"Dirty Ted and Steffanie" with Kim Chi
53:42 Share

Miss Kimberly Chi in the house today. Woo! Are we just going straight into it? You guys aren't going to be like, hi, this is Trixie and Katya. We can do that later. We can do it later. No, we can do it later. Should we do it now? We're waking up in the morning with Dirty Ted and Stephanie. Yes!

99.1 WFMK. It's Chris 101. Your morning, give me a brownie. Dirty Ted and Stephanie.

The worst Dirty Ted and Stephanie. I love that. Can I be Stephanie with two Fs? Wait, what's that show? Do you remember when they were on that? Was it Maria Bamford or something where they're on the radio? It's like something, something in the douche. That is so a radio show. Morning Radio is the last house on the left. I have done. Have you guys done Morning Radio on tour, like interviews on tour? I have, yeah. It's a. I can't.

I've done it. It's always two straight guys. And they're always like, so you do drag. People like that, huh? Tell me about that. Yeah, and you're like, there's wigs. Yeah, you put on a wig and people come see you at the show. They're always like, what's Rapal like? Right. Well, listen, I see what you're doing. I could never do that. I couldn't walk in heels. It's just like stupid. Dirty Ted and Stephanie.

Well, welcome to the morning pod. It is the morning. Thank you. It is a pleasure to be in the presence of two bald white men. Thank you. Oh, yeah. It's called the bald and the beautiful. Yeah. So you're taking up the rear today. You're the beautiful. I'm the Asian bald. I think you have more hair than us. Yeah, you do. I can see it. We're not going to shame you. Right now. Right now. We got a tight fade going on there. And Kim has beautiful brows. And I believe you have microblading.

I did like two years ago. Did you like it or no? I liked it, yeah. But then I realized half the time I'm in drag. So it's like, who am I trying to impress? Wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? She had, what is it, demi-permanent? How long does it last? For a year. Microblading. Oh, is that like the tattoo? It's not permanent. It's like temporary eyebrow tattoo. And is this for a mustache? No, eyebrow. I'm just kidding. Okay. Eyebrow. Okay.

Do you mind getting a semi-permanent mustache? It looks so real. Well, basically they take a little blade and they basically sketch in hairs. Like individual strokes. And you liked it. I liked it, yeah. Maybe I should, could I do that? Well, because if they don't do too many, it just blends in with your real brows and it looks pretty, yours looks probably the realest I've ever seen. Maybe you could show me a picture afterwards. Yeah. How much did that cost you?

How much that cost me? $800? Like an average procedure is about $800 to $1,000. Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. But I mean, it's super detailed and personalized. I mean, like every stroke is made with love, you know? She used to be in that business too. But it's pretty amazing. I don't have hair on my head and my brows are not super full, so I've wanted to get it for a long time. But there's a healing period, right?

Not for like a week. Yeah. Do you remember, Kim, when you used to shave your brows and then you would decide to grow them back and there would be that? That's how I learned about the hateful middle stage. Oh, my. The middle stage is the worst because your hair is so hard and spiky. So no matter how much glue you put on, it's not going to be glued down. What's the strategy? Just like a glitter moment every day. You just have to not do drag. Sunglasses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do drag with those spikes. Or you know what I did? Because I actually had to get in drag. Glitter.

But like really big, chunky craft glitter. Yeah. Will cover anything. Yeah. And then whenever like people are like getting close to you at meet and greet, you just tell them, I'm sorry, I'm having a bad makeup day. Or you just say, I'm sick. I'm so sick. Don't get too close to me. I go, I'm sick of you. Literally.

leave the meet and greet. Trixie. No, Kim and I, I forget what tour it was, Kim, where we had like an at-length discussion about how like when you're a drag queen on tour, you got to pick your battles with glitter. Because five days a week, glitter on your face. Oh, that shit will like burn your skin. That shit will scar your skin. Yeah, unless you're doing...

really specific amounts that you change the location and you take it off like with duct tape or something. But I mean, you will start to eat away at your lids because of this, like the scrubbing. Scrubbing, yeah. It's like you exfoliate that top of level, that layer of epidermis off of your eyelid. Yeah. Like I'm sure that cheap glitter is just like colored with lead and all sorts of things just not good for your body. Well, speaking of glitter, I have to tell you,

I really enjoy your products. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I have one small bone to pick with you, but I have to tell you that the thing. Diamond Shards? Yeah. Diamond Shards. I love it so much. I use it every single time I get in drag. It's so easy to apply glitter, right? It is fan-fucking-tastic. But why do you have 17 gold colors?

I feel like, because gold for like every different like skin shade. I must be colorblind in regard to gold. I need a blue. I need a purple. Tell me they're coming. I love them. They're coming. They're all coming. The black, is it onyx it's called? A black one? The black is fantastic. It's like black with silver. With like a silver pigment. Perfect for like a smoky eye. Just dab a little in the middle of your eyelid. The pink and then the new pink, I'm obsessed with. They're so awesome. And the white. The white.

The white is my, it's like a, it's like an off white. World dominance. Yeah. That's like my, um, have I messed up my glow on my eyebrow and do I need to put glitter over it? I'll use that. They're so fantastic. They stay the whole, I can't believe how well they wear. And it's very glittery. Yes. It's actually glittery. And it, uh, the, the most concealer,

This whore wears it on her face. I love it. She does a full face with it. Oh my God. And the new, the whole, the 1400 eyeshadows you just released that came in. Beautiful. I am so, I'm so into it. And I'm, when the, when you're, you did the palette with Naomi and that came, I was like extremely suspicious because all the colors are so, they look so bright. And I was like, these don't get

These are going to be shit. No, I saw the selfie you posted. They looked amazing on you. They're so beautiful. Thank you so much for sending me all that stuff. Of course. I love it. And if you guys are listening, all of them are available on kimchi shake beauty dot com. That's right. Kimchi shake beauty. You better go ahead and subscribe to that channel. Yeah, you guys have beautiful, beautiful content. And the looks that people do, the people who buy your makeup and post the looks, these are really talented people who are not professional makeup artists. They're just...

Feeling the fantasy. I feel like that's like the direction like the makeup world is like heading to. It's not just about like makeup artists telling people what to do, but it's about people at home creating trends. The democratization of beauty. Yeah. The sordid topic of coin along that lines, I don't know if you guys have noticed this at your company, but what...

with COVID we saw like a little drop immediately and then people are buying as much makeup as always now or more even though they're not going anywhere yeah well makeup is for you exactly but I think at the beginning of COVID everyone was like I don't shower I don't wear cologne I don't do anything yeah yeah yeah and then they were like one day they looked in the mirror and they were like it's time it's time I'm not wearing pants but I'm gonna wear a full bead totally it's zoom zoom drag seriously I feel like the new trend is like having like the most like

you know, the best zoom background. I've seen some like crazy shit with the zoom backgrounds. Yeah. Oh yeah. And then just like the face fully done. Well, I was talking to somebody this about zoom. You can take a HD picture of the room you're in when it's clean. And as long as the lighting doesn't change, you can sit there and keep a green screen up or whatever. Use your zoom background. And it just looks like your living room. That's incredible. Cause I was watching some YouTubers and I was like,

or they were doing lives and I was like, how do they switch from green screen to their living room so fast? And I was like, their living room is fake. That's a picture. That is smart. I know. That is smart. I'm going to take a picture of your living room. Really? You like it? Yeah. Thank you. Trixie lives in a palace. I love this house. You know what? And there's somebody really rich coming over to do a video, really rich. And I was like, well, just so you know, I don't have wrap home money. I have reality TV money because I was like,

This is like by far the fanciest house I've ever had. As someone who's been to your various houses, I will vouch for this. I like that we're pivoting. We're trying to plug Kim's product and she goes, no, let's talk about all the shitty houses you've ever had. You said Wade. No, we were. Listen, if you want to talk modest beginnings, when I tell you me and Kimberly. Are we talking about the garden level apartments? How did you know? Wait, how long have you known each other?

God. Since like 2013? Okay. And you've lived together? No. No. We were doing gigs together so often that I would come to Chicago, stay in her room in her bed with her and sleep like vampires. Okay. And that's how I learned that Kim Chi sometimes falls asleep with her glasses on, with her laptop on her chest, listening to Celine Dion ear splitting levels. Yep.

Wow. Kim loves Celine. You still love Celine? I love Celine. Oh my God. Is that even a question? Who doesn't love Celine? She's only gotten better with time because now she's off the little psycho. She's like an age sheet, you know? Yeah. Do you fuck with her Ave Maria?

Do you know her rendition of Ave Maria? No. Am I behind on my Celine content? No, this is a while ago. But I'm sure you know it. It's from a Christmas album. After the podcast, I'll pull it up for you. Is it hard owning a cosmetics empire? Is it hard? It's all fun. So it doesn't feel like work. Yeah, really. It's a lot more admin work than you think it is.

it's like you think it's just like let's lipstick yes but like the steps into that are like an ending yeah you're approving you're in the lab with color swashes and goggles yeah it's a lot more like thing and by the time a product comes out you're like oh i remember when that started 16 months ago so like you know what i mean and are you like over it by the time the product comes out yeah like by the time it comes out it's like well then you have to do the photo shoot and all that and then you're like check out this new

product i know you've been touching it every day for the past like year and a half totally yeah that's what amy said because a while ago she was like we should do something together and she told me how long it takes i was like no thank you yeah yeah what i did oh honey with sugar you did a product with sugar pill too i did yeah it took probably oh honey probably took at least a year and it was worth it because i still use that fucking palette it's great we want to do an oh honey too like a second installment of it please do

And you did a, like a, I wear your, I know it's probably gross by now. The kimchi eyeshadow? Yes, and the lipstick. That's my Halloween color every year. Yeah, because originally we wanted to, like, launch it before the season eight, like, rolled out. But obviously makeup takes time. Forever. So it ended up coming out, like, later in that year. Not to mention independent makeup. Sugar pill, kimchi, like, that's not Revlon. Because you're not dealing in millions of quantities. Yes, and we don't own a lab. Also, I think that was, like, around the time where, like, Jeffree Star, like,

like what's causing all the labs to be backed up right because like all

All his stuff was selling so well that there was this like, the factory's couldn't keep up with the quantity. Yeah. I mean, especially as a new company, I don't know. I actually don't even know what, which labs you guys use, but for us sometimes it's like, if that's the same lab that makes all these huge brands, I know that I'm not the top priority for you. You know what I mean? I get it. You ever thought about mixing it in the tub? Might as well. Yeah. Let's go get some pigments. Yeah. How long ago did,

Has it always been your dream to have a makeup company? Yes. Yeah? Yeah. You're achieving your dreams. Do you feel satisfied? I've always wanted to be a boss, but like a hard one. Really? Yeah. Kim fires people for no reason. Like the one where you're like, I come into the office and everybody stops breathing for a second. They're afraid of you. Oh my God. Wow. That's incredible. But I mean, no, it's not. You really are. I mean, I think you're probably the best makeup artist for drag queens. Absolutely. No, no, no, no, no. The best drag queen.

Drag makeup artist is Layla McQueen. That's what I said. Layla was really good. Layla McQueen is like, oh my God. I feel like you're just like an artist. I feel like your makeup skills go broad. They span much more of a broad kind of net. Depends on my motivation. How motivated am I today for cleaner lines? Right. Or conceptual looks. Layla is really like, who wouldn't want to look like Layla? That look is very...

It's right on that line between like an Instagram makeup and like a showgirl makeup. It's like it looks good in person. It looks so good in person. Everything is like perfectly blended. Perfect. Yeah. And she has the best blend and the best graphic lines. She does. It's so incredible. Yeah, she's bomb. She doesn't have that alcoholic hand. Yeah. Well, maybe she does. You just got to shake your body with it at the same time.

She's fierce. You, I think you probably are one of the best because I also, something that you do is when you're on tour and stuff, you never do the same makeup twice. And like when I change a color in my makeup, I think I've moved mountains. Yeah, you've reinvented the wheel. Kim like changes the look, the like the shapes on her face. Yeah. Yeah, I just get bored of doing the same thing. So like if I were just doing the same face every day, I probably would have quit drag. Really? Oh damn. Yeah. I don't have a huge problem with it only because like,

The people I wanted to be like, look the same every day. I mean, but also your makeup is iconic. So there's like no need for you to change it. You did a good job on it. Kim did it on my channel and she kind of slayed it. I haven't seen that. I saw your Halloween look, which was incredible when you guys were the Boulay brothers. Oh, the Boulay brothers. That was fantastic. And I have such a hard time drastically changing my makeup. That was a drastic change. Yeah, I remember when you dressed up as Katya and you looked nothing like Katya. Nothing at all. But no, but there was a, it was a black eye and a red lip. Yeah.

Yeah. And I was in a red nightgown. Two inches of white underneath. Which I always do. It was just so your signature look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was hard. And then...

You just have a way of like changing the look totally and doing things nobody's ever done. Like, do you remember this was so long ago? You did that eye look that was all geometric shapes. The square one? Yes. And I was like, who would even think of that? Are you an illustrator? I used to be. So my background is fine arts and graphic design. Oh, that makes perfect sense. Because a lot of great makeup artists can't translate to 2D.

But I'm not surprised that that's your background because you have such an illustrative approach to makeup. But it's just so different, though. I'm an illustrator, and doing makeup was very difficult because it's the... It's just a different medium. I've always loved playing with different mediums and...

being touchy-feely with the sounds gross. I think you also have richer references than most drag queens. Most drag queens are pulling from the same four pop stars. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. Yeah. And you're probably oftentimes doing your own thing in that department. Mm-hmm.

Off of my own world. Yeah. Who is your ultimate, like, who are some of the ultimate pillars of female beauty for you? I mean, Pat McGrath. Okay. Like, just the work that she's done, you know, like, on the runways. Like, game changer. You did makeup for her. I did, yeah. You did? Kim did makeup for Fashion Week for her. What was that like? In Paris. Tell us everything. Um...

Basically, I wasn't necessarily doing anything, but I was just backstage, just watching all the makeup artists work and just assisting. And it was behind the stages of Givenchy, Louis Vuitton, Stella McCartney. Holy shit. Miu Miu. So just seeing all these supermodels up close. Were they just 14 years old? Yup. They're also young, and they're also scared and timid.

And I saw Kim Kardashian backstage at the Givenchy show like five hours before she was robbed. No way. Yeah. And did they see you and her in the same room when the robbery happened? So you had five hours to plan it. That's ambitious. I was like, oh, so this bitch is here. I saw her at the American, the influencer awards. And I was just like, oh, it was crazy to see her. I saw her and Tyra the same night. And I was like, whoa. Is she very short?

She's short and she's so curvy. It really is like a genie bottle. But also she's like way tinier than you think she is. Yeah. Because she's curvy like on camera. Like she gets captured kind of like bigger. Yeah, she does. But she's still a tiny person. Okay. We're going to take a break. Okay. Good transition. Shut up, bitch.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.

Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.

but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.

And we're back with Dirty Ted and Stephanie. Dirty Ted and Stephanie. Woo!

And our super special guests are Kimberly Chee. Kimberly Chee. Hello, hello, hello. Kim and I have known each other, what, 2012, 13, 13? 13, yeah, probably going on seven years, eight years. And I think I saw Kim at Market Days outside. I remember it was like, I think you were working for this party company. And I remember it was like the end of Market Days and you were in drag. You were flowers on your head, long hair.

And you were like collapsing a table. Like taking down the event alone in drag. I was a down and dirty girl, you know? Wow. Oh, God. I used to...

But before, like I made it in drag race, I've done all sorts of weird shit in drag. Do you remember that Soho House gig, Kim? Oh my God. What happened? Kim and I were fortunate enough at a certain point to get a lot of odd gigs, especially in Chicago. Don't you think there was a lot of gigs where they were like a straight gig looking for one drag queen? Oh, okay. And one time we did an event. We did an event. We met on Facebook. I messaged her and was like, I like your, here's some pic. I think I sent you videos of me performing. I was like, please book me. And she did. And I was like, all right.

And then years later, we do this event at the Soho House. And it's me and Kim. New Year's Eve, right? New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve in Chicago at the Soho House. And it was really fun. But we got a nice big private... Remember that bathroom? Yep. The bathroom was huge. It was like the size of a mansion. Like a mansion bathroom. And it was one of those hotels that has like a boxing ring. Like it's fancy. Soho House is glam. And I've been to the LA one. That Chicago one is...

You can only get a membership if you're an artist, but like a rich artist. Yeah, I think the yearly membership is like just to be able to go there, period. I think there's like an entry fee of like, it's not like 30 grand or something. Something ridiculous. Yeah, just to go. Keep the riffraff out. Yeah, keep out the trash.

Trash. So Kim and I got booked there and it was fun. And we got a huge dressing room to just get ready by ourselves. And they knew they wanted us to do numbers, but they didn't really plan out. No one knew where we were going to perform or when. So for Trixie, they put her on top of a bookshelf. On top of a bookshelf. That is maybe like four by four. Yeah. Six feet off the ground maybe. It's just a bookshelf in the middle. Like you step out of an elevator and there's a decorative bookshelf and I'm standing on it lip syncing. Cool.

Queen B. Queen B. Wow. And then Kim, Kim had it worse. I think you went first because Kim, they just had her on the floor and they started Kim's song. Kim's doing We Are Siamese If You Please. Because the theme was like 1920s and my idea at the time was like the Orientalism was really big in the 1920s so let me perform this like. Kim tried to give these rich people concept.

So Kim is luckily a few inches taller than everyone else. And the music starts and the music's about half as loud as it should be. You couldn't, I couldn't even hear the music. Literally barely hear it. No. And Kim is in the middle of a crowd swishing, doing, we are Siamese. And people, when I'm telling you are either not noticing her, like, what is she doing? Yeah.

She gets through the number, like no applause. People barely knew the number was happening. But the money was good. The money was cute. At the time, the money was like, oh my God, we're rich. We're getting new wigs and a dinner. I mean, I've been in a variety of humiliating performance experiences and that doesn't sound bad because you can just pretend.

that you're not performing. Yeah. You're not on a stage with the music half as loud as it should be with everybody expecting a show. So that's not that bad. The quiet music is really hard. When you can hear yourself lip syncing. When you can hear the shoes scuff the floor. Oh,

Yeah, like college gigs especially. Always. I've done a college gig here. I think it was USC or something. And the music was so, so, so, so quiet that I could hear myself breathe. Yes. Yeah. I mean, the colleges, if people don't know who are listening, the colleges are usually given, their LGBT centers given a certain amount of money. And at the end of the year, if they don't use it, they lose it. So if they have money left over, they usually book a famous drag queen for the gay people at the college. And the college kids are thrilled.

However, it's usually in a carpeted multifunction room with no spotlight. Or cafeteria. Yeah. Seriously. Yeah. And it's like, it's just so humiliating. We did at Northeastern University, we did every year was the coveted college gig. And you go out on the carpet and you're like, why didn't we do a soundcheck? Why didn't we do a soundcheck?

we know every year it's going to be horrible. And every year it was, it was like, I could hear. And it's like, everybody's so excited and it's just so awkward. When they start screaming that you lose it. Can't hear anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they scream. They're also not drunk. So they scream when you come out and then they say,

quietly and watch the show and you're like, Oh, which is so humiliating. I don't know how to do this. It's really sobering. Sometimes when you realize how much alcohol is part of a drag show, because when everyone's 18 and they've never even been to a real drag show, it's a little shocking. But you know who I really give props to? Shangela. Cause Shangela is the queen of college gigs.

Like it doesn't matter where the college is. Like it could be like somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Shangela will be there. Yeah. Performing her like 15 minute like mix. Beyonce mix. Instagramming the whole performance. And the sound could be low, but Shangela is just like turning it out, shaking her head, like giving death drop. Well, those college gigs pay good. They pay better than clubs. So girl, tour the colleges. And you know what's great about the college gigs? Starts at usually $7,000.

You're done by 930. Oh, yeah. And because there's no alcohol, you're not dealing with any drunk people. Yeah. And all the kids are actually respectful. Yeah. So respectful. Terrified of you. Yeah. They think you're a celebrity. Yeah. And a lot of those schools have an annual endowment that's bigger than most countries' GDPs. So. Yeah. Like Harvard. You done with GDP? You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's tough, those college gigs. But I mean, they're always, I'm going to be honest, I never feel like doing them. And then afterward, I'm always like in bed at 1030. Like, this was nice. Before Drag Race, it was the only high paying gig. Yeah. The college ones. It's still probably, unless you're touring a solo show, it's probably some of the best paying gigs there are. However, before Drag Race, I don't know if this was your experience. If you do a college gig, which is probably pays like what? 200 to like $500. Oh yeah. Didn't you do a Chicago one? As like a local queen? Yeah.

You did a Chicago one, right? I did, yeah. But the problem is they literally take like months or two to pay you. Oh, sometimes six months. Yeah. And for like a struggling drag queen who probably spent like the last of your money to like Uber there. To get there, yeah. Like waiting for that check to come in the mail is like brutal. Yeah. When you transitioned from a local queen to a drag race queen, did you, how was that adjustment? Did you live? Did you love it? Did you live? Did you live? Did you live, girl? Yeah.

The audience loves me. Kim was, I mean, I was loving them. You were famous before Drag Race. Not to toot her horn, she was pretty, at least Instagram famous compared to most of us. So I was already doing like a lot of like out of state gigs. Yeah. You're, shut the fuck up. No, Kim was like traveling before. Oh, wow. Oh, so this is an old hat for you. But it's just like, Kim on like a bigger scale, you know? Yeah. And I'm sure that obviously the pay,

Yeah, obviously the pay increase was drastically different. You like making money? But Kim started... But the difference is... Go ahead. But the difference is when you haven't been on Drag Race, I feel like people just appreciate everything you do way more. Yes. And then after you go on Drag Race...

People, like, look at you with, like, the same way, like, they watch a show. Oh, yeah. Like, as if, like, they're, like, Michelle Visage. Like, picking apart everything you do on stage. A hundred percent. People also, like...

the fans of drag period, they are more into saying so-and-so doesn't get enough. Like that's the cool thing to say versus like I've noticed everybody, like the more quote unquote famous I got, the more critical become of you. Yeah. Yeah. If you're like a queen who went home fifth, who doesn't have her own tour, people are like, you're the best. Yeah. And then if that same queen,

maybe I'm triggered, goes on to win a television show and have hit album stuff. People are like, but do you deserve it? Like, but she can't even do this. But it's like, does she have to be able to do that? Yeah. Or I love the fans taking a break from DMing Queens to kill themselves to DM Jeffrey Barra Chapman to tell him to kill himself. And then go back, like the judges are too hard on the Queens. Anyway, so-and-so, please end it all. Please kill yourself. It's so funny because the judges' jobs are to judge people.

And I feel like this year people have been so critical and it's like, well, you're the audience. You're not even being paid to judge. You see, people are just more critical because they're sitting at home. Yeah. Nothing else to do. Armchair drag queen. Just talk about the show that you just watched online. Armchair drag queen. It's true.

Hashtag armchair drag queen. I think that my favorite thing you've ever said, like I've ever heard you say is, you don't teach me how to do drag. I won't teach you how to be a dumb bitch. Yes. Don't tell me how to do drag. I won't tell you how to be a stupid bitch. I have no chill. No chill anymore. Seriously.

I mean, the fans are pretty, you're like very universally loved, I think. Yeah, thank God. Because you're so, you're, I think people celebrate you for what you're good at, which your attitude toward drag has always been. Kim celebrates queens for what they're good at. Yeah. And also you're a very nice person. Well. Wow, Trixie, wow. I gave you my bed. I know. Wow.

Kim used to sleep at probably all my apartments in Milwaukee. Yeah. In my garden level. Did you sleep on the love sack? I've slept on the love sack. You used to have a love sack? And for some reason, every meal had to be pizza. Like you ate pizza like there was no tomorrow. My diet in my 20s was really not. It was pizza and candy. Oh, I'm still there. Kim told people, I'm going to tell you what you told. Kim told Amy from Sugar Pill, when you meet Trixie, just so you know, when you give her a hug, she crinkles because her pockets are full of candy wrappers.

It was true at the time though. I was so into candy. I'll never forget the time where we went out for like an actual lunch when I was visiting Milwaukee. And I think I got like a nice like stir fry or like veggie stir fry with some like chicken and something. Trixie ordered broccoli cheddar soup, fried cheese curds,

And she was dipping the fried cheese curds into the broccoli cheddar soup. And that was her meal. Wisconsin. Wisconsin. And all those rappers cut to 10 years later when your brown chiclets are getting ripped out of your face. Cut to Dr. Sun being like, were you a pirate? Did you work as a pirate? How many beer bottles have you opened with these teeth? Do you have rickets? Yeah.

It was different times. But I always, you were like, when I first met Kim, I'd never seen somebody do drag like you did. Really? Don't you think? I feel like my numbers back then were like more conceptual and weirder. Way weirder. Like Kim looked, let's be honest, better

Better than like all of us. And all of her looks were right on the line of like fashion and like fantasy. Oh, wow. And then her numbers would always be a song no one really knows. And so there's just something very magical about that. Did you ever did you ever encounter audiences like kind of I mean, if when you do songs that people don't know or like you do anything that's a little offbeat, did you ever encounter people like, oh, yeah.

Or were people, you know... I've never had that issue personally just because... Just because you're so good. No. Not at all. I think she also goes into it knowing they might not know this song. But the thing is, like, I like to perform the songs that I listen to. And those just happens to be the song that not everybody might know. But I like to listen to a lot of indie pop, you know?

You know, just like my jam. Yeah. Because I feel like if I can't connect to the music, like I'm not going to feel it. Right. But I feel like the more I do this, like the more I get like anxiety about performing now. Back then I was just like, I'm just going to do whatever, have fun, be stupid. Totally. But now I feel like everything...

Every move that I do, it's like, oh my God. It was also being videotaped. Yeah. You know what I mean? It disseminated across the world instantly. And the YouTube comments are like, she can't even walk. Yeah. All right. And when you're doing five gigs a week too, like, I don't know about you guys. If I had gigs Tuesday through Sunday, I'd pack one suitcase of looks and do the probably same numbers at every show. And then it becomes a white noise of like, all right, my music's starting. Yeah. You're not nervous. But now it always feels like.

Maybe it's getting older. Maybe. Maybe it's getting smarter enough to know like, wow, I guess when I was younger, I was so dumb. I didn't realize how many people were watching. I feel like I was like way more fearless back then. And now like, is this song going to offend somebody? Well, have you been canceled? Not yet. Oh,

I've been canceled over something that wasn't my fault. The Florida thing last year. Oh yeah. Yes. I remember being particularly delighted to see you canceled. It's fun to watch like the care bearer of drag go down. You know, I mean like the whole thing was like not my fault. It was like the booking agent who I don't work with anymore.

But when you're canceled, people just don't want to see it. It doesn't matter what your story is. They just want to cancel you. Oh, it doesn't even matter. And they want that apology and they want it quick. That's why we're going to give you this opportunity. I guess you're wondering why I came on this podcast. Well, it's time to address the truth and nothing but the truth.

Katya and I always say, what's the one we say all the time? This is a video I never thought I would make. I was completely blindsided. Oh, your silence is deafening. Your silence is deafening. And it speaks volumes. Speaks volumes! Speaks volumes, yes.

the other day, Courtney Act said like, Courtney Act tweeted like, I got white eyeliner in my eye and now I feel like I have cataracts. And I responded, this is dangerous rhetoric, weaponizing, weaponizing the vocabulary of people with cataracts and it's disappointing and I'm unfollowing. Because for some reason, tearing down Courtney was probably the most PC person. It was so funny to me. I don't know.

This is dangerous rhetoric. But we've all been doing drag long enough. Like none of us started drag because we wanted everybody to like us. It wasn't because everyone thought we were cool. Like in 2012, which I know you've been doing drag longer than us. 2006. And I've been doing drag, what, maybe two years longer than you, Kim?

How old are you? I am 33. 33. And you started in... I started in the fall of 2012. And I started in like 2008. But Kim was so good so fast. You really were. Kim started in 2012.

And she looked like that good in 2000. I don't know. I look like a foot. Oh, come on. You did it. It is funny to look back and think like, whoa, me and Kim were wearing so much makeup, which is like nothing compared to now. Yeah. But I do think when I met Kim, because we were getting ready together so often, it became almost like now that I sit next to somebody who also wears a lot of makeup.

The sky is the limit. But not only we used to wear a lot of makeup, it kind of became like a competition to see who can be in the most pain and hold out the longest. Because we'd host these parties and we'd put on the heaviest headpieces that we made ourselves.

It's like a ton of hot glue. Trash, garbage, painted garbage, toys. And like uncomfortable outfit and heels and then just host a party from like what? Circuit parties. 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. Are you fucking serious? Me, her, Shay, Pearl would host, Vixen would host circuit parties. For seven hours? No. So guys in bed bags would be comfortable dancing on drugs and we would be there. Martyrs. There was a party where Kim wore a white metal birdcage, this big at least, on her head.

On her head with a live bird in it for what? Six hours? Six hours. Yeah. The feats. And by the way, the money was fine, but the feats we were going to were really crazy. But I think it's because we honestly, Kim really set the level. I always felt like it's Kim's party. I have to look the best I've ever looked if I can. That's insane. I go, go dance one time, never do it again.

In retrospect, I should have just won a flash. None of the StarCraft boys were looking at us. No one was looking at our flash. No one cares about us. They're looking at each other and they're trying to find Kay. Well, they get a picture with us and then they go look at each other. Yeah. There was something fun. Do you remember though, Kim? Do you remember being like...

2 a.m. and we're in pain but we get a case of the fuck it's and then we're on stage like wiggling wiggling and trying to like go good and give them like extra but no one is looking at us no one me Kim Pearl and Shay giving the only no movement wiggling wiggling and mossing like the worst little song if you know it

Everybody needs a man. Let's get soaking wet. Circuit. We were circuit parties. Yeah. That's my idea. Hell. It was fun at the time because at least we weren't really expected to perform usually. So we got to turn looks that were really like fragile and crazy. That's cool. And also like.

I mean, growing up, you know, like as a sheltered gay, I was never exposed to that culture. So then being fully thrown into that life, it was something fun and refreshing at the time. Yeah. You were so famous in Chicago so fast.

Among the circus like people yeah in clubs and stuff I mean your name was so good you were taller than everybody else and you looked she looked really amazing How many how many times did you audition for drag race just one one? Yeah, Wow. How many times did you audition five damn five or six? I think yeah five at least five at least five. Yeah, you only did one Wow, I'm the booger

booger fully bugged yeah i did it because me and pearl did it and then kim did it the next year and then she did it the next year but i don't know how many times she auditioned or anything i'm not sure i think maybe like two or three i i mean this is just i love us i love pearl i love everyone she was the one out of all of us where i was like that horror will win drag race because she was just so good at everything she was really really good at everything and she was hard working like she would go to

She'll go to a cabaret show and then quickly run and do our show with us. And then go do another show afterwards. Because she could dance. She could rap. She could burlesque. Not to mention, we're gluing things to things. Shay's at her house making a corset from scratch. Yeah, and she's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. She wears a lot of makeup. She wore a lot then.

But she wears, I mean, she used to wear really, Chicago was really a city of big makeup. Yeah. Chicago is a city of good drag. I wish Chicago, I wish New York would shut the fuck up. And then Chicago would maybe like speak. You know what I mean? Everybody on Drag Race was like, I'm from New York. New York City. But Chicago is really where it's at with the drag. Yeah. I mean, don't you think, Kim, like there was sort of a stereotype we always thought about, which was like,

LA was the stereotype of naked drag queens in swimsuits trying to be on TV. Oh, no, no. I think the joke was like New York is where failed Broadway actors do drag. Yeah. And LA is where failed actors do drag. And Chicago is where failed artists do drag. Oh, totally. Oh, that's hard, deep, and vicious. And the other kind of stereotype was that in Chicago we...

Like in the Midwest, at least we looked great, but we're bad performers. And I mean, I think there was probably a little truth to that compared to like New York Queens who are back flipping and doing comedy and singing. And looking like Krusty the Clown. And hosting like shows for like two hours straight. Yeah. Just themselves and the mic. But they're in like a low ponytail wig with like a hoodie. Looking like whodunit. Yeah. Looking like whodunit. So, and then in New York, it was like naked drag Queens with real hair wigs.

In New York? Or is LA? LA. Yeah. And then where we, I mean, don't you think we kind of went too above and beyond? I mean, I remember us doing like nail changes. We did nail changes between numbers. That's insane. And do you think the other were like contact lens changes? Like three inch, like, like.

Claws. Yes, we all wore claws long. And they had to be painted, you know, like. Painted to match the outfit. Yeah. Do you remember how many times we'd be out there before the gig spray painting nails in the street? Yeah. Because they had to make nails to match the outfit. Girl. What are you trying to prove? Girl, I don't know. What are you trying to prove? It was just like a thing that was happening in Chicago at the time. Yeah. And honestly, it was just among each other because the audience didn't care. Yeah. It was just us trying to like. It was like a competition among us to like one up each other. Wow.

Wow. Yeah. Like I noticed you have four stones on your fingers. I have five. The only thing we were doing between numbers is sucking dick by the dumpster. So I guess we didn't really do any of that. You know, we're pretty like asexual drag queens. Wasn't an erotic endeavor at all for you. I think like even like among our friend group at the time, no one was like really hooking up in drag. No, no. It's very Boston. We really felt like.

Not to be artsy, but we really felt like not dressed up sexy. We felt dressed up like art pieces. Yeah, clowns. And even though everybody looked good, I do feel like that city to this day has a... You can look great and act a fool. You know what I mean? You can look like a piece of art and then do a stupid number. I feel like our entire existence was basically making fun of drag. Yeah. We performed the dumbest songs possible and then do the dumbest shit on stage. Yeah.

while looking ridiculous. Ridiculous. Like ridiculously put together but also like stupid at the same time. And then there'd be the random gigs. I mean, but do you remember like Milwaukee Pride or like there'd be a few gigs that paid good that were sort of like outside the club but gigs like that weren't

You don't really make money. I mean, you don't really make money. I was always living check to check in drag. Always, always. Never had anything saved up. Yeah. Like sometimes I would overdraw my account, taking Uber to the club, get paid, deposit on the way home. So I don't like overdraw my account. Oh yeah. But for some reason, taxis were so cheap in Chicago. It is like Uber anywhere. It's like between like $5, $12. Taxi, yeah. Taxis in Chicago, like to from Kim's house to the gig, five bucks.

I don't know why they're so cheap in that city. Yeah, I don't know. But it's great. Did you ever get hit on by the taxi driver in drag? Never. Never? Everyone else have. I never have. That is shocking to me. Like, I rarely get it. Because you know how, like, everyone gets those, like, messages from, like, the chasers? Yeah. I've never gotten those messages. I don't believe it. No, I'm like, I wish I got those messages, but I've never gotten those messages. I don't believe it. Never got the chasers. I don't believe it.

This was supposed to be my year to hook up and drag and then Corona said, yeah. She's waiting to put that turtleneck on. Yeah, I'm ready to put that turtleneck on. Should we take another break? Yeah, we're going to take a break. And we're back with Dirty Ted and Stephanie. Welcome to Bald and the Beautiful After Midnight. The Bald and the Beautiful After Midnight. My teeny tiny cunt.

Oh my God. Tiny pussy. Oh. Kim, you miss touring? I do. I genuinely do. I miss being able to travel to places. Can I ask you about Work the World? Yes, of course. You may ask me anything. Tell me about it. Okay. We've never been on it. We've never been. I've actually never seen it live. Oh, really? I've seen clips of it. I've seen it on the whatever. But I am...

Love that show. It's the best. Extravagant production. Do you feel like the only one? What is it? Do you feel like the only one? When I'm on that stage, yes. But also, first year, we just had a back screen and all the queens doing their own thing.

And now every year the stage props gets more and more ridiculous to the point where last one we had these like two giant like stairwell things holding like a giant globe. Yeah. And we only use them like twice in the show. Yeah.

Oh yeah, wasn't like Asia holding one, the glowing thing? It was crazy. So the premise of the show for like last year was we are, the universe is in danger, but we don't know from evil entities, but we don't know what these evil entities are. We never find out. Oh wow. Keep them, yeah, keep them hanging. And we represent different planets. We're goddess of the different planets. And then when we get through all of the planets at the end, we all come out with giant stabs and we put it in this chair and

And when all the stabs are in, this throne rotates to reveal the host, Eijo Hara, who you've seen the entire show. What?

And it goes into the closing number. That is so weird. The whole time we were like, what is this evil entity that we were supposedly fighting against? And the call was coming from inside the stage. And like the dramatic reveal at the end is like the host that's been there the entire time. Well, you know, I mean, a lot of, you know, usually it's people, you know.

Right. Yeah. The perp is somebody, you know, it's like, she's been here the whole time. So she's evil or she's saving people. We don't know. Well, most car crashes happen within a hundred feet of the house. Open to interpretation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like a philosophical piece. I love that. The evil is inside of you. It's just, it's somebody, you know, you leave the, you leave the club or the, the, the stadium, uh,

thinking it's a thinker's drag show yeah but the show is built to have one number per person kind of one number person and a group an opening and a closing and a group and all that stuff right yeah yeah and each person has like a little gimmick you know like camera michael like drops down from the ceiling and amazing dancers amazing dancers beautiful dancers beautiful dancers

Like plastic tiara gets like lowered from like the ceiling while like there's snowflakes falling everywhere. Wow. God damn it. Was it the year you did that number with the dress with the people under it, right? Yeah. With the long fabric? Can I ask how they travel with all that fabric? How do you even get into that? You sort of have to like design the outfit in a way where you can like shrink down. Yeah. But the outfit itself is like an entire suitcase on its own.

It was just fabric that kind of like, I'm assuming just like hitches to your waist. Yeah. And then there's like, um, people in the side, like pulling like the pedal one by one. Right. Wow. And one time I think it was Amsterdam. Um, when the helpers were pulling up the pedals, there was like no rail bar or anything like behind them. So he just like fell straight off the stage and like, Oh no. Yeah.

Was he okay? Casualty. He's okay now. She was like, he's dead. He's passed on. But the whole time, like, I'm watching this happen and I see him just, like, go over and I'm like, well, the show must go on. Yeah.

Wow. You were the evil that night. I was the evil entity. Yeah, you were the evil entity. The sinister and evil entity. I'm dying to do that show. I want to do that show. Work the world? Yeah. I'm sure you could. You think they would let me work the world? I'm sure you could, yeah. I would love to do that show. You'd have to probably commit to a lot of dates. I don't want to. You want to do one? No, I want to do six.

Okay. Limited engagement. This is a call to action. This is how we get our gigs now. We come on the pod. We say, this is what I want. Make it happen. Yeah, this is what I'm capable of. This is what I'm willing to accept. Wait, Katya, can we talk about the time when we were on tour together and we got stranded at Denny's? I don't know if you remember this or not. Was it in a rainstorm? Yes.

Stranded at a Denny's? I do. What happened? So after like the show, we're like, we're really hungry. Let's go to like Denny's or something and get breakfast. And so we went to Denny's and our call time was I think 4 a.m. And it was like 3 a.m. And we had just finished eating. And then there was like a torrential downpour. Torrential. And it was like a small town where there's no cabs anywhere. None. So we were calling...

For like a good like 30 minutes, right? Yeah. And then we got a fan. So then Kati had to tweet like, hey, could someone please help us get back to our hotel? Does Uber didn't exist? That town didn't have Uber. Oh, wow. Oh, that is stranded. Stranded. Yeah. Can someone help us? The tour viewer on, like if he didn't make it back in time, they would have left us for sure. Bucktooth, Mississippi. Yeah. Whoa.

I think it was Arkansas. Was it Arkansas or something like that? I don't remember where it was. I remember where it was. But it was somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then these two random fans were nice enough to come out to the Denny's in the rainstorm. Yeah. And drive us back to our hotel. It was amazing. Was it worth it? The food? I think so. Yeah. Denny's is lit. Food is always worth it. Yeah, yeah.

Well, Kimberly. Is this over? What a moment. That's it? Can you believe it? Just like that. Like, like sands through the hourglass. Do you want to let everyone know where they can find you? Yes. My products are available on Kimchi Chic Beauty, which is available on kimchichicbeauty.com. Press the pink button. Oh my God. Kimchi Chic Beauty. You can also find me on Instagram or Twitter talking about keto.

Wait, what now? Keto. The diet? The diet. I saw your tweet this morning. Talk about it. Kim said, I haven't had carbs in six hours and I can feel my body going into ketosis. And then I followed up with saying, nevermind. I just had toast for breakfast. Manage your expectations. Keto light. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto and a speedo. Good for you. All right. We'll see you. All right. On behalf of Dirty Ted.

Dirty Dennis, Stephanie, and the Deuce. Thank you so much for joining the pod. It was an incredible time. We hope to come back soon in the morning.

you