The Cult of Bachelorette Parties
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The views expressed on this episode, as with all episodes of Sounds Like a Cult, are solely host opinions and quoted allegations. The content here should not be taken as indisputable facts. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. You have to do themes because it's not a cult unless everyone's wearing the same kind of outfit. You have rituals. Yes. Planned activities. Yes. Boozy brunch. Strip club. Yes. Penis straws. Yes. Wine tour? Yes.

No, because we were in Miami, but that is very... Oh, boat? Yes. So you did a wine tour of the South.

This is Sounds Like a Cult, a show about the modern-day cults we all follow. I'm Issa Medina, and I'm a comedian touring all over the country. I'm Amanda Montel, author of the book Cultish, the Language of Fanaticism. Every week on our show, we discuss a different fanatical fringe group from the cultural zeitgeist, from corporate America to Coachella, to try and answer the big question. This group sounds like a cult, but is it really? ♪

This week, it's just me, Issa here, but with a very special guest, a bachelorette party icon, you could even say expert. We're going to be talking about all the intricate cultishness of bachelorette parties, from the authoritarian control held by the bride and even the bridesmaid at times, to the isolation from society, the extremist beliefs, and even the classic and most upheld practice of worshiping a chosen single individual.

All with the mutually shared higher purpose of celebrating the spiritual connection and ceremony that is literal marriage. She's a wife. She's a comedian. She is the co-host of the Giggly Squad podcast and Burner Phone podcast. The icon, Hannah Burner.

I'm so honored to be on this pod because like not only am I obsessed with cults, like I'm a big documentary girly. Yeah. I used to watch reality TV and then I like learned too much about it. So now I'm into like, I want the real stuff. Even though documentaries are still biased and documentaries, I like the disturbing stuff. And sometimes I'm not in the mood for like

tons of murder and a cult is like that nice balance yeah of like not too much violence that's what we always say it's like especially when we cover like the everyday cults we all follow it's like okay our bachelorette party's really a cult i mean we're gonna talk about it but they are they are and if you think they're not you're part of the cult yeah and you've been to too many and you blacked out so much on your wine tours that your long and short-term memory is suffering

I think in past life, I was like in a cult. Yeah. Because I don't, like I've never smoked a cigarette. I mean, cigarettes are cults. Ever? Ever.

Because I'm afraid of myself. Oh my gosh. Like I'm like. I've never done coke so I'm like in that way. I did it once and I just got a nosebleed. Do coke once a week. No I did it once as a joke and I got a nosebleed because I'm literally so pure. But no because I really think my body's like you did bad things in your past and you're supposed to be like a clean little angel this time around. Do you not drink alcohol?

either? I'm just more of an eater. Okay. Like I'll drink and I'm like, okay, I need to go to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. Alcohol makes me sleepy too. Unless it's like espresso martini. Then I'm like, that's my cocaine. Oh, espresso martini is a cult. Yeah.

Okay, so I want to ask you as a married woman. It's so off-brand for me and it's so choogy. I feel like you never talk about being married either. I like to say it's the least interesting thing about me. I would agree. I also... I hate your husband. I do have a great podcast with my husband. I love him to death. I just...

You know what? I feel like getting in a marriage has, like, it's nice. Like, I have this teammate. But then I get to, like, worry about other things all day. I was literally thinking about that. Because I was so boy crazy when I was single. And now I'm like, ugh. Okay, I can worry about other things. I was thinking about that on my walk here. Really? Because I am bisexual, which is even more of a problem for me because I'm thinking about men and women. No. And I'm single. So it's like, I want to be married. I'm so stressed for you.

And with the girls, you can't tell if girls are, I mean, maybe you're better, but you can't tell if girls are flirting with you or they're like, are we just like soulmates? It's a miracle that I like send an email a day. Yeah. People think that bisexual people means they're like fucking everyone when I feel like, wait, is bisexuality a cult? Yeah. Okay. I feel like

And it's under the umbrella of the larger cult with the LGBTQ community. True. It's like the Scientology of the LGBT community. It really is. Okay, but actually, least interesting thing about you is that you're married. Yeah. But you are married. I am married. But I'm married to an older man, which I think is, like, important. Yeah.

contextually that like he's like older, he's tired, he's had a lot of experience. I really respect his mind. I respect his personality. I respect him emotionally. That's very bisexual of you actually. So gay of me. Literally I am in a gay relationship. Yeah, you are. Because an older man is like a young woman. I'm dating a hot younger woman and I'm obsessed. And you know he's also like he's a comedian so he

We're very emotionally bonded. So yeah, I do have a husband and I remember being very wary of the whole wedding process because it is very culty. Yeah. Like the second you get engaged immediately, like all these societal norms are like thrust upon you.

and you have to decide if you're being like a badass and like not having a bridal shower. Like you're so crazy because you're not having a bridal shower. And I'm like, what is a bridal shower? What is a bridal shower actually? I guess it's like, as someone who doesn't, I don't know. I don't like to party. I don't like partying. You like food. I like food. I think partying is like weird. When I was little, someone was telling me about how someone like

Their career got off track because they partied too much and I was like how many birthday parties are they going to? You sound like me when my parents told me that like weed was gonna ruin my life once. And then my dad was like in this household you can drink beer but if you ever smoke weed out on the street and I like never smoked weed until I was like 23. No my mom was like if you smoke weed you will be homeless and never succeed in life. It's like that Mean Girls thing where it's like you're gonna get pregnant and die. Don't have sex.

Because you will get pregnant and die. But ultimately, if I enjoyed alcohol more, I totally get it. Yeah. But also, I have social anxiety, like, in group settings. I'm a huge people pleaser. Okay, like, did you have a bachelorette party? So this is where I'm, like, the biggest hypocrite in the world. I did, and it was really fun. Okay, that's great. But I, at first, was like, I'm not having a bachelorette party. I did not have bridesmaids. Because bridesmaids... That's stressful. I also thought...

in my life, I'm like, I'm never going to be at a point where I'm like, how really, you know, when you have certain years where you have like a good group of friends, I'm like, what if you get married in one of those years that you're like transitional with your friend group, especially late twenties, early thirties, you start really weaning down. I actually got to a point where I was like, I always knew I wasn't gonna have bridesmaids. Cause I also think the whole, like asking people to be a bridesmaid again, I joke in my standup that it's like,

She asked, the bride asked you to be part of something bigger than yourself. So it starts where it's like, she's not asking for a favor. She's asking you to be a part of something that you love.

It's larger than you. It's larger than her. It's the patriarchy. Yeah. It's spiritual. It's like ascendant into like the next level of like womanhood. And it's like other people have been doing it for years. Who are you to say no to not be a part of this like indoctrination? Yeah. And then there's also the ritual of being like, I did it for you.

you have to do it for me no literally where you might not be as close to her as she is to you but she put it there's all these like call it girl math yeah of like love girl math also there's this whole way of like how they ask you know sometimes they'll they'll ask you with like a very fancy gift yeah there's like a range of that so I was like I'm not doing any of that stuff

But then in my head, I was like, I don't want people to think I'm a loser. And I told a couple of my friends, like, I'm not doing bridesmaids. And they were like, but you're having a bachelorette. And I guess I put it hard to get. I was like, I don't need that. But I was at a point in my life where I was like,

going through some stuff where I was like, it would feel nice to be celebrating like the people in my life who I love that aren't men. I feel like you are giving, like, I feel like you feel so bad that you had a bachelorette party that you're giving excuses. I'm literally so defensive about it. It's okay. So my, I was like, that's how you know it's a cult because you're like, no, the only reason I even joined was because I was going through a hard time. That's why you never,

in a good state of mind when you make a decision to join a cult. I was in a dark place and like healthy Hannah would probably be like, we don't need to do this. We don't need to make all your friends. It was an ego thing. Yeah. I admit it. It was an ego thing. And bachelorettes and cults are all based on the leader having a huge ego. So many things are an ego thing these days. Literally, I blame my ego for everything. I'm like, sorry, ego girl. I do think

Also, as I said before, I don't like to party and I don't know how myself to have fun. Me having fun is other people having fun. Yeah. Like me having fun is me doing nothing. So when I'm forced to do something, it means the people around me have to be having fun or I'm like, I don't want to be here. So did you end up planning your own bachelorette party because you didn't have a bridal party? So you didn't have a maid of honor either? No. So I had a couple of my friends like bothering me, like, what are we going to do? So I was like, OK, what's fun for me? What's fun for me?

would be me inviting my like girly best friends to go like upstate New York to a farm and watching them try to put cute outfits on and like feed animals. Like that's fun for me. I like animals. I like like

being uncomfortable, even though I said I want, I'm a people pleaser, but I thought it would be funny for everyone to experience that together. So it was just me pranking my friends. Okay. And my friends were like, no, because I'm like, I'm not going to plan it. They were like, we're not doing that. And they go, can we just give you the classic Miami bachelorette? And you did it? And I was like, now you guys are pranking me. I like the way that you're talking about it.

Like I was tricked. You're like, it was a bit. No, it was a bit that I was committed to. We went to Miami. It's a bit. And I did the whole like, we have to do themes. Yeah. You have to do themes because it's not a cult unless everyone's wearing the same kind of outfit. You have rituals. Yes. Planned activities. Yes. Boozy brunch. Strip club. Yes. Penis straws. Yes. Wine tour? Yes.

No, because we were in Miami, but that is very like North Fork. Boat? Yes. So you did the wine tour of the South. Then you know the like trolley when you're like all drinking on the trolley thing in the South. I say that's like Peloton of the South. But you all have to wear the same things. And then the best, the real cult part of it is that like everyone's communicating with each other, right? Yeah. And if someone steps out of line and goes like,

Is this like a little too late to be out or is this a little expensive or like I don't really like this color that we have to wear. Someone goes, are you not supporting the bride? Yeah. Are you making this about you when this is about the bigger purpose, which is Hannah's love with Desmond?

Do you not support Hannah? And then you go, no, no, no, I'm here. And you go right back. I'm so supportive. And then you're like compete. Everyone starts competing. How much they want to support you. No, they'll literally be like, I will sit on my knees and be a human chair. Sit there. And my bachelorette, it was like a little different because at one point. Because it was a bit. It was a bit. And at one point, like everyone's talking to each other and no one's talking to me. And I was like, I love that. I'm like, these are friends from different, like I had my college friends. Yeah. My tennis friends and podcasting friends, comedian friends. Really?

really TV friends and they all were loving each other. It was like so incredible. But then I was like, what about me? So they were kind of, honestly, a lot of them would have been human sacrificed. Yeah. It was a real cult. I'm like, hold on a second. I'm like, no. Yeah. Continue. Actually, my wedding aesthetic was kind of human sacrifice. I was going to ask, what do you think is like the bachelorette version of human sacrifice? Oh, that's when you go.

You have to go home. Like, we're not friends anymore. We're blocking you. You're not going to be tagged in any of the photos. And we're not going to edit your face. And we'll edit everyone else's face. Oh, my God. But it's also, like, everyone bonding. Like, you know when someone is going against the cult, everyone has to turn? Yeah. Like, everyone has to agree, like...

Stephanie is like bringing down the vibe. Yeah. She's like not supporting Hannah. Yeah. And like we cannot be her friend anymore. So that supports like multiple cult theories, which is like there's the exit costs and exploitation. Like if you're not agreeing to like the financial exploitation and the physical exploitation because –

A bachelorette party can't happen in the city that you live in. You literally have to be physically isolated from the rest of your support system. Yes, you feel like you haven't talked to your parents in years. Yeah. Like your family, your friends, you're dehydrated, you're scared, you haven't slept, you haven't drank water. And to your point, like if one girl disagrees with you...

What, are you going to go back to the hotel alone? No, literally. You have no one else to go to. You have no support. And I do think you have to really listen to what the bride says if the bride's hungry, we're eating. I remember at one point I was like, I'm going to the pool. And it was like 11 a.m. Really? Yeah.

You're a crazy cult leader. I was like, I'm going to the pool. So I go to the pool with like the two girls that I was in the room with. And then they were like, where the fuck is everyone else? I'm like, it's fine. And they were like, Hannah's at the pool. We all have to support Hannah at the pool. And then girls came at like 4 p.m. because they were like exhausted and tired. And they were like literally gossiping within each other. Like I didn't even have to say anything. They were like, so Paige is just going to like stay in the room while Hannah's at the pool all day? Like we should not support Hannah? Where like I wasn't like that. You didn't care. Cults?

You need a little drama for the cult to feel important. Like, you have to feel like you're chosen or you're not chosen. Yeah. So I do feel like all bridal parties have a person that everyone hates. Yes. And also, that makes me wonder, okay, so since you didn't have a maid of honor, you didn't have one, right? So there was fighting. I was going to say because— Not fighting, but, like, I liked the invisible tension of, like, who's stepping up? Who's stepping up? There was the one girl who kind of— Not you being like, I'm going to go to the pool. Yeah.

And then like everything like burning behind you and be like, let's see who steps up to the plate. No, but I also was definitely for sure playing mind games. Like I'd be alone with someone and I'd be like, you've been so amazing this trip. And you could tell that they were like so happy. And then like 10 seconds later, I'd pull someone else's side and I'd be like,

You were like such a good friend. Like they felt like they were the only one I was saying you were the best one. You are a charismatic leader. No, I'm like such a charismatic leader. And that's what cult leaders make you. I call myself fearless leader. You are fearless leader. I'm a fearless leader. Charismatic leader. And that's what. I'm a Leo. Oh, I'm a Leo rising. But Pisces. And I'm a Scorpio rising. What are Scorpios like again? Evil. Okay. Okay.

They're like dark, sarcastic. But at least self-aware. Yes, very self-aware. Super self-aware. And Virgo, so I was organized enough to like get it done. I definitely like...

Basically, there's nothing you can do wrong as the bride. Yeah. Well, that's what I was going to say is like really quickly before you tell me what transpired on that pool deck. I want to say that cult leaders are really good at giving everyone individual attention. Like literally what you just said is so culty going to each single person and making them feel like the most special person in the world. And that's when you know- And then taking attention away. Yeah. Because then you're like,

suffocating them from that attention that they want more. Think about it. It's just girl math. I'm getting attention from everyone. So when I decide, so no one can get my full attention. So when I do decide to give one person the full attention, they feel so honored in that moment. And they will, I could literally, like someone will be, they will come up to me to complain about people. They're like, there was like drama that I didn't know about. And later on they were like,

Oh, there was like a little drama that happened, but like, don't worry, we settled it. But like, just want to let you know. It's like in reality TV shows. It's like on The Bachelor where they go to The Bachelor because they want points. Can I pull you aside? No, it was literally like that. They want bonus points for letting you know that not only did it happen and I didn't bother you with the drama, I fixed it for you. This was the first time ever because normally in a friend group, like...

I actually don't like being the drama, but I'm fully always like popcorn aware of it, even instigating it, then leaving. Like I'm never the actual drama, but I'll like I'll drop a line and leave. I'll be like, how'd you let her? You're there for the fun. I'm there for the, I'm there. Like I want to feel alive, you know? But this was the first time ever where people were hiding any possible thing that could possibly ruin the trip for me when I actually, it backfired because I was like, wait, all that was happening and you guys didn't tell me? And you like that.

I want to know what's going on. I want to be in the drama. But they were like, we did not want to upset you. I was like, when have I ever been upset? And then that's when you got upset. And then I'm like, no, I'm upset because you guys have a little fucking, you're having a little fun with me.

- You're having a drama circle, jerk. - But it's also as a comedian, I'm very into earned attention. I want you to go on stage, people are like, "Who is this bitch?" And then I earn it. And if I don't, I say, "You know what, that's fine, "I'll do better next time." Where as a bride, you're just given this attention when you actually haven't done shit but known these people. - But fall in love. - But fall in love with a guy. - With a lesbian. - With a lesbian man.

He's like so handsome and like more beautiful than me. That's why I'm laughing. Yeah. Like if Ellen DeGeneres was like really hot and like had a good personality. Because he's like the silver fox. No, hot. I've seen him. He's an attractive man. Oh my god, thank you. Beautiful cheekbones. So I remember being like, we're wearing feathers tonight. And I remember the joy of seeing everyone like listen to me perfectly as they were in my room and I was like, I created this. You come out, you're like, we're wearing feathers. They're like...

We have to get better. And, like, all these people who are honestly, like, very important and have really good jobs, like, from all walks of life, but just, like, friends who are busy. Yeah. The fact that they took four days out of their life to spend money and time with me, I guess, is, like, the gift. Yeah. But it's, like, abusive. Yes, but actually...

Going back to the fact that you didn't have a maid of honor, I think it was actually smarter because then they're all equally trying to gain your attention. Oh, so I had more power. You had more power. And also... But I had to do more dirty work. I didn't have like that number one person to do it for me. But you're right. They kept each other in check.

It also was like a really good number. It was like, I think it was like seven or eight. Like it wasn't too big. It wasn't too little. It was the perfect amount where like we felt like we felt really powerful. Yeah. I do have to say like we were untouchable. We went to a strip club and we told the bouncers, we're like, if any men come in this direction, clothesline them. This is like a female commune. We were calling it a female commune. That's a cult. Commune is code for cults. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's literally, that's us versus them. Yes. It was so us versus them. Like you guys walk into this club wearing feathers. Peacocking. Peacocking for everyone, but you're like, come near me and you're burned to the ground. But also where it came, like I was the leader. The one thing that I was a cunt about was,

the one thing I wanted was no one else wear white. And I don't know why out of all the marriage rules, like everything, I was like, just let me be the one wearing white. And I remember this, one of them walked in with like the lightest, lightest blue. Like it was white with a blue tone. Yeah. And people were like, Anna, should we have her change? That's a good question. And I was like,

Let's hear what she has to say. Because this is a democracy. No, it's not. I'm in charge. Let's make her feel. And then my other friend, Ciara, who I will name by name, she wore this like white chain type thing over her bathing suit. Paige also walked in with like a white thing. This is three out of seven. This is three out of seven. They were coming for my throne. This is code red. Okay.

She came with, so obviously when she got to the pool, she not only was late, Paige, de sorbo, she was late to the pool. Looking at the camera. And then showed up with a colored bathing suit, but the overt, what's it called? A cover up. Cover up. I'm like, bathing suit cover up. I'm like, what's the thing that covers up the bathing suit? No idea. The bathing suit cover up. Stark white. And everyone's like whispering and I'm like. Stark? Stark. Like.

powerful white like my white I'm actually sitting there and I'm just like this is so disrespectful it's the only thing you wanted it's the only thing I wanted you didn't ask for anything else and people were just they were disrespecting my power at some point but I think they're testing some people are gonna test the leader yeah and which is healthy it's healthy and you know what Paige was powerful she did pay for the table that night at 11 so she was you know

She had her power another girl did more of like the logistics planning she had her everyone had like a role that they really yeah loved But um every now and then they were naughty, but that's every now then a cult that will happen And I put them in their place. I definitely put them in my place where I said I see what you did I acknowledge it and I'm okay. Just don't do that again. That's so cool

The fact that you immediately forgave them but acknowledged the fact that they made a mistake. And there was a threat. A subtle threat. And you look them in the eyes. And also— And you are like, I forgive you. I had other people bring it up too. They went up to her being like, Paige, you're wearing a white cover-up. And then by the time it got to me, I was like, the forgiveness one.

That's wild. Was there anything fun in terms of rituals that you made people do because they were like naughty? Like did you have someone get like – sorry that I used the word naughty. That was disgusting. It's okay. Like they broke the rules. So there are a lot of classic ones like the scavenger hunt, which I was like absolutely too much admin. Like I'm not coming up with a list. Yeah.

The real rituals were every day I had a strict, strict theme that we all had to wear. Yeah. Also... And you would come up with it in the morning. Go. Figure it out. I just, like, keep having this visual of you, like, waking up and being like, feathers, I'm going to the pool. You know? Literally.

The emails beforehand, too, they're, like, it's literally, like, you have to decode it to figure out what's going on. Yeah. There's so many emails. We did not do the group chat because group chats with bachelorettes are a nightmare because some people are trying to be funny in it. Other people are, like, where are the facts? I was a terrible bachelorette to one of my friends, even though she knew that I couldn't make a lot of the things. But, like, I got so behind on the text messages, like, I didn't even know. I went to the wedding, didn't know that there was, like, a rehearsal. Mm-hmm.

And people were just texting me like, where are you? And I was just like, sleeping in the hotel. Yeah. And I was like, if there's not a final email with all this stuff, I'm not going to know. You need a Google Cal invite. So you had to like, you had to know things like subtly throughout to even be a part of it. Like it wasn't, it's almost like culty to be like, there's secrets within the text. Oh, it totally. It's like very culty that like, you're not only like fully involved on that weekend, but like leading up to the weekend, if you want to know all the details of the events. Yes.

You have to be. It's 24-7 attention. I got JFL new faces, which two years ago. I'm a brag. Which was why I couldn't make her bachelorette. And I like, I FaceTimed her. I was sobbing, but I was like, I didn't think I was going to get it. This is like the first industry thing I've ever gotten. And it's the weekend of your bachelorette. I'm so sorry. But that got me behind in all the rituals to the point that like I was demoted for sure. But did they remove you from the group chat?

Um, no, but it was a way that like I couldn't keep up. I didn't know all the inside jokes after the weekend. Okay. It was like, oh, Hayley did that again. And I'm like, again? When did she do that? What did she do? I don't even know what joke you know. So it was kind of like an excommunication in like a personal way. Like it's like...

and they all look at each other, do the jokes. They all know. Do they make you feel uncomfortable on purpose, do you think? No, but you put it onto yourself. You're like, I don't deserve to be like in on this joke because I was not there when I should have. Also, you always order these like, these dresses that have to be the same. This was for my, a friend who's like more culty than me who actually was on my bachelorette. So it was also like,

I owed her from my bachelorette so when I didn't come it was like a whole thing. I mean she was great about it but like I internalized the shame. Of course. As you should. And we all had to order the same dress and same color and I was like I'm not gonna fuck this up and I order I'm like a size six like I used to do fit modeling which if people don't know what that is it's like I have pretty I have a very average ratio of my body where like you could design something on like my shoulders to my waist it's very like normal. Yeah. So I can order a size six. I'm a bracket.

I have a perfectly normal body. I'm a very average body type. So if I order a six, normally it fits me. Yeah. So I ordered the six. The day before, it won't get over my ass. Like, there's no stretch. So I had to go, and in that morning, like,

I was almost, if I couldn't fit into that dress, I told my husband, I was like, I'm not going to be part of the party if I can't get this over my butt. And he's like, you should have tried it on weeks ago. Kim Kardashian moment. Yeah. Putting on the Marilyn Monroe dress. I just ripped it in the back. But at that point, I said, I was not going to be able to be a part of the ceremony if I cannot get this fuchsia dress. What was going through your head?

I was like, she's not going to ever forgive me for this. And this is over like... I'm going to punish myself. A cheap dress that I ordered that like is a weird size that I should have tried on. And it's totally out of your control. Out of my control. But people would say if you cared about her, you would have tried it on before the wedding. And that's like the deeper purpose of being like...

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Because my vibe overall is very, like, decenter men from your life. Yeah. My bachelorette party was...

was this like honestly really beautiful celebration of friendship yeah and my friends are so cunty that like they did not give me the power that I wanted and I kind of liked that yeah like they literally were there was a constant power struggle like at one point I was like I don't like that you two were like best I'm like do you know that you are getting along so well this weekend because of me like you wouldn't even known each other yeah texting each other after they had like I'm like who are you

FaceTiming my friend from college. Yeah. But I like it because then I could use it against them later and be like, oh, you two have plans? You wouldn't even have plans if it wasn't for me. So I like that. But people are not sucking up to me. But that's like not... I mean, you could tell by the fact that three out of seven were white. I lost control. You lost control quickly. I lost control of the commune. But your mind games were not working. They were not working. And also, because I was in... Honestly, Paige was like, if I'm going to go, I'm throwing like...

my dream bachelorette. Okay. So Paige, like, we went to 11. Is she married? No. Okay. We went to 11, which is, like, I don't go to clubs. Yeah. I threw up, like, I was in high school, like, knees on the tile floor, like, holding some random girl's hand next to you, and she's like, you're amazing, you're gonna get through this. It's giving...

ends justify the means like you had to do it and that's because there was a purpose behind your suffering there was a reason like yes you had to do it yes I was part of the traditions um and it we were all empty like you're empty you're not who you are on this trip and I remember I

This is besides the point, but like Ja Rule showed up at the club. Yeah. And Ja Rule for especially white millennial women is our cult leader. Yeah. So when he walked in the room, we were like, praise. Praise Ja Rule. Like my first MTV video was Ja Rule. Yeah. So we're like all singing to Ja Rule. And that was like beautiful. And the next day, some people had left early and it was very like, oh, you miss Ja Rule. How...

Was it worth it? So it was like competitive in that way. And they wanted to make them almost like feel bad. And it's like you left because you didn't love Hannah and the people who loved Hannah stayed and got to see Ja Rule. And as a reward, God gave them Ja Rule. God gave them Ja Rule. It was God because God controls love and this friend group. Whenever Ja Rule shows up at a bachelorette, an angel gets its wings. Yes, exactly. And then we did the...

We did the classic yacht. And that's another ritual that, as we said, is like the yacht is the like Miami version of the bus windward. Because people got a little like moody where it was like they got a little tired and they're like, what are we going to do? What are we going to do? And I'm like, we have a boat day planned. If you guys don't want to do it, we don't have to do it. And they're like, it better be like a fucking nice boat. Like I was getting some attitude. Like, I'm not bringing you on a kayak, but I actually didn't know if the boat was going to be good. It was not.

Like, I'm not good at that stuff. Turns out, was a great boat. Yeah. Was this, okay, important question. Was the boat after the club? Mm-hmm. So it was the day after the club. Yes. And so you all were exhausted. Exhausted. And we were like at 5 o'clock. Dehydrated. On your knees throwing up the night before. Literally. So they got me all fancy. And then I remember we all had to go to the boat. And once we were on the boat, you just, you get this like communal. Something about a boat.

That makes you feel... You can't get out. You cannot get out. You cannot get out.

You are isolated. You have limited resources. You really have to like find an ally and not sink. So people started to find allies for sure at that point. And then there is also a hierarchy that's starting to build below me because we had a photographer at our bachelorette, which I highly recommend. But like at one point we're on the boat and I was like, where's Paige? You know, like problematic Paige. She wore white yesterday. Who has an iron page? Who has an iron page?

She's at the front of the boat. Taking pictures. With my photographer. Doing like a full solo photo shoot. So we're all laughing. Paige has like gotten this role and it's consistent and at least we know what it is. Do you think that...

Is she the one who got you the glam so that she could also get glam? Yes. I saw that coming. But she also got the table. But again, there was kind of a hierarchy because she is like my best friend slash podcast host. So it was funny, but other people were like, oh, we want that. So there was that thing of like...

We want to show that we had fun in this group. Yeah. Through the quality of the photos. Because, again, it's like this us versus them that there's like inter-cult dynamics of like you and your friends. Yes. But then you, on the larger cult of social media, want to show everyone that they want to be a part of your group. And then we went on Kiki's on the River. What's that? That is this restaurant on the water. So you park. Yeah. And...

I think Paige set this up too. Is it? Okay, so really quickly, is like that area like gentrified by like bachelorette parties? Like were you guys the only bachelorette party or is that like a traditional thing? I think it's a traditional thing because there was a bachelor party there. It's the kind of thing where you eat and they have like seafood towers, which are very like

aggressive yeah and you know showboaty like I had the seafood tower in front of me because I'm the cult leader yeah and then at the end everyone they take the food away and then you're supposed to stand on the tables with a white napkin and like spin it and if you weren't dancing with the people it was like what are you doing yeah like we're dancing on tables

Everyone did because once the cameras came out, they had to. It's like, oh, are you just not supporting them? Oh, are you going to be like an out-group person? Like you're actually not invited to the dinner tonight. And it was a very performative celebration. At that point, do you think people were going along with it because they were genuinely having fun? Or do you think there were some characters who were kind of playing into it because they were like, if I don't do this, I'll just have an even worse time? There definitely is that time where...

I'll be honest. I would be that person that's like, are we going to really fucking dance on the table? Yeah. But because it's for me, I'm like, this is the greatest thing ever. And I'm looking around and there are the girls who naturally would have been dancing on the table if it was my bachelorette or not. Yeah. And then there's the other ones who were like...

And they eventually left. Yeah. But they were okay to leave. They just know that in the hierarchy. Yeah. They're going to get. Demoted. Yeah. When you get back. Demoted and possibly will get shit talked. And not tagged. Not tagged. You are not going to be tagged in the content. And then my friend the last night, it was really hard for us all to go out.

It was a struggle. But she got these juicy sweatsuits for everyone. Oh, that's amazing. Amazing. Okay, so you're literally... And mine was white. Others people weren't. Fourth, third day. How many days? This is the third day. Third day of the cold retreat. And I highly recommend three is the max. Yes. If you're doing four, you start...

And that's like how you see it escalating. So you start casually. It becomes Jonestown if it gets to four. Yeah, it's like just the feathers. People aren't going to make it. It's like at first it's just like a little accessory. Yep. And by the third day you were all matching juicy sweatsuits. Yes. Okay, so you're like robots matching. So we go to the sushi restaurant and like we can't even order drinks. We're that fucked. Like we're like so tired. But we all were at that point of like one thing about is people give speeches. Typically I joke that you have to give speeches about how great

the bride is and like you run out of stories and you're like I joke typically I joke that at my bachelor you have to but like that was when people were kind of giving like this was such a great experience this was so fun so people are starting because they're exhausted so they're tapping into like their emotional side oh yeah they're not thinking with logic they're like starting to actually be like I'm so thankful for this even though like you spent a ton of money on me you wasted your time on me but you're somehow thanking me yeah and that's when I

I was like, this is working. And they're exhausted. So they could even get teary-eyed in those speeches. Oh, for sure. Actually... Did nobody cry? Marcelo cried. Marcelo cried? The one guy on the job cried. And it was so sweet and so beautiful. But, like, he was... He had nothing left and he was just like, you know, I love you and, like, we're hugging. He's also, like, half of everyone's size. So he's probably ten times more exhausted from the consumption. He couldn't keep up with the, like...

The wine drunk. Yeah. He couldn't keep it up. But I remember acknowledging like you guys are tired and I'm going to be nice and let you drink tea, get your sushi. I remember someone had to go home. Like she was like, I can't keep up. Is this the same girl that keeps going home? No, this is a different girl. Okay.

But thank you for bringing that up, though, because if it was the same one actually done, you're not even allowed to fly back to the city where you're from. But that's so culty to be like, OK, yesterday I, you know, was the last one. I can't be the last one today. Hannah will notice. So we're leaving and there's a car that stops. It's like a limo. And it's like, do you guys want to get in the limo? And we say yes.

And they were like, it'll be like a hundred bucks. Wait, to a stranger? Oh. To go, it's like, cause it is like a bachelorette town. Yeah. So they were like, well, we're just going back to the hotel. They're like, we'll drive for half an hour. So we get in and we start playing these songs and we all start singing to these like old 2000 songs together. Yeah. And it was good.

giving cult it was cult coded because we were like if you didn't know the words to the song it was like how do you not look them up you know ludicrous oh my and it was like everyone is just like chanting at the same time are your heads like going out the windows we were in but it was like all these like lights like we were all like getting migraines and it was just this beautiful moment where i actually was like we are one and it was after the sentimental moment yes so it's like

Whole weekend you're going up, you're going up, you're going up. And then you're exhausted and you have that like small crash in your juicy sweatsuits where you get emotional. And then on the walk or on the drive back, you have that final moment where you're like church. Well, this is the craziest. Because it was Sunday. Yes. Yes. The Lord's Day. Yeah. And I was the Lord. But there was this, this was the craziest part where it really, it was such a successful bachelorette weekend as we get back to the hotel. Because I was basically like, we don't have to go out. Yeah. And they were like,

we would like to invite you to Paige and Sierra's room, which was like, they somehow got the big room. Okay. I don't really like that. What? You didn't get the big room?

I don't know how it happened, but I'd knock at the big room. But that was my like- Paige is giving cult leader rival. She is the cult leader. No, but the thing is, I was like, I'm that like sacrificial cult leader where people are like, oh, Hannah sacrificed the big room. Oh, yeah. But like, I'm pulling the strings underneath, you know? You did it on purpose. Yeah. Yes. It was a calculated move. It was like I was sacrificing for my people. Yeah. Because I care about my people. And they should remember that. And they remember that. So they say, come to our room, our big room that you gifted us. Yeah. Yeah.

And let's just like listen to music and like we don't want to say goodnight to each other yet. So we're all in this room and we start playing church games. Church games? What are church games? There's this one girl who...

went to church camp yeah none of us else did so she was like wait this feels familiar to me so she's like we're playing this church game where two people sit and try to come up with a word and if after that word they have to come up with another word that reminds them of that word it's the best game yeah i love that game yeah page and i sit down you know obviously me and my you know yeah

And the second one, we got the same word, right? And it was this moment of like, we are so connected in this moment of this experience. And we're just like drinking in the room. And it was like, we were such... You were ascending like onto the next level. Yes. That was your ascendance. Yes. And we're wearing the same outfits and people were filming it. And then the songs were coming and like everything encapsulated to like

We chose to be here. Yeah. Where in the beginning it was like people might have been like, oh, we were forced to be at dinner at 7. We're by the end. We're like, we can't leave this room. We're so happy. I feel like that is a sign of a really good cult leader because you had the – it sounded like you had the perfect bachelorette party, which is – Because I didn't have to boss anyone around.

tell anyone to do anything. And you have to... And you manage. Like, you're so good at, like, not... I made them think a lot of things were their idea. Exactly. And you give them enough rope to hang themselves. Yeah. And they won't do it if they actually respect you. Yeah. Like, I'm getting so into this right now. You're so culty. But you know what? Let's go full force. And we'll...

Maybe one day we'll do another episode of this. Yeah. It's because I come from college sports. Yeah. And college sports is the ultimate cult. The ultimate cult. I mean, sports in general, like being part of a team, sacrificing everything, especially in college, like that's probably why you don't drink. It was the biggest cult I've ever been in. And at the end, I was the captain in my final year. But you learn what...

I also come from a family of leaders. Like my grandpa was a basketball coach like in the 70s in Brooklyn. My mom was the principal of a middle school. I actually do love leading and I'm kind of obsessed with bad leaders and good leaders and like leading by example versus leading by ego and by that kind of stuff. So I do feel like

I did put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure everyone had fun. But at the end, it was... You let the pieces fall. It was the people in my cult that made me a good leader.

Which is, again, you being a good leader because you chose them. And the best cults are selective. And you were selective. It was a very selective situation. Yeah. And I feel like everyone felt, like, special in their own way in a part of my life. And, like, to this day, there's still a group chat of all of us that, like, choose to do it. How often do you?

feel like it's active? Well, recently my friend who lives in Arkansas texted the group chat and was like, I'm going to be in New York this weekend. Who wants to hang? And she like met up with like

two of them. The fact that my friends who didn't know each other, who I loved, loved each other, meant the world to me. That is the most amazing thing. Because I was like, oh, that's girl math. Yeah. Like, if I love you, why wouldn't you love someone else that I love? Literally. Not to get, like, a little depressing, but a friend of mine passed away, like, a couple, like, a little bit ago. And he was, like, one of my best friends ever. But I've been hanging out with, like,

every person he like ever introduced me to and it's like amazing because it's like of course I'm gonna get along with these people like of course these people are like in my life and that's how you know that like you're good at like picking the right friends because then your friends are friends with each other well

Well, I'm really sorry that happened, but it is really beautiful to see, like, there's a reason why friendships happen and you don't know what that, like, invisible string is, but it's there. I do think a lot of bachelorettes do get toxic when the person is...

enjoys the power too much and needs it to always be about them. Exactly. And that, I think that's what I learned in The Bachelorette, that if you constantly make it about you, everyone has to give speeches about you, then it becomes this just like, they start hating you. Yeah. And that's why I think that you're, like, and this is not just me complimenting you. I want to make this clear. Do you want to join the conversation? This is not just me complimenting you. But you enjoyed the power and then you would like,

If like someone else had a little bit of power, you were like, let them have it. People like loved making me laugh. Yeah. And I love to laugh. Yeah. And I remember feeling like when I would really laugh at someone's joke, they would like be really happy. And I remember being like, how did I cultivate the funniest people in the world? Good energy. That I could just sit back and laugh the whole time. Because you're okay sharing the light because you're confident in yourself. Well, and at the end of the day, they all had to tag me in their Insta stories. Perfect. Really good for everybody. Engagement. Yeah.

I want to tell you a quick story that I just remembered, which is fucking crazy. I've never been to a bachelorette party, but my cousin got married a couple years ago and she invited me to her bachelorette party. Email chain CC'd all of our girl cousins, like all eight of them, except for my sister.

My sister wasn't on the email chain. And so I replied to the email and I was like, oh, hey, Caroline, like this sounds so fun. Like I'm pumped. Just want to make sure like I think you forgot to like include Danny on the email. And she replied and she's like, no, she's not invited. And I was like, she is the only cousin.

Not invited. You both live blocks away from each other in Brooklyn. You invited our cousin who lives in Madrid to New Orleans? She's not going to go. That's a war. That's a war. A war has been called. That was literally like nuclear war. We got into the biggest fight of our lives. She uninvited me from her wedding. And I didn't go. You did save a lot of money. I did. It was in Columbia. You did get out of the cult. Yeah. But it is true that like,

I always say that women, if we were in power, like, we wouldn't start wars. And I think that's true because we'll literally be like, you're uninvited. Yeah. We're not talking to Germany right now. And that's it. There's no violence. It's just like you are isolated from the group. That's why women should be in power because they would be economic wars. Yes. It would be socioeconomic. It would be like, actually, we're not buying your leather anymore. Yes.

We're not buying your leather. It's not on trend. It's not cool. Stop trying to make a fetch. And they would incorporate it into social media. They would make it uncool. Yeah. It would be like a political war. Kelly Deaver stops wearing all leather. Did we just solve world problems? Okay, so you mentioned like it can get out of control. I want to ask, what do you think is like the worst case scenario at a bachelorette party? The worst case scenario is when A,

the people are from such different walks of life and you don't actually have good connections with them but like you had to invite like your brother's pregnant wife who you don't really know that well or you owed someone something where like I've gone to bachelorettes where immediately people are warning me about one person like hey we don't like her but like she invited her to hers and the whole time it's just like the girls being like this is butchered gun and that's like not the point of a bachelorette and it's uncomfortable because because

Because they're from different walks of life, they don't vibe as well. Oh, for sure. Yeah, so you're, like, doing these really intimate communal things. Like, you know, everyone got the bride lingerie and you're opening lingerie. It's, like, cringe-worthy when you're sitting next to this, like, pregnant woman you don't know. Yeah. I love it.

And also, it can be really expensive. I joke in my act that like, why are we all in Scottsdale, Arizona right now? Nobody knows. How did we pick this location? Like, did we find the most inconvenient, hot place we can go? And it's like, maybe it was supposed to be affordable, but now it's not and it's also random. Yes. And if you don't really care about the bride, everyone just cares about their own shit where it's like, I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don't like this because...

The concept of someone celebrating love like it's the end all be all is triggering for people. Yeah. Because it's not the end all be all. No. I would argue that like me finding a guy that I like to be with was the like least impressive thing I've ever done in my life. Yeah. I mean I think it's impressive on like a personal standpoint of like you being like so mature that you know what you want. You know? I also think I was the friend that no one expected to get married. So it was like...

this is a bit. Like people are like, how does this start getting here? Like, this is crazy. This is weird. Or like, this is a surprise. That's how you have to treat everything. Everything is a bit until it isn't. Or it's just always a bit. Yeah. Like even on the wedding day, I was like, hee hee. This is like, are we, oh, we're doing, okay. Yeah. Okay. Do you think that bachelorettes are allowed to cheat at their bachelorette party?

That is so wild to me because I actually know multiple stories of people who like meet someone on the other bachelorette and will like have sex or start a relationship like texting. Texting? I do think bachelor and bachelorette, sometimes people will meet other bachelorette and it's very horny.

You know, bachelor and bachelorette parties come together. And I think it's also the first, like, real acknowledgement of, like, they use these words, like, one dick for life or, like, last time being single type things. And people can get triggered. Last night of my freedom. Yes. Yeah. And I also do think that because marriage is also a cult, you can start getting cold feet. Yeah.

And also a lot of the time, like, people get married for the wrong reasons. Yeah. Because, like, you turn 29, we got to get married. Yeah. Or, like, this guy has money, I want to get married. Yeah. Or, like, I've just been with him a long time. Which is why I won't do that one. I'm not judging you.

I would do that one. Or like, I've been with this guy for a long time. I'm wasting my time. Or I've just been obsessed with getting married and I don't really know if he's a good person. Yeah. And that's so human and normal. Also, not to sound too soft, but I think that's why it's important to like truly surround yourself with people who are genuinely so happy for you because it is just authentic that they like

are excited for you and you're genuinely happy that you're getting married so it's like you aren't gonna go out there and cheat and then also culty tie everyone up in your drama because which we love which i kind of which we love but if a bride cheats that's the i think that's the cultiest thing you can do yeah because then you're all bonded by the trauma and by the secret and the secret and then you have to show up to the wedding oh

And everybody knows. No, I remember being like, if anyone besides Ja Rule even looks at me, get the fuck out. And...

even but it was so cool too because like none of the girls were trying to hook up with guys too like it was literally this feminist commune yeah of us just like celebrating that like also we're not in our early 20s we were at a place where we all could like afford dropping a couple hundred dollars which was nice because some people their bachelorettes they're 23 they have no money they're trying to get their friends to do this thing everyone's like I'm in the red because of this yeah it's hard to enjoy which is painful and people who like

The energy of one person being authentically happy for you really spreads. Yeah. And it is like a cult where like if there's enough people who are questioning the motive, they'll all turn. Or if there's enough people that are genuinely happy, then the other ones like become genuinely happy. For sure. Because they're like, oh my God.

Oh my God, Paige is so happy for her. Do you not support Stephanie? Yeah. Well, it becomes cool to be like, yeah, I totally support Hannah. Yeah. It's great. And then it becomes, it's so funny how things can become cool just because of groupthink. Yeah. Groupthink and friend groups is such a thing. It is. Where like, it just takes a couple people being like, is she kind of like being annoying? But that's also why we join cults and why like cults are a positive thing and like a live your life because that's why I think it's,

Actually, it's culty that you don't drink because drinking and like using any sort of substance is giving up control. And you're like, I always want to be in control. But regular people join cults because we have so much decision making to do in our day to day lives that it's like, yeah, I'll fucking go to Miami and do whatever you want. I'll go tomorrow. Okay. So last question. Do you think bachelorette parties are a live your life, a watch your back?

or a get the fuck out level cult. Watch your back. Why? Because I do think certain experiences are really beautiful to like celebrate community. And then certain ones you can kind of be like taken advantage of and like just be stuck on like an ego trip. Unless if you're like, oh, I'll do this for her because she'll do it for me and that's important for you. But otherwise it's like life's too short to spend like hundreds of dollars and like waste tons of time with like

people that you don't care about. And also not to go back to the same point, but like it is a watch your back if you're going for the wrong reasons, like not to sound like I'm on The Bachelor. But if you have a feeling in your gut that you're not going to enjoy it, don't go. Yes. And I do think

At the end of the day, but then there's stuff like, oh, well, we all agreed you'd put $100 for the Airbnb, so now you're fucking everyone. But you could even be like, here's my gift to you. You could even be like, $100 and not go. There should be an option. Also, I...

I'm more a proponent of divorce parties. Oh, yeah. I think that's what I want to get in on. Like, when she needs you. Like, when she's going through it, let's get the girls together, let's go out, and let's fuck some guys. Yeah. That makes more sense to me than a bachelorette party. A bachelorette is kind of like, girl,

I'm not going to be friends with you anymore because I have a man now. But let's celebrate. Let's do it. For the girls and no sex. No sex. Except if I do. Don't tell anybody. And if I slip up, lip sealed for life. So yeah, I think we should normalize the next cult as divorce parties. Yeah, that's the best cult I've ever heard of. I think that's more something to celebrate. Yeah, I agree. Okay, well thanks so much for coming on the podcast.

on the podcast. What an honor. Thank you so much for having me. It's been so much fun. If you want to tell our listeners anything about you or where to join your cult, where can they do that? You know, I do have a couple cults. Giggly Squad is kind of the main cult. It's a podcast. I have my best friend, Paige, who I talk so much shit about today. Ha ha ha!

And then, you know, I'm on the road. HannahBurner.com slash shows. I'm going everywhere this fall and winter. So hit me up and then follow me on social media. I'm TikToking a lot. Yeah. Hilarious. Hannah Burner. You have to go check out one of her shows. Thank you. And get tickets soon because they're selling out. We're trying. We're hustling in these streets. Yeah. She is. Okay. Thanks so much. Thank you.

Well, that's our show. Thanks so much for listening. Amanda will be back with a new cult next week. But in the meantime, stay culty, but not too culty.

Sounds Like a Cult was created, hosted, and produced by Issa Medina and Amanda Montell. This episode was edited, produced, and sound mixed by Issa Medina. Our theme music is by Kasey Colt. To join our cult, follow us on Instagram at soundslikeacultpod. I'm on Instagram at issamedina, I-S-A-A-M-E-D-I-N-A-A, where you can find tickets to my live stand-up comedy shows or tell me where to perform.

I'm on Instagram at Amanda underscore Montel. And if you like our show, feel free to give us a rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. I am so excited to tell you about this iPhone game that I am newly absolutely obsessed with. It's called June's Journey. If you're a true crime fan, but you don't like anything too violent, I feel like this game is totally going to be up your alley. June's Journey is a hidden object mystery game that takes place in the 1920s. So the aesthetic is very colorful.

and vintagey. It centers on this protagonist named June who has to travel back to her family's luxurious island estate to solve the mystery of who murdered her sister. And you participate by finding hidden clues to help uncover the murder mystery. And I love that you also get to decorate the island estate as you go, which makes the game so fun and aesthetic and relaxing. I feel like I'm generally pretty bad at iPhone games.

games, but you truly cannot be bad at this one. I like to play it when I want to be on my phone, but I don't want to be on social media. I just want to relax and find something fun and distracting. It's great for that. Can you crack the case? Download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.