Ep 177: Live From Newark: He Has Risen Using Rhino Pills
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Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia Cream Cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... New Jersey thinks I bust big nuts. He doesn't have big dick energy, he has huge cum shot energy. Hey, big loads smell pretty good. What's up, Jersey? Hey, man, will you jizz on us? No.

Here we go. Start your engines. New Jersey. Time to buzz off. The cause of diarrhea. Buzz call. That was cool. Woo.

Frickin gymnastics Adam I'm gonna move this table a little closer Don't Don't do it We're gonna make ourselves at home Now Am I confused Are we in old Jersey Or are we in new Jersey Okay I don't get it I bet everyone who comes there Does that joke I just thought I would Wow dude

Old, not old, new. And that's the show. Thank you guys for coming out. Now, do people call this place New Uniform or New Jersey? That's got to be the other one. I like that a lot. That's probably another one that everyone always does. Somehow got worse. You didn't give him points for that, did you? No, no points, but I enjoyed that. First of all, thank you guys all for coming out. This is sweet. On a Wednesday...

My God, man. You guys are on fire, baby. By the way, this place is sick. It's beautiful. And the fact that they like, Savion Glover makes an announcement and he's all fancy and this place is so beautiful. And then we're going to come out and like talk about our buttholes for like an hour and a half. Center for performing farts.

Far is like a very nice security guard back there named John and I'm like, I'm going to disappoint him. Right. I know. There's no way we're going to... He's not prepared for what's about to happen. He's like, okay, I hope you guys have fun out there. I'm like...

It's not going to be fun for you, John. Yeah. Nucky Grandma! We are not even close to the beauty of this theater. No, this is a very beautiful place. It's gorgeous. And we're going to soil it, too. Yeah, we are filthy. We're filthy. Mopping the stage with mud. Just nothing but hard cocks and... Hard? What? You're already hard. It's science. As soon as I heard I was coming to Newark... How hard are you? Rock hard. Bam!

Okay. Hey, give it up for Rock Hard Dicks. You know, you keep talking about it. It's been six months of an erection. It's actually really painful. As soon as it was routed on the tour. Really painful.

What is the, like... It's been too long. I've had this boner too long. Oh, when does it become a danger? Have you ever been at a gas station and you see those little pills behind? They're huge. They're fucking rhinos? Oh, my God. I love that you know the name of them. Because I was about to say they're called rhinos. I'm assuming you're like, I want my dick to be as hard as a rhino's tusk. Yeah. That's exactly... Which is...

Too hard, I'll say. Have you ever dabbled? Have I ever dabbled in a rhino? In a rhino? Kind of hunting those rhinos. These are all of our best friends from New Jersey. They made t-shirts. There's a guy dressed as a wizard over there. Dude, I'm on a rhino right now. Nice. But you're not. And we're asking if you ever have. I have never done that. I am afraid that it would make my heart explode and my dick pop.

Yes. Yeah, that'll happen. Your dick will pop, I heard. Yeah, yeah. It will swell up and then explode. Well, I have. He's got a grab bowl right by the front door. No, I have, dude. And my girlfriend was like, why are you sweating so much? Right.

Because it causes you to sweat. Heart attack. That's what he was saying. And then also, they don't tell you that you're just going to have an erection. You think it's like one night of having an awesome rhino-like boner. Sure. It lasts for like two weeks, dude. What the fuck? Two weeks? And it'll be anything. We'll just set it off. Like you'll hear like a crumpling of a paper. And that'll do something to you. Really? Yeah.

I never did a rhino. I think the closest I ever got was taking a little Spanish fly. I think that's like a little pill, but it was just like a horny pill. It had nothing to do with boners. It's just supposed to make you horny. Are you a time traveler from the past? Yeah. I done Spanish fly. Yeah. I was on a treasure hunt. That's some like 1970s fake thing. Yeah, you still have to be tapped into the love part of everything. Do you still use the word exotic a lot?

Look at exotic magazines, exotic videos. No, that's erotic. Yeah. I said exotic. Points!

I really think that is the word he was trying to use. Yeah, I think so. It was. You're a stupid dumbass. Why would you take the Spanish fly? You have problems. My problem isn't being horny. I just like being blackout drunk and having my dick work. Good for you. I think that's a really great goal. That's a fantastic goal. There's definitely people here that are just modern family fans and they're like, what is he talking about?

He's at the Center for Performing Arts, honey. This Manny is fucked up. It's a spinoff. Wait, is Spanish Fly like Funky Cold Medina? What is that? What does that mean? It's a whole rap song by Tone Loke. Well, I know that, but... He gave it to the dog, and the dog was humping his leg. Yeah, buddy. I guess I never broke down the lyrics of Funky Cold Medina. It was about like...

Spanish Fly. I think it was about like an aphrodisiac. Yeah, that's what it is. Spanish Fly is like an aphrodisiac. It's just supposed to get you horny. You still should be able to get your own boner when you're on Spanish Fly. Oh, okay. Do you think if I bet you... You get your own boner. Never had a problem, okay? Do you think if I bet you $1,000 right now, you could spell aphrodisiac? Yeah, for $1,000. Blake will not pay you.

Just let it be known. He will make a bet. He'll shake your hand. He'll look at you in the eye and never, ever pay you. I'm pissed now. A-P-H-R-O-D-E-S-I-A-C. You were so close. Fuck. Wait. How do you use the third letter? Is P's in it? Yeah. A-P-H-R-O-D-E-S-I-A-C.

Well, that's not how I spell Afro. I almost went there, but I remembered. It's a PH. Where did I go wrong? Like Aphrodite-y?

Yeah, you said E instead of I. Spell it out. Spell it out for us. A-P-H-R-O-D-I-S-I-A-C. Oh, I got it. So I did the E and the first I. By the way, whoever out there can spell it, you're probably not our fans. Yeah, what the hell? You guys got like the seasonal tickets. Or they really are, and they're just very horny all the time. Okay. They're like, I know exactly how to. They're always doing this.

They do that in the kitchen to their lover. They're like, hey babe, where's the milk? I got some milk right here. Dude, that's... Sweetheart, have you seen my keys? I got your keys right here, honey. I just got back from the doctor. I can unlock that box anytime. I just got back from the doctor. It turns out my aunt, she's not going to make it. Are we going to make it? What?

Why do their eyes go dead when their tongues move? What's going on with these guys? Do you want dead eyes or do you want eyes that are like this? I kind of want those wild eyes. You like some wild eyes. Okay. And then you just spell aphrodisiac. I get where you're coming from. Yeah, I'm more of like your soul leaves your body. Yeah, your eyes are gone, bro.

You're like what I imagine. Like, you know how, like, I mean, it's in my stand-up act, but when you're an old person and you lose control of your tongue. Right. That happened to my great aunt. She was, like, 104 years old. She's a sweetheart, but, like, she would just be like...

Okie dokie. Right. It just slips out? Yeah, it would just fall out of her face. Gravity takes hold of your tongue when you're 140? I don't think it's even going to take that long. I feel like I'm like a human basset hound. Everything is starting to droop in really sad, gross ways.

I'm eight years away from just being you being You have to say like Adam put your tongue back in your mouth A dog catcher is going to grab you and be like oh sorry you're a human It's Adam again It's Adam Devine again I thought you were hairless You are shitting on the sidewalk again Adam By the way what happened to dog catchers

I feel like dog catchers... We're talking Spanish fly. We might as well get into it. What happened to the mountain man? People used to just catch dogs, but now dogs are just everywhere willy-nilly. Were dog catchers ever a real thing, or was that just from cartoons? No, they were dog catchers, but I think they just turned into animal control, which is code for Terminators. Dog catchers were sick, specifically catching dogs. Dream job. Dream job.

Get him off the streets. Dude, you don't have to. You just spit on me so much. I'm so sorry. You were so excited to see your dream job that you just spit everywhere, dude. Goodbye. Do you guys remember when you first heard what an aphrodisiac was? Like you could like eat a certain thing or like you could like put a certain cologne on and that would get the girls riled, dude. Do you remember that? It was like a love potion movie. I can't remember what it was called. Oh, yeah. It was Sandra Bullock.

Yeah, I think that's what it was. Yeah, that's right. Love Potion No. 9? Oh, yeah. That seems real. That's a song, too. Bear with us. We're going to take 20 minutes on that. Old song. Who was that written by again? Love Potion No. 9. Who's props department run by on that?

On Love Potion, because the bottle was very unique. Isn't oysters, oysters are a natural aphrodisiac? Natural, natural aphrodisiac. Nafril, nafril. Nafril. You got it. Kyle's having a stroke. Bro. Dude, I used to, I used to smear myself in cool water cologne. I thought you were going to say Cool Ranch Doritos, and I'm like, I try to fuck you. Yeah, sure. That's a natural aphrodisiac. I'm so fucking hungry.

That gets me hard for sure. Well, I wasn't going for my friend Blake in the eighth grade when I was...

pouring cool water on myself because one person was like, yeah, I don't know, it's like an aphrodisiac, so do you want to buy it or not? It's $11. I'm like, yeah, please. Well, if you ever find me drunk and you want to fuck me, just rub yourself in Funyuns and then I'll be all over you, dude. Funyuns? Yeah, dude. The smell of Funyuns makes my dick act like it's on a rhino pill. Okay, be honest. Did you fuck a Funyun? What's going on?

I put my dick through a few Funyuns, but who hasn't? Honestly, that's a cool way to start measuring dicks. It's like, how many Funyuns can you put on it? And then it becomes like Jenga or like that game Topple where you're really trying to get that one last on there. You'd be like, it's 11, dude. 11? 11 Funyuns? I was going to say four. This guy can put a whole bag of Funyuns?

I don't know. God damn, bro. Yeah, I'm not overcompensating. What about calamari? That's more my size. How many calamari can you do? Oh, the little calamari rings? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm stacking lifesavers over here. Are we talking... Damn. I'm stacking lifesavers. Are we talking fried? Are we talking grilled? We're talking fried. Okay, thank God. It's pretty shriveled up. You...

But it's breaded, so you get a little extra cake on that. There's a soft measurement and then a hard measurement. Sure, sure, sure. We're talking about growing and showing. What other foods would you guys measure your dick by? Um...

Slim Jim's. Yeah. Strips of bacon. Quarter of a Slim Jim. Yeah. I told the woman backstage she's watching on a monitor back there and I was like, you're about to see the dumbest thing that's ever happened on this stage. And she's like, okay, good. I'm excited for it. And he thinks we're being modest. Yeah. And it's a fair warning. Yeah. Just letting you guys know. Is it real, Bam? It's real, Bam.

So what else did you guys, as far as I was a cool water boy, what did you guys fuck with? I think I always wanted to get Michael Jordan cologne, but it was like unavailable. At least that's what my mom said. What was it called? I think it was called... Jump Juice?

I thought it was called Air. I think it was, too. It was just an empty spray bottle, but anything Michael Jordan said, you'd just be like, yes, I have to have it! That would be unbelievable if you were like, I think it's on. It's exactly the same as the premise of Space Jam, where it's just labeled as, like, Michael Jordan special juice, and you're like, now Bill Murray can dunk. Right. And they take the sticker off, and it's like, Bill Murray could dunk the whole time.

Is that how the movie goes? I don't know. It's been a while. I think you're thinking of Dumbo. I don't think Bill Murray dunks. I don't think so either. I think he just plays golf with a cool umbrella hat on. Yes. No, they definitely let him play. Oh, yeah, he does play. You're right. You're right. Yes. Wasn't the whole dust-up of the new Space Jam, it's like the new Lola Bunny? Oh, yeah. Was like really hot? Yeah. Oh, but then...

But then didn't they redraw her to be not a top? They un-modified her because Lola Bunny in the original Space Jam has a fucking donkey, bro. Okay. So wait, and then the new one, they're like, it's too sexy for kids. We got to ugly this bunny up? Yes, because she had like a gnarly camel toe. Yeah, and she had a huge camel toe. Yes, she had a huge camel toe. You didn't know that? No.

Hachi machi. I thought it was a bunny. It was a Lola Camel, it turns out. Holy shit. But she also had them shorts, like the boy cut shorts or whatever. Boy shorts, yeah. So you could see the crevasse, the bottom of her butt. Yeah. Well, you know these horny animators are just having a time with it, too. Oh, for sure, dude. They're locked in that little room being like, what if it was a little shorter? Yeah, they're like, you know, we can have a computer draw all the rest of the frames. They're like, no, no, we're good. We'll draw every frame by hand.

I got this. Yeah. I got this one. Dude, what is this scene where it's just the Monstars railing Lola Bunny? Hey, hey.

That is not in the script. I thought I read that on page 69. We didn't have this in the script, and it's a 23-minute long scene. Michael Jordan's number. It's Michael Jordan's number. Animator Mark, I talked to you. The janitor found this wastebasket full of rhino pills in your office. What's going on here? Yeah, man, we had to finish the cut before midnight. We're on a deadline over here. And why are they called boy shorts?

Boys don't wear those. Yeah, why aren't they just called short shorts? Why aren't they called girl shorts? Because it was probably someone had a... No, I think they were the style of shorts that like... That's a great question. In a 1980s slasher film, when like a guy was wearing like a cut-off t-shirt. Sure. So 1980s boy... And he had shorts like this. Right. I think it comes from that. No, because I'm so old that that was my gym uniform shorts. Yeah.

And you had to sag them like fully below your buttocks. Right. Much like Blake. But those, even if you wore them high, the boy shorts are like tight, tight fucking underwear with the booty cheeks hanging out. Thank you, Dad. They're like boxers? No, boy shorts are not like boxers. They're not like any boxers I've ever taken off of a man. Boy shorts are not like boxers. They're not. They're totally different. You'd have to roll up boxers to get them to be boy shorts. That's what I think.

He's pissed now. I'm pissed now. Why did you get so mad? And now they're being escorted out of the building. I think it's boy shorts because... Welcome in, ladies. You haven't missed much. Just to recap. Can we get a buzz ball?

Just to recap. I think it's boy shorts because it was probably a mom who had to dart out and she took her little son's shorts and put them on. Oh, the back story. And then they're like, what's up? Why are you wearing your boy's shorts? And that spread like wildfire. Some guy definitely came out and was rubbing his hands like, what's up, ma? Why are you wearing your boy's shorts? And she's like,

brilliant billion dollar idea. Right. The Spanx lady? Is the Spanx lady from Jersey or New York? Who? Spanx lady. The Spanx lady. Kim Kardashian? She's Jersey, right? She's Jersey? Yeah. Fucking sick. What? DDP yoga? Is DDP from Jersey? Saved his life. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. That's sick. Oh my God.

Feel the bang. I knew I was getting good energy from New Jersey. I did a mini bang. I mean, if we're starting to claim stuff about New Jersey, let's just say we did a little Wikipedia action before the show. We Googled. Yeah.

Snooki, who else? Yeah. That's about all we found. The situation. To just tie together DDP, Yoga, and Snooki, do you guys remember when Snooki wrestled? Yeah. And she did like a full on... Who could forget it? She did like a flip-flop backflip and was like a full jock. It was good. It was unreal. Yeah. I was a Snooki fan. Yeah, she was... That guy's pissed.

Oh, yeah, dude. Fucking, there's so many legends from Jersey. Shaq is from Jersey? What the hell? Wait, Shaquille O'Neal. Shaquille O'Neal is from Jersey. Oh, no, the other Shaq. No.

Shaq 2. Oh, fucking Danny DeVito. That's what I was saying. Throw Mama from the Train. Must be Newark, though. Oh, my God. David Copperfield is from here? Oh, shit. I saw David Copperfield live in Las Vegas when I was like 16, and I was on a rhino pill. It was crazy, dude. He made my boner disappear. In his mouth. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Right.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

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Hey, guys. We here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And, of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Blake reminded me before the show that the number one New Jersey stunner is, of course, Bruce. Yes. Well, yes. Of course. Willis. Yeah. Bruce Willis. No, I thought it was Bruce Almighty.

Yeah, that was shot here. Dude, Bruce Springsteen, he obviously rules, but my dad had a weird beef with him when I was a kid. Like, really? I don't know, my dad is like the most blue-collar guy, was a railroad conductor for 35 years, has, like, grizzled hands, talks like this. And for whatever reason, I was, like, thinking as a kid, I was like, my dad's going to love Bruce Springsteen. I remember my friend's dad listened to it a lot. And so I go home, and I'm like...

Dad, you should listen to Bruce Springsteen. I think you would like him. I'm like eight, and my dad goes, he's a fucking pussy. What the fuck? That shit's important. I'm like, did my dad have actual beef with Bruce Springsteen? Because he's not that. He doesn't have that much hate in his heart. He just was actively like, fuck Bruce Springsteen. He's just like, I hope he dies. Bruce made an album called Nebraska.

Dude, I don't know why my dad has such hatred. Is that why he's mad? Because he's like, I was working on an album called Nebraska secretly. And then this New Jersey. I can see that for my dad. Because my dad, he's never told me he wanted to do anything in entertainment. And then once we had our show, Workaholics, and oh, you've heard it?

Once we had our show and it was successful, he came to me and he was like, you know, this was always my dream. Oh, really? I'm like, no, it fucking wasn't. Right.

You had no dreams. Yeah. He's like, just the rich part. I had two dreams. To be Bruce Springsteen and to have your specific career. Getting a television show and strangling Bruce Springsteen to death. Can your dad play the harmonica? Yes, he does. He's recently learned to play the harmonica. That's more of a Bruce Willis...

deal, right? Maybe upon your birth in New Jersey, you're given a harmonica, which is really cool. Is that true? Is that a thing? Your dad fucking... I don't know if he still plays harmonica, but I've jammed with him a few times. He fucking rips. Yeah, he's pretty good on the harmonica. You jammed with his dad or Bruce Springsteen? No, with his dad. I've never jammed with Bruce Springsteen. What the fuck? That's when he was still...

He was recently retired, so we picked up a hobby and that was playing the harmonica. Last time I was like, dude, where's all your harmonicas? And now he's so stoned all the time.

It seems like the perfect time to play it. Exactly. I go, where's your harmonicas? He goes, I lost them shit somewhere. What the fuck? Dude, he was all about it. He had them all in every key and was fucking it up. Sweetheart, where's the harmonica? The harmonica's right here. I got your harmonica right here. I was thinking about blowing the harmonica. Hey, Dennis, come play this harmonica.

That is my mother we're talking about. Yeah, and I'm talking about Adam's mom. Yeah, that's right. I have an early take back. That's cool. That's really cool. That is Penny Devine. I hope to have a really healthy sexual life at that age. You know what I mean? Right? I hope that. You guys know? Yeah, for sure. I don't like to think about my parents doing it, but I'm okay with thinking about me being very sexual at that age. Dude, I remember I came, I mean, my parents might not love, whatever, fuck them.

Oh, boy. I love them. But, you know, they birthed me, so this is what they get. Payback. They gave you their dream. Yeah, he gifted me his dream. I was in a wheelchair, and they didn't think I was going to, like, reverse out into the hallway. And I see my dad. I, like, was going to yell something at my mom, so I rolled backwards into the hallway, and I see my dad being like,

And my mom walking down the hallway like, let's fuck real quick? Yeah, I think a blowjob is what he was asking for. And my mom was like, right on it! She said what? Door closes. She was like, I'm right on it. I'm on it! You caught your dad going like... Right. Wait, what? Wait, what? Damn. Wait, what? He's doing everything. What?

Your dad's super good at charades. Wait, what? Spit on it. What is it, titty fucking? By the way, it wasn't a big house, so it's not that long of a hallway. They're just doing charades in the middle of this short 15-foot hallway. Why did I think this was at a hospital? No, I thought this was like you were doing PT at the hospital and he was like...

Put on the nurse's uniform. The doctor is sleeping. They can't go to their own room?

No, they were. They were going back to their room. Oh, well, then you shouldn't have been in there. I wasn't in the room. I was at the far end of the hallway. I was watching. My teacher was there. I had a teacher come to my house so I didn't fall behind in school when I was incapacitated in the wheelchair. Adam, your parents were fucking your teacher. And my teacher was back in my...

My mom did say something funny, too, which is a cool thing for a mom to say to your future wife. It was right before we got married. My mom told Chloe, she goes, a way to keep a man happy is always keep his belly full and to, and I'm quoting...

I'm quoting my mother. I know this. And to suck the poison out. Wait, really? Yes. Okay, I've never heard it done like that. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She goes, it builds up and it clouds their judgment. It's poison. You have to suck poison.

Dude, this is insane. The poison. Kung ne. Ow. I've heard this phrase before. Your mom's on rhino pills. I've heard this phrase, but it's not like that. It's like, keep his belly full and his balls empty. It's science. But not suck the poison out. My mom said suck. Cum is not poison. Oh,

A two penny to find it is. Wow. But then like you're ingesting the poison. I love it. Which makes your brain crazy. And so you say things like keep his belly full. I didn't go that far with it. I just thought it was kind of a cool thing for my mom to sort of hype up my wife to give me more blowjobs. It is. That's actually dope. I thought that was like a good looking out by a mom. Yeah.

Be like, I bet he'd like it. Grandma told my wife that. And I was like, Grandma, give me a pound. I love that your parents would have yelling matches and your mom would be like, this is the poison talking. Stop yelling at me. God damn it. Stop yelling. Get over here. Let me get here.

Give me the poison. Good hand work. Dude, I love that. Keep his belly full and suck the poison out. I don't know what I'm saying, honey. Let's watch MacGyver. It was, Chloe came to me like shell shocked. She was like, your mom just said something to me. And I was like, oh, fuck. What? And then she told me and I was like, it's kind of true though. Yeah, then you go over and give your mom a big hug. I was like, actually that makes a lot of sense.

It does. That's valid. That's a valid point, Mom. Yeah, and I'm not feeling good. Speak on it, Mom. Also a little hungry. Yeah, I'm like, oh, man, I don't know. My head feels cloudy, and I feel devious. It must be all the poison. Something's building up. I'm going to just pop a rhino pill in. Yeah. How about a little mac and cheese? Thank you for making me dinner. Come get some of the cobra spit. Okay.

Cobras are a poisonous snake. Jesus. No, they're not. That actually got a little too vulgar for me. They're venomous. They're venomous. You're right. Fuck! What's poison? What's the difference between poison and venom? Poison is what comes out of your penis. Right, right. And then venom? And venom is what spits out of snakes' penises. Oh, okay. So it all comes out of penises. That's good. So I think your mom, as crazy as that sounds, she meant venom. Suck the venom out.

Yeah, I'm going to have to bring that up to her and say she misspoke. Hey, Mom, real quick, about the poison, you were wrong. Also, actually, you know what? All I want to know is where she learned it. Like, where did that come from? I hope that that was a phrase that's

was passed down for generations through... I feel like it's like, yeah, it's got to be religious, right? It sounds like she washed it on like the 700 club. Wait, you think that's religious? I do. I do, too. I think it's like, yeah. Homie, you got to go to church. I haven't been in a long time. Maybe I should go refresh. Because that's not what they're talking about.

I feel like a religious person might think the cum is poison. On the third day he rose again. And on the fourth she sucks the poison. Lightning bolt. He is risen. He is risen indeed. He is risen using rhino pills. Brought to you by Rhino. Jesus Christ Resurrection Easter brought to you by Rhino XL. Feel the horn.

Resurrection Easter. Man, you are so dumb. We are a little bit, aren't we? I'm a dumbass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isaac, is it possible for me to get another core slot out here? Please. Yeah. Hey, just make it around, make it around, make it around. Yeah.

Isaac Horn, everybody. Come on, bud. Look at this sexy ass. There's a guy. My God. Thank you, baby. Tall drink of water, this guy. Wow. Southern California's very old. Now, do you want to show your nipples tonight, Isaac?

Isaac, they want to see the nips. You guys weren't loud enough. You weren't loud enough tonight. If I had to guess, he'd be out here once or twice more. So you're going to get a shot. Are you guys blown away at how humongous he is? It's crazy, right? He looks like a shaved Bigfoot. It's cool. Yeah. I think Isaac's huge. I'm like, he's smaller than me. Fuck.

Well, you can fit ten Funyuns on your cock, dude. We know you're big. It was 11. My man is packing. It's a whole damn bag. I sometimes... I think people think...

I'm smaller than I am. Okay. Because they think Ders is smaller. Because Ders is actually, I want to say 7'2". Yeah. Right. Ders is tall. I want to say that. But how tall are you? You're 6'3"? 6'4"? 6'3". 6'3". So people stand up to next to him and they're like, oh, he's way taller. So then they get next to me and they're like, your boobs are huge. They're like, look at this big ass dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. I think you're big as fuck, dude. Thank you. And while we're at it, how tall are you? You guys are getting the scoop. Never been said out loud. I'm 5'11". Are you really? I thought you were 6 foot. Oh, dude. That's on my driver's license, but I lied. Really? Yeah. What, you bumped it up for your driver's license? Yeah. He had a man bun on. I told him I was 6'7".

I wonder, can you really fuck up? If I went and my driver's license and I was like, I'm 6'2".

I'm 6'2", 115 pounds. Yeah. What would they do? Would they be like, all right, fuck it, I don't care, I work at the DMV. I think you could fudge it by 10 pounds down and about three inches up. No, I'm like 40 pounds down on my license right now. You should go into the DMV and put in those cat contacts and they'll be like, what color are your eyes? And you just say, cat. Yeah.

Feline. License revoked. All right. They're like, all you had to say was round, but now you can't drive for two years. Fuck. I'm 6'2", and my eyes are cats. Dude, that's an episode that I sometimes forget about is the front yard wrestling match. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the tail. Oh, yeah.

Hey, I know we got one DDP fan in here. All right. Yeah. Yeah, so that episode, we had Ben Stiller as the guest star, which was so cool, dude. Yep, Del. So cool. Del the landlord. Yeah, when he said yes to doing the show, I was like, why? Yeah, we definitely were like, why, dude? Have you seen it? He's like, no. Oh, man. Weirdly, when he showed up on set, we all just apologized. I'm sorry. Right. Right.

Sorry about this. He was really awesome, though. Yeah, he was great. Yeah, he was cool. He came out there and fucking did it. He did not pull any punches in the wrestling. No, he was all about it. Very physical and jacked, secretly jacked like Blake. Dude, heavyweights. He's buff in heavyweights. Has anybody seen the movie Heavyweights? Oh, yeah. Dude, he's buff in Tropic Thunder. He's buff in Tropic Thunder. The guy is buff. He's been buff. I think he's buff in Walter Mitty, too, isn't he? Dude.

Did he serve Jack in Walter Mitty? We're getting our words mixed up, okay? Because he's not buff. What do you mean? He's...

Tone? Shredded. Okay, shredded. Sorry. He's pretty jacked. He's jacked at Tropic Thunder. I'm buff. What is the difference between us? Buff is there's a layer of fat over your muscles, but they are large muscles. Okay. That's a buff boy. I'm a classic buff boy. Large muscles, thin layer of softness. I don't know if that is buff. Yeah, I think that's buff. I think that's swole. Oh, shit. Oh.

Okay. Which is right under yoked, where you're a little more formed, but still big. Okay, I can see it's swole. But yoked is like all muscle. Yes, yes. All muscle. That is not what I am. No, that's jacked. I think that's jacked. No, jacked is like definition and a little bit of size. Like gymnasts are jacked. Okay. But their biceps are swole. So jacked must be smaller than yoked. Yoked is so far very big. Yes, yoked is like...

And then jacked. Isaac could be if he ever worked out. Just be yo. This is cool. You guys get a sneak peek. Yolked, jacked, swole, buff? Buff. No, no. Buff, shredded? Yeah. Yolked, jacked, swole, puff, shredded? I think like surfers, like surfers who have a healthy appetite and like to eat a lot and don't do drugs, they're buff. Yeah, taco surfers. Are they buff? Yeah.

I would not say so. I think surfers are shredded. Yeah, they're shredded. I think they're cut. I also think they're cut. No, they're lean. They are? But shredded is lean. No, shredded is more defined than lean. Shut up, bitch! Shredded is bigger than lean, but they're both the same definition. Shredded literally means shut up! No! This is important! Shredded and diced?

Diced? You've never heard of diced? You're just making up shit, dude. Hey, hold up. Who's heard diced?

Two people. These guys all work at GNC. Literally one guy raised his hand and then he shook his head. He's like, I know Dice. And then I looked at him and he goes, nah, I don't know Dice. No one knows Dice. Diced. Because it started as sliced, but then the coolest dude in the friend group was like, you mean Diced? Yeah, we meant Diced. They said that anywhere. It would be in New Jersey and they said they don't say it. They don't say it.

I feel like they'd be like, yeah, I'm diced, bro. Do you guys say bro? Yeah, I'm diced. Who doesn't say bro? I think everybody says bro. This is cool. You guys get a sneak peek into what it was like working in the Workaholics writers room, where it was eight hours of us trying to figure out the perfect words for toned men, and then one hour of actually working on the stories that made the show. And our writers were like,

Yeah, I guess it goes shredded, then buff, then... Yolk, shredded. Well, we have that on the whiteboard. And they're like, I get paid just to be here, right? I went to Harvard. What are you guys talking about? I'm a smart person, actually. Yeah. That was cool to just watch Harvard people look at us like we're in a zoo. Yeah. Yeah, so essentially when we sold the show, we...

They were like, we want to buy this idea from you guys. You guys will executive produce it and star in it and write it. But you need to hire a showrunner who's smarter than you and writers who are smarter than you. And we did that. All of our writers in season one were Harvard guys and girls. And they were way smarter than us.

And couldn't come up with the level of dumb that we were able to come up with, which I think was the special sauce. Yeah, we'd be like trying to pitch stories and they'd be like, you mean like Macbeth? And I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know. Is that a new cheeseburger? I thought this was like McDonald's. Hey, that's points, bro. That's big points. Macbeth? Macbeth?

You're like, nah. It's like that episode of Ghostbusters, the animated series. And he's like, that was based on Macbeth. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, so says you. Yeah. Is McDonald's making new items or are they only letting like rappers have like meals now? Where it's not new? Right. Dude, I would love it if...

What is it? I'm just saying collabos. Oh, yeah, collabs. Well, no, they're doing a new high-end McDonald's cafe. Okay. Yeah. McCafe? That's the coffee. It's going to be like straight up Starbucks. The cause of diarrhea. That sells pastries and other types of things, but it's going to be McDonald's coffee. So, dude, let's all go right now. Diarrhea.

What are they doing? I think it's fucking delicious. Just take the money and make a whole new thing. Why even spend it off of McDonald's? Why? Why not? Because McDonald's is trash. You don't like McDonald's? I don't think youngsters fuck with McDonald's. I'm not a fan either. I'm not a big McDonald's fan. Where are my nine-year-olds at? You guys eat McDonald's? Dude. Dude.

I was absolutely raised on McDonald's. I know, but you're 40 years old. Yeah, I mean, I love the Happy Meal. These people have Shake Shack and Chipotle, dude. They don't fuck with it anymore. Dude, my child bride, Chloe, she's eight years younger than me. She loves McDonald's, dude. Oh. So there you go. I just said nine-year-olds, not nine years younger than us.

I don't think they fuck with it. Okay, says you. I just remember that I would face like 20 nuggets a night, like big time. The little cowboy boot shaped ones. Face? Yeah, dude. You would face them. What do you mean you would face them? What's your sauce? What's your sauce? Face is like, you know how like Jack does rip? Like face is like eating very fast. Like inhale. Inhaling food is like facing it. I faced the nuggets. Jesus, you're fucking cool, man. Thanks, man. Is that like Hoovered it?

Hey, all I know is you're not getting very diced. Is that bigger than Scarf's? You're not getting diced up if you're facing too many nugs. No. No, I wasn't putting... I wouldn't put on any weight when I was a kid. I remember like... Yeah, that's how childhood is. Yeah, right? You can eat whatever you want. I don't know. I was kind of a fat little kid.

I started fat, but then leaned out. Dude, I was a little chonkster. I got you a dirt devil, baby. We'll just get you in the pool, Adam. Huh? We'll get you in the pool and could have straightened you out.

Well, I'm an adult man now, so... We'll get you in that Speedo someday. Great ass! I want to see you in a Speedo. That shit would be fucking fire. You want to see it, dude? Yes, I do. Yes, I want to see it. Oh, damn. I'm still going to send it. Keep talking about it. Pizza, pizza. It's right down there. Pizza, pizza. You want to see it? I'm a dude. Okay. The Center for Performing Arts. It's a very nice theater. Wake it up. Nope, not today. Okay. Damn. Fair enough.

Did you guys, when you... Hey, you don't want to see it. Yeah. Did you guys realize that McDonald's McNuggets were like a tempura batter? Oh, is that what they're claiming?

This is what it is. It's tempura? Yeah. Tempura. Sure, whatever. What does that mean? No, you said tempura. Wait, wait, wait. But like other ones are like the little breaded like whatever. And I didn't realize that they were tempura. Oh, so that's why they're super fucking crispy and crunchy. Like flaky and crispy. That's fucking dope. I mean, the Foster's Farms all day, bro. That's why they have sweet and sour sauce.

Like nobody else offers sweet and sour sauce. Interesting. Oh, really? This is important. So was Ronald McDonald fucking around with paying that price? Yeah, that's cool. That shit's important. I love that. I'm like a foodie. That's why I know these things.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Jack Nicholson is from here? Cool segue. I mean, is he claiming New Jersey? I feel like the people have to claim the state. It can't be like he was born here and then moved away immediately. It says he's from Neptune City. Where the fuck is that?

He's from Neptune, all right. That guy's a weird, strange bird. What's that? That's their high school. He went to your high school? Cool. That's fucking cool.

Tom Hanks went to our high school. That's true. Did he? Yeah, that's cool. Or one of the schools around us. He didn't go to our high school at all. You're lying. Hey, Tom Hanks grew up in a town like right next to ours. Yeah. That's actually really tight, dude. That's fucking dope. Did you have any famous people? Michael Jordan went to high school. That's true. Michael Jordan went to high school. Yeah. Do you have any famous people that went to your high school?

I have a lot, yeah. Okay, yeah, don't name any of them. I'll never tell. I don't know, like, have you heard of Jeremy Piven? Yeah. I mean, Ari from Entourage. Jeremy Piven, all the Cusacks, Michael Shannon.

Lauren Lapkus. Okay. Grew up down the street from me. Okay. That's right. Eddie Vedder went to my high school for a minute. Okay. Dang. Who else? I don't know. I don't know who, like, oh, Michael Madsen and Virginia Madsen. Oh, shit. He was in Free Willy, which I fuck with. Oh, yeah. Apparently the Arquettes lived in my town. I don't know if they went to my high school, though. Man, I had no one. It was like...

Chris Klein from... Yeah. I thought you were about to say Criss Cross, and I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Both of them? Yeah. Both of them? No, that guy, like Jock from American Pie. Yeah. He's the only one that went to my high school. Yeah. Ox? Yeah, well... And I was like...

It can be done. Oxman? He's your North Star? Yeah, I was like, all right. I'm going to get that. Well, Tom Hanks went to a school by us. Yeah, Tom Hanks went to Piedmont. That's right. I was born in the same hospital as Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. Really? How did you figure that out? I think it was an internet search.

Famous people from the Bay Area. I'm sorry. Hang on. Okay, but did you search who was born at that hospital? No. Were you looking at Kyle Gass and it said Kyle Gass was born here? I think I heard that Kyle Gass was from Walnut Creek, and so then I looked it up, and then I saw he was at John Muir, and that's the same hospital that I was born at, so that's tight. Who cares? It's tight to me. Are you guys using the same EQ or something? No.

Same room? What's up? Same room? Guys, also, Buzz Aldrin is from New Jersey, so that's great. Oh, shit. Is Buzz Aldrin the one who punched somebody who was like, you never went to the moon? Yeah, that shit was fucking cool. And you know what that tells me? He never went to the moon. No, I bet he gets it all the time. I know, but just have that big dick energy and be like, okay. Like, if you've been to the moon and someone's going, you never went to the moon, you're like...

Okay, man. But if you tell everyone you went to the moon and they go you didn't, you're pissed. That's not true because if that happened to you for 60 years, you would punch a man. But it didn't happen until the last 50 years. I like to think that he harnessed it that long and finally he was just like, motherfucker!

He's like, sweetheart, I'm going to sock this fucking bitch. I'm going to sock this guy. He was jacked. I met him one time and he basically broke my hand when he shook my hand. It was vicious, dude. He's like, say it. Say I didn't go to the moon, motherfucker. I know you want to say it, you fucking pussy. No.

I've been to the moon. He was like the OG Lance Armstrong. He was like, it's for the cause. I gotta just live this charade. Why was he like Lance Armstrong? Because Lance Armstrong lied to everybody forever. Yeah. All right. He's saying that Buzz... Hey, but like all the cancer research, so who fucking cares?

I thought Buzz said he didn't go to the moon. I thought he said it. What? I thought he said it. Did he not say it? He didn't say it. He did. He said they tried. He's like, we couldn't find it. Yeah. We got up there. I got scared. Trust me. We fucking looked for hours. I was like, Neil, other guys. He's like, I don't know, man. I don't see the moon anywhere. Let's just flip a bit. Make sense, man. They could CGI this shit later.

Should we do some hot topics? Let's do it. Newark hot topics. Hit me with it. Dude, there's a lawsuit. Speaking of McDonald's, Newark woman burned by hot tea sues McDonald's, dude.

She's suing McDonald's after suffering burns from hot tea, according to the lawsuit. This already happened to them when we were kids. That was coffee. Totally different. Why would you bring that up? But why didn't they fucking get their temperature right? What's going down? I'm just saying, assume that it's hot and don't spill it on yourself.

Didn't the guy who did the coffee thing, he won the lawsuit? It was a woman, and the burn was gnarly. They did a whole documentary on it, and inside of her thigh was fucking sweet and sour sauce. It's like tempura. Who the fuck goes to McDonald's and orders a hot tea? That's weird to me. That's suspect behavior to me. Well, now they're McCafe, so I think everybody's going to be doing that if they're following Starbucks. Yeah.

So you're going to get the Saweetie meal with a side of hot tea? No. Sorry. She says in the lawsuit, it says the workers failed to warn her the tea was unsafe and dangerous. Well, they failed to give you the right order half the time. They're not going to tell you that your tea is unsafe. Right. Yeah. By the way, you know what's real good is when you order a tea, but you get one onion ring in there by accident. Yeah. And you're like, fuck, yeah. Yeah.

That would be sick, actually. That's always good. They throw a little onion ring into everything, dude. Like, you're going to like that. Trust me, you're going to like our onion rings. Like, you don't even have onion rings on the menu anymore. I know. I know. I just found it. Also, you can, if you pull your dick out. They drove off. Never mind. It's kind of a unit of measurement, too. Yeah.

Yeah, if it's really cool, they just put in another cheeseburger into the bag. Yeah. Not from McDonald's. They put it in a cheeseburger. They slip in an In-N-Out burger. Yeah. And here's an actual cheeseburger. Yeah.

Yeah, so I guess she's really hurt, and I hope she wins this lawsuit. Fuck them. McDonald's. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, also, I will say to that person, heads up, tea, super hot. Usually hot. Yeah, usually pretty fucking hot. Piping hot. Yeah. Has to be so it can steep. Yep, yep. That's a huge part of tea. That's a big thing with tea. So heads up, heads up on that. It's usually hot. Hit me with it, Blake.

Dude, Norman Lear, TV legend, dies at 101, dude. Damn. Do you guys know who that is? He did...

Dude, he revolutionized American comedy with such daring, immensely popular hits such as All in the Family, Sanford and Sons, amongst others. He was a fucking legend, this guy. Dude, Sanford and Sons still plays. It's so fucking funny. Red Fox. He's so funny. What did he say the other day? The other day? I just was watching it the other day. Oh, okay. So the neighbor lady comes over. I was like that.

The neighbor lady comes over and she's like super salty about him building this like junkyard sculpture. And he's like, this is art. I'm going to sell this. And she starts hating on him. And she's like getting mad about it because it's like ugly. And she's got her like bottom lip out. And he's like, when you stick your lip out like that, it looks like you got on a black turtleneck.

And I just laughed until just backstage 10 minutes ago. Yeah! I'm still chuckling on the inside. Just lighting each other up. But then she came back with something equally, and I'm like...

This is so fucking funny. Funny, dude. The guy's a legend. How old was he? 101? 101. That's awesome, dude. I saw him give a speech at some award show just a few years ago, and I was in the audience, and he was so quick and funny, and he was like 99 years old, dude. It was unreal. I'm like, I'm going to be such a

bag of laundry at 99. Just like a fucking lump. So his tongue wasn't just flopping out everywhere? I don't know how he did it. Because I want to be slobbering. He was extremely wealthy. That's a long time to be on this earth. Dude, I would love to get past 100, man. Would you rather live for 250 years or live for 50 years?

and then for a thousand years live for one year every ten years. Whoa! I would do the second one. I would do whatever that second one that you're working on in. I'm the prototype, bro. Yeah. Okay, hang on.

The world will be toast. You're going to come back. You're living on this dystopian planet. You're well taken care of because everyone on the planet is like, oh, it's Adam. He's the guy. You're insulated. People are rooting for you. No one's trying to murder you. That's probably not true. I'm saying that the world won't even be here. You'll come back alive and it's just going to be like a fucking dust bowl with fire wolves. Then you go back to sleep for ten years. Right.

And then you come back and now the Firewall is up. Ten years later, it just fucking got better. Yeah. Like the climate just figured itself out. Like L.A. Hopefully. Wow, that'd be tight. In ten years, it's going to be better. Just give it ten years. It's going to be fine. Ten more years. Hit me with it, Blake. Okay. Dude, and this is something that I've never been more sad about. Daddy Yankee.

Daddy Yankee? Wait, did you say Daddy Yankee? I did. Oh no, don't say it. And that's how I want to start off most sentences. Daddy Yankee says he's retiring from music to focus on his Christian faith. I'm pissed now! Okay, okay. And I get it, dude. You can be Christian and also make reggaeton hits. Right.

What was his big... I don't know. I feel like that's a commandment. Can we play a Daddy Yankee number one? Because I'm like, is he not Mr. Worldwide? Is he not... No, you know exactly what this guy... Was he Gasolina? Oh, okay. Oh. This is the most hype part of the show and we're all still sitting down. So, for me, that song works for about 30 seconds. And then it's kind of the one where you're like...

It doesn't change? No, that's what makes reggaeton hits bangers, dude. I don't mind house. I don't mind four on the floor, but that one just seems to kind of not really travel much.

And for me, that's where I'm at. You weren't in comedy clubs in the year 2004 when that song or 5 or 6 or whenever it was. Because I was performing in predominantly Latino clubs and I would be like one of the only white guys there and then they would play that song to bring me up. Up next, Adam Devine. Dude, they would. And then they'd play that song.

and not turn it off and I'd have to stand on stage at the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood while the whole crowd was like... Yeah, okay. And it's just me being like, all right, yeah, we're all having fun. Okay, everyone just chill out. Like, so LA traffic, that's weird, right? Right. It never rains, right? Right.

All right, that's my time. That's my time. Thank you. Speaking of gasoline, how about the prices on the diesel? Okay, you got points for that. Late points. Yes, points!

So by the way, Daddy Yankee has sold more than 30 million records. Absolutely. That song is like a game changer. But can he not just keep doing music that's Christian and make maybe more money? No, all I'm saying is... Yo, buddy God and Jesus. Should we call Daddy Yankee? That was perfect.

Yo, buddy, God and Jesus. Give yourself a point. Will you zoom him? Put your faith in God and Jesus. Put your faith in God and Jesus. Holy Spirit, God and Jesus. Holy Spirit, God and Jesus. Can we get points from him on the back end? Yeah, I'm going to call Daddy Yankee after this. Daddy? Wouldn't that be cool? You know how sometimes we get that question? Who's the most famous person on your phone? And I'm just like, Daddy Yankee.

Oh, that's a great one. I wish we had Daddy Yankee's number. We're just bros. Me and Daddy go way back. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me if somehow Blake was friends with Daddy Yankee. Because we did a podcast. This was like a couple years ago now. We did a podcast, and at the very end of the podcast, this is when we were doing it not live, and we're just in our houses via Zoom. And at the very end of the podcast, he goes...

Oh, dude, I had a crazy night last night. And we're like, oh, what? All right, we got to go, but go ahead. Yeah, it's like we're wrapping it up. And he goes, oh, I ate lasagna in a backyard with Sting from U2. No, The Edge, bro. The Edge, Sting, Sting.

The Edge. Oh, all those old guys are the same to me. Something was sharp. Jesus. The Edge, yeah. Does he have a real name or did he change his real name to The Edge? It's Edgeward. Team Edgeward. I'm Team Edgeward for sure. It's Edgeward Norton weirdly. You are so dumb. Sorry. Hit me with it, Blake. Okay, you got it.

Oh my God. It finally happened. Angelina Jolie may quit acting and live in Asia. Oh.

I know, guys. I know. Freaking see ya. And we're not going to get Tomb Raider 4 or whatever the fuck she acted in. What's up with everybody quitting the arts, man? What's going on? Freaking see ya. She's got a podcast. Oh, she's got a pod. Okay. Huge in Asia. She says she might do it after her divorce is finalized with Brad Pitt. By the way, I thought they were... It's not finalized yet? Those motherfuckers have been divorced for a fucking century. Yeah. They can't. You know why? Why? Why?

No, I'm not going to do it. Who cares? It's right. I mean, they got like hella kids that are like, he like, I don't know, man. What's up, bro? Wait, what? The gossip rags are not taking it easy on those kids. Okay. It's a big one.

Well, I feel like the lawyers need to step in and fucking chop this up real quick. The lawyers want to make money. The longer it's going on, the lower it's going to be. I think they just need to get in a room and play that Daddy Yankee song and figure it out, bro. Someone needs to suck the poison out of something. That's all I'm saying. I think she did that with Billy Bob Thornton.

Remember that? Yeah, she used to wear a vial of his cum on her neck. I don't know. Was it cum or blood, bro? I thought it was blood. Same thing, Kyle. Yucky. Cum is blood. Hang on a second, everybody. Just like one second.

Hey, so they're totally different. Blood's blood come is not blood. Wait, what? Yeah. Then why did my doctor say my blood type was jizz? What the fuck? You went to Dr. Brozart's, bro. Your blood type is jizz. Blake. Hey, where's that guy? Told you. Yeah, sorry, man. Dumbest joke. Dude, so she said, I mean, admittedly, Angelina Jolie, very beautiful woman.

She's a fucking kook, dude. You know what I mean? She goes, I grew up in quite a shallow place. Of all the places in the world, Hollywood is not a healthy place. You seek authenticity. Okay, sure. Shut up. She's a dark soul. I believe she's a dark soul. Yeah. I mean, I guess I'll say, like, I know where she's coming from, but so then don't do an interview. Hmm.

Just go. Just go to Asia. No one needs to know you went. Just go. That's very poignant, Durs. I couldn't agree more, Durs. Also, but like where? Where in Asia? It's true.

So hit me with it. Okay, you got it. So Yellowstone creator, Taylor Sheridan, sues star, Kohlhauser's coffee company. Okay. For burning the coffee burner. Too hot? His coffee was too hot. Yeah.

Is the coffee place called like... Adam, was that the end of the story? Well, there's a huge article here and I didn't see this before, so I don't really know why he sued. So the creators sued the star's coffee company? Is that where we're at so far? Imagine suing a coffee company. I'm going to circle back real hard just to get this joke out there. It's because he named the coffee place Yellow Scones.

Yes, points! And sometimes you gotta circle back for yourself. No, sir, I didn't like it. No, sir, I didn't like it. Well, he got points for it, though. Yeah, well, that was peer pressure. I wish I could... Come on, guys. Fine, what did he name the coffee place then, guys? It has to be funny and creative. I didn't think so. Star... Fuck, that's hot. No, wait, that was like Starbucks. Yeah, dude, I failed. I'm sorry. See?

So essentially it looks like Cole Hauser like snuck a Free Reign sticker or something on in an episode of Yellowstone. Oh, that was like when it was like Game of Thrones and there were just hella Starbucks in the shot. And they're like, what the fuck? There's Starbucks and where were they? Narnia? What was in it? Right. Who gives a fuck? Westboro. Something like that.

Right.

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Oh my god. Alright, blow the fucking roof off and you might see these guys punching shingles. Isaac! I like how people were like... Isaac, they turned the lights up for you, dude. This is kind of your big shot to show them this. Get him. Get him. It's not going to happen. Dump him out. He's crossing his arms. It's not happening. Dump him out.

So you guys had some sweet, hot cues, and we got some sweet, hot A's. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Give me that sweet shit. What's that? That's his Isaac's Hotel key. Isaac's Hotel key. Toss it out, man. Live a little. He's telling me something. Yeah. He's like, you guys didn't see, but when he handed me the cards, he goes, you got poison? Hey, you got way too much poison in here. I've noticed that you've been carrying around too much poison lately. Yeah.

Also, here's a sandwich. You're smelling it. Billy wants to know, Blake, do the carpets match the drapes? Oh, shit. You want to see it? Which is... Yeah. You want to see it? Wait, are you saying, like, are my pubes the same color as my hair, or do I have a fuckton of raggedy hair in my pants right now? Yeah.

That's what I would believe. I thought it was color and make and model. Your color and then if it's curly. Normally it is, but in this case, oh boy. No, this shit down here is a straight brush fire, dude. It's bad. I think it's a little darker. Dude, and what does that even mean? It means if you drop a match down my pants, it will ignite. Okay. But that's mostly because I use really flammable styling gel on my peeps. Yeah.

That's the only part of your body that you style? Yeah, I just take my hairspray and I yank my dick down. But that's just... Blake has two beads in his taint hair. You don't know about it, but he knows about it. Yeah, my taint looks like I went to Cancun.

It's as if my taint has a rat tail. I like that. You are so dumb. Your taint wears wraparound sunglasses for sure. His taint knows the lyrics to every Rihanna song. Please don't stop the music.

Hey, thanks for helping me out there. That was hot. You can't mention Riri without me shaking it loose a little bit. That was hot. Does Rude Boy give you guys a rhino horn? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Rude Boy gets me. I get one and then I go, couldn't handle it. Dude. Rude Boy rocks. I love Rihanna for life. I wish she would marry me. Sorry, Rihanna. That's the one person that Chloe's like, if Rihanna ever wanted to have sex with you, you're allowed to. And I'm like, I think you're okay. Right. Not in a million years do I think I would see Rihanna and she's like, you. Yeah.

Yeah. I scurry up to her. Me? Me, re-read? Yeah. Come on, rude boy. I mean, you're kind of the A$AP Rocky of our crew. That's true. Don't you look at him and you're like, yeah. It makes a lot of sense. It does make a lot of sense, yeah. So Mason Thayer wants to know who, I mean, our fans are absolutely out of control.

I see you, Mason. Mason Thayer asks, who has the biggest cum shot? What the fuck? Cum shot. This dude is like, who has the biggest cum shot? I will say it ain't me. Mine is a slow erupting volcano. They were like, oh, that didn't really burst, did it? This is sort of bubbled up.

I just sort of bubbled up. I love that everybody's going, Kyle! Yeah, I mean, probably. You can just tell the way this guy carries himself, you can tell he blows a big load. Thanks, man. Thank you, guys. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Cumshot is huge.

Appreciate it. He doesn't have big dick energy. He has huge cum shot energy. I got splat energy. Big splat. In your younger days, it was too much in that you would get overwhelmed by a fire hose that you just couldn't control. You have a beach towel next to your bed instead of some tissue paper. Yeah.

I'm running out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He just runs out to the living room. Daddy, what's happening? Daddy. Just covered. What happened? He's like, honey, I think it's time for the poison talk.

Hold on, I've got to come backwards. Kyle, you ever give yourself a full bukkake? Good, good, good. Beautiful. Oh, sorry. So Alex Mendez wants me to give and her sister Haley and Jaden Mendez a shout out. Okay. Nah. Fuck it. Nope, not today. That's not a question. Not happening. Nope.

Ashley goes, Goss, Goss, she's asking, it's my husband Aaron's birthday. Can you sing him? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to him. And many more. That was beautiful, Kyle. On Channel 4.

Jem would like to know what was... Stop. He's all gassed up from the crowd thinking he's got a huge load. Now he's got this... Now he's going to be on fire all night. We're going to get back to the hotel and he's like, I can't sleep. They think I have a giant load. I have the biggest load of the crew. My life...

complete. New Jersey thinks I bust big nuts. You're good out here, dog. From now on, you're good here. I like New Jersey. I like you guys. I do. That is cool. I hope it actually really works. I hope five years from now you've fallen off the wagon.

Oh, come on, Playboy. We all hope it. You're out here trying to buy some meth, and these guys are like, easy, Mark. We're going to rob his ass. And they're like...

Hold up. Hold up. You're Big Nut Kyle. Big Nut knew a check. Hey, man, will you jizz on us? Come on, man. No, I don't do that anymore. Unless you got meth. Unless you got all that meth. You got meth, I'll show you the nut. By the way, Kyle was never a meth head. I put that on him and I realized I just did. I just want to party. It's fine.

Jen wants to know, what would you say is your biggest, best career accomplishment thus far? Oh, a real question. I don't like those, but we will answer it. I mean, let's keep it real. I'll keep it real. It's fucking Workaholics, because without Workaholics, none of the other fucking career would have taken off. Okay. That's absolutely true. Okay. Yeah, nice. That's absolutely true, and I mean, it was unreal work.

on like the first episode of Workaholics, I went to my, uh, like a Starbucks and I got recognized like that day and I was like, oh shit, we were really onto something. And I remember the argument that we had with the network for the very first episode when we named it piss and shit. Mm.

And they were like, are you sure you want to name their first episode of your TV show Piss and Shit? And we're like, yep. Yes, we absolutely do. And thank you for going along this ride with us. Thank you, guys. And yours would be Muppets or what? For me, Monarch, yeah, for sure. Yeah, Monarch. Well, for me, it's being a judge on is it cake? Peekin'!

You were good. You were a good judge. Absolutely. I finally got respect from my daughter for that. Yeah, that's tight. That's good. Well, yeah, Kyle and I were on a show called Who Gets the Dog in 2005. Yeah, we were, dude. And you know what we won? We won a dog. The dog. We won a rescue dog that was a fucking nightmare. Yeah. He would just eat our carpet. I don't know how he did it, but he was like, this is delicious. And just...

Yeah. Dude. On the floor. Yeah. You know, dog catcher. Dog catcher would have gotten them. This person wants to know, Anders, what was it like to be raised by possums? Donkey! Awesome.

Do you know what that's from or why? I think it's from the show. Originally I did Raised by Wolves and then I think I did I Was Raised by Possums. It was awesome. It was awesome. It's your rap. In the woods because I was raised by possums. That's right. So this guy

dick blown off. Hey, we see you. We see you. Adam, which potted plant did you poop in before the show tonight? Okay. I'm no longer very nervous to come out here, so I don't have to shit in potted plants before. So I just shit on the green room floor.

I don't have to hide my poops any longer. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. That was a story, quickly, for those that don't know, the first time I ever did stand-up, I was nervous, and I was right before I was about to go on stage. It was the first time I was headlining a show. The first time I was going to do 30 minutes. I sneezed, and a perfect log shot out of my ass.

And I was next to a potted plant and I grabbed a bar napkin and I fished it out and I put it in the potted plant and then I went on stage, had a great set, and then it was such a good set that at the very end I go, thank you guys so much. I did not think tonight was going to go well because right before I came on stage, I shit in that potted plant! And

And the crowd's like, what? And then one guy got up and looked in the pot of land, and sure enough, there was my perfectly placed log. Oh, my God, dude. How many Funyun rings long are we talking? That was about a five Funyun ringer. Five or six? A five ringer. That's a healthy log. That's a healthy log. So we all know Shaxxcock. This person, Brian Francis...

Brian Cranston. Nice, dude. What's up, dude? He's from here. So we all know Shaq's cock is the one to see. Sure. But which butthole is the one to see? What the hell? Great questions, New Jersey. Yeah, you guys are really nailing it. Way to step it up.

Old Jersey would never have questions these guys. I mean, that is a good question because if you... To see it... Because the question before was, whose cock out of any cock would you want to see? And we all pretty unanimously were like, Shaq's. Yeah, Shaq's the one. Because it's great either way. Either it's astoundingly huge or it's not, and that's a conversation piece. It's a win either way. Sure, sure. But butthole's different because...

You don't want a gross butthole. No, I think you want like an old butthole. Like a Helen Mirren. Like a Helen Mirren, yeah. A Dame Judi Dench butthole. I don't want to be genderist, but do we have categories for best male butthole and best female butthole? I would say Kevin Costner, I bet he has got a nice butthole. Yeah, I was thinking I want to see all the Bond buttholes. Oh, every James Bond butthole? You know my boy Pierce? Yeah.

Quality butthole. Pierce, for sure. Daniel Craig's butthole, though, could put you in a chokehold. It's strong. That's a fucking yoked butthole. That butthole is diced, bro. You got that diced butthole. Ramsey wants to know, this one's for me, I randomly heard your voice acting for a throwaway character in a Disney Plus cartoon my toddler was watching called Vampyra.

Do you even remember that gig or were you too Z-quilled out? Is this your doctor? That's my boy Poltergeist Pat. Okay. And he fucking rips, dude. Okay. Yeah, I love doing cartoon voices, so when they ask me more times than not, I say yes. Can we hear Pizza Steve, please? Oh, Pizza Steve! Yeah! Yeah!

Hell yeah. Dude, that was my favorite. When I would do Pizza Steve, I did this cartoon called Uncle Grandpa, and I was a piece of pizza with sunglasses. And I do colleges, and people are yelling out, we're gollocks and pitch perfect. And then it was always the most stonery dude who's just like, Pizza Steve. And I'm like, I see you, my fellow stoner. Pizza pizza.

This person would like to know, who can stay erect for the longest time? My money is on Adam. Okay. Well, I think that's fair. You're competitive. So, yeah, I give that to you. Yeah, you can stay erect for the longest time. You wouldn't quit. I would not quit. No. No. Yeah. In fact, I might juice up. Might be on a little rhino juice. Okay. Well, let's just find out tonight together in my hotel room. Yeah. Please don't stop the music.

Dude, we had an interview this morning and then Blake... We went out to lunch afterwards and Blake was like, man, why didn't you remind me to set an alarm? And I go, because you're a 40-year-old man. What the fuck are you talking about? Blake was late to the lobby. And he goes, but we were drinking in my room. And I go, I know. I remember. And he goes...

I don't. It was a Tuesday. Let's just say the Long Island Ice Teas went right to my dome. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. We pulled them right out the river.

Bill Kremsley wants to know, what does Kyle actually smell like? And by the way, I got a whiff of this guy the other day. We used to joke a lot that Kyle's stinky. Because I look like I smell. It's fine. It's all good. And you've changed up your aesthetic. You used to look like you smell. Now you look like you're very cozy right now, but you could play pickleball at any moment. Yes, I can. Wait, what's this guy's name who asked the question? Bill Kremsley. Where are you, dude?

Billy Crams. Are you in a position to get down here and smell Kyle? Would you like to? Come give a whiff. Come give a whiff. Where am I going to fucking meet you? What part of my body do you want to smell? By the way, this is just some other guy. It's Kyle from the future. Which part of my body do you want to smell? Just smell my armpit. Just get in there.

Holy shit! Oh my god! Kyle, give him the microphone so he can tell everyone what you smell like. Oh yeah, what do I smell like? Water trash. No, it's actually pretty good. Thanks for keeping it real, man. It's pretty good. Big loads! Hey, big loads smell pretty good. What's up, Jersey? Jersey!

What's cool about that is that guy is like probably five or so years younger than you, maybe more, and was like...

What am I going to smell like in five years? Because he looks very similar to you. That made me want to come out with a fucking line of cologne called water trash. That would be hot. I feel like that would work. Say it's an aphrodisiac. Get all those eighth graders to be like, it's a what? Aphrodisiac. A-P-H-R-O-D-I-C-H.

S-I-A-C. Joshua wants to know, if you could have a Workaholics crossover with any show from then or now, what show would it be? USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shearer. Okay.

I mean, I think the easy answer would be Always Sunny. Sure, that would be awesome. I think people would like that crossover. A harder answer would be Powerpuff Girls. Yeah, dude. That would be fire. That would be something. That would be fire. Uh...

Is American Gladiators? Can we do that? Can we just be contestants on American Gladiators? I think we did that episode, basically. That would be really cool to go in the Eliminator. Mr. Ed, just to meet a talking horse? That's crazy. That would be wild. So Mel wants to know, does Ders know he's autistic? No.

I'm autistic, and some of the things he says... Ellipses. Well, let's give the man the food. Hey, life's a spectrum, then you die. There we go. Some of the things he says. It's science. Do you guys have any childhood pets? Any pets?

Yeah, I had a hamster named Franklin and... Franklin? Yeah. Sick. Yeah, just named him Franklin because... Was he jacked? He was jacked as fuck. That was a diced ass hamster. But the way I found... I came home one day and he was dead and...

In front of my house being eaten by ants. Oh, man. He tried to escape. In front of your house? Yes. His mom had had it. She's like, I'm not going to be in this shit anymore. Dude, I'm like, Mom, what the fuck, dude? Franklin is being eaten by ants on the fucking stoop.

But you were crying. How did he get out? I think my mom just spiked him. That's horrible. Yeah, no, it scarred me. I've never had a pet since. Yeah. Really? All of my pets were named after foods. My first pet was Hammy the hamster. Okay, that's pretty good. And then my first dog was Hot Cocoa.

Oh, hot cocoa. That's cool. That's delicious household. I had a turtle and I named him Michelangelo because he had little orange stripes on him. Hey, here you go. Young points. Yes, points!

Bro, it was like half water, half land. Like you could do both, I guess, swim around and stuff. Yeah, turtles are amphibians, so that makes sense. Yeah, so that's what that means, right? But dude got stuck under the fucking water and between some rocks and just fucking... He was toast. He was toast. Buried him in the backyard. R.I.P. Yeah. I had a dog named Frederica. Sexy, sexy name. She was a little hood rat. We liked her. Denny...

I'm going to butcher this. Rumance. Not a name. I've watched you guys since season one of Workaholics. Not a question, really. Just wanted to say thank you guys. Love, love, love you guys. Smoke weed with me. Smoke weed every day.

Any take backs? Any apologies? Yeah, I got a really quick take back. I said that turtle is an amphibian. It's not. Oh, okay. So let's get into that. It's a reptile for sure. Yeah. It was special. It could go under the water. What's an amphibian? A frog? Yeah, a frog. And turtles are not at all. They're reptiles. See, because the motherfucker drowned.

And I didn't think that was possible. Well, maybe it was a tortoise. No, it was a tiny little turtle with a little one... It had a fucking bite. I remember when it bit my finger. Was it cool but rude? Huh? Okay, but you're not going to take back the part of you acting like my mom sucking off my dad or...

You're not going to take that part back? I like that part. Just mostly the turtle part? Yeah. Yeah, no, that was fun. I want to actually earmark that part as a favorite part of the show. I wanted to add on to that. Put the strap on. Back me. Wait, can you do it in the hospital this time? For me? Absolutely. Beep.

Wait, what are you asking? Do it all again. Adam's mom's in a nursing uniform, right? I like that. I like that. Right. I like that. And then like his dad gets out the stethoscope, right? Hello. And then Adam's mom does this. And then Adam's dad does this other thing. Hell yeah, dude. You're autistic as fuck. My quick take back is, uh, that last bit. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't land loose butthole. Uh,

I would like to stand by everything I said, including all the things about my family and using their actual names and telling real stories about them that might hurt their feelings. I stand by it. You created me, and this is who I am. You paid their house off. Yeah, and I paid your house off. Epic, epic.

No takebacks, no epic slams. I do want to try and do the little spin thing on my back, though, if that's possible. Yeah, that's good. Play some African Mubarak. That's a whole new category. Any takebacks, giveaways, or dance tricks? Dance moves. Because I broke out the breakdancing the other day, but I got these big-ass fucking bruises on the side of my body. Yeah, you did. And I think it's because I went into it so hard, and I just want to try and do a twirl on my back

All right. Let's see. He forgot to do it before, I guess. Okay. A lot of stretching. No music here? I'm trying to play Daddy Yankee, but I think he called the venue and said, do not play my shit anymore. Daddy has a direct line to hear for sure. Well, I would just have waited before he got. Oh, shit. Now, do we want to do any pre-dance to warm up a little bit? I want you to be all stretched up. The whole thing, I'm trying not to hurt myself. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Popo size!

Thank you guys so much New Jersey we had a blast. New Jersey! Absolutely showed up on a Wednesday. We appreciate it. And this was another episode of This is important. Thank you!

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