Ep 172: Live From Oakland: Super Duper Hyphy In The Bay
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How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about...

I'm the Jeffrey Dahmer of jizzing on every part of my room. Farts were so open in my household that it is now my love language. I'm about to eat my way in shrimp. Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. And we're not invited back. Hey, hey. Woo!

Good to be here. It's really good to be here, Bay Area. A lot of hot energy coming from the crowd tonight. You should be up cooking breakfast for somebody. Let's fucking get into this shit. Oakland, I love you, baby. There he goes. You got him.

Chug them if you got them. I want to kick it off stage. Really bad job kicking. There you go. There you go. Like that?

There you go. My fucking microphone is all up in my shit, bro. A lot of people would say you were too hyphy, dude. I was way too hyphy. That's what a lot of people here, I think, would say. I don't know if you can get too hyphy. We're in the bay, dude. That is true.

It's impossible. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I already saw a homeless guy ghost riding his shopping cart. Yeah. That's his whip. That is his whip. Yeah, that's his whip. You can still call that a whip. So technically that counts. Yeah. Ooh. Ooh. Yeah, there it is. And so as you can probably tell, I got a ton of room up here on this fucking couch. Something is off. What is this? I don't like it. What is going on? Well, you know what?

Huh. We cut some dead weight. We cut... Yeah, we did. Now, Ders is being a total bitch. Yep. And he is having a family emergency. Bitch. Shut up, bitch. Yeah. But I guess it is serious. And yada, yada. He couldn't make it. So we fucking hate him for it. And we're forever going to shit on him for this. Yeah. No. Guys...

We have a lot of power in this situation. I want everybody to go in his fucking DMs tonight. Slide the fuck through. I want 3,000 people in his DMs saying, shut up, bitch. I don't even want it to be, like, aggressive. I want everybody to write really sad shit. Like, really big. Actually, good call, because that would really affect him more. Because if everyone just goes, you're a bitch, he'll be like, I know. But if you were to be like...

You were always my favorite one. Yeah. Right. And I didn't get to see you tonight. Actually, you know, obviously we came for Blake and Kyle. They're from the Bay. Yes, we are. And that means a lot to us. It's good to be fucking home, baby. Yes. Good to be home. And obviously they felt the love. But secretly...

Don't like the little one. Love the big one. No, fuck that. And that's you. Yep, and we didn't get the chance to see you tonight. Yeah. But do you think Durz is capable of feeling that guilt that we would be putting on him? Absolutely not. No. That's why I wish I could take some shit back. Like, I wish I could, like, undo going to the motherfucker's wedding. Fuck that. Yeah, that's a good take back. Yeah, there's a lot of things we should take back. This is my hometown show, damn it. Yeah. Yeah.

And when... You know how important this fucking shit is to me, Dersh! Yeah. That's right. That's right. I just lost the fucking A's to Las Vegas this week. What the fuck? That's right. Bro, we don't need to... This is... Okay, let's get all this sad shit. And just because someone in his family may be close to death, we're not exactly sure, you should say that to him. You should say, you know how important the A's are to me?

And I think that would resonate. Yeah, say Oakland is down bad right now and we would need a healthy dose of Durr's dick. Yeah. Yeah, to stir the pot. I wanted to see those. Because you know he's got the longest hanging fruit of the bunch. He's got a big one. He's got a big. Hey, I'll admit it. The biggest cock of the crew.

Honestly, I wasn't ready to say it. I wasn't ready to say it until Halloween, and he wore that Chucky outfit. Oh, my God. Oh, the boy had a package. The boy had a package. Dude, I thought he had a few buzz balls up in the mix. Yeah. And part of me was like, no, dude, so you're a shower, not a grower, right? And he's like, no, it grows. I'm like, what?

I like that thing gross. I really love that that's how good of friends we are. We came out here to shit on Durz and we're just giving him the most supplements. And he's not even here. We're like, bro, you got the biggest dick. You fucking rock, bro. You don't use it. 40 years old. We're all like, I just turned 40. Durz is 40. I'm wrong. He might be 50. 49, I think. Yeah. And then thank you. And then you guys are turning 40 this next year. The fact that we still...

The best compliment to get would be, you've got an awesome dick. Yeah, not like... Because that's for sure a compliment you want to hear when you're 19 years old, because you're like, is it awesome? I have no idea. I hope someone finds it awesome. Yeah, once you get our age and you're like, yo, dude, you've got a super sick dick. It's like... We should be offended. You should be like, hey, don't talk about my dick. I have a family. You're legit not allowed to my son's second birthday anymore. But we're still like...

Bay Area! Yeah. Wait till you see my dick. Yeah, I love repping Oakland. I do, but truth be told, I am from Concord. Yeah, where's Concord at? Oh, we got Concord in the building. So they made the hike. I remember... Fuck yeah, dude. How far is Concord from Oakland? Concord's like a good 35-minute drive.

Okay, so a lot of people are screaming. That's when I know you're lying. No, I'm not lying. No, because that's what people always do when they live a little bit outside of the city. They go like, it's actually not even that far. It actually takes me like 20 minutes. I can get there quick. I mean, it's quicker on Bart. Keep it real, dude. It's quicker if you take part. The cause of diarrhea. Is Bart? Bart is the cause of diarrhea? There's just diarrhea everywhere on Bart. Diarrhea.

Is that real, Bam? I've never traveled. I don't think I've ever traveled on BART. Yes, there is diarrhea on BART. 100% there is a train that has diarrhea in it. Yeah, it's got some spray on the walls. So out of all the BART trains, you're guaranteeing that at least one of them... I would bet $200,000 there's...

At least a speckle of diarrhea in one of the cars. So you'd have to get CSI out there to find it. Oh, no, we'd get MTV Room Raiders with the purple light like, dude. Oh, shit, dude, you just unlocked something. I remember when I saw that for the first time, I was like, oh, I would be so fucked.

Oh, dude. I think that was one of our first sketch ideas that we ended up not doing was do an MTV room raider of my room. Yes. And then you go in and it looks like a fucking jizz death scene. Yes. Yes. It's everywhere. I'm the Jeffrey Dahmer of jizzing on every part of my room. It's marking territory. That's all that is. It's dropping your seed. There's gum everywhere. Yeah.

Wait, you squeeze the toothpaste? Even the toothpaste is cum. How did that happen? You're just beating off into the little toothpaste hole? I don't know why. I'm a freak like that. Wow. Yeah, that minty freshness gets me going. Yeah, baby. I'm sure there's health benefits to brushing your teeth with cum. Let's keep it real. Okay.

I'm gonna come. And Kyle. All right. And both our families are here. Yeah, I know. Why the fuck did you say something so brave? So brave. Thank you. Thank you, Blake. But... Do not come. Controversial. Yeah, we don't talk about it enough, but I would... And I also don't know if scientifically... Wait, we don't talk about that enough? I don't know if scientifically there's anything to it.

I'm just saying maybe there's something scientifically to it. Well, because the internet has ruined us as a society, and there's a sea of freaks out there, right? Oh, yes. Like, people fuck absolutely everything, including toothpaste. I'm sure there's a subreddit for that being like, have you guys actually tried it? And then there's 40 little horny fucks from around the world being like, yeah.

Yeah, fuck the tube. Yeah, yeah, fuck the tube. For sure there's people saying that actually there's some health benefits. Right. My cholesterol used to be shitty. I feel like I saw this though. I feel like this was like HBO Real Sex or something like that. What the fuck is that? Do you see that bug? Are you good?

Dude, that has not happened in any other city. That's the most Bay Area shit I've ever seen. It's got a fucking huge horse fly flying around. Just one house fly just bothering us up here. It's just straight pestilence. It's just from the Bible. I have something. Yeah, those doors are going to blow open. A bunch of fucking locusts are going to soar in. Of course it happens in the Bay. Everything starts in the Bay. Oh, there we go.

Oh, yeah. Like other people claim Hella. Hella is not from anywhere but the Bay. Who's claiming Hella? Hey, the one who's not here, who we shall not name, Anders, claims it fucking was started in Chicago. What? Which is absolute trash. It's fucking trash. Nope. Yeah. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

And is that real, Bam? What, that Hela started here, or the cum thing? I thought we moved on from the cum thing, but I know that you want to go back to it. No, I just have a memory of a woman washing her hair with jizz and stuff. Yeah, dude, like I established.

We're on a hill. We don't have to do it. I just had to close that gap in order to make room for new cool shit. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. But now you got me interested in this cum thing. I know. I know. But I think it's like, because it's protein. Cum is protein. Are you asking? No, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, cum is a protein. Hey, Pamela. Yeah. Ma, how proud of your son are you right now? Everybody quiet. I don't hear this a lot. I'd like my mom to have the floor. Hey, shut up.

Pamela you can cheer scream out an affirmation. I see her I see her right there. Yeah mom Now her voice is a little bit lost so everybody just shut the fuck up real quick Shut the fuck Adam has a question. Oh, hey if you could scream out one affirmation for Kyle right now because he's talking about a lot of jizz Thank you for standing up. Nucky grandma you had the floor You had the floor, okay? You gotta say something nice about me

Dude, your mom started to read your eulogy. I think she's drunk, bro. She has a fucking buzz ball in her fucking hand right now. I don't think that my mom should be drinking that buzz ball. Mom, I love you. Sit back down. You're waving back and forth. Love her to pieces, but...

Honestly. I mean, all she had to be like. Well, to be fair, I think her voice. He's smart. Yeah. No, she did the most mom thing. Love you. She did the most mom thing. She's like, well, when he was three, I knew he was musical. Like, oh, shit. Here we go. Yep. That's my mom, everybody. My mom used to fart in. Yeah. No.

Tell more stories about your mom farting. My mom did not hold back in a house of boys. She farted all the fucking time. My friends would... My mom and my dad would both fart in their sleep tremendously. Sleep farts are different.

Like in the middle of the living room when you're watching Philadelphia in 1994? No, there was no holding back. I actually believe that because farts were so open in my household that it is now my love language. Goodbye. I've noticed that on this tour. It's been a while since we've been in very close contact with each other, and you just let them slide.

- I'm telling you, dude, this happens in like jobs that I go at. If I fart in front of you, I truly respect you. - And I believe that because-- - And so you haven't worked with Spielberg or anyone like that? - No, no, not yet. I'm still waiting for the call. - And I can tell it's your love language because it's impossible for you to fart and not stare at the person you're farting at. - That is true. - Kyle would just be like this. - Like a question.

His fart is the home improvement noise. It's Tim Allen going...

I feel like I've had a fart like that. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I will say that because I grew up with you, Kyle. I grew up in a Newichek household. We used to eat Eggo waffles together. Dude, every morning. It weirdly always smelled like eggs in that household. Not eggs, Eggos, dude. No, I know. Yeah, but it did smell like rotten eggs, bro. It just was. But I do recall both you and your mother farting.

Hey, she's not dead, dude. I'm just... Namaste. Namaste. I do remember your guys' farts sounding identical. Yes, yes. Which leads me to believe, and maybe we could prove it tonight. Oh, detective. That you have...

twin buttholes. And how might we prove this? Is this another CSI room raiders type thing? It's two different snowflakes looking the exact... Hey, you know the odds of that? Blake knows. Like one in a billion, dude. One in a billion. I bet we do have a similar butthole. Wait, are you saying that snowflakes and buttholes are... Well, they're like fingerprints. It's like...

That's mine for me. They're like fingerprints. My mom. What? What? Buttholes are the fingerprint of the backside. Buttholes are the fingerprint of the backside is one of the coolest things you've ever said, Adam. Okay, check it out. And I love you. Because this kind of always, you want to get, I'll give some points for that. Yes, points. Thank you. So. Thank you. And you know what? So we've been, Todd, one of our producers, and he mixes everything and edits everything for us on the podcast. Yep.

He went back and tallied up all of the points, which is incredible and Ders is winning by a lot We don't know about her. So I know I'm sorry the one that shall not be named the one that shall not be That's why we each get ten points for being here. Yeah, yeah Yeah shit up

Okay, but I want to get back to the buttholes much like you want to get back to the cum. Okay, so... Yes, I'm hot. I'm getting hot. I was always tripping because I'm like, you know, eventually we run out of phone numbers, right? Like, we're just going to run out of numbers. Somebody's going to have the same phone number eventually, right? What do you mean? Explain. This is what I'm...

No, I want to, I'll unpack this with you. This might be a really long walk. Okay, let's do it. You know how you take your fingerprint, like your thumbprint is on your birth certificate, or they take your foot? Yes. So eventually, people are going to start to have the same fingerprints. Now, what? Wait, that's not how fingerprints work, but all G, bro. Hey, hit, you are so dumb.

You are so dumb. I'm a dumbass. Yeah. All right, that works. Well, what I was trying to get to, even though I don't know how fingerprints work, what if we start identifying ourselves at the DMV by going in the bathroom and kind of you dab ink on your butthole. Dude. So you're spreading it, you're spreading it, and then you're sitting down on something like such? Yeah. Dude, imagine how salty...

Imagine how salty the woman working at the DMV would be to then have to also deal with all these butthole photos. Yeah, well, and I'm also going to say right now, I don't think my actual butthole is touching the ground at the moment. Like, that's tough to do. Well, there's only one way to find out. Uh, no, there's a couple ways. Isaac, come out here and paint Kyle's butthole. Oh, paint it yellow. Paint it yellow while I sit on the ground like baby Nooch. But, Isaac, is there, like, a towel? I'm sweating. I'm very hot.

I'm pissed now. I'm running hot. I don't know why I'm running so fucking hot. Yeah, maybe it's hot in Oakland. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Did your mom fart a lot, Blake? What's going on with your mom? Hey, my mom's here, too. Bring the lights up. Mom, stand up. Where is Lori? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey

Please scream something. One affirmation for Blake. Yeah, mom, say something nice. One nice thing. Let's bring the house lights back up, please. Go ahead, stand up. Scream one nice thing about him. She said, you're my firstborn. That's not nice, mom. Oh, wait, she's holding her hair. The hair. It's the hair. The hair.

I think you interrupted her. Wait, but she said she likes your hair, but your hair is like her hair, so she kind of complimented herself. I think she said, out of all my children, I like you the best. No, don't. My brother's here. AJ, are you here? AJ, I know. But obviously, obviously. Wait, bring the lights up. Let me see AJ. Let's see where they are. There he is. Oh, he's in the aisle, dude. That is the fucking young Gohard, bro. No, get back there. You're not coming up here.

What are you saying? Dude, all I'm saying is that's what I thought I heard, AJ. I'm not trying to fight, dude. I'm not trying to fight you. Do not take your shirt off and flex for this audience right now. Yeah, do not take your shirt off and flex for the audience. Do not flex for this audience. AJ, take your shirt off and flex for the audience. Yeah, flex for the audience, AJ.

Oh my god, take it off later later I haven't seen fucking AJ in a long time man. Yeah AJ's good. I think this is a nice rowdy show tonight would be the night to show your nipples

Let's see. Tonight would be the night. Tonight is the night to show your nipples. Nipples. Nipples. Nipples. Nipples. I know I always loved Isaac. I know I always loved him. We're at home. We're at home. It's the home show. Isaac is in here. Don't fail us.

You have no idea what a big deal that was guys

This is our 20th show of the podcast, of the live show. And Isaac, we've been asking him from day one. I'm like, let me see those translucent nips. Because you can see, if you look up close, if you hold your eye to it, you can see his heartbeat and shit. He's a human x-ray. You see the lungs, you're like. Yeah. Isaac's body is like the same color as when they find E.T. by the river dying. Yep. It's like E.T. if E.T. was inside out, boy.

It's like one of those that weird exhibit like the human body where you can just like see through it Also a walking talking MRI Isaac 20 shows to find the guts to do that and we so so proud

Yeah, I love that we immediately start to just shit on him, dude. Hey, but by the way, that's not shitting. I think that's fucking cool. I wish my body wasn't so thick and dense with muscles that you could see. You know what I mean? It sucks. Isaac. It sucks that I had this addiction to being shredded and ripped. Yeah.

And fucking bulky and huge. It's like AJ, man. I'm the exact same as AJ. You saw the bodies? They're the same. That's that conquered meat back there. You...

Yep, and Concord's known for their meat. Well, hey. Actually. Hey, wait a minute. Actually. We did have, I used to work, Fritz's Meats off of Clayton Road. That is a butcher shop. And our competition was none other than Kinder's Meats. Yep. Heard of it? Yep. Seems like a lot more people have heard of that one. And who won? Is Fritz's still around? It's out of business. Yes. Kinder's won. Kinder's won. Kinder's won and Fritz's.

I'm proud of Kinder's. Yeah, rightfully so. Kinder's fucking rocks. All right, hey, you know what? I'm from Omaha. I feel like we're more known for our steaks than Concord. Hey, you know what? Yeah. Hey, you know what, guys? Not here. Kiss my fucking ass. I will fight each and every one of you Omaha steaks till I fucking die. That's actually tight. We here in the Bay, we respect that kind of hometown pride, bro. Yeah, dude. I'm ready to fight. And you know what? I'm going to say something...

First off, I want to give Isaac... Yes, points! A lot of points. A lot of points for Isaac. That was big. That was big time. But I will say, since Durz's dumbass ain't here... Yep. The bitch. Oh, the bitch! And Adam is a motherfucking rock star coming out to Oakland like a gangster. Yeah, sure. I would love to make Adam an honorary Baydestrian tonight. Oh, thank you, dude. Oh, okay. Look, we got him.

You know what? Wait. You know what? I'm good. Whoa. Whoa. I was about to go into like a whole bit of like, what's the ceremony? How can we do this live on stage? I just, I love doing shit like that. Adam is obsessed with being like the heel. A WWE bad guy. Yeah.

Which is cool. That's fucking sick. Yeah, you would for sure be like, if Adam was in the WWE, he'd be like... I'd be Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Well, dude, Hollywood Hulk Hogan is my favorite fucking wrestler. Yeah, well, me too. I think he would be more like when Mankind first came out and he was like super evil in the corner, like... Wait, that's what you think I'd be like? Yeah, dude. What about my personality makes you be like, I'd be like...

Yeah, I don't know that Adam would play the psycho in the corner. I feel like he's the American fucking heel. That's why he has to go against type, dude. Oh, okay. He's got to be sort of like goth. You're actually, you used to be kind of goth, right? That is not true at all. I was never goth. Blake's on a, you good? Yeah.

I'm fizzing, bro. Let's see that. That's good. Yeah, I love that we're like... Not to shit on your offer, I would love to be an honorary member of the Bay. Okay, Bay-Destry. Okay, do we let him back? Do we let him back? All right, we let him back. Will you allow me back in? I know I...

He's goofing. Mixed bag. Yeah, you got to be careful with that, dude. I'm fine either way. No, I think you're in. I think you're in. All right, good. We respect that. We like jokes. I love coming. I used to come up with you guys, and I would spend Thanksgiving at your house. For like six years in a row, I came. It was like a handful of years.

And every year, some shit would go down and we would fist fight one another. Yo, and the shit that went down, it all started at the fucking Clayton Club. So I don't know if we got Clayton Club people out here. It's deep east. It's east deep.

And I remember we got in a fist fight, and then me and Kyle, as we used to do, and then I, like, wasn't allowed to sleep at your house. Or maybe I just didn't want to. And so I slept at Blake's house, and Blake was like, you have to sleep in my brother AJ's room. But AJ was, like, a middle school kid, so it's just like this, like, sixth or seventh grader being like,

I guess it's okay that you sleep in my room. Dude, I don't think we've gotten into like why we fought that night, but the guy that caused it is here tonight. My friend, Justin. Yeah. We were so fucking wasted.

And our friend Justin Kramus, who's in the building right now. What's up, Jay? What's up, Jay? He's somewhere around here. Somewhere. But he was puking. No, he was pissing and you were puking.

next to him and I was so mad that you were... By the way, next to him was 15 feet away. But for whatever reason I had created this space in my brain that you were too close and right before we went to blows it was like, you're fucking puking right next to where my friend is pissing. You're too close and you're puking next to my friend who's pissing. It's not... And then we fought. I remember, dude. You

You're like, you're puking next to my friend. And then I'm like, I'm your friend. And I'm like, but so is he, and he's pissing, and piss and puke, that's too close together. Yeah, you're like, pissing trumps puking. Yeah, give him space. And then I'm like, hey, pissing trumps puking, that's fighting words in my household. Who swung first? Did I swing first, or I guess I can't remember. I'm sure I can't remember. Sorry about that, bro. I love you, dude. Yeah, I fucking love you too, man. I love it. You love him? Yeah.

I mean, that's just like growing up. You know what I mean? Dude, he's got a... There's that good old fucking Bay Area meat right here. He found it.

Damn. That is a lean shank. Hey, some good good. Not a lot of meat there. Damn, you got a whole Kinder's counter in your pants, bro. No, no, no. I just felt it, Blake. No, he doesn't. He pickleballed that thing right off. Yeah, well, there's still barbecue sauce that comes out. Hey-o. Hey-o. Okay. That was fucking bad. It's bad. I'd like to just switch gears real quick. All right. Just...

Yeah.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

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Hey, guys. We here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And, of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip this.

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And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. My dad turned 69 last week. Best birthday!

The greatest birthday. 69, dudes. And he's over here. He's over here. Let's turn the house lights up and have Papa Nooch stand up. 69, dudes. The greatest birthday. Look, he's wearing a, he's all fitted out. He's all fitted. 69, dudes. 69, man. Good job, Dad. That was such, that was like. That was such a sick 69-year-old dance. Yeah.

I feel like that was like watching my grandpa. That was the Dougie of his time. What's so cool is I'm so old now, I don't know a newer dance. I'm like, what's a new current dance? The Dougie. What is Schmies? No, he was doing a fucking glow stick dance. I think your dad is out there raving on the weekends. He could be. The guy said LSD is his favorite drug of all time.

My dad told me one time, he goes, "Well, the only drug I haven't tried is heroin." And I'm like, "The only drug?" 'Cause there's a lot of drugs out there, and you've tried them all, except for heroin, and he's like, "Just fucking double down on it." I'm like, "Fuck." That shit's important. There he is, there he is. There's Dennis.

Beautiful. What do you guys think you'll do to celebrate your 69th birthday? Well, I'll tell you one thing I hope I'm doing. Fucking 69ing, dude. I thought for sure you were going to say... No, dude, when you're 69, if you try to 69...

You're dying. No, no. That's like the most golden of birthdays. Sure. 69ing when you turn 69. That's a pinnacle of achievement of a lifetime. I agree. It would be magical. Hey, hold on. I don't want to know if you guys did it. No, we're not asking. 69, dudes. We're not asking. Keep that to yourself. Nucky Grandma.

We are not asking. No. You know what? I'm asking.

Don't ask. My dad would just do that dance again. So you're going to spend the whole entire day... Well, I said one thing that I would do is 69. Actually, yeah. I think that is what I'm saying. I wasn't saying that at first, but now it's become like a challenge. Because you say I get smothered if I'm 69, but I hope I'm in enough shape to where I can 69 all fucking day. I think you could, yeah. I like it if you make it like... I'm just saying... I wasn't saying you have to be smothered and you're definitely going to die. I'm saying...

If you do die at 69, on your 69th birthday, being smothered in a 69, that's a legendary funeral. That is legendary. Very shagademic. That is legendary. Your funeral is attended by the Pope?

Kings, queens, everyone from all over the land. Maybe even Steven Spielberg will come. Yeah. He'll finally roll through. Oh, he'll come. Oh, he'll come. Do not come. He's definitely going to be dead by then, though, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, 69 is 30 years from now? Fucking shit, bro. Wait, no, 20. Wait.

Wait, 39, 49, 59, 60. No, it's 30. It's 30. Hey, and shout out to Clayton Valley High School. Yeah. Damn. There is Clayton Valley people in the house? Yeah. I don't know. Some ugly eagles in the building? I feel like if being 69 is that far away, I'll probably go somewhere tropical like fucking Antarctica at that point. Oh, shit. That's good. Why is that?

Global warming. Blake's taking us down a path. We're about to get Pauly Char here. Yeah, so wait. So the only place... Yes, points! That was a little bit of a walk. I don't know if this is direct points, but... My stepdad called for it, so... Oh, well, okay. Good job, Andy. Well, should he stand up? What's going on? Yeah, shit, fuck it, stand up. Stand up, Andy! Stand up!

Andy, where you at, dog? I see him right there. Let's turn him up. Let's give him house lights. Let's give him love. Let's get the house lights up. Where are the house lights at? There we go. Come on now. We're sleeping on the job. You might recognize Andy from my Instagram story. Two Instagram posts ago where he was smoking a lot of weed in San Jose. Oh, yeah, baby. He's puffing.

I bet the house lights guy who's back there, he's like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah, he was just about to take a shit, and he's like, god damn it! Son of a bitch! Pinch it off, house lights guy. First they're breaking buzz balls on everything. Oh, yeah, that one fucking popped up there. I know, dude. That was our first pop, and it makes me go like, I'm a bitch, I can't throw a buzz ball all the way up there. Yeah, I know. How does that feel to not be able to? I mean, I got it up there.

On my second one, I got it up there. On the first one, I for sure felt like a bitch. Yeah, bitch made. Like the one who shall not be named. Yeah. You guys are certainly getting horny right now. You guys are talking a lot of horny stuff. 69th birthdays. Well... You guys are sort of nasty dudes. Nasty fucking dudes? Yeah, we kind of are, I guess, a little nasty dudes. You know, sit...

You guys, that reminds me of a little song we have. Yeah, since we're kind of in our hometown, we're from Concord. Concord. 40 minutes away. Well, 35. I said 35. It's okay to round up. There's probably some traffic. I'm buffering it. I know the real time. Traffic Barker. It kind of feels like we should probably do sort of a special performance. Okay. Like what?

Do you want to stand up? Yeah, I don't know. Todd, I was wondering if maybe we could get a little nasty. If you catch it.

I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. What the fuck is happening? I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. Yo, I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. My tits. My tits.

My tits, look, I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits Oh titties, oh titties, titties I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits I'm kind of a nasty dude

I like it when a girl sucks on my tits I'm kind of a nasty dude I like it when a girl sucks on my tits Oh titties, oh titties, oh titties Here's the deal I'm kind of a nasty dude I really liked it when that girl sucked on my tits Yo honestly That was fucking cool

Like from back there, she's like, yeah, I'll do it. And the closer she got, she's like, his nipples are so hairy. He's actually sweating a lot. Very hairy nipples. Yeah, sorry about that. Yeah, that's all right. It's just a little slippery. Now that song. I do have a question. What's up?

I did not know you had the song prepared. I feel like I'm a little bit the outsider. I'm not the Bay Area boy. You guys plan this whole fucking thing. Don't even let me in on. I'd show my tits. I mean, I'd show my dick and asshole. I did it in a movie. This is the way.

I'm saying this, I would have loved to be a part of that. Well, we can maybe come out with a new version of that track. Maybe we can bring you on that version. I mean, now, that song is incredibly complex. Yeah, the lyricism. The lyricism is incredible. I remember we used to all live together, and every once in a while...

I would come home from work and these guys would be like, you have to listen to this track. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I remember when you showed me that track and you had already cut the music video to it. We did it hella quick. We were like, it's on. It was all on a photo booth on a Mac.

That's true. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just you guys. It's exactly what you just saw. But with like funny backgrounds, you guys were like on roller coasters and shit. Yeah. And we got we had tank tops on the tops, had funny things on the tank. I think it was one of those nights where we were just smoking a lot of resin. Oh, dude, the resin, a lot of resins, which, by the way, we do not have to do that anymore. And I, I kind of miss it. Yeah.

Dude, we used to scrape resin balls so fucking hard, man. Dude, I'm telling you. I think I'm the one that showed you how to do it. You did, and then Blake perfected it, and he would collect these balls that were that big, and he'd just break it off and fucking throw it in the pipe and smoke it. Yeah, because my whole thing would be like, you guys would be smoking weed, and you'd be like, you want a hit? And I'd be like, nah, I'm cool. And then you guys would go to work...

And I'd still be at home and I'd be like, time to boil the pipes. They'll never know if their stash is missing if I'm literally drinking the butthole juice of their weed. But that shit kind of fucks with you. A resin high is way different. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a...

Poison. Infinitely worse. Yeah, it's like... Is it? It is, right? Dude, it's the, like, I mean, you're so unbelievably high. It's like the crack rock. Yeah, it's like, is that, is it resin hit? I feel like this audience would understand. It's the crack rock. This is what it is. I mean, we drove through the city a little bit. Yeah.

Is it like early dab? Is that dabs? Oh, yeah. Maybe that's the beginning of dabs. People were like, I like this high, but it could be much cleaner. Right. I feel like I don't need to get a headache five seconds after I smoke it. Dude, I can't even do dabs. I'm so immediately, I'm already hanging on by a thread with my intelligence. Right.

If I do dabs, I remember I was in like Wisconsin in a meat freezer with these college kids. It was like 4 a.m. and they're like, my dad runs a delicatessen. We can drink there. And so we're drinking in this delicatessen and they're like, let's smoke dabs in the meat freezer.

And I'm like a famous comedian at this point, so they're stoked to hang out with me. And I do dabs, and I go, "Isn't it weird that marmalade and marinade are the same thing?" I just want to party. And I remember my buddy Walsh and Adam Ray were there with me, and they both go, "No, it's not." And these college kids are like,

I just want to party. No, those college kids are like, you are so dumb. Adam always wants it. You are so dumb. Yeah, and I never felt dumber in my life. And I was like, I can't do it. I'll stick with my regular weed. I feel like I'm a grandpa with my weed smoking right now because I just smoke joints. Yeah, no, that's the way to go. Yeah, joints. Me too. I'm there too. Joints rock. And by the way, Oakland, I love you guys. California in general, I love you.

Because every California show that we've done so far, we've just been given duffel bags of weed. Dude. So much fucking weed tonight. So much fucking weed. And I'm not kidding. Three duffel bags full of weed. Yes. Yep.

Yes. Yep. The logistics of getting it all on a plane don't matter. It does not matter. We're going to San Diego. I'll be like, try to stop me, TSA fucking agent. Bro, we should just check. And then I go, did you check my butthole photo? I'm good to go. That's me. Yeah. Yeah. Points. That's going to be the new TSA clear is your butthole photo.

Yo, that's so funny. He's clear plus. Because they make you get... When you put your eyes up there, they're like, get a little bit closer, get a little bit farther away. That'd be epic if you're spreading your cheeks and you're just like, am I... Is it...

Is it good? Is it... Oh, cool. That's the exact pose I do when I wipe my ass. You guys ask how I do it. Is that really how you do it? Yes. You're going like this? Well, no, not like that. I reach around. Yeah, yeah. You go back. You go front to back. You don't go front. Well, no, I know, but I can barely reach that shit. What are you doing, Kyle? You're doing like fucking yoga over here. Well, you don't got to go all the way. I'm doing what he's saying. Well, sure. I'm not saying you have to go like...

Well, you said the exact pose, so I don't know when you're lying or not. Here's the pose. Here's the pose. Okay, hook it up. All right, let me let these guys see it. And then you go, because the cheeks are spread. So it's like, yeah, that's chill. I have never tried it. I've never tried it.

Dude, we were shooting Game Over Man and... Yeah. It's a good movie. We were shooting Game Over Man and we were doing a scene that ended up getting cut that was going to be the end of the movie and then we changed it because they're like, wiping his ass is the end of the movie? Maybe not. And then I... They're like, and then wipe your ass. I'm like, okay. And then I wipe my ass how I wipe my ass and everyone, the whole crew goes, what the fuck are you doing?

Why are you doing that? I'm like, well, I'm wiping my ass. And then I remember one crew guy was like, that's how you wipe an ass. Yeah. I remember after all that, it was cool because we were like, fine, okay, you wipe your ass standing up. And when you stood up, there was your dick again. Right in the shot. And so the real ending of the movie was not just you wiping your ass. It was your dick.

standing right... A big fat dick coming from East Oakland. Oh, good. Hey, hey. Big fat dick? Thanks, dude. Good looking out. Good looking out. Yeah, that was like the only note that fucking Netflix gave us was you got to change that ending. That was it. The dick is too big. What the... Isaac, can I get a fucking beer out here? God damn it. Make it two, buddy. Opal, stop!

Yeah, I lost this little dickhead do we there he is I see your titties Your titties Isaac is coming out here a changed man Isaac come over here, buddy. Yeah get in here. Oh cool. We got the Isaac time We fucking love this man. We love him Isaac

Signed us when we were all like 22, 23 years old.

You're really touching my thigh there. Well, you guys, he signed. I got in when we got Workaholics. He wanted nothing to do with me until fucking Workaholics. It's true, and that's how we started. But it's okay. We're past that, and I love you. Adam, continue. We love this man. So we love him so much. And the cool thing about doing the podcast is we've said so many stories about Isaac that now when he comes out, people lose their minds, and it's so cool to see. Because he does not...

And my favorite part about it is he does not like it. No. Absolutely hates the attention. Could not dislike it more. Hates being here. And that brings me so much joy, dude. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Go ahead, everybody. You're the people of the Rising.

Yo, that is, look at all this love, Isaac. Isaac, go to the front of the stage, take a bow, take a bow. I think, hey, I think, hey, was it, wait, were you born here? Bro, Isaac was born in San Francisco, so give it up. Yeah, that's fucking huge. I liked him. That's fucking huge, bro. Like that. Like that. That's fucking cool. Tell the people that Isaac Horn is back. Love that, dude. That's fucking cool, dude. Oh, man.

Yeah, wait. Does the Paramount Theater have anything to do with Paramount Plus? No, no, no. You cannot get those wires crossed tonight. This is one of the coolest fucking theaters we've been in on this tour. It's gorgeous. A fucking gorgeous theater. It has nothing to do with that dumbass app. Yeah, fuck that. Where's he going? What is Adam doing? I don't know, but now it's us. Should we do like Nasty Dude again or something?

These is what it is. I don't know dude something's come over me I haven't been able to walk hardly for like a year and a half and suddenly I come to the bay and I can fucking run It's that Baywater baby, oh that East Bay mud that dirty Baywater trash some got in me So we were given this shirt by I believe his name is Sid or her name is Sid. Yeah, is this Sid right here?

No. Are you just a guy sitting down? No, he's looking behind him. That is not Sid. So we were given this shirt, and I'm not going to say what it says, but you want to chant a word? Go ahead. And if you all want to do it in one, two, three. Again. Yeah, and we have to quantify this, unless they want to hire us for something else. Yeah, unless we're hired for anything, in which case we would love to go back. Yeah, or if they summed it up. We actually were kind of counting on that money this year, so it's kind of really fucked up, but...

Really fucked up. That is why we're on tour. Currently why we are on tour. We thank you guys for coming out. We would have absolutely loved to give you the movie. We were so excited about it. The script was great. The one that shall not be named did a great job writing the script. He did most of it. But give it up for him because he did write a hell of a script and we are super proud of it and him. Fuck it!

What's up, Kyle? Are you fucking bored? What's going on? No, no, Durr's just texted, actually. It said, honestly, right when he said that, he texted a broken heart. He's sad. Why? Because someone for sure texted him going like, dude, you're a fucking bitch. Why aren't you here? No, no, they probably said some really sad shit. I think we might be finally getting to him. This was my make-a-wish to see the four of you together. Yeah. And, uh...

I'm dying in 3, 2, 1. No, this is good. He's showing emotion. This is good. That actually is crazy. Last night, we put a spotlight on him since he's never said... We've all... Like, we've been best friends for 20 years, you know? And these guys even longer. And so...

You know, when you've grown up with each other, and then we've had this crazy wild ride with each other with Workaholics and the movies, and now the podcast. It's been pretty crazy. Yeah, very grateful for these men. We mean so much to each other, and we love each other like brothers. And we've all said at some point, like, dude, I fucking love you. Oh, yeah, multiple times. I love you guys. Sometimes I love you very much. I love you very much, and I also love you very much. I love you as well. I love you.

Maybe 50 times. And he's always like, and also with you. And I also, you guys are really cool dudes that I work with. And we're like, all right. Yeah, you guys are the sickest work friends ever. Ever, dude. Couldn't imagine better work friends. And last night we put a spotlight on his ass and made him say really nice things. And he slipped at the very end. He was like, I love you dudes.

Yeah. He did. He did to each one of us. It was really quiet, but he did it on stage. But now I'm starting to realize he's the type of guy who will say, I love you, and then he thinks he can do like 50 mean things in a row now. I was like, what? I told you I love you. Big fucking deal. So I borrowed your car. What?

Wait, that's a mean thing? Borrowing a car? I thought you were going to say I didn't show up. Yeah, I thought... I thought you were going to go right to that. I thought you were going to say he faked a family emergency. That's probably the logical thing I should have said, but... Yeah, because, dude, if you want to borrow my car, you're more than welcome to borrow it. Yeah. To me, that is the greatest slight you can do to an electric person. Fuck you for asking me to borrow my car and me saying yes. Yeah. You know what? Fuck you. And for an afternoon...

For a whole afternoon after I said yes and gave you the keys. Fuck you. I'm going to be honest, man. We're hitting that minute where the buzz ball finally goes to the next level. Is that how buzz balls work? They start down here and they just go... They re-enter your brain. You know you never see buzz ball in a nice part of town.

No, no. You're never like in Beverly Hills and there's a buzz ball on the street. It's always like, like actually my wife, we live in a, you know, we live in a nice neighborhood and she saw a buzz ball on the sidewalk and it was not me and she goes, we have to move. Let's go. There goes the neighborhood. There goes the fucking neighborhood, dude. Let's go.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Do you want to do some hot, hot stories or what are you thinking? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do some hot, hot topics. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Let's get into this. Thank God. Hot topics. Yes. So Carnival Cruise Lines gives a woman a lifetime cruise ban for packing CBD gummies, dude. Okay. A lifetime cruise ban? Yeah, I know.

Also, by the way, I've been on a Carnival cruise line. I don't know if it was Carnival, but I went on a cruise line. I hosted the Weezer cruise one year, which was, yeah, it was super fun, but it was like a really bad idea because they gave me a microphone and then they go, yeah, you can talk whenever you want. And I'm like, all right. And then I go and I'm like having fun and I'm maybe drinking a little too much and I go to the casino and then immediately I lost like $500.

And so I went from like, come on down to the casino to like, don't come to the casino. Yeah, fuck this casino. Yeah, don't take all your fucking money down here at the casino. And I'm talking like the 4,000 people that are on the cruise ship. Like you could hear it if you're in your room brushing your teeth ready to go to bed. Me going like, don't come to the casino, stupid asses. How do you even play craps? Fucking rigged. And they immediately came down. They're like, can we see your microphone? I thought it was chunking.

And they were like, and you're good with the microphone. And also, by the way, so many people offered me cocaine. On the cruise ship? On the cruise ship. And they snuck it in their Altoids pack. This is what it is. So the fact that they...

A lifetime ban for CBD gummies? You wildin', Carnival. Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, I consider that to be fucked up. Yeah, what the hell are you supposed to do on a cruise ship besides get completely blitzed out of your mind?

Well, I think you can play like ping pong. And also, CBD, you're not even getting blitz, dude. Yeah, that's super chill. You're like taking a nice bubble bath. Yeah, you're just trying to let your joints relax a little bit. Yeah, I feel like CBD is the equivalent of like a scented candle. Dude, you should see my CBD game at home. Really? I chew like 50 gummies a night. I got balm that I rub on my joints. Hell yeah, you do. Okay. Hey.

Doesn't work. No, sir, I don't like it. Snake oil. Yeah, that's... Hit me with it. Yeah, okay, yes, I promise I am doing that. Have you guys, by the way, have you guys ever been on a cruise? Oh, fuck yeah, I have. Fuck yes, I have. I've been on a cruise, and the one that I went on had unlimited pizza. What? Oh. 24 hours, unlimited pizza. What? Oh.

I think it was 24 hours. It was fucking awesome. And were you a child when this blew your fucking mind? Pizza, pizza. I was about 15 years old. Yeah, so 15 is about the age when you're just like, fuck. I mean, I can't party. I'm with my parents. I'm on a cruise ship. Yes, yes. So my whole deal is to see if I can make them run out of pizza. Yeah, well, just go get another pizza, dude. Here's a quick question. If we did a cruise, hang on.

If we did a cruise, would you guys show up to that shit? Water trash. That's good to know. Call it the water trash cruise. That'd be the best. Whoa. The water trash cruise. Oh, that would be so fun. You know what? Because we could do it. There's like, I mean, I think they're between 2,000 and 4,000 cabins. Sick. Let's fucking bang that shit out and party for a week. I think these fucking cruises got pickleball courts on them now. Oh, yeah.

I feel like if I get on it, I just want somebody to fucking knock me down. I'm like Goro. Yeah, and that makes me rethink my pitch. Why? You don't want me to? Okay. Fuck you.

Dude, that's blowing my eardrums out. It blows you fucking back, baby. This is Durr spiting us for talking so much shit earlier. He unleashed the ghost in here. So Red Lobster just lost a lot of money. Oh, this is great. They've lost so much fucking money. $20 million on Endless Shrimp. I'm pissed now.

Dude, they said, "Hey, we're doing Endless Shrimp," and then so many fucking awesome dope dudes were like, "Oh, Endless, you say?"

I'd like to put that to the fucking test at my local Red Lobster. And then they just show up and house $20 million loss. Dude, that's incredible. Holy shitballs. Well, admittedly, and I like Red Lobster, and their shrimp is all right. You know, I fuck up their shrimp. But it's the cheesy bread you go for. Oh, dude, cheesy bread fucking. Now, if this was, they just lost $60 million. $60 million.

Because the TII nation showed up and ate them out of cheesy bread? Yes. That's what I really want to hear in the news. Yeah. What did he say? Cheddar biscuits. Cheddar biscuits. That's what it is. Cheddar biscuits. Of course. Cheddar biscuits. Or just Jell-O at the salad bar. Imagine eating $20 million worth of Jell-O at the salad bar. Dude, that's a fuck ton of Jell-O because Jell-O is pretty cheap if I reckon. Jell-O is cheap as fuck, but I'm a...

Like, it just turns into liquid in your mouth, so... So you could basically drink Jell-O? Well, do they even serve Jell-O at Red Lobster? Oh, maybe I'm thinking of Sizzler. Yeah. That is a superior establishment. Sizzler, they are the... Hey, dude, I take back that I love you from earlier, because fuck you. Dude, you want to... Wait, you're going Red Lobster over Sizzler? Yeah.

Wait, really? As far as a good meal goes, yeah, dude. Oh, I guess, yeah. I mean, Sizzler holds a great place in my heart. Like, any time you put the little, like, leaf on the steak, I'm like, oh, that's fancy. Yeah, the garnish. Yeah, that's called parsley, by the way. Is it? Yeah.

Is it okay to eat the garnish? The parsley? I remember asking if I could eat the garnish. I remember being in like, I was like six or seven, and my parents, they would allow you, like, you know, we didn't have a ton of money when I was growing up, and they were like, we can go out to eat on your birthday, and you get to pick the restaurant. But I don't know fucking restaurants, dude. I'm seven, and they're not telling me restaurants.

They're not giving me a list of nice restaurants. They're just saying, you get a pick. And they're like, fucking don't pick Chuck E. Cheese's. Goddamn. That's the only one he knows. Or McDonald's would be fine, but Chuck E. Cheese's, fuck no. And then I saw a Sizzler commercial, and it looked so goddamn fancy. Oh, yeah, dude. So I go upstairs, and I remember being a little nervous and being like, Mama. I was like, Mama. Mama.

And she's like, "When did you become a British little boy?" 'Cause I was trying to be fancy. I'm like, "Mama." - Oh, yeah, that makes sense. - Yeah. "Can we please eat at this fine dining establishment I saw on the television set?" And she's like, "What is it?" And I go, "Sizzler." And my mom, the look of enjoyment, she was like, "Oh?" And she was like, "Yeah. I think we could swing that."

And I remember thinking, I'm taking them for all their worth. Oh, yeah. You did it. Got them with the broke asses. I'm about to eat my weight in shrimp. Hit me with it, Blake. Oh, yeah, of course. And I will do that immediately. Noise. Dude. Zombie deer disease. Okay. Confirmed. What? What?

Yes! I like how one woman was like, no! Get the fuck out of here with zombie deer disease! Zombie means that you come to life after you're dead. Yeah, yeah. So this is talking about reanimated deer. Hey, shut up, you bitch. I'm about to read it. I just want to know... Yeah, read it. Shut the fuck up! Hey, dude, by the way,

It's kind of more fun without Dervs, right? Yeah, I've had a much better time. Sorry, Dervs. You're off the project. Goodbye. Zombie deer disease confirmed at Yellowstone.

What? Hey, I know. Officials warn to avoid wildlife. Yellowstone National Park officials are warning travelers to steer clear of wildlife after a zombie deer is found dead near Yellowstone Lake, a hotspot inside the heavily visited national park. Huh? Okay. The deceased adult mule deer suffered from chronic wasting disease, or CWD, a contagious and fatal sickness that infects deer, reindeer,

Are those even real? The cause of diarrhea. I honestly don't know. It affects deer, reindeer, Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Chupacabra. Dude, reindeer are real? I did not know that. And ghosts. Well, this makes me not believe this whole thing. They just snuck in reindeer like, I'm not going to catch that shit.

Smarter than that? Santa Claus could not be reached for comment. Hey, by the way, it's for sure real and we would all fucking eat shit on are you smarter than a fifth grader?

A fifth grader would be like, yeah, they're real. They just don't fly, you fucking idiot. Yeah, Adam, I was playing along, but reindeer is a very real animal. Yeah, dude. You know that? You know that for a fact? Yes, I've eaten reindeer in Alaska. Oh, okay. Well, then great. Yeah, dude, and I also knew that.

Yeah, me too. Or I'm a dumbass and I just had a hot dog in Alaska. It just said reindeer on the menu. And they're like, tell this California bitch it's reindeer. You were eating at a North Pole themed restaurant. They don't know. They don't know. Yeah, they all had elf ears on. They're like, yeah, it's reindeer. I don't know, dude. Fucking ballpark Frank, dog. I don't know, man. Reindeer, elk, and moose.

Causing zombie-like symptoms, including excessive drooling. Okay. Kyle. Drooping ears. Me. Head tremors. Blake. Teeth grinding. Me. And reluctance to move. Kyle. Say it. There is currently no vaccine or known treatment for the disease.

Wait, but can it spread to humans? Can it spread to humans? You know Pfizer's cooking up some shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're like the next great pandemic, baby. Here it comes. All of a sudden, we just hear like reindeer loose in major cities. We're like, how did a reindeer get out here? Dude, hurry. It's jumping out of a Pfizer van. They

They just spray paint fucking deer green and they're like, look out, it's zombie deer. Get a poke. You got to get vaccinated. I stand by the vaccine. I stand by the vaccine. I've gotten all the boosters. Can I get some hot Q's and hot A's? Oh, hell yeah. Bop-a-zop!

Does it say, it doesn't say that if it can go to humans, right? It can't transfer to humans? Not yet. It does not say that. Thank you, Isaac. Appreciate that. Isaac Horn, everybody. Boom, from San Francisco. Yeah, he is. It does not say if it can transfer, but you know for sure, in 2024. Oh, shit. What was that? Okay, we're not going to do it now. Yeah, there's no way. We'll look at that later.

Bro, he just threw a brick at me and was like, make this movie! Nope. All right, we'll check it out later. No, I will read it. I will read it. What if that's my next wife? What if that was Steven Spielberg? And I just fucked it all up. That's how my mom thought Hollywood worked when I first moved to Hollywood. She was just like, just introduce yourself.

Just go to the studio, say, hi, I'm new. Well, that is how Spielberg got in. He, like, snuck onto the fucking lot and took an office. Hey, well, good work, homie. Yeah. Yeah.

By the way. Onto the Paramount lot. By the way, we couldn't even get our movie made. Yeah, right. We're actually having a lot of trouble. We're not those guys, pal. Yeah, the green lights just aren't coming as quick as they used to.

Right.

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So you guys had some hot cues and we got some sweet, sweet A's. Here we go. Bill V goes blank with an exclamation point. Would you rather make the Workaholics movie or, oh shit, this is a heavy hitter, bring the A's and Raiders and Raiders back to Oakland? Oh my God. Whoa. The Workaholics movie? Or? Or the A's and the Raiders? Well...

Well, see, and I know Blake's a pandering asshole, so I have a feeling what he's going to choose. Well, it's all hypothetical. Remember, bro. Yeah, you don't hold this power, Blake. Yeah, no, um...

But your family would have food to eat for another year if you chose the Workaholics movie. If you choose the Raiders or the A's, you'll watch a team absolutely suck cock for an entire season. You don't fuck around like that, bro. Hey, dude, I watch the games. I like both those teams. Yeah, well, and I don't know if people are going to get mad, but...

You know, I'm one of those people who's a A's Niners fan, so... Whoa. So I'll just say I'll make the movie, okay? And by the way, I would love to make the movie. And bring the Warriors back to Oakland. Goddamn!

Oh, so, okay, that works. Let's reopen Oracle, biatch. Get it. So, Sean T. goes, have Kyle and Blake collaborated on a buzz ball pickleball collab? I brought a demo of a pickleball made out of an empty buzz balls. All right, later, homie. We have not collabed on that just quite yet. No. Okay. But maybe we will. Yeah, I hope you guys do. I hope you guys do.

And we hold no weight with buzz balls. We can barely get buzz balls to the venue. Sometimes they're like, do we have to send more? And we're like, we've kind of made it a thing that we're throwing them out. And they're like, all right. All right, guy. So Zach Thompson wants to know, can you guys menergize us tonight and give us the menergy friends till the end? Ooh. Wow. Wow.

No, but we're hoping a portal opens up to another realm. Okay. And if that happens, we hope you get some energy from that. I hope so. So Leslie asks, can you ask the wizards if they will ever perform at the Gathering, the Dark Carnival of the Souls, as Adam likes to call it. Is that now what it's called? The Dark Carnival of Souls. I thought it was called the Dark Carnival of Souls. That is what it's called. That's the Gathering. I guess that's the Gathering, but...

We can ask them. The cost of diarrhea. Now, we don't have the power to open the portal. They come out when they want to. But I bet Juggalos could summon the wizards for sure. The Juggalos, yeah. I feel like the Juggalos could. If anybody could, Juggalos. So Aaron N. would like to know, if you were a Thanksgiving side, which would you be and why?

Dude, I'm that stuff. Damn, that's what I wanted to be. Damn, I like that. No, boy, you gravy. You smother over everything. I'm gravy. I'm gravy. Because of diarrhea. I'm green bean casserole. An acquired taste, but boy, do I love it. Yeah, but my cousin Devin fucking kills it, and she's in the building. Give it up for Devin. I'm going to have that all day.

Thursday. Oh, it's around the corner. Be ready, Devin. I want that casserole, girl. So, Justice Neves. Neves? Neves? Mm-hmm. All right.

Of the four of you, who has the best... There's only three! RIP Durrs, he's dead to us. Of the... Well, no, we can say this for Durrs. Of the four of you, who has the best chance of winning Dancing with the Stars? Oh, wow. Who has the best moves? I don't know. I feel... Here's what I think. I think, speaking for myself, I think I would probably, if I was at peak health...

But I'm not, so I'm gonna give this one to Blake. I think he would. I kinda think that Blake would- Cuz he also has the hair, he could- Yeah, but isn't Dancing with the Stars like really technical dancing? Like you're doing like the- Yeah, you gotta basically be like, "Please don't stop the music!" "Please don't stop the music!" "Please don't stop the music!"

Yeah, I'm going with Adam. Even if you're hurt, here's the thing about Adam. He's fucked up. He doesn't even give a fuck. Once he gets on stage, he's just like... You're like, bro, you saw how fucking crazy fast I was running earlier. Please don't stop the music. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

I like that. I'm gonna learn the bass part to that. I'm for sure gonna learn the bass part to that.

Okay, so Neville Mattinson wants to know, what is the highest paying job outside of the entertainment industry you think you'd be able to successfully fake it through a day, through at least a day?

The highest paying job. At least a day? President of the motherfucking United States of America. Nice, bro. Okie dokie. Trump proved that anyone can fake it. That motherfucker does not know what's happening. And right now, Joe Biden is fully just asleep.

Other people are doing shit. It's incredible. The last two presidents have been some of my favorite. The funniest. The funniest. Yeah, the funniest. Because I'm just the type of guy that, you know, I'm an anarchist at heart. I love to see it all burn to the ground. And, hey, man, we're heading that way. Adam would be a president who just makes hella holidays. Yeah.

This is an official holiday. Today is Sizzler Day. That's so funny. Parsley me, bitch. In the first 30 days of his presidency, Adam Devine gave us 120 new holidays using his executive power. And he pardoned a lot of people.

of people, dude. And then, weirdly, he turned every water fountain into milkshake water fountains. No H2O for the kiddies. Gotta plump them up. Sugar. I think I could fake my way through one day of being a crab fisherman, and then I would cry. You think you could deadliest catch? I think I could fake my way through one day. I'm not saying... That's why he's doing so much pickleball. That low stance to be on the rocking boat. Just like...

Yeah, but they get paid a lot. That's why I'm like, that's a high-paying job. They can, but by faking it, do you mean you just curl up in a ball and sleep in the bunk? That's definitely what's happening day two. Okay. Day one, I'm giving it my all. It says at least for a day. Yeah, day two, I'm crying. And also being a high-stakes Wall Street trader and just being like, we got to sell it. Because you make it through one day and you go, fuck, I was wrong. I don't know. Yeah.

Be like, let it burn. Hey, you're like Procter & Gamble, fucking Continental toilet paper. We got to sell off. And meanwhile, they're like, no, everyone needs to wipe their ass. I feel like I could fudge it through one day of being a lawyer.

Oh, really? You're constantly going like, I do declare your honor. Exactly. Or would you be like caveman lawyer? I'm just a caveman. I don't understand these flying machines. You just have to stall. You just have to keep being like, can I approach the bench? Right. He's like, again? He's like, yeah, man. There's some shit. I got to go pew again. Okay.

So your day of being a lawyer is you having chronic diarrhea. And the judge being like, Jesus Christ, okay, another recess. This guy's shitting his fucking pants. Yeah, man. There's a certain amount of time you just have to kind of fake having diarrhea, and then they're like, all right, we're going to continue tomorrow. Court adjourned. Yeah.

I'm done here. So the Top Guns, they want to know, can we get a shout-out? Hey, by the way, love this. No question. Can we get a shout-out to the Top Guns? I guess that is the question. Can we get a shout-out to the three Top Guns in row three? Okay. Maritza, Lindsey, and Cheyenne. We want to go to Demamp Camp, baby. Happy early 40th to Cheyenne, I believe. And then the most important thing, congrats on surviving cancer. Big shout-out.

There we go. Yes, sir. Hey, there's the top guns right there. Love you, homies. And congrats on beating cancer. Fuck cancer. Absolutely. But by the way, that is not the third row and it's not even close. Yeah. Way to flex on the card and then get spotted in row 13. Yeah. They're like row three and then they get here and they're like. Yeah.

That one was in front of the three, wasn't it? To be fair, though, they sat you in front of where my own mother is. Those are good seats. These people in the front row were like, this is too close. This is too close. Kyle really does smell like shit. I do. I do. It's true. He kept farting. So Marita wants to know, please ask the crowd, what's my favorite word?

B-O-E-S! Y'all nailed it. And with that, I think we go. Any take-backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams? Oh, yes. I guess I would like to apologize for not making it on the top balcony, that first buzz ball toss when I tried to throw it up high. And I hit the side. It exploded. And I just imagined this is like a fancy old-timey theater. And a lot of times when people come to fancy old-timey theaters, they...

wear their favorite minks, you know? Minks? They wear their favorite minks. I gotta get a favorite mink. And so they have their nice minks out, and then all of a sudden, a Limerita buzz ball rains down upon them, and I ruin their favorite mink, and you have to talk to Isaac, and he will repay you for that mink. Okay. Dude, minks. I have a few epic giveaways from my personal collection. Um...

First off I have a Ramon Laureano bobblehead This is uh Before they found out he was doing steroids so he could still throw people out. That's for you. Then I have a Starting lineup Mark McGuire. Oh shit, dude. I'll take that. I'll take that This was also before they found out he did steroids. Oh

I'll take that. He's my hero. He's my hero after I found out he was on steroids. And then I just want to think... Oh, he's got a baseball glove. Dude, it's dope that Aaliyah's here. That's...

She's back. Next, I want to give something away from rapbay.com. Who wants a Fizzle Washington Mack Trey backpack? The crowd wants that. The crowd wants that. Oh, shit. That was like a misdirect. Yeah, that was like a boomerang. I thought that was going there. It went over there. That was great. What about some of these? Oh, yeah. You want to throw some t-shirts? No, we'll do that later.

Happy birthday, dude. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. And my dad. And my dad.

And you know, I would just, I would like to do an epic slam. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I would like to do, house lights down, please, for this, because I don't want to see their faces when I fucking tear into Blake. What? What? Because I know it's your hometown crowd, and you're, no, hey, you know what? And you're like a super cool dude here. Okay. Yeah, no, hey, I get it. Boo Blake. I understand you're booing Blake. What? What?

Dude, you really hurt my feelings earlier. How? Because you said that I'm a fat fuck. I did? No, when we were backstage, I had my shirt off. I'm looking at my body. I'm currently on medicine that makes me hold on to weight. Gabapentin, look it up. Your boobs are huge. Dude, he was joking, though.

So I'm on this. I know. And I'm on this medicine. And then Blake goes, I'm like, dude, I'm gaining some weight. And you go, yeah, this is the fattest I've ever seen you. Okay. Well, that was. And that really hurt my feelings. No, I didn't say that. And that could have stayed backstage. The fact that you fucking said that. No, that is. No, the fact that you said that in front of the, like, you know, this meant a lot to me tonight. Thank you, Oakland, for coming out. Oh, yeah, dude. He was just handing.

That's pandering. No, I get that. It's not pandering. No, Kyle. That's pandering. Yes, also Oakland, thank you for being here. I love Oakland as well. Okay, whatever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I love this. I love this because I actually have another take back. All right. I would love to take back the last 20 fucking years of our friendship because you fucking suck. Oh, fucking what the fuck? No, I wish it was Ders instead of Adam tonight. Oh, fuck you pissed my ass. Oh, my. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah.

Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. No, fuck you. I'm over this. No, fuck you. No, no. No, I seriously, fuck you, dude. What are you going to do about it? Fuck you, dude. No, fuck you. No, fuck you, dude. Stop it. Fuck you. Come on, just fuck you. It's my hometown show, Adam. No, fuck you. What the fuck is going on, man? You're going to walk off stage. No, fuck you.

Very slowly Guys stop what stop?

Just stop for a second. Isaac's too dumb to know how to fucking work a mic. Just stop. Oh, fuck him, man. What's happening? Dumbass. Just give me two seconds and stop for a minute. Hey, Kyle. Yeah. Are you going to try to reconcile us or I'm going to have to hate my best friend forever? No, fuck him, dude. No, fuck you, dude. I have a guitar in my hand and I'm not afraid to use it. Please start. Looking out the window.

Watching rain fall down. Waiting for my best friend. All right.

I can't wait until I can see you. I picked up some steaks. We can have a barbecue. Me and you shall be friends until the end. Cause you're my motherfucking best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. Until the day that I die. You're my best friend. You are my best friend.

Just thinking about you and it

Really? Like your family. You're my best friend.

Yeah!

Friendship fucking rules. Love you. I love you, dude, and I love Oakland. Yeah, I'm so glad Durst isn't here. Yeah, fuck Durst. Fuck Durst, dude. We have some epic giveaways. We'd love to give away some t-shirts. Let's get some fucking t-shirts away. Epic giveaways, ladies and gentlemen. You guys fucking rock. You guys fucking rock. Oakland, thank you for coming out right in the center.

Right down the pipe. You know that's for Debra. We fucking did this shit together. Let's try it again. That's fucking sick as fuck. That's for the coat. My God. Thank you so much, Oakland. Yes. This was such a fun show. This meant so much for these guys. And you guys showed up and showed out. Look at that. Look at that. I'm going to come. I'm going to come and I am. And this was another episode of This is Important. Thank you so much.

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