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This Is Actually Happening features real experiences that often include traumatic events. Please consult the show notes for specific content warnings on each episode and for more information about support services.
Today's episode is part two in our limited series, Point Blank, featuring five stories of people impacted by the spree killing of Rancho Tehama, California, in 2017. There, a lone gunman killed his wife, then his neighbors, and then began a shooting spree, attacking eight different locations in the span of only 25 minutes, ending at an elementary school and leaving six people dead and 18 wounded.
In our last episode, we heard from Troy, who was severely wounded and lost his wife in the shooting. In today's episode, we hear from Sissy Feidelberg. Her son-in-law, Danny Elliott, along with Danny's mother, Diana Steele, were the first victims after the shooter, Kevin Jansen Neal, murdered his wife.
Sissy will speak extensively about her grandson Gage, who was seven years old at the time and attended Rancho Tehama Elementary. He was the intended final target of the shooter's rage, which had developed because of a continued hostility between Kevin, the shooter, Danny, the neighbor, who was also Gage's father, and Jesse Sanders, who was also living at Danny's house around the time of the shooting.
We will hear more of these details in later episodes of the series, especially in our interview with Jessie Sanders. But now we'll hear from Sissy Feidelberg and her story in today's episode, the second in our limited series, Point Blank. What if your grandson was orphaned?
I was mad at God for so long. You know, I ask him every day, why does this stuff keep happening? I ask those questions all the time. Why? I don't have any answers to any of these questions, but I wish it would stop, because I've had enough. From Wondery, I'm Whit Misseldein. You're listening to This Is Actually Happening with our special limited series, Point Blank. Episode 270.
Point Blank Part 2 What if your grandson was orphaned?
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I was born in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. My mother and father were married till I was like age two. And then my mother raised the four of us children by herself as my father was an alcoholic and my mother didn't want us being around him. So she raised all four of us by herself with the help of my grandparents, who I love dearly.
My mother did everything she could for us. She worked two jobs to, you know, put food on a table. For four kids, my mother did a wonderful job with us. And we lived in a small town called Harmony in Pennsylvania. So everybody knew everybody. Everybody helped everybody. And to this day, I'm still friends with some of the people that live in Harmony.
In our house, you went to church every Sunday. I don't care if you were sick. You were going to church. You had to be dying. But we took a bus to go to church every Sunday. The religion was instilled in us from the jump start. You know, you respected your adults. When the adults were talking, the kids were not. And I always said, thank you, please. We knew all the basic Ten Commandments, you know, don't lie, don't steal. We had morals.
So we grew up with all the core values, and they stuck with us. I was shy, but we were happy-go-lucky kids. I mean, in the summertime, we would walk, you know, to go swimming at the swimming pool in the town. Wintertime, we would go sledding. You know, all the kids in the town would go sledding. We had a great time. I got pregnant at 16 years.
I was real naive. Did not know I was pregnant until I was five months pregnant with a set of twins. First time having sexual relations. Obviously didn't know I could get pregnant. Back then it was taboo. And, you know, small town gossip flies real fast. I was willing to take care of these two babies. But then I lost them at the age of 16.
They had a small funeral for them. And after I lost them, everybody was, oh, wow, we are so sorry. After the fact, I had quit school at the time. But after I lost the twins, I did go back and got my high school diploma. I was 18, just graduated from high school.
I knew there wasn't anything in the little town of Harmony for me unless I wanted to work in a bank, which I didn't. So I knew I had to go out and find something. And my brother was already in the Navy. Sounded like a good paying job to me. So I decided to go into the Navy.
Being a woman in the Navy back then, difficult. I wanted to be on a ship, but at the time, women were not allowed on the ships. So then I decided to go to postal school, which was in San Diego, and I loved it. Then I was stationed in Naples, Italy. We had all the planes coming in with all the mail that would go out to all the ships in the Mediterranean.
We had a good time in Italy. We were busy partying. And we worked, like, you know, the hours were long over there, but your downtime was great. I went to Rome a couple times, Brindisi. You know, we had a lot of friends over there. And it was basically a party time, which was new to me. That's where I met my first husband and where I had my first child, Chad.
When I got pregnant, I was still in the Navy, which at the time, you had the choice of staying in or getting out. I decided to get out because my next orders were to the Philippines. So I decided to get out, and I got out. It was probably 2021 when I got pregnant in the Navy.
I had Chad at seven months. Chad was a preemie. He weighed 3 pounds 15 ounces when I had him. And Chad was three months old when we came back to the States. Chad and I went back to Pennsylvania to my mother's once I got released. And my first husband lived in California. So we made arrangements for me to fly out with Chad to California. Got to California, we got married.
We lived in a small apartment. I stayed home with Chad for five years before I even thought about going to work. During those five years, I went to college and got a degree in early childhood education.
And then I started working at a DMV child care center in Sacramento for five years. And then started working with the state of California, which was a great opportunity. Great benefits, great pay. And mine was basically human resources. I loved human resources. When I was working, Chad was eight. I had my second child, a little girl, Sherry.
About 15 years, I guess, into my state service, my son went into the Navy. I started getting migraines, and they were saying maybe it was because of the emptiness syndrome, because my son and I were real close. I mean, he was my baby. He was my firstborn. So I started getting the migraines. They got so bad that I couldn't go to work sometimes.
I did go out on a medical leave for five years and after five years ended up working at Parks and Recreation for six years I do believe. But the migraines left after I divorced my first husband. Once I divorced my first husband they were gone.
Once we got divorced, Cher lived with me in an apartment until I moved down to Los Angeles. And then Cher met her husband, and on their wedding day, she found out she was pregnant. Her husband had a hard time getting a job, so she bounced around while she was pregnant. So she moved in with me and my second husband down in Lancaster.
About three or four months after she moved in, I was at work and Cher calls me and says, Mom, I think I'm in labor. So I rush home, take her to the hospital, and Cher was in labor, oh God, 16 hours or so. And then they finally did a C-section on her. So Gage was born after midnight on January 5th.
He was so cute, so tiny. But at the time, we did not know, and they found out when they were doing ultrasound on Cher when she was in labor, Gage was born with clubbed feet, both feet pointing inward. This started a whole charade of doctor visits and hospital visits.
The first year of Gage's life, he had three operations on his feet trying to get him straightened. He was in cast up to his waist, and Cher had to deal with this. Her husband, he helped at first, but then I guess that got old news for him, which was hard on Cher. It was real hard. It would be hard on any mother to see her child like that. So it was really tough on Cher, really tough.
But she toughed it out. She toughed it out. So Gage was 22 months old. I was at work. I got a call to come home. I got home and I saw a cop car when I pulled up. And my husband's standing outside and says, go to the hospital immediately. Don't ask any questions. So I went to the hospital and found my daughter on life support in the emergency room. I was sitting out in the waiting room.
And the social worker came out to me and told me, she said, I don't have good news for you. And I said, what do you mean? And she said, your daughter's probably not going to make it. I said, really? So that's when they took me back in to see her. And they had ice on her. There was like 20 people working on her.
So Cher was sitting on a bathtub, shaving her legs while her husband was feeding Gage, who was 22 months old at the time. She had a heart attack from pills that she had taken previously that morning or that night, not really sure which one, but it gave her a heart attack, which threw her into the bathtub and she drowned.
After 15 minutes, her husband didn't hear any noise coming from the bathroom and he found Cher in the bathtub and he called for help for my husband to get her out of the bathtub. She was gone in the bathtub, but the paramedics came and their job is to get you breathing. And they did bring her back. Cher had had a couple knee operations.
She was out playing with her brothers and his friends when we lived in Sacramento, and her knee popped out. And so she had to have an operation to fix her kneecap.
Well, later she got addicted to pain pills. And so after she had Gage, her knees started acting up again and she was having major pain. She went to a couple of doctors. They were going to do surgery, but since she was on Medi-Cal, it was hard finding a doctor to do it. So she was getting pain medication from the doctor. But then also they would buy them off the streets.
So we don't know exactly what Cher was given that morning or the night before. But at times, you could talk to Cher and not even understand what she was saying because she was so doped up on pills. So the pills is what threw her into having a heart attack. So she was in the hospital, but she never woke up.
They declared her legally gone on September 28th of 2011 and we had to make the decision to let her go because she was on life support that whole time. She never woke up again.
When we made the decision to let her go, it was a hard decision. Once they removed all the breathing apparatuses that they had on her and all the wires and that, they did come in and unhook her. And I was laying in a bed with her, and I kept telling her, it's okay to go share, it's okay. And I was laying beside her when she took her last breath. As soon as that happened, I left the hospital. I couldn't stand to see her like that again.
So by this time, the rest of the family's notified. My son flies out immediately. Then we had to start making arrangements. By this time, I was taking care of Gage solely because Cher's husband, he basically just left. Gage actually was a help to me. Gage has been a big part of my healing. You know, I was...
devastated that I lost my daughter. But in the meantime, we had to make funeral arrangements. I had to take care of Gage. When I wasn't around, I had to find someone to take care of Gage. So we decided to move back to Sacramento. So we moved back to Sacramento. But luckily, I had a lot of support. A lot of people helped me.
For the funeral, I remember to this day, every time I walk into that church, I see Sheriff's Casket laying at the front of the church. That day was just dreadful. The worst day of my life. Worst day of my life. It's very hard to say goodbye to one of your children because you're supposed to go before they do.
It was about a week, I think, after the funeral. We had to go back down to Lancaster to move all the stuff up to Sacramento. When we got to the house, we saw Cher's husband with a moving van and his mother taking all of their stuff out of my house. We had no idea, none. And they took Gage, which broke my heart completely.
That didn't sit well with me. But there was nothing I could do because that's his father. You know, he has a right to gauge. So gauge left broke my heart.
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Gage's dad lived with his mother, with Gage, up in a small town called Corning, which is Rancho Tejima. And that is where Gage lived from the time of Cher's death, which was 2011, until 2017. That was Gage's home with his father and grandmother and step-grandfather.
Of course, I felt all alone. My daughter was gone. I lived in Sacramento. My son lived in Massachusetts. And so not having Gage took a toll on me. I couldn't wait so he would come for visits. Every time he left, I would cry. I lived for the visits from Gage because he had been in my life since the day he was born, the second he was born. And now suddenly he's ripped away from me.
Yeah, he's part of Cher. That's my link to my daughter still, is Gage. My relationship with Gage's father and his girlfriend was cordial. Danny knew I was attached to Gage, but he was seeing this person while he was still married to Cher.
But Sarah knew about it because she told me they had a fight one time and she screamed at him, I'll give you your divorce if you want it. So I knew something was going on, but he was seeing someone else. In the end, she moved in with them. So deep down inside, I hated the whole situation. But luckily, I had visitation rights. I saw Gage every single month, a couple of times a month.
In the summertime, I had Gage for a month or two at a time. I got to see Gage whenever I wanted to, basically, which was really nice. I mean, they didn't have to do that, but his mother knew that, you know, losing Gage's mother was hard on me, and she knew that Gage was in my life the whole time. I knew very little of what was going on in Rancho Tehama.
Except for what Gage would tell me when he came to visit. Gage's grandmother told me about her and Gage's father's girlfriend were out walking. And this person came up and tried to stab Gage's grandmother, but missed and got Gage's father's girlfriend.
Luckily, Gage was in school, and Gage's grandmother told me that they had a restraining order on this person, and they were to go to court on it the day after the incident. That's all I basically knew.
I wasn't really worried about Gage's safety at that point, but I didn't know the whole story either. So if I did, I would have went and tried to get him. But yeah, there was lots of stuff going on that I did not know about. On November 14th, I was on Facebook. As usual, can I see this notice about the school lockdown in Rancho de Gima? I knew that's where Gage went to school.
He's seven, so he's in second grade. So I get on the phone and I call Gage's grandmother's house where Gage was living with his father and his father's girlfriend. And Gage's step-grandfather answered the phone. I said, "Hello, is Gage's grandmother there?" And I get, "No, they're both gone." I said, "When will they be back?" And he said, "They're dead."
He killed both of them. I said, what? He said, he shot and killed both of them.
So I immediately dropped the phone. I gathered Gage's birth certificate, a picture of Gage, got in my car, drove to Rancho Tehima, and of course was intercepted by the FBI. And I told him who I was, and I said, I am Gage's grandmother, and I am not leaving here without my grandson. So of course they took me in. I said, where is my grandson? They said, we don't know.
I said, "What do you mean you don't know?" They had to actually go and find out where Gage was because the kids were left to go to their parents. But Gage's parent was gone. It took them about 20 minutes to find out where Gage was.
But luckily, Gage's father had a friend there, Jesse Sanders, on the emergency list for Gage at the school. So Gage was released to Jesse Sanders, which is Gage's father's best friend at the time.
They took me to Jesse Sanders' house, and Gage came out, you know, all playing around, joking, you know, petting a little kitty. And I said, "Hi, Grandma." He said, "What are you doing here?" And so I had talked to the father's friend, and he said, "Gage knows nothing." I said, "Okay."
So I said, "Come on Gage, let's go." So we got in the car with the FBI agents. We go back to their trailer and they asked me, "Do you want us to tell Gage or do you want to tell him?" At the time, I freaked. I mean, I was crying so hard because now Gage is homeless basically without any parents now.
I'm crying, and luckily there was an FBI woman there who said, you know, it's going to be okay. And there was a guy there, and they took us in the FBI trailer, and they sat us down, and they quietly told Gage, your daddy is gone. That's exactly what they said. And they said, but your daddy was a hero because he was trying to save your grandma.
Gage dropped his head into his hands and he cried and he cried. That's how Gage found out what had happened to his father and his grandmother. All I could think of was now Gage has no parents.
He has no parents. He's lost his father, the only parent that Gage knew because he lost his mother at a young age. And not only that, he's lost his grandmother. So it was just devastating for me. And I felt so bad for Gage. Oh, my God. I mean, I was crying for Gage. It was hard. It was so hard.
By the time I had reached Rancho Tejima in my car, the incident was over. All the children were released to their parents and they let us go. So we drove two hours back home to Sacramento. Gage has always had a bedroom at my house. Always, always, always. So, you know, it wasn't anything new for Gage to go to my house, but I had to tell him, you know, this is where you're going to be living now.
Gage didn't say a word all the way home. Gage was never back in the home that he lived in. We never went back there. On that day, they would not let us go back there because it was a crime scene. And the FBI told us, you don't want to go back. You don't want to see what's there anyhow. So Gage never, ever went back to that house. Never. Never.
We did go back to Rancho Tahima school so Gage could tell his friends goodbye. It was hard for Gage because he was losing all his friends that he had made. When we were at the school, they made a gigantic poster and all the kids signed it, all the teachers signed it, saying goodbye, we love you. That poster is still hanging in Gage's bedroom.
And he looks at it constantly. But he's told me he never, ever wants to go back to California. Never.
I found out some of the details prior to the incident of what was going on at Gage's father's house between the neighbor. And I heard this from neighbors up in Rancho Tehama that were at Gage's dad's funeral and from various people at the school.
I heard that the neighbor was targeting Gage's father because he thought that he had a meth lab on Gage's father's property and grandmother's property. From what I've heard, social services came out and did their inspection and found nothing.
I've heard that he shot at the house numerous times, constantly, and that he made threats to Gage's father that he was going to kill Gage. He supposedly was going to the school to kill Gage. Luckily, he did not get into the school. I was told that Gage was targeted by the shooter himself.
If he hurt Gage, it would hurt Gage's father. But why would I kill Gage's father and then go to the school after Gage when Gage's father won't know that I went after his child? So that part I don't understand.
I found out from the secretary at the school that she heard the shots, so she called a lockdown. That's when they, you know, secured all the doors, the kids and whatnot, and called the sheriff's department. People he shot at and killed on the way to the school, the truck he stole, he actually rammed the gate, shot at the school. One of the children took a bullet.
Gage was not in the actual classroom of the child that was shot at Rancho Tehama School. But Gage did tell me, you know, he heard the shots.
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I knew Gage needed to have therapy. So I immediately got him into therapy. But Gage's reaction, his demeanor changed, that's for sure. He kept to himself. He didn't talk about his father. They didn't really have a funeral for Gage's father and his grandmother. It was more of a remembrance event.
and they had a little reception afterwards. Gage was just hopping around like any other kid, and then all of a sudden he breaks down crying, saying, My daddy's dead. I think that's when he finally realized, My father's not coming back. That was probably the last emotion I saw from Gage. He was only seven. That's a lot to take in at seven years old.
All we told Gage was a bad man took it upon himself to kill your father and your grandmother, and we don't know why. We didn't want to go into detail with Gage because he was only seven, but he didn't show any emotion, so, you know, it was hard to read him. For me, my main thing was taking care of Gage, so I really didn't tap into my feelings.
While we were in Sacramento, my main goal was getting custody of Gage. So we had to start filing paperwork in the courts to get guardianship of Gage. We couldn't even leave California until after we got guardianship of Gage. That took two months. My husband was also on the papers as one of Gage's guardians.
When I first got Gage, we lived in Sacramento for almost a year. Gage started having nightmares. He kept thinking that the man that killed his daddy was coming after him. And he kept saying that over and over and over again. And so...
For me, my main concern was keeping Gage safe and trying to make him more comfortable in his surroundings. I made the decision in February to move him out of state.
Once we decided to move, I decided to buy a house back in Massachusetts for my husband, Gage, and myself to live in. So I found a house, and come May, it's time for closing and time for our family, which included my husband, Gage, and myself, to move to Massachusetts because our house had closed.
We packed everything up in the house, and my husband had this little pile separated from the rest of the house stuff, which I thought was peculiar, but I thought, well, maybe he just wants his stuff in a certain place. Didn't think much of it. So set up the movers, you know, to come and move all our stuff. Day before the movers came, my husband says, oh, I'm not going back.
I said, what? He said, I'm not moving back with you. I said, really? He said, no. I said, fine. I'm leaving anyhow. And I left the next morning. When I started driving, I cried all the way to Utah. I'm thinking, how could he do this to me? He did not really get along well with Gage to start with.
I don't know, you know, if it was jealousy, you know, because I was paying so much attention to Gage, but I always did. I don't know what it was, but how could he do this to me? And he knows what I have been through. To this day, I do not have an answer. I was heartbroken. Actually, heartbroken. He had not mentioned not one iota that he did not want to move back here. Not one iota.
He had plenty of time to tell me from the day I said I was going to buy a place back here until it closed that he did not want to move back here. I would have left anyhow, but he could have told me way before the day before the movers came. I had no idea. None. I was expecting financially and emotional support once we moved back here. I have nothing from him right now. Not a thing.
I left because I left for Gage. Gage needs us, you know. You don't want to come stay. And he is now living in Los Angeles. And we are still married, unfortunately. It took me about a year to get over him. But I'll never forgive him. Never, ever, ever.
We were brought up, you know, in a very religious household. And, you know, when all of this started happening, especially when I lost my daughter, I was mad at God for so long, you know, and I kept telling people, I'm not on speaking terms with God, you know. You know, I ask him every day, why does this stuff keep happening to me?
I don't understand it. But they say, nothing is dealt to you that you can't handle. And everybody tells me, you are the strongest person that I have ever seen in my life. But, you know, they're not here every day. They don't see me crying when stuff happens or I think of an incident. You know, they only see what I show them personally.
My feelings I keep to myself. I cry a lot. I really do. Thinking about my daughter and Gage without parents. Gage has become so withdrawn. We take family trips sometimes, you know, with my son. Yeah, we'll go for like a day, you know. Gage will sit in the car with his headphones on and not talk to anybody. And he basically does the same thing at home. He's totally withdrawn.
And I'll tell you what, kids are cruel. Kids are real cruel towards Gage. You know, they'll say, ha ha, you don't have a dad, especially around Father's Day and Mother's Day. It's hard for Gage. But, you know, and kids don't help. They don't help. It's hard for him to make friends and keep friends because Gage has a chip on his shoulder. You know, and a lot of kids at school, excuse the remark, but think Gage is a butt because I think Gage is putting up a big wall of defense.
Gage's mental health worries me a lot because he doesn't talk. He doesn't share his feelings. Every once in a while, I'll find him crying in his room. But when you ask him what's wrong, nothing. Okay. And I've told him over and over and over again, I am here and you can talk to me about anything. I will give you the answers if I know them. But Gage is very to himself.
He doesn't want to let anyone in, not even me. Very rarely will he talk to me, very rare, about, you know, what has happened. Except when he has questions that he is finding on the internet, sometimes inaccurate. So he comes out here to verify it with me about his father or his mother or what actually happened at the incident. ♪
You know, he's good in school, though. I mean, he's an A student, so, you know, he's doing good in school and he likes school. And he's been in counseling for the last four years. And he had a nightmare a couple weeks ago about this shooter coming after him. And so I called the school to the family resource person.
The therapist at school said, you know, Gage has been traumatized. You know, he needs to talk to somebody. And so I talked to Gage, and Gage said, why, Grandma? He said, I had four years of therapy, and it didn't help. So I told the lady at school what Gage has said, and she said, you know, we can't make him go, but he definitely needs it.
And she said, yeah, Gage is traumatized, which Gage is. Don't let it thunder. Don't let it rain real hard. Don't even let their shots be ringing outside, which we live in a country. A lot of people do a lot of practice shooting. But Gage is deathly scared of any noise like that, any. If it thunders, he goes down to the basement with headphones on. He physically starts crying. And I don't know how to help him.
But Gage keeps me going because, you know, I think to myself, I know this is what you want to share, and I know you're watching us.
For me, though, you know, I don't want to see other men. You know, I don't want to bring anyone else into this house with Gage. I don't think he could stand it right now. So, you know, basically, I'm at home all day by myself. Gage comes home, he goes in his room and plays on his Xbox or whatever. You know, we eat dinner together, but basically, I'm by myself. And I don't know...
what the future holds. I really don't. I take it day by day.
You know, I'm not sad. You know, I'm happy I have Gage and I'm happy I can be here for Gage. And I have my son and my daughter-in-law here. But since I've moved here, I've only made one friend. And that's only on a high basis. But my future, you know, I see helping Gage as much as I can. I just hope I can make it to Gage turns 18. And that's a sad life. It really is.
I ask those questions all the time. Why did this happen to my daughter? Why was Gage born with club feet? Why was Gage's father and grandmother killed? Why did my husband leave me? I don't know. I don't have any answers to any of these questions, but I wish it would stop, because I've had enough. The old saying, the funeral is not the end, it is just the beginning.
I think for Gage, it's going to be a lifelong struggle. I really do. I hope as he gets older, you know, they say time heals all wounds. It doesn't really. It makes it better. But you always have a scar. Always, always, always. So I'm hoping as he gets older, he'll handle it better. But only the future will tell. And I don't know what the future holds. I really don't.
Don't take anything for granted. Nothing is promised to you. Love your family as much as you can because they can be gone in an instant. Sometimes it's real hard, real hard, but I have to keep going. I have to keep going.
Today's episode featured Sissy Feidelberg. This episode was part two of our limited series, Point Blank. Co-produced by me, Witt Misseldein, in collaboration with Connor Sheets, investigative journalist with the Los Angeles Times. With special thanks to Jason Blaylock, Andrew Waits, and Gabby Quintana.
To find out more about the shooting, you can read the original article by Connor that inspired this series, titled, It Was California's Forgotten Mass Shooting, But For Victims, The Hell Never Ends, on latimes.com. From Wondery, you're listening to This Is Actually Happening.
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I'm Dan Taberski. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like, stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis, the state tried to keep on the down low. Everybody thought I was holding something back. Well, you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.
No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. Oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since The Witches of Salem? Or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here. Something's not right. Leroy was the new Dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder. A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios. Hysterical.
Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery+.
