Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or maybe therapy day.
When your schedule is packed with different things like kids activities, work projects, maybe listening to a podcast, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I think everyone agrees that therapy is beneficial for a whole host of things, whether that's learning coping skills or setting boundaries. I think it can help empower you
and help you figure out how to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you want, you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stinky dragon today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stinky dragon.
This is a Rooster Teeth production. Compliments to all you corpse flowers. Climb on into the stinky dragon and buy our latest bev. Reek what you sow. It's a mixture of digestion, rose the dead flower petals, freshly squeezed carcass juice topped with a sprig of reanimant. One sip of this stiff sauce is enough to stink you to new depths.
Previously, our adventurers found themselves reeling from a revival of rivalry against Frank Tussler. After battling with the boulder ray and mayor, they were reunited with old friends, foes, and fauna.
After debriefing with Sordo, Paralyte, and Brink, Gum-Gum whisked away with a Woonicorn from his past. Boomba! And he was bequeathed the Wand of the Wise Ard. Mud finally reaped a bounty of Briar Orbs and the party now finds themselves face to face with the Tetra-Gogs. Nab a nightcap and nestle in for a noxious narrative.
I thought that was a vision of the Tetragaugs. I didn't realize that that was the Tetragaugs themselves. It's them. They're there. Wait, so Quadrant survived? Yes. Yeah, remember? You kept it ambiguous. Hey, Blaine, somehow he's back. Somehow Quadrant survived. Quadrant. You have to kill him four times before it sticks. If it works for Disney, it can work for us.
As you all exit the stables, Gum-Gum, you notice that with each step... There's a squishy sound. Gum-Gum, you notice that with each step, flowers sprout from the ground beneath you. You look up and you see more floating islands like before, and in the distance, you spot that farmhouse that they were talking about. There's flowers following me.
Crack! A crimson thundercloud surges out from the building. Two bloodshot eyes emerge from the haze and vapor moles into a smoky humanoid physique. He's wearing a long scarlet coat and a crooked smile comes across his face. Let me guess. You're here to stop me? Is that it? Ha ha ha ha ha!
Entropa looks at Gum-Gum's wand.
You mortals are all the same. You believe magic makes you powerful, right? Casting spells, conjuring creatures, enchanting this and that. But it's all an illusion.
Without magic, you are nothing. Red mist appears across the floating islands and three figures emerge. A four-armed automaton, a monstrous monopolous, and an elf draped in shadow. Magic blinds us from the truth and keeps reality at arm's length.
People lose their minds if I'm getting a taste of the magic. But that hunger quickly consumes all. And without your precious magic, you all panic.
Too afraid to face even your own shadows. And then Bart says, and prepare for trouble, make it double. Entropa continues. But that is why we're here, to free you from this burden. Entropa holds up six diagems in his hand, and from the house you hear clang, clang, clang. A crooked smile comes across his face. Heavy hangs the head that wears true power.
And with that, Entropa dissolves into a red mist and flies back into the farmhouse. Everyone roll initiative. Oh my. We're fighting Entropa in the farmhouse? Fighting the evil guys too? Who are we fighting?
What are we fighting for? You're fighting against destiny. Who's this destiny? We have not acquainted ourselves. Are all of these diagems placed perfectly onto a gauntlet of some sort? No. They're on a boot. If I tap my heels...
On these rubies... There's no place like... Dang it. Nova, for real, who are we fighting? There's no place like evil. Yeah, each of the tetragogs have appeared in front of you, and that is who was speaking to you. So that's... Quadrant, Sludge, and Inku. Quadrant, Sludge, and Inku. Because Quadrant made the crappy arm's length pun thing. Hey. Hey.
And then the other one, Slop, or whatever his name is, made the one about the eating. Fudge. Yeah, well, you know. I think he was talking about shadows. Yeah. All right, initiative roll. Seven. 24. 29. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I always, like, have a sigh of relief when someone rolls a higher initiative than me, because I'm like, oh, God, they can go first. I'll wait to see what happens. 14. I always let out a grunt of excitement whenever I get the highest initiative roll. Ugh.
Micah's pointing out that you rolled a 29 last time as well. Oh, yeah, that's right. Wait. Oh, yeah, we did roll initiative, and I rolled a 29 then, too. Okay, so off in the distance, you see the farmhouse that the red mist kind of retreated into, and you're standing on... Remember before, you were kind of...
standing on various floating islands up in the air. You're on one island and then in front of you there are a couple of other islands. One, two, three, four, let's say about four or five other islands in front of you all connected by bridges. And directly coming out from you from your island to the north is one of those bridges. And then to the right you see a quadrant floating on one island and to the left you see sludge floating on a different island.
What about Inku? Then beyond that, to the north, that's where Inku is on yet another island. And then to the north of that is where the farmhouse is that Entropa went into. Dissipated into. Correct. Just an idea of like in terms of feet, how far apart are we from each island? From where you are, there is that path that goes to the north and then it branches left and right. So to get to the junction is maybe 15 feet. And then to the right from there is 15 feet to Quadrant. And then to the left from there is 15 feet to...
to Sludge. And that's like how long the bridge is? Correct. Okay. But that's like going out on the bridge. The distance between your island and those islands is a little more direct. So the distance between your island and the one to Quadrant is maybe 10 to 15 feet straight and then roughly about the same to get to the one with Sludge.
So direct instead of going and then making like a 90 degree turn. Gotcha. Kyborg, you did roll the best on initiative and Bart is behind you. Okay. I'm glad that we have all this information about spacing and I'm just going to...
I got a real strategic plan and I'm just gonna go for Quadrant and I'm gonna kill him on this first round of action. I look at Quadrant and say, "Quadrant, I didn't know you survived after our last encounter! Let me give you a hand!" And then I shoot him with the hand cannon. Why are you rolling dice? Why are you rolling dice?
That's Quadrant's initiative. Is it two? Maybe. Okay. I say, let me give you a hand. And then I use my hand cannon. Remind me to start rolling those in secret. Okay. Okay. Use your hand cannon after the wonderful pun. Yeah. It's a 46 bludgeoning damage, 46 fire damage. Let me... What's the range on it? Micah? Micah?
Well, it doesn't say. We'll say it's 30 feet. If you don't want to get off of your island, you could walk up to the edge of the island you're on and have Quadrant be within 30 feet on the other island. Or you could move up to the other island to get closer. It is up to you.
I'm gonna move a safe dis- wait wait wait, how far would I need to move to get closer to Quadrant to make him in range? I would say you'd have to get to the edge of the island that you all are currently on. And that's like distance-wise for me, how long? I can't do half movement, right? I couldn't do like 15 there, then all my actions, then 15 back? That's not a thing, right? Sure, why not? Okay, alright. It's about 15. Okay, well then I'll walk the 15 feet, I'll power walk it. I'm really putting my glutes into this walk.
It's a very powerful walk. Your base walking speed is 35, by the way. Stupid sexy cyborg. Nothing at all. After giving me a whole speech about giving him a hand, I shoot the hand cannon. So roll a d20 and add your dex modifier to it.
But your dex modifier is plus five. Okay. That's a two. I'm going to... Lucky! Lucky feet! You must destroy. All right. Rolling it again. Ooh!
Show me the bullets. 19. Is that what you're going with? Well, I mean, yeah, but if I fail it, then I can relucky it again, right? Okay, yeah, that's a hit. What are you doing? Too early for this, guys. Too early. Okay, so that's... 46 bludgeoning.
23 and 19. What did you do? I rolled a 23 with the original 46 and then I rolled one D6. But you rolled six D6. Oh, was it supposed to be? Okay, we're gonna rewind a little bit. All right. Let me take a sip of coffee. There he is. I was so confused. I thought you were gonna roll two more for a total of eight. Then you rolled one and then five.
So just roll me 4d6 for bludgeoning. 4d6. 16 and 14. Not my best. So 16 bludgeoning and 14 fire. Yes. All right. Say your pun line again.
Let me give you a hand. Kyborg screams that, lowers his hand cannon and fires it at Quadrin. The ball flies through striking Quadrin in the chest. It looks like it hurts him, but he tries to kind of like take it in stride and hide it. And he looks at you and says, You know, Kyborg, if you became a criminal, you'd finally learn what it means to be wanted. Bart goes...
Guys, who sent you off? That's not a good one. Tell them how bad that joke was, guys. Come on. He murdered my family. Why are you shooting him on? A good joke is a good joke, buddy. I can't help but tickle my funny bone. Say, Kyborg, is
Stop laughing at him, guys! Arch is like, he looks like shocked Pikachu right now.
Why are you the crowd at like a open mic freestyle rap battle that's happening right now? Do you have anything else you want to do right now, Kyborg? That was a DC 16. He needs to make a saving throw or get knocked prone. Oh, that's part of the hand cannon? Yes. Oh, okay. DC 16, what kind of save? Strength saving throw or be knocked prone. You got it. Thank you for reminding me. Archer shouts, you sound like the name of a lesson in a math class. Woo! Woo!
Nice. There you go. Yeah, he rolled a 15. Then with his modifier, he makes that strength saving throw. Yeah, but he's so burned by my insult that he takes a negative. Okay, so I'm going to continue on. And then I'm going to pull out the longer bow of crystallina for my next two attacks. And I'm going to say, Forever Winter! And I'm going to attack him. Ka-chow. 24. That hits.
Okay, but I get advantage, so I'm going to take that again. Sorry. 25! Also a hit. Alright. Here's the attack roll for that. That's 9, plus I get 46 cold damage. Do you have a sworn enemy? Oh, yeah. It's Quadrant. Oh, okay. You just want to make sure you didn't say it. Oh, yeah. I said Forever Winter. Yeah, but you didn't say who at. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I mean, it'd be weird if I went for Sludge, wouldn't it? You know? I'm just like, I hate
I hate you, but you! Alright, that's 21 cold damage. Got it. Alright, and then we're gonna do another one! Hi-yah! That's 21, and that's 20. That hits. Okay.
Rolling. Piercing damage. Poop. Uh, hold on. That was an eight, but I think I have a feat. So sorry, I'm taking up time. I'm starting to sweat from the amount of time I'm taking up. Starting to sweat from the coffee, I think. Yeah, yeah, but everybody's enemies are here, you know? It's not just about me, you know? This is character change. What I'm doing right now...
I have a thing and it's called I think piercer you get a bonus strength or dexterity once per turn you can reroll the piercing damage from an attack on a critical hit you can reroll or you can roll one additional damage die so I'm gonna reroll that damage okay okay 10 10 and what kind of damage is that that's piercing 10 piercing damage plus 46 boo 9
All right. So after all that, what did you do, K-Boom? I shot him with a bullet in my arm cannon, and then I shot him with two arrows that were cold. You know what? I kind of like this of reducing everything you just did down to just like two sentences because it really diminishes your impact. You took up the last half hour of us recording, but everything could be just reduced just by a shot of a bullet and arrows. Yeah.
Yeah. Cold arrows. They were cold. Interesting. Action! Search!
Alright, taking another shot. You think I'm goofing? I'm not goofing. Bootscootin'. That's a 27. Oh, that hits. Alright, plus 11 piercing and 46 cold damage. 15! Taking another shot. 29. That hits. 12 piercing. I'm just rolling through these real quick. I'm just like, "Waha! Hoo-hoo!" Every time I shoot off an arrow. "Mmm-hmm! Ah!" 13 cold damage. Got it.
All right. All right. Here's my last arrow with many more to come. That's a critical 34. Wow. That hits. All right.
All right, think of this again. It's a 16, but you said you add... Yeah, we'll say 5 plus 8, 13 plus 7, that's 20 piercing damage because of your critical hit. All right, piercer, it says on a critical hit, you can roll one additional damage die. Is that with that taken into account? No, so now roll a D8 as well. Oh! Do you want to do it with a modifier from the thing or just a regular old D8? No, it's just a regular D8. Three. It adds up. 46 cold damage.
14! Wow, look at you. So how much was that total? Man, that's a good question. It was over 100. It was like 150 or so. One for each Pokemon he killed. That was quite a bit. Okay, and then I power walk back to my team and I say, high five!
All around. Let's go. Orange slices, huh? Do high fives count as a bonus action? I'll let him have a couple of those. Okay. All right. Anything else, Kyborg? No, no, no, no. Thank you. Let Bart do something. Bart, it's your turn after Bart is going to be gum gum. Okay, cool. I would like to cast Crown of Stars.
And so for that, I get a bunch of star-like motes around my head and I get to, as a bonus action, send one of the motes streaking towards a creature or object within 120 feet of me. And then for that, I make a ranged spell attack. You make a ranged spell attack just to see if you hit them. Then after that, there's no save. Yeah. Okay, cool.
So I'm gonna cast Crown of Stars. So I have, I think, seven motes around my head. So I'm gonna use one of them to send to Inku. Ooh, okay. You have seven star-like motes around your head and you fire one off at Inku, who I'm pretty sure is in range. Let's double check. Oh, 120 feet. Yeah, easily. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that's a 21 that I did for attack.
Okay. Speaking of Pokemon, Bart learned Swift. Oh, is that a Pokemon thing? Yeah, it's just when they animated it eventually, it was just stars flying at the other Pokemon. Oh. Always goes first.
That's a niche reference to our streams. Well, it does always go first. Yeah, it does. Oh, wait. I thought it never misses. Quick attack. Ah, shoot. No, you made the joke correct, Blaine. Chris doesn't know Pokemon. Oh, what am I thinking of? You're thinking of quick attack. Hmm.
Got him. Take that gum gum. All right. So your crown of stars flies out hitting AC 21, which is a hit and it impacts Inku doing 4d12 of damage. All 12s, all 12s. Oh God, 23. There was a one in there.
I got a 1, 5, 6, and 11. All right, we'll take it. So 23 total. Yeah, the crown of stars, that little, you know, bright moat flashes streaking towards Inku and hits her.
As you see it hit her, it's like reality itself warps. You see like shadow form around the moat and you see Inku almost like fade out of existence and then reappear into existence. And she just smiles at you, Bart. So did it not hit her? She says, Quarterling? More like quarter pounder. How much time did you spend before this recording coming up with quips? Ask Micah. What?
Hit her. It doesn't look like it. Oh, no. What the hell? It looks like it was absorbed into shadow, and then she just, like, reappeared almost in the exact same spot. What's the type of damage? It was a radiant damage. Oh, it might not be good against the shadow. Hmm. Hmm. All right. Well, since casting it was one action, sending the star was a bonus action, I think that's all I got. You can move. You can move. I don't think I need to. Do you want a hug? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Catwork has his arms up. That quarter pounder joke really hit hard, buddy. I know, I know. Leave the fighting to the grownups, honey. This is no place for children. It's a short joke. It's a short joke. Hey, hey, you cut that out on that island over there. Don't make me come over to your island. Art gives the look of, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.
Even Sludge and Quadrant are like, no, man, come on. They're not good people. Gum, Gum, you're up. After Gum, Gum is going to be Paralite and then Mud. So before he goes, sorry to interrupt. The stuff that Kyber was doing on Quadrant was working. Yes. It seems like it, yes. But he's closer to us. He's like 15 feet away. From island to island? Yeah, Quadrant is a little bit closer, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, because you said Inku is like back on the next. A little further. Yeah. Inku is maybe another 20 feet further than Quadrant is. But of course, they're off to different sides. Could I move towards the intersection of those islands where they branch off? Kind of where I'm in the center of it. Yeah. So like the bridge goes up to the north and then it splits off in two opposite directions. So you want to go up to that intersection? Yeah. Before I do that real fast. Barbara, roll perception. Okay. For.
For Bart. That's a 20. You think that Inku had some kind of magic prepared that shielded her in that moment. Inku, more like Inkyu. Like E-W-W-W. Make sure to spell it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Stinky. Stinky.
Okay, sorry about that, Chris. I just wanted to add a little bit of clarity to that. So Gum-Gum wants to go up to the intersection of the bridges, like between the two islands, or between the three islands, I guess. Yeah, and then I guess pull out the wand of the Wysard. Make me also a perception check, Gum-Gum. Ooh.
18. You know, Gum-Gum bravely steps forward to go and take care of all of the enemies facing his friends. But right before, as he's about to step on the bridge, you notice something. Maybe it's like your barbarian training. You notice that the bridge is actually very rickety and it seems like it's a trap.
Do you feel like if you were to step on that bridge that it would fall apart and you would fall? How far is the bridge? Like how long is the bridge? Going out to the intersection, maybe 10 feet. It's not too far. Okay. Well, I'll still pull up the wand of the Wysard. It makes that noise. And I'll turn to Quadrant and say, now who's wizard? And then shoot. Yeah! That was what I wanted. Yeah.
Now who's the wizard? Yep. Yeah. He got you with that one. And then the way this works is I roll a D100, and depending upon how that goes... So you're going to pull out the Wand of the Wise Art, which sings and makes a noise that sounds like... Oh, it sings? No, your party members made a sound before. You pull it out, and it sounds like... Come the horde!
Wait, wait, no we can do that better. Let's do the harmony we all worked on. Ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three. Beautiful music. And then I turn invisible. Have fun auto-tuning that, Micah! Gum-Gum points the wand at Quadrant, and he... Whoa, whoa! He vanishes out of sight. Gum-Gum is now invisible. On purpose? I mean, no. No?
And then I guess I'm going to raid. That doesn't take me out of invisibility. I don't think Chris was prepared to be invisible. No, invisibility just basically gives you advantage on stealth checks and enemies disadvantage on seeing you. The best part of this, though, is that Gum Gum probably doesn't see that he's turned invisible. So Gum Gum sees nothing happen. Right. It didn't work.
Stupid wog. I can't see you. If you're still here, say our secret code word. Code word. That's it. He remembered. That's a five, which is forceful rebuke. Whenever a creature hits you with an attack roll before it rage ends, that creature takes 26 force damage as magic lashes out in retribution. So I go invisible and...
then presumably nothing else happens. Not that we could see. We're just trying to clarify that, believe it or not, this is a weird scenario where a barbarian goes invisible and then rages. You just hear loud foot stomps. Grunting. So I think that the way it's worded is you would remain invisible, but once you attack...
invisibility goes away. Yeah, I can't attack anyway because it used my action on my to turn invisible. So I guess I'm good where I am. So it specifically says in the barbarian section, you can't cast or concentrate on spells while raging and invisibility is a concentration spell. So if you rage, your invisibility goes away.
Okay. Just, I guess you get so angry you can't maintain it. But Chris, what if it would be cool if you just like were normal Gum-Gum disappeared and then you reappeared and you were like Super Saiyan Gum-Gum. You're like, it's a cool reveal. Yeah. I mean, I feel like that's what Gum-Gum would do though. I think he would rage. So I guess I turned non-invisible again. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, so is there anything else Gum-Gum can do? I don't think so. That was my action and my bonus action. Ha! But you still stay on the starting island, correct? Yeah, I'm just going to stand there. Okay. So Gum-Gum ran up, pointed his wand at Quadrant, turned invisible, then reappeared. Yes. Okay. All right, that's it for Gum-Gum. It's Paralite's turn. After Paralite is Mud and then Quadrant. All right.
Paralite's with us and she's on our side. Wait, wait, I kind of take a step back from Paralite, like watching how this is going to go. She looks at you, Kyborg, and pats you on the back and says, don't worry, I'll help you out. And she raises her hood on her cloak and she looks like you, Kyborg.
She turns into another version of you and she takes a running leap and jumps from the island you all are on onto the island where Quadrant is. Whoa, what a woman. I mean, Kyborg? Mud, it's your turn.
Oh, is that all she does? That's all you can tell so far. She's beautiful. I got so many options of things I want to do. I don't know exactly how to pick. Well, it'll be tough to one-up what I did. I can't. I can't turn invisible and come back. I can't do that. Tell you what, Barbara, pick a number between one and three. One. Okay. Okay.
That's good. I mean, three. No, no, no, that's good. I mean, we don't know what any of the numbers were, John. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. No, no, no. I'm going to do something I wanted to do with this spell for a long time since I've gotten it. And now that I am the level of druid I am, it's going to get even more stupid. So, Gus. I'm Gus. How would we calculate the damage that a...
cow would do falling from 60 feet on top of somebody. Magic. What? Ugh.
So the cow itself would take 6d6 falling damage as it falls, but it's falling onto someone. It would be bludgeoning damage. I would say you would do 1d10 bludgeoning damage per 10 feet it falls. So if it falls 60 feet, we would do 6d10 bludgeoning damage. I'm just ballparking this here. Cool. So what if I dropped 24 of them?
He has nuclear bomb on Inku. Let's do Inku. Okay, so the problem becomes how do you get 24 cows to fall on one person? Like you can cover an area with 24 cows. Like can you conjure them one at a time so that they fall in a line like a column of cows straight down? I like that idea. Guys, check our TikTok. We're going to make this happen in real life to test it.
Imagine the cows are all conjured in the same spot, 60 feet above the character, but they're all conjured just a half second after each other. John, if I make... Can we make them have a little bit of agency so that they're not just like meat falling on this person like they're all little wrestlers? We can call them moochadors. Yeah, a bunch of moochadors. Yeah.
Yeah, we can do this. I'm going to say whoever you drop it on would also get a dexterity save to see if they would be able to take half damage for each. Okay, yeah, let's do that. So to clarify what I'm doing, I'm casting Conjure Animals. Oh.
which allows me to conjure eight beasts of a one quarter challenge rating at level seven. I can conjure that three times as many. So eight times three is 24. Cows are quarter challenge rating and they're falling on Inku. Where'd you get a chalkboard?
How high up are they? They can go 60 feet above her. Actually, specifically, how far is Inku from me? About 80 feet, more or less. Oh, she's far. Yeah. Okay, how far is a quadrant? About 60 feet. Okay. Could I jump across the bridge? Yeah, and you can also jump directly island to island if you want. That is more direct to each island if you wanted to.
Okay, with that in mind, since you've got the map, how far can I get close to Quadrant? To Quadrant? From where you are? What's your move? Is your move 30? I really want you to take a map. 30, yeah. Until that blade can't. I'm down. We got a lot of guys to get through. This is like the final stage of Super Smash Bros.,
We're all just floating on these little floating islands. How big are these islands? They're all varying sizes. It's hard to say. There's no consistency. It's like chunks, you know? If you walk up to the edge like Kyborg did on his turn, if you walk up to the edge of the island you're on, you would get quadrant within 30 feet or so. Okay. Then what's the math? If I can cast 60 feet away from me, if I cast 60 feet away from me at an angle above
above. So C squared equals A squared plus B squared. So it's 60 squared. 60 squared minus 30 squared. Carry the two. Yeah. Equals. Calculator. And then square root of that. And then the square root of that would be what? 3600. I think you gotta throw pi in there. I think you need some pi. No, pi is not involved. 2500. What's the square root of
But if you take the diameter across, though, when you're counting for the trajectory. 50. Okay, so I can cast them 50 feet above, so that's 5d10 per cow. Yes. With a deck save on each. Per cow. Yes. And we're doing a little bit of improvising here. Ben sent me some, like, back of the napkin DM math for dealing with...
siege weapons and catapults. So we're kind of improvising between that and cows to come up with these figures. Obviously, there's nothing in any book telling you how to calculate this. So we're just kind of rolling with it. Gus, please, Moochadors. All right. We have to do this 24 times. Yeah, just speed run it. All right. Oh, yeah, it's going to take a little while. Okay. And you're doing this on Quadrant. What does Quadrant's deck say? Hey, Quadrant, got milk? Ha ha ha ha!
- What save does he need to make on this? - Save DC 18. - Okay, spell save DC 18, quadrants, dex is plus seven. So he needs 11 or better to save. - For half damage. - For half damage, okay. - Oh my God, he's dying. There's no way. - I'm gonna keep rolling five D tens. - Okay, yeah, you roll yours first and we'll figure it out. - Cabboard just found a folding chair and he's just kind of propping up on it and enjoying the show.
Arch's just stewing over the fact that he didn't hit Enku with his star. We'll get her. We'll get her, Mark. She said some really mean things. Thank you. How many have I done so far? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. All right. We're a quarter of the way there. Quarterling. A third of the way there. A third of the way there. These rolls are all looking great. That one could have been better. Oh, that's a good one.
Oh, great one. I'm not even looking at the numbers, so your commentary is all I'm going off of. Ooh, not the best on that one. I'm trying to just click as fast as I can. You made it up on that one, though. That's a good one. That's a good one.
Okay, yeah, yeah, we like that one. Okay, yeah, yeah, another good one. What are we at now? Ooh, that's not a good one. Okay, stop for a second. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. Six more. Six more. All right, thank you. 1. Good. 2. Good. 3. Pretty good. 4. Very good. 5. Yeah. 6.
All right. Okay. There's all my roles. Oh, that's a lot of roles. 29, 31, 27, 21, 24, 19, 31, 26, 28, 26, 15, 28, 32, 14, 24, 32, 26, 25, 12, 31, 32, 25, 37, 30, 22.
That's just for all of you at home. If you're keeping score, I give you the numbers. All right, so I got to make my saves here. The first one I rolled right when you started, I rolled a 13, so that's successful. That's a 20. I'm going to keep math for you. So you do your things, and I'm going to math this for you. Thank you. I'm just imagining all four of the infinites plus Paralyte plus the three big bads were all gathered around, and we're, like, negotiating at the table. All right, keep rolling, Gus. Tell me fail or save. First two are save. Third is fail. Okay. Okay.
Fail. Okay. Sorry, I'm doing this one at a time to keep it easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save. Yeah. Save. Yeah. Ah, boo. Fail. Yay! That's a good one to fail on. That's a good one. That's good.
Save. Boo. Is it a boo or a moo? Fail. That's a good one to fail on. That was a good one to fail on. Save. Okay. Barely. Fail. Barely. That's a good one for you to fail on if you have to have a fail. Save. Okay. Barbara's doing her taxes right now. Fail. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Save. Okay. I just want to hear Gus's interpretation of this. Okay. Yeah. Is this going to be sped up? It'll be like...
Fail. Oh, that's a bad one to fail, Gus. Fail. Oh, three fails in a row. Yeah. Save. Fail. Yeah, that's not so good. Five more. That's a save. Okay. I'm showing three more after this one. Okay. Save. Save. Give us a fail. Fail. Fail.
Sorry, Quadrant. Hold on. I got numbers. I'm just going to put them into Google and count it all up. I do love looking at our game log right now. It's a lot. Ghost Master DM. It looks like you guys had your respective animals jump on your keyboards and just start clicking around. It really does. Is this what happened because I picked a one? It would be oddly thematic if that's what happened. It would be.
485 points of damage. Oh, my God. Even accounting for the saves and everything? Yeah. How much? 485. That's a new world record. What?
I'm sure someone will find our math was wrong at some place, but it was wrong at worst by only like, you know, I don't know, 15 points somewhere along the lines. So yeah, 485 points. Is Quadrant alive? I think Sludge is also dead somehow. I feel bad for... What's her name? Who jumped over there to try and help and then got it out. Paralite? Yeah, Paralite got like, I don't know, shrapnel cow. At least one cow had to do it. You know they were exploding. It's funny because...
My watch just gave me an alert I rarely see where it said snow starting soon. Do you think Quadrant's Apple Watch went off and it said 90% chance of cows? He's like, well, that doesn't make any sense. I will say that Kyborg did convert to Hinduism after this. He now worships cows. So how do you feel about murdering 24 cows, Mud? They're fays. They were conjured for this existence and then they evaporate just like any other conjure animal I have done.
They- they just- This is my life! Yeah, this is my life! They're- they're essentially- you know what they are? They're the whale from, uh, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Oh, right, yeah.
- I got it. - Okay. I still think they're Moochadors. - Yeah. Quadrant, you know, is looking at you and looks up and you know, it doesn't make any sense to him. - The shadow looms. - Yeah, but the sky gets dark and a flurry of cows fall all around him. He does his best to dodge them and does pretty decently, but just, I guess, you know, there's just so many cows, it becomes difficult terrain and very difficult to move. - To move? - He just pummeled relentlessly with cows,
24 to be exact. Who ordered the hamburgers? Media rare. Much to your surprise, a frail hand reaches out from under all the cows and starts pulling itself out. Quadrant looks very beat up and very bloodied. Uh,
and he's struggling to claw and pull himself out. And you see Paralite, who's disguised as Kyborg over there as well, and she yells at you, Mud. Quick, Mud, use the briar orb to capture Quadrant. Wait, real quick, Gum-Gum looks at his wand and looks up at Quadrant and goes, Oh my goodness. Okay, yeah, I'm going to use my briar orb because it's a bonus action. I'm going to throw the orb at Quadrant
I throw in a kyborg accidentally. And if the creature is weak, it may easily become trapped inside the orb. I imagine 24 cows dropping on you makes you weak. Yes. Quadrant is very weak. Plus six arrows.
It's a Pokeball. Yeah, so you throw it. Your aim is true. It's not the case, but it almost seems as if it's guided supernaturally, almost like a magnet. It's attracted to Quadrant. It impacts him, and Quadrant lets out an otherworldly scream as he is almost like pulled into the orb. You see his very existence get stretched out into a super long form, and then it just zaps right into the briar. Kyborg's cackling. Any of the cows go with him? No, no, strangely not.
Hey guys, I got him a champ. Paralyte says, well played mud. And she jumps from the island that she's currently on and moves over to get into Inku's threatened space.
Felicitations, my foul-smelling friends. It's me, the backup bartender. Get all the newest, noxious news at StinkyDragonPod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, and you can connect with other lovely listeners on the StinkyDragon subreddit and Discord. Plus, if you post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, we might name an NPC in the show after you. Who knows? Maybe the next time you roll into a fast food drive-thru, the person at the window will be like, whoa, all right,
you like Gregory the gregarious gobinoid with the pet gargoyle? And you'll be like, why yes, it is I. And they'll be like, Gadzooks, here's three extra large helpings and fries on the house. Can I get your autograph? Never underestimate the power of using hashtag stinky dragon pod.
Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer. When I'm online shopping, which is a lot, and I find a coupon code at checkout, I feel like a little kid opening gifts on a birthday. And thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past. In case you don't already know, Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best one it finds to your cart.
And it's so easy to use. Just imagine you're shopping on one of your favorite sites. Then you check out the honey button appears and all you have to do is click apply coupons. Wait a few seconds as honey searches for all the coupons you can find for that site. If honey finds a working coupon, you'll watch the price drop.
Boom, magic. I don't like in real life shopping and Honey saves me so much money and it's free. It's like, wow, I just saved money. I was going to spend anyway. It's great. This is something I actually use every single day. And Honey doesn't just work on desktops. It works on your iPhone too. Just activate it on Safari, on your phone and save on the go.
So if you don't already have Honey, you could be straight up missing out. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this show. Get PayPal Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash dragon. That's joinhoney.com slash dragon.
This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
Guys, this is going pretty well. I'm very happy for us. I feel like this is poetic justice for Kyborg beating Sludge when it was my moment. Hey, man. High fives all around. That's teamwork. I'm loving this. Teamwork makes the dream work. That was the most insulting way to go out, and you did it. And I'm so happy right now. Let's make some burgers. I'm so hungry for hamburgers.
I assume that's it for you, Mud. Yeah, that's my action and bonus action I've moved already. No more farm animals to drop on anybody? Not this turn. Not this turn.
Hey, John, you said you moved? I moved. Moved. Do you want to move back to your starting position or do you want to move so you're closer to the island with Inku? Because currently you're still closest to the island where Quadrant was. Yeah, I would like to if there's movement for me to get closer to whoever's closest to me, Inku or Sludge. It would be Inku because then Sludge is further to the north beyond the island that Inku's on. Move Mud as close to Inku as possible.
- Power walk. - We'll say you walk back across the island you're currently on. So you're at the edge of the island facing closest to the island where Inku is. - I like that. - And there's like a 10 to 15 foot gap between the islands. - Love it. - Don't go across the bridge. - Okay. - A belated alert there from Gum Gum.
- All right, so it is Inku's turn. Finally, my turn. - Do they not take any like psychological damage from witnessing that horrible attack? - These are bad people. They've done horrible things. They're used to horrible things. - Okay, okay. - All right, so Inku's turn. Bart tried to use a crown of stars against her. She doesn't like that. - But it didn't work. - Yeah. - It's like it never happened.
You made her do something. She had to expend a reaction against that. That's so annoying. That could have come from anywhere, like the sky. There's like a bunch of stars up there. One just got a little lost in the mix. You know, you're on these floating islands, so everything's kind of shifting. It's an unusual environment for everyone involved, just because you've never experienced anything like this in your life. And Inku fixes her eyes on you, Bart.
And you see that Inku's eyes glaze over and become black. Is she casting Eye Bite? There's no whites to her eyes, and you need to make a wisdom saving throw. Am I being frightened? You don't know yet. Well, I have advantage against being frightened, which is why I'm asking. Oh, you have advantage against frightened? Yeah. Yes. Okay. And you said wisdom saving throw? Yes.
Okay. So that's a nine. And then a nat 20 for 23. Yeah, baby. It's a terrifying sight to see her eyes turn black. And you are correct. It was eye bite that Inku was casting. She does not like that. That once again, you're stopping her. You're not letting her accomplish her goals. You can play at this.
In the shadow and in the darkness, she almost like disappears. You lose sight of her for a second. And then the next thing you know, she's right behind you. Bart. And she takes a swing at you. She pulls out like a really long scythe from under her cloak and takes a swing at you, Bart. All right. Hitting AC 23. Well, yeah. That hits. Doing 45 points of slashing damage. Oh, no.
You... poopy head. Poopy head. 45? 45, yeah, slashing. You knocked the cleverness out of him. And on top of that, you also take an additional 43 necrotic damage. Okay. And then Iku asks...
Who are those doddering daddies of yours, Bart? Have they kicked the bucket yet? Because that could be arranged. Guys, I'm not looking so good. I think we can see that. Bart's got some ouchies on him. And that is it for Inku. Take her out, take her out, take her out, boys. I think we got Sludge up next. Now, now, now. Yeah, it's Sludge's turn, but he's kind of far. I don't know if he can do anything to you guys yet. My movement speed is too low.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, Sludge can't really do anything to you guys because you're too far. So he's going to move to get closer. He moves off of the island that's further to the north, and he moves down to the island where Ingvoo was previously. So he closes the distance to you guys. Oh, I thought he was closer than that. 4D chess. How close is he to us? From where the party started, it's 80 feet. Gum-Gum, you moved a little bit, but not too much. It's roughly 70 to 80 feet for you, Gum-Gum. Okay.
Kyborg, it's your turn. Okay, how far away am I from Inku now? Inku's close, like maybe 10 feet away. Is that... Okay, that doesn't do disadvantage for range, does it? No. Make me a perception check, Kyborg. Okay. 23. What do I perceive with my elven eyes? You notice that there's a strange, almost like a shadowy mirror that has accompanied Inku back to your island.
Almost like you're seeing a hidden version of yourself behind Inku. A hidden version? Oh. Oh. I give it a wink. How many cyborgs are on the map right now? Which one do we shoot? Take the shot. There's only two. Is that not... Yeah, that's Paralite. You think so. You're not sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I give him a wink. All right. And then I give her a wink. Well, I mean, it says presenting male as cyborg, but I don't know. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, gotcha.
I point my longer bow of crystallina after Bart has been attacked by this Shadrow creature, and I say, forever one time!
And they are now my mortal enemy, and I take a shot. That's 22, and that's 22. She might still have her magic on her. We'll have magic arrows, Bart. 22 is a hit. Okay, that's 15. That's 46 cold. While this is happening, Bart's just lying on the ground doing, like, pointing at both of his eyes and back at Inku. Yeah.
11 cold. All right. Yeah, your arrow strikes her. She seems to brush it off, but you know that it's all a front. Okay, and then I want to do an arcane shot. Let's call it the grasping arrow. A creature hit by the arrow takes an extra 2d6 poison damage. Its speed is reduced to 10 feet, and it takes 2d6 slashing damage for the first time. On each turn, it tries to move one feet or more. The brambles last for one minute.
I don't want to use the option again. Okay. So I'm going to take the shot. Take the shot, GuyBug. All right, that was a two, and then we're going to reroll that because I have advantage. That's a 25. That hits. All right, there's my piercing. Boom, nine. Here's my cold. Eat my icy thorns. Seven, plus I do the 2d6 poison damage.
Three. It's something. Every little bit counts. It's no cow, but you know. Don't have a cow, man. And then I roll once more. My final attack. That's a
23. Pips. Piercing. 14. Plus 46. Cold damage. 15. I just look like that Jack Nicholson gif right now. Yes. Smiling and nodding. And then when I shoot the ice arrow, I say, chill out.
And then that's my move. When your last arrow impacts Inku, Paralite reappears behind Inku as Kaiborn and unleashes a flurry of unarmed strikes into Inku's back, taking advantage of her being distracted by your attacks. Oh, yeah. Cheap shots. Cool. That's the way she rolls. She's got to be safe. Yeah. Paralite says, Good timing. Thanks for the opening. Yeah.
Of course, m'lady. And then I turn around and go, stupid, stupid. Why'd you say that? It's pearly. Bar, you're up. Then gum, gum.
- Man, okay. Am I the only one that's been damaged so far? - Yes. - I believe so. - My pride was damaged earlier on when you guys were all laughing at me. - Those cows took some damage when they fell. - Yeah, they damaged. - So from what we could tell, whatever magic Enka used to subvert my attack, is that still active? - You think it was like a one-time thing that she had prepared?
More stars, more stars. Yeah, she ate the zeros pretty good. Oh, they're coming. Well, first I'm going to cast Breath of the Quarterling. Nice. Oh, no. That I've never done before. I am able to use that, right? I don't need that Diagem to cast that. Oh. Yeah, yeah. It's a Quarterling feature, not a Diagem feature. Cool. And I'm going to focus it on Stinku. Oh, that hurts. Ow.
So she has to make a dexterity save of 17. She fails that. Yep, she fails that. Yes, okay. And now I have to choose between acid, cold, fire, force, healing, lightning, poison, or thunder. I think I'm going to do acid. Don't say that on camera.
I'm gonna do acid damage. And that's gonna be 12d6. Isolate that clip. 12d6 acid damage in a 15-foot cone in front of you right at Inku. 38 points of damage. She's not immune to acid. Okay.
- I really took a chance there. - I'm gonna do one more thing here. Paralyte's also gonna need to make a save. - Oh, why? Is she close? - She was all in that melee range of the cone. She makes that dexterity save though. She rolls a 16 and then with her bonus, she easily makes it. - Good, she wouldn't wanna get ass on her fate. Oh, wait. - Paralyte does shoot you a nasty glance, Bart. - Hey, watch where you spew that stuff.
What did you think would happen? And then as a bonus action, I would like to shoot another star from my crown of stars at her as well. Oh, right. Yeah. Are you going to send a lone star at Inku? No, I'm going to send a Dos Equis. So stupid. So stupid. We're losing you, Barbara. Your connection's getting real fuzzy.
So I think I have to make another range attack. Correct. Okay. 14. That does not hit. It does not. Twinkle, twinkle, little bard.
So I guess the in game, what happens is you're like your star shoots out, but it shoots past her and misses. Does it hit sludge accidentally? No, no. Okay. So that's two out of seven. So I still have five stars left. Yeah. And when you have three or more, I think it like illuminates the area, right? Like it lets a light out. Uh,
If you have four or more motes remaining, they shed bright light in the 30-foot radius and dim light for an additional 30 feet. If you have one to three motes remaining, they shed dim light in a 30-foot radius. So you have some bright light going on. Yeah. I have five left. Okay. Okay.
- Okay, so I guess I'll move now. That's like the only other thing I could do. - You will open yourself up for an attack of opportunity 'cause you were right next to Inko. Remember she was attacking you? - Yeah. - Does the brambles from my arrow not have any effect on that though? - Did they stop that?
I think they just make it difficult terrain. She's already standing right next to her. It's not like she has to move to get there. I know I did a bonus action, but could I do Unbreakable Majesty? Is that a bonus action? Yeah, but I could move. Well, you only get one bonus action, but yeah. The movement is what causes the attack of opportunity, so staying still doesn't cause that. All right. Well, she's going to attack me anyways, so I'm just going to stay put. Best to see if we can help.
Gum Gum, you're up. Then after Gum Gum is Paralyte, then Mud. How's she looking? She's pretty beat up. She has taken quite a beating so far. Okay, well, Gum Gum's gonna run and recklessly attack her. So it's you and Paralyte are just taking shots. It's a 19. That hits. Okay, that's 20 damage. And that's like slashing damage from the axe? Yeah.
And then I'm gonna attack again, unless she like dies. - No, no. - 29. - That hits. - 18. - Okay. That's 18 points of slashing damage from your axe. - And then, I'm trying to think of anything else I could do with my bonus action, but I guess that is it. - That is it, okay.
- Okay. - I need that in character. - That's it. - I guess I can't get my friendship bracelet to barf. That casts an action to cast it. - Yeah, that's an action. Yeah. - Inku is significantly weakened, but at the end of your turn, Gum-Gum, she closes her eyes for a moment and begins chanting in an otherworldly language. All four of you need to make a constitution saving throw. - All right. - Dang it. Where's my diet of gem? Didn't need it. 24.
Nine. You said constitution saving? Yes. 12. That was really bad for Gum Gum. 20. You lucked out Bart. Tell me about it. You all feel like a rotting inside your bodies emanating like you feel just like really bad and sick and you feel like this nausea overtake you and Mud and Gum Gum you failed the save
Kyborg and Bart, you made it. If you fail the save, you're going to take full damage of this. If you made it, you've taken half. And what kind of damage is this exactly? Necrotic. Dang it. Is yours not poison? Yeah, it's a poison. 42 points of damage if you failed, 21 points of damage if you succeed. Good lord. I'm down. Incapacitated. You couldn't carry a tune in a bag of holding, Bart. Yes.
He does have a list of these things. You know, I recognize I'm not the most musically skilled bard, and that's kind of my whole thing, all right? But, you know, it's a low blow, lady. And then Gum-Gum barfs on her. Yeah! How much damage is that? She's immune to barf. And bard.
It's only one letter off. It's Paralite's turn. Oh, wait, wait. I want to use it as my reaction. I want to use my rage thing. To reroll rage? Yeah. Okay. Let's see what happens.
That's a one. Necrotic burst. Each creature of your choice that you can see within 30 feet of you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or take 1d12 necrotic damage. And I gain temporary hit points, 1d12, plus my barbarian level. So, ha! Back at you. But every creature takes it has to make a save, right? No, no, of my choice. Oh, of your choice? Oh, okay. Oh, thank God. Thank you, Gaia.
So I do think you do throw up on her as well. Yeah. But then she also gets sick and then starts throwing up. What kind of save did I need to make and what was it? A constitution saving throw. Uh,
I rolled a 13. What did I need to roll? That's probably a fail, right? The spell save DC is eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifier. Okay. So in this case it would be 18. So she fails it. Okay. That's 10 damage to Enkyu. And then I'll roll for my bonus HP three plus my barbarian level, which is 14, right? Is that temp HP? Yeah, for me. All right. Yeah. Your wild magic goes off and you target her and gain a little bit of HP.
It's Paralight's turn, then after Paralight is mud, Paralight, you know, drops her disguise, and she looks like Paralight once again. She no longer looks like Kyborg. And she pulls out a dart in her hand, and she flings it at Bart, and it hits Bart. Oh! I'm already dead. I'm... Okay. It's a healing dart. I knew we could trust you, Paralight, you son of a gun.
It heals you for 18 points of healing. Oh, wow. So what happens, because I'm in the death saves right now. You're now out. Yeah, you're out of that. You have 18 hit points. You're back conscious. You're back, baby. I take it back, Paralette. I'm sorry.
Paralite. She throws that dart and it hits you and heals you apart. And then she says to Mud. Use the briar orb on Inku, Mud. She's been weakened. All right. And then it's Mud's turn. Mud goes to turn his ball cap that is not on his head backwards. He just pulls his hair. Yeah, just pulls his hair backwards and then throws the briar orb at Mud.
Inku. Thank you. You know, Inku's much closer than Quadrant was earlier, so, you know, it's a much easier toss. You kind of, like, underhand lob it over at Inku. No, I throw it full force at her as far as possible. Hits her in the nose, breaks her nose. Yes. Yes. I don't care if I'm standing on top of her. I am full swinging this thing. Ha ha ha!
Just Mud full Sans at Briar orb right at Inku and hits her in the head. Seems to like stick to her and absorb all of her corporeal being into it. And she screams as she's banished to a demiplane. Yeah. All right. I got a dark type Pokemon now. All right. Is there anything else you could do, Mud? That's my bonus action so I can do my action and movement. Yes.
Sludge? Yeah. How far is Sludge from me? From where you are, you are at the edge of that other island. So you're a little closer than the rest of the party. I'll say he's about 60 feet away. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to move all the way as close to 30 feet towards Sludge. At this point, you'll have to jump across the island because you are at the edge of your island and he's on another one.
All right, how do I calculate a jump? You can make an athletics check if you want to see how far you can get across there. If you're doing a long jump, you can cover a number of feet up your strength score if you take a running start. So yeah, just make a athletics check to see if you make it across. That's five. Woo! You rolled a three plus two. Yeah. Turn into a bird.
No, it's fine. Honestly, I was going to take an action and then move, and I'm fine with the movement I just did. My action's not going to change anything with my attack to sludge. So can I resolve my action and then resolve me falling? I feel like I have to resolve the fall first because it's like you try to jump across between the two islands, but then you fall between them. There's nothing there. Right. I was trying to determine where I could move.
And I was going to take... I'm just saying I was going to take an action and then I was going to move. I see, I see. The action is this. Can I just shove the Epipple of Superior Healing into Bart's mouth and give him that and then fall to my doom? Okay.
Yeah. And so that's all that is, is barf. Gotcha. 8d4 plus 8 healing is what you get. Nice. Do you do that or do I? You go ahead and roll it. You said 8d4? 8d4 plus 8.
84 plus 8. Get some good rolls. Come on, Bart. Is that your action, though? That's my action. My bonus action was throwing the briar orb. My action is giving the apple to Bart. My movement is falling down into nothingness for forever. Bye, Mud. I think the dice got messed up.
Why do you say that? Well, they didn't show up on my screen and they were like on my screen like twitching like they didn't land properly. Just like Mud. But it showed up as an 18. Plus 8. Plus 8, so 26. 26 more HP for Mud. Oh no, you're wrong. Three ones. It's okay. Now I fall. What happens? Yeah, Mud heroically gives an apple to Bart and tries to make one of those cool jumps from one island to the other.
like a superhero, but he stumbled at the last second. His foot hits a rock. He falls down the gap between the islands. And you just hear Mud yelling and his voice becomes more faint. You are at this point, you're in free fall, falling between the islands. What does it sound like, Mud?
Okay. What about as he was handing me the apple, he also accidentally took my vest off me. I'm fine. I'm fine. And Mutt just yells back, it's all right. I'm a druid. I'll figure this out. But he'd be, it's all right. Yeah. That's all you need. You better hope he comes back. You need those briar orbs. Yeah.
Bye. It's Sludge's turn. I think he's close enough now to do something. Okay, yeah, you see, you know, Sludge is across in the island where Inku was originally. And you see beneath him like a glowing blue square open up in the ground. And he kind of like tumbles into it. And a corresponding blue square opens up on the island where you all are. And he emerges from that amongst the party. He looks around a little bit and seems confused and says, Oh, you ran away from me already.
Yes, sir.
He's referring to me. Did you not see him jump off the cloud? Yeah. He probably ran back to the forest to hug a tree. He's leaving the spellcasting to the real mages. This guy talks a lot of smack. He is going to lash out with one of his appendages at Gum Gum. All right. One of his appendages. He's like an ooze. He's got weird appendages and pseudopods.
Oh, a 20. Yeah, I got a crit. I assume that hits. Yeah. It does 59 points of bludgeoning damage as it hits you. Is he still raging though? Yeah, so that's like 29. Yeah. Okay. Plus it does an additional 23 points of psychic damage. Ooh.
Ooh. Okay. And you need to make a strength saving throw because his appendage tries to grab you and wraps itself around you. All right. I looked at you. All right. Okay. He's got a plus 10. I also have advantage on strength saving throws while I'm raging. So that's going to be a 26. Strong boy. Oh, yeah. You easily break out from the ooze as it tries to wrap around you. Gross. What?
While it seems like he's looking at Gum Gum and attacking him, another appendage shoots out in another direction at Kyborg and tries to hit him. - No, you don't wanna do that, no. - Tickle, tickle, tickle. - Oh, it hits AC 14. - Ooh, that's an armor class 16 there. - All right, well, that's a miss. Okay, that's it for Sludge. Kyborg, you're up. - Okay. - Kyborg and then Bart. - I say, "Forever winter!" And Sludge is now my new mortal enemy.
And then I also, with a bonus action, use... Gift of the Chromatic Dragon! Chromatic Infusion! He doesn't like lightning, does he? I don't know. I know my lightning javelin worked on him. All right. I use lightning. So that's an additional 1d4 damage whenever it hits. So that's plus the cold damage as well. And then I also...
Want to use an arcane shot twice per short rest. You fire an arrow. Okay, hold on. It's part of the attack action, so this isn't a bonus action. It's part of the attack shot. Gotcha. And I'm going to use grasping arrow. So that's going to be 2d6 slashing damage. And then every time they try to move, then they get a little stinky, stinky. All right, here we go. I'm going to roll my damage stuff now. Uh-oh, stinky.
23 hit. That hits. All right. Here's the piercing. 15 plus 46 cold damage. 14 plus the gift of the chromatic dragon. Where did that go? What was that? 1d6? You tell me. 1d4. And this is lightning. Yeah, that's one. I don't like how that did that.
So I'm going to use my piercer, which is once per turn, you can reroll the piercing damage from an attack. I guess I can't reroll that then, huh? Nope. Okay. And then going back, I also did the grasping arrow, which is going to be 2d6 slashing damage. So I'll roll that. Ka-chow. Five. Okay. Your arrow strikes sludge.
but it's almost like since he's so amorphous and oozy, it's almost like his body opens up and the arrow passes almost entirely cleanly through him.
Guys, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you guys. You hear him laughing. Misa, take a kyborg. Firing again with the longer bow, Kristalina. 29. That's a hit, yeah.
All right. Here's my piercing damage. It's a nine plus the 46 cold damage. That's a 15 plus the D4 from give to the commander dragon. It's four. What happens? And the four is lightning. Yes. Does he not take piercing damage at all? Was that the thing? Yeah. Once again, the arrow flies right at him and his body seems to move and the arrow flies cleanly through him and emerges on the other side of his body. Okay.
All right. Let's take a moment here. So I know that I have magic arrow and refire. Curving shot. When you make an attack roll with a magic arrow and you miss, you can use the bonus action to reroll the attack roll against a different target. Shoot. There are no different targets. Farts. Come on. Are you serious right now? Are you serious? I'm the bow and arrow guy. What do I even do? You got to do other stuff. Okay.
Diversify. You got to be well-rounded. Yeah. Well-rounded. Well, then I'm going to use second wind. Once per short rest, you can use a bonus. Shoot. I've already used my bonus action. Come on. Farts. Oh, man. A turn where Kybar can't do a gazillion things. Helpful. I can't switch out my long bow for a long sword because that's also an action. Am I opening myself up to... No, I don't want to retreat. That's just stupid.
Come on, give me something. Okay, if I shot at his feet and did a bursting arrow, does that do anything? Well, he doesn't really have feet. It's like a ooze. Well, if I shot at his oozy feet, I don't have any arcane shots left. I am useless. Oh, save that one. Save that one. I want that sound bite. That's text messages now from Blaine. Oh, my God. I'm going to use my movement action. To do what?
Move away. I don't know. I'm just going to move away. Does that open me up? Attack of opportunity. Kaiborg's running away, everybody. You already had a little bit of distance between you because, you know, you're a ranged attacker. So you were out of the range of an attack of opportunity. Okay.
35 feet. How far does that get me? Does that make me go to another island or do I need to roll for a... You would have to jump if you want to get to another island. You could conceivably jump to one of them. Cool. All right. I'm going to hop to a separate island. Just get my maximum distance. Do you want to go to the one to the west where Inku was or you want to go to the one to the northeast where Quadrant was? I'll go to the one where Quadrant was. Okay. So you make a beeline to the northeast and jump across like a 10-foot gap. Roll an athletics check just for fun. You'll easily make it, but...
Let's see. 12. Yeah, you do make it. Oh, thank God. And then I just started cussing up a storm and kicking rocks and just being stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. Bart, it's your turn. Then after you is Gum Gum. Okay. Well, I think I've used this on Sludge before, so I'm going to try it again. I'm going to try to cast Synaptic Static.
Oh, yeah. That's what worked last time. Yeah. Or something like that. Mm-hmm. You choose a point within range and cause psychic energy to explode there. Each creature in a 20-foot radius sphere centered on that point must make a intelligence saving throw. A creature with an intelligence score of two or lower can't be affected by the spell. Does he have intelligence of two or lower? Mm-mm.
Uh, no. Bart would know that he has more than that based on the fact he likes schemes and stuff. Okay. I should say, if you can manage to not hit me with this, because I'm also... Yeah, so, like, who is around Sludge right now? 20-foot radius sphere is pretty big. Yeah. That's going to encompass most of this island that you're on. I guess only Bart and Gum-Gum are within that sphere at this point because...
Kyborg jumped to another island and mud fell between the islands. Heroically fell. Is there a way he can like position it so that it's hitting? Cause sludge is big. Well,
- Well, you could position it like on the far side of the island to where only Sludge gets encapsulated in that. - Yeah, that's what I would like to try. Just so like if Gum Gum and I are kind of on like the outskirts and he gets- - Yeah, you could absolutely do that. - I will cast thatch. So he has to make an intelligence saving throw of 17 or more. - Yeah, I don't like that. Intelligence is, oh God, plus three, okay. So I need a 14 or better. 20, okay.
- So that is a successful save, but I take half damage. - Yeah, so I'm gonna roll 86. So 32, so half of that. - 16. - A perfect half. So he takes 16 points of damage. - Okay. - Does that work? - Yeah, Sludge seems to howl in pain as the synaptic static goes off. Pseudopods begin thrashing about from his body.
And then I don't know if my star would work because that is... That's a bonus action. Yeah. Which I would have. Yes. But I just mean in terms of like, would that damage him? If arrows didn't really affect him, like piercing damage. I just don't know what type of damage those stars do. I think it was radiant. Radiant. Yeah. I think that would work. Yeah. Let's try it. There's no one else to shoot. Yeah. So
So I'm gonna use another one of my stars. Go ahead and make your attack roll. It's a one, I'm doing that again.
23. That hits. Cool. And that does 25 points of damage. Radiant damage. Radiant. Yeah, your crown of stars, you know, lets one mote fly and it hits Sludge. It gets absorbed into his body, seems to illuminate him from the outside as he continues writhing in pain from the impact and from the radiant damage. You're like a lava lamp. Yeah, kind of like a gross, snotty lava lamp. Yeah. And then that's all...
I could do. All right. The next up right now is Gum-Gum, then Paralite, then Mud. What do you want to do, Gum-Gum? Gum-Gum pulls out his wand and says, Magic! Magic!
And let's see what this is. 93. Great number. What does that do? A burst of colorful, shimmering light extends from you in a 30-foot radius. All enemies in the area that you can see must succeed on a DC 15 constitution saving throw or become blinded for one minute. A creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns until it gets success. So see if it gets blinded. Okay, so a constitution saving throw? Yeah, a 15. But this is just enemies, yeah? Yes. Yeah.
He makes it. He rolled an 18. Yeah. Yeah. So the colorful light still shoots out from the wand engulfing a sludge, but nothing seems to happen. And then I'm going to use my bonus action to rage. Okay. And you know what? I forgot about something. I can roll twice and pick. Oh, yeah. Oh. That's a new thing. Five and two. So I can either teleport away.
or forceful rebuke whenever a creature hits you with an attack roll for your agent and that creature takes 26 force damage. It's just Bart on here. I don't want to leave Bart. I'll do the forceful rebuke. I'm pretty strong. Please ignore the fact that I was on the brink of death moments ago. I ate an apple. Yeah, whenever a creature hits me, they take force damage. Okay, just remind me if I attack you again. Yeah. Is there anything else you can do? No. No.
If you can't do anything, do it with confidence. It's Paralite's turn. Kill him. Save Mud. You can fly. You're fine. I can't fly. Can you not turn into like an animal that can fly? But Mud can't fly. Like an owl, Mud can.
- Almond. - Paralite seems to move around. She's trying to sneak around the peripheral, do a side that Sludge is not paying attention to. You see her just kind of slinking around at the moment.
Mud, you're up. Then after mud is Sludge and then Kyborg. Okay. So I'm falling. With style. With style. Mud does everything with style. How far would I have fallen in that amount of time thus far? I don't know. The range. It's not very far. 10 feet or so. It's not very far. Far enough where I'm away from everybody. They're worried about me until all of a sudden they see mud appear. Like a phoenix. But mud doesn't just appear by himself. Mud appears...
riding on top of and next to a quartet of Quetzalcoatluses. Oh my god. Which are the largest flying creatures in history.
They're basically the big pterodactyls kind of guys from like Jurassic Park 3. Ooh. And so I fly up and I've got my four Quetzalcoatlus because I cast conjure animals again because it just seems to be the way I fix everything. And on the one I'm on the back of, I do a flyby and I throw some of the antiseptic salt that I've been holding on to. Oh. Wow, I forgot you still had some of that. I forgot you had that. Callback. Callback.
Nice. And I douse Sludge with antiseptic salt. Nice. He begins howling in pain. He looks at you, Mud, and says, I wish you'd never been born.
No way. That was your brother. Yeah. Mud just simply just yells, eat salt. Your diet's low in sodium. All right. So every ooze in the area takes 2d6 radiant damage.
Until the end of their next turn, all attacks made against the ooze have advantage. Oh, I didn't even see all that description. Wait, is that the antiseptic salt? Yeah, no, you're right. I'm reading it right now. I'm reading it right now. I didn't even click on the description. I just knew it was good against oozes.
Okay, go ahead and roll 2d6 radiant damage then. That's five. Yeah, the salt begins raining down. Sludge, you know, lets out his angry retort at you and he begins writhing around in pain as the salt hits him and almost coordinated at the same time, Paralyte jumps into action and begins pummeling Sludge, almost like driving the salt further into the wounds. Throw the orb now. I've got him on the ropes. Yeah.
throw my third orb at Sludge. The orb flies towards Sludge and at the last second, Paralite jumps off of him and it impacts him and he lets out some howls and screams that are being flailing around wildly in every direction and is absorbed into the Briar Orb. Woo! I got a muck! Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Mud got his revenge. Mud, you're the hero of the episode. I did it. Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud
Their red eyes dart around in panic as they're suspended in midair. The strumming gets closer, and three words get increasingly louder. Smarsh is king! Soaring through the air like a sailboat train is a colossal purple worm. Boom! As he blurs past you, you think you hear someone shout over the music. The purple worm collides with the portal, and the cluster of Anarchs explode into red dust. Smarsh laughs hysterically. Ha ha!
as he goes into a free fall. A vortex of swirling blue and purple opens up below him and swallows him up. Another vortex opens up right next to you all and out pops Smarch's huge purple head. Riding on top of him is a half-orc wearing black boots and an amulet. And in front of him is a bearded dwarf holding an emerald lute. Hi, Borg. Did you see me? Did you see? That's pretty cool, Slink. It's really good to have you back, bud. Slink, that was awesome!
You're alive, and you're best friends with Smarsh. The hat boy replies to Sleek's. All of phase us are, Austin. It's hard to miss a huge purple worm flying through the air. Leonard, come on, you gotta admit that was pretty hardcore. We are an art. That's right.
Anarch begins to split and multiply over and over again. Spectral rolls his eyes and holds out his hands. You all better come with us. He motions for you all to get up on top of Smarks with him. Bart hops on. I hop on with my ring of jump. Yeah, I join. Paralite says, I'll catch up with you all later. I'm going to double back to check on Brink and Sorda. Wait, don't...
Don't let her go. She's done so much to help you guys. You all enter the vortex and the dark viscosity consumes everything, leaving you in a hazy mist rippling through shades of deep blue and purple. A voice on your right whispers, Welcome back to the ethereal plane. Oh. And another voice on your left whispers, So, Guyport, did you miss me?
I put a hand on his shoulder and I say, I'm glad you're safe, pal. You did good out there. Does he start crying? Does he start crying? He leans forward and gives Kyborg a big hug. I thought he was going to go for a kiss. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know Bart doesn't technically have this canonically, but Bart takes out a camera and takes a picture as they're hugging. Bart just does like the mental image motion. Just click, click.
All right. Well, that's it for this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tune in next week to find out where the party is headed to. Dang. Thank goodness. That was a fun one. That was all the bosses except for the last guy. Entropa. We could have taken him. Scary. I have theories what that clanking noise was. Well, maybe we'll find out soon. Maybe we'll find out. All right. All right. Don't let any cows fall on you until next week. Thanks for listening.
Here's a quick shout out to the NPCs that were named after folks that interacted with us on social media. There's Smarsh the Purple Worm King from at Smarsh Show. We also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided VO for characters in this episode. There's Paralite by Han McCarthy at HiHelloHan on social media. There's also Entropa played by Armando Torres at Mondo Does Stuff. Then there's Quadrant played by BlizzBear at BlizzBear.
Blizzbear, but the E is a three. Sludge, played by Michael Jones, at A-H underscore Michael. Inku, played by Raquel Lily, at Raquel Lily. And Sleek, played by our very own Ben Ernst, at R-T underscore Ben. And finally, Spectral, played by Christian Young, at X-C-H-I-N Young. Be sure to tune in next time for another exciting episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. ...
