Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Inya's always gotta get the last clap. I know, I gotta get the clap and I have to intro the podcast. Because if I don't intro the podcast, who's gonna? Me, hello, I'm right here. No, I just do it right. I do it with a cadence that gets the people's ears perked up and ready for an hour of absolute bullshit. Yeah, we'll start it off very quickly with the bullshit. So we all know 2012. Yeah.
Mayan calendar ending, how scary boots that fucking was. Like, I was in, I think, like, sixth grade. No, I was probably in, like, first grade in 2012. I was really young in 2012. Oh, yeah, because you're 16 right now. So, yeah, you were... Because I was going to say, I was in, like...
sixth, seventh grade. So you were definitely like, oh, you weren't like born yet. To hang out with me. Well, I was hanging out with your mom because I banged her to have you. Oh, so you're mother. You really are mother. I am mother. I'm mother too. But I am a firm believer. We all know how scary that was. Like I was literally convinced that like a tsunami was going to eat me up in fucking Granbury, Texas, which is fucking landlocked like 300 miles into the fucking land. But I was convinced I was going to die because
How do we know we didn't die? How do we know everyone in the world didn't die in 2012 and we are just living in hell right now? I'd be so pissed because I would at least hope that there would be an immediate change. Like there would be an immediate flip and like the world is crazy. But if we actually did die and then life just kind of kept pushing and then got like...
Like global warming is just like progressively getting worse. I'm like, that's the hell we're living in. They tricked us. They literally tricked us with 2016. Yeah. They were like, this is the last good year. We're showing you what life could be like. But instead, you get Donald Trump. Chomp. Chomp.
Chomp, please save me. Honestly, like, I'm grateful for Chomp in a lot of ways. Um, how? A lot of ways being how many awesome jokes like that there are. Like, think about, like, if we couldn't say Donald Chomp. Like, what would be there instead? What would we be filling the air with? Um...
Please Trump save me. Please Trump save me. Like praying to Trump. Breaking the glass because he literally wouldn't open the door. Like what did he think was going to happen? He thought Trump was literally going to save him. Did he think that their walkies were going to go off and it was going to be like Donald Trump on the walkie talkie and be like, let him go. Let him go. He's one of my members. Also, I feel like I need to clarify. I'm not actually grateful for Donald Trump. Oh, so you know what? I thought you actually were. So that's why. Thank you for the clarification. I felt like I know. I know like a lot of our like.
align with each other, me and Chomp. So I was like, oh, I hope nobody actually believes that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the one thing...
that Chomp did eat with. The one thing. He did one good thing. He said one good thing his entire life. I think I know what you're going to say. And it was fake news. He ate with fake news. He really did. I mean, that just circles back to our conversation about how conservatives and all those right-wing people, they are really good with the catchphrases. But they're so good with those little catchphrases and words because that's how they ended up there in the first place. They got captured. They got tricked by...
By lingo. Like, the lingo is what brought them in. So then they get, like... Demon Crat. Hello. Demon Crat is really fucking good. Like, I stand... Hello. Are you okay? I'm right here. What's the other one that you and Orion really like? It's me, Rachel.
Jesus was seen. Where, Rachel? Oh my god. Show me to me, please. Send it to me, Rachel. It was literally seen in Ohio. Please send it to me. Please. Oh my god. Okay, Rachel, which one? Which one is it on? Mommy, I'm kidding. Rachel, don't do that.
Rachel, please. Do you know the, you know, the background behind that is that like it was when everyone was like saying like their parents favorite musician or celebrity died and she couldn't say a celebrity because her parents didn't or her mom didn't give a fuck about a celebrity. So she just said Jesus Christ appeared in fucking a Walmart parking lot in Ohio. Like what does that look like? That actually had me and Orion thinking because we were like, dude,
If you saw Jesus, would he be humongous or would he just be like our size? Like he would just be normal. I always imagine him like being our size. Yeah, just like a normal dude, like walking around. And then like, I feel like there's so many people who just like kind of serve Jesus that if I saw Jesus, I wouldn't know. Me. I mean, if there was the opposite of Jesus for sinning and going to hell, then yeah, I guess that is you. You know what a lot of people like? Satan. You know who a lot of people say I look like? Beyonce. Beyonce.
A lot of people say me and Beyonce are like twins. Is it their video of a girl saying that? I think her name is New York, but she's like, Beyonce. Dude, I'm just having too many references of videos pop in my head, so we need to move on because my brain is spinning. Because I was thinking, this is so humiliating. I was like, that sounds like something Bambi would have said, but keep going. You're weird. Okay, I'm not though, so.
So I know in like the last, oh, I want to address this real quick. This fucking thing. A lot of bitches have been saying like, Drew's always on that damn phone. Like, get off that damn phone. Like, no, you don't realize it's open in the notes app. And it's how this podcast runs is me looking at this fucking phone. So suck my nuts from the back. I'm dead fucking serious. Like, I'm not even playing. I'm serious.
But what the fuck was I going to say? I need to eat from the back sloppy style. Ew. Someone's dad saw the podcast and said like, I like her, but like his energy is really fucking scary. Like he didn't like the way you touch your phone, which I do agree with. Drew does touch his phone like he shouldn't be touching it. Like it's really weird. Exactly. We shouldn't. These are the real demons. Let's talk about it.
It's black mirror. That's your black mirror. Ever thought about that? Looking at it when it closes, you're looking back at yourself. I told someone that when we were camping and they were like, whoa. I literally never thought about that. I love interacting with people who are actually normal and living their life as humans were intended to. When you say things that have been
regurgitated on the internet 18 times you sound like a genius exactly like they just can't believe it i literally sounded i was like so pseudo intellectual to you to him you were alan watts in that moment he was like wow broke his oh my god um well shitting on your period is like if you um tried to don't poop girls don't have period that's what i that's the nastiest shit you've literally i think ever said ever and like i'm almost like we should cut that
like i was well it's only it's only nasty because one you're lying because girls don't poop hello and two girls don't have periods well no girls like have periods like so girls don't poop that's you're inferring you're inferring that girls don't poop when you just no i'm saying like both are just like true statements okay wait you should be a comedian because you're like hilarious okay
Oh my god, you would do so good if you like actually tried out that. Wow. But okay, so in the past couple episodes, I've been thinking about things that are like barbaric that we do now. And one of them I thought about is, so my mom and my sister and a lot of girls in my life all do this, but they go to...
Yeah.
hairs to your hairs like I don't know it's really crazy it's kind of like hair extensions though but like for your eyes I guess it is insane because also like how risky it is like we shouldn't be putting glue near our eyes oh um did you have to like make that much noise with it I'm a Stanley girl now
I'm a Stanley Cup. When the fuck did you get that? Because I came home and that was just in the house and we've only been apart from each other for like 12 hours. On the way to Orion's, I stopped at Dick's Sporting Goods. Well, I stopped there because the title... Why did you stop there? Because Dick's, I was like, ooh, like, get Dick. Like, let's go get laid. Yeah, because Grindr was down yesterday. So you were really... Yeah, my pastor's name is Dick. But I went to Dick's because I was charging my car because I almost... I literally...
I don't have a Tesla. I don't have that. I never did that. No, yeah, because you hate Elon Musk. Yeah, Elon Musk, hello, would never support that man. But I had to stop at this parking lot to go to Dick's Sporting Goods because I haven't been in so long. And that store is like literally one of my favorite places on earth, like as a kid growing up because like I was in and out of sports. Like I loved sports. Yeah. Like I literally played so many sports growing up.
But I wanted to like see what it felt like in there because I was like having to pass the time. And then I saw like a whole shelf of these and I was like, girl, fuck Hydro Flask. Literally fuck Hydro Flask. Not for me. Not for me. If you want to ever send me something, please do. Please. I tried so hard to get Hydro Flask PR in 2019. Same. I've had this shit. I've been by your side for years and I haven't gotten my flowers at all. So I'm a Stanley Cup girl until further notice. And this flower.
fits in the cup holder in my car. - I know, but Hydro did start competing with that and now they make cups that fit in the car. - I saw it and I was really hoping they came out with like a, came out, came down, hold on.
I was really hoping they came out of the closet. But I was hoping they would come out with one that was like brushed aluminum. Oh my God. I love metal. I think you should get like custom hydro flasks. This isn't like an ad for these brands. I know. We were just like going on a tangent about it. I think the shape of that cup is really fucking disgusting. It grows on you. I hate it. It's disgusting.
It really grows on you. Me, when you've had it for six hours, you're like, that's what I thought when I first got it. Well, I have one. Like, can you hold it from down there? Because I just want to see what it looks like. I have to hold my mic up. Actually, we're going to have to pause. Oh, this is the heaviest thing ever. Yeah, it's big. It's got more water in it. I have to fix my mic because I have to, like, hold it up and it's fucking pissing me off, so.
I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, "Wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads." But we're doing our job, you're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste. Oh my god.
Well, ever since I got my texting and driving ticket, yes, I text and drive. Hello. I don't anymore because now I'm actually scared. But I actually...
I will say, I think I am, of all the people we know, I might be the best at my phone usage to driving. Yeah. Like, I do really do my best. And if I have to reply, like, I will, like, use a voice to, like, I send so many voice memos because usually I'll be in the car and I'm like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you are really good about that. But me, I'm scrolling through TikTok and driving. Like, it's crazy. I'm watching a YouTube video. Like, I hacked my phone. Like, it's crazy. No, no, no. I'm just fucking kidding. I literally don't do that.
But I did do something really concerning today where like I parked my car and I got out and I had like a duffel bag and I had this big ass stupid fucking water bottle that's like so fucking big. And you still tried to use your phone. And I had like a pair of shoes in one hand and like I just had a bunch of shit in my hands and in my wallet in my other hand and my phone on top of it and I was like
carrying all this shit and like scrolling and watching TikTok with all this shit in my hand. And I was like, oh, I was like, oh my God, like this is like a, this is a problem. And like, I need to like literally go to rehab for my phone. And I'm not even fucking kidding. Cause I went to the woods, wasn't able to use it for four days. And I came back and have like quadrupled my screen time. Like it's really bad. I mean, I've been pretty bummed this past week. So my screen time has been so bad. Like my TikTok screen time got so bad that,
that I have started to be fed TikToks I've already liked and interacted with. And that's when you know it's really, really bad. You know when you're really... This endless app is like,
starting to repeat on you because it's like bitch I literally don't know what else you want you're beating the algorithm yeah I'm like I'm beating the time it takes for people to make more content you know when it gets really bad is when you get past that point and then they start recommending videos with zero likes it's either zero or like eight million like so many I almost want to see right now like I haven't been on it as much like the past two days um hello um and I want to see if it's gonna do that like if it's like top like look three likes yeah
39 likes. And then it's like a few normal ones that I would maybe interact with. But then it's like gotten into a lot of like the CapCut shit where it's just... Yeah, templates. Like weird templates. And then it's like high school drama. Like when he doesn't text you back. Like weird, like 8 million liked TikToks. And then...
Like a hundred ads. They're like, oh, this is like an ad watcher. Like they're going to just get make us meet our quota. I'm fed like four ads in a row. It's crazy. Four motherfuckers for the bitches that we're going to clip that and say four. Oh, he put up three. Like what the hell? Four. Well, I brought the ticket thing up because I was driving the other day and thinking about how most people like a ticket doesn't stop them from
with a habit like that. Like it's, we just live in a day and age where grabbing your phone is such a, within a split second if you're free. So if you're at a red light or in traffic, you're going to grab your phone because that's how I got caught. I was like on the highway in standstill traffic and I was fully on my phone. I think I already told this story. I looked up at him. I was like, oh my God, this is embarrassing, whatever. But a way to curb that would have to be
When the cop comes up to you, you legally have to screen record what you were looking at and bring it to court. Like, imagine having to go to court. Like, so I was on this person I fucking hate's Instagram page because I needed to see their story and what they were up to. Or like, so...
I was texting about like this, this and that. Like I like having to show like what exactly you were watching. See, I've literally always thought about that, like how it would be if like I was on my phone, but I was literally looking at like Google Maps or some shit. And they're like, I saw you on your phone. And I was like, no, I swear. Like I was on Google Maps. Like that's always if I ever do get caught, I'm just going to switch over to Google Maps really quick. My shit is connected to CarPlay and I literally am like with it in my hand, but
the directions are right there and I'm like oh I just need like yeah yeah don't don't text and drive it's so easy not to do that don't use your fucking phone and drive it's so easy not to we are not good influences don't do as we do do as I say I'm actually pretty good about it though but I was so shocked when I got stopped for that I was like are you freaking serious bro and then
I already said this, but I'm just going to repeat myself. When he went back to his car to write the ticket, like, I wasn't touching my phone as if I was on punishment. I was like, I already got caught using it. Like, I might as well just get on and keep watching IG stories. And you had pride and you did do it in his face. Yeah. Also, I feel like I have... Never mind. I don't have to do anything. Well, this is just a car episode because we have a few things that happened. So...
- We went to Miss Devin Lee Carlson's birthday. Yes, we were invited to major socialite events. - All the time. - Every party you've ever heard of in LA, we go to because we are the it girls. Your favorite is me and you.
Me and Arm. Like, we're your favorite's favorites. Like, Sasha Kobe, your favorite drag queen's favorite drag queen is Sasha Kobe. Your favorite person's favorite person is me and Anya. So true. Because we, like, it's almost, like, bad. We always have to say no to social events. I know. Because we're so booked. And just doing it all the time. And we're not laying in bed on our phone. In bed on the bed. Yeah. But on the way home, Kai...
wanted us to drive him and I was sober that night so I was driving and I was driving into his car
And kyle like came up to me and was like hey like can you take me home? Like I don't want to have to uber this way and I was like sure like what is like six six minutes away or something? It was like 17 minutes out of the fucking way. I know it was like when you said that also I was just chewing on my finger so crazy in the mic and I know I sounded crazy Um, but when you were like, yeah, no, it's on the way I looked at the map and I was like bitch that is not on the way I know I literally like out of the way but I wasn't gonna fight it because I didn't mind also I was like
having fun being in the car listening to music. Like, I don't care. It was a key. It was a literal key blast. Well...
We're pulling out and I literally crash in his car within three seconds. Like I drive it up on the curb and like, and it's like, rush the underside of my bumper. Everyone was like dying laughing. And I was like, guys, it's literally not funny. Like this isn't funny. Oh, of course this would fucking happen to me. This is not fucking funny. And I like went and looked at it and everything was like pretty much normal. And I was like, oh, like we're good. Like let's, let's keep driving.
And we get on the freeway and I get a notification in his car and it's like the tire pressure and I'm like, oh, I just click OK and ignore it because like that shit always pops up.
And then it pops up again and I click okay again and I'm ignoring it. And then I'm like, okay, the third time is popped up three times now. Like I need to look at this. And it's like one tire. Then not the tire that I hit, but the tire on the opposite side is like 14% or 14 PSI, 13 PSI, 10 PSI. And I'm like, guys, we have a fucking flat. And everyone's like, no, we don't shut up. And I'm like, we have a fucking flat.
And we were on the freeway and we almost fucking died, y'all. Like, it was so scary. He literally had told everybody after him and, like, everybody who he saw the next day was like, yeah, what'd you get up to? And he was like, well, we almost died. But other than that, like, things have been good. But it was just really scary. Like, you're so annoying. You say it to everybody. And then they always look at me because obviously we were together. And I'm just like, like, let's...
Like, let him do it, I guess. Literally, he's being annoying. But yeah, no, we literally almost flipped and died like 13 times. And it's all Kai's fault, basically. It was a culmination of that story. Yeah, it is Kai's fault. I bet Kai put something in there because we refused to hang out with him. And he's like, oh, I'm going to make them hang out with me. And he knew that he'd get us on the side of the road for like 25 minutes. So when the tire went flat, I was...
I saw somebody being like, can anyone stop mentioning being drunk or high on the episodes? Because I think every story, I'm like, I was drunk. But this is just for context. I was drunk and I know how to change a tire. But I was like, bitch, I don't want to do that right now. Like, no, I didn't get... Who the fuck said that? Yeah, I know. Fucking nerd loser. Loser, virgin loser. But...
inebriated and I didn't want to change a tire in that moment. So in my head, I'm like, I'm just going to call AAA. I don't want my trunk is full of shit. Getting the spare out is too much. I didn't want to do it. But then something clicked in me because I remembered how much fun I have changing tires. I literally get a kick out of it. Like it is so fun. I've changed like four tires in the past two years and they always pop around me because God wants to give me a fun game to play. If that kind of stuff was happening to me all the time. Actually, no, I don't want to wish. Never mind. I was going to say that would be fun.
Yeah, my tire's going to explode on the freeway and I'm going to roll 13 times and God's going to be like, fix that, bitch. And I will. I'll fucking, like...
Like hammer it back together. In cartoons when it's like really fast going around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But basically I was the saving queen of the night because I fixed the tire all by myself. Insert video now. The girl putting the tire on? Yeah, she's. How dare you guys? We tried to help but she wouldn't let us. The femininity of men. This is what the Barbie movie does.
And Josie and Kai, Drew told them while we had the tire up and we were like putting the spare on and screwing the bolts in,
Drew kept saying to Kai and Josie, like, be careful putting the spare in the trunk because don't push it off of the... What is it called? Like a crank? Yeah. He was like, don't push it off of there. Don't push it off of there. Bitch, they didn't fucking listen. And they pushed the tire into the trunk too hard. And the car fell right onto the spare. And the...
Screw thing knocked into my mouth and I got a busted lip because of Kai and Josiah Yeah, Kai made Inya bleed So never let them live that down because they literally fucking hit me Which is so weird because I'm their friend and I like I do care for them and I'm always looking out for them But just in a split second for joy or like as a joke they decided they wanted to bust my lip Yeah, they like literally made Inya fucking bleed and they almost ripped my fingers off I was so scared
I was literally so scared. But then the next day we go to the beach. We have a key at the beach for Zamar's birthday and then we're driving home. Guys, I've never seen this happen before but me and Inya witnessed Roadhead happen. Oh, I totally forgot about this. Dude, it was so
so insane it was so lit too it was like so hard i was like what else happened in the car yeah it was so lit because like we see the car in front of us like swerve out of the way and then he's like what the fuck is that and we drive it was like the middle of the day on a sunday so in my head i'm like there's no way you're drunk something's happening in there and then like inya like says she sees a girl's hair like pop up really quick because like when he swerved i saw through the thing like
his arm go like this and her head was lifting up. So I was like, Hmm, wait. And so I'm like, and you speed up. I'm like, speed up, please speed around. So we like jerk out of our lane and start jerking off. And like, we pull up next to the car and,
And we look over. And she was nowhere to be seen. She was nowhere to be seen. And he's like looking over. He has like the biggest smile on his face. He's like cheeky. He's like happy about it. And he knows we know. And then like... Yeah, because he just watched me literally like a fucking pervert. Yeah. Like be like...
Yeah, he knows we know. And so he's laughing. We're laughing. And then we slow down a little bit. And then we speed back up because I'm like, wait, hold on. No, there's no way. And then she's now back in the seat. And they're both like cracking. They're looking at us like cracking the fuck up. And then we're just like, yeah. And like we celebrate with him. Yeah, and they were like cheering back. Yeah.
and in my head I'm like damn y'all are so cool because it was weird for us to like I mean they're doing some shit in public like what like you're definitely into that like that's your vibe yeah we were just seeing if they were like drinking just in case we had to call the cops yeah I just wanted to make sure they weren't drinking off the floor yeah yeah exactly because it's really unsanitary or she passed out like what if she fell over yeah I just wanted I was just like
looking out for her. Also, on the way to the beach, we had another car interaction. I really had to poop and somebody just so happened to have a thing that said, honk if you need to poop. And we honked and they were, I've never seen someone happier about someone else needing to shit, but it was really cute. Yeah, we celebrated together. Guys, the roads in LA are so fun. Yeah, cars bring us together. Everybody's like, stop car, stop car, stop cars. Like, we live in like a car dominated population, but look at what it does for us. Yeah, we get roadhead stories and poop stories. Yeah.
Right. Well... And feminist anthems. Nah, no! Oh, well... Well, last episode, two episodes ago, I mentioned that I'm afraid of getting blood clots now. I have a new thing I'm afraid of. Oh, I thought you were going to lie and say you had a blood clot. Yeah, I almost died, guys. No, I literally did almost die, though, so...
My new fear is rabies. Like, I'm convinced that I'm going to get rabies, y'all. Okay, wait. What animals carry rabies? Is it mammals? Most of them. Bats carry rabies. What do they really do, though? Like, what does rabies really do to a human? Girl, it makes you literally homophobic or hydrophobic. Oh, I have rabies, I think. Wait, it makes you hydrophobic? Literally, it's so scary. You already are. You still are.
you stinky bitch. You don't like to fucking shower. Bitch, you got rabies. And that's Dr. Pepper. Wait, does hydrophobia actually also have to do with like drinking water? Yes, dude. Bitch, I know a lot of y'all
a lot of y'all who have that because you refuse to stop squirting those little fucking liquid IVs and like strawberry packets into your water. I saw this girl take this huge gallon and she put like- - Red 40. - She put like a bunch of red 40 in it, like strawberry Celsius, like all this shit. - I can't talk my shit on this. Like I think it, I want like- - Like you're not drinking water anymore. - I want strawberry cake flavored water. I'm sorry. Like that sounds good to me. - That is disgusting.
So the thing with rabies is so you can like be sleeping in a tent at night or you can be chilling in your bed with your window open while you're sleeping and a bat flies into your room. Okay, so the probability is already...
Wait, wait, wait. Listen, listen, listen. So basically you'd be in the beginning of like a Halloween movie from Disney Channel. That's what you have to start with. It's crazy. They bite you in your sleep. You don't even feel it because their bites are so small. You wake up and you look at your arm and you're like, oh, fuck, a spider bit me.
Three days later, you're like, well, I'm a little sick. It's already too fucking late. The second you show signs for rabies... Is there no cure for rabies? No. And what's even crazier is the videos of people with hydrophobia from rabies is fucking so scary because you put a water in their face and they're like...
Like, they're literally. Oh, I need to give some bitches rabies because that would be too fun. No, they're literally like terrified. My party trip being going up to somebody who's literally terrified of liquid. And then you just die slowly. That's really mean. Then you literally die slowly and there's no cure for it. You can't get like liquids pumped into you? No, you don't. You don't die of like dehydration. You just die from fucking rabies. Why would they have a cure? How many people are getting rabies a year? It's not that many. So I guess. It's really not that many. But.
But I'm still fucking scared because when I'm camping, there's bats out there and they be swooping. Bats fucking try to bite me. I love bats. You said try to bite me? They literally try to bite me every time I'm out there. I have like people that can vouch for me every fucking time. I'm literally the victim of a bat attack. Like it's literally so scary. And I ain't talking Batman. I saw a bat recently and it made me so happy. And I ain't talking Gotham. And I'm not talking the church. Okay.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Well, in Honduras, when I was like seven, one time I went to go take my little bucket bath. You're lying. You're literally lying. One time I went to go take my bucket shower bath and my grandma had just heated me up some water on the stove. I had like a nice little big warm bucket. So I went into the bathroom with my bucket about to shower and I just hear like.
And I'm, like, freaking out and I look up and there was a bat stuck in the bathroom with me and I freaked the fuck out and ran out. Yeah, as you should. And my grandma had to go in with a broom and trying to get him out. But, like, my grandma, like, accidentally closed the door behind us so then we were just in there with a broom, a bat, and, like, me. And rabies. And my bucket of water. And I didn't get rabies, but I actually love bats. They're so cute. Yeah.
Oh my God, that would have sounded like, wait. It would have not been okay. So, you know, like I'm afraid of getting rabies. Like I'm convinced I'm going to get rabies. You're convinced a bat is going to come through your window at night in the middle of Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah. I guess I did see a bat the other night. It's a thing. But just like I'm convinced I'm going to get rabies, I'm convinced I'm going to win the lottery. Like it's on the same level of like... Deletion. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
but we were talking yesterday and i was like i was like doing like i had bought a lottery ticket because it was like two billion dollars or something i was like i literally can't buy not buy a lottery ticket and then i was like oh my god i forgot i had this and then i checked the app and i was like oh my god someone won like oh my god i literally won i just know i was like i just know i fucking won so i made in your record um i didn't win but i thought about it and i was like
If I won like $2 million on the lottery, like I would be so pissed. Like I would like so much of it gets taken for taxes. Yeah. Like if you win $2 million versus like $2 billion, like I would actually know it would make me happy. But I'd be like, damn, I could have made $2 billion. I know. Literally, that's what I'm saying. Like if I won just $2 million, I'd be like, bro, like what am I supposed to do with that? Like buy a fucking Lamborghini Urus? Like I can only buy one, not $300. Yeah.
What the hell? You're basically saying if you're going to be gluttonous and win the lottery, you need it to be to the full extreme. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Oh, my God. Living in LA, you can't even get a really nice house. I know. You can't even get a house in LA. It's fucking terrifying. Housing market's collapsing soon. I promise. Just wait, guys. Wait it out. We'll be good soon. Well, this is what I wanted to show you that made me laugh. Oh, yeah. Your note. It's not that funny, but it still is making me laugh because you have to look at the time and everything. Yeah.
- Yes the fuck I do bitch, yes I do. - Literally I think, period. - It's like, I was really feeling emotionally charged in the middle of the night the other night and I was like, I need to write this out. And then I went to go start and I was like, my brain was like, oh, and then I just left it alone. And I thought I would circle back but I instead circle jerked with Drew's mom and then we fell asleep, so. Imagine being so brave your first date is at the beach.
You are a killer. You are the killer. See, whoever I'm dating will not see my body for three years. Yeah, I mean, I think that's correct. Yeah. Because, I mean, but I'm speaking more like as a victim who has seen your body. I know. It's really traumatic, y'all. Like, it really is like a scary, it's scary as fuck. It's like when Neptune in SpongeBob shows his head.
That's what it felt like for me. Oh, yeah. It's like Pharrell and the Big Hat. Yes. Neptune. You get it? Neptune, Pharrell, Big Hat, SpongeBob, Drew's scary body. Like there's just like everything I say, there's like levels and layers to it. And y'all just like aren't intellectual enough. We're not there yet. Yeah. To like fully understand the grasp of what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah.
So this is another thing. I think something bad is going to happen again. Like I really do think something big is coming because it's been like almost a year since I've predicted that like something big was coming. Yeah. Not an earthquake. I'm thinking something like on...
the microcosmic level of like our house like I'm thinking like someone is gonna invade us or someone's gonna try to burn our house down why would you even like wanna think that I can't control my thoughts I mean I guess I did have the feeling two days or yesterday that I genuinely am convinced right now that I'm gonna die soon yeah and I made it in your record actually I we both did that
We both recorded a will. Yeah. So we have our wills. But I just like sometimes I get into these points where I'm like, oh, I need to feel everything I'm supposed to feel right now because one like very soon I will not have this. And then I was listening to a song yesterday before I fell asleep. I was like, this is genuinely what I think dying feels like. I was listening to the song.
It's a Robin Guthrie song that's really good. But I'm like, this is definitely what it feels like to be dying. Name the song. I want to listen to it. I can't name it because I was listening to the whole CD. So I would have to go listen through because I don't know the track. Gay Keeper. Okay. Gay Keeper. Gay Keeper. Yeah, I do keep them. I have a lot around me. It's like...
Weird, honestly. Fuck, I was going to say something. Oh, opening a pad in a public restroom is the equivalent to opening a bag of candy when the movie starts at the movie theater. It's just like that same pressure you feel where you're like,
fuck, am I like, how am I going to do this? Am I going to be brave and just like fucking get it over with and rip it open? Or am I going to like slowly like, like those people translate like the girls in the movie theater who just rip that shit open are the same ones in the bathroom who are just like, and that's me. Like when I'm opening my pad in the bathroom, I'm like, I don't give a fuck about your feelings. Like I'm going to open this and I'm going to own it. You should be embarrassed though, because you're using it like a pseudo diaper because you shit out your butt.
I have a soggy bottom. So you put it on the back of your underwear. I have a soggy fucking bottom, okay? Like a gaping bottom hole. Up there it is. Being forced as a young girl to go to a swimming pool in like a family setting, like when you first started your period and you were only allowed to wear pads, that is the kind of like trauma that I don't think I see anybody talking about. Like being forced...
Being forced to wear a pad in a pool. Like that is like so fucked up. Is that a thing? I think that's a universal thing. It's like most girls who start their periods start using pads. You're always around family events and like situations where you're going to get in a pool. You don't want to be the weirdo who's not in the pool. Period. I didn't know we were talking about that.
Oh. Nasty. All of y'all are fucking nasty. Oh my God. Like, what's wrong with you? Where's the love? What did the Barbie movie... Oh, you haven't seen it. Where's the fucking tits? They don't talk about periods in Barbie. Actually, maybe I should go see it. So you can learn about periods? No, so I cannot have to learn about periods. Oh, because they don't talk about it. They do. If you haven't seen it, like, I don't know. Just ignore me. But...
They do. I don't know why I'm telling you that you haven't seen that movie. I shouldn't do that. No, I don't want to say it. Right, right. Well, the other day I was looking in the mirror. The other day I was looking in the mirror. What? Like seriously, what's wrong with you? No, no, no. I was just looking at myself and I was like playing a game. I was playing a game seeing how long I could stare at myself in the eyes for before I like completely like experienced ego death.
I really don't suggest anyone does that. But like, if you really want to have like a for real, like a psychedelic experience, like look at yourself in the mirror for longer than three minutes, like actually be examined in a really, really serious way. Like to think I was probably just on the couch playing Fortnite and like 10 feet away. That's what you're
in the bathroom like you seriously need help like there's people around you listen I was staring at myself I was like it was like a game I was like how long can I do this for and then I got lost in it and then I like snapped out of it and I saw myself for the first time like for really what I am and what I look like this is literally me when I get addicted to the grind and I gotta step back yeah exactly exactly I get lost in the sauce but I saw myself for who I really am and what I really look like I know who you are and I'm convinced I see you for who you are
you are we switch timelines in the like like in the last like two months so you have this thing when when you're experiencing emotional events you just convince yourself you switch timelines so that you can leave I didn't take that as a note and I didn't write that down and I was just trying to be funny I didn't actually think that
This is like every time I talk about any relationships, like romantic relationship problems I'm in with Drew, he always loops it back to the economy. Like he within 12 hours of me like just talking through something with him was like, dude, it's literally like the economy. Like you got to like get your place in and like you either like thug it out and you end up good on the other side or you pull out and like you never know what happens. Or like you said something like that
But did I eat? Did I eat? Look, look, look. You can apply it both ways. Like, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. When you invest in the stock market, if it dips down a little bit and you pull out, you actually lost money. But if you stay in and it goes back up, you didn't lose money and you gained a profit. So basically, stay in your own fucking lane. And it's like that on the goddamn highway when we're in traffic. Stay in your goddamn fucking lane, bitch. I hate that.
Yeah. Something is seriously wrong with you. I guess, yeah, like, it makes sense, but just to be in a position where I'm, like, crying and I'm like, yeah, and, you know, like, I don't know, like, this is, like, whatever. And you're just like, dude, this is exactly like the economy. This is what I've been telling you, Lizzie McGuire. Lizzie McGuire. Lizzie McGuire. No, but I literally ate. You did it, like, twice. But the second time he did catch himself, he was like, okay, okay.
I need to stop doing that. I was like, this is the second time I've related your emotions to the economy. And it's proving your point that I am like not a robot or I am a robot. But yeah, that's what you get for coming to me of all people with emotional problems because I am emotionless. Also, I'm sorry. I started laughing because my top three notes are all about my coochie. But this one, like what the fuck?
is that machine? I eat so much cheese and pickles my P word probably tastes like electric shock from a defibrillator. I mean, you're right. Like a defibrillator is like the shh, poof, shh.
I could. It tastes like battery. I feel like those taste like... I feel like your vagina tastes like a 9-volt battery. Yeah. I won't lie. Like, I can see that. Like, you know when you used to lick the old Android charger? That's what I'm saying. Like, that's what I'm assuming. You know... Oh, you know the new Nintendo Switch cartridges? Oh. That's what your Bronson tastes like. No, because that would... It's bitter and scary. That's like...
It's like alcohols. And then the last thing I said about periods and coochie is if someone told me doing meth once a month stopped my period, I'd try it. Also, I'm just in a mental state where I think I'd just try it in general. Yeah.
That would be lit. We should, like, start on meth arc. Like, doing meth once and then it's, like, once a month just, like, stops your period pain? Yeah. I'm sure it actually stops a lot of things. It's a literal win-win situation because you get high from meth and you also don't have a period. Yeah. So, yeah. But don't do that. Yeah, no. Don't try that. Don't even test that out. But, yeah, I feel like lately I'm giving, like, fishy content. Okay. Yeah.
Okay, wait. Okay, so I got to say a lot of the famous people y'all know aren't that cool. I don't know. Oh, it was a joke. And the cadence was all wrong. It was supposed to be like, I know all of... Yeah, it was supposed to be a joke about you knowing every famous person. Dude, you reading through your notes and trying to understand your tone before saying it out loud was the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Oh, this is a good one. I think we've talked about it before, but I literally don't give a fuck. How are people still breaking records while they're running? Like running faster and faster? How are people getting faster and faster? Girl, it's that meth. It's that fucking Celsius. It's that meth. It's like in the technology and the sneakers and whatever, the running form. But really think about it. How are we getting faster? It makes no fucking sense. And then that brings me to the next thing. It already is talked about. It's like two weeks old now. But the girl that like kind of
cheated her way into the race and literally recorded the slowest
they say about her in that one video you showed me. The world's slowest fucking time. Fuck, I wish I remember exactly because it wasn't a popular video that you showed me that like had this voiceover, but it was like this average and unhealthy woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's literally how people describe me. Yeah, exactly. But she recorded the world's slowest time like in a race. What? I'm like laughing at myself being like, that's me. Okay, Shane Dawson. Me.
Okay, that's literally me. Okay, I'd rather be at home with a pizza. What the heck? The ghost. The Gucci ghost. Full tracksuit Gucci ghost. I'm farting. Welcome to Drew's Shy Op Corner. I've noticed enough and I'm going to stop paying attention now. That's actually how I feel.
I feel like I was sitting and talking to Elisa and her homie about like law school and stuff and I was saying that I was like damn bro I don't think I've ever felt this stupid in my life like I literally couldn't tell you the first thing you do at law school but I don't know a single thing you're supposed to learn the laws like that's literally where my knowledge of that ends like
Also, what, you just have to know every law? Like, what is the test like that for? Like, I don't understand. Me and Orion were literally talking about the same thing about, like, mathematics. Like, looking at people, like, solve the code to nuclear bombs, and it's, like, a bunch of letters and numbers on the board. I'm like, yeah, fucking right. You're lying. You just wanted to fake it. Like, that's not real. Like, that doesn't mean anything. Also, like, I could put symbols on a board and then just tell you what I think they mean, and it's gonna make sense. Yeah. Like, so I just don't believe you, and it's really weird. But, yeah, I just...
We'll never learn anything ever again, I don't think. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. Which is exactly what our parents did at one point. Yeah, our parents literally cheated the system. ISIS and Fetty Wap were running shit in 2014 for real.
That's a crazy mix. Think about it, though. I mean, it is true. That's all. That was the talk of the town. Yeah. Talk of the town. Remember when the talk of the town was swine flu? Yeah. I was convinced I was going to get it. Yeah. Everybody thought they were going to get swine flu. But I guess I feel like that's equivalent to you thinking you're going to get rabies. But I did know a kid growing up who actually did get swine flu. Yeah. It was starting to grow around in my school. Like three kids got it, but they caught it before it spread. But yeah.
I think I'm responsible for the demise of ISIS. Like, I think I single-handedly stopped them. I actually do believe you. Somebody from their team definitely saw you. Yeah, because I was posting, like, IG stories back in, like, 2016 of me saying, like, ISIS, like, literally, please fucking stop. And it literally worked.
Dude, I cannot believe what the internet has fed us since we were children. Like the fact that we were even a part of that conversation, we were literally babies. That is insane. I know. I'm just thinking so much about like, I don't know, like our moral ambiguity that's come with the internet and how it's like such a toss up and like you really have to choose one side. But do you? Like there's so much great context in the world. Yeah, it's really, really fucked up that I was like 13 years old, like
going through puberty actively and watching people die on my iPhone. Like, that's so fucking crazy that I... It's, like, insane. Like, every... And it's not like we stopped it. We, like, all are at the age where we were like, okay, there has to be a way to stop this. Yeah. But, like, I don't know that there is. I cannot believe... And, like, there's nothing my parents could have done about it. Like, I was going to watch people die anyway. And, like, I...
like a part of me is like bad shit exists and we should be able to consume it but like there has to be like a way to like there has to be a line that we just can't cross especially for children yeah me at 13 years old watching isis behead someone is like that line like i shouldn't know what that is um right oh this is the last thing i'll talk about then we'll get into media but
Me and India left the house yesterday for the first time in like three weeks and we went to Sephora. And if you're watching, like this isn't a dig at you. It's literally like we were dying laughing after this interaction. But one of the like...
The girl at the front cashier. I can't remember her name. We asked her name. And she was like, oh, can I get a picture? And I was like, yeah, sure. And she was like, oh, but like, how are we going to do this? And I was like, oh, I have long arms. Like, I'll take it. So I was like holding her picture and I was like taking like a bunch of photos because I'm like, oh, like, let's get one. It's nice to like do enough for you to like feel cute and want everyone. Yeah. Someone's going to look good in all of them. But one of them is everyone's going to look good. Like, that's my philosophy. So I was taking pictures.
And then like, I'm like, oh, let's look at them. And she's like, okay, that's enough. And then like just leaves. And I'm like, it was nice meeting you guys. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, like literally too. Like, I love that. Okay. That's enough. Yeah. She was like, you took like way too many pictures on my fucking phone. Cause you were literally fucking taking a burst on her goddamn iPhone. As I should. People should be thanking me. Oh my God. Imagine going to take a selfie with like somebody famous and your phone has no more storage. Literally. What do you do? That has to have happened to somebody.
That probably happened to Ellen for the Ellen selfie. Guys, dude, have y'all seen this? There was a world where we didn't get that fucking selfie. Dude, have you seen this new fucking photo? What? It's Ellen in like all of the celebrities at the award show. It's crazy how neither of us can name a single other celebrity or the award show. Because as you were doing it, I was like waiting for you to say something. I feel like Jennifer Lawrence had to have been in there. That was just the era. Like Christy Teigen has to be in there. Christy Teigen.
And the one dude, not McConaughey and not Pitt, but the other white one. I know which one you're talking about. He was in Limitless. Was he in A Star is Born? Yeah. Yeah.
Oh my God. What is his name? Wait, I really need it. It's like Bradley Cooper. Literally Bradley fucking Cooper. Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper. Wow. I saw someone the other day say Jennifer Lohan. Jennifer Lohan. They were like grouping up every like early celebrity. They were like Jennifer Lohan. Jennifer Lohan. Yeah.
Should we just get really deep for a second? Like, do you have anything you want to talk about? Oh, absolutely. No, because my personal life is crumbling before my eyes and it was difficult to get on here and be funny. Yeah, we weren't going to have an episode this week, but Inya persevered. She is unironically going through some shit. I'm just like literally such a giving and caring person. And if I'm feeling down, I just want to make sure you feel good. Mm hmm.
But maybe that more has to do with the fact that I don't like myself, so I don't focus on myself because I'm scared of myself. So it has less to do with my caring for you, but more to do with my lack of caring for myself. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. Like, let's get deep. Let's talk about some deep shit like the mother friend of the group. It's crazy hearing someone else from the Phillip family say that because that's what your mother says to me. She's always saying that. It's so weird. You guys think so alike.
Oh, wow. This I just didn't know I was gonna be violated like this on the podcast. I'm gonna start saying I was violated. And you violated me with that comment. Maybe don't like I don't like the way it sounds like a really harsh finger to point at me. Why? To say like, I was violated by Enya. Like, oh, my fucking God. Like, you violated me. I feel like if I wanted to be like, oh, oh.
Yeah, maybe I'm not gonna make that my vocab. I'm not gonna do that. That is so funny though. Okay, well, I got one more thing to leave y'all off with and then we'll do media and then we'll move on. Oh, we're gonna do Drew's side up? One more. Don't show me anything on the phone anymore. There's nothing I need to know that's in the phone. Show me a bird's eye and a child's smile.
I love like there's nothing else in the phone. Well, I fucked up because it's supposed to read. On the phone? It's supposed to read, don't show me anything in the phone anymore. There's nothing I need to know that's in the phone. Show me a bird's eye or a child's smile. No, that is still funny. No, I know that's the way it's supposed to be. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I replaced the first N with on. Okay.
It's still so fun in the phone. Show me a bird's eye and a child's smile. Wow. Wow. Bird's lament. All right. Let's do media, guys. Okay. So I watched a movie today. Okay.
Okay, you sound really happy about it. Yeah, I watched Mirror Mine 2005. And the only reason I watched this movie was because I saw a video of people being like, album and a movie that compliments it really well or like that carries the same energy. And one of my favorite albums ever, Bjork's best album is Vespertine. And I saw it in the list.
And the person said, this movie Mirror Mind is like Vespertine. And I can confirm it gives the same energy. Like the sounds in it are really pretty. Like it's really like a mundane movie, but it like, it's a mixture of like mundane and like how to pass time of how to like,
like past mundane time with like spirituality and like how to like, how they like intertwine. It's really cool. Um, so check it out. It's really fucking pretty here. Let me show you. I was like screen recording it. Cause I was like, look at this fucking shot. But like, wait, wait, wait,
And then they just like intercut between sunsets and oceans with their, it's really pretty. Was that on Criterion? No, it's literally on YouTube. Oh, shit. So go watch it. It's on YouTube. 2005, me or mine. And then my music, Yana, is, I actually have a new song that I've been listening to. What the hell was that sound? Is that our doorbell?
I'm like, there's no way that's the noise it's making. The new song is Hannah's Son by Lomelda. Come on, y'all. Like, that's a good fucking song. Yeah, it is really good. So good. And then In McDonald's by Burial. If you haven't listened to Burial yet, do it. Classic. Love, love, love. And I'm airing out my shit right now, so I'm going to shut the fuck up. But yeah. Um.
I've been listening to Motomami by Rosalia. You actually have been. Yeah, I never really listened to it like that. And then I was like, damn, I'm so bummed I didn't see her live. So I've been listening to that album a lot. Only You Know by Dion. Everything Reminds Me of Her, Elliot Smith, Armin Doily, Maman Sani, and Ebtide, Houston, and Dorsey. This is literally going to be Josh. That's...
That's funny. Okay, then last thing I'll lead you guys off with before we go is me canceling my membership, the email I sent. Hello, I want to cancel my membership.
The sauna is always closed. I was scanned by my last trainer, then ignored by the staff once I asked for help. And quite frankly, I don't feel safe in the locker room. Also, the price point is just... Also, the price point just feels outrageous for what you get. Thanks. Wow. That was a good read. I love quite frankly. Yeah. And quite frankly, like saying that... I like went Karen and I don't give a fuck. Like, suck my nuts. Yeah. That's the new fall vibe. That's the fall trend list is...
Being a Karen. So next time someone's trying to sell you on TikTok shop items, if it's not a Karen suited fit, then you don't need it because you're going to be off track. That's the angle. And you know what I'm talking about. That's the angle. Yeah, that's exactly it. You know what I'm talking about? No. I said, oh, I'm going to get a billboard for it.
that's the angle that is it there's like an intersection there that people aren't talking about that I'm gonna make commentary on dude you say that's the angle like it literally was freaking me out I was like yeah that is the angle alright well thank you guys for listening as if anybody gives a fuck what I'm going through I guess yeah guys love yourself
Love your family. The nuclear family is being destroyed and it's the root of all of our problems. Wait, no. JK, JK, JK. But love yourself. Love your family. Chill, please. Peace and love and unity and respect. Bye.