Ep 180: Live From Tulsa: The Ultimate Retirement Destination

2023/12/26

Chapters

Adam recounts a near-death experience in Oklahoma as a child, involving ingesting Quaaludes and being saved by a mysterious man in a white cowboy hat.

Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find yours in online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia Cream Cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. You know it's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones? And the answer is yeah, they do. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America.

Laugh all you want, but I'm going to be surfing the web, FaceTiming my mom in the middle of the woods on Boost Mobile's new 5G network. Not laughing at all. The Boost Mobile network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. Damn, son.

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about...

There's no rules in the pickleball handbook that say you can't use your penis! Some Santa Clauses are really hot and I'm like, get me on there! I fart all the time, dude. All the time. I'm always bending my dick in weird directions. Here we go! Start your engines! Ring-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming-ming- ring- ring-

Man! If that was your first buzz ball, we're sorry. Man, Blake. Those things suck. Man, I love when, first of all, what's up, Tulsa? What up, Tulsa?

Fuck yeah. I love when Blake comes out with the buzz balls and then just sets them right in front of the speaker so every time you go down, your ears are just bleeding. You're like...

I loved it. I loved it. Get up and come down with the sick desk. I know. That loop goes on forever. I have sensitive ears, dude. Oh, man. It's so cool. It feels like we're on a cruise ship. It's just like... It does feel like a fun boat atmosphere here. Yeah, that is. Yeah, for sure. This place is sick, dude. I've never been to Tulsa, I don't think. Okay. This is the first time. Okay. Okay.

So far, I saw the hotel in here, and I like both these places, so it's a win for me. But you know I used to live in Oklahoma City. What? What? Yeah, it is. Home town. Yeah, I lived there.

From the ripe old age of one to two and a half. Okay. Yeah, my dad got a job for driving Frito-Lay trucks. Really? And he was like, we have to move my family across the country so I can deliver these Frito, these crispy chips. Dude, that's huge. I feel like half the audience, when you said my dad got a job driving Frito-Lay. Jers, are you dying? Half of them just went like this. Yup. Oh.

I feel that. Yeah, man. Good job. Big chip. Big chip. Hey, I... Yeah, dude. So I lived here until I was like three, and I actually almost died here, dude. What? This is like a recurring thing for you. Yeah, I almost died here. I think he was here. It could have been in Iowa, but I'm pretty sure it was here. Boo.

Let's just say it's here. Two or three. And my mom sat me down. My neighbor was like, she was having a falling out with the guy she was dating. So my mom takes me over there to be a good neighbor and spill all this tea. And she sits me on the couch.

And then she looks at me a few minutes later, and she's like, I was being a little naughty bitch. Oh, yeah, I know this story. And you know how little kids get the naughty face? Oh, yeah, like nothing. I'm not doing anything. Wait, why did your tongue come out? What the fuck? Because I'm being a naughty little two-year-old. I'm not doing anything. I wasn't sexual. I'm three. I wasn't sexual. Hey, bro. Dude, and then guess what I was eating?

I don't know man. Frito-Lays? Nope. I know this story. Barbiturates homie. I'm pissed now. Wait what the fuck is what's a barbiturate? Dude that's like some shit that in the 70s It's when you want to keep your hair up as a girl you put like your hair in pigtails of barbiturates. Okay. Is that like a quaalude or something? It's a quaalude. That's what I meant to say. A quaalude.

Both those names are pretty cool. Hard to tell which one I like more, Quaalude or Barbiturate. Yeah, so it was a Quaalude, and I guess why she broke up with this guy is she found out he was a Quaalude dealer. Uh-oh. And I found a secret stash hidden in the cushion of the couch, and I ate like 12 Quaaludes.

And that's a lot. That's a ton of quaaludes for a two-year-old. Is that why your tongue was starting to be like... Yeah, it was starting to flop out of my mouth. That's the guilty face. I mean, ludes. And I think that's why I am how I am. Right. I'm a human quaalude, dude. Dude, that's fucking scary, though. Dude, and this is why my mom believes in God, because a man in a white cowboy hat who for sure was there to buy drugs... Yes, he was. ...ranged the doorbell, and he was like, Hey, is Dwayne here?

That's the guy. I'm assuming. Yeah, good name, good name. He's like, is Dwayne here? And they're like, no, but my son is dying. He's turning blue and he's on Quaaludes. And he's like, oh shit, get in my truck. I'll take him. So he takes me and my mom's like, it was a white hat and a white pickup truck. As if an angel's coming down and being like, it's white everything. Right.

You know what? I want a Toyota, please. No, Angels drive American. Okay. I hope that's the new commercial for fucking... That would be good. Chevy.

Angels drive American. That's incredible. And then they're like, Chef, he's like, but aren't most of your plants overseas? Shut the fuck up, bitch. Right. Shut the fuck up. We're making a commercial here. Yeah, it's an American name. So then he doesn't drive me to the hospital. That was the scary part. My mom was like, we're being kidnapped. This guy is going to fuck me over the corpse of my dead child. Dude, he was an archangel. This is your mom's quote? Like she said that? Penny Devine said this. Yeah. And so...

She was like, no, the hospital's that way. And he's like, I don't know where to go. And he takes us to a drugstore. And he walks right in, walks right out, and gives me EpiCac.

Oh, yeah. Makes you puke right away. We did that on an episode of Workaholics. Yeah, no, that's a smart move because you probably, yeah. Yeah, and then I yacked it. Then when I got to the hospital, they were like, if he wouldn't have puked, he would have died. And then where's the white-capped hero, the angel? Yes. And he disappeared. Yeah. And my dad was like, my dad was like,

Yeah, because he was there to buy drugs. Of course he knew where the EpiCac was. He's OD'd a dozen times. That's also why he disappeared, because he's like, I don't want any part of this. I got some shit in my drug. I was just trying to save a quick child and do my drugs in peace. Also, for sure, that guy was not there, and your mom was on hella quailudes. And the story is like, so there was like a fucking angel? I don't know. I got caught up with some shit. I was at a neighbor's house just...

She was breaking up with her boyfriend. Her mom was going to sell you for Quaaludes and she'd hit the fan. She's like, next thing I knew I stole a white truck and we went to the hospital. I

It's going to be like that moment in Rookie of the Year where he pulls the thing off the glove and he's like, it was you playing catch with me, Mom. You're going to find your mom's white cowboy hat in the closet and go... It was you. And her tackle box full of old timey drugs. Just quaaludes and liquid cocaine. Smoke weed every day. Relics.

Yeah, old-timey marijuana. So you guys still say fixin'? Is that still a word that is said here a lot? Wait, what? You guys still say fixin'? What do you mean, for like a side of stuff? No, no, that's like if you're about to do something, you're saying, I'm fixin' to go to the store right now. Oh, I dig on that. Yeah, I'm fixin' to go. I always fucked with that one pretty hard. My mom said that, you know, because we're from Iowa and Nebraska, and we don't say fixin'. And my mom, for whatever reason, drew a line in the sand, probably because she was high on Quaaludes.

Yeah. Moods were a big thing in the fucking 70s, 80s, man. She was like, you're not saying a fix-in. And then one of my first words, because I was there from one to three, was like... Play loads. It was like, I go outside, I'm playing, and she said I looked up into the sky, and I said...

Looks like it's fixing to rain. That was one of your first words? First, like, sentences, yeah. Looks like it's fixing to rain. And she's like, pack up the Frito-Lay truck. We're going home. We are out of here. I don't care how lucrative this job is. I know I'm getting barbecue twists for free, but fuck this. Oh, damn, dude. Barbecue twists? I wish. I wish.

The honey barbecue twist? Dude, this was like 84, 85. We're not having barbecue twists quite yet. Coming into 2023, are your kids obsessed with Takis? Takis. My kids are not obsessed with Takis. It's like when you're in jail, you have cigarettes, like you could barter and shit. Takis are that at school right now. What are Takis? They're basically like rolled up Fritos. They're like rolled up Fritos. Yeah, like with hella fucking...

taste on them. Lots of dust. Lots of taste dust. Do you guys have talkies in Oklahoma? Of course they do. I'm not a fan of talkies. I think they're too... That's because you're old, bitch. But I did like fucking... What the fuck? I just said I don't like it. No, there's a lot of people out there. So, Kyle... Hey, tonight, you boo us offstage and there'll be one person left standing. That's the way it works. Okay, ready to go.

If you hate us, we'll leave. I don't give a fuck. We're calling this game Tulsa King and the last man standing is the king. Okay, I'm into this. So Kyle can't handle Takis. I don't like them. Not to jump on you right now, but why don't your kids like Takis? Do you just feed them like

or like, what are your... Goodbye. Are you one of those... This is a fair question because you're the arugula lord. You're wearing the hat. Yada, yada. Which you can get. You can get at the merch booth. Yeah, the arugula lord's a creep for sure. That's the new greeting. Anyone that...

adds a lord to their name is for sure. Oh, yeah. You're definitely fucking everybody. Yeah. And like wearing leather and whipping people as well. I'm the rugelord. Now eat this lettuce, bitch. So, no, I don't. We don't have Takis in the house. We don't have Takis in the house. Are you like a no garbage food type family? Because I'm about to have a kid. No, we have ample... So I'm trying to...

decide what kind of parent I'm going to be. Is it going to be like all Skittles all day? Yeah. Which probably. You can't do that. You can't do all Skittles all day. I don't know. Would it be funny if my kids are just 300 pound 10 year olds? Just all linebackers. Just all offensive linemen for Nebraska. Finally we're coming back to dominance. They might be offensive. The Divine Boys are just 300 pounds. Your boobs are huge.

I do like that you started your fatherhood journey with, wouldn't it be funny? Right. Hey, life's a bit and then you die. You know that about me. I know that. I do like that you think your children are going to be 300 pounds. Because I'm going to feed them nothing but Skittles. Right. But they'll be 5'8", 5'7". With diabetes. And 300 pounds. That's not an offensive line. That's just offensive. Okay, wait. There's some points. Yes, points!

Now that's the point. Wait, are people behind us too? What is happening? We're surrounded. Well, dude, this is an old ass theater. This is like, there's definitely spirits in here somewhere. How old is old ass? Huh? How old is old ass? I heard 1910.

That's pretty funny. Yes, points! Points to the audience. He burnt you pretty bad. Hey, whatever, dude. You pronounced my name right, so I don't give a fuck. Hey. So I got you, kind of. It's 1910? That's what I heard. Right before we got on stage, dude was like, it's an old theater. Some guy just came... Right.

Someone, you didn't see them, just whispered. I never saw them during soundcheck, and I probably won't see them after the stage, but you know what he told me? That somebody hung themselves up in the rafters. Wait a minute. Any old building that you're ever in, like the improv in Hollywood, like in the comedy store in LA, every old building, they're like, you actually know someone murdered themselves here. Yeah.

I don't say suicide. I say murder themselves. Well, how do you go a century without somebody murdering themselves in a building? You know, that's hard. You can't. Remember that documentary on, I don't know, something? It was about a hotel downtown L.A. where this woman was in the elevator and they're like, she's looking at something. Someone was there

Oh, I went to that hotel. We almost shot a Bad Ideas episode there. And I'm like, has no one done drugs here? This lady's cracked out of her mind. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What was the document? So, no, dude. So what happened? I went there. I almost did a special on it. I forget the name of the hotel, but it's downtown LA. What is it? I think she's saying Cortez. Wait, hold on. The Cortez is what they're saying. I got it. No. She said no. You're fucking wrong. The fuck?

The Cecil. That is right. That one's right. Cecil. Hey. Why do you say Cortez? The Cecil. Then this crazy bitch gets into the elevator and you see her and she's like kind of wigging out and she's like bath salts. Bath salts. Yeah, just fully on bath salts. Dude, I wish we got to bring bath salts back. She runs out. She's like shoeless. She runs out of the

It's like someone's chasing her. She's hitting the button and looking out as if someone's chasing her. She's new to Los Angeles and kind of like a good girl, so there's no way this is possible. That's the back story. Yes, there's no way that this is possible, that you immediately get here and some guy's like, bitch, you like basalts. Right, yeah. Yeah.

And then there was like a water tower at the top of this old-ass hotel. And then they found her in the water. She drowned or something? She went in there. She found her way into the water. And then I think over time, her body was decomposing. What the fuck? And it was going into the water at the hotel. Oh, shit.

You were drinking her juice? Or you were showering in it. People were showering in that water. Oh, my God. That's actually kind of hot, dude. Shut the fuck up. You're like, why is this shower pink? Like, fun atmosphere here at the CISO. Actually, if you planned it, if you were like, yo, if you said to your family, when I pass away, like, I want you to... Stuff me in a water tower of an old hotel? I want you to put me in the water of your home and bathe yourself with my essence.

That's kind of a cool dad move, right? That's herbal essence? That's a move. I don't know if any family member would be like, because hopefully you die and you're like 80 years old and your kids are like 50, right? Yes, sure. So then your 50-year-old kid is having to be like, oh. I feel like you're getting sick. When Blake's on his deathbed, let's just be like, yeah, we're going to do that.

Yeah. We're going to do that. You're going to be in the water. Everyone's going to be brushing their teeth with your fucking liver. You swear. Ders, swear to God. Yeah, no. I swear to God because that's definitely who I believe in. Yeah, we got you. We got you. We got you.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. Have

it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I know for me, therapy has been great for learning good coping skills and how to better communicate with my wife. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself every day. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be easy, flexible, and

and fit to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash thisistoday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash thisis.

Hey, guys. We here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And, of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

veggies or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it. Make a creamy pasta alfredo or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Not only did Zinn create the first-ever nicotine pouch, we're still America's number one choice for smoke-free, spit-free nicotine satisfaction. It could be because Zinn is made with only six simple ingredients, including naturally derived nicotine salt.

Or maybe it's because Zyn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day trial. For anyone worried Zyn won't cut it like traditional tobacco, just ask one of the millions of people who have achieved lasting change. You have lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zyn. Find your Zyn online or in a store near you at Zyn.com slash find. That's Z-Y-N dot com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. My mom will not shut up about it. I'm like, quit talking to me about how you're dying. Oh, this is like, what to do? Allegedly! And by the way, just two days ago, he got another cancer-free... There we go. That shit's important. That shit's important. Cancer-free once again. That's good.

At least that's what he told us for the podcast. Yeah, he said it for the podcast. I know what it does to the ratings.

So what is your mom saying? Is she talking about what she wants to have happen to her? Yeah, my dad said that. And she's like, I do not want an open casket, which all of our family has done an open casket, and it's so much fun to look at them all weird looking. Right. I've never seen an open casket. Oh, dude, really? I've seen every member of my family. I've had like eight family members die. You have to see it. And every time they're goofy as hell looking. It's really fun.

Interesting. And you kind of touch them for a little bit. You're not supposed to touch them. You gotta make sure they're dead. You don't know. You hold their cold hand, you jiggle it. You draw a dick on their forehead. I believe you do. You touch them, you jiggle. I want them to do me, but do something a little funny. Like my zipper's undone or something. You want to have your finger pointing out of your zipper? My tongue's just like...

Pull my tongue out of my mouth to the side. That'd be great. Or just give me blackface. What the fuck? So people are like, Jesus Christ. This is offensive. I will say. He's dead, dude. He didn't do this. Adam constantly talks about wanting to do it, but like his fears, the ramifications. Yeah. So I'm waiting. I'm waiting until I die.

The whole thing, like, your mom's like, I don't want to do an open casket, but, like, really, who fucking, you can do whatever you want after she dies. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, it's not up to you. It's our party, lady. Yeah. She's like, I don't want anything. Just cremate me and scatter me in the ocean. I'm like, you don't even like the ocean, lady. I don't think the cremation thing. It's going to be like, kids, the pinata's ready. Grandma!

Oh, man. Absolutely. Fill me up with some Takis. I'm ready to go. If you hit Grandma hard enough, Fritos come out. Vintage Fritos. That's a good idea. Penny's going to love this podcast. She's going to love this one. I like that idea, though. I like becoming a piñata after you die. Take all my bones out. Take all my organs out.

the capacity for that. Stuff me. Oh, trust me. Some weirdo can do it. They've already figured it out. Stuff me with mashed potatoes and shit and let's have a party. Wait, you're saying empty your body of bones and just fill you with fucking mashed potatoes? Yeah, dude. That's what I'm saying. Dude. I feel like you'd be hard-pressed to find a funeral...

or whatever they call them. I'm not going to a fucking funeral home. Those things are a scam anyways, bro. They charge you so fucking much money. This is the most Kyle shit. That's a scam as fuck, dude. They're like, oh, you have to pay this amount for this casket. I see where you're coming from. It's one of those necessary evils, man. Yeah, you have to. What are you going to do with your body? Fuck.

Sorry this is getting so dark, but here we are. It's fine. I don't know. I think I just figured it out, though. Fill me with mashed potatoes. But nobody wants mashed potatoes. But we're also saying someone has to do that. There's a fucking freak out there that'll do that on Craigslist or something. Let's say you die at 85. Ders is dead. You're going to spend the last...

Durs is dead. Durs is dead before me? Who's the first to die? Are you saying Blake or you? Who's the first to die? I feel like we covered this. I think he's saying him. I think I am. My body's already falling apart now. No, you're going to live a really long, tortured life. Just painful life. I'm just like...

You're going to end up being like Krang from Ninja Turtles. Your head is going to be in the body of a bigger gentleman. Me. I will become your body. I'm going to pick a new body. I'll pick a different body. What the fuck are you talking about?

I just offered my body to you and you said you're going to pick a new body? Yeah, I'll get a stronger, more appealing body to walk me around. What the fuck? We were in Philadelphia the other day playing at some casino and there was like a pit boss type dude who was enormous. That guy was huge. That's your body guy. Big man, yeah. And then you know when you like go through life and you think everyone else is a grown up and then you talk to somebody and you're like, I think I'm like five years older than this motherfucker. Oh, dude, the other day I found out I'm as old as Chris Hemsworth.

I'm as old as Thor, dude. Look, if Chris Hemsworth was on stage with me right now, you'd be like, Adam is a child.

He should hold his hand and have... He would lead me around. If we were at Disneyland, I would just instinctually hold his hand and make sure I'm going the right way. Daddy... Like, Chris Hemsworth, dude, we're the same age. I just can't believe you refused my body. I feel like I... In your mind, how old is Chris Hemsworth? If I were to guess, 50 years old. You think Thor is 50 years old? Dude, he's gorgeous. Thor is... I know you can be gorgeous now forever. He's Thor-gious.

Thor just... I would say 46, 47, right? Into your 40s. But he's so young. I don't think I would have thought that. You would think that Thor is 40 years old. Or 35 even. I'm 40, so how is that even possible? I look like a fucking child compared to him. No, I feel like he might look younger than you. No, he doesn't, dude. No, he doesn't. No.

No, no, no, no. Better looking is different than younger. Can we all agree with that? We have to. I look like a child. I look like a six or a seven.

As a child. Are you saying seven years older? Are you ranking yourself one out of ten? No, I'm ranking myself as a young man. The only thing older... And that's what I look like. You think you're a seven. And he is a ten. Yes, yes. But as a 50-year-old man. I'm so sorry. He's both those things. He's both younger and better looking. I think the only thing that feels older about Chris Hemsworth than you is the way that he speaks.

That's it. Or like the size of his career. And also the size of his career, yes. Yeah, like I always feel like that's the thing that makes me be like, God, that guy's, he's been around forever. And they're like, he's done two movies and he's the biggest star in the world. And I go, huh. Shut the fuck up.

I guess he has only been as famous as long as we've been famous, except for he's been way more famous this 10 years. Well, yeah. He did Thor. I feel like, am I told this on the pod yet? I think so, but yeah, tell it again. Went to a house party when I was nobody. And like, I mean, we were doing our sketch thing. You're still nobody, bitch. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Godzilla on Apple Plus, make me somebody, please.

Please make me somebody. Oh, yeah, man. I'm young John Goodman. It's not Godzilla. It's called Monarch Legacy of Monsters. Hello. Get it. If you're going to pimp your shit, you got to say the actual thing. I appreciate that. No one will remember that, though. Yeah, it is a good show. You should watch it. So I'm at a house party. I work at a place where we make other people's headshots, right? Like you come in.

As an actor or an actress, and we go, this is a headshot. So I go to my homie who I work with's house, and they have a huge poster of the hottest guy you've ever seen. And I'm like, why do you guys have this poster of this person I've never seen? They go, oh, it's a friend of ours. He's actually coming over later. Chris Hemsworth comes into this very busy party. Everything stops, and everyone turns and looks at this man, and I'm like...

Who the fuck is that? Like Dreamweaver? Dreamweaver plays? Hot, hot, hot, hot. Everything's slow motion. It is weird. And then nine months later or less or more, whatever, they go, Marvel's found its Thor. And I go, of course. I remember back in the day you coming over and being like, I saw this guy. He has to be a movie star. It was unbelievable. It's like seeing Brad Pitt when he was 18 years old.

It was crazy. Wait, isn't Brad Pitt from Oklahoma? No. Well, yeah. Wait, really? I didn't know that. I think there's a little discrepancy because also Missouri claims him, Springfield, Missouri claims him very hard. He's a road dog. Hey, hey guys, I'm not from Springfield. Fuck them. Sure, told us all day. I don't give a shit. Yeah, yeah, Brad Pitt's from here. Yeah, Brad Pitt's from right here. I just heard he's from Shawnee, Missouri.

And if he's from Shawnee... By the way, you know what sucks? He's never come back. That's true. He got out and he's like, I'm too hot for the world. Goodbye. I'll be in Buenos Aires for the rest of my life. He hasn't done like game day with the Sooners or anything where he's like, my pick is Sooners by three. Three? I don't know. 63, baby. Well, they're not doing that well anymore. Keep it real.

Yeah, I've actually... It is weird when you... Because you just think of... When you think of hot people, I never think of, like, hot dudes, you know? Yeah. Sure. Yeah, me neither, dude. Me neither. No, but it is weird when you, like... Because I've worked with a bunch of hot dudes. Like, it's usually me and, like... Hey, we know. We're gone. Seven seasons. Yeah, bro. So crazy. Sure, sure. Yeah, I'll give it to you guys. You guys are considered hot dudes. You don't... Okay, finish your thought. But, like, Zac Efron, right? Yeah. And then I did a movie opposite Liam Hemsworth. Hot, hot, hot, hot. I'm like...

It's weird when you see a guy walk into a room and people stop. People are like, yeah. Yeah.

Because we reserve that for women usually. And then you get out to Hollywood with these hot, chiseled guys coming to the room. My God. The hottest guys. Can we get the house lights up so I can see some hot chiseled guys? You know what? There's one. What do we got? What do we got? That is pretty hot. This guy knows. He's like right here. That guy's tweaking his neck. This guy's having a good time. He's having fun. The perfect body.

Anyone else? This girl just has a shirt that says I heart sluts. This guy has nice hair. I love everybody. I love everybody. Just like, Hey, okay. I'm getting hard. I'm getting hard. I don't understand why we said that. Yo, we just want to see hot dudes and all the dudes started to show their tits. What the fuck? Cause they get it. It's cause you guys are kind of nasty. Yeah. It's a show. Oklahoma. Yeah, we are. We are.

I know that. That's the truth. I know that about you guys. Yeah, man, that was crazy. That was a lot of really hot dudes in one place. This is psycho. I like it. Yeah, this is actually fucking wild, dude. Dude, smoke La Homa, bro. Oh, smoke show. That very second we got off the airplane, a guy who was probably 50 years old. Well, you don't know how old people are. Yeah, he might have been 37.

Could have been my age. He was 140, I think. He was as old as this theater. We're at the age where some guys... I just turned 40. Some guys are fully gray and bald and look like full-grown adult men. Or...

They're not. It's like when you were in junior high and there was guys with beards. Yes, exactly. Those guys are now fat old men with bald heads. Junior high with a beard? No, just like... There was one dude in junior high. Hang on, let me just close my eyes and remember. Yeah, remember. Go ahead. Just like a lot of pubes. A lot of pubes. Hot, hot, hot, hot. But no beards. Well, this guy came up to us and was like,

"Hey, you got your medical card here?" And I'm like, "What?" "So you need to have your medical card here still?"

Smoke weed every day. Y'all in the Stone Age, we could just walk up to a store. I know. The Wild West. Dude, it's crazy. They like it like that. Still a little bit naughty, isn't it? I like it. I actually kind of miss when weed was illegal. Right. Because it was a little more fun, right? I still get that. We're being bad. I still get that because I've smoked backstage after every show on this fucking tour. Okay. Smoke weed every day. Hey, Kyle. Unreal. Yes, punch. Yes, punch. Yes.

Has a problem.

No, that's my shit. That's like, I love it. But in some places... I love it. I need it. I don't have a problem. I just need it. Shut up. It's not a problem, man. It's not a problem. I just have to do it every day before it shows. It's a solution, my man. It's a solution. In like Texas and shit, people are like, you have to put it out. You have to put it out. And you get that energy like that. Like, oh shit, I'm about to go to jail. Like, what the fuck? It's a good... I remember that. Growing up with that was cool. I like what Adam does. Do more of that, please.

Kyle likes to buy clothes that have weed pockets in it. Secret weed. Dude, I remember when I first got out to California flying back to Nebraska, I had this girl that lived in my apartment complex sew a pouch in my boxer shorts right on my tank. So I could take a quarter pound of weed back

And a drug dog walked right past me. And I was, of course, stoned to shit. And I was like, this is how my nuts get eaten off. Oh, yeah. That's not the right place to put it. Hey, but guess what? I made it, dog. Dude, that's cool. That's tight. Do you guys ever smoke weed in high school? Yes. Smoke weed in high school? In the high school?

Oh, like in the bathroom. On campus? I stayed smoking weed in my high school, dog. I smoked weed in the bathroom at high school and I smoked weed out by the baseball fields. That was it. But I was smoking cigarettes every day at school. Blake, name everywhere you smoked go. I remember smoking weed on the roof of the school one night. Yeah, that's right. The roof? That was like the same, I think around the time we tried whippets. Yo, do not do whippets on a roof. That was during our...

Short-lived heroin days. Did you ever do whippets? Dude. Look at how I speak and how I communicate. Yeah, whippets were like that thing that everybody had to try. Me and Austin Anderson's apartment looked like Steve-O's apartment in that documentary. Steve-O was the perfect cautionary tale because you're like, oh, let's not do that. What a dumb thing to get obsessed with whippets where you just do it and you're like...

Do you even get to recycle all those things and get at least any of your money back? Yeah, that's true. Honestly, very stupid. You're right. That's true, guys.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high-paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio, and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. How?

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip bagels

veggies or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. You know what's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell burner phones? Yes. The answer is yes. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile is a major freaking player right up there with Verizon and T-Mobile. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America now, and they're not

I repeat, they are not a joke anymore, guys. Seriously. Okay, laugh all you want, but Boost Mobile's offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month forever. Yeah.

Laugh all the way to the bank, guys. Boost Mobile Network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. ♪

I was a high school yearbook photographer. No big deal. Cool dude. Pervert. Pervert. And I drank your red bull. Did you open my red bull? I did. I thought it was a fucking ghost, dude. It wasn't a ghost. Hold up. No, it was. Dude. He was here. It was the man who hung himself. He came down. He's like. And just cracked a red bull. He's like, gives me wings. Right. Yeah.

If I only had wings. Yes, punch! Thank you. Thank you. Of course. So we were in the dark room, and you couldn't come in. It was awesome in high school. And so we would lock the door and be like, you cannot come in here. We're developing film. You'll ruin my photos. And then we would just smoke so much weed in there. And then one day, my teacher's pounding on the door. She's like, I have to come in. I have to come in. And we're like, okay, we're finishing up.

And we're like trying to blow it through the vent. I know you boys are fucking each other. She comes in and I think she can smell the weed and she's like, what the fuck? It reeks of weed in here. And we're like...

I think it's coming through the girl's vent. It's actually crazy because the vent's right here and it goes right to the girl's bathroom. It has to be the girl's vent because you're right, it does. Let's go get them. Yeah, well. And then she runs around. We follow her stoned as shit. We follow her and we're like, get her. And then she goes in the girl's bathroom and we're like, we're fucked. We're going to get suspended. Like, this is going to suck. And then she comes back and she's like,

Yeah, you guys are good. It reeks of weed in there. Because it went in through the fucking vent, dude. I have no idea. Wow. You had the dumbest teacher. I feel like as a teacher, though, she ran around and she had the choice. She's like, am I going to fucking get mad at these guys? I'm the cool photo teacher. Yeah.

She was the yearbook teacher. I think she was like, you know what? I teach yearbook. What do you do? These guys are artists, man. She was probably fishing to see if he would fucking smoke her out, but you were like, nah. Boom, boom, boom. I need to get...

need to get in there. She's going to bust us. She's hooked like Kyle. Gotta get high. What's up, bro? You got a fucking nickel bag? What do we got? You got a little twomp? You got a twomp on you? It has been well established on this podcast that teachers are always trying to fuck kids and get high and do drugs. Hey, teachers, they're just like us. Wait, you said fuck kids? No. I did not hear the first part.

No, you did. And you doubled down on it. I know my apology at the end of the show. Is twomp universal? Is the word twomp? Twomp was everywhere in America. Everybody knows what twomp is, right? In Oklahoma, do you ever say, I'm fixing to buy a twomp? This guy's saying no. We didn't have twomps in Chicago. You didn't have twomps? No.

Which usually was a gram of weed. Yeah, it's a 20-sack. It costs $20. I love going in $5 on a bag of weed. Yeah, five on a twomp? Yeah, five on a twomp. I got five on it, dude, yeah. So you said five, but you wouldn't say...

I got five on it. Because Twomp is for $20. Twomp is for $20. You say Nickel Sack is $5 and then a Dime Bag is $10. Who's buying a Nickel? That's what we used to suck. When it was like, yeah, it's $5 and you get this much because there's roaches in it. Yeah, you get all of these. Yeah!

I remember the first bag of weed I bought was like five. It was like a five sack and it was a lot of fucking seeds and I fucking smoked them. I smoked them until they popped on the top of a fucking like Barks root beer can. That's right. You had to. Were you like, jokes on them, I'm going to grow so much weed now. I'm growing it in my belly. I actually, I remember thinking that, oh, the seeds are probably going to get me higher, dude.

Oh, because they're a whole plant concentrated in one seed? Yes. I remember thinking that was the logic. It didn't happen. I remember in homecoming, like junior year, these older kids, or maybe a sophomore year. Maybe they were 100, maybe they were 50, maybe they were 16. It could have been seniors. They were like, hello, there were three Thors and a Loki. And so these kids, we were trying to buy weed off of them, and then they...

They sold us weed on the dance floor. We were freak dancing. Holy shit. Hey, relax. Hey, hey, whoa. We were freak dancing. And so we buy the weed, and then later we found out it was oregano. And then pizza, pizza. Yeah, yeah, that was a big thing. Dude, and then me and my buddy Walsh were in the parking lot afterwards. Freak dancing. And we were, by the way, two of the least intimidating guys ever were like, we're going to fucking fight these guys.

We're going to beat their asses. And then they come out of the dance and we're in the parking lot. And then we literally just did this for like three minutes. It was just us just going like, come on. To the guys? Yeah, to the guys. The guys are just like, what's up? So if you're listening at home. They're kind of getting into it. He's making maneuvers, like fight moves. You want to fucking go? You selling oregano?

Whoa, you threw a kick? Okay, what? What's wrong with this, bro? Yeah, dude. Until they go, we're sorry, we'll smoke you out, and then we're fine. Dude, that's because weed heals everything. You threw one of the sickest kicks, like the stepping backwards kick. Here we go. So much power behind that. Yeah.

Hey, if they're charging, that's what you have to do. It sends you backwards. Original style bender. That's amazing. That's great. Come at me, bro. No, really, come at me. The only move I know is the jump backwards kick. If you don't come at me, I will not kick you. I'll never connect. I'll never connect. Did you ever get in a fight in high school? No. I ran. I ran. No, Blake weighed 87 pounds and had the cutest little afro in high school. Yeah, I'm pretty sure...

For real, how much do you think you weighed in high school? 115 to 20 pounds. What, like senior year? Senior year, I started to load up a little bit.

Got up to 130, 134. Yeah, I was probably 130. Wow, that's so tiny. Damn. I think I was a buck 70 by 165, something like that. Nice. Yeah, dude. This dude weighed something too. Now we're all fat. Tight. Senior year, it was a race to 200. I remember I wanted it so bad. I was like, give me that. But I did get in a fight. I got my ass kicked in junior high.

At our first homecoming dance, I was in line and there was this girl. I knew this other girl. She was my friend. She was getting pushed by this older girl. My hero. Just a friend? Yes. I was in sixth grade. I was like 12 years old. Have you ever had a girl that you tried to date? I did feel like it was my place to stand up for her. So I was like, hey! Fucking hall monitor ass. Why don't you leave her alone?

Why don't you leave her alone? What happened? She's like, it's okay. It's my dad. I fuck him. Leave me alone. Then the mean girl's younger brother stepped up to me and he was short. He was like this big. Like what Marvel character? What Marvel character? What?

Just so I know how old he looks. I don't watch more of Spider-Man. But this dude was looking up at me like, what the fuck are you going to do? What are you going to do? Huh? And he's looking up like this. He's like, you want to make something out of me? Every fight I've ever been in. You want to make something out of me? And I was like, fuck, I don't want to make something out of me. You want to make something out of me? Yeah, that's what he said. What? That's what he was saying. And then I was like, I don't want to fight. That's not what he was saying, Kyle. You want to make something out of me? What the hell is that? You want to make something out of me? You want to make me a pretzel? You want to make me a fucking Mexican?

That's exactly what I did. I was like, yeah, chocolate chip cookies. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, Tulsa. Oh, shit, Tulsa. Oh, shit, Tulsa. You thought we were going to come here, Tulsa? So you said I want to make chocolate chip cookies? I didn't quite understand what was going on. I was like 12 years old. He was like, you want to make something out of me? And I said, yeah. The best gold looking mother.

Chips ahoy, bitch! And then bro fucking hit me once, hit me twice, and I was done. Also, he was offended. He was like, I'll make you a new chocolate chip. He's like, fuck you! Fuck!

I got to fight the combos in eighth grade. Then my homie stepped in and hit him. Did you guys win this fight? My homie stepped in and put him on the ground. My friend Zach, dude. You always got to have a homie to step in. He didn't knock him out. He just picked him up and then he put him to sleep. Right.

I got in a fight with a goth kid in eighth grade. Oh, shit. He swung on me twice, and his sleeves were so long, only the sleeves hit me. Sure. But to be fair, in his realm. And then I tried to hit him, but my hand was limp, wristed.

So I hit him, and I ripped his top earring out of his ear. Then he was bleeding, and then I was like, I'm so sorry, dude. This is fight of the year, dude. I do love he tells that story today. He's like, I fought one time in high school. The closeted kid came at me, and he had this limp.

drunken mantis style. I was like, he hit me with two sleeves. I'm not going to close fist him. That doesn't warrant a close fist. Everything warrants a close fist. Oh, so you made the choice because it was such a soft hit? I don't know if I made the choice or if I was just kind of in shock that I'm in a fight because he kind of came out of nowhere and started swinging. It's always so shocking. Why did he come out of nowhere? What did you say to fucking make the goth kid mad, dude? It was some shit in home ec and

That's home economics. Home economics. And I was making fun of the way he was like, I don't know, I was making fun of him. I'm pissed now. And the way he was making an omelet, I don't even really remember. It was just like, I was like, your omelet fucking sucks, you goth weirdo. Nice omelet goth bitch. And he was like, you know, he was boiling. I'm sure he had a shitty family life and probably wanted to shoot up the school in a few years. And was like, I'm going to take this fucking kid down.

Nice, dude. I wish he would stop talking. And he fucking failed, dude. Okay. I would do like gym class fights. You know what I mean? Where like you're doing whatever sport and it gets physical and then you just are about to box. Oh, shit. Okay, I like that. You're about to box or just about to? For sure, but that's... It wasn't like...

I wasn't targeting problematic children who needed help. It wasn't, dude. This kid just snapped and came at me really hard. I was fighting people who were crowding the base in kickball or whatever. It was in the heat of battle. Adam was more like, you've got eggshell in your omelet, you goth bitch. Oh, shit. I know, it's really hard not to get

the eggshell in it, you asshole. Dude, by the way, this is eighth grade, so I'm still like, either I was just off crutches or I still was on crutches. Right, so you needed to establish yourself like prison style. So I remember this kid, I might have told this on the podcast, but this kid, I was at a dance in seventh or eighth grade and I'm in, I have my crutches because I was a crippled little bitch and I'm like, it's electric, boogie, woogie, woogie with my crutches. Yeah!

And then this kid fucking kicks out my crutch as I was dancing. And I'm falling over. And I swung as hard as I possibly could. And you know the little butterfly thing, the screw that tightens up? It got stuck in his leg, dude. Oh, man. Shit.

And he started to run off with my crutch in his leg, and I'm laying on the ground like boogie-woogie-woogie. That's intense. Yeah, dude. And then I find out later the reason he was so sad is because his father just died like two months prior. Oh, Jesus. Fucking a hooker. What? Fucking a prostitute. He had a heart attack and died. Oh, my God!

So big shout out if you're listening to the podcast, dude. This is your legacy and I'm going to tell it forever. Wow. Don't pick on the crippled kid, man. He's going to end up getting a TV show 20 years later. He's going to pick on you back. I like that the goth kid was in the corner being like, I will avenge you one day, don't worry. With my sleeves of fury. No, he's going to be like Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison. Oh, yeah. Put his lipstick on. He's here tonight. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

That would be crazy if you got murdered tonight. I will go on record as saying that would be crazy. Isaac, can we get some motherfucking beers out here, my brother? Isaac hasn't even brought us any beers, dude. That's whack. Oh, Isaac. Everybody say it. Everybody say it. Isaac. Isaac. Isaac. Isaac.

Wow, I think he quit. Hey, there he is. Damn, I needed that. Thanks, brother. I like what you're doing here, Adam. I like what's happening right here.

Nice head. You never saw that one? I think that's cool. It's a cool technique, right? Do the nose sweat thing in there real quick. Let's see what we got here. Oh, forehead sweat. I go forehead. I go nose. Yummy. I got a lot of forehead sweat. It's for me to just go away. But will it go away if you just stir it? Do you have to put the shit on it? No, no, you got to get gross with it and put a little of your... That's cool. And if you can take your dick and wipe it on it. I remember the first time I learned that, it was like...

It was an older kid. I think I was like a freshman. He was like a senior or whatever. And I'm like, this guy's the coolest man alive. Right. Yeah. I wish I had that grease. It's completely gone. Look at that. Completely gone, everybody. Wow. That's science. The perfect pour. Thank you.

Right.

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network with coverage across 99% of America. The problem is, no one takes them seriously. Yet. So they've tasked me, a comedian, with convincing all you people out there that Boost Mobile is a serious 5G network. Time to put on my serious voice. Boost Mobile is serious, guys. So serious.

So freaking serious. So serious that they're offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month forever. Oh, are you taking me seriously? Because Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network, and I'm being serious. This is serious talk. The Boost Mobile network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes...

Customers may experience slower speed. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Should I chug this? Oh, shit. We're back! Diarrhea, diarrhea. The cause of diarrhea. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. Diarrhea. I'm living a nightmare. Diarrhea.

Yeah, go for it. Should I film it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Adam wants me to time it. Here we go. Here we go. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait till you see the red light. I'm ready when you are. Red light's on. Okay. Holy shit. Holy shit. 3.3 seconds. That's a new record. That's actually a little slow.

I am impressed. I had a two-second time back in the day. Two seconds? It's okay. No, dude. It's actually really embarrassing. You're getting old. You're the age of a Thor. It's fine. Damn. Do you need another beer? Yeah, I got one. Wow, I love that. I'm impressed. Oh, my God. I'm just glad I can use this watch for something.

Because I can't tell time. Yeah. Does anyone else just have an Apple Watch to find your phone? Oh, dude, it's the best. You're like, I don't know, but I need to find my fucking... Is that how it works? It's super helpful. Yes. I actually hate that everybody has Apple Watches. I think we're too connected. I don't even like...

I don't even like having my phone that close to me. I'm like, I don't... I'm bothered. I can get with this. I can get with this. Yeah. I think it should. Yeah, you know what? Perfect. Thank you, dude. Fuck it. You broke your phone. I'm going to keep my watch on. Isaac, show your nipples. I'm going to cop. Do it, Isaac. I'm going to cop. Isaac, laugh.

Oh shit

That is hot and juicy. Yeah, that was hot. That is pretty fucking cool, man. I've been our manager for almost 20 years now. Yeah. Jesus Christ. And now he's not. That's it. I can't believe you did that. That's when we lost all respect. We're done here. Fuck yeah. That's disgusting. You think you have to do that to be liked? Dude, you're foul. You're foul. I'll talk to you in Tinseltown, pal. We're done here. Should we do, speaking of, should we do some Tulsa hot?

This is the way. Here we go.

Dude, so the thing about Tulsa. Okay. Yeah. They're aiming to be a retirement destination city. Oh, shit. Yep. Tulsa City Hall is making a big fucking deal about Tulsa being a retirement destination city in the focus of a new resolution. Make your grandma hot, hot, hot. Oh, yeah. They're like, hey, yo, this city is very inviting to be a retirement destination city, said Tulsa City Council member, blah, blah, blah. What did that?

Because all the old people will fucking love it here. Nucky Grandma! We're going to work with people at the AARP and have to go through a number of different... Also, why the fuck do you want all these old people moving here? Hey, relax. It's science. Listen, listen. Old people, they got money to burn. They're on the way out. So by 2030... By the way, I hate this stat for you guys because this is aging you up real quick.

By 2030, not that long from now, one quarter Thor, one in five individuals in Tulsa will be 65 years or older. We all getting old.

So we're seeing the growth of an older population. We need to make sure that we have communities and certainly the city of Tulsa is planning ahead for that. You know what that means? Y'all are about to get a fuck ton of pickleball courts. Oh, no. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. I'm hyped. I saw some pickleball paddles in the audience. Where are the pickleball paddles at? You know what I mean? Yeah, I saw them. There's one. Look at that. Let's get weird paddles. Wait, wait.

Kyle just said I saw a fuck ton of pickleball pickles. There's one right there. I saw two. Sir, that is your penis. Sit down. Beaver tail penis. He's like, I got my pickleball powder.

It's all flat. The head's all flat. Yeah, what the hell? I got really drunk and put it in a waffle iron one night. Here's my pickleball paddle. And they're like, well, it is regulation. So we have to allow him to play. He's pretty good. It says Selkirk on it. It's tattooed. There's no rules.

and the pickleball hamburger and say you can't use your penis. It's true. God damn it, he's right. He's coming in with a very unconventional style. That's the pickleball movie that we write. A guy flattens his head of his cock to make it a... Well, it gets run over and then he thinks his world, it's all gone. And he's like, I have nothing. And then he goes pro pickleball.

Dinking and doinking. I do love discovering this kid somewhere where it's like, hang on a second. You telling me you play with your dick? And then it's just like Seabiscuit or some shit. We take it hella seriously. I'm going to cum. No, that's a comedy.

That's a very funny comedy. Let's just take it seriously. Oh, you want to take it seriously? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We want it real serious. Wait, what's so bad about a bunch of old people living here? What's so bad about that? There's nothing bad about it. I just think, you know, you want your city to be young and vibrant. You don't necessarily want to go like, this is where the oldies come to play pickleball and die. Miami figured it out.

I love playing pickleball with oldies. Yeah, I know you do because you can win. Yes, exactly. I stomp them. I crush them. I'm having hip surgery again. My second one this year because I'm an old man. I'm having a hip surgery next Friday and my hip surgeon in LA was like,

I am flush with clients. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, pickleball is so good for me. Everyone is just blowing their hips out. I didn't even know you could hurt your hips. I had no idea until suddenly I was like, why can't I bend? Yeah.

And they're like, your hips are shit, you old fuck. Ironically, he's getting so much money, he's building a pickleball court. It's cool. Yeah, and Chris Hemsworth is your same age. Hit me with it, Blake. Oh, shit. You got it, bud. Blake, how do you feel about this? Okay. Draymond Green. Okay. Easy. Easy.

That's my guy. Draymond Green suspended indefinitely for being a piece of shit. I saw this. For being a fucking piece of shit. Was this the... No. So Draymond,

Draymond is the only NBA player that my wife gets very upset about. Because I make her watch basketball, and she ends up liking it, even though she doesn't want to. That's kind of like me. Every time she watches, it's Draymond Green kicking someone in the nuts and then acting like he didn't mean to fully kick them in the nuts. And that happened like five times. And then like...

choking someone out and being like, I didn't mean to choke him out. And then now he straight up did a spin move that didn't make any sense. No, no. It was good. I saw this. It was cool. It was like... No, it was cool. I felt like... It's the move that like Nerd does in a real fight. Where he's like, and then he goes, I saw this in a movie. Yeah! Dude, it was straight up when you played Streets of Rage on Sega and you press C and you would go, yeah! Yeah. Yeah.

But he hit with his dominant hand. He spun all the way around. The guy's guarding him from the back. Stand up, Kyle. Guard me from the back. Guard me from the back. So he's standing like this. And then he just does a spin move and goes... Yeah! Yeah!

And then it was like, oh, I didn't mean to spin. I didn't mean to spin. What's crazy is like, all right, look, for me, I go, okay, I feel like I would want to kick it with Draymond. Okay. I feel like he would be a good time. I feel like Draymond is smart. I feel like he's got a high basketball IQ. Yeah. I feel like Draymond has lost total control. It's not even rage issues. I feel like he's lost total control of what he knows is appropriate. Yeah.

I don't think he's been penalized in a way where he's been like, I got to stop. I feel like he doesn't know that he can't do these things and just does them. So that's why he did it. Now he found the line. He keeps kicking people in the nuts because no one's been like, no, dude, you're fucking done. Dude, what I hope right now is ESPN hears this segment of the podcast and is like, these guys need a show. Right. Rich Eisen's like, why aren't they on ESPN? Gross.

What's your analysis? I just think when he kicks other people in the testicles, he gets their power. It transfers to them, and that makes him a better basketball player. And then we're actively talking about how he should squash his dick to make it flat so it'd be...

an extra thing to hit a basketball with. He could totally go play pickleball. You want to know my solution because I love Draymond. I am a Warriors fan, and he is a champion four times. I'll take the booze. I'll take it. Tulsa King. Who's going to be the Tulsa King? I think the Warriors should hire a guy who is on the sideline that when Draymond is really fucking fired up, he goes over to him and just fucking...

kicks him in the balls and fucking stomps on his shit. And then he's like... That's the opposite. That's the opposite of what you need. You need a cooler. You need someone who's just like a weird vibe to be like, Hey, Draymond.

And Draymond's like, oh, shit. And just kind of like weirds him out enough to be like, I'm not going to fight anybody. This guy's like, Draymond, take a seat next to me. But it's wild because it's not like it builds. It's not like it builds. It's like it just happens. Yeah, man. It's like he just flips the switch and is like,

I'm going to fucking kill somebody. I got to see more clips of this guy. You're on television on a court making millions of dollars. Everyone's going to see you do a spinning. Hey, man. What video game was it? I said Streets of Rage, but that was Street Fighter. That was the Street Fighter. Hey, man.

What was Streets of Rage? That was on Sega, and that game kicked fucking ass. Was it different than Bad Dudes? Dude, Bad Dudes was my favorite game, and it sucked. And it was just guys that go like...

Dude, Bad Dudes, the art on the arcade was just... Streets of Rage. Bad Dudes was just two dudes back-to-back with black tank tops, and they were like, Bad Dudes. I think that's cool. That's the best. We need to get back to that. Should we make that? That movie should be made. Should we make that? I would love to remake it. You know how you have to... In order to make a movie in Hollywood now, it has to be... A Konami game? Yeah. It has to be an IP...

We should just do Bad Dude. That would be really cool. We just wear tank tops and we just go fight crime. That's a great idea. Easy. Yeah, and the commissioner is Draymond Green. He's like, go fuck him up, dude. I don't give a fuck. Great. He's got the part. Do whatever it takes. Well, he's going to have a job with us after the NBA kicks him out of the league indefinitely. Hit me with it, Blake.

Dude, so Bradley Cooper explains why he doesn't allow chairs on set. Okay. Oh, yeah, I read this. Dude, Bradley Cooper's a bitch. No, no, no, no. Give me a fucking chair, homie. I'm just fucking excited. I got bad hips. I'm hurting. I need to sit down. I also don't even have those, and I just want a chair. I just want a chair. If you were on Bradley Cooper's set, I'm sure you could be like, hey, man, let me get a chair.

Read the thing, please. I read this earlier and essentially what he's saying is he hates chairs. He feels like your energy dips. The minute you sit down in the chair, an apple cares. What I feel like this is, it's a very... Imagine you go to your job and your boss is like, hey, new thing.

I know it's a 12-hour day. No chairs. You would go, fuck you. Give me a fucking chair, you psychopath. But wait a second. I feel like your energy dips, man. Only in our business are they like, but your energy will dip. And I'll be like, kiss my fucking energy-dipping ass. I don't feel like this was a director answer. This was an actor pretending to be in director's answer. Okay. Sure. That's what I feel. Sure.

And then his quote is, he was like, I mean, he's a good filmmaker, though. He does make good movies. In American Hustle was the first time I saw an actor stay in the voice of a character. It was Christian Bale. I heard stories of Daniel Day-Lewis. He named the two most annoying actors, Christian Bale and Daniel Day-Lewis. And this is who you're going to write.

We're fucking done here. You're a good guy, but we're done professionally. I'm fucking pissed. Yeah, it's fucking stupid. He's like, I didn't know that you could go not full method is basically what he's saying. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? You didn't know you didn't have to be the character all the time? I thought he was going to say some cool shit like Daniel Day-Lewis never left the chair and they had to green screen it out. So if you like re...

If you re-watch Lincoln, he's just like this. Yeah. Right. He's just like Marlon Brando when he got old, when he had an earpiece in, and they had to have notes of his script everywhere. Yeah. In The Godfather, there's just someone holding a sign with all of his dialogue on it. And they're like, that's why he's a great actor. He takes these weird pauses, but really it's just him like...

Well, that's what... I'm just... That's what Brando would do. That's why. Because he would process everything as it would come in. Look at the thoughts he's having. Kyle, that's exactly what I just said. Yeah, that's what we're talking about. That's what we're talking about. Kyle's processing, though. Yeah, he's processing. I'm processing. But you know what's crazy? The Daniel Day-Lewis thing. So, remember when you saw the trailer for Lincoln? Because no one went and saw that fucking movie. No. And his voice was all crazy. And you were like, I'm good.

He was like, I'm Abraham Lincoln. I was like, you sound like the Grimkiger, bro. It must be cool to be... We're good. If any of us were to take any choices like that while acting, we're like... On the set of The Righteous Gemstones, if I was like, I think Kelvin should talk like this.

Well, you got to go into the character like that. Like Jiminy Glick. I feel Danny would take me aside and be like, no, you're not, bro. We're bringing in Michael Cero real quick. And then he does the same thing and they're like, kind of works. Yeah, it works when he does it. But with that said, tomorrow in Kansas City, no chairs for the pod. Oh, shit. It's going to ruin the energy. Hit me with it, Blake. Oh, shit, man. I was...

Yeah, I know we're in Oklahoma. So, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David says... He's like, you're in Oklahoma. I said tomorrow I'm in Kansas City. I know I'm in Oklahoma, dude. Yeah, get it right. Oklahoma. Oklahoma. He doesn't. He doesn't. For the record, he doesn't. So, Curb Your Enthusiasm, evidently, Larry David has said today, I did not see this, they're going to end after 12 seasons. Well, by the way, 12 seasons?

We did seven seasons of Workaholics. Curb Your Enthusiasm has been on forever. 25 years. Yeah, that's crazy. They've been doing that show, and they only did 12 seasons? I would love that if they would allow us to just go back and do one season every, like, two years. That'd be great. That's what he did. He took, like, a six-year hiatus, I think. Hey, by the way, can we just say fuck Paramount Plus real quick? Hey! Three, two, one.

It's science. And by the way, not even that good. Fuck off.

Also, I saw that Community is coming back for a season. Fuck them. Well, that's not a Paramount Plus. But people are doing it is what I'm saying. No, no, not fuck Community. Good for them. Fuck them for not allowing us to come back. Yeah. When we were ready to go, the script was so damn funny. Yeah. I mean, I'm still pissed now. I'm still pissed now. I'm pissed now.

It's the worst. Well, you know what? Curb Your Enthusiasm will be missed. I can say that. I really love that show. I love that show. I don't know if I've watched the last two or three seasons. I definitely have. I watched like the first one or two and then I'm like, it's so good. I can't wait to tune back in. And then I just forget. I can't stop. I'm like, play, play, play. I love that fucking show.

But also, like, yeah, it doesn't need to be that many more. It's fine. I love it. I like it. It's better than everything, but I just am like, I can't. Does anyone else's brain not work anymore about TV?

Oh, yeah, I know what you're saying. Curb is like the only show. All I do is watch old Workaholics episodes over and over again. Seriously, I watch no shows except for Curb. That's the one that I'm like, boom, when it comes out. That must be nice. I don't watch it, but it is funny. Why would you cry about it? Yep, you got it. I just don't like comedy. Not a big comedy fan. I get that. I get that.

It's true. I do not watch comedies. What do you... No. I watch The Wire. I'm literally watching episode The Wire today. You're thinking she's saying you're a liar, but she's saying The Wire. The Wire. And she's like, no, you're a liar. I've been watching The Wire for the fourth time. I'm not lying, you son of a bitch. The Wire's pretty funny, though. When they're all searching for the bodies all the time. When Dookie does Kraken Dice. Yeah. Oh, dang. Is that his name, Dookie? Yeah. This is the way.

Shit, I did. Fuck. So Santa asked a little girl, three years old, when I lived, it looks like it's fixing to rain, if she wants to sit on his lap and she goes, looks like I'm not going to fix to sit on your lap. What? So this little girl, she was like, hey, you got to sit on Santa's lap. And she goes, I don't want to. And then Santa's like, that's perfect. It's your body, your choice, and it's going viral right now.

No. Actually, you know what? Whatever. By the way, it depends on the Santa Claus because I remember being a kid and being like, this guy's drunk. Sitting on Santa Claus' lap is scary. Some Santa Clauses are really hot and I'm like, get me on there. I know that about you. He's still that way. I look at it this way. I go, look, a tradition is a tradition. You sit on his lap. If there's any sort of insertion, that's just part of it. Yep.

Let's just say Christmas came early. Christmas comes. And maybe Santa did too. Did Santa come? Did you ever... Yes, Bugs! What's inside Santa's sack? Weird moments with Santa? I don't feel like I ever had weird moments with Santa, but I remember the Easter Bunny being sketchy as fuck. Where? At the mall? Yeah, like the Easter Bunny always was like, you could see his whole face in one eye.

Like, if you look at the pictures of me with the Easter Bunny, it's a whole dude in the eye like this. Right, right. Like, not smiling, just like... Yeah. Let me out of this fucking bunny suit before I strangle this child.

It's scary. I don't know. I don't have any bad Santa or bunny. I just remember I sat on my dad's friend. This is not. He was not. Uh-oh. He was not Santa. But he had long white beard, right? Right. And it was like a white beard.

And I remember he was like an older guy who worked on the railroad. And he was all yellow and brown right here because he would chain smoke cigarettes, right? And I remember asking my dad, like, what is that about? And he goes, oh, yeah, the guy's a drunk and he just chains smoke cigarettes all day long. You don't want to do that because it'll turn your facial hair all weird colors. I'm like, gross. And then I go to the Santa at the Sears where my parents took me to sit on this 50-year-old man's lap.

And he had the same yellow, brownish-orange shit. And I remember being like, this Santa's a drunk, man. Yeah, he's fucking changed his fucking tongue. And it made me go like, kind of a cool Santa. Pretty cool. He's going to be loosey-goosey with those gifts. Are we giving these guys a break? I can see how we can go like, yeah, you must be a creep if you take this job. Also, it's got to pay pretty well, right? Do you think? Oh, yeah. Really? I bet it pays okay.

Well, yeah. They're not living on the beach in Orange County. Who?

But I'm saying like local Santa, like a few weeks, I'm sure it's something they look forward to every year. Because they love kids' butts. I don't know. I never thought of it as a high-paying job. It's not like high-paying. Dude, that's the thing. If you find the Santa at the mall who's like, actually, I don't need to be paid. Right. That's crazy. That's problematic. That's crazy. No, I bet they make a good hourly wage. The smiles of the children are enough.

As long as you make them sit in my lap. Obviously, there's going to be creeps, but you hope it's a cool guy who just loves kids. It's probably like $30 an hour, dude. I'm saying... I think that's probably right. $30, that's not bad. Line them up!

We got to screen these up. How long are you Santa for? You're Santa for what? A month? Two weeks. A month? Two weeks? A couple weeks. You're Santa your whole life. You're never not Santa. Because you can't grow it back that quick. You guys will see, when it's a bunch of Santa Clauses running around old-ass Oklahoma, you guys are going to be sitting in his lap all the time. Isaac Horn, everybody. Yeah. I'm still going to send it. Hey, Isaac, remember how you showed your titties, and now they don't give a fuck about you. Yeah.

Okay? So don't do that.

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

Or maybe it's because Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day trial. For anyone worried Zinn won't cut it like traditional tobacco, just ask one of the millions of people who have achieved lasting change. You have lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find your Zinn online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find. That's z-y-n dot com slash find.

Customers may experience slower speed. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan.

So you guys got some hot, hot cues and we got some sweet, sweet eggs. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Your boobs are huge. So Cameron Sanchez. Did you ever fuck Santa? Hi, Cameron. I ripped my pants immediately on arrival. Sorry, bud. Yeah, that's. Also, how do you rip your pants just going to a comedy show? Probably doing the splits or something. Yeah. He's like, watch this. Yeah, I'm funny, too. I ripped my pants immediately on arrival. Got any good ripped pants stories?

ripped pants? I actually, I do. I have one. I was on stage and I think it was on stage like Penn State or something. It was a big show back in the day and it was like, you know, it was like a few thousand kids and I did like a, a,

which I used to do when I was able-bodied, and my pants exploded. And then my dick, the little pocket, medium-sized pocket, of my dick meat just kind of was hanging out of the pants. Dude, that reminds me of the fucking Lenny Kravitz gif.

That's the ultimate ripped pants story. Just this little meat pouch just hanging there. And then the whole show became about my meat pouch because I'd get a little gust of wind and you'd see it move about. Sure.

It became the entire show. I do like how people in front were like, did you see what happened when that gust of wind came through? Oh, my God. How it shifted ever so slightly. His medium meat pouch shifted slightly. Do you guys have any ripped pants stories? I don't think I do. My mind went to shit pants stories, but that's not the question. No, that's different. Yeah, that's not the question. You got a good shit pants story? We'll hear that one, too. It's not even really that good. It's just a plain old shark story. Yeah.

Yeah, it's classic. Standard issue shirt. You shit yourself, try and ditch the underwear somewhere. I love teriyaki. Did you ditch it in I Love Teriyaki? I remember that. We worked at the movie theaters. He was like on the walkie. How come Kyle knows my shit pants story more than me? What the fuck? Because we worked at the movie theaters. Because we're best friends, Davey. We're the fucking best friends.

Because you ended up ditching them at the bottom of the wastebasket in I Love Teriyaki. Yes. We both worked. What is I Love Teriyaki? You just keep saying this phrase like anyone knows what the fuck you're talking about. You have to explain the story of a movie. You can't just say I love teriyaki 12 times and move on. I can. I can if I want to, but I will explain it. It's just like a meat place that sold teriyaki, right? That was a terrible explanation. Meat place?

Like a butcher or a restaurant? We both worked at the same...

movie theater, and it was connected to a sushi and teriyaki restaurant called I Love Teriyaki. Okay, there we go. I went there on my lunch break, and then I went back into the ticket booth. You know the people are like, how many or whatever? And I was like, oh, I gotta fart. I like how you guys are from a place where you think you need to explain ticket booth, but eat place. I don't know if people go to movies anymore, but I...

Thank you. Support the industry. Support the industry. But I thought I was going to fart, and I ended up charting. And instead of telling my boss and all that shit, like I need to go home, I'm like, can I take a bathroom break? I went into the bathroom. I took my underwear off. I hid it behind the toilet at the movie theater. And I went back to work. That's right. Now to be an American.

So no pants ripping story. I salute you. I only really had the one story when I did stand-up and shit in a potted plant. Yeah. And that's kind of the only shit story. I'm not a big shitter in my pants. You guys really let...

You guys really let farts seep out, like really rip out. I fart all the time, dude. All the time. So I know that's why you probably have more short stories than anyone else because you're always forcing a fart out of your asshole. I think at least once a week I have a great catch. Oh, my God. A catch and release type situation? It's a fantastic catch.

And I wipe it away. Okay. So, Nordogs, has Chloe ever fucked you Amazon style? Oh, Amazon style is epic. That's my pregnant wife you're talking about. Amazon style? What is Amazon style? I think Amazon style is like how Alice fucked Durs in the episode. Like, basically, the dude lays like this and pushes the dick like that. Hello!

And then the girl is here and fucking... I know Amazon style. Amazon style is off the charts. Yeah, I didn't know that that was the name, but that's not how people normally fuck. I know how it goes. Wait, why is that Amazon style? Yeah, why is that anything cooler or different? I think it's because it's delivering it to you. Because it's like, I think it's a domination thing. Amazon. Hello. Amazon woman. But also like, where's that coming from? Like...

We got to update that one, I think. Yeah. Call it Wonder Woman style. What? Wonder Woman style. Gal Gadot. Gal Gadot-ing you. I'm going to Gal Gadot you. Yeah. Call it the Murphy. Gadot. Gadot. To answer your question...

every Thursday if I'm lucky. But he didn't know what it was from now on, from henceforth. No, no, no. I just didn't know the name of it. I'm always bending my dick in weird directions. Yeah, I was going to say, shout out to all the guys who can bend their dick whatever how many degrees that is down that way and enjoy that. Yeah. It's not even about enjoyment. It's just about

It has to be done. Something fun, something new. Oh, it's like, it's a duty. Your girl says, it's time. So Shelby A. asks, with two shows left, what type of luggage have you been touring with? Bitch, I got a Ramoah.

Give me a hell yeah. It's pretty sick. I got a new Patagonia backpack I talked about a couple weeks ago. It's got a pocket specifically for your electronics so you can really get to it easily. How nice is it? We travel a lot, obviously. How nice is it? I've gotten a few times where people were like, that's a nice bag. Thank you.

I was doing the nomadic grouping, this small little thing and then the other big one. Who cares? And how do you like the nomadic? Because I feel like it goes... Blake carries everything in an old shoe. I dig the nomadic, but it wasn't big enough. I had to transfer to that North Face.

Okay, so Trey Jimenez. It's like an international carry on size. So Trey Jimenez has had. You guys should get Paramount Plus flowers because fuck Paramount Plus. Very clever. A thinking man. But I'm willing to do it again here in Tulsa. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus.

Unless they want to hire me to do anything. What was weird during that was every time the lights turned on, Slender Man was getting closer and closer, and I was like... What the fuck? So Blake Bennett wants to know, this is for Kyle, what advice would you give a grip? Oh, a grip. Who wants to direct? Oh, man. That's a road that isn't often traveled. So explain...

Explain what a grip is. A grip is like... Essentially, they're the construction worker of the set. Yes, they shape light is what they do. They use flags to shape light, and they are the friend of the shadows on the set. They don't touch electricity, but they do all the car rigs. They do all that stuff. It's fucking dope. I think the only thing you can really do is...

is start directing. That's what happened to me. I was gripping because I loved it and then I just started directing with these guys. Just get a bunch of funny movie star friends and direct them. Really hot. Really super sexy, hot. But I loved it. I was directing and doing the car rigs. I was directing and fucking with the C-stands. For a while, I was like the one-man crew with you guys. I think the question's over.

So how do you make the leap? Over many, many years. Just give them the first step. Get a fucking camera, bro. Get a fucking camera. Point it at your friends and make a movie. You need subjects, good ideas, and fucking shoot that shit. Also, get on TikTok. Yes, do TikTok. So Jeff Mack wants to know, who was your favorite actor to work with, Blake?

My favorite actor to work with? Daniel Stern. Oh, Daniel Stern. Daniel Day Stern. Daniel Day Stern, yeah. He was just such a nice guy. Daniel Day Stern. He was just super into... Dude, if you don't know, Daniel Stern, he was in Game Over Man, he was in Workaholics, but also he is... Bushwhacked. Vern? Vern?

He's in Home Alone. He's one of the sticky bandits. He's Marv in Home Alone. Marv in Home Alone. He's the pitching coach and rookie of the year. I mean, he's amazing. The guy's a legend. Which he also directed. He's the voice on The Wonder Years, if you're my age. That's right. He is. He's also in City Slickers. He's in City Slickers. He's a legend. He's a legend. Every time we worked with him, he was just very nice. The nicest guy. Yeah, he's just the best. He was just the best. Yours?

Man, you know who I really just love that he was in my life was Andy Dick. Okay. I watched that dude in movies, and I think he's the funniest fucking person in the world because nobody commits harder. Woo!

Wow, dude. He committed so hard, he had to be committed. But tied with Mindy, of course, right? Yeah, Mindy's deep in character. Super deep. For me, I would say I just worked with Pierce Brosnan, which was super fucking cool, dude. Like James Bond. And he was just the nicest, coolest guy and just thought things were funny and really liked working on the movie and he was just the best. Yeah, man.

And that's a quote. I think things are funny. I like working on the movie.

Yeah, it was cool. And also, like, I have a cool video of him, like, singing me happy birthday. That's cool. I went out to a big dinner for my birthday, and Nina Dobrev has this sick video of him, of Pierce Brosnan just singing me happy birthday. Which I should... I'll post that shit tomorrow. I think, like, yeah, I think, like, I mean, I've worked with so many great actors, but the guy who I really love working with is Matt Berry. Okay. I love Matt Berry. Fuck!

He always impresses me. So you still fuck with Matt Berry over me, huh? Well, I haven't worked with you in a long time, to be honest. Light it up. Because of Paramount Plus. I'm only getting worse. Some bullshit. So this one is just for Blake and Adam. Do you believe in aliens? Yes.

Why is that for you guys? Yeah. There's no way that aliens don't exist in this infinite universe. There's just no way. Right. There is a way. They just don't.

But I think they do. Because so many things have to happen for us to even be here. So it's possible that they don't, but also way cooler if they do, and then they just take us all up and buttfuck us. Let's go! That's a cool thing. That they're like, we don't know how to figure these humans out. Do we buttfuck them? It seems like the way into their brain is through this little...

This little brown hole. This perfect little starfish we found. Let's go! Do you guys, I know it's just for us, but do you guys believe in aliens? Yeah. It's science. In the way that you're saying, like, sure, like, there's infinite everything out there. Something has to exist. Yeah. Do I think they've been here?

I think they're in this room right now. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely there's aliens out there. Great question. That's my favorite one. Anybody who says no is afraid, I think. Okay. So Chelsea Riseman goes, Adam, your parents are true American heroes, thank you, for birthing you. Can we please give them the proper respect of giving them their celebrity couple name, Pennis?

You know what I mean? I think it's penis. Yes, buts! It's probably penis. That shit's important. It's penis. Penny, Dennis, penis. I like that. Penis. No, penis is funny.

I think penis is funnier than penis. I like that. You would. So the fish fight scene. What episode was that that we fought with fish? Which one was that? Oh, the fish fry. The fish fry. Oh, that was the fish fighting dude people. That shit's important. So the fish fight scene made me nauseous. How did you guys film the actual scene? That was actually gross. Didn't one of you guys actually puke on that day? Durs, I think, bombed.

I think because we had, yeah, you actually vombed in the pool. Because we were smacking each other and you vombed. Derser a bitch, admit it. Isn't there a part of the show where you actually vomit into Adam's face? And I think that that ended up being real.

Like, you were like, and it was like, that was more than we put in your mouth, dude. Like, we put chili in his fucking mouth or whatever. That sounds familiar. Yeah. That was it. Yeah. But, uh... Yeah, you stay vomiting, dude. Otherwise, I don't remember this show. It was on seven years. It was on Comedy Central. It was called Workaholics. Changed all of our lives. Pizza, pizza. Yes, yes.

I'm young John Goodman now, dude. I don't know. So Jenny wants to know what percentage of your guys' bodies would you donate to Adam if it would cure all of his ailments? What percentage?

I already said you can have my body. I know you can't donate 100% of your body, but a certain amount... Oh, this is different. If I could give you a tendon or something like that? Yeah, what would you give? Is a tendon 10%? It might be. I'll give you 10% of my tendons. Thank you, guys. I don't even know if friendship is just... That's not the question. You go, girl.

I'm falling apart. I can't walk more than a quarter mile. I might be in a wheelchair within a year. How much do you want? I would love 5%. You're missing your little toe. 3%. 3% is chill, bro. You can have 3% on my body. If you're missing one of your little toes, you can have one of my toes. Yeah, that works. I'm your friend. We are rebuilding him. You can have my hair. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll shave my head and give you a wig.

I'm not balding. I need ligaments. I need healthy hips. He needs muscles. He doesn't need muscles. Sorry, bro. Yeah, but hair is the same as a rhino's horn. So if you just pack it in tight enough, it could be a bone. That's true. I mean, whatever you want, man. My body is your canvas. Oh, my God. I'm glad you finally said it.

Are there any take-backs, any apologies, any epic slams you ever told some boys? I definitely want to take back the whole meat shop thing. That was fucked up. My explanation of teriyaki. Okay, sure. That sucked. Yeah, it sucked. Yeah, I... It was just a...

Restaurant. Yeah, that's a restaurant. It's a meat place. That's the word I like to use. I said something earlier about stars. They're just like us and like kids. And I'm taking that all the way back. Now you were saying something about like fucking kids and how much you love that. That's already out there. So you freak. Well, let's edit that out, Isaac.

Yeah, Isaac knows how to edit things. I got a big apology. I'm sorry I'm not spending more time here in Tulsa because I walked around a little bit today. Where I walked, there were no people. Yeah.

Oh, what? Yeah. And so the people that were out there... I think I walked in the wrong direction, so I want to spend some more time here. Hey, but what's up with... I walked around a little bit, and I saw a bunch of people with oxygen tanks and pickleball paddles. Yeah. Oh, really? Also, all the buildings, like, it kind of looks like Gotham City out here. What's up with all the fucking buildings? It's kind of crazy. It's old, right? Yeah, dude, Blake has never seen buildings before. No, dude, it's like...

It's Art Deco, dude. I know it when I see it. Sick. I thought Batman was gothic. Wasn't that Black Wall Street? Yeah. I think it was here. Just for like... What is that again?

I don't know. I watched one movie with Chadwick Boseman and, you know, I was like, oh, yeah, it was kind of tight here for a while for black folks. I think the Watchmen did a little bit of things. Yeah, I think that was it. I think that was it. I do have epic giveaways. What a cool way to end it. We have super epic giveaways in the shape of T-shirts.

You got it oh shit that what there's one on the ground right there there's one on the ground oh

Thank you so much, Tulsa. You guys have been great. We've never been here before, and we love you. Thank you for having us. Thank you for showing up. And this has been another episode of This is Important. Thank you, guys.

We'll be right back.

FACET was really the place where we saw all of the tools and the people coming together. Visit FACET.com, F-A-C-E-T.com to learn more. This ad is sponsored by FACET. FACET Wealth is an SEC registered investment advisor. This is not an offer to buy or sell securities, nor is it investment, legal, or tax advice. These testimonials are from current FACET members who are not compensated. All opinions are their own and not a guarantee of a similar outcome. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

It's a simple truth. No matter who you are, mental health challenges can affect you and how you manage them can make all the difference. That's why everyone should have access to mental health support that meets them where they are and helps them get through. BetterHelp provides online therapy on your schedule. It's flexible, simple to use, and more affordable than in-person therapy.

Connect with a licensed therapist selected just for you. Learn more at BetterHelp.com. That's BetterHelp.com.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch. It's made with only six simple ingredients. Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn.

Find yours in online or in a store near you at zen.com slash find. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Ep 180: Live From Tulsa: The Ultimate Retirement Destination 01:26:46 Share

This Is Important

Chapters

Shownotes Transcript

Ep 180: Live From Tulsa: The Ultimate Retirement Destination