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Oh, I missed that clap. Oh, I missed the clapping of your butt cheeks. I missed your clap. Like, uh, chlamydia. Okay.

Is that what they call it? The clap? Yeah, I got the clap. Oh. I got the clap. Well, welcome. Hey. On three. One, two. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. Now I actually feel like a bit of somebody who's mentally deranged for talking in front of a camera like this for some reason. It does feel strange, although it's only been, what, two weeks since we've talked into a mic? I...

Oh, I guess, yeah, because we did Pullman. The great city of Pullman. Oh, we love Pullman. That episode we got and we're going to drop it on Patreon. Yeah, that's on our Patreon. But we went to Washington Pullman. Just an update of what we've been up to. Right after our break, almost immediately, we went to... Dove into work. Yeah. We said we weren't going to work and we worked.

But it was awesome fun work because I love attention. I have been thinking about this because I'm sure people are like, "Well, where's your mental health?" I decided what's like the big thing is I can't see people talking about me and being a public figure. Like, I love doing entertainment and I love being a comedian and I love attention. But then the attention part is too much for my caveman brain because some of that attention is people saying I'm a bitch. And then I'm like, "Um, hello." But whatever.

But it was fun because I like attention. So I still got my attention. And it was only good attention because you have to be a crazy demon to go somewhere publicly and be like, I hate you. Yeah, exactly. But it was awesome chatting in front of a bunch of people. I was shitting myself before. Like I was literally doing breathing exercises before the fucking show. How embarrassing. Do you want to do it on camera? No. Even though it's the scariest thing I've ever seen you do. No, Kai Blur it.

That was pretty fucked up. No, you know, he's messing it up. You had to like go like this. I can't. I'm literally red. You had to go like this and roll your eyes up and then do it. Oh, you didn't do the eye rolling thing. I know, I'm red. He's too embarrassed. Red, red, red. All I see is red because I've been murdering people. Banging bitches on their periods. Oh, I was just going to say. Jesus Christ. That actually, I need to bring that up. That's a good leeway. Yeah, I am on my rag. I'm on the rag right now.

I have good news. I'm late on my rag. Very late for the rag. Might have to go... It's been two months. To the container store, buy a few rags to... What's it called? To like... You know when you buy a pregnancy test because you feel like, oh, if I take a pregnancy test, I'll just get my period because that's just how your body works? Because it's like, girl, you're tripping. Like, we're here. Like, you're so annoying. My girls know. Y'all know. We understand. But...

That's not funny. I'm like, oh my period. It's really scary. I mean, I've taken two pregnancy tests. Negative. They were 7-11 pregnancy tests, though. Which I don't think... Oh yeah, we did do that in Pullman. Oh, wait, so I've taken three. I took one in Pullman. Negative. And then I took two here. After a night of drinks, I came home and I...

Door dash myself to 7-Eleven pregnancy test. Kai was just about to say, why don't you get the Erewhon pregnancy test? Is there actually one? No, there's just a funny bit. But Drew saved it. Yeah, I got you. I got you. Y'all ever step on a Lego? Like actually stepped on a Lego? I'm serious because that shit hurts. I'm going to fucking hurt you. Yes. Yeah. No, that shit actually hurts. Only kids in the 90s would even.

You even know what a Lego is? Yeah, they build the Lego bricks on their phones. Lego having a comeback is actually crazy, but that's a different story. Lego having a comeback for adults. Like, kids don't even use Legos. It's literally all the adults who use them as kids now spending quadruple the price of what Legos used to cost so you can have fake orchids in your house. Yikes. Where am I? Yikes.

Yikes, why don't you just doom scroll on your phone like the rest of us? Ew. What is going on? Are you okay? Sorry, my name's Jericho. Oh, wait, what? Yeah.

Hello, Drew. I think he slipped into his altar. Oh, is this your straight altar? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, you haven't gotten that far in yet. You don't know your sexuality? Yeah. I'm not making fun of DID. I'm making fun of people that are making fake DID. But I did come to a conclusion today. Okay. Okay.

While I was pacing around talking to Kai while Inya was throwing her makeup shit in the toilet and just leaving it there to sit. And I thought it was a poop on a piece of toilet paper. I wish I took a picture for you guys, but it is a vile scene. I put makeup on my hands and then I wipe it with toilet paper and I always throw it into the toilet and I don't flush. It never flushes. Well, because it feels like a waste of water. It's not like actual fecal matter. It's... Fecal matter. It's expensive Sephora stuff. But I realized...

We all can agree bisexual people aren't real. Like, we all know that. You said it. I never said that. I'm like, guys, I'm like, you said it. Guys, like, we don't say that. I can't, actually, I can't vouch for Kai. I don't say that. But. I don't say it on camera. Oh.

But all bisexual people really should be tested for DID, dissociative identity disorder, because I'm sure what's really going on is you have an alter fronting that is straight and then you go back to your gay self and it's really, you know what I'm saying? I mean, like the thing is, like, I feel like you would only know from personal experience.

that bisexuality isn't real. No, I'm the only real bisexual person on this planet. - Okay, you're the only one who gets to stake claim? - Yeah. - Is it because you've come to the conclusion of that theory? So if you know that, then you can't be like,

One of the bad ones. What are you trying to say? I don't understand. I don't know what you're trying to say I'm just saying I'm the only real straight person in this room. By that logic. I misheard you I thought you said by. Are verses do they have DID in your mind? Actually now that I think about it yeah. Makes sense right? Yeah.

There are no real bottoms. I mean, no real tops in this world. Except for cops or bottoms. All cops or bottoms. ACAB. All cops or bottoms. Did you just make that up? I made it up like a long ass time ago. That's fine. Oh, that's really good. Specific events that transpired. Oh, never mind. I was going to say something one of my friends made up, but I can't say it. Okay, well, another thing I've been thinking about. Cats don't get hairballs anymore.

I've never seen a hairball. I don't know if they were ever real because I've never seen one either. That shit's fake. I think people were mistaking it for your cat like eating your things you leave around on the floor. I've seen a real hairball back in the 90s. Shit was crazy back then. I haven't seen one since the 90s either. Yeah.

I mean, you definitely were alive. Like, you were... The pause. You were definitely seeing things. We both contemplated doing it. I looked into both of your eyes and then I just, like, shrank. You saw it. You saw it happening. But, yeah. The other... Sorry. Oh, the other thing is the bugs on the front of cars.

- Oh, there's no bugs anymore. - There is actually real science behind that. - Yeah, it's like a real thing. - Pesticides, they're killing all the big bugs that splat on your cars when you drive on the freeway. - Oh, really? You know what's crazy is I feel like when I drive for a long time in Miami, I still see that.

Like if I driving to the Everglades and back. But yeah, it's not as much as it used to be at home. Oh my God, driving home from like a baseball game late at night with the bright lights and then coming home and seeing it the next morning. Like hella bugs everywhere. Oh, that was like honestly jarring at the time. But now looking back, very beautiful. Someone needs to make a movie about a bug. I've never been to a baseball game in my life. Really? Never once in my life. I went to my first. No, no, not my first. First baseball game since I watched a person die at one.

It was in a new stadium, so I felt comfortable going. The energy has been erased. But yeah, I went to that in Texas. It was really nice. I used to play baseball too growing up. I know. You saw someone die in a baseball thing?

that's josh oh yeah i 100 did it was i think he told the story yeah i told it before somebody fell yeah i'm like trying to get a ball it was like really really sad yeah it was like personally like i persevere through anything and i feel like as a child i would have seen him like okay like keep the game going no it was really horrific for me that would have been my vibe i would have been like let's keep it pushing why are you looking at me what are you doing

Just really sad. Do you want sympathy right now? Um, no, no. You can just say it. You can just say it and you can get it. I don't want sympathy right now. Oh my god. Then I guess I won't give it to you. What the hell? Well, I decided that we don't need to take physics class and stuff because all of it's really easy and I think our human brains are just designed to know how...

much force we need for certain things. Yeah, no, physics is bullshit. People are breaking the laws of physics all the time. Like people running four minute sub four minute miles like doesn't make sense. Yeah, like the kind of videos I see on my TikTok timeline. I'm like, this shit isn't real. Y'all are just trying to put words to something magical that has happened. And we don't need words for everything. I've been saying that for so long. Like this world is truly just magic. None of it makes sense. I mean, when you say it for some reason, it sounds really bad.

it's like a magical universe like I can't put it into words if you get it you get it but like this shit is magic you sound like this world is magic like for some reason it just sounds like kind of

- It's kind of more on the like loony side of things. - No, no, no. I'm like, it's on like the side where I'm like, oh yeah, this is like truly beautiful. Like this T-Rex on my chest. - Is that a new one? No, that one's really old actually. That one's old. So he didn't get it. - This shit is magical. And then take it off and you see my short little shirt that makes me look strong. For Kai.

I love that shirt. Also, I've okay. So I've decided what I need for my mental health, like where I need to be. So I need to move to a farm that is like a 15 minute drive from a town where I am undeniably a 10.

And that's what I need. Like, I think that's what I need. Because when we went to the Renaissance Fair and I at a Renaissance Fair, I am a fucking 28. Like, I literally and I was wearing my Dorothy dress. So I was literally I was quite literally AI generated for the men there. Like, it was insane. When I have this dress, we'll insert a picture that it is literally just like a Dorothy ass dress. And I've only worn it out to conventions.

I know I was just, I wasn't going to say it because I didn't want to interrupt you, but it's going to drive me insane. Yeah, we could stabilize it with my big fat ass. That's not going to work. Your ass doesn't fix everything. I mean, it fixed you. You can't like put it in my face constantly and just do bad shit to me and then just put your ass in my face and think it's going to be okay. But does it fix it? Yes, but like it's not going to fix everything. Like what? Like, okay, complain. He's complaining all the time. For once, he knows what he's talking about. Mm-hmm.

But you also don't know what you're talking about, because you don't know about the joys of getting, like, your problems fixed with some ass. Yeah, I'm such an idiot. Ew! But yeah, I wear this little Dorothy dress, and I've only worn it to, like, conventions. I wore it to, like, Monsterpalooza, which is, like, a horror convention.

We're big convention girls over here. We love a good convention. And then I wore it to the Renaissance Festival, which I would argue is just a Renaissance convention. You bought it not thinking it was a Dorothy dress, but you only worn it to cosplay conventions. And everyone's like, oh, you're like Dorothy. You're Dorothy. And you're like, no. No, it's just my dress. But it is very Dorothy because I was going to wear red shoes, but I was like, this is too much. And everybody was like, where are your slippers? Like, why are you looking at my feet? Like, why are you looking at my feet, right?

now because you're 28. and literally the amount of comments i got were crazy like i was standing in line to do like bow and arrow stuff and they were like well i don't think dorothy's shooting bows and arrows like she's a little more gentle yeah wait why do they have riz at the renaissance like it's kind of crazy but it's really scary but also something about it is so riveting and awesome because i love attention yeah um so that's what i need in my life is i need to be able to decompress for three weeks at a time it's like

loneliness and like nothingness only interacting with my friends. I have been seeing you get flirt with a bunch recently. I know something about it. Like what's up? Like it's your hair. It's your beautiful luscious locks. Yeah, I know when my hair was like short and too cool. People were like she's weird and I'm scared of her but now they're like she's normal guys. Look, she has kind of long hair. She's normal. Like that's the vibe.

but yeah that's what i need i just need to like go and like live in like some corner of the earth and then go to the town and get hella attention and get flirted with by people who scare me you came to granberry we went to granberry together and it was honestly so lit and cute we did easter with my family yeah it was awesome sorry my stomach is literally like

Being so weird right now. I keep trying to get it on camera because it's like making like crazy fucking sounds. I think it might be the Yup Duck, honestly. Probably. Because I had it last night and something. Oh, my God.

Um, but yeah, we went to Granbury and I was playing with babies and it was fucking lit. Orion came as well. Yeah, Orion was there and we were playing with babies and being mother as fuck and it was lit. But I really don't want one of those yet because... It's a lot. The ideal situation in my life is someone close to me to have a baby and then I get to like raise it by proxy.

And I get to just be the cool person because I don't want to have to be the person in a kid's life who later on they're like, she was a bitch. She told me what to do. Like, I don't want to be that. I want to be the opposite of that. And I want to be the one who's making the parent's life really hard because when the kid's with me, I let them do whatever they want. And then they're like, and you're so much more nicer than your wife.

I fucking hate you. I hope you kill yourself. I just watched like a literally 13 part series. I bought one hour of Wi-Fi on my phone just so I could text you that I was taking off and when I was landing. And then I was like, I'm going to get off my phone after this. I'm only using the hour because I like not having my phone. Did you even text me that though? Mm-hmm.

you just never responded oh my god you know what's been happening is i did something in my phone that my sleep thing stays on until like 1 p.m or i have to manually turn it off and i don't see any texts until i yeah it says do not disturb for ever on your phone um but i watched this like 13 part it i only got to part eight on tick tock

In the hour that I watched it, because I was watching it all the way through. And it was literally about, I don't even know what it was about. About like, children and like how they find other adults who will let them do what they want.

them do oh yeah him like yeah him being like i want to live with my dad and the mom being like really scary like really scary manipulative and like pulling out every manipulation tactic from the book it was literally horrifying and if i ever had to go through that i would freak the fuck out because it was scary as the kid or as the mom as the kid

Like the mom was fucked up. She was twisted. And then I found a YouTube channel and I dove into that afterwards. And when I was riding the fucking LA exit bus, which is the worst fucking thing ever created ever, ever. Um,

And I just watched the dad's YouTube channel of him basically like posting videos to prove it was real people. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was like, like one of those like psychological, like a therapist kind of situations where it's just like, here's what happens to kids when blah, blah, blah, blah. Someone knows what I'm referencing. When I fell asleep last night, I'll tell you exactly what I fell asleep to. And I'm not going to say anything about it, but I'll just say that I was like, oh, wow, there's like words for everything, huh? Y'all just be naming everything.

Actually, what I really fell asleep to is It's the Matrix, but for locusts by Tom Ska, who I originally thought was really sexy, but then look at the way he walks. It, like, actually made me want to throw up. Built it for locusts. One of the great challenges in studying collective behavior is that there's this intro- Just, okay. You thought he was sexy? Something about him is sexy, but look at the way he walks. It's giving nerdy. Wait, wait, wait. Can you hurry up? Like- Wait, the YouTuber? Yeah. Yeah.

He's got really small... You think he's sexy? Oh, it is. The walk is horrifying. Wait, what were you saying about his shoulders? No, okay, he is... Huh? He has, like, a small frame. Yeah, his shoulders are, like, he's, like, stout. But, like, I was...

immediately I was like no but then after I like observed for a little bit I was like oh okay like I get it because you know what it is it's like he's like smart he knows what he's talking about he's got a little charm to him I like his videos yeah you know people like I will always stand by it also like this is weird like I'm not talking about specifically him I don't want to like sit here and sexualize a man I don't know who's also probably married like this isn't about him but I've always said like it's about him for me baby it's probably got a monster cock like people who

who are really, really passionate about certain subjects, like, you know they get down. Like, you just know. To the funky sound. Especially people who are, like, so about that one thing publicly. It's like, they don't have, like, a shame filter or anything. They don't think what they do is shameful. Yeah.

or weird to like something so much they have no shame in bed you're literally a freak elite and it's lit that's what people say about me behind closed doors I just like a good topical person I love topics I have a lot of topics that I love and talk about I just chat about a few things I can tell you about mostly anything well I laughed because you were boring me

Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay, this is like a genuine question and not a joke question. Are there like makeup stations in the women's bathroom at the airport? What do you mean?

Like, are there like stations where you get to do your makeup after you get off a flight or do you just have some airports? Yeah, some airports and bathrooms in general will have a separate mirror just with like a little stool or like a little thing. I guarantee 100% of the men out there didn't know that because I was watching this TikTok. You went into a woman's bathroom. Yeah, I just was recording.

Okay, wait, what did you do? You watched it? I was watching this video of this girl tour, like, a gender-neutral, like, actually a gender-neutral restroom where men and women went in there. And either side you went in, the stalls were, like, completely closed, floor to ceiling. The doors were completely sealed. And, like, it was, like, men and women only. I think it was in, like, Kansas or some shit. And...

They were bantering about like the makeup stations in it. And they were like, well, you're just doing the makeup in the middle of the bathroom. And then it just got me spiraling and thinking. I was like, oh, that's probably a thing. Because Ryan was like, I'm going to do my makeup when I get off my flight in the bathroom. Yeah, it's a thing in a lot of bathrooms. But yeah.

also sometimes people just like pull out their shit and do it but a lot of uh airport bathrooms have just made space for it because it's really common and i feel like a lot of bathrooms in general like as time has gone by i see that a lot in japan that was a big thing actually in japan a lot of the like most of the bathrooms i went in had that and had like full body mirrors and a lot of things of that nature because they actually respect looking good and then in america they're like you know what actually i will say this i can't

Yeah.

at a restaurant and i go into the bathroom and there's no mirror i genuinely feel like i'm being held hostage and i'm like you are literally making me pay you to be in prison right now like that's what i feel like or like a 7-eleven bathroom where it's like the piece of like reflective paper that's always like hella dented so when you look in it it's like what's the fucking point it's literally like you're fucking like greening um speaking of greening sorry i'm literally being annoying and like fixing my lipstick right now i'm just that kind of girl

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, "Wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads." But we're doing our job, you're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

Would you ever wear like clothes like that you know, like somebody who's like died before? Like, would you ever wear like a dead person's clothes or something like? Hell no. Oh, okay. Hell no. Oh, okay. Because I mean, I was gonna, I mean, I'm literally wearing. Hell no. I knew you'd say that. And scene.

Literally, what is wrong with you? Anyway, speaking of greening out, the other night...

finally got so high that I got scared. Like, I've been really, everybody knows I've been testing it out. Like, I've just been pushing the limits of what I could, where I could go in my mind. Where is my mind? Where is my mind? And I was hanging out with Orion and, like, Orion is a normal person so she has normal person tolerance and then there's me who literally, when I talk about, like, to any of my friends, the milligrams I take, they are literally laughing at me. But, usually, so what I did is, my usual thing is, like, the two milligram

um, THC six milligram or is it four? I think it's four milligram. Two and four. Yeah. Two and four, right? Two THC, four CBD. That's usually what I do. Except when we were in Texas, I took some of the edibles we had there and I took half of it, which was also still such a tiny amount. I think it was like

five THC, but one CBD, which for me is fucking insane. And I literally was having the best time of my life. Drew was talking and it felt like I was watching TV, like Drew was talking to his mom. And I'm not kidding. It felt like I was watching TV. Like everything was so funny and it was literally the best night of my life. And it just felt like I was watching TV the whole night. Like my eyes weren't my eyes. My eyes were an LED screen. Like, and it was fucking lit. Did it feel like you were watching TV? Sorry, that was so fucking mean. Oh my God. That was like...

I do think that's the meanest thing I've ever seen you do. Yeah, that was like mean. That wasn't even funny. Now, if I said something to ruin your whole life, I'd be wrong. Now, if I said something to literally deteriorate any ounce of confidence you have in that little body of yours. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so she called me little. No, you're scrawny. Oh, okay. Drew, pop that jacket off so I can see your arms. Don't embarrass him. Don't embarrass him like that. Damn, that looks good.

Thank you. I needed a little confident boost after that. Well, fucking watching TV and it was awesome. And you can suck my fucking balls, bitch. Stupid fucking cunt. Was it the ones that... The watermelon ones? The green ones. No, it was green apple. Green apple. Oh my god, sees a green candy and thinks watermelon? Like, literally mean when I'm a freak. But...

- It was awesome, and then when I got back, I went to go get those 'cause I was like, damn, maybe that's the vibe I need to be on is just being a little scared, but like having fun at the same time. They didn't have them, so when I was hanging out with Orion, I went back to my normal ones and oh my God, actually, no, I had so much weed that night now that I think about it. I literally had-- - Yeah, y'all like were obliterated. - No, not even that night, but when I got back, I was trying to mimic that, but I just realized I had so much weed, well for me,

I had my can, so that's two THC, four CBD. This is so annoying that I'm coming back and I'm talking about weed, like, in this, like, increment, but it's really funny how my night ends. We're good, we're good, we swear. Also, the idea that I think this is bad when most people are like, girl, that's literally nothing, but whatever. So, I did my, like, can, that's the one I usually have, and then I had half of one of Orion's five milligrams. So, now I'm at, like,

4.5 milligrams, whatever. It's not even even like that. That's not how those things work. But if we're going to do it, that's how it is. And I knew I was really high because now I'm like at a little above my CBD to THC. I know it was really high because I was like a little scared. Every time I spoke, I felt like I was being a freak and everything I said, I was like, why did I say that? I hate that feeling. Oh, because...

because planes got brought up. So it was really bad for me because I went on a really long tangent about planes. And I started like naming off a bunch of the crazy plane crashes that I have memorized and exactly what happened and what year and like all these things that I started going in. And then it was just like me, Orion and one other person. I was like,

oh my god I need to stop doing that and then I kind of got myself to shut up and whatever I'm getting a little tired we go to like be in Orion or just like sleeping in her like living room and watching TV and I'm kind of starting to fall asleep and I'm like okay this is perfect it's 12 o'clock I've been on an early schedule I'll just go to sleep and I start falling asleep and then Orion's like still on her phone and like we're still kind of talking and she's like oh should we like take another edible and I was just like oh I'm

oh, I don't know. And then she was like, girl, come on. And I was like, okay, fine. Yeah, okay. And then she gave me another half. I think it was like a half of her 10 or something. And I took another five milligrams. And I didn't think anything of it because I was like, dude, I'm so tired. I'm literally going to fall asleep before this hits me. And then like 30,

30 minutes goes by and I'm sitting watching this like murder documentary thing um and I'm like laying there and I start falling asleep but as I'm closing my eyes I'm imagining a life if I didn't go to sleep that night girl what I don't know how to describe it like I mean my eyes my eyes are still open girl she gave you fucking fentanyl and you OD'd and now you're in a different dimension I literally like

falling asleep. Are you crying? I'm crying from laughing so hard. But I like literally was like so high and I started to get so high so fast because I also we'd eaten like five hours before. So now because it's like midnight. So now I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm like, I don't think I have enough food in my stomach for like all the edibles that are now rotting on top of my stomach lining. And I was just sitting there falling asleep. And then

Because I could still hear the TV, it was like my eyes never closed and I couldn't tell if I was closing my eyes or not. And then I like couldn't tell if I was breathing. And I was like, I would go like, and I was like so scared and I didn't want to seem like I was freaking out laying down next to Orion. So I was like holding my breath because I didn't want to seem like I was breathing really hard trying to live like this.

It's freaking out. And what's awesome is I was dead silent while this was happening. So Orion has no idea that this all happened next to her. And then like, actually, I kind of told her like an hour later. But like, yeah, I was just, I couldn't go to sleep. I was so tired. And like, the edible was just beating my ass. Like, I just was like trying to go to sleep. And I like couldn't because my brain was like, you're still awake because you're like, you know exactly what this room looks like. So your eyes aren't closed.

Girl, you were literally tripping. And I, then I just like opened my eyes and sat up because I was like, okay, I guess I can't go to sleep. Like my body is like not letting me right now. So then I got up and just started getting really hyper fixated on the murder thing I was watching. I've been there before when like, I'm like,

Oh, like if I go to sleep, I'll actually die. So like I can't go to sleep right now and I'll just like try to keep myself awake and like poke the whites of my eyes trying to keep myself awake. Oh, yeah. That was the other thing is I had contacts on and I didn't bring my glasses to her house because it was like an impromptu sleepover. So I my eyes were really, really dry for a long time until she finally gave me contact things to put my contacts in.

But by that time, my eyes were so bloodshot and dry from having my contacts in too long. So my eyes were really dry and I kept, like, doing the thing where I, like, closed my eyes and I, like, rubbed the top lid to try and, like, literally force them to make moisture. But then it kind of passed because she got up and she was like,

I need a snack so bad. And I was like, yeah, me too. And then she went and got snacks. And I sat there trying to literally just be like, okay, like you're going to eat and it's going to like, you're going to live. Like, like I literally was like, I'm not crazy. Like it literally felt like she was upstairs for two hours. And I was just downstairs twiddling my thumbs. Cause also my phone was dead.

so I literally couldn't even like zoom scroll it was just the murder doc in front of me and I kept pausing it because crazy things were happening it was like sounds like fucking purgatory and I was like well Ryan has to see this this is fucking insane um but then she gave me snacks and I'm not kidding I experienced exactly that scene in Ratatouille where they're like mixing all the snacks and it was so insane I've never savored a meal and eaten so slow in my life and it was the first time ever where I was like this is what eating is for like it's for tasting this is what it's all about um

It was awesome. We had, like, little, like, sandwich pickles. We had those. Little garlics. Like, it's, like, a mix of, like, garlic knots and pickles. We had that with, like, Babybel cheeses, cuties, and then, like, we had leftover Chick-fil-A nuggets, so we each got two nuggets with that, and that was, like, our, like, platter of, like, tasting. And then we had...

um the cuties for dessert and like we each had a brownie and like the way we like set it up in a way that we were like eating to the top of the pyramid and it was awesome it was literally so fun and then eventually it got up and i was like oh ryan i don't think you understand an hour ago like this is after some time i was like i was so fucking high that i genuinely was kind of tweaking and she was like what i couldn't tell um

I was like, yeah, because I was like silently, I was literally in my head. Like I was in Silent Hill. Like I was Silent Hill. And then it was awesome. And honestly, I would do it again because it was so funny. Well, now it's funny. But at the time, I literally was like, I couldn't, I'm never going to be able to sleep again. Like I don't, my body won't let me. And that's my story. That's what I've been up to. That's literally, I think the most that's happened to me. Other than that, in these past two weeks, I've just been...

Which is crazy. I've been cooking meals at home, which is lit. But on my breakfast... I realize I can only cook breakfast. I am really bad at cooking dinner. Unless it's soup and baleadas. Baleadas are so good. Let her cook.

That's like weird. Why does it have to be her? Like, why does she have to cook? Not every woman knows how to cook, Kai. And not every woman belongs in the kitchen like you were just saying. That's a thing that people say on TikTok. He literally just basically said, go make me a sandwich. No, I didn't. Cool story, bro. Go make me a sandwich. No, I didn't. I was reciting a meme. And now you guys are twisting the narrative. What is a fucking meme? I need to control over the narrative.

You need to control your thoughts because you're attacking them. Should we slip Kai and Ambien before the next podcast? Yeah, so you can chase the walrus. Me with, like, sunglasses on just like this. What is it? Weekend at Bernie's style? When you guys said that things were going to be different on the, you know, when we came back, you were like, oh, things are going to be different. I was really expecting, like, a studio. Were you actually? Well, not this, you know. I was like, oh, things are going to be different. There's going to be, like, Kai's going to have a...

Really comfortable big chair. So what you're saying is you wanted more attention, babe? No, no, no, no. It's going to be a parking space for me for like my Hummer. Your Hummer? You guys would get me the electric Hummer. That's what I was imagining. I wasn't expecting like a light, you know. You were expecting something for you. Yeah, I was expecting like a car and like... You have a car. Well, a better one. Bitch, I am not... I'm not giving you a fucking car. Okay. Bleep that, bleep that. Bleep the D word. Okay. Okay.

I need to know who the fuck U2 sold their souls to because those bitches are working overtime to keep them relevant. Like, I don't think I've ever heard a U2 song in my entire life, but somehow they are the most relevant and important musicians of our lifetime. And I've never heard a fucking song by them. You've heard a song 100% with them in it. And then also like,

like the apple shit is crazy like like how much apple loves them putting their album on the apple iphone is the craziest shit on every single iphone is crazy that was the biggest flex like imagine being able to say like or wait i wonder if that counted towards downloads like did that count towards probably like sold units or anything because that would be fucking insane and that's literally hack and illegal and i'm taking them to court

to court yeah and then now they're doing the new like madison square garden dome in las vegas that got developed it's like this giant fucking orb that is covered in led screens and like the inside screen is like the biggest screen in the world and like it's going to be like super immersive for like i got some information oh yeah thing um it says with a push of a button

YouTube songs of innocence obliterated the current number one selling album of all time, Michael Jackson's Thriller, by 435 million copies. And was that because of iPhones? I don't know. That might have been because I remember they put it on an iPod. Like every iPod that you got had it. Or was it the iPhone? It was an iPhone because it was on my... Oh, wait. No, it might have been iPods. It might have been iPods. It was iPods because I had an iPod Touch when that happened. The iPhone 6. Yeah.

oh my god so i guess iphones ipods all that shit that is that is so crazy who do they sell their soul to because i need to know because i don't give a fuck about them really liked them and they were like to honor steve but i don't think no because i don't think steve was around because i remember literally having a selfie with an iphone and i was like wow like steve steve i was like without him

Would I be here? Also, I decided I'm going to start saying yes more because the plot of my life has become stagnant and the script writers fucking suck right now. Like they need to figure this shit out.

because also the script writers of the universe have been freaking me the fuck out recently because like there are so many little things happening where I'm just like see that's too perfect that is way too perfect for this to be happening now and I'm not gonna name the specific event but like I'll tell you guys after but I'm like I already told you yeah um yeah fucking right like in the peak of it all like that's what's gonna happen I don't know it's crazy boots um

Wait, maybe I'm mistaking what you're talking about. Because what I think you're talking about, I'm like, was that that crazy? Or maybe I'm thinking something else. I'll tell you after. But yeah, it's the script writer's

Fucked up because it's the first time that they crossed my suspension of disbelief where I was like, okay, yeah, this is like not real. This isn't happening. Okay, then I think I do know what you're talking about because that is pretty like... It's too like... It's too perfect, too contrived. It's too curb. Like, oh! Yeah, exactly. How did I end up here? Exactly. Well...

This is terrifying. The arena they're building, like, why are they doing this? And if it goes over well, they're building a second one in Europe or some shit. Wait, I'm going to send it to Kaido Throwin. It's actually hilarious. And I'm, like, kind of excited because it's giving, like, future, like, and I'm like, yeah, we do need to update the architecture. This is the one U2 song you've heard. Hello? They're in this.

Oh, wait, what? But I don't think they... Are they like culturally significant and I'm just being ignorant? Because like... They're not the Beatles. So, oh my God, during Pullman, I went on an anti-Beatles tangent. Did not go over well with the crowd. I guess people really like those guys. And then we saw someone after the show when we went to dinner that is in love with music and still did not fuck with the jokes anyone was making.

But whatever man. And I won't back down. And I won't back down. Wait, what is this photo of them? Oh my god, this is their song. Oh, I've heard this song. Okay, I do like this song. I can't lie. This song is lit. It's like giving like Tarzan. Yeah. It's giving Phil Collins. Yeah. Also, while Anya's going through U2, I decided that if I'm not actively at Coachella, I'm

Coachella isn't real and it's not happening. It's like it's genuinely all fake and a front and not real and happening if I'm not there. No one can convince me that it's fun. And I stand by that. No one can convince me it's fun. No one can convince me that it's worth any while unless you're literally being treated like fucking...

I don't know, like Beyonce or fucking Michael Jackson. And like you're literally being catered to at your every walking step, which some people have that experience. I was going to say they do call me the Michael Jackson of the influencer industry. That's not good, man.

for a couple reasons no in the way in the way drake calls himself michael jackson yeah oh okay then that's good did y'all know that rick ross calls his property promised land yes oh the video i sent you yeah this dude like who does like was it uh airplanes yeah rc airplanes like made a video of him going over to rick ross's house and like doing it with him and it was so me and rick ross aren't that different after all that's what we learned exactly i would also do that if i had a lot of

a billion dollars um also it's giving i would just call my property and your land t um so also fuck dude that just threw me off man i was just joking um fuck what was i gonna say though for real yeah you were too busy making your joke making fun of me to remember your own fucking story little comment fuck what was it

You're like, oh, I'm going to say yes more. Oh, I just remembered. People say I look like Beyonce. Like a lot of the time. That's weird because I wouldn't forget that if people said that to me all the time. Well, no, I was just saying like it just like stuck my mind. Oh, I guess it is easy to forget things because you're also forgetting that people say you're really annoying and ugly all the time. But like you're just forgetting to mention that.

But I guess I wouldn't mention that too because that one's like kind of... That came from a real place. This is crazy. I'm like literally being like targeted right now. Like I actually don't feel safe here. If I had drones, I would literally deploy them onto you. It's giving...

I just feel like I'm giving like Beyonce of the podcasting industry. It's giving, I'm going to steal your social security card and have it enrolled and have you enrolled into the military. And then in three days, somebody's going to knock on the door and it's going to be a man in a suit. Do they still do it like that? Evading the draft. It's going to be a man in a suit being like, you...

And then you just have to pick up your things. Oh, that is literally... Did they ever do that? Like, go door to door? Like, Jehovah's Witnesses? And they were like... Probably during the draft, like, to scare the rest of the world. Like, look, we just walk up and they're ready to serve type vibe. That's literally me. Someone walks up and I'm just ready to serve. Like, I'm that kind of girl. Yeah, that's true. And it is always so. You remind me of... Beyonce. Just say it. Drake, Michael Jackson. Like, yeah. Yeah.

I'm like an amalgamation of the three. I also give Lana... So you're literally the most superb pop star ever? Yes. That's what I'm getting at. Also, Lana Del Rey. Also, Aubrey. Come on. Like, we don't say his stage name. Okay, but he doesn't want us saying that on the fucking podcast. Okay. Well, I don't call my friends by their stage name. I still haven't met him yet. Can you guys link me? No. Absolutely not. Why are you gatekeeping Drake for me? Because we know what you would do to him. Yeah.

Or not do with him, I should say, because Kai has this conniving way of getting people to just... Yeah. It's crazy. You're right. They would have sex. They would hook up. Also, I am going to lie. Both of y'all look really cute today. I just wanted to say that. Really? He said, I'm going to lie, you fucking idiot.

Oh, I thought you said I'm not gonna lie. No, he said I am gonna lie. Fuck. I need to pay more attention. Yeah, it's easy to ignore Drew, though. Like, so easy. No, it literally is. Like, I'm the most ignored person on this fucking planet. Like, it's literally crazy. Okay, you know what?

I've been observing it. Sometimes it is like someone just fully like turning off their ears and I hear you. But a lot of times what you do is you'll say something so low and it's almost out of fear of being like intrusive and you'll say something so low. And then when they don't hear you, you're like,

no it's fucking crazy no no it's fucking crazy I will be looking at someone dead in the face and say something to them and they will look away it's always at the end of the conversation he tries to scoop one last thing in and it's once the conversation is kind of already dwindled and the person isn't looking at you and he's like and then they're just like no

That's simply not it. It's giving. I think I might actually be invisible. And there's only a few people on this planet that can actually see me. But it's because I'm the only real person. I think I am living in the Truman Show. And I'm convinced. I've been convinced recently that all of my friends and family and everyone I'm close to are actors. Yeah.

I'm not joking. You actually might be narcissistic or something to think that. I literally had like a fucking genuine spiral because I texted someone. I was like, if you like whispered in my ear right now that like, hey, run. This is all an act. We're all acting. This is a show. I would have an actual break because I'm that close to genuinely believing it.

Well, that would be really embarrassing because now I'm going to pay someone to do that and you're going to freak out and we're going to be watching you and it's going to be at the Grove. Not the Grove. That's my like special. And you're going to be like in the middle of everybody and I'm going to pay a flash mob to come out and like do it. And then you're actually going to believe it because you're going to see a flash mob happen right after it. And then everyone's going to laugh at you. Well, in the middle of the night, I'm going to roll a flashbang into your bedroom. Period. Just that.

Well, I'm going to flash bang your mom because it's going to be so quick. Oh, that's funny because I already banged your mama like 36 times in one night. Okay, that's funny because that wasn't even her. We bought a silicone fucking replica of her. So you just had sex with a fucking sex doll all night and it was so embarrassing. And we were filming you and we fucking already posted it, bitch. On an OnlyFans. It's going to be linked in the fucking bio. And we're going to use all the money to buy a silicone replica of your body and throw it over a fucking bridge and watch it fucking drown. Well, the funny thing about that is I figured all that out.

And I contacted the FBI and you're going to jail. One. And two, I found your real mama and I literally banged her from the back in her pussy vagina. Revenge porn is bad. Oh, okay. I guess, yeah. But it's not revenge. Yeah, because I banged your mama's pussy vagina. Vagina? What are you saying? Vagina. Vagina. Vagini. All right, well...

There's been something in my eye for the past like 10 minutes. I know. I've been rubbing shit out of my eyes too. It's like crazy. That's weird. Why would you have poop in your eyes? I just like put it in my eyes when I sleep so I can wake up with pink eye and have something to complain about.

or not go to school do y'all remember when that fool jumped from outer space oh yeah yeah he literally floated up past the firmament and jumped out of a spaceship the firmament yeah it's like this dome that goes over the earth that keeps us all contained and remember all the rockets that like went up and it's a firmament like it's in the bible get get learned hello it's not in the bible that's not in the bible what the is a firmament it's literally in the bible

Is it actually? They didn't know about all that. Yeah, it's in the Bible. No, it's not. I genuinely think it might be in the Bible, but that's just like some schizoaffective. Oh, the heavens or the sky. So yeah, that word is in the Bible. Really? But you described it as a dome that can't be. A sphere or world viewed as a collection of people. So it's not really what you're saying it is.

No, no, no, it's a sphere or a dome with a bunch of people inside the firmament. It's a real thing. Well, no, it's not actually real. It's a thing that like schizoaffective like flat earthers. Waters above firmament and then the heavens and then there's the gate to heaven and then there's heavens of heavens and then there's God. Yeah, see, it's like schizoaffective like flat earthers are like the earth is flat and there's a dome and when you launch the rockets up to space,

They hit the firmament and make the big glow like, you know, the SpaceX rockets that made the big thing over LA. Or like the one recently over Alaska that made the spiral in the sky, which was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. Dude, people just need something to talk about because this is crazy. Like, this is literally... I couldn't be bothered to know the shape of the Earth this bad. I will say, though... Like, I'm like, you tell me it's a fucking... Like, I also do genuinely believe it is a globe, but why would I, like, go out of my way to fight that? Dude, I always think about if that was true...

I would be so happy. It would be lit. I would just go in a circle. All of my worries gone. And then I just like crossed this like barrier and I was just like in a whole... It wasn't space. It was something else way better. Water. Yeah, I would be so happy. I'd be like, oh wow, all of my worries in the world are gone because nothing really actually genuinely doesn't matter. But we are trapped. Earth is technically a prison and there's like multi-dimensions and they send our bodies here to like...

get energy from the angry anger that we develop here but my life is fucking lit so

Yeah. Dude, if this was my punishment, I'd be like, oh my God, like, thank you? This is my own personal hell. Like, no, I'd be like, thank you so much. I'd be the happiest person on the planet. Gotta eat with that one. Although, like, I will say, I was thinking about it last night. I was like, the first 18 years of my life were actually comically insane. And then I did have a few years after that, which were also pretty insane. But...

For the most part, I don't care. But that's also because I don't believe in anything. And I don't think it's that deep. I genuinely don't think anything is ever that deep. Nothing is that deep ever. Literally, it's never that deep. But that guy was launched into fucking space by...

Red Bull and they just dropped him. It's fucking crazy. Like, why did we do that? Me and Josh also saw a video of this guy like doing BMX bike trips in a... trips in that like hot air balloon. Oh, I saw that too. We were like lit.

Why are we doing this? This does not make me want that drink. Like, also. Did we talk about this guy? This doesn't, like, this does nothing for the promotion of the drink. I guess it does because now we're sitting here talking about fucking Red Bull. When, in reality, I think Red Bull is the fucking devil, but that's a different story. Um, you know what?

You know how they say monster is the devil. We need the monster laugh. We need her on the podcast. She's still doing it. I know, I heard. She is still to this day doing the bottoms up and the devil laughs. She keeps calling monster the devil, but Red Bull is getting away with it. Red Bull is the real devil because why do you want to say your drink has wings? It's because you're covering up for the fact that they are devil wings. They have never clarified what kind of wings they are. They are demon wings. The real devil is Doja Cat.

Do you think conservatives think Dojo is the devil? Yeah, they think every pop star is a devil. When I go back to TikTok, my feed or when I go back to Texas, my TikTok feed changes in like a really scary, dark way. And when I'm scrolling through, it's all like I don't even know how to explain it. It's all conspiracy content. And it's all about how the world is run by like

the Illuminati in so many words. And it's just, it's fucking crazy. It's literally fucking crazy. And like, they use like Doja Cat and Sam Smith a lot as examples. You know, what's also awesome is Drew loves looking at those kinds of things because he finds them so fascinating. So that only happens to you. Because when I went back to Texas, when we went to Texas, mine was like Texas University. Like it was trying to like pitch like young people, Texan things. And it was like funny things that happened in Texas and Granberry.

It could be it could just like be that I interact with them because I love seeing like people being crazy. You also love going through their pages. Like when I see something crazy, I just like it and keep moving. When I see a crazy person on my feed, I literally go through and watch every single one of their videos. It's it's honest and I learn every single thing I can about them.

And then I spill it out to other people. I hope you like the new little set. We're going to improve it as we like move on and like evolve a little bit more. We're going to gather things and make it cuter and nicer. And I don't know, get a new camera, have guests on. We'd be like, we're going to have guests.

Why? All right. We should just have Josiah on again. Yeah, just out of spite because I saw someone comment. I know. I saw someone being like, oh, I bet they're going to have a guest, but it's just going to be Josiah. Stinky Josiah. Stinky Josiah's lit.

The guests are going to be all your, like, alters. Well, we were going to have a guest, but things happened. I mean, we could still get to that guest, but we would have to go to the guest. Why don't we? I'm down. I'm, like, so down. I'll literally text them right now. Yeah. We got to keep it elusive.

actually do know who I want on the next episode and maybe we just get them for next week actually that's a lot like they're literally doing like the craziest I know they're like actually doing something like us flying in for that which would be we should just go see them though yeah because we said we would and they would enjoy that but

Your mom is stupid and she hates you and she thinks about it every night before she goes to bed. And it's really sad because she calls me and she's like, please come over. But I'm like, girl, you literally have a husband and a kid who like is watching the podcast. So like, God forbid the kid saw me in your house. Like they're going to be like, what the fuck? Like, what is she doing here? And then I have to act like I'm there to like meet you. Like it's so weird. But your mom keeps calling me. It's so weird.

And we're putting a paywall on emergency intercom. 25 bucks a month. We're moving to our own website. I love a good like moving. Yeah, I'm not moving. We're moving from YouTube. It's too much. No, we're not. This is where I get the most attention. And like I said, I'm getting that attention. No one can take me from my attention. If I can, I will. Right, right. Wow.

what that was good if i can i will huh if i can i will smith if i can i will slap the hell out of you like will smith slapped chris rock no he didn't yeah did he i literally wasn't a joke oh i was oh my god why did you do that

Wait, were people there? Yeah, it was at the fucking Oscars in yeah. This happened like what like two days ago while the Oscars were happening. I saw it yesterday. Oh, you were there. No, no on YouTube. I thought you were at the Oscars. Should we talk about our mental state our mental health? No.

Period. None of that. I mean, I knew my life wouldn't be fixed in the span of three weeks and that's okay. But I did have time to play Fortnite all day every day and do exactly what was making me sad. And I haven't won a Fortnite game in literally like three weeks. It's been really bad. I keep getting like second, third place. I think you just need me on your team. I know. Like actually, should we play? You don't want to play. You fucking hate that game. You don't like playing it. I'll try it. I'll try it just because the attack on Titan. It is lit.

Have you been playing, Kai? Not really, no. It's so awesome. Why didn't they fucking, one, add a Titan, and two, make a Titan skin? Like, that's what everybody wanted, but they did that with Call of Duty, which is so fucking annoying. Wait, there's a Titan skin in Call of Duty? What? Yeah. No, there's not. Yeah. They licensed their shit out at the same time to 2Battle Royale? No, they did this like two years ago. Oh. Attack on Titan did. And I wanted it so bad, but I didn't get it.

Well, I need LASIK surgery really bad. I want it so bad, but I'm scared. I was laying in bed last night looking at my screen and this eye has gotten really fucking blurry and I'm really scared that it's like already going away. Are you... Did you put cream on your face before you got in bed? It wasn't like... Well, yeah. Like, of course. Like, I wouldn't go to bed without it. No, because sometimes I'll like put... I have like oils and creams that I put around my eye and they'll kind of get in my eye and then I'm like, I'm going blue.

I'm blind. I literally can't see. And then it's just the cream. It's the creme. It literally just is just like blurrier. Like it's starting to look like when I got my glasses. Or before I got my glasses. Right, right. I really want LASIK, but I'm scared that when they give me the Xanax, I hope you really like how I feel. Just tell them you don't want it. No, I need it. Whoa. No, wait. Okay, but I need it

need it because I am really anxious and I'm like such a control freak and I already have a hard time going to the doctor let alone like getting a shot or getting like dentistry done so the idea that they're gonna have like sharp objects and hot objects near my eyeball already makes me so freaked out so I think I will need it and me trying to do it without it literally sounds so scary like literally sounds like terrifying so I need it and then they're gonna give me Ambien and then y'all are never gonna

Mine didn't give me fucking Ambien. It was bullshit. I'm going to the one Orion went to and I'm getting that damn Ambien. I did get a little Cialis pill. What is that? And I'm going to try it out. It's like Viagra. I'm literally, I got it and I'm going to try it out. When? Cialis? Yeah, I just want to see what happens. When are you going to do that? Just so I know to like hang out in the house. Probably tonight. Oh, wow. Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop.

You're so jealous. Wait, why are you jealous? Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah, no, go ahead. Shut the fuck up. Also, my cute little rainbow of my little critters is covered by your head. Oh, shit.

You're right. You're right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Well, all right. Thank you guys so much for watching. Oh, we didn't do media. Hello. Oh, I almost forgot. Guys. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So I'll start us off. So I started watching two shows. I haven't finished either of them, either of them. But I started watching...

Beef, which is fun. It's cool. I like it. It's on Netflix for free. It's pretty awesome. I don't know really how to explain it other than like road rage turned coolness.

That is every day of my life challenge. And then I started watching Jury Duty, which I personally think is genuinely a masterpiece. I think it's like the coolest shit people have made in a long time. But I found out that... Are you caught up? Don't say it. No, I found out that this idea of like a Truman Show style reality show...

has already been done before even the jury duty was done by what's his face uh josh was telling me oh my god white dude um did other stuff with another white dude they acted like they they acted like no no not that they acted like they write uh they wrote a book and they went on talk shows and they were like talking about it i know who the fuck you're talking about is his name oh my god eric eric and andre no eric and andre

Oh, yeah. Eric and Andre did that. Oh, yeah. Oh, Eric and Andre 3000. Yeah. Yeah. Matt Stone and Troy Parker. Close. No, no, no. The comedy guys? The two glass brothers? Comedy Central. Or Cartoon Network, maybe. No, no, no. After Dark. Adult Swim.

Oh, Tim Heidegger? Yes, Tim and Eric. Tim and Eric. Okay, but it's so fucking sick. It's basically one person is not an actor, and then every single person around him is an actor. Yeah, he did a fake trial. It's like the trial of Tim Heidegger. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, and then basically they somehow picked the literal perfect best person to be the non-actor. He's fucking awesome. Wait, what is this called? Jury Duty. It's on... It's on Amazon with freebie. Yeah, and you gotta watch ads. But it's fucking lit. I saw a billboard that was like freebie, the most used streaming platform. I'm like, girl, that one show couldn't have taken you that far. But maybe it did because the whole world's watching.

Yeah, but it's... It's like American Idol in 2005. The whole world is watching. Charisma, uniqueness, and then salad. Why do people hate American Idol up? Dude, I was just talking about that. I just watched an episode, like, fucking two weeks ago in Texas. Yeah, I was there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you saying? Don't you miss that, though? Like, everyone watching American Idol. That doesn't happen anymore. Yeah. Like, all 130 million Americans in 2003 watching it together. That and, like, music award shows.

Like, I feel like it used to be such a unity, like, thing. Like, everybody got together. We need to try building. And it was like, we all watched this. Like, even, like, sports. Like, I feel like no one's watching the Super Bowl anymore. Like, even the Super Bowl halftime show, no one gives a fuck about. We need, that's what's happened is we've lost our sense of community even with our bigger, wider community. We need to build something that everyone could love. Everyone should watch this.

Oh, emergency intercom. Yeah, that could be the thing. We could have like a Super Bowl. Maybe emergency intercom tour. Oh. So we could share a hotel room. Oh my God. Yeah, I just, I only want to go on tour so I can share a room with Drew. Yeah, me too. And we can sleep together. Yeah. Especially after you take your little... My Cialis. Yeah.

It's going to get creepy. Whoa. I'm going to take my Cialis. I'm going to walk around with a boner. Dude, I'm not kidding. Actually, being in a random hotel in Washington and Texas and just sitting down and watching cable TV was the most fun I've ever had in my life. Doing nothing was such a fucking vibe. It was honestly awesome. You middle of America bitches do it right. I know. Literally. Except the...

some things are very wrong. Except for like the really bad things. Except for literally the moral landscape is definitely skewed, but... Yeah. Sorry, my train is here to get me. Your train? Yeah, I'm about to run a train on Kai. Okay.

Really? Oh, today we have to do the chicken sandwich taste test. Did you see my test? Oh, yeah, yeah. We're doing that today. I'm going to order a bunch of chicken sandwiches from everywhere and blindfold Drew and have him eat them. And I'm going to get every single one of them right. Do you want to hang out for that? Do you want to see that? Because I'm literally going to do that. I think I have to go after this. I have to meet someone at like three. Whoa. Okay, see how I tried to be gracious and for once invite this fucking loser to do something with us. It's true. And I get rejected on camera. Wow. Wow.

You know what? Honestly, as I was saying it, I didn't want him there anyway. Did you feel that for me? I could feel it too. Because I feel like I was having a hard time hiding it. I'm just hurt by both of them. But when are you going to take the... What did I do to you? When are you going to take the Cialis though? Because I'll definitely pull up for that. I'll probably be gone when I take it. Yeah, because he's going to take it with the chicken sandwich. I'm going to hide it in one of the chicken sandwiches. And he's going to have to get a little crunch. Okay. Well, I've been watching.

watching absolutely nothing other than I watched jury duty I haven't picked up the Sopranos because oh fuck I've I watched your mama bang your daddy last night that's funny because they don't have sex anymore when I was there I know that honestly like thank you thank you for that that's the straightest thing I've ever seen you do but the way that you looked over that was the straightest shit ever I don't know what else hashtag mask for mask

RuPaul's Drag Race. Dude, we have to catch up with that. Josie comes over tomorrow. Why doesn't he come over today? Josie hates us. Oh my God, we watched Lucy, which was the worst movie on the planet. I was hyping it up to India. I was like, oh, this might be the best movie ever made that no one talks about. That movie is so bad. Yeah. It's so bad. And Drew like, all he saw when he was like a young teenager and he was like, no, this like...

Yeah, because we were in this hotel room. I just kept saying, wait for it, wait for it. I swear to God it gets good. And then I knew it was bad when she was having a seizure on the ceiling attached to the wire and like pulling herself down. Wait, we have to insert a clip of that so people know. I was dying laughing. It was so bad. And then Drew did the annoying thing where he falls asleep and he's like, I'm not sleeping. I was, I literally, I was like, oh, like I just had my eyes closed. Like I'm listening. He said,

to it like a podcast bitch it's a movie i don't know why when i'm asleep i can't admit that i'm asleep it's fucked up i know he just fucking lies about it and it's so fucking annoying but i was watching the movie thinking like damn i feel bad like he wants me to watch this movie so much because he said it gets good and then i finally look over and he was dead asleep so then i changed it and i put on the slums of beverly hills i love natasha leone that movie is really fucking weird i hate that every time i watch a cult classic it has the weirdest under

line of fucking freak shit fucking freak shit nasty McNasties screenwriters in that era were nasty and should go to prison and be in jail for a long long time but it was a good movie because it was just like gorgeous and I love Natasha and like

But very weird. Like, I was like, mm-mm, this is very bad. But, yeah, that was, like, what I've been watching. Oh, and I watched Gia. Gia is one of those movies that I, like, I'm not kidding. I have started three other times, but I always start it when I'm really tired and then I fall asleep. Because, like, I saw someone on Letterboxd complain about the saxophone, but I am an 80s, like, freakazoid, and I love saxophone. I love dramatic, like, vroom. Yeah, it's lit. It's very, like, Blade Runner, like, Vandress, like, when they're, like, vroom.

It's sexy, too. Wait, is there a saxophone in Blade Runner? Like, Vangelis. Oh, the original. Like, the OG soundtrack. I've never seen the new Blade Runner because I'm not a freak. But whatever. It's good. Yeah, that's what they all say. And I bet they say Dune is good, too. Oh. Oh, my God. You know what? That is literally what...

If you ever were like, what does it feel like to be in Coachella? I haven't seen Dune, but it feels like being in Dune. Like, it feels like what they were feeling like their lungs. We're feeling in Dune. That's actually, like, very accurate because, like, it is, like, very political, like, little clicks at... It is literally... Coachella is a... Like, see, we say this, but, like, I want Coachella themselves to give us artist passes so I can be treated like a king, but, like, who the fuck do I think I am? That's never gonna happen, so I can talk all my shit. But, like, Coachella is literally just the Hunger Games. It is, like...

it is putting everybody into their social classes by like it's like so weird and it's very dystopian and like freaky and there are certain people who think they're fucking awesome and then people who are like oh i don't care like that you're awesome like what it's just weird it's have you get have you guys watched the hunger games recently no do you remember that scene where pita is in the mud and he painted his fucking face i hadn't seen it for like 10 years why do you give pita

Don't say that. Okay, I won't. Don't say that. It was a compliment. No. That's not a compliment. Why is that not a compliment? You know that's not a compliment. People were like really into him in 2009. Okay, you're like 2009 hot. You're super like post-recession hot. So your time's coming up. Hey. You're super like you have the face of somebody who would work in a coal mine. What's fucked up is everyone watching this knows or thinks Kai is hot. That's not true.

That is giving him way too much credit. I would say everyone thinks I'm sexy. Me is hot. Me is hot. Me are hot. Dude, that scene where he's in the mud. I seriously watched that and I was like, this is fucking crazy. Like, this is insane. Oh my God. Peter. Peter. Oh my God.

I was like, I feel like I'm on mushrooms. Like somebody seriously created this scene and was like, yeah, that looks fun. When I watched it for the first time, I was like,

He was able to do that. He's a survivor. I didn't think it was weird either. I was watching with my 2023 eyeballs and I was like, this is like a cartoon. Is that in the first one? I think it might be in the... No, it's the first one. It's them by the river. The justification for it is because he was able to make bread and cakes. Yeah, he makes cupcakes. And then that's how he survived. And that's how he was able to beat his face like that. Yeah.

Why was he like gay coded? I know. Why would he own a makeup brand that's like cake oriented now? Cake it on. Oh, someone needs to make that. There is a brand that does that. Called Cake it on? Not Cake it on, but it's like everything is like baking. It's like baking goods. Okay. But yeah, I finished Gia and I really liked it. Made me sad. Made me cry. The brand that smells like chocolate. The eyeshadow.

- Two-faced? - Yes. - You are a two-faced fucking bitch ass hoe. - Yeah, I mean, when I'm talking about you, I've always been saying that. - Alright. Here are my... They did something to this. They did something to this. What's-- - They took out the little dots. - There was, like, there-- yeah, there's stuff here. - Oh wait, you're in your liked. I don't-- I never go in my liked. - I always listen for my likes. Alright, here's the music I've actually been playing over and over again for the past, like, four weeks and it's crazy.

Harry Nilsson. Oh, and Running Away, Sly and the Family Stone. It's a whole playlist. I'm going to show you my Harry Nilsson.

I've been listening to a bunch of Little B. I've been listening to a bunch of Soulja Boy, specifically the Soulja Boy and Little B collaborative album. And the song that I love the most right now is the Little B Waka Flocka Soulja Boy song. And then I think I was in a really dark place because I always do this when I'm in a dark place, but I started listening to Salem again. And that was Awesome Boots.

And then what else? What else? That's it. Listen to Little B. Listen to yourself and your heart. Listen to your heart. When he's gone, they've bought you. Listen to your heart. Damn, such a good song. I don't know. But that was our return to Emergency Intercom. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you loved it. I hope it was everything you ever wanted.

Or a bunch of people watching and they're like, damn, why did I miss this? Yeah, why was I watching this? I think that's how it's going to go. I think we fucked up and no one's going to come back. I mean, that would be lit. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. It sets you on a new path. And if that new path is opening up for me, I'm going to go down it and I don't care what's down there. I just want to see what's happening. I just want a job. I want to get kicked in the nuts. All right. Thank you guys so much for watching. See you next week. Bye.