was blowing through yet another protocol. But it was through that that made me make all of the decisions recently that I've made. Like even with the Tennessee place, I'm like, thank God. Thank God, because I dodged a bullet of just spending a fortune there.

of trying to make some place great for what, for, for me, like my hospital, my doctors, everything is right here in Los Angeles. And, and sure I love horses and I, I love to ride horses and I love to save horses, but I have a rescue an hour and a half away from me. That's run by my friend, Netta that it's called return to freedom. And, um,

I'm allowed there anytime I want. And I can walk the thousands and thousands of acres and take photos of these wild horses and pet them and feed them, the burrows. So I already have that. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. So when I originally looked at the property, it wasn't just for me. It was for... I thought it was...

I thought it was for, you know, my relationship. And so it was a little different of a decision that I made, but also mainly to live out some sort of dream that I had. And I know that I'm rambling and I'm so sorry. And thank you for like putting up with the ramble. It's again, I'm sort of talking through all of this with you guys. And I think what I would really love is,

is we did a Q&A episode. It would be cool to do an episode that is in response to this, where maybe you share your stories with me of how you're handling what you're going through in life. And again, you don't have to have a disease. It's any sort of hardship, right? Because life is hard. And

Losing a job is hard. Losing a parent, losing a loved one, losing a friend is hard. Being diagnosed with anything, even if it's not life-threatening, is hard. Losing friendships, all of it, like life just can be incredibly hard. So what I would find interesting is to hear how all of you deal with it.

How do you deal with the hardships? And is it your faith? Is it your friends? Is it your husband? Is it your wife? Is it your kids? Like, what is it that gets you through it? And what are your concerns? Because we all, I think most of us at least, worry about the future in some way, shape or form.

Worry about the future as far as do I have enough money to survive? Do I have enough money for my mortgage? Do I have enough money for my rent? My parent that's sick, how long do I have with them? We all go through life worrying about something. And even if it's something as silly as how do others perceive us? Which in the grand scheme of things, by the way, is an incredibly silly thing to worry about because...

In my opinion, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror, that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what some keyboard warrior says about you. It doesn't matter what, you know, an ex-friend is gossiping about you. All that matters is that you're happy with who you are. And I'm assuming that to be happy with who you are, that means that you're living a good life and living by a karmic principle.

sort of law of, you know, do unto others. And as long as you're doing that, it doesn't really matter what anybody else has to say about you. Own your own truth. I'm nothing but raw and honest at this point in my life because what do I have to lose? I have nothing to lose. I do have a ticking time clock over me. So

I'm not interested in lies. I'm not interested in anything but spreading my truth, being truthful to myself, being truthful to the people around me, being truthful to the fans, and just living like the most authentic life that I possibly can while I'm still here. So what do you guys worry about? What are your concerns?

And let's use the Let's Be Clear pod Instagram to, and my Instagram, to really talk about that so that we can do an episode where we address all of it. I think that that would be a really important episode. And as far as this episode in my life, I know it seems incredibly heavy, you guys, and it's felt heavy for the last two weeks for me too. But

I'm turning a corner and that corner is one of excitement, one of planning, one of saying again, wow, I get to go do this and this and this now and have all of these experiences and all of these memories. And I remember I was watching a

I was watching Afterlife. Ricky Chavez is one of my absolute favorites. I love him. Bucket list is to meet Ricky Chavez and go to one of his comedy shows because he's just phenomenal. And his wife in the show died of cancer and she leaves him a video of

sort of goodbye. That's an incredibly long one. And, and he sort of watches it every single day. And it's really her telling him, you know, don't forget to feed the dog or don't forget to, you know, embrace life. Still. It, it was, it's such a beautiful show. If you haven't seen it, you should really watch it because it applies to sort of everybody. And, and maybe I'm not going to do the video thing. I might have contemplated it.

writing letters. But what I am going to do now is I am going to focus on making solid memories with the people that I love, with the people that have supported me, cherished me, been loyal to me. They've just always, always, always been there. And whether that's something as silly as going to dinner with Christy at Christy's or going

you know, forcing Chris to go to Steel City with me for a convention and all of us hanging out and having a good time, whatever it is, that's what I'm going to now do with my life. And maybe that's the video that I leave behind is a video that people can play over and over and over and over again in their heads of just really poignant, special, impactful moments. What are you guys going to do?

And have you already done it? Has a loved one left you behind a video? I don't know, bucket lists are so interesting to me. I bought this book called Bucket List and it gives you ideas for if you were to make a bucket list, all these different ideas that are on it. And I sort of went through it a little bit. And I think it's interesting because what it does is it gets the creative juices flowing in your head where you...

Think of ideas that you wouldn't necessarily have thought of before. Or maybe it's not just a trip to Italy. Maybe it's going and staying at a house there and getting one of the beautiful, wonderful nonas to teach you how to make the perfect pizza dough or the perfect bread.

There's a chef, Chef Evan Funke, and I watched him go and learn from Manona. By the way, his pizza is pretty much like the best pizza dough I've ever had in my entire life. He has a bunch of restaurants. And I was like, yeah, I want to learn how to make the perfect pizza dough or perfect sourdough bread. And I want to see killer whales in the wild the way that you're supposed to, not in an aquarium.

So this book is really interesting because it does give you ideas. And even if you have a loved one who is facing what I'm facing or something similar, it's kind of a cool book for you to get and maybe not necessarily give it to them, but it'll give you ideas and suggestions of suggestions for them, right?

And then try to fulfill those. Obviously, the most important thing is time. Time spent with the person. Doesn't matter if you can afford to go somewhere or not go somewhere. Time spent is the most precious thing possible. All right, I have rambled enough. I don't want anybody to be worried. I am looking at it from a very positive standpoint.

And I really appreciate you guys being here with me and your words of encouragement when you post on my Instagram means a lot. And I'm sure that this is going to continue. I'm going to face a lot of different emotions throughout this journey with cancer and sharing them with all of you because...

Every day brings up something new. There's not a day I don't wake up thinking a totally different new thought that I hadn't thought of before. And we're just going to go through it together and talk about it some more. So thank you again for listening and thank you for being patient with me today as this was kind of a hard one to talk through. But it's helped and it's going to help a lot more because probably...

As soon as I log off, I can be like, oh, what about this? And oh, what about that? So thanks. Thank you for listening to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty once again. And don't forget to leave your comments on the Let's Be Clear pod or the Shando Instagram so that we can dig deeper into this and let's just help one another get through it all. All right. I love you guys. Thank you.

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