Getting Body Shamed & Starting an Argument
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Nothing ever makes it okay to comment on someone else's body negative things. Are you comfortable showing people what your belly looks like? Yeah. Whoa. That is actually so crazy. I know. Our five-year wedding anniversary is coming up. That's crazy. I can't believe we've been together that long. I love telling people that. Which is funny because when we first got married, it was kind of embarrassing to use the word husband. Now, it's something that I'm so proud of. Yeah. I don't agree with that. I 1,000% agree, Abby. Matt, here's why I disagree. Do you know how successful... No, no, no. Let me tell you why. You talk and then I'll talk.

Welcome back to Unplanned. Everybody in our family is getting sick again. You're sick? I can feel it coming on. Oh my gosh. Why is that every time I'm sick, you are like, I feel it too. Well, we kiss each other and then sometimes you freaking use my toothbrush. So I'm not shocked. I have not used your toothbrush in a long time. I'm not shocked at all that I'm getting sick from you right now. And I'm not shocked that our son is sick.

I feel like every month now that we have two kids, every month the whole family gets sick. It's just like a common occurrence. I don't feel that bad, honestly. I need to start doing IV drips more often and taking my vitamin C. I actually took my vitamin C today. The difference between me being sick and you being sick is like I go to the gym. I still get up. I still do my thing. You're like, I just have to sleep for 12 hours. That actually is my plan tonight. My plan to keep myself...

from getting sick is I'm going to go to bed at like freaking eight o'clock because it actually works. Like if you look up online, the medical research on what to do if you're sick, it's like sleep and drink liquids. Like that's kind of the core of it. You could just pretend you're not sick and then you psych your brain. We should have talked to Dr. Amen about that actually. That doesn't work. Dr. Amen, can you convince your brain that you're not sick? Because I do that

all the time. Well, Abby, okay, there's a difference. Like placebo is a real thing, right? So you can actually enhance your mood and all these things if you think that psyching yourself out is going to work.

But you can't like trick yourself into getting rid of your diabetes. I disagree. You can't trick yourself into getting rid of your ADHD. And I think in the same way. You can't compare diabetes and ADHD to the common cold. I know. But like I think in some ways, yes. You know, if your mood's better, you might have a better recovery with being sick. But at the end of the day, if you're freaking sick, you're sick. Matt, I think you need to do a little bit of all of those things. Like, yes, I slept in today.

I am drinking hot tea right now. I took a decongestant. I drank water, but then I also went to the gym. I'm going to go about the rest of my day like it's normal. You got to do a little bit of all things. But for you, you're like the only thing you can do is sleep. The weirdest thing, though, is when you're sick, you'll just like you'll feel bad. So then you like take a bath that night and do all these things. And I'm like, why don't you just go to bed?

Like, why don't you actually just do what your body needs to fight off the sickness? I cannot do what you do. I literally cannot sleep for 12 hours. When I'm sick, I'm like, I'm exhausted. I'm going to go to bed. Like, I'm going to go fight this thing off. No, I'm like, I'm going to go fight this thing off. I'm going to take a hot bath. I'm going to drink some tea. I'm going to, you know, take a decongestant.

I'm gonna drink more water, except I haven't been drinking enough water. Yeah, the thing is, I think it's our children infecting us. Do you want to know something that, this is just switching the subject. We have a bad system here because kids obviously drool a lot. They don't wipe their noses. They don't cover their cough or their sneeze. They've been catching our toddler since his baby.

His baby's passy. What? His baby. His baby brother's pacifier. He's stealing the passy quite a bit. Oh, yeah. Wait, you haven't even noticed that? I've noticed it like once, but I didn't know it was a common thing. Every time I turn the corner, he has the baby's binky. And he doesn't even like those kind of binkies. That's how he's so desperate. Because we made a new rule that our toddler can only have his binky in baby.

crib did you know that that was an issue we had in my family my brother always stole my bank starting to happen i don't remember that i was too little to have a memory right he won't take him out of augie's mouth okay he hasn't taken them out of his mouth but he will um like if there's a stray one laying around he'll pop it in and then he'll look at me and laugh because he knows he's not supposed to have it my parents had the binky fairy come and deliver a thomas the train engine set

for my brother and I when he got rid of all of his binkies. I don't know if they did that for when I got rid of my binkies because I have no memory of this, but just from what my parents have said, like they had the binky fairy come and deliver all these gifts in exchange for the binkies. And I think we even buried some binkies in the dirt. Like it was kind of weird. It was almost like a ritual. Okay.

Okay. Are we going to bury binkies in the backyard? You know, I saw a video of this and I actually think this is a really good idea is if we use the binkies as currency, like similar to what you're saying with your parents, but like say we go to Target and we're like, Griffin really wants...

I don't know. Whatever it could be. Oh, one of those. You know what we should do this with is those toy cars. Griffin is obsessed with trucks and cars. And we want to get him one that he can actually ride in. Probably when he's two. And that's around the same time that he'll be needing to get rid of his binkies. We can just pay for it. But then tell the. We can gauge the cashier. But if they seem like they would be fun. Like we could be like, hey, Griffin.

Like he's going to pay for these with his binkies. And then like give him the binkies. That's really cute. I love that idea actually. Let's do that. Because then that's kind of like also symbolizing like, okay, these were for when you were a baby. And now that you're big, you can have a car.

But it's... I like that idea. When do they need to have all binkies gone? I don't even know what the rules are. Yeah, I asked... His pediatrician said two. Okay. So we're getting close. No, no, no. Not like by two. But like when they're two is when you start getting rid of them. Oh, okay. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Some people's kids don't take binkies ever. He kind of needs those to fall asleep. Like we just have them in his crib. I'm terrified for that. For nighttime. He might switch to sucking on his thumb. Well, he has been waking up more in the night, which has been sad. He was up a lot last night coughing because you guys are both sick. Well, it's because he's starting to get separation anxiety. Yeah. I didn't tell you he got out of the gym yesterday. Really? I dropped him off at the kid's care. And he got really sad? And he kept going...

But they said as soon as I left. Because I was like, I just have to walk away. Because I worked at a nursery in college. And I knew that as soon as the parents leave, they're okay. And that's exactly what happened. They said as soon as you walked away, he started playing and having fun. And then he didn't even want to leave. Yeah.

It always works like that. Like they don't want you to leave. And then all of a sudden they don't, they don't want to leave. Last night when I was reading to him, I was able to just like immediately transition into singing. You are my sunshine. And because you weren't there and all, he wasn't there. I think there was like less distractions for him. And he did like whine a tiny bit, but I just like,

Got him in his crib got him the binkies shut the sleep tent boom and then like no more crying Yeah, right to bed. He does. It's a little worse when I do it But he has been fighting bedtime a lot more. Do you think there's any correlation with the? The swimming lessons that we've been doing for him because I wonder if that's as soon as he started swim lessons That is when he started fighting bedtime. Yeah, I don't know I have mixed feelings rather than swimming lessons. Maybe the separation anxiety was almost enhanced

by the swim lessons because he does not like being away from us. Well, the separation anxiety. Like if I'm in the pool with him, he's totally comfortable with me holding him and playing with him. He'll jump on me.

into the water, no floaties on to me knowing that I'll pick him up. He trusts me, but I feel like he doesn't trust the swim coach. That's a good theory actually. Like maybe it's not the swimming lessons. Maybe it's the fact that we're not participating with him. I almost wonder if I was in the water, if he would be a lot more comfortable with the swim coach. These swim lessons are super intense. ISR, is that the name of it? What does that even stand for? I have no idea. It's honestly a little pricey, but it's worth it because I don't want our kids...

to ever, ever be in a situation where they... I don't even think it's really like swim lessons. Like it's like water survival lessons. Honestly, yeah. He's not really learning to swim. I have mixed feelings on it. Okay. Because I was back and forth on ISR for so long, but we have a pool in our backyard and we're around pools all the time being in Arizona. So I'm like, okay, you know, this feels necessary because you're never prepared for your kid to accidentally fall in the water or jump in when you're not supervising them. But that's when...

the worst happens. And so it felt responsible to get him signed up. But now that we're doing it and he hates it, or I shouldn't say he hates it, he doesn't love it. It is...

But he still loves water, though. And I thought he hated water after starting ISR because he cries the whole entire lesson. But he loves it still. But we went to this like water park, wasn't it? Was it JW Marriott that our friends Maddie and Trevor were staying at? They live in Utah. They're on Instagram. We met up with them at this like resort, which I didn't even know that Arizona had all these like nice resorts. It was freaking nice. They had all these...

fun slides. We went down the slide together. That was a really crazy slide. It was like a half pipe, but it's like a hundred feet tall. I kind of felt like a kid again. We went flying and I grabbed the side of the slide, catapulted us down the slide and we went so fast. Their five-year-old daughter went on that. She's brave. Are you kidding me? She's brave. That seems sketch. I mean, that is like, okay. I mean, that's awesome. I love that. I

But for me, even as an adult, I was like, frick, am I doing this? She's actually four. Wow. Anyway, it was so cool. And Griffin got in the water and he loves it. He did the laser river with you. Yeah. So it hasn't traumatized him. So if you're worried about putting your kids in ISR and they might hate water, our kid still loves the water, which also reminds me it's all the more reason that he should be in these lessons, even though it's tough. And it's sad to see your kid like, I don't know, be like, mom, like reaching for you and want you to get in. Yeah.

But it's good and it's important. So maybe it's like infant survival reenactment or something. Like maybe it's like teaching. Maybe it stands for some sort of like survival thing because it truly is like, OK, Griffin, go into the water now, grab the ladder to get out of the water. So he's like learning how to get to the edge of the pool. But they haven't been really working on swimming yet. He doesn't really know how to swim. But they will teach. So like I think the first step is like with babies. They just teach them to float. Yeah.

With Griffin's age, I think they teach them to float and get to an edge. And then with slightly older, they teach them to float, get to an edge and climb out of the water. And Griff can hold his breath for a while. Like sometimes he holds his breath for legit like six seconds. I'm like, holy crap. Of course he has to. Like what else is he going to do? I know, but it kind of scares me. Like I was telling you this when Griffin and I were in the water and he was pointing, there was a person swimming laps at our neighborhood pool. Mm-hmm.

And so he pointed to them and he was like, swim? Or he said something like that? I'm like, oh yeah, Griff, look. And so then I literally, I'm right next to him, right? He's on the edge of the pool. He was jumping in and I was catching him, but he wanted to see me do that. And so I was like, okay. And so my eyes were on him the whole entire time. I go back to do backstroke, still keep my eyes on him. The second that I go into backstroke, he just decides to send it and jump into the water. And I...

Like my heart about jumped out of my body. I like...

He was probably under the water for maybe four seconds. Oh, gosh. But he knows how to hold his breath, though. Was he crying? No, he was laughing when I got him out because he wanted me to come get him. But it was scary because usually when he jumps in, I have my hands on his body the whole entire time. I don't like that. But it freaked me out that he had the confidence to just jump in with me. I don't know. I was probably...

four feet away from him. So freaked me out. I hated that. I hated it. But, um,

That's exactly why he is in the swim lessons because we have to be careful. We have to really teach this kid to swim because he's fearless and he has no idea the dangers that exist in this world. The dangers that exist in this world. Seriously. Oh, wow. That's what I really like with our conversation with Dr. Amen last week. I love that he was saying, your kid forgets their homework at school. Don't bring it to them. Oh, he says that? Yeah. Maybe they're in high school and they're going to- I don't agree with that. I 1000% agree, Abby. Uh-uh.

Okay, here's why I disagree. Do you know how successful... No, no, no. Let me tell you why I disagree. You talk and then I'll talk. You sound like Ruby Frankie. Your kid forgets their lunch. You don't bring their lunch to school.

that one is different why because i think like food is like an essential need your homework matt how many okay i could actually not disagree more okay i i firmly disagree on this well i'll be bringing griffin his homework anytime he needs it we're not gonna do that here's why we'll get a line on it here's why matt you have the time how many times have you forgotten things how many times have you forgotten things

I want to let you just talk. No, this is an active conversation. I forget things. And you know what happens when I forget things? I deal with the consequences of them. You are able to go get him. He's not able to go get them.

He's not able to handle the consequences of his own. He can't drive. So let's talk about school. Okay. So Griffin's a freshman in high school. He's in a math class. He forgot his homework and now he's going to, let's, let's be, let's be dramatic. He's going to fail the class and he'll have to retake it or something. Right now. I know that sounds dramatic. I know that sounds like why you're a horrible parent for not bringing your kid their math homework or whatever.

But if your kid learns self-responsibility while they are still in the house, they will not have problems. Do you think that's the only way you can teach? Can I please finish? Okay, sorry. Can I please finish? Sorry. They will not have those problems as an adult. And I was just talking to my mom about this last night. I was kind of debriefing with her on the Dr. Amon conversation. And she was telling me how there is a kid, I'm not going to say who it was, but there was a kid that was in my older brother's class that all growing up, my parents always saw that this kid was

would just disrespect his parents, get away with everything. They didn't really reprimand him, punish him. They always brought his homework to him when he was in school, all that stuff. Now they have a restraining order on their child. Because their child...

Did not learn to have self-responsibility. Disrespect is very different than innocently forgetting to bring your homework. Disrespect would be handled differently and there would be consequences for disrespect. Okay. A natural consequence for us, if we forget something, it's like, crap, I got to go grab that.

And then you're out of, you're put out of your way. You have to go, you lose your time, all those things. Freshmen in high school cannot drive themselves to go back home and get their homework. But they also can't just skip class. You can't just skip class. Exactly. Well, they're going to deal with consequences. But like my parents, keep in mind, like if I forgot something, they would get it for me.

I learned self-responsibility. My parents did that for me too, Abby. But I also learned I was... Did you learn self-responsibility still? I was very stubborn. And I knew that if I pushed enough, I could get my way with my mom. And...

Honestly, like I would have been looking back. I would have been okay more with my mom. Maybe even being a little bit more strict with me in those situations. This episode of the unplanned podcast is brought to you by Kleenex ultra soft tissues. Your ally to help tackle your allergy symptoms this season. We would be screwed if it wasn't for Kleenex. Can we just be honest? Oh my gosh. There's so much snot in this house. So much. Everyone gets sick at least once a month and it's literally the whole house. Our kids have constant runny noses. Explain this. Why do they hate getting their nose wiped so much? I don't know. It can't hurt.

them. Griffin's gotten a little bit better. So he sometimes is okay with me wiping his nose, but it's like a 50-50 chance. Sometimes I just hand him a Kleenex and I'm like, you want to do it yourself? He learned to blow his nose. Yeah, he can kind of do it himself. That's the only way. Kleenex is a brand I can feel good about our kids using because they are so soft. It's not like you're going to be irritating their very tender, sensitive skin with them. I feel bad. Like if we run out of Kleenexes, then I'd go to use a paper towel.

out. And that's just like not comfortable on your nose. Their ultrasound tissues are hypoallergenic and allergist approved as well. I didn't even know that. Very cool. Great for your little ones, little leaky nostrils. And for myself, honestly, I was blowing my nose constantly recently. And I was like, man, I'm really glad I have these because I used to get rashes. You know, you got sick last week. We're always sick in this house. I know. It's just that season of life. But we're really thankful to Kleenex for saving our noses.

And for this allergy season, grab Kleenex and face allergies head on. Back to the episode. Forgetting something is innocent. You can't help that. That's something out of your control. I forget things and I'm like, crap. And then I learn, I'm like, okay, next time I can not get in this situation if I do X, Y, and Z. And so I think it's okay if I run my kid their homework and say, next time let's make sure your backpack is packed the night before so we don't have to do this. If it's

that is like habitual it's happening very regularly that's one thing but if they forget an important assignment or like they forget their cleats for soccer practice after school I'm gonna bring it to my kid I mean we can align on it but I would say that it would be my opinion that we bring it to them because everyone can forget something innocently everyone can we adults do it all the time um

I 100% agree with you. I just think that if you're going to be a pushover as a parent, your child will just... How is that being a pushover? Your child will learn to just...

They'll just know that anytime they forget something, anytime they mess up, they can rely on mommy and daddy to come and solve their problems. But we need our kids to learn self-responsibility. We need them to develop the self-esteem by tackling hard things in their life and solving them themselves. That way they build up that confidence. I get so confident when I'm able to solve problems in my life. When I see a problem and I'm able to take care of it myself and

I feel powerful. I feel empowered. I hate this victim mentality that we have in our culture today where people are like, oh me, I can't do anything. That does nothing for you. That literally does absolutely nothing for you. And you'll just stay in a crappy place. You'll stay in those negative thoughts and nothing will ever change. But until you take self-responsibility and empower yourself to actually like seek change and do something to change your life circumstances, you're

Nothing's going to happen. And so I want our kids to learn that from a young age. And I think they're going to be happier and more fulfilled because of that. I want my kids to learn those things too. I just don't think that that is taught through not helping them out when they are in a situation where they can't help themselves. If they're in a situation where they can help themselves, that's their job to do those things. I fully believe that. But do you think I'm a person that has...

take self responsibility yeah I do my parents would always bring me something if I needed it and I developed trust with my parents through that but I will say this and look we both have really amazing parents I want to preface that like we are so blessed to have the parents that we have I love my parents

so much. They're literally my best friends. But something that your parents, that's something that your parents did that my parents didn't. And again, I have amazing parents. I love them. They did an incredible job. And also when you're a parent, you're just figuring it out. It's not like I came with an instruction manual, right? I was a hard kid to parent at times. Okay. Like I'm not saying my parents' job was easy at all, but what I, what I love that your parents did. You're a hard kid to parent right now. Okay. I just

What I love that your parents did though is they stayed out of your business a lot more than mine did and I noticed that like when I went to college I felt this freedom like it was incredible. I felt like

All my decisions that I made were completely my own. And I got to reap the consequences for all those decisions, positive or negative. And for you, you didn't feel that as much because your parents weren't in your business as much as mine were. I told my mom literally everything growing up though. So maybe that's why we have different opinions on this is because I had parents that were a little bit more in my business. And so it's almost like, like Dr. Amen said, he said that he...

stealing his child's self-esteem by solving his child's problems. And to be honest, again, my parents are amazing. I love them. We have an amazing relationship. I think there were times that I felt that way. And so I got to fully...

have my own self-esteem in college because I knew that everything that I did was because I did it. It wasn't because my mom did it for me. It wasn't because my mom planned. She didn't like plan out how I was going to solve these problems in my life. I just did it by myself. And that was incredibly empowering. Sorry, I'll shut up. I was always fully responsible for knowing my own assignments, getting them done on time, getting them to school for my own. I had so

so many extra, I was honestly insanely busy in middle school and high school because I just wanted to be involved in everything. I was in charge of my own schedule, knowing when I had to be at rehearsals, if times had changed, I was in charge of all of that. And I also was in charge of, as soon as I had my license, getting myself there. The day that I got my license, I had to drive myself to three different rehearsals and my parents were out of town with my brother.

I was in charge of all that. Yet, I knew that if it came down to something that I couldn't handle myself, that my parents were in my corner and were going to be there to help and support me. Because you're not fully independent until you're outside the house, until you're 18. This is your learning zone. This is your time to make mistakes. And this is your time to try out independence and in a safe place with your parents there. And so keep in mind,

I told my, you're like saying I didn't want my parents to help me. My parents did not force me to tell them anything. But I went to my parents and told them literally everything. Like anything that was going on with my friends, going on with boys. Like my mom knew everything. Pretty much everything. And she never asked. I don't remember her asking. We just had this trust.

And this bond, she felt like a friend, but not in an inappropriate way. Like it was like, I knew she's like, that's why she's my best friend now. Like she knew the boundaries of a parent, but also like, and here's the thing. I'm still trying to unpack as a parent and adult now, like what they did to create that relationship. Something else Dr. Ammon said that stuck out to me was never tell your child that they're smart. And at first I was like, that's, that seems way too extreme. I've already screwed that up. I told Griffin he was a genius this morning. I tell, I just...

I do too. I literally tell him he's smart every day because I love telling him he's smart, but I need to stop doing that. And I think the reason why is my parents did the same thing for me and completely out of love because they loved me so much. But for me, they'd be like, Matt, you are so confident. You don't have anxiety. You don't have all these things. And so I was told, I was told that I didn't have anxiety. I was told that I was confident. I was told all that because

But the reality is I wasn't. Like, I had so much anxiety in high school. I had so much fear. I love to push myself and to better myself and to make myself uncomfortable. So, yes, I would still, like, get up on stage and perform and do all these things. But holy crap, man, I had so much anxiety and I just didn't talk about it to anybody because I had in my head that I wasn't anxious anymore.

Yet I literally experienced that every freaking day. And it was out of your control. If I wouldn't have been told that, maybe that would have helped. Now, I don't want to just, these issues are so complex, right? It doesn't just deal with my parents. You would have had it anyway. Yeah, I feel like I would have, I feel like my pride would have kept me from talking about my anxiety. And it's still uncomfortable for me to admit that I have social anxiety. It's freaking weird. I cannot explain it. I cannot explain why I get so anxious sometimes in social settings. And it's totally normal. So many people experience that.

Yeah, I don't know. What's also funny is that you're talking about your parents with words of affirmation, like...

It's weird because our parents, I wouldn't say we're that different, but they're both amazing parents. So different though. But they are pretty different too because my parents were not very affirmative people. Yeah. Like, but I knew they were proud of me. I knew they loved me. I knew that they thought that I was smart and I knew that they thought that I was, would excel at anything I did. Yeah. And we both. But they didn't tell me that ever, like explicitly, like very few times. And the times that they did really stood out in my mind.

And I don't think I was craving it, though, is the thing. Like, I wasn't craving it because I knew that they were proud of me. They showed me constantly. And that's something I think about a lot. Yeah, I think your parents were very good at making you know that you were loved, making you know that they were proud of you. And they didn't necessarily say it. Maybe they could have said it more. In fact, they actually did.

Do you wish they would have said it more? They knocked me down a lot. But like in a fun way. In a very sarcastic way. Because your family is very sarcastic. And I had no idea what sarcasm was before meeting your family. I thought your mom didn't like me. Like I thought, I was like, man, why is she saying these things? But I didn't, I literally did not have a concept of sarcasm because my family, I mean, you know my family, we are not sarcastic at all.

all and that's not a bad thing not a bad thing but it was so it's so funny just coming from my family that's extremely sarcastic we like bully each other out of love i love it i think it's i think it's so funny good okay and it makes you like not take life so seriously i think i lost friendships in high school because there were kids because there were kids that were sarcastic with me and i took it so personally like they were like teasing me and i was like they're they're like being

They're bullying. Well, were they coming from a kind place or a mean place? And that's hard to say. Like sometimes sarcasm can go a little too far. And I think it was more on that end where I wasn't able to just like have the humility to like joke about it. Or dish it back. Maybe you just needed to dish it back. But I like took it super personally because I just –

To me, everything was black and white and I did not understand the sarcasm piece literally at all. So I remember in high school when you'd come over and be with my family and I would get nervous. I was like, please, like, I hope they're not sarcastic right now because I knew that you weren't like, and I didn't think of it as a bad thing. I actually thought it was really sweet that you weren't a sarcastic person.

And that's what I loved. Your dad's actually really funny. And I had no idea. I thought he was just incredibly quiet. Because he was. He didn't really talk to me. He didn't really talk around me. And I was very talkative. But your dad is just kind of a quiet guy until you get to know him. And now he's very vocal. Now we talk...

So much more. He's still a quiet guy though. And I think that ultimately is why living with like having your parents live with us works so well because your parents stay out of our business. We stay out of their business. Like it's not like we're telling each other what to do. We kind of just stay in our own lanes. But we also interact all the time. Yeah. Yeah.

So it just like it really works. I literally talked to my mom for like two hours straight yesterday. I want to say, though, something that really empowered me. And again, I want to emphasize, like, my parents are so, so good. They my mom and dad both empowered my brothers and I to start our own business in high school. And so we had a lawn mowing business where we would mow neighbors lawns. We put out flyers. We did odd jobs. We did slabs.

some minor landscaping work for people. We had all these clients, like we were managing clients while we were freshmen in high school and getting work done on the weekends. And that was so good for me to learn how to be a hard worker, to manage a book of business, to make money. And it was really fun. Like I felt so empowered by that. That's great.

I think we kind of talked about this a little bit of you about our kids working in high school and you've been pretty opposed to our kids working. And I, I'd love to open up the floor to talk about that. Mowing lawns. Like you're not, if, if,

push comes to shove and you wanted to go play a baseball game, you don't have to mow that lawn at that time. You're not scheduled. You're not on a, like that's not a problem. I'm thinking like a regular job. It's like, this is your one time in your life where you can just try everything. Yeah. Find what you're passionate about. That's the work of a child really is to just find your passion. And obviously you're not going to find it all like by the time you're 18 and there'll be time to discover that as an adult. But like it is the perfect time.

to just see what sticks. See what you like. See where you're naturally gifted. Like all these things. And I think that like working a minimum wage job doesn't allow for that. What if it's owning your own business? I didn't work a minimum wage job until I was in college. I actually just did my own business in high school and that taught me a lot. So what do you think about our kids owning their own business in high school? If that's the direction that they're moving and wanting to do, yes. I would help them foster that and grow that and grow.

encourage that even. But if they're not seeming like that and they seem like, okay, they really love soccer and they really... Or I don't know. I just don't think that that should be mandatory in childhood. Do you think it was bad that Dr. Amen worked at a grocery store when he was a child growing up because his family owned a grocery store? Like he would stock the shelves and... I don't want to speak on other people's personal lives. Okay. Like if he...

I think that that would be a person-to-person basis, family-to-family basis. I would love to ask him how he felt about that. I'm sure it was great. Like, I think there are situations where parents, like, their kid might be working too much. Well, there's a lot of situations, too, where, like, the family business, the kids are kind of forced to work there. They kind of need to, yeah. Money's tight. Yeah, and I just... I mean, honestly, that was even...

I mean, that was me for a little bit. Like money was tight. Like I loaned money to my parents for a little bit at one point. So like, no, I'm glad I'm happy to, like I wanted to like it. I love my, I love my parents, but yeah, like, and I don't think nobody ever expected for that to happen, but even in my family, like I, and they paid it back, like they paid me back, but I ended up having to do that because life is hard. Like it's, it's not, it's not easy. And you know, as a parent, you love your kids so much, but then you can't foresee how,

and downturns in the economy. And I don't know. I think you're taking it to an extreme that kind of trumps my argument. Oh, really? Yeah. And if it's a matter of eating or not eating, yes, I would say that the kids should work. But I think that the parents should do everything they can. Make every sacrifice they can. To not like borrow. Don't be getting your nails done. Don't be like, I don't know. There's so many things that it's like, was that a need or was that a want? Like, do you need that house? Do you need that car? Do you need that wardrobe? If it's...

between that and your kids working, you know, or kids not working a job. I don't know. I feel like we're getting into a territory that I don't really want to enter into because it's not. I'm speaking from where we're at in our life. We don't need that to put food on the table. So that's kind of, you're kind of going to an extreme that kind of trumps anything I said. True, but I also think even, okay, even in the situation of parents being

being well off. I think there's a way to teach your kids work ethic that's not them being an employee. Starting their own business of mowing lawns or something is totally different. Okay, okay. There we go. Because I actually would prefer for my children, rather than like working as an employee at another business, I'll prefer for them to start their own because then they have to work every single job. You have to wear every hat when you own the business and it's a small business and you're the only one doing it. That's your job. And I think

I think that inherently is different than what I was saying, though. Thank you to Skylight Calendar for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Matt, I am proud of you. And do you know why? Why are you proud of me? The past, I would say, six months, you have fully embraced how important it is to have a shared family calendar. It can be really hard to manage a household with two kids. Our parents also live with us. We also work together. There's just so much going on. And...

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Right. So order today to get 15% off your purchase at skylightcal.com slash unplanned. Back to the episode. Even then though, like if our kid worked eight hours a week, like they just worked on a Saturday, they would still have all day Sunday and all the time after school for extracurriculars, hanging with friends. Are you talking about a 16 year old? Yeah. Like if a 16 year old. Okay. That's rude.

that's also different but yes i don't see our kids working when they're fifth actually i was i was mowing lawns when i was 15 okay but like 16 yeah i mean i was babysitting when i was 15 yeah stuff i was working i think it's i worked as a kid too i'm just saying to force your kids say like you need to have a job because you have to learn work ethic this way maybe there's an extenuating circumstance where like the kid is very disobedient and they need that structure then that would be a different circumstance also i'm just saying in general i don't think that

I would want my kid to work a job in high school. Okay. I would almost be on the team of you have to do, you know, minimum like six hours of work a week, but you get to choose what it is. So you can start your own business. You could go work at McDonald's. You could work at the movie theater. Kids work so much, Matt. You do not remember the workload of homework.

your extracurriculars that you could be involved in. Like they need to have some time. And it does. Well, yeah. Just like anybody. And obviously it's going to be situational, right? Like when my brother, my brother Maudlons, like I did too, but when he was in the peak of football season or baseball season, he would slow down on the work. But then in the summertime when he had a lot more free time, then, you know, both him and I probably worked

10 to 20 hours a week in the summer um especially when it got to be peak long full time in the summer yeah but it was my choice well that was once you were in college you weren't working full time when you're in high school did you well the summer right after high school yeah actually no the summer right after junior year i did too you were a full you watched kids i'm naming full time yeah so that's what i'm saying like as someone that did that and i think my kids should have the opportunity to it just has to be child driven child led like one thousand percent okay you just said i want to

rule of mandatory six hours a week of work. Okay. And then...

I'm like, okay, now you're just doing the same thing that you were saying you didn't want to do, which is micromanage your kids. That's completely different. Oh, okay. Do you see how it's different though? Because they choose what that is. That can be anything that they want. Okay. They could babysit. They could mow lawns. They could go work at McDonald's. I just think that- Literally whatever their choice. I think that we're talking about all these external things where as like I'm more so worried about developing and my kid work ethic. I honestly needed the opposite in my life. Like my parents would tell me like, don't keep-

keep doing your homework, go to bed. Like don't finish this assignment. And I think that like, I'm just going to read my kids be like, okay, are they struggling like a little bit with laziness or like things like that, engage it. And I think that's also why my parents probably sometimes would bring me my stuff and not my brother, his stuff. Cause they knew that that was probably because he was choosing to not be proactive. Whereas mine was an honest mistake. And I think that this all, this whole conversation has to be understand. Like we have to,

parenting through the lens of each individual child. - I agree. Maybe the rule, right? Like I want our kids to make the decisions for themselves on what they wanna do. We have to have hard and fast rules as parents.

But at the same time, I want them to be steering the ship. I want them to decide if they want to play football or do ballet, whatever the heck they want to do. I want them to do that and love it because that's more important than anything. But I think when it comes to the mandatory things, I think maybe we make the house rules...

very minor. Like maybe, maybe the rule is we expect that you work, you know, for like, it could even be two hours a week, but just, just I think get making that an expectation to like, ah, like it's important for me to do some sort of work so I can understand how money works. I can understand business and they could do the bare minimum or if they're,

if they love it and they love owning their own business, maybe that becomes their thing. Like, I don't know. I just, I want them to be the one to make those decisions. And I think we just need to, like you said, base everything we do off of each kid because every kid is so unique and different. And it's not a one size fits all when you're parenting one kid versus another. And say your kid is...

going to school all day every day they have extracurriculars they want to hang out with friends it's like that short little time that we do have with them i want to be as a family like i don't want them to be off at work like uh and so there's just watch me cry right now because thinking about my kids believing my kids are babies but it's like their childhood is so short like right that's something to be preserved and you're a family unit living together for such a short amount of time like just preserve it and i think i

Ultimately, it boils down to we totally agree. We're totally aligned. We want our kids to be hardworking, passionate about what they do. We want them to find what they love. We want it to be child-led. And we want them to also enjoy their life. Like...

I think we agree on all the important things here and like we'll we'll steer the ship as we see fit as they kind of show us their personalities more and their interests more. I love how like an hour ago I was just walking in the living room and Griffin just kept going da da da da and I picked him up and then I did the thing where I like pretend to drop him and then he like starts belly laughing because he loves the feeling of us of

of us like falling together. And I just kept doing that over and over and over. And I just like couldn't help but think like, man, there's nothing better than this. You know, there's there's nothing better than hearing your kid belly laugh and, and say your name and telling them that you love them and

He can't really say I love you yet, but I know that he loves me. He can try. Honestly, like I feel so much more fulfilled in life now that I'm a parent because it's like he's part of my heart, you know? And so is Augie. And I don't have the connection that I have with Griff. Like Augie and I don't have as deep of a connection yet because he can't use, he can't talk at all.

But even just the one word sentences Griffin can mutter, like it's crazy how much we can connect and like communicate already. And it's been really freaking cool. We were hearing your songs and listening to your songs in the car the other day and Augie was clapping. Which song were you playing when Augie started clapping? I think I want to say Best Friends. Best Friends? I think it was a couple songs.

But I was like, wait, that's definitely Augie and not Gershon. I love that. It was sweet. I love that. Like, even when I just start, I'll start singing and they'll start dancing. Yeah. And they'll start clapping. They love music. And it's like, it's like music is a part of them just like it is a part of me. Yeah, sweet. And when I get my guitar out to play, every once in a while Griffin will just come over and want to strum the guitar. Yeah.

He'll start dancing. And I need to play guitar for Griffin. He used to play for Griffin a lot when he was a baby. I need to play a lot more guitar. I've been like taking a break from guitar to like really focus on, you know, ideas for songs and things like that. But I really miss just... I used to play guitar like an hour every day and I would just sing and work on writing songs and work on...

work on learning new songs. And I did that all when we were like dating, but I need to get back into that because I would really like to, oh, there's this thing actually, I just met with a lady who listens to our podcast who works for publishing company. It's called like ASCAP. They basically help songwriters and artists like,

get the royalties from their from their songs when their songs get played on the radio and stuff and so we had a meeting and she was telling me about this thing called a writer's round in Nashville like it's called it's called a round so people will go out and like listen to like a songwriter play some of their newest material and you can go and hear all these up-and-coming songwriters and network and I thought that'd be like really cool to perform live because I have not performed live

in a while it kind of freaks me out because I'm so it's so comfortable now just to sit in front of a camera and like be the only one in the room and just like sing or perform or whatever but to like do some sort of performance live scares the crap out of me yeah something that's cool about you is that you love to do things that scare you and I think that's crazy but it's cool yeah I when

When we went to watch Nate Bargatze live at the Footprint Center to do his Netflix comedy special, I was just like, this is so crazy. 16,000 people are here to watch Nate. Like, I was like, that must be the coolest feeling that he worked so hard. Because all of his friends who are comics were saying how hard he works. They're like, we don't know anybody who works harder than Nate at comedy. And it makes sense. Like, he's worked so hard at the comedy. And look at him. I mean, he's doing Netflix shows. Mm-hmm.

We were just there at the Footprint Center with, you know, over 16,000 people watching him. It was, it was, that was really cool. I think stand-up would have to be one of the hardest things to ever do. So hard. I would be crapping my pants. You'd be better at it than I would though. No, I'd be terrible. You're so much funnier than me. I would be terrible at that and thank you, but no, I would not, no. You're hilarious though. Like, you're really witty, Abby. You get it? Also, I feel like,

It's hard. That would be a unique space or be even like especially hard to be a female doing it. I just feel like there's this stereotype that like women aren't funny. Heck no. No, women are so funny. Oh, I thought you asked women that do stand up. I bet they would say like, oh yeah, it's been way harder to be a female doing this. It is interesting. Like...

I've realized comedians who do stand-up, it's a completely different art than being funny in conversation. Like, we had Trey Kennedy on our podcast, and he's a funny guy. But, like, I wasn't laughing. Like, we were just having, like, a good, chill conversation. We definitely laughed in the conversation with Trey Kennedy. It's because they write out their jokes. But then, like, seeing Trey Kennedy live...

hilarious he was so funny I was dying laughing and it's almost because yeah you train that you write you write the script I mean I've never done comedy and it's not just writing good jokes because I feel like a lot of these comedians also have writers it's the delivery like it's the timing it's everything yeah they're just very talented people that would be something I would be awfully

I don't know. I think you'd be a lot more successful at all of that than I would. Oh, no, I'd be bad at it. You're funny. Thanks, babe. And you're like, I don't know, you just kind of command, like you're good at like being around. You're not a commander. No, you're not a commander. But like if you're in a room full of people, like sometimes I'll be over here getting social anxiety and you're just out, you're just chatting it up, being everybody's friend. I love talking to people. Yeah, you're really good at that. That's really nice of you. And you're really funny. That's really nice of you. Thanks.

Can we talk about our anniversary? Our five year wedding anniversary is coming up in about two months. That's crazy. How does that feel? It feels really cool. Like I'm so proud of that.

I can't believe we've been together that long. That's a long time. I love telling people that, which is funny because like when we first got married, we got married young. So it was kind of embarrassing to use the word husband at times. Not embarrassing, but I was like hesitant. I was like, yeah, am I going to have to like get into an explanation? Like, oh, we've been together for a while though. And like, we really know like we're ready to make this decision, like all this stuff. But,

Now it's something that I'm like so proud of. I'm like, yeah, we've made it, we did it. - And now all of our friends that were single, me got married, are like married and having kids now. We've entered this new season of life. I've definitely felt the shift.

And I really do feel, for the first time, I feel like a dad. I feel like the title husband, father, those resonate with me so much. When I first got married, the thought of like husband and wife, that seemed like so mature. Yeah, I can relate to that too. Because when I first, like people would say mama, even right after I had Griffin, I was like, mama.

Like, yeah, like that doesn't feel like me like that. That didn't feel like accurate way to describe me. But now I'm like, yes, I'm a mom. That felt really weird, especially the nurses were the first people to call you mom in the hospital. And that felt so odd. Yeah. But I've embraced it now. And I love this new I love the new us. It's a badge of honor. We've changed a freaking ton. Yes. I had so, so much fun going back.

and re-editing our wedding video. I don't know if you guys knew this, but basically when Abby and I got married, didn't have a lot of money, we spent 600 bucks on a camera and asked my cousin to record our wedding because we didn't wanna spend a ton of money on a wedding videographer. And then we ended up using that camera to start vlogging on YouTube. Yeah, so I have all this footage. - We or you. - Yeah, it was kind of my passion project. But yeah, so the wedding you guys,

I went back and watched through all this old footage and it is crazy seeing how much we've changed our cousins, especially like our younger cousins. When you're like a four year old and then you, and five years later, you look completely different. Like all of our cousins in the wedding video, so vastly different. And it just, it made me realize how much time has passed. You look, you look different. I look different. I look almost like a kid in that wedding video. And

in the the looks more different probably me because i had two babies i don't know i feel i look pretty different right now really because i have i like shaved my head um i like i feel like my face look younger it looks younger in the wedding video i think but yeah i completely remade it um i thought it'd be really fun because our five-year anniversary is coming right up so i showed abby the video um what were your what were your thoughts on on seeing the recreated wedding video i'm gonna

I think the thing that I was like most taken aback by is the fact that like there's people in the video that we don't have people. Why am I like this? I was tearing up editing it and I don't get very emotional. I don't know why. Like I just don't get emotional like at all. It's extremely rare for me. Um...

But I just couldn't help but think about those memories as a time capsule. And so something that Abby did at her wedding is because she's so close with her dad and both of her grandpas who have now both passed on, she danced with all three of them at the wedding. And it was so sweet. What was the song you danced to? The Way You Look Tonight. Louis Armstrong? No, by Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra. Okay. Just the way.

Yeah. Thank you to Armor Colostrum for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. And we are going to test this right here, right now on the podcast. The reason I was interested in giving Armor Colostrum a try is because there are so many benefits to this product that I

I am just like needing in my own life. - Well, it's good for your immune system, which we could use that. I mean, we keep getting sick like every month in our household. - There's so many benefits. Also, I'm on my fitness journey post baby. These support your fitness and metabolism, helps with muscle recovery. So we're gonna try it. I have blood orange mass

unflavored so i wonder what the unflavored is going to taste like or just be water okay well we mix it with water but you can mix it with other stuff too mine literally just tastes like water wait this would actually be pretty delicious to try it wait to have every morning can i try a sip of your blood orange flavor and you can try a sip of my yeah unflavored okay wait blood orange is actually really good i feel like that would be really refreshing to wake up and try in the morning i'll be honest with all the health benefits i thought it was going to taste horrible and this is good that just tastes like water and this tastes like blood orange i really

think this is something that's going to be super easy to implement into our routine. And I actually believe all the benefits that they talk about with this product because it is third party tested. So I feel like that makes it more impartial. Colostrum is the first nutrition we receive in life and contains all the essential nutrients our bodies need in order to thrive. So Armor Colostrum actually has over 400 living bioactive nutrients that strengthen barriers of your body and fuel your cellular health for thousands of research backed health benefits. This has living things in it? Apparently. Wow.

Okay. Some of those benefits are, like we said, for your hair, your skin. Gut health, right? For your gut, for your immune system. The list really goes on and on. Great for fitness, recovery, and performance. So we're giving it a try. And, um...

You guys should too. We've worked out a special offer actually for our audience. Receive 15% off your first order. Go to tryarmor.com slash unplanned or enter unplanned to get 15% off your first order. That's T-R-Y-A-R-M-R-A dot com slash unplanned. Back to the episode. I only have one grandparent around still, my grandma. And she's in the wedding video. She's doing this disco finger thing.

And like, I love that memory being a part of the wedding video too. Yeah. First of all, I'm really glad I didn't wear makeup because before I was like, Matt, can we wait to record until I've done my makeup? But I was also like, I don't feel good enough to want to do my makeup. I literally came straight from the gym to record this. That's why I look like not put together.

You look great. Yeah, I think that was the thing that stood out to me the most. Obviously, like, the point of the video was, like, for us and, like, experiencing your wedding. But I think it was so unexpected to see them. That also just shows how much time has passed. Like, it also just, like, cool that we've been together through that. We've been together through, like, loss. But then also through, like, we have...

new family members now like yeah it's just crazy how much five years has changed us by the way if like you want to get married and it's and you're like well we can't because we don't have enough money i would just like if that's if that's what you want to do i don't think you should like finance you shouldn't let finances hold you back everybody's there for you and they're just there to celebrate you and it's the most amazing thing um and it's not about how nice your venue is or yeah how beautiful your dress is or the ring or the flowers or the

Your dress was 300 bucks, right? Yeah, my dress was like $300. Wasn't it the first dress you tried on? I think it was $300 including the alterations because I think the dress itself was 200. Holy crap. It was in the basement of this bridal shop because I don't know why they weren't selling it anymore. So they had like clearance dresses down there and I loved it. Did you walk down and it was just like this musty basement and you're like, that's the dress I want. No, I didn't think that at all. I was like, I'll just try somethings on because I had an open mind because even then I was like, I am not particular. I just want to get married. Like,

obviously I wouldn't feel beautiful the day of, but I was like, so little that has to do with the dress you're wearing. And it has to do with like from within. So anyway, not to get serious. Did you, wait, did you pick that dress just because of budget or did the dress stick out to you? You're like, I don't even know what that dress costs, but I want it. No, it was,

budget oh purely budget mainly i mean i also like i feel really grateful but our parents pay for the money and then i didn't want them to spend a lot but then when i put it on i was like wait i actually feel so beautiful in this dress and something about it just felt like my dress and yeah it was a really really pretty dress it's so funny because i feel like it was pretty unique i don't see many people having like a big ball gown anymore yeah and you know what that's probably why it was in the

popular pick but honestly I love it. I love that that was my wedding dress. I wouldn't switch it. Looking at it now do you feel like it looks dated? Because I feel like women's fashion changes so much quicker than men's fashion. Probably. I mean I don't know. I don't really look at it that way. I feel like the dress was still pretty timeless. Like it was classic.

I still wear my suit from the wedding all the time. I probably wear that suit twice a year whenever there's a formal occasion. You do? I just wore it to your grandpa's funeral. I had it for that. Oh my gosh, I didn't realize that was the same suit. I wore it for a wedding this past year. I probably wore it for like two. I wear that to like everything. Wow, I didn't even. That navy, I mean just men's. Are you going to wear that to the wedding we have coming up? Honestly, yeah. I mean, why not? Men's fashion is so much simpler than women's fashion and you don't have to switch up your wardrobe as much. Now my dad needs to get some new suits. Yeah.

he has some suits from like the 90s. I'm like, what is that? But, and he has the Navy suit that I, he got the Navy suit for the wedding. So I'm like, just wear that one, dad. That's funny. Yeah. Yeah. I get it though. I'm not a, I'm not a fashion person. You, but luckily having you, you definitely buy me clothes from time to time. And then I, that whole outfit we just bought you. Yeah, you literally just bought this for me from old Navy. That looks really nice on you. Thank you. That's also why I'm like,

I want to get ready today because you look so good. Thank you so much. I usually don't dress up like this. I'm usually just in shorts and a t-shirt. But now I'm glad I didn't because I just ended up crying so I would have just messed it up anyway. You look so good when you wear workout clothes. Really? I could just look at you in workout clothes all day. Why do I just wear that all the time? That's literally what I just said. I think you look so good in all of that. Thank you. I just think you have a really good body.

Thank you. Let's talk about that actually because you have gotten so many comments about like, Abby, how do you look so good? Abby, how the heck are you a mom to two kids and you look like that? Abby, what is your secret? That's so nice. I'd say a lot of the things, first of all, I still have extra skin. I still have belly fat. I still have- Are you comfortable showing people what your belly looks like? Yeah. Yeah.

That belly birthed two babies. Whose belly? Anne went through hernia surgery. It's going to be stretched out after that. You should stand up so people can see in the close-up shot your belly. Because you have that extra skin because your belly gets stretched so much from having babies. And even though you were so fit. I remember you would show me women. And now I have that. That's crazy. That is actually so crazy. That's crazy.

But you, I remember like a couple years ago, you're like, Matt, just so you know, when we have babies, this will happen. I was like, whoa. And these are like women with like eight packs. It actually made me really, I should share that more because even like seeing other women have bellies like that, it makes me feel good. Like Tammy Hembrough, she's like an athlete. Yeah. And I remember her doing a video of like her showing her belly skin. It sounds grosser than it is, but just like.

your skin gets stretched out when you have a baby. And so like, it's gonna, you're gonna have excess when it shrinks back down. Yeah. And yeah, so it doesn't like look like it used to, but I'm still very proud of like,

the fitness level that I'm at post babies. But also I just know that like, there's so many factors that have like helped me get to this point that like not everyone has. Like I'm able to have a gym membership. I'm able to be a part of a gym that has childcare for young age, which is very hard to find slash like, if I can't go to that gym, then I can go to another gym and we can have childcare. Yeah.

Or you can watch the kids or things like that. Like there's, I just have more flexibility with my time than some moms do. Well, Abby, everyone asks you in the comments of your videos, what's your secret? What's your workout routine? Drop the workout routine. And what I've learned from you is it's just consistency. You are so consistent with your fitness and that, that's,

that made me make the fitness goal for myself that I'm going to work out three days a week minimum. And I've been doing that and I've actually been putting on muscle. So I just, I don't know if you knew this. I just hit 200 pounds again, which is, that's like a, that's a good thing for me. I wanted to be 200 pounds. I know you're trying to gain. I'm putting on muscle again and it feels good.

feels good like I feel I feel strong I feel powerful I don't have some fancy crazy workout regimen I don't I mean I do have a fitness coach who it's my that sounds pretty fancy it's my friend case from growing up my best friend growing up Cameron his younger brother case is like a cool is a fitness dude he does like all these workout competitions he's freaking jack but he's been coaching me I've been following his program and he's been keeping me accountable for going to the gym yeah I

want to address those questions, I think I've been hesitant to because there really is, I don't have like a formula. I don't have like a product to sell or a program to show you. Like there's no secret ingredients. I just fell in love with it. Like, and it happened before I had babies even, but like if you can find a way to fall in love with fitness, then that's all you need because I

And here's the thing. I have no other, I have no external goals. I don't want to get down to a certain waist size. I don't want to get down to a certain number on the scale. Like I just want to feel good physically and mentally. And I want to do something for myself.

So that's why I like to work out. It's that simple. What motivates you to go? I know that I'll feel good afterwards. Okay. Why do you go when you're sick though? Because I know that I'll feel good afterwards. And why do you go when you're really tired? Because I know that I'll feel good afterwards. You're going to just learn that it's just that simple. Even during it though, like it's a release. Like it's like I get some like frustrations out. I can just like clear my head. It just...

I mean, it's science. You release endorphins that just make you feel good. And you've been going to Burn Bootcamp and Orange Theory. What are your thoughts on those two programs? Because they're different with what they have to do. No, I just love group fitness, period. I'm going to be more motivated if there's other people around. And if I don't have to think, I think.

and they'll just tell me what to do that's perfect because that's why I go to work out because I just want to turn my brain off and so yeah I think both of those are great options for getting your heart rate up and getting some strength in there it's perfect the good thing about group fitness at least from my experience when we did CrossFit while we lived in Hawaii it's

a bit pricier than a regular gym. So my gym membership is literally $9.99 a month, but I actually go because I made a goal for myself and I have an accountability partner, my fitness coach, Case. And so that's been helping me stay accountable. But in the past-

I would have my $10 a month membership and never go. And a lot of these gyms actually thrive on that. They have, they sign up so many people. That's actually how planet fitness operates. They sign up a ton of people. They have all these like perks that you get. Yay. But their goal is just to get as many people to sign up as possible and expect for you not to come. The benefit of group fitness though, is I think even though it is more expensive, you actually get your butt to the gym. So you're like, Oh, I'm spending $150 a month on a gym membership.

But then you actually go and you're actually getting like results and seeing your mental health, your physical health improve. And ultimately, I mean, I think it's going to extend your life. I think you're going to feel better. And so it's like $150 a month. But I think you end up getting so many more benefits because you actually show up. I think it seems it sounds dramatic to put it this way. But I really believe this that like you're going to end up spending more on medical bills, if not in the current, in the future, because...

Like taking care of your body is going to prevent so many things that can go wrong with your body in the future. It's not already going wrong with heart disease, diabetes, any type of injury because you're keeping your muscles stretched out and warm and

back injuries, neck injuries, hip injury, all those things. I really think that it's an investment now for your future. I will say working out in the mornings has been something that has helped me a lot because used to... Helps you get focused. I would get to the end of the day and I'd be like, I don't have enough time to go to the gym again. Like,

Oh, I've got so much work to do. Okay. Don't have time to go to the gym again. But if you just get it done in the morning, when you feel like you have this unlimited supply of time, then it actually happens. Yeah. It actually gets done. If it's hard for you to get away from your kids too, it sounds crazy. But if you can work out before they wake up, that's also what I started to do. I haven't done it this week because I've been sick.

but that's something too that can be really good. Like I would work out and it was dark outside. I was like, this sounds crazy. But then I started to fall in love with that because then I felt like I had accomplished something before my kids even woke up for the day. And keeping your workout short, I found is very beneficial because

I'm the type of person where I like to push myself. I like to make myself uncomfortable. I'm very hard on myself. But the problem with that is it ended up hindering me from going to the gym because I knew that if I went to the gym, I would do this crazy two hour long workout. I would push myself to the brink of like exhaustion and

And I dreaded it. And so now what I do is I still push myself. I still go hard, but I keep my workouts around 45 minutes. And sometimes even if it's like if I have like literally no time, I'll just do a 30 minute workout. And that way I'm still showing up. I'm still being physically active. And I actually go because used to it was like, oh, I'll just go. I was just going like literally once a week because I dreaded it that much. And I dreaded it.

wasn't making the time for it. Yeah, I think you just have to do something you love too. And that doesn't mean that like, sometimes I'm like, oh, I do not feel like going. That sounds like a lot of work right now or that sounds like it's going to hurt or blah, blah, blah. But then I never regret a workout. Literally never. And I think that it's just, it's benefiting me. It's benefiting my family. It's just, it's good. And no mom

should ever feel selfish for taking time for themselves to do an exercise. That pisses me off when you get comments about like, Abby, you need to spend more time with your kids. You spend so much time with our kids. You spend so, so much time. Well, here's what those people don't understand is most of the time I'm working out before they wake up or before they wake up.

Or they're coming to the gym with me. Yeah. So that's just people that don't, I don't even address them. But hate comments, I do want to address because I would never address them online, but I feel unhinged on this podcast sometimes. Okay. Is when people tell me, they're like, oh, Abby's gone overboard. Because we did a swimsuit try on. And so then people just think that they can comment on my body, which whatever, like we do kind of set ourselves up for that. But also it just never,

Nothing ever makes it okay to comment on someone else's body negative things. Okay, if you're gonna say something positive, sure, whatever. But people will tell me I look manly.

Literally shut up because I think that's misogynistic. I think they're just jealous. I think they're jealous that you look good. I think they see a woman with muscles and I'm not even that strong. Like I will say like I'm proud of the way my physique looks. I can't lift a ton. I mean, let's be honest. You are pretty jacked. You are pretty strong. But do you hear what I'm saying? Like visually, I think it looks like I'm stronger than I am. You can beat a dude in a push-up competition.

And you've done it before. You've done it at the gym. I know you have. I can whip out some push-ups. What I'm saying though is that like the fact that you're attributing muscular with masculine makes me angry because women can be muscular and

feminine. What's funny, Abby, is like... It works me. You are jacked, but you do not look manly. You look so feminine. No, no, no. You're such a hot woman. Here's the thing. A jacked woman can still be feminine. That's also true. Being jacked does not make you masculine. That's what I'm trying to say. And I want to... I just want to fight those people. Just kidding. I don't, but... Did you ever do an influencer boxing match? No! Oh, my gosh. I'm not. Like, you...

I would literally lose also. But no, that's the thing I'm just like, okay, shut up. Also, here's the thing. I don't work out to build my muscles, right?

I don't. I really do not. That's not ever been my purpose. I've never had a physical purpose for like physical goal. I don't think physical goals are bad. It's just not been any part of my goals for working out or my reasoning or my motivation. Some people are like, oh, you're looking manly. You're going overboard. Like this is too strong. It's like, okay, but that was never my goal. What's crazy to me. You've missed the point. This is a mystery that baffles me and I will never understand how this works.

I'm a 200 pound man and you're like you're a woman that's like what 115 120 no I'm more than that okay let's just say 125 I'm not ashamed of my weight I can say it how much do you weigh I'm like 123 a little bit more like 123 and a half that's awesome but what's crazy is

is we almost eat the same amount of food, which doesn't make sense because I'm almost double the size of you. I'm a foot taller than you. Now you do have some, your calves are jacked. Your calves, I'm pretty sure are bigger than my calf muscles. That is something that I've been working on in the gym. I'm trying to build up my bigger calves so that my wife doesn't have bigger calves than me. Have you ever thought about point dancing? I have not. I used to take ballet, we did ballet together in college, but I have not thought about point dancing.

Thank you to DoorDash for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I literally DoorDash food at least once a week. It is the most convenient thing. I was in Nashville recording music and I needed to get food sent to the studio. So I DoorDash some Mediterranean. Yeah. And Matt, would you want $0 delivery fees as well? Yes, that would sound wonderful. Well, then you should try Dash.

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$9.99 a month. $9.99, baby. Open the door to $0 delivery fees and savings you can't get anywhere else. Sign up for Dash Pass today only on DoorDash and get your first 30 days free if you're a new member. Subject to change term supply. Back to the episode. How do you not eat like 20 cookies when you bake cookies?

like two dozen cookies because i eat intuitively like i am like oh but they taste so good i satisfy the craving i eat a cookie i'm not like i cannot have cookies but i eat a cookie and i have one a day and i'm like that satisfied that craving like you baked cookies two nights ago i ate three of them within like three minutes it was just like before i could even think i was just like i literally just ate three freshly baked that's fine i love that for you buttery soft

Sweet and salty. I love that for you. They're so freaking good. Thank you. And I love that you love to bake, but I'm almost like, man, how do I not eat so many desserts when you make them? So I did put them in the cookie jar to keep them away from myself. And that has helped because I don't visually see them. If they're just laying out on a cookie sheet, oh, every single time I come by the kitchen, boom, cookie in my mouth. Okay, here's a deeper question for you. What was food treated like in your household as a kid? We were...

for like we my brothers and I eat so much food like we would just down a ton of food like it was like it was a good thing it was never demonized for eating what about dessert we couldn't eat dessert until we ate our meal which

Which I think is a good rule. Okay. Yeah. I'm wondering, I'm just trying to understand like why, like I can see cookies and I'm like, ah, I don't need one right now. Even though I love cookies, like it's a, it's not. And like why you can't. We had desserts, we had unhealthy food in the house. We had desserts open and we didn't have to, we didn't have any rules around food. So I'm wondering if it kind of taught me to self-regulate when it came to

food better. But I'm also like, maybe it's just your natural thing. Like you just really want to eat cookies. That was funny that you said you would eat like cinnamon rolls for breakfast, Jimmy John's for lunch and like a pizza for dinner when you were in high school. Yeah, I really did not eat very healthy. And I had a vegetable with every meal. Like my mom made it a rule, which is why I eat peas so much. I eat peas almost every day and Griffin loves to eat peas. Yeah, I don't know. I think it might be hereditary. My dad can...

Freaking throw down some dessert. My dad knows how to put it down. That is something I want to talk about. In high school, I would literally eat like a huge Jimmy John's sub chips and a cookie and a soda and then go put on a leotard and go. When I was in the Nutcracker mat, like boys were supposed to be like lifting us up and stuff. And I was literally not a second thought. I'd be like, I'm gonna grab a cheeseburger from Wendy's and fries and probably a Frosty and then go put on a leotard and go.

I've noticed that when I eat and drink water, it really helps calm down my cravings for sweets. Because usually if I'm craving sweets, it's because I walked by a donut shop or something or I saw sweets out and then I'm hungry or thirsty in that moment. Then I'm craving that. But usually if I satisfy those cravings, it goes away. And fruit. Fruit is actually really good because the sweetness from just an actual strawberry or blackberry or blueberry just...

Takes away the craving. Yeah, I don't want to get full off of drinks or desserts. So it's like if I'm hungry, I'm like, okay, I need to eat a meal. And then if I'm like, okay, I have a craving for something sweet after that, then I'll have dessert and I have dessert every day. Yeah. Every food belongs in a healthy diet. I don't know. I'm just more aware of all this health stuff now because something I saw this like Instagram real pop up on my feed about how we all have only 4,000 weeks to live on average. Okay, why?

are you always giving me an existential crisis and i've already lived about 1400 of those so that's assuming that we live to 75 husband do this seriously every single day matt's like isn't that crazy when i die i'm like what in the like morbid and assuming that i don't like get cancer or die in a car crash i'm gonna i got 50 years left which is so weird to think about the fact that i've lived a third of my life i hope that i lived in 95 like my grandpa but it's crazy you

It's really weird when you put life in that lens. I've been talking to my dad about this too because my dad works too much. And I'm like, dad, you need to, I don't want to go off on my dad on the podcast, but I'm like, but I'm just like, dad, you could literally die at 65. Like you were about to turn 60. You could potentially have five years left because there's, I hear about people's dads all the time dying in their 60s.

from a heart attack, they overworked, maybe there was a drinking problem, drinking kill, like all my friends who have had dads die, it's always been drinking. Like you just don't know. So I think that's why this fitness stuff has become so important to me. And it's not just about looking good, not just about looking sexy. It's about like, I just wanna like extend my life as long as possible so I can see my kids grow up and see their kids grow up and maybe see those kids' kids grow up. Like that'd be so freaking cool to be a great grandpa one day. I would love that. - I refuse to engage in morbid conversations.

Okay, let's talk about something happy. What's something happy we can talk about? Let's talk about... You got any happy ideas on your mind? Honestly, the only thing in my mind is I ordered stuff to do a sensory bin with Griffin after this. That's all I'm thinking about. I got to get my... That's kind of fun. You want to tell me about your sensory bin? Yeah, I got him a little... Well, we're going to swap it out. Do you know what a sensory bin is? To be honest, I really don't. It's like when you get a box, like a plastic Tupperware.

Tupperware, but a big one with a lid. Oh, and it has like sand, like moon sand in it? Yeah, I got kinetic sand for it and I got little dinosaurs. So we're going to pack it in there and then we're going to go be paleontologists and get them out. But then you can also change it. Like another one I saw is you get these figures of pigs and you mix cocoa powder and water and you make mud and then we wash the pigs off together. Wait, what if we built Griffin a

backyard swing set with a sandbox and you could play in the sand. Well, see, here's the thing. That's what I like about the sensory bend is that like you can change it out.

Pretty easy. Okay. And I feel like a sandbox is just a recipe for disgusting things to happen. That is true. I had a sandbox as a kid and then it just turned into like a... A mud pit? A massive litter box. I feel like animals just want to poop in those things for some reason. Because it does look like a big litter box. Do we have animals in our backyard that get back there? There's probably some scorpions. I mean, we do live in the desert. Yeah, that's kind of scary. That does freak me out. I've thought about that. I'm like, what if a scorpion just like...

stung my kid what about snakes that's spooky too there's right we saw a rattlesnake we've seen rattlesnakes twice in our neighborhood where was the second time i saw it right outside of the gym i oh yeah it was rattling i could hear it okay no no no no one of our neighbors one of our neighbors had a rattlesnake in their backyard one time no we should yeah maybe we need to get a dog we could get a dog i also yeah we need to make sure we just said we weren't gonna get a dog okay

We're not going to get a dog. One day we'll probably get a dog. Do dogs even scare off snakes? Probably not. I'm sure they do. What scares off snakes? Snakes aren't afraid of anything. No, they're afraid. They get scared. They get scared of humans. Yeah. Yeah. What were we talking about? Oh, sensory bends. Wow, we really got there. Yeah, sorry. Got really far off track. Honestly, that's like my main, that's all I think about is like, what am I doing with the kids today? What am I doing with dinner? What am I doing for my workout? What's interesting about you is like you actually love dogs.

to cook. I actually just like love the simple things in life so much. And I get that, right? Like for me, I love doing laundry. There's nothing better than just spending time with my boys. You know what I think it is, Matt? Spending time with you. I romanticize my life and I think you should do that more. I have been. If I'm going to do laundry, I'm going to make myself a cute little special drink. I'm going to put on a podcast I like and I'm going to just

enjoy it as I do it. If I'm going to work out, I'm going to get a cute little workout set. I'm going to lay out my little shoes, have a pre-workout, listen to a playlist I like. I'm going to make it fun. One of the biggest things I learned in the past six months was it is not about the destination. It is about the journey. I've been telling you that for five years. And I've known that, right? Like I've known that.

But it's crazy how like I was watching Shawn Mendes' documentary and he like won all these awards for music and he was the top artist in the world and all these things. And he didn't feel happy. Like he was thinking like, this is it? What? And so I think it's so funny that we always looked at these like super hyper successful people as like,

you know, our inspiration yet sometimes, sometimes, yeah, a lot of times they're unfulfilled or they're depressed. And so I think everyone and anyone can choose happiness in the everyday. I think we can choose that and find things despite maybe circumstances that aren't the best. We can find things that are amazing and, and bring us joy in the everyday. Yeah. Here's the thing. I actually am happier than five years ago.

But that's because I have kids. And it's not because of anything else. It's not because we've moved to a different place. Because we have a house. Because we have like the means to travel. Like it's because we have our family. We have such a good life. And I just. It's good. And it's not to brag. Because when I hear other people saying that they love their life. It makes me love my life more. When I hear people complaining. I'm like oh what's wrong with my life. But when I hear people say I love my life. I love the things that I'm doing. Maybe not just saying I love my life. Because that's kind of weird. But I say that a lot. But.

You know what I'm saying? Like they say they're focusing on the positive. It makes me focus on the positive. It's not bragging. And I never have ever perceived it as bragging. I'm only encouraged by it. So I hope you can hear this and say, I love my life and I want you to love your life too. And the things that you're doing in your life and the people that you're surrounding yourself with and the foods that you're eating. I know we just had an episode where someone said not to eat cookies.

Oh, yeah. We definitely eat those. You know, we have free will. I would love to see you and Dr. Amen go at it over food. No, I don't. Because here's the thing. He's so happy with the way that he's living his life and that's working for him. I love that for him. I think that's great. I think that there's things from what he has to say that I can pull from and be like, okay, yeah, maybe I should think about organic blueberries.

maybe I also am going to get some cookies too. You know what I mean? Like you can kind of pick and choose and make your own collage of your life fit for you. And for me, like avocado and cookies exist. They make it good for me. Yeah, I would 100% agree. And a little screen time. And sometimes I stay up too late. Our kid, yeah, we were just playing Miss Rachel for our kid this morning. I just think like life is just...

Hey, you did that. Well, he was asking for Elmo and you were like, I want to watch Toy Story. I'm like, Abby, we're not turning on Toy Story for our one-year-old. We're going to put on Miss Rachel so we can actually learn something. Toy Story. Toy Story is an educational, honey. It is. Actually, can I tell you something? The more I've listened to Toy Story, the more I'm like, ooh. He says shut up in Toy Story. He says shut up. Shut up. Miss Rachel is far more educational than Toy Story. Did you know that in Toy Story, he also says, did you take stupid pills this morning? Did you?

Do you know why I think Toy Story is such a good movie, though? It's because they completely personify these characters and these little toys. What Pixar has been able to do with movies is incredible. Because before, cartoons were just these little things that kids watched and animations...

It's the most adorable movie.

It's amazing. It's so creative. Inside Out. Amazing. They're making the sequel this summer. And they're making Toy Story 5. And they're making Ratatouille 2. There's so many good Disney Pixar movies coming out. And I think for us, we are creators. I know how much work goes in behind the scenes into every piece of content that we release. So looking at a movie like Toy Story, where they have all this animation to do,

the the soundtrack the like all the little different changes of their facial features and and the story itself like there are so many moving parts i cannot fathom how much work they put into those movies and they're amazing they're incredible it's it's really remarkable that that exists in our world i love those movies so much and i love here's what's really cool too a little kid griffin one year old can watch a pixar movie fall in love with the characters love the movie me as a 25 year old dad

who has little kids, I can watch the movie and fully enjoy it too. And there's very few movies that can do that. Mm-hmm. Only Disney. Well, Pixar. But I think, I guess Disney bought Pixar or something. They're one and the same in my mind. I think that's really impressive. Can we just revisit something for a second? Are you okay with Toy Story saying shut up and stupid? Um...

I mean, yeah. Okay, but what would you do if Griffin said that? I don't want my kids saying shut up and stupid. I think once we, like if our kids are in like middle school, high school and they're saying shut up and like whatever. But for me, it's more about less of the words, but more of like their character, their attitude. But are you a little surprised? Because I was a little surprised

surprised when i heard that do you think that they would make it like movies today saying shut up and stupid like if my okay let's pretend that my 16 year old cut him like he's cooking dinner and accidentally sliced his finger open and says the f word my 16 year old i'm gonna be like hey maybe don't use that language right but like uh yeah i'd be like absolutely do not say that in my house and we might have different opinions on this but if they said f you to another kid you're

If they said F you to another kid, heck no. That is not okay at all. I think using a cuss word. Man, they cannot forget their homework, but they can say the F word. That's what I'm hearing from you. It's more about your character. Like, I don't know. What else? They could say, aw shucks. They cut their finger. Aw shucks. But like they're still screaming out in pain. Like I think it's the word. I think that's just disrespectful to say around your parents no matter what. Yeah. I mean, and I can see that, but I just, I think it's a lot more about the intent, the meaning. Oh, I agree. I agree. Our kids cannot be saying cuss words to other kids.

That is not okay at all. For sure. That's so mean. Like, I'm not going to allow for that at all. Like, if Griffin told his little brothers, shut up. But even if they... If he did that, I would be like, where did you hear that? And he said, Toy Story. And I'd be like...

What? I just think like it's funny, right? Like different languages. You don't know what the other language like in Arabic. I have no idea what the cuss word is in Arabic. Somebody could say a cuss word to me in Arabic. I'd have no idea what it is. It wouldn't mean anything to me. And so for me, it's more about the meaning, the intent, the emotion behind the words. So you're saying someone can cuss you out if it's in a language that you don't understand. I just think that intent and meaning and the emotion behind the things we say are far more important than the actual words.

Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, I was just kind of trying to say, like, do you think kids' movies nowadays would ever say shut up and stupid? Because I don't think they would. I think they do. I think you'd be shocked sometimes. I don't think so. Would shock me. Do you think in Toy Story 5 this year coming out, they're going to have Woody say shut up? Probably not. Was this the first Toy Story? Yes. I'm saying what was okay in the 90s.

Dude. It's not okay now. They only had PG and R back in the day. PG-13 didn't exist. So the PG movies used to have all sorts of profanities. Profanities? Yeah. Let me just look up when Toy Story came out because I am shocked you're not surprised by this. But here's the thing. We turned out all right and we watched it. Yeah, we did. 94!

It came out in 1995. Crazy. Abby, that is 30 years ago. Like basically 30 years ago. 29 years ago. Why are we always talking about Twister? I can't help myself. That makes me respect the movie more. It lives rent free in my brain. And it's still so good. Wow. If you wanted to feel old today...

Just think about that. It's okay. I honestly don't want to ever dread getting older. I just want to like view each year I've lived my life as a gift. It was weird to me, Abby. And if things get saggy and wrinkly, so be it. I remember when I was in high school, they were cut to me getting Botox two years from now. Sorry. What were you saying?

There were times in high school where as I got older, I remember my older brother told me, Matt, this is going to be the first year where kids who weren't born in the 1900s are going to be in high school. So they were born in like the year 2000. I know, it makes me sick when I see people born like 2005. No, no, no, no. It's like, I think it's 2010 now. Oh, hell. I think it's, yeah, we're about to have kids in high school, or at least it's either happening right now or it's about to happen. 2010. That doesn't even feel right. I feel like it's 2010. We're old. We are old. We are 25. We are halfway to 30.

Halfway between. We have to end this before we have another crisis. Yeah. Okay. We're going to go eat lunch. Thanks for listening. Bye.