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- Fuck it, we'll do it live! - Okay! - Okay, I think we're doing it. - Oh, definitely, I'll start over here. - Yeah, yeah! - What, you want some fucking drum roll? - Yes! You saw me here for four hours. - Yeah. - So let me, let me, let me-- - I don't wanna throw up. - Everybody shut up, everybody shut up. I'm gonna give her a proper intro. - Thank you, Katya. - Welcome to the stage, an incredible woman of a veritable prodigy of chocolate excellence.
She is the queen of the yen, the daughter of the dollar, the eunuch of the euro. It's Monet et Chans. Yes! That was great. Thank you. Yeah! Was that like Rocky music? No, I have like a bunch of stuff. Oh. I guess that could have given you applause. This is right. What was the other thing you gave me? Was that bullying? I'll give it up for Monet X Change.
By the way, these are the stock ones and you can program in whatever you want. So if we ever have any requests. Sucking dick and cock. Sucking dick and cock.
Do you know about that? No. Oh, Monet. God, wait. Long story short, there's a 38-year-old woman who tried to take someone to the cleaners on YouTube, and she was complaining that he was at her birthday party, a 19-year-old, and he was talking about sucking dick and cock. At my birthday party. I don't know who that is. Sucking dick and cock. I will say, this is very shady. I did not know this was going to be on camera.
And Trixie is over here giving full on, she like did her skincare, moisturizing routine today. And I look like Gollum the black bitch. - I'm gonna stop you right there 'cause we have camera evidence of this. I see nothing of the sort. Nothing of the sort. - She looks very moisturized and very healthy. You too though. - I mean, she is the moment. - Come on, Monet is lying several times. - Am I being crucified for setting up all the cameras or for having good skin?
I'm very happy to Chris. What is the truth? Yeah, what is the truth? I'm so happy to Chris in your new recording space. Well, we needed someone who looked good. Let's address the elephant in the room, which is the room. The elephant's in the room. The elephant's in the room. Which is we have cameras finally. Yay!
And we're to work in progress. Two of these are my YouTube cameras I snatched out of my house today. I love that. That one's the one from the studio. That one's actually a really nice camera. Well, it was a full... Trixie has become like a fucking... Martin Spielberg.
Martin. She's here programming things. She's moving cameras. She's doing lines. And Kati and I are just eating high chews. Literally just wandering, drooling, wondering when's it going to happen. I got cooler into my eye earlier. It's so crazy. We've been through a lot. Well, you know, I do the fat bitch thing. Okay, have you ever eaten chips in public? Of course. And you get to the end and you don't want to be that girl to do this? To dump it?
And then so I normally do the thing. I'm like, I'm trying to be as coy as possible. Pinch, pinch, pinch. But I'm like, I don't, I dumped the entire thing in my eye and Cool Ranch got in my right eye. Damn. Yeah. Would you do that in front of Selena Gomez? I sure would. Okay. I'll do it again. Selena Gomez is next door today. She is. Selena Gomez is in the building next door.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When they have security out there, when I pulled up in my, um, my little Mazda protege Uber, um, they, they, the band came out and said, who the fuck are you? And do you think you're getting in here? I don't think so. Not on my watch. I love you like a love song, baby. That's a Selena Gomez song. It surely is. I think that's Vanessa Hudgens. And Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez. Absolutely. I'm positive. Cause I know I have the Russian version.
So, I mean, let's address it. The elephants in the room, which are, you have two podcasts. I know. What the fuck? Who are you trying to prove? You know. Why do you think? You are so interesting. Yeah.
Okay, so my first time into podcasting was a similar one with me and Bob, but I genuinely, I like podcasting. I like talking to people and finding interesting things. Actually, three, I have the Macbeth one too. Oh my God. You don't know about her and the drag queens doing Macbeth? I would like to not know.
It's my supplement to live preferment. And we did it for Play On Podcast. And we're being the witches in Macbeth. That's amazing. Now, yes, that is amazing. Sounds amazing. It is amazing. But I am the most ignorant cultural theater bitch, okay? I never did any Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Shakespeare in love. Shakespeare in love. When I was assigned Shakespeare in school, I never did it. I would always go to sparknotes.com. I was like, what happened at the end of this Romeo and Juliet thing? I don't got time to read this whole blah, blah. Well, you know what happens. Yeah.
Sucking dick and cock. They both go suck dick. They go into the cock in New York and they get Jäger bombs. Have y'all ever been to the cock in New York? Either of you? No, I think I have. Are you like delighted in the activities there? I have not particularly. My New York experience is so limited because I only ever went there after I was
Drag Race. Okay. So I only ever go there to do a show or like maybe go to one bar. I go to see you. Yeah, you did. Trixie, there's a picture. I just pulled it on my computer actually of you coming to see me at Industry Duvet Drag. And Trixie, you would, and Kati has come a couple times too. I mean, I loved it. I think I'd never forget that night. That was fantastic. You're amazing. Thank you. You've always been amazing. Thank you. You really are like, I think one of the best artists
I don't know, living. Well, because I also recalled, if I'm not mistaken, I think Bob had probably been on the show that season. And I was like, oh, it's like a pretty Bob. Yeah.
Pretty Bob. Pretty Bob. Oh my God. So, Bunny and I recorded an episode of Ebony and Irony and Kevin Avianza was our guest, right? So I talked to Kevin Avianza about New Night Live and obviously his song's Cunty. And he was like, then he goes, and like one year Miss Thing, do you know this, there was this queen in New York, she's on the show now, Bob, I was like, oh yeah, Bob the Drag Queen, she's on the show. She's like, Miss Thing, she was fierce. And like, fierce in the bad way, because fierce can be used. He was like, she calls herself doing a,
a tribute to me and Miss Singer was not the tea. He was just dragging Bob. Oh my God. Someone lied to her several times. Someone lied to her several times. It was so juicy. I loved it. I was like, I love this so much. Say it again. Say it again.
I love that. I love it. Kevin Avion's dragging Bob. How the look wasn't like him. The performance was bad. I would never wear that, Miss Thing. Ooh, girl, chop. I was like...
It was amazing. That is fantastic. That's fierce. That never happens. Well, people have mostly nice things to say about, I mean, she's my Bob. So people have mostly nice things to say about you. Yeah. And I think if they have something like, um, on, on, if there's something not nice to say, I totally get it. You know, cause it's probably like, you know, it, it, opinions, opinions don't ever bother me. Right. But like, if it's something that, you know, that I've done, like, you know, then I probably did it. And, and, you know, I,
I don't know what you're talking about. You guys have honest kids. I love kids' juices. You do? Are you a chimo?
Because that sounded like you, you know, I don't know. I love kids' juices. Yeah, I was just going to say. Like tiny, like, duh. You have been hanging out with funny. I love kids' juices. Oh, my God. I wasn't thinking that way. But they're low calorie. They're the perfect size. And it's like the proportions you should be having. Because when you're American and you go to, like, the U.K. or whatever, as you guys obviously both know, you're like. Oh, we travel. Booked.
You're like in America they're trying to kill us. The proportions are big as your head. In the UK they're like hey girl how you going? Here's a little slab of brisket. Yeah that'd be $35. You know what I mean? And it's like normal people's servings of food. Although I did recently I was somebody posted like an Instagram food pic of a full English breakfast and I was like this is my dream breakfast and I was like
I looked at that fucking thing and I said, I hope I never see any of that fucking shit again in my life. Everything. The food there is not aspirational in any way. I was like, that looks like, this is his culinary dream. Someone lied to them several times, girl. it was my nightmare. A nightmare on Elm Street right there. Like, the fried egg, the brown sea of beans. The half tomato pan fried. The half tomato and the,
The mushrooms. The baked beans. The gray mushrooms. And then it was that black... The black thing with the little... Blood pudding. It was the charcoal briquette of blood pudding. Not the tea mama. And the thick, tough, and fatty bacon sauce. It was just...
So disgusting. It makes me think of touring like Halloween with Sharon. And like no matter what state Sharon was in the night before, she walks into that hotel lobby going, I never miss an English breakfast. She loves it. Does she? It's disgusting. Oh, she would be down there in a leather jacket eating blood pudding. Sharon is wild. Blood pudding. That's what came out of my ass after the marathon.
Have you already talked about the fact that you put a suppository in because you had hemorrhoids and then it came out during the marathon? I was about to be like, shut up. I didn't mean to put you on blast, but I really did want to mention it. Oh, yeah. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak on it with no way describing exactly what happened without my permission. Shut up.
When I ran the marathon, I ran so much that I gave myself a hemorrhoid. And so I had a suppository of my asshole and I put it in before the marathon. Probably not smart. Well, because the training is what you had given you the marathon. Yeah. I mean, it happens. People. Yeah. So then I'm running and when you're, let's say you're, you're running 30 miles basically, and you're not even halfway there. Don't trust a fart. Yeah.
Trixie, shut up. It's crazy. I had to pull my pants down on the side of the road and wipe myself with a leaf and keep running. Well, Steve, do you know what? I finished the marathon. Hello. It's a marathon, not Survivor, girl. What are you doing? This didn't surprise me at all because I remember from the Boston Marathon years and years ago, her name was Uta Pippig, famously finished the marathon with shit, I think, and maybe like period blood running down her legs. Whoa. People shit themselves a lot in marathons. I don't know if that's a thing. Yeah. I think...
I think that's what the white people, black people don't be shitting themselves in marathons. I don't need a marathon to shit myself. The fastest marathon runners in the world are from Kenya. Yeah, Kenya, Ethiopia. And they finish it. I watch videos of people from Africa finishing a marathon in under two hours.
26 miles. That can't be true. Five and a half hours. That cannot be true. That cannot be true. Yes, yes. It's under two hours. But I will say this. After learning a lot about marathons and reading, the people who win marathons look like they are on the verge of death. Oh, girl. Yeah. Veins, vascular, skull head, 100 pounds with a bunch of metals. Yeah, yeah. And never under 30. I know, I know. Fucking 55 years old. I know.
I know. Horrible. When you're 55, what else do you have to live for but fucking run a marathon? Like, what else do you have to live for? Not your fucking snotty nose kids.
Finish this marathon and then suicide. Yeah. Anyway, I wiped my butt with the leaf and I kept running. That's crazy. She had also, I think on a longer training day before the marathon, about five miles in, she pissed herself. Uh-huh. Why is it all the time, girl? Well, she said at five miles in, this was like a 15-mile run. I had to run 20 miles. Yeah. And I peed at five. Word. At that point.
She wanted to pee. You sure do. You wanted to. Have you ever been coming from a gig and you get in the car and you're like, okay, I can make it to the hotel in time. Everything will work out fine. Bitch, by the time your body senses you're a minute away from the lobby of the hotel, it's happening. It's happening. I pissed myself in so many hotel lobbies, especially the one in El Paso, Texas. I was so drunk. I just let myself go in the bathroom and then I came back down
makeup salon, corset on, panties with a towel attempting to wonder. I was like, can I help? I can, like, drunkenly trying to clean up my piss in the fucking lobby. Oh, you... Talk to this one. She famously has about 12 seconds between the hotel door and the toilet. So that's how I started pissing in the sink. Because...
It's such a crazy biological thing that happens. As soon as I get into the... It's really just like the clock is ticking. It is. So I went into... I crashed the threshold of the bathroom in my apartment and it just started. The stream came. So I quickly just faced the sink and then I found out it's the perfect urinal. It's the perfect urinal. I had a low toilet and I was like, it's the perfect urinal. Plus, I'll save all that water. I just do a quick... I pissed in the sink for five years after that.
Like, just because. Yeah, a door open. Actually, I didn't have a door in the bathroom. You've been there. A piss in the sink is worth a shit in the toilet. Okay, can I tell you guys a story? So, I had this guy I was hooking up with regularly for like at least a year, you know, about a year we would hook up regularly. And it was always regular things. Like, he's expressed some of his fetishes to me, you know what I mean? And I'm like, that's cool. Were you in drag? No, just out of drag. Okay.
And he was, I was like, some of them we tried, you know, cause he's like a regular partner or whatever. And then one day he was like, I really want to get into like poopy stuff. Yeah. He sounds regular. He keeps saying regular. And I knew that. Poopy stuff. Also the description. Poopy stuff.
Oh, I want to try poopy stuff. What exactly did he say? Did he say exactly those words? No, he said poop. Poop. Because he's also, he's Dominican. Okay. This guy up in Washington Heights. And he had a full girlfriend too, I believe. Anyway.
Anyway. Okay. So, so then he said, and I was like, yeah, that's just, I don't want to get into, like, I'm not into that. He's like, okay, cool. So we hooked up that time. He came over again. He brings it up again. Like, as I'm like between his legs sucking his fucking dick, right, going in on this foreskin, like, it's like the last supper, right? Wow.
Chewing the cud. Chewing the cud. So now he wants to try this 69 moment. He's sucking my dick, but I want the bottom. So he's sucking my dick, and his dick is in my area. And then he pulls his dick out of my mouth, and he's jerking off. And then I feel a warm sensation. This motherfucker dropped a dollop of shit on my chest.
Like a sizable dollop of, like legitimately y'all, like about probably like this. I cannot. And I was like, oh my God, oh my God. So I push him off and I run to the bathroom. I take a baby wipe, scoop it in the toilet and I get Clorox wipes because I had them in my bathroom sink and I wipe my, I'm like, you have to go. Like I, this, I, this is not okay. And he's, mind you, and he's watching me do this and just like jerking, just still jerking off. As I'm in the bathroom cleaning up, he's like jerking off. Yes. This is,
I was so upset because it was great dick. You know what I mean? And I was like, now this can never happen again. Now I don't trust you, motherfucker. You just shit on my chest.
What the fuck? And it's funny because, I mean, I assumed that he would be like eating your ass trying to suck the shit out of you. No, no. Pardon my French. He wanted to put his shit on me. He wanted to be the shitter. He wanted to be the shitter. Fuck. Yeah, it was. Oh, my God. Honestly, at that moment, I literally lost my faith in people. And I was like, I can't trust anyone. Just kidding. Just kidding. That is psycho. We're going to take a break. Okay. Okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.
I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
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It's fine. It's fine. You don't know about fucking Reptar over here letting the kids have it. So, you know Bunny. You call her. You go, we should do a pod or what's the tea? Yeah, so, okay. So, one of my, I don't know if y'all have ever heard of Bunny and Bianca did a podcast together. Are you kidding? Derek and Romaine. Derek and Romaine. Come up.
I've listened to it like 12 times. It is one of the funniest things ever. It's just, it's all we talk about. It is pure serotonin. Pure serotonin. I feel like Trixie's now eating her high chews and throwing them in front of me because I look like the big fat monster bitch. Gaslighting. Gaslighting.
Oh my God. I have a flask in my bag. I'm going to put it next to you. But listen, I like can quote that thing literally. It's one of the funniest things ever. All the time. You know what I mean? All the time. So then, so like one day randomly, like in September of 2020, I was doing something and those money phone calls. Yeah. You see the phone ringing, but I was like, oh God, do I have an hour in my life to devote to this conversation with Lady Bunny? There's a lot of drag queens. One is vivacious.
I've never received a phone call from her. Well, here's the thing. Anytime a New York City queen gets on Drag Race, Vivacious does her ceremonial Vivacious conversation or home visit. Is this like orientation? Honestly, that's what it is. But Vivacious and I weren't friends like that, but she was friends with Bob, so she had heard that I got on the show. And then... Oh, no, this was after filming, but it was about to be announced. So then Bob...
Briss just shows up at my home with Vivacious like in my door. So I hear... I wasn't expecting anyone. Bitch, I was probably trying to plan some dick for that evening. You know what I'm saying? And I hear my... I'm like, who the fuck is at my door? Off my door is fucking these two bald black bitches, Bob and Vivacious, standing at my front door. And I was like...
what are you guys doing here? This is odd. And then you had twists at the time. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so if I just stayed at my home and follow me to like work for like about six hours, just talk to me about drag race, what I need to expect, what I need to do, how to prepare, blah, blah, blah. Did she have a binder or a packet or like handouts at all? No, she's just spouting off her vivacious knowledge. Powerpoint. Powerpoint. She's just,
What was she saying? Just different things about like, mama, when you go to that gig in Vienna, the life ball, mama, let me tell you one thing. On the plane, plane dude, you plane talk, like just different her tricks and tips and tricks about drag. Stop putting the fucking candy in front of me, bitch. I don't know what you're talking about. This is so rude. So that's how I used to be with Bunny. But Bunny and I had been like conversing here and there. And she called me in September and she was like, um,
we're talking about something. It goes about probably Nancy Pelosi and then something about Bernie Sanders. And I was like, buddy, have you ever thought about doing a podcast? She's like, Monet, what's a podcast? And I was like, that's a really funny one of you from years ago. Do you remember doing the Derrick and Romaine one on YouTube years ago? And she was like, hmm.
And I was like, but it's kind of like a radio show. Like you just saw. So like, well, do I have to get in drag? I was like, not if you don't want to, but no one sees your face. She's like, um,
fuck you fag and she hangs up the phone legitimately and I was like oh my god so then I was like whatever and then she called me again like a month later I was like Bunny for real let's do this podcast thing and we just planned it and we came out in January it's fierce I love it I love it it plays this dichotomy Bunny's obviously from a very old school drag and hot shit very old very old what do you think you are up and coming young children yeah
This fucking 40-year-old man in our studio. Honey. How old are you? How old are you? I'm 31. Yeah. Oh, me too. Yeah, we're the same age, bitch. How old are you? I just turned 42. No, she didn't. No, you did not. That whore is 38. Oh, my God. Whatever. Lies. Vicious rumors. She's the only person I know trying to convince people she's older. I mean, honestly, well, that's because you...
when you meet someone and they play that game of like, how old do you think I am? I don't play that game. I don't play it either. I do. Do you? Always. You go in. Do you? Mama, when I tell you, and this is my own, I was like, you know when stars get asked this question, what's your secret talent? I was always, I always sweat because I don't have any talent. But like, this is actually my secret talent. So guess people's ages. Yep. Especially actresses be like, oh, you know, Anne of Bancroft, like 62. Look it up.
Really? And I'm always right. You're the rain man of celebrity ages. Yeah, don't ask me to right now. But I'm always, I am like, no, seriously, I'm like, I bet she's this old. And it's like literally that or like maybe a year younger. Yeah. I'm really good at guessing people's ages. But you know, young women or any kind of woman who's not as, you know, they never want you to. They never. So you always go five years younger. Yeah. I'm Madeline Ashton, which is like, how old do you think I am? And Madeline actually goes 38. 28. 25. 25. 25.
I am 72 years old. Do y'all believe in psychics? Girl. How much time do you have? I believe that there are people who believe they are psychics. Okay. Yeah. But not real. Like, like, Teresa Caputo. Not Teresa Caputo. She's a great entertainer. Right. She's an entertainer. And they just sit around and shit. They'll be like...
experience happy and sad feelings sometimes right she's a great entertainer I'm getting sad and happy on the Real Housewives they always have psychic episodes and this one bitch girl this one bitch she got in this big fight right it was an old season season two so she had an electric cigarette remember when people used to smoke cigarettes electric cigarettes that looked like a cigarette
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's smoking that and then she gets in this big, the psychic gets in this big fight with one of the housewives and the girl storms out and the girl goes, and the psychic goes, I can tell you when she will die and everything that's going to happen to her family and I love that about me. Ha, ha, ha.
- Whatever is fucking brilliant. - I love that. - Whenever a psychic comes to the Housewives, it's incredible because it's a room full of people, half of them are skeptics, half of them are sobbing, talking to their mom. - Yeah. - My friend knew a Frank once. - And the psychics are so vague. - So vague. It's just a superfluous just anything. - Does anybody have a mother? People are like, oh my God. - Oh my God. - What about Andragres, what did you think of the psychic that came to feel out the energy?
This season? Girl, yes. 84 years ago on this season. They should have asked the psychic, how long is this season going to go? Honestly, I don't remember that. It was so long ago. Back in 2012, the psychic came on the show. Drag Race started on January 1st. No, no, no. Listen, here's a statistic.
In 1982. Drag Race UK season two started three weeks after Drag Race season 13 and finished two months before it ended. That is insane. It's not true, but it feels that way. Oh my God, Katya. The first episode of season 13 was filmed on the Titanic. Yeah.
I loved it. I mean, during Pit Stop, I was just like, so should I buy another house? Or how are we going to be here? It's crazy. It's crazy. But, you know, now it's done. It's done. All stars. Oh, my God, we're going to get a new bitch in the Hall of Fame soon. Is that confirmed? No. No?
Oh, can we talk about the night? I know it's like kind of old news, but you won Drag Race. Oh my God. I was there. I was there. I could not believe. Tell them what happened. So I, they did, you guys did not know. We had no idea. No idea. No idea. No idea. And the real Trixie Mattel was bad.
I walk in there looking like Trixie Mattel after like, what, two months of meth? After the marathon. Yeah, after the marathon. And I remember sitting down with you guys and watching that. No, you guys were sitting down. I was watching the monitor and watching you guys. And yeah, Trinity, the look on her face is so funny. Oh, girl. It's like this.
And you see, it's all those equations behind that meme. You know? Well, as soon as, like, I was like, this, I was like, you cannot show, you need to just, bitch, watch your face. Of course. And just, like, and just smile. Yeah. There's nothing that can happen if you smile. Were you mad? I wasn't mad. At first, I was mad.
Honestly, my honest reaction at first, I was like, I would rather be second place and be able to come back than both of us share $100,000 and share all the things. I was like, I don't want to share all that. You know what I mean? You got your own money. Yeah, yeah, we got our own. So when I found out we were getting our own everything, I was like, it didn't work. And also, it'll probably never happen again. Yeah. So to have that moment in time, you know what I mean? Queer culture.
Yeah. I'm into it. Yeah. Okay. That's a great pageant answer. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I think Trinity felt the same way. Oh, no. I think Trinity fucking hated it. Yeah. She hated it. Yeah. I bet she did. She, like, coerced herself into liking it later on. Yeah. Well, after we, like, had conversations, and I was like, girl, it's honestly the first time it'll ever happen. We both got our own shit. Like, no matter what camp you were wanting to win, your person won. So, like, you know what I mean? Totally. So, who cares? And she was like,
I still hate it. Not Monique's camp. Not Naomi's camp. Monique is so funny. You're friends with Monique. Monique is one of the wildest. She's just chaotic energy all the time. She cracks my shit up. She's so funny. I love Monique. She'll come over to my house and she brings a wig that she's sewing a bunch of human hair bundles into. Just hours of sewing and then she puts it on and wears it home.
That's very Monique. Also, I told you, I take like a five milligram gummy, cut it in fourths and go to Saturn. That's crazy to me. She eats three and she's like, I felt nothing. Yeah. Yeah. She don't fuck around. I love Monique. I love, love, love Monique. She is so fucking funny, dude. She's hysterical. You smoke the wacky weed? I do. I delight in marijuana. Do you like the smoking or do you do, like, what do you do? Do you just like smoke joints? I like babes, edibles. And I, since I've come to move to LA and,
Over the past year, I've gotten into pre-rolls, but I don't know how to roll. And I don't like grinding it up and doing it myself. It has to be done for me. Who is doing...
I don't know. People love it, though. It's like an art form. Some people love that shit. But you know what's so annoying about it? Whatever. People can fight me. People are so... Everyone thinks they're the best at rolling a joint. Oh, yeah. It's like a thing. I said, Mary, they all look the fucking same. It's so annoying. Those pre-rolls are great stuff. You lick it. I put it in my mouth. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, that's a good thing. But the people that pre-roll it, they probably lick it, too. Also, bitch, if you eat ass, why do you... That's like when people find a piece of hair in their food. I'm like...
You eat booty. Like, why do you care that it's... Not everyone hates booty. There's shit in your mouth. Pretty much everyone does. There's straight people love it. Do you not like eating mess? Not really. You don't like eating mess? Mama, it's the only thing I ever want to do. I just want to be here. I wish there was a giant ass on my face and you two were the fuck home. You notice how she's really aged up here but completely exfoliated and the nose down? The amount of Russian red Mac lipstick on men's asses that is out there is just too much. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So, yes, I don't get bothered by stuff like that. I'm like, it's just a little hair. And do you, oh, I had about, there was a bug, a pretty big bug that flew into my smoothie the other day. Into your ass? Yeah, into my open, gaped ass. Into the unknown. And I was like, oh, I'll just eat that.
Oh, well, that's different. Why the fuck not? Like, okay, how big of a bug? Oh, it was a fly. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, that's fine. It was a fly on a turd. It was a bad turd that had come into the... And it was thrown on my chest. Yes, yeah. It was a turd the size of an ice cube. Okay, it wasn't a fly. It was a Pomeranian. And I ate it. We're going to take a break. Yeah.
- And we're back. Love in LA, have you found it yet? - I have not, girl. - Well, welcome, by the way. - Thank you. - Yeah, I'm an LA girl. - I knew a while ago and you told me 'cause you were surprising Bob. - Yes. - I couldn't tell you. - Yes. - Couldn't tell anybody. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you and Naomi.
And we eventually, so when I moved here, Bob like cried. Was he surprised? He was surprised. He cried? Yes, he cried. He said, do you want to be my boyfriend? I was like, oh, number four? Yeah. He said, I need another boyfriend. That's right. He is a big love over there. Big love. Bob is so enamored by the masses. He cannot.
Keep the man away from you. Man. They all love Bob. Yes, yes. They're surprising him. Jacob lied and said, like, you want to come visit my cousin who lives in L.A.? And Bob was like, we've been here for eight months. We're just going to visit her now. Baby Jake was like, yeah. So then he gets to my house. Of course, I ordered a fucking, I ordered Uber Eats. But Uber in L.A. is fucked up.
My Uber was supposed to get there with my food at like 320, and it moved to 340, then it was 355, and it ended up being 405, which was Jacob's ETA as well. So then Jacob and the Uber and Bob land all in at the same time. So I open my townhouse door, and then Jacob and Bob are standing there, and the Uber eats man is like, Bob's crying. No, Bob doesn't see me yet. So then I open the door, and then my hand goes out to get him.
And Bob was like, Monet? And I was like, and then so, but he's still not putting it together. Mind you, my entire house is set up. That's not like, I moved all my shit here. My entire home is set up. My picture is my everything. Both things. Everything's set up. Both of it. Both of it.
Both of them. So he comes up my stairs and I have huge artwork. I have artwork that's like 60 by 90, like really big piece all over my head. And then Valka's in. He's like, I was like, do you notice? I'm filming. I was like, do you notice anything? Does anything look weird? He's like, no. He's like, what are you doing here? I was like, Bob, nothing in here looks weird to you. Nothing in this place looks weird. He's like, no. Nice pictures. I was like, Bob, I live here now. He's like, this is.
And then he starts crying. It's like the whole thing. We did it, Joe. We did it, Joe. It was very sweet. That's so cute. He loves you. I love him. I love you guys on Sibling. Yeah, it's fantastic. It's a lot. It's so good. And I've talked about this before, but like you obviously love each other, but you both want to be right.
But Bob wants to be right more. And Monet knows it. Monet knows it. So Monet will fight him just to like, are you sure? And like, Bob will stop the podcast to Google something to make sure he's right. And Monet's like, hmm.
What's the source? Bob loves being right. He loves being right. He's the most competitive person I know. He also is really smart and he is right a lot, so whatever. It depends on the room. Right. It depends on the room. I'm sorry if there's cameras. We did that trivia thing the other day. He was like, just to let you know, I'm very competitive. I was like, okay. Okay.
I'm also really smart, so whatever. I'm really fucking smart. I went to fucking school, bud. I will say, white people keep their studios, it is cold in here. My feet are literally, have right and left side. You know what they said to me out there? I'll just be honest and be vulnerable in the studio today. I came in here and they said, we've been working on getting this. They said, they were like, we were trying to get this all ready for you and it's been like a big hectic thing all day and we were told that if it wasn't cold in here, you would get mad.
And I wanted to say no, but then I thought of all the times I'm going to be in drag and I said, I want people to know. I'm like, amp up the story. One time Trixie walked in, it was hot. She slapped someone like, I want that. Raise the stakes. I did a thing. I can't, I'm not going to say drop any names over. I did like an industry thing. I went to like a party, blah, blah, blah. A high house, TikTok house party? No. And I heard a story about how like,
someone who is involved in a really big show is so like verbally abusive to their female assistants. And I was like,
I'll tell you after the podcast. I don't want to spill anybody's tea, but I'm like. Riveted. Can we wrap this up so we can get to the story? I say that to say, like, you, like, see these folk involved in, like, you know, this, like, celebrity thing, and you don't know how they're fucking assholes outside of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So many people. Yeah. So a producer at VH1 that I love and I've worked with forever, back in the day, he was a personal assistant of a A-list star.
A-list, sorry. Had to take him to small claims courts because the motherfucker didn't pay him.
Really? And for a year, like a year's work. And won. Because it was insane. Incredibly cheap. That's crazy. And just totally dismissive and outrageously ridiculous. And when I tell you who it is after we wrap here, you will gag. Kelsey Grammer. It was Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, you will gag. Gag. Gag. How do y'all eat and not get the salads? I'm watching these two fucking people eat. I'm sitting far away. Are y'all? Mm-hmm.
We're not like you, Monique. Bitch, I have literally, like, my esophagus, I'm like, here, all of it. Oh!
I hate that. I hate that. We just talked about this before the podcast. It's the worst thing ever. The worst thing ever. Well, welcome to Los Angeles. This is a call to action. Everybody in Los Angeles, if you want to have Miss Monet on your thing, if you want to book her, she's down the street now. Yeah, she's down the street and around the corner. It's so great. So many wonderful opportunities are just going to fall into your lap. Do you think that is the best decision you made to move to L.A.? Are you kidding? Really? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I love Wisconsin, but I love it here. Yeah. The weather or the people or the vibe? Not the people. Are you kidding? TikTok influencers who begrudgingly drive Uber during the day. The fucking worst sludge of the earth, bitch. Sludge of the goddamn earth. People blocking traffic on Hollywood Boulevard, pulling out their ass and taking a picture of it. Did I just tell you I was almost witness to homicide on the way here?
I'm not joking. So he's in an Uber. My Uber is Russian, so we're a little chit-chat. And this BMW came in fast and furious, like with millimeters to spare, like screeched in front of us, is driving like a... I mean...
Very scary. Very, very scary. I've never seen anything like this. Really? And then, of course, gets to a red light. And we were talking like, oh, my God, what the hell is so crazy? And the guy's like, is Armenian. I know he's Armenian. We pull up right next to him. The motherfucker's Armenian. Yeah. And the Porsche pulls up behind him, gets out of the car. Oh, my God. And goes right to the window. Hands in the window. You motherfucker. The Armenian is like veins bulging, throwing it right back at him. I will fucking kill you, you motherfucker.
And we go, it was so scary. I swear to God, if there was a gun. It was Kim K. Yeah, it was Khloe. Khloe. But if there had been firearms. Not a heart Kardashian. We would have seen somebody get shot. And the Russian guy was just like, Armenia. I know it was him. In Russia, you can do that. Not here in States. Like apparently that's how they drive in Russia. I hadn't noticed this. So I have a car here and I noticed that in Russia,
In LA, it's about defensive driving. In New York and New Jersey are the only places where it's offensive. Boston, too. Boston, too. New York is like, I'm the only one on the road. You have to seize. Don't indicate to go over. Indicate, but don't wait. Bitch, take your go when you're going. Changing lanes in New York, it's driving first.
And then signaling. Yeah, ask for forgiveness, not permission. Ask for forgiveness. Well, Boston is actually, it's not really offensive or defensive. It's just drunk driving. Drunk driving. I've had great dick in Boston. Well, because there's a lot of, it's a very repressed city. They get that taboo dick. Girl. You get that taboo dick. Those DL guys throw it back. You should put the wig on. I definitely put a wig on in Boston. Oh, mama. I've been there about three or four times. They were for a gig. So after the gig, I'm like,
You going out tonight? No, girl. I'm staying in. I'm staying in. I'm just tired. How many times have you pulled the I'm just tired minutes per day? So many times. Tired equals discreet encounters for discerning gentlemen with plenty of on-street parking. Have you ever done just the wig for the men? I put on just a lipstick. Bitch, full-on balding black man. No way. Yes, not shave legs, not anything. Just a lipstick on. I'm like, hey.
It's that meme. Hey! How you doing? Like, what is the feminized voice? Do you do that whole feminized voice? Do it, give it a little. I mean, I really can't, so if my voice doesn't do it, I'll do like, hey, how are you? Yeah, just a little. Just a little bit higher. A few, like about three semitones. Yeah. You know, you and Bunny talked about it when you guys were talking about, because you didn't know about Bunny's phone sex career. I didn't.
Yeah. Could you believe this story about hard turd? That's crazy. Do you know about this story? I have not heard this story. Bunny used to work at a phone sex line. I mean, that's absolutely not surprising. There was a guy that would call to talk to her. Her name was Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Bunny was Pepper. Pepper.
And the guy would call him. The guy was really into scat. Or as that guy calls it, poopy doopy or whatever he said. Poopy peonies. And call Bunny to talk about poop. And Bunny goes, I got a big surprise for you. Oh, my God. That's great. And, you know, you keep on the phone longer. They pay more money. So Bunny's going, but like that hasn't dropped. You know, it hasn't dropped yet. And then she goes, I'm standing over you in hot, wet diarrhea. And he stops and goes, no.
Hard turd only. If you want to hear stories like that, listen to Ebony and Irony, bitch. Hard turd only. Hard turd only, girl. You know what's sad? I'd heard that story before your podcast. Really? From her. It's not even real. H-T-O. Yeah, bro. H-T-O. Oh, hard turd only got it. Get that diarrhea out of my face. And you were doing your phone voice on your show. Yeah.
Oh my God. It's not great. What would your sex name be? No, that's nice. My sex name, I feel like I'd be an Angie. When you pick up the guys, oh, you did say Angie. When you pick up the guys, do you say Monet? Oh yeah, Monet. So they know who you are a lot of the time? No, I don't. If they do, they don't say they do. Or they wait till after. That's what happens to me. Yeah, and they'll text me. I'll be like, I had a great time. By the way, love you on Instagram. I'm like, oh God. They pull out of me and go, what?
Yes. They pull out of me and go, by the way, a condom broke and Shangela's robbed. And they fucking storm out of my house. Oh,
Monet, thank you for coming on the show today. Thank you for having me. This was a blast. Let everybody know where they can find you. Yes, you can find me on Instagram, MonetExchange, Twitter. I like TikTok sometimes. It's too much. It's all too much. And I still frequent the Facebook. A lot of kids turn their back on Facebook. That's so retro. And tell us again how you're not in Bunny's Generation. You're on Facebook forwarding jokes. Seriously. I've been to you on Facebook, too. I've been to you on Facebook, too.
I'll be seeing you on there. Oh, sure. I do post on the fan page. No, your regular, your old one. I never on that. Oh, somebody got you. Somebody got you. Once a year, I show up on my own Facebook and I go, is anyone still here? And I wait another year. And then I come back and go, are you whores still here? You know what? Facebook went downhill for me. When people stopped posting their statuses and just started posting
They would share articles. Articles. That's a big article thing. Share 12 reasons you. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as I got on Drag Race, it became like, because my feed was not curated anymore. I accepted too many friends or something like that. You know how you reach that? I don't know if it's like that. You reach that limit. Then all of a sudden, I'm looking at this. I'm just looking at spam all the time.
all day. If you want to know how extinct Facebook is, the most followed drag queen on Facebook is Jujubee. Is she really? Yes. Oh, that is a relic of a bygone era. And that's shade. I'm doing it in my calendar. Shade. I hate crickets and magic. I love that. It works though. My drag name, my drag name, Cricket Magic.
Cricket Magic sounds like she would sell jugs of her fanny pack at White Party. Oh, you gotta go see Cricket Magic. Bath salts. She doesn't even lick her own blunt. She doesn't, you know, get them dirty. She won't lick the roll. Bye. Angie, thank you. Bye, Angie.
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