How to Increase Your Length and Girth in Minutes! with Katya and Fena Barbitall
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Mary, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something about Anya Taylor-Joy. You know how Nicole Kidman has her ears on the back of her head? Yes. Miss Taylor-Joy has her ears on Taylor.

Just three inches back to the temple. It looks like she should have pulled them forward and glued it a little further. Like a hammerhead shark kind of. The space between her very beautiful, gorgeous eyes has got to be about eight to nine inches. I mean, I'm kidding. But, like, it is wild. And this is...

This is just an observation because she's living with me now, so she's my roommate. She's really fallen. You know, Furiosa, and I'm just like, who's that otherworldly model? Oh, it's Furiosa. But it's not Furiosa. This is Jennifer on another planet. She is so glamorous, so wonderful. I think they should have stopped at the Thunderdome.

Mad Max Fury Road? Yeah, no, Thunderdome. Thunderdome? Thunderdome. What about Thunder... What about Thunder Stadium? I think we're doing Thunder Baseball Field. Baseball Diamond. Thunder Bowling Alley. No, so wait, I saw Furiosa... That's Thunder Axe Throwing. Beyond Thunder Paintball Axe Throwing Bachelorette Weekend. Beyond Thunder Sip and Paint. Oh, Eating Paint Chips. Love.

What? Someone recently said that paint chips are sweet. The lead paint chips are sweet and that's why kids would eat them. Well, this is regardless of their sweetness. I would say just please stop doing that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You got to huff whippets.

I've done that. It's so fun. I mean, it was. Well, in high school, there's a time and a place and it's called high school. It's called high school. Miss Demi Moore, you know, high school. You know, there was a time and place where kids did not get killed in school. They actually did drugs and skipped class. Well, we went to the grocery store. We purchased the whipped cream. It was all very innocuous. It was all very...

It was all very Pollyanna. Is this a Massachusetts thing? No, we just go to the grocery store. We get three cans of whipped cream. Which flavor? Doesn't matter. I think they only had one back then. And they'd be like, wow. But it only lasts for like 10 minutes max.

Yeah, that's long enough. I think that's long enough to think that you might be dying. Oh, no, no, no. This was exhilarating. See, I haven't done it since high school. I don't remember. I can't remember that far back. Why don't we do it now? I'm just kidding. I don't know.

I know Trixie has some whip cream in the fridge. Any girl over 35 has to have some whip cream in the fridge. I don't think she's a size 35, mama. That's true. Although I will say that I was like trying to prepare to like sit in her chair today and I didn't know how it would be. It's very roomy. It's a little stretched out. Yeah, a lot of springs are kind of coming through. She loves that, you know. Broken, worn in. Texture. Yeah.

Also, I think it would be funny if when she comes back, I have installed a very intricate cock and ball. Not cock and ball. Sorry, sorry. Electrocution. You know when Ghostbusters, if they don't get it right, they go...

Like a small shock that you could maybe like gaslight her into thinking she's just making up. Yeah. I'd be like, what's wrong with you? You're so jittery today. Is everything fine? Did you have a lot of iced coffee? Should we call the doctor? And then, and then it just like, like builds up to the most. I don't think she needs another excuse to call the doctor. No, but I would like to call the doctor for her and then, you know, be like, Hey,

My friend is pregnant and she doesn't know what to do. Can I have the baby for her? I want to eat it. So what have you seen movie-wise lately, Mary? Because I need to know about your movie proclivities. I did re-watch Dune 1 and 2. Now, the double feature, how is that? It's a long time. It's a long time. Snacks were had.

It's great. Remember when we saw Dune 2, we saw it at that really fancy theater where they ordered food to the seat. Oh, and I sure did gobble down at least three of those giant pretzels. Yeah, three orders of pretzels. That was incredible. It was good. I will say that right after Unprompted started to play the new Lady Gaga concert,

Um, luck be a lady. I wish. Not that I wish it was. Oh, I see what you mean. If it was the Vegas, like Tony razzle dazzle show. Yes. Sign me up for that. No, this was the, the lady is a tramp. This is like the 50 year old trying to sell, put your claws up. I think she's worth, I think that she's worth, you know, she should be,

The chromatica of it all. Oh, God. The chromatica, the poop. There's like a 30-minute monologue about...

Who knows? The sciatica, the chromatica, the agita, the angina, you know? What's the fake... Fake? The rich person illness? Lime. Oh, no, no, no, no. She's got fibromyalgia. Oh, fibromyalgia. Oh, don't you dare say that's fake. Fibromyalgia, chronic pain. But my new thing, did you know about this? I...

God, I went on TikTok for fucking no fucking reason the other day. And this bitch, she said, Lyme, as in Lyme disease. Not Lyme drink. Is a blessing from another universe. And I think that it's a galactical blessing, you know? And the person was like, I never thought about like that. Yes, you're. Oh my God, that makes so much sense. And I'm like,

You people need to go take a very long walk. I've never known a normal person to have Lyme disease.

It's only had by the very eccentric. I've never known a normal person on TikTok talk about Lyme disease as an intergalactic blessing. But what were the dance moves that went with it? It was a ha, ha, ha. It was a back and then it was a choo, choo, choo. And then a choo. But it was not very, I mean, I think, you know, it was a lot of crumping too. Oh, okay. I think that's Lyme and crumping. And then the coconut. I know that one. Oh, yeah.

You crump the lime in the coconut and then you get... It's a margaritaville. Margaritaville. Yes, five for my... Would you listen to Jimmy Buffett? The only people that like Jimmy Buffett are alcoholics from the South and frat boys. I would say not frat boys, but mostly 30 to 40 to 50 year old cougar women who will literally...

they will suck the dick right off your body. Now, granted, they've had three cocktails. Margaritas, of course. What do their teeth look like? Who cares at that point? I absolutely care. Cheeseburger in Paradise? It's not dental damage. It's not...

It's not. There's Dick cheeseburger in paradise happening somewhere. I mean, come on. The teeth matter. But Jimmy Buffett, he's for every man, you know, whether you've got dentures, whether you've got nothing, whether you've got one good gray tooth that is haunts a costume shop for seven years. We recently were in a vehicle. Look at my legs. I just need you to look at them.

I wish this is as fucking sorry. Excuse my, this is as fucking tan as my legs can get. It's pathetic. Yeah. What I think I'm going to do Cartman snowman, um, Cartman winter gear. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. And then Daisy Dukes oil, oil three hours that, you know, three hours and just watch them.

Brown. Mahogany. Yeah. Mahogany. You do the stand up and you get the Nairobi Sunset tanning lotion and then, you know. Kenyan. Kenyan rays. Okay. So wait, I actually have a lot of things I want to talk to you about. You lost 4,000 pounds.

Where'd you put it? Well... Did Dr. Jill Biden take it? Would she excise? Of course she...

Well, some of it's at Mar-a-Lago. Okay. You know, it'll be found. It will be found. Will it be donated to? No, I don't believe in that. Oh, thank God. I don't believe in charity. Speaking of which, sorry, sorry. Let me go. I just, I have to talk about this South Park movie so bad. It's so good. It's so fucking good. So let's explain to the people. I, um,

South Park movie, the new South Park movie is called... So what they've been doing, instead of doing seasons, they've been releasing these longer movie... An hour. Love it. Yeah. It's a perfect amount of time to get a story out and together and yada, yada, yada.

And this most recent one was the South Park Ozempic. The end of obesity. End of obesity. And so basically it was this hysterical, these housewives who become these drug adult. Oh, it's incredible. They all wear crop tops. Midriff bearing crop tops. And they're so obnoxious. And they're like, hey, ooh, and you're going to come over to do some drugs with us? We're all doing drugs. Yeah.

And Stan's dad, who is a pot farmer. Yeah. He's like classically druggy. Oh, classic druggy. Yeah. He runs into these girls and gets sucked into their drug ring. He thinks it's like heroin. He thinks they're doing heroin. Meanwhile, he's like, Andrew Dick works. I love that part. Yeah. Oh, I know. He's like, so wait, so I'm confused by these drugs. Like,

I party all night and my dick still works, but then I'm kind of satisfied. And I'm not hung over the next day. Yeah. It's funny. It is funny. So wait, explain to the people. So of course there is a shortage of Ozempic because it's so cost prohibitive. And then there is a cheaper version. However, for the very poor, they are prescribed Lizzo.

Not only that, the very poor don't get the medication or the drugs. The very poor get body positivity. That was the best part of the whole thing. It was like... In the form of Lizzo, a cheap prescription... To body positivity. That says, you have a big body and it's okay, girl. You're going to own it. And she did a video reacting to it. Really? And she was into it. Into what? Yeah.

Now, wait. Is she on Osimic? No. Okay. No, no. I think probably just baby aspirin. You take vitamin C? Please, I hate vitamins. They're so corny, so played out, so Goody Proctor. What is this, like 1985? Susan Powder, stop the insanity. You drink those shakes.

You drink shakes. I do. Shakes are good. I mean, listen, it's always preferable to get most of your nutrition through solid food. Yes. Yes. But I am still gagged about not having to drink water anymore. Do you know what I'm talking about? Honey, eight glasses of water. No. Thing of the past. Yeah. Unsinkable Molly Brown. Yeah. I have one of those tall smart waters a day.

I want to know who started this wives tale. I bet it was. Big water. Oh, big water. But I'm saying who was big. Oh, the Titanic. It must've been the Titanic. What was that? What was that? Michael Moore film where he's like, congratulations, we fucked up water. Dasani. Like since like the fifties, you used to be able to drink water out of the tap everywhere you went. And now you've fucked up water. Remember the nineties? Yeah. If you told us we were, if we walk into a gas station and you tell us,

You're never going to believe this. In 10 years, you're going to pay $5 for Dasani bottled water. We would have been like, go fuck yourself. You were so full of shit. That's never going to happen. Now, Coachella, $40 for a fucking bottle of water. You can't go into a venue without getting a $5 bottle of water. A $5.45 bottle of water. But guess what, everybody?

You don't need to drink water anymore. Just drink when you're thirsty. That's all you got to do. It's serious. I am so...

about this. I don't even care if it's true. But you know... I know it is, though. But staying hydrated is also... There's so many things that we are... Myths. And what I've learned from having my stomach ripped out is there is a way to drink water. Come. Yeah. Yeah. No offense. Drink when you're thirsty. Well, yes, but also don't chug. You go... Chugging...

Do you do like an eye drop? That's why the hamsters are always so plump. They're just very well hydrated. Oh, it'd be fierce if you had like a... Are you kidding me? I'd love that. Next to my bed. Salt lick. Are you kidding me? Salt lick. Love it. No, you have to sip water. That's how you hydrate yourself. If you chug it, it just goes right through you. Sipping it...

It displaces through your body evenly. I just have people just splash me in the hair, you know. Well, you're mostly sweat, so that, some of that will drip into your mouth. I've got all, I'm basically like a human still suit. You know what I mean? I just, oh God, I wish I could. One of the dune suits? Yeah. Recycle the water? I would love to recycle my urine. I'd also, I'd like to recycle my feces. Let's take a break. Ah.

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The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Hello, I'm Heather McDonald, stand-up comic and pop culture expert and the host of my podcast Juicy Scoop. If you're obsessed with Hollywood romances, reality TV drama on and off camera, and celebrity gossip, this is the show for you. In each episode, I dive into the juiciest, most salacious, and

controversial pop culture stories of the moment. And I give my opinion in the most comedic way. It's based on my own Hollywood experiences working on television shows and of course my own experiences with the actual stars themselves. You're also going to hear from a range of guests from actors to comedians

to comics to reality stars like Countess Luann from New York Housewives or Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules and now The Valley. So if you want the scoop on the hottest gossip, you've come to the right place. Tune into Juicy Scoop wherever you get your podcasts. You'll thank me later. Yikes. We got to talk about Immaculate. Can I spoil it for you? Yes. It's fabulous. Did it come out? Yes. Okay. So we're back.

With Fianna Barber's all. And Timothee Chalamet. Timothee Chalamet. Timothee Chalamet. With Sidney Sweeney, Euphoria. She apparently is a very, very avid lover of horror movies. And so she produced this movie, or she wanted to produce this movie, Immaculate, for many years. Basically, it's like a nun thriller. Mama...

This lovely woman, so beautiful with these big heavy naturals, she enrolls in an Italian convent and these whores trifling from the very start. And then long story short, they try to get her pregnant genetically, sort of try to like baste her with the son of God. Oh, but guess what? She says, no, ma'am. She drank during Pentecost.

She fucking, she fucking. Queefs it out? Queefs it out and takes a boulder and smashes it to death. That's my girl. That's my girl. I mean, an alternative to having a pregnancy terminated is having a birth terminated. Yes. Or, or. Talk about a doula though. Is there a doula? Is there any doulas? Girl, are you kidding me? I love doulas. I wish there was a lunch doula.

You know what I mean? A breakfast doula. Breakfast doula. Breakfast, like, especially at hotels that have, like, really fierce cutoff periods. A breakfast between the 10 and 11 a.m. I hate the cutoff. You know what I mean? I hate the cutoff. They're like, oh, we stopped serving breakfast at 10. I was like, actually, my breakfast doula is here. So they're going to usher us into the 11 a.m. Yes. Eating experience. Why stop at, like, they stop at an ungodly hour. When you stay in a hotel...

It's like you want to wake up at a leisurely time. Well, I think that they probably have a lot of like, you know. You're going to go downstairs, run downstairs for your 8 a.m. like dry ass. You know, those kids ain't going to eat themselves. Can you fucking believe all this bullshit that is like really...

Every facet of our political life is Tim and Eric wish they could write this stuff. I have not put a news channel on my TV in a year. I don't. I don't. I just can't. I'm like, nothing that comes out of any of these people's mouths is worth listening to.

Oh my God. What was the fucking Kamala Harris thing? Do you remember that? Unburdened. If you Google Kamala Harris unburdened, it's going to be diabolical. Giggles. Giggles. I just call her Giggles. This is even worse. She parroted this supposed philosophical, like an aphorism, I guess. Or are you...

What would you call this? I don't even know what you would call it. Parable? Parable, maybe. Yeah, yeah. I just, I don't even know if that's right. Did I say it right? That which can be unburdened. Oh. You know? What can be unburdened by what has been. What can be unburdened by what has been. What can be unburdened by what has been. She really thinks she is doing that.

Unburdened by what has been. What we can see, what we believe can be. Unburdened by what has been. What can be. Unburdened by what has been. What can be. She's talking to Bert and Alma. She's talking to Christiane Amanpour. She's talking to the local milkman. Unburdened by what has been. Who we can be.

Unburdened by who we have been. What can be unburdened by what has been. Where we can be unburdened by where we have been and unburdened by where we are right now. What can be unburdened by what has been. This goes on for 30 minutes and 30 seconds. Unburdened by what has been. I mean, I'll just spare you it. She is word salad.

Uh, they both are chat GBT, a fem bot, uh, cherry 2000 send from another planet. Just send it back. Yeah. Yeah. Get that vice president off the TV. I'm not watching that. Yeah. Get the receipt. Let's return it. Yeah. I wonder what, see that the, the unfortunate thing is that because they're so awful and have turned so many people off from voting in general, um,

The other thing is probably going to happen. What? Spontaneous sex change for both of them? For us. I know. Please. Well, no, that probably won't be possible because when the other one comes reaping in. Girl, I don't. I've never had the gumption, never had the courage, never had the wherewithal, never had the can-do spirit to do all that. To do?

Vote. Run for office. I was going to say transition. I'm telling you, if there's anybody out there that's looking to do anything important in their lives, medically or just in general, you better do it before the next inauguration because Lord knows what...

Things they'll strip away. I have to start my little macrame. No, no, no, no, no. My like, my, um, my painted China. Um, Oh, what are they with the gold? Yeah. Like the water, you know, they have the, um, Water for crystal. Yes. Uh, uh, um,

Franklin Mint. Yes, yes. Oh, mints. Wait, wait. So let's get back to this fucking outrageous weight loss. I don't want to belabor the point. I know we've talked about it before. I want to talk about it. Okay, good. It's insane. So almost a year ago, in 12 days, it'll be a year, I got the gastric sleeve surgery, which a lot of people confuse with like the lap band or gastric bypass. So that's when they put on a...

It's kind of like a nightie. No, wait. They go in. They make five one-inch incisions. They blow you up with gas. Damn. Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby. Bonk, bonk, bonk. Blow it up. They remove. They cut out and solder your stomach back together. They cut out 80% of your stomach.

And they remove it through one of these little holes. Suck it out. Could they do a jack-o'-lantern?

No. I mean, when they blow it, I wonder if they could just do a little like... So there's that? There's like two other... Yeah, so there's the balloon, which they put down your throat and then they inflate in your stomach so you feel like fuller. Then there's the actual lap band, which is an actual sleeved thing that's like strapped around you that squeezes your stomach to make it smaller. And then there's the gastric bypass, which they... It's in the name. They bypass the stomach...

for the esophagus to the intestines. That's what you got. No, no, no. Our friend got it a long time ago, got the bypass. I got the gastric sleeve, which is the removal of 80% of the stomach. Well, I like that because it's like a...

It reminds me, you know, it's a flesh jack. It's a gastric flesh jack. And then the balloon, I'm a little scared about the balloon because you know, balloon animals, clowns. Girl. Well, it's funny because like I've gotten a lot of comments or like joke comments on my pictures being like, Ooh, I was Zempik queen. And I'm like, mama, what I did make Zempik look like fucking baby aspirin. Yeah. Mama. Uh, let's see. Um,

Ozempic is the jacks in the play in the schoolyard. You are doing canyon swinging covered... Girl, you want to talk about Oregon Trail? I built the covered wagon. Yeah, yeah. Actually, you are driving down the Audubon. No seatbelt. 600... Cut the seatbelt out. Yeah, cut the... Please. Cut the roof off. You got the killer. Um...

It's Furiosa. No, no, no, no, no, no. You've got Wendy Williams killer tailing you. This is just a very extreme sport. What other people are doing is just very like... Yeah. Tumeric. Yeah, what you're doing is cute over there. It's cute over there. A baby aspirin here and there and ibuprofen. But guess what? The second they stop taking that ozempic, the weight comes back. Yeah. They still haven't figured it out. But anyways...

I weighed myself yesterday and I've to date lost 170 pounds. That is insanity. In how long? One year, one year, fucking year. Have you thought about selling it, selling all this stuff? What I wish was Buffalo bill. You know what I mean? What I wish could happen, which doesn't happen in this country. They'll take a picture of it. Um,

Eventually, I'm going to have to have some sort of skin removal because what I'm left with is like an old Louis Vuitton bag. Just kind of like a, you know, it's kind of, if you leave, like, if you left your Omega fuck slut in the sun in Palm Springs. Who says I haven't? She is a, she's bendy now. Yeah.

Damn. No, yeah, that's for real. I started looking up videos and photos and there's not a lot of resources I'm noticing for men that get these surgeries. But essentially, I'm going to want to have like a 360, which is where they remove all the loose skin from around your whole midsection, front and back. I'm probably going to want to do my arms, possibly my legs, maybe my tits. Yeah.

And then you get your pussy. And then maybe a lower face left. Who knows? Who knows? I mean, this is, you know, not to be, I want to be serious for a minute because I've known you since. 20 years almost. Yeah. If you could read my mind. I mean, that was 20. 2005. 2006. Six, seven. 2005.

Five or six. Because when I was... I was living with Juju and Destiny. And maybe Ivory still lived there at the point. But we had lived across from Tom Bardwell in Jamaica Plain. And then I moved in with Tom Bardwell. Yeah. I mean, we've known each other for... So that's 20... 38 years. 38, 40 years. Yeah. You were...

I mean, you were like, yeah, you were like the size of Charlize Theron. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you're taller than me. You're what, 6'2"? 6'3". Yeah. I think she's about 6'5". Is she wearing heels? No. No, not anymore. But you were like a, you were a athletic, tall, glamazon person who did lots of like,

Oh, yeah, the back bends and the bridge. The bridge, and you were very physical. You were very committed. You've always been committed. People at home, if you're not familiar with her concert realness method of lip syncing,

You know, take a look because a lot of you people will take a look and then maybe you'll hang it up. Yeah. Because maybe they should. Yeah. There's a few that should, that ought to. Yeah. It is nice though getting back into drag now, getting back into like doing what I used to do. It's like I go to the gym now. You do drag at the gym? Oh, only at the gym. Yeah.

Could you imagine? Oh, I can. Top on a... Oh, hello. Yeah, that's true. That's not even that. Do you remember the first time you took me to Runyon Canyon? Yeah.

And I was so self-conscious and you were like, nobody looking at you. No, because they can't see through their top and bottom lashes. No. And all their mascara is running into their eyes. Yes. And they're like, oh my God, how am I going to do this TikTok? And then they take off their shirt and their breasts come out. It was crazy. Everyone is in full drag walking up this mountain trying to be discovered. Well, you know, and also not only that, they're walking up the mountain getting fucked. Because one of my favorite pornos takes place on Runyon Canyon.

Oh, yeah. All those signs that say, like, beware of rattlesnakes. Well, 6 a.m., 5.30, I would say. That's when the snakes wake up. Hello, thank you. Have you seen any, like, snakes and spiders in L.A.? I want to say maybe. No. I see the signs for rattlesnakes, and that's enough for me. Yeah. In our old place on Hillside,

Remember our old... If those walls could talk. There was coyotes. I would be coming home. The craziest thing, when we first moved here, I'd be coming home from like WeHo or whatever in a cab. And I would be like looking out the window and just seeing coyotes just walking on freaking Hollywood Boulevard. Have you seen Mountain Lions? No, but I don't really watch a lot of...

No, there's like my, the guy who made these shoes, for example, um, he's got mountain lions in the back of his like, uh,

Fucking backyard. Beachwood Canyon. Mountain lions. They look like they're from, they look like Morgan Freeman should be narrating their like every move. See, I feel like people would assume that like Massachusetts was the sticks. No, we had a very, we had many, many species of junkie.

Yes. And they're really, really interesting in the wild, you know. The weeble, the wobble, the never falling over. The center of balance. Love that center of balance. It's...

I think it's like magic. I think it's a physics. I think it's a dancerly kind of... It's obviously been studied. It's obviously like been remarked upon. It's contact improv. Yeah. You know, it's like... But when you first encounter it, it's like... It's kind of like... You stop and stare. You're like...

Wait, what is, is, is love keeping that guy up? I'm pretty sure it's science. It's gotta be science because love can lift you, but it can't really keep it from falling. Love can't suspend you. Love can lift you. Exactly. What would you rather do? Shit yourself diarrhea blast one time every month. Like, I'd be furiously. What? 10 second warning.

Or you piss yourself a little bit every day. The shit. Really? Yeah. The shit. 10 second warning? Yes. Yes. Really? Love that. Just let it go. Might as well go out with a bang. I mean, at this point in my life, with the surgery comes something called dumping.

And sometimes you get a 10 second warning. Dumping is kind of a little bit like literal. I mean... Oh, yes. Well, okay. Dumping means... They call it dumping, but it's really like your body's like overwhelmed with like...

either like the sugar or something, I don't really pay attention. Sure, sure, sure. But like your body just kind of like shuts down, you kind of have to like lay down and sometimes you like instantly shit yourself or like throw up a little. If I eat too much, I start foaming at the mouth like rabies and then it all bubbles up and I literally, I have literally thrown up food without any stomach bile. Literally just the food hits the here and then it's like, nope, got to come back. I'm sensing a double act here.

a double act here or maybe just a single act. Oh, you know, you got to work into this. You got to work this, uh, uh, foaming at the mouth gig. And then, you know, the, what is it? Dumping. I'm literally over the kitchen sink. And then you just switch around, sit in the sink, blow that shit up.

I love that it's called dumping, which is like, what does that mean? Oh, it's shitting. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you're never going to believe what this term describes. Science doctors. I'm pretty sure it was developed somewhere in like Sweden or I don't know. I think it was Marie Curie, right? After the radiation discovery. She's like, what could we call shitting? I think it was Dr. Kevorkian, wasn't it? Who did a series of- A line of poisonous military jackets. Listen, are you for euthanasia?

I would rather do youth in like Europe. Okay, fine. What about... It's prettier. I don't know. We've never been to Asia. Have you been to Asia? I've been to Santa Barbara. No, I love Asia. Every girl over the age of 25 has a cucumber in the house. Suella, no. My God. Fuck. Asia. I love Hong Kong. Maybe not so much anymore because of all the...

I don't want to go to Japan. I think out of everywhere, I'd love to go to Japan. I would love to go to Japan too. I think that's the one place where I'm like, yeah, I think they got everything I'm after. Mama, get into this. We could dress up in business suits. We could work an 80-hour work week and then we could get so tired and just fall asleep on the ground.

Nobody will rape or rob us. Here? No, in Japan. Oh, okay. They're like, oh God. You know, the work week is so hectic. Just fall asleep in the street. People are falling asleep in the street? And not getting raped or robbed. Or accused of being homeless. Or even dumped on. Would you rather be, if you fell asleep in the street, would you rather be raped, robbed, or accused of being homeless? I would rather be,

Robbed of my No I'd rather be Raped but I would have to like No no no no no and only Because I would prosthetically Close up all the holes You would wear one of your silicone No no no no I'd get some real Like Dune CGI FX Remember the movie Seven Of course I do Wait you don't want me to do that do you The razor blades

What was it? Was it the condom covered in razor blades? No, it was a... Unfortunately for the people at home, I have to say, it was a dildo on a... It was a knife dildo. Wait, are you talking about the Lust one? I'm talking about the movie Seven. Yeah.

So the guy had a strap on dildo that was made out of razor, like a knife. Yeah. Horrible. That movie is so dark and horrible. It really is. You know the hair dye dark and lovely? Yeah.

That movie is just dark and horrible. It's rotten. There's a lot. Yeah. There's a lot there to unpack, like in the box. Although I do love Gwyneth Paltrow being killed in as many movies as possible. That's nice. So you have not been yet on Drag Race. No. Do you think that you're above it? Do you think that RuPaul is... Fatphobic? Well, do you think that she's fatphobic? Do you think that she's...

I'm intimidated by your hot girl shit. Hot girl energy. Hot girl dump. I think she's intimidated by the hot girl dump. I mean, it's scalding. Mama, who freaking knows? What season are we at? 15? 58. 58? Yeah. Not including the one from Warsaw. I mean, listen, if I know one thing, if drag is a crime, then lock me up. I'm going to wear my crown and strap my stuff. Okay.

I mean, is there anything else left to say? I can't even imagine. It would be, I can't imagine what's more embarrassing. Me having to like create those lyrics myself in real time on TV or shamefully beforehand having to reach out to someone to write them for me. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think any of that happened. The latter I don't think happened. But I was telling you about this. Don't you think it's time for me and you to get the good old cross-dressing Tiffany club done?

Low-key, flat wig, camisole, spaghetti strap, short nail, a bracelet or two. No, they wear the long gloves. The long gloves. Long gloves. You can do long gloves. That's too formal for me. Lace gloves? Lace gloves. Lace cami.

Kami's secret. And then I rip away to the... I think they were the ones that really ushered in... Well, because you remember the Femskin. How could I forget? They ushered in the breastplate. Crossdressers ushered in the breastplate for everyone else. Because I remember back in like early, early 2000s, there was a website called Femskin. Oh, yeah. And it was a full body. Was that like Julie Masking? It was...

Jojo Siwa? No, no. Jimbo. It was Jimbo Siwa. What Jimbo Siwa is now. What about her being drunk at Disneyland making people sing to her songs? Wait, Jimbo? No! Jojo Siwa being fake drunk at Disneyland forcing people to sing along to her music. She's in a faux lesbian post-ironic renaissance. She said she's the only influencer who also does music.

I mean, where's the lie? Many lies, actually. Well, what about Jennifer Lawrence saying that, you know, when we did The Hunger Games, there had never been a woman cast as an action character.

movie. Did Sigourney Weaver fly out of her chest at that point? Donna, Pat, Laurie, Shelley, Rose, Brian. I mean, we got Wonder Woman. We got Supergirl. We got Alien, Sigourney Weaver. Yeah. We got Lucy Liu. We got Vivica Fox. We got Carrie Fisher. We got Carrie Fisher.

We got, oh my God, Pam Greer. Yeah. We got fucking everybody in the fucking Catwoman. Literally. We got my old landlady who used to like chase me on with a broom. Yeah. Oh. Mama. Listen, I want to paint you. I've said this maybe, it was a while ago, so I want to repeat it. My landlady said, do you have AIDS? Because I had psoriasis on my face. Yeah.

And I'm reminded of when Andrew Yang for no reason said to Amy, you don't have AIDS, do you, Amy? Bizarre. What? You don't have AIDS, do you, Amy? Like help AIDS? I mean provoked. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. HIV. Crazy. She's like, oh, if you have AIDS, you know, you could just, you could slide it between their thighs. You don't have to do all that anal sex.

What year was this? This was 1980 No this was 2004 Yeah it sounds about right You remember the Right when the Titanic was like The anniversary of the Titanic Which always really Where's Kate? Where's Kate Middleton? A Winslet or Middleton? A Winslet Is she Is she She what? With child? I mean I would love that Is she dead? Dead

Kate is Kate Winslet. No, Kate Middleton, Kate Middleton, Kate Middleton. Oh my God. Not Kate Winslet. Kate Winslet. She'll, she'll stay forever. She survived the Titanic. And, uh, I mean, I think it would be a big get for the Royal family for her to die. I don't wish it. I don't wish it at all. It would mean princess Diana. And then the other almost queen is,

Both dying before they reach the crown. I know, but if you think about... It's a race for the crown. I know, but if you think about then like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, that Lombada in heaven, that is like, you know what I mean? Ruth. What about in Veep? Get me there at Diana speed. I love that. Oh my God. I love that. What else did you say? I'm going to make sweet, sweet hate to your mouth and ass.

God, they don't make it like that anymore. They really don't. What's your favorite three things about being a skinny legend now? The clothing. Flying is a game changer. Do you worry about dumping in the plane? No, because I can fit in the bathroom now. Incredible. Mama, how do people any bigger than this? I'm tall. I sometimes have to do this when I stand up in that bathroom.

How does anybody even 50 pounds heavier than me try to shit in a, in a plane? I think that they, they, I think that's why they're so obsessed with bring on carry ons. You shit in the carry on? Yeah, you shit in the carry on and then you try to just, I hate, I mean, imagine being six foot, six inches tall, getting on an economy flight. Oh, it is. Bound to Thailand. It is insane. It is insane.

It is insane. The first time I ever flew long distance overseas was with Miss Mattel to Australia. And I was in the back of the plane just contemplating whether or not I want the plane to go down. Yeah. Is it murder? Is it suicide? Is it a little bit of both? And I'm like, I don't want the plane to go down six hours in. I want the plane to go down 15 minutes in. Thank you. I don't want it halfway through the flight...

Do it during takeoff. Do it during takeoff. Or do like a fun like, whoa, whoa, whoa, fake out and then just, you know. Give me enough time to like pull my ween out and like flash it through the window and like, you know, moon the people as we're going down or something like that. Palliative care, like 33,000 miles in the air fashion walk.

But constantly I am reminded that I'm always on planes with you and her now. So I am always reminded that the headlines would read... No, no, no, no, no. It would read, formerly fat, now deliciously skinny, drag diva extraordinaire, and along with joyless curmudgeon...

makeup company mogul and free spirit. No, free spirit who did nothing but scream Calgon, take me away for 24 minutes before the plane crashed. I would love all that, but then the plane doesn't actually crash. Oh, the,

Oh, God. That's when I go to Burbank, I buy me a firearm, and I just... Oh, it's at the Supergun store? And I just finish what God should have did. You know what God did do? What? The third favorite thing about being Skinny Legend. What? It doesn't get better. Your polyps? Oh, dang. Oh, God.

Oh, I see. Yes. When the sands return. When the dunes fade away. Fade away, yes. The giant sequoia?

We're mixing ecological ecosystems there. It's great. Stamina and all of that, energy, going up and down stairs. It's all incredible. Now, I mean, like doing drag at this new body, are you worried because of the prominence of your penis that you will be considered more than ever a groomer? I make it a full feature.

Full feature. Yeah. Grooming is not in the back of my mind. It is in the front of my mind. She is what? I could talk a little bit. What? About Ashley Michelle. No. No. We can save that for the other one. Mercedes. I want to say grooming is.

I don't believe in reading or performing for children as

Unless they're adults. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Cause you did a gig for adult babies. Now let that sink in. I'm going to say that again. She did a gig for adult babies, grooming me thinks not. No mama. If anything, they're grooming you to change their fucking diapers. It was fierce. It was fierce. Let me tell you about, let me tell you about, um, people that, uh, dress in that sort of way. Um,

It's similar to drag. Well, cause pee pee. A lot of pee pee. A lot of pee, but a lot of layers. And guess what people with a lot of layers like? Shitting them? Oh baby. That venue was kept. Was shitty and cool. There was no way that that shit came out and didn't instantly freeze.

Arctic baby event. Arctic baby event. No, I mean, for real though, did they do number two? No, no, no, no, no. Not that I did. Not in their diapers. I'm not aware of any of that. I am aware that they were all paying attention to,

They were all very respectful. I'm going to tell you about people that the King community is all about asking, what is it called? Asking for permission. Consent. Consent. And they use funnels so that you don't get a lot of the urine splash everywhere. Yes, from my ass to your mouth. It's fabulous. It was fabulous. They were wonderful. One last note I want to leave you with is that

Mama, when I go to that adult baby fucking party, baby, you know what's going to happen? I'm going to be double-dyped and dumped. It's going to be, come take me to dump it town. I mean, it's going to be. But imagine on a plane, you're on a 16-hour flight. You can't fit in the bathroom.

Well, I mean, that's why you bring your own hot water bottle filled, you know. The only bathroom I ever fit in on the plane was in Emirates. Oh, and what a fucking luxurious thing that is. I hope you shit all over the floor everywhere. I'm happy that I threatened Mattel's life, Miss Trixie's life to get me into business class. Threatened her life. I think we should keep that going. The threat. Why do you think she's not here?

Guess we'll never know. Oh, no, we will when we see her dismembered body next week. In court. Yes. Last question. Marsha Clark or? Marsha P. Clark Johnson. Thank you. Defending you in court. Oh, that reminds me. I want to get a perm. Okay.

What if I came back with a Marsha Clark perm? What if I came back with a Marsha Clark perm? Why not? You would look cunty. I think, okay, so I'm thinking like I get the TikTok fuckboy perm. I get all of my skin soldered off. I come back. You won't be able to keep clothing on me. Mama, you, the clothing, the, you won't be able to keep me clothed. You will not. Your body will have such effectively created this force field that repels any garment. Yeah. And you're- And uggos.

Uggos? Uggos. The shoes? Or no, just ugly people. Ugly people, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's my turn to be discriminated. Thank you. We hate uglies. We hate fats. And I can say that because I once was. Yeah. We hate people from Connecticut. We can't stand toxic waste. German shepherds. Yeah.

Where can people find you? Oh, also, we're starting a podcast, ho. Yeah, we're going to continue this conversation. But we're going to be a little more focused. I think tomorrow or the next episode, we're going to air our grievances specifically on Leigh-Anne Rimes. Homewrecker Leigh-Anne Rimes. Thank you, Eddie Cibrian. Also, we're going to talk about Sheryl Crow and we're going to discuss at length whether, in fact, it is her summer or not.

It is the soaking. Has she lost her touch in the soaking of the sun? Soak what up? Soak what up? Soak what up? That alcoholism on a Tuesday? She did do that song with Kid Rock. What did it say? I have a friend who sucks and he drinks and I like Tuesday drinking. Oh, it's sunny out. We're shooting beer. I want to soak up the sun. No, no, no. On Santa Monica Boulevard? Mama.

And his name is Bobby and he's a drunk and I'm drunk too. And there's no rhymes in this song, but it's okay. Cause it's Tuesday and I have alcoholism. Look at my red nose and I'm going to, Oh my God. Cirrhosis. All I want to do is have some fun. It's wild. Yeah. Soak up the cirrhosis. Okay. Thank you so much. Thank you for, yeah. And, uh, I'm not leaving until the check clears.

Okay. Trixie told me that there was going to be... It's actually one of those magic eye checks. And it's, you just have to clear, you just have to like, you just... Could you imagine? My God. It starts out Sheryl Crow, but then it ends into like...

It ends in a spell where you turn into a pile of shit. Yeah, there you go. Dumpin', dumpin', dumpin'. Well, listen, what a run. I mean, congratulations on your... Are you going to lose some more?

See, I don't know. So next week I have my one year follow up with my surgeon and he'll feel my breasts, my titties, my titties, my breasts, my boobs and my thighs, my, my inner legs. And, um, this is the funny part about my surgeon though, real quick. Um,

He is the most efficiently quick and there, there is no personal nothing. He walks in. He's like, how are you doing? You okay? You're good. No bedside manner. He's like, literally. All right. Hey fatty, look, we're gonna make you skinny. Yeah. So get out of here. Yeah. It's like, go. We got one. We got five. We got, yeah, I have a really busy schedule. I would love to get this done in two. Oh, that's even too many words. Hey, hi.

Get out. I think he has a little bit of a sense of humor because right before I'm on the table and right before I go under, I grab him by the arm and I say, you take as much out as you want and don't forget the implants. You should have been like, you take as much out and you put as much in if you know what I mean, baby. They have a little bit of a sense of humor in that way. Oh, I think that would be sexual harassment though. No, only if you get on.

We'll talk about it next time. Oh, Jesus Christ. Imminent cancellation. Here we go. Are you watching Hacks? Last thing I swear to God. Yes, I am. Are you kidding me? Debra. Yeah. Debra. It's impossible for shows to get this good. It keeps getting better. Yeah. Three seasons in.

And these days that's like impossible. That's like, I don't know the record of 28 seasons of friends or leave it to beaver or whoever the fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mash. I think, I think it's because we have like women comedians at the helm, which is very dangerous because they cannot stop driving. I mean, I really do want to drag one of those roles, Rolls Royces.

Her fancy car with the... The doors open the wrong way. And then there's an umbrella that pops out of the thing. I know. Is that the only fierce thing about it, though? Because then that seems like a lot to... I think rich people just like to have a big bulky thing and then, you know, all of a sudden, boop, the thing pops out of here and it's like a magical like... Also, it probably has a grill in the trunk.

I just bought a grill. Good for you. We got to go. What are you grilling up? Let's see. I'm grilling up on Instagram. I'm grilling up on Twitter very infrequently. And she's grilling the lamestream media, baby. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. We'll see you next time.