Selling Our House, Boycotting Father’s Day & Quitting Breastfeeding
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In therapy, we were on the same page, but then as soon as I looked at houses, you were like, no, this is not what we're talking about. Most people don't buy a house and then two years later move. We're not going to move unless we find the perfect house. So of course I'm going to start looking. I just know that you are a very fast decision maker. And aren't you thankful for that because I decided to marry you. People were literally saying that they thought you had a boob job. When? Your boobs were so big from breastfeeding. Where are they at now, people? Because the milk factory is officially closed.

We've decided as a family that we are not celebrating Father's Day this year. It is so sad. Don't even say happy Father's Day to Matt this year on the 16th. Don't even think about it. How do you feel that we just got out our very last frozen bag of breast milk to give to our son? Sad. The stash is gone, which is insane because you had the mother load of milk when we started this journey. I know. I have a problem. Like when I first had a baby, I did everything wrong.

that the lactation people say to do to not have oversupply in the beginning. And I just, I have oversupply. And so I have to relieve it in some way. That's all through the hawk. It's not like I'm doing additional pumps. Yeah. And I had like, what, how many ounces do you think I had in that defreeze? Oh gosh. Probably close to 2000. Yeah. You had so much milk. Oh my gosh. It was like, we just went to a farm and gathered a bunch of cow milk and just brought home and froze it. Think about how big milk.

Those boobies were. They were pretty big. They were so huge.

It's honestly insane. When I see photos auto-generated on my phone, I'm like, holy frick. I forgot they got to be that size. Do you feel sad? Hey, it was a fun time. It was a fun party. But I love them now. They're so great. Imagine I had those, but with the slimmed down body I have now. It would have just been overwhelming. It would have probably created so many issues. Yeah.

Bad posture for one. People were literally saying that they thought you had a boob job. Like everybody on the, like people were, which I don't understand why people on the internet always have to comment on other people's bodies, but people literally thought that you had a boob job. When? When your boobs were so big from breastfeeding. Where are they at now, people? Things that I have worked on. They're real quiet. Because the milk factory is officially closed.

We've gone right. It's so sad though too. It's like I don't even think I could. Here's the thing. The only reason I feel somewhat peace about ending breastfeeding is because I feel like I really gave it my all. And if I was still creating enough, producing enough milk,

I probably would still be out there at my pump still. You know what I mean? When is your last day? Do you have an official day in the calendar? I'm like trying to make it to he's nine months. Oh, so you have four more days. Yeah, but I think I might run out of milk in the meantime. You're worried you won't be able to pump? I

Jumping barely. Nothing. Have you looked into like a certain formula that you want to use? I've been talking around. I've kind of been in denial. I don't know why. Like, it's just a mental block. I think it's so funny. But it does sound kind of fun to just like shake up a bottle. Don't you agree? Like a little...

Yeah. I think it's funny when you bring up this conversation with your mom because she gets offended because she. Yeah. She only did formula. She formula fed you and your brother. And so I think she gets offended thinking that you're saying she was a bad mom. I know she does. Or not breastfeeding. She's ruthless. She's just like, what's the big deal? I don't get it. She's like, so did you think I did it? I'm like, OK.

It's the only thing that she is that way too though, you know? Because she's the most like, she does not insert her own opinions or anything like with us in parenting. She totally respects what we want to do and like doesn't, she, I don't know. They're great with like that stuff, but that's the only thing where she's like, what's the big deal? And I'm like,

And not in like a really serious way, but... Yeah. And I'll be honest, like formula feeding, if we would have switched to that a long time ago, that would have been a lot easier on me. But that wasn't my decision to make. So I just kind of was like, you do your thing. So I'm honestly kind of excited for this new journey. Like we've never been formula parents. Oh, I know. For three months, we're going to have formula. But then here's the other thing. Our baby doesn't even really like milk anymore. Like both of our kids were like this. As soon as they...

Got to try solid food. They were like, screw this milk. Give me a cheeseburger. He loves pancakes, eggs, really any breakfast food. Any food in general. He was eating ground beef last night. Yeah. What is it with our kids and bananas? Banana, cottage cheese, cheese in general. Like he'll just eat whatever you put in front of him. Yeah.

um which is kind of scary though because some of the things we put in front of him are not edible like yeah i about panicked i'm pretty sure he was trying to eat a feather or something we were that's disgusting i i know i i'm gonna hope that it was just like a fuzzy like little puffball from a flower or something i don't know

Any parent listening to this of like a baby and toddler knows you do the best you can, but things just end up in their mouths. You're like, how are you? How'd you even get that? Where'd that come from? They will find things in the craziest crevices. It's insane. You just have to make sure that you don't have like we've been really adamant about making sure there's never like batteries on the floor or like no batteries at all.

Yeah, I know. Well, if the toy even takes those batteries, I do not let that in our house. Well, I had to change our smoke detectors in our house. They're freaking going off at four o'clock in the morning. And then the next day I went and changed the batteries out and you were like, hey, reminder about the battery. So I put them away immediately. But it's scary that those big ones are pretty much pretty safe. I don't think they're going to swallow that huge. That's true. Yeah, those are just those little button batteries. Why do they even make those? I agree. If little kids are swallowing those, they should never even make those.

Yeah, it just makes no sense. It kills them like almost instantly. That's so scary. Oh my gosh. It's literally terrifying. So we will not allow those in our house.

It's scary, though, because you can't monitor everything. Back to the whole thing about our kids putting stuff in their mouth, like the most random stuff. I think as a parent, if you are too overprotective of your kid, that hurts them. And then if you're too underprotective, that hurts them, too. Like, I think you need to find a happy medium, right? Where do you think we lie? I think we do a pretty good job. I really do. I think we found a good medium where they...

sometimes do stupid stuff and fall and you know bonk their head and it's it's sad but then at the same time they like kids get hurt and like they learn from their mistakes oh griffin tries i that falls on the ground and runs into things literally on purpose yesterday he straight up he wanted to run into a wall started sprinting full speed ran into a wall and the

And the woman I was with was like, oh my, she's like, like trying to help him. I'm like, he's fine. He just did that on purpose. And he just gets back up. He goes, whoa. My favorite is when like, he'll be sad and then we'll distract him for a second and be like, Griffin, would you like to hold your zebra toy or your lion? And he totally forgets in that moment because he's listening to me, totally forgets that he's sad. And then like five seconds later, he remembers that he was sad. And then boom, back to full scale crying.

Yeah. But he doesn't really cry because he gets hurt as much. It's more like he's starting to develop opinions on what he wants to do and what he doesn't want to do. He's very opinionated. Sitting in his high chair, he does not want to do that. Heck no. He has to stand and eat. Yeah. That's way cooler. Or he wants to sit at the big table with us. Yeah. Way cooler to stand and eat your food. But then he just gets down and he doesn't even end up eating. Oh my. Yeah. I will tell you though. Yeah.

I did not want to start this podcast because he came in here and just gave me a hug and wouldn't let go. And he was just eating a chip. And my heart was a complete melted puddle of love. That's sweet. They're the best. Yeah. So we got to get formula. Honestly, we might need to get it soon. We have some in our pantry.

Are we going to use that formula? How does formula even work? Like, is all formula standard? Can we, do we need to get a specialty one? Because the formula that we got was given to us when we left the hospital in case we needed it. Or no, it was from the pediatrician. Yeah, I don't think, I think we're supposed to try to use, see, this whole world, I don't know, because I hear things about goat formula. I hear European formulas are better. I hear, I don't know. Here's the thing I know is that I know that our kid is not,

Going to be too particular. Should we get one of those formula Keurigs? You know how our friends have that one where it... No. He's only doing three bottles a day anyway. But I thought that was kind of sick. I mean, it is cool. How it has the warm water and then it like shakes it up with the powder. Yeah, it just seems wasteful since we're only going to use it for three months and only like three bottles a day. Pretty soon he's going to only be doing like two bottles a day. That is pretty crazy to think about. Yeah. So I literally tried a pump and it's just...

be barely, barely two ounces for the whole day. I know the things I could do to try to, I could take supplements. I could drink a crap ton of like coconut water. I could make little lactation bites and I could pump a lot more frequently. I'm just kind of gotten to that point where I'm like, I don't want to do what it's going to take.

and a little bit of formula is not going to kill him. Well, he's not even finishing his bottles. Like, he leaves so many bottles unfinished because he prefers to eat solid food. Yeah, so he's not going to be getting a lot of formula. And also, we are going to be traveling coming up, and I was like, here's the thing. I don't think that...

I have it in me to bring that pump with me on one more trip and bring a freezer bag and worry about all that stuff for one more trip, especially since we're going to be kind of all over the place for this upcoming trip that I'm like, I don't think I have it in me anymore. And I just, I think that I need to wave my white flag with this. And also, oh yeah. What's up? Just visually, they don't look like they have milk anymore. You know, they look like they got, I think they look pretty awesome. You told me the other day, I was like,

No, you were asking me which boob was bigger than the other one, and I got it wrong. I got it wrong. I thought – I really had to study them because I could tell they were different sizes. You really had to study them. But I like – I don't know. My eyes were playing tricks on me, I guess. But get this. But then I was like, but Matt, they're uneven. You're like – you're in one of those phases where you're just like focused on something else. And you're like, yeah, they're super uneven. It's pretty funny. And I was like, Matt, that's not nice. No, you were laughing. And then I was –

I don't know. I didn't mean it like in a negative way or anything. Well, I guess if you couldn't tell which one was bigger and which one was smaller, then it's not that noticeable. So we are about to travel to...

for a wedding for the first time with our kids. And we've never done a wedding before with our children. I've been to weddings since we've had our children. I actually went to some weddings while you were pregnant with Griffin. Yeah, I haven't been to any weddings for years. But this will be fun to do one with our children. My cousin is actually getting married. And so we're going to go back to Missouri, be at the wedding, be with my extended family. It'll be so nice to see everybody. And Griffin is the ring bearer. How do you feel about that? Oh my gosh.

Gosh, my heart is literally a puddle at the thought of Griffin. His little outfit. This will be our proudest moment yet. I'm excited. He has his little suit. It's getting hemmed.

I got his little tiny dress socks and dress shoes, his little leather belt. You know what I just thought of? I saw this TikTok a couple months back and it was somebody who decided to have flower boys instead of a flower girl at their wedding. But no, it wasn't cute. It was funny because it was like grown men and they're like, they had a fanny pack and

with like rose petals in it and they walked down with like the most, I don't know, it was like hip hop playing and they were just like going around tossing the flowers. It was funny. It was- See, that's not my vibe. You had to have seen the TikTok. I think the ceremony can be the serious time.

And then you can do all that fun stuff in the reception. I don't know. It was pretty funny. I also saw how someone made their grandmas be the flower girls. That's sweet. I love it when people switch it up. When people do something different, I'm all for it. It's fun just getting as many people involved in the wedding as possible. Yeah. Because...

I don't know. It kind of gives everyone like makes them feel more a part of it. Which look like I respect my cousin wanting to do things traditionally and having our son be the ring bearer because that's cute. Like we get to see our son being be a ring bearer. It's going to be so freaking cute. Like, do you think he's going to walk down the aisle? Actually, I think maybe if I I think you'll need to be at the end of the aisle.

And I'll be the one with him sending him off. And I think he'll see you and walk to you. Because he's definitely a mama's boy right now. And so if he's going to want to stay with any one of us, it's going to be you. Yeah. Like you're his comfort. The two girls that he's going to, there's two flower girls. Okay. And they're older. So they're for sure going to make it down the aisle. Yeah. And if he's with them, we just have to kind of get them. I think this is the key. At the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, we get them to mingle. Become friends. Yeah.

he'll do whatever they say. Maybe we need to have a cookie waiting for him at the end. Like maybe if you hold up the cookie and wave it in the air, he'll know. Yeah, but I don't want to be distracting from the wedding. But maybe if he knows, if I'm like, Griffin, mama has a cookie for you. Go get the cookie. Like then he'll know to go to you. Are we

going to give him the ring? I don't think they actually do the ring. I think I'm going to advise against that. I think usually what they do is they give the kids fake rings. That way they don't lose them. Because that's a lot of money to give a two-year-old. He won't even be two. He'll be one. He's literally going to be one. Like he's pretty young for this. That's the thing. It's going to be adorable but it's going to be like I don't know. I think his odds are 60-40 of making it down the aisle. He's probably just going to randomly just go yeah!

Yeah. That's cute. That's all fine. And, you know, here's the thing. Even if he doesn't make it, it's not a big deal because it's just, like, sweet that he's a part of it. Yeah. But I'm not nervous. I'm more so just nervous about the fact that, like, we're going to be in a hotel. The kids are going to be totally out of their routines. How are they going to get naps? How are we going to find food? We're going to have just started formula. What's that going to be like? Can you microwave formula? How does that – I don't even know. I don't know.

I actually, I'm gonna have to ask the pediatrician, I'm seeing the pediatrician on Friday, so I'm gonna ask her all these questions and be prepared. But I'm a little, I'm a little sketched out about all the logistics of like flying back and then driving two hours, staying in a hotel, attending various events that go late into the night, like, oh my gosh.

Like, I want to be chill, but I'm also like, wow, logistically, this is going to be a little bit challenging. Thank you to Armour Colostrum for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. You guys know that we're always on the lookout to strengthen our immunity, our gut health, our hair, skin, all that good stuff. And we just recently- We're on our fitness game recently. We are. We are on the fitness game. And we recently just discovered a product that can really help us with that.

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It really is a whole food. I personally really like the blood orange flavor. We tried that one on this podcast live, did we not? Yeah, we did. And the unflavored one's actually unflavored. So if you're mixing it with a drink that already has flavor to it, you're not going to notice it if you add this to your... It's really easy to implement into your daily routine, basically. Exactly. Yeah, it has...

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Tryarmra, T-R-Y-A-R-M-R-A.com slash unplanned. Back to the episode. Back to the formula thing though. Do you know much about formula? Like do you, you don't know a single thing? I mean, I know my whole Instagram feed is formula breastfeeding babies. That is so funny how yours becomes that. Like mine is not that at all. Mine is all just music because that's what I'm interested in.

And so that makes sense that you're getting formula videos and stuff. Yeah, but I don't really scroll on Instagram anymore. So I need to. You scroll on Facebook Reels.

My brother does. He sent me a Facebook reel the other day. Oh, no. I thought that was kind of funny. You're going to have to give him grief for that. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to ask the pediatrician about formula. I'm sure they know a lot about it. Yeah. And we'll figure it out and it'll be kind of fun. It's just a new little thing. What is so weird is you're not supposed to give your baby like whole milk or just milk in general. Yeah. But they can have it.

have yogurt and they can have cottage cheese so i don't understand the science behind that i'm sure i know there's a reason like i believe our health care system and nutritionists and all that but i don't understand how those things could be so different because it's literally the same thing maybe it's just like not as nutritional i mean maybe isn't yogurt just milk that's been

Processed in a way to turn it into... I know, but they're going to be... Because you used to make Greek yogurt out of milk. You would just get a gallon of milk and you would create Greek yogurt out of the milk. Don't ask me these questions because I've always wondered the same thing. I don't get it. I don't get it either. I'll just lean on our sister-in-law because she's kind of become an expert at formula recently. She has that little glass bottle that she can just heat it up in the bottle and then she puts the powder in. It's going to be... What are you going to do with all your time that you're going to get back?

I'm probably just going to end up reading because the only time I pump now is at night anyway. So that's a little bit more reading time for me. Other thing is that I'm curious as to see how my body changes when I'm totally done breastfeeding. Yeah. And also not pregnant this time. Because people say that you kind of hang on to more fats.

i'm not a scientist this could be wrong but i was told this that you kind of your body might hang on to more fat when you're breastfeeding because you need it to like create the milk because milk you know there's fat in it so i'm like wondering if it like changes the way i look did you know that i've gained weight no i did not so i was about 195 like two months ago numbers yeah and now i weigh about 204 so i've gained about 10 pounds wow and

And it's partially good and partially bad. Because at first I was eating a lot, lifting heavy in the gym. So I'm pretty sure most of that was muscle. But now I think I've probably put on more fat than I've been wanting to put on. And I'm getting a little bit of a boiler. Just a little bit. A boiler? Just a little boiler going on. You do not have a boiler. Just like a slight dad bod coming out. No, you don't. So I think I need to lay off the crumble cookies. Lay off the Abbey Howard cookies. Okay.

That is an issue in our household. I absolutely love your cooking. I love your baking. You're so talented. It's my love language. But it is so hard for me when you make 24 fresh baked chocolate chip cookies for me not to eat them all. And I'll admit it. I have a self-control problem. Whenever I'm around like any sort of dessert, I just, it's just like it needs to go into my mouth. Yeah. Like I don't know how you can make 24 cookies and be like, okay, I'll just eat one. Mm.

How? I don't feel, I don't understand you honestly. I'm like, how could I eat that many cookies? To me, that's like making myself dinner and then just taking a bite of the dinner and be like, okay. You know what this is telling me? I'm quelch or whatever. What? This is telling me that you have the wrong mindset around dessert. Really? Okay, what should it be? I feel like you're viewing dessert as bad. And so then once you've like gone, done something bad, you're like, might as well just.

keep being bad. Whereas like for me, I view dessert as like, Ooh, I've eaten my food, but I kind of have a little sweet tooth. I'm full, but this is something that would make me feel satisfied. And so then I satisfy the sweet tooth and then I'm like, okay, that was great. I deserved that. And then I'm like, anything more would be gluttonous. And look like I can't just blame other people for my dessert problem. I,

But I will say when we lived in Hawaii, we never had dessert in the house. You didn't really bake very much. So I didn't consume much dessert at all when we lived in Hawaii. My dessert was like probably once a week we'd go and get an acai bowl, which that is made with fruit. But, you know, it's there's sugar. There's other stuff. I'm pretty sure those aren't healthy. Yeah, I don't know. But basically, I'd only have dessert if we went out and bought dessert.

And then I would, I could eat a lot of it. Like if I wanted to eat a massive, you know, shake. Are you telling me you want me to portion control you? I don't know. I guess like I need to figure out some way for me to not eat as much dessert as I am now. Because I think I don't want to develop that habit. Like I just, I know that like eating that much sugar just isn't good for me. And it used to work in the past because we just didn't have as much dessert in our house. But now that it's like, I feel like it's always there. I just find myself gluttonous.

grabbing cookies every time I pass through the kitchen and I know I shouldn't do that. Yeah, well, it's fun for me to bake. It's my hobby. Maybe you actually need to leave the house when you bake. Yeah, you were asking me recently, like, what are your hobbies? I was like, I don't have any, but I do too. I love to bake.

I love to read. I like to work out. - Yeah, I would say my top two hobbies are probably making music and working out. - Wait, tell me about this music video that I'm hired to do. By the way, am I getting paid to do this?

We can talk about that off camera. No, I don't need to be paid. But no, I have been dreaming of making a music video that tells a full story. And I think it's really cool when a music video isn't just like a performance video where it's not just my acting debut. Actually, yeah, we'll both be acting in it.

But essentially, um, the idea for the music video is the movie up. I found myself bawling my eyes out. We watched up like six months ago, seeing the passing of time and seeing how beautiful life is and all the changes. And then you see the old man and then his wife dies and he's alone in the house by himself. It's so, so sad. And so we're going to do a music video inspired, um,

By that movie by that by that scene where you get to see the progression of his life and so I thought what better way to tell that story of like appreciating every moment of life and

than to do a music video to my song I like right now, which actually is about to hit a million streams on Spotify. By the time this episode's out, it'll probably be at a million streams. So I'm super excited about that. But I just love that song because it's such a great reminder of why we should just cherish each and every moment rather than looking to the past and

or looking to the future, I actually just soak in the moment of Griffin coming and giving me a hug right before we started recording this episode and just like fully being present in that and fully loving it. And so that's what the song's about. And so I think the, we're actually hiring an old man to play an older version of me

in the music video and then we'll get to play the current versions of ourselves and I think we'll even have our kids like have some cameos in the music video where it's like us in the house together and we're gonna fly to LA though to do this music video because the the producer that I'm talking to you know who's gonna run the whole music video shoot is

He has contacts of like cinematographers and editors and people that have like made legit music videos because I've never, I don't like, I'm a, I'm a storyteller. I'm an editor, but I've never like made a full on music video. So he knows what to do. That's going to be really legit. Yeah. I'm excited. Are you excited to act? I just found out about this, but I'm very excited. I'm excited too. I kind of suck at acting. So I need to like get some pointers from you cause you're really good at it.

I'll try my best. No, I'm excited. I got to get in some lessons or something. Nah, you don't need lessons. You're really good. This will be fun. Yeah. I'm just wondering when this is going to happen because we have literally so much to do. I know. We have a busy month coming up. So we'll just have to sneak it in. Yikes.

Yeah, we have a lot coming up, which I love. I love having plans and being busy and it's all fun stuff. So it'll be really good. Also, like we have some exciting podcast guests coming up. We've just we've been having so much fun doing these guest episodes and

interviewing people like dr mike dr amon having disney stars on our podcast like who would have who'd have thought that would that would be what we'd be doing so it's been a lot of fun yeah i'm doing all that it's so crazy yeah so cool yeah we have some exciting ones coming up oh yeah oh for sure back on the wedding topic yeah how do you feel about people bringing kids to weddings

I welcome it with open arms. Really? Yeah. It's a big controversy because a lot of people say that it is extremely disrespectful to bring children to a wedding. That's like saying you can't bring your child on a plane. That's so stupid. There's a whole debate because they're like, it's your one day. You don't need like kids ruining it and like,

You know, kids are the stars of the show. Kids break dance in the middle of the dance floor and it's so much fun. It makes the wedding better. And you can see the old people on the dance floor who are near the end of their life. And you get to see the kids who were at the beginning of their life. And it's just this beautiful picture of what life is. Matt, you always give me existential crises. Sorry.

The end of their life, the beginning of their life. No, like people literally will say like on their wedding invites, they're like, you cannot bring like children are absolutely not allowed. That's actually a thing. Yeah. No way. I mean, I guess people could do an adult only wedding. I guess that could be a thing.

That's kind of sad. I think it's sweet to have kids at the wedding. We invited the kids that we used to babysit in college to our wedding and they tore up the dance floor. It was so cute. I know. Yeah, I kind of have mixed feelings about it. It's like I understand that if you're trying to have like a black tie formal wedding, like kids are not going to be able to keep that same formal standard. You know, they might need chicken nuggets and then they might make a mess. They might be loud. Yeah. On the flip side of that, is it allowed?

it about how elegant and classy your wedding can possibly be or is it about having the people there that mean so much to you and like maybe you're putting them in a really tough position by having that people are traveling into your wedding they have kids they don't want to leave their kids for the whole days that they're gone but they also don't want to find random child care in a place that they don't live you're kind of putting people with kids in a tough position yeah

Where maybe they might not want to come at all because it's just too difficult to figure out child care that they trust. So then I'm like, is it really worth it then at that point? Yeah.

To put people in that position. So I don't know. I see both sides. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, it's your wedding. You can decide what you want to do. So I guess if you want to let people know in advance that it's adults only, I guess that would be okay. Other rules that have been around weddings. No one can wear white because. Oh, see, I get that. I feel like that's like kind of understood. Yeah. I'm like, okay, I get that.

I personally wouldn't have really cared. I mean, I was wearing a ball gown, you know? Like, I was going to stand out as the bride no matter what. It's hard because it's like you're allowed to make your own decisions. It's your wedding, whatever. I feel like people are getting a little demanding. Should we talk about the house? Do you want to bring this conversation up? We kind of got into a slight argument last time we...

had this conversation. Yeah, so this seems like a great place. Let's just publicly argue about it. Okay, we're going to publicly argue in front of you guys now. So welcome back to the show. Okay, no, I don't want to argue. I want to find a common ground.

You give your part. No, I was thinking that you should start. Okay, I'll start. You start. Talk to me about why you want to move and sell our house and buy a new one. I am a mother that is trying to look far into the future for my children and the lives that I want them to have as they grow up. It's a very formative time for them. That's good. And I

And I want them to be surrounded by their peers. I want them to be surrounded by opportunities for them to just find what they're passionate about and just get involved. I want to be in an area that I feel very safe. While we want to homeschool our kids when they're young, the fact is that by the time they get to middle school and high school, I see them being involved in public schools. And I want there to be good public schools for them to attend.

I don't want to put them in private school. And in general...

in a place that I feel safe to go to the grocery store even in the evening by myself. I want to be around restaurants for us to go on fun dates and not have to drive super far. So should I continue to add my list reasons why? Oh, I also see my parents living with us long term, which I'm kind of surprised about. Wait, you're actually like... I'm kidding. I was like, wait, we've actually talked about this a lot off camera and in private.

And I want them to have a place where they feel like they can have their own space within the house that we don't need to have our stuff bleed into. And I want to make it comfortable for them in the long term. And that's some of my reasons. So here's kind of my... I want a big backyard for our kids to roam like wild animals. So like here's my thing. If we just had a money tree...

I would 1 million. Like I'd be like, yeah, let's move tomorrow. Let's sell our house. Let's move tomorrow. If we just had a money tree in the backyard and it's just like it, money's not an issue because homes are very expensive. Like especially in today's economy, like homes are expensive. The real estate in Arizona is not nearly as bad as California, not nearly as bad as Hawaii where we used to live, but it's still pricey, especially if you want to buy a house that has enough room for a guest bedroom, a

an office, our children's bedrooms, your parents live with us. So we're not talking about just like a two bedroom house. We're talking about a five bedroom, honestly, is what we're talking about. And so, yeah, I mean, we live in an area where the real estate was more affordable. So we were able to buy a larger house to accommodate our growing family and our large family. But I think my fear is like, you know, I've read a lot of finance books about like investments and all that stuff. And one of the first things you're told is like,

your primary residence is not an investment which like obviously we've we've had these conversations and stuff but i guess like my my fear just comes from this yeah i just i just want our family to flourish and i i and i want all those things for our kids but then i worry about doing it too soon in case of there being i don't know a money issue or something hmm

I mean, I can't crack open our finances on the podcast. This episode of the Unplanned Podcast is brought to you by Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues, your ally to help tackle your allergy symptoms this season. Guys, I sneeze a lot. A lot of snot boogers coming out of the skin. And our kids always have snot boogers coming out of their noses. So Kleenexes are kind of just a way of life around here. Truthfully, we have them on the kitchen counter. We have them in the bathrooms. We have them on the

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So for this allergy season, grab Kleenex and face allergies head on. Back to the episode. I appreciate you being very diligent about our finances and being wise with our money and just like caring about that. I appreciate that. And I feel like when I hear you, I hear that we have a lot of the same...

and visions for the future. And I appreciate you wanting to do things that are going to set our kids up for success. Like, I appreciate you looking into the school systems that are going to be good for them. I appreciate you knowing where the safest areas are for our kids to grow up in because we want our kids to be safe. I don't want them to be in danger. I would love for them to just go out and play at the park with their friends and us not to have to be there every second because we know that they'll be safe. So, I don't know. I just...

I appreciate that. There's a lot of young families where I'm like, I want to just be around a lot of young families because that's who we'd be friends with. That's who our kids would be friends with. So I kind of view our job, which is kind of like this is, I guess, our job. I view social media kind of like how I think some athletes should view professional sports. It's like if you get a two year contract to play basketball,

in the NHL or the NFL, a lot of these athletes get chewed up and spit out in like a year. And so you can make decent money for a year or two and then you're out. And if you spend all that money, the money's gone, right? And so like...

With the social media stuff, I just want to be smart with our investments, with our savings, because who knows? Like everything, TikTok could get completely banned. We've been doing so many TikTok deals. Like what if they just delete TikTok? Like that's legit a threat. We're recording this episode in advance. Who knows? By the time this episode comes out, maybe TikTok's gone, right? Advertisers are still going to want to advertise on social media. And it's not like we don't have a presence on other ones. They're just going to remove, like move their funds otherwise.

I don't know. I mean, I totally appreciate you wanting to be wise with our money. And so I want to find a timeline that is comfortable for both of us. But I'm hoping that you can compromise a little bit more on your timeline. I think what's what scared me a little bit is at dinner. Was it last night that you said that you were eyeing moving in March and the fall in the fall, which like we're in May right now.

The fall starts in like September. So that's literally four months, which to me, I'm like, oh, frick. Like that is that is not that far away because I'm I'm down to move at some point. I just know like we just bought this house. I don't want to.

do anything dumb. Like I, and I'm not, and I'm not saying at all that like moving or buying a house right now, it's dumb. I just know like if you look at how much closing costs are on a house, it's ridiculous. Like the, the fees and expenses that you pay out to realtors and all these different, like the title company and all these people, it's, it's insane. Like the fees get really high. And so you're basically just throwing money away. Um,

I'm throwing my time away right now driving so far to go places with our kids every single day. Yeah. Like, and that's valuable too. Like, I literally am constantly driving in the car with them, which is just like,

I will continue to do it because I know that it's important for them to get out of the house and be around other kids and find good activities. And our kids go crazy inside the house. Like they have to have an outing every single day. And so I'll continue to do it, but I'm just like really excited for a day where I can drive 10 minutes and be somewhere and not like 40 minutes. And I know that there's places closer to us, but yeah, there's just not a lot. And I think that anyone in this neighborhood would tell you the same thing. So yeah, there's that. And I think that,

Like we both understand each other and that's what's important. I just know that I am so quick to compromise. And this is something that's like really important to me actually. So I'm like, I hope that we can find a middle ground sooner than later.

Yeah. Two years. Yeah. I think from my perspective, since you found the neighborhood and the house that we live in, it initially came as a shock to me when you were like, now I want to move. Well, Matt, like I've explained to you, when we moved here, we were moving from out of state. We were about to have a baby. I had an urge to be settled and get things done.

because I wanted to have a place to bring our baby home to. And we were in a studio apartment downtown. I was like, that kind of pushes our timeline. And also, I think this neighborhood was perfect for us at that point. This was perfect for us. But since then, we've had two babies, invited my parents into our house, and so many other career changes have also happened. So I think that

Like while it was great for that period of time and it's like while two years doesn't seem... It's been over two years. While it doesn't seem like a long time to live in the house, like big life circumstances considered, it's really not as crazy as like it sounds. I just thought of a really good analogy to describe our situation. Is it okay if I tell it to you? Okay. Because you make more money than me, Abby, it's almost as if like let's pretend you had some distant relative that like passed and they were like loaded and then like they gave their money to their descendants and then you ended up like...

I would argue yes.

And then me over here, the financial planner, finance major, almost major. I dropped out of college before I could finish my degree. But I'm like, hey, let's put that money and invest it so that it can grow, you know, compound interest and do all that good stuff over time. And you're in your mommy era. So I feel like you're just kind of like, I want to spend my money how I want.

- Best, yeah. I'm like if I'm gonna spend it at any point in my life, I wanna do it when my kids are young since we have an opportunity to. - But then like the finance guy in me is like-- - I understand. - The earlier that you invest your money, the more time it has to grow and it's like the snowball effect where the money-- - Time in the market beats time in the market. - That's right, did I teach you that?

Tell me so many things. That's so good, babe. But yeah, it's like the snowball effect where it just compounds and compounds and compounds. And I'm pretty sure it's like your money is just like working for you in the market. And that's why we do both. We get the house and we invest. But what if we can't do both?

I don't think we're... I don't think we need to do that because I'm not going to get the most expensive house we can possibly get. And that scares me too because I feel like as you get older, your tastes... It's not about... It's really not about the way... I want the house to look nice, of course, but it's really not about that. It's more about the function of the house. Which for me...

When you said that you wanted to move in the fall, that kind of scared the frick out of me, to be honest. Because let's say we move in two to three years. So Griffin is, you know, three or four. Okay. And then Augie would be two or three. They're not going to remember this house. If we move in two to three years, they're not going to remember this place anymore.

I moved when I was four. I barely remember the first house. Barely. I remember that my uncle Bob broke his toe in our basement playing soccer with us kids. And that's pretty much it. That's really it. My parents apparently had a waterbed. Don't remember it. Don't remember the waterbed. I don't remember practically anything from that house. And we moved when I was like four and a half. So my point is...

If it's for the kids, they're not going to even remember. Like if we move before Griffin's four or around when he's four, the house he'll know in his head, if we always stay at that house, will be the next house we go into basically. No, I understand that. But I totally feel... Like the events he can be a part of, the playgrounds he can play in, like...

All that stuff does. Yeah. It's part of the new house deal, you know? But I totally get you. Like, I want our kids to be in with that group of children that they're going to potentially go to high school with or middle school with. And obviously, we'll homeschool at some point. And that's the other thing. I want a space in our house where they can homeschool. Like, we don't really have that right now because I think to be successful in homeschooling, you need a designated area that that's just for that so they can focus.

if at all possible because otherwise they're just, if it's in their playroom, they're going to want to play. If it's down in the kitchen, like it'd be one thing if we weren't working from home like we are. Well, okay. We did just get an office space, which is kind of exciting. So what if we get rid of my home office and we turn that into the homeschool room? Would that be an option? Or we could turn that into the playroom. That's our guest bedroom. Okay. Could we turn...

Maybe we could turn this room because eventually we're going to have a new podcast space. So maybe this could be the homeschool room for the kids. No, this is my parents' space.

Or maybe... Okay, I'm striking out. Matt, we already agreed before filming this that we would be moving before the kids are like really in school. So why are you going back and trying to make this house like something that'll work for that? I don't know. Sorry. Yeah. Do you have anything else you want to say about the house stuff or should we move on? No, I think I said my piece. Okay. I feel like we have not reached resolution. We definitely have not reached resolution. How do we... But I thought we had. Like I was like in the next couple years. But then you said...

The fall yesterday. But do you understand that within the next couple years means like the fall would be a part of that. Oh, see, I thought when you said the next couple years, it was like, okay, two years from now, we're going to move. Like you said, when would be the minimum last night? And I said the fall and you were like pitching a fit. Well, cause you went. And I said the maximum would be two years from now. Well, cause you went and looked at houses. Just to get an idea.

think that we're in a position where it's like we're not going to move unless we find the perfect house because we have very specific criteria. Yeah. And so it's like I need to be on the lookout know what's out there know what what price it's going for know what neighborhoods I want to be in. So of course I'm going to start looking. Yeah.

I just know that you are a very fast decision maker. And so if you found a house next week... And aren't you thankful for that? Because I decided to marry you very quickly. And I suck at making quick decisions. So I am thankful for that. But one area where it is a little freaky is buying a house. Oh my gosh. Abby, this was...

I've been only thinking about this for a long time. Here's the thing. We went to go look at engagement rings. Very first engagement ring you saw. Are you going to hold that against me? Also, why are we doing a whole podcast with a pair of your socks sitting next to us? Oh, I forgot that my socks were right there. I've been without my socks this whole entire episode. I should put on my socks. Did you do that on purpose? No, why would I do that on purpose? Because that's something you do so people would comment about your feet. That sounds so weird. And no, I would not do that. You are so weird.

If I was trying to do a funny joke, maybe. I don't know. This conversation about houses is boring me now. Is it freaking you out? Maybe we should save... No, it's not freaking me out. We could save it for therapy. We could talk about it with our therapist. We did. And then in therapy, we were on the same page. But then as soon as I looked at houses, you were like, no, this is not what we talked about. And I'm like, nope, that's actually not true. You're gaslighting me. Let's ask Karen. Her name's Karen? Yeah.

Yes, it's Karen. Okay. Let's go ask Karen. I was going to say her last name, but I was like, that's probably wrong. I feel so great talking with Karen. I know. Karen thought that we graduated from marriage counseling. I know. And then look, we'll come back to her with another whammy. We had another fight about the house. Well, what's funny, I think with marriage counseling is you just like, you bring up all your beef.

in the counseling session because then it's like a safe place to talk about it all. Yeah, that's true. Which I love. Well, then it doesn't get ugly because you're like, there's a counselor here. And Karen's just there to keep the peace. And she's like, Abby, how do you feel? Matt, how do you feel? You know? Yeah. Yeah. So maybe we'll just have to take this back to counseling. Yeah. To revisit it. Okay. Just unpack it. Like, Matt...

What scares you about selling the house? Yes, I know you're talking about finances, but really, I think it's more of a control thing. It's not a control thing. I'm just kidding. I think for me, I'm just still a little... Like most people don't buy a house and then two years later move.

Most people. Most people. The fact that you say this is like so agitating because you don't do anything like most people, Matt Howard. I am very different. You're right. You're always like, I want to be an artist. And then I'm like, I just want to live in this specific city. And that is totally valid. It's my dream. And we're going to do, I know that's important to you and we're going to make that happen. Yeah. But the timing of making that happen is what I'm like.

Because you'll tell me things forever and ever and ever. But again, like where... The squeaky wheel gets the grease. But where we're at, right? Like this was the very first house that we looked at and we bought it. Oh my gosh. And it's been great. I love this house. And the house that we went and toured back in December, which we got into a really big fight about, you wanted to put in an offer on it. I still wish that that house was the one we could...

that's just a specific one that's just not going to come up again. I mean, I still really feel sad about that. So it's not like I'm like, oh yeah, I was trying to act too fast. Where's Karen when you need her? Karen! Karen!

I'm not mad at you. Maybe Karen could be our safe word. Like if a fight's getting into a spot where it's like no longer like a healthy conversation. What's so hard? We could just be like, Karen. Is that like, yes, I'm really good at knowing how I feel and why I feel that way. I'm not. But you're the most stubborn person in the world. Abby, you are more stubborn. And you say that about me and that's literally not true. So many people that are close with us, Matt Howard. You are more stubborn than me.

You don't think you are? Not in the slightest, Matt. I literally am like this. Bend. Bend over backwards. What needs to happen, I'll do it.

Which I love that about me. I like that I can be accommodating. But sometimes I'm like, okay, if he doesn't realize I'm accommodating to him, I'm going to get a little bit more resentful. And look, marriage is all about give and take. And it's never going to be 50-50, right? But like, if it was my decision, we would have never left Hawaii. Like, I became a surfaholic. I loved surfing. I felt at peace with the sea turtles. It was like spiritual out there in the water, okay? Surfing, watching the rainbows and the...

I don't even want to talk about it. It makes me so sad I'm not there. But I knew how important it was for you to be closer to your family. And so we moved here. And so I think like, as long as we're always keeping the conversation going about your needs and my needs and finding common ground, and it's never going to be 50-50, right? Like there's going to be times where you make a decision that I quite honestly don't like and vice versa. But, you know, there has to be give and take in marriage and you're not always going to

you know, get things exactly the way that you want them. And transparently, I don't know if it was up to me if we would ever leave our current neighborhood and our current house because I love the area that we're in. But I know that it's important for you to be in an area that has better schools and has...

you know, more kid activities. And because you don't leave the house. You, I do. I do. I just, I go out in nature with the kids, which is kind of like my special thing with them is I take them. I take the kids on hikes and I take them on bike rides and we get to ride around the neighborhood and, you know, go play at the playground in our neighborhood. And like, that's, that's all the stuff that I do when it's,

you know, when I'm with the kids and you're cooking dinner and stuff like that. And so we have different wants and desires and that's okay. And I'm so thankful to Karen for helping with conflict resolution. Thank you to ZocDoc for sponsoring this portion of today's episode because without them, I probably never would have gotten diagnosed for ADHD. You definitely wouldn't have. Because I never made the appointment. You had to make the appointment for me. I actually, with your permission, contacted someone to reach out to you regarding your health via ZocDoc

because it was super, super easy. Abby has a theory that people with ADHD go undiagnosed because they don't actually schedule their appointment. Yeah, people are saying it's overdiagnosed. I'm like, I think it's underdiagnosed. I think the people that are really suffering from ADHD can't get themselves corralled enough to go to a doctor. And ZocDoc,

Made it so easy because all I had to do was download an app on my phone, do a video call with a doctor, and they just asked me questions. And that was it. It was so easy. I didn't have to drive somewhere, wait in a waiting room. It saved me a ton of time. And the appointment took like 20 minutes. ZocTalk is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. ZocTalk makes it super easy because it's all online and they show you a whole list of in-network doctors that you can use and be seen sometimes

even the same day and you can do it virtually, which is great because I had to drive over 30 minutes today. Wait, why the frick were you not using DocDoc today? Because I already had a doctor. You got to get with the times, girl. Because ZocDoc is free, people. It is literally F-R-E-E free. The typical wait time to see a doctor on ZocDoc is between 24 to 72 hours. That's it. You can even score same day appointments. I use ZocDoc and you should too. So go to ZocDoc.com slash unplanned and download the ZocDoc app

for free then find and book a top rated doctor today that's zocdoc z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash unplanned zocdoc.com slash unplanned now back to the episode what if karen watches our podcast i think that would be a violation really yes

Actually. Yes. Does she need to ask us if she wants to watch her podcast? I think she would need to ask. I don't know what the rules are with that. I think she would need to ask. I'm clueless. And I would say, I mean, sure, why not? Everyone else in the world is able to watch it if they want to. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even want to get into this anymore. I'm already getting freaking irritated with you. Really? No. I'm sorry. I love you. It's okay. I think you look really pretty with your hair up. Thank you. I love you too. I will say...

How do you chip your nails every time you get in here? Why did you get this? Because you were talking about how you chipped your nails yesterday. And I'm like, I don't understand how you chip your nails so much. Did you go to a different nail salon and they didn't do as good of a job? I try to stretch them as long as I can. It's expensive. So how often do most women get their nails done? Probably two to three weeks. Somewhere around two weeks. Okay. Yeah. And that's pretty common. But you get yours done what? Three weeks. Oh, every three. And I do my toenails every six weeks.

Wait, why are your toenails and your fingernails not the same color? Because I got these done like three weeks ago and those done like six weeks ago. Oh. I'm due. What's your favorite nail color right now? I don't know. What's your favorite? You know what my favorite is. That's not even a question. French tip. French tip. That's not a color. But it's just like the style that I like. I honestly kind of like this orangey red color. It's kind of in right now. I will say the chrome is kind of cool. Chrome is in. Like when you started doing chrome, I was like, okay, like I can vibe with that. The

That's the funniest thing about you, Matt, is that like no one else's husband really cares about their wife's nails as much as you do. Which I love that you have a preference on that. I will say that. I love that you're honest with me and I love that you like notice those things and have a preference. But it is kind of funny. What do you think about my hair growing out? Do you like it more?

I went to the barber a month ago. I need to go to the barber again. Yeah, I think it's looking good. I want you to grow it out. I need to get it touched up before the wedding. Yeah, well, so does Griffin. I'm liking it a lot more. I'm realizing that short, like really short hair, not really my thing. Really? Yeah. I thought you were loving it. I mean, kind of. I don't know. I just, I look at the photos of me from right when I did it and I'm like, ew. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I love you and I think that you look really handsome. Yeah.

So many different ways. You can pull off a lot of different things. That is really nice. I do prefer your hair a little more grown out. I like it really short on the sides, but long on the top. I think that's what I'm realizing. And I think you need to use some texture spray. Because you had texture in Hawaii, but like not here because it's so dry. That's true. The dryness here is not the best for my hair. You need a sea salt spray. Yes, I should do that. And then going to the barber is clutch. Like I have never, I went to the barber for the very first time a month ago and it did wonders for my hair. Yeah.

So we've decided as a family that we are not celebrating Father's Day this year. It is so sad. I'm so disappointed. Not celebrating it on Father's Day. In September. Wait, what date is Father's Day this year? Father's Day, it's always in June. Last year was June 18th, which is Matt's birthday. So he had Father's Day and his birthday on the same day. So sad. And I will say I am disappointed in myself.

But I did kind of combine the holidays. You did combine the two of them. It's okay, though. I mean, you were pregnant. You were uncomfortable. You were close. We'd just gotten back from our baby moon that day. We flew in from Mexico that day. So we kind of celebrated it on the baby moon. We kind of skipped it, kind of. I got you a cake from DQ. I guess we had just gotten home. And we had our family over and...

I think I grilled. Well, I grilled. But I know a lot of dads grill on their birthday. So it's whatever. But yeah, we had Father's Day. And I grew your child. You did grow my child. All day, every day. But like Father's Day and my birthday were the same exact day. Yeah. And it kind of was a bummer because it was like those are two days. I failed. I failed. I'm going to be honest with you. I failed you. I'm so sorry. But you know what? It's all right. Like there's a lot going on. But this year, Father's Day is on the 16th of June. Which is still only two days before your birthday. Exactly. So we talked about it.

and we think it's best if Matt celebrates Father's Day in September. Yeah, so we're boycotting- September 18th. We're boycotting Father's Day for the month of June and celebrating it three months after my birthday. Yeah, we're gonna make a big hoopla about it. Because nothing goes on in September. Like what is, I guess September is kind of the month of pumpkin spice where everyone's like, let's go get pumpkin spice lattes. So now we're gonna add in Father's Day.

Yeah, September needed new holidays anyway. Yeah, maybe we could, and September happens to be the month that you want to go buy a new house. Well, celebrate by buying daddy a new house. I'm never going to call you daddy again. That's so weird. I think that's kind of hot. I mean, feel free to if you want. You're kidding. What? You're one of those? I don't know. I mean, it kind of, I kind of liked it.

I call you hot mama. I know, but mama feels better than like mommy. Just like dada sounds better than daddy. I don't call you mommy. I feel like that would be weird to call you mommy. That reminds me of Poppy. But even daddy's just worse though. Daddy, yeah. I don't know. I mean, that can be, it could be kind of, if people are into that stuff, like it could be kind of fun depending on the setting. Save it for private settings. Yeah, for private settings. Not like on this public podcast. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Of course. So yeah, Father's Day is for us on September 18th. Don't even say Happy Father's Day to Matt this year on the 16th. Don't even think about it.

think about it. It will not be accepted. It's like Christmas with the cranks. Oh yeah. It's like we're not. You pass out your cards to everybody. No Frosty. Yeah. Yeah. No Father's Day. People wish me a happy Father's Day. Like no we will not be accepting that. I'm like not celebrating that this year. Gonna be celebrating. Actually I'll be celebrating it in September. So. Yes. Just delaying it by three months. Yeah. Wow you're gonna be 26 Matt. That is freaking me out.

Out. That is scary. 26. Doesn't that age seem so old? No. That seems so old. No, because you're supposed to peak in your 30s and 40s. So we're still a long way to go. No, but when I see that someone is in their 30s, I'm like, oh, they're old. They're a real adult. And then I'll be like, oh my gosh. If that person is 31. Here's what we need to stop doing. Viewing aging as a bad thing. Viewing aging.

Aging is a gift, Matt. True. You've gotten to like experience so many years, so many things in your life and you've gained wisdom through those experiences and you've had failures but you've also had triumphs and joys. You've laughed. You've played and gone on adventures. It's like this

we need to just rework the way we view it you know what it is abby everything since covid has been a whirlwind it's been a blur for me like the past the past four years because of the shutdowns and staying in and everything that happened with covid i just don't feel like time has been the same since then and so like in some ways i still feel like i'm 21 and then i'm like what am

I'm 25. I'm about to turn 26. Like I am so close to being 26. Tells me what you need to take more time to reflect That's true. I think that's good. You look really good. The way you just said that was really cute. Thank you Yeah, you look like you were in a movie and you have in your eyes like they're so thank you I don't know. I'm just thinking that you it seems as if you have not processed life events, which makes sense because it's been a lot and

I for myself also think that it's been a lot, but sometimes if I just sit down with a journal and slow the thoughts in my head to the pace of what I can write, really helps me absorb how I'm feeling and how I'm in the moment. And then it slows me down and it also makes me,

kind of just reflect on the passing of time because then i can go back and look oh wow this is what i wrote at this point this way we're at this point and it just kind of makes everything feel more like complete then once it's been documented it's like ah i've lived that i've processed that i can return to that if i choose to i don't know i think you need do you still journal yeah not as frequently as i once did because i don't have as much time but i need to start journaling i really like that idea

Because you read me journals that you wrote from like four years ago, five years ago. And it was crazy. It was crazy just to see like how much has changed. And it made me appreciate the past, but then also appreciate the present. So maybe that's something that I need to take up is journaling. Maybe that'll help me. Just set yourself a small goal. Say like twice a week, I want to write one page. Yeah. And you'd be amazed how like, I feel like it's going to be really good for you. I think part of it too is...

We lived in Hawaii. Now we live in Arizona. We haven't lived somewhere in a long time where there's seasons. And so the passing of time... That's true. The passing of time was so apparent back then because... It messes you up. Yeah, the weather would change. We're like, oh... Well, we also had school. Exactly. And that really was like, okay, now it's summertime. But now when you're an adult... And now it's the fall semester. Yeah. Yeah, it's not like you have your summer off, right? Like as an adult... Time just flies. You have responsibilities and then just the time... It feels like it speeds up. It feels like you're falling. Yeah.

And you're just, and it just getting faster and faster as time goes on. Actually, that's not how gravity works. What? Everything falls at the same speed. No, there's wind resistance, honey. What do you mean?

Like, for instance, you fall to slow. So you're telling me it slows down? Yeah. So, like, if someone deploys a parachute, they're going to fall slower than someone without a parachute, right? Now they're not falling at the same speed. The more I get away from school, the more I'm like, I don't think if you were to put a pen and paper test in front of me, I would pass it. Like, I start to feel like...

I don't know about that. Like even... No, okay. Seriously. I'm scared. Seriously, a skill that you have is you're really good with people. Really? And I think that is invaluable. You cannot teach that skill that you have with people. You can walk into a room and you're so good at speaking to others and making them smile and laugh. And you can jump into a circle of women that you've never met before and be full of yourself and connect with each and every one of them. And that...

is something that you cannot teach. Matt, that is literally so nice. That is so nice. Thank you. Seriously. I don't feel deserving of that, but thank you. Well, it's just a fact. I've seen it happen. Stop, stop, stop. I don't know what to say. You're awesome. No, I love you, Matt. Love you too. I think you're very talented and you're very smart. And I'm really thankful that I have you to be financially wise. Yes.

Everyone in the comments is going to be like, Matt, you're being controlled. No, they're not. They're going to be like, Abby, please be responsible with your money. You have children to think about. And to you I say...

I will buy my children everything. Just kidding. Yeah, I do feel... This reminds me... Sorry to interrupt. No, go for it. This reminds me of when I was a kid. My mom had a UR special plate and every night at dinner, someone else would get the UR special plate and we'd all go around and say nice things about them. Do you want me to say something nice about you? We just did. You said something nice about me. Did you not know that you just did that? I didn't even know that. Yeah, you just did. Oh, the financially wise thing. Well, I think so many things... You said that I was wise. I just gave you a pep talk when I was in the bathtub, but... You know that's my love language, right?

Words of affirmation. Yes, I do. It means a lot to me. I need to work on that. I like it. And your love language is mainly acts of service. I think so. Which I, every time I do like a random act of service, I remember how much that means to you. I brought Abby. I went and surprised Abby with her, like a special Starbucks order the other day. And she was just like so thrilled that I thought of her. I think that is my love language. And took, yeah, I woke up with the kids, took them to Starbucks and grabbed Abby a coffee and-

You just loved that. And I knew that you'd like it, but I just forget about how like little, little things like that mean a lot. Yeah. You know what my new favorite thing is, is in the morning having time to myself to read and be alone in the morning that I like love so much before I like start my day because something I realized recently, I am with people every second of every day, except for when I'm sleeping, which I've sleep next to you. So I'm not even alone then.

And I think that I really love that and I thrive off of that. But I've kind of reached the point where my tank is empty. Yeah. Like my social tank is actually, it's not even empty. Here's the thing, because I still get energy from being around people. But I think I kind of got to a point where I was like, I need to be alone to kind of

you know, decompress. And I don't really have a chance to do that. Or if I do, I'm kind of like feeling guilty the whole time or feeling stressed. I think that's just the existence of a mom, especially a mom that also has to work sometimes. You're really good, mom. Thank you. I love my kids. And that's the other thing. I don't compare myself to other moms. Do you understand that? That's good. That's great. If they're doing something with their kids that is working great, that's great for them. I'm not looking at that and being like,

Oh, man, I really shouldn't be doing that. I feel so bad that I am just lazy and not thoughtful in that way. Like, I don't think that at all. I literally feel, I don't know, I just feel, why would we do that? That makes me sad. I hate when people compare themselves to other people. What? I hate when people yell at their kids in public.

Yeah. I do kind of try to have grace for those people because it's like maybe we caught them at a bad time. Maybe they're at their actual wits end. That's true. They told their kids what to do over and over. But even then, it's like we got to work against that. Because I think as soon as you yell, you –

Or appear out of control. You lose all respect and trust with your children. You see those parents at Disney World and they'll be like screaming at their child. Yeah. Or when we went to Universal for your birthday and we saw that mom like yelling at her daughter. That makes me so upset because it's like don't go and do fun kid things if you're going to be a buzzkill the entire time. Be fun. And then your kid's not going to want to be around you when they get older. Be nice. Yeah. Like kids don't forget that stuff. Oh,

Oh, for sure. And look, like every parents have their moments, right? So like if you if you mess up, like every parent makes mistakes. But if you constantly yell at your child and constantly lose your cool on your child, you

maybe they're not going to want to keep a relationship with you once they're older and that's really sad or they'll look back on those it's like man disney was supposed to be fun but i don't know something about it is just like it wasn't it kind of felt stressful for me and it's like if your parents are out of control and so upset the whole time then it's probably hard to enjoy yourself and i don't know and here's the thing you're not going to be a perfect parent you're going to mess up but i think it's important is if you lose your cool and you yell at your kid you take a

mom needs a minute and then model that for your kids when you need to kind of collect yourself. I haven't gotten to that point yet because our kids are so little, but I know that's going to come. I'm not going to be naive in that way. And then afterwards say, Hey mom yelled and she shouldn't have done that. It's not okay to yell at other people. It's not okay to like take out your anger like that. Yeah. And it's like, can you forgive me? I think that saying you're sorry to your kids and asking their forgiveness is probably one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent because you're humbling yourself to be an example, right?

And I don't know. I think that's really powerful. Yeah. And yeah, just don't be not fun. If you're going to go do fun things, actually be fun and enjoy it with your kids. I think it's cool too when parents apologize if they mess up.

because i just said that i am so sorry did i just completely zone out right there i think i totally i could tell in your eyes that it wasn't tracking no that's the zipper here okay that's that you weren't tracking but matt what a wonderful thought yes that's a great idea i'm so sorry i zoned out for a second it's okay yeah um i just think yeah don't don't yell at your kids if you're gonna go do a fun kid thing have a kid day be let your kids freaking go crazy

I don't know. Maybe that's bad advice. My kid goes crazy. He goes really crazy.

love that about kids i love that they have so much energy and they just like go into a space and they see tape on a wall and they want to stick it to themselves when you're touring a house and then all the tape that was on the house for repairs for the maintenance guy your kid rips it off pretty funny it is funny but now they're not gonna know what to repair they shouldn't let us come in in the first place griffin's a tornado he's gonna do whatever he's gonna do

He's going to take his own track. You're freaking hilarious. Yeah, watch. We're going to eat our words. We're going to go to Disney with our like five and six year olds. And we're going to be like, oh, this is why parents yell at their kids. Yeah. I hope not. I sure hope not. I sure hope that we can...

still have this same mindset even when they're like as they get older and they are pushing our boundaries that we can just be like know what this is supposed to be a fun day maybe karen can come with us to disney maybe we can just fly karen out to disney world to make sure that we don't yell at our children while we're at the parks maybe that's what people need they just maybe disney should hire some like family counselors that can show up and just kind of keep the peace with the parents that are losing their cool

Have you seen that TikTok? The dad's like, he's like, shut up and go to bed. Because his kids, they're like, they woke up at like 5am at Disney World. And they're, I don't know. It's just like parents lose their cool at Disney World for whatever reason.

Well, it makes sense. Because they're spending their... The parents are also... The kids are overstimulated, hot, had too much sugar, and exhausted. And so are the kids. And so then it's just a dumpster fire. But then the parents took their one vacation week off to go to Disney. And they're just trying to actually get some shut-eye. And then their kid wakes up at 5 a.m. wanting to go to the parks. That's so cute, though. Think about how excited they are. Yeah. Just get an extra coffee. Come on. Yeah.

Buckle up. That's cute. My parents were always so fun at Disney, so that's why I'm like, just be fun. You know we're kind of Disney adults, right? Okay, so what? A little bit. We love Disney. I don't think it's a bad thing. We go every year. I think it's because we're people that are unashamedly willing to embrace childlike magic. Yeah, I love that. So, I don't know. If anyone has something negative to say about it...

Mind your business. Thank you guys for listening to this week's episode of the Unplanned Podcast. If you haven't already followed us on social media, you can find us on Instagram. We're on TikTok. We're on YouTube, Facebook.

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