cover of episode Esther Calling - Am I Just Your Placeholder?

Esther Calling - Am I Just Your Placeholder?

2024/1/8
logo of podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
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33岁女性
E
Esther Perel
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33岁女性：我33岁，一直觉得自己不够好，无法被爱。在约会中，我总是被当作备胎，对方在找到更好的对象后就离开。我的童年经历缺乏爱，母亲甚至说过她后悔生下我。这些经历让我在约会中不断重复这种模式：付出很多，却最终被抛弃，这强化了我‘不够好’的信念。最近一段友谊中，我发现自己只是对方的备胎，对方最终选择和前任复合。这让我更加痛苦，也让我质疑自身的价值。 Esther Perel：你将约会中的每一次失败都解读为童年创伤的重演，母亲的声音在你心中过于响亮，影响了你对自身价值的判断。约会文化本身也存在问题，它让你感觉自己是在接受检验，而不是在享受过程。建议你改变约会方式，例如带朋友一起约会，或者选择自己喜欢的活动，以此减少压力，展现真实的自我。不要让过去的创伤主导你的感受，你要找到自己的选择权，不要让每一次约会都成为对过去创伤的回应。你要学会与内心的‘母亲’对话，认识到自己取得的成就并非完全依靠他人，并拥有选择的权利。

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The caller discusses her struggles with feelings of inadequacy and unlovability, stemming from her mother's rejection and her experiences in dating where she feels used as a placeholder.

Shownotes Transcript

Esther speaks to a woman who seems to get to a certain place within a relationship and then they end it. In her words, she seems to keep finding herself in the friend zone. In her latest relationship, she felt he took advantage of her stability and support without sharing the same feelings. Leaving her believing that she was just his placeholder until something better came along.

Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected].

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter

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