Ep 203: Ben Franklin Had So Much Rizz
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We're all in agreeance that you get rock hard on airplanes, right? Correct? Whoa, man, look at all this shit that's coming out of my scalp. Ben Franklin had good dick. All I do on the way to baggage claim is fart. Let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

We're in. Yeah. I'm going to send it. I'm a dude. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza. Those are good drops right off the bat. I'm hooked on a feeling. Yeah, I'm chewing. Oh, my God. Dude, I'm renting this. I'm in Charleston now, guys. Kyle, shut up. Adam's getting into it. I'm chilling in Charleston.

I'm in Charleston. I'm chilling in Charleston. Sorry. Holy smokes. You have a four. Kyle. How's Charlie town? It's great. It's great. So yeah, I, uh, they call it Chuck town actually. Oh, Charles, Chuck, Chuck town. Makes sense. Yeah. They call it Chuck town. Um, I don't co-sign that. I think that's, I don't like that. I'd like Charlie town a little better. It's a little more fun. Chuck, Chuck just seems like a, like, well, I think of that movie, Chuck and Buck sucking fuck.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Had you seen that? Isn't that movie good? I have seen it. I think. I thought that movie was good. Good. Yeah. I thought it was. Is it good? I thought it was good. It depends how you grew up. It's good. It's weird. Let's explain. I think we've explained that movie before. It comes up all the time. We talk about this movie constantly. We keep repitching it. Yeah. I like to watch five minutes of it before I go to bed every night. What's the name of it? What is the name of it? It's Chuck and Buck. It's Chuck and Buck. Yeah.

It's the reason that I always think about it is I always think about how fun it would be to fuck one of my friends. That's what I'm always thinking about. Cool thoughts. It rolls off the tongue. Adam, we're on live. It rolls off the tongue. We're recording. Chuck and Buck, Suck and Fuck. It rolls off the tongue. Chuck and Buck, Suck and Fuck. I bet Mike White, the writer, was...

Oh, he was so happy with himself when he got that Chuck and Buck. I feel like that might have even come before anything else where he was just like Chuck and Buck, Chuck and Buck. And he goes, what is this movie? This is a movie. Yeah, I have to write that movie. Absolutely. Start with a good title. So yeah, Chuck times.

I feel like you can maybe start pitching the Charlie Town thing around, even though people might not like it right now. But if you start to put it in the streets... But they call it Chuck Town already, dude. Yeah, Chuck Town's cool, too. But you say, yo, I'm bringing Charlie Town. It's like when we went to Vancouver and started calling the Couve and people were like,

and we don't really like that, but the more you say it, the more you kind of- - We don't say the Coov. - Yeah, the more it works, it feels good on the tongue, the Coov. - Doesn't, but Charlie Town just feels like a half step from Charleston, Charlestown. It doesn't feel like enough. It feels like it's a- - Or like a place where a bunch of like POWs still kick it in Vietnam.

Oh, shit. I didn't know Charlie Town. I fell in love out here. I stayed. It's Charlie Town. I stayed here. Damn. I still haven't learned the language. Exactly. I've been here for 27 years. I have Amazon send me my ruffles, and I'm good. It takes six weeks. Not bad. Not bad for where I'm living. Try the reduced fat. Who I'm renting from, they're great people, but the woman bought...

Maybe 200... Not a joke. Maybe 200 pieces of art around this house. The house now is covered in art, which is very cool. But it's all from this... So you've rented this before? Yeah. I've rented... This is my third year renting the same house. And she bought new art. Brand new art. Brand new art. So you got... It got a glow up. Yeah, kind of regular. Like a lot of cows...

which I'm into, you know. Cows are tight. That's like far side shit. I like that. Being a bovine. Being a bovine. But now it's all from this exact same artist. And I'd say maybe 40% of it is alien based, like alien abduction. Really? So the cows are being beamed up and stuff? Yeah. And like cowboys are getting beamed up and like there's an alien driving. He's getting pulled over. There's like an alien like eating, drinking soup.

This sounds like a fucking Far Side Comedy. That sounds like Kyle's garage. Here, I'll show you. What's that? Okay, a little walking tour. I like this. If you're listening, we're seeing... Does Gary Larson own this house? Oh, wow. Okay, it's a very traditional green-headed egg...

shaped alien. Yeah, this is an alien on a classic flying saucer that has landed into a field almost hitting a cow. And also, dude, look who's in it. Yeah, a cow. This is a double whammy. There's a cow there, too. A cow. And then just in this room, here's another one of like...

Some sort of family. Oh, wow. So that's like in other planes, like kind of Western scene with cacti in it. And we have a saucer, classic saucer. Adam, can you read, make out the signature there on it? Can you tell us who this is? I mean, I don't know. I've been trying to figure it out. It looks like an M and a D.

Is it the same on every piece of art? Is this like somebody just like bought the guys or the artist's estate? Yeah. Did she get drunk one day at a fucking swap meet and just bought the whole booth? It's a wine and cheese fair. Dude, I was like, it has to be like a Charleston local artist. Yeah.

I thought so. I was like, maybe, but they're very in love. I know the husband. They're very in love. They're older. They're in their 70s. He knows about it. I'm not saying they're not in love. Oh, yeah. Maybe. It's part of the whole. I bet. Anything goes in Chugtown. It's Charlie Town. Yeah. It's Charlie Town. Charlie Town gets weird. Charlie's tongue. Yeah.

But I guess she's bought it. She buys it. She just found it on eBay. And she says, she's like, I've got a real problem. I've done that to our house, but then I bought hundreds of pieces for other people. Wow. So she's just addicted to buying like these arts, buying this one guy's art. And she just, I mean, has to be keeping him wildly busy. Just painting. I mean, that's why it keeps going back to aliens. He's like,

I know how to do an alien. An alien now is in a grocery store. He's basically just doing things you would find on pogs. His next set is going to be poison with skulls and eight balls. We'll have to take your word for it, Blake. We don't know. Yeah, but it would be cool.

You don't know Pog Art? Come on, bro. Well, dude, I was about to go in on you, but as soon as you said like eight balls and skulls and stuff, I was like, yeah, that is Pog Art. I feel like every Pog was either an alien, an eight ball, or it said poison and it has a skull. It's Jose Trinidad.

Trulio. You found it? Yeah, you just type in eBay cow alien art. You're saying this guy's got it on lock over there? And it just popped right up? Yeah. First one, Jose Trujillo. Trujillo? I can't pronounce it, but not cheap, these things. 36 by 36 original collectible UFO cows alien landscape.

5,200 bucks. Oh my God. That's for three by three. So we got to assume the smaller one behind you. These are smaller. They're not like huge. They're like, those are still a G. Those are still probably 1200 bucks a pop. Oh yeah. Are they originals? Those are not prints or no, they're, they're paintings. These are originals. What the hell? Oh my God. Oh, look at this. He's a young man. Um,

Okay. Like a child? Well, I don't know. I'm just describing him. No, he looks like he's probably 30 tops. So like our age? Okay. Hello. Wow, dude. Yeah. He looks like somebody who would come up and go, I grew up watching you. He's our elder? Yeah. That's crazy, man. Which is cool. It's cool when that happens. That just happened the other day at the grocery store for me. This...

grown man with a beard. I was like, I grew up watching you. And I was like, a guy who looks like an accountant who would like take care of your money very well says I grew up watching you. That's terrifying. Yes. He's got like pleated pants and like a tucked in shirt. That's fucking starched to the max. Yeah. He rock climbs on the weekend. What else? It's not until I re I meet Charleston locals that are young people that are professionals and they seem like adults. Yeah.

Charlie time. Right. Yeah. Well, they dress like they want to. They are. There's different signifiers, especially how people dress in the South. Like in L.A., everyone's a fucking slob pixie. OK, well, everyone's trying to look young, like everyone's trying to be like, you know, trendy. They're like, yeah, neon colors. They're like everyone. Wait, wait. We're just explaining how Blake dresses. Right. Lots of neon colors that claim to be young. Like, right.

I see Blake kind of getting offended right now. Yeah, no, I'm waiting to hear you guys roll out what LA style is. I'm hearing neon. LA is really trendy and, like, bright. Dude, it's whatever Blake is wearing. Whatever Blake is wearing. I'll go on the record.

I think LA has the worst style possible, I think. Sure, that makes sense. Well, it's a cornucopia of people. It's a melting pot. You can't really hammer it down. Everybody's from everywhere there. Are you doing the word of the day now, too? Yeah, wait a second. Cornucopia. Did you just say melting pot? It made Adam go, oh, yeah, I forgot to look up a word. That's how fucking cornucopia that shit was.

Dude, I heard, Durris nailed it because I heard cornucopia and I was like, what was the word of the day again? Because I looked at it. I mean, you guys are going to, it's a bad word of the day because it doesn't roll off the tongue. You guys are going to be like, what is that? Okay. Did you say melting pod? I did. Yes. Los Angeles is one big podcast in which we all gather. But is it a melting pot or a melding pot? Melding pot.

It's melting. Because I know I sound dumb right now. Yeah, you do. You do. It's melting. What? Well, meld is like a... Meld is like mind meld as well. Oh. How else do you use the word meld besides mind meld? A word that was probably made up for Star Trek. Kyle, this is one of your six joints a day. What?

This is when we really notice the sixth joint, okay? It's when you say things like this. Kyle, you're saying these things out loud, Kyle. Hey, I did not smoke six joints today yet. I've just taken a blunt to the dome, and then I played three hours of pickleball all

All right. Oh, what's up, dog? Oh, what's up, dog? Dude. One blunt. That's it. One blunt. Damn. Why are you smoking a blunt? Isn't that harsh as fuck or what? What? Smoking a blunt? You took a solo blunt to the dome? Why are you hitting a blunt as opposed to just something a little smoother? I love them. You love them. Fair enough. Hey, sick.

Say no more. I actually dislike blunts. You know why, though? No, no, no, no, no. It's because I have them. It's because they're here from the podcast tour. I finally cracked into all the free weed that we got, and I'm like, dude, where's our weed? Where's our weed? I was thinking about this the other day. I couldn't sleep, and I was like, I need my gum. Whoa, he's sitting on a whole fucking pile of gummies, your brother. Oh, yeah.

Smoke weed every day. Wait, does it? I think he has it. I think he said he still has it. Yeah, he. Adam. I bet he does. Yeah. I don't think he's ingested it. If you'd like it back. Well, he might be selling it. No, he says he keeps it in his trailer. Yeah. And every time he goes in it, it is so pungent that you feel like you're getting high just being in his trailer. And I'm like, you know what the easy thing is, is you send it to us. Trailer. What does that mean? Yeah. He's got a trailer in his backyard. Yeah.

So is it like melted all together into one super? No, it's meld. It melded into one giant nug. It melded together. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Your gummies are fucked. All the chocolates are fucked. Now that's a melting pot. Yeah, buddy. I'm looking up melding pot. I'm looking it up. I don't care. Fuck you guys. I know it is. It's melting for sure. Nobody got that? That might be my greatest points of all time.

There you go. Yes, points! Why does it say melding pot when I just look it up? It says it. Because there's a lot of fucking idiots out there. I'll tell you what. Hey, you mix joints. Hey, you mix joints every day on melding pot. Did you say that already? No, I was talking about the gummies in the trailer of Melting Pot. Oh, okay, great. Melting Pot. Yes, points! Okay, yeah, it's a melting pot.

By the way, I'm bringing back Razor Ruth, but it's kind of like pushing ghosts away. You're bringing back Razor Ruth. You see me? I'm bringing back the backwards fitted. So we're all kind of just bringing some stuff back. Now we're melding. Backwards fitted is good.

See, when Blake says he's bringing it back, though, it makes me go like he saw some cool young Twitch star. LA style. Yeah, bro. Yeah. Some like 16, 15 year old Twitch star. And he's just like writing notes of like cool fashions that he can get back into. Honey, I'll be right back. I'm going to go cruise Melrose real quick. Yeah, because when I lived with because me and Kyle lived with Blake for seven years. Yes, we did. Each of us, each of us. And it was a little overlap.

but seven years together, Blake, you would take a long time to pick out an outfit. I know he seems like he just throws it together. I think he's very style conscious. I think that his father is style conscious, too.

Whenever I see your dad, he's always sharp dressed. Oh, yeah. They're hip. Oh, and look at his internet is conveniently chunking. It's conveniently chunking, right? He just, as soon as we kind of go in on him a little bit, he just kicks his router. Funny how that works. He's unplugging something. Yeah, he's got a chunk button that he can press. Chunking.

Oh, boy. Chunking. God damn it. Come on in, Blake. Speak. Go, go, Blake. Go. We got you. Yeah, you're back. Am I back? Because I feel like I just got torched, and I'm back. Yep. Roasted. But the fact of the matter is, is I'm bringing chunking. Yeah, I feel a little hot. As soon as you guys start making fun of me, my internet knows to fucking cut out. Yep.

Okay, we're going to let you catch up. Blake, we're not making fun of you. That's the thing. We're not making fun. We're saying that you are the coolest dress. You're going to seem younger. When I started chunking, that's not what you were saying. You said I was oogling fucking like Twitch stars and I'm biting their style. But you don't. That's how fashion works. That's how trends work. That's how you work. Is that a bad thing to go cruise Melrose? I was just saying that that's what you were doing. If you think that's a bad, weird thing, I don't know. Yeah, you pick up on

trends. What's wrong with that? Yeah, you notice things. Because you're definitely not the only one who's wearing a backwards fitted cap right now, and you have to know that. You have to know that in your soul, dude. He is actually the only one wearing a backwards fitted cap. I am. I mean, like, on planet Earth or in LA. You're definitely not. You're definitely not, dude. Hey, Kyle, great call. Thank you. He's not the only one. Well, he said he's single-handedly

He's not. And he needs to know that. He needs to know that. Allegedly. Yes, we all believe that. No, absolutely not. But you know that the 90s are back. Yes, they are. The Oakland A's backwards hat. That's a very 90s look. And I think you know that, Blake. And that's okay.

I mean, think about all the times you've seen a fitted backwards hat. Yes, in the 90s, it was Ken Griffey. Oh, baby. Give me that Mariners cap. 90s, it's Ricky Henderson in the early 90s. This is backwards fitted caps? That's what we're talking about? Yes. I'm saying it went Ken Griffey Jr. Hey, Frank Thomas. I go straight to like Jay and Silent Bob. Fred Durst, guys. Fred Durst. Now we're just yelling about people that have worn backwards fitted hats. Specifically in the 90s. Yes. Yeah. We are. Yeah. On planet Earth.

And on planet Earth. This is important. The aughts was Fred Durst, and then the 2020s is your boy, Blake Anderson. I'm bringing back the backwards fitted. It's back. Thank you. I would like to give yourself some applause there, Blake. Thank you. Hit us with some applause. There you go. Points to that. Yes, points! Woo!

Durst is the king of the fitted backwards hat, right? What was his cap? What was that? What is his cap? A red Yankees cap. It was a red Yankees. Oh, it's a red Yankees cap. Oh, okay. So, by the way, that's whack. Red Yankees sounds like a cool rap group. Yeah, that's not really that cool. I feel like you could just find a red hat. It doesn't have to be Yankees. Is he from New York? I certainly don't think so. Why is it a red Yankees hat? I don't know.

Wait, hang on. Will you guys unpack that a little bit more for me? Why is a red Yankees hat whack? And why were you like, he could get a different one? That's not the color of the team. Yeah, I understand that. But so what? It's like a special color. That's not cool to me. Yeah. And also, to me, Yankees hats aren't cool. I don't like the Yankees. They're kind of doo-doo. The A's are cool because the A's suck. Yeah.

I'm living in a nightmare. I like to root for an underdog. So to me, the A's, I'm pro that. The Yankees is like, yeah, I like whenever like a team wins the Golden State and suddenly everybody's the biggest fan ever.

you know, it's bandwagon bandwagon. Yeah. Yes. It's more fun to like the losers. Yeah. Like Ders in your terms, everybody's a Michael Phelps fan. Like, okay, wow. You like Michael, Michael Phelps, but who likes the Canadian swimmer? Who likes Mike Kavik? I know what you're saying. Exactly. No, but you know what that means? He tried to, yeah, of course we all know what that means. I know what it means. Touched out in 2008 by a,

100th of a second, but... Absolutely, it's Kavik, bro. The Kavik story. He tried to appeal. He followed up. Big C? Big C, or is it K? Kavik. Kavik or K? Mike Kavik. Milorad. Milorad. Yeah. So you get it. So Michael Phelps is the Yankees, and then

uh what was his name ryan kavik is mike kavik the a's mike i mean he grew up mike kavik then he changed it to what what do you change it to me larod because he's got uh i don't know where he's from he's his european parents but i think he grew up in the states and swam for i thought it was a gender change this isn't swimming is kind of like there's kind of like some stuff it's actually mandatory now you have to do it oh my god change your switch gender

Yeah, it's crazy. That's a good call. Way worse than luggage talk. Way worse than luggage talk. I'm glad I got out before I had to have my wiggle waggle dangle dong. Barry Shagadella. You guys know what I mean. For sure.

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I will say the fashion here in Charlestown and why I feel like I'm... Chuck Town. Charlie. Chuck Town. Why I feel like I am older feeling here, but I'm trying to look younger, like I dress younger. Right. And then these children who look like more adult men that are like 25, but they dress like they're adults, because everyone looks like they're about...

to go golf. - Golfing, yep. - 100% of the time. - I love this. - Yeah, it's a status thing. I love this look. - It's a status thing. The boat shoes. - Everybody's about to go golf. And I understand that 'cause I live in Newport Beach, California. That's more of like a boat shoe, like we're about to go yachting, like vibe. This is, everyone's about to go golf. And if they're going out, 100% of the time, you're rocking your khakis.

You know what I mean? You're rocking the khakis. Oh, yeah. You got to wear khakis. Yeah. And I don't own khakis. Neither do I. This is a crime. Neither do I. Maybe we should get some khakis out of them. This is a crime. No, dude. You see my ass in a khaki? Oh, my God. Adam, we're going to send you to parole. What? You're saying you couldn't look good in khakis? Dude, khaki the color reached out and said, please don't. Really?

Really? That's pretty funny. Yeah. Khaki the color reached out and was like, no, take us off. Yeah. Yeah. It showed up on your phone. You're like, Khaki's calling. He's calling. Yeah. Khaki family. The Khaki institution. Yeah. I didn't know this existed, but Khaki actually reached out. This is Adam. Hello. May I ask who's calling?

And it's the khaki voice is the whitest sound. I mean, I guess that is a lot of material. Howdy there. So what about just chinos in general of like a different color? Yes. Chino. If I do wear a chino, it's got to be dark, dark. We got to be a charcoal or a black. Okay. I like that.

Great ass. Right. Like, have you ever rocked Dickies? Like when you moved out to California, did you ever throw down, throw on some Dickies? A little stiffer, a little workman pan. I did. I would. Yeah. I rocked a workman and I would go dark gray was my color. Oh, dark gray is a good color. You got to hide the tree trunks. You know, these things, if you flaunt them too much, you get a lot of unwanted attention. And Adam hates attention. Right.

One thing about me, I don't like attention. So thank God. Well, not for the wrong reasons. Not for the wrong reasons. No, no, no, not for the wrong reasons. And when you're wearing khakis, you got guys flagging you down. Like what up? Yeah. Do you guys all wear belts? Um, I not currently. I've recently lost some weight. Uh,

And now I have to wear belts on some of my jeans, which is really sick. I feel like in the wintertime, wintertime, I'll wear belts. But summertime, I'm not really rocking belts. I'm just going to say that spring summer. Is that because you're wearing shorts or you're just like, it's too hot to wear a belt? Like, are these the same pants? Belts hold you down too much? Different pants, different ideologies going out. But I think like...

I like the belt when I need to wear it. The blunt is hitting. I like the belt in the winter when you're putting on layers and shit. I dig it. I don't like the belt in the summer when it's hot and it's like you just want to put on shorts and one shirt and that's it. And then you also want to maybe go into the pool during the day. But you're wearing different. So you're wearing swim trunks.

I'm wearing like all-purpose shorts kind of. Right now, I'm actually wearing shorts that could service a belt. That could service a belt. Show us. I'm still going to send it. Oh, baby. Nobody asked for that. God damn. Okay. Sorry. That's just a byproduct of what you asked for. You ripped out a little muffin top.

baby. Damn, bro. The six pack is coming in. The pack is cooking, bacon, bacon.

Thank you. It's summer. We're cooking the pack up. That looked like a barbecue pack. It's under there for sure. This bro had a six pack. Thank you. It did? Yeah, it was a pack. It's a pack. Oh, okay. Six individual packs of ground beef. Yeah. It's packed in there. It's packed. It's like a bunch of sausage meat. Yeah.

Jimmy Dean, baby. I got a buddy by Dean. Honestly, I can't even jump in because I'm just too disturbed to joke about it. Kyle's stomach looks like a butcher counter. Neat, bro. It's all the leftover bits, dude. It's all the leftover bits. Okay, okay, okay.

You didn't have to show that much of your stomach, bro. Yeah, Kyle, your stomach looks like your chest is dripping. Yeah, dude, it looks like you look like a melted candle. You look like a melted candle. Okay, okay. Oh, I think I might be chunking.

Yeah, cut the internet. Sweetheart, cut the internet off. Cut the internet, babe. They're going after me. Kyle's body looks like in Cape Fear when De Niro's holding the flare in his hand and it's just burning over his knuckles. Yes, points!

Well, that's deep breath, but I'll have to assume that it's time for a rewatch. Yeah, it's time to rewatch that one. I have to assume. Anyways, I'm not wearing a belt. I'm not wearing a belt. The hair and makeup women on the Righteous Gemstones went in to get my dumb Kelvin haircut. Okay. Looks normal. Yeah, it looks kind of normal right now. It looks kind of good, actually. Best haircut he's ever had. But I went to get my Kelvin haircut, and they were like,

Wow, you're very gray now. So now I have gray hair. So that's it. They can't do that. That's not okay. I don't know what they're doing. They're supposed to whisper about it, but they're supposed to talk about it later behind your back and how they have to solve the problem. Yeah, behind your back. They're supposed to have secrets on set and

get a like a whisper. Well, I kind of I kind of brought it up because I noticed a couple like on the side, like there's one, there's one, you know, there's a few. And I was like, yeah, I got a couple here. I don't know. And then she starts looking and she goes, actually, you you have a lot of gray. You've really grayed since the last season.

So, uh, you're dying. It's time to get that tea. So I'm Kelvin might just have jet black hair or something. He might dye his hair like an insane color this, this year, which could be kind of funny, but I've always wanted to dye my hair for a show. Like just go like bleach blonde. I mean, Kyle, when you had your blonde hair look great. Blonders baby. Oh yeah. I want to do it again. I want to do some shit to my hair too. Like really bad. It's it's I'm I'm like, keep, I keep struggling. I'm now struggling with having long hair. Like I'm,

because I want, I want it gone. Yeah. Well, you could just cut it, buddy, but also like, don't do too much to your hair. Cause it's, it,

It's lived a traumatic life. Don't tell me what to do. This is it, Kyle. Don't tell me what to do. This is your last ride, brother. It might just go. This might be the last train out of town, okay? Your next haircut is your last haircut, brother, so make it count. Yo, this dude's gonna go to the barber, the dude's gonna get the fucking comb and scissor out, and the hair's gonna be dodging it. Yeah, it's gonna frighten itself right out of its scalp. Loose.

butthole well genuinely that is like i don't want to do it because i don't want to look like i'm trying to be fucking young you know what i mean like i don't want to go like like blonde and i don't want to be like oh i'm like pull a blake what are the things that i did when i was a kid you know what i mean i want to find my adult haircut my tucked in

Polo. It's a bagel. Go to Chucktown for some inspiration. Now, is this kind of your roundabout way of like shitting on Blake, dude? Because Blake's my homie, dude. Are you kind of... Not even that roundabout. Yeah. Are you sort of going right at Blake? I don't mean to be shitting on anyone. I don't mean to be shitting on anyone. If I was, it was not intended, okay? Indirect diarrhea blast? Dude, I didn't feel shit on. I didn't feel shat upon. Okay, good. I will say, of all of our friends, I feel like you're the friend who could rock

wigs publicly and it would work for you. Me? Yeah. I love that idea, dude. I think you're right. And I actually take that as like probably one of the bigger compliments I've ever gotten in my life. Yeah, dude. Like that is huge from you to me. Get really weird eyewear and really like crazy wigs. Yeah.

Yeah, this is the nicest thing you could ever say to me. Wow. Dude, Kyle is spending a lot of, you know when you meet like a rich old like person who's into art? Yes. It's always a rich old person who's into art. They have very insane, very expensive looking glasses. And I can see Kyle just wearing like one's a triangle and one's just like a tiny little, you know.

Tiny little, like the size of a nickel. Yeah. See, that's what I need to transition into. I need to get into that type of eccentricity. None of this like reaching younger. Yeah. And then like a neon green, like bowl cut wig. A neon green bowl cut wig. Yes. Blake, you are hitting it out of the park. You really think that? That's insane, bro. I think if anybody could run it, it's you. All right. I think you're the guy. Okay. Oh, fuck.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

That's right. Yes. That happens all the time. The item known as our child. Yes. The nugget, the flesh nugget that we carry around. Where's that little meat mound? Yeah. Where's that little pile of meat? That sack, that human sack that we carry. Yes, points. Woo!

Dude, I've been watching Franklin, the Michael Douglas show. It's all about Ben Franklin. It's not that good. They could have done a better job. I was watching the trailer last night thinking, should I watch this? And then I'm like, this feels like a joke.

It's science. The trailer itself feels like something that is like a joke from the 90s. And now it's like... Great decade. It's not that good. Okay. But it's also because France is such a fucking insane place, especially back then. Yeah. Like the pomp and circumstance. This is like Les Mis times. It was like, I mean, I don't know when Les Mis took place. Is this like post revolution in France? The French Revolution? Yeah.

I don't know. No, this was Ben Franklin brokered a deal with the French. Al Roker. To have them help us during the Revolutionary War. Our Revolutionary War. And he did our Revolutionary War. And they did. And it was like there was a point that we weren't going to win. It was up to Ben Franklin to go. And then John Adams comes and John Adams is like a total bitch.

about everything. Really? That's cool. But John Adams was not a bitch when Paul Giamatti played. Oh, okay. No, he was a bitch. When Paul Giamatti played Adam. No, he was a bitch in John Adams. Oh, he was? Yes. I thought he was like heroic. Well,

He is, but he's just like, he's not a cool guy to hang out with. Like, Ben Franklin was tight, dude. He was getting drunk all the time. Dude, Ben Franklin was fucking tight, dude. He's Adam's hero. He's like, you want to go chase lightning? Dude, Ben Franklin had so much riz, bro. It was crazy. Dude, he did, dude. He had multiple girlfriends. That's why he's on the 100? Yeah, he was in France just fucking throwing it down, dude. Yeah, that's why he got the big bill.

They're like, yo, we got to give Ben the hundred, bro. That bro is what? Because he keeps it 100. Okay. Points. That's good. Points yourself. Thank you. Yes, points. But it's a weird show. Everyone's wearing the most insane wigs.

And I'm thinking, when you said wigs, I was thinking that's what Kyle should... Just suddenly you were wearing a powdered wig and you just fucking go for it. Oh, powdered wig. But didn't everybody rock those back then or no? Yeah, I think that that was like... It was less in America that they say. That's what the high school kids were wearing. And Blake's like, you did that because... I think you rocked powdered wigs because it was a way to take care of your hygiene better.

Because it was a way to like, yeah, it was a way to like mask the smell because they would like they would spruce this up. So it was like you put the you powder your wig and then you put it on because people were only showering. They didn't they didn't shower. They took fucking baths, bro. Did they shave their head or just. No, they have hair underneath. They were all bald early. I think they were all bald early. I would just shave my head. No, I think they had hair, but it was less in America. They were. I'd be bald out there.

And fully jacked. But all of our founding fathers had powdered wigs. All the pictures, they're like... Some of them. I thought it was because they all had syphilis. I thought they all had a disease that was making their hair fall out. And then they had to wear a lot of makeup because they were looking like corpses. I don't think everyone... Dude, it was like children in Franklin the Show. I don't know how real, authentic the show is. But...

There's like nine year olds just kicking it with sick. So I doubt I doubt they have syphilis. Yeah, probably not at all. We're getting lice in the chat. So maybe it was just that like French lice just bouncing around or something. Yeah. Well, lice and syphilis are a little different. You know, it's all bugs. This shit was just masking their smell. This shit is because they stank, dude. They stank. That's what it is. They had major stink and they had to put wigs on to drop it out.

Sorry, how much does hair smell? What? Your head? Your head can smell bad if you don't take showers. You're saying your scalp? Your scalp smells? Kyle, I think we're... What? Just put your hair in water.

I don't understand. Watery diarrhea. Back in the day, they didn't do that. They didn't do that. They didn't shower. There wasn't water. I know, but how many days does it take for you to, for your specifically just your head hair to smell? Let's ask Kyle. Kyle, how long? What? Wait, what's the question? When does your family start to tell you you have to wash your hair? At what,

point how many days. I know when it is. It's like four days, like four or five days, I would say, when it's like, it starts to get really greasy and you're just like, whoa, man, look at all this shit that's coming out of my scalp, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Like...

Hey, Kyle, can I just say I'm so happy to have you back, dude? I love that you're back on the pod. This is sick. Okay, that's great. I'm happy to be here. It's science. Because we wouldn't be able to ask this question to anyone else. Like,

I'll give you a good, honest answer. And I'm honest Abe. I'm as honest as Abraham Lincoln, bro. The $5 bill. Have you ever smelled anybody with smelly head hair over like just their body odor overpowering it? Do you think? Well, I think it was to mask the entire body because there wasn't deodorant. It was to just have a good smell around you. Oh, okay.

Maybe it was trickle down. Like you put on this wig smell. You couldn't just spray that on yourself. I think it was fragrant. And then so they put that on to mask everything else that was going. Your breath was also nasty. Imagine hooking. I think about this all the time because all the time I'm thinking about this, dude, all the time. Because I'm watching this Franklin show and he's just hooking up with women left and right. Women love 70 something year old Ben Franklin with gout. One hundred.

And they're throwing themselves at him and he's throwing it down dude all rizzed out. He fucks hella good too. Thank you for saying rizz. Thank you for saying rizz Blake and bringing that in. He had good dick. He had a good dick you can just tell. Ben Franklin had good dick. Shaped like a skeleton key. That's what you don't know. He tied the kite to his cock bro. How gross would it be and also like anal was a big thing.

and blowjobs were a big thing in France. Like that's where they were like kinky. They were like threesomes and like doing nasty shit. 69, dudes! Yeah, it's the Marquis de Sade. Could you imagine like eating someone out? Yeah, I know, dude. I think about that often. During that time, there's just flies everywhere. You're like, what are you? I think about that all the time too. Like, yeah. But like the expectation is lower, right? You're just, it's still coochie.

Well, exactly. You're just, you haven't had coochie. That's not that. So you're just kind of like, I'm in. You're like, wait, this is what the fuss is about. God damn. Um,

I'm in. No, it's cool. I think it's cool. We were just like, we were just like going after a very animal. Like, I think that's sick. For sure. They're just like, let me hit it with the wig real quick. Right? Yes, exactly. Let me get the wig down here. That's what the, that's probably what the Merkin was. You know what the Merkin is? That's like the, the pubic hair wig.

Yeah. Yeah. So maybe. So what was it now? I think. Oh, the merkin. Oh, so you powder up your pubic wig. Yeah. And you toss some powder up in that. So you're not even licking actual to use their words. Coochie.

You're not licking the coochie. You're just outside. You're outside licking this flavorful wig. They put like a bunch of raspberry sauce on it or something kind of tasty. That's the French for you. That's France. Some marmalade. That's why they call it a French bath, right? It's just you hit it with the washcloth right quick. Do they call it? Or you're doing this outside next to a river. You just go scoop two hands full of the water and you throw it at the coochie real fast. Yeah. Or you just toss some powder on it.

You know what I mean? Hit it with the wig. Powder it up. You take off your wig. Hey, I'm going to need a couple of wigs for this. Dude, you take off your wig and then you just smack, you smack your crotch with the, with the wig. You powder it. Yeah. Yeah.

sweetheart, we need to split the wig. Oh man. Those French people got it right. Yeah. No, that's why back in the day they said you got to pout her wig. It wasn't like you hit it with like a pow. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Wait,

You guys, hey, let's call it taking a hike. Let's take a little hike real quick. Yeah, I don't know. Ders just went on a walk, and I don't know if we... I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. No points. Thank you. That's the first no points.

Dude, in colonial America, they were barely sponging themselves off. That's what it says. They were rarely using a sponge. And it says here that they were not using soap. So, like, that's just what was going on back then, man. That's fucking wild. Is it real? Huh?

How different is that from your lifestyle daily, Kyle? Yeah. Do you live a colonial lifestyle? Kyle's throwback, dude. Is that what you were saying? Kyle's throwback. No, you guys, that's starting to get nasty. That's starting to get nasty. Yeah. We don't want to get nasty. We don't want to get nasty. You know this podcast. We keep it clean on this podcast. Yeah. I just don't clean my hair every day because it's not worth it.

It ain't worth it. Shampoo's expensive. I got to wait till I'm on like another production before I get that good shampoo. And then you could ask for, dude, I just went in and they were like, do you need anything? I'm like, I need a razor. I need razor blades. Yeah. I need a face wash. They're like, you didn't buy anything for yourself? And I'm like, I did. I'm getting that extra. Dental floss. If you have a podcasting microphone, I'd love that. Yeah. I wish I had that. Yeah.

Right.

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Bo just took his first flight, dudes. Oh, yeah, yeah. You dropped him? Yeah, yeah. Take his flight. It's like the Wright brothers. Yeah, he crashed. Yes, sir. Yeah, he was very good. Good boy, dude. Was having a fucking blast. Like, really enjoyed himself.

And then dropped the largest shit he's ever taken in his life about 40 minutes in. Yeah, that's the altitude. It was something. It is. It's the compression. It's like what happens to a water bottle when it squeezes. That's squeezing all that shit out, dude. That's what's going down. Great analogy. Is that real? Because that doesn't happen to me. It's a Boeing bomb.

You don't have to fart on an airplane? No. Always have to fart on an airplane because you're getting squeezed. You've never felt like you've had gas on an airplane? No. Dude, Adam, I've sat next to you on an airplane and you have farted quite often. I can smell it. That is not, that's not true. What do you mean it's not true? Wait, hang on a second. We've got a denial. You're belying the truth right now. How are you going to deny that? Is that true, Kyle? Yeah. How are you going to deny that? I don't, I can't. How are you going to deny that you've never farted on an airplane and never smell it?

smell. So Adam's never felt it, but the majority of humans who've flown, you feel pressure on your... I think you guys are belying the truth in a way that... Oh, there it is. Oh, belying. Why would you even drop it like that? Dude, because it's impossible to belie. When have you ever...

heard that word before. It's impossible to slip it. I don't know. I haven't heard it. But when you look off into the distance like that, it doesn't help. I know. I know. I know. But I knew you guys are going to catch this one. It's called belie. And it's to belie something is to give a false idea or an impression. Honestly, we've been talking about Ben Franklin a lot. I would have like thrown it into like, and then we decry that the

belie of the, and then you could like sneak it in like with the accent. Yeah, colonial shit. To cry of the belie, yeah. But that, I was trying to use it in proper context. I think that's key when doing word of the day. You can't just say the word. You're a stickler. That's true. Hey, respect, respect, respect. Yeah.

When you're doing word of the day, you do, you do have to try to make it make sense. Yeah. I also, I think when you go up, when you go higher in altitude, it expands. I think that's what's going on. Cause like, if you take a bag of chips up to the mountains, when you get out, that bag of chips is like full of air.

So I think when you're up, it expands. When you come down, it contracts. I think that's the science. Right. But they press, they pressurize the cabin though. Kyle Blake, do you, do you have to shit and fart a ton on planes? Cause I've never heard this. It's, it doesn't happen to me. Yeah. But I think it affects you a little bit. If, if the water bottles are being affected in the cabin, then you're being affected as a

person it's science that's what i'm saying but i think it's they pressurize it i think it's you're saying everything expands yes pressurized oh so they're oh okay so it's not the i can't use the mountain analogy they do the opposite inside the plane i believe that's why you have to like pop your ears and shit that's pretty sound science yeah right so when you go up you would they it's science

Yeah. Nice. So, Blake, answer the question. Do you fart? Have I farted on a plane? Okay. There you go. Well, I farted on a plane for sure. But, like, is it a thing for you? Are you on a flight just always being like, okay, I'm flying. You know I'm going to rip some ass. No, I'm not like –

boarding the plane like, oh no, here come the farts again. But I mean, I've had gas on a plane. But you hold it. You can feel the burble. Sure, but is it a thing? You fly a lot. We just took upwards of 60 to 80 flights together in the last six months. Yeah.

Did you note that I was farting quite a bit? Did you know? No. Okay, so it's 50-50. Half of us don't really notice extra gas. I fart more on land and on boats. I fart a lot. We're talking about planes. We're talking planes. Here's what I know. When I fly and I get off the plane, all I do on the way to baggage claim is fart. That's all I do. Loose butthole. I crop dust damn near every airport I ever landed.

Okay. And I think we've talked about this. I don't fart in coach in first class when the lights are out and people are laying down nonstop.

Really? Yeah. Hold up. What do you mean? You would hold it in coach? You would hold it in coach? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't fart. You're right next to somebody. You can't just rip it right there. But you have the air thing. You have the air thing. You just turn the air thing up. That's true, Kyle. That is true. And yet I still don't. Ders, can I ask you a question, though? Are you the- Permission granted. Do you store all your farts for travel? Like, are you a dad who farts around his family? Are you a farty guy? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, cool. Okay, all right. Are those two... I don't know what question you just asked. You're like, are you a dad who stores his farts? Do you fart around your family? What do you want to know? Have I farted in front of my children? Yeah, don't belie the truth, okay? Yeah. I still don't know what that means. And now he's frozen. Sorry, I was chunking a little bit because I thought you were making fun of me. But if you're not...

Then I can continue. Kyle, I said the definition earlier. Oh, I don't think I was paying attention. Sorry, bro. Sorry, bro. I guess I'll look it up over here. Sorry. Go ahead, Blakey. Blake, what are you asking? Yeah, I'm just... If I fart in front of my family? Yeah, I don't know. Some people don't fart around their family, right? You like save it. I will say that I don't fart that often. I do fart sometimes. I'm not a big farter and I don't really fart in front...

of my family. - Adam denies farts more than anybody I've ever met. - That's not true. - And his way of rationalizing it is he goes, "Dude, if I would fart, I would tell you." But every time he farts, he never tells us. - Allegedly! - No, it's total gaslight. He gaslights all of his gassers, dude. - Oh, yes! - Dude, boy. - Yes, boy! - Why would I do that? Why would I do that?

Adam, I don't know. We don't know. I'm honestly so open and honest with everything else in my life. That's why it's weird. That's why it's weird. I don't know. Maybe it's a character flaw. These guys live with you for seven years and I know they know what I'm talking about. I mean, I do fart. I have farted. I'm not saying I don't fart. Like the fact that you're getting so worked up about it now tells me that it's a weird issue for you. Because you keep, it's because, because Durs, you keep saying this, you keep poking the bear. Okay.

and and you're riling me up well adam it's simple it's very simple yeah you're a mischievous motherfucker and when a fart itself is not mischievous enough then the denial of the fart is what turns the mischief up oh whoa interesting interesting i know how that works i understand that psych oh okay but i don't know what the word belie me as he takes a huge bite of what is that just guacamole i'm just eating avocado

You're just eating an avocado? Why are you eating? Just wait. We're going to be done in 10, 15 minutes. Wait to eat avocados. I don't have to. Well, sure. That's how Kyle lives his life. He doesn't have to do the podcast, so he doesn't. Adam, I'm not trying to come at you. I don't mind farting in front of my kids. I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't know. I'm not going to be like, everybody listen.

You know what I mean? Really? That's my world all day. Yeah, I believe that. That's all you have. Notice me, senpai. Notice me. We love farts. I've said it before, but farts are my love language. Honestly, I don't want to be sitting on the couch and then just have a symphony of small children farting around me.

That's exactly right. That is so wrong. I go, hey, you know, you can walk away. You can leave the couch. You can go to another room or whatever and let it seep out. Just not at the table. Just not at the table. That's the only rule. Just don't do it when you're eating. Literally not while I'm holding you. Wait till we take a family trip. When we get on the airplane, we're going to fucking unload on these

people. Get off the Baraclaves. Only in first class. Only first class. Well, I will say I don't fart on airplanes, but I do get rock hard. I will say like, and we've covered that. And everybody, we're all in agreement, agreeance, sorry Blake, we're all in agreeance that you get rock hard on airplanes, right? Correct? I love it.

What are we agreeing on? I get it when I land and then I've got to grab my bag. That's when it really strikes me. All right. Okay. Yeah, I haven't been on a flight without a boner in quite some time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Kyle's been on the no-fly list. It's definitely the cabin flight.

pressure it's the pressure it's the cabin pressure they need to work on it it's nothing right it releases it grips your dick the whole flight and then it lets go the blood rushes in you know what and blake you didn't answer how's your dick on flights my my dick is probably yeah it's probably harder than ever when it's up in the air yeah okay good good good absolutely when you're up in the air

Can that be the new Mile High Club is just getting a boner on an airplane? Yeah, dude. You don't have to. It's a pretty non-exclusive club. Guys, I'm in the Mile High Club. I'm in that club. It finally happened. It finally happened. It finally happened.

And by finally, I mean every time I've flown since I was 15 years old. Everyone in the actual Mile High Club is freaking out right now. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Because you don't understand what we had to go through to make that happen. Are any of us in the Mile High Club?

Any of us were all in agreeance that you get rock hard on airplanes, right? No, I mean, I had my story where I J O to Laura from Tomb Raider. Yeah. I do the magazine, but dude, the absolute best time to chunk because it was just slow. It was slow motion. Laura. And he calls it a story, not an admission. Uh,

Yeah. Well, by the way, we've all jerked off on planes before. Not in our seat like a psychopath. You go to the bathroom. I've never done that. I don't think I've done that. You've never jerked off in a bathroom? Oh, I've done that. Not all the time, but I've done it like probably three or four times. In one flight? I would feel so bad like holding the bathroom for that long when somebody else probably needs to use it. Isn't that hotter? How long does it take you? Yeah, how long? Wait, what?

How long are you taking? Hold on. We're dipping into something I might not be ready for. What's up here? Well, that's too long. You're not taking your sweet time. You're just handling an issue. Yeah, it's an itch. For sure. I get it. There's no way. There's no way I could scratch an itch like that. It's handling a problem that you have. Your dick is too hard. There it is.

You're trying to watch Lara Croft Tomb Raider, the movie, and you can't get through it. There's no way. It's a magazine. Fair enough. Sorry, I know. I'm watching Tomb Raider, the movie, okay, in my story. Oh, so you're watching Angelina Jolie. Do you guys think you can get put on the no-fly list if you were caught masturbating on a plane? 1,000%. Can I say one thing? No. They're not going to catch me.

Yeah, but if you were, is that grounds for no fly list? Kyle, people have been put on the no fly list for less. Trust me. All right. All right. For way less. I saw somebody get put on the no fly list for vaping. There you go. That's annoying. See ya. By the way, you're not in your seat. In your seat, you should be arrested and then shot in front of the entire plane. Okay. Well, that's a little big.

Okay. If what? If you fart in first class? No, jacking off in your seat. That's an extreme example. But yeah, you should probably get arrested or get in trouble. If you jack off in the bathroom? No, in your seat. In your seat. Oh, in your seat like Blake did one time? Yeah. Yeah, that's a crime. So Blake's on the no-fly list. In the bathroom, the door's closed. It's locked. It's locked? Yeah. Okay.

Blake would be, but he's a child though. So he might've, or you, were you a child? Oh, he's tried as a minor. Yeah. He was tried as a minor. Yeah. Probably got off. He's back on the streets. All right. Good. Good. We're flying with you. I guess I just don't want to spend the bathrooms are so small that like, I don't, I rarely ever sit to take a shit unless I really, really have to, or it's like a crazy long, like flight around the world. I shit on maybe every flight that I'm on.

Oh, yeah. But you you're an animal. You mark your territory. Like let people know. Dookie drop. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

And then you say you're the captain now? Yeah. And they're like, I'm the pilot. The crapton? Sir, this is the cockpit. I will say that I think maybe instead of farts, that is what happens to me. I have to shit. So that's like your son. So it's even worse. It's even more of an issue for you. It squeezes the actual dookie out. Like father, like son. Yeah, but I'm not squeezing him out of my... It's not an issue. I love shitting. I shit like four or five times a day. I enjoy it.

I sit down. Absolutely. I think you'd have to love it if you were shitting four or five times a day. I think that's too much. Yeah, I shit all the time. All the time I'm shitting. Well, I think it's too much, brother. I think that's too many times. I shit in the morning. I shit in the early afternoon. I shit in the evening and I shit at night before I go to bed. So four times. Isn't that a song? Four times? Yeah. Yeah.

I shit two times in the morning. I shit two times at noon. Shit-a-marinky-dinky-dink? Shit-a-marinky-doo? I shit you. Yeah, I shit a whole lot. That's a lot. What are you eating? I just wonder...

I am curious. What are you eating that may, or have you always shit four or five times a day? I've always been a big shitter. And I will say the older I've gotten, I will say that for the past, maybe 10 years, I sit down to piss. Right.

to piss and I think that's probably why I finally did it's better that way I finally sit down to shit you're peeing so you just ring one out whatever it's like in the chamber so I'm just like yeah so I'm always sitting down so I'm like I might as well just drop a bomb right now I'm just imagining being your colon

And it's like, I mean, can you have since we've been sitting to pee, all of a sudden we're working overtime. Like, yeah, the fuck is going on here? Four times seems excessive to me. And the poop is like, we got no breaks. We can't just hang and chill. Yeah. But guess who doesn't have the hemis?

And the fissures. True, true. That's true. That's true, brother. I know you talk about your heavies and fissures a lot, and I've never had them because I don't have to squeeze one out because it's easy peasy, baby. Yeah, no, that's good for you. I'm jealous. It's great for you. Great for you, brother. Slick Willie. Hold up. I'll shut up about what I think about your amount of time. You just put your ass in its place right now. Yes, sir. I'll shut up. I don't mind a good, like, a

a nice effort every once in a while where you're like, all right, what's the move here? How are we doing this? Yeah. We can't, it can't just push all at once. Dude, I will say that my son's bomb was wild and I took him in the, so my wife was like, see if you can save the outfit because we only have two and I'm like, okay. And I go in and I save the outfit, save the outfit and he ran up his back all the way to his neck and then, and then there's a pool out.

A pool of shit. And I'm on, I have the little folded table down. I don't, it was my first time laying a baby on one of those tables. So I don't really know the angle. So I'm kind of fucking up a little bit. And then he's, he has his little feet and he, he's like laughing. He's having a great time. He starts splashing in the liquid shit and it sprays everywhere. Now my shirt's covered in shit. He's like, you thought you were going to come here and jack off? Not happening. Yeah, not jacking. There's no time to jack off, dude. Your days are done. My days are done. You've been way out.

Now there's shit on the mirror, on the wall, everything. So I'm wet wiping myself, the walls. It was a wild experience. I was like, I hope this doesn't happen every time I fly. It will happen again. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a normal? Is that a normal flying with your baby? Yeah. Because he was luckily he loved that. He was not scared or crying. He was just like.

That's his love language. Figured it out early. I mean, I remember... I feel like I brought this up. I remember my kids... I was changing a diaper and then he bent up and I started to kind of burble out and I just put my hand under his ass and he just...

into my hand and I was like I'm living in a nightmare because I was trying to save like the changing table I was like because then you gotta wash that and you gotta wash that yeah with like the oxy clean and I was like this I could just kind of go wash on the phone you could do without yeah you could do without my

yeah changing diapers can get real nasty man i remember getting shot at like a couple times we've recently like segued into having a little bit of formula like we've been all breast milk all the time and then now we mix that formula your boobs are huge and the shits have gotten way oh the real deal like suddenly they're like they're like mad stinky and it there's just like it's more it's more

Are you in the mustard stage yet, or is it still kind of black and sticky? Colonel Mustard in the library? No, no, no. The black and sticky only lasts a few days. Yeah. What is that called? Once or twice a month, I'm still black and sticky. Yeah, dude. It still bubbles up. If I have a night of buzz balls. It's like Macorum or something like that. Macorum.

Not colostrum. Colostrum is like the milk thing. Yeah, the colostrum is the milk. That's the first. It's like that good stuff. No, that's from Marvel. Yeah, that's carnage. Colostrum. No, the colostrum is that good titty milk, like when it was just concentrated, like that good stuff. Yeah, so they could find it. It was like, this is where you get your stuff, bro.

Yeah, that good. Wait, so is colostrum not just... No, I think colostrum's the special... No, the colostrum's at the very beginning. Yeah, super scented. And it's like an extra potent...

like nutritional bomb and it's like stickier and a little more clear and the something like that uh i wish a producer would look it up uh is the i think you're right with like mike i think you're right with like myconium i feel like you're right i feel like you're right on the money something like that it's pretty close the labrea tar shit oh that's good it's the labrea tar shit that's a good one yeah that's great labrea tar shit is fucking fantastic god damn points this

It's Venom 3, baby. The poop. We know what colostrum is. What is the poop? The poop. The tar poop. Kyle just said it. It is, yeah. It's myconium? Yeah. Okay. I think that's what Adam said. That's what Isaac used to put in his hair. It's the best hair gel. Okay. Oh, man. Yes, points! And you looked up, you know that it's myconium? What is it? I thought it was myconium. Myconium. I love myconium.

No. Mitch McConaughey. On a Tuesday. Meconium is a newborn's first bowel movement, which is thick, sticky, and dark green. Yeah. I remember it only lasted a little bit. A little bit. A little bit. Yeah. But yeah, we're full on mustardy. Turning a little brown. Turning.

little brown. It's getting real. Congratulations. That's great. Dude, we're like out of... We're almost out of diapers, which is something... We just have like a nighttime diaper. You gotta run to the store? No, like I don't gotta fucking change another diaper, dude. It's been five years. It's like, holy shit. Knocking grandma! Too much. Too much. Then you start to shit yourself and you gotta change your own diaper. Circle life. Circle life, man. They're out. You're back in. That's why you have children. So then when...

you're old, they have to change your diapers. It's the only reason. I want you to know the only reason I had you is to change my diapers. So you better get your ass over here. And then they stick you in a shitty old folks home. Dang.

Or a very expensive one. Or a really, really nice one. Yeah, really, really good. Well, you almost have to put money away for your own old folks home. Because if you leave it. Yeah. That's retirement, dude. Adam, did you just realize this? Yes, but no member of my family has ever done that.

Nobody through the lineage, through the lineage. No one has saved a dollar for when they are on death store. No way. They just stayed at home in like a neighborhood where like other family was. Uh, yes. And then like a few that live like out of state, uh, like my great, great aunt, she was 104 and she stayed in. I was a child.

So I didn't really clock how like sad the old folks home was, but it was horrifically sad. Now looking back at it. Right, right. Wait, so someone has been in an old folks home? Yes.

So you're a liar and I can't trust anything you say. Yeah, but she didn't save any money for it. It was like family pitched in to get her this shitty old folks up. Right, right. And also what social security, whatever it comes from that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, I think we have to plan for that stuff, boys. We have to. I mean, maybe we all try to get in the same old folks home and keep the podcast going to be so great. Yeah. Or yeah. What if we all get one RV that we all stay in?

And we park it in Santa Fe and we just kind of fucking... No, we're going to want our own space. Did you hear what Adam was saying? They serve you food. I like the old folks home. Yeah. Yeah. My grandpa would eat hot dogs. I'll make food. Yeah, dude. I'll still be able to give you guys raw hot dogs. It'll be beautiful. I've seen what you eat, which is air. So you're not going to make us food, homie.

Yeah, we don't want a big bowl of nothing. I've got recipes. I do like the idea of just going to a fucking old folks home and just playing video games and doing LSD for the end of days. You know what I mean? That seems cool. Yes, punch! Honestly, Kyle, I would love to go out just doing LSD with you. I feel like that's, yeah. I would finally just go on over to your side. I'd dye my hair with you. Wear the wigs. Yeah, exactly.

got wigs every day. I'd be like skateboarding in a diaper. Yeah, we were like always doing bits where we just come like one day dress colonial. We go down to like the little commissary dresses. Big Ben.

Yeah. Big Ben Franklin. Dude, I love it. Yeah. Big Ben Roth. Yeah, we heard they were serving croissants. Yeah. Well, and then everyone's, all the Big Bens. Yeah. We're still, today's Ben day. We'll just come as giant clocks one day. But the Lonely Island guys are there and they're like, we did that last week, you know? We're like, well. Yeah. They're always one step ahead. We did it louder, so. Shit. Yeah.

we did it louder and dirtier. We talked about our buttholes more than you did. Yeah. Who cares if we were a second? They're like, but we did it, but we had like a clever song and we're like, yeah, but it's spoofed a political thump. Something tight. Yeah. It was, it was actually way smarter what we did. And we're like, yeah, but we talked about our buttholes though. So, so,

And people liked it. People, other old folks, they enjoyed it. Are there any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams here, boys?

I kind of take back showing you all my pack, my six pack. Kind of take that back. That's what you call it. You gave us some fodder. It was good. It was fun. It was fun. Yeah. That's cool. No, I just wish I had more to show. I wish I was like further on my journey. Well, you are really lean. I will say. You got enough. Trust me. Do you do sit-ups, Kyle? I wish I had less to show. No, I'm not doing sit-ups. I'm not doing sit-ups. No, I'm not. See, I think you're playing a lot of pickleball and you have leaned out a lot, but I think some strength training might do you some good.

Let's see it again. Yeah, let's see it again. No, it's chill. You want to see it again? Well, no. Before, we were just teasing. Now, we're just getting into it. Okay, he's flexing. Goodbye. I was teasing before, for sure. You look great. Yeah, well, you did that. You did that. That is not a good look. Don't lean. Wow. Very shaggy. I thought you said I was getting lean. I had to show you my lean. Yeah, so I think some...

some strength training might, might really help you. My back hurts. My fucking back hurts. That just threw your back out. That hurt me. I want Kyle to get one of those, like those big, like distended abs that they call it where it's like the abs sticks out. Like it's still like a six pack, but it comes out like a beer belly. The bodybuilders have that a lot when they like are, when they're gaining weight, when they're in their,

bulking phase. Do the thing where you grab the handles up here and crunch with the extra weight. Oh, yeah. Okay. Let's get you super ninja turtle tummy. He's not doing that. Let's get there. Let's get there. Let's get there. I just need a list of things to do. Yeah, I just need a list. I don't know what to do. Oh, I can send you workouts, dude. You want me to send you workouts? I got thousands of them over there.

He's like, no, that's all right. Yeah, throw me some, dude. Throw me what you're doing. I'll stay up on it. I just don't know. I don't have any confidence. Goodbye. I wonder why. That's so weird. I know. Kyle, just hire a trainer, buddy. Just hire a trainer.

Nah. Okay. All right. I don't want somebody talking to me about it. I want to talk about it. I'm going to take back my insults about your body. I think you've come a long way. You know what I mean? Yeah. You look great. I'm not trying to knock that, dude. I wish I was working out harder, too. Can I glom on? Can I do a glom on, Durs? Glom it on? Yeah, for sure. Always. I would love to glom on Durs' take back. And also, I am proud of you, buddy. You lost a lot of weight, and you gained my respect. There you go.

There it is. Finally. Finally. I put a bunch back on in Toronto. I'm trying to get it off. Like I put like almost, I put a bunch on. Well, how much did you lose and how much did you put back on?

Cause you're still looking pretty lean. I was sitting 215 when we were on tour. And then when I got back from Toronto, I was 232 because breakfast burritos all day, every day. And then what did you, that's a, that's a hell of a little swing, but also, uh, what did you start at when you got down to 215? What was, you were like 240 or what were you? No, I was up to like 260, 265, 270. I was top in scale. And you know, it's crazy before we really go.

you never look like 270. Right, guys? Am I crazy? I'm like, wow, I hide it well. You looked like...

An old professor. You know, like an old English teacher. You know? That's what you started to look like. Like he had like a knitted cardigan robe type stuff to hide the situation. Yeah. Like a flowy big, and that's exactly right. And the beard. Maybe it's because I dress well. I cover it. I dress well to cover it. You know what I mean? Maybe that's it. Maybe I got the best fashion. Yeah. What about P90X? Maybe you get back on that? Yeah. That's cool.

Yeah, I'm down. I'm down. I would be down. I mean, honestly, pterodactyl flying out of danger. That's a good idea. I wish I was around, Kyle, because I'd love to back out of trouble with you like the pterodactyl, dude. Yeah. I'd love to back out of trouble. Should we do 90 days? Should we do 90 days? What's the Ab Ripper X? Just start doing Ab Ripper X. Yeah, that's on YouTube now. Yeah, you could snag it.

Any take-backs? Any apologies, Blakey? I just want to take back my internet right now. I feel like I'm chunking a lot, and we're going to figure it out next episode. Ooh, I like that. He's teasing it. I like that. A nice tease for the good internet.

I will say that I am very sorry that I don't have the proper podcasting equipment. I hope I sound okay. Oh, my God. It was a bonehead move. I packed everything. My wife packed everything. This is 203. And literally, I only had to remember a few things and one of them being all my podcast equipment, and I forgot. Tell you what I did bring is –

400 joints and different, uh, weed, other weed items. So I'm very prepared to smoke weed, uh, and not prepared. Wow, dude. No, no, no. Illegally sent, illegally sent, um, via the, uh,

U.S. Postal Service? U.S. Postal Service. They don't care. I don't think they care. It might be all they're sending these days. I mean, honestly. I had a boxed

It was a big heavy box full of shit, weed and cans, like the weed drinks and that kind of stuff. And it broke and it opened. And I went last season and I went to go pick it up. And they're like, the woman was like, hmm, are you going to share? And I'm like, what? And she's like, you better share next time. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like, it popped open. I saw what you have.

And I'm thinking like she talked one way and then she went into like, yeah, she's like, I got you, bitch. Are you going to share? We'll find out next week if you went to prison. You're under arrest. Yeah. So and that she didn't she didn't care at all. Yeah. If every kid listening, just know that you can obviously use the U.S. Postal Service to sell weed.

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