Believing in Milk & Cookies with Trixie and Katya
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Welcome to another exciting edition of About the Beethoven. You ever been to Italy? No. Italy? Never. Italy? No. Italy? Also no. No. Is that a real place? It's a restaurant called Italy. Ah.

Which, listen, got to give it up for the branding. Authentic Italiano Cuisine. Yeah. There's this fierce episode of The Office where Michael goes to New York and he's like, I decided to get an authentic New York slice. And it shows him in Sbarro.

I mean, do you care about that stuff? About Sbarro? Deeply. When I worked at the mall, oh my God, the pizza, the baked ziti. No, not pasta at the mall. Yeah, oh honey. No pasta at the mall. Honey. It comes from a freezer. Noodles that were cooked yesterday, I live. Well, noodles that were not only cooked yesterday, but 50 miles away. Well. Shipped in. But then the digestive process has already started. Yeah.

Straight from Hinkley. Oh my God. Who had that linguine shipped in right from Hinkley? Yeah. Who had her cervix removed? Who was also 12? You want their diseases? Oh my God. Erin Brock of Vinciolini. She could be the comeback, but for mall Italian food? She's exactly Erin Brockovich with an Italian mustache and a mall outfit. Where is the producer money? They're called Boobshead. Boobshead.

When I was on Drag Race All Stars, I had to do Sharon Frokovich. Oh, that's right. And I had never seen the movie and I had to watch it. I had to watch it. They let you watch it? Yeah. Okay, well, that's good. When did you let you watch? When? My best drag friend's, squirrel friend's, bridesmaid's wedding party was like a parody of an Oscar movie. Oh, I see. I see. I see. So we had to watch The Help. I know.

The Queen. Oh. Black Swan. La La Land. What? When? We had to watch all these Oscar movies the weekend before. So I had to watch like six Oscar movies over the weekend. The Queen. Nothing else to do. Oh my God. I'm sure she's a lovely woman. Whatever. Yeah. Mary. Anybody get time for that? Anybody get time for that? Nobody has time for that. Dino DNA. Oh.

I would sooner watch a mega clip of them removing dino DNA from mosquito and Amber. You know what I'm talking about?

Do you want to tell the audience about your biking? Oh my God, I do. Sorry. Dear audience, I am sweating the house down boots for Saatchi Realness because I am the proud new owner of an electrical bike. Give it up, Chis. Electrical bike. Which I have to tell you, I was a little, perhaps rightly so, cautious of the maiden voyage, which was yesterday because...

The thing is like 4,000 pounds. Wait a minute. That thing's been sitting in your house for weeks. It's been sitting in my house. I've been kissing it and dusting it. I know, but every time I've come over and you go, it's fierce. And you hadn't ridden it yet? No. I have ridden it, a version of it before. That's what prompted me to buy the bike. And, yeah.

And I, so I went to Jason's to my trainer's house yesterday, got lost because I was vibing. Love it. And I was like, oh, I'm not going to listen to headphones on the first trip because what if I get, what if I die? You know what I mean? And I have AirPods in. I feel like that could be.

Are you kidding? I was coming from David's this morning and I go, can you give me a ride home? He goes, I have a meeting. I said at noon. I said, I have a meeting at 1130. He goes, yeah, but I have to get ready for my meeting. I said, okay, well, I guess I'll get on a bird scooter. And when the talent for your TV show dies, we'll see how good that meeting is. And then he gave me a ride.

Well, see, by every way. But yeah, whatever means necessary. Do you do you really have to bully him into giving you a ride home? Not always. I mean, it is like we've been doing five years. Oh, so and I have to wake up and go, can you drive me home? Yeah. And then the killer is he'll be like, no. And then I know as soon as I leave, he drives to go get coffee. So I'm like, problem. It's just not Hollywood. I know I'm 11 minutes down the road. But that's good, though, because you have to keep some tension. Yeah. I mean, he also used to pick me up from the airport.

So the veneer has rubbed off. He picked you up from the airport? He used to for years. Oh, Mary, fuck that ride. I would leave you in the dust. His karma is way built up. Oh, so he's in the deficit now. Not only that, he could start hitting me. He hits me, but he picks me up from the airport. Honestly, a completely even. Yeah. I mean, if he hits you for a whole year, you had it coming. Don't say that.

Mary Dugan. Get you a man who can do both. Yeah. Meaning pick it from the airport and beat the shit out of you. Wait, he hit me, but it felt like a kiss because he left me at the airport. Or, you know what I'm saying? Oh, that's a country song. Oh, yeah. He hit me every day, but it felt like a kiss because he dropped me off at the airport at the Delta Terminal, Delta One. Delta One. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about Delta One. No, no, no. Let's talk about Emirates.

Let's talk about that shower in the air. Mary, I flew Emirates from Dubai once with Fina Barbital and Brandon. Right, Brandon? Same.

No, it was David Silver. Okay. It was David. Did he shower? Did he shower in the air? He didn't shower, but there's a nice club, you know? There's like a nightclub on the plane. Yeah, there's a nightclub. And Fina and David, the whole flight, vibing in the nightclub. Not drinking, but oh. Just vibing. It was, you know, the remix of Dusty Springfield's Spooky playing. It was loungy. They were just like, ugh. Hors d'oeuvres. But I also love on Virgin Atlantic, they have that... Virgin Atlantic, you know how it's like the cool...

Like the marketing. I know what you mean. All the flight attendants look like Kylie Minogue or Virgin Australia. They all have the bun here. Oh yeah. Yeah. They have the low bun. The chic low bun with the scarf and painted Mary painted the amount of makeup. Yeah. They came from their shift at Sephora. I, I know. I feel like double stack lashes. Do you think it's necessary? Would you enforce that as the CEO? I feel safer.

You do? Oh, because competent people who are prepared. Yes. That's a really good point, actually. Do you want the flight attendant who looks like Tom Hanks in Castaway? Clutching a volleyball? I guess I see your point. However, would you let somebody work without a full face of makeup? No.

I think that presentation does matter. And if you're making people feel safe. Yeah. And let's be honest. It matters more. A plane is a bus in the sky. It's a hotel in the sky. The flight attendants looking wonderful is one of the only ways to elevate the experience. Yeah, I suppose you're right. Men and women. This isn't a female. Men should have clean haircut.

You know, look good. Makeup though? If you have like a whitehead pimple, I think you should put some makeup on it. Or put a bandaid on it. Yeah. Or draw, or do like. A mole? No, like a drawn on black heart, like very Marie Antoinette. Oh yeah. Or a sticker. Or a face tattoo sticker. A teardrop perhaps. Would you allow face tattoos on your airline? Absolutely. Yeah.

Really? I think, I mean, the discrimination against tattoos needs to stop. Okay, fair. What about always tired under the eye? That's more of a crime to me than tattoos. I'm like, I don't have an issue with the blatant gang-identifying paraphernalia on your neck. A gang-identified self-mutilation? Yeah, but your eyes look tired and your lips are chapped.

The tattoo on your board that says I killed someone, no issue. The fact that you have bags and red eyes, gotta go. Or like we have a friend who has a neon pink tattoo that says cunt. Oh, is that ambient? And yeah, I have no issue with that. Where is it on her body though? It's on her leg. So I mean in a flight, I think she would have hosiery. Yes, she would have hosiery. She also has a thing that says slut in Russian that I encouraged her to get. Love that. I like Pride Month, not Pride Month. Hi, gang. Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the flight attendants on Delta wear pink.

Which I love. Yeah, that's great. But I think Susan G. Komen's up to something. She's trying to take pink away from me. I think she's trying to, I think that she's trying to like build an empire of pink that has nothing to do with women's boobs. But more on that later. She'll have to get up pretty early to beat me at the pink game. You should be Susan G. Komen for Halloween. Maybe I am. Honestly, it would probably get me in less trouble than some of my past costumes. That is, that is true.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

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Wait, we have to decide about a Halloween costume. Oh, gosh. Well, that's right. That's right right now. I don't know if it's been announced, but...

What? Our Halloween gigs. Oh, yeah. I'm not even talking about that, though. I'm talking about we're doing the Halloween episode. Oh, we have to do the Halloween. And I don't know what to be. I have no idea. Do you think I have a closet full of fun, spooky looks? Well, it's not spooky, but fun. Maybe we could do like an homage to. I was going to wear an orange swimsuit and put pumpkin face on it, like two triangles, a nose and a mouth. So sexy. Sexy pumpkin lady. Sexy pumpkin lady.

And the green eyeshadow for the stem. Oh my God. It's like the girls are like, so I want to look totally different. I want to look really, I want to go like really out of the box. But I have to be exactly like me.

And so I went into like not crazy makeup, but super dramatic, but also really simple. Yeah. And like huge lashes. They're teeny. I don't want to look like I have makeup on. Okay. Can I see a reference photo? And they pull up Megan Fox on a red carpet. I'm like, not Megan Fox, fucking Dame Edna. They're like, I don't want to look like a drag queen, but I want top and bottom lashes. Yeah. That aren't long. You know what? They're really long.

There's no crime in having a vision. There's crime in not being self-forthcoming about what that vision is. Yeah, let's be honest about what you really want to do. You just want to look sexy and slightly more done up than you are right now. Yes, can you just sit down on the chair and say, I know it's Halloween. I just want to look really hot. Give me like a porn eye and like a sexy lip. But they don't even want that. I want to be like a crazy, gross, kooky monster thing. So I guess maybe just blush.

Yeah. They do that. I'm doing, we're going to a Hollywood, like, you know. Okay. Either one. Give me Heidi Klum. Oh. Or give me like, you know. Or the bargain basement bin. Yeah. Like five minutes out the door. Oh, it's Halloween. Quick. You know. I don't know what I'm going to wear. I, I,

Do you have a favorite Halloween costume you've done? I don't even remember what they are. I know last year was like a priest cardinal something. It's got to be the vampire witch from the future. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With the eyeball. Yeah, the eyeball. Yeah, that was great. That was a good year for me too. What else? Do you always do sexy? Can't help it. I don't know what I'm trying. I don't know what I'm doing. Well, I walk on a set and I think I look spooky and then I trip over everyone's huge cocks. They're just jutting out of the penis. Everywhere I look, there's a penis. Where did all these hardcore

Where did the cocks come from? I turn to Pete. I go, we've talked about this. And the veins. The veins. Your hard cock. It's purple. I'm going to trip on it. Can you at least take off the cock ring on set? Fuck my ass. Fuck my ass. I love it. What do you think about people wearing cock rings during the day when it's not sex? Okay. Personally, I am not a fan of cock rings in general. Me neither. In fact, they turn me off. Like, they actively take me out of the sexual experience. Yeah, same. Same.

What about you, Brandon? Brandon, you like the cock ring? Oh, he passed. Brandon has passed. Well, you know what he does when we're doing stuff like this? He'll go in my closet and he'll close the door and he'll sit in there so he doesn't disturb the sound. He'd take phone calls. So he's in my closet on the floor. Don't. Literally. A quiet place. Because he knows I'll walk in there like, we're filming. Yeah. That's the assistant you need, mama. I'll say that I've seen a cock with a cock ring.

What? I've seen a cock with a cock ring. A cock? Why am I saying it like that? Cock. I've seen a cock. I don't like the word used casually. Like, because we don't really do that in America, I feel like. It's also just, it's always sexualized. It's porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I see? Show me your cock. Show me your cock.

Show me your big fat cock. Well, you know on Pornhub, they add on Pornhub will always be some girl fingering herself being like, you want to show me your cock? Always that word. Well, it's not dick because dick is too playful. Yeah. K-A-W-K. Cock. Show me your penis. I guess it's the alternative is like, show me your cock.

Hey, hey, I like your cock. Hey, hey, hey, guy, will you show me your cock real quick? God, the head. That's the purple, huh? Do you say that in the bed sexy times? Cock, the word cock? Or did you say dick? Dick. Dick. But that cock is a little, who am I pretending to be? Rebecca Moore. Right. My Sophie Anderson is not convincing.

You know, like when I'm sucking dick and I try to, and I do that thing in porn where girls pull their hair back and there's nothing there. There's nothing there. Yeah. I'm just, Oh, she's good. I'm doing a moment. Yeah. You're doing like, um, a pictures thing that code that like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Wait, Sophie Anderson and Rebecca Moore as Halloween costumes. Ooh. Kind of expensive. No, no, no, no. You get balloons, right? And then you just get- Well, we have best plates. Yeah, but you need big. You don't think ours are big enough? I don't think yours are big enough for Sophie's. Do you know how big hers are? But I have the Dolly Parton ones, which were bigger. Are they really big? I mean, they have to be huge. They're big. They're not probably- They're not Jimbo. Okay. I mean, do we have to do Jimbo? Yeah. Oh, really?

Why did she invent... Sorry. When did she invent breasts? Jimbo? Yeah. Did you know that if you wear a breastplate online, you have to pay homage to the fact that Jimbo invented boobs? Oh, James Mansfield. Anytime I wear a breastplate, James Mansfield. What is that? Why do people feel compelled to do that? Because...

Their only reference and scope of drag is a television program. Yes. Talking to you. But they don't realize. But you don't realize? You don't smell that? That shit in your mouth? People weren't wearing titty plates since before any of us were born. Mary, yeah, Tang Dynasty.

I would say that the original titty plate Eve from the Bible. Yeah. Excuse me. Maybe look at, uh, look, uh, pick a book up. You fucking cock. Cock. Cock. Sucking dick and cock. Okay. So I'm not going to die in this bike. Well, I'm going to die in this bike. You're wearing the helmet. I'm wearing the helmet. I have the helmet over the hat, which makes me look a bit prepared. Okay. Yeah.

You know what, though? Sun in your eyes? Seriously. Safer. I have glasses. But I mean, the brim? Yes. Safer. Safer. I got my little SPF. I got my glasses. But I'm just, I don't know. I'm worried because the people in LA are really...

They're ornery. You're pushing 40 on an electric bike. We're all worried. Yeah. Okay. The traffic's not the issue here. It's the red flag. You know what you're one step from? One of those fuckers who has those bikes where you sit down. Oh my God. With a little flag. With a flag. And some of my favorite stickers. Stickers on the back. And also not headphones. Your own radio. My own radio. I see. I see.

My own radio with giant headphones corded into it on my lap, trying to change the thingy, you know what I mean, do the dial. And then there's a sticker on the back that says, how's my driving? Call 1-900-SOCK-DICK and suck my ass. Suck on my dick. If you ever got a car, would you get a vanity plate? I would not. Great drag name. Vanity. Oh, yeah. Vanity plate. What is her last name? Vanity Fair?

Don't know. It's Friday. The weekend. The real me comes alive. I think it's the fair. That makes sense. Yeah. Great name. Such a good name. Such a good face.

Have you seen the cover of Courtney Act's book? Gorgeous. Are you kidding me? Courtney Act's book called Caught in the Act, which I guess you coached her into that. I did. Yeah. She wanted to name it Inflagrante Delicto. Are you lying? No. I mean, I love that, but mama, this ain't Clue. Courtney, we're selling books. This ain't Clue. Yeah. This isn't Intro to Latin at Cornell. We're not a banister in the 1830s. And who's buying this? Yeah. Yeah.

I learned something new. What? Non-binary, people say N-B-E-N-B-Y. I just learned that too. E-N-B-Y. And I learned that the other day and I was like, I feel real stupid. You know what's stupid? I said, what is? And then as soon as I said it, I went. Oh, Mary, I didn't get it. I had to look it up. And I had, even after having looked it up, I was still a bit confused. And then Andrew's like, oh, it's N-B. But that's what's great about being open-minded. We're always learning. And we're always growing. Growing.

Oh my God. You know, I feel very fortunate that I am a cis male because I'm imagine, and we don't talk about, imagine how tired we are having to explain to people. If you're non-binary, do you have to explain that to people every other week? Or do you just go, Mary, look it up and then walk away. I think like there's a, I mean, I mean, think about like the time you've had to explain to customs what you do for work.

Oh my God. You know what I mean? It's probably on that level. Imagine that every day. And so you just, it depends on your energy level. Depends on your level of interest. Do I want to do the heavy lifting for someone? Depends on how they look, where they have a hard cock right in front of you. You know what I mean? Or a full, a full, full pussy. I was trying to think of the, engorged, engorged wet pussy. Engorged wet clit. Yeah. Tumescent clitoris. Is a hard cock, is the equivalent of wet pussy? Yeah.

Yeah, right? I mean, in colloquialism. Hard cock would be like a pulsing clit. No. Because if you're turned on, I'm hard. Yes. If you turn on with a vagina. Wet. As a woman, a person with a vagina. A person with a vagina. Wet. Wet.

We're clearing it up for people. Yeah. Listen, also the fact that there's so much mystery still surrounding the female, or let's just say vagina, the vulva and the clitoris and all that stuff. It's kind of dazzling. Sometimes I worry that I'm a gay person and I still know more about it than straight men must. Right? Yeah.

Well, I mean, straight men are probably like they don't ask, but they go down. They explore. Do you know what I mean? Like they they have the experience. They dive into the cave. But sure. A lot of people probably still think that that you piss out of the pussy. They do, don't they? My sister had her baby. I just have to tell you this because I asked her. I said, you know, I've never been this close to someone who's been pregnant where I can ask.

Anything. Anything. I mean, I used to change her diapers. So like, I know I've, you know, so I know her body as a child. So we're very, and she's always been very open about sex and everything. And I go, can I ask you, how do you feel? She was like, it was the worst pain ever. And she had, she had a, um, the dural. Yeah. And it still was horrible. She was like, I don't think I could do it again. Yeah.

She's like, I'm so proud. She's like, I didn't put my pants. Good. Did she get ripped apart? She was like, I didn't put my pants. Oh, she was like, so like, and what? She was like, I didn't put my pants. And what bitch? Like she was so excited. The TikTok dance for that I'm sure is pretty fierce. Yes. What did, what happened? But then I said, how's your, she said, she said, I hope she doesn't mind. I'm saying this, whatever. She was like, I did tear a little, but I guess that's normal. And I go, how bad? I said, are you going to be walking tomorrow? Or is your pussy hit the ground like a wet bandaid?

And she was like, not that. I was like, okay, good. Like a wet sack of grapes. Yeah. Just. But she did it. It's just so weird to think about. No. I remember when my sister was a baby. So the baby's having a baby. Yeah. I don't know why that's blown my mind. And then that baby might grow up to one day. Have a baby. Have a baby. What's the, was it Odelia? Odina. Odina. Okay. Odina. Full head of hair. Four inches long. More hair than I've ever had. Are you serious? Yes. So much hair.

She's Native American. That's father's African-American hair is lit. Perfect. Flawless. Wow. Not relatable content on this channel. Hairline starts one half inch above the eyebrow. Pretty much like I saw. I'm like, you're this, this person's two years old.

and came out two days old. Two days old. This person's two days old and came out with a full weave. Yeah. A yaki bundles, mama. Six yaki bundles. Virgin Remy Brazilian bundles. Get those.

those bundles. You can't bundle that baby up quick enough. That baby came out bundled. Bundled. I'm having babies. Are you going to do the nails? You know, you got to do the ears first. You got to get the ears pierced now. Well, we immediately talked about she's my sister's been on the YouTube channel. Very girly girl as it is. And we were already like, we got the wig.

acrylics, lashes. Let's do it. You should do all, you should get Latisse now. I mean, mama, when she turns 13, it's going to be a wrap. And then you do the acrylics on those baby fingers because she ain't touching nothing. I also have a hard time understanding pregnancy makes sense. There's a baby makes sense. I just, not to be ignorant, that baby is in that person. Wait, wait.

That baby was in that person. I've never met the baby because it's three days old. Yeah. But I've also sat this close to her seven months pregnant. So I guess I've been a foot from the baby. Does that mean that's the same body? I don't mean to be ignorant, but I'm gay. I don't think about having babies. So I'm just like, what? Can you think about having something in your body that's a living? I mean, you know, I would not against your will. Well, I've had a lot of things alive in me. Yeah. My car. Yeah.

What about several hundred million sperm? Your dad's cummies. We're taking a break. And we're back. Cummies. Daddy's cummies. What about daddy's cummies? Your life is about to change forever.

Is that something you say during sex? Not me. Not me, Mary. Oh, zero conversion. This is the act of passing on a virus such as HIV to a person who's there. Willingly. Willingly or not to accept it. Well, sometimes also ceremoniously. We're not condoning it. We're just talking about it. No, no, no. Yeah. But some people, it's like a, today's the day. Today's the day I'll get healthcare. Do you know what I mean? Today's the day I'll be eligible for housing.

I don't, yes. I don't understand it. I think the only way to grasp it and move on is to say one of those like colloquialisms like, well, takes all types. You know, I don't really understand it, but... Takes all kinds. Yeah. Some people like peanut butter. Others like to catch AIDS.

Do you remember what I, do you remember, we were on some kind of press tour where I said, you know, you can have chili or chili with noodles. And I don't know what I was saying. It was, it was, it was the, we were doing press for, and yeah, you said, I still don't, I am so curious about that moment. I don't know what I was saying. You can have chili or you can have it with noodles.

Listen, I'm trying for sound bites. They're not always successful. You can have one lunch or you can have six or seven. You could go to five or six stores or just one. Can we talk about the elephant in the room, which is this fucking air conditioner cock. This fucking sexy fuck.

fat, thick, viscous gel, hot, snappy, fucking freezing cold air. I am getting tentacle porn. She got you together. Sexualized by this air conditioning. Yeah. I want to like, that's the duct or the vent. It's one of many. You know, you know, you know what I want to do. I'm going to get on a ladder. I want to suction cut my asshole to that fucking great. And then just suck up all that cold air.

it's so sickening. It's so sickening. It's fabulous. They'd be like, how did Trixie die? That idiot plugged in 12 window units and didn't ventilate the room and died. Carbon monoxide. Yeah. And she loved every minute of it. She died doing what she loved. I love air conditioning. I got to tell you, the mix of being a Californian now and a drag queen. Oh,

Oh, yeah. Air conditioning matters to me more than the company I keep. Oh, Mary. It starts air conditioning, then air, then food, water, and so on and so forth. Oh, I got to say something. I got to talk.

something I went to a makeup event last night Colourpop launched the Powerpuff girl collection with Colourpop and I was already in drag filming with Eureka so I said it's down the street I'll go I'll take a lap have a free drink come on and I love Colourpop and you got goodies right got goodies of course and I go there and who's there but Miss Gina Gumm

Love it. She's on the patio. What is she doing? But I have to tell you, it's a makeup event at 5.30 p.m. on a patio in the summer in Los Angeles. Oh, no, no. So everybody's there in makeup looks and wigs. And we're like. Melting, melting, melting. So I love ColourPop, but indoor next time, please. Yeah. But there's free drinks, which I love. And then Miss Gina Gum comes up and it's a PowerPuff event. She's in a blue, I mean, suggestion of a dress.

A swatch of fabric. Scraps tied together by, you know, two pinwheels and some floss. And she comes up and she's in two pigtails and she goes, because, you know, we go way back, like pre-drag race. She goes, that's right. You do. Yeah. And we were talking about management. We're talking about how a lot of the newer girls don't have managers. Yeah. And a lot of the good ones. Yeah. Yeah. And she goes at this point, tricks, the dolls are the dolls.

Which I think means like, I don't know what she meant, but I get what she meant. I do. I do. It's like the, it's, it's now you're either a doll now or you're never going to be a doll. You know what I mean? Like the dolls are the dolls. Yeah. And then she doesn't drink. So she, so, but, but they're serving alcoholic drinks with boba. Oh, so she goes, she goes, is that boba? And she goes and gets a non-alcoholic boba and kills it. And I was like, how's the boba? She was like, it's good.

Yeah, and she's in the cutest little purse, an acrylic bag that has nothing but a selfie light in it. A purse with a selfie light. Just Gia is everything you want her to be. Yeah, when she came to my birthday party, she had her own like photo shoot right by the DJ booth. And she was like, I mean, latex done, flawless, and then just tuned out the whole room. You know, it was like, I love that. I love that kind of like that vibe.

That power. I could never do that. Always through self-conscious. But she just does like, oh, no, no. Yeah. It's fierce. Yeah. So then she did a couple other things, which I love. She goes, the dolls, the dolls. At this point, the dolls are the dolls. So then she's going to the pretty young, not pretty young thing. Pretty, what's that company? Pretty Little Things. Pretty Little Things. She's going to that event afterward. And so she's downstairs. We're downstairs in the lobby and we're waiting for the, um,

Okay. And she's going, she's taking selfies. She's got the, people are walking by trying to get in the restaurant and she's stopping traffic to like take pictures. And then the girl at the reception goes, I'm really sorry. I, my manager, my manager's here. So I'm probably gonna have to ask you guys to leave. And I couldn't help but think, by the way, transphobia. Um, just cause she's dressed in that too. Just cause she's dressed. Well,

and taking photos doesn't mean she's doesn't mean she's a whore exactly doesn't mean she's a whore hello I was just like and then Jay goes it's okay doll I've been kicked out of places before and then Lee I mean I just loved it I loved it I mean unshakable unflappable but then get into this I go Jay you look she looked gorgeous of course I go you look amazing she goes

She goes, doll, I came here yesterday thinking the event was yesterday. I read the flyer to RSVP yesterday. And so I came in this look yesterday. She did a dry run. She came in and no one was there. And she was like, I'm here for the makeup event. And they were like, what? So she's there in like basically a club dress and full drag makeup. And they were like, what are you here for? We're not doing that. That's, I mean, think about like the girls, the dolls, usually late. That's not a good thing.

That's a day early? A day early. That's pretty fierce. She's more punctual, honestly. Yeah. Did a dry run. I know.

I know. I just thought it was so funny because I'm like, you know what, Gina? That's why you don't work in scheduling. And that's okay. Yeah. That's why we don't have Gina Gumm in logistics. We have her on the main stage. I know. I love Gina Gumm because every time I see her, I get some kind of little story like that little nugget. A nugget or like a really perfect poetic encapsulation of like... It's like a tableau. Oh, yeah. Like a theater. She doesn't really want to break the fourth wall. I don't think there's any walls in the Gina Gumm experience. It's a wall-less venture. And then she goes...

So trick, how can the doll get on the PR list? Wait for your makeup. And I said, well, you just got on it says corner me at the party and, you know, reminded me. Yes. That's so funny. I mean, she's like, I think that she sort of lives her life as if it's always being videotaped. Does that make sense? Yeah, of course. And even in private little moments like that, often like you'll find these like things were like, is, is there a camera here? Because this is gold.

Do you want me to hit the thingy? Yeah. Start that and stop it again. Should be going? It's going. Okay. I think we lost you for a couple minutes. Nobody be mad. Whatever. It's probably not a good story. We'll put in a picture of a pumpkin. Love it. Yeah. I mean, I'd like people to know the milk and cookies thing. Tell again, please. Unprovoked. We were in a cab in Brazil and just me, her, and Laganja just going God knows where, probably get lunch. And she just turns to me and says, huh, do you believe in milk and cookies? And I was like,

What does it mean? I don't know. Santa Claus? Like, I don't know. We're not talking about Christmas. We weren't talking about anything. I believe it was just after a pretty long silence. She broke the silence with that truth bomb.

And what did you say? I said... Did you just laugh? I probably just laughed for like 20 minutes and said, I think so. Do you believe in milk and cookies? Do you believe in milk and cookies? There's a NYX lip color I love called Tea and Cookies and every time I use it, I think of that. Yeah. I mean, yeah. She was on All Stars for what? Two, three episodes? Iconic. Iconic. I'm sorry. And even with Farrah, it was just great because she's so...

and a fair is so kind of raw. But that storyline was just so fucking magnetic. There's a few things. Gina going...

I was so bored after that performance. Girls soak up that sweat in your forehead. Also, when Farrah goes like, you're insecure. And Gia goes, oh, mom, I'm very secure. Are you secure? That's the perfect reality TV strategy. I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? Yes. I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? Also, well, there's room for everyone. Let's just say that. What?

What privilege? Everything. Everything. What you want to do is not necessarily what you're going to do. On the fridge. At our management company, they're on the fridge. What you want to eat is not necessarily what you're going to eat. In parentheses, you fat fucking bitch. Yes. And it's helpful and it applies to everything and nothing. Do you believe in milk and cookies? That will pop into my head anytime. Anytime.

Because I don't know what it is. Exactly. It's, yeah, it's like one of the, it's a Zen koan. It's a riddle that's supposed to, meant to provoke enlightenment. She's an icon. Yeah. I just get excited every time I see her. I mean, she's very exciting. She's very exciting. Do you think it, um. We have talked about Gia Gunn for 20 minutes. And before that, we talked about Vanity for about five. Are we chasers? Oh, we're chasing the dolls. We're, we're drag chasers. Are we race chasers? Are Dolly, Dolly Emerus?

Dolly Amorous? Oh, that's the other good Gia one. Dolly Amorous. When Gia was saying, is the person attracted to drag queens, trans women, crossdressers, et cetera, she goes, does he worship the dolls? I love it. And I still use it. Yeah, and it is particularly apt, worship the dolls, because often men, I would say men, or anybody really, who is on that track, they're not.

They're on it. They're on to different types too. Yes, definitely. But they are, they have a singular kind of focus when it comes to securing the bag of the doll. Do you know what I mean? In a bag in the trunk. Yes. Like they will chase you down the highway. They will stop at nothing. We talked about it. And take it, take it or whatever. I used to leave the club and that car would pull up and tinted windows and roll the window down this much. Yeah. Which is very helpful. Oh, sure. No. No.

No. Oh, since I don't choose murder today. Thank you. I know me, my dumb ass, but like, well, he sounds kind of cute. If I wanted to roll the dice, I go down to Pottawatomie and play craps. Pottawatomie Casino in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Oh, that's where y'all have casinos. Oh yeah. Cause it's a part reservation there. Right, right, right. So they have casinos and it'd be like Oneida, Pottawatomie, all of them. And a lot of the gays will go out and the bar closed. They go to Potto.

We're going to Pato. We're going to Pato. Gonna lose some money. We're going to Pato. Do you ever do that gamble? Never. Mary, I'd rather just throw my money in the trash. Mary. Just throw it in the trash. Or shop. Yeah. I'd rather buy bubbly bounce for my fridge. Yeah. Shopping, you go to bubbly bounce. When you think of shopping. But that's a luxury. Carbonated flavored water with caffeine in it.

Okay. That's not, they're not giving that out at relief centers. Do you know what I mean? You're still very much salt of the earth. Well, when I splurge, I buy bottled water. What the fuck do you buy? I'm sorry. A dragon. I know Brandon went shopping for me today and I was like, Brandon, I want to try that bubbly bounce. I want to be bad. That's me being like wild with my money. Yeah. You are. Oh God. She's decadent. She got a fizzy soda. Well, no, I have changed a little cause now I'm obsessed with Nordstrom.

Okay. I just asked David today. I said, if we get married, can we get married at Nordstrom at the cafe? You don't have to get married at Nordstrom cafe. That's the trashiest thing ever. That's literally the definition of trash. You should get registered at Nordy's. At once a day, I turn to David and I go, why don't you buy me anything from Nordstrom? And he's like, this bit you're doing is not funny. It's not a bit. I said for the honeymoon, I want you to take me shopping at Nordstrom. A big one, a big Nordy's. Would you do a Nordy's rack?

No, it's got to be the... Although I've heard good things, I've never been. I've loved Nordy's. Is it like TJ Maxx? It's like an upmarket TJ Maxx. If you have found something good at Nordstrom, let us know in the comments or on Twitter. Do you love Nordy's? Do you love The Rack? Yeah, The Rack. If you found a good thing... Well, The Rack. I love The Rack, mama.

The rack. The rack is good. It's like TGI, not TGI Fridays, TJ Maxx. Yeah. Well, I read these men's health magazine articles about being more European and owning far less clothing, but only nice clothing. Yes, yes, yes. So now I'm interested in being like, if you have one pair of blue jeans, you don't need four. Well, you don't because if you have one pair of nice blue jeans, they'll last forever. Right. Forever.

So I've been trying to like, if I haven't worn it, let it go. I have a stack of Drag Race shirts. It doesn't mean I need to keep all of them. We're thrifting. Do you thrift? Do you pass? I used to. Oh, give away? Yeah, give away. We donate everything. We don't throw them away. No, no, no, no, no. I mean like do you... What's it called? Up... Steal? I don't know. What's it called? Upcycling or recycling or... Oh, like going thrift shopping? No, like when you...

What does upcycle mean? Upcycle means I'm not going to throw away this planter. I'm going to turn it into a brush cup. Like you're just using it for something else. I think, right? Is that upcycling? Upcycling? So I don't remember. But anyways, what is upcycling? You can like, what is it? Okay. Just as cycling. What is upcycling? Upcycling.

It's known as a creative reuse. It's the process of transforming byproducts, waste materials, useless or unwanted products into new materials. Yeah. Okay. Upcyc. Okay. So like I upcycled my jokes into better, a new show. Yeah. If you turned your Altoids tin into a wallet, which I've done. Well, that's the great too. Yeah. Waste not want not. Um, but yeah, I don't, I don't like, um, especially boy stuff. I want to have it all in, um, one closet. Yeah. They were saying in men's health, they were saying like, uh,

Live like James Bond. Like if you had to take your whole thing in a suitcase tomorrow, you could. Who would be in that suitcase for you? Well, they were saying like you really need one dark denim and a pair of like neutral blue or green chinos. Okay. Blue or green? Like an olive. Okay. They were saying olive chinos are deceptively the most like universal type of pant. I guess...

Okay. I don't know about chinos in general. I don't have any. I'm not trying to do that. But I want to get into the chinos. Well, we're getting, I mean, I'm that age now. Well, that's the problem. I should have eschewed jeans altogether and now I'm just wearing chinos. Yeah. So chinos on me, 24 hour photo. What? Robin Williams in 24 hour photo. Is he a serial killer or not? Yes. Yes.

I mean, I think it's like past that. It's like a step beyond Dilbert, Philbert. So you think I look worse than Robin Williams playing an old serial killer? And they also said you need like a denim jacket and then like a like a black bomber jacket. Something to wear with both. Okay. They said like a pair of like white sneakers, like more casual. And then a pair of like black leather sneakers because that can be dressy. Okay. But in the dress shoes as well.

I think they said one dress shoot up. One dress shoot. Yeah. Okay. And then they said a few different t-shirts. A thong. A thong panty and a wig, a clown wig. I have so many socks and so many underwears that I have a hard time throwing them away. I recently had to do the purge where I went, if it doesn't have a sister sock, it's going. Oh, yeah. And for underwear, I'm 31. Some of my underwear I've had since probably college.

And I was like, we got to let it go. But it was in good shape. There's no holes in it. Are you sure? The elastic was good. That brown crust. Don't yell at me. The brown crust. It's not like I'm going to wash it. I'm not going to be villainized for using it. You know what? Maybe it's a country thing. Like use it until it's. Yeah. Brown and crusty. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, I can't wear socks two days in a row, but I could wear underpants more than one day in a row. No. See, that's what you just said is wrong.

Me washing and keeping underwear for 10 years is not weird. No, no, no, no, no, no. Living in underwear. No, not living. I'm saying one time. So Monday to Tuesday, it could happen. Socks could not happen. That's why I have so many socks. Do you know what I mean? Monday to Tuesday is one day. Yes. That's what I meant. Socks is one day.

I'm saying that wearing a pair of socks or a pair of underwear for two days in a row can only happen with underwear for me. Yeah. I mean, out of necessity. Yeah. I can't put on a crunchy sock. I don't sweat at all. No. I mean, I'm talking to mama. My feet are idling at kiddie pool. It is hammer time. Yeah. Wet feet? Wet feet. But also, here's the thing. I scrape them with the cheese grater in the shower every day, every time I shower.

And they have an ability to turn over skin that I think is like they're making up for something. Or do you know what I mean? Are you an ex-man? They're in debt. Yeah. My secret talent or my superpower is just having extremely. Maybe we need to learn to make things out of your foot skin the way people make things out of bamboo. Because it grows so fast and it's renewable. It's a natural resource. Yeah. Like pretty soon I'll be like, I love that ashtray. Thank you, foot skin. Thank you.

My gay uncle's foot skin. Speaking of, you left American Spirits in a lighter out here and they've just been sitting here. Well, I know. It's like planting bombs around the city. But two people have come over and gone, are you smoking now? I said, who do you think that is? They were like, she smokes American Spirits. They were like, did you think I smoked menthol Newports? Well, no, like for you, that's turning a new leaf. Oh, yeah, because it is a safe cigarette. Yeah, it's turning over. Which, by the way, turning over a new leaf. A tobacco leaf. It's the same leaf.

What does that mean? Oh, it's because it's a different side. Turning over a new leaf. I don't know what that means. I'm turning over a new leaf. Mary, that's the same leaf. That's the same leaf. Somebody on the pit stop said that, I think, and I was like, oh my God. You're fooling yourself. You know what else? Somebody said on the pit stop that blew my mind. Heidi said, everybody always says, I don't want to send her home because I want to beat the best. If you send her home, you did beat the best.

Isn't that a gag? That's true. Also, enough with the, enough with the, enough with the, the, what do you call it? The skittish drag. Yeah. But enough with the like, I did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did

Be Naomi Smalls. Yes, be Naomi. Be ruthless. Be calculated. Most of all, be entertaining. Mary, look her right in the eye and say, I sent you home because I was afraid if you stayed, you would win. And I want to win. There you go. Like that's the television show everybody's trying to make. Do you know what I mean? And that's the competition you're trying to win. Are you joining All Stars this season? I am not watching it.

I, you have to. Unfairly advantage, yes. Do you love it? I mean, listen, I'll tell you what I did. I paid 10 fucking dollars for Paramount Plus so that I could watch Laganja jump from a split or jump into a split from the ceiling. And that's all I've watched so far. Oh, the Laganja lip sync was fucking lit. It was great. Lit. Lit. I mean, it's funny that like, you know, sorry, world wonder, but like,

They kind of destroyed her for her black scent and her verbiage and her vocab and then proceeded to use it and mine it for jokes and laughs and content for the subsequent seasons on that show. Yeah. And then invited her back as if nothing had ever happened. I mean, listen. Listen, the thoughts and feelings of Katya Zemelushkova are not mine. They do not reflect the values of Trixie Mattel LLC as a whole. Yeah.

The views expressed by this garbage person do not necessarily reflect... But you know what I mean, though? Is that... Should I cut that? No. I think LaGanja... It was like joyous seeing her on Drag Race in a way where she was like, I love myself. I'm comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here to do what I do extremely well. Yeah, yeah. Although I'll say this. Trinity was the lip syncer, right? It was against Trinity. Trinity K. Bonet, yeah. She gave her a fight, bitch. She did. Through that four-inch flipper. I would have laid down. That...

I've taken a short nap. No, Trinity's a fabulous lip syncer though. If anybody's like, you know, going to go against Laganja, it should be her. No, I'm saying at my level,

I would have been like, do you need me on spotlight? Yeah. Should I, um, I can collect tips for you. Take a break. I'll work the camera. Water spritz. I'll be the spritz girl. A stack of money and just throw it. Yeah. Didn't they ask you to come back and be a lip sync assassin? They sure fucking did. Tell the story. I was in, um, I don't know. I think I was on tour, so I would have had to like fly and whatever. And I said, um, a lip sync, what now? Assassin?

I don't believe that I qualify for that role, having been the victim of a lip sync attack many times. Four. Four times. And I was like, okay, I would go if I was guaranteed to win. I don't know that they can do that or will do that. You know what I mean? I just don't want to go make a fool out of myself. Would you ever compete again? No. I would not. I wouldn't either. I would not compete again. It's not... The dolls are the dolls.

Maybe that's what Gina meant. She was a foreshadowing. At this point, the dolls are the dolls. I mean, that's, you know, that is actually very like heavy and wise at the same time because she's right in a way. She is. It's a big, deep field to compete in. And if you haven't already snatched something, good luck to you.

Yeah. Do you agree that the dolls? Well, I think everyone's like drags hotter than ever. I'm like, there are 45 million people in wigs right now. Drag is a concept. Yeah. Maybe hot, but the drag gold mine for individual earners. Skinnier and prettier than you willing to do it for free now. And less than that. Yeah. Willing to actively conspiring against you in whatever. Once you dead. Yeah.

Well, at this point. Shit. Well, the pod is the pod. The pod is the pod. Do you want to, I know you're going to want to wrap up and have a cigarette before we work on our next book. Yes. I don't know if we're, have we announced our book? Are we allowed to say? Oh, well, it was the one year anniversary apparently of our first book. Really? Yeah, bookiversary. Yeah. Yesterday, the day before. Do you want to grab it? It's on the bookshelf. Grab it. Sorry, I guess I could have got up if I would have known it was going to be a presentation.

The whole bookshelf comes down. Could you imagine? I get really worried about that bookshelf because it is a lot of stuff on it right now. Earthquake, Marmite. Earthquake. Yeah. It's spooky. Isn't it you who always says we're due for the big one? We are. It's not. It's a fact, though. What does that mean? So if you catalog the movement of the plates and you kind of like predict the next kind of big one, it's going to happen. We're due for the big one. Within our lifetime. Northridge, you hear that? I'm coming. I'm coming.

Oh, I love Nordy's. Nordy's. Yeah. I love that picture. I love it. I think that it's still on sales on Amazon. New York Times bestseller, honey. Beautiful. Gorgeous. I kind of feel like we're not given our due credit for how beautiful and amazing we look in this book. Tell them.

I think that as the creator of this content, I feel slighted by your lack of engagement with the product. Also, first people in wigs to have a New York Times bestseller, everybody can eat my shit. RuPaul, Bianca. Dead. Bald. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Dead.

Yeah. Death to all of them. How about that TikTok star? Mary, this show will become the Wendy Williams recap show. Absolutely. The Wendy Williams apologist hour. I mean. Does anybody know who that is? Anyway, he was murdered. What? After two minutes of talking about how I don't know anything about TikTok. This guy has more TikTok followers. I don't know Instagram. Whimsical, ridiculous, whatever.

He was murdered this weekend, 19 years old. It wasn't even funny. It was like, it was shocking. Oh gosh. Wendy, why did you do that? Why did you, why did you have that crazy setup? Jeez. Death toll. David was saying, I was talking about getting a COVID again and I don't have COVID, but David was like, there's been zero hospitalizations from people who are vaccinated. So if you get it, it won't be that bad. And I go death to none of them. Death to none of them.

But yeah, people aren't going to the hospital for COVID if they're vaccinated. No, they're, they're, what are they doing? Just languishing at home? They're sick and they're not hospitalized. I want the Lambda variant. The gay one? The Lambda variant? There's like, you know, the Delta. There's the Kappa. I want Delta, but I want Sky Priority. Yeah.

I want proteoboarding. I want Delta one. I want the limbs of legal variant. So I want to be gay and have all my, I want an attorney who's going to represent me in the hospital court. Well, I guess that's the pod. Um, get the 40, was it 42 bucks or something? Less than that.

Much less. 27-ish, probably. Let's look it up on Amazon. But we do, if you can, buy it from the publisher and not from Amazon. Yes, buy it from the, also, many. Jeff Bezos does not need any money. Pretty much every local bookstore stocks it. I've seen it everywhere. Barnes & Noble has it. A lot of pictures in here, beautiful ones. Beautiful photos. Some of my favorite pictures of me ever taken are in there. Not that one.

There's this one of me in the decluttering chapter where I'm covering jewelry. It's so beautiful. Albert Sanchez. Just, I mean, I can't believe we get photographed by that person. I can't believe it either. He's done like the greats in the Dita Von Teases, the RuPaul's, and then he will, he will stoop to our level. Well, you know, I'm obsessed with Michelle Branch. I was on her Instagram the other day and she posted an old picture of her from when she was like 20. She was like, Albert Sanchez took this and I sent it to be like, did you take this? He goes, yeah, I fucking love that picture.

Oh, so gorgeous. And it's only about $14 in jewelry, to be honest. All right. Bye.