Let's Be Besties...with Chris Cortazzo
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This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty.

We're back with another episode of Let's Be Clear. And today I am joined by my absolute best friend in the entire world, Chris Cortazzo, renowned real estate agent and the man who has had my heart from day one. I love you, Chris. I love you too, Shannon Doherty. I'm so happy that you're here. I'm so happy that you're here.

I feel like, I don't know. Like it's, it's like, I didn't feel anything was right until like you did this with me. Well, I cannot wait to do it with you. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. A lot of people have asked me how we met. So can you explain how we met? We met on a showing and you were with your beautiful mom and dad.

And they said to you, when they met me, you're going to be marrying this man. And their prediction will come true. That is true. So we, yes, Chris was my father's like dream guy for me. Still my mother's dream guy for me. And it's excellent because you have two children. And so it's like a built-in family. It's a built-in family is right. It's so awesome for me. And you're the best mom.

Basically, mama. Mama. I mean, now I am, right? Your daughter scared me to death. She is a very powerful soul. Oh. So his kids' names for our listeners are Agnello and Amore. Just in case you didn't know, Chris is obviously Italian. Last name, Cortazzo. Cortazzo. Cortazzo. But then you have like Agnello and Amore. So obviously he's very Italian. And...

And yellow was always kind of like easy for me, but Amore, Oh my goodness. She would look at me, just look at me with like, like, who are you lady? Or she would cry. Like the minute I would try to like hold her or touch her, she was not having it. And I have never been scared of a kid before. I'm excellent with children. And this kid was,

Scared me to death. And I have to be honest with you, it actually thrilled me because you're afraid of no one. No one. Except for Amore. Amore. That is one powerful spirit. And you know what? You stuck with it and she loves you. All she wants to do is go to Auntie Shannon's. So my tactic was to start ignoring her.

when I would come over. I don't like, I think I discussed it with you, but I- - Well, you came on too strong. - I came on too strong at first. And what I realized and what Chris talked to me about is that she could basically be my kid because our personalities are very similar. So when you come on too strong with me, I get a little wary, I get suspicious of you.

And that's what happened with me and Amore. I came on too strong. I really wanted her to love me. I wanted to start developing this relationship with her like right out of the gate. Because I've always wanted a little girl. Like...

Just always wanted a little girl. So I was like, okay, she's mine. She's mine. She's mine. She's going to love me. I'm going to make her love me. And it was too much. So then I was like, all right, I'm going to ignore her. And I did. And she would kind of like when I would walk in the house and I would be like, and yellow and Amore, I just wouldn't even say hi to Amore. And she, I would like glance at her and she would look at me with this like suspicious look.

Almost like she would tilt her head a little bit, almost like a T-Rex does. It was the raptors in Jurassic Park. Totally. That's what she reminds me of sometimes. Sweetly sizing you up. And I just kept going with that because I'm like, okay, at least I'm intriguing her now, which is great. And I'm throwing her off her game because now I don't want anything from her. Do you remember when I called you and told you that there was a breakthrough? I do. Outside Christie's. Mm-hmm.

And I was there having like a very early dinner because I loved like the senior citizen early bird specials. It's our thing. It's our thing. And like, if we're not at dinner by five 30, we just won't even bother going to dinner. But I love it. It makes me so happy. And they were playing. And so I kind of like went out there to say hi to Aniello and Amore was

sort of stood next to me and she handed me her straw. Oof. And I had to leave. I was like, thank you. And I had to go because I started crying and I called you and I was like, we had a breakthrough. We had a breakthrough. She gave me her straw. This is so exciting. And then the other breakthrough actually came very recently. Yeah. Then I had you guys over for pizza night at the house. That sealed everything.

That was the ceiling of your bond. Yes. For sure. Yes. And all they say is every Sunday, are we going to Auntie Shannon's? And the answer should be yes, every Sunday. So we'll see you this Sunday. Absolutely, you will. Great. I actually have pizza dough made. Great. So, right. So that's okay. So we met.

I don't even know. I mean, was I like 20, 21? It was like 20 something years ago. No. It was longer than that when we met. Was it 30 years ago? Yes. No. Yeah. I think I need another glass of wine. I know. Well, you got to finish that one first. Wasn't like we became best friends instantly. No, but we were intrigued with each other. Yes. Well, I wanted to date you and you wanted to sell me a house. Yeah.

Eventually I did. Eventually you did. But our bonding moment was when my dad passed and we had such an appreciation for our love for our parents. And I loved that about you. That was what really cemented my respect and love for you is how great you were with your mom and dad. They reigned supreme in your life and they reigned supreme in my life. And I lost my dad first.

And then when I got the call that your dad passed, I instantly have you go up to the ranch, which is the most healing property in the world. And you and your mom went up there and just nestled in and healed as best you could. Yes. It was the first time since my dad had passed away.

And, you know, he passed away in a way that like, I, as you know, I, I, I wasn't settled with because I was, there wasn't a time he didn't go in the hospital. There wasn't a time that he, you know, when he, he had, I don't even know, like nine heart attacks, 10 strokes, 11 strokes, quintuple bypass heart surgery, full kidney failure. There wasn't one time that I wasn't present. And, uh,

And I went on a book tour and I was in New York when he got rushed to the hospital and I left all my clothes in the hotel room, like just grabbed a taxi, ran to the airport and I got to the airport and my mom called me and said, he's gone. And, you know, then it, like once I landed, it became about getting my mom through it, getting my brother through it, like,

picking out a casket, like figuring out how the service was going to go down, who should be there. It was like a really weird thing. So I just went on, you know, remote control. I was like a robot. It was like,

you know, like a rumba, like going around your, by the way, I really need one of those things, going around your house and like automatically vacuuming. I was just on autopilot. Well, you're in shock mode. I was in shock and I couldn't hear him. And it was freaking me out that like, I couldn't hear my dad because I was used to speaking to him every day, multiple times a day and seeing him all the time. So, yeah,

When you said after his service, you were like, go to the ranch, go to the ranch. It's a ranch up in the mountains of Malibu. You were like, go, it's healing, it's everything. And I went, we were inside, we had just, you know, had some food.

And because you made sure that there was food there for us, like everything. And there was this wind and probably what some people don't know about me, you know, this is that I'm Native American Indian. I'm part Native American Indian. And I feel that tie all the time to that part of my heritage. And where Chris's ranch is, is surrounded by like Indian sacred ground, really. That you must live there. Yeah. Yeah.

And I went outside and I sat on the steps outside and just sat there and I was like, why can't like, I can't believe like I don't get to talk to my dad again. And this wind picked up and I heard my father and his arms. Literally, I felt his, I know it gives you goosebumps. I'm just getting chills. I felt his arms go around me and he said, it's going to be okay, baby. I love you. I'm here.

And I was like, oh my God, like he is still here. Like he's everywhere. He's everywhere. And it was such a crazy, powerful moment and something that I know I've thanked you for giving me that moment. You know, you're so ridiculously giving to begin with and you don't ever need to thank you, but I just,

It meant the world to me because it gave me a little bit of closure in something that was so hard to have closure with. You know, much like probably your experience with your dad. Well, you know, it's interesting that we both got a phone call. My parents were in Canada. My dad left his body there. And I always say you're one phone call away from your whole life changing. And it happened to both of us. And we were the people who should have...

We should have been there. We should have been there, but the universe did not. Or they. Or they, I know. You know, because they both, your dad passed away with your mom present. My father passed away with my mother present. And I tend to think that they did not want us there. I think it would have been too intense for us because of our bond with our dads. Yeah. I mean, it would have been, I think we would have been crippled.

Yeah, I mean, he was my best friend. And the fact that they went so quickly is a blessing because I'm dealing with someone today that I had to say goodbye to. And it's to watch someone go through the emotions of passing is a very interesting scenario. You could have canceled. Absolutely not. So that was our loving bond with the parents. And I think that just...

It sealed our friendship and our respect for each other. Yeah. I mean, from that moment on, I think we were like,

Not inseparable in the physical sense. Inseparable in that too. But like inseparable in that like we had to connect. We had to talk to each other. We had to like there was even if it was a text, a phone call, like there was always something where, you know, we just kept gravitating to each other. I don't think there's a day we don't.

Touch base. No. I'm a wreck if I don't get to hear from you. I go into sheer panic mode. I mean, yes. And we have so many different aspects of our friendship that I think is really funny. Like when you and I fight, it's crazy. Brutal. Oh, we do. If we get in a big to do, we don't talk to each other for a few days and then someone will send a meme and

To break the ice? When's honestly the longest time we've gone without speaking? 24 hours? 36 hours. I don't even think we reached 36 hours. I think it's more brutal for everybody else than it is for you and me. Oh, yeah. Because I think you and I kind of like... Oh, we just... It's catnip. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, every now and then we want. We want to fight. But I have to say the most remarkable thing with you is you're the easiest person in the entire world to travel with.

Thank you. So are you. We're so united. And you let me work. We do our own thing. And you're just, which no one does. Everyone wants to kind of control my situation. Yeah, not me. I know. But it's the same with you. I mean, I just don't need that from you. Like, I don't. Your presence is enough for me.

I don't need you constantly engaging in conversation with me. Oh, no, no, no, no. And I have so much respect for you. I honestly don't know anyone that works harder than you. The hours that you work are insane. And it is nonstop. And it is from...

so many different personalities because you're the number one real estate agent in the world, basically. And you represent all sorts of people, but everybody wants to be considered special and like number one. And you honestly make everyone feel special and number one. And you treat everyone as if they're the most special and the number one. Like you care about your clients

more than anybody else that I've met. And it doesn't matter if the house is, you know, a small house that's normally like not even a budget that you would normally represent. You represent it with 100% of yourself, just like you represent the like $100 million houses. That's my personality. But I think you're comfortable with that because you know you're number one. Okay.

So you're like, it's okay. Everyone can have a piece of you, Cortazzo. Oh my God. But. The listeners really need to see this video because my face was like, yes, exactly. It's true though. I am number one. You are number one. I know that. Well, I share that spot with your mom. Like your mom is number one. And the children. Yeah, and the children. Like we all, your family is number one and I'm part of the family. You're part of the family. Yeah. Yep. You're the fourth.

The fourth wheel. And that's how my life runs because of you. And everyone says, what is so special about Shannon? I go, I feel protected and I feel secure when I'm in your orbit. And it's the biggest compliment. Thank you. You're welcome.

Ditto. Although, can I tell the story? Which one? No, you can't. So the Tennessee story, we're in Tennessee and Chris has bought this beautiful farm, tons of acreage.

That we're going to be living on together. Yes. And I have, you know, done a lease purchase in a lesser part of the town and a much cheaper house, a much smaller house. There's not even a house. There's just a barn. Um, but I was like, Oh, I need something to call my own. And, um,

And I'm trying to show Chris the prop. Like, I'm like, you gotta, you know, because I basically just did it online. So I was like, Chris, you have to come and see it. And he's following me with our good friend Kirby and Honoré. And Honoré's in the car with me and Julie and they like...

I don't know. I made a left-hand turn or I missed a few turns. And you're going 100 miles an hour. And I was enjoying the country roads. Right. And I also missed a few turns. And I kept on having to like swivel back around. And Chris called me and we got in this like... Screaming match. Screaming match. And it was just... To anybody else, it was the most horrifying thing ever. Like Kirby was like...

oh my God, I'm not okay with this. Honoré was like, let me out of the car. Let me out of the car. She jumped out of the car. It was Black Hawk down. It was. And like Chris and I literally five seconds later laughing hysterically about it. We traumatized everyone. And it was just like, oh well. I mean, it was like, it was foreplay for us. Completely foreplay.

I mean, it might have been actual sex for us. We were like, we're good now. Thank you very much. Good for the month. What about the time that we got in a fight over the tempeh? Well, you know, I won that one. You did? Did I even say that you were right? I think I said it a year later. I couldn't bear myself to say it was wrong. Yeah.

Yeah. How did that go? So snooty on the plane? Well, Chris was trying to like, tell me how good tempeh was for me. And I was like, tempeh is not good for people with cancer because like inflammatory, it's got soy in it. And,

Not that it's not good for people with cancer, but my particular cancer with like breast cancer and you know, the pathology of my particular cancer is just not good for me. It's, it's too much of like a fungus. I can't, I can't do it. Chris is a vegetarian, has been one for how many? Like 37 years. Right. No fish, no nothing. No nothing. And, um,

So he was really just trying to like drive home the like tempeh vegetarian thing. And I was, he's like, it's not bad for you. I'm like, you want to make, he's like, it doesn't have soy. I'm like, it is nothing but soy. And it was just this argument back and forth until I finally was able to like, did you Google it? No, you did. I did. Yeah, of course I did. Such bossy pants. Instantly Googled. I'm like, and I just like handed him my phone. Like read this.

And I switched the subject immediately. Immediately. But you never, ever offer me tempeh now? No. Just coconut oil and strawberries. Just the things that I'm allergic to and that would kill me. Anyway, so now you guys know that we love to fight and that's like sex. What was it like for you? And do you remember me telling you when I got diagnosed the first time? Yes. Yes.

We're in Paris and well, there's two different stages. There was the first stage when we were in Paris at Hotel Coste having such a wonderful time. That's our spot. That's our spot. And we're having a beautiful dinner and I could tell you that you were nervous and you said, I have something to tell you. And you started crying. And of course I started crying and you said, my dog is smelling my breasts and

And I have a lump and I think I have cancer. And we both burst into tears. And it kind of shook my whole world because it was the first time I thought, wow, you could go. Yeah. You can really leave me. And it was a lot to process. And I just, I felt so much love and I just always want to protect you. You're always protecting me. And it was just, you know, you feel so helpless and,

And then the second time you called me in the car, you could barely speak. And you said, I have cancer. I have cancer. I have cancer. And it was just, I think we both knew it. The confirmation was. It was the confirmation and the realness of it all. And then knowing the journey beyond. And everyone's always saying, how is Shannon doing? How is Shannon doing? I said, she's always amazing.

But the one thing with you that you're the strongest person I know in a situation that you're confronted with, you're getting chemo, you are sick as a dog, you never complain, and you're just such a warrior. It's so brutal. I know what you're going through. I know, you know, I see how sick you are.

And you just never complain. And you're this, I just, you're on such a different level than anyone I know that you just, you're never the victim. And it's unbelievable, Shannon. And it just, it just further reinforces my respect and love for you. And as a friend on the friend slash future husband, it's, um,

It's just a, it's a, it's a, it's a journey. And it was so great for you to call me the other day and give us good news. Yeah. And it's just encouragement, but my God, you're amazing. And you know,

You see all your fans and everyone. And the encouragement that you give to so many people. We're at Nobu. And remember that lady in the picture with you and her daughter? And she goes, I have cancer. And her daughter was like, my mom. I know, but it's just like you give. You give so much and you're so open about it. And you document it. And it's really inspiring. I mean, thank you. I think it's...

Listen, I do complain. I just don't complain in front of people. I do complain. Like I have, you know, I have a lot of moments where I, uh, I, I tend to be the person who cries in a closet by themselves basically. Like, yeah, like you, like we're, you know, we're, we're very similar in that sense where, um,

We appear to be, you know, very strong and warriors and we can get through everything. But like we all have breakdowns. But we're in a closet hiding having our breakdowns. And I definitely do that. You know, like I'm not nearly as strong as people. You're strong. I am strong, but I'm not, you know. My point is I 100% have those moments where...

I feel all of it. And I wish for something different, right? Like I wish this wasn't what I was dealing with in life, but then I always have to look at the other side of it and go, well, then what else would you be dealing with? And would it be as impactful? And would it be as meaningful as this? Like, you know, my, obviously my biggest thing is I just don't want to die too soon because I have a lot to accomplish. So, um,

that weighs heavy on my brain of like, I haven't raised enough money for cancer. I haven't, you know, spoken up. I haven't rescued enough. Like I just haven't, I haven't changed the slaughter laws in the United States of America. I haven't like, there's just so many things that I want to do that I haven't done. And I just, you know, every night, like my prayers to God, like, please give me enough time to accomplish all of the things that I want to do, but also to accomplish what you want.

What you have me on this earth to do like I know that there's a reason for all of this and you know that reason and I trust in you, but please just Allow me the time to to figure out what it all is like. That's my biggest thing So I think like what I really appreciate appreciate about you and our friendship is that you have you're very strong and you're very supportive and

But you're not afraid to cry in front of me and be scared in front of me, which allows me to show you my fear for myself also. And I don't have that with a lot of people because a lot of people just are like, she's so strong. But you, you know, you're an open book with me. And so when you're scared for me, you show it. Mm-hmm.

And it breaks down all of those walls and allows me to like frigging cry. Well, we cried when we were in Croatia. Yeah. But it was great though, because you actually cried because you can't stand seeing me cry. I hate it. And it really broke down. It showed vulnerability amongst each other because we're always trying to be the pillar of strength. And it was a very powerful moment. I agree. Yeah.

And I think a needed moment because sometimes strength is, everybody thinks that strength is being, you know, stoic and putting forth like, you know, this exterior of I'm good, I'm fine. But

What I have discovered and with your help is that strength is in every tear that falls out of my eye. Of course. That's strength. Like the more that I'm able to embrace my vulnerability and my fears, that's how I get stronger. The same with you. I agree. But it was such a needed release because I think we both had so much emotion built up.

Because none of us want to say goodbye to each other. Right. But as you always say, it can happen to any of us. We're one phone call away. Right. One phone call away. I mean, we just, I mean. Remember when I said, you know, Shannon, I can leave this earth before you. Yeah. And you were like, what? That blew my, I was like, that's, that, no, that's not happening. That's not happening. You're, dude, you're the executor of my will.

Like you control everything when I'm dead. Like you gotta take care of my mom. - Oh, I love Mama Rosa. - It's almost spelled out for you, my love. - I know. And I haven't read it. And I haven't read it. - I know. - It's still locked in my office. - Which is hysterical.

Ryan Seacrest here.

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Text BVJOBS to 97211 to apply. Funeral list. Three people. Mama Rosa, me, and Bowie. So this came up when I was...

Well, it's come up a couple of times, but it really came up when I was about to go in for brain surgery in January. And, you know, I didn't think that I was going to make it. I redid my will and I made sure everything was like super clear. And I transferred who was executor of my will to Chris because before it was my attorney who I love madly, but it's too much responsibility for him. And you know me better than anyone else. And, um,

I also knew that you would take the money and grow it the best way possible. I was like, if anybody can take what money I have and make me, you know, really, really, really wealthy, it's Chris and Richard. So I was pretty, I was like, yep, yep. My mom needs a lot of money. So we got it.

But I talked to you a little bit and I spoke to my mom. It really upsets her to talk about it. But then she starts laughing through it about like a funeral because I've been to a few. I'm horrible at funerals. I don't know if anybody's actually good at funerals, but I'm the girl who like literally sobs. I can't handle it. Like death to me. Like it just hurts.

I mean, my dad's, it was very hard to keep anything together, but it was also like, I was pleasantly surprised at my dad's of who showed up, but it made me start thinking about who would show up to mine. And, um, and there's a lot of people that I think would show up that I don't want there.

Like, I don't want them there because the reasons for showing up aren't necessarily the best reasons. Like they don't really like me. And you know what? They have their reasons and good for them.

But they don't actually really like me enough to show up to my funeral. But they will because it's the politically correct thing to do and they don't want to look bad. And so I kind of want to take that pressure off of them. And I want my funeral to be...

like a love fest. I don't want people to be crying or people to privately being like, thank God that bitch is dead now. You know? Bye bye bitch. Right. Like those are the things I don't want. I'm going to pour you a little bit more wine. So, by the way, you guys were drinking my favorite wine, which is called, I call it Hanata, but it's J-O-N-A-T-A, Hanata from Sinines. And I decided that this was so far the very first

podcast recording I've done where I drink with someone and I was like it's definitely gonna be with Christopher and it tastes so good doesn't it so who do you want so who do you want to be there

Because that's the shorter, that's the better list. I can't give you a list of who I don't want because that's way too long. And where do you want to be? Let's do it here at my house. But like party. Do you remember one of my mom's birthdays that I threw here where I tinted like the back off the kitchen and I had the DJ playing and it was like super fun. Like that's what I want. Okay. I want it to be a celebration. And where do you want your ashes?

I haven't figured that out yet. This is such a morbid conversation. Oh, but it's so fun. I want to be mixed with my dog and I want to be mixed with my dad. I do not want to be buried. I want to be cremated. I would definitely not bury you. Yeah. And I was reading about a thing where you can take your ashes and make jewelry and grow a tree. You know that I can, I can wear you around my neck.

I did that with my dad. I had my dad around my neck for a little bit. I actually don't know where that necklace went, but I was having nightmares. Could I have a little piece of you around my neck? You may. Thank you.

I'll probably just be left with Bowie around my neck. You'll just get her toenail. Toenail and tail. It'll be nothing of me whatsoever. That would be so you. No, we'll get their hands in it and like really mix it up. So it's a healthy mixture of my father, me and Bowie. I would love that.

So, but where, where are you, where am I going to scatter you? You can't, you have to give me a direction. I mean, maybe, maybe I just like part of me just sits on your bed stand and stares at you. Make sure I don't fall in love with anyone else in my life. Right. You are horrible. I know I am. But I think like I could pick out like a really beautiful, like little container for me and then have my face like. No, it's going to be with your, it's going to be a cutout so I can see the ashes. Yeah.

Your eyes will be looking at me. It'll be like clear. So you see my ashes and then like my face, like somewhere on there, just staring at you. I know I'm diabolical. You're diabolical and divine at the same time. I don't know the things that I want. I know the things that I don't want.

I don't find it difficult to have this conversation with you. Like most people would say this is the most morbid, you know, weird conversation. But I find there's something to me reassuring about it, along with very funny. And I like being funny about certain situations, especially when they're dire. So how does it make you feel when you have a conversation like this with me?

About your funeral? Yeah. I love it. Of course you do. You sicko. Hello? No, but it's an important conversation. I don't want to be scrambling at the end trying to figure it out. And your mom's like, Mississippi.

I will haunt you. I have to find a place that my dad and I both really loved and it meant a lot to us. Where was meaningful? Where did you spend most of your most precious times besides Malibu? I mean, Malibu was really our precious time. Do you want to go in the ocean, the hills? Yes.

He always wanted a Viking funeral. He wanted to like be set on like a, you know, canoe, boat, whatever, and set on fire and like set out to sea. That's what he always wanted. My luck, it will be like westerly breezes and I'll throw you guys in the ocean. It'll come right back in my face. Totally. In your mouth. You're like swallowing us. Oh God. Um,

No, I don't think it's a morbid conversation. I think everyone should have this conversation. And just so you know, I want, if I do go first, I want some at Little Doom. I want some at the ranch. I would like some in Canada. Yeah. And that's it. That makes sense to me. Yeah. Those three spots. All those precious spots. And what about your funeral? Like, you know, everybody. Everybody.

Like yours would be filled with like 600 people. I want an Indian wedding funeral. I want it to be- What? What does that mean? Like a thousand people come. Oh. I want it huge. So you don't even care if your arch nemesis shows up. You're like, yeah, let them. Let them. Let them see how much I'm loved. God, what a healthy attitude to have. I think I'm going to switch you. I mean, maybe. I'm thinking about how many fans you have. You could have one-

Two million? I don't know. I don't mind my fans showing up. Like those are, you know, those are people who've supported me my entire life and my career. They love you. And I love them. Like that's different. I'm talking about like people that really don't like me. I just don't want those people there. And I know who they are. I know. But don't you think when you leave your body, I mean, we're in such a different plane that

No, I hate fakeness. I hate fakeness. I abhor fakeness. I can't stand people who, you know, want to all of a sudden pretend like they...

you know, found Jesus and they're so sorry and they repent and they didn't mean anything bad that they said about you, blah, blah, blah. I can't stand that. I'm like, no, no, no. I know you're still the exact same petty human being. Don't just stay away from me. Like we're good. I don't need to say something bad about you. You don't need to say something bad about me, but we can just, unless we're on the podcast, we can just ignore each other, but we could just say everyone who don't like, I know. Right. And I, you know what? It's,

In one sense, we've lived so much more because we do have the threat of your cancer. And I think when we're with each other, our connection is even deeper. Every time I look in your eyes, I'm like, oh my God, those eyes are so gorgeous. And it's just, but we live deeper because we know there could be a limited time. There's a lot of people that are not fortunate enough to have this relationship.

You know, you've sort of been like my savior through a lot of situations.

How much are you a little safety blanket? You're more than a little safety blanket. Like you're the entire comforter. I love that. Like I know that I can count on you and I know that I can be me. I know that I can be bitchy and you're going to dive right in there with me. I love when you're bitchy. I know that I can cry and you're going to like hold me and cry with me. You –

You are the one person who gets every aspect of my personality. And I hope vice versa. Without question. But I have to say, if you are bitchy, there's a reason for you being bitchy. I don't think you're bitchy just to be a bitch. I think... Except on the drive from Tennessee to the plane. We had so much pent up energy. We screamed at each other for...

over an hour in loving every breath that came out of our mouth. Every breath.

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Text BVJOBS to 97211 to apply. I have a question for you. What's your biggest fear on death? Not accomplishing what God put me on this earth for. Are you afraid of death itself? Yeah. Like the process of dying? Yeah, for sure. You know, I, as you know, one of my best friends, Deborah, died during the pandemic.

did not die of COVID, she died of cancer. And she got diagnosed with cancer after I got diagnosed, but I wasn't stage four yet. And she was like instantly stage four because she'd waited too long to go to the doctors. And then when I became stage four and she was stage four, it was like, you know, talking about the protocols together and everything else. And then...

She, you know, she died alone. Again, it was during the pandemic and it was towards sort of the beginning and they weren't really allowing people. Which was also so insane. Yeah. And she, you know, made the decision to, you know, not take any more meds that would keep her alive. And that was her decision. She didn't discuss it with me. I know she discussed it with her husband and her daughter, but

um, who I love dearly, it's been really hard for me to like talk to them on a regular basis because I still struggle with like Deborah's death in such a way that I've kind of blocked it a little bit, but I wasn't able to go to the hospital. And so I just remember calling, uh, the unit that she was in and saying, saying to the nurse, like,

can you please just put the phone next to her ear and let me talk to her? Like, I know that she's sort of has had slipped into like this sort of coma at this point, but she'll hear me. And, you know, I talked to her for an hour and a half, I think just saying like this, you don't have to make this decision. Like there are clinical trials, but if this is your decision, like I love you and I support you, um,

I think that I don't want to die like that. I don't want to die alone. I want to go out fighting, to be honest. And, you know, I'm like every person. None of us want to feel a ton of pain when we die. We all would prefer to, you go, oh, I'll die in my sleep. And I'm like, I don't want to die in my sleep necessarily. Like that's weird for the other people in your life, I think. I think it's a blessing, but.

I want to die like looking at people going, I love you. It's my time. It has been fantastic. I'm going to close my eyes in 60 seconds and I'm going to go to a better place. Right. But that usually doesn't happen because you're gasping for air. Totally. No, it's like. But that's my, that's my ultimate like wishlist of how I die. I just want to like reassure everybody. And you know. Do you know what is the only time I saw fear in your eyes? Yeah.

was when I was... Brain surgery? Yes. Yeah. And... I did not think I was going to be me after that surgery. I know. But seeing you and seeing your mom look at you and you looking at your mom because it was the three of us and watching you look into each other's eyes literally broke my heart. And you're so powerless as a friend because there's nothing you can do. And...

He just said, I love you, mommy. And, you know, we held your hand going down the hallway and then you had to say the final, you know, you had to say, your mom had to say goodbye. And it was brutal. Yeah. It was brutal. Yeah. That was the only time I saw fear in your eyes.

I was positive I was going to die. Not only die though, but I think you thought you could, you're going to be dead or you're going to have brain damage and you would not ever be the same. I thought it was, yes, it was one of those two. I, I didn't think there was any other outcome, but brain damage or death because I don't get scared of a lot of things. I know, but that was the first time I saw it. I also think that like, you know, seeing you, seeing my mom, seeing my brother, seeing my sister-in-law, like,

you know, everybody sort of rallied around and being there and coming in and saying, you know, I love you and you're going to be fine. We'll see you on the other side. Like it definitely helped, but I was shocked when I woke up. The first person I saw was Dr. Chu. And I just remember being like, looking, opening my eyes and seeing him and being like,

So what's wrong with me? Like that was the first thing. What's wrong with me? Like tell me what transpired during that surgery. How am I messed up right now? Like is my right foot not working? Is there something in my brain? And this is something I have not talked about yet.

that's really interesting and i and you know this is that when i came home when i was recovering i had a very hard time with memory and more importantly hand coordination i remember that my right hand

wasn't working properly. I couldn't hold a glass. And I was like, oh my God. This is forever. This is forever. And I was hopped up on so many steroids, as you know, that it was like, I was cray cray. Slightly. Slightly. I was nuts. Nuts a ruser. Nuts.

But that's a legitimate concern if you can't use your right arm. The good news is you're completely fine. But that was the only time I ever saw you scared. Yeah, that was very scary. I have a question for you. As my everything, what do you want from me in my life? Happiness, contentment, peace. I want you to grow super old and watch your children flourish and thrive.

Because I know how smart you are. I find you one of the smartest people I've ever met. Your brain triggers on a higher level than anyone I know. I think I'm smart. I'm very social. I'm good at what I do because I love people. You're on just a higher level. You're like the Siamese cat and I'm like the Labrador.

That is so cute. By the way, thank you for that. So my biggest wish for you is that you get to be healthy and cognizant where you get to watch that for your children. Because I know that your children are the most important things in your life. And my other wish for you is that your mom lives as long as humanly possible. Me too. Because I also know what that means to you. And your mom. Yeah.

So I'm going to wrap it up and just say, thank you so much. Thank you so much. You're the love of my life. You're my best friend. You're my entire heart, my soul. And I appreciate you taking your time because I know how valuable your time is. And thank you. And we have many more journeys to go, my love. I know.

I know. Perfect. All right. Thank you guys for tuning in to Let's Be Clear. And thank you, Chris Cortazzo, realtor extraordinaire, and more importantly, love of my life extraordinaire.

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