Everything Wrong With The Heffley Family...
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Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I'm kind of convinced that this book series is the mind of an insane human. And as a kid, I thought this was just a funny book about a middle schooler that gets up to a bunch of shenanigans. But no, as an adult now, I see it all. And I came to the realization that this is the most dysfunctional family I have ever seen.

Roderick is surprisingly the most normal out of all of them, which is crazy. And as a kid, I always saw Roderick as the villain. I just saw him as the mean older brother that would always pick on Greg. And I would always root for Greg, okay? I was the number one Greg Heffley fan. Okay, no, I wasn't. But now Greg's my biggest op. And along with the rest of the Heffley family, especially Manny. But in all honesty though, making this family a mess, just...

adds a lot more entertainment to the book. But yeah, today we're going over all the characters in the Hefley family and why now looking back at the book series, I just hate most of them. And I think we need to start with the demon spawn himself, Manny.

I'm convinced that Manny is not human. He has to be an alien of some sort from another planet. He doesn't even look like the Hefleys. He has like a weirdly shaped snout. This dude is actually a menace to society. He is three years old. Keep this in mind when I tell this first story. So the power was out in the Hefle household.

and Manny was just minding his own business, doing his own thing, and everybody was freezing cold. Nobody knew what was going on. They didn't even think they were going to get food for days. They were in the middle of a huge snowstorm, and then later throughout the course of the snowstorm, the rest of the family finds out that Manny somehow accessed the circuit breaker and turned off the power in the rest of his house besides his room. He was taking all the

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And then when he gets caught, he starts crying and he's like, guys, you didn't teach me how to tie my shoes. You're telling me this kid is innocent when he knew how to use a circuit breaker at three? I don't even know how to use a circuit breaker now. And rightfully so, everybody in the Hefley family was mad at him. This dude literally tried to starve his family to death because he was not taught how to tie his shoes. Unreal. But not only that, Manny knew how to use a car. What?

what the in the long haul Susan Hefley left her keys in the car and sent Manny in to go get the key why would you send in Manny I don't know you trust that thing you trust that to get your car keys I'm done at this point you were just asking for what happened next he was changing the radio station at first and then I guess he attempted to drive the car he started the engine somehow what

Not only that, I'm convinced he knows what he's doing. Because one time, Greg was trying to play his console or whatever it was that he had. And he found out it was broken because there was a cookie in the disc slot. And you already know who did that. Of course, it was Manny. This doesn't come to a shock to anybody. And when his mom found out, Manny said to her,

guys, I'm only three. As a three-year-old, this kid is using that as leverage against Greg, just so his mom doesn't get in trouble. I guess just throw all the books. All three of these kids take advantage of their enabling parents, which we'll get to that later. And of course, this kid does not get punished at all. Instead, his mom's like, oh, how about you make a nice little apology gift for Greg? And this is what he made. I'm

convinced he's a psychopath i'm done and eventually later in the book rowdy sits on this thing this was a lethal weapon to begin with i don't know why you let your child produce this and when greg tried to throw it away i mean this was a lethal weapon his mom was like he made that for you trying to guilt trip him to not throw it away and keep in mind this was after rowdy sat on it and not

only that, holy shit, this dude was a spoiled brat. He would not eat a hot dog unless there was just a tiny bit of mustard going across the middle. Like what kind of psychopath eats their hot dog like this? And he made Greg wipe it off until it was right. I don't know. Maybe this is a new meta that I was not aware of that I'm sleeping on.

I think Manny might have been on to something. And not only that, Manny got this many gifts for Christmas. Manny is not that good. He does not deserve all those gifts. Manny deserves none of them. He's a bitch, alright? Everyone hates him. And these have to be the drawings of a psychopath. And his parents just look at that and say...

Oh, oh my god, what a cute drawing. This dude is a future school threat. Why are you letting him just go around and do all this shit? The parents gotta put this three-year-old kid in his place. But of course, they are both terrible parents. Susan Heffley is the biggest Karen...

helicopter mom I have ever seen in my entire life. First of all, let's start with the fact that she just goes out of her way to try and embarrass Greg. Like there was one time where she screamed out of her car in front of his school. Everybody wish Greg a happy birthday. No one

cares about your son's birthday like she's the definitely the type of parent to brag about her son oh do you know my son hit a home run in baseball and he also got all A's and was the top of his class like that shit always pissed me off bro like she was just trying way too hard to be super supportive of her kids but it just came across as like you're trying to embarrass them she sent him to swim camp in a

I'm done. There was another example where Roderick was performing in front of the school at like his school talent show because he has a band called Loaded Diaper. That is a crazy name for a band. But when he was performing, Susan Hefley was just standing there and like

dancing the entire time like bro get your main character ass off the stage like what the hell are you doing and it was just embarrassing for him because she was also recording his set on stage and roderick of course he was posting it because he was trying to catch the eyes of record labels and go viral but his mom was like making comments about the band members throughout the film

And roger just got clowned bro. He did not go viral for the right reason There's no way you just do this in front of a crowd of people and it doesn't keep you up at 3 a.m Like damn that was that was embarrassing as hell. She has no shame whatsoever. It's insane She will do anything to embarrass her kids and not only that she's also just a terrible mom Greg was just born at this point and roger was like six greg was put to sleep in a dresser drawer. I can't

Can't even make this up, bro. What the hell? What kind of terrible mother puts their child to sleep in a dresser drawer? But yeah, since birth, she's been screwing this man over. It's unreal. And of course, she just loves spoiling Manny. She just lets him get away with anything. He smashed a plate and blamed it on one of his imaginary friends. And he got zero consequences for it.

And instead, the imaginary friend got a timeout, not him. You are enabling this extraterrestrial being to just go around and wreak havoc. Like, what are you doing? Bro pulled a Logan Paul and just smashed the plate on the floor for no reason. And you're just letting it slide.

It got so bad to the point where Greg felt like he had to get dropped off at the back of his school because his mom was embarrassing him so much. She still had a sticker on her car about him graduating preschool. And not only that, that shit was called tender care.

Cuddles Preschool. What the hell kind of name is that? But she is also very controlling, alright? She wants to have control of the household. Susan Heffley is a Karen, so of course, she wants everybody to obey her at all costs. Her

own husband can't even buy things without her permission. One day, Frank Hefley just came home with a dog. I mean, that's kind of crazy. You do have to talk that over with whoever you're living with because it's going to be a lot to take care of the dog, etc. But it says here that this dude can't even buy a pair of pants on his own. This dude is a grown ass man in his 40s. He should be able to buy shit on his own. But yeah, speaking of Frank Hefley, he is next on the list. I guess the best way you can describe him is like an unhinged

unhinged 40 year old man that's obsessed with his civil war toys. It's pretty weird. I gotta say, but yeah, first thing we got to discuss, I don't know why he's just letting himself get pushed around like that. He's just letting his wife control his bank account. Like that's his bread. Stop pocket watching him. But I guess he's just too busy with this civil war figurines that he just barely spends any time with his family at all. And he makes sure that it is known that the

The basement is off limits. Nobody can go in the basement. The holy grail of figurines are down there. You can't touch that. His biggest fear is like if Rowley and Greg went down there, Rowley was just going to jump on the table and break all the figurines. This figurine table or whatever the hell it was, was so precious to him that he was going to put it in a glass display and he was in bed with his wife and was still thinking about

the goddamn figurines. Like this is just embarrassing at this point, bro. Just let it go. And when anybody touches his figurines or gets near them, he panics. He acts like his job is on the line if these figurines are destroyed. I don't know why he also like forces Greg to do sports, even though he's not even really interested in sports. Like, okay, yeah, sure. You pushed him to try it, but he's not really interested. So just move on.

Let alone, you didn't even let him get to pick what sport he wanted to do. He's just like, you know what, Greg? You're playing soccer. I guess what he's trying to do here is he wants Greg to be like this young prodigy. I don't know. Just so he could like brag about his son and say that he is raising a winner. But there was a newspaper article of Greg Hefley playing soccer and...

It was just embarrassing to say the least. And it reads, a blown opportunity. Red Sox goalie Gregory Heffley takes a break from the action at the 50-yard kick by Demon Dogs midfielder James Byron. Rolls it in. The score ended the Sox bid for an undefeated season. And as Greg is just picking dandelions in the field.

This is an L on both their parts, honestly. Like, Greg could at least try. Like, that's the least he could do. And of course, as I mentioned early, Roderick is in a band and he likes drumming. But his dad doesn't even support that. Instead of letting his band members come over so they could practice, he puts a CD in a boombox and starts playing some dookie-ass music so they leave. Like, as a parent, if it's your kid's passion to like, I don't know, be a musician...

You should go all the way to support them because as a parent, it should be important to you that your kid is happy with what they're doing. And if you really wanted to help him get into physical activity, instead, he should help him find a sport or an activity that he likes to do. And when Greg was playing video games, right? This dude, Frank, literally attempted to dismantle his video game console.

And he was like, oh, dang nabbit, these fancy gadgets. I guess this dude has a vision for Greg Hefley or like a blueprint that he wants him to follow. But since he's not following that blueprint, he is just disappointed in both Greg and Roderick. But Frank...

also enables behavior that just should not be happening. And Roderick does the most to take advantage of this. He gets out of so much shit just because his parents kind of just enable the behavior. Like he let his dad just go to work and just type up a full essay for him.

while he just sat on the couch and did nothing. But out of all the characters in the Hefley family, Roderick is the most normal one. Now, Roderick, of course, is a dick. All right, don't get me twisted. He uses a lot of people to his advantage and whatnot. And he also has tactics of like getting out of doing chores and shit like that. Like he once cleaned a car with a dirty rag and him and Greg got out of doing it.

Which is a dick move, I can't lie, but his worst offense is literally just him being an edgy teenager. Roderick would use this tactic to get out of the dishes. He would say his body was on a schedule and he would go to the bathroom every time Greg had to do dishes. Like if my brother pulled that on me, I would be pissed. But Roderick also used Greg to set up his entire rager for him and then just locked him in the basement afterward.

Which is crazy. He literally just sat on his ass and did nothing. But that Roderick Rager, that shit was legendary though. I can't lie. That was the first time I saw a party in a movie. And I had very high expectations. And I was unfortunately let down.

But Roderick was also pulling a lot of pranks, right? And, you know, he was the master of pranks. Well, he wasn't really the master. His targets were just very gullible. Roderick woke up Greg one day and told him that he slept through the entire summer. And this dude Greg somehow still fell for it. Like, he just thought,

He got frozen in time in like a cave in one of those cartoons and roger just had to unthaw him real quick Wake him up and then he started going downstairs getting ready for school and he went to eat breakfast and his dad just started yelling at him Because he was up at three in the morning. I don't know if roger's just like a good liar He's really smart or or if greg is just really gullible and

I think that's the correct option. And Roderick also pulled this prank on Greg. So Greg asked Roderick to write his essay. And Roderick was given thousands of mom bucks. I guess that was the currency used in the Heffley household. You know, Greg thought Roderick was an expert in the field. He was about to get back like this philosophical ass paper. You know, he thought Roderick was going to put time and effort for it because, you know, he did spend all these mom bucks.

And he gave him back this shitty ass paper that he had to read in front of the class. And he had to read this, John, in front of the class too. The whole class thought that Greg was thinking about, you know, spiders ruling the earth a hundred years ago. I can't forget the time where Greg literally planted his birthday money in the backyard because Roderick told him he could grow money trees. Money trees was his anthem, all right? He's had to plant his birthday money. Like, what?

What kind of stupid ass kid believes that? But of course, Greg, Greg is not any better. But the stupid ass shit that Greg does, some people argue that Greg is a sociopath and has no human emotion. And I can see that because of how he treats Rowley in the book. But a lot of the stupid ass shit that he does, a lot of it's kind of typical for his age. But of course-

I'm not going to sit here and let Greg slide. Absolutely not. This simp behavior still needs to be called out. So yeah, Greg Hefley. And he always uses his friend Rowley for some reason. The worst example I got to say is when Greg broke Rowley's arm by doing some stupid stunt. Greg used this to get attention from girls. His cast was getting him signatures from a bunch of girls. And Greg saw this and said, guys, I was the one who broke his arm. Like, shut the hell up.

up, Greg. Nobody cares. If anything, that makes you look 10 times worse. Why are you saying this? He thought that that was just going to magically get him a girlfriend or something. I don't know. But Greg was also one time with Rowley at this job and threw Rowley under the bus immediately. When Greg got in trouble for picking on the younger kids or something, his mom told him to do the right thing. And what Greg thought doing the right thing was is letting Rowley take the fall for it.

I'm done. Not only that, he literally draws Rowey as his pet. I don't know why he treats his friend like a pet. What the hell is wrong with you? Like, okay, a lot of this can just be chalked down to stupidity for his age. But like, this can't. Like, why do you treat your friend like a pet? Like, this is the most fucked up thing ever. But of course, Greg is also a simp. This dude was trying to riz up Rowey's babysitter.

I think her name was Heather Hills. And of course, Greg also had a crush on Holly Hills. Like he had a crush on the whole Hills family at this point. And when Greg was around Rowley's babysitter, he would just mistreat him on purpose. And he would want quality time with this babysitter. What the fuck?

And not only that, he found out that she worked as a lifeguard. He sat there and he was like your own little personal bodyguard and was telling people to walk and all this other shit. So he was just doing her job for her. And Greg was definitely expecting something in return. But of course, Greg was not successful. She just saw him as this creepy ass dude. This dude bought x-ray goggles and wore them to school.

And these x-ray goggles were advertised as you could see through clothes. And he's walking around all lopsided and shit. I don't even know why he was doing this. But it was obviously a scam. He just looked like a goof walking around. He found that shit in a newspaper ad.

And expected that shit to work. And he also wrote this Shakespeare-ass poem for a girl. Greg, you're doing too much, bro. She doesn't even know you like that, bro. And this dude thinks he's got jokes, too. Look at me. Greg.

You got me rolling on the floor, man. It is very evident that this dude is doing way too much. And of course, every girl that he talks to just sees that and instantly does not like him. And in the book, Hard Luck, Rowley finally got himself a girlfriend. You know, Rowley cooked. He did. And

and Greg decided to make drawings of himself stealing Rowley's girlfriend. I don't know why he's cooking up some of these drawings, bro. It's just unreal. He's just jealous of him, and he's not happy for his friend at all, which is crazy. I'm convinced that these books are all just the mind of an insane human being or something. I don't know. I don't know who illustrates their friend as a

pet. What the hell? This is supposed to be his personal diary, you know, where he writes all his feelings out on a piece of paper. And that's just what he wrote. All right. Like a lot of this shit should have stayed in the drafts. This whole family is cooked except Roderick.