Shownotes Transcript
Ready to shoot your shot? Log on to BetMGM and make your picks in our College Basketball 250k Pick'Em for your chance to win a share of bonus bets. It's free to play and easy to get started. Just log on to your BetMGM account and predict what will happen at different points throughout the college basketball tournament. You'll learn points with every correct answer, which gives you a shot to win a share of bonus bets. Just pick what will happen throughout the college basketball tournament.
And if you make enough correct picks, you'll win a share of bonus bets. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to gamble responsibly. See BetMGM.com for terms. 21 plus only. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Available in the U.S. for New York. Call 877-8HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467369. For Arizona, call 1-800-NEXT-STEP. For Massachusetts, 1-800-THREADS.
For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal. They include a lot more people than ourselves. Loved ones, neighbors, the communities we call home, and the causes we hold in our hearts. For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal.
At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind.
Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more. Connect with us at Thrivent.com. Hey everybody, it's your favorite play cousin Junior from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. You know, the Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive. Backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. So get in the Tundra with available i-Force Max Hybrid engine, delivering exceptional torque and towing capacity. Or check out a Tacoma.
with available off-road features like crawl control. It can take you beyond the trails. Toyota trucks are built to last year after year, mile after mile. So don't wait. Get yours today. Visit buyatoyota.com. For deals and more, Toyota. Let's go places.
Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? Ow goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This is Important, I mean, you should just tuck your dick up your butt and call it a day. Nobody has pegged me. Are you waking up, Rockhard? And here we go. What is up, Rockhard?
Live here on Radio Row. We are here. We are live, sort of. Sort of live. Sort of live. And you can't, the cameras, they're not facing that direction, but there's thousands.
There's a lot of people here. There's thousands of fans. And unfortunately, they're not mic'd up, so you won't be able to hear the fans. But there's thousands of fans surrounding the stage. Guys, can we have some space? Actually, back it up. It's a safety hazard. How many people are bombarding the stage? This guy looked. Here we go. Got him. Yeah. Guys. Oh, my God. We're here. Cletus. Whoa. Cletus.
This isn't the Super Bowl song. Is this the best football channel song? Yeah, this is the Fox song. That's correct, yeah. Do we know the NBC or the ABC song? That's basketball, right? It is basketball. And that's John Tesh. John Tesh. That's right. You know what's crazy? The John Tesh basketball song also just kind of sounds like the Entertainment Tonight song.
He was the entertainment tonight The host Yeah, he was the host forever They're the same Yeah, he's a one trick pony, that John Tesh Yeah, I hate him We are here live, sort of Radio Row It's pretty incredible It's awesome Honestly, I will admit that we went
Really hard last night. Maybe a little too hard. T.I. Nation, we're limping into the starting line. Some might say it's unprofessional how hard we went. Right.
And I'm not going to name names, but I want Blake to name names. Two people in our crew puked their beds. Well, let's just say... And it's not me and you. Yeah. You hear that news, you think it's me. Guys, I think I'm doing the best so far. Yeah. I've got things together. Yeah. So if it wasn't me... And it wasn't me. And it wasn't Adam. I don't know. I don't know who it could be. These are all good questions. And the only other people in our crew are Isaac and Anders. These are all good questions. And they...
And two people in our crew puked in their bed. Yeah. That is getting super bold right there. Getting radical. Super bold. They didn't even make it to the bowl. My God. They didn't even make it to the bowl. They stayed in bed to let it evacuate. That's crazy. Didn't make it to the bowl. Uh.
Yeah, you know what? No shame. There's no shame in our game. Absolutely not. And I guess this is the right time for me to plug Clorox Bleach. It's all part of a wrapped in, like, I'm doing like a Super Bowl commercial type thing with them. That's cool. Yeah, we're all really branded here. We're all here with different companies. So we're going to be doing a lot of Drops.
Also, I'm Glade Plugins and Clorox Bleach. And of course, Load Boost. And Load Boost. Obviously. Blake keeps saying this is Super Bowl 59 and Blake keeps... 59, dude! Blake keeps telling me I'm going to 59 you later tonight. Threatening, really. 69!
And I don't know what that means exactly. And he keeps saying, well, you're going to find out. Yeah, you are. And I'm going to show you later. Let's just say the fun begins tonight. I might even 59 him later.
Live on stage. I'm excited to see what that is. It's going to be pretty cool. It's really nice to be in the same room with you guys and be able to touch you, man. I don't like it. Okay. Because you're here and he's here. And so I'm doing this. I'm going to throw up. I can't.
You can probably sit over there if you want. Yeah, we got an empty chair. And I'm not a bitch this weekend. This chair is for all the football greats that are, honestly, they're clamoring to come sit in the chair, but we're kind of keeping them at bay now because we want to sort of get... I see Aaron, I see Troy, I see Emmitt, I see Ronnie. Barry's over there. Barry's over there.
Who else? Who else do you see? I see Sean. I see... Ball. Ball.
Johnny Football, they called him. Johnny Football, they did call him. They did call him that. And they're clamoring. Yeah. They are clamoring. Guys, we're also burying a little bit of the lead here. We have a big reveal coming later in this episode. I'm so excited. So as you know... I'm so excited. Later in the episode? We can do it. We can do it. Well, maybe the audience at home and watching right now doesn't know, but before we came to the Super Bowl, we all got our...
T levels tested. That's testosterone. Testosterone. Testosterone. Which basically, I haven't read about the science, but that is how much your testicles secrete. Yeah, it's the amount your testicles are able to secrete, I feel, is what testosterone is. Okay. I think testosterone is, so you have chest hair,
and your dick gets, like, really juicy. I think that is... That's so dumb. I think that is what testosterone is. It's the juiciness of your dick. Of one's dick is what testosterone is. Well, then we might be in trouble. And as a man, you want more of it. Yeah, you do. So we asked... We did the podcast Bussin' with the Boys. Bussin' with the Boys. Nice guys. Very nice guys. They both... They...
All thought, both men, Will and Taylor, they both said that they think it's Blake that has the low T. No, no, no. Oh, really? Yeah. He said me because I'm old. Oh, because you're a few years older. But then we talked about how you still get Morning Wood, which I'll admit...
It's hit or miss for me. Some mornings I wake up and I'm like, Hello darkness, my old friend. You have erectified again. And for that I shall pull on you.
Okay. Yeah, my wife's like, what are you doing? My God, we got a baby. Yeah, we got a baby in the bed with us. It's seven in the morning. But, you know, when it comes around. You need another four inches. It's got to go down. You're a monster. I love it. Okay. Well, so, I mean, do we want to get to the results? Hang on. Yeah, let's juice the
pick a little more. We're juicing the pick. We gotta juice the pick. Well, I feel like we didn't really go into what happened last night and why we're limping in. We started the night off. We got in a little late. We almost missed some flights. We barely got on. I was...
My ego was bashed a little bit when two girls, while I was sitting on the flight, and these two girls are shaking. They're so excited to take a photo. And they're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Get in. Take a photo. And I was like, shit. Who, me? I was like, not another one. My God. And I'm like, all right. Yeah, I guess. And then they're like, not you. The girl sitting next to you. And she was a TikTok star, apparently. She had a...
a really small, tiny dog that she had. And her name was Monique. So big shout out to Monique. She's a big star. We've got to look her up. And then afterwards they go, and then we'll also take a photo with you. Because you were crying? Yeah. You were shaking. I don't even know if they knew me from anything. They just felt bad. Right.
And how gassed up I was to take this. We'll take a picture with you also, Grandpa. 3B. Yeah, we'll send this picture to our grandpa and see if he knows who you are. Oh, my God. What? Papa, stop!
And so I feel like my testosterone might have lowered. Yeah, well, good thing we took the test before we came to New Orleans. The excuses have begun. And then we landed. Right, in New Orleans. New Orleans. New Orleans, yes. You don't have to say it. Not to pile on. You don't have to put some extra funk on it. Not to pile on, Adam, but the guy sitting next to me, we land and he goes, Hey, and I'm like, yeah, and he goes,
intern right i go yeah and i go so is that guy right over there and he looks at you goes he was an intern oh man you saw me point to you right i did i did yeah and he goes i didn't recognize it um i'm like disappointed disappointed dude and that and so if my t is is low on the results uh that might be part of the reason we might need a retest yeah that might be part of the reason you've just been getting bashed
That's too bad. I'm sorry. A little bit. So then we land, and it was off to the races, man. Quick. You know, once you get in New Orleans, it just really gets in your bones, man. As soon as you hear the accent, it's on. Because you heard me. We had a real quick layover in Dallas, and I'm like, I don't know, man. Well, why didn't you say Dallas? I did Dallas.
Dial-us. Dial-us. Yeah, you gotta say dial-us. And I'm like, Durs, I don't know if I have it, man. I don't know if this week is gonna be for me. I don't know if I have the party button. You were being a bitch. Did I know it was the 59th Super Bowl? 59, dude. And I'm gonna do it to Adam later. Maybe live on this stage. Yeah, I'm excited. So keep... Stay tuned. Yeah, well...
And Troy Aikman, if you could just... I don't know if that's Troy. It's Troy. I'm not sure that's Troy Aikman, but it is Troy for sure. It's a guy named Troy. It is Troy. I was told Troy is watching. So we touched down and...
And I feel the party button get pushed. I'm ready. I'm here for it. And then we went. Did you drink on the plane? I did not. Yeah, I didn't either. I did not either. I was saving myself. So then we go to a fantastic restaurant. Yes. Brennan's. Brennan's. Shout out to the Brennan's. We love them. Shout out to the Brennan family. I know them personally. So am I plugged into the city? Yeah. Yeah.
A little bit. Did we go through them to get the reservation? He's got a key to the city. I'm not sure if we did or not. And I think we almost got turned around because we sent Isaac in and they were like, no riffraff. Yeah, they're like, no, you can't wash your feet here. They saw him come in for whatever reason. I had to take a hat off and I was like, okay. Yeah, he did.
So we went to Brennan's and that's when things got turned up. I just want to cry. I, for whatever reason, was like, it's a dirty martini kind of night. And I downed three of those. That's where it went off the rails for me, I feel. That's insane. Getting radical. I drank a purse. Yeah, he did. A woman's purse. They had a drink that came in a giant glass purse. This is a fancy restaurant. This is a nice restaurant. Yeah.
I don't understand it. Yeah. I don't understand it. It's New Orleans. It was like a fishbowl at a high-end restaurant. Yeah. So when you saw that drink on the menu, did it mention it was to share? Anna ordered it. And I was like, I'll share it with you. But I didn't understand it. I thought it was like a pitcher, like a carafe. Right. Like you can serve it up. And there were just a bunch of straws in it. Here's the thing. And here's the thing, TII Nation. The people steering our ships, the higher-ups, Isaac, David,
Anna. These are the people buying the purses of liquor for us. So we're really just lost boys out here. And you know that they're not the higher-ups.
Huh? You know that they work for us. We're not, they're not our bosses. What? Did you just figure this out? It's just a little, it's just, and this is, I'm glad you brought this up, Adam, because as a bitch, as a bitch, this is the way he sees the world. I'm not a bitch. Not this weekend. Oh, yeah, that's right. I did. I actually just noticed how Ders was sitting and I was sitting the exact way and I changed my position because that is how a man with low T, that's how a man with low T would sit. Wake up!
Okay. With his dick and balls shooting out of the bottom. Oh, my gosh. Hello. Fruit baskets. Hello, fruit baskets. I like that. And then from there, dinner, we stumble out of dinner. Oh, yeah. And then I said, I got to take, we were the last ones to leave. And I'm like, I got to take them boys to Bourbon Street. Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah. And that's what we stumbled out. We went to our, the first stop on our grand adventure was Gene Lafitte's Absinthe House. Yes. And we all had Absinthe. Washed down with an Abita Amber Ale. New Orleans, baby. Absinthe is an interesting little drink because you think it's going to be, it's like a Jägermeister-esque, but it's like, it's
It's more subtle almost, but it goes right to your dome, doesn't it? Yeah, we were flying high when we left there. Yeah, and they pour a big glass. Yeah, it was not a shot. It was a drink. Yes. I didn't realize that. I also kind of forgot that there was that much liquid. I was like, I want less liquid than this. Wake up!
And then I took them to Lafitte's Blacksmith, another Lafitte's establishment. Very old, very, very old. Absinthe House was 1805. That's old as fuck. That's super old. Think of how much puke and piss has been in there. That is crazy, man. Yeah, still is. Yeah. Still there. Still there. Brought to you by Clorox Bleach. Absolutely. And I went home and about, I was respectably,
pretty respectful last night. You left. At around 2 a.m. Yeah. And why? Just because I wanted to be prepared for today. And then I woke up at 5.30 in the morning. Yeah, I'm drawing now. Because I shit, and I kid you not,
No less than nine times. And I say no less because I stopped counting after nine times. Great ass! And I like the decision. You were like, you know what? Not counting anymore. Yeah, I was over it. I'm not doing it. I ran out of toes. That's kind of the thing. Nolans really draws it out of you. Nolans really draws the shit out of you. I haven't taken one yet today, guys, if we're going there. Brought to you by Glade Plugins.
I haven't gone yet. Well, I think all yours came out the top end. That's probably true. Yeah, when you evacuated. And did you, I mean, the cleaners are coming to your room today, right? I wrapped up the sheets. Okay. I put them by the door. Smart move. Respectful. Isaac just laid in his filth like a fucking sea lion just rolling in his own shit. And huge.
That's our manager. That's our manager. That's my boss. Yeah, Blake's boss. And a guy I give 10% to for God knows what. We're going halves. Oh, boy. Interesting. Blakey. The hell? Oh, man, that's a low T move. The boss man. That's a low T move. The boss man gets his piece. It's kind of crazy to me that he threw up in his bed like a fucking bitch.
Wait, that's what you did, Doug? No, I threw up in my bed like a boss. Oh, okay. I didn't realize. I told you, dude! There's different ways. That's cool, man. So that's why we're stumbling in a little bit, but I think we're holding it together, actually. I'm proud of you guys. Troy, one second. We're still talking about our puke and shit and jizz. We'll get to you, bud. What is he doing? And I don't know that it's
Troy Aikman's eating a humongous pretzel. Yeah, he's eating a giant pretzel over there. I don't know that that's Aikman. I know it's Troy, but I'm not, I haven't. No, it's Aikman. Is it? Yeah. Aikman, is that you?
Is that egg dog? He just went. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Fair enough. He showed the ring. And he really wants to get on this empty seat. But that's eight. We're not done talking about. Just finish the pretzel, then you can come on. And here's the thing, bud. We're here for the next three days. So we don't want to blow our load. We absolutely do not. We absolutely do not. And should we. The Gatorades are here. Should we.
maybe it's time. I feel, you know, we're 20 minutes in. Maybe it's time we do the big reveal. See who has the lowest teeth. Let's do it live. Should we do it live? Oh, yeah, we should. Let's do it. We'll do it live.
We're reaching for the results. I got my result right here. And we're going for the serum, I believe, is the one that you look at. Okay, hold on. I'm in double digits. Oh, my God. So I think the high end, I've been told, is like 1,100. That's your just full, a throbbing cock of testosterone. Okay.
I can see it now. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I would love to see an example of somebody who has...
1100 high testosterone what do they look like like the hairy shoulder guys oh no I bet yeah I bet someone that you know when you look at a person and they seem red to the touch yes and yes smoking hot they look like a human zit sure yeah that is what I imagine someone with really high because not only does he get rock hard erections he is a human erection right and that's that's sort of what I Troy we're not talking about you yeah
Oh, man. Okay, guys. I mean, this is interesting stuff. So how are we doing this? How are we doing this? And what happens if you lose and what happens if you win? Okay. So I think, and it's up to the... Either way, I'm 59 in your league. All right. Okay. Hello. Super Bowl 59, dude. I think the other people pay for the person that has the lowest tee to then...
Up his T-levels. For one year? For whatever that means. Okay. Are we doing a year? What is the... I guess I just don't know. I guess I just don't know what that entails or what that costs, but I'm willing to go all in.
Okay. Regardless. Regardless. We have some like actual scientific facts about what testosterone is. Male hormone. Okay. Yeah. Nice. Wow. Adrenal gland. Drop that on us. Male hormone? Okay. Wow. In women. This is important. Both.
Both the ovaries and the adrenal gland. Is it adrenal? Yeah, that's what Kyle eats. Yeah, Kyle eats when he's eating babies. Little babies. Okay, testosterone levels increase in boys as they start to reach puberty. So there's a chance. That's maybe you.
It's the reason men have a deep voice, which I do not. I don't either. You don't. Yeah. None of us have. I lowered my voice when I said you don't. No. Yeah, no, you definitely don't. Not really. It's what gives him facial hair. Adam thinks he needed to tell us that he lowered his voice. Yeah, no, we know. Increased height. Oh, boy.
Okay. Oh, boy. Muscle mass. Talk to me. Oh, shit. Adam, do you have those? The round mouth. Do you have muscles? Shit, dude. I don't know. You tell me. Less body fat. Oh, boy. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And in men, it's needed to keep the muscles and bones strong, to maintain a normal mood and energy level, and to maintain interest. What's a normal mood? Maintain interest in sex. And I think we...
We're all hell interested in that. We're mad horny. We're way interested. We're actually almost, it's off-putting how horny we are. A lot of people say the horniest podcast that is allowed on air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, it can't get more horny than this. Yeah, we're up there.
Ready to shoot your shot? Log on to BetMGM and make your picks in our College Basketball 250k Pick'Em for your chance to win a share of bonus bets. It's free to play and easy to get started. Just log on to your BetMGM account and predict what will happen at different points throughout the college basketball tournament. You'll learn points with every correct answer, which gives you a shot to win a share of bonus bets. Just pick what will happen throughout the college basketball tournament.
And if you make enough correct picks, you'll win a share of bonus bets. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to gamble responsibly. See BetMGM.com for terms. 21 plus only. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Available in the U.S. for New York. Call 877-8HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467369. For Arizona, call 1-800-NEXT-STEP. For Massachusetts, 1-800-THELESAW.
For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal. They include a lot more people than ourselves. Loved ones, neighbors, the communities we call home, and the causes we hold in our hearts. For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal.
At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind. Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more. Connect with us at Thrivent.com.
This is Ashley Akedani from the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast. If you could lose 10.4 pounds in one month, would you try? Well, with Future Health, you can. Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. That is tryfh.com. Tryfh.com.
It's tax season, and by now, I know we're all a bit tired of numbers. But here's an important one you need to hear. $16.5 billion. That's how much money in refunds the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud last year. It's tax season, and by now, I know we're all a bit tired of numbers.
Here's another: 20%. That's the overall increase in identity theft related to tax fraud in 2024 alone. But it's not all grim news. Here's a good number: 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, LifeLock's US-based restoration specialists will fix it, backed by another good number: the Million Dollar Protection Plan. In fact, restoration is guaranteed or your money back.
Don't face identity theft and financial losses alone. There's strength in numbers with LifeLock Identity Theft Protection for tax season and beyond. Join now and save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code IHEART or go to lifelock.com slash IHEART for 40% off. Terms apply.
Are we going to read the other ones too? Should we warm it up with the albumin? Who's albumin? I don't have that. I just have the serum and the free. And I was always... Wait, do you have testosterone total? Uh-oh. Yeah, that's the serum. Yeah, that's the... Yeah. What? Wait, what? Wait, don't look at mine. Do not look at mine. But like...
Who are you looking at? Yes, it's the number that should be in the hundreds. What about this one that's in like... Hundreds? What? So you don't have albumin? I don't. No. Well, let's just go. Adam, go ahead. Wait, wait, wait. Can I get a drumroll? I wish we didn't get them. The whole point is that now I know. So the first... Like, if we never saw them, someone could just go, Adam, you have this number. And we all go, whoa. Whoa.
Okay. But none of us know what we have. Oh, that's true. Yeah, we should have done it a little differently. I don't know why we were handed these. You said handered. You just said handered. It's the thing I say now after I throw up in a bed. I don't know why we were handered these. I did my whole Oscar last night, and I had an enlightening, and I say handered now. That's why. You threw up so hard, you say handered. Okay. So let's just, I guess, who should start? All right.
I don't know, man. All right, I'm going to start. Okay, wait. I wanted to get a drum roll. All right, well, then hit us with one. Or just make it with your mouth. Because I have one here called sex hormone binding globulin. What are you looking at? Globulin. I don't know, dude. Right here. You don't have this? No. I only have testosterone test. Okay, so my number. We ready? Everyone listening is like,
Please just say the damn number. By the way, why is this a Super Bowl episode? They won't let Troy Aikman on stage. It's not him. He's got another breath. It is. He's got a giant cotton candy. My testosterone is...
795. Is that higher law? Is that higher law? Are you serious? Is that higher law? Many of them came numerous times. How's my poker face? It's really good. Blake's is less good. Blake's like...
Can I see it? Blake's is Leskin. I'm getting worried after hearing that number. Okay. Okay, so, Ders, do you want to go next? I'll go next. My testosterone total is 685. Oh, dang. Okay, 100 points higher. I feel like such a hard throbbing cock of a man. In the fine print, it says every 100 is an inch.
Oh, wow. I didn't read that on mine, but that makes me feel kind of good.
I feel like the best version of this game would be me blowing you guys out of the water. That would be the best. But also, I feel like we should have started maybe with you because everyone pegged you to have the lowest. No one's pegged me. No one has pegged me. All right. 59, dude. Can I get... And ladies and gentlemen...
My testosterone total is...
482! What do I win? No, seriously, what is it? For real, dude. 482. What does that mean? That means that, I mean, you should just tuck your dick up your butt and call it a day. 482. Call it a day, dude. Dude, but didn't that guy on the pod we did say he was like below 300 or something? No, no one's ever said that. No, he did not say that. Dude, am I sick?
No, I think maybe you should... You're a woman. I think you're not sick. You're a woman. Yeah, and that's fine. And that's fine. And we actually... What's weird is we all guessed it, and I'm actually a little bummed that we guessed it right. I am too, man. I really wanted to impress you guys. I'm bummed that it wasn't closer. So, yeah, that makes me twice the man that you are, dude, which sucks. Crazy. Crazy.
I'm okay. Anna's giving me thumbs up. Yeah, you're okay. I mean, you're not dying, but I mean, I think... Are you waking up rock hard? No. Okay, ever. You never wake up rock hard? No, sometimes. Okay, well, I'm in the same boat. It's not every day I'm waking up. By the way, I'm like, is that...
Those guys told us that's like the telltale sign or whatever. Well, those guys are in their early 30s and we are in our 40s. No, sir, I don't like it. Blake and I are 41 years old. Not yet. I'm soon. Oh, yeah, that's right. Damn, I'm like depressed. That's a symptom of low T. Yeah, depression. Yeah. You should be stoked. You're about to get free T. Yeah, you're going to get
We're paying for your testosterone, dude. You're going to get so vascular. What will happen to me? I will completely change. You're going to look exactly like Joe Rogan. Yeah. And a lot of people, I mean, he's very rich. He's very successful. Holy smokes, man. Damn. So, like, pretty much that just signed me up for this whole week, you guys making fun of my low testosterone. I'm just going to be this. I mean, we're not going to make fun of you. We're just going to tell everyone who sits down. Yeah, man. Poop.
Please don't tell Travis Kelsey if we get him on here. Well, we're going to make him guess. I mean, obviously, he's going to guess correct. Man. It's not like we need to tell anyone. Well, I will say that I did not think that I was going to be...
Insane. On the high end. I really didn't. Where are you at? 795. It's science. That's really good. That's a legit number. I'm very... I was... Now hearing your number, I thought we were all going to be in that range. I thought Ders was going to have me beat. He is an ex-collegiate athlete. He is a few years older. And your T starts to dip. Damn near 50. Yeah, he's almost 60 years old. Oh, my God. Um...
I can't even... I can't even... I gotta go. I gotta go get some tea. You know what I will say? Obviously, there's so much testosterone in this place. There's a doctor probably right over there. Yeah. Maybe he can shoot you in the gold coat. Yeah. And that guy in the glittery gold coat, he's gonna shoot you up. But you know what's low for me? I didn't get other results. Why...
I'm so sorry, Ders. Why don't we all have the exact same shit? Why did you hand her him this? Like my testosterone bioavailable. Yeah, I don't know what that means. Is really low. Huh. It's on the low end. It's 160. I only have one result. And if you're under 110, you're a woman. Oh, okay.
Huh? Oh, that's so good. Yeah, no. So mine says it's between 264 and 916 is on the high end. So if you're in that range, you're okay. So you're not dying. Yeah.
Yeah, no. So technically if you have 1100, you're, you're on steroids. What's going on there? Yeah. Yeah. Something, something's off with you. That's crazy. Yeah. Which by the way, maybe instead of doing testosterone, we all just do steroids. Just one cycle of trend. Yeah. I believe it's called. Yeah. Adam's like, I don't know. Maybe it's called this. I don't know. Friend. Maybe it's called trend. I don't know. Maybe. I'm not sure. I haven't looked into it or anything. Okay. Uh,
But then I looked in, then you get Bacne, and then you get your hair falls out, which, you know, is the only reason I'm not on steroids. The Bacne and the hair falling out? Yeah. Ken, maybe you could do something to counterbalance that. You can do Rogaine or whatever, right? Yeah. Sponsored by Rogaine. Yeah, I could. Yeah. Or just wear cool wigs. Adam's like, I could. I could.
I think I should start. Isaac told me that he whispered, you're a bald bitch. When I did that TurboTax commercial I did. It was like the rain. It ended up getting cut from the commercial, which was stupid, but there was a rain machine and it was me dancing with the rain. And then your hair gets wet and so you can see your scalp a little bit. And he was like,
Isaac panicked, dude. He was like, we need makeup to go in and cover his hair. You can see his scalp. Right.
I mean, I do like that they cut it because they were like, he looks insane. He's so bald. He's an old bald woman. Yeah, he's an old bald woman. What was that from? Really high testosterone. I'm so proud of you. Yeah. Gosh, maybe that, it's just cool that it explains why you guys are assholes and I'm a bitch. It's like scientifically proven. Yeah, it's probably that.
I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Well, now I kind of wonder what Kyle's is because Kyle's all, you know, I wish he was sitting here. He chose not to come. Right. We have a chair for him. Yeah. And he's like, no, I don't want to be part of your guys' group anymore. Yeah, that's. Because he is such a bitch, you know, and so I'm sure he would have even lower than you.
But he's eating all those adrenal glands. Yeah, that's true. But he is eating all those babies. That is true. Son of a gun. Well, that's cool. Don't we have like a party lined up tonight? Aren't we going to like the Kelsey Brothers party after this? You can't come. You have to show your testosterone results to get in. Yeah, you have to be over 600 in order to even walk through those doors. Wait, what was your number again? 4-
Almost 500. Almost. But remember, the nurse told me that I should have lifted some weights before. We didn't lift weights either. You probably lifted earlier that day. I got it done at 8 a.m. Yeah, same. Oh. I got it in the afternoon. I had actually worked out already. No, I didn't. All right. So embarrassing. Yeah, so tonight...
Yeah, you're not allowed to come. Lord willing, we'll get in that party. Pizza, pizza. Well, I was excited for that. If you guys could get me in, I'm pretty hyped. Yeah, we're going to get you in. We'll talk to somebody with our testosterone combined. Son of a bitch. I can't believe I'm on the outside of this. Damn it. That's okay, dude. And I don't want you to feel bad that you're such a bitch, and I don't want you to feel bad about that. Honestly, I shouldn't be surprised. I just really wanted to rock your guy's world. I wanted that, too. Yeah, that'd be cool and fun. I didn't.
I just didn't want to be sitting in your seat right now, live at the Super Bowl with thousands of people clamoring to come on stage. Troy Aikman over there, now he's deep-throating corn dogs. I mean, the guy can't stop eating. It's weird. It's weird, Troy. Put it down, bud. I don't know if we're going to have time to get to you, bud. The stick is the end, okay? Jesus Christ. My God, man.
Well, all these people here, and then I would hate to be in your position. It's out that you have the lowest testosterone. Yeah. And I just, I would hate to. History is what it said at the bottom of the printout. Well, and it's, I want to meet someone that is like truly in the 200s. Like, are they just a meek. Like deficient. Like meek little, like where they look like they're iron deficient, you know? Yeah. Or like the type of person that you're like, I bet they could walk on my back. Oh.
You know, like a dainty man. Right. Like a little... Like Gollum. Like Gollum. Yeah. Like someone that... Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. No wonder you can do that.
I can't do it. I don't know. 69, dude! I always tried to do it. I couldn't. Now we know why. Yeah, we're going to go to that party tonight. A lot of testosterone is going to be thrown around there. Adam's going to be putting some people in headlocks. I hope so. I ran into Jason Kelsey in the lobby of the hotel, and he was hyped. He said, I hope you guys are there. But that was pre-result. Yeah. We shall see. We shall see. But...
Super Bowl 59, baby. Do we start talking football or are we just kind of... Yeah, do you guys have a pick? Yeah, the Chiefs, obviously. Okay, are you going to do like a score and things? Yeah, 69. Okay. 69, dudes! They tie at 69 and then Roger Goodell just walks to midfield and goes... And that's enough. Ladies and gentlemen...
That's the Super Bowl. Yes, that's the Super Bowl. You really think that's going to happen? That's my pick. That's what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you guys can have your own picks, but that one is mine. Ders, 69. What do you think, Ders? Adam took mine. I was like, are you reading my results? I wish I wouldn't have read mine earlier. It's the Chiefs. Correct. And it's the Eagles. Yes. Wow. That's right. Good job. You were able to surmise that?
Word of the day. I feel like it's going to be the Chiefs. I mean, a three-peat is pretty fucking incredible. And did you hear the thing about Pat Riley, the GM of the Miami Heat basketball team, owns the rights to the word, the phrase three-peat. And he struck a deal with the NFL so they can use it and if
No way. And win. The Chiefs win. Is that because of the Lakers, right? Yeah. But the Lakers never three-peated. Did they not with Magic? I don't think so. Isaac? No? Well, the Bulls were the first three-peater. Yeah, then why does he? Why is Pat? Oh, because they were going for it. Oh, they were going for it. Well, dude, hey, guess what?
I'm going to trademark four-peat. Okay. You heard it here. Four-peat. Adam has four-peat. That sounds so cool. Yeah, four-peat. That's one better. It really just rolls off of the tongue. Yeah, dude. Imagine the Chiefs, they get a three-peat, and then they run it back, and then your boy cashes some fucking checks with a four-peat. Tell you what, tell you where I would be.
Tell me. Right here with you guys because I love you and I love doing the podcast. You know what I mean? Thank you, man. It feels really good to be in person in New Orleans. I don't like it. It's not how it sounds. I was saying before the podcast that like,
I like looking at my guys. Okay. I don't like doing this. We're still looking at each other. I'm not. We could probably have you sit... Troy Aikman, what's he got? He's got a funnel cake? Jesus Christ. Where is he getting this? Troy! You gotta be camera ready. Where are you even finding pot stickers? Dude, and that's...
That is crazy. The crazy thing is, is he still looks great. He does. He looks great. He looks like Jay-Z, right? Eat whatever you want, Troy, because it's working, baby. It's working, doggie. You guys have seen the picture where he looks like Jay-Z? Wait, really? You've never seen this? Oh, I have, actually. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. And I'll say Jay-Z doesn't keep it as tight as Troy. Oh. No. Yeah. I'd say I'm willing to say that.
I'm willing to go on record. Seeing my testosterone score right there, I'm willing to say that now. And I bow to you. I'm willing to let shit fucking fly knowing that I have all this testosterone. It's crazy, man. I'm intimidated. We should have known. Now I can sit however I want. Yeah, dude. You can whip your dick out if you want. Your hard dick. Troy wants to see it. My dick and balls are shooting out the box.
God. Goodbye.
At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind. Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more. Connect with us at Thrivent.com.
This is Ashley Iaconetti from the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast. You could have lost 10 pounds already if you already started one month ago. So are you ready to start today? Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. Tryfh.com. Try.
Results vary based on start weight and adherence to diet, exercise, and program goals. Database on independent study sponsored by Future Health. Future Health is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion. Hey everybody, it's your favorite play cousin, Junior, from the Steel Ray Morning Show. The Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive, combining raw power with precision engineering. All backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability.
Climb inside a Tundra and experience the uncompromising strength with its available i-Force Max engine. The Tundra delivers exceptional power, torque, and towing capacity. Plus, the spacious and high-tech cabin keeps you connected on the run. Or check out a Tacoma. Agile, dependable, and unstoppable. The Tacoma is designed for those who go beyond the trail. Stay ahead
the pack with available off-road features like crawl control or break out your tunes with the available portable JBL speaker. Toyota trucks are built to last year after year, mile after mile. So outlast every adventure and outlive the moment. Buy a Tundra or Tacoma today. Visit buytoyota.com, Toyota's official website for deals or stop by your local Toyota dealer to find out more. Toyota, let's go places.
Wasn't that delicious? So good. Your bill, ladies. I got it. No, I got it. Seriously, I insist. I insisted first. Don't be silly. You don't be silly. People with the Wells Fargo Active Cash Credit Card prefer to pay because they earn unlimited 2% cash back on purchases. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. No! The Wells Fargo Active Cash Credit Card. Visit wellsfargo.com slash activecash. Terms apply.
Did you see the picture? Yeah, would you like to? It's unreal. Yeah, show me over here. Can you make it smaller for Adam? Yeah, Jesus Christ, buddy. Click on a goddamn thing. The Wi-Fi is... Don't touch me. Do not touch me. The Wi-Fi is very slow. Okay? Okay. I could see. I've seen it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean... Can you guys see it? Don't even worry about the Wi-Fi. Just double touch so it zooms in. I don't know how to do that. What?
God, and you're our tech guy? Dude. Jesus. Oh, okay. Yeah. Did you know how to do that? No. How'd you do that? Adam, I actually don't. Did we just double touch? I don't think I did. I don't think I did. Can the fans at home see that? No, the old guys. Let me see that. Let me see that. Yeah, I mean, they do look remarkably similar. That is crazy. And when the face slid down the middle there, that's wild. Yeah.
yeah that's a wild side by side that's where you draw the line that's right you said slit down the middle as opposed to split yeah i'm all with all this testosterone i'm always thinking about nine times in the morning i'm always thinking slits with this much tea dude god damn wait how do i get how do i zoom out now your computer lives there now you have to please stop bullying me
I can't believe I know something about the internet and technology that Blake doesn't know. You're good. Blake only knows what Sabrina Carpenter's up to.
Bro. Dude, I like her a lot. With that amount of testosterone, he only knows what chaperone is, where she currently, what smoothie she likes. Oh, at Erewhon? Yep. Her Erewhon smoothie goes crazy. The Hailey Baldwin Erewhon smoothie? Oh, shit, yeah. Oh, my God. It's so good with the moss, the sea moss. Dude, the more you explain it, the lower my tea dips. Damn. Yeah. You're getting...
Lower T from being around me. Uh-huh. Goddamn. Yeah, breathing the same air. That's probably why my T has gotten so freakishly high. That's why Adam left early last night. He was like, I'm losing T. I'm losing T. I'm going to go home and dookie nine times. It's science. Dude, and by the way, I stopped counting. It's more than nine. I've shit three times since we've been hanging out this morning.
Every time I go in the bathroom, I let one fly. Every time I go around, he's taking shits. This dude is throwing Hail Marys into the toilet, baby. Yeah, and they're connected, man. That's a lot of shit.
And so you have a home about this. You sit there and have diarrhea or you don't public toilet seats, right? Yeah, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. With this much tea, you got to, you know what? The tea kills it. Sure. You're absorbing some tea off those seats. Yeah. That's the secret to the sauce. Well, I went into the stall immediately following Sean Merriam. Oh, I bet I got some tea. Yeah. Your tea levels from, and it was, it was still a hot seat. Yeah.
It was still a hot seat. And I nuzzled right down on there. I will say I wasn't nervous because you guys know that I'm a stand-up wiper. Hot, hot, hot, hot. You guys know. The world knows. The world knows. And the world also knows that I pound waters. They do now. Yeah. So I was standing up and someone tried to come in and the door obviously didn't lock. And I go, no! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No. That's so weird. I literally on the flight here for some reason was thinking about if I was in a public restroom and someone tried to open the door, if it would be funny for me to scream out.
don't even think about it. Like to somebody like as loud as possible and just like see what the response would be. Like, would it, would it raise the stakes? I would have laughed. Yeah. No, but like screaming it in a way where you're like, whoever's in there, something's going on is not to be fucked with. Yeah. There might be a, like you're like disassembling a person in there. And do you guys, do you guys shit on planes? On planes? Uh, it's hard for me to fit. Uh,
I do 100% of the time. That's a big T move. Right. He's a mile high club. That's life. I will say that is big T. That's big T energy. Hey, how much longer is this flight? 15 minutes. Well, ma'am, excuse me. Dude. I need to shit to make this flight. I'll be right back.
Right back. To make this flight an actual flight. I'll be right back. I'll be right back, sweetheart. Well, I don't take a long. I don't take a sweet time. I feel like when I stand up at a urinal, I piss. It's a better piss. Gotcha, bitch. And I piss for longer. Okay. You guys have seen. It's well documented how long I pee. If we know anything about you, high T, pee long. Yeah. Yeah.
It probably coincides with each other. But now, you know what is a low-T move that I do? What? And I would say almost exclusively. Is it sitting like you are now? I sit. I'm going to grab a water. Yeah. Because you know that I drink a lot of water now. I...
will sit to piss. I want to say we covered that in episode three. Oh, okay. I mean, we're 280 now. I'm sorry if I repeat one goddamn fact about my life. Troy, do you want to hear it?
You good? You got ribs? Now he's got a rack of ribs, this guy. Can someone get him a bowl for the bones? He's eating the bones. He's Arby's eating the bones. He ate the bones. My goodness. Thanks for resharing.
I'm having a blast, guys. This is really, really fun. I wonder what the party... I'm excited for tomorrow's podcast because we're going to have a lot of fun. Wait, did you clap like this? Is that why you clapped, dude? Don't treat me any different. I'm still the same guy I always was. You're not a guy.
You're not a guy, pal. Oh, yeah. I'm a bitch. You're not a guy, pal. You're not a guy, pal. I hate this. You're not a guy, pal. Do you have that drop? You're not a guy, pal. I'm going to have to look a while. I'll find it. I'm real. I'm a dude. What were you going to ask about the party? I'm excited to, like, what epic tales? What's going to happen tonight? Yeah. Am I going to put...
one of the Kelsey bros in a chokehold. Be careful with that. Because I saw them. Because one of them does have to play in the Super Bowl. Yeah, and I don't want to injure him, obviously. I might go over to the DraftKings sportsbook and put some fucking coin on it. Maybe we do that. Yeah, the game's going to end 69-69 and then they just say the game's over and Roger Goodell walks me in and says, and that's the Super Bowl.
C-Swift going to be there? You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. I wonder, my assistant Michelle, she really, really wants to party with T-Swift. Yeah. What's going to happen? I wonder if Swifty will be... Wait, Troy Aikman's lifting your assistant over his head now? Wow, now don't... She's not to eat. Okay, put her down. Jesus. Troy.
T-Roy. What the heck? Yeah. Now he just has a jawbreaker. And now what are you guys using for the eyewitness? Just sort of the general visit. Troy's moving around a lot. He's still got it. He's spry. He can still scramble. He can still scramble. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. You're not a guy. You're not a guy, pal. You're not a guy.
My man card was taken away at Super Bowl 59. 59, dude. That's a good shirt. 59, dude. Look at all the old Super Bowl tickets. That's cool. Is that what that is? I didn't notice that. They're like the posters for all the Super Bowls. Yeah, that's sick. That one was the sick one. That's the sick one.
This is so good for a podcast. There's one with like parrots on it. That's the one like the Raiders were in, I think. Why did they, I mean, they were just on acid when they made that ticket? Yeah, everybody was coked up doing acid. Doing acid. It was in San Francisco, so they're like, yeah, let's go for it. All the fruits and nuts up there.
The weird coast. My dad and my uncle said that for maybe 11 years when I first moved to California. And he's like, how are all the fruits and nuts out there in California? I'm like, I don't know. It's fine. You've been there. What do you want me to say? Yeah. I met a friend named Blake. Yeah. Speaking of the fruits. Thank you. Speaking of fruits and nuts. Well, no.
Small nuts, but nuts. Technically. I wonder if now I've never thought of like, well, I guess I have thought about the size of your cock, but now I'm really thinking about it. And is it,
We always joked on Workaholics that you had a micro penis, but is it micro or is it just a ball? Micro. Micro. A dirty job? Yeah, your dick is a dirty job. I love that one. It's not micro, but I might need to get on a cycle for sure. We're going to tee you up. Yeah, we're going to tee you up. And I'm excited once we tee you up.
Are you going to reach the levels of Ders and myself? There's no way. There's literally no way. That's not possible. I think so. Didn't that guy say that he like went all the way to, didn't he say he got up into the thousands?
You're putting a lot of numbers in Taylor's mouth. I thought Taylor said that he was below 300 and he got on a cycle and then he like... Well, they don't call it on a cycle. That's steroids. Oh. Yeah. Okay. And he said the name of it and he said it wasn't like... It wasn't TRT, which I guess is the real deal stuff. Right, right, right. Which is probably what you would need. Yeah. With your freakishly low numbers. Yeah.
I'm glad you're in triple digits, bud. Yeah, me too, dude. Thank you, guys. We can round up. I'm 500. We can't. We have to stick with the numbers. I'm 500. Well, then I'm 800. I'm 795. Is that what it was? Let me read that again. Yep, 795. Damn, feeling alive. Pretty beefy over there, man. Whip it out. Right there. Whip it out.
For the fans at home. Any take backs? Any apologies? It is. Any take backs? Troy, sorry we didn't have time for you. We will get you. I'm glad we're here, though. Yeah. Because...
We're here. We're at the Super Bowl. And we really are. We really are. We didn't just build a sick stage for once. And we're actually here at the Super Bowl. Like I said, thousands of people milling about, watching us, laughing really hard. They just weren't mic'd up. Troy Aikman is actually right there. He stuck with us the whole show. And now he's rolling his eyes like, I can't believe...
We didn't get to... Troy, you're food. We can't understand you. We'll be here tomorrow. You can't stop eating. We'll be here tomorrow. We'll be here tomorrow, Troy. Yeah, we'll be here. Just don't worry. And I would like to take back coming up with the idea to check our testosterone levels because I know that this hurts you deeply in your core, Blake, and I don't like that. You are... Well, you were a really good friend of mine. Right. Yeah. I was going to say you're one of my boys,
Technically, I don't know if we're allowed to say that anymore. I'm a dude. But yeah, I feel a little bad for putting this on you. When we all knew it was going to be you. We did. We did. I was really hoping. We pegged you. Nobody has pegged me. You've been pegged. I have not. With numbers like that, you've been pegged. You still will feel my 59, though. I am going to 59 you. Okay. Yeah, that's something... 59 millimeters. That's something...
someone would say with your amount of tea. Was it 230? Embarrassing. 500. Not 500. Definitely not. We should get somebody. Do you think we could find somebody in this room with lower testosterone? Because to me, that's what's scary. I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else except for my boys right here. Is it abnormally low?
Pizza pizza. It's technically in the healthy range. Thank you. So he isn't super low yet. Thank you. But obviously, he's just entering his 40s now. It's going to go down. By the time he's 50, he will grow breasts. I will be gone. And his dick will just lop off. Turn into a clip. Well, that comes to my apologies. I'd like to apologize to all the boarders out there who really want to see your boy on top of the testosterone mountain. Yep.
But I failed you, and I'm sorry. And I will get better. I will get better results next time. Well, because we're going to pay for it. Yeah, we're paying for it. So, yeah. So, and we are actually here live at the Super Bowl. And that was another episode of Almost Live. This is important! Live.
All right. What is this? Tee'd Up. Oh. Tee'd Up. Tee'd Up. And that just cost us $100,000. Oops. All right. All right. Glad we were here. Thank you, everybody. Troy. Thank you. Troy. Amen. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow.
For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal. They include a lot more people than ourselves. Loved ones, neighbours, the communities we call home and the causes we hold in our hearts.
At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind. Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more. Connect with us at Thrivent.com.
Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? Ow goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Pod of Rebellion, our new Star Wars Rebels rewatch podcast. I'm Vanessa Marshall, voice of Harrison Dooless, Spectre 2. I'm Tia Zirkar, Sabine Wren, Spectre 5. I'm Taylor Gray, Ezra Bridger, Spectre 6. And I'm John Lee Brody, the Ghost Crew Stowaway moderator. Each week, we're going to rewatch and discuss an episode from this series and share some fun behind-the-scenes stories. Sometimes we'll be visited by special guests like Steve Bloom, voice of Zabarelio, Spectre 4, or Dante Bosco, voice of Jykel, and more.
Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Cheeky's, and I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'm your host, Cheeky's, and I'll see you next time.
I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys. And as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies. It's going to be an exciting year and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and Chill season four on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.