Shownotes Transcript
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For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal. They include a lot more people than ourselves. Loved ones, neighbors, the communities we call home, and the causes we hold in our hearts. For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal.
At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind.
Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more. Connect with us at Thrivent.com. Hey everybody, it's your favorite play cousin Junior from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. You know, the Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive. Backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. So get in the Tundra with available i-Force Max Hybrid engine, delivering exceptional torque and towing capacity. Or check out a Tacoma.
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Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? Ow goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom-line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important, I think this is my favorite episode we've ever done. I'm having a great time. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. Gobble, gobble, toil and trouble. Buckle up. Boo! Boo! Boo!
Yeah. Dang, man. I kind of really actually, and I hate to start it off this way. I hate to start off this way, guys. I have to poo-poo. I do. That sucks. So you want to stop the podcast or are we going to keep- No, no. I'm going to fight. I'm going to grit my teeth and I'm going to fight through it, dude. But just know all the TII Nation-
This whole pod, I do have to poo-poo. This is all poo-poo caca. What a record we just broke. Okay. Fastest mention of shit. I need to shower, apparently. I'm looking like you guys were just kind of roasting me. Yeah, you look weird. I was saying you look like... Oh, yeah, the bitch. You guys were just roasting me, saying I look like... Luka Doncic mid-game. Austin Reeves. Like, scruffy beard, weirdly wet yet dry hair. Yeah. I was saying Austin Reeves. Yeah, I don't know what's happening.
It's not a good look. Yeah, what's up with that? How come you got the little bangs hanging out the bottom of the snapback? Dude, I just put my hat on. That's how they flopped. They could flop up. Should I readjust? That's a good look.
That's real Biebercore. You're going hardcore Justin Bieber. That's not really what I was looking. Do you like how you look? I don't. Do you like the way you look? I don't. What's the matter? No, you're off of it. What do you want to look like? Very shagadelic. Usually I don't like when I look in the mirror. I don't like it. You usually, you don't like the way you look. No, usually not. No, usually not. Really? Oh.
Let's get into it, dude. It's mostly, for me, I have body dysmorphia, and I always look at myself, even when I'm in great shape, I'm like, you're a fat, ugly piece of shit, dude. Your boobs are huge. Reign it in, get it together, and I never do. I never do. That is true. Yeah, I never do. No, not that I'm not. Aren't you as reigned in as you've been reigned in the last decade? I think you're more reigned. Yeah, I'm about as reigned in as I've been for the last few years, yeah. But still, you know.
We started the podcast and I look like this. Hey, Adam. What's up? Be nice to my friend. Please be nice to my friend. I will. Dude, should we say happy birthday to you?
Me. That shit's important. Yeah, man. I'm kind of feeling it. It was Blake's birthday yesterday. Yeah, I'm kind of feeling it. I'm a little torchy. Have to poo-poo. Yeah, so I expected you to come in looking real downtrodden. Worse than you? Yeah. Worse than me for sure. I did not even drink last night. I don't know. Yeah, you're kind of worse. Some glasses on inside? Yeah. Worse looking on the pot. Well, luckily, and they are a sponsor of the show.
I popped one of these bad boys five-hour energy, and it got me feeling good. Really? Did you? When did you pop it? About five hours ago. So my daddy might be ready for another one. So did you know what time we were podcasting? I did, but I needed it.
Right out the gate. And you were like, I need energy right up until then. Well, that was just to take care of his daughter. He needed a little boost. Had to drive her to school. Sure. Still drunk. Has anybody ever made, and I hope I don't get us kicked off the project for this, but has anybody ever done a five-hour Hen-ergy? Hennessy. Like with Hennessy? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, maybe. That doesn't sound good. Can you give me and Adam a few minutes? It would be good mixed with like a soda and Red Bull and vodka. Mixed with a Red Bull? Yeah. Here's my pitch. Adam, you just out-Adam'd yourself here. I'm living a nightmare. Yeah, Red Bull vodka, but you cut it with soda water. You cut it with soda water and then you add the five-hour energy.
Yeah, dude. What the hell? Because you're trying to party all night, dude. You're trying to party all night. You look kind of like a man. And then you immediately look how I currently look. Just sweaty. The bangs are flopping one weird way. Weird.
Weirdly red for no reason. But you lose the, if it's not Hennessy, then you lose the five-hour Hennergy, and that's like my branding. I'm trying to brand here. Yeah, you do like fun wordplay. As always. That is your thing, yeah. Yeah. That's my claim to fame. Bitch better have my honey, you know, all that stuff. Yeah, I don't know if anyone's ever done that. I'm sorry. I was bummed that I couldn't make it up to the friend's birthday party. Dude.
yeah just a real banger but i am planning on crashing your family dinner wait you're coming to my family dinner tonight i am coming to your family oh my god so we'll be there we'll be there okay okay well that's cool that'll be intimate yeah i already cleared i already cleared it with sam it's all good okay yeah okay i'm not gonna sit right with you guys i'm gonna sit kind of far away and wear some raros and just send you guys uh wait what uh a lot of uh
Taquitos and Hennessy and five hour. Yeah. Oh, another plate of taquitos from the man at the bar. And it's just me tipping my hat towards you. Have we talked taquitos on this podcast? Let's do it. Let's get into it.
This is important, baby. What? What do you got to say about taquitos, my friend? I think taquitos, they straddle a really interesting line where I'm never going to order them. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. Sorry, go ahead. But when they're somewhere and I grab one, sometimes they're lifesavers, man. Sometimes I'm like, fuck, dude, I needed that taquito. Like on set when there's a fly around.
Oh, come on. There ain't nothing wrong with taquitos. I agree. I'm not one to order them. Yeah, there is. They're really dry. What? Yeah, you're not going to order them. But usually taquitos are dry. They're really kind of weirdly hard on the outside. Not crispy.
Hard, like hardened. Right. I think you got a bad batch of taquitos. Yeah, you might have had a bad batch. For 43 years? Dude, I don't order taquitos, but I don't order shit like that. That's what I'm saying. You might be thinking of...
What does that even mean? You don't order shit like that. You might be thinking of flautas. Dude, I'm a fajitas all the way. And you guys know this about me. Oh, yeah. We come sizzling. But what category are you thinking the taquitos are in the shit like that category? What else is in that category? Fucking flautas. Is it in its own category? Because that's kind of cool. Well, that's like eating three hard shell tacos in one. Yeah, but it's not even as good as a hard shell taco. Yeah. Exactly. That's right. So that's why I don't order them. But I'm saying...
Because there's almost nothing inside of it. Shut up, bitch! I know, and that's what I said. I don't order them. But when they fly around and I grab one, I'm like, that really hit the spot. Yeah! See, I like we're talking Hollywood stuff. We're out the gate. Out the gate. We're talking fly-arounds on set. Yeah, but if you go to a barbecue, you go to somebody's party and they got some taquitos. They're flying around. Yeah, they're flying around. What was that? What?
What? I don't know. Soundboard just made a weird fart. Did it? I feel like Durz is chunking a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Durz is chunking. I guess when you've got 100,000 fans, sometimes you'd be chunking.
subscribe we can we can move on from shit like that i guess uh isaac what's on the list what's next on the list sorry i i jumped the list with taquitos isaac isaac has scripted our first episode we're on script today so he's he called me so excited he called me about something else but then he was he was like dude uh
Today on the podcast, I'm going to write things down and put it in the chat of things that you guys can talk about. And I'm like, I think we've done like 400 episodes. I don't know if you have to. But yeah, okay. Yeah. I feel like you're doing anything. Punk rock. Getting radical. He's like, yeah, I'm going to chime in with a bunch of stuff. I have a whole list.
That way you guys can just look at it. You could talk about it if you want to. You don't have to. And I'm like, obviously we don't have to. And then he only wrote the Oscars. That's the only thing on the list, dude. 20 minutes ago. I'm getting radical. He had a whole fucking list. Okay, okay.
I got a whole list, dude. And we appreciate it. And then he just writes the Oscars. And by the way, we don't give a shit about the Oscars. Are we going to go in deep on the Oscars? No. And this episode comes out after everyone's talked about the Oscars.
The Oscars, dude. The Oscars. The Oscars. Who gives a shit? I didn't watch them this year. I feel bad about that. Yeah. I was at your fucking dinner. Yeah. Well, thank you for showing up. I appreciate that. Adam's going to crash it tonight. I was not crashing. I cleared it with your significant other. Thank you. The streets were quiet last night. There was nobody in LA. They must have been at the Oscars.
Oscar parties, not where I was because the streets were quiet. Yeah, you were on the east side and everyone who matters in this town was in West Hollywood. Sorry. Well, it didn't feel great to not be invited to any Oscar parties. I will tell you that much. Oh, you weren't? That sucks for you. Were you? Yeah, dude.
What the hell? Yeah. Sorry. Which one? Hell yeah. That's where he was. He wasn't at the party. The Elton John after party and the viewing party. You got invited to the Elton John party? Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. And you went. I'm so pissed. Please tell me you went. I did not go. Why wouldn't you go to Elton John's party? I was at home in Orange County. I can't. I couldn't be up here. Yeah. Oh.
Oh, not even for Elton John? Make the fucking trip. Not even for Elton John. Dude, Sir Elton. You know, I ran into, I saw Elton John at a Hamburger Hamlet one time. That was a good spotting. What the hell? Yeah. He used to just hang out there because he lived in that apartment building across the street. That's right. That's right. Oh, okay. I like this. You guys are real Hollywood insiders. Hollywood fat cats. I can't believe you didn't go to the Elton John party. I would do everything to go there. Go down on me.
You would go down on someone? I would. I would go down on... If you're at Elton John's party and shit starts to really turn up and the five-hour energies are pouring... Well, I've been before and I don't think anyone... Adam, let him finish this thought. Let him finish this thought, Adam. If Sir Elton John says, there's a way that I can make you a knight tonight and all you have to do is fucking... Go down on...
He takes his dick and goes like this on your shoulders.
He puts the dick on each side and then right down the middle. I would let him do that to me if it was filmed and we could show it on the pod. Even if it didn't make me a knight, I would love for him to go like this with his dick on my shoulders and then go, you've been knighted. You would love that? Absolutely. This is a rock legend and he's knighting you with his cock, dude. That fucking...
Unreal. You're feeling the love tonight, baby. By the way, not like alone at his house with no cameras on, but like for the bit. No, there's a circle of dudes around you. Yeah. Okay. And what are the circle of dudes doing in this? They're just drinking. They got their dicks out too. They're in and around you. No, they're just watching with their hands in their pocket. Yeah. Okay. Well, they're chanting.
Night him. Night him. Yeah, their hands are in their pockets and they're in and around you. What? What is the big deal? Okay. Night him. I like that. Hands in the pocket. A hands in the pocket chance I've never seen. We've got to do this bit. Between the hands in pocket chance and the dick nighting. Night him. Yeah. You know, someone's going to steal it. SNL's going to do it. SNL's going to do it. Please don't destroy boys. We're going to have this bit next week.
Dude, I'm telling you, you should have gone to that party, dude. You missed out. It could have been really fun. Yeah, I blew it. Yeah, those parties are usually very fun. In fact, I pitched to Chloe that we go, and she was like, you got a big week. It's the Gemstones premiere this week. Oh, looking forward to it. So Wednesday night is the big bangarang. Isn't that a good reason to go? Yeah. To like fold that in with all the press and whatnot? Uh,
No. No. Still the flame? Nah. The Hollywood flame? There's not much press. There's not much press at work parties. Yeah. They're not like doing interviews. It's good. It's like just. No, no. But just to like have your photos. Out there. Mingle. Yeah. Mingle. I'm a tech avail. Oh, no.
Yeah, we just, you know, we chose not to go. Hey, that's okay. It was an executive decision. I wish you would have gave me your invite and I would have gone saying I was you. Yeah, I wish that happened too. And I just hung out with all your skater friends instead. Those parties are fun. I think that was the time, I think it was after, it was either the Golden Globes or the Oscars party that we went to, Blake. You met up afterwards and we went to the after after party and we went to
And we were in the Chateau Marmont. And that is where I headlocked Jude Law and Robert Pattinson. I just want to party. Really? Way to go. Yeah, it was at the very end of that night. You took on the two strongest dudes, for sure. Jude Law and Robert Pattinson. It was like a la, la, la, la type of thing. Oh, it was like an Irish kind of chant, sort of.
Yeah, it was an Irish. I get real Irish, the drunker I get. Hey, Adam Devine, how are you? Hey, Devine. I'm looking fucking Irish right now, dude, all red-faced. I'm looking some Irish as fuck. I'm drunk now. Right, you fell asleep outside is what you just said?
Am I chunking? You're chunking, yeah. You're chunking, but you're all right. You're all right. Yeah, I was sitting outside on the balcony and the sun was hitting just right. And I just closed my eyes and I woke up about 20 minutes later, maybe 30.
And I had came inside and then it was time to podcast. So that's what happened. That's why I think I'm looking as red as I'm looking and kind of sweaty and looking like Austin Reeves slash Luka Doncic. Got a little sizzle, but I kind of want to know, was it 20 or was it 30? Yeah, I don't know. There's no way to tell. I don't know exactly when those eyes. How long was this nap? Did you dream? Did you dream?
No. No. No? No dreams? No. Adam, have you ever had a dream? My dreams, every time I start to go to sleep, they're wildly sexual. That's the only way I can fall asleep. That shit's important. You have super sexual dreams? Always? To go to sleep.
Oh, okay. Well, that's nice. Yeah. That's nice. It's a good headspace to be in. Do you ever like say, do you have like a mantra you say before sleep to like get you into that mood? Like boner, blowjob, boner, blowjob. Do you ever say that to yourself? I need sleep.
Gobble, gobble, toil and trouble. Yeah. Something like that. Did you ever say that? Yeah. Yeah. I'm always saying gobble, gobble, toil and trouble. Gobble, gobble, toil and trouble. This is while you're in bed? I got to see that. Meanwhile…
Meek ball, Kyle. Chloe is like, I said Kyle, but I didn't mean to say Chloe. Yeah, I kind of was like, what? I did. Chloe is like, what the fuck are you saying? Wait, that's a crazy slip up, bro. You said you're sleeping with Kyle. Yeah, I did. Is there something?
Is there something happening? Should we talk? No, dude. No. And he's not allowed to back up the podcast. Yeah, dude. That's weird. Oh, shit. He's not allowed, huh? It's a bad breakup.
I just want to know if it's just you and Kyle or if it's you, Kyle, and Chloe sleeping in bed. Yes. Good question. A little threesome action. Hot threesome action. Yes, sir. Chloe's like, quit saying that shit on the podcast. What are you doing, dude? Toil and gobble. I love it. Gobble, gobble, toil and travel. Okay. What else is on the list, Isaac? Yeah, Isaac, give us a fucking list.
He said, Blake's birthday. We kind of covered that. Witches. Adam's fucking in his dream. So what did you guys do? You really tied one on, Blakey? Uh-uh.
It was my last two birthdays were totally like total burnt down, like went insane. But I think I'm still sort of like a little partied out from the Super Bowl that week in New Orleans. Just like I just didn't have the gusto to charge. Yeah. Well, that was only a couple of weeks ago. And we're getting older. We're in our 40s now to really bang it out, to really bang it out. That's a lot.
That's a lot. What is this? Isaac says the coops came to your house at 3 a.m. Isaac's saying the cops came to my house at 3 a.m. They did not. That's... Alrighty then. I did get a text from my neighbors because I was listening to music very loudly at 3 a.m. last night. Last night. But it wasn't... Yes.
But here's my question. Yes, but it wasn't the police. What's your family doing when you're rocking out? Are you in the back house? Just stick out, screaming, I'm 41. I'm in the back house. Some 41. Come 41. Some 41. Hey, hold on. Yes, points! So, but it's... If you're playing music really loud and your neighbors are complaining...
Your family, but you're rocking out in the back house so loudly that your neighbors are texting you and complaining. What is your family doing? You have a two-year-old daughter, an 11-year-old that is over quite often, and then your girlfriend. What are they up to? They're probably rocking out. The kids are heavy sleepers. Sam did text me. Yeah, okay. She did say,
Come on, man. Turn it down. And I said, I responded. I looked, I looked this morning and I, I responded with, it's my birthday. So I'm in the dog house. Hey, I am in the dog house. That's high tea. That's high tea. Yeah. I'm definitely in the dog house. We might have to test this guy again. Yeah. We got to retest. Remind me, remind me to apologize at the end.
at the end. Because by the way, I never would say that. I would say, I'm so sorry. Absolutely. I came back with like, I'm not turning it down. I feel pretty bad. You were turnt. Well, that's an insane move because I bet you, you do listen to music obscenely loud and at 3 a.m. I bet it was wild. It was loud.
Here's my saving grace. What did you tell the neighbor? Did you say, did you know it's my birthday? No, I said it's Oscar night, bitch. Okay, fair enough. Very cool.
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At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind. Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more. Connect with us at Thrivent.com.
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Atiba was telling me that you hid the power cord to your speaker because you get drunk and you play music super loudly and the neighbors complain. And he told me this like a week ago. Yes. I have a huge JBL party box that I love to play at a very unreasonable volume. And when I do have one of my nights, I tend to go back and crank it.
the volume on the box. So I unplugged it and I hit the cord. Continue. I unplugged it and I hit the cord. So you hit the cord from yourself and thinking like my drunk self won't be able to find this? No, no, no, no. It's not hiding it. It's like I'm not going to like make like walk in, go through it. It's like, yeah, there's many times when my brain could go like, this is stupid. But it was Oscar night. It was my birthday. And your birthday. So I
But here's my saving grace. I was cranking freaking Steely Dan, so it wasn't like a total throwdown. It's just like people are like, why is Steely Dan coming through my window at 3 a.m.? What's a Steely Dan song? Like freaking Peg. Thank you. You're playing freaking Peg? Hey, 19. So you're in the back house cranking down...
to these deep cuts. To Yacht Rock, basically. Play the Steely Dan song that you were playing right now. Like, let's hear what was blasting through your neighbor's windows at 3 a.m. I only know the one that goes... Okay. That Sam was like, come on, man. What are you doing? Turn it down. And you were like, it's my birthday! I want to listen to that song! Is that Al-Aja? Yeah.
Oh, dude. You're such a dad. Hey, I take it back. You've got to blast this one, dude. Come on, bro. It's Oscar night. Come with me. 3 a.m.? You didn't watch the Oscars, nor do we care about that. If you really listen, you can hear Chevy Chase on the drums. It's 3 a.m. I'm cranking it. There you go. I'm cranking it, bro. Sorry, neighbors. It's Oscar night.
Let's go. And so that song on repeat? Yeah, pretty much. Well, no, I went through the whole gamut. I wonder if your neighbors, I know that everyone to your face loves you because you're like, oh, Blake, man, he's got the crazy, Blake's crazy. They say stuff like that. Oh, Blake's crazy. Look at that hair. Oh, man, he's crazy. I wonder if they secretly hate you.
Like, secretly. Like, when they're in their house and they're, like, talking to each other. Oh, he parked his Wrangler on my lawn last night. Oh, here he is walking drunk again. Look at this ring footage. Yeah, look at this ring footage of him stumbling into our bush alone. He's juggling a chainsaw and his kid. He spiked a bottle of beer on my driveway. Yeah, do you think they hit you? No, dude. I'm a good neighbor. I'm a good neighbor. Okay.
Okay. Other than last night. It's Oscar night, though. You said they've texted you before. Tebow told me that this has happened multiple times. Look, it's only really special occasions, all right? Okay. Really special. And I've hit the court since, and it's back in the drawer. What was the last occasion? I don't know, like the 49er game? But you know the special occasion that Blake was drinking with his...
Right. Last Tuesday. By the way, we pitched the next day. We went and pitched the next day. You were drinking with your neighbor. And then at 3 a.m., you sent Atiba a text of that speaker. And he goes... And the next morning, I had breakfast with Atiba. And he goes, Blake must have really tied one on last night. I guess he hid the power cord to this. And he must have dug it out at 3 a.m. I sent that picture because...
He knows the whole backstory. I didn't listen to music that night. I was joshing you. That was a later. Oh, okay. I was joshing you guys. I wanted to send him on a wild goose chase. Oh, epic get dude. We were fooled. I'm pissed. That breakfast. We were floored by that epic. Hey, I'm LOL. Shout out to JBL party box. That thing thumps. Yeah. Yeah. I would like one.
Send one our way. Is that what it's called? The party box? The party box, baby. It's off the chain. That's a good gift. That's something that you would like to receive.
But I don't know if I would ever go buy a party box. Yes. Because immediately you're like, I'm going to play this too loudly. It's the taquitos of speakers for sure. It's like a taquito of electronics. Yeah. Because you're like... It's kind of firm on the outside. It seems dumb. Just a box that lights up and, you know, seems stupid. But then you have one. Someone gifted it to you as a birthday present or something. And then you're alone. Yeah.
In your back house. 3 a.m. Steely Dan comes a-calling. I get it. I get it. Hey, baby. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for seeing me. What's cool is you're like, my daughter's a deep sleeper, but how do you know that she wasn't awake the whole time? Because if the girls were up, they would have come banging on the back door. Like, Sam would have kicked my ass. And has that happened? No.
No. Okay. No. All right. No. Come on, man. I'm a good neighbor. I'm a good dad. All right. I'm going to have a lot of questions. I'm going to have a lot of questions tonight at family dinner that I'm crushing. Thank you. Please. Maybe you just lost your invite, man. And Isaac, if you could add Adam's interrogation to the list for next podcast, that'd be great. Oh, yeah. That'd be great. I'm going to need a little five-hour energy drink. Fucking hell, man.
I got mine. Anything is possible. Five-hour energy. Why is yours cooler packaging there, Durs? Me? I'm a fucking G like that, dude. Yeah. Seems like Blake has the classic and you have like the Baja Blast version. I had to go to the store...
We needed it for a commercial and then it didn't get to me somehow. Right. So when I was at the hardware store the other day, I just grabbed some. Oh, weird. You know, while we're talking about pod sponsors, we did get a box full of them. Is this on the list? No more lists. Well, Isaac should have put this on the list. Go ahead. I feel weird about it, but go ahead. I'm sorry. Go ahead. We did get a box of sex toys. Oh, yeah. I got them right here. Hang on. I got them right here. Oh.
Let's see them. What was... I mean, they were kind of strange. I mean, kind of. They were very strange. Fuck it. Don't knock it till you try it. Yes. There you go, Derry. If that's anything like... It was actually offensive that they sent it to me. What did they send you, brother? It's called the Trifecta. It's made by a company called... Wait, what does it say? Masturbator what? Yeah, dig that one out. Take it out?
The one that I got was a dildo
Okay. I'm a dude. It wasn't just a regular dildo. It was a dildo that you slide your dick inside of. Go on. What you normally. This is the way. And you tie the back part around your balls. Oh, my God. Wait, you stick your dick inside of it. Wait, what? And then what? And then there's like a back loop that you tuck your balls through so it's harnessed on. Yeah. Friendship. Friendship.
And then you, apparently, I mean, it's for guys with really small dicks. Yeah. Cause what? Okay. Well then it's for guys with really small dicks. Hey. And it was like, I'm a little offended that they sent that one. How big is the dick though? It's not even that big. It's seven and a half inches. It's not like a nine inch dick or anything. It was okay. Yeah. If you're going to do it, go nine. And I'm doing quick math here. Go nine.
Right? I just want to party. Yeah. If you had the type of girl that wants you to put your dick inside of a bigger dick and fuck her with that, that dick has to be nine inches long. She wants the hog. I told you, dude. Also, maybe it's, is it, look, I'm going to give this company the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're just like, hey, it's thicker now. It's not about length. It's thicker. Thicker. Yeah. Yeah. Well, by the way, it would be, I mean, it was thick. It would be thick. Yeah.
Adam is drooling. Okay. I'm going to come. He said it twice. He said it twice. He wants to read it. And the second time was very serious. I'm chunking. Are we talking like... Well, dig out yours. Dig out yours. See if...
If it's the same one that we got, Jersey. Open the pack, Ders. Did he freeze? Yeah. Oh, man. He's been struggling this whole podcast. Fuck. He froze right on the dildo reveal? Yeah. That's the worst time to freeze. Left us hanging?
Oh, wait. There he is. There he is. Wait a second. You're back. I'm sitting here going, well, I guess I'm chunking. Just a little chunking. There he is. Hello. It was hard chunking. Do a dildo reveal for us. Let's bust yours open. Let's see it. Can you do a dildo? Let's see it. Is it a dildo? You want to see it? And folks, this is how we get that plaque back at Dirt. This is how we get 100,000 fans on YouTube. All right? They're subscribers. They're not fans necessarily. Okay. Here we go. By the way, how great would it be if I was like,
Oh, that's weird. It's already open. Okay, break the seal. For some reason, the seal's already broken. He's like miming a package opening. Yeah, I go, hey, we're filming. It's really, really stuck. It's got my hand. Okay. We'll do it live. What do we got, baby? Oh, this is, oh, it's well packaged. It's sealed. Okay. It's like a big gummy bear.
Oh, dude, I got this. I got this one, too. Oh, my God. There's three holes. There's three different holes. So, Adam, you did break the seal, Adam. Yes, sir. I opened them all. I wanted to see what I was working with. Oh, there's three different. There's three different holes. Oh, my God. There's like little remixes. Look at that thing. It's like something from Indiana Jones. Yeah. Oh, God.
Holy shit. See, the thing about, I don't like, I don't need all this when I'm jerking off. I'm pretty good at just regular jerking off. That seems like too much of a thing. You think so? Wow, dude. You don't need it, but when you have it, it's a good session. It's a good session. Do not put that on your eye. It's like a kaleidoscope.
Would you use it, Blake? I mean, you got one. Have you used it? I have not used it, but I would. I would give it a go. Okay. See what it's all about. Well, next podcast, we want to hear your review. If he got the invite to the Vanity Fair part. You want to hear me doing it? Put it on the list, Isaac. No, I want to hear the review of how you felt post the masturbator by whatever that company is. I love it. Should we see the other one? That's cool. So wait, can you hit it from the front and the back? What is that?
I guess you could, but then you don't know where your dick's going to go. Or is your dick supposed to be like busting out the backside? That's cool, man. I think if your dick is large enough to bust out the backside, that's what that's for. You won't have to worry about that. Wow, dude. Honestly, and I'm going to go on record. I think this is my favorite episode we've ever done. I'm having a great time. I don't know if it's the 3 a.m. Steely Dam. It's got to be the 5-hour energy train. Or if it's the 5-hour energy. Woo!
Or it's the Bud Light, the probably three Bud Lights you've had so far. Or the Bud Light right to the right. Is this the one you got here? Glow Job? What is a Glow Job? Bust it open. I don't know. I don't know if I got that. Bust it open, baby. Let me just see if the seal. Oh, the seal's already busted. That's kind of weird. That's weird.
All righty then. Isaac, thank you for the list, man. Yeah. Thank you for the list, brother. Isaac's two things on the list were the Oscars and the Coops came to your house at 3 a.m. What's really cool about the Coops. This just looks like the same thing. Is it? Yeah.
So you're not going to open it? Not exactly the same, but like a thing you fuck. Yeah. But it's got a mouth on it. Well, what did you think it was going to be? I don't know. One of those cool dicks. Remember when we used to get all the fleshlights? Yeah. That was rad. Those were not cheap. No. I didn't like them. I tried it once. It was not for me. I'm not into the reusable stuff. Reusable stuff? That's weird, man. Not weird. That's your thing. Whatever. Blake likes a relationship.
With his torch. Yeah. See, once you have to like put it in the fucking dishwasher or whatever, that's when it starts to, it gets a little too hectic. Well, I was given so many of them and so I, you know, they're expensive, so I didn't want to throw them away. I kept a bunch of them and they're just in like a tub, like big tub that I have. And when I first started to date Chloe, she was like, tight butthole. Oh, there we go.
She was looking through stuff, like organizing my house for me. And she just found like a tub of things to fuck. She thought I was like a secret undercover freak. And there were the weird ones that were like alien pussy. Do you remember those that were like green and purple? Oh yeah. Those things are now see. Yeah. I might break code for that. That I've,
That I would just have as a decoration. That thing is cool enough just to kind of have on the dining table as a centerpiece. Sure. Some roses coming out of it. Sam's going to text you. Come on, man.
Dude, I'm done. This might be it. I'm done, dude. I might live in the back house. I might not be allowed back in. I blew it, brother. So we don't even know what company this is. That's kind of the bummer. It's Isaac. Isaac made them. Oh, pure romance. Okay, sorry. Hey, I'm not like... I just need that a little bigger so that I know... Loose butthole. Dude, that's the thing about... We're questioning the packaging. That's the thing about...
Pure Romance is... It's not about them. It's about you. And that's what I really love about the company. They don't stamp it everywhere. Hey, fair enough. Yeah. They're just really about your satisfaction. Just reseal this. So... That's weird. Yeah. It is nice that I opened it for the podcast so that...
if it's found and it's open and anyone asks why it's open, I go, hey, I'm putting food on the table. Okay? For the podcast. Yes, for the podcast. What do you want me to do? Not open it for the podcast? Not have dinner? It's work. I can't use the thing. That being said...
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So, made it on TMZ from when they... Remember the last podcast? Right. Naked grandma! Where the cop fell. They're saying 20 feet. TMZ's reporting fell down a 20-foot embankment. It's not 20 feet. Dude, it was 8 feet. But still, it was a solid fall. I don't want to fall 8 feet. That footage is so funny in a bad way. You know the crazy part? The footage...
Didn't make it on TMZ. Oh. At least that's, I haven't seen it. I think it was just, for whatever reason, just an article about it. And it wasn't, I didn't see any actual footage. So I thought my neighbor ratted me out, sent the footage. Is it real? So what happened was the cop was trying to, he climbed up the side of my house and then one cop went inside to check, to
to see if there was... So what happened was the alarm was going off. The cops were checking the perimeter. They climbed up to check the door. The door was unlocked. Cop called me at the very end of the last podcast and was like, hey, I'm going to walk through your house if that's okay. See if there's anyone hiding in the house. I'm like, yeah, absolutely. And so he goes...
I was like, don't check the upstairs closet. You're going to find a bunch of alien. Pure romance. Alien pussy and pure romance. Fuck pods. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. And don't wake up my friend Kyle in bed. The cop's like, those are gone. They took them. And then a few days later, a few days later, my publicist,
Emails me and says, hey, TMZ is going to run an article about the cop falling at your house. And I'm like, what? And then my neighbor sent me a video that I showed you guys of the cop falling. One cop tried to scale back down where he climbed up.
And straight up ate shit on a solid like eight to ten feet drop. And his gun went flying. His baton went flying. And I guess he fully broke his arm. He had to go to the hospital. Poor guy. Ow, ow, ow, ow, stop, oh, stop. Perfect, Blake. Why is he climbing up there?
Well, I'm happy they did because the door was unlocked and that is where someone broke in a couple weeks prior. But like, I guess I'm like, do they have to climb up there? Like if someone broke into the second...
third-story window of a house. Like, do they have to climb the house? I guess. Yeah, you know what? I guess cops are doing all kinds of cool, dope shit that we don't even know about. But this is what happened. He was going above and beyond. Well, he could have... The crazy part is they could have just locked the door, walked through the house, came out the garage, closed it behind them. I don't know why he tried to scale back down. That was him just going like, I came up, I can go back down. Right. Whoop!
Going down always harder. Oops. Winning. Always harder. It is. It is. And he slipped and fell. Blake, you know about going down? I felt bad for the poor guy. It sucks because you don't want the cops to hate you and your house. This fucking wall. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, they might be over you. That's why we can't really post the funny footage. No, we're not posting it. It's kind of humiliating. Oh, yeah. So here's my question. If he gets in the house and he finds the guy or woman. The guy. They rob houses too. And he shoots the titties off this person in your house. Yeah. Are you moving? If there's just titty all over the wall, are you out? I feel if a cop shot the titties off a person...
In the home. After everything that's been happening, I feel like we got to sell the house. Chloe would not allow. One, she would just never come here. Because imagine they clean. They do a deep clean. I don't think they do a deep clean. Six months later. But I'm just saying, let's say you get one done. Six months later, an earthquake. It kind of shakes one of your lamps that are hanging, right? And from on top of the lamp, a shriveled up dry nipple. Full nipple. Yeah. Oh, it falls down.
That would suck. Your child eats it.
No, sir, I don't like it. Because Bo, his favorite food is beef jerky. Oh, shit. Way to raise him right, dude. Really long, really thick, really tough jerky. That a boy? That a boy? He's a jerky boy out the gang, dude. Hell yeah. Oh, shit. He's got his shoes and his glasses. Hell yeah. 5556785. I love that. You're a monster. Nobody knows what jerky boys are. So, yeah, no, that would suck. So, yeah, I for sure would have to move.
And I don't want to. Damn. Well, you know, shout out to that guy. He tried to make something look cool and then he ended up taking a bit of a nosedive. Right. I don't even know if he was trying to make it look cool. Yeah, go through and open the front door. Yeah.
I have a feeling he's like, yo, check this out. I'm going to fucking do a karate flip off the side of the hill. It was a whoop-wap. That was like a total kook slam. It was a whoop-wap. And when he gets up, you see his arm is all bent, and you're like, oh, that's broken. Ouch. And then his homie, the other cop, was like,
Oh my God, are you okay? You okay? And he doesn't answer. He just walks off. Shocked. It's embarrassing. You know you're really hurt when you don't answer. When you don't even say, like, I'm good. Like, you can say I'm good. You do this. Yeah. You're just, yeah. You don't even have to be good. Just say I'm good. But if you're that hurt that you don't even say. If you're that hurt, you say nothing. You just walk off. You're in your own world of pain. Yeah.
Right. And guys know, let him go. Let him go. Let him walk this one off. Yeah. The crazy part is the gun fell. The gun is laying in the street. That's classic. There was no rush to pick up the gun. It was the gun just laying there. Imagine if the gun were to go off. Goodbye. And it shoots a bird. If the gun went off and then... It shoots the tits off your neighbor. It shuts the tits off my neighbor. Or the gun goes off, it shoots in the air. You're like, whoa, that's crazy. And then...
Enter frame, just a bird falls. Right. A rare condor. You would have the most viral video of all time. But I can't release it, dude. I couldn't release it. I know. Damn it. Alternatively, it shoots into a dry bush and that hot bullet just sits there. Burns down Hollywood. Sizzling. Oh, shit. Burn! The new Sunset Fires. Not again. Don't like it.
No, sir. I don't like it. Adam started them. Adam might have started them. Let's go to Isaac's list real quick. Please consult the list. I like this, Isaac. It's kind of fun. Isaac, what is it? No more lists, he says. No more lists. Why? I like it. That's cool. His feelings were hurt. I'll talk about something. Blazer, you're just living my dreams, man. These New Balance commercials, very cool. Right. Yeah.
You're liking them. Very cool. It's fun. Yeah, they're fucking sick. I'm hoping I get the purple pair that just dropped because those are tight. Well, what do you mean? You have to, right? You did the commercial. They got to send you the damn shoes. I don't have to. I hope so. He's a man of honor. I think they have to. He should be united. I think contractually you should have had that in your contract that you get a pair of the damn shoes. Isaac? Did you get paid money for this commercial, Blake? And do you want to explain what it is or what? I did get paid money. Okay, good. Good, good, good. And what is it?
Because you do stuff for free that I'm like, what are you doing? You paid for this shit. The first three seasons of Workaholics, it was serving taquitos. Yeah. It's just a little Instagram campaign for New Balance. Yeah. Right? That's tight. The footage was pretty cool. They did a good job with it. Yeah. Because I'm like skydiving in a squirrel suit and the whole thing. But I was up on like a rig all day, dude. Yeah. It was like on.
on some Iron Man shit, bro. I felt like Robert Downey Jr. Usually with like the hair, your, any long hair and like a green screen situation, it looks whack, but it looks good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they did a good job with it. It's starting to be, these green screens, they're getting really good. Getting really good with this stuff. Remember blue screens? They were blue. They used to be blue. They did. They really did. I,
I was surprised it looked as good because we did a thing in the Outlaws where we're skydiving and Pierce Brosnan is strapped to my back and it's...
looks remarkably bad. So bad that at one point I was like, do we cut this? And we didn't. They're like, no, it'll end up looking better. It'll end up looking better. And it just did not. Oh, I'm going to have to go back and watch that scene again. I don't remember it jumping out at me. I think I remember what Adam's talking about. Yeah, it just, it wasn't the best. It seemed unfortunate at the moment. Yeah, it wasn't the best. And you know what it was? I think we should have hung up there a little longer to maybe get some alternate angles.
Because we went up there and I think Pierce hated it so much that he was like, we got it. We got it. Oh, it sucks. It's not fun. We were like, yeah. Yep. We got it. Do we get it? We didn't get it. Pierce under the bus. It's a whole core workout. That shit. Like I was sore. So Pierce has no core is what we're saying. Uh, I would never say, well, he's 70 or however old. Okay. It looks good. I had to, I did the same thing for gemstones this season. Uh,
We're in like jetpacks for some episodes. So the premiere will be out by the time this is out. So we're in jetpacks. And dude, we were in jetpacks for several days. What? Yeah. And it's just us and Riggs hanging with these like, I think there were 70 pounds. So when you land, you're just holding up 70 pounds. Dude, the spasms that I was having from being in that tight ass
You know, the tight-ass gear that you have to wear underneath. Yeah. Were crazy. It looked like an alien was inside of my body. Or like a baby was trying to smash through. Kung Nei! Oh, because it was like a little shake, like a horse muscle shaking? Yes, exactly. But it was like... Dude, I would pay to see that on you. Oh, dude. I'll show you. No matter how they hang you, it always crushes your nuts, though. It feels like it's always riding right up in my groin.
When they harness you. You gotta tighten it down, baby. You gotta tighten it down. Dude, I was tight. The other thing is, is I was in like a squirrel suit, but I had an actual, a real parachute on my back. Those motherfuckers are heavy, dude. To you? Yeah. They're heavy. I think they're somewhere like
60 pounds or something. No shit. He's wild. So 10 less than my thing? Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it was 80. No spasms for you, Blake? No, I was actually, now that I think about it, I was G2G. You had a little stanky leg? Yeah, I was just hitting the wobbles.
I was hitting the wobbles a little bit. Oh, baby. That's it. I'm so proud of you guys, you know. Thanks, man. Putting these things on your backs.
Yeah. Well, wait, Blake, you never got into what did you do after dinner for your birthday? Then you went out. Where did you guys go? You know. Well, we went to none other than the best. The Cha-Cha. Best bar in the world. The Cha-Cha Lounge. Yeah. They were playing some sick ass punk. Dude. Did you feel the earthquake? I didn't. I mean, if I did. I didn't feel it either. I walked outside and Akko was like, there was an earthquake. Yeah. People said I didn't feel anything down south. Well, the coolest thing about the whole night, we buried the lead, is I was.
Co-birthdaying with Zack De La Roca. Yeah. Rage Against the Machine lead singer. Very cool. He's the fucking coolest dude. He's a straight up nice guy. Great dude. Well, you say that, but at dinner, I go, hey. Did he cook you under the table? I go, hey, pass me those french fries. And he goes, fuck you. I won't do what you tell me.
And I was like, please pass him. And he said it again. Fuck you. I kept saying it. And I'm like, this is kind of catchy. Yeah. He's like, I'm about to rally around your family with a fucking pocket full of shell. Yeah, he did say that. Dude, it was crazy because he just wanted to play foosball. That was like the whole thing is like, we're going to play foosball tonight.
Sick. I was on his team. Is he a good foosball player? Dude, he was rocky at first, but towards the end of the night, he found it again. Do you think he's really good? Do you think he's better than me?
I haven't seen you play in a while. He has a fucking crazy shot, dude. Like, it comes off hot. He's one of those dudes that knows how to, like, you know, like, roll it up your wrist so it gets, like, hell of speed behind it. I'm a straight just torque boy. Yeah, you're not very good. No. I'm definitely the worst of the four guys I was playing with, but I was holding my own. He and Zach got a dub. Nuge is too legit to quit. Nuge is unreal. Yeah. Nuge is...
Nuge is the real deal. He was telling me he grew up in a pool hall. And I was like, yeah, in Oklahoma. Fucking next level. Yeah. So tight. Imagine growing up in a pool hall. That's a lifestyle. So that's, so you're good. You're just good at every bar game when you're seven. You have to be. That's why he can shred a fucking skateboard. He's just hella good at pool. That's why he can shred a skateboard. It's because he grew up in a pool hall. Yeah. He's grew up the coolest guy ever. Okay. Fair enough. I,
I guess if you grow up in a pool hall, your parents don't care if you're out skateboarding. They're not worried about you getting hurt. Dude, he rolls the best joints. You're smoking parliaments and drinking butt ices when you're like seven years old. Yeah. And there's no other scenario. He's the fucking coolest guy. Yeah. Honestly, now that I think about it, between Nuge and Zach. Did you go to the Cha-Cha's Welders or you went home? Ders pulled up. Ders pulled up.
I like it, dude. Going out. I know. It was cool. We missed you, brother. I was out by 1030. Nice. Yeah. You dipped quick, but that was understandable. I'm sick. I'm like, I don't know if you can hear me coughing every five seconds. Maybe that's why I feel. I'm feeling good. And the beard didn't help, which was fucking weird.
Yeah, that is weird. Usually when you're drunk getting or when you're sick, getting drunk really helps. Yeah. Osmosis Jones. What are you going to do? Well, it was a blast. It was a good time. Is there any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams? I would love to take back my 3 a.m. Steely Dan last night. I want to apologize to any of my neighbors who do listen to the pod. It was me. The sounds were coming from my house. Yeah.
And I apologize. But it was Hollywood. They talk behind your back. They talk behind your back.
It was Hollywood's biggest night. It was the Oscars. It won't happen again. Don't worry. I hope Blake is like the topic of discussion. You know how like sometimes you see your neighbor and it's like weather. It's like, oh, the new mailman or whatever. They discuss him. That's how they connect. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Hey, so I bring the fucking block together. Fair enough. Yeah. You're like the guy at work that no one likes. So it kind of –
It makes all the other employees sort of rally around. Like you become friends with people you probably wouldn't be friends with just because you have a communal hate towards one person. What was the Rage Against the Machine lyric you almost just said? Rally around the family? Rally around the family, yeah. With a pocket full of shells. Legendary. I'm going to take back that little segue. Also, special shout out to fucking Rage Against the Machine. One of the most fucking sickest bands of all time. Super formative. They're one of my favorite bands. They fuck.
They fucking rip. Oh, they're the best. Like that. Was it their first album? I don't know. Sometimes like people are like, it's not the first album. The first time was the one with the dude on fire. The famous picture of the dude. That's the first one. Yeah. Like came out the gate. That album is unreal. And as a 12 year old with that as your album cover.
Dude. You got questions. You're like, what is this? That was like one of the albums I don't think I was allowed to get purely off like the violence of the cover. My mom's like, I don't think you can have this one. Yeah, it was a protest. It's fucking cool. I mean, I understand where she's coming from. It's gory, but like it's it's a statement. Hell yeah. It's not like just somebody chopping somebody's head off. Yeah, I don't think I had that one until high school.
I think when I was in middle school, that was a nano for my mama. As soon as I was of legal age, I bought every Rachel. And then also, fuck you, I don't do what you tell me, that anthem. I feel like my mom was like, we're not going to listen to this one. Hey, heard you jamming in the shower. How about I take the tape? That's how old I am. This is the way. Evil Empire, also a great album.
They're all great. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, they don't fuck around. But I think it's like an opening bass line on that first album that you're just like immediately in. I could be wrong. The bass is fucking great. I feel like to take us out of this pod, you got to play some Rage. Yeah, I guess you're right. I was going to cue up Steely Dan, but you're right.
Well, Blake, I would like to apologize for not being able to make it up last night. I am going to buy you taquitos. I'm bringing Bo, so your family will get to see Bo. Okay, I love that. We've got a family-friendly dinner. Mm-hmm, family-friendly. And like I said, I don't have to sit near you guys. I could sit far away. You know, I know your family hates me, so I don't want to get too close. Oh, come on. Come say hi. Come touch the table. It's fine.
I'm going to say this once. Careful with those fajitas near the newborn. Okay. That's a good call. They'd be sizzling. They'd be really jumping out the plate. Oh, that is true. Yeah, that's true. Please be careful. Yeah, that is so true. I look forward to seeing you tonight. That's going to be fun. In like 45 minutes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We got to go. Yeah. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Let's hear the song. Oh, my God. We got to say...
This is an important thing, and then I'll play it. Well, yes. And, boys, I think this was another episode of This is Important. Oh, dude. I can lift weights way heavier than normal when this song is on. Foosball. This is my foosball partner. Yeah. A little bass lick. Ooh.
Now, do you put this song on when you're playing foosball with him?
Did this song play at all? I can't play anymore. He was actually singing it the whole time. No, they were playing lots of deep... Cha-Cha rules. The fucking DJs always rock. There was lots of deep cut punk rock. I like it. The dude was killing it. I meant to tell him he did a great job. You know, that's my... He's right there. Yeah, that shit was lit. Deep cut punk rock. Punk rock. Thanks for the list, Isaac. Punk rock. Honestly, it was nice. Punk rock at Rattlehall. It was just punk rock. Okay. No more lists. Alright, we're done. No more lists.
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