women should cheat more
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Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. I'm Drew. I'm Enya. And this is our unmedicated ADHD. Damn.

Sorry, I'm eating bread because I'm not kidding. I think that medicines like DayQuil and NyQuil that give you liver warnings on the back are actually making you sicker. Because every time I take it, my kidneys hurt. I don't know. I don't know what to say to that. I don't believe in medicine either anymore. Yeah, I don't believe in it. I feel like I... Over-the-counter medication. Give me a Percocet, though.

Do you believe in Percocet without, like, Michael? I believe in Percocet. I believe in Roxy Cotton, Roxy Coden, Oxy Cotton. What else is there? Fentanyl patches. I don't know. Just the same thing. Fentanyl lollipops. I'm going to stick a fentanyl lollipop in your butt. I would literally love that so much because there's this thing called boofing that is, like, boofing ketamine. Yeah. Why haven't we made, like, condoms that are, like...

integrated with certain things like to get people high while they fuck they probably do do that i'm gonna make that yeah me as if any of those drugs are legal i'm like um no they're all being left in okay we have mushroom gummies mushroom condoms that's too much because you can literally go like to the apple store of weed and like get a good edible why are you putting in your butt like

But yeah, that's just, I just want to say that I don't believe in modern medicine. Over the counter. I take it because, yeah, I believe in modern medicine, like vaccines and whatnot, but over the counter, like you're selling me something that on the back literally is warning me a million times not to take more than two a day or else I will experience liver failure.

I shouldn't be putting that into my body. Yeah. I should be letting the gods cure me as they intended with my immune system. But I was sick last week, as you all know. I feel way better, but I woke up sick again because I felt better. My first day feeling fully healthy, I was like, yes, perfect timing. It was our friend's party. I went and then I smoked a bunch of cigarettes. And sucked up your throat again. Back to feeling a little...

Not so lit, but that's okay. That's just the way... That's the way love goes. That's the way it is. That's the way it is. The only reason I said Boofing Ketamine is that's an inside joke with one of our friends that is 100% listening. And we miss you. We miss you, babes. Imagine she just doesn't listen to this one. Fuck, I was going to say something. Oh, um...

I realize my farts for the most time are silent because I have no ass cheeks for them to travel through. Yeah, you don't. There's not the like walls to reverberate off of. There's no wall of sound. Yeah. Since mine is so fat, it's like earth shattering like farts. When I do, when I do, it shakes the earth. You fart? You remember the San Francisco? Wait, you fart? Yeah, you remember the San Francisco earthquake? Yeah. That was because I shit myself. Oh.

Your shits are really like scentless. Yeah, the LA one, I think it was a 98 maybe.

I don't remember. There was the one that collapsed the bridge in LA. That was on me, unfortunately. You had just been born, though. I know. Oh, my God. Yeah. You were born with a lot of cake. It's devastating. It was devastating. I did open the fridge this morning, and I farted like a 48-year-old man. I was literally in my pajamas and all ragged because I had just woken up, and I looked in the fridge, and I farted.

And I felt like a 48 year old who like is a divorcee and I deserved it. You lost the apartment or you lost the house and you have the bachelor apartment. Yeah. The sad divorce dad apartment. The bachelor apartment where I live with like two random 20 year olds who I like met on Craigslist. Yeah. The divorcee apartment is like really sad and something a lot of people go through and no one talks about. What?

If it's a man who is divorced, he probably deserves it. Kai. I'm sorry. I know. Kai's literally on his fucking iPhone right now. He's on TikTok as we're working. I always watch porn at like four minutes just to like feel something. Oh my God. Just to remind yourself what time we're at. Yeah. Fuck. Oh.

Speaking of divorce, we need to level out the playing field and more women need to start cheating. And I was thinking about this while I was driving yesterday. Men cheat. I know that women, because we're just so emotionally intellectual and we're not driven by these fucking ruthless evils that men are, that

More often than not, women aren't the ones cheating. So here's my plan. Because I know that cheating is a hard thing to do because women are just so gorgeous and amazing and perfect. So it's hard to be unloyal like that because we are so meant to be ride or die. So next time you are about to break up with your partner, just lie and say you cheated. Just so we can even out the play. And you might be like, well, I don't want to be seen and perceived as a cheater because

cheating is in that's my trend forecast trend forecast this trend forecast that no cheating is in 2023 women cheating is in it's a slay it's like very sexy it's like damn like i bet it was good though like yeah that's my prediction yeah and girls can't actually cheat because they're not pretty enough so they have to lie

Is that a joke or? No, that's how I feel. I thought, like, the thing is you go so back and forth. Oh, you said, but you said girls. You're not talking about, like, women. Do you reserve two different opinions or you just think, like, women and girls are, like, just nasty? Vaginas are scary. Yeah.

period uterus and that's on uterus we need to start saying that like oh like when you're gonna say like period you say uterus i was thinking like instead of saying oh it's giving it's purring don't say that no do not do not say that but say uterus oh my god like it's giving uterus it's not giving uterus i'm not saying that yeah

I'm gonna say it's giving colonoscopy. Oh my fucking god, I cannot believe you said that because that is the perfect segue for something I have written down that I wrote down this fucking morning. That is insane that you said that because when was the... That is the first time that word has been uttered on this fucking podcast. But when I was like 11 or 12, I...

I was having really gnarly stomach issues. I don't know what the fuck was going on. I would eat and immediately throw up right after. And it wasn't on some ED shit. It was fully my stomach and my body was not letting food go down my gullet. So I lost a bunch of weight and I was already underweight. So I went to...

The doctor and they were like, oh, you probably just have acid reflux. And I was like, yeah, I know I have acid reflux. Like my teeth are all melting out of my fucking skull because at night my stomach acid and bile goes up into my throat and melts the enamel off my fucking teeth. Ew, dude. That literally just made me like shiver. Yeah, it was fucked up. I still do when I eat chocolate. And I know when you forgot to brush your teeth in the morning, you went to school, you smelled like shit. I never forgot to brush my teeth. I know you smelled like fucking doo-doo. I went three days. No.

go say it say it please please is this recently no no no um but i had where was i where was i you said okay you were going to the doctor you had stomach issues oh yeah they were like you probably have acid reflux and i was like oh yeah i know

Well, we went and got a second opinion from another doctor and they were like, this is weird. A 12-year-old should not be having stomach issues like this. Let's get you an endoscopy, which is when they get a camera and they shove it down your throat and they look at... That's why I don't have a gag reflex. They shove the camera down your throat.

They check out like your esophagus and your stomach, make sure you don't have ulcers and shit. I think they even go into like your, the beginning of your stomach. I think it's like the idiom or something like that. I don't know. But in. Okay, pre-med. No, I don't even know what it's called. That's not even the right. Oh my fucking God. Loser. Sorry. Wow. Sorry. I'm just like. Wow.

Could it be me? Like I'm no dropout. You're just such a... Wow. Like stick to the plan. Like, well, you ever heard of that? Yeah, yeah. But, and they asked, they said, oh, like we also want to do a colonoscopy. Is that okay? And I was like, yeah, that's okay. Like more shit to talk about. Yeah.

This is when you're 12? Yeah. So in the same procedure, they did an endoscopy and a colonoscopy at the same time. And this is the worst part. Well, okay. We'll go back. Not the same time. They met the cameras in the middle and there's footage of my insides with the cameras looking at each other. No, they didn't do it at the same time. I literally was like, damn, I full towered you. Yeah, literally, literally. But I...

A couple days prior I had to take like the most amount of laxatives anybody's ever consumed and like I mean I was like spraying shit out of my ass. This was like pre constipation era like it was flowing and it was like football season so like there was like a bathroom right next to our living room and I would go in that bathroom and like explode shit out of my ass and people would like evacuate. It was like really fucked up. It was like bad bad. But anyways

I was like a child and whatever. So fast forward to now, they did the procedures at this exact same time. And I woke up out of the procedure and my eye, my right eye felt just so weird. I was like, something is wrong with this eye. But I didn't say anything while I was at the hospital. Went home, slept it off, like woke up at like seven. And I had like the worst pink eye of my entire life, which either means I

That they gave me pink eye. They either put that fucking poop tube down my throat or

That poop camera down my throat and accidentally rubbed their fucking gloveless hands on my eye and gave me pink eye or I just got pink eye because I was like shitting so much. I'm going to assume you got pink eye because you were spraying shit out of your ass and you weren't washing your hands. I was heavily... No, I actually was washing my hands because my mom made me. But I was heavily, heavily, heavily convinced that this was malpractice and I was going to win like a case against this...

Mind you, he's 12. I literally was. I was scheming. I was figuring this shit out. I was like, oh, this is not going to slide. You're going to finger that shit out. Yeah, exactly. Of your butt. Because you're constipated. Stop! You talking about it in the first episode? Yeah, I'm so Japan core. If you know, you know. Because of the Pocari Sweat? Babe, you got that in LA. Little Tokyo. Yeah.

But what was I saying? You were saying that you're gonna finger it out We believe we bleeped it in one of the first episode cuz that's like we cannot like we can not start like this Well now we're so far gone like it's not like I feel like saying that you finger poop out of your butt It's probably one of the like more tame things we've maybe said did you know that if you're a girl and you got a shit? And you put your finger in your vagina and you press against the back you could feel the poop in your butt. Oh

What? That's real. That is so real. That's so cool. That's what, like, what? What? Like, why is that so cool to you? That's cool and sexy. Yeah, you could just, like, massage it out if you really needed to, I bet. I haven't done that because I'm not nasty and I don't poop.

Are you okay? That was just far too much for me. I'm gonna be honest. That was a lot. Was that more than all of us watching porn? Yeah. No, that was just... That was too much for you. No, that wasn't too much for me. I just, like, didn't need to see that. Like, I never needed to witness that. Like, it was laying eggs. Like, it was laying eggs inside of her. We were watching, um...

Porn that was like I feel like it used to be a big this podcast is fucking nasty We were watching this porn that's our video of the week. It's like the egg porn. Yeah. Yeah Well, we'll uh, we'll go to like a little nicer note sad still for me, but

So I recently found out that the odor that I was smelling in middle school, like during the wintertime, was...

stinky Uggs like girls would wear their Uggs and they would fucking stink like shit and they would have an odor and it was like always kept a secret and I was always like what the fuck is this like sulfur like nasty ass rotten egg fucking odor stench coming from this area and it was always like the pretty girl sitting in the area and I was like there's no way it's them well

one this one girl in particular who had stinky fucking Uggs and now I like but she was also like the prettiest girl in school I asked her to the dance and I asked her just like you want to go to the dance with me and in front of everybody it was like eight people at the lunch table and she said no and I was like

I was like literally destroyed. What was your reaction? I was literally destroyed, like humiliated because like I thought I had, I thought I was like rizzing all over her. Like I was spraying rizz everywhere. I don't know if that's the way. I was squirting rizz. Like it was crazy. Oozing rizz. It was like thick, creamy rizz all over the place. But yeah, she said no. And I was like literally like,

So heartbroken. Like, not because I, like, wanted to go on a date with her, but because I was, like, embarrassed that someone would say no to me. Sorry, I just watched the way you rubbed your eye, and it freaked me out. You were doing it in, like, such a specific way. You were, like, going... Yeah, because, like, you get...

Like, that was... It itches. You literally looked like an animatronic. It was scaring me. It itches. Okay, so she said no. Did you just walk away or did you try to, like, say anything else? Oh, I was, like, I was joking. I straight up, I was like, I wouldn't ask you anyways. Like, that type of vibe. And, like, yeah, I was really fucking humiliated. You were like, well, you're fucking ugly, so... But look who won. She has stinky fucking uggs. And you were sitting in that chair. Drinking Japan Core. Yeah.

Well, when Drew said that to me, I was like telling him how I saw a TikTok about that the other day, like about stinky Uggs. Oh, because the girl who does all like the 2008 content did that. But I didn't know that was a thing. Like, I didn't know...

when you were like when people were young they were like experiencing like uggs getting stinky because no one in my area had fucking uggs and then it reminded me that i had bootleg uggs when i was younger from sketchers broke and they were like broke no money poor oh my god like i get your money up not your funny up i mean we were and i was a kid bugs

Oh, my God. Did you just make Fuggs up? Yeah. Fuggs is good. Fugglies. It's probably been said a thousand times. Yeah, someone had to have said Fuggs. Well, I had Fuggs growing up, and I just thought they were the weirdest shoe ever because I genuinely didn't see Uggs until I met you guys. And then I put you on. Yeah, and then I saw, of course, I saw Fall Girl, Midnight.

memes and stuff, but I just assumed it was, like, such a niche community that did Uggs, and I didn't know that it was a huge thing for, like...

white communities and I was like wow okay yeah yeah right it was really big that and like this is a deep cut actually I don't even think it's a deep cut but Kendra Scott was like what's Kendra Scott again it was like the Tiffany of my hometown like if you had like your Kendra Scott necklace your Kendra Scott earrings your fleece like

your North Face jacket, your Uggs and your leggings, like you were taught bitch in school, like that you tore, like that was the fit. It's like fake ass jewels. Like I don't know how to explain it. Oh, yeah. I think this might still be a thing. Yeah. Well, the Kendra Scott and that all the girlies would go to

is no longer in business. So... R.I.P. Fumbling hard, fumbled the bag. But one of my friends recently, Kendra Scott, hosted a party in Austin and he was hired as a fake paparazzi to paparazzi all of the celebrity guests that went in. Greg Abbott is a fucking freak bitch monster bitch. I don't know who that is. He's like the governor of Texas. He's the worst fucking person on planet Earth. And like, we all hope he dies. Like,

- Right now, like he just needs to keel over, get it done with, finish the job. He pulled up and it was quiet. - Did they not fake paparazzi him? - I think they, I think they paparazzi him. - They had to, the job had to be done. - Yeah. - A job was a job and the job had to be done. - Yeah.

Well, yeah, Uggs wanted to thank... That motherfucker. And then... Wait, I actually really want to find the fake Skechers Uggs. Because I don't think they, like, were big, too. Skecher Uggs. Now they're doing, like, the new ones. I need to find, like, the grumbly ones I had. These were kind of what I had. They were, like, similar in, like, sheen. Like, they were so weird. And my dad got them for me...

me. And Oh, also this is why it makes sense that my dad got them for me because my dad was at the time working for a really wealthy white family. And I think maybe their daughters had Uggs. So my dad was just like, went to go get a shoes and was like, Oh, like these are like those shoes. Those girls have, I'm going to get it for my girls and got it for me and my sister. And we liked them because we were like, Oh, these are fun and cozy. But like, it's, if I wore anything,

I wore any other fake shoe to school. Like, God forbid I wore like... And ones. Yeah, and ones or like shacks to school. I would have been like roasted at the fucking stake. But nobody knew what Uggs were. So they were just like, oh, she's on her cozy shit. Like, I was just serving like going to school in like my Cookie Monster pants kind of vibe when I pulled up with those. And people were like, wow, she's so cozy. Like me coming to school with a blanket and my fake Uggs. She doesn't care. Yeah, I just didn't give a fuck. Me going to school with a blanket, my fake Uggs.

My like black jegging like leggings. What did you just call me? My white polo. Polo. Polo. What did you just call me? Jeggings. You are kind of like jeggings because after a few washes, you're fucking useless. I'm going to throw you away and you get all soggy and saggy on my butt, bitch. Like I was saying. But yeah, me pulling up like that and then with my crunchy fucking gel hair because I didn't know how to take care of my curly hair. So I was doing my like...

With, like, the most gel in the world. Oh, my God. Me walking around school, like, in seventh grade like this. Walking down the hallways, like... Because my hair was still soaking wet. Because I put it in the sink that morning to wet it for my gel. But, yeah, nobody clocked me on my fake Uggs. Because we literally didn't know what that was. And also, like, it does make sense that they fucking stink. Because...

In the winter, they're just, like, walking through the snow in your Uggs and they get wet and nasty. Yeah, and, like, the girls would wear them in the rain and they would literally get fucking moldy and start, like, crumbling underneath their feet. Like, soggy Uggs is, like, the funniest thing. Like, there are photos of girls with, like, muddy fucking Uggs. Like, it's, like, the funniest shit I've ever seen. Like, they're, like, sagging down their leg. And I'm literally looking up muddy Uggs. Yeah, it's, like, the funniest photos I've ever seen. Ew. Ew.

Oh, this is just a video? Kate's Uggs stuck in the mud. That's got it. This specific photo. This shit is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Why is this a fucking thing? Like on Google, it's like hella muddy Ugg photos. It's like, yeah, my Uggs get used. Wait, I need to like find this picture that I was just at because it was fucking crazy. This one. Ew. I have to save that. Okay. Um.

But I got made fun of last night at a bar. I got literally made fun of. And guess what? You know what? Maturing is, I said nothing. Well, you were sober. Yeah. Also, granted, I was just in shock because...

Like, not to make it seem like, oh my god, I got made fun of for the first time. I know I get made fun of because I go out in public and for the most part, I'm like obnoxious, rowdy, loud. I know people are whispering about me, but it's rare that I hear someone fully just outwardly talking about me. But it literally felt like a moment where...

You know, like, the stereotype of, like, oh, like, just, like, I hate using this word, but, like, kind of, like, pick-me-girl moment of, like, the girl who's making fun of me. It was, like, a girl and a guy making fun of me. And it literally felt like pick-me moment of... And they were ugly as fuck. Yeah, of course. Like, of course. Drinking beer on a Sunday night, you fucking loser. Get a fucking life, loser. No, literally. Okay, but...

Especially at this bar, like you're drinking a fucking beer, like actually get a life. So it was this bar that has like a photo booth that I've actually been made fun of. So this isn't my first time being made fun of. Last time I was at this bar, I got made fun of because last time I was there, I go there for the photo booth. Like I don't give a fuck. Like that's not crazy. What's crazier is like you pulling up on a Sunday night to drink beer. Like what's crazier? Me going to be pretty in a photo booth or you pulling up on a Sunday night at 1145 walking in.

to have a beer, like, get a grip. I guess it is a bar, so I'm just being nitpicky. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, "Wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads." But we're doing our job, you're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I, like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I, like, I miss the taste. Anyway.

I'll put like I'll we'll put up what I was like wearing and like what I looked like and I think they were just having more like this fucking dimwit fucking airhead dumb bitch walked into the wrong place like does she even know where she's at like that was the vibe I was giving and I when I went into the photo it's in Silver Lake yeah

Which makes a lot of sense. But when I went to the photo booth originally, I felt them staring at me. And I thought to myself, I was like, I already felt a bunch of people staring at me because I knew before we even went to this bar. I'm like, people are going to see what I'm wearing and be like, this fucking idiot. Why is she so dressed up? But I don't give a fuck because it's a nice ass outfit and you could kiss my goddamn ass. You're the loser who walks out of the house looking like shit because you don't care about self-respect or like looking good. And I do because it makes me feel fun. But...

Knew I was going to get looks. I was getting fucking stared at like a goddamn clown when I was in there. I was like, whatever. I go to the photo booth. I felt them looking at me and I was like, no, they're not looking at me. Like I'm just being in my head, whatever. Then at this bar, there's this like big water jug thing. And I went to go get water because I wasn't drinking. And I was like, I need water. I walk over to get water and their table is like right here. Like if you're the water jug, they're right here. Like it's like kind of that close. Yeah.

I'm the sparkling water jug. Wait, what is it? It's like the Gatorade jugs. What are those called? What you got. Oh, the sparklets? Yeah, sparklets water. I don't know what that is. But I was there filling up and I feel their eyes burning a hole into me. And they're just looking at me and giggling and laughing. And like...

I kind of glanced over and I was like, oh yeah, they are fully staring at me. And then I was just kind of looking at them in my peripheral and thinking, and I was like, they are fully making fun of me and we're not far enough. And they're not hiding it too. That was the crazy part is like, they weren't like whispering. They were fully just dead staring at me. And I was like, oh, they actually think because I look so pretty right now that I am a fucking imbecile. Like, that's what it felt like. It felt like in their head, they were like, she's so fucking stupid. We could literally talk about

her out loud right now and she won't hear it because she's actually stupid and that's what it felt like i didn't say anything because i was like i was honestly just shocked if i was there i would have beat their ass thank you babes these hands do not discriminate thank you that means a lot to me like i'm just having a man in my life who will stand up for me i'll take anybody down thank you but will you though yeah i've been working out people have been saying according to kaya that i look bigger

Oh, I know it looks bigger. I had a good penis day yesterday. I had to tell Kai and Mason that. Um, okay. Yeah. But you didn't tell me that. Yeah, because you saw it. Yeah, but it just didn't look very different to me. So I go back and all my friends are sitting at this table kind of next to theirs. And then I was loud because I wanted them to know that I fucking heard them. And I was like, I said to all of them, I was like,

Those people right there are literally making fun of me right now. And I've never had that happen where someone's just loudly, blatantly looking at me and making fun of me. And I don't know what to do about it. And I'm not going to say anything, but it's fucking crazy. And I was basically just doing that because I was going to be in there for a while longer. And I was like, I want them to just not do that again. Like, I know you're doing it. So don't fucking do it again.

Or else I'm going to say the meanest thing to you ever and you're going to think about it for the rest of your fucking life that the bimbo bitch in this shitty fucking bar called you an idiot. But...

then i'm just like whatever i'm gonna leave because i was like i have a headache i i'm not like feeling good again i just want to go and everybody's like yeah we'll just leave we're standing like everybody crowds around like i wish there was a way to like show you that the like layout of this bar but basically we all end up standing right next to their table because everybody decides to get water before we leave and i hear him like the the guy at the table basically be like

Dude, you know she definitely didn't think, like, this was the vibe. And, like, it's just so funny. Like, where did she think she was, like, blah, blah, blah? I straight up would have pulled out his fucking hair and snapped his glasses and broke every fucking bone in his finger. That's crazy. That's such a weird high school level of talk. Exactly. And I guarantee he did not wash his balls or under all the flaps on his fucking skin. And I hope he fucking burns in hell. Like, he will burn in hell. I couldn't believe it.

This was the other thing so then when we're standing there I made sure that I couldn't see them because I was like I don't want them to see my face I don't want them to say anything about me anymore and then- He smelled like dry spit My back was kind of like this like the girl's back was to mine, but I was like this I don't know if I'm still in there Yeah, you can't also can't hear you Oh my god my earring also flew off

I was gonna scream. I was like this basically with the girl and I heard him say that and like she's facing him so my back is fully to him. He says that and then like I kind of turned a little because I wanted to see if they were still looking at me. They are. The girl fully turned her body looks at me up and down

and starts laughing and then turns back to the guy and she was like no exactly and like starts laughing again and i like couldn't believe it and then as i was walking by i just said like really loud again i didn't say anything mean and i should have because i could have fucking read them both to the ground and up because they were so i'm sorry they were fucking ugly like cigarette stained teeth fucking gaps in their teeth disgusting rotten british person teeth it was one of those vibes where it was like

Like, I think that girl was, like, so down to make fun of me because she felt superior because she, like, was like, I don't need makeup and, like, extra clothes and, like, whatever. And I'm like, okay, maybe you do, though, because, like, you're not serving right now. And, like, where is your sleigh? Like...

It's not present. It's not in the room with us. So why are you talking about me? But as we're walking by, I was just like, I think they've been making fun of me for the past 20 minutes and I don't understand and I don't think I'm chirping, but it's fucking insane that they think that's okay to just talk about someone like that so loud. And then I just said that and I didn't even look at them to see if they heard me. We're finally getting a taste of our own medicine. But they were so like, you know what it felt like? It felt like they were like,

They were comedians. Like, does that make sense? Like, it felt like they were the kind of people to like go and do stand up and be like, so I saw this fucking idiot bitch. What's up with girls now? Like, that's what it felt like they were giving. Like, they were there to perform to each other on a Sunday night because they were bored and they like need a few beers to start being funny. And it was just crazy. And I like couldn't believe it. See, this is my rule.

And I was mature and I didn't say anything mean to them. This is my rule. You can talk shit about anybody you want, make fun of anyone you want, but as long as they don't hear you. Because this is what happens. It's just so crazy. I just couldn't believe. I've never heard anyone be that loud. Again, I know, bitch, I've sustained myself to the internet, let alone to being an obnoxious fucking freelancer.

freak for my whole life so i know people talk about me i know people fucking hate me and think i'm annoying and shit whatever well you are yeah okay yeah just like every time i degrade myself you're so quick to like agree jump in yeah well because you know you the best like you know yourself better than anybody does so i'm just like agreeing oh okay i think like sometimes when i say that i need you to say like that's not true yeah

Well, I would be lying. Oh, okay. I guess I can respect that. Should we talk about... Or I'll just get into it. I'll just get into it, y'all. So I have a question for you, Kai. Have you been getting pregnancy content on your For You page? Like pregnant people, like cute little babies, like all that shit? Yeah, well, I've gotten a lot of pregnant women on my For You page, but it's all girls that I got pregnant that I'm like...

friends with and i think that you're an absent father yeah like why would you even like admit to that that's not a flex maybe that's not the flex you think it is well it's cool that i have sex as men we are put here to spread our seed as far as possible that's why our stamina is so high and that's why we don't get pregnant and so we can like plant our seed and spread our gene pool as far as possible because that's just how what that's just how to have you though no i haven't um got any pregnancy okay

Maybe you're getting it because like you know when you're like literally on the same Wi-Fi someone you get their feed Can you just say yes?

Yes, I have. Okay. So this proves my theory. That proves my theory. So we're starting to think that the government is putting cute babies and pregnancy content on everybody's TikTok For You pages and their feeds because our generation is having a very, very small amount of babies. Like no one is making babies where like such...

we're like not doing it and i feel like they're trying to like incentivize us with like this cute baby content and it's probably like oh look how cute my pregnancy bump is oh look how cute my baby is like you should have one because population collapse is going to happen very soon if we don't and in 30 years when our generation is 60 and retiring and our children are supposed to be taking over there's not going to be anybody to take over and the entire world is going to collapse the world is going to heal it's healing yeah that's literally what it is um

But yeah, the government is putting pregnancy content on your For You pages to get you pregnant. That's how I feel. But then I'm also like, maybe it's because we're all in our mid-20s now and it's just showing other people in their mid-20s. And most people in their mid-20s are getting their fucking life going. And they're like, all right, I'm gonna have a baby and like settle down and like have a family. I love the joke where it's like, we don't need any more influencers. Like we need electricians and plumbers. Like it's okay. You don't have to make viral content online. Like please. Please.

go to school to be a plumber. I think you should do that because like honestly like

Like you're okay at what you do, but it's just you could be better at other things like building homes and stuff. That's like the meanest thing someone's like ever said to me. No, like you're funny, but like it would be funnier if you just like did a real job. Like as a bit? Yeah. But you were really good at it and you like stuck to it for like 30 years. Oh yeah, if it was like a bit like an Andy Kaufman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Except like you like really did a job.

Yeah, that sounds awesome. Well, shit. Yes, I know who Andy Kaufman is. Like, yes. Like, I get it. Wait, did y'all think Andy Kaufman was being serious in that one video? Yikes. Yikes. Where is your comedic radar? Oh, cool. My shoe just keeps, like, literally degrading in front of me. Like, this is, like, crazy.

Also, you mean deteriorating. It's not like degrading you. What is it, degrading you? Like, it can't speak. I think degrading can mean... Anything. Decomposing. Well, um... Yeah, I agree. I'm just surrounded by, like, yes men. I'm surrounded by yes men.

And it's like really shocking. When we agree with you, you say that we're fake. When we disagree with you, you say that you're a victim and everyone's against you. Exactly. Because I am a victim. So what are we supposed to do, dude? Be fucking normal. I don't know. Just don't come. Like, I need. You're a fashion victim because this outfit is horrendous. Why are you laughing? Because she fucking bodied you, dude. Kai, Kai, did you wear that sweater on our rainy day waterfall hike yesterday? Yeah.

Yes. Did you wash it? No, but... Pink eye. You're getting pink eye, babe. I didn't need to wash it. I don't smell bad. You can't laugh at my outfit. Damn. Yeah, you can't laugh at his outfit. Let me just say this. You guys... Can I just say one thing? What was that voice? You're... Well, that's just how you said it. Your outfit. Let me just say this. You guys just wait until I start dressing. Oh, you'll be looking like Ranch. Yeah.

- Well, here's something I wrote down. - Balsamic. Balsamic. - Hot guys are so nasty because they know they're hot and that's just super nasty and it feels very controlling and manipulative. - Timothee Chalamet. - And I think like men are so nasty. No, actually that one selfie of Timothee, like I have to text him about it because he actually looked so cute in it. - See, I saw him in the grocery the other day and like we were just like twerking on each other and just like dapping each other up and like hanging out and like we got like a drink at the cafe and we just like caught up and I was like, damn, you're like kind of a nice guy.

Kind of. Did you have bad experiences with him before? Yeah. Yeah, I guess he can be very... He fucking hit me. Yeah.

But that's where he went to therapy for. So it's like, okay, he's like not. And it was only you. So I don't feel like that crazy about it. Because I think he deserved it. People do change. Sometimes I see you and I do want to hit you though. But like, so I get it. Because it's like. Hittable. Yeah. You're just like, you just have like a very like. Drew is getting his stuff out of the dryer. And I wanted so badly to close the fucking door on his body. It was so perfect. It would have been so fun. Instead, I just hit your back a bunch. But.

back shots yeah i gave you back shots um but yeah like like i am breathable also like when i say hot men because we all know that like i do find certain men hot but like like young men like around our age yo you stepped on my fucking toe and it hurts so fucking bad that hurts ow ow

She hit me. She fucking hit me. What was that delayed reaction? She fucking hit me. Your nerves are literally frozen. Oh my God. You did stomp on my big toe and my nail is going to fall off, I think. I'm not joking. It's going to turn black and fall off. Well, it's not my fault you're wearing fucking shoes that are paper thin. But...

Yeah, something about it is just so nasty. And all I can think about right now, the one example, I wish I remember who I saw that it made me think about because it was a TikTok of like this guy and something about him. I was like, you made this with evil intent in your heart. Like, you're not feeling yourself. You made this as like, I'm going to do something. Like, I don't know. It just felt very evil. But then all I can think about is like, we need to shout this fucking TikTok out because I think it is literally the funniest one ever. The girl taking the cup from that guy.

Oh, yeah. And it's like, there was nothing in there. I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. Well, while Inya finds that TikTok, like, I fear that my mind... Have you found it? Yeah. Wait, I have to show it to Kai.

Have you-- wait, have you seen this guy before? No. So his whole thing is that, like, he's hot and he drinks coffee. Like, literally, I'm not kidding, like, and then he, like, sells shirts, question mark? Like, I don't really know. This is me just dissing on this guy for no reason, but, like, his-- he did this once. Oh, I have seen this guy. Yeah, he did it once and then people were like, "You're hot and you look like-- what's that one actor, whatever, but this girl..." Oh my god.

I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. You're just like the others. You're no different from the fucking rest. It was empty the whole time. Because he's always with that damn cup. And I will say it always does look empty because he lifts it so fast and then he slowly sips. I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. Well, I fear that the tides have finally changed. And I'm not going to mention them by name specifically. But...

I think a lot of my faves are evil, sinister, greedy beings. And I'm not going to name them by names, but just seeing the way...

Some people have behaved recently. I'm like, oh, like you're you're dark. There's darkness there. There's like a there's an energy. Yeah, there's a vibe. Sick and twisted. There's also what I will say because I were on the same page. There is just a chance we're losing our mind and we're like actually heading towards like a break. It was really fucking. And then like three days.

ago and the building yeah the building there's a building at the like really close by our house and we looked at it and like I didn't say anything because I was like if I say this out loud I will sound insane and like I was talking about and you're talking to India about something else and when the thought popped in my head and then India

said exactly what I was thinking. We looked at this building and we were like, oh my God, like it is a completely different color. There is no way they painted this overnight because yesterday it was a different color. Today it was a new color. Also, it's like a square.

a stone building yeah it was marble on the walls and we were like I would have noticed if there were marble like if there was marble coating this building like why am I just now seeing this like this is new this is fresh and they also took down their pride sign which is crazy it's a little suspect but yeah but

It literally scared the fuck out of us. And then I was trying to explain this to somebody on the phone yesterday, but they were like, no, that's not what I was like. I don't think you understand what I'm saying. And like, that's why you can't grasp it. But like, it's like the common saying, like, if you think you're going insane, then you're not because you're saying enough to like, keep a hold of your mental state. Yeah. But,

In those moments, I literally feel like enough, like, I genuinely feel like nothing is real or, like, everything's been real and I've been somewhere else and I just got placed here and I'm, like, seeing things and it's scaring me and it's been happening a lot. Me last night on the drive home, like, it was so high def and, like, it was so bright and colorful and beautiful and I was just like, holy shit.

- Like this is real, I'm real. I'm like seeing you, you're real. I'm hearing them talk in the back and I'm like, y'all are real. Like damn, all of this shit is actually real or it's all fake and I'm just waking up. - I know that's the scary thing is like, I'm like, oh my God, everything looks so real right now

Cause I had it yesterday too. Oh, also basically we saw this building and like, it looked real. Like for the first time ever, it looked like a building. And I was like, dude, buildings are like 3d structures. And they're not like, it's not this thing that if I crashed my car into it, it would just fall back and like lay flat. Like it was a building. And I was like, Oh my God, people are in there right now. And it was really scary. I don't believe that people are inside every building. Like, I don't think, I think we're the only people inside. And then when we walk outside, people just spawn.

Like, I'm not joking. Like, there's no way there's people inside the house next to us. And they're doing stuff in there. Yeah. They're doing evil things, I bet. It just not makes sense. But then yesterday I had the same thing while Drew was having his awesome dream. Yeah, so I...

- I'm gonna explain it 'cause I don't give a fuck 'cause like what else am I gonna say? But so yesterday we, me, Kai and Mason went on like a waterfall hike and it was really pretty and it started raining and we were like, "Ooh, let's get like a warm bowl of ramen after." So we cruised to the ramen shop

We got a bowl of ramen and then we all went our separate ways. And when I got home, I knocked out like almost immediately. I was like the most tired I've ever been in my entire life. And I just like fell asleep because my belly was full and warm and it was a yummy bowl of ramen and it put me on my ass. So halfway, I set my alarm for 30 minutes because I'm like, oh, I don't want to sleep all night. Like that would suck balls because I was like, oh, I'm really tired. So I set my alarm for 30 minutes or 26 minutes and I woke up at 420 on the dot and

I saw it and I was like oh I can sleep like a little bit longer so I snoozed and I woke up like six minutes later and I just turned my alarm off instead of like actually waking up and I think I had like entered REM sleep or something like right after that because like I had another set of like

awful awful awful like fucking dreams like I after these dreams I was like like visibly shaken up like I was like oh this like has completely altered my life forever like what happened in these dreams like really fucked me up and I fully wasn't like awake yet I was still in that like half sleep half awake state and I was like in Inya's room like tearing up talking about these dreams I know he was fully about to cry over it which is really embarrassing because I thought I lived and loved a man but then I realized that it was just a boy so

And you're ugly, so... Oh, my God. And I never loved you. I can say it the same way. Okay. Oh, now you say it. Now you say it. But you weren't saying it last night when I was giving you back shots. Oh. Ew. I love you so much. I love you. I love you. It's always I love you until it's not. Write about that. Write about it. Yeah. But... I don't write. This dream... So, you know, previously, I had a dream where I got shot and I woke up feeling the pain. And I... What? Oh. And then...

A couple days later, literally yesterday in my nap, I dreamed that, you know, that other dream I had where it was like me dying over and over again and waking up in different people's bodies. Well, I did that a fucking game. And I was like, oh, I thought that was one and done. Like, I cannot do that again. And it happened again. And like, it is so hard to describe the way I felt. But the first...

time, it was me and Kai and we were driving around like my neighborhood in our golf carts. And like one thing about me, one thing I am genuinely terrified of, like it is like my one of my deepest fears. I don't know where this fear came from, but it is driving next to bodies of water in a golf cart. Like I have had multiple panic attacks, like

Just like they're going to roll in the water. The ground's going to cave in underneath us. Like we're going to, it's going to drive into the water. We're going to fall off the bridge, whatever it is. Like I hate driving in golf carts next to water. It's like the scariest thing in the world to me. And I don't know why, but in this dream, we were in a golf cart and there was like a really tall bridge with like a deep ravine, like hundreds of feet.

And like we pull up to this house and Kai was like, oh, I put in the wrong or I was like, this is the wrong house. And Kai was like, oh, I put in the wrong address. And we were like turning around and we got to this bridge and we were driving over it. And Kai was like fucking around and like swerving the car a little bit, like just to make it so like, yeah.

What? Like classic. Oh, yeah, exactly. Like you're being so. Always just fucking playing. But he's like playing around and like he was getting really close to the edge because he knew it was like a fear of mine and I would freak out. And then eventually. He wanted to see you squirming your little. I know he wanted to see me writhing around. But anyways, yeah.

He like fucks up and presses the gas instead of the brakes and we drive off like we roll off this fucking bridge down into this ravine and Kai is like freaking out and like I look over at him and he's like freaking the fuck out and then all of a sudden he goes calm and we like look at each other because we know we're about to hit the bottom of the lake and

And like, Kai starts crying a little bit too because he's a bitch. I was like, I was so normal and like masculine. - I know, like you would cry if you were about to fall to your death. - But no, genuinely Kai was crying. I saw tears rolling down his face.

And I was like freaking out. But obviously I was like, what am I going to do? Like, I can't do anything about this. And so we hit the water and like the golf cart hits the side of the ravine and rolls over in the water. And like it's deep water. So then we're like, I can like feel the water around me. I see the water. And like, I'm like trying to get up. I'm trying to get out. And I'm like gasping for air and I can't get my breath. And I just fucking drown and I die. And then I hear this buzzing like vvv.

like really loud in my head as I'm dying. And then I hear like a computer, like chime, like a startup sounded like a computer. And like, I just wake up in another body and I'm like, I'll keep this one short, but there was like a girl with me that like,

wanted nothing to do with me or I didn't want anything to do with her and she was like all over me and I hated it and I was like pushing her off and I was like please get away from me and her parents were even like they're like egging it on and it was really fucking weird and then I was with two other people and they were playing like arcade games we were like Chuck E. Cheese's or some shit we were like young and um

One of the people that I'm with drops their card, a credit card or game card, down the side of this arcade machine. And I reach in there.

And I grab it and then I start getting like electrocuted and I feel like the electrocution going through my body and like it's like really painful and really hot and I'm like freaking me out, freaking the fuck out. I've never been electrocuted. I don't know how I know what this feels like. And I'm like trying to pull my hand away, but I can't. And then I die again, hear the buzzing and ringing sound and I wake up in another body. And this time I'm in the front seat of like a really modern supercar. And like the way I can describe the feeling that I had was like I was exhausted.

in like the 1920s like and like i was used to those cars but like i was like terrified in the front seat of this car because i was like how the fuck is this happening how are we going this fast how are we swerving down this road and it was also someone that looked like you kai that was driving um and you were like swerving and i was like please slow down please slow down you don't slow down we eventually crash and then right when we crashed and i died the third time i like wake up in real life and i was like

freaking the fuck out you know what i realize is it's higher powers giving me movie ideas and i just keep giving them away and like this is fully like a great like you know magnolia like all the coincidences like all this shit it adds up like this is the same thing except like we're groundhog daying but waking up as different people with the same mind um

And yeah, that was my dream. And I freaked the fuck out and I was like genuinely terrified for the rest of the day. I know he was literally so shaken up and almost cried and I had nothing to give him because I was just like, well, while that was happening to you, I was in here awake for the whole day having another like disassociative experience.

meltdown because I was laying in bed and when Drew went to go take a nap, it was like a cloudy day out. So like perfect nap vibes. But I had woken up at like 12. So I was like, I don't need to take a nap. It was like 4pm. And I was like, maybe I just go lay down. And I went into my room and like laid down with Azul. And then I was looking at Azul and I was like, dude, Azul looked so real yesterday. Like it was actually freaking me out. Azul was my cat. She looked so

So real. And I think it was, like, the lighting in my room. And it just felt like the light that was coming into my room had never come into my room before. Like, it was, like, such a specific lighting. It was, like, moody, dark. But, like, I could see everything so clearly. We really do have a gas leak in this fucking house. I know. And I could see everything so clearly. And I was just, like, looking around. I was looking at Azul. And I swore I could see every hair on her body. And it was freaking me out. And I was like, dude, you look so real. And, like, she was moving around and, like, being sweet. And I was like, dude, this is, like, such a, like, like.

Like, like animal, like it's like such an intimate connection I have with this animal and I've never spoken to it, but I like know it so well. And I was like freaking the fuck out. And then I looked over to my dresser and I have this like, um,

actually really fucking nice dresser by the way fuck you um and it's like this space age like yellow dresser and i like looked over at it and it was a yellow color i've never seen in my life and i never saw on this dresser and then that started freaking me out because i was like dude i've never looked at it like i've just never looked at this dresser it's been in my room for like two years and i've never looked at it and now i'm looking at it and i'm like seeing this hue of yellow i've never seen and i like literally was freaking the fuck

out and then I was like, oh my god, everything looks so real. And then I looked out the window and like the sunset was like so gorgeous because it was like

one of those sunsets when half the city is like super dark from like it being rainy. And then the other half is like, just like normal. And like, there are like scattered clouds. So it just like looked gorgeous outside. I was like, I need to go outside and like, look at this and like see it. But then I was like, I'm scared to go outside because I feel like something bad is going to happen to me if I leave the house right now. So I can't leave the house. And I was just like standing in my room, like listening to music and looking out my windows. And then I was like,

I kept seeing people walk around. I was like, what are they thinking? Do they think it's nice out? Like as, as nice as I do. And then I was just freaking out and like looking around my room and, um, everything looked so real and it was scaring me. And then, um, that passed. And then I was back to just being on my,

iPhone. Sorry. So it's back in reality. Yeah. Go back to reality. I was grounded back to a reality with my iPhone. And then, yeah, we, you know what it is, is it's just like the first time we've looked up from our iPhones ever. And we're just seeing the real world around us. And we're like, wow, this is actually really big and beautiful. And it has a lot to offer, but then we have to drown those thoughts out. Cause they're scary and change is scary. Um,

But you know what I've been thinking about recently? And I'm being dead serious when I say this. Why don't me and Drake kind of look like twins? Like we kind of look the same. We have the same vibe. Like if you look at his eyes, his eyes are too far apart. But like we kind of look like the same.

Look at him. I swear, I'm not even playing. Like, I looked at him the other day and I was like, oh my God, why are me and Drake twins? Let's see. I unfollowed him a long time ago because he was pissing me off. Also, me and Harry, yes, we look alike. Me and Timmy, that's my boy. I know we look the same. Yeah. I just have a bunch of doppelgangers. Do you just think that because of his beard? No, I just think we look the same. Okay.

We'll save that picture. We'll take one of me posing like that and y'all will be the judge. The thing is I'm on his ID and for some reason I'm like, why does... Okay. That's not you, babe. No, see, that is me.

You know what? Y'all don't look alike, but I understand what you're saying. But it really is just like the facial hair. The energy. The vibe. You should go get your facial hair done up by a barber and let's see what you look like. I'm cutting it all off. No, but before you do that, can we line it up and see what you would look like if you were normal? Because you're very like

You're abnormal. Inya has been trying so hard to change my appearance recently. She's like, what if we played around and dyed your hair? And then what if we played around and cut all your split ends off? Oh, we could shave your beard and get that off of you too while we're at it. No, have you ever thought that it's because I'm somebody who's so used to changing my appearance, but now that I am so stuck like this and I'm like, this is me. Also, I hate that as I've been talking-

I've been getting more congested and it's so nasty because I keep sucking up my snot and I'm really sorry. I just need to give head so that it's like a neti pot kind of effect. Oh God. The suction. Yeah. It works. But yeah, I think it's more like I'm not the person I fell in love with. Yeah, you felt like you found attraction for. I don't think I'm that person for you anymore. You just like let go of yourself. And I think you're trying to change me

to mold me into the thing you want me to be, but I'm my own being and I have my own wants and needs. - You know what I wanna do is, you know, like what are they called? Like the pottery table?

What is that called? Oh, from when I hit you? Yeah. Cry me a river, bitch. What are they called? The tables? The like pottery wheels? Is that what it's called? Like a pottery wheel? Yeah. Sorry, I'm having trouble. I want to put Drew on that and like make sure his wiener's in the middle and then mold his balls into wieners and get a bunch of water, but it's like water-based lube and like... I'm having like a hard time laughing because my leg and toe hurts. I can make the rest of you hurt really fucking bad if you don't shut up. Sorry.

Sorry. Yeah. Well, I have a couple more things written down that I wanted to talk about. The next being, oh, that's Moan Reveal. I did a Moan Reveal on IG. Go check it out. So our friend Jester, their birthday was yesterday and the day before yesterday they threw a little rave.

big rave and it was the event of the weekend of the year of the month of the century of the decade. We were like it was the best time ever. But it was actually really fun. Yeah it was so fun. But at that party there was someone that I fancied and I was like ooh I want you I want you and we kept like locking eyes and like making eye contact and it was really really sweet.

But I'm too scared to interact with anybody other than my friends because of when I was rejected in grade school asking that girl to the dance, it stuck with me for the rest of my life.

but she has stinky fucking uggs now so it doesn't matter what the fuck was i saying you were saying you fancied someone you couldn't go up oh yeah i couldn't go up to them because i was terrified and so then i ended and i pointed in yet to this person i was like look at them like they're so bad like i want them so bad like they're hot whatever and and he was like sure why don't you guys say hi and i was like absolutely not or say i'm leaving i'm leaving yeah um absolutely not anyways next day i was like i want

I want to find who that was. I really want to find who it was. And Jester posts like a slideshow on their TikTok. Which, you know, this is going to like...

So people are going to look at the slideshow and like try to pinpoint. There's a few people on there, so I don't give a fuck. And they will never guess. But I screenshotted it and sent it to Jester. And I was like, who is this? I need to know who this is. Like, please tell me who this is. And Jester like didn't respond for an hour. And I was like, oh, God, like, who is that? And Jester responded was like, Drew, that's my fucking uncle. Like you were hitting on my uncle the entire night. And I was like, for real?

freaking the fuck out. I was like, oh, hell no. I thought it was really funny and so did Jester, but yeah. That is so funny. When Drew told me that, I cracked the fuck up because I wouldn't have guessed that, but also that's so sweet. Yeah. And then my toxic response was like, okay, what does that mean? No, that was my response. I was like, okay, give me their number. Now what? Link me. Link me, stinky. Let's link and build. Let's link and build. Why do...

Me and Oscar Isaac and Pedro Pascal have to go to Paris together. Or have a threesome together. Yeah, we need to go to Paris and see that one. Oh, so you said that shit to me and I didn't understand what you meant. And it was such a bar. Yeah, let's see. Well, I already spoiled it. But Eiffel Tower, Eiffel Tower. Yeah, Drew sent me like this slideshow of like Pedro and Oscar being friends. I was like, wait. Oh, I didn't say anything. I just sent a picture of the Eiffel Tower back. And Drew was like, what does that mean? I was like...

I know. I was like, okay. Or you said we need to go to Paris. Oh, yeah. All three of us need to go to Paris. But yeah, that slideshow was fucking crazy. Literally don't even get me started. I don't like Last of Us, but I might watch it. That's kind of my vibe too. To see him be big and strong. Ew, he's so big and strong. He's a real boy. That's the thing. He could probably pick me up.

I'm seeing what Oscar Isaac is in recently.

that's coming i just only remember scenes from a marriage that was oh he was in this new marvel thing called um moon night you're not gonna get me to watch that i don't care who you fucking put in that yeah never but you could reincarnate michael jackson and get him dancing in the fucking avengers circle and i wouldn't watch that shit i wouldn't fucking give a fuck this is literally anti-marvel anti-avengers like i'm so sorry and if you fuck with it honestly that's gorgeous that's beautiful um but you are abnormal

I'll leave it at that. I think like the majority of people like Marvel. I just can't do super fucking heroes. I can't do it. I don't get it. I never will. I never have. I also can't like... Also the comedy style of it I think is like also what turns us off. It's so awful. It's so like... I got it. The Hulk did what?

What the heck? That's literally it. He's so silly. But yeah, I just can't do it. Also, abnormal. Wait, the Hulk is like a big man now. Saying someone is abnormal as a diss, that's in. Because saying someone is abnormal is actually really fucking mean. Like, I said that to somebody yesterday and I was like, it was like as a joke and it was funny. But I was like, if that was real, that would have been so mean. Like, you're abnormal.

I take it as a compliment. So next time somebody you don't like posts a TikTok, just comment abnormal. We should take... Don't do that. That's so mean. We should take normal out of the dictionary. Okay. We'll do that then. Is that what you want to hear? Yeah. It's done. That's exactly what I want to hear. Dictionaries are literally useless now. Like we have iPhones. We have iPhones. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for watching this episode.

Oh, wait, actually, before we go, this is just random, but I did have a dream that we were in a plane crash two times in one day and we survived each other. But and it was like a plane crash that it was like this company had like really like malfunctioning planes we got on and it was like really dipping a lot. And like it was like the worst takeoff ever. And I had turned to you and we were in business class because we were like so slay. But also the business class, these were literally like fucking lawn chairs. Like it was so like rinky dinky.

But I turned to you and I was like, I was like, this plane is going to go down. Like I was like, it's going to fucking go down. And you were like, and yeah, I know. And I was like, I love you. And we like said our I love you's. But like for some reason we had this like blind confidence where we were like, I'll see you in like a second though. Like it's okay. Like whatever. It crashes. We crashed on the highway. Like it was like basically landed like this person. It was like a female pilot. She's so sick. Makes sense.

crashing the plane. No, it makes sense because she saved us because the plane was the one that had the malfunction. She didn't do anything wrong. But she crashed, like she landed on the highway. Oh my God. She landed on the highway. Nobody was hurt. But then the highway was like in like

Like, uh, like very, it felt like we had like, we're in Brazil for some reason or some shit, but like, it was literally the highway was next to like a river and like, it was gorgeous. And then we landed, everyone survived. And I literally stepped back and took the most lit ID picture of like this plane with like a broken wing and like everybody like kind of standing around. And then I put some Instagram, I was like, LOL, what the hell? And like, I, that was my comment. Like my caption was like, LOL, huh? And it was like the plane crashed. Um,

And then the like, the like airline was like trying to comp us by getting on another plane. And the pilot had told me, she was like, watch, the same thing is going to happen. Like these planes are all fucked up. Like I've been trying to say this to them, whatever. We got on the plane anyway. And then it happened again and we survived again. And we were like, we were literally so hyped. We were like, damn, we were so gassed. We were like, who can say they survived two plane crashes?

playing crashes in a day and we were so gassed and we were like oh next episode is gonna be lit like so fucking annoying which is like way too real because anytime anything happens we're always like oh my god like gotta talk about that we have to talk about that and then that's it but before we end it I'm gonna do some media um oh just you you think just you well you were trying to end it early without no I always say thank you guys for watching like recently and then we do media but whatever um

Vespertine, the entire album by Björk. I know I've said it once and I'll say it again. Best Björk album. I don't give a fuck what your opinion is. It's so good. So, so good. And then, hold on, hold on, hold on. I need to get the title of this song. Okay, I actually don't know which one it is. But it's off of Oil of Every Pearl's On Insides by Sophie.

There's a song on there specifically, but just listen to that as well. Masterpiece. And then I've been playing... I've been playing that sample. Also, one day, randomly, I ran into that sample in the wild and it freaked me the fuck out. And then I saw a TikTok a couple days ago saying that they did the same thing. I think TikTok... Spotify, if you have listened to a song before...

Or like constantly, they'll throw the sampled one in your Discover Weekly because that happens to me a lot. Like when the Tyler album came out and I was listening to it a lot, all the samples were in my Discover Weekly the next week. That's lit as fuck. But I've been playing... I think it's called Planetary Evolution, but it's like a cookie clicker style game where you click and make a bunch of money. And I have officially broke the top 300 top earners of all time. I...

I'm going for number one. And I'm coming for you, bitches. Well, you're probably 400 now because we just did the podcast. I know. I have to get back to clicking. Well, my Discover Weekly is Saving My Feelings For You, Blossom Deary, Act In A Smoochie, I Spice Princess Diana, I Spice Duh, Drinking My Cup by Kirkle Bangs. Kirkle Bangs? Media of the Week. We should start calling it Discover Weekly.

Because you said my Discover Weekly on accident. Yeah, we'll do that if Spotify gives us the money. Just give me a little something. Hey, Spotify. Hi! We want to sign with you. And then Finest Hour by The Sundays. The Sundays is probably one of my top five artists. And that's it. That's that. Oh, my God. I remember when I was obsessed with the Everything But The Girl album in the summer. Everything But The Bagel album.

Like, that wasn't my first time being obsessed with Amplified Heart, but every now and then it just creeps back up. Oh, and I've been listening to the Cranberries. I've just been in my, like, 90s, 2000s, like, girl kind of being like...

I'm 13 again and smoking cigarettes by the big green electrical box at the park. We actually hung out by that a lot after school with the YMCA counselor because he would let us like leave to go get ice cream. But he was he was the dance teacher. So it wasn't like.

It wasn't sus. He was just, he was like, I think literally like 22 and just was like living out older brother, like fantasy of like, y'all want to just go get ice cream. He was actually the only cool counselor. It was so annoying. You ever smoke a cigarette? I think I smoked my first cigarette at the green machine or the green box.

I think everybody did. I don't think I smoked my first cigarette until I was like 20 or something. Like I think it had to have been in LA. Loser. And then like the first time I really started smoking was when we went to Paris for the first time. Me and Kai are beefing for some reason. No, we're not. Well, that's because you said he stings like mildew, which he does, but like you didn't have to call him out. Whenever you don't let me hit for like a week, I do start to get pissed off at you. That's literally me though.

Oh, that is one thing that we previously mentioned, but it was very true. Everybody in LA wants me. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. It's annoying. Everybody wants me so bad. I'm like, it's annoying. No one flirts with me, but like...

I'm not flirtable with and I also like when people flirt with me. I literally oh, I'm so mean by accident. You are literally evil. Well because I just don't know what to do with that like when people flirt with me I literally be like once once it registers in my head cuz I'm talking to somebody and then they'll say the one actually flirtatious thing with me and I'll literally just like Because I'm registering it. I'll look at them and be like. It's literally cringe. Flirting with people is cringe as fuck. Yeah. I'm like, okay.

Yeah. And then I like just keep talking and I'm like, I'm going to go find my friends because you've scared me now. Now you've made me very scared. But yeah. All right. Well, everyone wants Drew. Everybody here wants you. You know that song? No, I don't. I'll serenade you with it right now. You don't know this song? I just heard it.

Why the fuck would I know this song? Because it's fucking Jeff Buckley, bitch. One of the greatest fucking artists ever. Matt.