cover of episode The Arc of Love - A Romantic Revival

The Arc of Love - A Romantic Revival

2024/8/12
logo of podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
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Esther Perel
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Esther Perel: 本播客系列探讨不同伴侣关系中的问题，例如信任、背叛、亲密和疏离等，各个章节可以独立收听。在面对创伤时，人们除了“战斗”和“逃跑”反应外，还会出现“冻结”反应，这表明他们承受了过多的压力。创伤治疗不仅要处理创伤带来的痛苦，还要帮助人们恢复生活中的活力和激情。自杀事件带来的创伤不仅体现在最初的冲击，更体现在后续的持续影响中。在亲密关系中的亲密感并不一定需要性行为，关注和好奇心也能带来快乐。夫妻双方需要通过呼吸、交流和表达来缓解紧张情绪。唱歌可以帮助男方克服情感上的僵硬，并增强夫妻之间的连接。女方需要克服过去的创伤，体验到与丈夫之间的性亲密和情感亲密。 男方: 他与妻子共同抚养四个因母亲自杀而受创的孩子，现在他们正试图从生存模式过渡到复兴模式。他童年经历父母离异和继母的虐待，这些经历影响了他与妻子和孩子们的关系。他与母亲的依恋关系不深，这可能影响了他与妻子和孩子之间的亲密关系。当妻子感到难过时，他的反应是冷淡和僵硬，这并非出于恐惧，而是缺乏情感表达能力。他前妻自杀事件给他带来了巨大的创伤，包括多年来对家庭安全的担忧以及发现妻子婚外情和吸毒的事实。他不仅对前妻自杀感到愤怒，也对前妻的行为给孩子带来的后果感到愤怒。他感到无力改变前妻自杀的结局，这让他感到沮丧和愤怒。他需要处理好自己的悲伤情绪，才能更好地与妻子建立亲密关系。他过去在亲密关系中总是被拒绝，这让他在新的关系中感到害怕和无力。他意识到与妻子建立亲密关系的关键在于陪伴和存在，而不是复杂的行动或言语。 女方: 他们婚姻中面临的挑战与过去经历的创伤有关，包括她丈夫童年时期母亲和继母带来的创伤以及她丈夫前妻自杀事件的影响。她认为丈夫与她之间的疏离感源于他童年时期与母亲和继母的关系，而不是仅仅因为他前妻的自杀。她为丈夫和孩子们经历的创伤感到悲伤，并希望他们能够共同面对悲伤。她曾经历过性侵犯和其他创伤，但她已经做了很多工作来疗伤，并准备好迎接新的感情。她希望与丈夫之间能够建立充满快乐和安全感的亲密关系。她感到身心俱疲，希望丈夫能够给予她更多的关注和爱。她认为学会“好好地承受痛苦”并“为生活而战”很重要。她被丈夫面对逆境时的坚韧所吸引，她希望与他共同面对生活中的挑战。她愿意向丈夫敞开心扉，并希望感受到他的渴望和兴奋。她希望在关系中感到安全和被珍视，并能够自由地表达自己。她感到自己像一个独自支撑破碎家庭的人，渴望被爱和被支持。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The couple discusses their journey from surviving the trauma of a suicide to aspiring for revival in their relationship, focusing on the challenges of connecting deeper and the difficulties of learning new ways of relating.

Shownotes Transcript

This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. The suicide of his first wife left four traumatized children in its wake; she's spent six years putting the pieces back together. They're both ready to experience joy in their marriage, but can't quite figure out how. Esther coaches them through the difference between survival vs. revival, and how to live after loss.

What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and even how we love. To find a city near you, go to https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter)

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