Deceptively Old at Arby's with Wesley Woods
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Welcome back to another riveting episode of The Bald and the Beautiful. Today we are joined by an incredibly beautiful man whose name is Wesley Woods. Oh, yay! Who has a full head of thick, lustrous, real hair thrown out of his scalp. And I'm Trixie Mattel, and I guess we know that there's the bald and the beautiful, and today it's pretty clear. It's the first thing I notice on someone...

I hate to say it, but it's something I covet. Really? I do still kind of, sort of. Yeah. Well, I don't, I don't like, I mean, your hair is fantastic. Thank you. We're just not, we're not going to just like brown nose you all day, but like. I'm trying. Your hair is kind of fantastic. I'm trying. I want it down to my shoulders. Like I'm going to have some fucking fun with it, you know, and let it go. It's got this natural love wave. It's so, and it's, it's like, it looks very healthy.

Do you color it? Does it look like it? No, all natural. I don't really even wash it very often. Oh, perfect. You were coloring it when you were acting though, right? Never. You weren't? No, I just go out in the sun and it gets a little bit lighter. I'm like a cheap...

Bad gay. What do you mean by that? I don't do hair. I don't do no skin care. I literally do drag. He's a natural beauty from Texas. I wish I did drag. It seems like nowadays you're one of the only porn alumni who doesn't do drag. Have you noticed that? I feel like a lot of the porn people do drag now. Yeah, they do. I actually did a fundraiser for a nonprofit organization called Pineapple Support that does free therapy and subsidized therapy for performers.

And we actually put on a Miss Pineapple pageant for the guys who do drag. And they competed digitally in this little... You didn't do it though. Pageant. No. You don't know. You're helping. Let the girls do the... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I wish more gays were like you. Yeah. Because... Let the ghouls and goblins have their day. Yes. Because... We always talk about...

Let the creatures of the night... Yes, we look like naked mole rats. And let us have something. That is our bread and butter. Do not come and try to steal these cookies. You can't have it both ways. You really can't.

You can't. Now, before we start, I have to ask. I think we should start asking everybody this. We are the bald. And when did you know you were beautiful? Time out. I didn't even realize that y'all were bald until like we were just sitting down having a conversation. Oh, that's so sweet. Which means that we are bald, but like spiritually. We're hair presenting. I'm hair presenting. Spiritually hair suit. That's what we are. I mean, I have hair. It's just to me, it's not enough anymore to really like.

And we wear wigs for a living. We wear wigs for a living. I guess it just never, I mean, obviously though, I didn't know what boy you looks like too. It just never really occurred. Yeah. I guess I'm just an idiot. No, no, no. It's just, you know, I realized I was beautiful though. Like probably like when I was five and my aunt would just hold my hand and stroke my hair and tell me I was beautiful. Oh,

That's so pure. That's right. Is that a lie or is that true? No. Okay. Literally to this day, she will want me to come and sit next to her so she can hold my hand and she'll say, oh my God, your hands are always so dry. That's never changed. And then she'll be like, and you're still so beautiful. Oh my God. It's very Southern, right? So Southern. It's very a read, a compliment, a read. As she's stroking my hand, literally like...

Did you have, like, did you have, so wait, you were telling me you grew up in fucking, in a town of 900? 97. 97. Yeah, not even 100 people. Not even 100 people. Yeah, I think maybe like 60 something nowadays. I mean, the liquor store closed down, so everyone moved out. That's about from the size I'm from. Well, how many in your high school? So I went into Greenville High School there in Greenville, and it's about a class of maybe 180, 200. Oh, okay. So I drove into the city, honey. We had an Applebee's.

I remember in my hometown, because my graduating class was like 30, 35. Oh, shit. And when we got a Subway, like a chain restaurant, it was the place to be. Every kid was at Subway every day after school. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was just like a moment. I'm still looking for good footlong, honey. Yeah.

Is it trash to like Subway? Because me and David love Subway. You're asking me. Curling your mullet. Sucking dick for a living. Can I say that on here? Yes. You know, you're not alone. Before this person was a famous, famous. She actually got too famous, but she used to moonlight. Yeah. As a sex worker. As a hooker. Yeah. And I miss it. Yeah. I miss it. In drag. In drag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I miss it a lot.

Shut up. I can totally see that, though. I mean, I grew up in the drag scene and trans girls raised me. I'm from that Dallas part of drag. The little S4. Miss Dang. The Village Station. Back when Erica Andrews and Crystal Summers. Oh, yes. Wow. You are aging yourself for all the drag fans out there. Well, bitch, check it because it don't look bad. Yeah, aren't you? You're deceptively old.

Old, right? No. No, what I mean is... Are we at an Arby's? Get out of here. No, what I mean is you look young, but you're not... How old are you? I'm 34. That's what I mean. You look very young. You think? I do. No, I look like a man, baby. Look at him.

A macho. By the way, she's rewatching True Blood, so this accent is giving us that moment. He's Jason fucking Stackhouse. Oh my God, totally. Did you know Ryan Quantin?

Jason Stackhouse of drag. And he's here to show people. So Ryan, you know, there's the actor, Australian actor, Ryan Quanton is like the, you, I'll, I'll look him up. I'll show you later. I'll show you later. I mean, that is who would play you in a movie. Oh, that is who the RuPaul always asks who would play you in a movie. So that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Or definitely big time. Jason Stackhouse. Yes. Now I looked at, I looked you up before today and I have to say, have you ever Googled yourself?

I try not to because I'm just like, it's not anything ever productive or good. Because let me tell you what pops up. And I spiral. Oh, it can get dark. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Well, for drag, I feel like drag and adult film actors are like. We're cousins. Oh, I think more than that. Very close cousins. A go-go dancer, a drag queen, a sex worker, and an adult film actor in the same room, same people. Same people. A lot of Venn diagram overlaps.

that some bartenders let's just be honest yeah yeah and there's a through line of alcoholism yes yeah oh my god and I think we could probably put um dancers like strippers yeah for sure private dancers totally so the first thing that comes up when you search Wesley Woods is Wesley Woods senior living in Atlanta uh Athens Augusta Blairsville it's

It's senior living the way it's meant to be. Carefree, active, happy. Welcome home to Wesley Woods. Thank you. That's you. It is. It is so me. I actually, true story, I got my porn name, Wesley Woods stage name, whatever, since I'm not doing porn anymore, but still trying to use my mouth. I got my name because my mom and I were driving around in her car. Wesley Street is the main street in the town I grew up in. And being from the country, the woods, she liked the ring to it.

It sounded nice. We Googled it. We saw that it was a nursing home, but also a church camp in Tennessee. I was just going to say the second thing that comes up is a summer Christian camp retreat for children, youth and adults in Northwestern. Yeah. Yeah. And my mom was like, that is a sign from God, baby. Wow. That is the sign that a star was born. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's really interesting how people pick their, their drag and porn names. You know, Iggy Azalea, friend of the show. She, her, her, her first pet was named Iggy and the street she grew up on was Azalea. Shut up. That's how she got her stage name. She literally did that? She literally did. And it sounds so good. Yeah. Wow. Which is, isn't it, don't they say that's your porn name or your drag name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Street and pet. Stripper name. So what would your porn or drag name be if we did the pet in the street? Freddie Bergeron. Yeah.

What kind of animal was Freddy? A cat. Or it would be, um, or it would be like Miss Kitty Sunhill. Kitty Sunhill. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, Miss Kitty Sunhill. Yes, I guess one would might be, uh, oh God, uh,

Oh, Monique Lulu. Monique Lulu. That's okay. That could be a person. The house of Lulu. The legendary house of Lulu mama from Athens, Georgia. Totally. Stretch pants. They're all very active. Very active. So then also Googling you, one of the first thing that pops up is you probably have had the most successful short

Your career was a sprint, not a marathon. Honey, you can get a degree in four years, so I finished porn in four. Four years. Four years, in and out. In and out. And you really did everything, and you became a star, and you really swept...

every award you can get in four years. And then you, you did something I don't think a lot of people in our industry do, which is quit while you're ahead. Well, that's why I was like, okay, this cannot go anywhere better than right now. And I felt like I kind of had done everything I wanted to do. And I also started doing bi work and trans work. It was really important for me to have my persona step outside of just me and also like teach me some shit along the way. And porn released me from a lot of my fucking insecurities. Cause you're literally just

showing it all. And yeah, I try to take a very spiritual approach to porn. Well, I, I have to commit. You don't have to tell us. I am a, I'm a huge fan of your, your porn work. And I have, I have to say that you're one of the few, and I've watched a lot of porn. I used to be an active tweaker. So I, I've watched a lot of porn. We share that. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so it's red. Yeah.

Skin rubbed off. Rubbing the skin off. You know that coke dick where it seems to get softer and longer? Hold on, Taffy. Why am I still doing this? Like a mind trick with a rope. Just pulling.

I can get it. It's the determination. No, but I really want to say, I really want to commend you on, you have, it is apparent like immediately that A, you're a natural born performer and you are passionate. Yeah, I try to be, you know, honestly, I don't know. I think we all can relate to having

I don't know, struggled with our sexuality at some point in time, even without becoming gay. And really owning that and stepping into that. For me, when I decided porn was going to be it, this is the route I'm going to do, I wanted to really experience it authentically and really learn if I was into getting whipped or putting my head in the toilet or...

watching someone eat my shit. I wanted to know if I was into that. And honestly, you're not going to know until you do it. Yeah. Even in, in non televised sexual experiences, sometimes people get surprised by what, what you go along with in the moment. You're like, I would have never thought I liked that. Exactly. And fuck it. Like, I don't know for me to like, we have to, I'm literally going to have to have your dick in my mouth or your at like, we're, we're doing this. That's why we're here. Right. My rents do period. And, and,

I need this paycheck. So we got to figure out how to do it. And I am just one of those people like, we're going to occupy space. I want to make sure everyone's comfortable and make sure everyone's happy. And tell me what you like. Tell me what you don't. And let's go. Yeah. You got to direct. Yeah. Yeah. You got to direct. Now, without tooting your own horn too much, if you feel comfortable, what awards have you won? What's the top?

Um, I've won performer of the year three times. I've won best actor twice clip artist of the year, uh, webcam performer of the year, best buy scene. I don't know. And I have to say too, the terrain of porn actors, it's so weird because 10 years ago, it seems like as an enjoyer of porn studios had all the money and a few porn actors were really well paid. If the studio said, this is the star. And now, uh,

People can get inspired and make their own porn and kind of cut out the middleman. You can just be the filmmaker and the actor and money collector. You should be, you know, I still work for Falcon Studios, Naked Sword, and I do a lot of their marketing. Naked Sword. Yeah. Miss, uh, miss, uh,

From San Francisco. Yeah. Sister Roma. Sister Roma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Roma. We love her. I believe she does a lot of the graphic design. Yeah. So like we work very closely together. We're part of the marketing team and whatnot. That's one of the reasons why we did that Miss Pineapple support pageant and what blah, blah, blah. Where were we going with this? I'm high. I...

We were talking about awards, awards, and then directing. You should cut out the middleman. I do work for them. And I would say as a performer, and I always try to give the best advice I can to anyone in the industry. I think the studios are phenomenal at what they do. And it's a full movie experience. You're really getting to walk on set and kind of learn the trade in a way that you don't. I mean, if you want to kind of learn acting and the ropes, I hate to break it to you. Porn will...

release you from a lot of insecurities, really stepping into something and you're learning camera angles, lighting, positioning. You're having a turnout so everyone can see it. Right. And a little nuances, but you should definitely only be doing studio work. I think to kind of PR, um,

these affiliate sites that maybe you're shooting with, like your only fans or just for fans, or if you have a clip store, I mean, there's so many different ways that you can have a platform to as long, if you're a sex worker to monetize your following. Yeah. Especially since, I mean, we know porn performers who probably only have a porn prep,

presents to drive their escorting. You're basically a famous escort then. People can see you in porn and go, can I get that person in my bedroom? Absolutely. That's what you should be using it for. Seriously. I'm so curious because I've never been on a porn set. We've got to change that. You should be in one. Shishi asked me a while ago Shishi LaRue asked me and I was like,

No. Because I was watching this porn and then Manila popped up and I immediately lost my boner. I have actually gotten a few. I've gotten a few actually very financially generous. Yeah. Like there was this one that was a Western thing.

Yeah. Okay. And they were like, we want a scene where you're like the house band sort of saloon girl playing guitar. And I just passed just because of, I just passed. But yeah, I mean, I already, because of the tricks. Well, I'm going to challenge you as a good homosexual friend. Please help put some of the sex work on the map, y'all. No, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Get in a pole.

Because wasn't Manila in like a superhero porn or something? She was in Alaska. Alaska. Alaska was in Ass Destroyer or something like that. Didn't Bianca win some kind of award for cameo? I don't know. I can't believe that she would because she's such a terrible actress. I know Alaska won like a straight up gay porn award. I think it was for Ass Destroyer Part 8 or something like that. Maybe we'll get to host a porn award someday. You should. Angela did, I think. Angela definitely has. The Gideons all the time. But wait, I got it.

So when I'm dying to host like glad a fundraiser for children performing to college and they do. Hey, that's my East Texas sister. She really can cover all the bases. Cause she goes right up to the line with Shangela is not nasty. No, she'll do innuendo. She'll flirt, but she is a little more bugs bunny about it. Whereas we're talking about pig shit. Yeah. Yeah. No, but Wesley, I want to get fucked in my fake silicone pussy.

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And we are back. So, okay. So I got a pussy coming in the mail. Okay. I started in OnlyFans and I'm having, and I'm, I am so into this, like this, a new identity as a, as a B, I don't know what the version, the porn version of a B movie actress would be. Do you know what that would be?

Do you know what I mean? Like, like, like a D, maybe D movie actress. Do you want to, who, why don't you list some names? Who in porn is really a D lover? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I'm committing, but I want to get, if I were to appear in one of those like men.com movies, like I would really want to get fucked. Oh wow. You're like not in my orifices, not in my real life. I'm not going to show my dick and I'm not going to show my real asshole. Oh, thank God. Thank God. But I want to get titty fucked. Cause those things are, Oh, that's you getting titty fucked. That's the thing. And I want to, I will lick the dick too. Oh wow. Okay. Yeah.

I have no problem with that. Honestly, you've developed the perfect persona for it. Don't you think? Yeah, so I'm just putting that out there. I know you're retired, but I'm just putting it out there. You pull some strings. Yeah, for sure. And I have so many different titties to choose from. I also have legs, feet. She's been going through...

Hold on. So, party's not a straight line. Okay. Oh, I'm aware, but I didn't... Feet, fake pussies, titties. Yeah, everything. And some masks. I also got fake arms. Fake butts? Yeah. I'll just show you afterwards. Anyways. Yeah, I'm dying to know. Back to you. Back to you. No.

No. What is, so I'm going to ask you, so you meet, you show up to work. Yeah. Okay. Just give me a blow by blow. I want to know, do I shave my asshole before I show up? Do I douche on set? Do I douche at home? It does it, it depends. What's the normal day for you?

Back in the day. So I'm going to be shameless and plug Sexy Funny Raw on YouTube, which is my podcast channel. Oh, wow. I actually just talked about this, but any day can change, but you're basically there in the morning. You're making sure that you didn't drink the night before because you don't want to have the shits because you're going to have to be fucked, right? Let's be honest. Most adult people, I love drinking. Two White Claw will make me drunk.

me not have a complete or solid. Absolutely. So you really can't. And the same thing, that's one of the first things I learned from porn actors is this, let's say the shoots of Friday, the work starts so much before that. It absolutely does. Yes. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Dehydration. No, that's so true. And also things like, um,

Diet, hydration, emodium, and then obvious things like the tanning or the makeup. Yes, the trimming. The trimming. Of your butthole. Yeah, and do directors say, all right, Wesley, so I'm going to need you to be da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Do they have like a, you know what I mean? Absolutely. In terms of what we want your everything to look like. I've been told no a lot of the times because I won't shave my chest hair or like my asshole hair. I've literally been like, uh. I've had someone pull me up once and was like, kind of getting a little...

Oh my God. Where? Can I ask on the positive, who's your favorite like director you've worked for? Who makes you feel comfortable? I don't do favorites. Who makes you feel really comfortable? You know, I love Shishi LaRue. I love Tony DeMarco. I love, I really do love everyone. I shouldn't start naming because people are gonna be like, what the? You didn't say my name. Well, it's only in our podcast, Mary. And I'm high and I blanked on everyone else's.

Do you do marijuana? All the time. Do you do smoking or edibles? All of the above. Okay, wow. I only do edibles and I micro micro dose because I

a half of five milligram. I'm on Uranus mama. She's serious. She's in bed. I'm in bed in the dark. Scream laughing now. Yes. And Monique Hart was here the other day and she said, how many do you take? I said half a one and she took three whole ones and she said, she went the next day. She goes, girl, I don't feel it. Yeah. The one, the one, the one I, you gave me nothing. Yeah. It's only five. What? I need about 15, 50 in Mexico city. Well, and then I was, then I, it was, it was turns.

Couldn't go on stage. Was there a multiplier effect? Was there other things going on? No, no, no. I swear to God, it was only that. A little coffee, a little espresso? And can I ask if you feel comfortable talking? Oh, I'll let you finish the day. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, we're so... We're so rude. I love this. This is... I feel at home. This is my brain. People don't know at home. Truly, like I said before, drag queens, adult performers, we provide a fantasy that is a fantasy of...

Gayness and sexuality. I think that's why we're all cut from the same cloth. Yeah. And we all take the wigs and the underwear off and we're the same person. The very first time I went to a gay bar was a Thursday night at J.R.'s Bar and Grill. J.R.'s Bar and Grill. I love J.R.'s. I do too. And I walked in. It was drag night. I was like, what the fuck is going on? There's men cheering for a man in a wig. Yes. And then after that, I like fucking fell in love. Well, you're very pro-drag.

Oh, very pro trans. I know you've been done scenes with trans women and then you do, I'll let you get through your day. Oh, what is my day? Basically you show up, you're, I'm always douched before I get there. Two Imodium in, so that way ain't nothing coming out. Yeah. Okay. And I'll have a couple of fruit snacks, you know, I make sure that there's fruit snacks for me on set or I fucking cause a fit. Yeah.

Mariah Carey. Yeah, for sure. Well, because I can't eat before, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so, oh, and it really pisses me off if they want to take a lunch break halfway through. I'm like... This one. She won't do it. I will flip shit. She won't do it. I will just have, because in drag, I like to have a green juice or a shake, and her...

Naturally very thin and metabolism firing like cannons. I start to get. She starts to wilt. She doesn't have a cheeseburger every two and a half hours. I mean, I literally start to feel faint and I get glassy eyed and I look at her. And I'll be like, do you want to go keep going? I'm fine. Perky. She's ready to do it. And I'm like, how are you doing this? Ugh.

Do you guys do liquid meals? Because we do juices and ensures. Yeah, I'll do like some sort of like protein like right before in the morning. Very small breakfast. Let me ask you this. I mean, these are long days. You're not shooting a scene in two hours. You're railed in the back door. You're hungry as hell. That's why I'm like, you're not. That's why I'm like, you're not. I know. I'm like, feed me. I'm hungry. Feed me. Don't really feed me. I'm fucking starving.

You're like, want me to feed you that dick? You're like, I would love a protein shake. A cracker. Yeah. I was watching an interview with one of the Rockettes and they eat four high calorie meals a day because they're doing those high kick Christmas shows back to back to back. So somewhere between fasting because you want to feel sexy. Right. And

3000 calorie days because you want to stay alive you need to strategize yeah yeah yeah exactly then you gotta time it because you know what goes in must come out and you're not trying to do that on film and that's why I'm like don't take a lunch break like I'm hungry I want to get through this I don't want a full belly what's the average day for a scene 6-8 hours 6-8 hours for a 20 minute scene for a 20 minute scene wow fucking hell yeah

It's truly... You ever need to put a tiger bomb on it afterwards or whatever? Oh, honey, you gotta, yes. You know, I've put some ice cubes up in there before to help some of the bleeding. ♪

Oh my God. This is before like, you could do, you know, bareback is like really all the rave now because of prep. Thank you, doctors and prep. But before it was condom and like, I'm telling you, getting fucked for a condom for that long. I wasn't on it for a long time and then I just did another round of those prep commercials. Oh, you did? Yeah. And I'm saying all this medical jargon over and over again to the camera and I was like,

It's available. Just get back on it. It's so true. Do you know what I mean? And like me and my boy, we've been together four years, but it's like, it's available to you to fucking get back on it. Yeah. And now they, the David Duchovny for prep is they have, we called the Scovey David Duchovny and,

I know that's not the medical term, but it works for us. And it helps you gain weight. So that's why I think I'm going to get on it. Love it. Yeah. I've never been gayer than when I was at my, like whatever doctor, like two months ago. And he was like, well, I was like, uh, Truvada or you could try, uh, you know, David Duchovny. And I was like, well, what's the difference? He goes, Truvada makes you lose weight. Prep makes you gain weight. I said, mama.

Truvada. Give me that fucking skimpy pill, bitch. I want to blow up. I didn't even know that. Can I ask, because you top and bottom in scenes. I like to think I'm power versatile. I just want to be invited to the party. You are. Full disclosure, I've seen a lot of your work. I've seen a lot of your work as well. And you also are very kind of a switch in the power dynamic. You'll do either.

You'll play old or young. I'll be your uncle or I will be the boy. Because you do have that look where they put you in a suit and you're 40 or they put him in gym clothes and he's 20. And he's 16. Yeah. And I believe it. I believe it. And I believe it. I watched a scene where you're supposed to be this guy's stepdad and you're probably two years older than him. Oh, yeah. Which could happen. You sell it. Which could happen.

You're a great actor. Thank you. Really? Thank you. Because he was a great actor. Was. He's an activist now. Hey, I don't know if y'all are aware, but I just did my first stage debut here in Hollywood with Eureka, Chi-Chi Devay. With Chi-Chi. Oh.

I know. Was that the girls in Locked Up? Yeah, with Tracy Lords. Tracy Lords, Mink Stoll, Cocoa Brew. It was so much fun. You know what? I don't remember why we didn't see it, but we didn't see it and it was such a regret, especially now thinking of Chi Chi and everything. I was like, that was going on down the road. You were so lucky you got to work with her. I am so lucky because y'all know her and the outside world who doesn't actually spend time with her.

Phenomenal person. Phenomenal person. I mean, I literally... There were days where I was dreading going into rehearsal and just because knowing she was there and we were going to kiki and laugh, it was okay. Kind of an intimidating cast. I mean, I've worked with Coco Peru and out of respect, she still gives me that fucking chill because she's Coco Peru. And she's very prepared. Girl, she doesn't mess up a period or a comma. Which in drag is like... I mean, you're like...

No, that's the wrong one. That's the wrong one. Witch in drag is... Oh, damn it. That's not good either. It's not. Really, it is. I don't know what it was. The first time I worked there, I was like, oh...

oh, oh, the last minute unprepared piece of shit gag is not going to cut it. You're a professional monologuist and we're green screen clown strippers. Yeah, seriously. I was like, oh, just showing up is not going to be enough for this in 15 minutes late. What a great cast. That's how I felt though, but yeah. Eureka as well, right?

I loved all of them. I will say this, though. There was a lot of personalities in that room. I'm sure porn and drag is similar in that way. Absolutely. Let me just say this. I learned. I mean, that was my stage. I've never done anything like that. So even just like the blocking to the words, like, oh, my God, I can't say cut. And like, you know, I have a hand. Yeah. It was just a lot. It's stressful. Live theater. Horrible. And everyone had an opinion.

I mean, it always, live theater too, I don't know about you guys, I love the moment, I love after it and during it, but the moment before, my mind goes, you made a mistake and everyone's about to find out. Yeah. Every night. Yeah. Every night. It's so crushing. When we were in Roe v. Michelle, and you know, that was like, we had, what, a week of rehearsal? Week, three days. And I remember, I felt the lights come up and we were back to the audience looking at clothes and a minute was an hour and I went, they're about to find us out. Yeah.

Tonight's the night. It's all a charade. Yeah. Yeah. I've had, I had moments where moments before I went on stage during the, my solo tour where I was like, it's over. It's over tonight. It's over tonight. And then you think about it. And even if you had a good night, sometimes the next night you're like, it's the same thing. It's like, it doesn't, there's no cumulative effect. It doesn't even, the last night of the tour, 10 minutes, I would say an hour to, um, hour to before the show.

Abject fear. Total terror. Yeah. Well, now I'm terrified because it's supposed to be coming out to a streaming service. Oh, right. And so I'm like, uh, don't watch it. Don't watch it. Oh, I can't. I can't. And I'm cringing that people are watching it. No, we are the opposite. That TV goes on when I'm on it. I'm not kidding. I don't watch anything unless I'm on it. I don't watch it. I don't like to watch it. I just found out brunch with Tiffany. Brunch with Tiffany is going to be on VH1. I was like, great. I will watch it. I'm on it.

And then she's the opposite. She's like, she was in, she was in a fucking HBO show with Michael Shannon. And I still, I can't watch it. And she still was like, I'm not going to see it. But I, but I, I got a really nice compliment just the other night from Willem who watched it. And he's an actor. And so he was like, he's like, just watch a thing with Judy Greer. Great job. You did a wonderful job. And I was like,

And I almost started crying. Isn't it on HBO? It's on HBO. I keep getting checks for it in the mail. It's fantastic. You were wonderful. It's Room 104. Room 104. So it's like an anthology series, half an hour series by the Duplass brothers. And things happen in a hotel room different every time. It was an acting stretch for her. She played a Russian transsexual prostitute. Yes.

Literally. Did you literally? I did. I literally did. A Russian transvestite traveling companion. Traveling companion. Talk about intimidating. I didn't know, and I was high on weed, and I didn't know. You were? I was. I was high on weed because I was going through that summer of weed. That's Michael Shannon. But I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know that there was that caliber of star when I showed up. Yeah. It was just two other actors who won Academy Awards, by the way. And I'm like,

Oh, again. Oh, again. I'm the clown stripper from the green screen. These are real. And mind you, I've worked on my Russian accent for 15 years and he just shows up working on it for 15 seconds and is better than me. No, you were wonderful. Thank you. You really, you really were wonderful. Enough about me. Let's talk about you. So I'm just happy to be here. I have a question. Yeah. So in the drag and the drag world, not just drag race because drag, you know, drag world, everybody.

everybody's girlfriends, best friends, colleagues, frenemies, enemies. And it seems to me from the porn actors, I know mostly male cause gay guys. Yeah. There is a lot of, um, it's a little, it seems a little competitive and a little, uh, bitchy. It seems a little, um, what's the word for it? They really have an opinion about each other's performances, dick sizes, whether or not they deserve their fan base. And now, and now what I've learned, um,

What's your view count? What's your subscriber count? How often do you post? When do you post? You're not doing it right. Everyone has an opinion on that. I stay away from that shit. I don't give a... Who cares? Stay in your lane. Yes. From the point of people I know, I'll be like, oh, do you know so-and-so? And they'll be like, he's just mad because he's older than me and my dick is bigger. And I'm like, oh...

You know, but it does seem a little. I do have a couple of people that if I were ever to be asked of them, I would describe them that way too. Okay. Yeah. Okay. There's just some, I mean, come on, there's bad people in,

Of course. Because it's petty in every profession. And maybe everyone's not totally cut out for it because I'm assuming in porn too, you've got to have some sense of humor about it. Yeah, what do you think? You should. I mean, you're fucking for a living. I mean, but some people, that's all you have. If that's how you feel, then I mean, it's very, you know. But I feel the same way about drag. I feel when I come across a humorless drag queen, I'm like befuddled. I don't know what to do with it. Like,

An earnest, humorless drag queen. You're like, there's a drag queen we know. You know you put on a wig and act like a fool, right? Like, you know what I mean? Yes. What is the fuck? You will have cum on your face by the end of this. Yeah. There's a drag queen we know where one time she went, so all that stuff you're saying, you're always joking. And I go, yeah. And she was like, okay. What? Like after years of working with this person, she was like, so you're always like kidding. And I'm like, yeah.

Like she thought when I would say something, it was serious. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm dying to know too.

Oh, that's why I figured it out. Dallas, Texas, baby. That is my girl, baby. She's incredible. And I can totally see that. But come on. She also doesn't. She just doesn't get my. Except, except that she is also really, really funny. Funny, yes. And has a huge knock for comedic acting. Yeah, I mean. Which is so, well, we can't, we can't talk drudge, you know. I would be like, you know, ugh, and I would just say something kind of catty and she'd be like.

You really got a mouth on you. She's always bad. Anyway, we're going to take a break.

So I have a quick little, we're back. We're back. I have a quick little lightning round that I'm going to have you respond to. And it's like this or that. And it's just lightning. Pick as fast as you can. Give us a reason why if you want, but we're going to keep it. Don't think about it too much. Don't think about it too much. It's like 30 seconds. You're going to be great. And you're not too high for this. By the way, telling a high person to play a game like this, he just covered his eyes. I don't know why it felt like it was going to help. All right. Mariah Carey or Mariah Cherry? Carey. Lights on or off?

Raisin Bran or Heidi Klum? Heidi Klum. Super hairy or super smooth? Hairy. Peaceful and stupid or depressed and smart? Depressed and smart. Bleach or fabric softener? Fabric softener. Boomer Banks or Jack Hunter? Boomer Banks. Arms or legs? Legs. Fruit snacks or fruit snacks? Fruit fucking snacks. And finally, RuPaul or Lady Bunny? Lady Bunny.

Lady Bunny. All right. Okay. You survived. I love that. Excellent. I put in the easy fruit snacks are fruit snacks. Who are you more scared about burning your house down? Jack Hunter or RuPaul right now? Yeah. RuPaul don't know who the fuck I am. She don't give a shit. And she's somewhere out there fracking, I'm sure. Jack's out there with the...

Oh my God. Jack's out there with the gas right now. I was more worried about Jack and Boomer who was going to be burning shit down. I can tell Jack is okay, Jack. They're both wonderful. Yeah. I love Jack. Jack is me and your sisters and that I just immediately was like, who are you having a fuck? And I was like, not my sister Boomer. Yeah. There you go. There you go. Sister dick will make you sick. And Boomer is truly like,

I think probably like because of OnlyFans and stuff, probably one of the last like studio super superstars we'll see. And you, I mean, nobody's nicer to the drag queens than me. Oh, he's a good time. So she's a girl. She's one of the girls. She's a girl. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Yes. That's her name? Yes. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl.

We love it. We love it. Shut the fuck up. Okay, so as an actor, now, I don't want to like, you know, debunk

I don't want to like talk shit about me. No, not about you. I was going to, I want to, uh, compliment you without, um, uh, denigrating the work of other porn performers. But like I said, you're a great actor and you're very passionate in your scenes. So I wanted to do, um, the earnest questionnaire from inside the actor's studio, which this will be called inside the actor's booty hole. Um, and, uh, and, um, it's the question that James Lipton will ask like Sharon stone and Sandra Bullock at the end of this show. So, um,

So don't think about it too much. Here we go. What is your favorite word? Yes. What is your least favorite word? No. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Spiritually. No, but what turns you on spiritually? What turns me on spiritually? Can you repeat the question? No.

This show is sponsored by MedMen in West Hollywood. So when you said you retired to do philanthropy, you really said smoking weed. Yeah. And growing out my mother. What turns you on spiritually? Priest. Priest. Are we still answering this question, right? That's perfect. That's perfect. What turns you off? Yeah.

Oh, great. That's fantastic. Oh, God. I shouldn't have said that. I regret saying that. We can beep it. I know, but I shouldn't say that. We're going to beep it. I don't like smoothness. We're going to bleep it. Okay. And then it'll be an air of mystery. Ooh. Yeah. Also, I'm with you. Yeah. Yeah. I feel the same. I feel exactly the same. Do you know what? If this percent of people don't like ****, this percent does. Oh, absolutely. So, like, they're fine. Let them have them. Yeah. ****. ****.

We'll be okay. Yeah. Well, chromatic is out. They're going to be fine. Well, and it just got really weird when you would show up and do paperwork before a set. And some people are born in the year 2000 or later. And I'm like, Oh, I can't fuck them. I cannot have sex with them. You know what the problem is too? That's weird. My sister is 21 and my sister's 21 and 20. So any, I could never anybody in that age range. Cause I just think,

I remember that person as a baby. Yeah. How about I graduated high school in the year 2000. I cannot. As a class of 2000 graduate, you have to be fucking born in the 90s or earlier. Girl, even the 90s were, late 90s were a bother to me. I'm like, if you haven't seen Harry and the Hendersons, you can't have it. When I saw my first license, because I sometimes just to check their IDs back in the hooker days. Oh yeah, absolutely. Because it's, you know, when I saw 90s, I was like, 90, 90, 90. Oh God. Like,

It was such a jarring thing Because it's like 90s I remember being in the 90s Thriving I mean I was born almost in the 90s And even to me 90s seems crazy What is your favorite curse word? Fuck What sound or noise do you love? Whenever someone Deposits money into my Venmo account Cha-ching I love that Well yeah What sound or noise do you hate?

The sound of 45's voice. Oh, yeah. For me, it's that email whoosh when the email is sent. I hate that. I hate it. I hate the text. Yeah. It's just text. Any communication. Yeah. Any kind of alert of communication is it. I hate that. How about, okay. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Um. Yeah.

Model? I thought I was already doing that, bitch. This isn't a modeling. We're not going to do a little shoot. I want to be a drag queen, damn it. No, you don't. No, I don't. The amount of time and energy that goes into learning. Anesthesiologist. Actually, I would love to be like an ER physician. There you go. Yeah. You went from drag queen to ER physician. We said dream big. You said I sure will. I sure will. Well, schooling is no issue, honey.

Save yourself. What would you do if you weren't being dragged? And no music either. No makeup. I think real estate's pretty interesting. Wow.

I mean, you told me no standup. Yeah. No standup. No standup. No music. No. Okay. No makeup. I think real estate is really interesting. Okay. Flipping houses. Million dollar. Million dollar listing. Like people say, this is kind of house I want. I say, great. I found the perfect one for you and I'll take a little bit of that money. Goodbye. I like anything where you wake up and you're in control of how much money you make. You're in bed bending with the vacuum. I will sell this house today. I will sell this house. Yes. Or Lady Dynamite when her, um, her real estate agent gets right in her face and kisses her and goes to

we will sell this house. I love that. Or like when I watched that show, that Santa Clarita diet show, they're realtors. And like when they're showing a house, they show up and put cookies in the oven and like light a candle. That's what I would do. Yeah. You would be fucking crazy. You'd be knitting rugs in the bedroom. I'd be parked outside people's houses. Like, have you made a decision either way on that?

With a gun. Fucking weirdo. You would hear me put in the bullet in the revolver. Make people, I would bully people in the buying houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, last question, last question. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say to you when you arrive at the pearly gates? Wow, you did it all, didn't you? Yeah. No stone unturned.

As he's jerking off. Looking at my life, right? Then it flashed back before your eyes. Oh, God. Oh, God. Now, when we said you were gay, we didn't know you were going to really run with it. That's my problem. That's my parents were like, this is your life. Live it how you want to. I was like, fuck it. I'm going to live it. That's incredible. Were they supportive of your career?

Yeah, my mom was the first person I called. She was like, just think it over once you do it. Like, there's no coming back, but this is your life and you just, you have to do what you feel like you need to do. What a blessing. I'm just going to go on a limb and say that that's a pretty...

abnormal response in people's parents, right? Yeah, my mom, her dad was murdered when she was 12, shot and killed on the side of the road by a friend, and just changed her life drastically. And so growing up, she didn't graduate high school. She got a GED, and she was, I can't probably say that on here, but she had it a little bit rougher than anyone. She used to drop me off at school every single day, and she'd say, you don't know what anyone's going through. That could be your mom. That could be your Aunt NeNe or your Aunt Kari. Right.

Yeah. Fucking show up. Don't start a fight. But if someone touches you, you kick them in the balls until there's blood coming out of their mouth and I will be here to get you. Now, Aunt Cree? Aunt Cree was the one that pets my hand and says that it's ashy and draw all the time. And Aunt Nene...

That's pretty lucky. That's amazing. Yeah. It's very lucky. I was talking earlier, like my older brother played football in the NFL for the Patriots, the Dallas Cowboys and the Kansas city chiefs. And then my younger brother like is in the mission, does missionary work, a youth pastor and,

Down at the Wesley Woods. Yeah, he should be. The good old Wesley Woods. Now, I feel like for drag, most parents are either against it or they don't know enough about it to feel one way or the other. Or they think that it's about sex, so they don't ask questions. Yeah. Oh, I can see that, though. Whereas adult film work is pretty, like, everyone knows what that is, so maybe that's why there would be more of a response. Right, right. Well, I was just kind of shocked, too, because I'm like, damn, you really didn't expect anything from me, did you? Like...

Sure, go right on into porn. Oh, she said, there's a paycheck. You better take it as long as you can. And don't call me until you got six figures. Click. And I guess for now, like compared to 15, 20 years ago, when she says it follows you,

compared to... It used to only follow you if someone finds a VHS or something. It's ever, yeah. And now it's like forever. Do you ever encounter any... Are you married? No. No. Do you ever encounter like any objections from guys like in the dating world? Oh my God, come on. It's the same for you all. Yeah. Come on. Unfuckable monsters. And then especially once you start... Yeah. And you start building something that you're wanting to showcase and bring people in to or whatever, they just only see...

They don't know that the person behind it, they don't, it's just weird. I found that weird. Yeah. I found that people often, and this is a little bit true with drag queens, but a lot of times with adult performers is that they kind of assume that you have no boundaries and they're, they can like,

grab you and kind of like just... Oh, I'm the first to throw a punch. Really? Please believe. Really? Okay. I have found maybe this is just unfair but I have found adult film actors when I meet them, especially guys they have like it's almost like a X factor of warmth

and like sexuality, but not in a pervy way where they're comfortable standing close to you. They're comfortable looking you in the eyes. And it is a very like enchanted, it does. It's not pervy, but maybe it's because people like, I mean, boomer, for example, is probably the one first people I met where I was like, I barely know him. And he'll like stand close to you and look you in the eye and like, you know, give you a hug when he meets you. And I was like, yeah, I guess porn people aren't shook by touching as much. And like, it's kind of a redeeming quality, I think. Hmm.

Because don't you really leave it all out there? And then in the real world, you're like, and what? Most people are scared of showing their ass. I've been showing my ass literally. I find power in it. I'm like, what are you going to say? I'm a slut? Okay. Like, yeah. Roll the tapes. I mean, you're doing the same thing, bitch, except I'm getting flown to Barcelona paid for and I'm getting a check and coming right back. Like, yeah. Die mad. Someone's like,

I'm going to fly you over to Europe. Can you spend three weeks there and I'll make sure you come back with a lot of money and you'll get to have sex with people and you don't even have to get on your grinder to do it. We'll book the people for you to have sex with. And free testing. Yes. All that. Great lighting. And good lighting, thank God. You have someone that is there to wipe the dirt off of your foot.

Well, at least I always was. Well, you showed up. Well, you always ran to work barefoot. So he showed up like Mel. Just Mel. Just covered in dirt. From nowhere, Texas. He showed up. Now people always ask us, like, I don't know about you, but young drag queens...

People are always like, do you have any advice? I say don't do it. Well, yes. Don't do drag. Get the fuck out of my house. But for people who are getting into porn, literally it's always somebody after. Yeah. Yeah. People are getting into porn. What's your tea on? Do you want to say something? No, I'm getting into porn.

So this is applicable to me. I'm a young, struggling woman. And I just want some from a veteran award, critically acclaimed award winning legend. What do you have? Do you have any advice? Don't tax yourself because you can't address all the struggles on the couch over here. But what's your like takeaway? I mean, like, I'm assuming you had some learn the hard way moments, etc. Well, you know, I got into the industry through a Craigslist ad.

Sam. Did you? That was the industry. That was my industry. Casual encounters. For crossdressers especially. I always tell people to just message me privately, send me your photos, and let me get you in the house of woods and we'll figure it out. There you go. You put the monocle on. Tell me what you want to do and I'm going to find a place for you to monetize what it is you want to do. I mean, there's people that I'm working with that do foot. There's people that do like...

all sorts of different type fetishes just stockings or just free balling and you never know who these people are yes even yeah amanda in her book she talked about like she worked as a dominatrix never touched a guy just yelled at him that's yeah i'm going to do i'm gonna have foot and pee but yeah foot and piss maybe just pissing on my feet that's on the feet you want to piss on the feet yeah yes make sure you make sure you show the bottoms of those yeah always the bottom i've never been to a porn award show is it fun

It was a long... Because it was always fun for me. Yeah, because you're always snatching trophies, Miss Honey Girl. She's sweeping. Did you cry when you won awards? Always. You did? Absolutely. Come on. Well, because too, like, let's be honest, like, here I am actually...

On stage at a porn award show, getting an award for, I mean, it's all just so crazy. And then even in a room full of your peers, it's like, fuck, like y'all see me? Like, I didn't ever feel seen ever. Yeah. And in an industry too, where you probably have a lot of like, what am I doing moments? A moment like that is so like, I did that. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially now that you're retired, you will be able to look back and be like, I did everything. I got paid a lot of money. Everybody's giving me awards. And then I left. Well, and I learned so much. Like I actually took the time to go to like sex expos and like see the business side of it and like really get in with the people that were,

the game changers and the movers and the shakers. Like that's what I wanted to do. Like did you do toys or anything? I have not yet done a toy, but you should do it. Stay tuned. Wesley, you should do a commemorative, especially since you're done for now. You should do an action figure. Okay. Like there's a Tom, a Finland doll. That's like 16 inches. And he's like big, tough guy with a dick for your like fans who are like, you're retiring. Sign a bunch of them.

Do you know where I can get dolls made? I don't know anything about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Final questions? Final remarks? Do you want to let us know where everybody can find you? The Wesley Woods.

Just type it in. So easy. And if you accidentally follow the Christian Bible camp. Honey, I so bad want there to be like when you Google image search Wesley Woods, like prayer circle and me in a circle jerk, right? It's a bunch of links to senior living and Christian stuff. And then when images pop up, it's all you. Wait a minute. Can I touch on one more thing or is it too triggering? Do you remember when you got...

Oh, yes. That's been such a fucking crazy experience. That's one of the reasons. Do you know about that? I got jumped here in West Hollywood. Jumped in West Hollywood.

coming down a sunset on Crescent Heights right after that little like temple there. Holy shit. It was fucking wild. And honestly, the trauma and like the PTSD that came from that, I'm still battling some, some weird shit. I mean, it would make it so bad. And then also like, I didn't even want to exist in my persona anymore because I felt too seen and vulnerable and like, uh,

Maybe like in some ways, like, I mean, I had 14 stitches, like my lip was hanging off. And it was a homophobic attack. This wasn't just America. Whooping you faggot. It wasn't just a mugging. West Hollywood. It was going so bad at one point. I literally thought to myself, this is not going to end well. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Did you lose any teeth or anything? I didn't lose any teeth. Thank God. But I will tell you this because I'm such a crazy cunt. Like I show up to the ER to get my lips stitched up and I'm fucking bloody as hell. And I asked the doctor, I'm like, Dr. Demond's stitching it up a little higher. I've always wanted an upper lip. You better work, queen. You better work, you fucking bitch. Yes.

You know what? They didn't realize gay bashing me. Like it actually made me look gayer and better. And I got scar tissue right there that I can just kind of use like on a dick, like a tongue ring. Like die mad haters. Bam. And I mean, for you to even post it online too. I mean, did you have a moment of like, should I share with people that this happened or should I say nothing? I didn't think about it, but I knew that I was going to miss a shit ton of work because I was going to have to have time to heal. This has changed the scene a little bit.

Yeah. You're not the doctor anymore. You're the patient. Give you a little head wrap. No, the makeup artist has an easy day. That would have been a great, yeah, me too because I'm not having to suck dick. I'm just like, great, just lay here. Use my holes. Yeah. But yeah, it was fucking crazy. Like, whatever. It happened. Was your friend okay? Yeah, he was okay. Oh. Yeah. There's just so many better people that could have happened to. Yeah.

I didn't know if I didn't even know why looking back. I'm like, I can't believe I immediately posted something online about it, but we live in a world where we post fucking everything online, I guess. And Oh my God. But do you remember something similar happened to Valentina? No. Do you remember when Valentina was like mugged in West Hollywood? No, it wasn't the news and stuff. Let me look it up quick. Sorry. Valentina mugged. Sorry. Valentina was mugging and we help. No, no,

no man, man walking with drag performers attacked in West Hollywood. Um, it was during a time where there was during a time where there's a lot of this happening around here. I think that was actually during the time. Was it in 2018? Let me look here. It was 2017, March, 2017. And it was, uh, Trinity Taylor, Valentina and King, um, Jason King. And they got like mugged. Uh, that was crazy. What I'm saying is sometimes hearing it happened to someone, you know, makes it so real. Well, there's, I mean, in there's places where we traveled to where, um,

you get the sense real quick that is not safe to walk in drag. And I remember one of, I can't imagine. Yeah. Last time I was in Scotland there in Glasgow, um, there was the promoters. Like I was just, I was coming from like touring here in the, in the United States where like, I just go anywhere, do whatever I want. And, and they're like, Oh no, no, we'll take you over. And they would not let me go by myself. And I was like, and when they took me over, I was like, Oh, this is why I get shit beat out of me.

Yes. Yes. I've been to the same place with it. It's the, the hotels, maybe four blocks and they're like, you're not walking alone. You're not working. And because drunk straight guys will literally just, they'll come right up to your face and fuck with you. Oh yeah. You know, in Ireland I was in drag and I was like super scary. Antagonist. I was kind of antagonist. The straight guys yelled something and I didn't need to yell something back. And I did.

And Courtney acted with me and she grabbed me and was like, okay, we're leaving. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I was like, they said, they called me disgusting. And I was like, that's not what your dad said last night. It was so lame. And I was like, I should have been beat up. I should have been beat up. Just with a bad joke. Full sixth grade burn. By the way, professional comedian. Well, you know what else?

Your mom. Just terrible. And they said, you know what? We weren't going to beat the shit out of you, but that punchline sucks. Yes. You deserve it. Well, thank you for joining us. Thank you all for having me. This was so much fun. I'm super grateful. Thank you all. All right. That's it.

That's it.