Aging, Aliens, & Anger Management 💌 July Magic Mailbag
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Hi everybody, and welcome to our monthly mailbag, July edition. As some of you probably know, we take this opportunity to answer questions that people have sent to us. We're going to have some fun tonight. If you are a subscriber, you will get this entire episode.

And if you do not subscribe, you will get a portion of it. So if you want to hear all of it, please, please consider subscribing. Cool. Okay, some of you have sent us some questions in the last month. They're pretty juicy, so I'm looking forward to getting into them. Before we get started, let's hear a quick word from our sponsors who make this free content possible.

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Hey everyone, it's me, Jessica. I'm here to extend a warm welcome to any new listeners we might have here. This is where you can come after a long day, get a little selfish and relax. I'm also excited to let you know that we're offering a special one-month free trial of Sleep Magic Premium to celebrate our new listeners and thank those of you who've been with us for a while.

If you're new here, Sleep Magic Premium is our exclusive feed where you can experience ad-free listening, two bonus episodes per month, and the extended version of our monthly mailbag episode where I answer your questions.

Or at least I try to. Plus, you'll have access to our huge vault of premium episodes that I've created over the last two and a half years. They include solution-focused pieces like addressing loneliness, making peace with change. There's a full-length body scan in there, an eight-hour episode, and the complete collection of my Get Sleepy series. And it doesn't take much. For about the price of...

one mochaccino or a single gallon of gas, depending on where you live, or just a decent sandwich, you can upgrade your sleep magic experience. Imagine falling asleep without interruptions and 50% more monthly content than what's available on the regular feed. I hope you'll take advantage of this free trial.

And hopefully you'll realize that investing in Sleep Magic Premium is really investing in yourself, your sleep, your health, your peace of mind. I mean, come on. Can a mochaccino do all that? Start your subscription today for a free four-week trial and you can cancel anytime if you're not happy with it.

If you're listening to this on Apple Podcasts, you can get this offer in just two taps. Or if you're listening on other podcast players, go to the Supercast link in the show notes. This offer ends August 19th. I'll see you over there at Sleep Magic Premium.

But let's be clear before I start. I'm not an expert on any of these topics. I am a hypnotherapist, and I may give you my perspective and the hypnosis perspective. But I may be stumped by some of your questions, and I'm not going to pretend if I don't know something. If you need professional help with any of these issues, I encourage you to seek it out.

And if you happen to fall asleep, because that's what happens when you hear my voice, that's fine too. If you want to get the details later, you can just listen to this while you're cleaning the house or taking a walk, but do not listen to it when you're driving or operating heavy machinery, as they say on the cough medicine bottles. Cool. Let's start. Hey Jessica, thank you for all you do. I often work nights and you are the reason I can cope with that.

Cool, so seriously, thank you. Now, my situation is I'm pregnant, and I don't want to tell the dad. Wild, right? I've always wanted a kid, and I'm super happy, but my pregnancy came from a one-night stand, and as soon as I had breakfast with this guy, I realized I basically hated him. He's got outdated views, he spoke badly of his friends, he's not employed, out of choice, and I left that cafe as fast as my legs could carry me.

Anyway, I haven't spoken to him since, haven't got his number, and really don't want to track him down. I have a great income, own a home, and was planning on raising a kid on my own through IVF in the future. Can I just not? I guess that means track him down. Um, haha, I think I know what you're going to tell me, but there we go. It's funny, I wonder what she thinks I'm going to tell her. So this is from Anonymous. Wow. Well, first of all, congratulations on the pregnancy, considering you really want to have a child.

That's great. And I actually Googled this to see if there was, at least in the United States, some legal obligation to tell him that you're pregnant. And there is not. I think ethically it falls different places depending on who you speak to. So I totally get that there are reasons now for you as a parent to

that you would want to raise this child without the dad's involvement. I get that. I get why that would make sense. And it definitely will make your life easier. But your kid is going to grow up and will probably have a strong curiosity about his or her paternity. That's entirely natural and a very real need psychologically.

And at a certain point, your child's urge to know their ancestry will trump your present desires. You know, as a society, we're beginning to understand the plight of the adoptee or the sperm bank baby. It all seems so clean and easy at the beginning, but these individuals can often feel great gaps in their stories and in themselves, their identity, when they have no access to their roots.

But as time passes and the initial circumstances fade away, the fatherless child bears the burden of all that secrecy and anonymity. I've dealt with this up close with friends and family members who were adopted. It's why we now do more open adoptions. And by the way, there may be no getting around this because with DNA testing, the information will become available. So the secret will never actually be a secret.

I have a friend who at the age of 56 discovered after throwing his DNA up online that he had seven half-siblings and that the dad he'd grown up with was not his biological father. Now, this was a decision his parents made by, you know, because of issues they were having as a couple, and they thought they'd never have to tell him. But boom, here it is. And the weirdest thing? He wasn't that surprised.

He'd actually had a strong feeling his entire life that he didn't connect with his dad. This stuff is deep. So have you considered telling the father and stating the fact that you plan to be the primary parent and will put no pressure on him? Are you willing to ask him to sign away his rights and responsibilities? Would you be willing to let your kid have some contact with him if that becomes an urgent need of your child?

I just suggest you look through the eyes and heart of your kid in the future. It might be easier to set some boundaries now based on the truth of the situation than to either deny the facts or wait, biting your fingernails, for your kid to ask. Fathers matter, no matter the role that they play. So I hope that's just stuff worth considering. And good luck to you.

I hope you have a smooth and healthy pregnancy. All right, next. This is from Kendra and Joe. Hey, Jessica, please settle a bet for me and my hubby. Both listeners of the show and sleeping so much better for it. Thank you. The other day, my husband dropped his toothbrush in the toilet and had to get rid of it. Fine, whatever. And then this is all in caps. But then he uses my toothbrush.

That's disgusting, right? I've never shared my toothbrush with anyone. The worst part, and again, all in caps, he used it for days before telling me. What do you think? Should I divorce him? He says it's fine. We kiss, right? So we can share a toothbrush. Meanwhile, I think he's gross. Do you agree with me? Or him? Haha. Anyway, I still love him, and I love you, and thank you for all you do. Love this question.

I don't know what bet you guys have going here, what you assume, which side I might be on. But I am not a germaphobe. In fact, I'm actively in the other camp. I'm generally a messy person and I'm all about the microbes. Our microbes make us stronger. However, I do have boundaries around stuff like that. I mean, who doesn't? I'm more freaked out that he didn't ask you first than that he did it.

I mean, come on, Joe. I get that you're married. Presumably share a bed, kiss, and do other things to mix your microbes, so technically, is it a big deal? Well, not to me, but at the same time, I understand why you're freaked out. It seems like a weird little violation that he didn't ask. So maybe he needs to pick up that boundary.

of asking next time. And you might need to go easy on the sense of violation or think about the microbe thing. But really, everyone just needs some extra toothbrushes in the drawer. That's the solution. Buy them in bulk. So in terms of your bet, I'm kind of on both your sides.

Like him, I don't think the germ sharing is a big deal, although it's gross, no doubt. But like you, it would freak me out if someone used my toothbrush without asking. But if they asked, I'd probably be okay with it, like on a camping trip or something. Sure, so maybe I'm the weirdo in the middle? I don't know. Kendra and Joe, I hope that your marriage stays together with a bunch of extra toothbrushes in the drawer. In the door?

Now, in the drawer. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that question. All right, next. From Clover, she asks, how to embrace aging and invisibility? What a great question. So I'm going to take these two things separately because I think aging and invisibility are slightly different things. So let's start with aging. In terms of getting older, we are powerless over the passage of time. And although I embrace the wisdom that comes from age,

you know, parts of it suck. But personally, on a whole other level, I don't think we need to embrace the decay of getting older, or at least at the rate that our society tells us it needs to happen. That's kind of based on everyone getting more sedentary and eating a standard, typical North American or Western diet.

And I think we can slow down that process. Now, in a whole other part of my life, I write about food. And I'm just a firm believer that what we put in our bodies has an impact, positive or negative, on most levels of our being. And my rule of thumb is stay close to nature. When we eat actual foods, not processed foods, like stuff that comes out of the earth, and the more whole, the better,

We get to literally eat the life force. And that's important as we get older. Like when you're young, you're teeming with life force. So we can basically eat anything we want and nothing really gets in the way of that energy. But as that energy in us slows down, I think we need to help ourselves by stuffing our faces with life force. Eat natural foods. Why? It just makes sense.

In my experience, they make you feel younger and better and look younger and better. And you don't need to make some huge dramatic shift. Although if that's how you're wired, then go for it. But just to start eating some whole grains every day, like brown rice or barley, or make a commitment to having vegetables three times a day. Anything to help you feel the benefits of those natural foods

and the good feelings that come with them, and then that gathers momentum. You start making better choices. Because we do need to put better fuel in the car as we get older. And we have to eat every day that we're on the planet, so let's take advantage of this opportunity to use that need to help us feel better.

Anyway, so that's how I feel about aging, is that we don't need necessarily to do it in lockstep with the mainstream images of it. Now regarding invisibility, this is very interesting. I assume what you mean by invisibility is that as you age, you feel possibly that your looks are becoming less magnetic to the outside world?

It's a feeling that I think most women start to experience at some point when the currency of beauty begins to have less pull. And it can be painful. I think we all come into this life with our own set of strengths, and we don't necessarily even know we have them or are using them until they start to fade. So I remember feeling that.

The point at which I started to realize I wasn't turning heads or sending out a type of electricity into the room that I had before, or people weren't responding to it. And it's a painful corner to turn. But I was also in a particular situation where I hadn't really grown up as like the pretty girl. I mean, I'm okay looking, but I didn't have a type of natural beauty that sort of

unfurled this red carpet in front of me, as some women do. So I never felt that I could lean on it like some other people, men and women, can. So I started working on the invisible aspects of life rather early, I think, compared to some people. I started a deep dive into myself, into the invisible realm of things at a pretty young age. And having done that a long time now,

I can say with assurance that the invisible world is big and broad and roomy and full of power. Just consider listening to this podcast right now or what you might get from sleep magic every night. You don't see me. I'm not visible to you. And yet I'm transmitting some energy through the ether that helps you relax and feel good inside.

And I don't say that to pat myself on the back. I just mean that's an example of how real and powerful the invisible realm of existence can be. Now, what do I mean by the invisible? Well, the invisible includes your thoughts. We can't see thoughts, and yet they run our entire lives. The invisible includes your emotions, and our emotions have a big impact on us and those around us. The invisible includes your vibration as a whole.

what I call your inner being. And that can have a huge impact on your world and the world of those in your life. Add to this list creativity, imagination, intuition, love. There's a ton of stuff to be explored as you step into what you're calling invisibility. And the paradox is that as you explore the invisible, you become visible in a whole other way.

you start making a different kind of impact. Carl Jung said that life really begins at 40. Because after establishing ourselves in the physical world, we begin to look to our inner selves. But here's the thing. You may feel some grief as you transition from your currency being more outer to inner. And that's real. Allow yourself that. Also, you may need to do some cleaning out of your inner world

looking at your patterns, belief systems, trauma, in order to free up all that inner invisible energy to be put to good use. But it's worth it. I promise. It's what my whole life is about. So enjoy these transitions. There's more on the other side than you can see because it's invisible. Thanks, Clover. The next question is from Sandy.

Hi Jessica, my question is simple. Do you believe in aliens? I love this question. There are a few issues in life in which I have to say, the jury is out on that. You know, like past lives. I have clients come to me and they ask if I believe in past lives and I say, you know, the jury's out on that and it doesn't really matter what I believe.

And the truth is, by the way, if you're interested with the whole past life issue, because hypnosis has a whole reputation of taking people into past lives sometimes, is that I sit there and say, it doesn't matter what I think. If you spontaneously regress to some experience that is clearly not of this life, great. And I know the subconscious mind well enough to know that whatever material you connect with in that place,

it will be a healing experience because the subconscious mind is a fundamentally healing mechanism. That's past lives. I feel the same way about astrology. Like, can we prove this? That like Pluto is doing something this month? Maybe science will catch up with all of it and settle the issue, but it hasn't yet.

Now, regarding aliens, it's impossible for me to believe, just based on the numbers, that there isn't life on other planets. That simply defies logic. Now, whether it's life like anything we have here on Earth, who knows, but we are talking about the Milky Way containing anywhere between 100 and 200 billion planets. Billion. And that's just the Milky Way. So are there other life forms out there?

I sure hope so. But then we get down to the idea of those life forms making their way to us, which would give us our proof. I remember a friend telling me that even if an alien were traveling really fast from the edge of our solar system, and we're pretty sure there aren't aliens within our solar system, meaning on the planets, from the edge of our solar system is over 9 trillion miles. 9 trillion miles.

And suddenly I was like, oh, forget it. You know, for the alien to leave their planet and then jump between whatever galaxy they're in and then get to even the edge for us, then there's such a long trip from the edge of the solar system to get to us. And I just thought, even if they're aliens, they can't live that long, right? So we're talking some very vast distances. But then there are those people who believe that aliens are governed by entirely different laws.

not tethered to time and space as we understand them. Which throws all the rules out the window. So yeah, I'm sorry to say, Sandy, the jury is still out for me. I think if aliens had made contact with Earth, we'd probably know it. At least if they'd done it in any point in the recent past. But enjoy. You know what I mean? It's pretty cool to just be on a ball spinning in space.

It does allow for incredibly expansive thinking in unlimited, unlimited possibility. I mean, the vastness of it is just awe-inspiring. So yeah, I have no idea. Sandy, you have befuddled me. Thank you for your question. The next one is from Anonymous. Dear Jessica, I'm so glad you started these episodes because I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I recently bought a house together and things were looking up for us.

We also work at the same company, and everything was fine until a promotion came up at work. My boyfriend applied, but sadly didn't get it. A few weeks later, to my surprise, I was asked to apply for the role. I hadn't even considered applying for it initially. When I shared the news with him, he completely shut down and wouldn't discuss it with me. Despite the tension, I continued applying, thinking it would benefit us both financially, and I probably wouldn't get it anyway.

But I did get the promotion, and since then, he has barely spoken to me, except to express how awful I am. He's so upset that he's made me sleep on the sofa, which feels unfair. I would never treat him this way. I'm heartbroken and at a loss about how to move forward when he won't even speak to me. What should I do? Sincerely, a very sad sleep magician.