We Moved To New York City
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New York! New York! New York, let me hear you make some noise! The people came out tonight! They showed up. They showed up. Damn. Okay, first of all, I'm fucking freezing, but isn't my outfit cute? Show them. Show it off. Okay.

Damn. I'm serving my Sunday's best. And you're here for sure. I'm kind of just doing my own thing. I got the Happy Nine Nine sweater. Really excited about this. Just got it last night. Happy Nine Nine, Nat and Dom. Shout out Nat and Dom for letting us use their rooftop. Because that's how y'all are getting this beautiful view of us in the Empire State Building. We did buy the skyline. We bought a city. I will say we did get our

First brand deal which is happening in this episode and we used it already. We bought a city. This video is not sponsored. It's sponsored by our Patreon. Oh yeah. Thank you guys to everybody who joined the Patreon. We should start off with that. I will say we filmed these about a week and a half in advance so we actually have no idea if anybody signed up. No, we're like thank you so much guys.

And it's like only the 80 people who sign up now and no one else. Actually, all those people unsubscribed. They unsubscribed after they saw the video we released already? Yeah, so...

Just shout out to all those people guys up here with us. We're literally fucking freezing because for some reason in the past like 48 hours, it got like deathly cold in the city. Actually, disgustingly cold. And like for some reason, as if we're not going into November. Yeah, like it's like becoming winter. Which I think also brings us into the first topic, which is things that are fucking embarrassing that shouldn't be embarrassing. Yeah. And being cold is one of those. Yeah, like shivering, being cold, like...

Like, I think what it is is just, like, normal human shit that every human experiences that shouldn't be embarrassing is embarrassing to me. But it is. It is. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, being cold, like, why are you... Like, why as a man are you cold? No, you know what it is? It's like, I think as someone who didn't grow up in...

cold places like there are certain people who know how to like layer up and get the proper things for that but I remember when I first started coming to New York last year and all my friends would take me to the store and they'd be like okay you need like a heat tech and like a thermal and then you need a down and then you need a shell then you need a raincoat then you need a puffer don't forget the puffer

Big black puffer. You can't forget the puffer. No, it's fucking embarrassing. Like, I don't want to have to go to the store and buy this shit. Like, I just want to be able to wear my sleigh fit and look cute. Like, I don't want to be layered up. Like, I need my tits to show. How are people going to respect me if my boobs aren't out? Like, that's my thing is, like, in the winter, how do y'all, like, get attention? If you stink in the cold, you're a dangerous motherfucker. You're a dangerous motherfucker. I low-key stink in the cold because, like, for some reason, the cold makes me, like, sweat.

I know. I get like the cold sweats. We know. Oh, another thing that's really embarrassing to me is like running slash like exercising in front of your crush. Like, I mean, it must be hard. Like every time we work out, like for you, especially like working out in front of me literally must be so embarrassing. I promise it's not that big of a deal. No, I don't have a crush on you anymore. Oh my God. That TikTok someone made. Someone made a TikTok edit that Drew can't watch.

I watched it because I'm so self-absorbed that I'm like, wait, that's how I look at people when I like them? No wonder between you liking me back. No, legitimately, when I saw that fucking clip, like, my arms went numb and, like, my brain immediately, like, hardwired reset. And I, like, I genuinely could not finish the fucking video. Like, it was actually, like, repulsive. I got, like, I'm not kidding, three seconds in. Like, I could not do it. But I think that just also is, like, that's another thing that's fucking embarrassing. Like, yourself two years ago, like...

Oh, yeah. Bitch, even me last year, I'm like, come on. I'm like, what were you doing, bro? Like, what were you doing? Like, get a life. Me last night, I'm like, come on, get a grip. Like, that's actually me every morning. I'm embarrassed of myself, like, two days ago, two hours ago. Well, one of my embarrassing things...

Just moving on from that one is I think walking down a hill or a slight decline is embarrassing as hell. No, oh my god, actually I was walking down in these shoes and I fucking busted my ass going down an incline. And I thought I was killing it. I was like...

Like, digging my heels in so I, like, have some, like, grounding and I just, like, like, slipped. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Like, you're shaking your ass. You're moving your hips a little bit. It is. For men, it is a little bit weird. It's a little fruity. As a man, why are you walking down a hill? That's all I have to say. You better start walking on all fours like an animal. Like, you're scaring me. That's all I have to say. Also, if you're, like, watching and you're like, why the fuck would they do this at this time of day? It looks like it's, like, nighttime. It's darkness.

We thought we would be cute and get like a cool sunset, but it's literally like... The sunset is setting over there. It's the most cloudy I've ever seen. Actually, it's not at all. It's not the most... Over there, it's the most cloudy. But also, yeah. I was giving a weather forecast. We're like, it's the most cloudy on that side of the city. The weather. In Brooklyn, it's looking very cloudy. I just know my city. Like, this is kind of my city. Yeah.

It has become your city. But yeah, we just wanted to give you a nice little skyline view. A little pretty view. Oh, being drunk to me is really embarrassing also. Like, I do it to myself. But like... It's not embarrassing in the moment. It's embarrassing the next day. Yeah, the next day I'm like, that's really embarrassing. And I don't even have to do anything necessarily embarrassing. I'm just like... No, like, I was...

No, I was, like, brave. Another clip is you, like, I'm not taking him to the hospital. No, okay. I was talking to Kai about this in the elevator. I was like, this is when being drunk is embarrassing, is when I get to the point of drunk that I'm, like, slurring, which it takes a lot of alcohol for me. I like to think that. But I think even last night, at one point, I did sound very drunk because we...

At like six? Yeah, you were like, at the bar, you were like, okay, like, should I get one more drink? Because if I have one more drink, I'll be slurring my words a little bit. And I was like, literally run that shit. And I knew it because we had dinner at like six. And by this time, it was like 1 a.m. And I knew I needed food. And there was no more food for my, like, alcohol to land on. So after that one drink we had when we got there, I really felt drunk already. But I was like, we're going to be here for a while. Like, I might as well keep going. That's the.

That's the thing about me and a drink is I'm going to have it. You're going to have the drink. I am absolutely going to have it. Do not give me a debit card and expect me not to buy a drink after a drink after. You want a drink? I'll get you a drink. No, me buying you a drink last night and not even getting a single thank you, like, I won't ever forget that. I always say thank you. Oh, I say thank you in my own ways. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

I think you with my hole. I know you mean. With my other hole. But that, bouncing off of that, another embarrassing trait I have written down is the club. Like, the club is just embarrassing. I know, it is. For all of y'all who are too young to have gone to a club yet, girl, it is not euphoria. It is not euphoria. It is literally like. It's a whole bunch of, like, standing around, like, watching people stand around and be awkward. And then, like, I feed off of other people's energy around me and, like.

if there's a thousand people around me standing still like in, I don't know, it's just like, it's embarrassing. I don't, I don't get it. I don't get it, but I have fun regardless. No, it's not fun, but like it, because I think we're a little, not to be like, we're so self-aware, but I think we are a little too self-aware about like our bodily movements and something about dancing is embarrassing sometimes. Like, and I like going to a club and dancing, but I get embarrassed, especially when I'm around men and I see them dancing. I'm like,

Ooh, you should, like, go sit down. Like, get off. You need to make space for the girls. Like, you're taking up the space. Literally, and that one person, like, it felt like they were, like, in a competition or, like, trying to show off, like...

It's very similar to how we act. And, like, this one person had her... Had their purse, like, swinging around. And, like, they were dancing right next to me. And... Smack the living shit. They literally beat the shit out of my face with their fucking bag. And I have, like, a cut across my top lip. I was gonna say, was it your lip bleeding? Yeah, my lip was bleeding. It was a nightmare. I took a shot with a bloody lip and it burnt the fuck out of it. But it healed it. It healed it, yeah. Like, I cleaned it out. Looking for your Uber is so embarrassing. That is so embarrassing.

Us at the airport. Me and Kai at the airport. No, me like, my car is here, but like... Where's the car? Like, walking back and forth. Where's the car? And then, like, having to do the head dip to look at the tag and like...

Like, knocking your head around and be like, oh, and then having to look at your phone and, like, verify the car and the tag and all that. It's, like, it's really embarrassing. It's really embarrassing. Like, why don't you drive here? Like, I get you drink, but we need to normalize drinking and driving again. No. We do not need to normalize that at all. No, I'm kidding. I don't condone that, obviously. I do it because I'm different. Girl, what? No, I don't. I don't do that. I'm so scared my chair is just going to, like, inch back an inch and I'm going to fall. No, our chair is going to fall back and we're going to fall.

fall down this building. Through the fucking wood floors that are already breaking. I have another one. Eating is embarrassing. I think just like eating food just in general is embarrassing. You know what? Okay, like you have to eat sustenance to survive like

Make that make sense. Okay, is it you yourself eating it or is it like other people and you eating? It's just embarrassing because when I'm talking about this, I mean like even me looking for an Uber or seeing someone else looking for an Uber, no matter who's doing it, it's embarrassing. But there are certain things that it's only embarrassing when someone else does it. No, I just mean like as a collective, like as the human race, like the fact that we all have to eat food is like embarrassing. Like we should have evolved past that like a long time ago. Like we should have invented like a pill that you take in the morning and like...

Yeah, I don't know. I personally find it kind of endearing. Like, I know if I really, like, am into someone, if I like watching them eat. Because, like, if I, like, am watching someone enjoy their food, I'm like, stop, you're cute. You're going to eat me up like that next, or what? I'm going to eat you out like that. What the fuck?

Cold and cold. Yeah, it is actually so freezing up here. You know when you get cold and your hands start, like, stiffening up and you can't, like, move them properly? That's how I feel right now. Yeah. Um...

Trying to think what else. Cleaning your room is, like, embarrassing to do in front of someone. Like, for some reason, that's embarrassing. Like, if you, like, have someone staying over and then you wake up and you're, like, making your bed and stuff, that's embarrassing. Like, they should only see it when it's, like, made, kept, or then they should leave after the deeds are done. You feel me. The last one I have is using an umbrella. Okay.

That is embarrassing. No, actually, I would rather get wet than be using an umbrella. It's like, what are you so scared of? You're also living more if you're getting wet by the rain. Like...

Yeah, I don't believe the good old legend of like, oh, don't get wet. You're going to get a cold. Like, no, the fuck I won't. You don't know me, bitch. You absolutely know nothing about me. I'm actually built hella different. Like, I'm not getting a cold. Absolutely not. I've never once gotten a fucking cold after being in the rain. You bitches just stink. You know what it is? They're fucking close to smell like mildew. And they know if they get wet, it's going to like rate the heat and the mildew smell is going to radiate out.

What? The sky's looking pretty over there. Yeah, you can't really see it in the... Over there it's really ugly. Over here it's beautiful. But yeah, like, I don't get it. I've never gotten a cold from being cold. I've only gotten a cold from being around sick motherfuckers who are evil and sick and twisted and don't know when to fucking stay home. Josiah. Josiah. Josiah will have a cold and not tell us until he gets there. And I'm like, dude.

I don't know. When I get a cold, I don't know if this is like this for everybody, but when I get a cold, like I get a cold, like my shit, like,

fills up with snot. Like, I have, like, the most intense pressure in my face. Like, it's actually painful. And, like, if I fly with colds, it feels like my teeth are going to fall out. I personally don't get sick because, like I said, I genuinely am built different. When you grow up with no health insurance, your bones are just built a little different. From the dirt. Yeah, you're a little stronger. I don't get colds like that, like...

Nothing can kill me. And that's why I don't believe in COVID either. Okay, I'm sorry. Oh my God. This is like... What can I say? I'm in New York and I'm being real and I'm saying things people don't want to hear. And I don't believe in COVID. You're in your friendly woods, Sarah. I know. I'm in my friendly woods saying whatever the fuck I want. When... Okay. I love you, friendly woods. You will never see this, so it doesn't matter. But when that bitch is...

When that bitch conks over, I'm taking her spot. Like, no one else can complain like I do publicly. Like, no, that's my spot. Sorry, bitch. You need to run for governor on the platform that you're going to bring back complaining. Yeah, because...

Complaining needs to be normalized. It is so fucking fun. Like, bitch, I'd rather die. If you told me I had to, like, live a life where I only thought peaceful thoughts and, like, was optimistic, I would be like, kill me. Like, I'm going to hell. No, that actually sounds like the final form. Like, that sounds like the best life you can live. Yeah. No, no. I'm saying having positive thoughts and being optimistic. Oh, bitch, shut the fuck up.

Talking shit is so much fun. Someone had a TikTok the other day where I was like, I can't be friends with someone who talks shit. And then the girl was like, bitch, I can't be friends with you. Yeah, I can't be friends with someone who doesn't talk shit. If you're not talking shit, you're a fucking freak and you're a masochist behind closed doors and I can't trust you. I used to not talk shit.

And then I met you. Yeah. And I became, like, a very hateful, angry person that talked a lot of shit. And recently... Why spread love when you can spread hate? Recently, I've been trying to get out of that shit-talking phase. But it is so ingrained in my DNA at this point that, like, I can't go back. See, babes, it was never a phase for me. I'm genuinely... This is a life. I'm genuinely a shit-talker now. And honestly...

I'm better for it. To me, it's weirder if you're the kind of motherfucker who doesn't shit talk publicly. Like, don't, don't, people are like, oh no, I like, I don't want to say shit like in front of people or like whatever. I don't know them, so I don't want to talk shit in front of them. Bitch, why? What the fuck are you so scared of? Like, speak your truth. Be who you are. Be who you are. Talk your shit.

Guy having to take off his fucking headphones. But yeah, that's another thing. Like I've, you know, like online, like there's this whole argument where like mind your own business, like mind your fucking business. I'm not minding my business. Like absolutely not. Okay. Here's the thing. I'm not minding my business. I refuse. I am a fucking hypocrite because I'm like you mind your fucking business when it comes to me. Stay out of my life. Stay the fuck away from me. Don't ask me shit. I don't want to talk to you. Fuck you.

But why the fuck are you posting on the internet if you don't want me to look and talk and talk shit and ask you a question? Yeah, I'm done minding my... I mean, I never minded my business. I thought that was a fad that the internet went through. Like, I feel like it's like part of the human condition to not mind your business. Like, gossip has always been around. Yeah, I actually saw a video which might be just one of those things where I'm like, I learned this from TikTok. But... Okay, why is there smoke coming from that building? I know, I saw that. I think it's just letting off heat. But I saw...

On TikTok, it was this thing that I was like, actually, no, it wasn't on TikTok. What if we captured the second s*** on video? Girl, we... We'll just bleep that out. Write that down, guys.

That would be fucking crazy. Stop. Okay. It would be sick. I saw a video that it was, like, gossiping was demonized by men in, like, ye olden haggardy times because they didn't like that women were becoming, like, very emotionally interconnected and, like, casting judgment on the men around them. And, like, obviously men just don't have the same kind of, like, shit talking, like,

Really, it isn't shit talking. Like, I'm getting to know my fucking girls and you're being nosy. No, it is true. I can't. I genuinely cannot hang like with the girls when y'all are shit talking. Like when you and Orion are like talking y'all shit, like I genuinely like can't hang. Like I can observe and be like a third party and be like, yup, yup. But I can't like spit the shit. Yeah, no, you can.

Like, it really is just a different form of connecting with your girls. That's why when I meet someone who's too nice, I'm like, you're a fucking... You're a psyop. You're hiding something. You are a psyop. You're hiding something. What are you hiding? You're a chameleon. You're someone who I need to start talking shit about. There are a few people in the world, like, a very few amount of people in the world that are just genuinely good people who don't have a mean bone in their body, never have, never will, and...

That's what I was going through. I was like, I want to be one of those people. I want to be one of those people that like when they see me, they're like, that is a nice person, like a good person. But that's just not me. I wasn't born that way. I wasn't raised that way. It'll never be me. I think like maybe I would like to think that like my close friends. Nope. No, we don't. We don't. Not at all. But I would like to think. You're dangerous. You're a dangerous person. Yeah, I don't give a fuck and I'll beat the shit out of you.

I'll fight for you until you stop fighting for me because then I'll beat the shit out of you. I'll turn on you very quick if you turn on me, bitch. Fuck you. No, you wouldn't. No, it's actually... We literally couldn't turn on each other. Like, this hypothetical is bullshit. Bitch, I can't turn on anyone. That's the problem. That's what I'm saying. Like, we couldn't turn on each other. Yeah, of course. I can't turn on anybody. I literally, like...

The only person I could turn on is Kai. Yeah, no, I don't like, because I don't have an emotional connection to Kai like that. So it's like, I said, I said, I love you to Kai last night for the first time. Oh my God. When he was backing away. We said we love Kai before. Have we? I say I love you when you leave the house sometimes. Are you kidding me? Sometimes when you're walking, I'll straight up be like, I'll be like, love you. Bye. Get home safe. I say it to everybody who is in the close group. See, that's the thing that we need to like normalize is saying I love you.

That's a thing we need to normalize. We need to normalize. Like it's not on every fucking t-shirt in the world. What we need to normalize is normalizing things because that's something that's not normalized enough. No, we need to un-normalize it because there are some bitches who need to shut the fuck up. Okay, so here's the thing. We need to normalize complaining, but we also need to normalize that some bitches should shut the fuck up. But that's where the complaining comes into play because I need to be able to complain that some bitches won't shut the fuck up.

So it's all very complicated, but it makes sense. If you get it, you get it. And if you don't, you don't. Yeah, and if you don't, you just don't. It smells so good. Someone is cooking something fucking delicious. I literally just shit out of my ass. I farted the biggest stinky fart of my life. I watched it whiff up to your nose. It was actually green. It was a green cloud. And you inhaled it, and that's what you smelled. Someone commented, they were like, can Enya stop moaning? But you're sexualizing my kisses. That's my love language.

Yeah. Well, I guess we could talk about our experience in New York so far. It's been great. It's been fun. It's been very domestic. Oh, yeah. How do you feel? Because tomorrow is, like, our last, like, full day. Yeah. I don't know. I, like... I've been to New York a few times, but mainly just on work or, like, only been here for, like, a couple days. And it's been very touristy and, like, just like you... Like...

There's two different New Yorks. Yeah, there's so many different parts to New York that, like, I feel like I got off on the wrong foot. But after, like, living, like, a more domestic, like, New York lifestyle and, like, not, like, super touristy, like, I fucking love it here and, like...

It reinvigorated, like, my want to live here, like, soon. Dude, yeah, I remember. Like, eventually. Yeah. I used to, like, I remember I had a friend who would come here for work a lot. And they had mentioned to me, they were like, oh, you would, like, love New York. But this is, like, 2019. And I remember because my only trip to New York, I had been, like, staying kind of close to, like, the fucking...

Times Square and, like, really, like, up in the city. And I was just, like, I couldn't give a fuck about New York. Like, fuck off. Like, I don't care. And then for the past, like, year and a half, just after coming out here, which I don't know if, like, I guess if people follow me, they know. But I've been coming out here a lot the past year and a half. Like, 30% of your life you've been in New York for, like, the last year and a half. Dude, I would even go as far as saying, like,

50. Cause like I would, I spent, I came here in like August and then September and then August and then October. And then I was here in November and December. Um,

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow oh my god I feel so bad for them they deserve ads uh but we're doing our job you're not doing your job you need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again I like I can't believe I miss reading ads I like I miss the taste February

I was here every other month for, like, the past year. Okay, besides the fucking point. But I would come here and I would spend, like, three weeks at a time and I literally love it here so much. I don't think it's, like, my time to live here yet. That's how I feel. I would love to live here so bad. Yeah. But it's just... My reality is in Los Angeles and I have to accept that that's my stinky little city for now. For the moment. Yeah, when I was, like...

like picking colleges like I applied to like NYU and UCLA and UT and all that and I like um my my first like choice was UCLA obviously but I was like dude it would be so fun to live in New York but then like I just had friends who like lived out there and they were like it's like darkness like when winter rolls around it's like evil but also like those people weren't like

like older yet. And that's something I also realized is like, if I did move out here when I was 18, like that would have been a fucking nightmare. Like, I don't know. I don't think I would have been able to survive out here, um, as like an 18 year old. However, now that I've like lived on my own for like a few years, like I feel like I definitely could like navigate my way around New York city because yeah, it's,

And also, yeah, like, just living, like, a domestic life, like, in fucking Brooklyn, like, walking around there, like, I don't know, I just feel like LA is just, like, a very anti, like, human city, like, it's very, like, anti-human connection, and it's very, like, scary, and open, and weird, and, like, just being in New York, like, I feel just, like, scared.

safer because like the tall buildings and like walking around the corner to like the bodega to get a snack or whatever not having to drive 15 minutes everywhere. No I was going to say actually when you were like I feel like I would have been like very alone and like scared to live here at 18. I feel like maybe it would have been a little like much but we were lucky enough that like our experiences by the time we were 18 19 we had like

interacted with enough strangers and been put in enough situations where I feel like we could have been fine. Because if anything, I feel like the part about moving away, that was really hard for me and what moving to LA was why that was

so difficult was I was like really alone for a while especially like before you got there I was like super alone I think even we were really alone for a second because we like hadn't really connected to Josh and them yet like the whole crew wasn't really a crew and I feel like here we would not it would have been like almost instantaneous to find people but granted everything happens for a reason I feel like now the people we know here are like way fucking awesome and I like love all of them

And they're very, like, good for us. And there's a chance we've... I have a feeling we probably would have connected with some evil... Some sinister entities. Some sinister vibes. Yeah, I would love to live here. I just don't know if it's time. You know, we have our family in L.A. That's it. That's my thing. Like, legitimately, like, after visiting once, like...

in having like an enjoyable time, I'm like, girl, I want to move here. Like Kai mentioned, he had like a, like a, he just felt like he needed like a year in New York. Like that's literally how I feel now. It's like, I just feel like I need like,

A year here. I don't know. But I just, like, genuinely am so afraid of leaving our little microcosm. Genuinely, the only thing keeping me in L.A., and I cannot stress the only thing keeping me there, is y'all. Like, that is the only thing keeping me down because New York just also, like, I would be so much closer to my family. Like, that's one of the main things that makes New York even more appealing to me is the fact that I could...

I could right now book a flight for tomorrow and spend like $60 to go see my fucking family. Yeah. And like, it would be a two hour like plane ride and it would be nothing. And in LA it's to go to fucking Miami, dude. It's always anywhere from 300 during the holidays. It goes up to 700. I've even spent a thousand dollars to see my family before nightmare. And on top of that, it's a six hour flight. And I like kill a whole day back and forth. It's like,

not enjoyable. But yeah, one day, one day this will be my home unless like I fall into obscurity and nobody fucking cares about me and I'm absolutely useless and nothing to all of you. And like, you want to see me dead in a hole. I'll die in a hole in LA. Oh God, dude. I just like, I just thought about like living in LA. Like, I don't know. I, it just, I just not, does not just feel, it just doesn't feel like home. Yeah. And like, even like moving, like, like I've always, like I've always talked about like moving like right outside the city. Like,

It just doesn't feel like it is, like, a place where I could spend the rest of my life. The place I could spend the rest of my fucking life is actually in Wyoming or Utah. Like, I love... I fucking love Utah. That's the most random... This is our States episode. Yeah. I love Utah. I spend... Utah is my New York for you. Like, I spent, like, a lot of time in Utah in 2020. But... No, I genuinely just love it here. I feel like it's, like...

I don't know. I feel like I have the privilege of being able to live wherever I want. And I used to love Kai's touching the fucking camera. I know. He's fucking up the frame. He's moving the frame. Because it's getting dark. Yeah, it's getting... No, it's getting dark, Kai. Like, you can see around you. It's getting dark. You want to come sit on mommy's lap? Come on. I'm warm. Papa. Papa. Come on. Come sit on mommy's lap.

But I don't get it twisted. I'm not one of those annoying ass, dumb fucking white fuckers who moved into L.A. and is like, L.A. is so fake. Fuck L.A. I think L.A. is fucking amazing. You're fake. And I've had a very good time living there. Like, I don't believe in all that shit where all those influencers are like, everyone here is fake. Like, no, bitch, everyone is a fake. You attract what you put out and you're a piece of shit. I've always said that. I've always said that. Like, you're the fake one.

Like, if you are claiming that people around you are fake, like, look inside. Take a look in the mirror. Look inside. I'm sottin' with the man in the mirror. Selfie. This is just a random thing that I want to bring up that I said yesterday. But we, like, okay. We set up, don't judge a book by its cover. No. I'm going to judge every book by its cover.

And every time I have judged a book by its cover, I've been fucking right. I've been right every time. And I don't understand. It has to be motherfuckers who aren't selling books that put out shitty covers and have shitty graphic design teams that said that. But also you could go, you know what it is? Don't judge a book by its cover. Like the person, like the people. It's bitches who thought what was on the inside matters, which is not true. Get your fucking looks up, girl. Come on. Step your pussy up. Oh, but let me finish the LA thing is.

I think LA is really amazing and I am very grateful to have lived there. And I used to really love that fucking city. Like it used to be my everything. And I used to see my whole life like playing out there. I was like, I'm going to move my family here. I'm going to do this, this and that. But as I get older, I just realized like, I think I was like lucky enough to get what I got from that city. And now it's almost been like four years of me like,

It has been, for me, it feels like four years instead of three years because in 2017, I was doing with LA what I do with New York now, which is where like,

In 2017, I was in LA every single fucking month until I moved from 2017 to 2018. So like I've got what I needed to get out of there from 2017 to now. And I've like met all the people who I love and like live, laugh, love. And I do feel like I have built like quite a community there because I have my like social life. I have my family, like I have everything there, but it's just not getting what it's supposed to have gave. And I'm tired of sitting in my car. What the fuck is so funny over there, huh?

I was not moaning into the mic. No, it's because nothing I say is fucking important, bro. I heard everything you said. I'm going to have sex with you tonight. That's the thing. I am a great multitasker. I'm going to have sex with both of you tonight. Absolutely. Absolutely. Our big city fuck. Ooh. That's our porn tape. A big city fucking. That's another thing. What?

Are you okay? Oh, wait. Before we forget, I am going to tell the very short story about the scary man at the club yesterday. Oh, yeah. One of you lovely people came up to us and... And was, like, fantastic. Yes. Literally boosted my ego to the fucking moon. Yeah, came up to Drew and was like, oh, my God, I, like, love you a lot.

video and then... I believe in you and your artistic direction. Yeah, it was awesome. Like, her and her homie came up. Something none of you would say to me. I'm pointing at the camera. It's literally one of them who said it. I feel like 80% of our audience is haters. Praying for my fucking downfall. Talk shit, talk shit. I don't fucking care. But...

came up to us and there was this like really old fucking fart behind her and like i mean like he was he had to have been pushing 50 like he was 52 or some shit like yeah he just celebrated his he was there celebrating his 52nd birthday don't you have a family to raise yeah literally don't you have kids you freak wait uh what's what is it um dudes who are 30 be like what's the move tonight uh how about you go raise a fucking family you're 30 years old

Me when we're kind of inching in, there are 15-year-olds who are watching like, girl, you go raise a family, you old fuck. I remember when I was 15, I would look at the Viners who were 23. I was like, you old fucking fart. If you don't go start applying for a mortgage right now. But they were also making like Vines on fucking high school. But that's like musicians who still like, why the fuck is Machine Gun Kelly doing a high school theme? Why is Lainey still talking about...

High school. Why are you talking about prom? You fucking freak. You need to go see a therapist. You're freaking me out. Like, go. Like, get out of here. I'm tired. I am tired of the prom propaganda. Prom was not that big deal. It sucked ass. It was not a big fucking deal. And, like, maybe we're saying that because we're super fucking cool. People really fucking like us. I went to prom. We're all. I had such a good time. Like, they loved me. It's getting so fucking dark. If you're watching this, you cannot say shit. Yeah.

You can't see shit, so you don't say shit. No, with that said, I think, okay, I hate saying this, but like, I really like, I think prom is like kind of cute. I think it's good to look back and like, it's like a rite of passage, but like, the promification of music. You're mishearing me. No, I know, I heard you. Fuck it. I heard you. The promification of music and the prom aesthetic is...

No. That's what I'm saying. It's like, yes, I've always been an advocate. Like, go to prom. Don't be like, fuck prom. Just do it. It's like... Get it over with. Yeah, it's like a doctor's appointment. Like, you really don't want to do it. It's like expensive and you're like, why do I have to do this? You know, your life might change in that one night. You might find the golden slip glass slipper. You might fuck. But...

I actually did not have sex. My problem, personally. I was still a virgin. Anyways, actually, no. I'm a virgin. Yeah, I'm a delicate, naive, little... I'm a virgin. I'm a little fertile virgin. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shut up, shut up. What was I saying? Oh, I was saying that my thing is... Not you being a virgin. I can't. I can't.

What I was saying was, in fact, actually, yeah, like, why the fuck are you 27 talking about prom? It was not that big of a deal. Yes, go. Yes, it's sweet. Yes, it's, like, important, whatever. But, bitch, who fucking cares? It's literally, like...

You're going and eating shitty banquet hall food and dancing to the top 100. Why are you writing about it for the rest of your life? I get it. The people who get a pass in music is like Olivia Rodrigo. She just turned 18. That's her experience. Yes, girl. You better go. You better go and work that prom floor. Make your prom experience memorable. But why the fuck are you 25 years old?

You don't even get asked to... You don't even get ID'd at the store anymore when you're buying liquor. Why the fuck are you talking about prom? You have a beard. You old fucking fart. Fuck you. Fuck, there was something that popped into my head. Especially men. Why are men talking about prom so much? Girl, you need to just admit you're joining the fruity side. Like, why are you talking about prom so much? If you're bisexual, just say that. I know. Like, if you're bi... If you like a little bit of booty from the other side, just say that. Like...

Like, the other team, just let me know. I fucking hate that. Be bisexual. I'm like, I'm going senile. I'm losing it. As the sun goes down on our side of town. I'm losing it. I'm losing it. Also,

This is so overstimulating. Like, I have not been able to focus the entire time. I'm just, like, looking... It's getting really pretty. I'm looking inside people's windows. Yeah, and there are people having sex. I'm watching... No. Oh, that couple's having, like, hard, like, ass-fucking sex. Kai, why'd you turn your head so fast? Yeah, damn. Kai broke his neck to look. He broke his fucking spine. I think that's it, though. I think... I think...

That was, um, that was our new year. Oh, I didn't even finish the story about the old fucking fart. Anyways, he went up to that girl and she literally like, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He whispered over her shoulder, tried to whisper in her ear and he,

She literally just went, no. No. And, like, yelled at him and shoved her hand in his face, and he walked away. And then later that night, we witnessed him, like, just standing around, random girls, like, literally preying on them. Like, dude, he did the scariest, like, predator walk I've ever seen. Like, full-on hunter. No, he wasn't walking. He started to run.

No, he was walking and then he like walked into his friend. It was so creepy. I've never seen it in my life. Dude, this girl was walking down the street and he started following her. Also, we were following along just to make sure he didn't do anything. Yeah, we were literally keeping an eye. We were making sure he wasn't being a freak. He probably got his ass beat that night because he was being a fucking monster. I know, then he went to go bother a group of dudes. But there was this girl who was like walking to a different club and he like kind of lost track of her and started running.

Running after her It was the craziest shit ever I didn't know he was following someone Yes that's why I thought he was just running around the corner No he was like following that girl Did you see that guy Like the girl who was going into like the club downstairs He was like following her And that's why I was like Oh oh wait

But yeah, he was a freak. I hope he ended up on the floor with a bloody nose or something and got his ass beat. He also kept telling people he was in a band. I'm in a band. That's not working out. That's my go-to. I'm in a band. I run a podcast. Who do you know here? Who do you know here? I have this semi-successful podcast called Emergency Intercom. Actually, I'm on a podcast that quite a few handful of people sometimes occasionally tune into.

Oh, that is a really great feeling, though. It's like when people come up to us and they're like, I love the podcast. They keep complimenting me. That's all I got to say. I'm trying to think, you know, we should start like planting things so that if people come up to us, they can say that. So we actually know if they're listening to the podcast or if they're just saying it next time.

Next time you come up to us and you want to prove that you actually listen to the podcast, I'm trying to think of what they could say. New York. No, don't do that. New York. No, I would actually, I'd get so embarrassed for you. I would just, I would. New York. The Akiway. New York, the Akiway. Yeah, say the Akiway. That's what Drew and Kai have been saying a lot and it's not okay. Can I get a bed, the Akiway? Yeah.

New York style. You know what Kai has proved this trip is that he's fucking funny. Yeah. That's what Kai has proved this trip. Kai has proved he's funny. He's funny. He's horny. And he's single. So who wants him? Yeah, Kai is single, guys. If you want him, just go to his IG. Oh, actually, next time you come up to us for the podcast and if we're with Kai, look at him and then be like, oh, and then look away. Dude, wait. Insert that photo. Yeah, insert the photo.

Someone came up to us and was like, can we take a picture with y'all? And y'all meaning me and Kai. And Kai didn't know. I was like, Kai, she's talking to all of us. And it's me and this girl taking a photo. And Kai's in the fucking background like a monster, like the predator. Like he's literally like the predator. Yeah. Kai's also really scared. So when you meet him, don't shake his hand.

Guys, should we get a Kai cam? Should we get a Kai cam? We can't afford a fucking Kai cam. I mean, if Patreon goes well, maybe we could. We're like, Patreon is booming right now, guys. There's like 20 people on it. All right. So getting straight into it. Zemitia. Zemitia. Look at the orange glow over the city. It's beautiful. Like, it is beautiful. It is very dark and you can't see shit, but who fucking cares? Oops. Sorry. Oops. Sorry. Okay. Okay.

Inner City Life by Goldie. Let Me Be Your Fantasy by Baby D. Ella Me Levanto. Daddy Yankee. One Beer by MF Doom. Weeping Birch by Dan Deacon. Money So Big by Yeats. And Contracts by Archie Shep and Jasper Van Hoff.

Oh, and my movie of the week is A Star Is Born. It literally made me actually want to fucking die. Wow. I just forgot. It made me want to die. I just forgot. On the airplane, I watched Minari. Oh, I need to see that. Motherfucker. Motherfucker! No, like... You motherfucker! Not enough people were talking about that movie. It was. A lot of people were talking. Not enough people were talking about it. Oh, actually, you know what? I would say the same thing for A Star Is Born. Like, they need an award or something. They need to win something. Like, they did pretty good. I mean, I would...

I mean, I wouldn't say it was the best, but they did it decent enough. Yeah, Minari. Go watch Minari if you haven't. I'm going to watch that. A Star is Born. I'm not kidding. I was sitting between the two grossest, ugliest little fuck of men. You had a middle seat? Yeah. I was sitting between two disgusting men. I spent extra money to not get one. Literally, listen to this. One of them was watching fucking football. Can you get a goddamn grip? You are on a flying automobile and you are tuning into cable football? As a man, why are you watching football?

Yeah. You like watching two men on top of each other. And their fits are mighty tight. If you're bisexual, say that. Why are you watching two men tussle around over some balls? You can see every football player's bulge. Exactly. You can see their bulge. And they're literally fighting over a pair of balls. They're fighting over some balls. Oh, what the hell? If you're bisexual, every man that watches football, you're bisexual. You are a little gay. And that's okay. We should make a... Oh, yeah.

We're the... Ow, ow, ow, ow. I was going to say we're the bifecta, but Kai claims to be straight. Yeah, right. That's one of my toxic traits is not believing that anyone is straight. I'm like... You're bisexual until proven guilty. Until proven normal.

Chill. All right, guys. That was this episode. Thank you so much. If you love me, leave a like. They took my fucking movie off of Letterboxd. They took my fucking teeth. They took my billboard movie off of Letterboxd. It's a movie. Okay. Bye, guys. You can't see me. Just know my whole pussy is out right now. That is really bad for us. That is not. Oh. Smells like cranberry juice and cheese. Oh. All right. Thank you. I want it. I want a bite of it. Thank you, guys. Bye.

That has been our episode in New York. You can't even see us. All right. Bye. We're going to have the dirtiest... No, we're not. Get off of me. We're going to have the dirtiest sex on the subway now. Wait, can we walk this way with the mics? Yeah, come on, Kai. Get up. You figure it out. You got to figure it out. If you want your job, if you want to keep your job, you better get us this fucking shot, this closing shot of the episode. See, this is...

Like, if you want to work for us, you have to be adaptable. Adaptation. Actually, you have to act like you fucking care about your dog. Did you know orchids mimic mantis shrimp? Did you know that orchids mimic cookies? And that's their adaptation. Or not mantis shrimp. Praying mantises. Wait, wait, wait. Let me get that. And the reason why they do that is to be pollinated. And it's a fantastic thing, really. It truly is. You were just talking. Like, you were so good at just fucking running your mouth.

We should have just done the whole episode over here. You can't see us? Wait, let me pull it closer. Oh my God, Kai, you just had to get in, huh? You just had to get in. You're a fucking money-hungry, fame-hungry bitch. We have the 5G. We literally probably got cancer from this 5G. No one wants to talk about that. Kai, you're the only one lit up. Like, do you care about us? Yeah, I look good though. Oh, it's kind of chill. Y'all are not even center frame. Like, come center frame. You guys have never wanted to come? We can all get the light if we just get in the middle.

This has been our New York episode. Kai, anything to say?

Alright, guys. You're done. You're done. You're done for. You're over. You're over. Were you going to debunk the horny comment? I was. I was going to debunk that. I'm not that horny. I've seen it. We've seen him horny. I have. Yeah. Drew has. We can't talk about that. Yeah, that's Patreon content. That's Patreon content. For Patreon, Kai's going to talk about all his awesome sex experiences. Alright, alright, alright. Enough. Alright.

Bye, guys. Live, laugh, love yourself, but not too much because you have to save some love for me. All right. We bought Kai a new laptop. I bought this laptop. We bought him a new interface. We bought you a lot of things. People also said, hey, why are you lying about being in New York? Like, you're not on that fucking airplane. Because all we do is lie. I'm proving the people calling me out wrong. All right. Bye.