The Airport In A Nutshell...
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When you think of the most annoying place to go, you may think of work, school, a f***ing porta potty, I don't know. But honestly, what I think beats all three of those places combined as the worst place to ever exist, the airport. It's really something. The airport is one of those things, it's like, well, you kind of have to be here. You know, you got to travel, you got places to go. Well, s***, you got to go to an airport, unfortunately. And I travel a lot for business purposes, so I figured this would be a good video. Where the hell do I even begin?

When I get there, first of all, it's usually 6 a.m. in the morning, so I am dead tired. And I got a day of waiting in lines ahead of me. And for people who bring bags bigger than the carry-on size, they gotta wait in a line where they drop off their bag and pay $1.50 to get it on the flight. And that's why every time I travel, I just bring a carry-on bag.

I don't even bother. Because the last time I did that, the line was like 20 minutes long and I almost missed my flight. So I'm not doing that again. And they are taxing like crazy with $150. I'm not paying that much, bro. Hell nah. And then I immediately head over to the security line because apparently the security lines are bigger than the lines at Disney. What the fu- And sometimes- With Amex Platinum- Welcome to the Centurion Lounge. You get access to the Centurion Lounge. So the sounds of vacation-

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It's just a ghost town. Why the hell is it packed on some days and some days it's just a complete ghost town? I don't get it. So depending on what time I show up, you know, I'm kind of gambling whether or not I miss my flight. And you know, of course, when I'm standing there drowsy as hell, you know, the carpet's not looking too bad. And of course, when I'm waiting in this line, everybody is sick.

I don't know why everybody happens to be sick at an airport, but I always end up getting sick because of it There's people coughing all over the place sneezing Some people even were hooking up mucus like it was bad and if you're sick and you gotta go somewhere Well, that's out of your control, but some people just don't even bother covering their mouth at all

They make sure the spit gets all over people's faces. Okay, that sounded kind of wrong. Well, you know what I mean though. And whatever rare disease it is I get from the airport, that shit lasts for an entire month. And I'm like taking medicine, using cough drops. Like I'm doing everything in my power to get rid of this sickness, but it just doesn't go away. But when I finally get through this line, I am overjoyed at the fact that it's over. It's my turn to put my luggage through and step through the metal detector. And one time I stepped through the metal detector.

I stood there for a few seconds. So I'm like, okay, maybe they got something to say to me and they said nothing. So I'm like, okay, I'm probably good. I kid you not. I move one step forward and this dude just yells at me. Hey, wait. At this point, the whole airport was looking at me. They're looking at me like I'm some kind of delinquent or some shit. But three security guards bring me to the side and they start patting me down. No diddy. I had nothing in my pocket. It's

By the way, I don't understand what I could have possibly had that led to that happening. I don't know. Then I'm going to wait for my bags and stuff to go through. And half the time they got to go through all the zippers in my backpack. And the reason why they do this is people have brought some weird.

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To the airport. So every time somebody has like a thing of toothpaste in there, a water bottle or anything, they have to throw it out. But that shit's annoying. But then finally I can go to my gate. You know, I can at least sit down and wait for my flight in peace. And before it's time for me to board the flight, you know, I got to get some snacks, get some eats.

That's hella expensive. I don't know why airport food is so expensive. What is so special about food and drinks just because they're in an airport? But after that, you know, I'm bored. I get on a yellow plane that says spirit. And then I inevitably fly to my dude. Okay, I'm just kidding.

I don't fly spirit airlines sometimes when i'm about to board like we're locked in five minutes left They just say you know what your flight's delayed for two hours and at this point I would have rather flew spirit, you know all that turbulence is ass But you know what? I would have rather put up with that than a two-hour delay Oh, wait, actually now it's four hours an hour later. Now it's five and then six I kid you not. Yes. My flight has been delayed for six hours one time It was delayed for 10 12

Hours, usually the holdup is due to weather or like a shitty aircraft And of course it sucks because I don't want to spend my entire day in the airport Nobody does but after six hours, I finally get on this flight, you know after so long through all the trials and tribulations We did it the flight is right in front of my eyes. I sit down immediately a kid starts crying I can't even just shut my eyes and go to sleep for one second. Like we didn't even take off

Then there was somebody else behind me who gave their kid an iPad. You know, they were sitting there watching brain rot. I don't know what the hell they were watching, but all I know is I just kept hearing a slip sound effect over and over again. And this kid had his iPad at max volume. Dog, get some headphones. Holy shit. Now everybody's got to sit here and listen to these brain rot shorts for the entire flight. There was no words in these shorts. Nope, just straight sound effects.

But I honestly can't speak about entertainment considering I watched annoying orange and MLG videos when I was a kid. That was like the first generation of brain rot right there. But usually the takeoff and all that goes pretty smoothly for me. But there was one particular instance where I sat down in a seat and I had no clue what I signed myself up for. The flight attendant came up to me and said, in the event of an emergency, will you be able to assist people getting off the plane? I'm like, uh...

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And in my head, I'm like, what the fuck did I just sign myself up for? There's no way I'm gonna be able to help people get off the plane, bro. I'm stupid as fuck, bro. I probably wouldn't be able to work the life vest thing that they give you. This was like one of my first times like traveling by myself. And I had no idea.

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But if you sit in like the emergency exit row in the event of emergency, you got to be locked in helping people get off the plane. So keep in mind, every time there was just slightly a little bit of turbulence, I would f***ing s*** myself. I'm like, oh f***, are we going down? Are we going down?

In any emergency scenario, all rational thinking just goes out the window for me. But usually besides that, you know, takeoff goes pretty smoothly. But I don't really pay attention to like who I sit next to or anything of that nature. But sometimes people sit next to like the worst possible people on a plane. And the number one candidate that you definitely want to stay away from is a nauseous person.

And now keep in mind, you're already covered in the grime and grease that lurks the airport. And now you could possibly be covered in throw up. The guy who's sick. All right, listen, I'm sometimes this guy. I'm just going to be 100% honest. But if I am sick on a plane, I always bring shit to help relieve my cough or whatever it is that I have. Because me coughing the entire flight would definitely piss everybody off. So I'm definitely not trying to do that. And let alone if I'm sitting next to somebody that is sick. I don't want to get sick myself, bro.

Now we can't forget the person that's kicking seats. All right, if you sit in front of this person, it's over. The entire flight, you're gonna have to deal with a kid that's off like five monster energies that just loves kicking your seat. Seriously, what is the purpose? I've never understood. Why the fuck are you kicking seats, bro? I don't get it. And lastly, we have the yapper.

Like bro, just shut the f- Like I'm trying to sleep, dude. Relax. Like I don't need all this yap in my ear right now. Like I really got to invest in some AirPod Maxes right now. They got that noise cancellation. So I don't have to listen to that bullshit. Like I think the entire plane can hear you talking about your goddamn yoga class or

Whatever bullshit, please talk quietly or just shut up Usually I like to sleep on the planes, but if there's any of those people in my proximity Unfortunately, I will not be getting rest today But if there is any experience that pisses me off the most it has got to be this one There was one time where I had a 5 a.m Flight and I was trying to sleep and I heard a dog barking for almost the entire flight And of course I was like a couple seats away like I couldn't

even be further away. But yeah, bro, eventually I got to go and use the airplane bathroom. I don't know what it is, bro, but every time I step foot in the airplane bathroom, there just happens to be a ton of turbulence and I'm fucking pissing all over the wall and shit.

My aim is similar to that of a stormtrooper. And it's just embarrassing, you know, because as a grown man, I shouldn't be missing the damn toilet bowl. That shit's embarrassing. But I seem to also have the worst luck with my timing because before I walk in there, sometimes somebody just has to drop a fat dump and then I'm greeted with that smell. And sometimes there's airlines that don't even bother cleaning the bathroom. You could just imagine the foul atrocities in that bathroom.

The days worth of stench that the bathroom is collecting. Then I sit back down and I try to sleep and I don't understand why the flight goes by so goddamn slow. Like if I sit down for six hours and I'm working for like the entire day, but if I'm sitting there rotting away in my chair watching YouTube or Netflix, that shit goes by so fucking slow. And could that shit go by any faster? Like goddamn. But after a grueling six hours, eight hours, whatever the elapsed time is,

the flight is over. I get off the plane and I'm thinking it's over. Finally, a long day of traveling is almost done. I just got to get back to the Airbnb I'm at, but no. One more thing, unfortunately, baggage claim. Baggage

claim is a roulette, all right? It's hit or miss. You either get your bag in 10 minutes and you're out, or you're standing there for an entire hour waiting for other flights' bags to empty out. There was one time I was getting off a flight at 11 p.m. I stood at baggage claim for an hour and a half. I've never been so pissed off in my entire life. And they usually have different belts open to where they could start distributing bags. They only had one belt open.

So you could just imagine how long that took but eventually they finally opened up a new belt and they started putting our bags in after an hour and a half hour 15 minutes And that's just the first step. All right, there is a lot more stresses that come with traveling Unfortunately like renting a car and hoping to god you don't get a flat tire So you don't have to pay five hundred dollars and three hundred dollars for it to get towed and then you also Don't get a refund and then you also have to rent a new car. Yeah, that is a pain in the ass sometimes

Let me know if you guys want me to tell that story. I will happily tell it. I need to make my cheese back from that situation. If you want to watch the video of me telling the story where I grow up as the fat kid, click on the end screen. Just do it.