Ep 178: Live From The Beacon Theater In NYC: Deadass On Arrival
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Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important. Do you suck each other's pinkies in New York? You want to flop your nuts right on someone's forehead. Remember when I wore that diaper for like six months as a joke? You know what? I'm going to go backstage and fist myself real quick. Buckle up.

New York City! Whoa! What, what, what? Whoa! Yeah. Oh my God. Here we go. Pupusau! Pupusau! Pupusau! Pupusau! Pupusau!

I didn't think anybody was going to match the energy of crazy-ass Long Island and wild-ass New Jersey. Let's see if they can do it. Beacon beaters blowing the lid off this bitch. New York! Dude, New York's like, I'm the daddy. I'm the daddy now. New York City! New York is kind of the daddy. I feel like New York's the daddy.

These are fucking cool. What the fuck is this? That's just a swivel chair, Kyle. Pretty standard-ish. It's actually pretty fast. Swivel's pretty fast. So that's what we're going to do this podcast. Kyle's going to swivel in this chair. So we actually didn't... We weren't here. There's a beautiful theater. Durs and I weren't here for the... We do like a sound check where Blake makes sure the cause of diarrhea is the perfect...

The perfect level. That's the sonics. We take care of the sonics of the show. The perfect levels. It was a date night for us. It was. I'm glad we got to have that. I'm kind of jealous now. What do you guys, you still got stuff in his mustache? What happened there? Yeah. I had, oh yeah. Whoa!

What? That's a wild one. That's just how friends say hello to each other. That'll get your pecker hard. They don't do that in New York? I don't know. Do you guys do that? Do you suck each other's pinkies in New York? Yeah! Is that a West Coast thing? Fuck yeah, you do. 69, dudes! Dude, we were in our hotel in the lobby and this guy comes over and he's like, oh shit.

I know you. And I'm like, what's up? And he goes, you're in movies. He's like, I know you are. I'm like, he's like, how do I know you? I'm like, I'm into movies and TV and stuff. And he's like, I know you are. Which one? And I'm like, oh, you know, a bunch of them. And he goes, yeah, but which one? And I go, maybe Pitch Perfect. And he goes, ha ha, you sing. But he was like angry the whole time. And I'm like,

Yeah. Like I thought I was going to fight this guy. And then I'm like, yeah, I sing. But it's just like that New York energy. You guys have that fun energy where they're like, you sing, motherfucker. This motherfucker sings. I'm a fan of you. It's like abrasive, like a deep tissue massage. It gets in there. Where he's just like, I'm a big fan, fucker. Right. All right. Which is the highest praise, I believe. I'm about to beat your ass off top because I love you so much. I love you. Right.

And then he goes, I'm about to go get someone. And I'm like, okay, holy shit. Like, what is about to happen? And then he comes back with Antonio Brown, the football player. And Antonio Brown, I don't know if he knows who I am. And he goes, he's in that movie. And Antonio Brown's like...

Yeah. Right. And he's like, we're getting a photo with you and Antonio Brown. And I'm like, all right. Yeah. And so I take a photo with Antonio Brown and he's wearing this like

white, marshmallow-y, but like stringy coat. He looks like a time traveler. He looked like a time traveler. From the future. Stringy and marshmallow in the same sentence. It was stringy. It was delicious looking. Oh, okay. Like mushroom, or I mean like marshmallow noodles? Is that what we got going on? No, it's like a marshmallow if it's like, it has like coconut flakes all over it. Yes. He looked like a hostess snowball. Yeah. Okay.

I kind of wish it was like literally just like string cheese stapled to his jacket string cheese is like I want some more other shit dog more more other other and then he goes and then I go dude I have that exact same jacket I wish I was wearing it right now that would have been hilarious and he goes and then he goes you're fucking with me

Got it. You're funny. And then he told his friend, he's like, you said he was funny. As if the friend went out there being like, this guy's hilarious. He mentioned the one movie that I know. Yep. Right. What a funny guy. Funny. And this motherfucker stings. I got to imagine like if the tables were turned, someone was like, hey, you got to meet this guy. He plays football. And then you go meet Antonio Brown. You're talking. And then suddenly he just is like,

Catching footballs. They're like, see, I told you he played football. I wonder how often that happens. Because, you know, people will come up to us and be like, yo, tell a joke, funny man. Or for me, they're like, a bunch of girls are like, oh my God, can you sing something? And I'm like, no, bitch. Damn. And then they go, they're offended for a second. I go, just kidding. Please don't stop the music. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

Check me out. Okay. Dude.

We're basically a rock-a-pella, dawg. I don't know. By the way, it's exhausting being your friend because wherever we go, he might have to do that. And I'm like... Mall, airplane, your house. If one 14-year-old girl comes up and goes, can you sing? I have to say, no, bitch!

to put them on their toes, and then I do it. And then I do it because I am a nice guy. Yeah, you are a nice guy. It's all up front. But then we had a nice little dinner date while they were doing the work, so thank you guys. Yeah, we're all here. How does it sound, everybody? During the dinner date... Is it good? It's okay. Okay. It's actually like... I could go for a little more of the monitors. Oh, get out of town. I don't know what that means. During the dinner date...

As he's telling me about meeting Antonio Brown, Antonio Brown is just in the street out the window with like a full length, what do we call those? It's like a fluorescent tube light filming a music video. They're called asteritubes. Asteritubes. Right. And there's two guys holding these tubes and then another guy with a camera. Hey, Kyle, for being smart. Yes, points. Intelligence points.

And then there's two guys holding these tubes, one guy with the camera doing this move. Yeah. And he's like, yeah. And then Antonio Brown and his two friends are rapping, but it's so funny when you can't hear the raps and you just see guys going to the camera. You're the camera. You're the camera. In string cheese jackets. And the dude rapping was very... And then Antonio Brown. Right. Antonio was intense and the tall guy was very like that new style rap where it's just kind of like...

Goodbye. It's just a lot of mime work. It's a lot of loading guns mime work where it's just the nuts and bolts of it. Take the clip out.

Dropping the clip. Rappers have become mimes. They want to make sure you understand. They see the sign interpreters on the side and they're like, we don't need her. Let's not pay her. I'll just do it all here. That makes a lot of sense to me. They're getting smarter about business. I like that if they're really getting good at, they're super getting into the gun miming and at one point it's going down and he's shooting and he's like, oh shit, the safety's on. Right, yeah.

He's like, "Caw, caw, caw!" And he's like, "What the..." The space work is getting advanced. And then he turns it off and goes... It's accidental. And then the other dude's like... Is that YouTube? What did you do? Oh, he's resuscitating you, dude. Yes, yes, of course. Okay, yes. I got a call, yeah.

Okay, you're getting points for that. You have points. Mind points, intelligence points. I did shoot myself in the head, so I don't know if resuscitating me... You never know. I don't know. Yeah, you never know. In fact, that just makes more blood squirt out of my head wound. Dude, you have to try. You have to try. Yeah. Like, he's been shot in the head. Just electrocute him. Just...

Suck his dick real quick. Right. What? Whoa, that'd be sick. Just give him the shocker. And one person goes for the defibrillator. And the other guy starts taking his pants down. And he's like, I don't know. Wow, this is going to help. Come on. There's no pink, but there's a lot of stink. Should I go three in the middle?

What do I do? How many are in the pink? Is it one or is it two in the pink? It doesn't look like the stink would even feel the two. Somebody cup his balls and then I'll put three in. We got to go five in the stink. My friend is dying. Why are you fisting my grandpa? And you know what? I guess you guys aren't tripping because that's just another night in New York City for y'all. Oh, wow. That's just how it is. New York. You guys are like seeing it.

Not a big deal. Yeah, dude. Five in the stink. That's just our lives. That's just our lives. That's the best thing. Five in the stink? You heard me, Kyle. I love it. Five in the stink? That's what he said. I love it. Guys. I love it. I know we were kind of talking all over each other and the crowd is like, we know. I was screaming that.

Just a minute ago. Okay, well, guess what? Yes, points! Well, it was a very fertile area. We all wanted to jump in with our X amount of the stink. Remember when you thought fisting was like this? And then at some point you learned it was way more gentle? You know what's cool? And you were like, well, that makes sense. For a lot of people, the sometime when they're learning is from you right now. And whenever I see anyone having a conversation that's like...

I assume they're talking about fisting. Anytime you go past an Italian restaurant, it's just like, eh. Like the Sopranos I used to watch on mute while I folded laundry. I'm like, oh, they really liked fisting. Thank God. It's HBO, so I guess I get away with it. Tony's a freak with Camila. Well, I mean, that makes sense. Like, you really going to come up to the fucking punani like this, bro? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. Or the butthole. Right, yeah. Stink or pink? What are we talking about? I figure you can fist anything, right? You can fist anything. You can. Knock yourself out. You know what? I'm going to go backstage and fist myself real quick. Hey, there we go. You guys just hear me? Oh, fuck.

Yeah, no, I got it. Isaac. Isaac came up with it. When is that going to become a thing? People are like, you know what? Go fuck yourself. Oh, fuck. Is he doing it? I think he's fisting himself. Oh, shit. It looks good. He's been talking about this a lot on tour, how he wants to take more time for himself. I wish I had a whole prop where I'm just up to my elbow and I'm like, yeah, I can't get it out. Right. I can't get it out. I have to sit like this the rest of the time. Fuck.

I don't know. Hey, guys, tonight's special. I just want to do this real quick because speaking of fisting, my mother is in the audience. Oh, my God. Nucky Grandma! Nucky Grandma! It is her birthday today. What? Nucky Grandma! Come on.

Is it the funniest birthday? Unfortunately, no. She's 68 and we're all fucking pissed about it. She should be turning 69. That's way funnier of a birthday. Yeah, but it's okay. Here's my problem. It's like you don't care, Pam. It's like you don't care that we're at the Beacon Theater and what we need is a 69th birthday. That would really put it over the edge. You knew we were going to be on tour. You couldn't have just fast-forwarded time a little bit, Mom?

The fuck? No wonder he's so fucked up. But still, in honor, even though it's not the funniest birthday, I feel that we should all sing her Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Pamela.

Naked grandma! Naked grandma! I feel like a happy 15th birthday to you. Naked grandma! Naked grandma! Naked grandma! Mama, I love you, Mom. I love you. Thanks for making me. That's a really sweet moment after the fisting discussion. It just reminded me of her. And by the way, guys...

Kyle's mom is super cool. Not 48 hours ago did I see her pole dancing in Long Island. Oh my god, that's so true. She was. And not to be outdone, we got there just in time for her shift. Just saw her just getting off. She took her knee brace off, climbed right up on that pole. But what was cool is this was like at a speakeasy under the venue that the owner had with a secret locked door. You know about that?

Yeah. He wants you to know he's cool and he was invited to that. We get it. You know what speakeasies are. So there's a poll there. Your mom gets down. You're filming it. What? I was filming it. I got the camera. I'm filming it. Of course I'm about to do that. Whatever you do, you check that footage before you hand it over to iHeart, okay? But what's cool is your dad was just kind of in the corner enjoying it as one would, right? But then he peels his coat off and is like, my turn. Okay.

and straight up was like, and did a whole 360? And then laid on his back. He landed on his back somehow, like let himself down, and just laid there for like 30 seconds, and I'm glad he's okay. I'm glad you're okay, Dan. That was big. We were just raised differently. Yes. And there's an appreciation, but I watched that, and I just go, wow. Wow.

Well, I think that's why we work together so well, Ders. I feel like your parents would do that, Blake's parents would do that. Would your... I think, well, my mom was a cheerleader, so I'm assuming, yeah, at some point. Would your mom get on the pole? One step away from the pole, cheerleading. I think it's a logical jump. Yeah, that old tale. My mom was a cheerleader, but for the wrestling team?

Okay, it's Iowa. Wait, was your mom Miss Elizabeth with Randy Savage? Yeah, so I was like, so that's probably just as good as the football or basketball team, right? And she's like, no.

She's like, I tried out for that and landed on the wrestling team. Right. She did a cartwheel and got stuck in a handstand. It was like, I can't get out of this. They're like, that's pretty good. Go hit the mat. I didn't realize that different sports had different cheerleaders. I didn't know that was a thing. That's cool. You got to do sports. I've never done sports. That's how you have to actually watch one sport. Like swimming.

Oh, yeah, that's true. I need to pay attention. Did you not play any sports? So, I mean, you played baseball, and then what happened? Cigarettes got in the way? Cigarettes got in the way. Yeah, I chose that nicotine over the home runs, man. Yeah! Yeah!

The worst. It was a bad choice, but that got me into theater, which was cool. Cigarettes? For me and Blake. You saw all the nerdy kids wearing all black outside the theater, and you're like, those are my people. That's it. They're also choosing nicotine. I like that. That's good. Hey, you noticed you're smoking. Did you see auditions are up? Yeah.

I might as well try. But then I ran the spotlight. I didn't get on the stage. They put me on top of a Coke machine. Because you can light a cigarette off that hot ass light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was fucking wild. They're like, I think we're going to let you run spot. But in terms of high school, I got my letter as a bowler. I was a bowler.

That's where I got my varsity letter. This is big time. You guys did letter on the sleeve? A letter on your varsity jacket, you know what I mean? You put it on the sleeve, not the chest? Oh, I never did that part. You know what's crazy, though? Now you're in front of the spotlight. How's it feel, baby? Feel?

Feels wrong, man. I feel like I should be right up there operating that spotlight. I feel most of the crowd agrees. Yeah. I know. I get it. I totally get it. I feel like they look at us and they're like, Kyle should be running spot. Feels like a snuck up here. Backstage somewhere. I had an accident when I was a kid, so I couldn't physically play sports. So I got into theater, too. And ha-ha, you were almost crippled. Yeah.

And so I got into theater too, but I was a little embarrassed by it. Now I'm like, why the fuck was I embarrassed? At the time you were? Yeah, at the time I was like, where I would go to rehearsals and then...

I would go smoke weed with my friends after school and then have to make an excuse that I have to leave and be like, I gotta go help my dad build a deck. I was building a deck for like four months, dude. But really, you were building a character. Do you think that there's something just a little embarrassing when you're very young to be like,

I'm going to go pretend to be someone else because I'm not enough as myself. Oh, damn. Everyone else is like, I'm going to go play football. I'm going to go be on the chess team. You go pretend to be someone you're not. I'm going to go be Macbeth. I'm not trying to get hella deep. I'm going to be Peter Pan. I'm going to be Conrad Burney. I'm going to fly. But is that what's kind of embarrassing? That you're like, I got to go check out from who I am for a minute?

And be somebody from 112 Degrees in the Shade. No, that wasn't what I was embarrassed about. It was the amount of makeup that they had you put on. Yeah. And you looked fucking insane. And then my dad still to this day is like, you still wear makeup? For like, for not now, but like for like when you're shooting a show or a movie or whatever, they put makeup on you. And he's like, you're wearing makeup?

Bet De Niro doesn't wear makeup. And I'm like, I was in a movie with Robert De Niro. He for sure wears makeup. In fact, I think he probably wears more makeup because he's 80 years old. Yeah. He has a makeup line for sure. That's so cool. My dad's like, doubt it. He like refuses to believe. Yeah. I wasn't supposed to say, but that's not his real nose and it hasn't been for decades. Yeah.

I actually got one. He has to reapply that shit. So the reason you were embarrassed is because your father shamed you. Which I actually think is a good thing for children. I really do. I think we need to bring bullying back. Not all the way. Not to an 80s or 90s level. But like to a 2002...

2001 level. I agree. I do agree. A certain level of bullying can help you second guess certain decisions that you're making as a human. Yeah. And it's just like a check. Maybe I'm not fully goth.

Maybe I'm not a human vampire. Yeah, maybe I stop at the eye shadow. You know what I mean? Maybe you don't even start there. Maybe. Maybe. Right. I do kind of want to see Kai with cat eye, though. Like, just a little subtle. Did you ever wear eyeliner, dude? I wore eyeliner. Well, I didn't wear it in my everyday life, but I jumped. It's a yes or no question.

I jumped at the chance whenever it was a possibility. Literally? I fucking loved it. Dude, so that's every day because that eyeliner costs like a dollar. No, but I mean like I didn't do it like if I was just going to 7-Eleven to get a Slurpee or something like that. But if it was like a special party that was like a goth party, I was always like, let me get that. Wait, Kyle, a special... You guys went to high school together.

How many special golf parties were there? I feel like there may be a birthday you got invited to that I did not. It's a birthday at Dragon's house. Come dark or don't come at all.

I'm thinking like Jillian had a goth party once and like I fucking wanted to wear that. That's as an adult. That's as a 23, 24 year old human man. He's talking about Jillian Michaels, the fitness guru. Yeah. Relax. Not Jillian Bell, but we love her as well. Abs for days.

We do love Jillian Bell. Give it up for Jay Bell. But that's not when you were in high school, Kyle. That's when you were a 25-year-old man. In high school, I didn't fuck with eyeshadow. Yeah, that was like peak irony. So you could get away with anything. Remember when I wore that diaper for like six months as a joke? Yeah, that was weird. And Dirt's was like, I'm shitting right now. Isn't it hilarious? We're like, yeah, dude. It's gonna catch on.

I wish you wouldn't. I kept saying pamper yourself. That's true. You should pamper yourself. And you know what? Yes, points. There's your points. Now I get it. Now I get it. I just got it actually. Holy shit. That's really funny. Good. That's really funny. What else? You didn't go through any weird phase, did you? Did you go through a... He's in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Blake is always our fashion forward friend. I guess. When it was like an Ed Hardy type age. Okay, okay. You never went Ed Hardy, but you wore some Ed Hardy adjacent type clothing. Yeah. And I bet if you had a little more money in your pocket...

You might have been Ed Hardy. Wait, so did you buy Ed Hardy? Or were you gifted Ed Hardy? No, I think it was affliction because that shit was fucking... That's a good way to describe it. Huh, cool. Even worse. It was an affliction. No, all of that kind of clothing, those were gifts.

They were gifts. From who? From my stepmother. She's like, I want you to be a fucking Eddie Hardy bro, dude. What a G. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why she thought that was my vibe. Because that was hot right then. That was the move. Yeah, but I also had a little afro and zero...

muscle or anything. So I just was like... This was your start. You just start her kit. You get the shirt and then you build. She was like, please God, don't be a little bitch. If we buy him this...

he'll drive a lifted truck and start grappling. Yeah, but every shirt I wore, it'd be like affliction, but it'd look like I was wearing a nightie tee, like I was going to bed. Right. Like, all right. But one day you would roll up cock diesel with cornrows and she'd be like, we did it. We did it. Honey, we did it. Yeah. We got him.

I miss Linda. She's a great person. She's still alive. I just don't see her. I don't see her that often. Jesus. She's dead to me, but... Yeah. Had to choose sides. Never met her, I don't think.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. I never really went through like a real... I guess I'm still in my exact phase. Yeah, what's that? You've been pretty true? Just a punk rock all-star. Okay, for sure. For sure. Yeah. I'm a dude. Just loving Green Day and Blink-182. Yeah. Yeah.

So no growth. No growth at all. Dude, no. I think I talked about this a few weeks ago, but we found this old note that I had to write for some class, and Chloe found it when we were back home visiting my parents, and now we can't find it again. We should have kept it, but it said...

like goals for my life. Yeah. And then one was getting buff. Sure. Check. Check. Check. Fucking big time. Check. Careful. And he's the stuff out of this jacket, dude. Uh,

Two was being big time comedy star. Check. Okie dokie. All righty then. Hey, that's what, you don't know this? You don't know this? When you're not around, that's what we fucking call you. I know, I know. We don't want to do it to your face because it's like weird. Yeah, yeah. We're like, where the fuck is the buff big time comedy star? And then three was ladies.

Okay. Wow, dude. Yeah, dude. And that's essentially my life. So, yeah, I'm the same exact person I was in the seventh grade when I wrote that letter. There's a certain beauty to just remaining on the same flight your whole life, dude. No growth, baby. Good job, man. Way to go. Hashtag no growth. I haven't grown at all, even in my musical taste, because my top... We looked this up the other day. The Spotify raps. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Which, shout out to everybody who was your number one podcast was This Is Important. That was big time. That was cool. For the ears. Thank you for your ears. That was very cool. Oh, here's a photo of me and Antonio Brown. I don't know if you can see that. It got smaller. If you guys take a picture, you can zoom in later. Yeah, just take a photo of that because there's me and Antonio.

We'll do it live. The best of friends. It'll be funny. He's probably here, but go ahead. Yeah. No, I took a... My number one was Blink-182. Okay. Rock and roll. Let's go! Then Beastie Boys. Hey. I mean, yeah, get real. Okay. Then Rage Against the Machine. Sure. Rage Against the Machine? Yeah.

Then Green Day and then the Pixies. I have not grown. Wow. Oh, the Pixies. Yeah, dude. I'm kind of proud of the Pixies. That's a good vibe. I'm into that. Yeah. Thanks. It was number five. It was pretty far down there. Was it purely just from Fight Club? It was just that one song from Fight Club over and over again. Closing credits. Yeah. I like this. Oh.

What was your top five, Kyle? Mine were all like French. No, no, I want you to read it. Kyle's top five and it was like, I'm on another planet. You live on another planet. They weren't even bands. They were just weird instruments you think you've heard of. Yeah, they were like... Number one is rain stick. Your number one artist was a theremin? Yeah. Where the fuck is it?

Oh, I must have lost it. What's a belly harp? No, dude, this is perfect for me, though. But my top artist number one is a French guy named Lonely in the Rain.

Wait, what? That's his government name? That's his number one artist for the year. Yeah, Lonely in the Rain. That means when he listens to music, he's listening to Lonely in the Rain, dude. You listen to 20,000 hours of Lonely in the Rain. You good? You good, bud? Reach out. No, I'm not okay. I'm dealing with some shit. I'm a phone call away. Also, you haven't grown either because...

You've always been a kid that if it's raining outside, you're out there like mad skateboarding. Oh, 100% is epic in the rain. No one gets me. And then he ollies this high off the ground. And then falls and then eats shit in the rain. Number two, let's go down your sick ass list. Kyle's still bucking the system by not wearing shoes on stage. Yeah, what the fuck? Disaster, my guy.

There's no shoes on that scene. They're right here. I have them here. I did enter the stage with fucking shoes, but I got hot. I got fucking a little bit too toasty.

Number two. Number two is an artist called Plume. Okay. All right. Big roar from the crowd, by the way. Number three. They're all losing their minds over Lonely in the Rain and Plume. And then there's another French guy named Mr. Tout Le Monde.

Okay. Do you speak... Hang on. Quick question. Do you speak French? No. Okay, go ahead. That was French, though, right? Well, he sings a song... His song is a song called Sunny Day. I like that song. No, that's Sesame Street. Oh, right. This is my kid's top artist. Yeah. That's Big Bird. And then another band called Trinix, and then number five is T-Mid. So nobody knows...

I'm on another planet. I already started this with the same shit, man. I'm on another planet. Wow. But I'm happy over here. I'm happy for you, Kyle. I'm happy for you. You found what you like. Yeah, dude. I do what my ears like. What time is it? How much time do we got to sit here? Remember when we talked about bringing back bullying? We're doing it. We don't just talk about it. We do it. We're doing it.

And honestly, it helps me consider what I'm doing in my life. See, that's great. It does. That's great, you bitch. Mom, do you want me to play the number one song by Lonely in the Rain? I would like to hear it. Let's see what kind of tip Kyle's on. Rips? Is it? No, these. Oh, yeah. So this is music you jerk off to. Dude, yeah. This is Kyle. This is Kyle like doing a reverse grip. Dude, I love this. It just makes me happy.

Like rubbing the top. Kyle, it's your turn to take the kids to school. I'm coming. Yes, points. You can even maybe bend your dick in your own butthole. Nice, dude. And just kind of sit with it for a little bit. This is the kind of shit I want to break dance to, dude. This feels like the scene. And was that it? Can you go to like the middle of the song just to get like a little bit? I guarantee it is the exact same thing. It's all ethereal.

Oh, I take it back. Should I do it? Should I break it? Oh, Jesus. Oh, shit. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, are you okay? Are you okay? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. No. Yeah. Oh, yes. Stop. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, holy son of a pole dancer. Dude, I love that so much. That's like when like a little kid is like their parents are paying attention to them and they're like, Mom, watch this. Yeah, watch this.

Watch this. But we have to be the mom. Honestly, dude, the slide. That hurt. The slide on my knee is my five-year-old son. He taught me that. That's actually really impressive. Watching you do that. Oh, I fucked my pants up. Of course you did. You just fucking slid on your knees like a five-year-old. Kyle, relax. Just calm down.

Call Bonobos and you'll get another pair. Hey, Bonobos. There's a layer of Kyle's knee right here. Oh, wait, there is. This is Kyle's. Yep, that's Kyle. Take a picture. We'll post that later on the socials. Watching you do that, it reminds me that when I'm working out and doing actual exercise,

And I do like a pull-up. You look great, by the way. He looks great. When is my last pull-up? When's my last pull-up going to happen? Oh, like you're saying due to age or like your arms come off? Yeah, because at a certain point...

You can't, right? Kyle's happened in 2007. I tried it at your house. I remember. Before we did the Irvine show. I remember. I got pretty embarrassed by it. But I would not consider that my last pull-up. I would consider that pull-up bar to be a bully to me, and now I need to work harder to get up on it. That's why you fit so well in today's society, where you blame the pull-up bar, not the fact that you can't do a pull-up. Right.

So maybe we should bring back bullying. That's what I'm saying. I didn't blame anything. It's all me, bro. Everyone here tonight, leave this place and go bully someone. It's like Fight Club. Go pick a fight.

Dude, we're in New York. They literally do that all the time. That's true. They're like, hey, you don't have to worry about us. New York stays New York. I saw a dude today come from around a block to one of the stands where they just sell gum and hot dogs or whatever. Yeah, it's a hot dog stand. Go ahead. Yes, yes, yes. Pretty famous. And he just came from all the way down the street. He's like...

You owe me $4. Okay, yeah. And that wasn't just like he paid earlier. I think this was from like last week. Right. I was like, holy shit, how's this going to end? I kind of just like stood in the back. Yeah. You walked away, but you turned to see what was still happening, and the guy was like... Yeah.

You're like, that just went south, literally. Dude, no matter what, when you're in New York, people are having, it's usually on their phone, but like the most serious conversations. Have you guys seen a girl crying yet? No. Every time I go to New York. Darius has so many videos on his phone of girls crying. That's kind of what he...

That's his Instagram algorithm. It's just women crying. No, but New York is a unique place where kind of everything is out happening in the open. You always see a girl just leaning up against a building like,

sobbing fully crying in la the seat is reclined in the car and it happens there yeah you don't see it when they're done they come back up and dude i was at um starbucks this morning and there was a girl on the phone and she like the music was kind of loud so she was speaking loudly but also she's from new york so she was speaking loudly right yeah how loud dude how loud she's like

I don't know, I just feel like you've been being real shady to me lately. Real shady. And then she like, wait, and she listens. And what's cool is you're doing the exact voice. And it sounds exactly like your voice. It was me talking to my mom. She sat, she waited, she listened, and then she's like, are you being dead ass? And she's like, are you being dead ass? Yes.

She's like, all right, I got to go. My coffee's ready. And I was like, I heard my first dead ass in the

You know what's crazy? I was watching, it was like the complex, was it complex where they say like goat? It's like goat talk between two celebrities. Yeah. And our favorite person, Ice Spice, was on it. Yes, we love Ice Spice. We love Ice Spice. Don't know who that is. Don't know who that is. They were like, what's your favorite slang? And she goes, oh, I gotta go like way old school. Dead ass. Yeah.

And that's way old school? Well, she's... I haven't even caught up to that one yet. She's 11 years old.

But like, that's crazy. That's dead ass to me. Am I saying it right? I don't think that works. I think dead ass is serious. So dead ass means serious. Are you being dead ass serious? And then you cut out the serious and you say dead ass. It's after you've hit them with the defibrillator and shoved your fucking fist up their ass. It's dead ass. They're dead ass. Dead ass. Okay, I'll take them. That was great. Urban Dictionary.

Hey, Isaac. Oh, okay. Is it possible? Daddy wants some. You guys. Yeah, we're going to need to tap the Rockies, Isaac. Isaac's coming out here. Do you know what we want? We want him to take his shirt off. Isaac Horny. So, Isaac. We're in New York City. Show your nipples. We're in New York City. I feel like he has to show his nips. He showed his nipples. Hey.

Come here. Come here. Oh, what the fuck is that? You better show these nips. He showed his nipples. You better show these nips. This is what I'm talking about. We will get these back. Get his nipples back. Show the nipples. Bullying back. Bullying back. He showed them. Oh, my God. I didn't realize how wild people were going to get to see somebody's titties. Yeah, that's insane, dude. Kind of makes me want to show mine. Oh, shit. I like this idea.

Hey Todd, would you mind playing me something real nasty in this motherfucker? What's happening? This one's for the people up top. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude.

I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like when a girl sucks on my tits. Yo, I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. My tits, tits, tits.

Those tits, tits, tits, look I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits Oh titties, oh titties, oh titties I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits

I'm kind of a nasty dude. Oh my god. I liked it when that girl sucked on my tits. Damn. Yo! Titties! Yo!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Dude, those are so good. Look at them hangs. You guys. How much weight is on those? Bro, these are about 85 pounds. Can I, may I jiggle your titties? Absolutely. Yeah, this is like a fucking John Cena weight vest right here. Adam, will you help me flip this cushion over? It's soaked.

Hey, this is the first time I've done this before. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. I don't believe you. Wow, that felt good. And Blake, uh, homie, homie. Damn. Oh, thick dog. Death by titine. Hey, let's just get rid of these guys. Come on, this is so stupid. Homie, why do you own those? For the show, Adam. What are you talking about? Did you get a deal? Was it two for one?

It was. I'll give those points. Yes, points! She really went after your thoughts. Holy shit, you sucked on my titty so long. He's now lactating. Who did that? What was cool is I saw people, I saw legitimate, a lot of people knowing that song. We might have a hit. Bro, we knew it was a hit from the moment we recorded that, though. Hey, maybe we could collab with Lonely in the Rain. Yeah.

That would be my dream. I bet you could. I bet it's just some guy named Jeff. Yeah. Who's like, I would love... Literally, you're Kyle, right? You're the only one who listens. Yeah, I'm in the top 0.1% of your listeners, bro. What's going on? You're like, Kyle, you finally called. I was waiting for you to reach out. I'm trying to figure out how to say that in French. It is me, Pierre. Je suis...

Un nasty dude. Yeah. Je like it when a girl sucks on my tits. What is just swimming? I am. Okay, not je m'appelle. Like, I am nasty dude. You'd be like, je m'nasty dude-pal or something like that. You'd put it in the center. I was legit afraid because I purchased the set of titties online in L.A., but I was scared to bring them on the flight. Online in L.A.?

You were scared to what? When I was packing them in my bag, I'm like, I'm about to get flagged on some weird terrorist shit. Yeah, that's a lot of silicone. Oh, maybe now. Whoa! Oh, no, he did it. He already did it. He gave me a drink. Yeah, maybe now he'll show his butt. Now it's time to show your butt. Stop!

Show your fucking hole. The best part about tonight is this is the Beacon Theater. It's a beautiful theater. Beautiful. iHeartRadio, we're part of iHeartRadio, and the heads of iHeartRadio came to the show tonight. Yeah. We're coming to the show, and we're like, our show. Yeah. When we say we're part of iHeartRadio, we're the taint. Yeah. That's the part. We are the gooch of iHeart. Yes, points!

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You're kind of a nasty dude. Sure, yeah.

Are you still nasty? Because you made that song quite a while ago and you were kind of nasty. Are you nastier? Are you less nasty? I think they're less nasty. To be fair, that's kind of why I got the fake titties because we did that song like two other times and I would just show my titties and I'd be like, yo, come suck my titties. And then when a stranger would suck my titties, I started to feel bad. You'd get rock hard? I'm like, I hope my girlfriend doesn't find out and break up with me immediately. All of a sudden your pants go...

Right. I'm enjoying this too much. Right. Yeah. I'm partially kind of still nasty dude. I don't like it when a stranger girl sucks on my tits. Well, I would say that...

If a girl were to suck on my tits... Your boobs are huge. Hey, can we get a spotlight on Adam real quick? Let's let him take this one for a walk. Let's get a Coors Light spotlight on Adam real quick. Very shaggy. We're going to wait for it. It's not quite there. That's fine. Or not. They're smoking cigarettes, so the spotlight person... Guys, do I need to come up there? No, they're just chain-smoking cigs. It's fine. I don't need it. If...

If a girl sucks on my tits, that does nothing for me, dude. What do you mean? I take you. Oh, there we go. Yeah, there it is. Great. Well, you got to turn us down. Turn the rest of the stage down, please. And let this man speak. Thank you. And now we freeze. If a girl... Spoken word. If a girl were to suck if...

on my...tentacles. It doesn't do anything for me. What does it do for you? This is a monologue, sir. It doesn't do any-- That's good. It doesn't do anything for me. Honestly, dude, you should let me try. Oh. Okay. Whoa! No, whoa, whoa! Not now.

Not now. Come on, suck his titty, dude. Dude, that's so tight. I'm not into that. That is so... What do you want me to do? That's like mammogram ready. Whoa, this is getting to be like fucking... That's Blake's job. Hey, can I just say something? I hear you guys. I hear you guys. Durs, why didn't you say it then, dog? Yeah, that's good. And to be fair, I hear you guys, but...

Why'd you say it then? Why'd you get me all not riled? In the words of Jennifer Connelly in The Labyrinth, you have no power over me. Ooh. Yes. Yeah. But also, that's kind of bitch made because you literally just said, I'll suck your tits. And then you backed. I didn't literally say that. I said, you should let me try. Okay. And then I was like, okay. He didn't say now. On my time. Oh. Right.

I do believe that if titty sucking is going to happen. You want to do it in private. Yes. Obviously. Yeah. It's me, you, Antonio Brown. Yep. My new homie. With the tube light and I'm. Forget about it. I'll post a sick

Photo. Loose butthole. I'm concerned about your nipples though, Adam. Why? Because for that to not be an erogenous zone. I don't think they're big enough for it to like really pop. What's going on? How do you have nothing when somebody like were to lick or suck your tits? You have no feeling?

I'm sorry. I mean, no, because I'm not a woman. I think women have more advanced nipple technology. Well, that's very fair and very true. That is true. Adam Wells said. I was like, yep, that works. Yeah, that actually works. Their nipple technology is through the roof. Men have much dumber tech in their tops. I think I saw that in a Skims commercial where they're like –

Women's breast advanced technologies really crushes their boobs together to make them look good. Right. You think you saw that? I think so. What is Skims? What the fuck is Skims? Skims, that's like Kim Kardashian's fucking... I think the NBA wears them now. It's like body suits. They do. You're laughing, but they do. It's sponsored. Women's bras? It's the official shapewear of the NBA. Shapewear? Yeah. Like Spanx? Like Spanx?

Yes. Kind of, yeah. But Spanx are not skins. Yes, Spanx! Whatever. Who cares? Basically, that one lady made a trillion dollars on Spanx, and Kim Kardashian was like, I think if we just make them in brown, we'll make hella money too. And then the Spanx lady was like, fuck. I never made it in brown. God damn it. I made it in varicose vein white. Fuck. Fuck.

Yeah. I didn't know. And why did the NBA players wear them? I don't know. Because now it's available in Brown. Because they're like, we're fat, right? I think it was from when dudes were dunking on dudes and their nuts were just on their forehead. They're like, let's suck that up a little bit. That's a hazard. Yeah, but isn't...

You want the other guy to do that. You don't want to do that. You want to flop your nuts right on someone's forehead. Are you like the guy who doesn't shower before the wrestling match to use that as part of your advantage? That's a fantastic tactic. I never was a wrestler. But I mean, in your mind, if your legs actually worked and you could do anything with the legs that you lost... No, I'm just being straightforward. Hey, leave him alone! Leave him alone! Because would you not shower? Anything to win.

I mean, yeah, would I win then?

I don't know. It sucks if you're in a chokehold by a funky-ass dude as opposed to a dude who's fully brooded out. You're kind of like, I could live here for a little bit. See, that's the difference between us. We can start at the penis. Or we can scream, who gives a fuck and see who means it. I think I'd rather have BO than too much cologne. Too much cologne drives me fucking crazy, dude. Too much cologne's rough. So that would be your tactic? Yeah, I'd douse myself in cool water. Right.

But then it backfires because Cool Water is an aphrodisiac. Right. Oh, yeah. And he just can't help himself. He just starts fucking. Right. And then they're like, negative points? I don't know. I think... I mean, technically, yes, you pinned him, but...

You also entered him. Right. You can get up now. Yeah, I don't know. How many points do you get for that? What I really want to see is, like, this year's slam dunk contest, whoever's in it, they're like, oh, shit, what's he doing? Oh, he's taking the skims off, dude. Yeah, dude. And then it's just some dude just...

dropping his nuts on another man. Skim sanity! That's what I really want to see. You want your dick to hit someone in the face when you dunk. To me, I'm like, it's not enough to make a whole line specifically geared towards NBA players to squash their nuts against their thighs.

I'm like, boxer shorts can do that. Boxer shorts? Or boxer briefs. Not boxer briefs. You said boxer shorts and you were wrong. He did say that. He was wrong. He said the wrong thing. He did say the wrong thing. Get him! Fuck him up. He misspoke! Hey, you know what? That's fine because I'm all about bringing bullying back. We don't let shit slide here. And I think it's okay. If your friend misspeaks, you're allowed to bring that back around

For eternity. Oh, yeah. Forever, dude. At his funeral and shit, be like, he was a good guy. Couldn't speak the fucking English language, though. He said New York. He said New York once. He said Newark. Oh, yeah. Remember how mad Newark got at us calling him Newark? Because I guess it's Newark.

Someone said it's Nork, and I was like, you're a fucking Nork. No, dude. Hashtag bullying's bad. You're a fucking Nork, dude. Don't smell what's in my pockets. Now I know, though. I will forever say Nork. No, I think it's if you're educated, it's Newark. And if you're a fucking moron like us, it's Nork. Right. I think that's right. New York City!

I love that. I love that. Dude, that was the... Was that the... Pace... Pace picante sauce. Yes, it was a... Yes. I had to look for you for help with that one. I was like, it was Pace...

Pecante sauce. They say, get a rope. At the end of that commercial, somebody died. A New Yorker died, right? Explain that to me. The commercial was this paste pecante is made in San Antonio. And they're like, oh, we like San Antonio. That's fucking great. That's perfect. And then he

He looks at the label and he says, what the fuck? This stuff's made in New York City. Oh, you want that? New York City! And then they say, get a rope to string the dude up. To kill him, yeah. To kill him. Which I feel like is maybe an overreaction.

I would say that's a little bit of an overreaction. And also, I love the marketing because, you know, there was a marketing call and they're like, and we're going to kill him at the end. And he's going to say, load the shotgun. And they're like, whoa, load the shotgun. And they're like, revolver? And they're like, maybe we get off guns. And they're like,

sharpen the knife. And they're like, well, now they're visualizing someone being stabbed to death. Right. Sharpen my knife. And they're like, how about get a rope? And you're like, I guess we could hang him. Yeah. That's not offensive to anyone. Yeah.

No one would be offended by that. Yeah, it's in the 80s and they're like, great, let's go do a bunch of Coke. Yeah. All right, cool. Coke time. And by the way, it's Coke o'clock somewhere. For sure, the dudes making the commercial were from fucking Madison Avenue. New York City! Uh...

Dude, I remember the first time. That being said, I like salsa. Yeah, me too. I do. Yeah, salsa rocks. I remember the first time I ever came to New York City. It was like a big deal for me because when I was 18, I was like, am I going to move to L.A. or New York? Because my dream was to always be on SNL. Failed. And they will not return my calls. No. So I wanted to be on SNL. So I was like, maybe I'll move to New York. And then my dad ran into someone at a restaurant.

hotel lobby and they were like, oh yeah, it's like $3,000 for a one bedroom apartment in New York. And my dad's like, you're moving to LA. So then I moved there. But then when I got a live at Gotham, which was the standup show for comedy central. And it was the first time I was going to be flown out to New York. I was like, mom, dad, I want you to come out to New York. It'll be our first time, all of us in New York city. It'll be incredible. And my dad goes,

Fuck that. Jesus. And I'm like, what? And he goes, I never want to go to New York. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And he goes, too many people. I don't like it. Yeah. And I'm like, all right. And then I found out years later, it was just because he had a fishing trip planned. Oh, what? That shit's important. He was going to go on a fishing trip with his friend, Scotty the body. Oh, we know the body. We found the body. Yeah. You know the body. Yeah.

And he just didn't want to reschedule the fishing trip, so he made a huge stink about, like, I hate New York. Right. All the subways and the people. And the good food. Yuck. Good food, fun places to hang out. Easy to get around, super walkable. Fuck that. Fuck that.

Fuck that. Fuck that. Really good pizza and Italian food, not for me. I always hated Italian food. Dad, it's your favorite food. Fuck that. It's Subway meatball sandwiches or nothing. All right. I bet they don't have good steaks in New York City. Dad, they have the best restaurants in the world in New York City. Doubt it. Fuck that. Also, what the fuck is a York steak?

I don't know, Dad. That's actually... To be fair... I don't know, Dad. I'm just going to be on TV for the first time in my life, and maybe this might be the last time. I have no idea. Don't get me started on TV. Yeah, I'll TiVo it. Fuck that. I'll TiVo it with the TiVo that you bought me with the money that you're earning from this.

I'd rather go fishing. Fuck. What? Out in me. JK. That shit's important. BRB. And then, by the way, now he denies that story all day. He came and visited me when I was shooting. And has a huge apartment on 57th and 3rd. I don't even know if that's an intersection. He came to visit me when I was shooting the Isn't It Romantic movie. He came to visit, and he was like, tell you what, New York's pretty damn fun. Yeah.

Oh my god. For sure your dad loves it. He's like, this place rips. That's his new thing. He learned rip about five years ago and now everything rips. Rips. I just want to party. He was like, hey dude, dead ass, it rips. Dude, your dad saying dead ass is good. That would be great. That would be fantastic. Dead ass, it would. It really would. Dead ass. To me, it would be dead ass.

Honestly? To you, it would be deadass? It is. Yeah, that is cool that he likes it now. Blake hates it and wouldn't shut up about that backstage. That's bullshit. So if he starts pandering about how cool New York is and how it's the greatest city in the world... When was the first time that you came to New York, Blake? Were we all together? Yeah, it was probably on some Comedy Central... Dude, do you remember... Didn't we go to...

I thought it was SNL. When we went to SNL. That was the first time we came. Oh, yeah, because Jillian was a writer. Adam wrote a letter. Yeah. No, Jillian was a writer on SNL. Jillian Michaels. Yeah, and we all went to her apartment and stayed in her apartment that week. Jillian Bell and...

It was right after season one, I think. We filmed season one. It hadn't aired yet, I believe. It was before season one because we weren't sure if she was going to be able to shoot Workaholics. That's right. And our number two would have been Rebel Wilson. Rebel was... We were going to go out to Rebel if it wasn't going to be Jillian. But obviously, fuck her. Well,

Sure. But Jillian, she was writing for SNL, and we were like, we wouldn't be able to get her. And we came and we visited, and that's when I almost got in a fist fight with Andy Samberg. Oh, because we went to the after party. We go to this after party, and Jillian goes, hey, let me introduce you to the Lonely Island guys. And we were all fans, so I'm like, okay, cool. And she goes, we're across a busy table, and she goes,

"Adam, this is my friend Andy. Andy, this is Adam." And she goes, "I'm gonna go get us drinks." And she leaves. And I go, "Hey Andy, nice to meet you. I'm Adam." And he goes, "No, my name's Andy, not Adam." And I go, "I know, I'm Adam. Nice to meet you." And he goes, "I'm not Adam. I'm Andy. Nice to meet you." And I go, "I know your name's Andy."

Nice to meet you! This is what it's like being friends with Adam. I think the three of us are standing behind Adam. Lauren Michaels is at the bar like, oh, fuck. It's the guy who keeps writing me letters. Yeah, the guy who keeps calling. I thought we got rid of him years ago. But that was your guys' first time, and I believe we like...

really milked the SNL after party and stayed until the sun came up. And went to, I don't know, a place to watch the sunrise. We were in Central Park or something, right? And there was bikers. There was a whole bunch of bikers doing their morning shit. Cyclists. What's the cola with milk in it or some shit? Diet Coke. Wait, what are you talking about? It's like milk or cream.

Egg cream. That shit. Right? That's the thing, right? Am I fucking tripping right now? I've never had Coke with milk on purpose. Maybe somebody was punking me because they could tell I'm from California. I'll figure it out. I'll text you guys later. Horatio Sands was like, drink a Coke with milk.

Rachel Dratch popped out of nowhere. You've been Dratched. No, I've been to New York a lot of times. I love New York. I really do. Fuck what they're saying. New York rocks. Tonight I did something I never thought I'd do.

Yeah, I did a bunch of cocaine and heroin. Wow, first time. You wore fake titties in public? Dude, I rode the fucking subway. Yeah, we did. Big step for Blake.

Yeah, I don't know. I had a great fear of the subway, and it was pretty regular. Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, it was super chill, very fast, ultra convenient. What sucks about your first experience, though, is the subway dancers didn't pop out. Yeah, I was waiting for some shit. I wanted to get stabbed or see a performance, anything. Dude, because I also, not being from New York and really only coming maybe once or twice a year. You only come once or twice a year? Mwah, mwah, mwah.

I love taking the subway and watching these kids fucking put a speaker down and then fucking grab and do flips. The best part isn't even... Because they're perfectly fine dancers. They're doing an okay job. But then watching the people that are just on their phone being like... Right. They've had it. They've had it up to here. Or just reading a book and not even bothered a little bit by these 13-year-old...

What are they doing? Why are they doing that on the subway? Just as a pastime or is it because they have a captive audience? What's going on? I think it's money. Money? What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, right. Like most things in life. Yeah, they're like, give me some dough. Like most things in life. No, I saw a really cool one where like a dude was dressed as Spider-Man and then he like hung upside down, hung on the bars and then like he kissed his boyfriend. It was fucking cool, dude. That is cool. Wait.

When did you see that? The other time you were in the subway or never? Because you just made that up. I'm talking about Instagram at this point. You know what? He's on the internet. You just reminded me. I saw something similar. It was the exact same thing, but the guy wasn't dressed as Spider-Man. He just hung upside down and kissed his boyfriend. That's fucking cool. The subway is cool. I'm taking it everywhere. Yeah. All right.

You can. It only goes to certain places. Oh, does it? I don't know how it works at all. Yeah. It kind of has to go where it goes and then you get off and walk to a place. What is your like touchstone? What's your reference for Subway? Not the sandwiches, but like in movies or TV. Mine is Ghost.

Yeah, it's definitely Ghost. No, 100% it is Ghost. That's where Patrick Swayze learns how you can kick the can. I still never saw this movie. You guys keep telling me to see Ghost. I've never seen it. Ghost is so good. Yeah, that's interesting you've never seen it. That's the one where he's doing the pottery and he's like fucking the pottery. We know.

Everyone knows the pottery. Why haven't you watched it? But the thing is, I know the pottery and that's the only thing you're talking about. So I'm like, I'm good to go. Okay, well, there's also this really cool scene in the subway where there's an angry ghost and he pushes Patrick Swayze and he's like, how did you do that? And he's like, you gotta get really mad and then you can touch shit. And it was written

Yeah, dude, that is a scribe's work. I'll just wait for the next Ghostbusters for that kind of action. Also, Whoopi Goldberg's in it and she kicks fucking ass. Whoopi. Whoopi. There's a great scene where Whoopi is like, the ghost is going inside of her and she goes like, what?

Dude, she does. She does. That was exactly right. Adam, that's good. I think she was nominated for an Academy Award for that movie. I'm not even fucking... I like Whoopi Goldberg. I like how Whoopi can do it. She gets nominated. I do it. Razzy. Yeah. Rotten tomatoes. Hey, as long as they're watching. You know what I mean?

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Should we do some New York City hot topics? Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. So this is right up my alley. Panera Bread. Panera Bread.

Oh, yeah. Panera, dude. You guys fuck with Panera. I've heard of it. Panera every once in a while? Fuck yeah, dog. Panera bread. What did we say the other day? We were driving by some town. We were in Long Island. I'm like, that is valid. No, we said this town is Panera-fied. Panera-fied. Panera-fied. Yes, we did. We have fun on the road. No points. It was so good. We liked it. This place must be legit. They're Panera-fied. Yeah, I like it. I'm giving them points. No points. Yes, points. Give them points.

Panera Bread's Charged Lemonade. Charged Lemonade, dude. They have this lemonade. Ooh.

I gotta get me some. Okay. Charged lemonade blamed for a second death. Oh, what the fuck? Wait, whoa! Panerified. That's panerified, if anything. Dude, so Panera Bread, they have this highly caffeinated charged lemonade and it's now blamed for the second death and there's a lawsuit and it's a whole fucking thing. This fucking psychopath, R.I.P., uh...

You know, he's dead. He drank three of these fucking things. I mean, that is kind of tight, though. So are they energy lemonade? Yeah, what's the deal? Yeah, so I guess there's like, I read, yeah, at 390 milligrams of caffeine. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's way more than my pre-workout lit AF. Is it?

So a large cup contains more caffeine than the equivalent of standard cans of Red Bull Monster Energy drinks combined, plus the equivalent of nearly 30 teaspoons of sugar, dude. Oh, my God. Oh, dude, this is fucking... Please don't stop the sugar! Thank you, God! Dude, this is how... I don't want to die with cocaine in my system, because fentanyl, that's a bitch-ass drug. Right, right.

I definitely want to die this way. Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Because this is the most... Like, I never went through a goth phase or an emo phase, but I went through a pop punk chugging monster energy drinks. Yep.

And putting a ton of LA looks in my hair. That's cool. So you want to die foaming at the mouth at a Panera Bread. Yeah, cool. That's cool. No, no, no. I left a Panera Bread. Now I'm alone in my car listening to music from my youth. Yeah. Okay. That's how I would like to die. You did see that after those people died, they just renamed the drink Lemonades. Yeah.

You saw that, right? No, I didn't. That's what they did. I like that. And legally, now they're fine. Yeah, so, I mean, fucking absolutely crazy. Yeah, that's nuts. Are they taking it out? Well, that's the cool thing is it already murdered one guy. And they kept selling it. And this is the second guy. And then this absolute psychopath. Right. R.I.P. You. Dude. Dude.

He died. Yeah. I bet I could drink that much and not die. Yeah, you got to try. Let's all go. Dude, that's the next Instagram fucking TikTok challenge. No, no. But didn't you guys... They're putting Tide Pods inside of it. Yeah. Oh my God. When people started dying from Chipotle, like how long did it take for you to go back? People

People were dying from Chipotle? Yeah, remember? Or, like, maybe just E. coli. What? A bunch of people got sick all at once. I bet I never stopped going. Yeah, but that was just a batch, right? That was just a bad batch. This is not a batch. This is what's inside of it. This is death juice. The third ingredient is fentanyl, actually. Yeah, boy. Now that I'm reading it. That's wild. That's like when four locos, like, change their recipe after, like,

a solid five years of going strong. Yeah, and they're like, okay, now it's just three locos. Three locos. Panera Bread is now a cult, it sounds like. That's what it is. You got to drink that Kool-Aid. Let's get tattoos tonight. And also, what's crazy about it is it doesn't seem like Panera Bread would be the one to lead the charge tonight.

Uncharged lemonade. Yeah. There it is. They lit the charge. That's fucking weird. It's not like you go to Panera Bread being like, I want to be hyped out of my fucking mind. No, you go there for a bread bowl. You would think like 7-Eleven would go like, hey, we're going to sell the craziest drink you can drink. But their angle is that they don't make coffee and they don't want to buy a bunch of coffee machines, so they're just going to serve people poison. That's cool. Oh.

We already make lemonade. Let's just hit that shit. And did you read the quote? Because that's what the CEO of Panera Bread said. Fuck coffee. Hey, guys, this quarterly meeting, stocks are up, so thankfully we hit that shit.

Back to work. By the way, shout out to bread bowls. Dude, yeah. Sourdough? Fuck. Remember when you could just eat an entire bread bowl and it was normal and you could go be a part of society and now if you do that, not good. Yeah.

It's like, who's still eating the taco shell of the taco salad? Like, dude, come on, chill out. The tostada? Me, dog. Everyone, you have to. It gets so much better as it goes down. Hey, these are two very different things, you fucking idiot. You skinny bitch. Fuck you. Stop bullying me, you fucking asshole. We can't. It's part of the campaign. Okay, I'll take it. I'll take it. What a skinny bitch. Hit me with it, Blake.

So woman who threw burrito bowl at Chipotle worker. We're on a good one. We're on a good one. Woman who threw a burrito bowl at Chipotle worker sentenced to work two months in a fast food job. Oh, damn. Hard time. Dude, what a cool sentence. That's a sentence? Like if you get caught selling drugs, they're like, okay, well now you have to work at a dispensary. Yeah. Yeah.

For two months. What? For pay? Who's this lady? That was here? No, it doesn't say. No, Ohio woman. Why do I feel like... Oh, a month in jail and must work at fast food for two months after she attacked a Chipotle worker. Well, I want to know, like, how aggressive was this attack? Because a month in jail for throwing a burrito bowl? Come on. Yeah. I would prefer, like, I want...

And this is where bullying comes in. I prefer the cop to just punch me once in the mouth. Bully! That's not bullying, Adam. That's just assault.

I would prefer a police assault. Hey, it's all good. He got his punch in. This is my privilege. I have a broken nose and a missing tooth. I'll get that fixed, but now I don't have to spend a month in jail just because some Chipotle worker was being a fucking bitch. But you're not spending a month in jail. You're spending a month...

Working at a fast food place. I just read it, Kyle, and your dumb ass just checked out. I did. I kind of spun this way. You were too excited to be in a spinning chair. I know. I can't stop. Why don't you go try and break dance, you fucking idiot? Try? She's sentenced a month in jail and must work at fast food for two months after she attacked a Chipotle worker. The two months working fast food, kind of hilarious. It's hilarious if you actually have a job and you have to be like, actually, I have to

I had to now go scoop black beans into a burrito. Court ordered. Court ordered. I know I'm a lawyer, but... I'm a court ordered sandwich artist right now. I do like the idea that her joke every day was like, oh, I'd rather be back in jail. This is tough. I

I'm kidding. This is fun. This is fun for me. But I do see the potential for a real Hollywood movie if this was a princess of some sort. She's like a princess and she's like, I'm starving. Pull over. Salisbury, who's the name of the driver. And then she goes in and she's like, I don't want this slop. I didn't order sofritas, you fucking idiot. Right. Yep.

And what are sofritas? What are sofritas? It's like fake swine. Wait, is it tofu or swine? I don't know.

Fucking idiot. I thought Blake just made up some shit. You couldn't just say chicken? No. So Freitas is funnier than chicken, dude. Do you know comedy? No wonder Lorne Michaels doesn't return your calls. Dumbass. I like this bullying thing. So there's a princess who's now working at a burrito place and the name of the movie is Kyle? The name of the movie is Chipotle's. I don't know.

It's not. What is it? Definitely try again. Okay. It's not that. It's not that.

You lose. It's the burrito princess. Better. I bet a studio head would be like, we got it. I was really trying to do a play. Scooping beans with a silver spoon. That's the tagline. So that's maybe the tagline at the top of the poster. I was thinking something like princess diaries, but since it's Chipotle, it's like princess diarrhea. That's good. Princess diarrhea. Yeah.

Because she can't stop eating. Princess diarrhea. That's good. That's good. The princess diarrhea. Yes. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. Okay. I'm still, by the way, I know you're ready to move on and you can, but in my mind over here, I'm still trying to work like extra guac. Yeah. Yeah.

If you find it, let us know. We'll stop everything. Yeah, keep working on it. As a sentencing, the judge asked the woman if she would like to walk in the person that she threw the burrito bowl at shoes for two months and learn how people should treat people? Or do you want to do jail time? And she goes, fuck you, bitch. Call the cops. She said, lock me up. Throw away the key. Damn, I ain't afraid to...

Nobody? Yeah. Don't be a menace to South Central. Don't be a menace to South Central. I'll drink any juice in the hood. A very, very funny movie. Deep cut. Ready, Adam? Hit me with it, Blake! So, dude...

This is how dope New York City is. Because you know how it's super illegal to have guns here? When in California, it's still kind of cool. It's mandatory. Is it? Yeah. Everybody has to have a gun on them. Adam stays strapped. I'm always strapped. Okay. NYC robbers. He wears a girdle because his back is fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hella strapped up. Yeah, I'm wearing skims. Skims, yeah. Skims, but I have little pockets for my pieces.

Lauren Michaels, call me. NYC robbers use pretend guns to steal $1 million worth of real jewelry. Whoa. So they held the guns together like this and then like, I'll do it. I do like that. That's kind of cool. Why were you holding the guns together? Oh, wait. Did you say 10 guns? No. Oh.

What did you say? Pretend. I heard ten. I thought you said he came in holding ten guns. That's what I thought too. I have fucking ten guns and I'm holding them like this so it will fan out. He's got one between his knees. That would be way funnier if he has them taped to his chest. I'm ready to go. No matter what happens, I can keep shooting. Please, I...

Hey, throw the necklace on me. Let me get that bracelet. If you could do that, they should be like, you've earned the jewelry, sir. Pretend guns. Okay. I like that they're pretend guns. It doesn't say how they're pretend. I wish it was like, remember in the movie Hook when they couldn't see the food and they're like, just imagine it, Peter. If they go in, they're like, fuck you, give us the jewelry. And the guy's like,

Does he have anything? Right. He's just like a pointer finger. It looks like he's holding nothing, but he's waving around like he's got something. His mime work is just fantastic. Is this too good? I like to think it turned into like when you're on the playground and you're like, I shoot you with the grenade launcher and you're like, no, because I have a shield. Right. Yeah. He's like, well, but I have infinity bullets. So it just keeps going. And then your shield broke. And then the guy's like, all right, take the jewelry. Fuck. My shield broke. You got me.

But we're in space and guns don't work in space. Fuck. And then the guy's like, guns don't work in space? Learn something new every day. I don't know if they do. I kind of just said that out loud and then I was like, fuck, I'm on stage at the Beacon Theater. Yeah. Yeah, for real. Why wouldn't they work in space? Gravity. Because can fire combust? Zero gravity? I feel like I could combust. Oh, shit. I'm about to combust. Do we have any scientists? Can a bullet fire in space?

No, I'm here to know. Some person just goes, ah. Yeah, I'm a real scientist. I'm a real scientist, and yeah. Bring them out. Bring them out. Bring them out. Nice titties from earlier, Isaac.

God, Isaac, you rock, man. Relax. You saw his titties. Relax. Your boobs are huge. That's the thing about New York. They always want more. They do. They always want more. How many jet skis? Pizza, pizza. Okay, so you guys got some hot...

and we got some hot, hot, hot, hot, hot A's. New York. Questions and answers. So my boy Doobie. Doobie. Okay, I know Doobie. Doobie trend. Doobie. Doobie goes, if one of the gang, that's us, was on their, misspelled their, deathbed...

and frightened about death, what would you say to soothe them? Say it one more time. So let's say I'm on my deathbed. Okay. Yeah. What would you say to soothe me? I'm going to die. You know that I'm dying. I just chugged a fourth-charge lemonade. Yeah. Sure. The cause of diarrhea. Blake is already...

Fisted my asshole. There's nothing that can be done. Yeah, this is it. This is it. I've already been fisted, so there's no more you can do for me. And I'm scared because I haven't accepted Jesus Christ into my life. You're not ready to go. I'm not ready to go. I'm definitely going to be. I'm doing a last Hail Mary and being like, yo, are we cool now? I know it's been 40 years of pretty much not believing, but...

Right now, I do. And according to my mom, all you have to do is ask for forgiveness. So... So where you at? So be cool about it. Hey, God, I'm about to dip. We're cool, right? We're cool, right? Yo, deadass, I'm about to dip, yo. We cool? We cool.

What would you say to soothe me, Kyle? Well, I'm not going to say it myself. I'm going to put on Lonely in the Rain for you and just let you drift off, buddy. Oh, wow. House music. And I'll be holding your hand, and I'll be wiping your brow, and I'll say that I love you. I guess that song does... I said I love you. That kills a lot of people from boredom. Yeah.

See you, bro. I thought you were going to say, I'm going to say, see you, bro. And then I literally wake up and go, anything but this. Yeah. I also love you, pal. Yeah, I'm glad you heard that. What would you say to soothe me? Shut the fuck up! Me? Yeah.

Oh, shit. You're on your deathbed. Are you in a coma kind of thing? No, no, I think I'm on... I can't... I like... They're giving me ice chips because my voice is real scratchy. Yeah. You know what I would do? I would use my Hollywood connections. Oh. And... Sorry, connection. And I'd come to your side and I'd say, Adam, I know this is something you wanted your entire life. I have Lorne Michaels on the phone. Oh.

And then I would hold my phone up to your ear and it would be a recording of me saying, psych, you bitch. Yep. Yep. Damn. Oh, man. And then Ashton Kutcher comes out and is like, you're getting punked. Right. That's my one guess. Or Chance the Rapper. My bad. He did it when they brought it back. No one saw it. But anyway, rest in peace. Yeah. R.I.P., you bitch. I guess, you know...

Do you guys know Adam's going to be a dad very soon. So me dying would be like a big dead ass. It'd be a big bummer for him. Yeah. So I would probably tell you, like, I got your kid, bro. We got you, bro. And then I'd be like, wait, are you going to fuck my wife too? What do you mean you got his kid? What do you mean you got? He's like, your kid's mine now. Yeah.

And then Adam and Targ. I would come in right after and go, I'm going to keep Blake away from your kid. I'll take care of your kid. I got your kid. I got your kid. The fuck?

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And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

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So Francesca wants to know, Ders, assign Blake, Adam, and Kyle a dog breed. A dog breed? Yep. Oh, that's kind of cool. A little known fact, Ders knows every... For a person that hates dogs, hates any dog that he sees out in the wild, and...

But he actually knows so much about dog breeds. I love dogs, but my wife is allergic, so I will kick the shit out of your dog if it comes near me. Because then I gotta go home and take a fucking shower. It's a nightmare. Kyle's a Saluki. A Saluki? What is a Saluki? Oh, I'm a Saluki. What's a Saluki? What is that? You gotta Google it. Okay, this is good. Anyway, Blake...

I mean, yeah, poodle's kind of an obvious one, but I do think you are... A poodle? Fuck you. What the fuck? I'm a fucking husky, bro. No, you're not. Since I like the face you made, you are a cock or spaniel. Oh, yeah. A little more cock and a little less spaniel. But aren't they known as the dumbest breed?

That's okay. Dude, I heard Cocker Spaniels don't have a butthole, dude. Wow. So do you not? And then Adam, for sure, 1,000%. Is half Jack Russell Terrier, half French Bulldog? Yes, points. I'll take it. He's a jacked dog. Yep. Jacked and also like you feel sad for him. You're like, he can't get up the steps. Right.

He's got one of those little wheelchairs on the back. He has the attitude to want to get up the steps, but you're like, oh, poor little guy. He's got the wheelchair. Durs, may I ask you a personal question? No. What kind of dog do you see yourself as? Oh, I mean... The hardest question of his life. I like to think I'm a boxer. Okay. No, but you're not.

Okay. But I think I'm closer to, like, a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Okay, awesome. Because my hair's kind of red and wavy. Yeah. And my feet are webbed. Okay. Okay. Good answer. So the coat girls, Dez and Veronica, where you at, girls? Hey, hey!

They left. Where are you? They left after Panera. I don't believe them. They left after we talked about fisting assholes for the first ten minutes. They're like, you know what? We're out. That was early. But now that I read this question, no, they stuck around because their question is, what is the least amount of money you'd take to take a shot of one of the guys'

Oh my fucking God. Please don't stop the music. And you wouldn't, and I'd do it for free. And here's why. This is always an interesting question to ask somebody. But you wouldn't know what you... Let me just finish this thought. Because we have a little bit... Wait, what? Let me finish the sentence.

I don't like the start of the sentence. If you asked me 20 years ago when I had 69 cents in my bank account, I'd just go, I don't know, $800? But when you have a little bit of money, this is when you start to find out who someone is. Well, I would drink your guy's cum. I wouldn't have any problem with it. As long as I know you guys don't have any venereal diseases, I do not care about your jism. So $0? Yeah, I mean like...

Dude, what? 69, dudes! I actively don't give a shit, and that doesn't, it would mean nothing to me. If you put it on like a piece of sushi. It's about to go down tomorrow night in Philadelphia. If you were to put it on a piece of sushi, and they were like, it's a delicacy. And I go, well, what's a delicacy? And then the famed sushi chef was like, it's one of your friend's jizz. And I'd go, and you say it's good? And they go, it's salty. I'd go, gunk.

Goodbye. Yeah. It's a famous bleach fish. Dude, that's insane. You would do it for nothing. You would really do it. Someone had $10 million to give me because sure, I'd love $10 million, but honestly, like, I don't think it's a million. It's not that much. It's less than that.

It's like, it's probably like... Well, if I was going to take money, I'm going to actually mail. Also, you're putting it on food. I feel like a million is fun to say, though. Like, I did it for a million dollars. But wait a minute. He put it on food. That question specifically says a shot. It does take a shot. Yeah, that's different. Right. All right. Well, where are we going tonight, homie? Dude. I don't know, man. I was going to say... Panera! We actually show up to whatever bar, wherever we're at, and they're like, actually, the fans called ahead. Yeah. And...

You're not allowed to jizz in a shot glass and chug it. Just so you know. It's a bagel. Okay, so free. Yeah, free is the least. I was going to say a pretty high number, but as soon as Adam said free, I'm like, well, if Adam's doing that, I'll do it too then. I love it, dude. For free? Yeah. I love it, dog. Just on some friendship. Dude, mine's got to be like free.

Between $5,000 and $10,000. Yeah. And you know what? For me, I'll pay $10,000. Let me gobble! Let me gobble! Let him gobble! That's actually worse if you are like, I let my friend drink my cum for $10,000. I don't think that's worse. I think that's worse. Dude, that's insane. I don't think that's worse. You guys are fucked up. There's something sadder about handing the money over

Well, I don't think you're the one. You're not paying them to do it. This is a hypothetical where money is no object. And these coat girls with a Z are wild bitches. Yeah. They're over there. No doubt. Great question. By the way, ladies, start charging 10 grand. So Maggie. Guys, too. And then she has a last name, but it's unpronounceable. Okay. Spurduck.

Met Suvek. Fuck it! Can we all try? This is kind of fun. A bunch of white guys trying to pronounce some names. Spur duty must have it. It's kind of close. Nope. It's a hyphen situation. Spur to mate. Semic. Don't mind if I do. It's Spur to day. Yeah, it's Spur to yes points. Yeah, it's it's it's

We found out Kyle can't read. He's having a stroke. At all. It's eight, five. Spurta Maitsevak. Spurta Maitsevak. Well, don't combine the two. What do you mean? Well, they're two different names. It's a hyphen. It's a hyphen. Her parents are hippies. Those are two different names. Yeah. Spurta Maitsevak. She had one insane name, and then she got married, and then took another insane name, and she was like, I can't lose the other insane sounding name. Yeah.

When two people with hyphen names get married, what happens? A lot of hyphens. Too many. What do you do? This is for Blake. This is for me? This is for Blake. Would you drink Adam's cum right now? What the fuck? For Blake, shave your head or quit the pod.

Quit the pod. I'm about to quit the pod. Yeah. Peace. Tourist almost talking about it. Yeah. Does that mean I don't have to go to Philly tomorrow? Okay. Just kidding. I love Philadelphia. Shots fired. They don't. Hey, New York. Hey, whoa. Hey, New York. Act like New York and just don't care. No. They're acting like how they act.

So you're saying... I thought New York didn't have to boo other cities. Shave my head or quit the pod? If I quit the pod, I still get to kick it with the bros on weekends, though. No. Our hearts are broken. Yeah, I guess I would quit the pod. But remember this. You're going to be drinking his cum. Well, then I'm going to shave my head. All right. So this question is just, is honors okay? Okay.

That's a good question. Pizza, pizza. You good? No. No, he's not. Didn't think so. Didn't think so. Eating myself on the inside for money. You good? Is it weird my wife wants to name our first boy Anders? Yeah. Or are we flattered?

Are you what? Are you flattered? Sure. It's a name that exists. I'm not the only one. I met a... I actually, on Long Island, I met a fucking Anders. And he was like, you know, in high school, I was Durrs, and then your show came out. And I was like, how'd that go? And he was like, I hated it. It was... I think he was cool about it, but I don't think it was a good thing. And I said, fuck you. Do you love me? Well, that leads me to believe that that Durrs...

Didn't party because if your name is Ders in high school nurse our show came out fucking everyone was just chanting unleash the dirt all the time. That's fucking cool We bully this dude. Yeah, absolutely fuck that guy. Hey, dude, go back to Estonia So Nikki would like to know tell us about the cameo and neighbors how did it go down I?

Uh, the cameo in... Oh, when we played Beer Pong? When we played Beer Pong in that movie? We played Beer Pong in The Beginning of Neighbors, and we were the people that invented Beer Pong, according to...

The Folklore of Neighbors. Zac Efron. Yeah. I want to say it was like a Tuesday they said, hey, we're filming this tomorrow. Are you guys available? And we were. Yep. Dude, we left the Workaholics writer's room. And in fact, it only took a few hours. And it was sort of a nothing thing. And it didn't even feel like we were part of the movie because we only shot that one thing and then left. Yeah.

that when the movie came out, I forgot that I was in it. Like, oh shit. And then I went with a bunch of people and then everyone's like, well, you didn't even tell us you're in like one of the opening scenes of the movie. Right. And I was like, I forgot I was in it. That's pretty sick. It was pretty tight. Were we all at the premiere together? I don't know. Good story though. So, Vittoria Conway, Blake, what products do you use in your hair? Uh,

And number two, have you ever hidden anything in your hair? Have I ever hidden anything in my hair? Like shaving? The product I use is shampoo. Is that a product? That is a product. I don't think you realize the reach of our podcast. You could get free shampoo for days. No, this guy is using Otter Pops in his hair. All I know is when we were getting our hair done before we'd film episodes, like...

Tina gave me a huge bottle of Alexander Drench, and I'm like, so this is my product now. Does anybody know what he's talking about? I think he's talking about Alexander the Grape. And do you know most of our audience is hairdressers? Maybe it's some bootleg shit. I don't know. You see it every morning. I love that...

Over ten years ago, one person gave you a bottle of shampoo and you still have that fucking thing? We've been off the air. I just use a very little amount. But you have so much hair. I know, man. It's crazy. It doesn't take much. Oh, my God. That thing stinks like shit, dog.

That is a gross, wet mop you got up there. You are not a cocker spaniel. Since it's culturally appropriate to eat chicken eggs, is it therefore appropriate to gargle horse cum? Good question. And that's our time, guys. All righty. Take back. I mean, yeah. I'd do it. Yeah. Okay. That's well documented. I guess I'm wondering, like, eggs are food, right?

gargling horse cum? Is that like something you do when you have laryngitis? Like what's the value add here? I'm going to cum. I don't know. That's what I call a stumper. Yeah. And here's the very last question. Is Kyle okay? Yeah, I'm good. Thank you. Appreciate it. Yeah, I'm doing all right. I think you saw a great dance.

Do we have any take-backs, any apologies, any epic slams here, guys? Oh, my gosh. Take-backs, no apologies, no moments of gratitude. Thank you, New York, for coming out. I would like to thank you, New York. I'd like to thank you, New York. Thank you, New York, for showing me your bops. This is a zero take-back night for me. Yeah, zero take-back night. I would like to double down on happy birthday to Kyle's mom, 68. Double down on mama.

You're almost 69. That's pretty fucking cool. I love when we go to shows and the upper decks aren't empty, so shout out to you guys! They all just flashed us! They all just flashed us! That's crazy. 200 titties. Holy titties. Anything else? I would like to...

I mean... Drink our cum? No. Okay. We'll save it for Philly. I would like to say a big fuck you to Blake. Whoa, a new fuck? Okay. A fuck you? Earlier today, I was like, yo, you want to go eat lunch? And then you go, no.

And I go, okay, that's fine. And then I found out you went to lunch with Isaac. Okay. What is this, a bully thing? Is this fucking, are you being a bully? Yeah, well, no, I'm not being a bully. I'm like, well, why when you go, when I ask you to go to lunch, you don't then just say, okay, come with me and Isaac. We're going to lunch. You go, just all it said was N-O. Okay.

And then you go to lunch with Isaac, and I'm not even getting to go to lunch. And then I didn't even get... Guess what I did? I went to Starbucks like a fucking asshole. Okay. And ate a Gouda fucking bacon...

egg white sandwich like a skinny bitch when you know I'm a fat fuck. I don't know if this is part of your fucking, the dumb bully shit you were talking about all night or whatever. Like, there was shit I needed to talk to Isaac about that you just didn't need to fucking, you don't need to be there for everything, Adam. No,

that's the thing. It's like, obviously I can talk to Isaac about anything happening in my career in front of you. Why can't you talk about anything in front of Isaac? Guys, is this really the place? What the fuck are we doing? Is this the way we want to end our show? Hang on. What is this? I go along with it. He's like, oh, it's bully. And you're like, you're telling me I'm a fucking cocker span. Like you got a pile in on me all night. Sometimes I need to take a

and just hang out with Isaac, and I just need time apart from you, Adam. You're acting like a fucking diva, bro. You're in diva mode. No, this always happens. This is so stupid. No, this always happens. And suddenly, I...

I mean, we used to date the same girl, the same, they were roommates. What the fuck? You're fucking my girlfriend? This is not what happened. This fucking tour sucks. Hang on. We used to date roommates and then I would be like, are you going over to their house tonight? Because I'm going to go over to their house tonight. And then you'd be like, no. And then have her come over to our house so you wouldn't hang out with me. Okay, you know what? Actually, this is some deep shit. No, I have a take back. I wish I could take back our last fucking 20 years of friendship, man. Fuck off. No, I'm fucking over it. This is fucking stupid. What are you doing? Isaac, Isaac.

No, fuck you, dude. Are you serious? Fuck you guys, man. I'm not here. Fuck you, you bitch. I'm so sorry. This is fucking stupid. I'm sorry. This is so stupid. This is so stupid. And this is how we're going to end the show? Okay. Like... Fuck you, dude. Dude, it's just fucking bullshit, dude. It's New York. This is a major American city, dude.

Yeah, well, we're not going to fucking the suburbs. We're playing a lot of American city. What are you talking about? Yeah, what if they're going to call me out? Do it in fucking Cincinnati or some shit. Not New York. Jesus Christ. We're not playing Cincinnati, you fucking idiot. And I'm sorry, dude. I didn't think it was going to blow up like this. What did Cincinnati do? Lay off Cincinnati. I didn't know it was going to blow up like this, okay? Whatever. Kiss my ass. Fuck you. Looking out the window.

Watch the rain fall down. Waiting for my best friend. I can't wait until I can see you. Blake picked up some steaks. We can have a barbecue. Me and you shall be pals until the end. Cause you're my motherfucking

You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You are my best friend. Until the day that I die. My best. You are my best friend. He is my best friend. Until the day that I die. Looking out my window. Watching cars drive by. I'm just thinking about you. And it.

Makes me want to cry. Okay. I miss you so much since you've been away. Other people start to think that I might be gay. Your family. But I just think you are a really cool dude. And sometimes at night, I see you in the stars. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend.

until the day that I die. He's my best friend. He is my best friend. He is my best friend until the day that I die. He's my best friend. He's my best friend until the day that I die. He's my best friend. He is my best friend. He is my best friend until the day that I die.

Sorry about that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, we had to squash the beat. Hey, I'm glad you guys made up. That's good. We got some epic giveaway. Form of a t-shirt. Yeah, we got some t-shirts. I'm glad we were able to get through that. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Here it goes. Get on. All righty then. Get on. That was beautiful, you guys. We're going deep in this one. We're going deep in that, guys. All the way up. I'm going all the way up. That was awesome. Hell yeah. Kick that shit. Oh, I think my mom got it.

That was such a special moment. I'm glad we were able to get past that. Thank you so much, New York City, for coming out. Y'all rock. Y'all rock. Thank you guys way below. We really appreciate it. You guys rock. And this is another episode of This is Important. Thank you so much. That's right. That's right.

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