Bill Hader
01:33:49 Share

Find a fresh, healthy take on grocery shopping at your new neighborhood Sprouts Farmer's Market, now open in Leesburg on Edwards Ferry Road Northeast and Route 15. Discover the season's freshest produce, unique products around every corner, high-quality meats, an assortment of vitamins and supplements, and so much more. Sprouts makes it easy to find your healthy with our huge assortment of plant-based, gluten-free, organic, and keto-friendly products. Head over to your newest Sprouts, now open in Leesburg.

You'd walk by and someone would go, hey, they're not using you. Yeah. Hey, they're not using you. Yeah, you're not doing it. Yeah, you're not really working on the show. Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name. I just spent an amazing hour, hour and a half with Bill Hader and my cheeks. It's embarrassing. My cheeks are aching. I have been laughing so hard.

He was a cast member on SNL for eight years, where he became beloved among fans for his fantastic character work, especially the hilarious Stefan. I can't believe we didn't actually talk about him, as you'll see coming up, but that made me laugh so hard. My wife and I are huge fans of

More recently, he's taken a dramatic turn as the creator, writer, and star of the dark comedy Barry on HBO, which if you haven't seen, you must. Ladies and gentlemen, the amazing, talented Bill Hader. ♪

Obviously, you know, preparing to talk with you, I was YouTubing like crazy all of your, like a lot of your interviews and podcasts with really funny people. And it was like, you know, a gunfight at OK Corral with funny bullets. It was whizzing. You guys were so fast. I thought, fuck.

well, I can't, I, how am I going to keep up? Then I did a podcast where you were listening to a podcast where you were talking about anxiety attacks and I went, Oh, a kindred spirit. Yes. Yes. We can talk. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. He knows what it's like. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, that's been around. I mean, but now, yeah, I've talked about that where initially it's funny. It, you know, I've talked about that on different podcasts and, and things and,

Yeah, there'll be moments from like, oh man, am I going to be known as like the anxiety guy and whatever. But I just know, I don't know how you were, but I just remember starting life feeling that way. And then I would, I would Google stuff and I could never find a thing that I related to, you know, where I was like, that's not, you know, it was either like not enough or it was like,

really intense and I was like well it's not that bad but yeah and um there's something to relate to so I I have like a mixed feeling sometimes I'm like yeah I don't want to be known you know I've talked about a lot but then someone will come up to me especially when it's someone who's like oh my kid you know heard your thing and that was really helpful and they really appreciate it and um but then it's funny because there's people I'm around I don't know about you but I hide it

was like laughing and being silly sometimes. It's not, you know, where people are like, you know, you're just like nervous wreck and sweating and stuff. That's inside. That's inside. But outside, I'm actually being overly... I will say most of the time you see me like laughing really hard and giggling on something. It's like nerves. It's like... Just make...

It's like trying, it's like opening a, you know, shaking a Pepsi bottle and going, it's like getting all that out of your system. And being like, you know, and people go, you have such a great laugh. And I'm like, oh, I'm dying inside.

I want to be home so bad. It's the death laugh. It's the death laugh. Yeah, where I'm like, if I'm on a talk show from a huge audience and I feel like it's bombing or you're not connecting with the host or something. Yeah, if you see me going like, ah, like laughing hard inside, I'm like, this isn't going well at all. Oh my God, abort, you know. I leap around a lot, so forgive me. But when you say people aren't laughing or something,

I have to bring up Will Forte. Oh my God. Will and my wife Mary did Last Man on Earth. Yeah. You know, that he created, wrote all of that. Um,

So we called him on our walk today and said, hey, give me something on Bill. Yeah. And he said, yeah, ask him about the fart face sketch. Oh, my God. You're starting to laugh now. No, this is actual genuine laugh. No, fart face. So Forte and I would do these characters called Jerry and Carl, and it was based on –

Forte doing a voice at an after party where he thought he was going to get fired over the summer. He didn't think he was going to come back to the show because he didn't have a good year. And he came up to me and go, I can't get fired this summer. Bill, I can't get fired this summer, Bill. You know, and then that became these two kind of grizzled businessmen. And so we're writing one of them. And when you wrote with Will, you kind of, I mean...

I wasn't really much of a sketch writer. I kind of would sit back and someone else would be writing and I would kind of like chime in every once in a while. But Will was his own kind of, you know, amazing mind that I just don't know. He's just one of those people. It's so original. And it's like he doesn't even know where it comes from. But. And he's very OCD about it. Yeah, very OCD. Very specific. Yes. Yes. You know, he would do a thing before, you know, about to go on air and it's five, four, three. And he would.

you know, touch people and, you know, so he, so most times when you would write a sketch, you would go, oh, maybe, you know, and you just talk it out and you would do bullet points in him. But with him, you go very linear. So is it a, is it a office? So, or maybe it's an outer office. Yeah. Maybe what if it's, we're in a car.

And then we go into the office. Well, that's two sets, so we can't do that. So what if it's, the desk is here and I'd be like, I don't fucking care. It's two in the morning. It's two in the morning. You know, I get really impatient. So, but Fartface was those two guys and it was Josh Brolin hosting and it was about those two guys calling Josh Brolin's character, who I think his name is Jim Deaver.

saying, we think you're a fart face. And Jim Deaver, in a very serious, and it's played almost like, it's very straight. It's like, you know, Arthur Miller or something. But he would go, I'm not a fart face. I'm a very happy face. I'm a happy man. And he starts crying. And then we say, we're going to tell everybody you cried in our office. And so we did it at a dress rehearsal. And this happened to be

the show that Sarah Palin came to. And it was at that time the highest rated SNL episode in the history of the show.

and we did a thing called fart face we did it at dress it played absolute silence right i could hear my foot falls it was one of those things where that awful feeling where you go and you can hear it it's like you could hear yourself breathing on the stage because it's just bombing so bad and um

So we left and we were like, well, that's never happening, you know. And Lorne Michaels, I don't know why, took a real shine to it. And we went into the meeting and he had somehow moved it up in the orders right after update. And he had the note, which we all remember, which he goes, I had a boom shadow and fart face. Yeah.

When he's giving notes to everybody. So I boomshattered when first faced. And so then we went out to do it. And the weekend update was Sarah Palin rapping with Amy Poehler and the audience was so hot. They were going out of their minds. And me and Brawlin were dressed as these characters knowing this is going to bomb us.

Like, we're about every, the whole show up to this point has been just fireworks. Yeah. And we know we're going to blow it. And I remember we went there and we were sitting there looking at the audience before we went up. And Josh, it was like the end of the Wild Bunch. You know, like, we're going to die. And then Josh Brolin just turned to us and goes, well, fellas, let's shut these fuckers up. Oh, that's great. I love that. And we went out there and it died. Yeah.

This is your friend, Will Forte. Yeah, Will Forte. Tell this story. Yeah, well, because I think he's very proud of it. That's why I love Will, because I would go, oh, I didn't get a laugh or whatever. But for Will, it was like, did I like it? Did I appreciate it? He did a sketch that we talk about constantly called Potato Chip. If you look it up, it's Blake Lively, him and Jason Sudeikis about a guy trying to be an astronaut.

And it's called Potato Chip. And it's a sketch that we still talk about. I don't know where it came from. I don't know where the character came from. I don't know where the idea came from. And the audience was like befuddled. And Will just, he didn't care. He just would come off stage and go, I thought that went great. You know, I would be like, oh,

well, no, I didn't get a laugh and all my anxieties. And he was like, no, that went, you know, for him, it went great. That was a great lesson, you know. Did you go to Seth Meyers' wedding? I did. He stood up and did. What is that character? But he's like this evil. Yeah, he looks like Paul Williams. His name is Hamilton or somebody. Yeah.

But he looks like Paul Williams, the singer, and he's very, very right wing. Yeah, like a neo-Nazi, basically. And he holds the microphone like this. And he gave, and in the sketches, he was always giving a speech. And so he stood up at Fred's wedding and gave a wedding speech. The bride side of the family was not amused. Not at all, because he described her as, he goes, I met Alexi, beautiful face, beautiful,

Cultish legs. Perfect tits. And everybody was like, Jesus. We all were like... Well, you can hear on the audio, I'm dying laughing. Right, right. Because I'm like, this dude does not care. But you can feel everybody going like, oh my God. But the thing I remember he said, he said, you guys will... He ended his speech by saying, you will... I will be there...

when Alexi gives birth to what will most undoubtedly be a homosexual baby. And he goes, and I will be in the corner brimming with, I told you so. And the audience was just this very nice wedding in Martha's Vineyard. And he stood up and did it. And I was just, I mean, it was kind of a laugh where I was terrified. So I was like, no.

But it was, yeah, just ballsy. You know, it just, it really is just, you just feel with him as to please himself. And I have to also mention John Solomon, his co-writer. John is, who now works on, I think you should leave and, you know, does MacGruber and all those things. And just brilliant, brilliant guy. Brilliant guy. I agree. Yeah, but ballsy, you know. He either can't read the room or...

Yeah. Or he doesn't care. There is no room. He's doing it for himself. Yeah. And I really admired it. But it is a thing. I'm sure if you watched it now, you'd go, oh, my God, I can't believe he fucking said that. You know? But, yeah, I mean, he was very bold. Yeah.

Let me get over my sycophantish part of the podcast. I have to just say, you are, you're one of my favorite kind of performers or artists or whatever. You are, you're sketch comedy.

I've never seen anything like it. And Will Forte said the same thing about you. There's not a glimmer of, of, um, I'm being funny or I know this is really good. There's nothing. You are so embedded in that character that is outrageously funny and amazing. And then you turn around and you do Barry. Um, I think I saw, uh, uh, uh, train wreck first. It was like, Oh fuck. Um,

you're a really good actor. Oh, thank you very much. You're a really, really good actor. Then you discover, wait a minute, he's an amazing director. And that's such different parts of a creative brain. I'm in awe of you. Now, take a moment and compliment me so I can relax. Anyway, anything, doesn't matter. The onion field. Great, good. First film, 40 years ago. That'll do. That'll do.

No, man, that's huge. I can't believe it. Thank you very much. Yeah, you are. It means a lot coming from you. So let's back up. So school, not exactly your thing? No, I was not very good at school. You're not an academic, but you were a reader. I do read a lot, yeah. And then you became several things, but you were also a PA for a while, right? Yeah. And that was your entree into the business. Yeah, yeah. But you were...

Trying to be an actor at that point as well. Not really. No, I, I, I had, um, I was came out and, uh, LA to, to be a filmmaker. That was always the direct. I mean, that was always the thing to, so my idols were always filmmakers. And then, um, wait, is this, sorry, forgive me. This is,

Before SNL. Before SNL, yeah. And then what happened... You then wanted to be... You always knew you wanted to be a director. Always wanted to be a director. And then, you know, what happens when you come out here, I was doing, you know, set jobs and I worked as an assistant editor and a post-production PA and driving around film elements all over town and, you know, all these things. And I'm so jealous of these people now that you can just email them

or you can email links of cuts, I would be like, back in my day, I had to take a VHS tape and drive to some, you know, farm out in the middle of nowhere and give it to some, you know, hermit director. Back in my day, VHS is, wait, what? What is that again? You have to come to the screening room. Yeah, whatever. But so then, yeah, we, I, what happened was I had a friend who,

named Eric Filipkowski, who I was a PA with. And he goes, hey, come to Second City, LA and watch my Level 5 show, which was his final show, you know, if you go through the conservatory program. And I went and I saw these people my age doing kind of like improv and sketch comedy. And I went, well, I haven't done anything really creative the whole six years I've been here so far. So I should just do something creative.

So I started taking those classes and that's a thing. Not aiming to be an actor, still wanting to be a filmmaker. No. Yeah, I was like, oh, this will help me as a filmmaker, maybe talk to actors and work with actors. And then it was a thing that's really important was I did a... I auditioned to get in the conservatory program and it was this awful thing where right next to the improv on...

on Melrose, there's that, that's where the Second City Theater was. I don't know what it is now, but there's that parking lot there and right next to where Fred Siegel used to be now. And we all had to come out after we auditioned and then the director would stand on the other side of the parking lot and you had to each come over there. Oh. And he, in front of everybody, would tell you whether you got it or not. Oh, wow. If you got in or not.

And so we all sat there nervously, you know, at the time I smoked and we're like smoking going, and you'd see someone go over and come back a little happy and you see someone slump away and you're like, oh God, this is awful. And he called me over and he just went, you're really good at this. And that was the first time anybody had told me I was good at something. Wow. And maybe ever. And I went, oh. And after that, just that,

Him saying that, I was just kind of walking on air for a bit. And so that kind of changed it for a bit where I just became really focused on improv and sketch comedy and was like, okay, and then in that, we can make short films and I can still make direct stuff. Right.

And did you make short films? Yeah, they weren't very good. But I tried to. But I was in a group with Matt Offerman, you know, his brother's Nick Offerman. And so we were in this group together and Megan Mullally, because she's married to Nick, came and saw us. And afterwards said, I'm going to...

tell Lorne Michaels about you. And, you know, like, oh, okay, sure. And then, yeah, I was working at Iron Chef America as an assistant editor and got a phone call from Lindsay Shookus, who's now the head of the talent department. And she was just an assistant. She went, hi, my name's Lindsay. I work for Lorne Michaels and he'd like to meet you. You're in LA, he's in New York. Yeah. And I had no manager, agent, nothing. And I went, what?

And flew out there and met him. And I was terrified. And Molly Shannon was super nice because Megan Mullally...

Had Molly Shannon call me and Molly Shannon, you know, she goes, I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to say good luck. And don't try to be funny. Just like he hates that. Don't try to be funny. Don't go in there and start doing your audition. Just go in and talk to him. And that was a lifesaver because I didn't know what to do. And, you know, managers and you talk to people and they're like, well, you got to go in there and you got to sell yourself. So going big. Yeah.

You know, but I just, yeah, I just talked to him and, and it was wild. I just, you can see me, I think it's Topher Grace hosting SNL and you can see me in the background and I cut to the audience, you know, during the monologue and you can see me leaning against, you know, with Mike Shoemaker. Yeah.

That was when I was visiting. Before? Yeah, before I'm on the show. Just kind of like looking at it all going like, whoa, this is SNL. This is so crazy, you know? And yeah. And then I auditioned a bunch and then I did my final audition. I've told this story before, but I got in the elevator at 30 Rock for my final audition and I was like really nervous. And the guy I got in the elevator with, he had a bunch of props.

And I was like, oh shit, I didn't bring props to the audition. I didn't know. That's so smart. I should have brought props. And that was Andy Sandberg. And Andy said that he was looking at me going, dude, that guy doesn't need props. It's so lame that I brought all these props. And so we both were just silently sizing each other up. And that was how we met. Yeah. And he was like,

He looked like he was running away. Yeah. Like, you know, the stag, you know, with the little, like he just had all these things on his back and he was just staring at me, you know, staring at him going like, all right, this is the competition, you know? Yeah. And so, yeah, it was cool. For most of you in the country, the weather outside is getting a little bit chilly. Fall's coming. But I live in Southern California, so that's not really true. But I'll tell you something. Where I do this podcast, the little studio is...

freezing. And I have found the solution. Quince has saved me. They have a cashmere sweater, a zip-up cashmere sweater that is warm and cozy, beautiful to look at, and costs like about 50 to 80 percent less than similar products. I cannot wait to tell you about it. Okay, so Quince offers affordable, high-quality essentials for any wardrobe.

That's the copy. But once again, I can't tell you how excited I am with my Mongolian cashmere sweater zip-up. It's from $60. I'm going back for the pants. Anyway...

Anyway, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices, along with premium fabrics and finishes. And they partner with them directly, cutting out the cost of the middleman, so you can update your look without breaking the bank. Upgrade your wardrobe with pieces made to last with Quince.

Go to quince.com slash tedandwoody for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash tedandwoody to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash tedandwoody

Net credit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by net credit or lending partner banks and serviced by net credit application subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com slash partner. Net credit, credit to the people.

When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like Allo or Allbirds or Skims or, oh, I don't know, old DVDs of Cheers, you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the businesses.

That business is Shopify. All right, I'm going to make this sound like I know exactly what I'm saying, even though I may not know exactly what I'm saying. It is the home of the number one checkout on the planet with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%.

meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform, better be ready to sell whenever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Businesses that want to grow, grow with Shopify.

upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with shopify sign up for your one dollar per month trial period at shopify.com slash ted and woody all lowercase go to shopify.com slash ted and woody to upgrade your selling today shopify.com slash ted and woody i've known a few people uh

fairly well from Saturday Night Live. Some of them, the experience beat them up. I mean, valuable. So appreciated being there. But the competitive nature of getting your material on, some people thrived, some people didn't necessarily. That's true. I feel like I was very lucky because of

Seth Meyers, I always give... And Tina Fey was the head writer when I showed up. And then Seth Meyers took over. And both of them and people like Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph. And these were like the seniors when I showed up. Chris Parnell, Rachel Dratch, Daryl Hammond. I mean, all these amazing people. And he...

I remember the attitude was the DNA of the place is, you know, this place is competitive, but we don't have to be competitive. You know, so it's just a given that your thing's going to get on this week or not get on this week. And everybody goes through it. So I would sit and see someone like Amy Poehler, who I really admired, not get her thing on. Like her sketch would get cut and see her a little depressed, you know? Yeah.

And, oh, okay. So that's just the name of the game here. You know, it's, I don't know, playing sports or something. Good days and bad days, you know. And I went, oh, okay. And I learned really quick that everybody, I was very lucky, like I said, that everyone was very, there was no like political laughter as a table read on Wednesday, meaning like certain people pulling for someone else and whatever.

All this, it was, if it was funny, everybody laughed and, and you would also feel it. I remember I had a period where I wasn't getting anything on and I was like, I wonder if people notice. I don't think anybody notices. And then Seth Meyers helped me out and goes, you got that Italian talk show host character. Why don't you come in and let's write it together. We're going to make it a talk show. Let me help you.

Because I came in, I'm like, I want to do something like you've never seen on the show before. And it was like nothing was working. So we did this Benny Vadeci show and I did it at the table. I got a ton of laughs. And then after it ended, people applauded. And I felt like, oh, everybody noticed that. They're applauding because it's like Bill needs this. You know what I mean? And I felt so...

Yeah, I was very kind and I was so grateful for that applause. I remember Paula Pell especially patting me on the back afterwards and that meant a lot. So you don't perform unless the material you wrote got on. You don't, or would you sometimes, had you acted on other people's? Oh, you would always act on other people's stuff. It would just be, you know, if I write, you know, the law of, you know, you would, if I brought up

The only thing you can control at SNL was, you know, I can write at least two great, you know, two pieces that I think are funny every week. And then whatever pieces I'm put into as an actor, whether it's a bigger character or the second, you know, cop coming through the door or whatever, I just, you know...

commit to those the best they can. And that's it. That's all you can really control. Everything else is completely out of your control. And so once you kind of give that up, then the show became fun. It was just the live aspect TV thing for me I never got used to. That was always very hard for me. I don't know. I hosted once in the 80s and

I mean, Cheers was in front of a live audience and there was adrenaline and it was exciting and you had some nerves and everything, but there's nothing.

Like Saturday Night Live nerves. It is because you're slightly under rehearsed. Yeah, did you feel that way? Did you feel confident when it was that before air energy of like, all right, here we go. We're going on. It's 1130. Everything except the monologue. Because the monologue, unless you, I think that's changed over the years. I think people who have their own voice, comedians or stand up or whatever,

Actors or whatever who have their own voice and participate in the monologue. I didn't see my monologue until Friday. Yeah. Maybe Saturday morning. Actually, I think it was Saturday morning. Yeah. And mine happened to be Mike Myers. It was his first time on camera. Oh, wow. And the bit was for my monologue was there were two worlds, simultaneous worlds going on. There was a French man.

comedians standing up and doing what I was doing for a French SNL. And there was me standing up. And Mike was hysterical. We'd go back and forth. And at the end, in a very kind of French over-the-top comedy, he wet his pants hugely. So that was my stand-up. Basically playing second fiddle

Rightfully so, but nevertheless, second fiddle to Mike Myers and wetting my pants. But at one of the skits, there were Nora Jones...

I think it was Nora Jones. Anyway, we're an everyday couple coming home from work, having everyday conversation, except the room is literally filled with 25 pigs on the stage, of which you know not what's going to happen. Yeah, and they're actual pigs that they brought in. Actual pigs that were not there for rehearsal. They came in. Oh, my gosh. Somebody asked me at the end of the show, how did you like it? And it was like...

I lived. Yeah. It was the most accurate statement I could make. I lived. Yeah, I got through it. You know, you always, yeah, last time I hosted, they were putting me in makeup for the last sketch and I'm trying to run down what I'm supposed to do because I am a bit dyslexic. I'm not very good at cold reading. You know, I'm a slow reader and so reading the cards was always something that was very, I would read my script

over and over. And then if there was any rewrites before air, I would hound the writer going, I need those rewrites right now. I need them right now. Constantly, constantly. And then sometimes they wouldn't get them to you till, or they wouldn't get them to you at all. I remember one time I was in a sketch and I was a game, I was, it was a game show. And, um, at, at, at dress rehearsal, I was a guy from Boston, um,

And I was like, I think that was it. And I was a guy from Boston. And then on air, we're getting into my quick change. And they give me a cowboy outfit. And I go, what is this? And they go, oh, they changed it to you're a guy from Texas. I go, okay. So I get out there. I go, how y'all doing? And they go, but they hadn't rewritten the script. So I go, where are you from? I'm from Boston, Massachusetts. Which is kind of funny. Confused. Confused. Yeah.

I was like, okay. And I was, I thankfully only had like three lines in the thing, but I was like, you know, what happened? And then the writer came up and I'm so sorry. I forgot to put the changes in and I fucked up. And yeah, but, but yeah, yeah, I survived. But anyway, they were putting me in quick changes for that and I was getting ready and stuff. Right. And last time I hosted and they came up and they went, oh, we don't have time for this sketch. We're going to just do a pre-tape and that's the end of the show. And I remember Jody Mancuso,

I was doing my hair, who works in the hair department, amazing legend, Jodi Mancuso. And she turned to me and she went, hey, you're done. Like that. And it was like, I could have cried. I was like,

You're done? Yeah. Done for the, like, the show's done, like, hosting the show. I had come back to host, and it was like, hey, the show's done. Yeah. And so all that worry, all that, like, what's my blocking? What are my lines? Everything was like, yeah, you're done. And I was like, oh. And I just kind of melted. And I just remember just, like, doing good nights, being like, thank you, everybody. Thanks, Jon Hamm, for coming. But all the energy, I survived. It was the exact same.

It is an amazing amount of nerves that flow through your body when you step out to do something live. Yeah, when the red light comes on, I still, like, anytime I'm at some live event and they go, we're going live in 10-9, I just, my whole body tenses up. When I hear, because on video, it's always 5-4-3, and they don't do 2-1. Yeah.

Because I did a soap opera in which I was horrible for like nine months in New York. And it was always 5, 4, 3, 2. And I never got past in the nine months I was on Panic. And that was live. It was all but live. Meaning if you had a half hour show, you had 35 minutes of that huge computer at NBC back then in the 70s that you could have your...

you know, soap opera stored. So you couldn't have a set fell down. Maybe you would start again. Right. So there, it was in all. But you had to know all your, there was no cue cards or anything. There were cue cards. There were cue cards. There were cue, well, the one I was on had a, they had scrolls. Oh. Hand held scrolls that some guy, there'd be three union guys in the perimeter. And,

And you'd be doing fine and you didn't really want to look at the scroll because I have trouble reading too. I become pedantic if I'm trying to read a cue card or something. So you'd be fine and then you'd see one of the guys in your peripheral vision pick up their little scroll machine and shake it, look at it, and you'd go, I'm Fox. Oh my God, please, please, please, please. I was hired for this show to be

uh, the kind of the town Coxman coming on to every person and smooth and all of these things. And the night before I had my first full fledged panic attack. Yeah. And I called this therapist that we were all, we'd all left Carnegie tech and went to New York and live kind of communally almost. And we had all the same therapists and it was like,

Crazy. Anyway, I called him and he said, and I said, I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. This is too much. And he said, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't cut off your nose. You want to do this. Take a Valium. So I took a Valium and I didn't realize Valium's in me. Do not get along. And I barely slept, but I had the Valium and it was still in my system. And I go down to 30 Rock or wherever it is and

I'm in the bowels of the building looking for where I'm supposed to go. And somebody recognizes me from something, I don't know, a commercial and goes, hey, hey, aren't you? And I started to run. Made no sense, no sense whatsoever. And I got lost in the bowels of NBC. The person didn't chase me. I was just running.

Then I get up and I'm doing this scene where I'm in a restaurant coming on to this woman. You're supposed to be smooth. Very smooth. This is my first day. She's been on the show for like two years. Oh, no. And it was effortless for her. And I was Broadway news sweat. I was sheets of sweat. And the producer looked at her and went, nah. Yeah.

Nah. We'll make him the town sleaze. He'll turn in all his friends to the mafia. That's who he is. Yeah, let's get this guy. Oh. So 5-4-3-2. The worst. Yeah. Anytime you're... They were nice to me. I did one thing where I was Elliot Spitzer in the cold open and it was just me by myself. Kristen Wiig stood behind me but she had no lines and it was Elliot Spitzer when he got in a lot of trouble. And I...

read that maybe a hundred times, tried to figure it out. And Jim Downey had written it. And Jim Downey, a famous writer at SNL, been there forever. And

And very specific how he wanted things. You know, you go up on this and down on this and this is to yourself and this is, you know. Oh, wow. And this comes out commanding and this, now you're kind of hedging. Yeah, and you're going, so I'm trying to remember. And then Chris Kelly was our stage manager when it was for that live show.

This isn't even talking about makes me anxious. Sorry. But the live show and you start it. So Jenna, the stage manager, all right, you know, Bill, please come to the, you know, two minutes, you know, one minute to air. Bill, please come out. You know, and you go out and you stand there and I'm always in the audience kind of politely applaud. The show is about to start and I'm like, just about to die. And Chris Kelly goes, go, you know, 10 seconds.

five seconds. And then he would go, and he would, as a joke, go two seconds, like scared, you know,

And then it began. So then I go, hello, I'm Elliot Spitzer. And I start the thing. Well, Jim Downey was so keyed up about it. He was pacing right underneath the cue card. Oh, oh, my God. He's pacing, looking at the cue card, looking at me, and he's pacing back and forth. So I'm trying to stay in character, but I'm going, what's going on? And then everything, if it got a laugh, he would go... And if it didn't work, he would go...

And I'm trying to stay in character, but I'm like, get him out of my eyeline. Because it's just like this thing. And then just seeing him go. And then afterwards, he was like, that was good. I like that. That was very good. Very good. And I got the flu after that. I was so keyed up. Couldn't sleep for three days beforehand. And then Steve Higgins died.

after that, we'll put you out there with somebody else for a cold open. If we do another one, it'll be a two hander, three hander. So it won't be all on you.

Because, yeah, I just was like, I can't. I can't do that again. My horror on stage came at the Atlantic Theater, you know, in New York. Oh, yeah. We have a great friend, Neil Pepe, who is the artistic director and his wife, Mary McCann. We're great buddies. Pardon me. And he asked me to come be part of the 25th

celebration of, you know, the creation of the Atlantic Theater and they had 25 playwrights and they said, write anything you want, 20 minutes long, can be an opera, it can be anything. Monologue doesn't matter. And then shifts of five, um,

little one acts or whatever you call them would be one week. And then the next would be another bunch of playwrights with another five. So I showed up and you couldn't, you had one or two rehearsals with Neil and I had a 20 minute monologue. And, uh, I worked on it. From what, what kind of, Oh, it was wonderful. Amazing. Uh, it wasn't from a play. It was, it was, he, uh,

He sits in front of the audience and tries to... He's kind of middle management guy, uptight, trying to piece together why he's so horrified. And he wants to work it out with the audience. And he describes his day. And at the end of the day, it turns out that he is... When he gets home, his basement is literal hell. So when he goes down to feed the dog, there are stalactites and mites and hell. It's hell. And then he comes back up and by the time...

he's through walking the dog and jarred, he forgets. So it's over and over again, this, you know, revisiting this. So I sit down. Now, first off, it's that thing behind the curtain and the lights go down. And I literally have to say to myself, my car is out back.

I could get in. It would be embarrassing. I would be the joke, the brunt of jokes for a long time, but I could run. I can't get out of it. I can't get out of it. And then, boom, you sit down, you're there. And I had psyched myself out backstage trying to run the lines. You can't run a 20-minute monologue. Yeah.

And, oh, sorry. And the week before, I saw an actor do the same kind of thing and go up on a line. And I thought somebody would whisper from the stage. No, it was from the back in the lighting booth over the microphone. Your line is, you know. So I thought, fuck, I better come up with some classic way of asking for a line if that happens. So I was just setting myself up. I sit down and 20 seconds in,

My brain froze. And in my, that, it was like sticking your finger in a light socket. It was like, zzz.

Yeah. Fuck, what am I going to do? God damn it, I can't believe it. My daughter is in, should I run? Should I cry? Don't cry. You know, it's all this just whoop. Yeah, yeah. And I thought, okay, Darcy, who was the name of the stage manager, what happens next? I thought that would be a classic way of saying line plays. Darcy.

Darcy, 20 seconds in, is just sitting down with her coffee, hasn't even opened the script, and goes, you know, scrambles and gives me the line that I had just finished before I forgot my next line. So, you know, so I had to go back and go, actually, it's the next one, Darcy.

I was so fried with adrenaline that my poor daughter, who was in the audience, had to walk me around New York City block for over an hour drinking gallons of water. I was fucked. Adrenaline dump. No, no. Yeah. No. You're just telling me that. Well, guys, my problem is like,

Yeah, that's my... I still have nightmares about that stuff. I still... Well, anytime I talk to Sandberg or any of those guys, they'll be like, I had an SNL nightmare the other day. And he's like, ooh, what was yours? You know? And it's always that I'm going up not knowing what's happening or what the scene is or any of those things. And then I know Melissa... But then, you know, it's kind of... The anticipation of a thing is hard. But then when it happens...

I weirdly will kind of, yeah, it's like a car accident or something where you're like, oh, okay, shit, this is happening. And Melissa McCarthy and I, we just, I just saw her a couple months ago. And anytime I see her, we always talk about that we were in a sketch together. And somehow I, and it's me interviewing her. She's this basketball coach and I'm interviewing her.

And the cue cards got messed up. And there was a big rewrite between dress and air. And I had the dress rehearsal cue cards. And she had the air cue cards. So I'm talking to her and I can see on her face, she's like, that's not what I'm looking at. And I see Wally, our cue card guy, going like freaking out. So to your thing, I had to find a way to turn around and look. So tell me what you...

Tell me what you were doing into the, you know, trying to make this move look natural. And the guy was going through it. And then you see a guy run up with the right cue cards. And he's like, and that guy's going flying and then pointing to the word. You're here. You're here. You're here. You know, and I was like, oh, and that was one right in the moment. You're kind of calm.

And then it was like, you know, I got home and was like, oh, my God, that was terrifying. So, yeah, anytime we see each other, she's like, you remember when we were on the show and that happened? It is some of the most intensely focused energy that you will ever spend in your life when you're on a stage. Yeah. And Cheers, was it similar? We could start and stop. And they loved it when we fucked up.

the audience. So there wasn't the fear. How hard was that for... So I was curious watching that show and being like, how would you know... How often would you guys get rewrites on the day? Would it be during the shoot? Would they come up and go, that didn't work? We would get minor... Because you had...

We had a writing process every day. You'd come in and you'd read and they'd say the story isn't right. You'd get a whole new script the next day, but you were rehearsing. And then a funny person would come in and spruce. You got rewrites every night.

But then you would on shoot day, you would either get them right before dinner and before your show. But they'd be minor by then. And then when the audience left, anything that didn't work, they thought they could improve. But it was much more relaxed. Yeah, that's wild, though. You would have to, yeah, just to memorize those things, too. It's like pretty, yeah, I would. It is funny. I became more of a crutch with the cue cards, even though I wasn't.

I did a thing on Brooklyn Nine-Nine and I asked for cue cards and Andy was like, what happened to you? You loser. Are you Marlon Brando all of a sudden? I was like, well, I thought that was funny. He's like, nobody asked for cue cards. You're the first guy in the history of the show. It's like, oh, Jesus. Oh, man. Oh, God, I feel so bad.

It's a slippery slope, cue cards. Yeah, it is. It is a slippery slope. But, you know, Dan Aykroyd was the one, my third show, he saw, he came and he saw that I was acting to the cue card and then turning. So I would read the cue card and then look at the person.

And he was like, no, you got to like act right at the cue card. Just don't look at the people. And because the camera's right there as if the cue card is your eye line. So it seems like you're doing it, that you're acting to somebody, but we're actually looking past each other. But that's hard. Yeah. That in itself is hard. And then you do a movie and you're looking at the person, you're trying to connect to them and it's a different feeling. And Martin Short came in with this character that was very, you know, why hello, you know, all that.

And he knew. And there was because I break very easily because I'm very, very stressed. And so I'm like about to lose it at any moment. And I'm just a very easy laugh. So I'm sitting there and I'm like, I could just look at these cards and I'll be fine. And the camera guys are putting money on it. Like we, you know, they're coming up like, hey, I got money on you that you don't break. Yeah.

So you better have my back, man, because I just put a lot of money on you that you're not going to break. And so I'm like, fine. I'm fine at dress. I got this air. Fine. And fucking Marty Short knows that I'm acting right to the cards. Right. So when the camera was on me, he would just creep into my eyeline and go right back to me. Yeah.

Did your friend lose a lot of money? Well, it was, I paused. I went, well. So it was, it became kind of a thing. Like he didn't laugh, but he paused. Fred Armisen would get me all the time. Fred Armisen, we did a sketch that was set, that he wrote called Short Term Memory Theater.

where I was a professor that was like, I'm a doctor. I've worked, not a doctor that works with people with short-term memory. And I'm like, I've worked with them. They're in this play and they will not, I guarantee they will not forget a single line. You know, I've worked with their short-term memory. They will not forget a single line. I'll be playing the patriarch in the play. And it was kind of a, you know, kitchen sink drama thing. So it's me, it was a newspaper and it's set in the 40s.

And then Aidy Bryant's the mom. And immediately she...

I'm like, good morning, dear. How are you? Good morning, dear. How are you? I'm cuing everybody because they all don't know. Immediately, they all forget their lines. And Fred wrote this. So as I'm explaining, even the top of the sketch where I'm explaining the premise of it, I hear Fred laughing. He's in the sketch, but I hear him laughing behind one of the flats because he just finds his thing so funny. And then immediately, so I'm cuing everybody.

And then, so before I went on, John Solomon was like, hey, man, you know, you have to tell Fred what to say. Maybe we'll come up with something that wasn't planned. Right. You know, so he has to say whatever, you know. And I was really excited. I was like, oh, I'm going to get him. To laugh, break, yeah. And he had like a sixth sense or something. So he came out, and you can find this, he comes out in a present day New York Giants jacket.

And he comes out and looks at me, which he had never worn in rehearsal. And so I'm looking at him and I'm like, what? And I go, give me the jacket like this. And he goes, what? What? What? I go, give me the jacket. And he takes the jacket off and he gives it to me and he goes, is the play over? And I completely break. I go, no, the play's not over.

And he just like, he was like going like this, like just looking at me and yeah, that he really, that one got me really hard. That was, I was so proud of myself. I was like, oh man, we're going to get him. And when he came out in that jacket, I was like, what is happening?

We've all got a thing. For me, it's vintage furniture. And now talking about how I found it on eBay is like my whole personality. Even at 2 a.m., when I can't get 19th century sofas off my mind, I'm on eBay for sure, scrolling my favorite seller's storefront, setting search alerts and building the watch list of my literal dreams. I know antique lamps aren't everybody's thing, but the best part about eBay is it doesn't matter what you're into. Fashion, car parts, trading cards, it's all there. So go find the thing that keeps you up at night. eBay. Things. Things.

People. Love. Looking for an elevated jewelry shopping experience this holiday? Take another look at your local Jared Jewelers. This is not the Jared he went to. This is the new reimagined Jared we're all heading to for a remarkably personal experience with local jewelry experts.

November 22nd is our grand reopening event. Come browse with a glass of bubbly, Italian gold, high-quality diamonds, and luminous gemstones, and find the ideal gifts that sparkle this holiday. The Jared Jewelers Grand Reopening Event, November 22nd at Jared. So tell me, jumping ahead, because I want to get to Barry, but how...

What was the, oh, I'm leaving SNL moment? What was that like? Well, I was married at the time and had two kids, you know, and living in New York. And I was like, you know what, I think it's time to go. And, you know, the people I had come at, you know, Andy and Kristen had left the year before me.

And Fred and I had talked a little bit and he's like, I think I'm going to leave. And so I told Lauren in February of my last season, I finally, it was like, I'm going to move to California. Right. And he said, wear it for a while. You know, you might not want to leave.

And, but yeah, so then I left and that was basically it. Yeah, just having kids and it was just... Moved out here? Moved out here. With a job waiting or? I worked at South Park. I was a writer at South Park for a little bit. And I did a show called Documentary Now with Fred and Seth and then Trainwreck. I got Trainwreck, went and did that movie. And then I had done another movie called Skeleton Twins. It was a low budget movie. And with Kristen and

And HBO during that time said, you know, it was one of those things where I came back to town and they were like, hey, you got to kind of announce you're back in town. So we're setting up meetings with you, with everybody. And doing something at HBO was never on my radar. And I had this great meeting with Casey Bloys and the guy, Mike Lombardo, who was there at the time. And they said, we really, and they were the only people that said, we really liked what you did in this movie, Skeleton Twins. Yeah.

We like to see something like that. Because a lot of the places I was going, they were like, we want a Stefan thing. We want something more sketch and stuff. And I go, we like that. It was funny, but it was also very emotional. And so I told my agents that. And they go, we're going to get you together with this guy, Alec Berg, who we also represent. He's on a show right now that hasn't even started shooting yet. It's called Silicon Valley. And he's running that. But you guys should meet.

And so I met with him and, and, uh, no, you didn't know him. We did not. We, we had met each other like in passing, but we didn't really know each other that well. And then we sat at this diner in Culver city and just like talked out ideas. And we had this one idea that we were going to do and then kind of realized like, oh, this doesn't really work. And then out of almost like kind of frustration, I said, what if it's a, what if I was a hit man? And he was like, well,

I hate Hitman, you know? Because it was, you know, John Wick or Reservoir Dogs thing. And he's like, I just, he goes, I remember he said, it's like dog catcher. It's like a thing that doesn't exist, you know? And I'm like, no, there's Hitman. People do hire Hitman. And we were kind of going back and forth. And then I don't know how, but we're like, what if he takes an acting class? I remember writing that down. Hitman takes acting class. And then have like four other ideas. And maybe it's this or this. And then, yeah.

And I remember very well him going, "Hip-Hip takes an acting class. That's funny." He goes, "That's interesting." "Oh, that's interesting." I remember he really caught that, you know? And then we worked on it. And we wrote that pilot. You know, that's the thing. And I'm sure you relate to these things. It takes so long to get these things to make sense, you know? And so we had the pilot.

And we wrote it and we felt really good about it. And we sent it to HBO and they said, half of this works. The acting half works. The hitman part is like from movies. You know, it's not set in any reality. We had a scene, I remember that Amy Gravitt at HBO loves to remind me of. It was a barbecue with a bunch of hitmen at a barbecue. And she was like, what the fuck is this? This does not exist. I don't know what this is. Yeah.

And we were like, okay. And then, and again, then I was like, well, what if he's a Marine? And then they went, yeah, that like kind of now we're in the real world, you know? So it was just those tempo moments. But to get from hitman takes an acting class to Marine was like a year, you know? And then you went, oh, okay, now this works. So now, you know, and then we just kind of built it from there. Did you know what the tone was going to be?

Not really. I mean, tone is a weird, you know, it was kind of, that conversation with HBO kind of got us to the tone, you know? Make the hitman real. Real. Okay, he's a Marine. Okay, that's interesting. And then, so then you look into Marines and that world, and I talked to some Marines and, yeah.

Read up on that. And then Alec and I just started building the story. And then I don't think anybody really understood what they had or HBO understood what it was until they saw the pilot. And then they went, oh, okay. This is kind of dark and cinematic. But it's like dark kind of drama first that happens to be funny, that has comedy. And that was the trick was...

we decided early on the first scene should not be funny. So you immediately say like, oh, it's this and then let the comedy kind of come in through situations and the people instead of something like that. So,

It was a thing that we always got the whole show is like, is this really a comedy? And you would go, I mean, it's just a story. I mean, to us, it was always in the writer's room. I would say, what if there was a Vanity Fair article about this? And let's treat it like that. Like it's one of those true crime Vanity Fair articles. Like it's too crazy, you know, strangers and fiction type thing. And let's just treat it like that and see what happens. Did you, who directed the pilot? I did. And you directed all of the last season. I did, yeah.

How did you know you could do that? Had you proven something to yourself earlier on? Yeah, I knew I could do it. It was just the thing that my dad likes to remind me. I told him once when I was a kid, the only thing I'm good at is I'm funny and I think I could direct a movie. And he said, you told me that when you were like 12. Wow. He goes, I'm bad at everything else. But that's such a different brain though. I mean, for me, I mean, I am, I will...

People ask me, do you want to direct? Nope. Do you want to write? Nope. I don't have that gene, you know, whatever. I have friends who have those opportunities and then go, I just, I don't think I could do it. And it is true. You have to have a lot of patience. You have to really love it.

And you're a storyteller. I'm not. You do tell stories. Even in little bits, you're telling a story. Earlier on, when you're doing Saturday Night Live or something, you are telling little stories in a way. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, to me, it was just...

how do you make a thing cinematic? You know, I'm really excited by that. You know, it's not just talking heads and things. It was like, how do we get this across in like kind of an interesting cinematic way? And they were very lucky that we were at HBO, that they were into that and were into that tone. And we're like, yeah, try it. Because I had tried other things at different places with that similar tone. And they went, this will never be funny. People won't find this funny. And then...

You know, Alec Berg likes to always say it's like he and I are next to the piano and we're just hitting the keys and just trying to find the right key. And then we go, oh, write that. Oh, this is good. This one's good. But yeah, you know, and then, you know, casting it is such a big deal. Like casting Henry and Sarah Goldberg, who's amazing, and Anthony Kerrigan and Stephen Root is one of my favorite actors. Oh, he's good. Nope. It doesn't matter where he is, what he's doing. Have you worked with Stephen? No, but I've admired him forever. He's just...

the one of those guys where you just go, you give him a little note. Yeah. And it's like, wow. And then you don't know where it comes from because he's a very sweet guy. And, and, uh, but you just go, I don't know where that came from. You know, it's really amazing. Well, all of you guys were, uh,

What I love watching is when I'm totally surprised. That's what makes you giggle and laugh when you're watching anything, drama, whatever. For me, it's, wow, did not see that coming. Yeah, well, I mean, it was the best experience I've had in my career doing that show. I mean, it was just one of those things where everybody behind the scenes and in front of the camera, we all just clicked. And it was just one of those great moments

Where'd you shoot? All around LA? And then we shot a bunch of stuff in Big Bear. Henry Winkler's character has a cabin in Big Bear, so we'd have to go shoot up there. And that was one of those things I could tell Aida Rogers, our producer, I would go in and I'd be like, hey, we're, I would walk out of the writer's room like, hey, we just wrote a scene that's at the cabin in Big Bear. And she'd be like, you're killing me. Yeah.

can we build it on stage? And I was like, no. But, and this guy, Gavin Kleintop and Wade Allen and Carl Hersey and the,

halloween delbro they were our two dps and and uh and then alec berg and my ex-wife maggie carey is a great director she directed an episode and um did she direct someone with uh will forte yeah mary knows yeah and uh and then you know you worked with my old nanny

Darcy Carden used to be my nanny. Oh my God. I think she told me that. Oh God, I love her. Darcy was... And she was also a fairy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she was our nanny. And she was... When we lived in New York and our oldest daughter Hannah was a baby and...

I remember Maggie coming in and going, hey, I met this really cool girl at UCB and she's going to be the nanny and her husband's really nice, Jason. And they came in and they were like practically, you know, lived with us. I mean, it was so great. And then I just watched her grow.

I remember her doing like these funny bus tours in New York where she would be like, all right, everybody, we're going to, you know, she was doing every job possible.

She did good place at the same time as Barry and something else too, I think. League of their own. Yeah, she kind of blew up. It was one of those things that was great and awful for me because I was so proud of her and so happy for her. But then on the other end, we're like, shit, we're having to base the whole schedule around Darcy's availability because everybody wants to work with her right now. But we were

We were just, I'm still just so thrilled. And just what you guys did on that show was amazing. And I just was like, I can't believe there she is. And my kids getting to see that. That was the coolest thing was she would come to one of my daughter's dance performances and people, that's Janice. And they would all, these kids would run over to her to get pictures. And, you know, my daughter's very like, you know. Yeah, that's my nanny. My nanny's Janice. And I was like, how about your dad's...

Barry. It's like, no one watches that here, Dad. We're in the elementary school. Come on. That's not a comedy. Our kids would never come watch us work unless somebody, you know, somebody cool was on. Really? Oh, yeah. We'll come. We'll come. Will they watch any...

do they get embarrassed, your kids, when they see you show up in something or do they go, my kids have done that where they didn't know I was in something and then I, especially like an animated movie. I remember taking my daughter to see Finding Dory and she heard my voice at the beginning and she stood up and just walked out. You just broke the fourth wall for me. I had to walk after. I go, what's wrong? What's wrong? And she goes, are you in the, she had a little lateral lift, are you in the whole thing? Yeah.

no, that's the only scene I'm in. He's like, you swear you're not in the rest of the thing? I was like, all right. And she like came back in like super pissed off, like with little like cat ear things on. And then we watched the rest of this.

the movie. I get it. If my dad showed up in the Millennium Falcon, I'd be petrified. Like, hey, guys, Bill Senior. Hi, Chewy, Bill Senior. I'd be terrible. That sucks. I don't know if you know Mary's son, Charlie McDowell. Yeah, I know Charlie. He's amazing. Very sweet guy. In high school,

He and his buddies were in his room watching TV, you know, definitely channel surfing, trying to find something probably they weren't supposed to watch or whatever.

And Charlie leaves the room and his friend discovers, I don't know where, what movie channel it was, a film that Mary made that she won the Academy Award for. Melvin and Howard. Great movie. And she does this tap dance and she gets mad at the place where she, this dive that she's working in and she rips off all of her clothes, throws them and walks off the stage. And

That scene came on just in Charlie's friend's defense. He had just gotten to that scene, flipping channels. Charlie walks in, and as far as he's concerned, his friend is misbehaving to his naked mother, and is like, you son of a bitch! Yeah.

Yeah. You're disgusting. Yeah. I don't, yeah, yeah, that's, that's, that's the nightmare, you know, is, you know, you make all this stuff and the only thing my kids have ever been interested in seeing is I was in It 2. I was in a, the It movie and they've been to different sleepovers and that's like a movie kids put on at sleepovers and,

So my kid did go, I saw you in It. I was like, oh, what'd you think? She's like, first movie was better. I was like, okay. Thanks. You know, but yeah, it's always, you know, it's really, I like it that they don't, you know, I'm their dad. You know, that's the best. Yes. It's like they don't really give a shit about it. My favorite, my daughter acts, you know, at school and she was in, she played Gertrude in Hamlet at her school.

And, uh, yeah. And I was like, well, and those are very funny. We were walking down the street and this guy saw me and was coming. He's like, Hey, Hey, you're, you're, uh, you're, uh, and my daughter went Gertrude from Hamlet. Yes. That was very funny.

But that's what I usually get. I always get, I told my girlfriend, I'm like, everybody thinks I'm Dwight from The Office.

And she goes, no, they don't. I go, everybody thinks I'm Dwight from The Office. Oh. And we were just in London and they're like, oh my God, Dwight, no way. Oh my God, can I get a picture with you? And I'm like, I'm not Dwight from The Office, but thank you. You know, and the worst was we were in Seattle and we were hiking and these kids walked by and this guy went, Dwight, we love you. And he was wearing a super bad t-shirt with me on it. Oh. Oh.

And I was like, I'm on your shirt.

He's like, Dwight, we love you. And she was like, wow, this is crazy. People really think you're, uh, I had Rainn Wilson. He's done a great, yeah. I love him. I had Tony Danza for some reason. Seriously, there's no similarity except the T and the D. And I was the first time I encountered it was in New York and I was walking by these construction guys and I'm halfway past them. And I, Hey Tony. And,

And I naturally keep walking. Hey, Tony! What the fuck? You too good for us now? And I got it for a handful of years. It was so strange. Get me to present. What was the decision to not make anymore? Had you told your story with Barry? Yeah, yeah. It felt like the story... We had written season... We were in the middle of writing season three when the pandemic happened. And...

And so during lockdown, we asked HBO, can we just write season four? We'll finish three and then we'll write season four over Zoom. And we did that. And while we were writing season four, it just kind of felt like we all felt like it kind of ends. Like, I don't know how you keep this going. I have so much respect for that. You know, you don't just keep going because it's popular and you're making money. You tell your story and get out. Yeah, it was done. And those are my favorite moments.

you know, so it felt like, oh, this should end, you know, so we did that and it was sweet, you know, but I remember shooting like, you know, final week or whatever and people were like, are you bummed out? Are you sad? And it was kind of like SNL. It's like, oh no, you move on, you move on, but I'll miss these people. I miss the people working, you're working with. I miss that, but it is like, no, you got to,

you know, this ends, you know, move on. Can I ask what you're doing right now? Writing a movie. I'm writing a, I'm trying to write, writing a horror movie that I would direct, but we'll see what happens, you know. You're writing it on your own? No, I write with this guy, Duffy Boudreau, who I grew up with and then he wrote on Barry and documentary now. yeah. So, I mean, that's kind of like, and then other things just, you know how it is. He,

You work on certain things and it feels like, oh, this might happen and then it won't. It's like I'm superstitious in that way. But yeah, just writing. But really...

you know, I went to London and Paris last week on a vacation with my girlfriend. It was the, like, it was the first real, real vacation I've taken. She's a brilliant actor. Oh my God. Allie? Oh, she's good. Yeah, she's amazing. And, just like an amazing person. Yeah. But we had a great time and then, but,

Was this for the Olympics? No, we missed the Olympics. Probably. Yeah. But when we were done, it was like, oh, I haven't done this since 2008, maybe. Gone on a vacation that didn't have kids. And it was just...

And you weren't working. It wasn't like, oh, you're not doing press. You're not like, oh, well, this weekend, maybe we can hop out and go to that museum or whatever. It was like, oh, no, this is all. And so that's been really great, you know, and seeing my kids, you know, like that. Doing Barry was, you know, it was 24-7, you know, it's hard. And that's hard on kids.

The people that love you and care about you is you're not fully present, you know. And it is a distraction from who you are. Yeah. The interior for real who you are. I don't care how philosophically bright, wise, enlightened you are. I think everybody falls into the trap of...

of working just that you're busy and consumed with something creative which is wonderful but the celebrity that everything about it is distracting I find I'm an old Mary accused me of

whenever I don't work for, as she says, four or five days. You know, oh, you've been out of work a week? Oh, poor Ted. That I get kind of lightheaded and disoriented and who the fuck am I? And it's true. Yeah. I do. I do identify as Ted who works. Yeah. And it's good to...

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing I've been working on. It was like, not just my kids and everybody in my life. It was just since 2000 and when we started Barry, 2017 has just been, you know.

I mean, that's all I can think about, you know? So you're there, you're there, you're at the place, you're at like the swim meet, you're at the volleyball game, but your brain's going like, what if that, I don't think that works anymore. And then I'm texting a writer going like, Hey, I think the thing we worked on yesterday doesn't work, you know? And, um,

You know, I feel bad for Alec and the people in the writer's room because my brain just... I just couldn't let it go. You know, I was just like constantly thinking about it. So it was this interesting thing when the final episode aired. I just...

didn't know what to do with myself and i had a hero murai who's brilliant he directs atlanta and oh right and uh mr and mrs smith and stuff and he said after atlanta he's like yeah you it's gonna be it's weird you know he's like be ready it's weird how do you ground yourself how do you get back to zero or look at yourself it takes me a while i mean

I mean, oh man, I'm like, if I was in my 20s and met me, I'd be like, this dude's so lame. You know, because it's like, oh, because I meditate, I, you know, eat while I'm like trying to exercise. Oh, sorry, you're not from the East Coast or the West Coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like...

uh okay you meditate and you're you know just saying oh how how's grounding yourself over there bill you know it's like but yeah you know vegans eat again oh okay no you only eat fish now all right um but it's it's uh uh but yeah i mean yeah

meditation has really helped me, but just getting into some sort of a routine and, and, and also being curious again, you know, that was the thing of reading and, and having a, and, and, and it's okay to kind of have a schedule for the day that we set aside time to, that's been the biggest thing for me is putting my phone away. That was a huge thing, you know, putting all these things away and focusing with the people I'm with and,

And I think when I was on the show, I lost a real curiosity. I was so focused on the show. But then it's like you ask people, meet people, you know. And my kids and, you know, Allie and Maggie, my ex-wife, like all these people have been really great in that way of showing me that. So it's really just hanging out with people and sharing.

And like listening. I hate that. I hate it. Yeah. Oh my God. No, but it is, it is. But yeah, I think, you know, meditation, exercising well, but, but also just, yeah, like, I like reading, you know, or, or you find a filmmaker that you've never heard of, or you watch a film. Like I watched this film. I've always liked this, this Japanese movie called cure. It's a horror movie and,

So I find that director and I'm like, check out his other movies. And that's so invigorating and really makes you excited about what you do for a living. Not that you had to choose, but if you had to choose, would you direct over act or act over direct? I don't know. It's all kind of one. Would you be in this movie you're writing? Yeah. But it's a...

It's all like one weird job to me. It's all kind of writing. You're writing a thing so you can act in direct, you know. But I think you're kind of extraordinary because I don't think that works for a lot of people to switch hats back and forth. I mean, when I watch you act, you seem so connected to that reality. The depth of truth feels so amazing to watch.

but you also are thinking about, you know, what the shot looks like, or you're also having written that scene, perhaps. You know, I find the idea of switching back and forth pretty rare because some people do it, but you're not getting... Yeah, well, I mean, you're seeing the parts that we edited into the thing because there are times when, yes, Henry and Stephen especially said that I would be in the scenes with them and I'm going...

Especially off camera. Yeah. Henry, Bill, can you please stop mouthing my lines? You're the guy. You're the guy at Saturday Night Live going, yes, yes. No. No, but he, but yeah, I definitely, yeah, I mean,

Because you write the thing, you kind of know what the emotion is and you're relating to it. And then you set up the shots and you kind of have everything. I like to pre-plan a lot. So then when you're in it and we're in it, then you can really be in it. You can let it go. Because you've planned it so much. And you know what you're doing. But then there's also been times, I mean, every season we do reshoots because I've...

had some idea that I think is great. And then we get in the edit and my editors are like, what is this? And I go, I don't know. I thought it was good. And then you ask the actors, hey, we cut that out. And they're like, oh, thank you. Like, we did not get that at all. And I was like, okay, yeah, you're right. You know, so it's always, it's a process and you do have to like,

Set your ego aside, you know, if you're going to make the story work. Boy, that's true, I think, about the business in general. Check your ego at the door. It looks like it's full of ego, but man, do you get ego crushed all the time. And then you think like, oh, I've got my ego in check. And then people outside of the ego, yeah, man, you realize we've only been talking about you for the last five minutes.

And you go, oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah. I've been told, I got, you know, someone goes, Bill, have you heard the term emotional dumping? And I go, what's that? And it's like, it's when you just kind of like dump all your problems onto people and you're not, you're talking at them. You're not really...

I went to my editor, Allie Greer's amazing editor. I go, hey, do I emotional dump? And she's from Minnesota. And she goes, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You go off about this and that. And you're always upset about this. And then it doesn't really matter what I say. So then, yeah, you talk to a therapist about that and go, why do I do that? What is that? What is up with that? I've become the older guy that walks through a door talking. I know.

I don't even see who's in it. I just start talking and adapt. It's like, oh, it's terrible. Wait, what does that look like? I have something on my mind and I start talking and then I notice that Joe is actually there. So, all right, I'll include Joe in what I'm talking about. But it has nothing to do with other people. It's my monologue. Sorry. I see...

Yeah. Yeah, that's... I love that. I should do that. I always...

You know, we have Larry David and I have become good friends. Motherfucker. He's a motherfucker. First off, I owe him so much in my life. And I do love him. But I love picking on him as well because he's so pickable, honorable. Well, he laughs at himself too, which is fine. I mean, his social graces are non-existent.

I mean, in real life, none existed. What is something you've seen? He doesn't like going to people. He doesn't like accepting invitations to people's homes for dinner because I can't get up and leave whenever I want. Yeah. And he wants to leave a lot. And Woody and I, actually it was Woody and I and somebody else were meeting him for dinner and he got there early.

It was his idea. And we came in and said to the maitre d' we're here with Larry David. And he said, oh, yes, he's right over there. And Larry was finishing his last bite of his entree. He had ordered and eaten early because he had a better idea, probably involving some young lady or something. I was like, whatever. Yeah.

He's terrible. You know, I have a memory with you and Larry all in the same moment, which was you were nominated for Best Actor in a Comedy, and so was Larry, and so was I, Curb and The Good Place and Barry. And Larry turns to me, we're sitting behind each other, you know, in our tuxedos and everything, and he goes, we're going to lose. Yeah.

And I said, don't say that. We're not going to lose. Don't say that. I was kind of pissed because I had in the back of my mind I might win. And you won. And my reaction was to haul off and slug his arm like it was his fault. If he hadn't said it, maybe I would have won. Yeah, I saw him after that. And he was like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Congratulations. Yeah.

Yeah, we both are like old movie, you know, we love watching TCM, so he'll send me like, you know, he'll send me, oh, this is on right now. And he likes very kind of sweet movies. Yeah.

which is funny. Yeah. You know, like, you know, I don't know, like, ghosting, you know, Mrs. Muir is on, you know. Oh my God, this is great. It's like a sweet movie. He's a marshmallow, really. Yeah. He likes very, and he doesn't like things that are too,

or anything like that. He's like, ah, that's not for me. I don't like the violence. Or mean-spirited. Mean-spirited, no. He doesn't like it. He'll make fun of himself. He'll put himself through the grinder as a character, but he doesn't like mean humor. Yeah, he doesn't. Yeah, he's like, I'm not really into that. He actually does good impressions because he always... He's a...

I would do impressions for him and he would laugh incredibly. He's got the best, he's a good laugher, you know, like, you know, but he, he can do Rod, have him do Rod Steiger in The Heart of They Fall. Oh, wow, that's so specific. Humphrey Bogart, Humphrey Bogart's last movie, Heart of They Fall. And he could do Rod Steiger in there. And he was doing that when I did an episode of Curb and I,

I was crying laughing. It was so funny. But if you see him having to, the people, the people. He does Rod Steiger and he does it really good. It's really good. Do you find yourself something like Mary and I will be talking and it'll be just the word, you know,

You know, you stop fiddling with that. You're a fiddler. Yeah. I'm a fiddler. You're a fiddler. You're a fiddler. That's what you do. You're a fiddler. And you start doing, you start doing riffs. Yeah. It's hard to not, it's very, very contagious. His, his voice, you know, and,

And he loves asking, he has it because I have a peanut allergy. And I told him a story. I go, yeah, he was so fascinated. He's like, tell me more about this peanut allergy. What happened? You know, and I tell him, oh, you know, I, one time we were at this huge dinner for SNL and I won't name, it was, this actress was hosting and they came to the table and they go, do we have any allergies? And I go, I actually have a very, very bad nut allergy. Yeah.

And they go, okay. And it was one of those things where you share food. So they said, and I kind of went, is it okay if we just don't have any nuts in the food? Because I could die. And everybody always, that's like my joke, but I'm being serious. And everybody's like, oh yeah, sure, no problem. But the actress went, I actually want nuts. You know? Yeah.

And so we had to work it out where she got stuffed with nuts, whatever. And that is something Larry loved that story. He asked me about it 20 times, like, tell me again about the nuts. He also, I have a very bad story about a terrible trial balloon that I laid out where I made a faux pas and then I tried to, you know, trial balloon where you go over and try to see if everything's okay. Yeah.

And I had said something, again, I won't name him, but I said something about to a guy, a scene that was good in a movie. And anyway, it's hard to explain, but basically I kind of inadvertently upset this actor. I didn't realize that I upset him. And he called me on it and goes, you know, I was in that. And I went, oh, oh, sorry. You know, I was kind of being disparaging about a film. And I, oh man, we were at a barbecue. Yeah.

And Larry's already like laughing. Yeah. So what'd you do? What'd you say? How long did you wait? I waited like an hour. And then I walked over and I said, hey, they're grilling chicken over there. And Larry laughed. He goes, that is the worst trial point in the history of trial points.

So he will always go, yeah, oh, they're cooking chicken. That is the worst thing. That's not a conversation. That's just a fact. You're just pointing at things. It was true. I did. Did it work? No, the guy just walked away. It was like, get the fuck away from me. I was like, shit. I was like, God damn it. Yeah, I messed up. Oh, wow.

How's your family? Did they like your fame? Yeah. Is everybody okay with... Yeah, everybody's pretty okay. It's an adjustment. Yeah, it is an adjustment. I think everybody's all right. They just don't take me very seriously, which is good. Yeah. How are you with fame? Are you okay walking around and being recognized? As long as they think I'm Rainn Wilson, I'm great. Sometimes it's all right. Sometimes it's a little weird. You know, I'm...

You know, I'm kind of a homebody and I'm also... I can be pretty paranoid and stuff. So, yeah, I don't... Sometimes I don't like if I feel like someone's following me. I don't really...

Believe it or not, I don't like that. I do not like it when you're walking and I'm like, hey, I just saw you at this other place. What are you doing? No, this person's following me. You know, I don't like that. Mary's okay with people coming up going, hey, I love your work. Hey, direct in your eyes. Cannot stand people surreptitiously taking photographs. It's like, hey. That's the new thing. It's not new, but it's a thing that... Everybody is. Yeah, just...

I mean, just, you know, you're on a plane and you're sitting there and the people, the person in front of you. Yes. The thing I don't like is when they have the camera and they put their arm around you and then just try to take the picture. And I'm like, oh, we're not doing that. Please, please ask me, you know.

But I kind of, I don't really like taking pictures with people. I'm sure it bums people out. I'm always like, oh, no, I don't do that, but I'll meet you. You know, what's your name? And then the disappointment on their face, like, who the fuck wants to meet you? I just want the picture. I don't even know who you are. Because what happens is you say yes. This sounds like such a champagne problem, I know. But you say yes.

to somebody and then other people start coming over and then most of them are like, I have no idea who you are but everybody's asking for your picture and so I kind of just say no and also you just don't know where those pictures will end up. You know, you see someone's Facebook and it's like,

neo-Nazi person. And it's like, this is what I meant. And I was like, fuck. You know, why did I, you know, I don't know. So I kind of just as a rule, just, I always say, oh, no, I don't do that. But what's your name? You know, and just try to meet him. And sometimes it's great. And then sometimes, yeah, it's just, yeah, in London, I said, oh, meet you. And the guy went, oh, fuck off. Yeah.

Just walked away and I was like, well, there you go. There's the answer. I love New York. They're so direct. It's like, hey, Ted, come over here. Say hi. Yeah. I'm actually okay with that. I like that. It's not covert. It's, you know. Well, being on SNL, it was like being in the Yankees. It was like home team. So if you walk by, you know, you'd walk by and someone would go, hey, they're not using you. Yeah.

Hey, they're not using you. Yeah, you're not doing it. Yeah, you're not really working on the show. Yeah. I remember one time a cab driver was walking with my ex-mother-in-law and we were walking down the street in New York and this cab driver pulled up and he went, Hey, SNL, you and your show fucking sucka. Sucka. Sucka.

But yeah, calling me SNL is always, I'm sure everybody has that. Hey, SNL! It's funny how you remember the insults. Nice things, 95% of the time, but when it's mean, you always remember someone being mean. My two favorite reviews, I couldn't tell you a positive one, was Too Tepid Ted. Ha ha ha!

Or the other one. This was after Becker came out and Mary and I had gone back to do, I had done a lot of press and she came with me and then we had to fly back to the opening night of it premiere here in LA. But as we were heading to the airport after doing, you know, a week of press in New York, I see Mary and there's a pile, which doesn't always happen when you hire a car. There was a pile of newspapers in the back seat.

And I saw Mary kind of open one up, and I'm, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm not really paying attention. Then I see her out of the corner of my eye, slowly start to push all the newspapers onto the floor. And she read, I finally insisted, and Mr. Think-See-So-Wonderful Danson was one of them, and the other one was Too-Tepid Ted. Yeah.

Yeah, you'll never forget that. Both of them have merit, you know, but nevertheless. You'll never forget those. Yeah, any sort of bad review. I think someone my first season said, I would love it if Bill Hader, Will Forte, and Jason Sudeikis would just walk their asses into traffic. Yeah.

It was really mean. We used to cut ourselves because you would just go online and you would go to the comment section and all this stuff. And it was so brutal. Yeah.

And then I remember Emily Spivey, my friend, who's a genius. A great writer. A great writer, genius. Oh, my God, I love her. Yeah. And she was like, why do you care about what some dude in his, you know, who's probably in his basement in Mobile, Alabama has to say about you? And I was like, right. You're right. You know? And I had an experience one time with a guy,

who went after me pretty hard on SNL. And he would do this. He wrote for like a big website and he would do these kind of awards. And he said, you know, best character, worst character, best sketch, worst sketch. And he was like, worst thing of the year. Bill Hader as Herb Sewell is this old reporter character I used to play. It's not funny. It's racist. It's misogynistic. I hate this thing. No one likes it. And I was like, oh, okay.

And then...

months later, I'm at press for an animated movie I did and I'm at a table at Comic-Con and it's one of those things where they just bring people over to you. I'm like, okay, next is, and it's that guy. Oh my God. Oh, okay. So he sits down. I don't mention it. I just, and he's super nice to me and we talk about the movie. It ends and then as he gets up, he goes, hey, I just want to say, you know what my favorite thing you do is? I love Herb Sewell, that character. And I went,

okay, I wasn't going to say anything, but it's a little weird because you wrote that it was the worst thing ever on a big website. And he went, oh, well, yeah, I wrote that. And a couple of friends said, no, it's funny. So I went back and watched and I was like, no, it's funny. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And that was kind of a gift to me because I went, oh, social media or reviews, whatever. You just go, yeah, they might change their mind. You know, today they don't like it tomorrow. But it was kind of a thing of like, OK, I'm going to let this go. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm just going to let this go. But I will say last season of Barry, I was like.

Because we ended it and I wanted to know, God, did we land it or not? And we took some big swings and stuff. And so that I was a little like reading reviews and going, ooh, ah, ooh, you know. And I learned my lesson. My publicist was like, don't, you don't have to read this. And I was like, yeah, you're right, you know.

I, I'm not on social media for that. I'm too thin skinned. I don't want to, I don't want to live in that world. You know? No, I, I know I would be addicted to it. Yeah. You know, I would just be addicted to it. I'm just, I'm already addicted to just like texting people. Yeah.

It's not good when people go, man, you get back to me like right away. I know. I know. Emails you can ignore. Yeah. Texting you have to answer immediately. I'm like, oh, this is it. You know, and it's like, aren't you driving? And I'm like, oh, yeah, don't worry about it. You know. Is that cup coffee, by the way?

Yes. Do you guys like coffee? Oh, I'm down to two. I heard an interview or something. I'm down to two in the morning. That's good. And let me not be a full-on liar. And one in the afternoon. It's hard, man. It's like, you know, Alyssa, my assistant, was like, do you want a coffee? And I was driving here and I was like, I've already had two.

But I'm jet lagged. I've been up since 1 a.m. Oh, my God. Have you? Yeah. I'm just like up at 1 a.m. And I texted Allie. I was like, I'm up at 1 a.m. She's like, so am I. We're just turned around. Hey, thank you so much. Oh, man. Thanks for having me. This is a conversation stopper, but we're kind of at the end anyway. You really are. I'm a talented, amazing person.

actor, writer, director. You really are. Well, thanks. Yeah. And that's a really nice view. That means the world coming from you, man. And yeah, my kid, I was like, I'm going to go do a podcast. And they were like, you never do podcasts. And I was like, well, it's Ted Danson. He's like, like the greatest. He's one of the greatest. And they're like, oh my God. Oh God. You know, cause they're, yeah, good place. And you know, they're like, what?

You know, and I'll also say Three Men and a Baby is getting a renaissance. It's getting a renaissance. Oh, I didn't know that. Kids now know that. I was talking to one of my kids, and I go, what did you guys watch? We watched Three Men and a Baby. I was like, really? Oh, cool. Yeah. Leonard Nimoy directed that. That's wild. Isn't that wild? I want you to talk to the baby. Make the baby laugh.

Hey, give yourself a treat. Watch Barry on HBO if it's the last thing you... No, it won't be the last thing you do. It is my favorite kind of dark...

funny, human comedy. It's my favorite kind of comedy. That's it for this week's episode. Special thanks to Woody and special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you like these episodes, please tell a friend and subscribe on your favorite podcast app. If you have some time, a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts helps a lot. So, please, thank you. Well, see you next time where everybody knows your name. ...

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leal, and

Executive producers are Adam Sachs, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer. Our senior producer is Matt Apodaca. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grawl. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gann, Mary Steenburgen, and John Osborne. Special thanks to Willie Navarro. We'll have more for you next time where everybody knows your name.

at amica insurance we know it's more than just a car or a house it's the four wheels that get you where you're going and the four walls that welcome you home when you combine auto and home insurance with amica we'll help protect it all and the more you cover the more you can save amica empathy is our best policy morning people wake up for peace and quiet mcdonald's breakfast people

We wake up for the sweet rush of getting that warm, delicious breakfast right before it ends. Crush your morning goals with a steak, egg, and cheese bagel or any breakfast sandwich and snag another one for just a buck with the buy one, get one deal. Only in the McDonald's app. Limited time only at participating McDonald's. Valid once per day. Must opt into rewards. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.