A Coat-Hanger Encased in a Hot Dog with Trixie and Katya and Matthew
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I don't know about you. Did you ever collect movies and CDs? Did you ever have those binders? CDs, yes. CDs, yes. You still got them? No, I sold them all for cigarette money in college. Work. Yeah. I mean, there really is no point in having a disc, a CD disc. Well, this was back when I still used them. So it was a little sad. Do you know what I mean? It was like sad. It was sad. It's a life without music or a life without cigarettes.

No contest. You made the call. No contest. Because I can sing. To yourself, right. But you can't do a movie. But you can't smoke out of nothing. Oh, yeah, you can't smoke out of nothing. I can't smoke the CDs, but the, you know. Now, when people are trying to smoke when it's winter, when they're trying to quit smoking, can they ever just go outside and let their breath out?

No. I wish. And then pretend that's smoke? No. Sometimes, though, you can get a lot of mileage out of half a cigarette after it rains and it's very cold and humid. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. It's cool, but the air is so thick. More smoke in a way? Your breath is like, I mean, it has a weight to it. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. Humid, humid, cold. Humid, humid, cold. Yeah.

You're familiar with humid hot, right? Yeah. So like, but cold, humid, humid. Work. I should silence my watch. Yeah, I guess you should. More wealth. More flaunting of my wealth. You like that thing? Love it. No, I wear a watch as well. It's great because it keeps me from looking at my phone all day. My battery lasts longer because I'm not constantly opening it to see a text or whatever. I can just go, oh, I don't want to answer that. Oh. You know? It's like a line of defense. Yeah. It's like a toll stop on the way to the, you know what I mean? Every time I'm busy, right? I'll be like, hey Siri.

Text Brian McCook. You're a fat bitch and you need to go to Weight Watchers. What do you want to say? You're a fat bitch and you need to go to Weight Watchers. I'll send this. Yeah. And then she sends you that text. And I didn't even have to touch my phone or even open it. It's efficiency. I mean, I also talk to the, I talk to the Alexas all day.

You do. All day. And then what are they talking about when you're not here, I wonder? Well, because I'm like, what time is it? What's the weather outside? Add this to my shopping list. Shit like that. Just yell things out. It's like having a free assistant. Except I guess you do pay for it. And then you pay for it in other ways. Yeah. You know. Although... But I love technology. I love getting in touch with technology. I do too. I recently learned how to...

screen share for my iPhone. Oh, that's fun. Well, I think I just got your text, the fat shaming one. Yeah. Um, but technology, I have to, you know what I think I have to do? I have to get a camera security camera. Cause guess what? My $1,500 electric bike was stolen yesterday. What? Yeah. From your front little patio. Yeah. I didn't have it tarped. So I didn't have it tarped usually cause the tarp is so ugly. Um, I kept it in the front patio, which is not locked up.

No, not locked. No, not locked. To what, though? I'm not victim blaming. No, no, no, no, I know. I know, but people hopped the fence. I didn't know that people would hop the fence. They hopped the fence and they drove that bike across the moon like E.T. bitch. Yeah, they did. It's so heavy. That's so sad. Don't you love that bike? I loved it. I mean, I didn't ride it all the time. And honestly, probably in all likelihood would have sat there untouched for about, you know, the rest of the winter for sure. But like...

It was a bummer because it was a lot of money. My $200 bike got stolen from this building. Yeah. And I saw the footage and the person, what do you call it? The gate opens to let people into park. He just walked in after someone's car, waited for them to leave. And then he just grabbed my bike and left. Yeah. You know, with me, it probably happened that someone was like, can you hold that? And it's my door. And I said, oh yeah, sure. Do you know what I mean? And I like left it, propped it open for them. Come on in. Did you happen to put out a sign that said free bike?

See, that's how they get you. I had crocheted it, the sign. So it was, I had, yeah. I think word got out. What do you think about people who drive a plane and they pull a sign? Towing signs. I think it's fantastic. You do? I think it's fantastic. I think it's absolutely the best way to get something across.

Or to get something off your chest at least because there's no guarantee that a person will be looking up. That's the thing. There's no guarantee your target audience is going to see it. I mean, I feel like in films, it's a lot of, will you marry me? Yeah. Marry me. Marry me. Marry me. But I think in real life, it's a lot of like, it's my money and I want it now. Or like it's, it's advertisement, advertisement. It's always advertisement. I mean, you know, the people will do brands and such. We'll do like a, like a, what's that? They'll capitalize on the mystery or the, in

And then they'll try to put a clue or a hint or something. They'll tell a sign that has a very obscure message that's not clear. Yes, wingdings. Wingdings? Wingdings. Yep. Or Justin Bieber. Something. Just his body. No, no. Justin Bieber did something recently. Oh. And I remember looking up and there's a doomsday element to it too.

It's very like, surrender Dorothy. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, well, what is that? Well, I remember, not a sign, but when Elon Musk did the SpaceX thing, my friend Sam and I were on the top of a hill at night. We thought it was the end.

Did you see that? No. We saw it play out in real time on the top of a hill in LA, gorgeous summer night. And we're like, oh, it's, it's, we were both high on weed. And we were like, this is it. This is the end. And then we quick, a quick Google or on Twitter was revealed that it was just Elon Musk. Well, in Milwaukee every summer they would have the air show. Yeah. What's that? Where, where,

fighter jets people would they would do tricks like swirlies or whatever i don't know what you call them probably not swirlies yeah and i would never know what it is and it would be like there's two groups of people in milwaukee today those that thought that it was war of the worlds and those that knew that there was an air show sure because it's the middle of the day and you're just like oh my god you know it's like two i went i bet yeah yeah loud very loud

Elon Musk's thing was not loud. That's why I made it more ominous. Yeah. Do you remember immediately following George Floyd, the helicopter is here. Helicopters everywhere. Dozens all day. All day. The spotlight looking in my windows. Yeah. And those, um, I didn't realize that I guess they have traffic choppers, traffic helicopters quite often in LA. Is that like for the news? Yeah. To, to, I don't know. Is that maybe that's not true, but there's, I've never experienced that amount of helicopters anywhere else than here. It,

They're never going to find who they're looking for. I was at the Toluca Lake Tennis Club filming for the Tennis Channel. And we had to keep stopping because the chopper was going. I'm like, there's still murderers and crime. I don't think these choppers are ever actually... Are you really from the sky finding one person like an ant? No, they're looking for parking spots. They're looking for parking spots. And when people say, I found a parking spot, God must exist. They're talking about the choppers. This is all making sense now. One of my dreams...

Is to be somewhere and then have a heli... Snatch you. No. Like a claw in those machines. No. Ladder. I reach up without even looking. I grab and I take off and I somehow don't even look up. No. And then a truck comes and you are about to rail into it except your body becomes invisible. Just go right through the truck. Avengers Endgame. I don't feel so good. And then dust.

Is that from my bed? I've never seen that. That's Tom Holland as Spider-Man dying, right? Oh, I've never seen it. I cried. You did? I saw the second half of the movie. Didn't even get invested in the first part. A little young. He's young for me too, but yeah, he is hot, but it's usually not my type. In like a freshman in college sort of way. Yeah. Too young. Yeah, he's not my type. I wonder what his dad looks like. Tom Holland Senior. Tom Holland. What about people who spell Tom, T-H-O-M? That's the British way, mama. O-L-D-E.

The old maiden type of Tom. Oldie mate, yeah. Peeping Tom. Peeping Thom. What was the first movie? What was it? Peeping Thom. And Scream when she's like, psycho, psycho. And he's like, wrong. Peeping Tom was the first film to put the audience in the killer's point of view. Oh, you know, and then Halloween, which I realized, remember when the point of view, who stabs like that?

Because we're looking through like two holes in a sheet or something and we're like, oh, I think they just want to look at her titties some more. You don't have a lot of mobility or maybe he's maybe he's waking up smiling. Maybe he's nodding. He loves it. Yeah. Work diva. Slay. Oh, man. He's doing that. This Bob always tries to do. No, it's this. Bob's trying to do it.

Oh, oh, oh. I think it's called like the jackhammer. Oh, I don't know. Laganja tried to get me to do that. Yeah. And I couldn't do it. I didn't want to, but I certainly didn't see the, I didn't smell the beauty in that at all. Laganja tried to get you to do a lot of dances. Yeah, and I said, nope.

I think, I mean, when I had her on Hello Hello, I was like, she will get stolen by a major pop star tomorrow and we'll never see her again. Yeah. And then that pop star will not pay her. Just stolen. Snatched from a helicopter. What would you do one day if I walked in and I had one of those fabrics? I walked in and you were like, hi. And I was like, you got to be. You said, what? And I pulled it back and LaGanja was sleeping in my baby, my baby Bjorn.

But she's kind of in full hair and makeup, which looks good. Only if she was adult, shrunk down to the size of a baby. But you know what I mean? Oh, that'd be great. Yes. Primordial dwarfism. Yeah. I watched a lot of videos on it. What about progeria? Progeria? Is that Jurassic World? Progeria. I don't know what that is. I'm just going to keep saying it. Is that a hair loss thing? Maybe you're hearing about progeria. Progeria. You know, I'm not into progeria. When I want to...

Keep my hair. I use keeps. I love doing ads. I really don't care about doing ads, but I wish that they forced us to organically include all of them where we had to pivot like that. Oh yeah. There was no breaks. We were just like, anyway, that's what I had for lunch. And the great thing is I had a hair because it's sorry. That's us. That's us. Mama progeria. Cockettish. I got, I got really stuck on, um, preemie Tik TOK. When I first started using Tik TOK, I think I liked it.

Girl, you wish. You wish. I liked and clicked too many preemie TikToks. And so for the first few weeks on TikTok, it was all preemie all the time. And I'm fine with the preemie. Sure. I root for them. They're adorable. They grow up to, many of the times, completely fully matured people. Wings. But a lot, I was getting too many preemies. Yeah, it wasn't good for my self-image. I was like, am I big? Yeah.

I was like, am I a big girl? Yeah. Am I size 14? No, no, no. The TikTok. I mean, I'm not, I don't, I don't really use it that much, but.

Andrew sent me a TikTok of a man who had one leg work who he and his fiance had done. You know, those ones where they do it like I saw her at the old country buffet and she said, get out of my face, you rapist. And I said, I'm not a rapist. Three years later, we were married. That kind of thing. Like, it's like crazy. But are they being serious? He's being completely. It's an earnest love story. Ernest quirky love story that takes place over the course of three years. All crazy.

and condensed for a one-minute clip with outfit changes, dancing, same shitty apartment, but... There's a few boyfriend ones. One of them's like, play this song with the last clip of your boyfriend, and you play a video clip of your boyfriend, and the music's very romantic. And then for some people, it's actually really beautiful. For some people, it's like their boyfriend eating spaghetti in front of the TV. Like, that's cool. ♪

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Yeah, I did a few with Matthew. Oh, Matthew's here, by the way. Oh my God. Whoa, the elephant in the room. We want to address the situation. Yeah. He is here. It's a little like a roommate that doesn't pay rent and he takes up a lot of space. He does. Yeah. He's huge. He's huge. He probably weighs more than you do. Oh, definitely. If you try to lift that, he's at least 250 pounds. 250. Try to lift him right now. Try to lift him right now. Okay. You have to do it. Just try it and try not to throw him on the floor because he's so hard to get back up. Can you believe that? It's hundreds of pounds. Wow.

I think it's the silicone. I know. And you're strong. I'm strong, but I don't know where to like... It's so... Where's the density? Because that's a... It's like metal or something. It's metal, but it's so skinny there. Yeah. It's just a lot of heft. A lot of wiggling heft. The hands are... I mean, you can kind of bend the hands up and you can make a middle finger, which is kind of fun. Oh, yeah. Is he...

You know what it gives? It gives death becomes her. You're telling me this doesn't hurt? Yes, it doesn't hurt. When can you feel it? No, no. Keep going. It doesn't hurt. Gay. I want you to come to my party. Yeah. Honey. Diva. So anyway, the girl was serving all night long and I lived. Yeah. Can you believe I haven't put that cock in my mouth? I guess I can actually. I haven't. I can. I can. But I would have thought I would have by now.

Talk to the hand, honey. Because I think like I'm not attracted to a sex doll, but when else am I going to get an unused sex doll alone in my house? You have to fuck it kind of, but I haven't. Yeah, I'm surprised too. I would have. Well, now that I gripped firmly the penis, I am not. Oh, ouchie.

I think that dick would hurt. It would hurt me immensely. How would you describe the dick? So it's like, I would say like a steel rod encased in jello. Yeah. So I'm afraid it would stab through and gut me like a fish. Because I'm a bouncer and I would not feel comfortable bouncing on that. Yeah. I can feel the metal. It feels like a coat hanger encased in a hot dog.

That is 100% the tea. And that's tough. Yeah. But so. It is his nose. But it's got a rigid, rigid, lovely, love the tumescence. Yeah. And the skin color, I just wish he was more human. Well, Caucasian flesh in a light tone is really tough because there's so much going on. Matthew Kemp isn't this color. No, he's usually quite tan, I think. Yeah. So just give him a little spray. You know what? Maybe I'll just put some bronzer on him. He has silicone. I think you could put makeup on silicone.

Yeah, you could also cut the tick one of the legs. Be a great way to move it around the house. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Put wheelies on the feet. Put him in a... I could put him on maybe crutches or something so that I could lean him on the wall. Yeah. So he's standing because he can't stand. He's so heavy. You need a... He needs a... He needs a... Like a little podium or something. A little... Yeah. But you know what it is? I think this is good. It's nice to take out your frustration. Ow! You cock-a-doodie. You poop. Uh-huh.

High five. It's nice to give yourself some encouragement. That's fun. I feel like there's a lot of them. Damn. Yeah, the fingernails too. He's got a full set on, mama. Acrylics. Should you put those on there? No, they came on there. No. Yeah, they did. One of them's missing. One of them fell off.

Yeah, they came with nails. They need to clip in too. And I'm disappointed the tattoo rubbed off before it even got out of the box. I mean. Well, that's the tough thing about tattoos. You don't really want to. Everybody knows this about tattoos. They come right off. They come right off in the shower, which is such a. That's why people with tattoos are so different than normal people because we just. And he came with the chip in the eyebrow. The eyebrows make me think of Fina's eyebrow tattoos that she wears. Yeah, except hers are better. Yeah.

But you know what? I'm happy to have them here. I just don't know what I'm going to do with them. If you guys would be interested in doing some kind of giveaway perhaps or some kind of, maybe we could auction it for charity. Yeah. I kept the box. I might buy it from you. All right. It was about $3,900, but I'm open to offers. What are you going to do with it though? You don't need to know about that. You just cash the check. You already got a bunch of legs and heads. Cash the check and keep stepping, hunty. The head comes off.

The head came in a separate thing. Oh my God. It's so funny. I'm looking at it now and I see it, but I didn't see that before. Pull it off. I don't know. We're not there yet. Bless you. COVID. We need a couple more minutes. We're not there yet. Did we talk about my assistant had COVID last week and I was a single mother all week? I had to get myself to every gig by myself. How did you do it? But in full drag, carrying my set bags and everything. Oh no, no, no. I felt like an independent woman. Oh good. Did you? You didn't? Brandon checked on me. Look at that.

Brandon checked on me to the point of like, you like that, Mark? Do you see all that? Do you see all that action? That hot, circular fucking movement? By the way, everybody should know this. Gay people, if your wrists aren't that limp, you're not gay. If you can't do a full rotation. Try it again, Sandy. Get another pack of hot dogs. So Brandon checked up on me to the point of like, I'm like, I did used to do this without you.

Yeah. It was a little like, do you know how to change your poopy undies while I'm gone? It was like that level. I left a number on the fridge for, it's called 911. I know. Did you feel like, I mean, there's certain logistical things that are, you know, just much more.

The easier when taken care of, but we did used to do this by ourselves. We did used to do it by ourselves. To be honest, what I really love about having Brandon, when I'm done doing drag, I strip it all down. I get in the shower. By the time I'm moisturized, it's all packed up. Getting out of the drag and then having to

Unpack your shit. That sucks. Yeah. Do you ever go to CBS? Yeah, I was there just the other day. In fact, I love CBS. Yeah, you know how like I think there's like jokes about like people going to Target like people love to go to target white women love to go to Target. I love to go to CBS is my target. Okay, I'm there. I'm shopping. I'm grocery shopping. I'm buying I'm buying stuff. I'm buying makeup. I'm getting prescriptions. I don't even mind. I'm doing stuff.

You know who loves CVSs and drugstores in general? Tweakers. Really? Why? Well, because everything's there. Because everything's there. Convenience. Convenience. And also just like getting lost in just the maze of products and stuff. Well, the robbers love CVS. Let me tell you what happened to me. I had to buy razors, which are locked up. And I had to buy nails, which are locked up. Locked up. That's right. And they're locked up for security. Guess what happened while...

They were getting my batteries. I got batteries and shavers.

While they're getting my batteries, a guy grabs a bunch of stuff and runs out of the store. He said, see, you're trying to protect me from stealing. And then a real stealer is stealing. And then a bunch of shoppers just watched and the store owner followed him out in the parking lot and took lots of pictures of him. But the guy walked calm as a cucumber. Carrying an armful of shit just like, what are you going to do? Because they're not going to do anything. No, because what are they going to do? It's a multi-billion dollar global corporation. Well, I'll tell you about this. When I was in college, I had to write a non...

I don't want to say nonfiction, but we had to write a paper, a report on a subject for a writing class. And I wrote a report on shoplifting. Loss prevention. Loss prevention, right? And most businesses report about a 9% shrinkage every year. Shrinkage not meaning penis in the water. No, no. Shrinkage meaning theft,

Damaged product and internal theft. And a big percent of that theft and shrinkage is internal. So it's also like

You count on your, as a multi-billion dollar company, you're counting on your hourly employees who have no skin in the game to A, not steal from you and B, report other stealing. If they're stealing from you, they're not going to report stealing. No, no, I, that was, I was always at the front and center of every single one of my retail jobs. I got falsely accused of stealing $2,000 and was, was fired. The lesbian tea shop. Absolutely. And then I went on to, to get revenge for,

just in general, by stealing tens of thousands of dollars of merchandise. From a different store. Different store, not related. So not a lot of revenge. No, personal revenge. Not actually real world. Karmic. Karmic revenge. Yeah, just general. Take it out on someone. But yeah, anybody who's looking to steal, absolutely steal from your job. Unless you know the tea. That's the thing. I love everyone who works for me. I think that everyone's incredible. They could all be taking a product today and I would have no way of knowing. They are, Mary. They are.

It's not whether it's a cash register. And I think everyone who works for me probably has access to every product. They're stealing food. They're stealing your time. Yeah. I mean, no, I don't think they're stealing my time. No, they are. They like you have a certain there's a job description. You have expectations and requirements. Those things are not being. But, you know, I'm like Netflix. We hire the best. Huge and cold. We hire the best and we let you go if you're not. Are you really? Yes. Yes.

Did you pit them against each other? No, I have an exciting growing company that is only available to passionate individuals who are excited about beauty. Discerning workers. Yes. With exclusive skills. Think about it. You could work at a huge makeup company where you're one of hundreds and then you do a great job and no one cares. At a company my size, if you do a good job, five people watch you do it and we're like work diva. Yeah, they say slay.

Honey, you better work and let them know, diva. The thing that people need to know about Trixie Cosmetics is that it's made up of divas who slay. And hunty, that's fierce. Now, I do love CVS, but I gotta talk to you about this.

The paper usage. This is a short CVS receipt. Yeah. This is like famously long receipts. This is a short CVS receipt. War and peace. We could tie this on a stick and we could do rhythm. Rhythm gymnastics. Rhythm. Yeah. However, I go there a lot and my extra care books are cracking bitch. Recently, I had a $20 voucher for extra care books and I lost it. Really kind of a bummer. But this time I got a six buck and a two buck, which is eight bucks.

And I got 35% off any single item. Any item. Any item at all. Any item. So I might buy a humidifier or something, bid ticket. Yeah. And I might apply $8 to it. I'm going to make a TikTok. It's like you're saving money. It's like you're getting free money and all. Well, girl, I'm back on my couponing because I'm obsessed with extreme couponing.

But wait, wait, wait. Let me, hold on. You do realize, you don't, you do know though that that's a big, big, big scam. That's not going to save you any money. It's just going to, it's just further funnels you into the large vacuum of money sucking mechanisms. Mary, that can't be true because it is absolutely. Look at that. $8 extra care. But see that $8 extra care. That's free. $8 what? Anything I want. Mary, look at this. You know what happens when you go in there? What? You buy other items. $16. Well, yeah, but I'm shopping. I got stuff going on.

I got stuff going on. I'm making YouTube videos. When I do these all one brand videos, I walked to that CVS and spend hundreds of dollars on product. I know they got you. That's. And you know, when I go to CVS, I'm going to roll him in and he's going to be. Yeah. Talk to the hand.

I love coupons. This little wiggle dick is cold. I was watching Extreme Couponing the other day. What do you love about them? You think you're saving money? It's people turning a hobby into something where they can provide for their families and I'm obsessed with it. They're like, hey, we're going to go in here. I watch them shop and they're like, all right, according to my list, we need 75 packs of these AA batteries.

And they have a coupon, buy one, get one for every single one, and a coupon from the manufacturer for $5 off. So each pack is only $1. And I have a store coupon for $2. So we actually make a dollar by buying each one of these. They layer coupons and they make money. They make money by buying. Being paid to shop? Fuck me up. Fuck me up.

Fuck me up. Damn. Yeah. Well, I'm about that now. In my free time, I do extreme coupons. Well, I can't do extreme because these people are often providing husbands or wives and then they, the husband or the wife,

That's their kind of day hustle is locating coupons, clipping, clipping, and they have binders and binders and binders. There was this one woman who had a coupon room with just buckets of organized coupons. So she'd be like, we want Cheerios. Mama, I got you on Cheerios. Cheerios, Cheerios, Cheerios. I got one from the manufacturer and this one has no expiration date. It's from the 80s and they can't get me, bitch.

It's sickening. I got a time issue. You want to go back in time and use that expired coupon? Here's what I like about it. I agree with you. What? Is it stuck? Does the skin come off? No. Here's what I'll tell you though. Yes, I think coupons and what are they called? Circulars?

Like, yes. Yeah. I do understand that they are meant to get people to spend money, but these are people who are turning capitalism against them by saying, yeah, I got all these offers and I'm actually leaving here with a free product. Sure. They're the people at the bottom of the well who have ingeniously figured out to live long.

Among the like along the walls. Yeah. And like CVS or pick and save. They don't pick up the tab. The corporation is the one who offered the deal. So they're the ones who lose the money. I think it's sickening. Yeah. I mean. These bitches. Although it's a lot of like. It's a lot of like detergent. Laundry detergent. Yeah. Toothpaste. There's a lot of items that are regularly like marked down. Yeah. And so they have stock rooms full of.

lot of items you may not necessarily need doomsday planning people yeah yeah like 400 like 400 gallon drums of millet yeah yeah it's rarely food um sometimes it's like barbecue sauce like one episode this woman had two shopping carts full of barbecue sauce and then she she handed them out as um she handed them out as party favors at her wedding barbecue sauce well you know listen i like that if you don't need to refrigerate it if you got married

Are we looking at, how many people do you invite? 10, 100? To the ceremony? Yeah. Well, I don't know. It's either going to be 10 or it's going to be 100. Not 11. 20 or 250. And not 99. No, 20 or 250. You know what I mean? You either go small or you go boom, bada bing boom. I think I'll do very small. You're going to do a ceremony? Like a ceremony? Are you going to have it look nice? I think I do about 15 people. The problem with that though is like, if I'm going to do a ceremony, obviously I want to have it look nice, but there's only 15 people watching. I don't give a fuck.

I don't care about it looking that nice. Yeah, then that's fine. I'd say it's a little hot dog. A little hot dog and hamburger. And then I think I'd have a series of parties. I'd have like a real reception and then I'd have like a gay bar thing where I just casually invite all the gays to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do hot, sexy, impersonal. Yeah. And then you do intimate, pared down, ugly. And then you do, or you just go official. I don't know. With all the people getting divorced, Mary, and I know many of them, many of them gay, I say don't buy into the scam. Do you like...

Pillsbury crescent rolls? Love them. And do you like the little hot dogs chopped up and rolled in them? No. That's where you lose me big time. Not even with a little cheese? No, I don't like cheese, but I had a Shake Shack hot dog before my flight and almost had diarrhea. Hot dogs are odd. They're so bad. It's so nasty. And I ate it with a warm soggy bun and I loved it. I horfed it down in that airport. And shit your pants? Almost did.

There's no worse feeling than diarrhea or nausea on a plane. The trap. You feel trapped. But I start sweating when I realize that, like, because I've had diarrhea with sharp, sharp pains, like a one to three minute herald of the change down there. So you've got like one to three minute warning before you cannot. It's the dam will break in the flood. The Brown River Jordan will come crashing.

Fucking sharp pains sharp pains. Yeah, it was like did you eat knives? Um, it feels like i've eaten knives I mean that's when it rarely happens But like so if I was here and I sharp pains sweating immediately i'd go to the bathroom I'd put a like wooden slats on the door so nobody could get in and then you just fucking it's awful feels like um Hot heated knives are getting thrown out of your anus hot heated knives Like a bunch of kitchen knives you stuck in the oven Yeah pass through the anus

I like the mobility of the hand. It's very fun. And it's strange because there doesn't seem to be, but he's just very flirty with me today. He gets bent in all kinds of shapes and he should be sitting up straight, but he's too heavy to lift. So now he's kind of doing this like. Well, he's casual. Yeah, yeah. Also this sheer set. What happens when I pull trade in here? And he's just in here. I don't think any trade is going to be pulled in here.

With the pink walls and the white Uzi man. You know, the other day my Barbie Jeep was up here for a week because I had to refurbish the Barbie Jeep. But they think you're... Now it's really getting juicy. Oh, it's now... Okay, I see a little poke coming through. Oh, okay. All right, I'm going to stop. I think I need to stop. Sorry. I'm going to have to give you some money. A few other topics. I have a list of gripes with you right now. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I have some things I want to talk about.

Okay, what is it? I forget. Well, I'm hungry and I want to eat some food. Okay, what did we order? What do you want to order? I didn't order anything yet. Oh, let's order on the pod. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking... Tell people what you like. Well, okay, so last night I got the most delicious, lovely meal. It was a pink pepper restaurant, Thai food. It was spicy, spicy.

Yellow curry. You love curry. I love curry so much. And yellow curry, I love it. It was chicken, huge chunks of very delicious white meat chicken, giant carrots, giant potatoes, and then yellow sauce, and that's it. And then white rice. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Happy. Not to be a boring faggot.

But lately I've been into chopping up vegetables, tossing them in oil and salt and pepper and baking them in the oven. It's so easy and it feels like I'm really cooking. Well, you are really cooking. I guess I am, but I always thought there was more to it than that. Well, you don't have to wait around and drink. No, it can happen quickly. No, you can just chop it up. Yeah, Rachel Ray, 30-Minute Hot Dog Nachos.

I also want to speak to you. Oh, okay. So for Valentine's day, I made, I made cards to sell, right? I made Trixie Valentine's day cards. Valentine's day to February. Yeah. Yeah. But you buy them now so that you can give them to your loved one in a week or two.

I make Valentine's Day cards, right? This year I did about 75. And when every Valentine's Day card, I spend the year and months taking original Polaroids. Every time I'm in drag, I take a few. Oh, yeah. That's cool. And then it says one of 70 or whatever. And you get a Polaroid. That's awesome. A real one from my house that we took. They sold out in 20 seconds this year or something crazy like that. And I was like, cool. Yeah. I go on eBay. Of course. I was just going to say somebody scalped them. Someone bought all of them. Yeah. And they sell for $300 a piece on eBay right now.

And it's not that they are making money off me. I don't care about that. But I made something that was supposed to be cool and original and only 25 bucks, which for a fan gift, I think for a gift is pretty reasonable. It's like a cool collector's fan thing. And they stole that from that experience from those fans. And now they just are scalping them.

That made me feel shitty. That sucks. It sucks. I know. And the thing with the concert tickets, too, boils my blood. Our tickets. Tell them how much the orchestra. We found scalping seats in orchestra in Boston for $3,000. It's crazy because, and I was reading something about, I think, prior to Adele canceling her or postponing her tour, there were seats that were selling for $30,000.

Can you tell me what I was saying? People keep asking me about what I think about that, but I don't know what it means. Okay, so Adele. So she, days before...

was supposed to start her residency. She made a tearful Vegas residency in Las Vegas. So days before the opening night of her Vegas residency, she made a tearful video where she said, sorry, Babs, I've got to postpone the tour. Mental health, Babs. We're not ready, Babs. So sorry. Not ready. COVID, COVID, COVID. The thing is, people were like,

Of course, they had planned whole trips around this, spent thousands of dollars flying to the United States. All this stuff was organized around seeing the show, which, you know, whatever stuff happens. But how do you, I'm just unsure of like how a show that big of residency, what can happen in two to three days? Do you know what I mean? Like if you're that, so they must have known weeks ago.

that the thing can't happen. Do you know what I mean? Like how is two to three days make it or break it for a vacation?

Vegas residency. I just feel bad for people who probably bought travel. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You can't call Delta and say, hey, Adele canceled. Can I have my seat back? From England, you know, or from fucking Poland. People, you know, flying in the US for all that stuff. It's tough. People turn up for Adele. Yeah. People turn up for us. People fly around the world to see us, get hotels and stuff and, you know, sacrifice a lot of money. And yeah, that's why the scalpers, I'm like, don't do that.

I hate that because sometimes the tickets are too expensive as they are. Exactly. I mean, I don't want to spend people's money, but you know, ticket prices are tiered for a reason. There are tickets that are cheaper, like back of the house, whatever rush tickets. And then there's like premium front row shit, which like whether you are modestly capable of making money and you just save up for it or you're crazy rich and it's nothing to you, but that's what it costs. Yeah. Yeah.

Those people buying front row center tickets to our show in Boston. And someone, I want to find that person selling them for $30,000, for $3,000 and ring their fucking neck. I think they're like companies, you know, it's like, um, they're on, I don't know how that stuff is regulated. Obviously it's not very well regulated, but. Have you ever had people come to your stage door with about a dozen Funko pops of you and say, can you sign these? I'm a big fan. I, I am so, I'm so embarrassed and so ashamed of myself that there was a cute boy. He got me.

He got me so good after a show in, I don't know where the, we must've been someplace depressing. He turned on the charm Des Moines, let's say. And, and he got me after the show and he's like, can I, can you sign this thing for me? He was like so bright and so like hot. And after the 15th printed out headshot, I was like,

I would have ripped him off. Something about this doesn't seem right. Something about this. Then I saw him dragging that dead horse through the restaurant, and I said, something about that. Then I saw him purchasing the domain for welovekachi.com, and I said, something. And then when he asked me for my password, I gave it to him, but then I said...

Something doesn't. And he said he needed something to write it down on. And I gave him my passport. And I thought, something doesn't seem. Yeah. So then I think maybe days after I'd given him my house keys and photographs of my family, my social, and my. The things I would do for hot people. It's crazy. If he was ugly or if he was like somebody I'm not interested in, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. You would have probably hit him. I would have taken those headshots, rolled them up, and then shoved them in his mouth. You would have opened. You would have taken two.

Take in one of those headshots, open his fingers and cut the webbing with the paper. Can I see your Achilles heel for a second? Hot people can get me to do so many things. This is the depressing part. Halfway through, I realized what was going on. Let me ask you this. Do you think I stopped?

I don't think you did. I continued to inconvenience myself and everyone around me who was waiting for me to carry on. I said, no, this hot person needed something for free that will eventually cost me money. So I think we're going to take care of this. It was so embarrassing. He didn't know who I was. No idea.

No idea who I was. He was not attracted to me. Absolutely not. And he was just trying to, you know, scalp some coins. At least fuck me. You can fuck me for the headshots. Or just rub the penis on my face a little bit. Give me something. Give me that dirty dick in my eyeball. I haven't seen a dick in weeks.

I find that hard to believe. It's true. It's really true. David's been gone. You can look him up online. I guess, but I haven't been feeling very like slutty. And also David's been gone working on the motel. So I've just been alone. David, he posted a funny picture of like what he'll be like after the hotel. Yes. And I'm going to be the girl on fire that runs into the pool. Do you know? Yes. I, we were on FaceTime the other day and I said, I really miss you. I said, show me your dick. And he said, you're gross and hung up.

That's amore. That's amore. When you're bored. We make products, Valentine's Day cards, tickets. We price them for the primary market in mind, meaning the fan, the consumer. And so when the secondary market gets involved and it dangles that worm high enough that it's almost like

It's inhuman. It's just numbers. It's just like it's just like a thing that was priced for you to be able to afford Yeah, now I'm doing this and I'm gonna make a huge profit. It's so fucking gross if I ever find out that

Who is scalping that $3,000 chicken in Boston? I'm going to prison because I'm going to chop his dick off. I swear to God. I don't think it's one singular villainous man. Well, then I have a lot of people to kill. It's going to be, I'm going to go in there like the crazy 88, like Uma Thurman, rolling around chopping off ankles. It's going to go from black and white to color and then to snow. Yes, I hate it. That person who bought, I mean, I guess I'm happy I made all my money on my Valentine's Day cards, but I'm like,

These were supposed to be for fans to give their roommate or their girlfriend or something. These aren't for you to just stockpile and sell like a pig. Well, you got to be more strategic then in your rollout strategy. We have to do that with when we launched Red Scare. We had to put a limit because we couldn't have people buy every Red Scare. Because that sucks. For some reason, that particular thing also, just because I know how much makeup is counterfeited downtown and stuff. Everything's counterfeited, whatever. Any valuable product is going to be copied, whatever. But yeah.

I was like, this is something cute for the girls. It's for the girls. Like, shut, stop it. The dolls are the dolls. It's for the girls. The divas need to stay out of it. You know, I actually have news for you. And I guess I feel comfortable sharing this. You're dropping me from the collab. I'm dropping you from the pod. Give the microphone to Matthew. He's honestly giving the energy you give. I think I'll just like pop it every once in a while, but I'll keep the mic here. I think we need a belt here.

Kati and I may not have a major, major, major makeup collection coming out. And it's going to be coming out extremely soon. Sooner than thought. Sooner than we thought. Sooner than thought. Makeup. Oh, yeah. Okay, cool. Wait, are we teasing it or not? I mean, let's just say Kati and I may or may not have some fucking cool makeup products coming out. You are not ready. The cat's out of the bag. The wire weenie is hanging right there. We did a collab.

And if you see why there's a limit on the number of units you can buy, it's because people are scalpers. People buy them and put them straight on eBay. Yeah. And I would, I mean, I don't, I wouldn't blame him for this because honey, these colors serve and slay and are fierce. Yeah. It's great. It's fierce. I like it. Yeah. It's fierce. It's a serve. It's a tea.

And we will say no more. We'll see you next week.