Ep 211: Billionaires Are People Too
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I like the smell of a truck stop bathroom, actually. If I have to break my stride, you're going overboard. Slobbing knobs and getting their knobs slopped. Let's go! Thank you, God! I love it!

Testing, testing. I love you guys. Test, test, test. Do you love me? What's that one? I love you guys. What's I love you guys from? Oh, that's a hot new one. Well, at least this week. Oh, you had some new ones. I love you guys. That's our boy J.D. Vance on the mic after he left.

Our boy? Yeah, we're huge Vance guys. Vance in the pants. I love you guys. I forgot. Blake's on that hillbilly elegy train. Where is he crying? This is after he gets the nomination. He's like... No, no. You didn't see the whole thing where he's like, the left or Democrats think everything's racist. I had a Diet Mountain do today and they're probably going to say that's racist. And then the joke bombs. And then he's like...

I love you guys. I love you guys. Hey, well, he saved it. Yeah, it's a great delivery. Yeah, well, he saved it with the I love you guys. So, yeah. You know what? Did he say Diet Mountain Dew? Yeah, yeah. And that's where he lost America. What are you doing? That's a wild swing.

That's the Bud Light. Penny Devine fucks up Diet Mountain, dude. Penny's a legend like that, and she's a trailblazer. She's on the Ozarks. Yeah, but this is J.D. Vance. I think it might be a backwoods, like...

Like, what is the name of his book and movie? Hillbilly Elegy. Hillbilly Elegy. It's a Hillbilly Elegy sort of thing. I love you guys. Dude. If you're in the backwoods, you drink Diet Mountain Dew. You know? Right. This might have to be a Polycharged episode just because so much shit happened since last time we talked. But did you also hear that? And we're so timely. This is going to air exactly when people need it to. Oh, my God.

There's some shit about J.D. Vance where in his book or whatever, he admitted to fucking couches or something. Oh, yeah. Oh. Yeah, like he put a rubber glove between cushions and banged his couch. I'm kind of hyped on it, bro. We're Vance guys. Yeah. Relatable. I know. I like that they trotted that out like, oh my God, we got him now. And there's memes of him where it's just his eyes, his crystal balls.

blue eyes. Yeah. Just and then it cuts to a couch and it's a slow push in on like the crease of the couch. And then it's just that over and over. You're making this up or this exists. This exists. I've seen I saw it today and I was like, is he did he say he fucked a couch at some point? He did. Which makes me I know they trotted out like, oh, we're going to get him with these memes like America is going to be like, oh, this guy fucks couches. It made him seem relatable.

Right. Do you love him? The Democrats are bad at doing the memes. Don't make them seem cool, man. Wait, wait, cool. Wait, relatable and cool are two different things. Well, that's right. That is correct. You may relate to it, but that ain't cool. Well, to me, I have a friend. I have a friend, and I'm not going to name him.

I'll name his name. Austin Anderson. You guys know him. He fucked couches, dude. He's fucked a couch. I thought you fucked couches. I've never fucked a couch. Austin Anderson is fucked a couch. Okay. We might need to go back in the books. I feel like you said you fucked a couch. Oh,

I've humped pillows. Okay. I don't think I've ever fucked a couch. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Austin Anderson fucked a couch. Now you got Siemens furniture. All right. That's crazy. Just really hit it. So that's where they went to get a...

to like take him down a peg. I'm like, that's kind of, I mean, we all have a, we all have a friend. How exhausted are we? Aren't we exhausted by this? That's why. No, dude, I'm invigorated by couch. That's American politics. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not by that, but just like,

I'm like, who gives a fuck if he fucked a couch? Like what? Yeah. But Ders, see that it's that sort of attitude that is ruining America. When you, when someone admits to fucking couches and then funny memes come out about them. Yeah. They should be celebrated. You know what I mean? Yeah. They should be celebrated.

Gotcha, bitch. Also, what is this book he wrote? I know it was like a movie. It was Hillbilly Elegy. He wrote the book and then they turned it into... What does elegy mean? Wow, fuck if I know. This guy's smart, apparently. He knows some big words. Is that why it's a good title? Because it's like hillbilly, but then it's like elegy and everyone's like...

Okay, elegy. I got to Google that one. Yeah, okay. Elegy. Oh. Yeah. He spelled eulogy wrong? I guess he went to Yale Law School and worked for Peter Thiel, which I guess is a name that- Thiel. Thiel. Yeah. People shudder when they hear that name. Like, ooh, he's a powerful guy. I have no idea who this guy is. I think he's a billionaire. Right.

PayPal guy? Yeah, I'm sure. There's so many of these billionaires out there now. It's kind of... Yeah. They get lost in the sauce a little bit. You're like, all right. They're a dime a dozen. Who's your favorite billionaire? Do you guys have a favorite? Who's your favorite billionaire to go? Yeah. I mean, I have mine because he's my local hometown...

billionaire oh yeah yeah you got a good one i got my local hometown billionaire warren buffett oh sure that's a good one that's great you're hyped on yeah yeah so he's a he's a classic he i mean he invests in coca-cola and kleenex you know and charming yeah and heinz ketchup i believe yeah all the great stuff all the great american products so smart smart that's freaking cool you never

And Zio's. I don't think he's invested in Zio's Pizza. You never had it so good. Dang. If we can make the theme song sexier, I'm invested. The only way to get the Berkshire Hathaway stocks up is if you make the Zio's commercial sexier.

You gotta really make it sexy. And then he rolls the window up on his Camry and just slowly drives away. Yeah, that's the thing on him is he bought like a Mercedes Benz in like 1975 and then was like, what am I doing? I'll just never buy a new car and then always just drive this car and keep it nice.

That's kind of sick. I love that. I love that. Yeah, it is cool, but also that motherfucker was being driven. He hasn't drove himself anywhere. No, he drives himself. Well, he drives himself to the Dairy Queen to get his ice cream cone and then home. But like when he's traveling, he's taking car services. Of course. This guy's not, you know, he's not road tripping in his Mercedes. Yeah. Yeah.

Look, he has a shitty car, but I'm sure his plane is out of hand. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's the thing. He upgrades the G6 on the regular. On the regular. And is that even a good plane anymore? I know that used to be in rap songs, but... Like a G6. Like a G6. Like a G6.

Yeah, it's good enough for Kesha. It's good enough for me, brother. I mean, absolutely, dude. Yeah, absolutely. She freaking rocks. Anything in life, if it's good enough for Kesha, it's good enough for me. I will say when the TikTok song comes on, Kesha's TikTok, Don't Stop, or whatever the fuck it is. Oh, okay.

Goodbye. That's kind of... Oh, you hang around. Yeah. Let's just say I started TikTok myself. Okay. Let's just say that. I'll try to have it queued up. TikTok, was that before the TikTok craze? Hell yeah. She's literally talking about a clock. Hell yeah. This was before... Because now when you say TikTok, I know I don't think of clocks. Yeah, I go straight to like cool dances.

Yeah. I think that's the whole thing behind TikTok. They're like, this is your new clock. You're going to forget time even exists. Oh, wow. Excellent. Who cares?

Polycharged. This episode is getting polycharged. Blake is right. I'm telling you, dude, it's hard. It's hard to avoid it. We had a busy week. It also means soul thief in Mandarin. Oh, shit. Hit us with that Vance again. Vance in your pants. You like that Vance? It's pretty cool. I love you guys. It's so genuine. It's very genuine. Dude, to say that after a bit just falls super flat. Hit us with it again, dude. It's too good. I love you guys. I love you.

Confidence. The little insecure laugh. Like, oh, that one hurt. That one really hurt. I love you guys. They're probably going to say my dive Mountain Dew was racist.

Dude. I love you guys. What flavor are we talking? Regular? Yeah. Regular would be the. Yeah. I don't think diet comes in. I don't think they do diet code red, which is a missed opportunity. Diet Baja Blast would be inflammatory. I feel like it would actually, it would be flammable. Probably like what the heck would be in that? Oh my goodness. It blasts coming out. I'll say that. Yeah.

Yes, points! Okay, wait. That's what Blake's got on his windshield wiper fluid is just Baja Blast. That being said, I don't want to badmouth Mountain Dew because... No, never. They've always stood by us. We're part of the dude crew. We're the dude crew. Yeah, they are the dude crew. We're in bed with Mountain Dew.

I would say. Wouldn't you say? I would love that. We're not. They haven't paid us anything. Yeah. You know, there's also another company that I thought we were in bed with. A lot of TII is wondering what's going on with Wendy's a little bit. They're wondering. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Gotta be fresh. Now, did we talk about this last week? We haven't touched upon it yet. I thought we did. Or this was just in the group chat that we've been tossing this around? Yeah, this is just us being like, what the fuck is Wendy's doing? Fucking have a pass, Isaac! Isaac, how did this slip through your greasy fat fingers?

That was Kyle. Kyle knew a check was saying that. That was all Kyle. I want my money, Isaac. Where is it? I want my money, Isaac. You fucking fuck, Isaac. That was Kyle. Kyle said that stuff. Kyle.

I'll take your children and I'll hang them up by their ankles and I'll eat them from the waist down. That was Kyle. That's an exact quote from Kyle. That's Kyle. Yeah. Dude, he eats them upside down from the waist down. It's weird. Starting at the toes or starting at the waist? He's allegedly. He does that stuff. Starting at the waist, brother. Allegedly.

Wow. Oh my God. Yikes. Give me those butt steaks. That's pretty harsh, Kyle, allegedly saying that stuff. That's pretty harsh. And I think he meant it, allegedly. What if we got sued by Kyle for this? I feel like you're damaging my fucking profile out here. Motherfucker, come and do the podcast and talk to us about how this hurts you so before taking it to lawyers, you know? No, he's a legal eagle. He's legalese. Allegedly.

Are we allowed to break that news too? Why Kyle isn't on the pod? I feel like that kind of dropped as well. That's been broke. We broke that? I don't know if we said it on the pod. I don't think we said it. For TII wondering why Kyle isn't on the pod lately. He just got the gig. Durr says it.

Blake doesn't get to say it. Sure, yeah. Kyle's not here because apparently he can't handle directing the sequel to Happy Gilmore, playing Pickleball even more, and doing a podcast with his best friend. Yes, points!

Yeah, more pickleball than ever. I know. It is frustrating to see how much pickleball that guy is currently playing, going to pickleball events. Yeah. Like, at events. At pickleball events. And can't come back to the pod. But, yeah, he does have a big gig. And I'm excited to see the movie. I know I am. I fucking am, too. That's a classic of a movie. And...

I can't wait. And I hope that Kyle, uh, does a bang up job. I'm sure he will. Very talented friend we have. I heard it's going to be funnier. Yeah, it will be. Yeah. Word on the street is we do have a very talented, uh,

allegedly eats children and is really mean to our manager, allegedly. Wake up! But talented director. I will say that. Yeah, he can direct the shit out of a movie. That's for damn sure. Water trash. He can direct the shit out of some stuff. Freaking see ya. The shit out of a movie for breakfast. Absolutely. Are you kidding me? It's kind of a reach. Yes, points! You're quoting Happy Gilmore. Kind of a Happy Gilmore reach. Yeah, I like that. We'll get your points for that. I do need to revisit the first one.

I can't wait. Yeah, and that is a film you revisit. Mm-hmm. For sure. Yeah, that's a revisitor. I would put that on my revisit. Yeah, Carl Weathers is going to be absent from the sequel. Dang. R.I.P. That sucks. Should be interesting to see how they fill those shoes. A.I. It's just A.I. Yeah.

Yes, of course. Do you think that's going to be the first fully AI person in a movie? Yes, of course. Yeah, it's going to be Adam Sandler acting opposite AI Carl Weathers. Wow. Kyle already told me this is spoiler. Oh, Jesus. I didn't know. I already know his plans. It's crazy, dude. What's cool about this is you didn't say allegedly. So that's set in stone. That's that's that's actual factual. That's factual. There could be legalese involved. You heard it here first. Mm hmm.

There could be legalese. And what is the ease when you say legalese? I've never heard anybody say that. Yeah. So when you say it, what do you mean? Because I don't say legalese and I've never heard it. I think legalese is is and I think it's two words, but I kind of just, you know, when you kind of don't know word fully and you try to throw it away a little bit. Hopefully no one like sniffs it out.

Sure. Like allergy. I think that's what just lawyer talk. Legalese. Legalese. Look at these motherfuckers. Anyone, any of our producers want to chime in and let me know. So legalese is like saying like Chinese.

What? Well, Todd just said legal eagles. Todd, stop it. You're not helping. Yeah, that's not helpful, Todd. That's pizza pizza. Wait, so like when people say legalese, it's like saying Taiwanese. It's like just like legal jargon. I think it means like jibba jabba. Oh, okay. Okay. Here's okay. Becca says.

Yep. Fuck. You lose! Wow.

Whoa. Legalese is a style of writing and vocabulary that lawyers and members of the legal community use. Yeah, so that's what I mean. Lawyer, lawyer, Tom. Yeah, okay. Legalese. I nailed it. That's hilarious, by the way. That's interesting. Yeah. That's very interesting. So you have never heard that word. So that could have been the word of the day. It really could have. And you just tossed it to the wind. I'm just tossing it out. See, this is what I'm saying. I know big words. I don't know all the words.

How to say them or exactly what they mean. But I know them in sentences properly. But I did. I did use it. By the way, watch out for people who are not lawyers who do know how to speak that way. I love you guys. That just tells you they've been to court way too much. Yeah. But they're not lawyers. Yeah. And that's what's nice about having Isaac as a manager. There's no legalese coming from that guy's mouth. No. Yeah.

No, not at all. And we're lucky to have him alive for much longer. Yeah, because Kyle's got him in his sights. Yeah, thank God Kyle's not here to fucking take him to task. Fucking licking his chomps. Is that what he said? I'm finishing. Kyle will be licking his chomps. You fucking manager. Why is the Wendy's commercial using our...

I haven't seen it. I know they're not, but I really hope skinny boys are cashing out off of that. They're not. God damn it. So for people that don't know, Wendy's has a commercial out right now. Wendy's of Baconator fame. That's mostly how I know them. Square Patties. Square Patties, right? Dave Thomas. Dave Thomas. R.I.P. And we can say Wendy's is top tier.

As far as fast food goes? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Great burger. Love Wendy's. Love a Frosty. Love Wendy's. Oh, my God. Frosty's. Oh, that was the stunner. I don't know if they still have the dollar menu, but you go, you get the little nuggies. The cause of diarrhea. You get a junior bacon cheese, and then you get a Frosty. Do you want us to go off for a little bit? You could talk to Wendy's. Do you get diarrhea, too? Yeah. If you guys could jump off real quick, I'd like to talk to Wendy's.

CEO. Okay. I'm turning it off right now. Okay. Don't look at me. I'm taking my headphones off. Please. Okay. Turn the microphones off or the headphones. And headphones. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. And headphones. Yeah. Miss Wendy. Thank you for your service. You provided such great nutrition for me and my family for years and years now. You've gotten me through some long nights and some early mornings. Thank you, Wendy's.

For all that you've done for me and mine to you and yours, I will keep giving you my money even though...

Even though you are using the Workaholics theme song in your commercial and I understand that it says gotta be fresh and that's great and someone should have stolen it a long time ago. It almost feels like a smack in our face that we're not in any of those commercials. That being said, I love the Frosty. You guys can turn your headphones back on now. I'm so fucking hungry.

I can't wait to listen back and I hope Todd puts some really emotional music behind that because I could tell just from watching you that you got a little emotional there. And that was really nice. Dude, if it was another, and I'm not going to shit on another fast food joint, but there's lesser things. You know? Sure, sure. Burger King rocks. There's lesser things. Wait, I'm sorry. What did you just say? I like Burger King. Your boobs are huge. Burger King rocks? I like Burger King.

Also, I'm going to need a clip of Adam saying, I like Burger King.

I love you guys. There's a reason you haven't been to Burger King. What do you mean? It's just not great. No, I don't really eat that much fast food at all anymore. But when you do, you don't go there. Like if you're on a road trip or when we were on tour and we had to stop somewhere. It's Canes. I'm telling you the truth when I say this. I go to Subway probably 95% of the time. Yes.

Fucking disaster, my guy. Sorry, guys. Subway's also gnarly. I know, but I eat fresh. When I'm on a road trip. You gotta be fresh. I eat fresh. Yeah, but dude, Wendy's gotta be fresh. Well, maybe we gotta eat fresh. And now that they have a new slogan, it might turn me around. I'm still a little salty that we're not in the commercial. And I understand Kyle's frustration. By the way, you're just putting money in the pocket.

of the original Kyle, who is the subway guy. I understand Kyle's frustration. You know? Yes, I get why he fucking bit Isaac's head off the other day and really just jumped down his throat. But maybe we make a plea to Subway. We could say, got it.

Gotta eat fresh. And it's us. Have you ever had a bad experience at a Wendy's? I'm just throwing this out there. I never have. Other than. No, I have not. No, I don't want to talk about it. And have you ever had a bad experience at a Subway? It's always fucking banger. Yeah. I've had scary experiences. No. For sure.

I've had sandwiches where I'm just like, what is the smells coming out of here, man? Oh, the great smells. The subways that are connected to like the huge truck stops. Oh, yeah. When you're in the middle of nowhere and you stop at this kind of scary truck stop. Sure. And there's like, you know, you know that we've talked about truck stops. You know that there's glory holes in the bathroom. You just know it. Absolutely. I would hope so. You know it. You know that they're doing meth in the parking lot and they're coming in here and schlopping knobs and getting their knobs schlopped.

Satan? No, you know it. You know it. Somebody help me! And I think that's maybe why Durst is tripping up and thinking the smells of the subway are actually the smells coming from these bathroom stalls. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're confusing subway with truck stop bathrooms.

No, sir. I don't like it. You might be confusing that. No, sir. I don't like it. You might be confusing that. Oops. Winning. But yeah. How does that make you feel? What's weird? You're saying I don't like it. I like the smell of a truck stop bathroom, actually. Oh. Oh. What the hell? The mixture of gasoline, semen, and lollipops. Oh, my God. Or urinal cakes. Mm.

Right.

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You know what I know? Because I just did a little road trip to the Bay Area. Just now? Oh, wow. Yeah, very, very. I just got back. Really? You know the window cleaning shit that's at every gas station? Yeah, I do. It's starting to be really stinky. I don't think they change that shit ever, ever anymore. Yeah, I don't think that's news. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

I guess, I guess this is the conspiracy theorist in me. There's no more bugs, right? Yeah. What do you think? They change it every hour. What are you thinking? There's no more bugs. Like, I guess I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I feel like the bug game is at an old bugs are fake. Volkswagen bugs. We're at an all time low. Cause I,

I drive a lot for work. A lot of times, work from my house is like 45 minutes to an hour away. We're talking Volkswagen bugs now. No, no, no. No, those are few and far between, though. Insects. Yeah, few and far between. It's bugs hitting windshields. There's no longer bugs. So I feel like I used to do that a lot, living in the Midwest. But now I'm here in the South. I'm driving every day for work. I'm not hitting any bugs.

What the hell? Can I tell you something? Get a Rivian. You catch all the fucking bugs on a road trip on that thing because the front is flat. Oh, the flat shield. So there's still bugs out there for you guys. You get hella bugs. Dragonflies. You're like, it's just not. It's a graveyard. That's crazy.

Yeah, you know, I just wanted to share that real quick. So there are bugs. So you got a Rivian? I didn't know you had a Rivian. Okay. Oh, yeah. We've had this fucker. Perfect. Oh, dang. I must have known that. We got the SUV. It's fucking sick. Okay. I like that. We got a sign-off. Great road tripper. Really? And now you can use Tesla chargers, guys. The infrastructure's real. Thank you, Elon.

Texas for life. Oh, God. Well, Jersey, this is a nice. Is he your favorite? We cover my favorite billionaire, but we didn't get to your guys. That's true. Is Elon your number one, Jersey? Yeah.

He's kind of getting some bad press, but... I don't give a fuck. Okay. Well, that doesn't help the podcast. It was your question earlier. No, no, no. I'm not saying I don't give a fuck about the question. I'm saying I don't give a fuck that Elon has bad press. Yes, okay. I love you guys. Like, I don't know. Like, I guess X is a dumpster fire, but...

I don't know. Well, why don't you cry about it? I mean, it's my favorite and least favorite algorithm because as we've covered, you're going to see someone just get murdered upon waking up. Right. Yeah. And you're on the toilet and you immediately see a murderer. You see someone get stabbed with a pair of. Which really lights a fire under your ass. Yeah. Gets your day going. Yeah. You got to start. You got to go out and get it for sure. So who is your number one then?

I don't know. The Drink Your Milkshake guy? You knew that Peter Thiel guy's name. That kind of rolled off the tongue for you. Yeah. I feel like Ders has a good Rolodex of billionaires. A lot of things roll off my tongue, if you know what I mean. Okay. It's a bagel. Hold up. Who is my favorite billionaire? I don't know. I guess I don't... Is Oprah? Oprah! Is she a billionaire? Yeah, Oprah's a billionaire. Yeah. That's kind of a good one. I don't know. I find her kind of boring. Yeah.

What about LeBron James? I mean, I'm sure she's really... I hear everything that she's great and she's awesome and has wisdom. Yeah. I don't know. Huh. Yeah. Okay. This makes for great radio. Goodbye. Blake, do you got one? Who else is a billionaire? I mean, I'm kind of rattling off my all-star team, but I really think there's something...

But these are just like entertainers and shit who happen to be billionaires. They're not like billionaires by trade where they're like, I create hotels or whatever. Oh, I don't.

I didn't know we put a lot of parameters on it. The question was, who's your favorite billionaire? I understand. I get it, though. So mine was kind of a home run. Yeah, yours was badass. Hometown. Yeah, you've got a hometown one. That's a great billionaire. We all don't grow up with billionaires, dude. That's true. I mean, you are from Chicago. You literally grew up where...

Oprah is from. And Michael Jordan. And Michael Jordan. From Evanston, Illinois. 60201, baby. It's science. No billionaires to my knowledge. Okay. There's got to be. You know there is.

Is Kanye West a billionaire? No. No, no. Yeah, Kanye. So Kanye's your favorite. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, did he reach billionaire status? He did. Why did you laugh, Blake? Kanye's your favorite. You just, you kind of. No, I didn't say that. Those facts, we can fact check. Look, guys like him just don't fall out of the fucking sky, you know? Come on. Come on, man. Come on, man. Yeah, so that's your favorite? No, that's not my favorite.

I think I'm looking up billionaires at this point. Okay, good. I guess I like some crazy Salton dude who just walks around and like... You know, this isn't my favorite billionaire, but this is one of my favorite stories. When we were on Shark Week and the dudes who manned the yacht we were on, they've worked on many yachts, and one of them told a story about they were on a boat fighting

follow like a huge yacht following an even bigger yacht and their yacht was just in case the dude wanted to go scuba diving that was it and so they had to be ready and like a week after they've been out to sea they go hey he wants to go scuba diving you got to be ready in like 20 minutes so they're like holy shit let's get all this shit going the dude comes onto the boat and

in a wetsuit and they were like, you have to get all this. He wants to not stop walking. You have to get all the stuff on him as he walks to the water. And they were like,

That doesn't work. And they're like, it has to be this. So as the dude is walking towards the water, they put the thing on. He steps into one flipper, steps into the other, put the apparatus on his face. And then he like went right into the water. I love you guys. And the guy was like, we were so stressed out because we were like, are we going to get murdered if we don't do this right? Because it's just sometimes. Well, yeah. I mean, they have to like put a weight belt on you, weight you down. Like there's a whole thing. Yeah.

He's just like, if I have to break my stride, you're going overboard. And he went scuba. I think they said he went scuba for like 20 minutes max. Got out, was like, not my thing. And then went to the giant mothership. Yes, sir. Just to say he fucking did it. And they were like, this one we're on costs you, you know, $200,000 a week to not be on.

Billionaires rock, dude. Dumb cake! God dang. That's so cool, man. I mean, I know they get a bad rap, but that'd be fun to do. Didn't break stride. That's pretty cool. That'd be fun to do. So Todd hit us with some knowledge. He had an estimated Kanye West. He goes by Ye now. Yeah.

Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Oh, because it's not Kanye. He goes by Yee. You're a stupid dumbass. Where are you even coming up with Yee out of Kanye? Well, I mean, I... Kanye! You're right. That was boneheaded. That was boneheaded. Egg on my face. That's okay. Did he add another... Is it Y-E-E? Did he add an E? There was no... No, Todd wrote Yee, and I read Yee, but, you know...

I am so dumb. He had an estimated net worth of $2 billion in 2022, but he lost $1.5 billion when Adidas terminated their partnership. So he lost a lot of money. Well, why don't you cry about it? And then he didn't even make the billionaires list. Oh, my God.

That's a bummer. But he still has $400 million, which I feel you can do a lot of really stupid, dumb stuff. Like have a chair guy. That's pretty good walk-around money. Like have a chair guy. Remember how I saw him at the Chateau and he has a chair guy? Yeah. $400 million will give you a chair guy. You don't even need to be a billionaire to have luxuries, such luxuries as that. Dude, I think I know my billionaire. He's a big name, too. Is it Balmer? Shh.

No, he is pretty cool, though. Adam, is that your number two guy, Balmer? That for sure would be my number two, yeah. You're in the billionaire boys club over there. You got some homies. Yeah, I guess I kind of am of people I don't know and have never met. He's in those circles. I think I'm kind of a Marxist.

Zucker Sucker, dude. I love the Zuckerberg. That guy's freaking cool as hell, dude. Tell you what, my sister works for Facebook and she fucking loves the guy. She's like, he's the best. There we go. See? He rocks. Do you love him? What does she like about him? I'm just curious. Just great to his employees.

Like the employees there like treat it like kings and queens. Right. But like society, he doesn't care about. No. Screw that. Yeah. I don't know anything about society, dude. I don't either, man. It's so crazy. I'm like everyone says there's a fire and I'm like I don't know. Yeah.

Is there? Is there a fire? He's kind of sick, though. He does MMA now. I'm kind of into that. To be a billionaire and then now you're going into UFC, that's pretty cool. Well, he's not. What? He's not going into the UFC. He said he was going to fight Durza's favorite billionaire, Elon. Elon, yes. Yeah. Which would be pretty cool to watch. But he's not. But they're not. They're not going to. No, he hurt himself. He hurt himself. Oh, yeah. That's why. That's why. Yeah. He hurt his foot. Owie. Owie. Owie.

Did we get a list of billionaires? Did we not get a list of billionaires to look at? No. I mean, you know the names, which is crazy. I don't, is what I'm saying. Like, I'm drawing a blank. Although I can't wait to get one of these robots that they're all making. They're all making, like, robot people. What about Robert Kraft? Robert Kraft, the owner of the... The H.J. King? Yeah, he gets jerked off in little, you know...

strip mall, rub and tug centers. That's kind of cool. You know, yeah, that's really, that's relatable. Yeah. That's a relatable thing. We're just looking at relatability. Yeah. The relatability factor goes way up. You relate to that Blake? Yeah. It's like I fuck couches. I fucking go to malls. It's just like anywhere I can get some kind of affection from things that don't truly love me.

See, this is what I'm saying. Who's a dude who you just don't know? Here's the top ten. You know number one. Who's Amancio Ortega? Oh, he created Zara. Hilarious. Yeah, well, they're billionaires, so they all have something. You know them from something. No, but if I said Amancio Ortega, you would not know who that was. Yeah, Amancio Ortega, he started Zara, too.

Wait, Zara the mall store? Yeah, the mall store. Wait, why is Zara that big? What do you think Michael Dell created? Taco Dell?

I don't know. Don't come here. Shut up, bitch. Yeah, Taco Bell. Like, that rolled off the tongue. Yeah, no, I got that. That's okay. So, you know, we shoot, we score. Yay. I said yay earlier. You said ye. Oh, that's right, dude. I have to quit smoking weed. Ye. No, never do it, dude. Never do it. Never. Oh, Jeff Bezos, nobody's saying, but he kind of, he's kind of. I don't know. He's kind of a bummer, right? I don't know.

I don't know. When he got so jacked, it was a little off-putting, right? Did he get really ripped? Yeah, when he got on the TRT and just shaved his head and was like... Zuckerberg got in shape. Yeah, because he's fighting. But then our boy, Amazon, Bezos...

He got straight yoked. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oops. Winning. And that was too much for you? It was too much. Yeah, you didn't like that? You thought he was kind of stepping into your... Not in my billionaire. Not in my billionaire. In my boys. Huh. Yeah. In my guys, in my dude crew right here. I want to see you all jacked and juicy, but in my billionaire... Right. I want you to be a little nerdy. Great.

You're like, oh, I can do, I can easily do that. That's easy. Yeah. I like that too. Because like, yeah, if you're a billionaire, you could like buy a robot body, like Krang and just like sit in its stomach and, and you're jacked. You're more jacked than anybody. Yeah. So Dura, sorry I interrupted earlier. What are these robot people you were trying to? I don't know. They're just inviting, inventing robots. But this guy, number 52 on the billionaire list, Len Blavnotvik. Okay.

He made his money in music and chemicals. I'm a dude. This is my guy. Yeah, there he is. So he just created the Grateful Dead. He just did acid. And he's got $32 billion. That's a lot of money. And what is number 32? Number 52, music and chemicals. 52. How many are there?

How many billionaires are in the world? I mean, enough. Way more than needed. I know. Don't worry. There's room for you. I love all the Waltons. That's kind of my favorite where they're just like dudes who just are part of the family who are like, yeah, I've got $25 billion because my dad's dad had a grocery store 100 years ago. Which grocery store is that? Walton's?

walmart oh you are so dumb they're the walton family like hey blake can you just hit my guy saying what i need to tell you fucking walmart i told you dude jesus sorry there are 2781 billionaires in the world is what they're saying 141 more than in 2023

Yeah. That's kind of wild, dude. That's a lot. That's a lot of billionaires. That's why it's not special. It used to be kind of special. Yeah.

Like he has a billion dollars. That's a lot of money. Now you run into these guys just at a fucking hotel lobby. Just kick it in. You're like at a fucking subway. Yeah. You'll just be at a truck stop subway running into these guys. Wait a minute. Bezos. You'll just be you'll just be at the glory hole of a truck stop subway. I can smell it now. And Bezos is triple cock will poke on through. I just want to

I take that back. You know it's not shriveled. You know it's not shriveled. No, there's no way. That's a good question. What? What billionaire's got the biggest dick? Okay, now this is important. That shit's important. Yeah, it is. Right off the bat, you're going to say like, oh, these guys have micro penises. That's why they're fucking overcompensating. I don't know. I don't know. I need to see my penis.

Yeah, well, no, that's why I immediately took it back with Bezos, because I bet... He's hogging? I bet he's kind of hogging, or at least has injected his dick with cool chemicals from the future that will make him hog. That's why I had... I pitched this to you guys, but I think history would be different. History would be different.

If everybody, if we revealed people's dick size, it could be upon their death, but we need to know like if there's some correlation with small dick size and large dick size and like tyrants of the world, billionaires of the world. Can we not do that, please? I just think it's...

I think it's valuable data. What if we didn't do it, though? Because what if there's a common thread with billionaires? What if they all have a huge... That is so important, Blake. I'm glad you're bringing this up. That's actually how I would describe my dick. It's a common thread. It's just kind of normal every day. Yes, points! It's science. Sure, we should reveal everyone's dick size, but who's got the biggest hog out of our well-known... Billionaires? It's LeBron. LeBron.

Yeah, it's LeBron or Magic Johnson. Adonis, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Magic's for sure. You know Magic's hogging. There's no way that man has a small car. Oh, yeah, he is kind of billionaire. Low-key off of like the Dodgers. That's kind of high-key, I guess. What do you mean low-key? Yeah, not low-key. I forgot. It's not even low-key. It's very high-key. He's not in the top. He doesn't have like $30 billion, but he's got a handful of bills. Yeah. See, that's why it's not even – you're like, yeah.

Just guys you'll see tooting around L.A. Maybe Magic's my guy. Blake, you like Jerry Jones as Blake's guy. Jerry Jones? The Cowboys dude? Yeah, Cowboys. Nah, I'd rather... I'm more a Magic guy. Remember when they discovered that there was like a picture with him from like the, I don't know, 40s or 50s where he's like at a place where everyone's screaming at like black kids trying to go to school or something like that? Yeah, he tried to Photoshop that. What happened? He's racist? Is that the...

I'm not going to say anything, but he was there when people were shouting at some sort of desegregation situation. I don't even fucking know. But then the comments were like, he was there scouting. What the hell? He was already there looking for talent for the future. This is the way. Oh, boy. That's cool. Which is a great cover. Yeah. It is. Yeah, good for him, man. He's got good lawyers. Yeah. What else we got here?

Apple, Disney, sure. Yeah, a lot of just classic. I like when it just says oil. You know, like, yeah, all right. Right. Yeah. You just were you were there. You had a grandfather, a great grandfather who dug a hole. Yeah. It makes me like a little bummed at my grandparents and great grandparents, mostly my great grandparents about like they were just like

farming and like trying to get enough food on the table for their families. Bullshit. Weak, dude. Fucking weak. Weak as fuck. Weak, dude. Be cutthroat and dig holes in the ground and find oil. Yeah. Just be digging always. Drill, baby, drill. Like, get out there. What are you doing? Brian Armstrong, cryptocurrency, $11 billion. Is it real? He did it. He fucking did it. Oh, the Chick-fil-A family. Somebody help me!

That's pretty good. Is that Will Ferrell in Austin Powers? No, it's from Virtual Cop, the video game. That was my second guess. It's a bagel. We might have lost old diesel. I was chunking, too. Something's going on in the algorithms. Oh, dang. I haven't checked the news in a while. We could have like a major hack or something. That's right. We didn't bring up that. Thank God. Oh, my God.

So much happened in the last week and a half. It was kind of crazy. A lot happened. It was kind of crazy. Adam's gone. I guess we can just keep talking billionaires. It's just me and Durs. What do you want to talk about? Don't kiss me. What? Oh, my God. I told you, Dan.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Wait, did you see the baseball all-star game when the girls sang the national anthem? Did you see that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was pretty fire. And then she said she was drunk, and then she's just like, she goes, I'm going into rehab. I heard it's fun. Yeah, dude. Like, what is she doing? All she had to do, who read her, like, apology and was like, yeah, that sounds good. Post that.

Like, just don't do the I heard it's fun part. You have to go to rehab to be like, see, I was drunk. I'm actually in rehab. Yeah. Here's what I'm saying. When she gets out of rehab, she better go straight to a sporting event and belt one out so we can go, okay. It'll be like, there you go. It was. It was the booze singing and talking at the same time. I feel like you would sing better drunk.

That's why I just don't buy the whole fucking thing. Yeah, right? Isn't that when people give their karaoke performances of a lifetime when they're just completely sloshed and just giving it their all? She was just kind of holding notes a little too long. The range was a little off. But also like whack-ness. Yeah. A lot of whack-ness. A lot of try-hardness. Yeah. Oh! Our boy's back. Our boy's back. Dude, he's back!

That was wild. That was a wild ride I just went on. WikiWawa? Internet just went out. Then came back. What was that company that got hacked in all the airports? Streamcast or whatever the hell it was? Dreamcast. Yeah, it was Sega Dreamcast. Everybody's Dreamcast just kind of fucking started to fritz. Short-circuited. Yeah, it was crazy, dude. Yeah, you guys didn't get caught up in that, did you? No, no, no.

I was traveling that day. I was flying that day. Jersey, did we even bring up the fact that you no longer... It was CrowdStrike. CrowdStrike, which is a sick name. It sounds like a computer game. It sounds like a missile. Yeah. Which someone on set told me that the CIA owns that or the government...

CrowdStrike. I got a feeling that your set there in Charleston has a lot of speculation about the government. It does. It is. There it is.

And they should. And they should. It's healthy. I love it. It's so healthy. Yeah, you've got to question everything. Crowd strike. Yeah, it seems pretty generic. It seems kind of whack. Yeah. It seems old school. But Dersi is in a whole other different country, and some might even call it Down Under. Okay. That's right, baby. We're in Australia. We're doing season two of Monarchs.

Ooh, heard of it, bitch? Hell yeah. We're filming in Australia. That's sick. Hell yeah. And you are in Sydney? Is that correct? No, I'm north. I'm outside Brisbane, mate. Oh, Brisbane. I've been in Brisbane. I've never been that far north. How is it?

It's perfect right now. It's like LA winter kind of vibes. So it's like sunny. I mean, it's sunny, but it's warm by like 11. You're like perfect at 70 all day. Yeah. So we're sitting pretty at like a 70 degrees. It's not too warm, but it's not cold.

You wouldn't call it chilly. Oops. Winning. You get to throw on a sweater in the evening if you'd like. Perfect. That's nice. Yeah. That's my favorite tap. You know, you get to go for a brisk walk in the morning. Oh, that's my favorite tap. I love it. Right on the beach, which is nice. Oh, my God. Living the dream. I miss being in Charleston. I do miss that Southern California time of day when the sun has set and now you could wear a t-shirt and you'll be fine. Mm-hmm.

But maybe you want to grab a little something.

He's the best. Maybe you want a jacket. Maybe you want a little sweater to wear. Yeah. Mix it up. The uniform of like a dad in Southern California is like the hoodie, shorts, and like thong, flip flops, whatever you want to call them. It's just what Isaac wears all the time. It's the best. It is hilarious how it's just what is worn. And that's it. Yeah. I feel like there is, wherever you're at, there is a uniform.

You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Yeah. The golf outfits where you are. You know what I mean? Yeah. Where I'm at, everybody looks like they're about to go golfing or fishing or

Right. Oh, fishing. You're either about to do one or the other. Right. And what do you attribute? Are these the same people who go, I think it's a fishing day today and tomorrow I'm going to go golf or is it golf people and fish people? And what's the. I think there, there is some overlap, but there's a classic warfare. Yeah, a little bit. It feels like fishing people are the, they're a little lower on the socio socioeconomic level.

ladder salt of the earth yeah a little salt of the earth yeah sure and those are my people because i like fishing yeah we love that that shit's important did i even talk to you guys uh since the my fishing trip my epic fishing trip i think you did yeah yeah i did yeah i did okay okay okay okay so they either dress like that or they dress like they are fully going golfing or just came back from golfing and then you ask you're like

How was your golf session today? And you call them sessions, I think. And for sure, they don't know what you're talking about because they didn't go golfing. They did. This is just how they this is just how they dress. And what are these brands that they're wearing? Are they wearing golf brands or is it like Nike golf shirt or is it like a foot joy shirt? Is this a Greg Norman shirt?

fucking sombrero. I don't know enough about to really, really sort of break down the fashion choices. I know it looks like a breathable polo fabric, stretchy fabric where you could like kind of pull on it. You don't go up and kind of feel their shirt. Yes. Yeah. I don't figure their shirts that often.

Maybe it wicks sweat a little bit. Maybe it's, uh, yeah, it seems athletic. It seems athletic. Can we talk about Trump's doesn't wear those types? I was just thinking about that today because I saw some video of him on the golf course. Like he is every day. Um,

He wears heavy cotton. Heavy, heavy cotton. He's old school. He's an old school guy. That's classic for a man of his age. But with those titties, I don't know. Something a little more supportive. As a man with big titties, maybe you could tell us. I actually can't.

I love you guys. I can weigh in here. Yeah, okay. The fabric, it lays just a little bit too close. You know what I mean? And you can see the titties. And the chest hair looks weird. Well, on the more athletic, the newer shirts. Oh, yeah. Your boobs are huge. Yeah, the newer shirts, the way they fit. I think I would rather wear a thicker knit so you can just not see the knit. There's a little less emphasis on... I get that. I do get that.

I think you have to be hairless like Blake in order to pull off the little dolphin. You got a tuft. That's not enough. You got a little tuft. Okay. Well, that's hurtful. Do you have hair on your nipples? Do I? Yeah, just. No, it's got to go find out. He's got a perfect round little areola with just a rim. Like it's like a Tahin rim around a beverage.

Very shagadelic. That's Blake's nipples. I describe it more like a snow crab roll at a sushi spot. It's pretty long. Are we seeing it? Are we showing it? I'm trying to, but my microphone. Get close to the camera. And you guys are going to want to... And TII Nation, you're going to want to go to YouTube and you're going to want to subscribe. You're going to have to smash the like button.

Well, I've been told multiple times, multiple times. Yes. The reason we don't have more subscribers. Sure. Because there's other podcasts that, yeah, maybe they put a little more effort in their podcast. Maybe they are on a set and are always with each other. Do those people have successful acting careers and they're all over the country? I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes I don't think so. Right. But they have more subscribers because they drop the video on the same day. Right.

that the podcast comes out, they drop the video on the YouTube. And we don't do that. And why we don't do that

I don't know. And that's a question for our producers and for Isaac. And I know, dude, I was actually with Isaac when I got the call, when he got the call from Kyle. And Kyle was like, you fucking son of a bitch. How dare you? Why don't we post on the same day? We'll make more money. Can't wait to see. I can hear it now. We want more money. We need more money. Where is it? I have to buy it.

I need more pickle balls. Fuck you, Isaac. And it was kind of, but it's cool that he's turning into a leprechaun in the hood. Yeah. Leprechaun in the hood. Understood where, where Kyle allegedly was coming from. Allegedly.

Yeah, that's really crazy. So I don't know why we don't do that, TIA Nation. I wish we did because, you know. Yeah, maybe we will. Who knows? Maybe we will this week. We want those YouTube subscriptions. We want the plaque, guys. We want the plaque. As the funniest podcast officially. Yes, we want the plaque. Blake, do you have hardware over there, Blake? Are you guys ready for a little reveal? Is this good for sound? Yes.

I got a... Oh, yes, please. Can't hear it. Got a little box delivered. Ooh. Okay. Why is it so small, dude? That's kind of whack. I kind of thought it'd be bigger. By the way, we won these awards months ago. That was so many months ago. Months. I got a couple of these cards of authenticity right here. Jesus Christ. Custom design creations, so you know it's real. Wow. Wow.

And then, um... Gotta, gotta, gotta be fresh. And then check this out. They actually give you... They give you...

gloves black gloves to handle them wow they give you gloves to handle your wow i don't think i got black gloves oh wow check this check a load at this well they knew that your fingers aren't as sticky as blake's they they looked at all of us and go i bet blake has the stickiest fingers yeah baby okay okay there's um this is like a little wipe to wipe the trophy oh wow

In order to know what Blake just did, you're going to have to come to the YouTube and smash and smush the subscribe button. And ladies and gentlemen, here is the reveal. And you can see it on our Patreon. No, wait. Sorry. Smush now. Smush now. Have you got... I stopped watching like, I don't know, 20 seconds ago and was fucking with this light. Have you shown the thing yet? Wait. No, he hasn't. He's still... Oh, shit. Oh. Is that just like a square? Oh, no. It's a whole thing.

How heavy is that, dude? Because it looks mad light. It looks very light. It's pretty heavy. Is it? Okay, good. There's some weight to it. Yeah. That's nice. And what does it say exactly on there?

I can't read it. It says best comedy. The 2024 I Heart Podcast Awards Best Comedy. This is important. There it is, baby. Thank you. I just want to say thank you to TII Nation for voting us best comedy out of every podcast in existence.

Yes. They said that we are the funniest, we are the best comedy podcast. And we want to say thank you guys. Any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams for today? This is going to look real nice next to the plaque once you go smush that subscribe button on YouTube. With 100,000, because that's not that many. It's probably a little bit of an, like if you talk to real YouTube people, that sucks. I think that's kind of some basic bitch shit. It's embarrassing. What do you get? What plaque do you get for that?

Because sometimes you see the platinum dope looking plaques behind the YouTubers. Yeah. I think we get a little cardboard cut out. It's like wooden. Yeah. It's not good. It'll be cool. With my aesthetic?

It might look better. Yeah, this is dope. With my aesthetic. What does that mean? Don't worry about it. Aesthetic? No, like, what is your aesthetic? Just more of like a rugged, like, cool, like, earth tones. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. You're an earth tone guy. Yeah. Allegedly! Huh. Yeah.

It's science. So I don't even want the cool, dope, awesome YouTube, shiny black. Right. As an earth tone guy, I want the wooden, shitty, kind of bogus, basic bitch, first level, step one sort of plaque. I didn't realize you were an earth tone guy. Yeah. Hold up. Not according to my...

anything else just just only when it comes to my awards those are the awards i tend to like the best i love you guys not necessarily like my clothes or car we know your your basketball short game is uh off the richter chain yeah i forgot about all your forest green brown basketball shorts yeah

We love it. We love it. I guess you wear camo every once in a while. Yeah, I might throw on some camo. Yeah, I'm not afraid. When you're with your fishing people. Guys in the battlefield, baby. Yeah, when I'm blasting pheasants out the air. Any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams? Hmm.

I feel really confident and really good about all of these. I guess I want to take back all the free press we gave billionaires. Lord knows they don't need it, okay? Come on. Jeez Louise. We spent some time with those billionaires today.

I'll let that ride. Even though there's so many of them now, it's annoying. They're still kind of fascinating creatures. You're like, what would it be like to have that much money? Billionaires are people too. We've discussed that. You'd be blowing up airplanes out of the sky. I would. I would. I would for fun. I love it. I love you guys. Yeah. Billionaires are people too.

That's what we really want to create. Yeah, billionaires are people too. Adam would be like, I want that Subway shut down when I get there to order my six-inch cold-cut combo. No, I want all the smells. When I go to Subway, I want all the... Basically, I'm going to attribute Jimmy John's slogan to Subway, and I want the free smells.

He's the best. Free smells. Is that what they say at Jimmy John's? The smells are free? Jimmy John's free smells. There's a neon sign right on the... Yeah, Welsh. Do you guys ever eat the day old bread?

Excuse me? Jimmy John's? Yeah, you could buy the day old bread. You ever do that? I haven't, no. I feel like back in the day I would. College. I don't go to Jimmy John's enough. I should start going more because I do like it. I feel like there's not enough Jimmy John's in Southern California. There was one down the street from me. Well, it's a college chain, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And the guy's a big game hunter. He's probably a billionaire, right? If you hunt big game, you have to be a billionaire, right? Oh, hang on. Our favorite billionaire has got to be the Papa John's guy. He's not a billionaire, though, is he? He's got to be. How is he not? I don't know. He really fell off the map. I mean, a billion is a lot of money. That's a lot of money. It's not anymore. We've been over this. It's basically not that much money anymore. Hmm.

What the fuck am I doing over here? So that's my tear. Kyle. We'll continue this talk on another pod, but how fast do you think you could become a billionaire and with what idea? I feel like I might have already done it if I had a good enough idea to do it. Yeah. I don't know. You calling it then? Yeah. I'm going to call it. I guess so. That was another episode of...

We're not billionaires. It's important. Pizza, pizza. I'm still going to send it.

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