Ep 209: Ain’t Nothin Micro About The Plastic In These Dicks
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How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This is Important... I've never had my temperature taken that way.

Fat Adam's fucking gone, dude. I'm lean, bitch. I can't think straight, okay? Freaking see ya. Let's go. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Adam's back on caffeine and he is going. Thank you, God. I like my guy. You should send me a little more. Well, what I did today is I saved the caffeine until right before the pot. And then I had some caffeine, a little bit of

Yeah, baby. Get you a little zipping. Yeah. Then you just fucking mainline it. Yeah. A little caffeine. I had a little punk bunny coffee. That's what I had. Oh, OK. Tell us about it. How is it? Is it yummy? Do you like it? I've talked about punk bunny. It used to be Oakland coffee, which admittedly bad name. No one gives a shit about coffee from Oakland.

Okay, well. Punk Bunny. I love it. Shots fired. But Punk Bunny, that's Green Day. Green Day started this coffee company, and I invested with them because I'm fucking cool like that, dude. I'm so cool like that. And they changed the name because the Punk Bunny is their little mascot. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And the product stayed the same and still as delicious as before. Yeah, they've actually got a new roaster store. It's even more better-er.

Even or betterer, dude. But yeah, so I pounded some of that. I pounded some of that. Wow, way roasty. Toasty! This is exciting. I love it. Well, what I was excited to, and we had a little hiccup, and I feel like...

Some things might have dried out. You can talk about Blake fucking up the beginning of the pod. Yeah, he kind of fucked up the beginning. Okay, sure. Well, Kyle's not even here. At least I attend. That's pretty cool. We trim the fat. Toasty! Yeah, at least you're here. We don't know where Kyle is. Is he eating babies? There's no way to tell. There's literally no way to tell. It's likely. The taste. He needed it again. Yeah.

All I'm saying is he's not here. He could be eating babies. We're not sure because he's not here. I know my boys, Durs and Blake, aren't eating babies. I don't know that about Kyle. I do not know that. Never have, never will. I refuse. Never have, never will. It's just not my thing. Not my thing. It's weirdly not my thing. And if it's Kyle's thing, like no shade towards him.

I'm just kind of a little bit. Oh, you're going to shade your friend, dude? Okay. Don't be eating babies. That's hella mean. They're defenseless. Hey, whoa. What's with the shade? I'm sorry. Unfortunately, I have to yuck that yum. Okay? I do not agree with baby eating. I'm off that train. What does yuck that yum mean? Is that a new thing? Yeah. It's kind of like, don't yuck my yum. If I like something that you don't think is...

good you're not supposed to like and that's the thing it's king shaming yeah it's the new king shaming oh okay you say yep i guess i can chonk i can chonk on that yeah yeah chonk on that one bro i can chonk on that lit fire chonk that around a little while i was excited to start the podcast and then blake kind of messed it up with some technical issues yeah wait wait till you hear this crowd uh

This is fun. This is really fun. I got on. This is 40. And the Zoom started, and I looked at my boys, and both their hair was wet. And I unveiled my hair, which was also nice and wet at the time. But now it's dry. Popo, stop!

Now it's dried. And I'm sorry. So us all having wet hair at the exact same time on the podcast. Why is your hair wet, Blake? Explain yourself. Were you going swimming? I just took a shower. Okay. I just took a shower because I was doing a little bit of weightlifting in the garage. Oh, shit. And then I did a little run. Had to get some energy out. My God. Hey.

You running those basics? Wow. And it's hot as fuck. It's really hot as fuck, and it's only going to get hotter. Yeah. That's the thing about summertime. It does get warm. Yeah. And Durs, why is your hair wet? I think we know. Our fans listening, let me hear you. I'm going to throw this one at the fans. Wow.

We know why he's got the whip. Was our boy in the pool? Okay. What were you doing? You know what? What's crazy? Back in the pool, back with the Masters team. Nice. And it's the first time it doesn't feel good. Why? What happened? Really? What does that mean? What happened? I don't have that pop anymore, guys. It's gone.

You lost the pop. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. Low T. Yeah. It's got to be the T. You think it might be low T? Or is it that your titties give you drag? What is it? I feel like my T is dragging a little bit. Sometimes I don't have the little same pep in my step. I didn't want to say anything, but the pheromones you used to have, they're gone. They're not oozing. And I thought pheromones were some bitch ass. That's what women have. They have the pheromones. Very shagadelic. They've just got regular moans.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I give him the bones. Oh, wait. We'll get you a little bit. Yes, points! A little points for that, baby. All right, sure. I liked it. I think it's high blood pressure. I went to the doctor. They took the blood pressure. They go, okay, it's fine. Then they got me on the treadmill and it was fine. They got you on a treadmill at your doctor's office? Yeah, they were just doing... Then he started fucking you and they're like, whoa, blood pressure! And I go, yeah! Huh?

You think? Loose butthole. I've never had my temperature taken that way. I don't think I've gotten on the... Like, I got to go to some dope doctors, dude. I'm into going to doctors now. They hook you up with all these electrodes and blood pressure thing, and you run, and they increase the speed and the incline. Mm-hmm.

And then he was like, all right, you're good to go. I'm in shape. So I was fine. But then he goes. He looked at you and was like, you're good to go. He pulled out and goes, you're in shape. You need another four inches. But he goes, you want to go like 30 seconds all out, full incline and just see what happens? Yeah.

And I go, yeah, let's push it. And then he goes. Dr. Brozark's really pushing. So your blood pressure got dangerously high when you were pushing it. And I was like, what do you mean? He was like, don't do it. And I was like, what? My boy's got to push it. What if that's part of my personality, doc? Yeah. What? So I got to get on Beats. Beats by Dre? And Flaxseed.

Oh. And bring the blood pressure down so I can fucking push it. Whoa. And stop eating Shake Shack. Pizza, pizza. Yeah. I mean, is that just a thing that you just ignore and just say, fuck it? You could. Yeah, you could. A little bit like flaxseed? I mean, that seems like...

I'd rather die. Yeah, you might as well just have a heart attack. Kill me now. I'd rather die. It's just like powder. You just put it in your cereal or whatever. Oh, you put it in your... Well, what if you don't eat cereal? I mean, he did say, he goes, do you want to get on blood pressure medicine? And I was like, I'm not really... No. I don't believe in medicine. Okay. Okay, Kyle. Your boobs are huge. And so I do try and avoid taking pharmaceuticals until I have to. You know what I mean? Dude, I'm...

I'm not a big pill popper. So he told me to do this. Yeah, I get that. I've got a tackle box full of them, but yeah, I get that. Yeah, that's not necessarily. Yeah. I also don't like pain meds. I like to kind of feel the pain so that I know where my body is and how ouchy and owie I am. You're sick. Yeah. I would love to see, like, I know I've seen every inch of Durs' body, but I feel like Durs is the type of guy I've seen every inch.

Every itch. I think I have, actually. I think I actually have. Because I've actually walked in on Ders when he got out of the shower one time when we were sharing a room somewhere on tour. Yeah, that door was just a jar for some reason. No one ever shared any rooms on tour. That is really weird. Not the last one. This was years ago, dude. How did I get your key? Years ago, dude. It's burned in my brain. And I saw Ders's...

floppy cock. It was a hot floppy. And it just got out of the shower. The steam. Dersis heats up and starts flopping. Floppy disc. Yeah, it was a hot floppy. And then at my bachelor party, he jumped naked in the Ozarks. Oh yeah, that's true. I spread my asshole. And then I saw his asshole. He jumped naked right in front of me. I looked down. I was like, who's leaping past me? And I see this man's

actual his butthole very pink weirdly pink so I have seen his entire body and but what I was trying to loop back to is just seems like the kind of guy that would just have like a full body tattoo underneath just because he wants to feel the pain

You know, he's like one of those people that are like... Full body tattoo underneath. Underneath the clothes. You mean like underneath clothes? Yeah. From the short sleeve up and it's just like... And it's full black ink. You've never seen it. You've never seen it. Oh, yeah. Just blacked out. But he's just always just...

He needs to tap himself to feel something. This is like Kevin from accounting who's totally normal. And then you go hang with him one night and he's like, have you been to the dungeon? And you're like, I'm open. Let's check it out. And he takes you there and it's just split tongue piercings. By the way, shout out to the homie who pierced Isaac. He had a split tongue. You don't see that

a lot in the wild. No. Not in the circles I run in. I also don't run in those circles. Yeah, we're not kicking it with the cool enough people. That guy doesn't even run in circles. He's in figure eights. It's a whole other world. Blake, see any split tongues in your circles? No, it's not that common. I'm not seeing... I thought it was kind of like...

Maybe it was, you know, did it ever have a renaissance? Was it ever like peaking? I was like, I was about to say maybe it's dying out, but I feel like a renaissance means that like it had a moment before. Right. I think it did. I feel like in the 90s.

Like that was the first time I saw it. And I'm like, oh, this is kind of absolutely terrifying because I'm 14 years old. And yeah. And I'm watching Jenny Jones. I'm with you. I used to go. I think I was 15 or 16 and I would go to like punk rock shows.

And there it was there I saw at the Ranch Bowl in Omaha, Nebraska is a very cool place. It was bowling alley. There was three concert venues and like four bars and sand volleyball, dude. Unreal. Who owned that place? What kind of truck does the owner of that place drive?

You know what I'm saying? Like lifted excursion, fully blacked out, ground effects. I'm sure it was cool. Now, dude, they sold it. It was like the coolest place because it was bowling alley. So like younger people could go there and be bowl. And then they had all ages shows. And then all these bars had an arcade. It was the shit. And you would smoke so much weed in the parking lot.

and shotgun beers and then you'd go in there and then you see your first split tongue ever. So like it was an experience, you know? And then they probably sold it to a company. And then now it's a Walmart. Now it's a Walmart. There you go. Hey, there you go. Oh, so...

There's probably more forked tongues at the Walmart now than they were back then. And Adam, real quick, real quick, because it doesn't even look wet anymore. I know. Why was your hair wet? Why was your hair wet? Why was your hair wet? We got to know. How's your blood pressure? Did you swim? Well, dude, if you must know, did I do two workouts today because I'm fucking full on jock mode now? Yeah. Okay. Fat Adam's fucking gone, dude. I'm leaning, bitch. Yeah, you look great.

Thank you. Fat Adam's gone. He was here for a while. We all saw him. I don't know if we liked him or not. I think he was cuddly looking. I really liked him. He was cool. Yeah. When he had. I don't know. I don't know how much you liked him. Where are those jeans at now? I still wear those because I'm not going to buy new jeans. So now I have the belt like fully cinched up. Yeah. You know. Okay. So. So. So anyway. So I had two workouts today. You know what I'm doing right now, dude?

Pilates. Yeah, I'm trying to get the Pilates body. Thank you, God! You did Pilates early? Pilates. Then I went right into...

a training session and did chest cause I wouldn't be popping for the pot. Right. You know? Right. And, uh, and then I went and I did a cold plunge and I plunged. Okay. So that, did that get my hair wet? Yes, it did. And then I came home and I showered because the plunge was absolutely filthy. As I'm in it, I'm like, I'm going to get a staph infection inside of this cold plunge. I,

Oh, because this is a public plunge? It was a public plunge. Oh, what? Yeah, it was a public plunge. Is there no way of cleaning those things? I feel like the filter must have been a little backed up or something. It didn't seem like it was fully filtering in the proper way that it should be filtering. And so, yeah, it looked a little foul. I still got in it for five minutes at 40 degrees. That's too cold. So that's what I did. And then I came home and I was too cold.

And I took a hot shower, which I think you're not supposed to do. But you know how like your dick stays cold forever. I'm listening. I'm listening. Yeah. When your dick feels like it's not even yours. Like you put it. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

You put it in your hand and it just feels like you're holding a cold cut. A tiny baby carrot. That you just got out of the fridge. I know exactly what you're talking about. That scares me. When your dick gets so... You squeeze the shit out of it to just get a little more blood in there to heat her up. My dick is a sheet, by the way.

Just so we're clear. Absolutely. When it gets so cold that it gets hard again. You know what I mean? It's firm. Like it's so like, so like it freezes, like it turns into a, like a popsicle. It gets so hard and tiny. Like it's the tiniest it can go. Sure. And then it's hard. Yeah. It's like a marble, but it's pissed off. It's pissed. Yeah. Yeah. I think I get that. It's not sexual hard. It's not, it's not like, but it's, there's some bend to it, but it's like a, uh, like a hot dog, you know?

A cold hot dog. Something you might put in all sorts of food. Yeah, a little smoky, for sure. A little smoky, we're back. Shredded on top of pizza. Yeah, I do know. Let's talk about the cup. Adam's got a... What is this big old torpedo you're drinking out of? Adam's drinking out of a fucking spaceship. I love this thing, dude. What the fuck is that? It's called Circle.

Wait, but how do you spell it, please? C-I-R-K-U-L. C-I-R-K-U-L. Oh, that's cold as hell. Stefan Urkel. That's cool, dude. The company just sent me one. I was like, what the fuck is this? Look at this shit, dude. So I've been drinking like Mio. Maybe they heard about me talking about Mio on the podcast or something.

Because I've been putting Namio, which is like the electrolyte shit you could put in your water. And it makes it flavorful. And I enjoy that. This, you buy this thing, and then they have these pods that you put in, different flavors, and then you're able to crank up on it the intensity of the flavor. Dude, you thought you were drinking properly before? Yeah. Now I'm actually drinking. What were you doing? I'm so high.

How often do you... All the time. Right now? Oh, dude. I've had like eight of these today. And this isn't a joke. I've had eight of them. And there's caffeine in there. No, just this one I just put in. There's caffeine in one. It's...

it's not like an energy drink it's a very small amount of caffeine okay but then they have other of the others are like electrolytes and they're all different flavors and caffeine free yeah yeah yeah they're the little squirt thing right right the meal yeah kind of but it's doing its own thing and it's really cool you're like this is like your beyonce's i got hot sauce in my bag you just carry those around to restaurants and fucking yes your circles you just got a whole fucking bag of circles yeah my little

You don't spray it in. It's a little cartridge. So you just need a little... Oh, so the circle. Got it. Yes. The cartridge, does that last one whole container? No, it lasts for six 20-ounce containers. Okay, let's go. Whoa. Dang, dude. Wait, you put one cartridge in and it's six 20-ounce rounds or whatever?

of the flavor. Wow. Dude, bust a clip. Yeah, it's great, dude. It sounds great, Circle. I did a little deep dive. I'm sure they'll send you some. I did a little deep dive on them. They're fucking crushing it, dude. It was a billion dollar company who started in like three years ago by these like bro football players. I'm like, why aren't we inventing something cool, guys? We're bros. Ders was an ex-athlete. I was really good at hacky sack for a while. Blake, what's up, Blake? I love juice. Yeah.

And for that reason, I'm out. This is why we never did it. Yeah. Do they have flavors like...

I love that. Root beer. Do they have like root beer flavors? I knew it. I knew he was going to say root beer. I don't know if they have root beer. This fucking child. By the way, I bet they do. Oh, Mio's got root beer. I want to say over a hundred something flavors. Yeah. So they have a ton of flavors. They sent me like a whole care package. A hundred flavors? Oh, that's insane. I'm like plowing through it, dude. I'm gobbling up. So that's the circle you're running. Oh. Oh, okay. And they can have that. There you go.

Yes, points!

It is summer and on NPR's Planet Money podcast, that means it is time to grab your notebooks and your headphones and tune into the economics crash course for your ears.

Planet Money Summer School is covering the economic history of the world. From the birth of money to the Industrial Revolution to modern trade policy, we've got the lessons to keep you sounding smart at the beach with help from real economic historians. Every Wednesday until Labor Day. Listen to Planet Money from NPR on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Guess what, Mango? What's that, Will? So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius. I know. That's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion. It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House.

Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there. Why don't we just tell people about our show instead? Yeah, that's a better idea. So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions. Things like, when did America start dialing 911? Is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto? Also, what happened to Esperanto? Plus, we cover questions like, how Chinese is your Chinese food? How do dollar stores stay in business? And of course,

Is there an Illuminati of cheese? There absolutely is. And we are risking our lives by talking about it. But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history, and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius. Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. ♪

Can I say something? I've drank so much water today. I weighed myself this morning and I was 182 pounds. It's science. Wait, what did you peak at before? You peaked at 205. I peaked at 205. You've lost 25 pounds in a week.

Yeah. Just about. Yeah. Wow, dude. Good for you. Yeah. It's just the top of the year. I love that. You're limiting your eating and you're back to exercise. Yeah. I'm not eating very much at all. And I'm exercising pretty, pretty intensely, but not no real cardio, dude.

Should we see who can get to 150 first? Dang. I bet Blake could. I bet Blake could get to 150 real easy. I don't know. I feel like I just came to the realization that I'm no longer a 32 pant. I'm a 33. It's official. Oh, yeah. Welcome to the party, pal. Beef boy. Yeah, that's where I sit. I sit pretty. That's tough. We're getting older. You know, that weight really clings to your body. It's tough.

and it stays there. Well, we're saying out of the three of us, because you're the closest, right? You're like a buck 65 or something. I bet you could lose 10 pounds. What are we weighing here? 15 pounds? I mean, I think I'm at least up to 175, 180 at this. 180? You guys should fucking lose. Maybe not 180. No, probably not 180. I think that might be pushing it. I might be offended by that. After I drank a lot of water.

Drink a lot of it. Very wet hair. Okay, so what I was talking about, I drank so many of these today. Yeah. In like a very short period of time. I got it this morning. I've just been fucking pounding. Oh, so it's brand new. It still has like the smell of the factory in your nose. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, he's still getting plastic. I'm just... No, there's no plastic. Oh, you're getting microplastics? How many microplastics are in your nuts from the Cervarone? We'll get there. When you open up a package...

Do you guys think about the air that comes out of it? Like that first breath where you're like, oh. Literally never. You don't. That was the best part of getting like shoes from Payless. Like you would open that box and it would just blast you. Shoes smell great. So Adam, you got it today. That's also a packaging. What, that doesn't count? I've had eight. Whatever. No, I'm talking about when you open like a box that's been delivered from another country or something and you're like, oh, and you're like, I'm breathing in water.

weird air that maybe it contains new COVID. Boxes from other countries. I don't get boxes from other countries. eBay, baby. I'm on the hunt. I'm on the hunt for weird shoes. Blake, what are you talking about? You don't buy shit online? Boxes don't come from America, okay? Boxes are exclusively from other countries. No, I know when you do get a package from like China, it has like the weird like cardboard that like disintegrates when you open it. That happens very rare, very rare when I...

get that package. Adam, tell us. Okay. Well, anyways, so I weighed myself right before the podcast because I was feeling like, I was like, my God, I just drank so much water. I weigh 191 pounds right now. Nice, dude. You're a water balloon. So that's more. Yeah, I gained nine pounds of water. Allegedly. Are you...

I'm so full. Is that a dangerous amount of retention? I'm so full right now. Sounds like you're going to bop, dude. Your eyes look a little full. You know you can drown from drinking too much. I'm so full, dude, but I can't stop. It's so fucking good. The flavors, man. I can't stop drinking. Are you peeing constantly? I haven't peed yet.

It's science. And I think that's part of it. I want to. I wanted to, but I just don't have to pee. I tried right before starting the podcast. I was like, I should pee. I'm a water balloon right now. I bet I could get you to pee. How? What? I have my ways.

Wait, how, dude? I had my way. You just got to get a big bear hug. Just squeeze this motherfucker until he starts to squirt. So Blake knows my way. Yeah. It's the oldest trick in the book. Well, you guys aren't here. We're in different states. That's like we're doing potty training right now, and I'm like, sometimes he's like, I can't go. And I just kind of like just squeeze like in Summer Heights High when he's like, not really. I don't really do it, but I just kind of go like, oh,

when Summer Heights High when his dog is in a car accident or something and then it's in a little wheelchair and he goes, so now I have to squeeze the poop out manually when the dog takes a poop and he's like squeezing the butt of the dog. It's the cause of diarrhea. This is Chris Lilly's show, right? Yeah, it's very, very, very, very, very funny. Yeah. Oh my God. I got to rewatch that one. I feel like I fell off that. What was his other show? His first show that really popped for us? Tonga or...

No. Well, the first first was called like Breakfast of Champions or We Are Champions, I think. Yeah.

The first one that was here was Summer Heights High that they aired. Oh, okay. That I did watch most of, if not all of Summer Heights High. And then there was like Jonah from Tonga. And then he had a few. Yeah. Which was okay. There was like a blackface character that was like, that was like, look, he also put on Tongan makeup to do that, but he grew up around those people. When he did blackface and did like an African-American character, it was like,

he'd never met a black person before. So it's a little different of like a, yeah, he's like playing like a rapper. It was like a caricature as opposed to like, I'm doing an impression of somebody I know very well or whatever. So it didn't. So you're saying if you grew up with a ton of like around a lot of African-Americans,

you're cool and you can do blackface. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're going on record saying? I think that if there's a video out there of me... No, but I think... I think...

That if you're going to be doing a character that is not of your race, I would hope that you have a little bit more. A wealth of knowledge. A clipboard with signatures that said you could do it. A realistic impression of somebody as opposed to a caricature of what you think. Right.

they might be like, if that makes sense. Yeah, I get that. And that's just good. That's just a good comedy advice. If you're going to play a hick cowboy, you don't want to just be like, hey, you know, you want to do an impression of someone that you know. Yeah. You know when the impression rings true of someone's like,

doing a voice or whatever that it becomes like a hit character in their stand-up or whatever they're usually doing like their aunt or they're doing their neighbor or some like a teacher they grew up yes yes queen um does that work that's is that your is that your neighbor i was your teacher growing up that was my neighbor yeah yas queen yeah alana glazer cutting the grass yes queen

That being said, he did it. He was funny. I mean, with like Tropic Thunder. Yeah. I don't know Robert Downey Jr.'s situation, but it felt like he was doing a guy, not like a... Dude, he gets no flack from that. And I love that. People just love Robert Downey Jr. But the whole thing with that was that it was like, it was an Australian doing a black guy. So in a way it was like,

He was doing a character of an actor, but he knew actors who behaved that way and were stupid enough to do what he did. Yeah, that had a lot of layers to it. Meta man. I got to rewatch that movie, too. I bet that movie is pretty funny. It's been a while. I wouldn't watch it if you like. If you still if you don't like laughing, I wouldn't watch it. Yes. Points. Points. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Yes, points! Last funny movie was... Well, I've had a lot of movies come out, so... Last funny movie? I would say The Outlaws on Netflix. Yeah, must have been. So, um... That was it? Yeah, there you go. Must have been that one. Must have been that one. I'm trying to think. It is a funny movie. I stand by it. Adam as Shrek? Yeah, home run. Yeah, Adam as Shrek is really good. What's been funnier than Adam as Shrek? Well, like ever? No, recently in a movie. Yeah.

I'm saying ever because I think Adam and Shrek might be the pinnacle of comedy for me. How long? Okay. All right. All right. Yeah. I'll buy it. I'll sip on some of that Kool-Aid or some of that Circle. I was cracking up. I can't even think of the last comedy that came out, so I'm not really sure. Dude, comedies no longer come out. It really sucks butts, dude. They just don't come out in theaters. It sucks butts. Adam, that's funny. Did you just come up with that?

That's funny. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. But yeah, that might be an original hot take for me. Hey, even producers who they're not even listening. Funny. Last funny movie. We're going to throw it to the fans. I mean, I guess the bear is super funny. I want to know what Isaac thinks. The last funny movie. He's going to be like blazing titles. Yeah, exactly.

What does Isaac think the last funny movie is? I want to know. Isaac, feel free. Any second. Any second I hear Isaac. He's going to say your movie. Well, you told him that, but I was trying to catch him in a trap. Outlaws. Outlaws. Of course.

Of course. Getting radical. Ricky's the Nikki. Todd says Ricky's the Nikki was funny. According to Todd. Okay. There we go. Yeah. I liked it. It didn't get a ton of love, but when comedies just don't get a ton of love anymore. No, no comedies. Life isn't funny. But I watched, I thought it was pretty dang, pretty dang funny. Adam, what are five things that are funny to you? Life isn't funny, brother. What are five things that are funny? Yeah. Well, just off the top of your head. Just,

Just kids falling. Blackface. Just general blackface. It's always. A character named General Blackface. Well, it's funny in a way that's where you're kind of like, ah, don't do that. Uh-oh. Naughty. Cringe comedy. You know, like, uh-oh, that's naughty. Don't. Yeah, I think naughty's over, right? I think that people. I'm way more into cringe comedy now. I'm super into cringe comedy. I love a good cringe, dude. Cringe comedy freaking rocks, dude. Yeah. I'm hyped on it.

that's that's safe blake that's not naughty that's safe i i mean is it safe i don't i mean you're still laughing at someone so that's kind of feels sort of well you know it's uh cringe blackface is pretty damn cringe if you ask me that's pretty cringe that's the most i'm cringe i'm cringed up i'm fully cringed up so that's your favorite thing all right

Okay, I don't know if that's what I was saying. I think that's exactly what you're saying. I think it is. I'm kind of saying the things we send each other in our TII DMs. There's a lot of cringe comedy going on in there. If you guys took one peek. If you had a window. Dude, everything I send to you guys

it's not cringe. I'm like, I think it's kind of tight. Oh, really? It's just like a deformed Filipino kid playing dominoes or something. Oh, sir, I don't like it. And then playing like Katy Perry, like singing Katy Perry out loud. Yeah, really talented. Of course. I didn't say he wasn't. So to it, yeah. Yeah, he's really good. Yeah, he's the best. Who,

Who's the guy that I send you guys? I think his name is like Super Ray, where he's always like watching like the dudes in India make food. And he's like, wash my hands in the food. Wash my hands in the food. I'm not doing it justice, but it's really funny. I thought you did pretty bad. I didn't think it was that good. Are you guys cracking your whole ass off? Well...

No, I thought that kind of sucked butt the way you said it. Delivered it. Yeah. You know who I'm watching a lot of is, and he's an absolute, and I think we might have talked about this because I won't shut up about it. Is that Elliot guy? The motivational speaker? Oh, man. Are you guys, is he in your feed? Elliot.

I'm not seeing it. He's like the spectrum guy who's like, we wake up, we go hard, we do this. I love everybody. Always stay grinding. You lose! Well, he's kind of like that. He has a shaved head. He has a shirt that says Elliot. Everyone in his crew, his name's Elliot. Everyone in his crew also has a shirt that says Elliot. Yeah!

That sounds scary. And I guess he is hired to go into sales teams and scare them. I follow this guy. I sent this guy. Who was Elliot? Team Elliot? He scares them into being better at sales. What? So this is what I posted. It was like, this is Isaac telling me to get on social media. Remember? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been I've been watching him for. He's unbelievable.

Well, he's a lunatic. I don't know how unbelievable he is. Of course. So Blake doesn't know. It doesn't seem like your algorithm is as aggressive as theirs and mine. Yeah. Because he will go to a guy that was a 10-year salesman. And it was a car salesman. And he's like, how many cars did you sell this week? And the guy's like, three. And he goes, could you have sold 10? And he's like, I don't know.

I mean, maybe. Yeah, I guess. And he goes, okay, so why didn't you? And he's like, you know, I don't really know. Yeah, slow way into lunch. And then he's like, if I kidnapped your wife and kids and held them hostage, would you be able to sell 10 cars? And he was like, yeah, are my kids okay?

I feel like the odds would get better. Yeah, and he goes, why aren't you doing that? He was like, yeah, I think so. And then he's like, well, why aren't you? And you're like, I mean, if every time you do anything, you have to think my kids might be kidnapped if I don't do that. Adam, before you slander this guy, I don't want him to block us because I've seen him post things where he goes, you know what? People bag on me in my little shorts. Guess what?

I block them. Don't get me blocked. This is my favorite. We don't want that. We don't want that. I love watching. I completely disagree with his school of thought. If you kidnap my children and my wife and you're like, sell cars better, I probably won't be able to focus on selling you a car. I'm probably like, I hope my kids are okay. Well, Blake, that's kind of on you then. You didn't save your family. Yeah.

he's saying if you had to sell 10 cars to get your family back do you think you could do it the guy goes yes and he goes that's the mentality you need yeah but blake is saying that he would crumble under the pressure and he couldn't i think i would be like i can't even like begin to tell you that these automatic windows and like all like this is actually this is a great sketch where it's like okay why don't you try and sell these guys as if i've kidnapped your family you're just crying and you're like i don't know if

know the power windows. Dude, I like that when Blake goes to sell a car, he immediately goes to the power windows. What kind of car salesman are you? Yes, sir. You only sell cars from 1993. You got to start there, brother. Those manual windows. He's like, if somebody is fat, he goes, if someone's fat, I don't respect them. They're just telling me that they're fat, so they can't get it done. They can't take care of themselves. I'm like,

There's so many examples of fat people that are doing pretty damn good. Really, really good. If I had a gun to your wife's head and I stole your children from you, would you not eat tonight? Right. Yeah. Yeah. So then and then he does a horrific thing. He's like Ben Stiller's character in heavyweights when he takes over the fat camp. Exactly. Oh, yeah. The best that.

That's the last funny movie. And he's like, I mean, Heavyweights was fantastic, but he's a total lunatic. He makes these grown men take their shirt off, like these fat guys. He's like, take it off. Take your shirt off right now. Finish him. Look, do you like the way your body looks naked? He's like, I like how your body looks naked. And then, of course, this is in front of other people. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a room full of people, dude. Like an arena. Yeah.

Oh my God. This is the movie that I need to do next. Right. I want to play Ellie. Shaming. Just be an absolute. Wow. This was my favorite one. He goes, can you imagine your kids looking to leave my kids out of it? No, no. Listen, he goes, can you imagine your kids looking up to another man besides you?

Not on my watch. That's not happening. And I'm like, what do I care, dude? Like the more the more the merrier, like bring it on. Yeah, you can look up to LeBron James. He works really hard. He's the best at what he does. Like, that's OK. Not on Elliot's watch. Not on Elliot's watch. That's crazy. Can you imagine him walking, rolling up on you to sell you a car? That's alpha. I'd be like, this dude's in the gym. This dude's in the gym.

way too much like he thinks you take him more seriously because he's jacked his clothes are so tight like painted all this being said i don't want a block yeah i know you guys you guys like him i'm kind of every 12th every 12th post i'm like yeah i like that that's good okay yeah all right well by the way like i don't know if i like him okay i like watching the the

insanity that is that. Yeah. I also don't like my algorithm is also just kids beating up their teachers and like throwing computers at them and shit. You had mentioned. I don't like that the kids are doing that. You had mentioned that you get a lot of kids beating up their teacher on your algorithm. Dude.

Which is crazy. I don't like that the children are doing that. But do I like to watch and see a little scuffle in geometry class? I sure do. It's great. Well, Instagram at least is safe. Yeah, Instagram's better. When you go on X. X.com. Dude. X gonna give it to you.

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If X.com is your first visit of the morning, you could genuinely wake up to watching someone die. Oh, yeah. You become a school shooter. I clicked on a link that somebody had sent me, like, watch whatever. And then I went into the... Hey, check this out. Yeah, exactly. And that was fine. But then I just went to the page. And then you immediately went to a gun store and just bought an AR-15. Almost. Almost.

I click on the feed and I'm like, what's X been up to? The first thing I watch is a pack of pit bulls eating some guy and then getting all shot by a cop. And then you're watching these dogs do the most animal twitching. It's terrible. I scroll past that because I'm like, this is fucking intense. Good morning. You haven't even had your coffee yet? Yeah. Oh, wow.

yes have it started your day i go whoa scroll the next thing and then it's like a fight i go holy shit i scrolled i'm on there for 10 minutes my entire brain castry has been fucking skull fucked you have ptsd i'm living in a nightmare and when did that what did it change when elon took over and he was like

X is going to give it to you. We're going to do all the crazy shit. We're going to have the algorithm cranked up to 10, dude. It's going to be cranked up to 10. They got 10 minutes from me. It works. I know. I fall down those rabbit holes too. The algorithm thinks... The rabbit with all those holes in it? Yeah. I'm the most right-wing militia guy possible.

Oh, cause everything is just like the craziest conspiracy theory you've ever heard. Like just absolute lunacy. Uh, that's what the algorithm thinks of me. And by the way, goodbye. I mean, I, I do get a kick out of it sometimes. Uh, it's everybody. It's how they hook you. Cause you're either watching it. Cause you're like Kyle and you're like, yeah, that's somebody who's watching it to be like, what is this train wreck of like wrong society? Wrong. Yeah. Uh,

I think my hair is almost dry. It's dry. Yeah, it's almost dry. Dang, my shit. Bone dry already. I don't know. Does that mean I got to use more conditioner? How do I get my hair? I think the goal for all men is keeping their hair wet for as long as possible. Absolutely. Yeah.

I mean, run that by Elliot. Let's see what he thinks. I look like I'm about to enter the Survivor Series over here, brother. Do you have wet hair? If your hair's not wet, you're a bitch. I'm going to take your kids and fucking shoot them. I'm going to fuck your wife in front of you if your hair's not wet. You promise? What was the...

The last X.com thing I saw was some chick who got her leg shredded by a shark, dude. X.com. What is going on? It was gnarly. Well, this is, you know, we're in Shark Week zone. I think it was this week or last week. Yeah. Oh, is it? John Cena is doing it. Yeah. Yeah.

I couldn't dislike that more. I mean, John Cena doing Shark Week. It was a bagel. You needed the three of us back there again. It should only be us doing Shark Week every year. I agree. That'd be cool. I agree. We are the face of Shark Week. Is he Ricky Stanecki? He's Ricky Stanecki, yeah.

Todd, do you like that for Shark Week? Better than the movie. I'm saying that I want to do this, but in fact, I think it would be really scary. But have you seen those sharks that live in Greenland where they say they live to 300? Yes. They're hella old, like zombie sharks. What are they called? I think they're called green sharks or something.

I don't. Yeah, you might be right. Yeah, maybe it's called Green Sharks. Or Greenland Sharks. I don't know. I know what you're talking about. Greenland Shark. Yeah. But with a J? S-J-A-R-K? Or did you misspell, Todd? That might. Shark. Okay. Wow. I thought it was like Greenland, so they say things with Js and shit. That's actually kind of sick. Shark? Greenland Shark. Shark. Shark. Greenland Shark. Shark.

It's a green and shark. Yeah, they're hella scary, though. They look like they're blind and they're just floating around like sharp ghosts. It's kind of crazy. They don't even wag the tail. They just are like cruise control. Like when an old person gets super old. Yeah, our president. Well,

Well, I mean, I feel like... It's super topical right now, actually. I don't want to say... But you know how you just look and they're just like... They're over it. They just want to go up to heaven. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, you know what's great? My dad was like...

The last time. I didn't mean to make this about your father. I really. About my father. Great movie. No, but this was a funny thing. The last thing my dad said. No, last time he traveled, which was the last time he could travel. He was getting like padded down, like going through the thing, like in a wheelchair. And they're like, how old? Hey, like making small talk. They're like, oh, how old are you, sir? And he's just like, I don't know.

Can I just go through here? Yes, points! I'm just trying to get on this airplane in one piece. I'm just trying to get on the fucking airplane. Beats me. I'm not even trying to remember, dude. Stop. Imagine being...

a 300-year-old shark. You're like, fucking kill me, dude. You're looking for boats to get caught up in the motor, right? Because literally nothing wants to eat you because your meat tastes like fucking rancid old dog food. And also, nothing's going to eat you. You're a giant shark. Nothing's going to eat you. This is that OG Scandinavian mentality where when you got old and ill, you walked into the woods and

and let yourself be eaten so you didn't like slow down the tribe or you would jump off a cliff. What? Oh my. Yeah. You guys saw Midsommar, right? Like that's based on real shit from back in the day. I was too scared. I was too scared to watch that. Yeah. I actually auditioned for that movie.

See you. Be that one guy who gets butt naked and shit. I don't. I didn't. I can't remember exactly what I auditioned for. There's a butt naked guy in it? I'll watch it today. Oh, I got to see it. I don't think I was getting butt naked in the audition. I only read the sides. Adam's like, so for the audition, am I getting butt naked?

Yeah, they don't do that for the audition. They don't need to see you. Notice me, Senpai. Notice me. Pantomime unbuttoning your shirt. Adam, it's not that kind of movie. It's all right, brother. But I can only imagine there's one guy you would be. And it's like the main guy. Okay. The main office prankster. And that guy was okay. I haven't seen him in other stuff. Maybe he's British and he's on like the biggest British show ever over there. Yeah. He's like a more cut.

Seth Rogen kind of oh damn well dude that's kind of exactly what I am yeah kind of wow winning that actually really sucks for me sucks for me I didn't get that one I would watch it it's an interesting movie yeah it's great but it is but but my wife hates scary movies like right it's not what doesn't like what they're on in the house it's not scary I'll be downstairs watching something a little scary

Turn it off. And she's like, what are you doing? Why do I hear eerie strings? So I have not watched it. You know what's scary? State of the Union or debates. No, but it's not a scary movie as much as it is a what the fuck is going on type movie. Like a psychological thriller, I guess. I don't know.

You know what I liked was The Menu. I thought The Menu was a cool movie. Oh, okay. Did you see The Menu? Yeah. I watched that on the plane. It had a cute hook to it. It didn't land for me. It was cute? I don't know if cute's the right word for that movie. I thought it was pretty bad except for the two main actors were fantastic. Everyone else who was cast seemed like the worst caricatures ever.

I was like, oh, those guys are bankers, huh? Are they going to say the most banker stuff possible? Well, the fact that we weren't cast as the three bankers. Yeah, I'm pretty pissed. I'm a little butthurt. It's been doing like this. Oh, look in here. Oh, this food tastes so bad. I'm going to have to go on YouTube to see what that was. I'm playing. It's pretty good. We're putting our hands together doing the cross thing. Yeah, the butthole thing. Yeah. Is it a butthole?

That's not... I always thought it was a vagina. Who's the main guy? I always thought it was a vagina. Wait, you thought it was a butthole, Trevor? This is not a butthole, brother. Nicholas Holtz is the main guy. No, no, no. It's not a butthole, Ders. It's a vagina. No, no, no. It's very much a vagina. When you put your hands together, one's going vertical, the other guy's going horizontal, and you split it apart, it is a vagina. Yeah, very much so. Adam, close your eyes. Okay.

Go back to your bachelor party. We're on the dock. We're on the dock. You're having fun. You're looking around. You see somebody run and jump in front of you. The cheeks are spread. Yeah, they were. What does that look like? It looks like the fingers. Satan!

Well, you're right, because it was the pinkest butthole I've ever seen. I mean, it looks like you do not shit out of your butthole. It's pretty wild. It's pretty wild. And I know you do. You have to. Can I tell you something later off the pod? Yeah, sure. Just save me a couple minutes.

I could watch Nicholas Holt spread his cheeks at a bachelor party any day of the week. Have you seen the trailer for the movie Long Legs? That's like a new horror movie coming out. That looks kind of scary to me. I don't watch trailers for movies I want to see. Oh my God. That got me like, oh my God, that looks like legit terrifying. Oh my God. It's like a serial killer.

Oh my god, dude, that sounds so scary. Dude, I'm so sick of horror movies. The only movies that come out now that aren't superhero movies, it's just scary movies. You either gotta go superhero or fucked up like

Yeah. Or just absolutely fucked up torture porn. It's called like grandma ghost and it's just some fucking old lady crawling on the ceiling. Like how many more old ladies can crawl like a crab on the ceiling? Yeah. I said lab or crab. It's science. Yeah.

You say crap. Okay, good. Yeah, I feel like that is a real trope now where old ladies are just crawling on walls and shit like crap. Well, because old ladies are really scary. Are they? I can beat the shit out of an old lady. Like, old ladies do not scare me. No, you can't. Like, you can hit them and beat them, but they keep coming back. Well, you can. They're unstoppable. Like, you can't. That's the movie.

Adam and I just start beating up all these old ladies because we think it's a horror movie. Dude, check out X.com. The Workahology Bros are beating the shit out of old ladies. Thank you, Elon. I like that you go X.com, too. You put the .com as if you go on your computer, go to Twitter a lot. You don't just look at it on your phone like a regular person. Dude, it's X.com. Yeah, I guess. If you don't...

If you just say X, that just doesn't sound right to me. Sorry. Well, I do. I hate it. I wish it was just Twitter. Like, because X...

It sounds like a little pornographic. And the way the algorithm works, it is. So they nailed it. It's basically porno. Yeah, it's just like torture porn or kids beating up their teacher porn. Did they think X sounded cool? Or what is X? Why is it X? Because it used to be Twitter. It's X. Well, I think it's SpaceX. So he was like, I'm going to throw the X in there, right? And I'm not Model X. So he's just got one.

Yeah, he just loves X, man. He just loves the X, man. What a lame... It would be cooler if it was just like... What would you guys name Twitter? G. G. Just G.com. Uh-huh. Yeah. I would just keep it Twitter. Remember the Twitter jokes in the beginning that were like, I twatted, posted a twat. What do you say? Post tweet? I don't know. Yeah.

That was a good month or six weeks of A. Yes, points! It's 12-12. We got a lot of mileage out of that one. It's still good. Do we have any take-backs, any apologies, any epic slams? Oh my god. Let me just go back. Do we stand? Twatted. Oh, you know what? Go ahead. I have a correction from last week.

Okay, fire it off. The steeplechase.

I said it was an 8,000 because literally that day someone goes, yeah, steeplechase is an 8,000 and it's a 3,000. And I feel like I'm a fucking idiot. And I apologize. You're not, dude. I mean, I guess repeat. I do not remember steeplechase. What is that? We were talking about the Olympics and it was like the race where they jump into the water or whatever. And I go, it's 8,000 run guys, meters and stuff.

Hit that button again for me, Blake. I just want to be fully transparent about this sort of stuff, guys. It means a lot to you and it's a special time of year for Wanderers. I remember steeplechase to me is like circle water bottles for you. It just means something. Right.

Nucky grandma. Yeah. I just crushed this. Adam, would you take back one of the huge drinks you had today? Or are you standing by that? Are you going to keep doing it? I'm standing by them. I feel like it's for whatever. I still don't have to pee. I don't know what's happening to me. But...

Are you sitting on your dick? No, but it's squashed in between my thighs. Yeah, is it like a hose where there's a big kink in it and just there's no water? It's not that big of a kink. It's a regular sized kink. I do like the idea that he's sitting on his dick and doesn't realize it's like expanding like a cartoon bubble.

Yeah, just sprang a leak. I like that. I would like to apologize for last week when I was kind of shitting on the Olympics and I came around to it and I was talking to Chloe and I was like, oh yeah, the Olympics, I was just kind of dunking on it. She's like, I thought you loved the Olympics. And I'm like, yeah, I think maybe I just wanted to be a little bit of a contrarian, I think. So that's the word of the week then? Loose butthole. Oh, man.

- That's crazy. - I forgot about doing it. That's just a word that I have. - Damn it. - Wow, good for you. - Good for you. - I was being a little bit of a contrarian. - And you know, sometimes we need that. Sometimes we need the naysayer. - Yeah, it keeps the conversation going. It's nice to hear the other side of the coin. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not me, babe.

It's not me. You love the Olympics. I do like the Olympics. I won't say I'm as invested as Ders, a person who truly loves, but I do get a kick out of turning on and watching all the weird sports. And watching whatever. I mean,

Oh, dude. Breakdancing is in the Olympics, dude. We have to have a freaking watch party, dude. Is it really? I swear to God. Nike made breakdancing shoes. What? Yes, breakdancing. Are you being for real? Hey, I take back my take back. Fuck the Olympics, dude. Oh, boy.

They're just trying to make it relevant. So they got a dance form from 1987. From 1980. Yeah. What? The Jabberwockies are going to take it, dude. I can't wait. That's hilarious. All right. Okay. Yeah. Let's go Olympics. Imagine you get gold for breakdancing. That's going to be a thing that like,

No one will really know it's in the Olympics. So it's going to be like you're wearing your gold medal. You're at the bar. You're like, actually, I won gold for breakdancing. And they're like, okay, goodbye. By the way, here's what happened. Did you rob someone? How did you get this? You tell somebody you got like you're at a bar.

you're wearing your gold medal you tell someone you you won break dancing and then they're like oh yeah and then they just prove dance better no they dance better than you like that's the movie that's the kind of thing where you could run into a drunken person who's like oh yeah can you do this and they're like fucking crushing contortion and then you and everyone circles around them cheering and then you're like forced to dance so then you get up and everyone's like

It's a little too much. This guy's having fun. You're trying to prove you're a gold medalist. Yeah, you're doing a little too much. And this guy's kind of flowing. They pick the other guy up and they buy him drinks and you go back to the pool. I mean, breakdance studio. Yeah, I would say if you guys won a gold medal, would you wear it

A lot? Yeah. That first, like, maybe, what, month? Would you wear it almost every day that first month? Yeah, that's got to happen. You've got to wear it out. What about six months? Would you continue to wear the gold? You get special underwear made where it slides right in front of your cock. Oh, wow. There you go. Yeah, just kind of hang it, dangle it. A preventative measure, but also, like, you know it's there. Yeah. I mean...

I definitely say like you wear it around your house at all times, but to like actually wear it out, maybe just like events. I would think it's the opposite. I think around the house, your wife knows you won the gold medal. You don't need to. I mean, you wear it sometimes when you're having sex with her, obviously. She's like, can you just take it? It's hitting my face. Yeah, it's just hitting. Ow. Okay, that actually kind of. Well, maybe if you did doggy like I freaking told you to. Yeah.

Hey. Is that what happened, Blake? Yeah. Is that what happened? All I know is that Elliot has her and my children. I can't think straight, okay? I can't.

Blake, do you have anything? I take back everything I said about Elliot because I have a feeling that if this gets to him, he's going to send somebody for my family and I don't want that to happen. No, no. He would just be like, you're not in my life. I don't need you. We don't want to be blocked. I block the haters and you're like, I'm not hating. We want to continue watching. I don't want to get blocked by you, dude. You're one of my top follows. I look forward to seeing you

embarrass people i don't follow oh i follow i don't follow but i get my my feed is so my algorithm knows that i'd want to see right you want to see my friend my buddy was visiting i guess i'll talk next week about it but my buddy was just visiting and i showed him my algorithm like my uh instagram feed when they explore page and he was like you must be close he was like what the fuck dude he's like this is actually really scary and weird

And I'm like, uh-huh. Yes, it is. It's just guys. And you were like, just drink your drink. Not even scary. It's just, I seem really, really, really, really gay. What did you? Like, I seem like I'm just trying to fuck too. And that's scary. 100% of the time. I took back the scary. Uh, uh,

Because it's just guys working out shirtless showing you workout tips. And then the Montana boys because I find them hilarious. Okay. Those are the swooshy hair boys? Yeah, they're swooshy hair. And there's a lot of different guys that are kind of doing the same thing where they'll be singing a song and they'll walk up to the camera. You love that shit. I get such a kick out of it. Is that what we do for the live show? I mean, whatever the next live show is, we just plug in our feed and go through our discoveries, our search? Yeah. Yeah, let me...

well let me check on mine before I agree to that you got six months to undo it of course it's like obviously like big natural tits like it's for sure it's like sort of almost pornographic that you're like I don't look at stuff like that but you're like what is this Disney I don't know here's the guy I was talking about

Super Ray 14K. That dude's funny as hell. I don't know him. I don't know him. I'm going to have to check him out. He's hella funny. All right. Hey, now we know. And that was another episode of This is Important. My hair's still wet, dog. It's damn wet. That shit's important. Honestly, so jealous. So jealous, dude. Damn.

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at Hellmans.com. Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Same great taste, plant-based. Starbucks Iced Apple Crisp Oat Milk Shaken Espresso. Made with blonde espresso, creamy oat milk, and spiced apple flavors. It's a nicey crisp sip you can enjoy all autumn long. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

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