Queen of the Amazons with Naomi Smalls and Katya
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Mike Tirico here with some of the 2024 Team USA athletes. What's your message for the team of tomorrow? To young athletes, never forget why you started doing it in the first place. You have to pursue something that you're passionate about. Win, lose, or draw, I'm always going to be the one having a smile on my face. Finding joy in why you do it keeps you doing it.

Be authentic, be you, and have fun. Joy is powering Team USA during the Olympic and Paralympic Games. Comcast is proud to be bringing that inspiration home for the team of tomorrow. Okay, welcome back to... For the first time, this is an unprecedented moment because while the show is called The Bold and the Beautiful, we have never actually had a beautiful person on.

That's a lie. No, it's not. She walked into the studio and it's like when you realize Santa Claus is real. It's like the opposite of that. So I grabbed, what did you clocked in at? What? 90 inches.

90 inches from stem to stern. I've never walked in anywhere and a tape measure was grabbed immediately. It's almost like, it's like, it's like the size queen for like, I'm a size queen for legs and bodies. It's so, so how I need to, we need to talk about the, I'm just going to objectify you for like a good long 20 to 30 minutes. How did you get here?

Were you, did you have to lay flat on like a large, like an 18 wheeler bed? Do you know? You know when like the camel gets lost in the hills and the helicopter has to take it and it's just like floating over. Yeah, airlifted. It was very that, airlifted. Oh, and then it goes like. Yes. And then it turns into a meme. You have, that's your next, oh my God.

No more reveals, no more ruffle coats. You are going to get strapped to a gurney and then towed by a helicopter and then you're going to like fucking spin out of control and then they're just going to fling you across the country. That's the plan. So when did you get these legs? How do you negotiate the physics and the aerodynamics of having legs that go all the way up to your neck? Wow.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell else I would do if I didn't have them. I literally am like a pygmy person next to you. No, you're not. No, no, it is. I didn't know if you were going to be in drag today. Okay, I texted you. I was like, are you going to be fresh-faced or are you going to be in drag? You texted me? I texted... Well, I was like... I just want to know because I keep trying to...

gas myself up to do something on a drag. I'm so happy that I'm not in drag because I would look like the woman who lives under a bridge next to Naomi Campbell over here. Oh my God. So do you know what is your inseam? I think it's like 30...

738 ish do you have trouble finding pants I used to yeah but now I feel like the style is like a lot longer and like baggier yeah thank god but when I was like in high school I used to like go on ASOS ASOS had like the tall girl jeans do you remember this store called tall girl no there was well I mean how old are you is that Bolton's

How old are you? Oh, I'm 30. Oh, yeah. Okay. So this is like, I think this is probably like early 2000s. There was a store in Boston called Tall Girl. Oh, wow. And I think it was, they were marketing towards tall girls. Yeah. I'm not exactly sure. But I mean, if that store existed today, the way that they would be...

just up your ass to do every single campaign I would hope so it would be so cunt I'd be fierce so do you like do you ever have um issues on airplanes oh all the time horrible all the time when you don't get that like comfort upgrade even at least you're just like back in the day before the coins really started rolling in you're like an economy like this like yeah or the worst is when you're like if you've ever missed a flight or anything and they stick you in like a middle seat

Or what about the very back middle seat? Back middle seat on your way to Australia. Or on your way back from Australia once you've been kicked out for having the wrong visa. Or just a gig in general. Yeah, just a gig in general. Do you... Oh my God. Like...

No, but honestly, there's perks and there's non-perks. What are the perks? Perks is concerts, but it's a con for everybody else. Yeah, but fuck them. Fuck their sight lines. Perks is drag, for sure. I feel like just walking into the room and being a tall drag queen is always impactful. You actually scared me. I felt like a deep...

existential dread that I wasn't able to like identify for like a good 25 seconds. I was like, Oh my gosh, no, we've been in drag plenty of times. I know, but I mean like I haven't seen you in a while and it's like, I, I'm used to seeing Trixie. It's like, you know, um, this is like the same lady bunny impersonator and I'm just kidding. But like it's the, but you are really striking and I feel like in this day and age with there's so many drag Queens, um,

You have to have like something that sets you apart and you have like a good 36 inches on everybody. It's cunty. Oh, thank you. Do you like wiggling? Like what do you mean? Like dancing? Yeah. Like actually on stage? Not really.

I think in my own special way, I figured out a way to like keep the crowd entertained while I'm. Well, I think it's, you're like, Oh God. 30 seconds left. Minute 35. I mean, you're, if anybody could get away with, you know, literally standing there beveling at the foot and just like, it's you. Oh, thank you. Do you, when was the last time, when was the last time you were on Drag Race? Oh gosh. 2017.

I think filmed 2017. I know. Isn't that crazy? That's not true. It was like right after... What are you talking about? Oh my gosh, no. You filmed right after my original season. But and then All Stars. And then All Stars was like... What was that? I think it aired like 2018. Yeah. Shit. So it's been a minute. It's been a minute. Are they barking at your door to come back and do it? All Stars 58? No, I think that I have...

A little bit of a sharp tongue. You're like, hi. Oh, fuck you. No, I think that like... I actually definitely do have a sharp tongue. And I didn't realize that they knew I had a sharp tongue. So that's like a whole combination. Now when you say sharp tongue, can you be more specific? I don't know. I think I'm just like really passionate about... Not going on Drag Race? No, not even that. It's not that because I'm not that girl. It's like no more Drag Race. I think I just like...

I was such a fan of Drag Race growing up. So when I got there and I realized what it was, it was hard for me to like... Oh, I see. I'm definitely part of the first wave of queens that was a fan before they were a queen. Before you were a contestant. Yeah. So the magic was just gone. But not in a bad way. Just in a very factual way. So then I was being very factual about it, talking about it. But I realized...

That's not necessarily like there's some things that are supposed to be smoke and mirrors. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's true. And it's also it's it is kind of annoying. Like I've had the experience of being at a viewing party where there's a queen who's been on the show. And, you know, she's so she really thinks she's like. Suck my ass faggot Ross Matthews.

No. Never mind. We'll get back to sucking. I was going to say no. Like there's a queen who's like intent on like, you know, telling everybody how it really works or like how, you know, spoiling the mystery or like, you know, you know, giving that kind of like insider, you

perspective that you know I would prefer to just like take it at face value which we both know is not exactly the case right like it's produced it's a reality show there's a lot you don't see whatever but I mean could you imagine going back for another version of All Stars when I watch it now I don't know if I could keep up

Like those girls put in so much work and money and care. Where did they get the fucking, where did they even get the outfits? Insane. Like where? Like the Plastic and Gottmik are like fucking it up. Like it's like insane. If I walked in the workroom and saw, after like the first or second episode with Gottmik and Plastic, I'd be like, okay, so maybe behind the camera is a good place for me. I could do, I could help. Sarge move over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could be a PA. I could do some gaffing. I'll definitely be like, hi.

heart eyes, you know, I would, I would just walk right through the workroom and be like, no, I'll, I'll just wait for next time. Absolutely. Like, that's kind of how I feel like watching it now. I'm like,

I'm very happy we can both say it. Every single time I talk to someone who can say this, I'm like, we are the Logo TV girls. It's from a different time. I think I'm actually a Hanna-Barbera girl. It was a long time ago. Yes, it was a cute, lovely thing back then. And it's, thank God, you know, the fame has continued. But

It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. You got to fucking miss Jean-Paul Gaultier walking down the runway and then Plastique, the Brazilian carnival float, come to life. Insane. And you're like, oh, so I look like a chicken nugget that's wrapped in like shit. And it's just, it would be so intimidating to me. And you don't get eliminated. Well, that's the cool part. I will.

No, no, no. Like you have to show all your shit. Yeah. I'm like, I'll go first. You know, like I'll go like, that's the humiliating thing. It's like insult to injury that you week after week, you have to be compared to these untouchable goddesses. Yeah. Oh,

I know I could definitely snap myself into it. It would be a completely different headspace. You'd go down to a hustler store in Hollywood, get a few negligees, bring some baby oil. You just let them have it. You wouldn't have to do all that. Michelle would hate it. Oh, go fuck her. Oh my God, fuck her. What would it take? What actually would it take besides a gun to your head to make you go there? You know what it would take? I'm going to be the casting director. I'm going to pick the ugliest girls

And then I'm going to limit their costume budgets. I mean, we're going to give them three days notice. I'm going to get a year's worth of preparation. Well, there are girls who would do it with three days notice. Oh, I know. There's always a queen who will do it for what you're saying now. Oh, hell yeah. But guess what? I'm also going to call the airlines. Their luggage is going to get lost and we're going to have to film right when we get there. I would have to sabotage and be so undermining and underhanded. Plus, it's just not that fun. Yeah, it's a lot. How are these heels?

These are fine. These are actually like my go-to. Willem's the one who like was like, oh, I don't want these. You should have these. And I ended up buying them. But there's three straps of dental floss. This is where I feel comfortable. Oh, my God.

It's just a sensible five-inch lube. Yeah, but there's like a hidden platform, so it's like only a four. Oh, so that makes it a hidden platform. Do you realize if I was wearing those shoes and I stood up, I would break both my ankles immediately? No, you're good with heels. You also are very like...

Durable. Hardy. Weathered. Weathered. Seasoned. No, no, no. No, I just did a lip syncing this past weekend for the first time in like quite a while. What did it feel like? Was there pride? Yeah, it was pride in Salt Lake City. It was exhilarating. But before the exhilaration, it was humiliating. It's a lot. The heels. I walked. I thought I was like, I walked on the stage. I'm like, okay, I'm wearing pumps. They're like three and a half inches. They're fine. Yeah.

And close toe, close toe, close toe, just a pump. I got off stage. I'm like, well, I have bunions and corns now. Like it hurts so bad. And I was like, so like, I couldn't feel my pussy with those shoes on. It's the worst. You could get away with bare feet.

No. Yes, you could. I need the arch. Releve. I feel like your back just, you know. Releve. You go up on the tippy toes. Literally speaking of backs, I'm having like a moment. Back surgery? Honestly, I might need it. What's going on? After these like pride gigs and like just throwing my...

Not throwing, putting your pussy in the wind. Pretending to dance for the past nine years. No, no, listen. When you see, when you get the hardware, it's not pretending you're showcasing. There you go. I mean, you're, it's like, you know, you're showcasing, you bring the goods to the stage. People ogle the goods and that's it. That's it. The work was done before you showed up. Yeah. You don't have to, we're not doing cartwheels, flip flops, spread eagle splits and pirouettes and shit. We're going, uh, uh, uh, and uh, I need to remember that. Yeah.

Because my back is fucked. Like actually fucked. I've never had that kind of like when you have to like wake up actually on your back to like become or actually sleep on your back like a patient. Like Dracula. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean drag is like it is one of the quickest and most efficient ways to ruin your body. I'm learning also I think 30 hits differently than...

Or a different decade period just hits different than the previous one. Yeah, there's definitely a threshold around the late 20s I found where you wake up and you're like, oh, what's this? This is what they were talking about. What is this bag of shit? But I wonder, I'm trying to think of your proportions. What would the danger be of having such an unusually...

seductive body. You've got long legs. So if like you had a really long torso, I feel like that would be like the dangers. Oh, but I don't know. Just probably just people touching it when you don't want them to. Yeah. Being so sexy that people, you're just liable to be roped. Yeah.

Not to be indelicate, but if I had your body, my God, I'd have 13 kids. Oh, see, and I think if I had like George's body, I would have like a mattress tied to my back. Like just like push me over and go to town. Wait, who's George? Which one is George's? The tiny, tiny. Oh, she's on the current All-Star season. Okay. What about Plastique? Oh, I mean, that's like, I feel like I would only...

I feel like men would be too scared to hit on her. She's almost like too unattainable. Mama, that's you. I mean... You're the terrifier and terrifying part too in terms of female sexuality. If we were in a club and I'm like a dude and I've got my jeans and my black button down, I don't even know what my approach to you would be like.

Hello, hello, glamazon woman. I didn't even like, how do people? Well, dress like a bap slash ice climber. I don't know like what. That would be intimidating. Yeah. But if you're in the club, you kind of pare down the drag a little bit. So what's the, is there a pickup line or is there an approach that has ever worked?

on you honestly not so much a pickup line but if they are over like six six it's a wrap for me it's like you can be so you're pretty much exclusively nba focused yeah like that would be if if i was a woman mama why aren't you courtside why aren't you like why why aren't you courtside at the lakers like right now that'd be wild like with i could see with this outfit like this like

Like pretending like I know what's going on. Well, yeah. You're just leaning. They always lean in and then they whisper to their friend. So you and Plasti coincide at the Lakers game. You would probably have a line around the block of like suitors ready to just like fucking spray you and come. That'd be a wrap. Yeah. That'd be a wrap. But I would hope that they're

Oh shit. Okay. So now you've even, that, that made it even more of a different market. Oh yeah. Because they, you literally, the, the, the percentage of men out there who want to get taught by a glamazon goddess is,

Mama. It's high. You could be charging in the tens of thousands an hour. It'd be fierce. Yeah. Give up drag. Just become an escort. Yeah. And then I can actually just lay on my back. Well, no, you got to do as the top, you got to put in a little work, but you wear one of those. Oh, that's tea. You know how the movers wear the back braces? You stone one of those. You stone one of those. And then it's like a corset, you know? Fierce. You got to protect that lower. You protect your low back while you're blowing their back out. That'd be hot. Yeah. That'd be really hot. It'd be fierce. Pau Gasol, I'm looking at you.

Who? Paul Gasol. Paul Gasol? You hear that, Paul? You ready to get topped by a 90-inch goddess?

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Today's episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at BetterHelp. You deserve not just help, but better help. I'm 34 and I have found that certain behaviors, certain coping mechanisms that got me through my 20s are just not holding up like they used to, Barbara. So

Now I'm at this point in my life where I'm really interested in the smarter, cleaner, faster, more helpful, more self-loving version of working through things. And I have really had access to that through better help. I mean, we all carry around different types of stressors, work stuff, personal stuff, private stuff. And honestly, this is really corny. It's helpful to have someone in your life that you're just completely honest with for the hell of it.

Like you don't really have to worry about them telling people you know or it affecting your professional life. Like it's really nice. BetterHelp is great because you can get it all online. It's convenient, it's flexible, and it's designed to be suited around your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch at any time for any reason for no additional charge. Like I've told you guys, I've switched therapists just because of time zones.

Like this guy did not work on Pacific Standard Time and I just like could not get up for therapy at like 7 in the morning. So I had to switch and it was just like totally valid. Get things off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash bald today. Get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com slash bald. Is it true that Plastique wears a fake like a silicone torso? Yeah, she has like a costume that's like a...

So she could put on a fake torso over her torso and still look skinny. Yes. I know. It's crazy. She can pad her body and still look tiny. She is really... Yeah, it's insane. But Gabe, he created like a skin...

for her that matched her tits. It's terrible. And then she was like, how do I put this all together? And then she had another designer put it all together and stone it so it's seamless. I mean...

She's going to make it happen. That's the one thing I learned about her. She will make it happen. She is build back better. She is going to bring our troops home. She is literally, she is single-handedly like the allied victory is all thanks to plastic tiara. Yeah. I look at that level of drag, the level of commitment, the attention to detail. And then I think, um, maybe I should work at the post office. You know, I cannot even imagine it. It's like way too much. It's weird. It's great to see though. And now, um,

I hope it's not. I think they get paid now to go on journeys, right? That's another enticing part of it. It's about time. Honestly, honestly,

Watching it though, I do think that people like maybe have just pocketed some of the budget. Oh shit. That's fierce. That's fierce. Like you get a wardrobe stipend of $100,000 and then you just bring stuff from home. All your stuff. Just like smelly like brunch looks. Also because they can't eliminate you. Yeah. Well, Trixie and I joke that I would have to, because I can't even imagine approaching that level, I would go the other way.

I would bring three wigs, no style, center part, hard front. And then I would do little biscuits. I'd do like slacks to enter. I would do like...

Like a maxi dress for one of the good runways. And then like for the finale, I just wear all my bracelets. And that's it. Love. Bring it. It has to be reset. I mean, and then they would change the rules after that. Change the rules to what? Okay, you must, you know, have you ever done a gig? I don't know if your gigs are like this where they're like, costume change is a must. You know that some girl fucked it up for everyone that was like. No way.

I've seen wig changes too, like on like for the play girls. Now that's fierce because in my contract, it did specify two high energy numbers. And I was like, I was like an hour before showtime. I was like, I'm so I'm going to do Lana Del Rey. Wow.

And it was doing time. The summertime. It's one of the best songs she's ever done. I love her. I love her too. I love her too. But if you're looking for a high energy option from Miss Del Rey, she is notoriously scarce. She's got like that summertime sadness remix. But that's a long one though. I don't have the stamina to be out there for six minutes. And also it doesn't really go on a journey. It's just like more for life. It's got like a three minute intro too. But it was outside in the summer. I felt like

I got the energy, right? It certainly wasn't high energy, but I was like, thank God I didn't go out there and try to do some whip crack fucking diva mix because three minutes in, I would have had a cardiac event. Oh, yeah, no. What made you choose this most recent Salt Lake as like...

I think it was being broke. It had to do with being in foreclosure. That's honestly what makes us all say yes to a gig. Yeah, it's like at the press junket, they're like, so what inspired you to take this role? The bank. The red numbers on my bank account. No, but it was like so, I was like shocked at how fucking fun it was. Have you worked with them before? I don't know.

Was there like a short lesbian with like glasses and like kind of like pinkish? Oh, I'm sure there were several of them. It was like in charge. No, no, no, no, no, no. The place was called Milk. Oh yeah. Milk SLC. Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It was outside in a, with a big screen and shit. And you know, the Mormon phenomenon of soaking. No. Is that like,

Like they take their white pajamas? No. Basically, we can't have sex before marriage. But so if you put your dick in my pussy, just stick it in on the bed, and then somebody jumps on the bed to create the motion, that's called soaking. But because we're not thrusting, we're innocent. Oh, interesting. But there is penetration. There's penetration, but the motion is provided from a third party. It's outsourced to a friend on the bed. Oh, so there is thrusting, but...

Not by you. It's like earthquake sex. Yeah. Wait, this was what the event was? No, no, no. This is a Mormon loophole to the no sex before marriage thing. What you found out while you were in Salt Lake City. But because it's called Soaking and I was feeling it, I did an encore show across Soak Up the Sun.

And I could never, I wouldn't have imagined myself doing an encore, but I was feeling my pussy that much. So soaking is something that everyone there grows up just knowing. It's in the common parlance. Yeah. Everybody's in, everybody's wrapped up in soaking. It's so absurd to me. That's like, how do you even justify that? It's like, can you do it gay? Well, no, because no gay in Mormon. Oh, I think at that point you might as well just thrust because you're going to hell. Right. You know what I mean?

But isn't that crazy, though? That is crazy. As a loophole, it's like, oh, well, if your friend jumps on the bed while you have your dick in her pussy. I feel like I remember Family Guy doing a bit about this where they were trying to stick it in their ears instead. I'm sure that's another loophole. Yeah. When was the first time you fell in love? Ooh. Um...

I think the only person... Never mind, never mind. Love. Yeah. I think the first time I fell in love and I thought it was love was definitely like with a straight boy that was out of my league. But I think it was just like...

I mean, I was in high school with braces. Mama, braces are cunt. I'm sorry. I'm thinking about getting them again. I mean, because if you see a guy like now who has braces, you're like, oh, you love yourself. Like you're into self-improvement. Yeah, you're taking initiative. Yeah, yeah. Adult braces to me are so hot.

I love adult braces. Yes. And at the time when I had braces, even though, you know, I was younger, I used to fantasize like what it would be like to suck dick with braces. And now I'm curious, like if there's an adult man with braces, what that would be like? Well, let me tell you something. The first time I sucked a dick, I had braces on. The review was not great. Really? Was it your first time? It was my first time, but also it's just like, I would think the combination of being inexperienced and having a lot of jagged metal in your mouth was,

Probably did not. Just say the Yelp review was not good. Okay. Yeah. He was like, he was like, he was like blood. Yeah. It was, let's just say it was a, an, uh, what do you call that? Um, unintentional circumcision. I'm just kidding. Um, but yeah, I know. I honestly think like men with, yeah. Oh,

Men with braces is kind. Yeah, no, it's cute. It's cute. It's very cute. Wasn't there a drag queen with braces? Oh, yeah. What was her name? Was she the one who did the flips? The Cher impression? I'm still trying. I haven't been able to catch up to drag because I'm still on that moment. Like, what is that? Life just paused after that. Yeah, you're like, that's her Cher impersonation? Oh!

Yeah. Her braces were cute. They also just make you look 10 years younger. Exactly. Fountain of youth. I wonder, like, I saw that works for everybody. You look very good. Your skin looks bomb. Thank you. But I have to... There is something that you said that I swear to God I'll probably forget the names of my media family. Okay. All of them before I...

Forget what you said at the beach once. I don't even know if you remember. It was you, me, my friend Andrew, a couple other people. Yeah, Violet. Violet, yes, yes. We're talking about plastic surgery. At the time, you must have been, what, 23? Uh-huh. And we're talking about non-surgical things like Botox and fillers. And then you said, there's really no substitute for going under the knife. I swear to God.

And it was delivered with the most convincing, like the authority, the tone in your voice was so authoritative and so compelling. I was like, yeah, she's right. Actually though. Yeah. Like actually you can, you can try and you can try and dress it up and take it out. And yeah, but you really have to just, what do you make of all of the, all of the, I mean like trends and like, for example, waking up and seeing that everybody's on Ozempic.

Or everybody's getting buckle fat removal. Like, what do you make of all that shit? I feel like with cosmetics, and especially with injectable cosmetics, surgical cosmetic, it's meant for a certain case. Okay. But because there's such good...

from it, it gets really trendy and makes everyone think that they are the candidate for that. Totally. And then in five, 10 years when the trend has like shifted towards whatever, you know, swung the other way, it's like, everybody's like, Oh fuck. What the hell did I do to myself? Especially with like, the thing that I don't understand is with the buckle fat removal, these young actresses are like 22. They want to suck out all the fat in their face and then they look like they're like 40. Yeah. It's crazy.

crazy. I think the number one example I have in my mind of that is Mary Kay Olsen. She's working on a witch frequency though. She's been into the woods for some time though. She really has. She's been the dark crystal. She's like, is she 12? Is she 70? She's like, I don't think any rules apply to them because they're like,

I mean, definitely the buckle is gone. Like all the buckle fat is just like gone, gone, gone. And when you take fat away from your face, especially if you're not fat. Mama, when you're already a twig. Yes. You're stripping wood off the twig. It just ages you. But they've had like a fucking black magic, mysterious, witchy aura.

I feel like they are like transcend the sort of norms and the rules of like human life. You know what I mean? For sure. Also, it's just so cool to have a twin. I'm so jealous. Especially a moody twin. It's like, imagine a dark, mysterious hoe times two. I know. That's cunty. With that budget.

Everything. Billionaire budget. I know. Why have one when you can have two twice the price? Those hoes know what's... I love them so much. And also, I'll never forget that they served... One of them had cigarettes out at the tables of their wedding. Bowls of cigarettes. She married some old French dude. That tall-ass guy, yeah. She looked about... She looked at an 18-year-old witch from the fucking woods...

Marrying some like 75 year old billionaire, free cigarettes at the wedding, cunty. I know. Fear on some other fucking frequency. Also, if I could wear their line, that's it. I would. The row, I would, you know. Why couldn't you wear it? It's just black drapes. It would break the, I mean, it's, it's well priced. It's well fabrics. But, but, but I mean, they have such a, such an enviable like life course. Like,

child stars on that whack, like that, you know, whatever show. And then they sort of, their transition into like billionaire, eccentric billionaire, like conjoined witches. It's so cunty. And their parents like actually...

didn't fuck them over, which is so rare. Yeah. I think their parents like did it right. Mary, I started, I started watching that quiet on set. I had to turn that shit off. That's why I'm talking about it. Girl. I was like, I was like, Oh my God, this is so rotten, which it only reinforces my personal opinion, which,

If I were like the president, my first executive order would be in film and television, nobody under 18. You want to play, you want a baby in the, is there a baby in the script? Yeah. You got to put on diaper. Yeah. Emma Stone, put the diaper on, put some freckles on. It's crazy. Put a binky in your mouth. You're the baby. I definitely, I definitely feel like I would have been, uh, I just fell for, uh,

anything as a child in that scenario. It's so crazy. I mean, think about the little, think about going on drag race for the first time. Just the level of like inexperience. And Ru touched me. What's that? And Ru touched me. Yeah. She felt up on your legs the whole season. Yeah.

Girl, Mary, it's like the opposite. It's the opposite of what RuPaul is like. She didn't touch me. She didn't look at me. She didn't talk to me. She wasn't even there. Nothing to worry about when it comes to attention for RuPaul. Let's just say that. But that's so fucking gross. Like I, I know it's so nasty. Oh, child stars. I know. And now we have Teletubbies on Drag Race.

what's up with the teletubbies i don't know i didn't even know the teletubbies were still around we had hello kitty they're gonna tell us that's right they were not grooming i know

I mean, it's just like... What's next? Tony the Tiger? I feel like you also are like this. I'm a groomer. No, but you come from the world. It's like you're not doing drag for kids at all. Like at all. Like that was never part of it. I'm doing drag so that kids are not part of the picture. I'm trying to make all the steps and do all the actions that...

allow for no visible children at any moment. In fact, I'm trying to alienate my brother and sister so that my niece and my nephews don't want to come see me. It is so funny to me, like reading to children. I know. I don't get it.

I was like, what I want to read to a child is, this is a story of get the fuck out of here. Get away. It's so bizarre. I am thankful for Drag Race for taking drag, though, and at least filtering it in a way that is okay for a lot of the younger fans to watch and grow up with. Because A, I was that person. And then B...

I've now been, it's been so long since like my original season that I've now seen the kids who are obsessed with me.

and become adults and get into the club. And it's like, it's just this whole like, that's fucking wild. Yeah. Like, I was, when you get the message or the messages that are like, Oh my God, I, I, I, um, I first saw your season when I was like, I graduated kindergarten. Now I own three homes and I have like, I've been divorced twice. I'm like, and they say it so casually. Yeah. You're like, Oh, that was a very casual, um, uh,

you know, drop of like 20 years. It's like very fucking sobering. Like they're like telling you this and I'm like trying to have like my card go through. Like, and I'm like, can you please shut up? Like, please. Like, this is too much for me right now. I'm spiraling. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. There is so much casual information delivered to us in so many different contexts, like the meet and greet, et cetera, online that you're like,

Oh, okay. Like half of the people at the meet and greet this last gig, they were like, thank you so much for coming. We know you really didn't want to be here. I was like, what are you talking about? That's actually not true. I had like, it was so funny though. They're the craziest shit, but they still come because they love you. They came and we did 75 person meet and greet in like 20 minutes. Oh yeah. In the back. Yeah. I

Yeah, I know exactly. When it's just you, it's easier. Me and Trixie, it's a whole thing. Because then you'd be like, I love you, but I don't really like you. You know, they could really get a go. You're making space. Yeah, it's a lot. But it's like, oh my God, they are so funny. Besides Trixie, who's your favorite person that you've done a gig with? Oh, shit.

I mean, I think detox is always fun. She's always fun. Always fun. There's a lot. It's a shorter list. No, I think it's a longer list. It's not fun. Well, you know what though? The thing is, what Trixie and I talk about all the time, punctuality.

Oh, are you a late? You're late today. I was pretty late, but we got stuff. But I mean, I was really, I, you were not late. I had to eat. I mean, I was 30 minutes late today for, for the record, but, uh, 30 minutes. Think about, think what, think about what could change in your life in 30 minutes. You could get a cancer diagnosis. Your, your husband could leave you. No, you couldn't beat rush hour getting out of here. I could eat lunch, which I needed to do. So it actually worked out great.

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The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

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Hello, I'm Heather McDonald, stand-up comic and pop culture expert and the host of my podcast Juicy Scoop. If you're obsessed with Hollywood romances, reality TV drama on and off camera, and celebrity gossip, this is the show for you. In each episode, I dive into the juiciest, most salacious, and

controversial pop culture stories of the moment. And I give my opinion in the most comedic way. It's based on my own Hollywood experiences working on television shows and of course my own experiences with the actual stars themselves. You're also going to hear from a range of guests from actors to comedians

to comics to reality stars like Countess Luann from New York Housewives or Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules and now The Valley. So if you want the scoop on the hottest gossip, you've come to the right place. Tune into Juicy Scoop wherever you get your podcasts. You'll thank me later. I'm sure you've had the like the the stress nightmares where you're, you know, you take a nap before the gig and you in the you have a dream where you're like, yes, 20 minutes till and you're not painted. Yes.

That is a level of stress that I cannot fucking cope with. I have to be ready. And then I have to, I need 20 minutes of buffer time to pace and worry. And like, you know, like it's okay. Yes. Cause we did actually did do one tour together early on. And you were very like, cause you had to do that big group meet and greet. Was that the Peter? Yes. Oh my God. Yeah. That, that shit would also the way they used to run their meet and greet. It was insane. They, they would, they would be like, all right, you pieces of shit.

line up because these fucking nasty queens are only going to see you for half a second if you have anything to sign fuck you and then they'll grab the person throw them at us and then the other one grabs them and like chucks them off a balcony it's so wild and before all that they would have like the phone in these people's face and be like who's your favorite like who is your favorite queen so they could put it on social media and then like if they said you you would have to like step out and take like

I don't even remember that shit. That was wild. I would definitely go to one of their shows again and like, you know, be like friendly and go out and all that stuff. But like doing those shows. That was wild. I was looking for an escape the entire time. Well, girl, because the schedule was also like, okay, we'll get back to the hotel. You're de-drag in bed by like one, two. And then we have a 5 a.m. call time. Oh, yeah. No bus. No bus, mama. No bus. It's pack. Get your sweaty fucking drag yourself. No assistance. Yeah.

Try to get two, three hours of sleep. Then wake your fucking ass up and then go to the airport. And this is the best part. You board the last zone and you pass them in first class. In first class. Exactly. Back in the plane. Cunty. Insane. It's like when the diva, it's like the chauffeur and the diva. It's just reversed. Just switched. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're driving the bus. It's cunty. Like that. Oh, God. Those tours were so good. And at a party. Yeah.

ed hardy with the faux and then were you at the the lunch table when there was um i think you were we were in phoenix arizona yes okay because i feel like that was like the only like group dinner we had where one of the queens was talking about how she did a private lap dance for rihanna naked on on that it was it was on part of my tour then who was it

Oh my God. I was like, who's the one that would say, it was either going to be her or Thorgy. No, no, no. Thorgy's way, Thorgy has the tether to reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She could entertain, but this bitch, she was, she was telling campfire tales. It was cunt. Once Kim and I, like, cause we got back from filming and like, we thought of her as like this, like hilarious, normal storied person. And then once we found out that, oh, all these things are like,

suspicious suspicious fallacies suspicious activity yeah it was a wrap after that exaggeration and wait but not even exaggerations it was literally like just yarn spinning it's like it's so casual too it's like remember did I ever tell you about the time I shot JFK it's like what are you talking about it was everybody nobody said anything probably because we're so tired but we're like look I was like

Is this really happening? Is she really saying this? Oh my God. And literally the most wild, unbelievable things. And I appreciate the commitment to that, that delusion. I definitely caught up with her. So how many tattoos have you seen of yourself on a fan that gave you an internal pause? Like you're like, Oh,

Oh, or like, like what's, how many tattoos have you seen? Okay. Well, so I, my, I,

Please, please do not get me tattooed on your body. They don't have the face. The scale does not work. They could maybe do half a leg. I just feel bad. I feel like I change my... I like to think I change my makeup so much that I'm like, when I see an old face chart of me on someone, I'm like... You're like, Mom, but that was from the flop era. What are you doing? Very bad. Yeah.

It's crazy. But it is jarring every single time you see it. It's flattering. It's very flattering. Always very flattering. Concerning often sometimes. And yeah, it's like, I always think like, you know,

What's going to happen when that drag queen gets canceled? You're going to have to like maybe draw over it with a different wig or somebody put a mole on it, turn it into somebody else. I mean, I know you can get tattoos removed, but like Mary, I have seen. Like are we going to face tape our tattoos up?

that would be a great fame tattoo. That's a good fame one. Just the tape, just like, like eyes and the tape. No, but I mean like, you know, I know what the worst one I've seen is. Maybe I'll have to like send it to you guys. You have as like a reference. It's Bob, the drag queen. That's it. Just say no more. As Madonna, as Madonna,

As a Boy Scout? Like when Madonna dressed up as a Boy Scout. Oh, I know. And then someone got that tattoo tattooed on the... It's actually insane. But that's kind of impressive in a way. It's like... Like Garbage Pail Kids. It looks like Garbage Pail Kids. Oh, 100%. It's like, I love Drag Race. What's the ugliest look that's ever been on Drag Race? I mean, that was wild. What were you thinking about when she came down the runway in that outfit? When she...

I mean, I was just jealous that she wasn't in a kimono, you know? So like... You participated in... You were one of the perpetrators of kimono gate. Kimono gate. Yeah. I'm like the most ready to wear kimono gate, which is like not a flex. No, certainly not. Where did you get your kimono? It was made. Okay. But it was still just like very lingerie in comparison. I remember watching that thing. I was like, this is so... This is like...

Like such a prodigious group fumble. Like it wasn't... Like you all... That was a coincidence. You all brought kimonos. But then production just let it happen. Like, I don't know. I don't get... I didn't understand it. Yeah. They just let it happen. And there were more. There were even more. But those girls go in home at that point. It was very bizarre that we all just decided like... Madonna, 40 years of hits. What's the one thing like...

It's that thing with like competing in anything group that you want to be like, I don't want to be the obvious one. Right. So you try and think extra, extra, extra hard and you're like,

With the curviest curveball. Oh, yeah. That weird Japanese look she did in that one video, that song. I don't even remember it. Exactly. Oh, and black hair, too. I know. Madonna. When I think of Madonna, I think of kimono and black hair. I ended up looking like Mowgli from The Jungle Book is what I ended up looking like. Damn. Well, at least that's a look. Like, for kids. We're not doing drag for kids. Remember? No. Well, I'm grooming. She's not. My God. And then...

When you had your top three... Oh my gosh, I really did love my top three. I was thinking about that today because I figured we were going to talk about Drag Race at some point. Oh yeah, I mean, why not? I mean, I think your top three was so cunty because you all were like literally not stepping on each other's toes. You had like such a distinctive...

You know, it's like, it's always a little awkward when like two people, like Pearl and Violet, I feel like we're kind of similar. You know what I mean? Like to the naked drag race person that's like, oh, they're just like a pretty white fashion inspired queen. Yeah. But you all had like, and your season was the first season. It was the, oh no, we did that whole. You guys were the first one, right? The live taping?

Getting ready for that was like insane. I'm sure. Bitch, I was, I've never been happier not to make the top three. I was like, I was like, I'm not doing some number. I'm not like bringing three outfits doing choreography. Like they made you whores work for that finale. Yeah. Did you enjoy it? Uh, well, I didn't know that I was going to be in the finale until like the week before. Cause it was like back in the day when they filmed like, uh,

They had the top four and then they filmed each person getting eliminated. Right. So we didn't know. But I mean the whole personalized number based on your kind of like your vibe, like the legs and then the... Yeah, we didn't know that was a thing until like the week before. How did you feel about that?

I love legs. Mine was cute. I was actually listening to it. It's kind of like when they first gave it to me, I was like, this is kind of crazy, but I feel like, and then I listened to Bob and Kim's and I was like, okay, got it. I could find like my like actual opinion. Then when I heard theirs, I was like, okay, I got the best one. Oh no, this is fine. I'll keep it.

I'm fine. I can't, I bristle to think of what fucking bullshit they would have like hurled at me. Like, like weird, stupid and Russian. When they just give you sleepwalker, they're like, Oh, we have this track. So I would just be like a Lana Del Rey karaoke. And I'm just like, Oh, Pearl had the like unicorn onesies in hers. I don't know if you remember that.

I think I blocked that out. I don't blame you. Unicorn onesie? Like the dancers were wearing like pajama. Oh, because she was like... Did you guys have Meghan Trainor on your season? That's a different unicorn onesie. That's a different evil. Okay. That's a different evil. I hated that. Wait, you hated her in the unicorn onesie on Drag Race? Yeah, me too. I don't get it. I like when the judges do drag for them, whatever that is.

wear the sparkle bustier and have one of your fucking handlers glue a couple of rhinestones. Like, get it together. Get it together, bitch. Like, it's so crazy. That's worse than the kimono gate to me. Because I feel like she was like, so we're going on this drag show, but I feel like it's just like so obvious for me to like wear something sparkly. So I'm just going to go like look like I'm at a slumber party like at age 12. Like, what is that? I don't get it. Not for me. No. I don't know any of her music.

I think it's all for the best. Okay. Yeah. It's not worth knowing. Who was the guest judge that you had that you were like, this is fucking cunt. Mel fucking B. Yeah. She was a really good guest judge. Oh, she, and I, the, my favorite thing is, which of course didn't make the edit is that she hated Violet.

Love. Love. Love. She wasn't about it? Nope. And I'll never, it's like, I'll never forget when you sit at the beach and when she sits at her, it's like, you're having your beard. They're just ugly. Cause it was our bearded runway, which was, Oh my God, Jasmine. Mama. I'm 37 years old. I'm not going to,

Can you... So that's a level of like... Now, that's cunt. I know. She is cunt. Jasmine Masters is fucking cunt. She's in her own lane. Mama, I will wear what I want to wear. Yes. And if you think that I'm putting on any other rig than a black China doll, you are sorely mistaken. And I know my skin. I'm in my late 30s. I'm not putting blue on. It was like...

The confidence in the obstinate, you really had to admire it. It was insane, but I actually kind of think that that runway was kind of fierce. Also to get a reaction like that from Ru, it's kind of like a very few girls can be like that.

no shit. I mean, you're also like, I'm surprised she didn't get shot or like whatever. But, um, but yeah, Mel B reading Violet, who, by the way, she looked flawless. Violet. She looked flawless. She's into this like classic silhouette. And she was like, she hated it. It was like, I was like,

Like, it was, like, so fierce because, you know, it's so untrue. But she is not afraid to, like, just absolutely say the most incredible thing, Mel B. But most of the judges are just, like...

They're just kind of asleep at the wheel up there. You know, I feel like they're going along with their toe in the party line. Yeah. I remember one of the judges I thought, I think actually fell asleep. Oh, wow. Yeah. I mean, it's a gig for them too. Oh, yeah. And it's a long day. Yeah. It's a long day. Coming up with all those puns. I remember Marc Jacobs was cool. Marc Jacobs and Nicole Richie were like everything. Oh, see, that's like, those are the perfect guest judges. Who else was really good? Of course, I got eliminated by Santina Rice.

Because I wore, it was a sewing challenge. Was he on your, no, he was, he had just left, I think. And then he came back to judge our ball, which was the Hello Kitty ball. I wore an absolutely horrible outfit with just incongruous styling that was just made no sense. And he, of course he hated it.

And he ripped into me. And also he didn't know, like the other judges were like kind of nice. Cause they got to know me over the season. But he was like, you look like shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? It was like, it was kind of like that vibe. And I was like, but yeah. Who is your favorite guest judge? My favorite, favorite, favorite.

I mean, I did the worst because it's like the episode that you do the worst, the coolest one comes in or whatever. It sucks. You're just like, fuck. I know. It's like, you know what? I don't want you to see me like this. Exactly. It was at Gigi Hadid, like pre-18, and Chanel Iman, who I was like looking up to, like as just a baby wannabe supermodel. Yeah. But I mean, come on. I mean, I'm sure they were, those girls must be gagged by your proportions. I don't know. I mean, I was crying.

I actually wasn't crying, but I knew I was going to have to like lip sync my pussy off. I knew I was going to have to work it, hunty. How about that stage being slippery as hell? It's like they grease that metal sheet. What the fuck is up with that? I know. Sometimes it works to your advantage if you're trying to like... Well, when you're doing your boot scoot, your famous little boogie, you literally like scoot like...

That's like you're tapping into like a jet propulsion with those legs. I can't really do it anymore because it all depends on the slippery stage. Well, yeah, because you need little sheet metal greased with Crisco, which is what the drag race runway is. I need a non-broken back. And I also need to wear fishnets. I fucking hate wearing fishnets now. You need to transition into... A woman. A woman.

An NBA courtside diva. A basketball wife. I mean, I literally see you. This is what I see picture you courtside. You're in a Montclair puffy, huge puffy, winter puffy, like crop jacket. So it's like, you know, the enormous with the hood and you're like slumped and you have, you're crossing your legs and they're just, your legs are like, they have that like glitter gel, glitter gel. And, um,

You have like, I don't know, maybe like a 12-inch heel, one of those fetish heels. Yeah, and you're just like, you know, you're leaning. You have two friends. You're flanked by friends. You're just whispering and leaning. And then you do the Sharon Stone. Yeah. And you have your whole pussy out because you're not wearing any underwear. I feel like that would be fierce. Is underwear important for you for drag? Great question. Yes. TBD? Well...

I hadn't tucked in quite a while. Okay, because stepping into an actual live gig, there is a thousand and one factors to think about. I told myself, I was like, what will not happen is this wig will not come off my head. That part. This wig will not come off my head. It's a wrap.

I was like, it's not cute. Yeah. We're not taking wigs off. Like we're, that's not a cute, this wig is a fantasy and we're, we're going to stay in fantasy land. We're not doing reality. We're not doing, Ooh, gritty behind. Remember what, like 10 years ago when every fucking photographer was like, yeah, I want to kind of get you in half drag at the, at the dressing room. I was like, yeah, you and every other fucking faggot with a camera. Like we're doing full fantasy. The wig is getting staple guns into my scalp. And so that didn't happen, but I had to wear these. I wore a Speedo.

That was like three sizes too small. So I can tuck and it's girl, the end of the night. No tape though. No. Okay. Peeling off that fucking nasty. I thought I was like, well, it's a wrap on the dick. Like it, because it was like it, you know, when it burns. Yeah.

Is it like, should I go for bottom surgery tomorrow? And you're just hoping like after a hot shower, it's going to come back to life. Mama, that was a dick. That was a dead dick for a while. It was horrible. I think sometimes the dead dick though, it will just snap into...

If you have the trade line. If you have the trade line. Love me back to life. It's giving you CPR. Well, I was, I had, I was like, I had, I had a trick on deck, but I was like, I don't think this dick is like, we don't have the like clear. Like, I don't think it's gonna, cause it felt, it just felt so. Have you ever like done a, like a proper tape tuck moment?

No, never. Because I don't like shave all everything. Me either. Well, like I shave my balls. That's the most important thing to have shaved. Everything else can be whatever. Shave my balls, shave my asshole. I trim everything. But also, I'm not wearing anything. It would be like...

It'd be like wearing a tuxedo to the movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's no point. Like, for me, because I don't do, first of all, I never show my real skin. Because the last time I checked, gray and purple legs were not in fashion. You have tattoos on your legs? I do, but there's mostly just gray, purple, blotchy. Oh, spider, heracose. Like, yeah, the veins are pumping. The veins have more life in them than the dick does. They always are in tights.

Okay. Always. This is like, I look at this, I'm like, how does she do it? If you look closely, I don't know if the camera will pick it up, I did not shave. Mama, they can't feel, they're just stroking it at home, looking at it.

What about shaving the legs, though? Because you have, I mean, that must be like mowing the lawn in the White House. I am not throwing any shade to where we are right now. It's like special gigs. Like special gigs. Oh, my God. It's like twice a year. If I know you're going to be like this close to me and I'm going to be on stage, I will actually take the razor with a shaving cream. If not, I'll just use like a body trimmer and cover it in oil and hope the light just like reflects.

Yeah. I don't want to have the reputation of being a hairy girl. So all the time. Honestly, I don't know what you're talking about. I see full, full like, would you ever do the laser? No, I don't have the patience for my legs. I've done my back, my face. I feel like with that, just the square footage, it would take about, it would take you till you're 60. That would be too much, I think. Also, they just do little, little teeny little areas at a time. I know. And then it's like eight,

to have it be like part of the bundle. I know. Have you ever done laser? I sure the fuck have. And also I fell... Hair removal or... Yes, laser hair removal. Yes, I did it, but I didn't continue with it. Plus, it only really works on...

I guess it works better on contrast. So dark hair, if I had black hair on my fair skin, it would be great. But you better believe about three of those fucking, you know, those Instagram scams, those laser away flashers, the nude thingies, whereas like at home flashed away your fucking butthole hair. You better believe I cranked that thing up to the full capacity and fucking just let my asshole have it. Is your butt hairy? Yeah.

Unfortunately, this thing ain't working. So yeah, but so I shave it. But I keep flashing my ass with that thing, hoping and praying. I know. I don't think it's in the cards for me. My butt and my face took really well to the laser. My back, I don't know what it is. Like the older I keep getting, the more I have to be like...

It's the terror fire. Like I put a tank top on and then I'm leaving the house. I'm like, Oh my God. It's I, if I could, I used to pray that like, I was like, please God, if you exist,

I want all the hair been like from here down gone. Yes. Gone. If that means you have to kill a whole village, do it. Like if you have to wipe out the entire state of Florida, it's a fair exchange. I would like, I would, I would kill one, two, three, four, five, I'd kill five people. So I have that happen. It would just mean a quality of life would just transform. Yeah. I mean, but probably not, but I mean, yeah, I, I cry. Would you be skin out then on stage?

No, I would just be happy. I'd be in the hotel happy. Just wet like a seal. Because I still got the fucking discolored spider veins, very close, but smooth. So turn the lights down and then it's the full fantasy. Oh, hot. But like, yeah, there's nothing like, I understand what you're talking about with the hair because it's like, you look the way you do and you invite the caress of a man and then it's like...

Is that course grade sandpaper? It's weird. Did you ever do the tip grabber pedicure? No, I also gave myself like a little, like a 30 second pedicure before I was leaving the house. Do you like getting your pedicures? I do. I do. I bet they go ham on them. Well, no, I mean, it's like so much, I mean, but like, mm,

- I actually, I'm a person who asked for the pedicure, no massage. I don't like massages. Like don't like touch like that. Like I know that they're important for like what we do and like how we treat our bodies and everything. So like once a year I'll do it, but I- - But you're not dying for it. - Like when like a guy comes up and like rubs my back, I'm like, stop it. - Really? - Like stop. - Interesting. I, in my fucking nowadays, I, girl, I can't get enough of it. I had a massage the other day.

You fall asleep. Never. Oh, really? I don't want to miss a fucking minute of that fucking... Do you prefer...

Naked them on top of it. No, I, no, it's, I like, um, a therapeutic, not, I don't like it when they assault you. I don't like it when they're literally trying to rearrange your organs. You know, like people are like, um, the, the level of pressure that they want is like the saw franchise. Yeah. No, they want torture. Yeah. I just like therapeutic. And I, I just think it's like there, it scratches or it fulfills like a, one of the bodies like needs, like we need to be touched. The blood needs to be flowing. Yeah.

Yeah, but also you just need to be like, you know, you don't like that? I mean, I like to be touched, but it's like not in that way. That's so interesting. I know so many, I know a lot of people are like, I've never had, they've had one massage and then they're like, absolutely not. Gross. Hate it. So uncomfortable. Yeah. I mean, I've tried so many different types. My dude, he was a trainer for the track team at the Olympics, like in the early 2000s. Hot. This motherfucker. Hot? Oh my God. He knows he's hot.

Oh, he has to. He has eyes that work. I mean, like. He's seen a mirror. He is. Mama, I would risk it all for this man. But the fact that it doesn't get sleazy even makes it more hot. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because I don't like crossing the line. Right, right, right. Like crossing the line. That's a different kind of massage. For sure. That's an erotic massage. That's something you have to like know ahead of time. Not like being bamboozled. Yeah. And also you can't, you can't like, there's nothing like worse than.

Like I couldn't imagine trying to like, cause he's straight. Right. And I'm not like, if he's going to fuck around with a guy, he's not gonna do it with Mr. Burns. I feel like we bonded about this in the past. Like we're not the gays who are trying to switch.

Like I'm so not that. I'm also not trying to explore that nether region of a straight man. You know what? Cause you know what's going down there. Nothing good. There's still things there that don't need to be there. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I think at a certain point, I realized at a certain point, like in maybe high school or whatever, I was like, okay, so we could keep falling in love with straight guys and wasting our time. Or we could get real and try to fuck some faggots. Yeah. You know? And then at a certain point you're like,

Okay, let's just, let's go with the option that could end in sex. Yeah, and like, I just love, I love a sexually aware faggot.

Yeah. And also like a reciprocal arrangement. For sure. Yeah. There's nothing like, I like you and you like me. Wow. That's great. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I mean, the hygiene is also just a huge thing for me. Like it's a huge, huge, huge thing. You don't like a shitty ass. I don't like a shitty ass. I don't like unwarranted hair. Like I, I,

scraggly ball hair, it's a wrap for me. Well, that's the curse of shaving the balls because you do it once, you sign up for life. Yeah. If you don't, is it like better hair quality or better growth? I think there's like, I mean, you shave your balls, like on Monday you shave your balls, they're completely shaved. Mm-hmm.

On Thursday. Yeah. You're poking through your undies. It's poking through and that sensation is not the tea. No. You got to keep doing it. But I learned that, I'll never forget the day I learned that you don't need to be delicate. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, me either. You can go fucking like Mortal Kombat down there with that thing. It comes with like a comfortability. Yeah, but you have to like, you assume that that area, that skin is so, so, so delicate. Girl, you can fucking take a rusty, you know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. One time though, when I was shaving my legs.

Like my razor was like on the shower ledge and I was doing something else and I like turned around and I watched the razor like fall and it literally nicked the tip of my dick. Like the blade hit the tip of my dick and like my tip of my dick, which is like bloody for a while. That was the worst sensation. Like the worst sensation. And also I've shaved the tip of my nipple off too. Yeah, it's a wrap. It's a wrap on extremities.

I have a very, very, very highly tuned aversion to nipple torture. Also... Like watching it or having it on you? Everything. Okay. It happened in a movie I had. I left the theater. I had to leave the movie Titan because there was this crazy nipple torture scene. Okay, we got to wrap up soon. We're going to end on nipple torture. But the other thing is I'm so...

It's like I could, I will watch a Saw movie and see somebody like, you know, rip their leg off, you know, operate on their own brain, blood squirting out of every orifice. But when it comes to nipples, I can't look. Also, sometimes people try to like play with my nipples while we're having sex. And I'm like, I was like, mama. I was like,

I was like, I love what you're trying to do there, but it's like, you might as well just go tickle that wall. It's like, I'm so, it does nothing. It's not doing anything for you. Nothing. I'm so jealous. I know. It's definitely like, for me, it's not connected either. But like, once you like have a partner that's, it's like that, you're like, ooh. It's like, it's like, I mean, you know, are your nipples wired? I mean, it's like, it's such a hack. Like, it's such a gift. Yeah. And it seems almost like too easy in, in, um,

Like I have a friend whose nipples are so sensitive. Literally like Mother Teresa could rise from the dead and then it doesn't have to be attractive and then just like touch his nipples and he's just calm. Isn't that fierce? That's fierce. So nice. Yeah. Like literally the other day somebody was like doing this and I'm like,

He's like, are they sensitive? I was like, nope. I was like, literally the opposite. It was so depressing. Yeah, I literally, I'm not trying to. Now I do not have a boner. So where can people find you to see more of your incredible 90-inch fantasy? I mean, I'm still a touring girl, a.k.a. Where to next? Not touring. I shouldn't say that right now because Work the World's not doing that this year.

That show is cunt though. That show is fierce. Of all the tours I would love to be on, that would be the one. It's cunt too. I'm happy to be there. But I'm still gigging and you'll catch me. It's like, thank you so much for being here Naomi. We know you didn't want to show up. I feel like we're in the age of the over it Ru girl. It's like...

we need another renaissance of like the logo bitches every logo bitch I'm talking to is like a gig is a gig is a gig is a gig it could be Rio or it could be Saskatchewan it's gonna be like a gig you know you'll find me where you find me you'll find me where you find me I'm probably coming to a city near you and if not I'm on Instagram I'm not on Twitter anymore my Twitter got hacked you're kidding so annoying for real if you guys know anyone that could help me

Twitter. Oh, no. Anyone in the universe. Elon Musk. Can you figure out this? The doll needs her thing back. What about, do you do TikTok? Not really. Love it. Oh, I love that. I feel like I'm definitely like, I'm just an elder queen at this point. Oh, old soul. At the ripe age of 30. Girl, TikTok is so weird. I don't know. I'm so okay boomer about it. I wish I was though, because it looks like...

Short and sweet. It's wild. Yeah. It's wild. That little chicken nugget girl. Is that the girl who's like making the drinks behind the guy? She got, it's hashtag no underscore limbs. She bounds into frame, gets ready for Coachella. Cunt.

She does her makeup. Like a double. No, she has, she's got. A torso? She has no arms. She has legs. No. She, the bitch, fierce. She like bounces and rolls into the frame. Like does her, pulls her hair up. Does her fucking. With what? Mama, you gotta watch it. You gotta get into her. I'm scared. No, it's like the most impressive thing ever. When I don't want to get in drag, I look at her and I'm like, bitch,

Get your fucking two hands and put the makeup on your face because it's cunty. Okay. I'm going to look at back pain completely different after that. Oh, yeah. I'm going to show you and I'm going to blow your mind. Blow my mind. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. Thanks for having me. It's so good to see you. And thank you for just, oh, my God. Not shaving. Yeah. They're mesmerizing. Oh, thanks. Okay. Well, have a lovely day, everybody. We'll see you next time. Jesus, look at that. Look at, I look, wow. Damn.

Sometimes God doesn't... Oh, shit. Are those real loops? No, they're just... Bakers?

I'm kidding. Okay. Goodbye. Bye.