Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or maybe therapy day.
When your schedule is packed with different things like kids activities, work projects, maybe listening to a podcast, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I think everyone agrees that therapy is beneficial for a whole host of things, whether that's learning coping skills or setting boundaries. I think it can help empower you
and help you figure out how to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you want, you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stinky dragon today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stinky dragon.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Welcome, all you werewolves. Transform yourself into the Stinky Dragon and throw back our latest thirst quencher. I can't have it both ways. It's a mixture of chai bread tea, a shot of half-calf espresso, cinnamon dole sleigh topped with caramel drizzle. One slurp of this shape-changing chai and you'll be singing a different tune to the moon in no time. Mew, mew. Ha ha!
Previously, our adventurers congregated in the capillary to commence the tribunal of Count Von Brath. After an introduction of evidence and tantalizing testimonies, the tribunal was cut short by a battler disguised as he. Which Von Brath will fall victim in this vexing, vain adventure? Nab a nightcap, nestle in for this noxious narrative.
Caramel. Caramel. Caramel. Caramel. Caramel. Caramel. Shoot me with an arrow. I'm going to stop us all at the Dungeon Master or Future Party. I'm going to hit Blaine Gibson with an arrow. Do it. Do it. This week's role-playing warm-up question is, describe a moment when your character felt triumphant.
I'll go first. Hey, it's me, Blaine Gibson, and I play Chip Pena, level 17. You looked at it again. What do you mean? This is our first time recording this. And this was in universe because Chip canonically had taken a break to be with his wife, Carol. He stopped assassinating and he lost all of his power and didn't didn't sharpness. And then when we were in Carcassouk,
And then we ran into that one guy and he was like, you're legendary Japani. And I was like, I am. And I assassinated like eight people. That was a good highlight reel. I feel like it was like, you guys were just letting me have it though. But I was playing it. You guys were like, it's fine. He's having fun. There were rolls and checks. You did good, buddy. You're the best killer right now. Someone go else. Someone go else too. Someone go else.
Bonjour, my name is John Reisinger and I play Matide Conficis, who is an era Cochrane ghost monk. And when was the last time I felt triumphant? Probably an hour ago. I feel triumphant constantly. I, you know, I was able to procure emo pieces from that, that, that felt very triumphant. I was able to hide under the ground for about a week. I never done that before. That was very interesting.
Yeah, you got to find the little wins all of the time. And then you're always winning. You had some sad money. Sad money? Yeah. Emo pieces? Yeah. Oh, emo. It's silent. Yeah. That was Micah. That was Micah. Oh, you're blaming him now? Yeah, if it's good, I'll take the credit. If it's bad, I'll say it was Micah. I feel like also Matide might have like a particularly good Queen Amon or something that comes out of the oven. And they're like, yeah, nailed it.
Oh, yeah, when they bake something good. Yeah. Fancy words there, dude. Well, it's Mateed I'm talking about. You fancy. I forgot, actually, Gus, you did go through like a baking phase there. I've been on a bake. I messed around with a little baking. Have you kept it up or you? It's been a little while. Been a month or two. It's been since we've been in lockdown probably.
No, no, no. He was doing baguettes and croissants. I was known to do a baguette drop. I got a baguette from Gus. I never had a baguette. When I make them, I'll have to fire up the baguette oven again. He also made pickles one time. I did make pickles. I was inspired by a bad movie on Max. Oh.
Oh, the American pickle. Oh my God. That was bad. I was like, huh? Making pickles might be easy. So I made pickles. Yeah. I can do that. Seth Rogen plays a dumb, dumb who can make pickles. I can make a pickle. Heck yeah, you can. That's funny. That's the best thing to come out of that movie. All right. Who's next? Hi, I'm Chris Damaris and I played Barney Varney, the human cleric and a time that Barney felt triumphant. Well, this, this takes me back. Uh,
Back when I was just a young lad in the village, you know, there's just the prettiest girl in the whole village, Marnie. And, you know, at the fall dance, you know, I... You fell at the dance? I worked up the courage to ask her out to take a dance with me. And right whenever she was, before she could respond...
Archibald Sanders, the biggest, the strongest. He was the mayor's son. The mayor's son. Isn't it always? The mayoral son. Yeah. And he's just brash and confident, good looking. And he started picking fun and challenged me to a dance competition. Oh, wow.
Like break dancing? Did you do like line dancing or square dancing or salsa dancing? YMCA. It was dancer's choice. And so the whole town gathered around outside for the big dance off. And I'll tell you this. I danced my heart out. Did you put it back in? Yes, I did. Did you win?
No, I lost. I lost horribly. I lost so badly, the entire town laughed at me. But you know what? That's sad. I still won. Because you won Marnie. Because I got Marnie. That's nice. Isn't that sweet? Isn't that romantic? How did that story end? Go. Woo-hoo.
Well, hello, everyone. I'm Barbara. Barbara's here. Barbara Dunkelman. I love Barbara Dunkelman. I love you too, John Reisinger. Thank you very much. My good friend, John. How come you didn't say that when me and Chris went? Hey, John. How come you didn't say that when me and Chris went? Because he doesn't love you. Could you check my mic? Someone's cutting in and out of here. I'm not quite here in a...
Oh, Blaine. It's me, Blaine. I'm talking to your mic. Your good buddy, Blaine. And I'm voiced Elga Von Braat, the female half-elf vampire barbarian. Thank you. Welcome back to my studio. Pew, pew, pew. Pew, pew. And Elga feels triumphant quite a bit. You know, being a barbarian and being able to rage, it makes you feel very powerful, very triumphant. But I think for Elga, it was really honestly the first time she left the vamp spire, where she got to go to the Peace Parade. She felt very...
and triumphant to be on this new quest and this new experience and this new journey. And it just made her feel very optimistic about, you know, a new future. Did you by any chance run up to a grassy hill and start singing about the hills are alive and to be excited? No one watches that stuff anymore. Our age range is from 16 to 24. What is that you're talking about? The hills are alive.
Well, you should know that. You're old. I've never seen Sound of Music. But you know the reference. I've never seen it either, but I know the reference. Yeah, I guess I've probably seen it, Gus. Yeah, I know. Me too. That came out like...
Like when you were like 20. Make a death savings account. Wait, wait. Wouldn't you be the one making the death savings account? You too. Hey, it's just Matide and Elga. The me show, Matide and Elga. Melga. Yeah. I like how it's just the M from Matide and then Elga's whole name. No, it's the M-A. Melga. Melga.
Matilda. I like that. All right. Was that everyone? That's everyone, right? Yeah. Yeah. When were you triumphant, Gus? Yeah. When were you? How about you, Gus? How about Arrow? My recent triumphant moment was when Chip tried to provoke an attack of opportunity from Louis. That was a pretty good moment. And then Louis critted him. That was a pretty good moment. That was particularly triumphant for me. Did you feel triumphant, Blaine? No, not at all. That was pretty good.
A familiar battler steps forward to the dais. So the same battler that came in? Yes. Count Von Brath has been nothing but kind to me ever since we first met. He welcomed me into his home, offered me a job, and I believe he should be free!
The Ragnarok's Ragnarok
Thank you, Eddie. And with a swoosh, the battler's robes billow and swirl, transforming into a skinless figure with green veins, green eyes, and a grin of jagged teeth. Don't mention it, Hugo!
everyone roll initiative hey whoa real quick when eddie was in his like uh not dummy thick form what did he look like do we recognize him he's a battler yeah yeah when he's in battler form what are you getting at have we met i think you have a you you might have a train of thought no make your sound no i don't think it's them i don't think it's them no it's not quickly is it the artist is it
Is it Robert? Who's Robert? Robert's not a battler, no. The professor's alchemist. Robert was the alchemist. I thought they had it. I'm looking at Micah. I thought they had it. They don't have it.
Henry! No. Henry! No, it's not Henry. Who is it? We know him! We met them! You might figure it out. Just start naming off characters. Tom Bigglebomb! Tom Bigglebomb of the Vanian Bigglebombs? I knew it! When I said name off characters, I meant actual characters from the campaign. What are your initiative rules? Was it the guy that I ran into in the club, the nightclub? It's Little Jimmy! No. No.
No, no, no. What's your initiatives? Y'all don't know. I'm rolling right now. Ten for Elga. Thirteen. Oh, oh. I am a five. Nat 20. 22. Wow. But, like, the whole VAMP Spire is going to be fighting this guy, right? Okay, I'm going to put you all in order here. He rolls 3,000 initiatives. There is a lot. I've actually pre-rolled it just because there are so many that I have to take care of here.
Hugo goes first, followed by Barney. I just want to point out quickly, since I didn't get to mention it in the last episode with all the chaos of the ending, pretty sure Elga's dad, who is now Hugo, was probably the person in Barney's vision. Yeah, because of the description of the clothes. The tailored suit and the blonde hair. Talking with a woman in front of the VAMS fire saying, it's either not ours or it's not the hour.
Is Count... That's a good note over there. Is Count Vixie completely separate from all this then? Probably. Count Vixie's got the family. Right, but didn't he... Hugo took them, but we don't know if they're serving Hugo. Got it. Dracula said he kept them as his pets or something. Yeah. Like, akin to that. Maybe there's some type of nickname. Thank you for vamping for me. I have...
Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, we're at the Vance Fire. What else would we do? And then in Mateed's vision, there was two fangs dripping above a blood red necktie, not an ascot. So it might be someone else or something else. Hey, was this the guy that kicked your butt? I don't know. That's a good question. Because that was in the past. Maybe he changed from necktie to ascot. I'm pretty sure you have to wear the exact same neck gear your entire life.
He's a cartoon rules. He's a cartoon rules. Okay. While he's doing his thing, we need to figure out who Eddie is because we've met them before. In battler form? Was it the one that we, whenever we went to the hide and seek? Yeah, he used the arm. He used the arm to get into the tomb. When we played hide and seek, there was that butler that was... He was the guy that was laying on the ground! He was the guy that was laying on the ground! Was that Eddie? I think Barbara got there first. Oh.
Yeah. In the sepulcher. He was laying on the ground. He's like, oh, I've been passed out. And it was Eddie. That butt wipe. That was Eddie? Was it though? Because we saw someone go down who wasn't fitting in the cloak very well. Eddie went in there. Yeah. And then didn't come out. I thought the other guy pulled the coffin out and he was in the coffin. The guy that pulled the coffin out was the guy. That was Eddie. Was Eddie? Yeah. Is that what we did know?
We don't know. Do we know that? You may get some answers here very soon. Up first on the initiative order is Hugo. Then after Hugo is Barney. Then Eddie. Then Avena. What?
What about me? There are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. There's 10 different characters in the initiative roll. John, stop rolling so hard. I can't do that. These are heavy. Yeah, I know. I didn't do anything. Hey, you can't be throwing those on the table, John. You bum. All right, so it is Hugo first. You could not have ruined that more.
What's Hugo do? You see Hugo mutter some arcane incantations. I mutter back. What do you mutter? You mutter as a hamster. Ooh, that's not nice. That's your grandma. That's funny. And you're not quite sure exactly what that does. Barney, you're up.
So the layout of the room and like... So this was that big triangular kind of like temple y'all were in before. So this is a rather large room with two rows of pews. Braziers. Fiery red hot braziers.
and red stone leading up the middle towards the dais. At the dais, there's like one big throne where Dracula was sitting. It's black. Four smaller chairs with Sfratu in it and the coffin that Hugo was in. Then off to the sides of the room are stone coffins and there are columns spread throughout the room as well. And then to the south was that antechamber you came through and then to the west was that baptismal room and then to the east was like that dressing room. I don't know if it's because it's triangular. I'm having such a hard time picturing the layout of this place. If you want to come look real fast, you can come look.
Cool. Thank you. Because whenever I picture a triangle, I just picture something so small. Well, they only have three sides. I'm just like, how could it all fit in there? It's a little triangle. It's so small. He's so small. I'm just a little triangle. Okay. All right, Barney, you're up. So Count Von Brath, he started casting a spell, presumably. Yes. How far away is he from me? From where you are, let's call it about 35 feet or so. Okay.
And then what's the rest of the people doing? Is there someone specific? Just, I mean, what's the general vibe with this? Like him coming and letting Eddie, letting the guy out. And it's like, it's very chaotic. A lot of the counts and countesses that, you know, were sitting down orderly before, you know, they were kind of caught off guard by all these accusations. And now they're making for the exit and running. Dracula seems confused about what's going on. Which I imagine he would be on our side. Maybe.
Is there anyone else specific you're curious about, Barney? Or Chris, I'm sorry. And Eddie, what's he doing? He's still laughing maniacally. He's the one who let Hugo out. How does that sound? Do you guys need a sound? He stole my D20, okay? Okay.
Thank you. Blaine stole my D20 and I wanted it back. That's going to be replaced by Andrew anyways. I did a live action sleight of hand where John was looking away and I just swiped his D20. And I knew he had it, so you failed. No, you didn't know. Perception. So you said 35 feet or? About 35 feet. About 35 feet.
40 feet. Okay. 50? I just got it. I got it. I got it. You're 50? Man, okay. Then what Barney is going to do is he's going to come forward towards Count Von Brath, right? Von Brath. Von Brath. He's going to go forward and he's going to...
Try and shoot the account with his crossbow. His name's Hugo, too, if that's easier for you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll start with that. Okay, make an attack roll. It's 24. Believe it or not, that hits.
- So your crossbow bolt fires out, striking Count Von Braath. - That's five damage plus, let me read it real quick. - While you're attacking, Hugo pulls out a tiny little silver bell from out under his cloak and rings it. And it really fascinates you and attracts your attention, distracting you. - Ooh.
Reroll your attack roll. He pulls out a silver bell? Yeah. Silver bells. Hugo does? Yep. Silver bells. There's no save for that. I'm just distracted now. Yeah, well, you know, you have to make it. You reroll your attack roll. Gotcha. It's like Lucky. I rolled a one. Oh, you taught Gus to put Lucky on the box. What have I done? I rolled a one. Yeah, the bell was really distracting, so your crossbow bolt actually flies wide. Okay. Killing Elga's mom.
Yeah, who does it hit? Who does it hit? Just hits the wall and then clatters down to the ground. All right. Well, then for my... Sorry, one second. That threw my thing off. Excellent. Everything's going according to plan. I want to do cast a spiritual weapon. Can you attack and cast...
Or is that a bonus weapon? It's bonus action. It's bonus action. Spiritual weapon. Yeah. And I'm going to cast that, I guess, this highest level I can, which I guess is not high. Oh, and I'll take the form of a, I guess, a steak. Okay. Like a ribeye? A porterhouse? What are we talking about here? How many times? How many times? It does sound like that every time. That was a 15 to attack him. Attacking Hugo again? Hugo, yeah. Yeah, that misses. Man, that stinks. And then...
Stinker, he teleports up to... He can teleport? Yeah, he can teleport. That's cool. He teleports to... Could Dutch teleport? Yeah, all the time. He teleports to behind the count and then attacks him. Okay, kill Stinker. Got it. Bye, Stinker.
You're a good bone dog. Bye. You've probably got like 5 HP. He can go 40 feet with that. Okay. And I don't know. I'm asking you. Would that be like a surprise or like a... No. No? Okay. And then so it looks like his... Did I just roll a d20? Does that work? Yeah. Okay. You're trying to figure out like it's to hit? Yeah. Yeah. Let's roll it. We'll see if we're close. We'll figure it out. Oh, I won! Stinker! Stinker, no! Stinker bites his own tug. Tug.
He bites his own tail. He gets distracted. That's also only bone. Yeah, the anatomy of this skeleton dog is just befuddling. Yeah. It's a good word. Dang. And then I guess that's it. Hugo has the upper hand.
All right. That's it for you. It is Eddie's turn. After Eddie is Avena, then Matit. All enemies. So just a quick question before we get to Avena's turn. So during this whole like trial thing, when they were speaking up for Count Von Brath, Avena tries to call out Countess Von Brath. Yes. So I'm like, is she on our side? On their side? Like who is she fighting?
fighting with or for. She's got an Eddie's side, right? Because if she's like, here's the chance to defend our father, but she's a daddy's girl. Oh, but she also has all those incantations. Countess Von Brath is trying to get him free. So maybe Countess Von Brath is also evil. So maybe, maybe. Well, was she trying to get him free?
Wasn't she? Yeah, wasn't she? Oh, wait, no, did she not speak up? She didn't speak, it was Avena. Avena spoke against her mom. Her mom saying like she's the one who... And we haven't heard from Countess Von Brath. Countess Von Brath was about to start trying to speak when Avena interrupted her. But I'm also confused as like, does something happen to Count Von Brath to make him this way? Because like...
For me, Elga doesn't remember him being baddie. Baddie daddy. Baddie or batty? Both. D, bad. Not bad. Anyways, sorry. All good. I like this. Luckily for your questions, Avena acts before you. So maybe you'll get some clarity on the motivation. I was going to say, get some insight.
So it's Eddie's turn. You see him charge straight for Dracula and run right at him. He runs up to Dracula and wraps his arms around him. Aw, he's hugging! Yeah, it's a really sweet hug that's crushing Dracula to death a bit. Oh. I'm playing D&D by myself for a minute. Gus, I don't know if I... Did I say where I moved? You didn't say you moved. Is it too late to say I moved? Where'd you move to?
I wanted to have, like, shot and then moved forward towards the count. How far? Like, your full movement? Like, as far as I could go, yeah. What is that, 30? 30. Okay, so you'd be about 10 feet away from him at this point. Okay, yeah. Eddie, you know, runs up, wraps his arms around Dracula and begins crushing him. You hear the sounds of Dracula struggling and fighting against Eddie. Good thing he's not drunk anymore. Well, not as drunk. Yeah. Coherent enough. It's Avena's turn.
Avena turns her focus and looks straight at Elga and runs straight at her. That's not right. Another hug? This is not a hug. Bat fight, bat fight. He's there.
Families all over the place. Yeah, there's lots of familial drama happening here. We're like the Kardashians. Isn't there always? She is going to do something. I'm going to roll a die and then we'll talk about it and explain it. My family's the Kardashians' servants that are treated poorly. I assume a 27 hits you, Elga.
Hold on. Hold on. I actually do want to see if I could use something here. I have something that I haven't used yet called the Medal of the Horizon Back.
No, but it still wouldn't be up to 27. So it's something that increases my AC by 5, but that would make it 20. Ah, that is really useful. Yeah. You might be able to use it again at some point in this combat, but yeah, it wouldn't work in this particular instance. Okay. Yeah, you feel Avena bite you. It does. Ouch! Sister, your teeth are a lot sharper than I recall them being.
It does 12 points of psychic damage. Psychic. This is going to go badly. And make me an intelligence saving throw. Jeez. Quickly, fill out the Scantron. 17. 17. You feel like almost like your mental energy draining out through the bite, but you're able to like snap out of it and hold on to it.
There's something about that bite. It just like really takes hold over you. Do I recognize that feeling? It's very much like... Like my dream? Yeah, it's reminiscent of that dream you had. I wish you didn't mean. I woke up with the bite marks, huh? Yes. Hmm.
Okay. I don't like that. That's really not cool. Matide, it's your turn. After Matide is Countess Von Brath and then Elga. Okay. Sorry. Bernie, Bernie. Pardon. I'm wondering if you'd let me use an item as a bonus action. Maybe. What is it?
Let's talk about it. We just talked about it. I want to use the Jar of the Jackal. I've had this thing since Carcassouk. And I specifically want to use this because I've noticed that a friend of mine, Monsieur Aimee,
He looks like a glass that is one-fifth full. Yeah, I'm not feeling too good. He does not have much HP. And what this thing does is it lets me open up and a spectral jackal leaps forth and releases a blessing. And the blessing gives him a plus three on AC. For one minute. Okay, yeah, we'll say. Go for it. Bonus action. You also don't need food or drink or air. I hold my breath. For one minute. For one minute.
Yeah, so I use the blessing of the jackal, and a little doggy goes and kisses his face. Wait, like, like, like. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. It's very cute. I enjoy it. And then what I do is with my action is I don't like that Eddie, man. How far is he? You were seated near the back. Yes, I was. If I recall correctly. That's where the best acoustics are. Your favorite thing that I do? Count. Count.
You're about, let's call it about 60 feet away. That's a good thing because I think... Dang it, it's 50 feet away. But I forgot I have projectiles. But I will get like 20 feet from Eddie. Okay, so you move up about 40. I don't think that does anything. It just makes me feel better to not be right on him. Fair enough. And I will hit him with...
Slinging the sandstorms. I was wondering why you were giving a pause. I was waiting. I was testing. Yeah, I hit him with slinging the sandstorms and I will use... Oh, shoot. No, I don't want to do that. But I will expend the charges for ancient sands, which will give me... Oh, I can do this on a successful attack. So I'll just go ahead and attack and see if I do this. If not, it don't matter what those things do.
And this is on Eddie, correct? Yeah. Or Ed or Eddie. Or Edward. Edward. Yep. Eddington. Oh, poopies. 12. That does not hit. I'll try again. Inspo die. No. Two attacks. Ooh. Ooh. 11. Believe it or not, also a miss. I do have inspiration. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Maybe not fine.
No? Y'all gonna lose. Top of the fight? That's silly. Do it. Okay. You can just make Gus laugh again and he'll give you another one. He gives him all the candy. He loves hand-held inspiration dice. See, there he goes again. Okay, inspiration dice. That's 15? No. Are you kidding me? Sometimes, dude, sometimes it's just not there. I am sorry. Finally, things are going our way, Micah.
You shouldn't want this. Right. We're the heroes. We're your characters. That's all my turn then. All right. I sit down in a pew and I start reading from the hymnal and I start singing from Our Ma is an Awesome Ma. Those are way too many bonus actions, John. Do you read?
And I do the ASL for it because John remembers. Oh, I didn't know that about you. That's pretty cool. They taught us that in scary ghost school. All right. It's the countess's turn. Then after the countess is Elga. Oh.
The Countess will make a beeline straight for Avena and Elga, and she tries to separate you two, trying to put herself between Avena's attacks to kind of shield you, Elga. My mother is the only one who cares about me. Is Countess Von Brath, is she like a big, like, strong adventurer lady, or is she like more of a prim and proper type lady? She spent her time traveling, adventuring around Groteth. Okay. She knows how to handle herself. She's an elf. Cool. Like Hiccup's mom.
Huh? From How to Train Your Dragon. Oh, I never saw it. She also like left and went adventuring and abandoned her kids for a while. Spoiler alert. Yeah, it kind of is. Elga, you're up. Then after you is Dracula, then Chip.
So what did the mom do? Meta game wise, you're going to have some advantages against attacks against you from Avena. But so will Avena. She's very supportive of her daughters. Doesn't want to pick favorites. How close is Chip to me? From where you are. Weren't they right by each other? Yeah, y'all were really close to each other. Hi, Elga. Well, first I'm going to rage.
Rage. Don't get between sisters that are fighting. And then could I recklessly attack her? Do you want to take your form? Yes. Thank you for reminding me. I will take the form. I did very bad on my turn. I need you to do good on yours, so I'm here to help. I'll take the tail. I'm the support player now. I gave him AC and I remind you of your abilities. Just wait till my turn. I'm going to knock him dead.
Big, powerful chip painting. I hope you don't die with one hit. Am I able to recklessly attack? Yeah, of course. Could I do it using my battle axe? Hey. Is that the new one? Yes. Is that with advantage then? Yes, but then attacks against you are also at advantage. Yeah, that's fine. I like that Elga has so many axes. I can say, is that the new one? And that's, it's a valid question. I'm going to use my inspiration die. Bad roll again. What'd you roll? The highest was a 15. No. With advantage. Go Elga. You.
You can do it. 21. Yeah. Yes, a 21 does hit. Okay. Darn it, too. That wasn't a critical hit, though. No. It was a 12 plus 9. So we just saw two little girls attack, one bit the other one, and then the other one pulled out a battle axe in response. You know, appropriate response of force. Hey, that's ROE. ROE? Rules of engagement. Oh, it's true. If they put one of ours in the hospital, we put one of theirs in the morgue. What is that a line from? Godfather.
That's a boy movie. Godfather? Oh, no, wait. Did I roll the wrong thing? I have two options for my battle axe to roll. Either 1d8 plus 6 or 1d10 plus 6. Probably the two-handed one. Yeah, you're using a two-handed. You would roll the d10. D10, okay. So ignore that one.
So it'd be 15 points of damage. Yeah. That's a lot. It's made of silver. Yeah, wasn't it? Wasn't that the one you got in the scourge? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did we go? The silvered. The dregs. A vein is not a vampire. Yeah, she's not. The only one. Although I don't know. She's acting weird. Quick, make her a vampire and then hit her. She didn't bite you. And then am I able to throw something to someone as a bonus? I know I had a bonus. Sure, why not? Okay. Chip. Chip.
Elga! Give us two! What? And she tosses her Fang Frost. It's happening! When it activates and frees this chip, it goes into my chest. Over to Chip. Yay!
This is the greatest gift I have ever... I'm not being emotional. You need to help me. He has to wait until the end of initiative. So that Fangfrost should be in the items. Good moment. So heroic. So I'm going to remove it from my inventory. Okay. And I will add it to mine. You have my Fangfrost. Or I have yours, rather. Okay.
You have your Fangfrost. My your Fangfrost. And then that's my turn. Good turn. You know, you hit Avena and she angrily, you know, through her gritted teeth responds to you. It's about time you knew, sister. Our father has only ever had one daughter he truly loves. And then you hear Hugo. Hmm, quite right, my dear. Just look at her. Elga clearly is no daughter of mine.
And he looks straight at you with teeth. He goes, daddy issues. Am I right? I'm not your friend. Do not talk to me like that, okay? We're all friends. No, we are not friends. Elga very secretly and gently starts crying. Oh.
Aw. She has some tears coming down. That's sad. But she doesn't let them see it. That's so sad. It's Dracula's turn. He's in a grapple. He's going to roll to see if he gets out of it. That's a three. This is Eddie. That's a 17. All right. Dracula is still. You saw the rolls. They're right in front of you. The progenitor of all vampires couldn't get out of a hole. Hey, man. Sometimes you wake up and you roll a three. Oh, yeah. He has been drinking, too. That's right. Oh.
And Micah went, glug, glug, glug, glug. I was like, what's Micah doing? Oh, right, right, right. Micah's drunk at D&D again. Chip, it's your turn. After Chip is the Sfraatu, then we go back up to the top with Hugo. Okay. Gus. Yeah, yeah, what? Buddy. What? Friend. That's me. I'm Gus. He's our buddy friend. I try to speed through my time. I don't want to hold things up. I want to keep the flow going. All right, go with the flow. But if you can remember back, last episode. Oh, my brain hurts. I stuck my hand into the cage. All right.
Alright? And then that guy bit it, right? Into the coffin. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember that? He attacked me. What if I did hellish rebuke? He's been like, he's been like clenching. He's been just like, like your butt holding in a fart. He's been holding in this heckish rebuke for however long it's been since we did that. It's a reaction. It's only been like 10 minutes. It's a reaction. It has to happen at the same moment.
Sorry. I tried to enable the fun, but it's been a little too long. That's okay. Okay. Well, then I feel the weight of the thing frost in my hand. Feels good. Give a nod to Elga. And then I go for her dad. I don't like that he talks poop about my friend. So I'm going to attack him.
And I have plus sweat to... Plus you're on AC so that's when someone attacks you. Oh, that's great because I need that. That's what I know. You're at 10 HP. Yeah, I thought it was like me attack them. I get plus whatever. AC is armor class. I knew that. Also, you have advantage on stuff if people are nearby? Oh, if people are within five feet. Yes. Yeah, I'm within five feet. Yeah. Well, it depends on if it was 35 feet because I went as far up as I could. Yeah, that would be sneak attack. Additional 46. Hugo? Yes, Hugo. Okay.
So, Fang Frost, here we go. Which, for those listening, Hugo is Count Lombra. That's a 19, but also I think I get advantage, right? I think you should just go ahead. You don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within five feet of that. I don't think you get advantage, but it hits. Okay, great. Cool.
I'm gonna attack, so that's three piercing, and then I roll a D8 of cold. Chill out, dude! That's a three. And then I do, what was it, 4D6 for sneak attack. Ha-chow.
14. So that's 20. Okay. So how's he looking? Is he dead? Really? Really? He is still dead. Okay. It's the only damage he's taken. I had to ask. And then now I'm going to use cunning action to hide. Hide. Hide. Hide. As my friend says. Make your stealth roll. Okay. And stealth is with advantage, by the way. Maybe...
They were like given those like readings of that ancient stuff and they were brainwashed. Oh, Barbara's trying to figure this out. I just like, yeah.
24. I think Elga just so badly doesn't want to believe that her sister and father are like evil people. Yeah. Okay. It's a bummer, dude. I don't know. Apparently if Hugo did that many years ago. Yeah. Maybe he's not so good person. That's a history. I found out my sister-in-law, they were not nice, but a little different. Yeah. Anyways. My parents are fantastic. They taught me how to bake. It's wonderful. You remember them? Yeah. Tell me about them. I need lore. Yeah.
John's like, what? No, no, no. I can't. I was not prepared. What? It's someone else's turn. Now's the perfect time for lore in the middle of a huge boss fight. 24 and stealth. Okay, got it. Thank you. That's it for your turn? Oh, I mean, I moved. What does that mean? You know, into hiding. Yeah, you rolled stealth. 24. Great. And I said, anything else? And you said, and you moved into hiding? No, I moved. I'm hiding. He's just scared to say his turn's over. Is your turn over? No, it is.
I'm so confused, Michael. Yes, go to the next person. No, it was just like you asked that in a way that you were going to do something because I forgot something. Before I start saying what I'm doing, I'm just asking. Okay, good. I thought we're all settled. It's the Svartu turn. Is that okay? Can I go?
You're talking to me. Yes, you may go, Gus. He's going to murder you. All right. There are eight Sferatu around that. So they're on our side. I would think they would be. I'm a Sferatu. Elga, make me a Arcana check. No. Arcana check? Oh, they're under some spell. No. Yeah, that's why the Arcana check. Man, I rolled from a 16 to a six. With advantage. Yeah.
Because... I'll explain in a second. Nat 20. Do you think that when your father was casting earlier, you know him so well that you recognize that he's exerting some kind of magical manipulation over the Sfratu? Gotcha. Like a charm? Kind of. He's using the force. He has that little bell that he did something with. So the Sfratu are going to split up and they're going to... Two of them are going to go after each of you. Where?
I don't think we're walking away from this one, guys. This seems bad. We're only level seven. We've got Eddie and Hugo and Vania, Vania and Sviratus. Avena. Avena. Why do I keep calling her Vania? We're in Vania. I know. I'm sure she keeps messing with me. Yeah, this might be the final episode.
Mateed, you recognize this, but one of them conjures a deluge of blood over Barney and this blood forms like a tidal wave trying to knock him off of his feet. Go surfing. Barney, make a strength saving throw. Surf it. Guys, we need to... My father is doing something, guys. We need to dispel it or something.
How's a 14 for surf? That actually, you almost get knocked off of your feet, but you put your walker down and lean into it. Cool. And you managed to maintain your feet against the tidal wave of blood. I'm just imagining the scene from
the shining where the elevator opens up, but Barney surfs out. -Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
You get a couple of attacks on you here. And you get a Sphorat too. And you get a Sphorat too. I'm good. One of them hits. Didn't even ask. Oh, it's an 18 plus 6, 24. Okay, it hits. Yeah. One of them bites you doing six points of piercing damage. Okay, that's not so bad. And what? Nine points of necrotic damage. No, I'm resistant to necrotic. Are you? I am because I'm dead.
So if you're resistant, you take half. Yeah. So you take four. Okay. So six, four, ten. Elga, you kind of get the same thing. Oh, I wonder if I could do something a little different there. Go for it. Let's get a stunt on you. Do an ollie. Do a kickflip.
Parkour. One of them runs up close to you, pulls out a knife and cuts its own palm. Oh. And a splatter of boiling hot blood shoots forth at you. Make a constitution saving throw. Gross. This must be for the hide and sink that he didn't get chased. Yeah. He's mad at me. 23. Oh, I think that actually succeeds.
Yeah, you make it. So the hot blood goes all over you, but nope, nothing bad. Ah, a nice warm cup of soup. Gross.
It's a tomato soup. And then Chip. Oh, they might not see Chip. Chip's roll was really good. Let me see if they actually even see him. Between your stealth and the fog cloud interfering, they don't actually even see you, Chip. I am the knight. They do hear that, though. What? There he is. All right. So that means that back up to the top, it's Hugo's turn. You all see Hugo pulls out a sapphire gemstone and crushes it on the lid of the silver coffin.
The coffin explodes into a silvery mist and in its place is an old coffin now labeled Count Vlad. When Eddie sees this, he drops Dracula to the ground and begins running for the new coffin. Mm-hmm.
Count Vlad. Who's that again? That was the guy that Eddie pulled the casket from. If Eddie was the dude in Sepulcher. Pulling that casket out of that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's the significance of this coffin over the other ones, though? Don't know. But you said Eddie's running towards it now? Yeah. Can I trip him?
Wait, wait, does he get an attack of opportunity from both of us? Yeah, if you're there, yeah. Attack of opportunity then. Yeah! Yeah! Who was he next to? I believe he was within range of Barney and Chip.
And stinker. And stinker. And he's also running towards, you said, so if we're looking at the triangle, it's like the top of the triangle? Correct. Okay. Okay, well, Fangfrost all day. All day, our day. Did you roll it? Oh, no. Yeah, roll your attacks of opportunity. Do I get any additional stuff because I'm coming out of stealth? Oh my God, that's a nat 20, Gus. No, you don't need anything else. So that rolled a eight. One of those rolls was already maximum damage, so we're going to go with that, eight. Okay, plus a d8 of ice damage.
So that's five. And then because I'm within five feet, can I proc sneak attack and all that stuff? Even though it's a reaction. Yeah. I'm seeing some head shaking. Yeah, I think sneak attack you cannot do because that's a specific thing that has to be on your turn. I think you cannot use it
as part of your reaction for an attack of opportunity. What if I said, please, guys? Okay, no, no, no. If anything, that would make it worse. Yeah, it takes it away. You never get to do it again. All right, Barney? Attack of opportunity? Yeah, so I'm going to have Warcaster. Right. And?
Don't forget if it's a ranged spell since you're at melee range, it's gonna be at disadvantage. Gotcha. And he's running towards the coffin? Correct. And how far away is the coffin? It's actually really close. It's probably only like 10 feet away. I love my fake frost. Thank you, Barbara slash Helga. I like to imagine Chip's already engraved his name into it. Like he pulled out like his little tools. Like cool knife chicks, you know, like flipping it.
Yeah, so ranged attacks, if they're up close to disadvantage. Even like cantrips and stuff. Level of spell doesn't matter. Okay. You know, just swing your walker at him. Remember, it's just an attack of opportunity. I'm hitting him with my walker. I'll try to keep him from walking by hitting him with my walker. All right. Walker, Barney Ranger. Barney swings his walker. That's a 20. AC 20, which is a hit.
Do I have a shield on? Break his kneecaps. I do. So, okay, I can't do... Oh! Ten damage. Oh, that's the maximum damage. Yeah. Excellent. Get him. Get him. And then Stinker's gonna attack. Okay. I thought Stinker was by Dracula, though. But he's right by where Barney is. It's such a tight space. They're all in pretty much the same area. He rolled a 12. I don't think he's gonna have enough. Let me see here. Plus three. That's a 15. No, that does not make it. His bite is plus three, by the way. Okay.
Thank you. So Eddie, he takes a good amount of damage, but that guy, he's a little off his rocker. I don't know if you noticed that. No. He's off my walker. He just laughs and continues moving towards the coffin. Once Eddie reaches the coffin, he uses his claws to shred it to pieces. And it seems to have an effect on Dracula, leaving him frozen on the ground.
Hugo, at this point, walks over to Dracula. And as he's doing so, he's unsheathing a silver rapier. Sheath, huh? I'll remember that. And you hear him saying, Vlad, Vlad, Vlad. Vlad.
You've always been too inflexible. Don't get me wrong, I'm a stickler for etiquette, but there's one thing I've learned over the years. Always stick to your gut, no matter what it wants. It just so happens my gut wants to stick yours with this. And Hugo runs the silver rapier through Dracula's torso. The impaled vampire collapses to the ground, writhing in pain. You... you're a monster.
You have no idea. Dracula exhales and his body turns to ash. No Dracula! Eddie seems to really get a kick out of this. Speaking of reunions, I was hoping to be there when Carol finally kicked the bucket. Did she mention me, Chip? After all, I gave her a friendly gift. And believe me, I paid a pretty penny for that belt. Hugo doesn't work for cheap.
I'm going to end you. I got your name, Eddie. I will end you. Heapin' is cool. Plain's eyebrow was twitching as you said that. Wait, so he...
He paid Hugo to make the belt. Is that what he was implying? Yes. For the belt? Mm-hmm. So Hugo is the one who makes those belts. Your dad. Oh, man. Crisis. Also, I guess Vlad is Dracula's name. Vlad the Impaler, right? Yes. Because he called him Vlad. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's Dracula. That's a good connection. Yes. Just want to clear that up. Thank you. In case we were still like, who's Vlad? Yeah, I figured that. So he's coughing it. Okay.
It's his power. Where's your daddies? Yeah, it's my turn, but we should probably see if there's other coffins in here. Hugo, that was his turn. Yeah, that's how he's going to do it right now. Barney, you're up. And after Barney is Eddie, then Avena. So that was Hugo's turn. Yes. And now Eddie is, he just shredded up the coffin. And then like stabbed Dracula. Hugo stabbed Dracula. Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, Eddie just messed the coffin up.
How far away is Hugo? He's pretty close to you. At this point, probably 15 feet. Okay. Then can I try and take my chains, those chains that I have? The silver ones? I thought you used those to put them on Dracula. I think he started to, but then that's when Dracula stirred and woke up. Okay. So, like, I would think that Barney would have reclaimed them. Okay. And...
Can I try and put them on Hugo? Sure. I would say you'd have to, you know, move up close to within melee range and we can figure out some roles for that. Yeah. Yeah. So you move up and you pull the chains out and try to use them on him. Just make like an unarmed strike.
Okay. 23. You get close and begin pulling the chains out. And once again, Hugo pulls out that little bell and rings it, distracting you. Reroll your attack roll. That's a good roll too. 10. I don't like that bell. Once again, there's something about that bell. It just like pulls your attention and you look away for a second and he steps aside as you try to put the chains where he was standing a second ago. I'm going to eat that bell. What? What?
I'm gonna eat that bell somehow. That's how Barney died. Could... It's just ding-a-ling-a-ling. Weird question. When he has that bell up, can I use my bonus action to use my Mage Hand to try and grab the bell from him? Is that even possible? You can cast Mage Hand as a bonus action? Yeah, because of my telekinetic ability.
I'll let you try it. I will say it'll probably be difficult because Mage Hand can only move like 10 pounds and most people can overpower that. Yeah, I was going more for like the surprise element. Like all of a sudden he's like ringing. Yeah, I'm just telling you, we can figure it out and you can try it, but it's probably going to be a long shot just because Mage Hand is so weak. So you get a 20? Yeah. All right. I'll try it. I'm going to eat that bell.
Eat the bell. Yeah, I'll just try that. I'm going to try and get that bell with my mage hand. Yeah, you cast mage hand. Go ahead and make like a, let's roll a d20. We'll call it an unarmed strike with the mage hand. Okay. Even though it's not really an attack, we're just trying to see like if you're able to grab it.
20! 25! Guys, what do you do now, hotshot? What do you do? The bell rings, distracting the... No, no, no. I'm going to roll something for me. This is just for me. How many bells does he have on his person? All right, yeah. Your mage hand grabs the tiny little silver bell. Eat it. I tried to get you not to do that. I can't believe it actually worked. Can I? You're too generous, Gus.
I rolled a d20 myself. If I had a good roll, I would have objected, but I rolled an eight. I gotcha. How far away is Mateed? Mateed had stayed, I want to say, about 20 feet away, and then they moved, so from where you are, probably about 30 feet.
All right. Well, then that should be just enough for me to take the bell to Mateed. You will provoke attacks of opportunity. With the hand, though? Oh, the hand does it. You said I will, so I was thinking Barney was going to do it. Could it go that far? Yeah, 30 feet.
Oh, yeah, the hand did just do something, though. What am I supposed to do with this, Bev? A yeast. Yeah, well, it appeared, grabbed the thing, and then I'm trying to give it to Mateed. I don't think you can do that. Well, I can't eat it on the same turn. I'm going to have to eat it on another turn. Could you just take in your...
Possession? Yeah, I'm worried about them trying. Okay, I'll just put it in my possession. Or if Chip is closer, you can put it in his bum bag. Or if you give it to Mateed, they can bake it into a nice cake. High in iron. Silver bells. The thing comes back and, I guess, goes into Barney's nether regions. What? You drop it in your pants. Yeah. Okay. It's hidden. Don't have to say nether regions. Yeah, there's other ways to say that. Well, I wanted it somewhere where it couldn't be taken back. Okay. Okay.
What else, Barney? You fart and we just hear diddly diddly. Yeah, I mean, I guess he's going to stay there. I mean, when I had the bell, did I get anything from it or does it just look like a regular bell? It just looks like a regular silver bell.
All right, that's it. Okay, it's Eddie's turn, then Avena, then Mateed. Hmm, Eddie has a few people around him. Oh, I could be really mean, and I'm going to do it. I didn't just take your bell. He didn't say who he'd be mean to. Ooh, okay. Yeah, Eddie goes up to Stinker. Oh, wait, Stinker didn't get his turn. Okay, what's Stinker going to do before he dies?
I have a question real quick. Yeah. The teleport, it says recharge four to six. What does that mean? Like four to six turns? You roll a D6, and if you get between a four and a six, it recharges. Okay. Three? No, it does not recharge. Okay. I rolled a four. Can I teleport? No. He's going to attack Hugo. Okay. And I will roll 12. That misses. It's okay. You're a good dog. For now. All right. Um...
Eddie goes over to Stinker. He makes a claw attack. He has claws? Yeah. Okay. Corrosive claws. Hitting 19. That hits. Doing 16 points of slashing damage. Stinker is still up, but it also does a little bit of poison damage. That's 20 points of poison damage. Stinker's got me. Woof.
Literally. So, Stinker falls unmoving to the ground, which just makes Eddie laugh. So, I'll you make a wisdom saving throw. Everybody? Yeah, I'll four you.
Yeah, 17. 10. 14. 11. Yeah, there's something super creepy. This has happened to you before, actually. There's something super creepy about Eddie's laughter that makes all of you frightened. Nope. You don't get frightened? Nope. Except for Matit, but T's not frightened. Wait, I rolled a 17, that's sold? Mm-mm, not enough. Oh, and I will say, the countess covers your ears, Elga.
Earmuffs. And puts earmuffs on you so it doesn't affect you either. Barney takes out his hearing aid. So Barney and Chip are frightened.
Thank you, Mother. You widow scared? Woke. Frightened of him? Yeah. Your condition is frightened. I just want to make sure who we were frightened of. Yeah, and if you look, there is a specific condition you can toggle that'll affect it. All right, that's it. Avena. So you can't willingly move closer to him. Right. Avena, at that point, since the Countess, you know, is using her hands to cover your ears, Elga, it kind of opens her up to attack, and Avena takes her moment, and she scrambles behind the Countess.
Begins trying to bite her in the back of the neck. Would that provoke an attack of opportunity for me? Yeah, actually it would. Go ahead and make an attack there. So what would that be? Just you make an attack roll. With your axe. Just an attack roll? Mm-hmm. Okay. Does it matter which axe? You would use the same one you used before it was already in your hand, the bat tool axe. Bat tool axe.
17? Yeah, that is it. Cool. And I'm still raging. Yep. So that would do 16 plus two, 18 points of damage. Yeah, you slash at her as she darts past you, kind of like clambering up your mother's back and begins trying to bite at the back of her neck. Your sister sucks. You get that?
I was a fan of her. I'm not a fan anymore. That's gone. When were you a fan of her? He liked when she was being sassy earlier. Oh, yeah. Mati liked that. One of them hits. On a countess? Yeah, on the countess.
doing some damage. Not so decent amount. How many members of your family are you ready to lose today? You know... It's really complicated. She's three up for grabs. Do we count Quiffly in there? Where's Quiffly? Where is Quiffly? Quiffly should be helping. So she sinks her teeth into the back of Countess Von Brath's neck and the Countess falls to the ground. Oh, no.
Avena looks at you, Elga, just rage in her eyes. Elga, we never did finish our game earlier. Perhaps we can settle this the old-fashioned way. She bares her teeth at you and hisses.
Does it look like she has, like, vampire fangs when she does that? It doesn't look like it. She's weird. Maybe you should take out some of those teeth. Mateed, you're up. Then Elga. The Sferatus are on my butt? Yeah, there's some everywhere. Are the Sferatus a humanoid? They're like humanoid bats. Yeah, but are they... Oh, are they classified? Classified. I don't think so, no. Well, you should. Eddie is. Yeah, but I don't think I can do this to Eddie. Well, then...
I banish or attempt to banish let's say your sister? Yeah, let's do that. She's a nuisance. I cast banishment with my really cool fork and she has to do a DC saving throw of 14. Charisma 14. I'm hoping she's low on charisma.
Her charisma is plus six. Okay, I made a bad call, everybody. She needs an eight or better. I'm going to need a mulligan on this one. Actually, roll a five. Wow. It did it. Yeah, she's going to... Australia? If I send her there, could Jack beat her up? Maybe. And Hoover. Yeah. I mean, she is a little brat, and I don't think Jack would really appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think she got her visa. Oh. Okay, so I banish her to Australia, and then... And that lasts for a minute? Yeah.
You, uh, yeah, you banish her. Your weird sister's gone, which is very nice. I'm a lonely child! For a minute. Then, what I'm going to do is I'm going to... That was a... Was that an action? So you cast banishment, so that's an action. It's an action? Yeah. Okay. It doesn't perform the banishment on its own. It gives you the ability to cast banishment. Yeah. So you cast banishment, so that's the action. Yeah, I just didn't know if, like, with a...
Yeah. If it's an attack or if it's just an action. It's an action. It costs an action. So then what I will do with my bonus is to... Stinker? I hate that. I will cast Visage of the Astral Self, which also procs.
Arms of the astral self, and I am glowing and glorious, and everybody within 10 feet must succeed on a DC saving throw at 14 or take some force damage. So is that everyone? Including us? No, I mean like all of them. I don't think it's you people. I think it's my people. Each creature of your choice. So anybody who's a no-no, who's within 10 feet of me, needs to do that check. So it's going to be Hugo, Eddie, and four Sferatu. Oh, that's cool. Who's Sferatus? My Sferatu.
I know that, but like, which you assign two to each of us. Oh yeah, you did. I couldn't help it. It's gonna be the ones close to Mateed and the ones close to you, Chip. Okay. Uh, thank you. And
And what do they need to make on that? Dexay 14. Only two of them make it. And I'm going to roll randomly to see which two. So one on Mateed and one on Chip. Okay. But Hugo fails? Yeah. Cool. Everyone did just the same damage to everybody? Yeah. Okay. Nine points of force damage. Nine points of force damage. Thank you. Why not? And then since the banishment was my action, does my bonus action, I don't think there's any other abilities that this causes.
I will hang there and look very, very cool. It's true. Okay. That's it for Matide. That means it is Elga. You're up. Then after Elga is Chip. Yes.
So now, I guess, Avina's gone. Yes. Thanks. Temporarily. So it's now just me and my mom. Yeah, who she's laying on the ground currently. Could I help her up? Yeah, you look at her and it looks to you like she's unconscious. Okay. I guess that fight was pretty bad. Okay, so...
Do I know if Count Von Brath, aka Hugo's coffin, is in this room? It does not appear to be. I think they were all in the sepulcher. Yeah, you did see it. You took a nap in it. Yeah. Because remember, that's where they said they were all sleeping. And that's why Vlads is in here because he brought Vlads. Right. That's why I said earlier, if you couldn't figure it out, you're going to...
figure out who that battler was during this combat. There we go. Okay. So I am going to instead I'm going to try to cast hold person on Hugo. Why do you have that? I don't know.
I just do. I think I was able to pick this from something. Okay. So he's doing one of the levels ups, I believe. Yeah. Do it. So I choose a humanoid that I could see within range. I will say he is not classified as a humanoid. He isn't? No. He's not a humanoid. What is he? Well, you would know. It's not like a big mystery or anything. He's undead. Oh. So am I not a humanoid? Not classification wise. I guess not. Huh.
Okay, never mind. It's complicated with you, right? Because you're a half-elf vampire. So the half-elf part of you is humanoid, but you're a vampire, which makes you not humanoid. Gotcha.
I would say use that when it's advantageous and use it as, you know. We can toe that line when we get to it. You're like, sorry, that only works on humanoids. I'm not a humanoid. Not today. Not on Thursdays. Okay, sorry. This messes up everything I was going to do. No. Okay. But you are raging. How far is Eddie from me now? From where you are, he moved to the coffin. You were over there. Probably only like 25 feet or so. Okay. I would like to go attack him. Do it.
So I will run up to him. Move up to him. And I will use my bat tollax. That is a 25. And then that does nine points of damage. And then... Oh, yeah. Elga. She's our vamp. She can't do it. Let's go camp. Doing an additional 14 points of damage. Wow.
Yeah. That was Eddie. Eddie. Yeah. Eddie's taking a beating. Not going to lie.
And then as a bonus action, I would also like to cast Hunter's Mark on Eddie. Okay. So I choose a creature I could see within range and I mark it as my quarry. Uh-oh. I should have done this before. But until the spell ends, I deal an extra 1d6 of damage on the target whenever I hit it with a weapon attack. What if Barbara cast that before she did all that? What if I did it before? I know. I should have done that before. I forgot it was available as a bonus. What if our DM was like, ah, it's fine. No big deal. No big deal.
Just say broccoli. Broccoli. All right, well, I thought you did cast it. I'm pretty sure you did. Yeah. So I do just an extra... For each attack. So an extra D6. So I'll just roll two D6s. Yeah. They were both six. So an extra 12 points again. Dang, dude. You got to roll your damage after he says you get it. And then I also want to say I also have advantage on any wisdom perception or wisdom survival check I make to find this person. Okay. Okay.
That's a good turn. Okay, that was a really good turn. Chip, you're up. Then this fraud too. Okay, so I know that with my condition of being frightened, I can't directly attack Eddie, right? Yeah, you have disadvantage. Disadvantage on Eddie. But what about... That doesn't apply to Dracula. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hugo. Hugo, correct. Okay, so...
And I have to ask a couple of questions leading up to this. Argentina. How did you know? I have the cone of cold with my new fangled thing for my friend Elka. You did well, Tip. Yes, of course. Why did I sound like that? It's a 60-foot cone. There's a lot of parody. Can I angle it in a way that I'm able to get... I focus on Hugo, but also catch Eddie?
Yeah, you should be able to do that. Yeah. Okay, then I'll do that. And basically a blast of cold air erupts from your hands. Ka-chow! Each creature in a 60-foot cone must make a constitution saving throw. A creature takes 8d8 cold damage on a failed save or half as much damage on a successful one.
Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. It says Constitution 13. Okay, this is... I'm going to roll Hugo first. He has a plus three. That is a 21. 21.
And then I'll roll Eddie, which has a plus two. Not very good. That is a seven. So Hugo succeeds. Eddie fails. Cool. Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. Eddie. Oh, I see some eights. I see some sevens. I see a one though. 34. 34. So 34 on Eddie, 17 on Hugo, correct? That's quick math. That's fast math. You're good. You go. Wow.
you're so you're so handsome when you do math stop it wow look at that oh my gosh beautiful that's exactly how high school didn't go again did you use a new product in your hair today because it's looking quite full he's actually he's demanding us to stop guys are so nice to us now he's gonna be mean those new glasses they really accentuate your brows i just kicked barney's dog
So I use that thing for us. That's my one time Chili yeah, how do they look they look on ice? Okay, not good. I couldn't think of a good point And then I'm going to hide roll me that self-check. Okay advantage advantage advantage advantage Chibi H always be hiding. That's an 11. I can do better. That's a
17. 17. All right. It's better. Not bad. I could roll my inspiration die, but... No, I'd say hold that there. Okay, 17. Okay. That's it for you, Chip. I eyed. Yeah, you said 17. Yeah, just declaring it. I hate trying to end your turn with you because you always think I'm trying to, like, pull something, pull a fast one on you. Why, are you trying to? I move. I move. Oh, yeah. You can make another save to see. Now, at the end of your turn, you can make another save to see if your frightened condition goes away. And that was a wisdom save? Make a wisdom save. Okay.
What's the check? We'll see if he gets it.
18. So close. Really? It's a 19. Wow. Then I have to roll a nat 20 because I have a minus one. Oh, gosh. Believe it or not, Chip's got a minus one to wisdom. Can you believe it, Mateen? Yeah, it's why you keep doing bad perception checks. Why? You think that? Yes. Why didn't you tell me this earlier? We're going to go back up to the top of the order here with Hugo. He's now bell-less. He has no bell. And he's cold. And he's cold. And he's a little cranky now.
Took his bell. You made him cold. Messing with his plans. Being a little speed bump. And you see Hugo begin like whispering and muttering under his breath. And all of you can hear it in your head. Ego deficit score. While we're at it, everyone make me a charisma saving throw. Just ancillary to this. Also, I have advantage against being charmed, by the way. Okay. In case that's.
Let me look. I don't think this is a charm. No, it's not a charm. 19. 14. 19 for Mateed, 9 for Elga, 14 for Barney, 11 for Chip. Yes. Okay, we'll deal with that in a second. Actually, let me deal with that first. I don't know. You do you. Tell me. I mean, I rolled a 9, so whatever's going to happen is going to happen to me at least, too. Yeah, and 14. We don't know. Oh.
You're already frightened. Who cares? I'm about to die. That's why I care. Oh, that's right. Are you going to use an inspiration dog? Yes, I am. Okay. That's all he needed. It's okay. Was for Gus to push him on it. And by push, I mean acknowledge it. Charisma? Yeah. Because I really think you should. What'd you roll? You rolled a 10. Oh. All right. Mateed, you're the only one who succeeded on it. That's okay. I figured. I'll carry. Everyone else takes some psychic damage. Yikes. Is it more than 10? No.
17. Are you dead? I am. Oh no.
Now you are incapacitated. I have. I have. So would I take half if I'm raging, but it's not piercing? No, it goes through that. Yeah. That's mainly for like physical attacks. 17 points you said? Yeah. So then like my stuff where I can like take half damage by, what was it? Uncanny dodge or whatever. I don't think that's. Yeah, this is charisma. Okay. And then like my clothes, you know, those don't do anything. All right.
All right. So, yeah, like I said, Hugo's muttering and you can hear it in your brains. Chip, I guess you're dreaming of this. Yep. My, my, this certainly is a round of reunions we have here. It's so lovely to be surrounded by old friends, isn't it, Barney? Do you remember how rude you were to me when we first met? Here I was simply asking you for directions and you said, marry a word.
But that's alright. Your family was much more amiable. Oh, and talk about attentive! For years they've been waiting on my every beck and call! And Medid, it's so good to see you again. Or see through you again. Oh, I'm just teasing, my feathered friend. Besides, we both know what trouble that nosy beak of yours got you in last time we met. Talk about a grave mistake, hm?
Looks at Chip.
Hmm... I don't think we've officially met, but I'm a huge fan of your wife's work. Oh, sorry. Late wife, isn't it?
My mistake. Once again, you feel your feet jostle as the entire tower begins to quake and rumble. What's going on? Bro, there's way too much lore that just dropped on us right there. Then with a crack, the floor splits in half like a seam on a tattered tunic. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. What about Chips Corpse? Does he make a dexterity saving throw? No, no, no. I have advantage on dex saving throws. Yep, you get it. Okay.
Great, so when you pass yours, can you grab my body before it falls into the crevice? I sure will. Is any allies near me within five feet? Sure. I rolled an 18 on that. Okay, 26.
I don't roll, right? No, you don't. You're already on the ground, so it's fine. Your body just goes... Elga, you look down and see your silver locket is shattered into pieces as it falls to the ground. It must have fallen from your pack. You see the picture inside has fallen out on the ground, but it's a different picture. You look closer and see you in a family portrait, but it's not your family. You're standing next to a strapping elven woman, two boys wrestling with each other, and you're looking up, smiling at a balding man wearing glasses. Ha ha ha!
While you're looking down, Elga, Eddie charges straight at you, ramming into you, and make me a dexterity saving throw. Me? Yeah. With advantage? Yes.
There you go. 22. You roll pretty well. You're expecting it, but it still kind of throws you off your feet a little bit with the ground shaking and everything. And you begin falling off of the ledge into the fissured floor. But at the last second, you're able to deftly grab the crumbling ledge. And as you dangle on the verge of falling, a pale hand reaches out over the edge. Here, take hold of my hand. I shall pull you to safety. You look past the hand and see a sneering Hugo wearing a black top hat and a red ascot. Whew.
What?
Tiny Hut. Does the Tiny Hut come out in time? You're going to have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Is Barney Elga's dad? Sorry. I think he might be. Oh, no. I am your father. All right. We'll find out more in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. What the heck? Bye. What?
There are many ways little stinkers can support this show. Commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us on Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth. Stinkers like Eurotark. Eurotark. Eurotark. You know who you are. Ryan El Pecador. Whiskey Tango. Kira's Coffee Cup. And The Real Decoy. Quick shout out to a couple of our friends who voiced NPCs in this episode. Eddie, voiced by Andrew Rosas, at Mr. Andrew Rosas. Count Dracula, voiced by Andre Ulet, at Andre Crott.
Count Hugo Von Brath, voiced by Trevor Collins, at underscore Trevor C. And Avena Von Brath, voiced by Kristen Nelson, at Kristen Olin. The Stinky Dragon Challenge managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sagnier. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon
Hot-blooded chicken see. Walking on. What? What song is that? Broken glass. No, I can't. It's so in my head now.