Ep 197: Live From Atlantic City: The Nipple Piercing Pageant
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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. In a world where TikTok didn't exist yet, las películas no tenían color, the comedy of a genio mexicano crossed borders y conquistó the heart of America. Sonoro y Our Hearts, my cultural podcast network present Nace una leyenda. Chespirito. No faltaban con mi hasta.

How did a Mexican writer become a symbol of global television? Listen to Nacional Leyenda, Chespirito, en la aplicación iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you stream podcasts. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important...

When this is important makes a promise, we stick to it. I can't do a cannonball without my dick out. When people say, "Hey, you went to the TII show, how was it?" You can all tell people you went and you saw full penetration on stage. Buckle up. Time to buzz off, buddy! Drink the pain away. Drink the pain away.

Nothing like a hot buzz ball to start the night. My God. Atlantic City. I just want to soak this in for a second. I know I can't see anybody because the lights are so damn bright, but... You didn't think we were going to get these jackets, did you? Y'all didn't think we were getting these jackets, did you? That really felt like that moment, like, you know when, like, NSYNC, like, a song would end, but, like, they wait for applause, so they just kind of are like...

Yeah. Right. Kind of still got to stay in the vibe. Right. Yeah. Well, we saw the NSYNC memorabilia. Yes. We did. Evidently, they like dressed up as like a bootleg Hulk one time or something. I don't know. Yeah, they were all dressed as like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers at one time. That's what I saw. I don't know if I saw a bootleg Hulk. Yeah. Yeah.

I was pretty hammered last night. Okay. I must have been... Dude, I got pretty drunk last night too because normally when... Because they were playing at the circle bar here in the middle. Okay. You know it. You know it. You know it. No, we just drove in first time here. There's a circular bar and aptly named. And what's it called?

No, it's not what it's called. Lobby bar. Great name. No, it's not called the lobby bar. Zombie bar? Lobby. You deaf fuck. No, it's like circle bar. Let's get fucked. And they were playing Pitch Perfect. They were. Yeah. It was on TBS. Can you blame them?

And normally I'd be like, nah, we have to turn that. But last time I was like, let's watch it. Yeah, you did. I grabbed the bartender. I go, can we get that one on the big screen real quick? Dude, and I know you said, I heard you say, hey, can we turn that? And I thought you said off. And I leaned over and I'm like, thank you. And then I looked up and it was on the big screen. I'm like, yeah. And then I said, you're welcome.

You can't. It's a little early. It's a little early, Blake. I don't know. We can't give it to him. Not yet, Blake. We can't give it to him. Not yet. Please. No, we can't. Please don't stop. You're sure. Please don't stop the music. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

That's my favorite shit because people at the live shows, they love it. And then the people online after the show comes out and we release it, they're like, why the fuck? He's such a basic ass singer. Why the fuck does he sing? They hate it. They hate it. Hey, this is for the keyboard warriors out there.

That hate that I'm a song and dance man at my core and I can't help it. Who were your influences? What a fucking disaster, my guy. Who were your song and dance influences? My song and dance influences would probably be just Jack Black. Right, right.

I imagine how Jack Black would sing Rihanna and then I just do that. Right. Well, I'm not a good singer. I never said I was a good singer. Thank you. Yes. I am. My mom's in the audience. Right. Yes, you are, honey. And you're not fat. Quit saying that.

And he's not, guys. He's lost some weight. I have. I've recently lost 12 LBs. It's pretty big time. And you know what? It's crazy that all it took was starting to exercise again, quitting sugar, quitting caffeine, eating more vegetables. I'm drinking Red Bull right now, so quitting is a loose term. Oh!

Quitting is a loose start. I'm just more hyped on the dude in the back when you said, I lost pounds. He said, boo! Yeah. Right. And he's like, black guys unite! Right. I'm like, sorry, man. I just want to fit in my jeans again. And they just roll. I'm like, I'm just trying to fit in my jeans again. Yeah, points! It is a sad day when you go like, it's sweatpants from here on out. Right.

Well, what's cool is your wife was pregnant, but now... Adam's officially a daddy. I'm the daddy now. And the cool move that women, when they get pregnant, they want to keep some of their jeans. They just, like, get a hair tie. Oh, yeah. They, like, loop it through and go over the... That was kind of a sexy move. Have you tried that or no? I didn't try that, no. I was a little embarrassed to try that. Don't look at my pants, but I'm just throwing that out there. She...

She actually, it sucked because she lost, like when she had the baby. She lost the baby? No, no. If I lost the baby, where would you think it went? Yeah, I got a text going, hey, if I were to forget the baby somewhere. Hypothetically, where would I lose? I go, I said, lose change drawer. Are there stairs that go to the roof? Yep.

And we didn't decide that you were taking the baby to Atlantic City, right? Right. And I open up the luggage and I go, no, we got him. He's here. Let's fucking rock. He's just eating his hand. Yeah. Dude, those babies be sucking, dude. Okay. We've made this perfectly clear on Instagram. Dude, these babies be sucking. Okay. I mean, they will, they like...

They'll suck on. I mean, they're like constantly trying to. Yeah. Okay. Well, you guys are taking it weird and sexual. It's not weird and sexual. I mean, you're saying babies. No, go off, King. I get it. Babies be sucking is the way you say it is. I know. I get it. Also, you're a sexual guy. I get it. I'm a sexual being. In this jacket? In this jacket, anything is taken sexually. Oh. Oh.

And for those listening at home that didn't come out to the show, you'll never know what jackets we're wearing. Yeah. But they're very sexual. And they're definitely not like the Letterman jackets we were claiming we were going to get. We really wanted to get very cool Letterman jackets. And we saw these jackets that are definitely for tiny women. And we're like, we'll take three. They look like what's on the rack for like American Idol contestants. Right. Right.

They're like Justin Guarini. This is his line of jacket. That's the Adam Lambert special, honey. He's tall. I don't think you guys knew that. He's 6'3". He's pretty good. Why do you know that? Yeah, so anyways, baby. He's strong, too.

He's actually really strong, too. He's strong. He can, like, bench a dog. He's got quite the muscular build. Physique. He's a good swimmer, too. He can give really long piggyback rides. It's crazy. It should be Adam Goddambert. Adam Goddambert. Okay, we'll give you some points on that. Yeah, points! Yeah, that's what he does. He puts up points, baby. No, so, I mean, we talked about it a little bit on an earlier podcast, but I do, this is a first live podcast,

I fake had my son suck on my titty. As a joke for an Instagram post. I thought it was funny. Yeah, some people do think it's funny. And there's a hard line. Yeah. I found out the hard way. Either you're like, oh, that's hilarious. Or you're like, foul! Right. No! So many people are like, I used to like you, you son of a bitch. So you ruined it for me.

Have you let your baby stuck on your nose yet? What? You never did that? I don't know. It wasn't like a let. Like, I'm letting him do that. I was like. He forced you? You can talk about it here. No, you're holding him. This is a safe space. You go to like kiss him on the cheek and he's like hungry. So he's like. Right. I love it. He's just like. I miss it.

Sometimes I chase my 10 year old around the backyard just saying, "Just suck my nose!" "Just give it a nibble, that'll take you to school!" It is wild! Say it! 'Cause you hear these, like I used to hear you guys when you talk about your kids and like, "Oh, I miss how small they were." And I'm like, "What a bitch." I'm like, "God, shut up." Now I get it. Yeah. Yeah, they're fine. Yeah, 'cause it is like wild. I was talking to my wife, I was like, "They're never, he's never gonna be this small ever again." Right.

What if I just started to cry? You guys, Adam's starting to figure it all out. I'm really sweaty right now. I'm sweating out of the corners of my eyes really bad right now. Oh, my God. Is it hot up here? Because I'm sweating out of my eyes. It must be the jacket. Do you think you could bust out of that thing? You think I could flex out of this thing? I don't know. Ain't no way. Well, me and you are wearing the same size. Dura's got the larger size, which I think...

I think I should have got the larger size. I'll try. Mine kind of works, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Ders actually fits him. Here, I'll try to flex out of it. Okay, let's do it. Here we go. Oh, you got to zip it, huh? Yeah! Okay, good luck. All right. Oh, my God! Can you zip it? Here we go. Wow, dude. Do you want to show the back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go. Let's go. Did it? Did it?

Did it? No, not at all. No, the zippers opened. Oh, the zippers opened. That's actually a pretty cool magic trick. Yeah. Oh, let me just get some change. Boom. That's actually a really cool magic trick. Something's popping. Adam, your shoulder's out of its socket. Something's popping, he's saying.

I mean, maybe you couldn't see it, but it's looser now. You lose. Try to do it. Because it does. You guys, Adam's figuring everything out tonight. If you stretch it, it gets looser. No, something popped. It didn't split open in the back? No. Be on my fucking side for once. Yeah, some of the letters popped off. It says Rod Cock now. Somehow. That's weird.

You know who I bet could have busted out of that thing? What, Kyle? Big fucking Kyle. Yeah, yeah. No, actually, I couldn't disagree more because now he's a little way fish bitch because he plays too much pickleball. Right. Yeah.

Well, you know what? Because Kyle is working on What We Do in the Shadows. See ya. Yeah, a show we all know and love. He doesn't care about what we do in Illinois City. He refuses to come back to the podcast because he chooses pickleball over his lifelong friends and devoted fan base of TII Nation. See ya. Is he the villain of the pod? Kind of weird.

Yeah, I don't know. You guys are saying it. So yeah, it makes a lot of sense. We didn't say that. We didn't say that. When you guys did backyard wrestling as way too old children. Yeah. As seniors in high school. Dude, I love you guys, but I watched that shit and I'm like, wow, girls did not talk to you. Yeah.

You were like, man, your Wednesday nights were crazy. You're like, this is peak Friday. This is Friday. No. You're just slamming Gatorade zeros. A girl talked to me, and she was the freaking coolest girl in the world. Okay. Yeah, okay. What was your teacher's name? She wore an eye patch. Wow, you burnt me, bro. Points. All right, I'm coming. I got a lot of shit to do here. Yeah, points.

No, her name was Teresa and she was my first girlfriend. She rocked, okay? Yeah, I know Teresa. And she liked my hardcore backyard wrestling. Yeah. Well, dude, there's always going to be some cool chicks that they'll go along with whatever their boyfriends do and they're like, oh, you're backyard wrestling with your friends as a 17-year-old boy? Right. Okay, I'll sit there and go, good, Eskimo foe. Right.

Yeah, cool. I'll be right over after fucking some other dude. Who just likes to stand around and look hot. That's the fucked up shit. You're actually doing something with your life. Thank you. Other dudes, you can just kind of see the outline of their dick through their jeans. Sure enough. Standing around on the hood of their car waiting to get fucked.

Crazy. Yeah, that never worked for me. I was doing a lot of standing around. Well, you heard the part about the dick to the jeans. Yeah, that's what I was missing. Yeah. You had the hood of the car. I was on the hood of the car. Yeah. But you were sprawled out in it. Like a tiger. Hey, baby, you want a ride? Please don't stop the music. Hop in. Hop in. Keep driving. Hey!

Drop top screaming out, money ain't a thing. Yeah, I hope you like Jermaine Dupri. Hey, mom, can I get one of those new cell phone things? I think I need one for safety. Yeah. On location, baby. You guys have cell phones? I had a cell phone. Yeah, hell yeah. I played Snake for days, bro. Yeah. We know you played Snake for days. Did you have a cell phone? Wouldn't that be cool? Mom, I played Snake!

Do not come in. Don't come in. I'm playing Snake again. No, I'm about to get the high score. Game over, man. This is the best I've ever done. I think cell phones... I had a friend with a cell phone in high school, but I think they popped when I was in college and you guys were... Yeah, you were so old. In preschool? Yeah. Yeah, sometimes I forget how fucking old you are. Remember when I was your counselor at aquatics camp and...

Hold up. I taught you guys how to do this when you fell off the water skis. Wait, wait. This is actually something I want to talk to you about. I've seen some videos of lifeguards recently on like... Nice, dude. What? Do you want the spotlight? Dude, your algorithm fucking sucks, dude. I like how he's like, oh, I got it. I got it. I've been looking at lifeguards.

Dude, hear me out. It's multiple videos that I've noticed. Multiple videos? Well, because the first time I saw it, it was shocking. I'm like, this person has Tourette's or something. But what's up with lifeguards doing this? Because they're getting their hair out of their face, homie. What do you mean you have long hair? They like walk and they do like this.

I want to say that it... Look at your hair just falling out. I would not be a good lifeguard. Is it windy? No, it's like they are like... Are they standing for very long periods of time and stretching their necks? The lifeguards that I knew were drunk. My friends that were lifeguards at the Funplex in Omaha, Nebraska, they were getting... Oh, someone knows it? No, you don't. Funplex! I just wanted to scream.

They were fucking wasted, you know, sitting up in their high chairs. Right. So you think that... And like, don't do that. So you think that these lifeguards are on like salvia or something and they're like... Yeah. Or what's the shit that they do in prison? Jankum. Jankum, yeah. Jankum, yeah. They're on Jankum. And that's... Jankum remind me exactly... That's like human shit, fermented human shit. The vapors.

Yeah. Did you say it's farts? I feel like Atlantic City is Jankum Central. Right. I feel like you go underneath the boardwalk and there's just like 15 guys like, you want some Jankum? Right. Come on down here and get some Jankum. That ocean spray. This place is a trip, by the way. Is anybody local around here? Like,

No, there's some locals. And I feel like it's like LA. It's like the locals are pretty normal. It's the psychopaths that just come to Atlantic City were the problem.

Right. We're the ones who like, someone came here in 1997 with their family and then lost everything. And he's the guy that we saw that had his head stuck in the sand earlier today. Oh man. Yes. Everybody here is like, that's Ostrich Man. He's cool actually. We like him. No, we went to take a hot girl walk this afternoon along the boardwalk where we were just walking. Yeah.

Up and down the boardwalk. We were trying to get noticed. And by the way, dude, I was so offended by the guy trying to get us to go to the AC Comedy Club. He's like, you like comedy? And I'm like... Yeah. I am comedy. I don't know. You tell me.

Do I? And he's like, I don't know. Yeah. You want to come see comics? I'm like, which comics do you have? Did any of them perform on Comedy Central? Perhaps Adam Devine's house party? He's like, no, no. No one was on that. Never heard of that. He walks away. He's like, fucking locals. But it's a wild scene on that. And then we see a man with his head stuck in the sand and he's just going, oh!

And then it looked like he was doing, at first we're like, oh, this is peaceful. He's doing yoga. And then we realized. We're so LA. We're like, oh, he's doing yoga. Yeah. He's like, he's doing yoga. And we're like, oh, he shit his yoga pants. Yeah. Oh, well, hey, that's, maybe that's a new yoga leader. Maybe that's a thing that we don't know about in Los Angeles. The cause of diarrhea.

And then on our hot girl walk back, we walked damn near to the Rainforest Cafe. Almost got there. Almost got to the Rainforest Cafe. And for anybody who saw my Instagram story, I did take a nice jog to the Rainforest Cafe. You took a hot man jog. Where a guy was pissing in a garbage can. Yeah.

This place is fucking cool as fuck, dude. It's sick. I am kind of surprised at how cool it is. Because a lot of people we ran into last night were just like, what are you doing in this shithole? And we're like, it doesn't seem like it's that bad. Yeah, we like it. It's charming.

Yeah. It's got a je ne sais quoi. But the yoga guy on our way back was... Was getting assisted by the... Three paramedics. By three paramedics. Okay, sure. Whom he was... And then they were like doing... He was trying to prove he wasn't fucked up. He was trying to prove he wasn't fucked up and they're like doing like a test on him. Like he's a drunk driver and he's going...

No, dude. Right. No, he like, he had props. He's like, you see this cone? I could jump over it like a hundred times. One, two, three. I'm cool, man. They're like, we just are checking for your heart rate, player. And then we were like, yeah, well, it seems fucking cool. Look how many times he jumped over that cone. Yeah, and he's in the audience now, man. We put him on the list. Yeah, there he is. Bring him out, Earl. Yeah.

And then he stands up and goes, shada-tay. What? Those aren't words. And then there was multiple fires. Yeah, a lot of fires today. Yeah, a lot of fires today. And we did not start... Hey, I guess it's because it's so close to 420, bro. Hey! Does anybody smell smoke? Yeah. No, seriously, I think there's smoke. There's a fire. Yeah, there could be.

There's so much confusion outside of that fire. Everyone's like, do you smell soak? And they're like, happy holidays to you. No, seriously. I think something's happening. Something's gonna happen. The arcade is on fire.

Arcade Fire. That's a great band name. Oh, my God. And that's how it happened. Now I get it. Those guys came to Atlantic City once, and then Arcade started on fire. It lights on fire every year. When you guys were... My favorite thing... I was a high school stoner. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, gee. I was a high school stoner. And, I mean, I'm an adult stoner now, but...

But my favorite thing was on 420, just walking around as if no teacher knows what the fuck we're talking about. Right. And just going like, happy holidays to you. I'm still going to send it. Yeah. And then the teacher was like, all right. She's like, I don't know. I think he just really celebrates Hitler's birthday. That's weird. Right. Oh, is it Hitler's birthday? Yeah. There's like a lot of terrible things that happen on 420. Adam's acting like he doesn't know. Like he's not going to pledge allegiance tonight. Yeah. Yeah.

It's Disney Eve. The other thing I didn't know that everybody kind of like gets on, I guess it's National Bicycle Day or something. Oh, yeah. I don't know. There's hell of people in the DMs like, show some love to fucking bikes every once in a while. You know, I feel like bikes don't need... There's no bikes sitting around going, but what about me? Well, yeah. Remember that time? So why do we need a fucking holiday for bikes? I think what people are trying to encourage is that like,

Okay. Environmentally, people are like, can't you just ride a bike and not drive a car? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Nah, we gotta burn those fossil fuels, dog. I just wanna party. Party.

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We also saw a man just crash a bike. He was just driving a bike on the boardwalk today and just ate shit into a wall. This all happened on our hot girl walk. We're not kidding. Atlantic City, baby. Around every corner is another story. It was another fun adventure. Yeah, dude was just going straight and then started not going straight.

Right into a wall. Aren't you glad he wasn't in a car? Yeah, true. We never talked about this and we can not talk about it. Remember when we saw a car accident?

On tour. In San Jose. In San Jose. We saw a legit car accident. Yeah. We were pretty drunk coming back from the bar, and it was walking, and we were driving. We left the car there. We also, separate cars. We saw our accident. No, and this guy, it was supposed, it was like, you veer right or you veer left, and then there's a light pole, like, right in the middle. Yeah.

And he just went straight into the light pole. He did not veer even a little bit. 30 miles an hour? Yeah, he was fucking slow. He was zoom zooming. And we saved his life.

We got him out of the car. Dude, you guys did. I was on the other side of the street and you guys, I was having my ailments so I didn't want to run over. Right. Ailments is a vodka soda. Yeah. Right. I was having my ailments and you guys ran over to help him and I was right in front of the hotel and I go, oh. So I was pointing at the watch.

You guys got this. You guys got it. And I don't want to get too detailed into it, but like the guy gets out, his ribs are clearly broken and he's on the ground. What? Yeah. How were they clearly broken? Because he couldn't breathe at all. Yeah, he couldn't really breathe. It was really scary. Don't worry about it. Clearly. Yeah, well, I got a good night's sleep. Now he gives us a hug. That's all I'm saying. And so we're like calling 911. They're on their way. And Blake just, we're hammered. And Blake...

In the most purest sense of human-to-human connection. Blake's a good person. Takes a knee, puts his hand on the dude's hand, holds it. This dude thinks he's going to die, and I think he might. On his knee, and Jen starts rubbing it. Yeah. And I'm like, there comes the boner. Blake starts... But...

Blake genuinely starts saying, like, nice things to, like, make him feel better or whatever. He's like, you're so handsome. And he's like, it's great. You're going to be okay, man. Like, it's all good. Like, it's all good. You're going to be fine. We called 911. They're going to be on their way here. And you're like, man, this dude, Blake's, like, really connecting with this dude. And then he starts saying stuff like, it ain't even that bad, dude. He's like, it's not that bad. It ain't even that bad. That is what he needed to hear. I know, but he's like, the dude is like this. It's actually...

Really bad. He's gurgling up blood and Blake's like, nah, dude, that ain't even blood, dude. No, because the way it played out was like fucking shit happens. Like, oh my God. And we kind of walked over like, oh, we got to go see what's up. And it's like, oh, this dude is fucked up. But then like,

It hit a switch where I'm like, this guy might fucking have a heart attack. He can't breathe. He did go into convulsions and stuff. I think he was starting to be like, he's making it worse for himself. So I was like, yo, dude, it's not that bad. And he was like... Blake just started going like this a lot. You hit a light post. That's it, bitch. You're kind of being a bitch about the whole thing. Your car didn't explode, you bitch. That's it, I'm going to kick your ass in.

Yeah, and then when the ambulance finally got there... Oh, this is amazing. Remember the fucking guys down there and the paramedic looks up and he's like, oh shit, you're Blake and Dirt. And we're like, dude, you're in really good hands. Yeah, and then we walked, we took off. And I'm sure that dude's

Yeah. Yeah. It has to be. Legit scary. Yeah, it was terrifying. Like so scary that we forgot to want to talk about it. Yeah, we have not talked about it. Until you guys start talking about other crazy shit. It's so scary that the next morning, none of us even talked about it. This is the first time hearing this story. Yeah. And I just went to bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got a good night's sleep. And then we went to wherever we were going the next day and never talked about it again until six months later in Atlantic City. Hey, you guys don't talk about it, but it replays in my nightmares every night. It ain't even that bad, dude. Dude, can you get under the boardwalk? Because that to me, I was like, if this is what's happening above the boardwalk,

What is the under... I imagine it's like the Foot Clan's lair. Right. Where it's just teens fucking chain-smoking cigs and doing cool skateboard tricks. Is that where the phrase above the board comes from?

Is that a phrase? Yeah, wait. Just a joke. Oh, okay. We can let that one go. Yeah, no points. Don't give him fucking points. Yeah, don't give him points for that. I'll give him a friendship. Can you get under the boardwalk? Because you can. And is that where you do your crystal meth? It is. Whoa, that was the most unanimous fucking that's where we do our crystal meth. Yep.

That is where... That was a huge response. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes! Everyone's like, we're all going there after this. Is that where you do jankum? People are like, well, it's not the number one drug you do under the boardwalk. Yeah. But I'm sure you could find some human shit to sniff. No, jankum we do at the water slide park. That place is off the chain, by the way. What is it? The island? Something like that, right? You guys aren't from here, are you? Well, by the way...

No one goes to the water slide park. Oh my God. It was popping, dude. It was playing like house music. I saw like it's hanging off the side. I saw dudes slide. It was incredible. I saw guys filming a rap video in there. I saw a man on a water slide. No, there was legit. Blake is amazed by just things. Wow. He's like, look at.

We were walking down the boardwalk and he goes, whoa. And I go, what? And he goes, so they just build this boardwalk so people don't have to walk in the sand. Putting it all together. And I go, yeah. And he goes, never thought about that before. You're a stupid dumbass. Which is crazy. Like, you're from California. I know. I grew up around Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Concord. What's up? You're from Concord, bro? No, he's not. There's no fucking way. No, he's not.

No, he is here. That would be really weird. What brought you here? The Jankum. Wait, did we hardcore wrestle together? Supentor? Rockabilly Rex? Dude, I was at the...

They have a very nice gym at this hotel. I have some friends that I met at the gym. They're around here somewhere. Yeah. There's my bros. Brothers in swole. They're like, fuck you. You couldn't rip the jacket, you bitch. Yeah. No, it felt like something ripped. You couldn't see it, but it's science. Oh, shit, Adam, you're bleeding. My lat is just hanging off. There were some characters in that gym. There's a guy wearing jeans.

Gold shoes. I talked to them. He's 66 years old. We all have gold jackets on, by the way. I know. Go ahead. Well, this is part of the reason I was like, we got to cop these gold jackets. I saw this guy's look. Gold hat. He was 66. He was wearing a lot of gold jewelry. Hell yeah. And he was telling me he just had heart surgery. And three weeks ago, and the doctors told him he's not supposed to work out. But what the fuck do they know? Hold up.

And then he was like, you gotta keep moving. You gotta keep moving or you'll die. What's crazy is- And I'm going, yeah, you have to, dude. Adam doesn't realize he was visited by the ghost of the future. Like, that was you, and he came back in time on a bogus journey to tell you, you gotta keep moving. If there's any advice I can give you as I wear my gold hat, gold shoes. Dude, and it all starts tonight. You forged these chains.

So dumb, dude. You gotta keep moving. And I'm like, you have to. You have to, dude. And then these guys that were also in the gym were like, are you okay? This guy's cornering you. And I'm like, I'm fine. That's because you were talking to yourself. They're like, are you okay? I was just looking in the mirror. Going, you have to keep moving. But you're talking to a ghost. You have to keep moving. It's true. It's true.

Are you okay? I do as you were like, and the guy had like a decent build, you know, pretty funny, cute dimple. Yeah. If he took a little bit better care of himself, he might be handsome. Yeah. But he doesn't, so we'll never know. Seemed like pretty grounded, like Midwest mentality. Also, a little bit Hollywood. Hello. A lot of gold chains, which come to think of it,

It kind of works for him. On his frame. On his traps. Dude, I saw another funny thing at the... Not this gym, but I live in Newport Beach, and that gym is like just a bunch of fucking swole bros with broccoli hair. What does that mean? You know the kids now, they all like... I feel like I have broccoli hair. No, you don't have broccoli hair. The kids now all comb their hair forward, and it curls right here, and they're always going like... Right. And why is that...

Because it looks like broccoli. It looks like the head of a broccoli. Like if you were to lay broccoli this way, it looks like this. Got it. When it's kind of like a poofy cloud. It's a poofy broccoli cloud.

Cauliflower, yeah. Or cauliflower. Yeah. Or cabbage. What are some other vegetables? Eggplant. No, not eggplant. Blake? Lifeguards? That was on the tip of my tongue. But there was this guy that comes in with a straight up Labrador. I was like, oh, Durs would hate this. Yeah.

And it's like on the little turf area where everybody's laying down and doing their little stretches. Not okay. And this dog lays down and just goes... Yeah. And does like that dog move and just is laying there. And there's these two dudes that are like also in the same little section. And the guy was like... Right, right. And I just imagined you just snapping at this man.

Would you have said something in that moment? Because he loves dogs, but hates people with dogs, which is a very funny. I don't mind dogs. I like dogs. Yeah, I know you do. You know, check my backyard. There's plenty of them buried. No, that would drive me crazy. If the dog got up and there was just hella hair. Yeah, there was. I don't think I would talk to the guy. I think I would talk to the dog. How dare you?

My therapist about how I shoulda, woulda, coulda. I don't know if I would say anything. Because what are you going to say? I mean, yeah, don't let your dog do that, but he just did. He already did it. So you kind of have to wait at the door for that opportunity to happen, but then you have never working out, so what are you doing there? Oh, God. And another funny thing happened immediately after that. So that just happened, and then the baseball game was on TV, and you know how they put, is it for outs that they put like the K? Yeah.

Yeah, that's a strikeout. That's a strikeout. So it was like three Ks just laid out. And it was on mute, right? And so in the outfield, they put a K for a strikeout. And it's a bad... They probably should change it. I think they did some places. Go ahead. It was three Ks that just laid out. And it was on mute. And this woman looks up at the TV and she goes, Oh my God. And then she goes, Disgusting! Disgusting!

Goodbye. And then turns around and walks away and no one knew what the fuck she was talking about until we looked up at the screen and we were like, oh, and no one told her. So I bet she was just driving home being like, these racist fucks have taken over our goddamn country. I'll never root for the Anaheim Angels again. Right. Aye yi yi. And that's down in Orange County? Yep. I guess it's changed. Yep. Yep.

Epic slam. Maybe we need to get some beers out here. I don't know. What do you guys think? Maybe we need a couple cool, coolers lights out here. I see. I'm drunk now.

This is the way. Where's our boy Isaac? Isaac, like, forgot he has something to do. Oh, he's got a couple things to do. He's got a couple things to do. Yeah, might be to show them pink nips. Those pink, pink nips. Bring them out, bring them out. Okay, there he is. Bring them out, bring them out. There he is.

Hey, you want to show us those pink nips? Yeah, man. Maybe you want to show them? I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. I know. It fucking sucks. But guess what, guys? I have an even bigger surprise planned. Because Isaac hates showing his nips. So I...

a piercer to come out here. Getting radical. And we hired this gentleman that does a lot of really cool piercings. And Isaac, I believe, is going to get something pierced. He really doesn't want to get his nipple pierced. Uh-huh. But I think he should. Uh-huh. But if we have to go ear, I feel like that's doable as well, but way less cool. Yeah.

Way less cool. It was pretty good. Can we just let that rip one more time? Yeah, you got it. Cisco. Yeah. I like, that's a good drop. Dude, I feel like that, if you get a piercing, like, if you have a really cool piercing, and it's like a pink bedazzled piercing, that has to play every time you walk into a room. Yeah! And then you're just like, I'll do two everything bagels. Yeah!

I don't want the hand wash. Just the car wash deluxe is fine. Yeah, it just kind of burns when I pee. Should we have him get his piercing done? Come on. We need some support. Come on. We need some support. Come on. Let's do this.

Atlantic City. When this is important makes a promise, we stick to it. We deliver. We deliver. We said we would have a live pierced scene. Yep. Here he is. Yeah. Here he is. Sit down. Okay. Sit down. Blazers. Sit down. Okay. Okay.

Okay, Isaac. JR, everybody. Our piercing specialist, JR. JR, we found him under the boardwalk today. Yep. Okay. We asked for Jankum. He looked up, and we're like, he's our guy. He can pierce Isaac. That's our guy.

Okay, this is good. This is interesting. Hang on, hang on. Maybe we do a quick vote because I feel like we're dialing it right into ear piercing. Yeah, I don't like that. Maybe we should vote. Let's go. Let's start with...

Let's start with, okay, we understand. We understand nipples are a clear favorite. Nipples are a big favorite. Hey, do we go belly button? Who's here for a belly button? Okay. All right. I hear some boos. Not a lot of people. Well, because you can't see the belly button all the time. Who's here for an ear button?

Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. You, I mean, this crowd might riot because he might not want to do anything but the ear. Who here, a full-on Prince Albert, he'll do it behind the couch. Yeah. A full-on Prince Albert. Now, for those of you that don't know. Does anyone here have one? Yes. Besides. I just heard like four dudes standing together all go, yes. Isaac. Yes.

Under the boardwalk. It's Atlantic City. That's where it goes down, bro. Yeah, there's a full-on Prince Albert specialist under the boardwalk. If you go to a journal and then a dude shows up next to you and you hear a tink, you're like, damn, son. Well, also, you're kind of like, damn, son, because that's a pretty big cock.

But I also think it's probably... It doesn't hit the urinal. I think, you know what it also might be? Just to the side they do it, it's like a mating call. Oh, sure. Where they're like... It's like how... You need another four inches. If you're looking for action, you're supposed to tap underneath the stall like that senator a few years back. Not that I know. No, no, no.

By the way, what an obvious thing. Not that I know. I like how the news outlets had explained that. They're like, so in homosexual communities, a tap under the stall. And I'm like, that's not covert at all. That's just humans. I feel like I've got some toilet paper stuck on my foot before. Oh, boy. And what happened next? Please, I was at the music. And that's how Adam got cast in Pitch Perfect. Whoa.

His dick's perfect. Cat's out of the bag. Okay. All right, let's get real here. I'm seeing a lot of hardware. We got a lot of hardware up here. We pre-chose a circular hoop that we have a pink dangly thing that can go in a belly button, that can go in a nipple, that can go... Here's why I think we should do ear. Now shut the fuck up.

Here's why I think we should... I'm going to be a great father. Shut the fuck up! Adam, you've had your kid. You are a dad. We lost the baby.

So here's why I'm thinking we should go ear because then we'll get to see it all night. Okay. We'll get to see it. If you guys go to the after party tonight where Blake is DJing, we'll get to enjoy the ear all night long. And that's my pitch. All night long. Now, is it okay to do the ear? Because I don't think he's going to pierce his butthole shut like I want him to. That's right. Like I want him to. Right.

Now, Isaac, are you willing? Now, this is up to you because I'm all about peer pressure and making you do things you don't want to do and threaten to fire you. Adam's a former bully. I'm a former bully. He's in his real zone right now. I'm hearkening back to my bully. He's this close to pushing Isaac down the stairs. I'm going to have an aneurysm. So you are saying no to a Prince Albert.

Okay, that's off the table. So hang on a second. What was that? Because I think it seemed like you said yes, he wants it. No. No, you'd like it? No, I don't want it. Okay. So no, you don't want a life without a Prince Albert. No, I don't want a Prince Albert. And save that for the board. Save that for the board. I'm sorry. I heard yes, I'm a bitch. Anyway. Okay. So now a nipple Isaac.

That to me is a clean hoop. That's sick. Your wife can suck on it one fun night. Babies be sucking. Babies be sucking. Babies be sucking. Yeah. Dude, imagine pulling it up. I'll get a number two supersize with a Sprite. Imagine pulling it up to your wife, Wendy, and getting a nipple piercing. Adam could do it. Oh. Oh. And the tables have turned. Atlantic City. Atlantic City.

I didn't see that one coming. Here we go. Now, hang on. Here we go. Fair, fair, fair. Fair. Interesting. Fair enough. If I do it, my boys have to do it too. Whoa. Oh. Yeah.

I did not see that coming. So... You know what? I can give you one good reason why I can't. Oh, why? Because, like, I'm TSA pre-check, and if you do that, you got to, like, report back. It's a month's the backlog. Can't. I can't. Well, I'm also TSA pre-check, so... No, but, like, you're, like, famous as fuck, and they'll be like, you're my guy. I'll get you through that. Moderately the same amount of fame. No. I would have to Google, like, the symptoms of...

The sip? The sip? You are so dumb. The simp, Tony? I'm like seeing like maybe my titty falls off and I don't know. Right. Well, is there... Black veinage starts happening. Give JR the mic. Yeah, JR. I like to hold it like this. Has there ever been a really botched nipple piercing where somebody's titty fell off? I don't think so, but... That's not a strong answer. That's not a strong answer, JR. He's like, I don't think so. This is my first week doing it. Yeah. Yeah.

He was asking for some beers. He's like, can I drink a few of these beers? I'm like, well, you might pierce Isaac's asshole shut. So the nipple piercing that Blake's going to do. Now, how long do you have to keep? Will it ooze if you take it out? Right, right, right, right. It doesn't ooze. That was really good. It might bleed a little bit. Okay, well, I'm down to do it if Blake does it. Wow. Wow.

I went from the three of us have to do it to now the two of us have to do it. Wow. Wow. Let's do Isaac first and then build from there. Okay, okay. Wait a second. So Isaac's going to do his ear and Adam really wants to pierce his nipple. I don't really want to pierce my nipple. It seems like you do. I'm willing to back out of it very quickly. Okay.

Let's get to some action. Okay, what if Isaac does his, then he pierces his nipple, and then we'll see if we want to do it. Let's do the ear. All right, we're doing the ear. We're starting with the ear. Let's start live. We're starting with the ear. Let's start rough. We're starting with the ear. We're the three best friends. We're the three best friends.

Have it all.

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It's not gonna hurt. Producer Anna everybody, Producer Anna. Yeah, we love her. We love her. We love her. She's the best in the biz. Punk rock. Oh, she's rolling. Isaac's already crying. Yeah. I like getting punk rock, being radical. Let's do it. Alright. What's the clip? Punk rock, being radical. Oh yeah, I got it right here. Are you sure, Isaac? Because these are some sweet pink nibs. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Wait, can we at least see the nipples? Yeah.

Yeah. Those are perfectly pierceable. And by the way, your chest needs something going on because that is a depressing field of grass that needs some shiny, but let's do the ear first. That needs some shiny. Here we go. Do we need sound effects?

I mean, are we going to hear a crunch? Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute. It's been a while since I went to Claire's. Hold on. What? Oh, shit. Remix! Okay. You guys, it's happening. Okay. Ready? Ready? Ready? Okay. Oh, shit! Oh. Oh, he did! Whoa! Ah!

Oh, my God. Isaac Horn, everybody. Whoa. That's already done? All right, now hold him down. Get his nipple. This is punk rock. Hey, Isaac, you look really cool. Yeah, that's warranted. That's warranted. Now, can you guys do me a favor? When people say, hey, you went to the TII show, how was it? You can all tell people you went and you saw full penetration on stage. Yeah.

That's what you can say now. And they're like, I think I know what podcast it was. Yeah, you can say that now. Wow. Can you guys just do that? And then we'll get a little bump. You didn't even flinch, dude. He's punk rock. I can horn everybody. Every time I come around and hey, play that. I mean, dude, it looks so right. Turn your head. Oh, my God. What am I saying?

Oh my God. It's a microphone. You just say anything into it. I don't have anything to say. Thank you. I'm a dude. I'm a dude. I'm a dude. You are a dude. Isaac, how does it feel? It hurts a little bit. Okay. Now you're a bitch. Okay, let's do the other one. Now this side. Why my nipple? I said I'll do it if Blake does it. No, you do it. I'll do it if Blake does it. Why do I have to do it? You do it.

Nipple. Blake, you do it and then I'll do it. Absolutely not. Well, because I'm not going to back out. I know if I do it, you will back out. That's not true. I don't think so. That is true. I don't think so. That is absolutely true. I think if you do it, he won't back out. No, that is not true. I think that's going to sound good. I mean, God, I wish he was. You know he'll back out. I wish it was on brand for me. It's just not on brand. Yeah, we know. And I'm trying to build that right now. Do we want to give this dude a free nipple piercing? No.

Can we do that? Is that street legal? We could, but it's funnier if we do it. Well, I want to see somebody get the nipple to see how bad it hurts. It's going to just hurt like an ear. Why don't we... Here's what could be fun. We could bring three people up on stage. We can have the audience rate their nipples and pierce the winner. I've been trying to do this since the fifth grade. That's cool. Let me... I mean, if we do a version of this... Okay, so then we're not getting our nipple pierced.

Well, if I see it and then like they do it and they're like, that was fucking awesome. I'm gonna be like, I'll do it. Well, now they're going to do that. Well, now they're going to do that. We'll see. Okay. Well, I guess we're not piercing our nipples and that's on Blake. And that's on Blake. What the hell?

He's good. Yeah. He's good. And that's on Blake. He's good. Can we get it? We need a nipple pierced. Well, we do need a nipple pierced. Well, do we have three people that want full penetration? And you know what? I'm sorry to say, I think this is a guy's only situation, which is bullshit. That is bullshit. I don't make the laws of the rules. What the fuck? It's bullshit. It's bullshit. I just saw her titties. That was cool. What just happened?

You did a quick flash. Okay. Okay. Wait. We got to keep this civil. We got to keep this nipple. Okay. Well, pick some people. This is your grand plan. I feel like this guy. I feel like this. Well, no. You came with the piercer. Do you want to do this? She keeps showing her titties. She's ready. And we appreciate your service. This guy. Yeah. Oh, for sure. You want up? All right. Ladies, I'm so sorry. Follow. I'm so sorry. We got one more.

What's it say? Fuck Eric Griffin. You fucked Eric Griffin? Yeah. Okay. That's wild. How many do we have so far? Do we have three? I think we have two. I feel like if there's only a couple more, we can bring them all up. No, there's a lot happening. Are there? This guy's kind of cool. This guy's walking. He's already claiming. This guy seems pretty good. This cool young creature? Him and him, and let's cut it off. You...

And also you. And where's our escorts? Right over here. Not the Atlantic City escorts. Right. Which, by the way, I think we met some of them last night. They were coming over to me. I was like, this isn't a regular Thursday night dress you're wearing. Okay. Okay. Or maybe it is. I don't know. Atlantic City. They're like, I'm just going to wear nothing but pasties out tonight. Right. Okay. And they're on their way, everybody. Get ready. Get ready.

You guys, I don't know if this is Atlantic City, but I have a zit on my face for the first time in like 15 years. I thought the seawater was supposed to like exfoliate. No, no, no. It's got some jankum in that water. It's that G water. All right. Are they here? Water trash. It's a long walk. It's a big hotel. Casino, whatever. Okay. We lost two of them. Let's bring them out. Let's bring them out. All right. Come on.

Oh, Isaac's back. That's a fucking sick-ass hearing, dude. It is. It works. You look cool as fuck. It really works for him. It works. Okay, come on, gentlemen. All right, come on out. Sooner or later. Yeah, yeah. TII Nation, how are you? What's up, buddy? Nice to meet you. Go ahead and line up. Go ahead and line up. Hello, sir. Cool youth pastor. Wow, okay. Hey, this bro's nipples are already pierced. I know it. Construction dude. Yep.

What's up, man? I do wish... Okay, well, put your tits away. Whoa. I wish they were like plants that just got naked and flashed their dicks at you guys. Okay, well, let's do a quick interview. Hello, sir. What is your name? Neil. Neil. Solid name for a nipple piercing. Neil before Zod. What do you do, Neil? A lot of things.

This guy sells Jacob under a boardwalk. That's a typical answer for our crowd. A lot of things. And do you have any piercings, Neil? I used to, but not anymore. Oh, shit. Okay, so he used to. He had a punk rock face. Me too, I have a nautical star tattoo on my calf. Where was your piercing? I had three in my left ear and two in my right. Oh, shit. Sick. So he's a past piercer. Does that disqualify him? I don't know.

You be the judge. Our boy Neil. Neil, everybody. Neil. That's great. Let's see those nips, Neil. Let's see those nips. Wow, dude. Yeah. Those are pretty good. So one Audi, one innie. Can we get one hidden 80 degrees kind of for this? Yeah, show the nips. Over here. One Audi, one kind of innie. Pretty good. That's cool.

Thank you, Neil. Guys, are we going to get arrested after this podcast? Maybe. I feel like, you know how NWA had the police fucking, they're like, you can't say that about the cops. Right. The Atlantic City police are like, no, you can say that. You're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your name, sir? Chris McElroy. Okay. The way you said it, not real. I'm Todd's buddy. He won't get his nipples pierced. I'm here to get the job done. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

And way to step up. McElroy, but what's your first name again? Chris. Chris McElroy, everybody. What do you do, Chris? I make websites for a bunch of bands and stuff, and I love workaholics. Fuck yeah. Seems like a cool dude. Yeah. Chris gets it. Chris, he doesn't have a fake answer like our boy Neil over here. I do a lot of things. I do a lot of things. Hey, Chris, I just got to tell you, Chris, you've got like an NFL quarterback name.

So what happened? We're not related. You can pierce my butt cheeks. I already had my nipples pierced fucking years ago. Okay. I think we might be done here. We might be piercing some butt cheeks. Chris McElroy, dude. And also, I don't know where that accent's from, but... Under the boardwalk. It's something. I enjoy it.

Yes, sir. I mean, you sound like a fucking crab fisherman, dude. Like, I imagine whatever crab fishermen sound like, you're like, hey, I'm working out here. Catching crabs, are you here? He's still next to you, Adam. Oh, shit. We're not done with the show at the hotel later. I'll be your next contestant. Okay. Yeah. He's like, move off me. I know my voice isn't safe. Ex-bully Adam Devine. Yeah.

What is your name, sir? Connor. Connor, big C, big C. All right. And I think Connor might be the sleeper of the group because he seems totally normal. Yeah. This guy wants his butthole pierced. Yeah. He said butt cheeks. Our boy Neil is like, hey, whatever's clever, baby. Right. And Connor here seems like a straight and narrow, are you a golf instructor? I am not. Youth pastor.

Oh, fuck. What do you do for work? I was close. I work for Mars, a candy company. Holy shit. A confectionary king. Get him. Adam with the word. Damn. Confectionary. Get your M&Ms on. Yeah, so what's your favorite Mars candy?

Just like peanut M&Ms. They're great. Wow. All right. Stand-up guy, Connor. Stand-up guy. Stand-up guy. And have you ever had a piercing? I pierced my own belly button with a safety pin when I was like 12 or 13. Okay. Legend. And Connor? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Connor, we've all done that. Just...

Just, yeah. Yeah? Don't come in, Mom. I'm playing Snake. Right. So Connor, everybody, I don't know. He could be a sleeper. Absolutely. Oh, shit. Wait, I just want to say, we saw his nipples. Are we still doing that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, we do need to see the... And then Chris... All right, so we got a little base, a little tuft of hair around the nipples. Just the nipples for now, Chris. They're flat, little tiny. Chris, your pants are falling down. Chris, I think... No? Yeah? Chris...

Bro, this guy uses a sweatshirt as a belt. I thought he was going on a field trip. Chris, we saw... My man's going to the zoo. Chris, we saw some top cock right there, man. Dang, he's tucked up. This dude thinks he's the bear.

Dude, that was... Remember when Britney Spears used to wear her pants like right there? Yeah. We all do. Yeah, we all remember that. It's Britney, bitch. He's bringing sexy back. And Chris is trying to bring that movement back, and I appreciate it. Thank you, Chris. So we got the big man of the squad right here. Yeah. I like how he's like, me? Yeah, don't...

Come on, player. Don't shrug it off. You're obviously bigger than everyone on stage. Yeah, including Dirk. Are you the little guy at work or something? You look great. Where do you work? And don't hit me. I do heavy construction. Of course. Yeah. He's not doing light construction. No, not the light shit. He only does the heavy shit. No rebar. No rebar.

Well, rebar's pretty heavy. Yeah, it is, actually. You dumb fuck. Sorry. I named the heaviest thing. My name's Tim Foley. Tim Foley? Oh, that's a good name. Oh, shit. Hell yeah. What's up, dog? Right. Tim Foley. I'm pissed now. So you're rocking the boots. Love it. It completes the look.

I love your whole vibe. You're pretty fucking rock and roll. You got a sleeve. There's a demon. There's a demon coming out of some flames. That's my mom. Oh, that is... That's my money and my mother. JK. Okay, so yeah, so very scary tattoos. So you're willing to pierce, dude. Yeah, can we see your tits? Let's go after it.

So, may we see these? Oh, shit. Oh. All the way up. All the way up to the... Show the crowd. Yeah, show the tits. You don't want to do it? Wait. I want to do it, but my girl's over there. But you can... Oh, okay. Permission, m'lady? Yeah, may we ask permission? Can you say, show your tits? Permission granted. Show your tits. Okay. All right, let's see them. There you go. Let's see them show the crowd. Okay.

Very respectable. Beefy, beefy tits. Hey, man, this light is good on you, brother. Yeah. And shines down on him, casts a nice shadow. Can we get the curtains down for a minute? Just a minute's all I needed. So we got Tim, my boy Connor, big C. Uh-huh. Okay. Chris. Chris, did you think you just got back on stage?

He's like, I just got up here, right? And big Neil. Okay, so we're going to go down the list. Neil Neal's. So, Neil the Thrill. That works. Who do we think? Number one, Neil. Stand up, show your tits. One last, this is for all the money. We've got to see the nipples. So, if you like Neil, if you want to see Neil, pierce his nipple.

You don't know what Neil does. Whoa. You don't know where this nipple's going to work the next day. Please, no one start the music. Bop, bop, bop. All right. Okay, Neil. Back in line. Great. Doesn't look promising, buddy. Yeah, you... Doesn't look promising. That's okay. It's okay. But you got up here... Yeah. That takes nipples. It does take nipples. Now we got... Yes, points! I mean, maybe one of my favorites. Yeah. Chris McIntyre, Todd's buddy. Yeah.

The wild child, you don't know, I mean... Nickname's Crazy. Nickname's Crazy? Nickname's Crazy. I'm a dude. Went to high school with our sound engineer, Todd. Yeah. So you know he's not to be trusted. Could be a crab fisherman.

And also does websites for bands. So Chris, everybody, go up here. Show your titties. Here we go. Who can send it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. I got to be honest. I'm a little jealous of like the definition he's got. Oh, God. Actually. Yeah. Kind of a nice frame. Kind of like a decent frame to work with. Not a bad frame.

Okay, so I mean, so are we, let's vote. Let's talk about these nipples. Kind of small, but makes the piercing probably look larger. Nice decoration. So are we voting for Chris? Make some noise if you're voting for Chris. Okay. And also let's pause because we might pierce his butt cheeks. He's down. I don't know if you have the equipment. Yeah.

Or the want. But we'll see. How many gloves you got in here? Alright, so now we're moving on to a guy that you wouldn't think would get his nipples pierced. Salt of the Earth. Big C. Connor. You know, you don't expect it, but sometimes the Martian maybe might be the winner. Let's show them. Step up. Show them nips. And let's vote. Who's voting for Big C? Big C.

Connor, everybody. Go loud and proud if you want to see Connor get his nips pierced. There it is. That's the loudest so far. That is a nice... That's a nice loud... You might be getting your nips pierced here, Connor. He's... I'm alright with it. He's alright with it. Doesn't love it. And maybe that's better. Maybe that's better. Okay. Our boy, Tim Foley. He'll fucking kick your ass and build you a home. Right? Tim Foley.

Step up here. Show your nipples. Show the world. Oh, my God. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. What are we thinking? Wow. Pizza, pizza. Yep. I'm a dude. Oh, yeah. Now slowly caress him. Point at him. I'm drunk now. All right. So are we voting for Tim Foley? I think we need Tim versus Connor, like a head-to-head. I think we do. I think we do. Gentlemen, I think you are dismissed. And then, Chris, stick around. We might pierce your butt cheeks. Yeah.

Thank you so much, Neil. Neil, everybody. Neil. Right here. Neil the Thrill. Hang on, hang on. I got a shirt. Honestly, I wanted to see your shit so bad, dude. I really did. Oh, shirt for you. You got a fucking shirt. Sorry, I got a fucking cannon. And hey, wait, I got a buzz ball for you, too. Come in. Oh, dude. All right. It's empty, but... There you go. No, that's real. Oh, slammed it. Oh, shit. Can we fucking...

Can we believe it? I love it. See, you guys fucked up, man. You might have fucked up. You were the guy. He's a mystery. Neil is just like a cold gust of wind. You're like, ooh, where did that come from? He definitely just sells baseball cards online. Alright, so Big C versus Big T. Bigger T. Alright, so stand up here, boys.

Stand up here. Put a hand over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So this is for all the marbles. And then we're getting to Pearson. Right here. Connor, everybody. Okay. Okay. And then go straight over. Go straight over. Go straight over. Big T, everybody. And now Adam, go straight over. See if it gets louder. Wow. Yeah. Big C is piercing his nips. Here we go. Brother.

Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. We're not charming. First ball for you. Ready? Catch. Yep. Sorry, I got a fucking cannon. Oh, shit. The walk-off. Goddamn, dude. Dude. Damn. Nothing but love. The white wave. Okay, here we go. All right, here we go. Sit him down. Okay. Oh, my God. Hold on. Let's get shit really crackin'.

And so, what did your parents do that made you... I'm just kidding. - You have five kids. - You have five kids. What number are you? - Four.

Shit, dude. Damn, you're number one in our hearts, though. Nice. Thank you. Dude, Blake's number jokes have been off the charts. Thanks, man. Big numerical comedy head. Wait, wait, wait. We're just keeping him in the weeds for a little bit? I think it's kind of cool. He's our new Kyle. We found the Arugula Lord. Yeah, fuck yeah. So...

Hang on. What'd you say? I ate meat. Okay, wait, hold on. Hold meat. Wait, wait, wait. We're really getting down to the fucking business right now. You look actually, you just got scared. Dude, this is what I love about my boy Connor. He was the sleeper. No one expected him. No one expected him to win.

Came up, we all were thinking, oh, it's Neil all the way. Right. But then the fans spoke. And they go, we want Connor to get his nipples pierced. Because he just seems like a guy who would be behind you in line at the Starbucks. Right. Yeah, and you're like, this guy doesn't have his nipples pierced. And then you realize he's a sexual deviant. Okay? This guy's licking all kinds of stuff. And are you worried about this nipple piercing thing?

Doing anything about your modeling career at L.L. Bean or no? No, I think I'll be able to, you know, gather things up at Land's End. And can you talk to the people at L.L. Bean for me to maybe do some modeling with you? Of course. Cool. Thank you. Get in here. Get in here. Okay, here we go, everybody. Give them some encouragement. Here we go. Isaac, take notes. Adam, I'm definitely not doing it.

Come on baby! Come on! You fucking got this! Come on. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh! Wow. Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor!

You did it! Holy shit! It looks fucking sexy. It looks fucking hot. God damn. It didn't hurt, and I want you to tell the truth. Yeah, yeah, it definitely fucking hurt. Yeah! It definitely fucking hurt. But Big C, you didn't show it at all, dude. And that's why you were my favorite, and you were the sleeper of this whole fucking thing. Thank you. It looks really good, dude. Connor, everybody! Yay!

Hey, that one was for Peanut M&M's right there. This one goes out to Big Candy. Oh, my God. Legendary. Legendary. There's no mom and pop shop here. We go straight to Mars bars, bitch. That's great. We're the regular man candy. Wow. Does it make any noise? Oh, I think I know what sound that made. Jingle jangle. Yeah. Yeah, let's see. Wow. Yeah. Damn.

It looks great, dude. Chris, everybody. Chris. Oh, sorry. Connor. Connor. No, no. Chris is around here somewhere. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck he's doing here. My man. Thank you so much, Connor. You crushed it. Thanks, buddy. Connor, you really, you made the show. You showed up when Kyle did it. My guy. Exactly.

Thank you, brother. Thank you. Thank you. And we're out of piercing, so we're not going to pierce your butthole, Chris. But we are going to give you a t-shirt. Yes!

There you go, dawg. Give it up for Chris, everybody. Yeah. He's willing to pierce his butthole or finger it or anything you want him to do. Yeah. This guy's a wild card. Chris, everybody. Catch me after the show. Catch me outside. Catch me outside. How about that? Real genius. Dude.

Wow. That was... Chris Hedgen. JR, everybody. JR. Thank you so much for showing up. Oh, yeah. Thank you, guys. Dude. JR, everybody. The man. The man. Thank you. Unreal. Thanks for doing this. Hey, and show the crowd your tongue, dude, because that's something I wanted Isaac to get. Oh, yeah. Check this out. Yeah, he got the...

Double tongue. That's wild. I pitched that to Isaac. Weirdly, he wasn't down. Thanks, brother. Wow, man. It was crazy he was born with it. Good third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh guest of the pod. Yeah. All right. It just went from my dad, who was battling cancer, my newborn son, and Chris, Connor, JR, the other guys. Timmy. Tim, Timbo.

and Neil. And Big Neil. Big Neil. Neil was real. We love Neil.

Right.

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Hey, give me some Q&As, Isaac. Okay, yeah, Q&A time, everybody. And let's also see that ear when you come out here. Yeah. Let's see it, let's see it. Oh, my gosh. It looks fucking cool, dude. It looks great. It looks fucking cool. All right, so you guys have some hot, hot cues, and we got some sweet, sweet A's. Let's do it, baby.

Okay, so Taylor Power wants to know, now that you're all of age, what is your first prostate exam? Or what was your first prostate exam like? That was in the Workaholics writers room. Whoopsies. Remember that? I mean, I didn't get my prostate exam in the Workaholics writers room. I was like, I got an episode idea. Yeah, I did it for you.

That's not true. No, I haven't done it yet. Yeah, that's a joke. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know. I mean, there is a world where you might have fingered my asshole and I forgot. Wee-oo! Is this that? No, I don't think we've done that yet. I think we probably should, right? Forty is the age that you have to have a man in a lab coat finger your ass as a guy? Yeah. Cool life. Thirty-five? Doctor? No, that was a guy tricking you under the boardwalk. Right. How old are you?

No, you gotta come underneath here. I'm 22. Yeah, haven't done it. Can't wait. Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

I feel like I didn't approve some of these because Julia goes, Adam, your favorite killer, OJ Simpson, just died. Oh, I've been watching the documentary. It's crazy. Yeah. The one from a few years ago? Yeah, Made in America, OJ. Awesome. Yeah, it's really good. And the series. Well, that's not a documentary. That's a series. No, there's both. Oh, okay. A docu-series. And then it also happened. Jesus. Well, there's a show. There's a show. I didn't watch that. You should watch it. Oh, I want to. Cool book. What deathbed message would you ask?

Did you do it? I mean, I'm not just going to ask him about his football career. No, I would be like, how cool was Leslie Nielsen in Naked Gun? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, probably pretty fucking cool. Yeah. Great question. Ders, what would you ask him? Yeah, would you ask him? I'd be like...

Because I just remember not understanding... Who's the blonde, feathered-haired dude who lived in the gatehouse? Kato. Kato? As a kid, I didn't understand how Kato, Kaelin came into the conversation. Then I got older and I'm like, wait, you can just live in super rich people's pool houses? Yeah.

That's fucking sick. And that's, dude, that's something that we did not take enough advantage of. Like, Kato is a G. Yeah, but, I mean, I guess, like, were we not sexy enough to get invited into a pool house? What I'm saying is, like, can you imagine living in, like, LeBron James' pool house? I can. And I do. I,

I don't think he has a need for us. I think if anything... But OJ didn't have a need either. I think if anything, like, Kevin Spacey's gonna invite you to live in his house. Okay. And Kevin Spacey, much like Chris, is like, I'll pierce anything. There we go. Pierce butt cheeks. So, Michelle, this is a very apropos... Dude, my vocabulary today fucking rips. Yeah, you're doing really good. This is a very apropos question because it's almost 420. Happy holidays! Okay.

Hello. Uh, Michelle goes, smoke weed every day. Dude, and I do. And it's a problem. Um, who is one person you would love to smoke, uh, love to smoke with is what you should have put after that, Michelle. You high as fuck. Love to smoke with and someone you, who you never will. Has to be someone you don't smoke. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Wow. Oh, Michelle, you sweet dumb bitch. You know when you're like a little kid and you start writing a word really big and then it gets smaller and smaller and smaller to fit it in? It's like worse than that. Yeah, it's worse than that. Well, someone who you would love to smoke, I've smoked with actually like kind of all my smoking. I never smoked with Willie Nelson. That'd be tight. That would be pretty cool. Is he still alive?

Yes, very much so. Yeah, that's an okay question to ask. Yeah, he's 112 years old. Yeah. And he's just made of THC at this point. I remember I smoked with Action Bronson at Coachella. Yeah. Wow. And it was the first time I ever did dabs, and I was like, this is not good. Oh, yeah, dude. It was when, like, Worldstar Hip Hop was really big, and they're like, oh, Worldstar is filming, and I'm like, I'm gonna get beat up. Yeah. Right. Right.

I smoked, I went to, I think I told this on the podcast, but I went to Woody Harrelson's house once in Hawaii. Sick. Yeah. And I got so high with Woody and then Colin Farrell was also there. And then we jumped off waterfalls and I saw Woody Harrelson's dick. What?

Because he was like, I can't do a backflip in these shorts. You mind if I go shortless? And me and Chloe, my wife, were like, yeah. Kevin Spacey's calling. Yeah, come on over. He's here. And so he does a nice hog, by the way, as you would think. For sure. Because it's, I don't know if he's worn boxers in like 30 years. That thing's drooping. Yeah, Woody. And.

No support. No support system. The gravity has helped that thing out. And he did a double backflip. And then I was up next. So I just took my shorts off. And I'm like, I can't do a cannonball without my dick out. And then Colin Farrell was up next. And Colin Farrell goes, I'm keeping my shorts on.

Right. Yeah. He did a double backflip? Yeah. I mean, I guess he can ball. He's got some... Yeah, you fucking just whip. Maneuver. And then... White man comes out. It was sick. Yeah, that's sick. That's fire. Durs, who would you smoke weed with? Yeah, who? Albert Einstein? Yeah, you fucking nerd. I mean, the first person that came to my mind was Barron Trump. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

I just want to sit down with him and be like, what's your vibe? Yeah, what? How chill are you? Because you know he's chill. They just don't take good pictures of this kid. I'm not saying unflattering. I'm just saying... Yeah, that kid's hot as fuck, dude. What are you trying to say? I just want to know his vibe because he gives off no vibe, which is like cool. So I kind of want to get past the veneer and be like, what up? Yeah, like what does Barron Trump do for fun?

Goes to middle school. No, he just like... Or high school, I don't know. Just kills people on video games. That's what all kids do. Goes to high school, yeah. That's what all kids do. I mean, yeah, that's what I like doing too. I guess I'm exactly like Barron Trump. Okay, next question. Thomas Jefferson is what I was looking at. Izzy and Max, they want to know if you get... What? No, that's not what it says. That's not what it says.

If you were to get married to... If we were to get married tonight, Vegas style, will Blake officiate it? I mean, I would. I'm not ordained or whatever, but I... Yeah, for sure. He's not... I mean, yeah. And maybe at the after party, you do that. Yeah, if you want to come on stage while I'm spinning hot tunes. Oh. Yeah.

I'll get you all married. Yeah. Will you take this? If you guys, instead of putting the ring on the finger, you pierce it to your nipple. Wow. Although a little jagged edge. Hello. Meet me at the altar. So Joe wants to know. Could be cool. On a scale of one to ten, how gay are you? Okay. In these jackets? Wait, so ten being...

Most gay. Well, I'm just saying 10 being actually gay or 10 being like very gay. I would say they're already shouting out numbers. They're like, you are a seven. You are a seven. I would say... Go suck a dick. No, no, no, no, no. 10 being like you're just like a cock goblin queen. Okay. You know what I mean? You're like not just a gay guy. Like, because, you know, there's gay guys and then there's like guys that are like...

That's ten. Yeah. Okay. Adam's DMs are wild. All right. Blake's a nine. Well, hang on. I think we can do just like what you give off. Blake, can I just see you walk to and fro as you walk? All right. Just like...

Also, Blake, I'll be offended if you put any panache on it. Well, now I'm thinking about it. Well, don't think about it. This is just a walk. When I walk, do I have my hand on my hip? Sometimes you do. If you're thinking about it too much, just a walk. Just a walk. By the way, this is one of the hardest things to do. Okay. Well, buddy, that walk is not doing you any favors. It looks like you just got fucked. It did. It did.

That currently looked like a man who just got fucked. You were like, if I loosen up anything... Chris, get back up here. You have to fuck Blake real quick. Do you want to go next? All right, I'll go next. Well, I kind of walk with a limp, so... Like, you just got fucked. It looks like, well, maybe I got fucked by a cement truck when I was 11. Adam looks like he's on his way to do some fucking. Oh, yeah...

I don't know. Yeah, pretty straight. I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of giving 7-8 energy. Pretty straight. I don't know. I mean, the jacket is, I don't know if it's helping or hurting. It's actually, it is helping. You look like a 50s greaser. All right, Ders. All right, Ders, you're up. The biggest applause yet, so I think that means the gayest. I'm just going to walk. Oh, that's bad.

Is the bathroom over here? Oh, no. Bathroom's over here? Okay. Where's the bathroom? I was trying to find the bathroom. To do some under the stall taps. Okay. And to be fair... Was I not clear? I was on the synchronized swimming team. Yeah. I don't know. So I would say if I were to give you guys numbers... Okay.

Blake, you're an eight. What the hell? All right. And that's, I mean, don't be offended by that. I'm offended that you're offended. I wasn't. I was like, what the hell? I wish it was higher. Oh, okay. Yeah, is that what you meant? Yeah. And then Ders, I feel is like a five. He's like kind of not gay, not straight. He's just in the wind. We're all just humans, man. And then what am I, guys? I mean, a lot of tens. I think Adam...

I think Adam's under five. Yeah. I think you give off... That's too bad. Yeah. Because to make it in Hollywood nowadays, you've got to be, I mean, throwing out a little flavor. Yeah. It only started about four years ago. Yeah. That you had to... Yeah, you had to throw out some flavor. Before that. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing. All right, so... Please don't shut the music. The fucking... Okay. Next question. That was a silly question. That was... That didn't make any sense. Blake's still offended. It didn't make sense. Yeah.

Really offended, dude. Ian wants to know, who is the strongest wizard you know? Gandalf. Absolutely. Gilbert Arenas. That's pretty good. That's funny. K-Dog wants to know, what's a push-pop?

And that's from a movie I did. Adam picks these questions. I don't know what just happened. Did you not see Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates? I did. Yeah, I just don't remember that. I think you were at the premiere. But when you say, what's a push-butt? Dude, just support me. Okay, you're a five now.

All right, these questions fucking suck. I think that's done. You think it's in? I think we're ending it here. Here and now? Yeah. As a five, a three, and an eight? All right, well, a few more, but come on, guys, these questions are no good. One more. This one is like, what do you like about Halloween? The costume pictures on the internet, boy.

By the way, that's such a deep cut reference from an internet video we did 15 years ago. Yes. Look it up if it still exists. Didn't link that until you guys started singing. That's what I like about Halloween. It was a true video. Well, let's do some hot Q's and A's because we got these right here. Atlantic City, hot.

Hot Topic. Okay, okay. He meant Hot Topic. Dude, I didn't know this. Dude, the YouTube star Blippi. Oh, boy. Dude, because I'm now getting into like children's cartoons because I'm like, or children's like television because I'm like, what is my son Bo going to be watching when he's old enough to start watching shit? And I found out that Blippi did a viral video where he poops on his friend. Yeah.

You guys see this shit? I can see ya. Look it up. It's a Blippi Harlem Shake video. You know, it's like...

We do the Harlem Shake and then it's... And then it cuts to like craziness. And then it cuts to like craziness and that was like the thing like 10 years ago or however long. And it's the craziness for Blippi was spraying shit on his friend. Diarrhea. Like real. And what's cool is you definitely, there's definitely like 15 people in the crowd right now that allow their children to watch Blippi be like... They're like, I'm going to have to look up that. I'm going to Google that. He's really trying to bury that. But that being said, like...

You know, we all have pasts. And we just wanted to get you guys up to date on that. So here's one. An airplane passenger fined in Sydney for urinating in a cup, which I... To me, that's the most Australian thing. Right. Australians are fucking wild, dude. Yeah. That's pretty Atlantic City boardwalk as well. Peeing in a cup is Australian for beer. Yeah, that's it. Foster's. Yeah, and also the fine was like... Yeah, points! It was a $400 fine.

Which I'm like, that's not... Right. I mean, that's not like a crazy... They're just kind of like, hey, man, just don't do that next time. Right. Like, you're better than this. Is it $400 or 400 rubux? Okay. What do they have over there? I don't know. That's got to be 400 wallabies. I think it's shillings. I think it's shillings. It's not shillings. No, it's like fucking didgeridoo. Yeah.

400 bingoes. Australia is so, we were just talking about this earlier, how like, Australia is, we've been a few times and there's like the most beautiful women you've ever seen in Australia. They all look like Margot Robbie over there until they have one sip of beer and they're like, oh, fucking give me a beer, eh? And then they like punch you in the nuts and run off. You're like, what the fuck just happened? Just a little nut tab. Just a little nut tab.

Do a fucking shoeie, you bitch. We're doing really bad Australian accents. You think? So here's one. An AI-generated contestant will compete for the title of Miss AI in the world's first AI beauty pageant. Which, by the way, dude.

You showed me, I think, like hot AI grandmas. Yeah, I think it's like gross. And I was like, you need to see how stupid this is. So I think they're going to AI, like we're all going to be like, oh, that's foul. AI hot people? Yuck. Hold up. Click, click, click, click. Yeah. I think it's going to be a big hit. Yeah, for sure. I'll vote. Yeah. And here's one. You'll vote? I'll vote for that.

Trump appears to fall asleep in court on the first day of the New York hush money trial. Dude, I mean, say what you want about this guy. He's such a boss, he doesn't care that he's on trial and might go to prison. He's like, well, he's just like straight up asleep during his trial where he could go to prison. They're going to wake him up in jail. He's not. I'll pierce your butt cheeks. I will.

And that's about it, guys. Okay, well, hey, Atlantic City. We did it. That was pretty fucking sick. Isaac, can we get those shirts? We gave all our merch away to everybody who pierced their shit. Can we get more shirts, Isaac? We have one. We have one. We have one shirt. Isaac was supposed to bring more here. Isaac Horn, everybody. Let's see that earring. Oh, shit. Atlantic City, thank you.

much for coming out. This was such a fun show. Yeah. We had a blast. We pierced a nipple. We pierced a nipple for the first time. We pierced an ear. That did not go as far as I wanted. Blake, you on the road. Come on up. Do you want to join us? Thank you so much, everybody. We had a blast. Atlantic City! Thanks for coming out. We love you guys. We'll definitely be back. Atlantic City, this was another episode. This is important.

Oh, shit. Peace. We out of here. Yo, I got to take a shit. Oh, man. Damn, you see that? Pierce is in there. Damn. We should have let that Chris Bush pierce his ass. Hear that? Pumpkin. That's fall calling. And the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks. From that first sweater to late autumn weather. It's all a fall in just one sip. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

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