We met lady gaga
01:04:22 Share

Hey guys, we'd like to thank one of today's sponsors, Shopify. No one does that better than Shopify. Guys, I love Shopify. I just can't stop using Shopify. I really just can't stop using Shopify. It makes running your business so easy. It takes all the brain work out of...

Setting up your website, it is so easy to navigate. You don't have to be a coder. You don't have to be a genius. All you have to do is follow simple directions and it is so easy. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash intercom to upgrade your selling today. shopify.com slash intercom.

The 2025 Ford Explorer ST has a 400 horsepower engine. It's up to you what you do with that power. The 2025 Ford Explorer. It's all in the name. Horsepower and torque ratings based on premium fuel per SAE J1349 standard. Your results may vary.

Freshly made ravioli or hand-pulled ramen noodles. When you dine with Chase Sapphire Reserve, either will be amazing because it's the choice between a front row seat at the chef's table while getting a live demo of how to make ravioli or dining family style as you hear the story behind your ramen broth. This weekend, it's ravioli. Next weekend, ramen.

Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Welcome back, everybody. I am like weirdly freezing today.

Kill all pets. All pets must die. All animals must die. Animals have the rights to wear wigs. Give animals wigs. Give animals hair dye. Give animals more piercings. Give animals the ability to order a collar necklace off Shein. Put more litter boxes in schools for animals who also go to school.

Okay, so basically the lore behind this poster is we did this show for Urban Outfitters in Tucson, Arizona, which was...

So fucking funny. We, like, y'all, we don't have a single episode where you need to be doing all that. We don't have a single episode. No, keep it up. Next time you see me out, like, run up on me like that because the things that did to my ego. That's what I think Jody thinks thought the colonoscopy meetup was going to get. Like, at least that's what I imagined. Did you see it, Kai? Oh, man.

Wait, is it when like you guys were leaving the store? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're getting mom. We don't have a single episode where y'all need to do all that. I saw it, but like Josiah's walking out and he's like. Petrified. Petrified. Yeah. Walking through the crowd. It was so funny. He was giving Shane Dawson. They were giving like zombie, like literally like Call of Duty zombies.

I ate up every fucking second of that shit. No, it was so funny. Like, I'm not, like, actually making fun of it, but it is funny because it's us, so I can't help but be like, girl, like, you would have thought fucking Lady Gaga was in there. Literally, like, the windows were all glass, and every time we came downstairs, they would start hitting the windows, and from the inside, it literally sounded like they were going to break in. Yeah, it was like...

And like people slamming their phones against it. So I was like... Also, someone had me sign their copy of Infinite Jest, which... Oh, that's really sick. But the lore behind this poster is we were in the car and people started like circling the car and they just had it outside the car. And like someone like was like shoving it in the window. And I was like, oh...

can you grab that to my manager and he was like sure and like I think they wanted it signed but I thought they were giving it to me so I just stole it from them and then we proceeded to protest every airport we walked in with it like holding it up we kept holding it up and being like give dogs wigs dye your dogs like and people were like random shit terrified of us I have videos also we just kept going up to people and like pointing at it and they would just go like

And like just pointing at it and like Josie and Drew would like go up to cars when we were waiting for our Uber at the airport would go up to cars and go in their window and be like Let the dogs dye their hair. Animals do drag. Let the animals be free. Let animals have wigs. Let animals pierce their ears.

Wait, so that's like a fan made that? Yeah. Or was it an actual protest thing? No. No, no. A fan made it and we were like carrying it around feels like going to like a protest, like having your sign. And we were like, people probably think we're like trying to make a statement with this huge sign, just holding it around. So Drew and Josie just started being like, give dogs wigs, like signage.

yelling give dogs more piercings like dogs deserve piercings they have the right to wear piercings and wigs

they do i sent you all the videos doing that in arizona like literally i know they saw us and they were like i've never seen a liberal like that in person wow like but it was just like shouting that in tucson airport also it's so funny because the thought bubble on it just says i hate bisexuals over and over and over again and at one point we were on like the transit bus at the airport and josie had it open and like this lady was looking at it was like

She was the first person to read it and Josie got so embarrassed, she just folded it and put it away and started looking away from her, but she was just staring at Josie like, "Huh."

what does that mean which would be so like odd i guess if nobody like uses their iphone the way we do like to see like a dog like that with a thought bubble that just says i hate bisexuals like 50 times like it seems like the most as someone in their mid-50s that would be the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life where it's like also at the airport wait are we switching up i just realized us doing that at the airport like i would be fucking terrified if somebody like

was going around the airport acting like that, I'd be like, I literally pray they're not on my flight. Please don't get on my fucking plane. Yeah, that was my carry-on on the flight, but I do plan on sending it back because I stole it. But it's bringing us so much joy. Seriously, do you need it back? But if it's bringing us this much joy, I genuinely was like, damn, me and Drew were talking about it. I was like, I know this is someone's friend group's favorite bit. I found all the pictures that I'm going to put on posters next to make the protest around L.A.

These pictures are like, there's like a level of irony. It's just like there's a level of irony to them that even I can't comprehend that I'm laughing at. Like, it's not even like they're inherently funny. They're actually fucking stupid. But like, there's Shutterstock.com at the bottom kills me, bro. It has to be for like Petco or PetSmart for like Halloween or something. Yeah.

But yeah. Tucson, Arizona was Gorgiana Grande. Oh my God. It was a...

Yeah, we went for like literally 36 hours and we stayed at like the nicest hotel I've ever been at in my entire life that had like a 240 foot water slide, like three pools, like three golf courses. Like we didn't get to use really any of the amenities because we were there so shortly. But we fucked with that water slide. Oh, we went down. We were the only people there because it was a bunch of like people in there, like middle aged people that like

their bones would probably turn to powder if they went down the fucking water slide. It was one of those slides. Only their bathing suits would come out the end. Yeah, they get snapped by Thanos in the middle. But it was giving us just going down it the entire time. And I also...

So I have a wound on my arm, right? Well, I rode the water slide once. Also, I rode it illegally. There was no attendant and I hopped the fence to go down. Yeah, and then when we went back up, we were like, we should just go up. A woman magically appeared. So I think they had like a camera or something and they saw Drew just like shoot down without anybody around.

But I am injured on my shoulder. Oh, yeah. He got tossed around so much he scraped his shoulder. I'm suing the city for real. Like, I'm suing Tucson, Arizona. I am not getting the joy being at that pool, mate. It was so funny because the night before we went to the pool and, like, Josie and Drew got in.

And it was like such a nice pool. And we were like, damn, no one is at this fucking resort. But it's literally because it was like only 50 plus year olds. And they were all asleep by 7 p.m. So no one was around. And when we got there in the morning, the pool was packed. And we're like, fuck, this sucks. And then we went to the pool that had the water slide. And we were like, oh, this one was made for kids. And nobody is here because we're supposed to be at the other one. And we were having the time of our fucking life. It was awesome.

so fucking fun. I played dead several times and yes, pictures in the water. Like, oh my God, I just need a water slide. And then Josie was like, yeah, you guys should like just get your money up so you could have a house with a water slide in the back. And I was like, I actually don't know how much money it would take for you to be able to sustain that. Like in my head, you have to be like a gazillionaire to have a water slide in your backyard. But also there would be something so humiliating about having a water slide in your backyard. Yeah.

But I guess then I would be living my beauty in the beast. Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber. Yeah. Fantasy. All right, guys, let's take a moment to decalcify our pineal glands so we can open up our conscious to higher frequencies and higher powers. Wow.

Your pineal gland? Pineal gland. Like your penis? No, no, no. It's in the middle of your head. It's like the most important gland in your body. And it's all calcified from pesticides, mercury, fluoride, which is in toothpaste and water, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco, which... I have all of that like eight times a day. All day long. You need to be getting enough sunlight. Would you eat the calcified crust off of my pineal gland? Yes. I would save you...

That is so loud today. No, it's always loud. Our fridge is the loudest thing ever. When I'm sitting in the living room sometimes it feels so eerie at like 1 a.m. and I just hear like... Like it feels like my brain is being zapped and I'm about to be fucking abducted. Oh fuck, we didn't troll our neighbors. Did we talk about that on the last episode? We have new neighbors and...

we had like weird beef with them not really beef but like our landlord was just being annoying and was trying to give up my parking spot to the new neighbors and i was like i've been here for a long time like that is my fucking spot also the parking lot in our area sucks balls it's so hard to navigate yeah and i have a bigger car than the neighbor so i was like bro what like this is my fault bitch i've been here for like

I've been here for like six fucking years. Give me my fucking spot. It's like seniority. Yeah, like put some respect on my name. Like I've given you a lot of money to fucking stay living in this scary ass apartment.

So I was like starting basically beef because of our landlord because she kept trying to pawn off my spa. And like one time the neighbor went and took my spa. And I was like, oh, hell no. This bitch is going to learn because I'm fucking unemployed and I'm here all the fucking time. So you leave for work tomorrow and I'm moving my car right the fuck back. And that's what I did. And I didn't leave the house for like three days. We literally had a turf war in our backyard. To mark my territory. But then...

Like, we... All of our new neighbors are all very social people. And, like, this is the first time ever I've heard so many people just, like, in the building. And I went to my room... It was giving, like, real party vibes. Oh, yeah. It was literally... The party they threw was the most spooker vibe ever. Like...

just based off of the sounds, it literally felt like a fake party was being thrown in a movie. Like I can't describe it. Like the only song we could understand and knew and heard was a Bebop a doobie song. Bebop a doobie. Bebop a doobie. But that was the only like song that was like a real song that played everything else was, it literally sounded like the background of like a girl's episode when they go to a party and it's just like, it was like, it's literally like that. It was,

Like, it literally sounded like a fake party. But that one we forgot to troll because I really wanted to do what we did last time. But a week ago, our neighbors were on the front porch. About a week ago. A week ago. Hey. Hey.

Our neighbors were on the front porch having like a really loud conversation. And when I went into my room, I was like high about to go to bed and I heard it. And I am so fucking nosy that I propped open the like balcony door and I just stuck my head through it. And I stood there for 15 minutes straight listening to them. And I was like,

Oh my god, this conversation is just starting and it's like 2 a.m. and they're gonna keep sitting here talking. So then I dragged Josh and Drew into my room and on my speaker in my room, I started playing the caveman like... We played it so fucking loud. And like at first, they like kind of ignored it. They were like, oh, like we didn't hear that. Then the second time we played it, they were like, the dude was like, did you...

Did you hear that? And she was like, oh, no, I didn't hear that. It's just a car passing by. It's like a scooter or something. And then we played it like six more times. And by the end, they were like, oh, they were like, we got to go. Like, this is actually, I'm not fucking with this. This is actually so scary. And then they're like, it keeps getting louder. It's like getting louder. It's getting closer. What is that? Like, is that a person? Like, they were freaking out. But then I pushed it too far and I started playing. I played like gay sex sounds. And then they were like, what is, oh, mm.

And like I feel like they started to notice that we were just trolling. And then I started to play like explosion sounds and like police sirens and guns. And then they just started to ignore us. And honestly, it was really sad. Like, yeah, it felt like a little kid trying to get a parent's attention. And then they're just like kind of over it. Like you got the attention you were looking for and you want more. And your parents just like, bro, like.

But it did work. They went inside. Yeah, they did go inside. So if you ever got noisy neighbors, just play the caveman screams and gay porn sounds and they'll just go inside. They'll just leave. But yeah, last night I watched Nightmare Before Christmas and it was awesome. Yeah, that movie sucks dick. Oh. It's like boring as fuck. Art style's terrible. But... You're gay.

Okay, I'm gonna tell your parents. I'm not gay. I'm gonna tell your parents know you're gay Do your parents know you're gay? I'm not. Yes or no. I'm not. Yes or no. Do your parents know you're gay? One time I told my mom and she went ugh I literally told my mom about a girl and she went ugh Not you too. Yeah, she was like ugh. She was like seriously?

Like and then I just never spoke to her about it again because she's weird as fuck. She spilled actually. I know she lowkey ate me up like and she fixed me actually. But fuck what was I going to say? Do your parents know you're gay? It's a yes or no. Yes or no. No. No. It's okay. You can come out one day. You can come out one day. It's okay. Dude I've never figured out how to get past that question.

That is such a hard question to figure out. Do your parents ask you that? Or you're saying you can't figure it out for yourself? No, that was like... It was something about a clown. Like, a clown was, like, gay or something. What? No, that was, like, those, like, riddles in seventh grade. That was... It was, like...

Oh, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, you're gay? Yeah. And then you would like hold it up and they would like smack you in the face. Yeah. Or like, how do you look at your nails? Yeah. I think I'm going to be a Disney adult for the rest of the year. That's kind of my vibe. Like I've been seeing the videos of people at Disney and it's fall coded. But also I just had this revelation last night at Randall's.

At Rain's house because like she had the fireplace on. She gave me a bunch of treats. Rain treats me like a fucking alien. Wait, no, we need to go back to the, there was something I needed to bring up talking about Doc Martens and shit. You're gay. No, no, I lost it. I lost it. Hold on. Let me think about it for a second.

Hey guys, we'd like to thank one of today's sponsors, ZagDog. Y'all, I'm a hypochondriac, my hair is falling out, my skin is bleaching, my eyes are yellowing, my liver is hurting, my lower back is in constant pain, my pinky toe fell off, my freaking wrist is bruised and bone contused, like everything is wrong with my body.

but that's where ZocDoc comes in, y'all. ZocDoc, if any of these are real concerns of mine, if like I lay in bed at night and I'm like, okay, maybe I need to go and get screened for skin cancer. ZocDoc has you covered. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment.

We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare, and much more. Heavy on the skincare, y'all. Get your skin looked at. I'm telling you, melanoma's going around. It's melanoma season. Melanoma. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments. The next time I need a doctor, I'm headed straight to Zoc.

Doc. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash intercom to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash intercom. ZocDoc.com slash intercom. Oh my God, we need to take another break for

How sad, how sad is it that fucking summer is ending? Summer is coming to an end. That means our concert queens are stepping out of the spotlight. But SeatGeek has you covered because there are still shows going on that you need to see, which the Sweat Tour, I am so sad that I'm going to miss the LA show. But if I was going to go, I would be booking it through SeatGeek because SeatGeek has the best deals, babe. Period.

And if you are thinking of going and getting sweaty, nasty, funky, skunky, everyone can use our code Intergom10 and get 10% off any tickets on SeatGeek, whether you're a new customer or not. So yes, I will be using our own code. Don't ask. I literally like give this code to every single person in my life because I'm like, even if they don't know what we do, I'm like, just literally just get 10% off your concert. Like what? Basketball season is starting soon though.

which is iconic and i will be sitting courtside at a lakers game this year i just know it i'm manifesting it we're manifesting it we're manifesting it each ticket is rated on a scale of one to ten so look for green dots green means good red means bad no matter how many times you've bought tickets using seat geek before intercom 10 is going to get you 10 off your next order so take out your phone open the seat geek app and add intercom 10 to your account what are

you waiting for hello do it now because this offer is only available for a limited time yeah being at her house yesterday with the fireplace watching nightmare before christmas before i went to bed i was like y'all really watched that terrible movie huh dude what is your beef with that movie if it was oh if it was call me by your name you'd be so happy why call me by your name because it's gay that movie's not gay yeah no that was like the straightest movie ever

Like, how is that movie? I guess it has a straight ending. It has a happy ending. Actually, that movie has a good ending. We got a lot of y'all were like, oh, the ending of that movie is so sad. It's actually very happy. Yeah, because Oscar Isaac makes me want to have sex with him. Oscar Isaac, whoever the fuck his dad is. I forget. I don't know the guy who plays his dad. Yeah, it's not Oscar Isaac, but it's like is Oscar Isaac doppelganger. I want his father at the end of that. No, he's not like Oscar Isaac. But he is very sexy. Y'all know the shows of boomer foo.

Yeah. That was my sexual awakening. Zabumafu was your sexual awakening? Not the little lemur. Oh, okay. Well, what else are we supposed to think? The two dudes. I don't remember any of the humans in that. I just remember the lemur. All I can think about is the fact that there's... I thought that that was only a lemur. No, there were two guys. Look. Ew. We need to put this on the post. That's your sexual awakening. I'm a furry. Okay.

What the fuck is this? Was it real or was it a puppet? It was a puppet. It had to have been a puppet. But no, they had it like bouncing around and shit. Yeah, but he talks. Like I think like maybe they had a real lemur at one point, but no, it's a puppet. He would like fucking move around and talk. Are you sure? Didn't he talk? They had to have had a real one too. Wait, you're asking me if this is a puppet?

this like clearly puppet in this photo i know you're making me freak out because i'm not looking at any pictures no i'm saying what i'm saying they had a puppet but they also had a real i think they had like stock footage of a lemur jumping around yeah do y'all remember that big fucking tree i wanted to go inside of it so bad

Yeah, there's a big tree in Nightmare Before Christmas, too, that you can go inside. Yeah, that busted ass fucking movie. Well, that's my vibe with Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. I can't hear that song. I can't see red lights. If I walk into a room and it's red. It stuns you. Yeah, I get immediately teleported back. But yeah, I think I'm going to be a Disney adult this year. And then last night I stayed up too late because I was looking at

TikToks of people going to Disneyland right now. -Do you watch the guy that collects the pins? I love him. -It's so sweet. -He completed a collection today. -I am very prone to making fun of Disney adults,

But I understand. There's a fine line. Yeah. I mean, you can be normal and fucking be a Disney adult, but or you can be like a fucking freak bitch. And like if you're a freak. Once you got those fucking button ups with the patterns on it, the Disney patterns. The Hawaiian Disney shirt. Like I think that's pushing it. Like when you have like the seasonal button ups for your Disney adulting. Yeah.

When you wear onesies, when you wear like onesies of the characters to Disney, you're pushing it. That is crazy work. I once was at Disneyland. I got so excited that when I saw a hidden Mickey, I pissed myself. That's schizophrenia. Yeah.

I wasn't at Disneyland. I was just walking around. You were in Central Park. The Hidden Mickeys are a mass hallucination by all Disney adults. Wait, is it not actually a thing? I thought it was a thing. No, it's a mass hallucination. Yeah, it's a sign-off. What? Because in one of the videos I saw, there was Mickey's head made out of leaves on the floor. That's interesting that you saw that. Yeah, that's very curious. No, but it was like, guys, I can show you.

I actually was thinking it. I was like, did this person do this or do they just like have this on the floor there and it's like cemented in so that people could take videos? No, I'm telling you, it's like mass hysteria, like burning the witches of Salem. But when I show you this one, you'll like you'll believe me.

oh my god and then i went on a crazy arterix oh can we talk about how bad nightmare before christmas is oh my god bro that's it was actually making me really sad because i was like damn funding like this does not get put into movies it's really dark like it is so insane the work this movie took like a stop motion movie like that the whole cast is like does such good voice acting danny elfman like

destroyed all the music like it's so good like everyone was in their bag it's so good and i was just like oh my god also i was like how did they make this up like people just be making up i know tim burton is like freaking

Freaky deaky. And also like, it's the vibe. Was Nightmare Before Christmas a thing before that or no? It's like a fully original story. I think it's an original story. No more original stories anymore. No, literally. Disney is canceled. Pixar is canceled. Actually, DreamWorks is cooking right now. But it's all fucking that bunk ass animation. Like, please add some sauce and fucking flavor. Please, I'm begging you. And like, also can Laika... Add a little bit of spice.

Can Laika like hurry the fuck up with their new movie? Because the people that made Coraline are making a new claymation and it looks like spooky vibes. It looks like fucking lit. But yeah, no, my nightmare before Christmaslander is not real. That is a great movie. I just need that. Like I need to see this. I want to see it. He's bad. This was the craziest video I saw.

I saw a video. I won't put it on here, but there was this woman who was like, my Disney outfit for the day, and she just had whoever was filming it literally film her ass. She has a huge ass, and she just had it filmed through the park, and I was like, this feels really freaky. Get on your phones right now and look up Spider-Man.

And the first fucking videos that pop up are not Spider-Man. They're like slim, thick baddies in Spider-Man costumes with their knockers and butts hanging out. And that is a psychological operation to destroy the West. We are all controlled. We are all controlled by sexuality and our sexuality, y'all.

Just look at it. Just test the waters. It's going to be a sexy hot girl in a Spider-Man outfit. Okay, maybe I am schizophrenic. I really can't find the Disney one and it's starting to scare me. Like, I can't find the, like...

the Mickey out of leaves and I think I really like was just so in my bag about like my hallucinations of how fun Disney could be the thing is I always feel like this I'm always like oh my god Disney would be so fun I fucking hate being there like it's

fun in idea being there is a fucking nightmare being around that many people freaks me out i can only think of the worst things that could possibly happen i was gonna say last time i was there me and orion were like genuinely like terrified that a mass shooting was gonna happen and we convinced ourselves so we left we convinced ourselves you're crazy yeah no i'm fucking crazy i'm fucking but i do really want to go

Have you heard about the, like, ultra-exclusive Disney adult, like, membership? Yeah, like, Rule 34. Look up Rule 34 on Twitter. Like, Rule 34 Mickey, and all the information about it will come up. Yeah, there's, like, um...

some restaurant that's like really expensive have you heard about the drama i bet it sucks dick there's drama in t so like when basically there's a 10-year waiting list to get into this like club 10 to 15 years this couple finally got accepted and i think it's like

$24,000 a year, $12,000 a year to be a member in this club. But you get like 180 like passes to Disney and you get like a bunch of guest passes. You get all of this like free merchandise. So by the end, it like essentially pays for itself. But there's very strict rules that like you can't do certain things with these passes. You can't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, this like couple like

I can't remember what they did, but they either filmed inside of their... Oh, no, no, no. The husband...

was found passed out on a bench and quote-unquote reeked of alcohol so they kicked them out of their membership at this club in Disney and so they started suing Disney because they were like oh he was just tired like that he's probably fucking blackout drunk but like they were trying to get their membership back and then they lost the lawsuit so then the couple just started leaking all of this shit about this club and they were like well all

All of the members, they get access to this certain merchandise and then...

There's very strict rules on not reselling it but the second they get it they put it up on eBay and there are items from this thing that like Disney collectors buy because they're like super rare so like these people are making thousands and thousands of dollars off of just the merchandise and then they sell their like tickets and they like give their like passes to this club to like friends and family so they can come in and buy merch and it's just this like weird like awful like

scam that people are running where by the end like they get their membership but they start profiting off of it like insane amounts of money this is insane the fucking mug is going for $500 yeah there was like an item girl this mug is ugly as fuck me when I'm looking at you me when I'm drinking out of this in the morning me when you do a full bead of makeup girl that mug is ugly as fuck

See, once you start wearing these, it's a wrap. Yeah, exactly. Like this is cooked. You're cooked and fried. You're done. You're done. You're done. What is that from again? I don't know. You're over. You're done. You're done. You're done. The amount of pictures I take of Reign's like cat jinx when I'm there is...

ridiculous is really cute it's so cute and he was laying on me while we were watching the movie and i was like so fucking happy because i guess as all would do that but as all would annoy me because as all would shed all over me oh little me just there is this clip

JD Vance that I'm sure y'all have seen but it has been seared into my brain forever in a way that like I don't know if I'll ever shake the sheer terror and fear it sent through my body like I actually like when I see his face now I'm like genuinely triggered because like the clip of him interacting with those fucking donut shop workers is the most overpowering

Oh, it is the most horrifying, like robotic demonic thing I've ever seen. They asked him, the employees were like, it's, it's the most awkward conversation ever. Then the employees are like, what do you want? Like, what do you want to eat? Like we can get you whatever you want. And he was like, he answers them by saying, whatever makes sense.

which I don't know what like I don't know like what the fuck but it literally felt like I was it literally felt like I had seven days left to live after watching that like it was literally giving like the ring I think you're just triggered by gay politicians no literally that fuck couches freak bitch

It like genuinely creeps me the fuck out. I cannot wait to see the debate between him and Tim Walls because he has peas for a brain. Oh, we were talking to Rain about like the IQ level test. I would love to know J.D. Vance's IQ level. 12. Who let this happen? Yeah.

Just random sort of stuff here. How long have you worked here? I've been here since the beginning of your life. Okay. It is here. Okay. How long have you been here? Her? Almost two years. They didn't cut her out. Just everything. Yeah, a lot of glaze here, some sprinkle stuff, some of these cinnamon rolls, just whatever makes sense. How long has this place been around?

About four years. About four years? Okay. How long have you been here? A little over six months. Okay, good. Yes. Well, we selected this place. I didn't know if it had been here for 20 years or four years. They do not. It's also giving, like, I don't think he's ever had a real conversation in his life. No, yeah. Why did he ask them that? And, dude, I don't know if I just, like, fucking hate his guts and he freaks me the fuck out so I hyperanalyze anything he fucking says and does. Well, no, because he, like, what he was expecting is, like...

He was literally expecting to come in and it'd be like when a late night show brings a famous person in. The person's like, oh my God, I was here. It's like that. Like, oh my God, Harry Styles is in my donut shop. I'm freaking out. Bitch, it's J.D. Vance. They don't want to be fucking serving him or talking to him. He's like the worst person on the planet. And he's like expecting them to be like,

my god how are you liking Georgia we're so happy you're here but they're just like what the fuck do you want also like so weird like just that empty space with all these photographers around for somebody who they don't fuck with like it's just so awkward also he did not know I don't think he's ever eaten a donut

No, literally. Whatever makes sense is like the most dark sided thing you can ever say. Like that's very dark. Whatever the normal person would usually get is what I want. Like that's very fried, cooked, dark sided energy. But, um,

um well we saw joker 2 shout out imax shout out warner bros for inviting us that was iconic it was iconic it was very iconic the more iconic part was the fact that lady gaga came out after girl no we gaga came out after gaga came out after and it was horrifying like how

I don't think y'all understand like what that person means to me and seeing her in the flesh that close with that very little amount of people legitimately like when I found out she was gonna be there on the way there my heart sank to my ass and I like went silent and I was like oh my god like this is like Lady Gaga like like seventh grade me like making the crystal glasses Lady Gaga like

Lady Gaga that we watch music videos till 3 a.m. like once a week like like this is like real life Lady Gaga the thing is like I knew she was gonna do a Q&A after but like I don't think I really digested that information and I when going into I was like I don't really care like it'd be cool to like talk like to see her talk about it but like

I didn't think I would be affected by it. But when she was about to come to the room, also the silence in that room waiting for her to come in, like we were all like so terrified. Like there was just like this aura in the room of like,

Oh, God. Being scared. Like, everybody was, like, kind of scared. And it was a Q&A, and we had to ask the questions. And when she came in, it was only, like, 20 seconds that everybody was silent. But I had no plans on asking a question. But when they came in with the mic, she was, like... It felt like she maybe looked around for five seconds, and nobody had raised their hand yet. But I was so uncomfortable and scared because I was like, oh, my God, everybody's flopping. Like, we're all flopping. Nobody has a question. So I just shot my hand up and asked a question. And then I had to...

eye contact with Lady Gaga for like 15 minutes while she answered my question. She is terrifyingly good at eye contact. Also, she literally looked at me like literally five times. Like she was obsessed with me. And...

Inya would not let me ask this after the movie. And I think it would have been a banger. Even if it flopped, it would have been the funniest thing I ever could have done. But it would have been very disrespectful because she is taking it very seriously. But I wanted to ask her, so...

Was that like a documentary? Was that real? Like, are you okay? There was bombs and guns and stuff. Like, are you okay? I literally was just like, please don't do that because I don't know if she would find it funny. Like, I thought it was funny. No, I, yeah. And I thought it was hilarious, but I don't know if Lady Gaga would be like,

Like, I don't know if she would think it's funny. I don't think anybody in the room would have laughed. They would have thought I was being dead serious too. But the ultimate, like, gag of it all is after the Q&A, which I wanted to ask a real question, but they, like, literally took the mic from my hand. They could sense the dark-sided energy. Well, it's because fucking Drew's annoying.

ass wanted to be the last one to ask a question so after every question he was kind of like looking around and like seeing if they were gonna stop and he just wanted to be the last one to speak to her yeah and like what what's the problem guys she was like oh by the way i'm oh my god i'm gonna freak the fuck out i'm gonna freak the fuck out she pointed at me and inya in the back of the fucking crowd and was like oh by the way like

I know who y'all are like I've seen y'all and we're in like a room full of like other influencers and she like oh my god I'm like literally about this yeah I was like I felt like I was being punk and she like looked at us and she was like wait I know who y'all are let's like get a picture together so she's like I've seen you guys before so fucking so she's seen the fucking I still don't know if this is a fucking joke no fucking way what and she got one of them

And then did she ask like, oh, like, where's the guy who did the period simulator? Like, I love that. Oh, no. She was like, dude, that guy is so weird when he's on screen. It makes me feel so weird. Really? And she said it actually inspired her for the Joker movie. She's inspired by me. It felt like she was seeing the Joker in real life. The Joker. The Joker. The Joker. The Joker.

Yeah, we didn't even meet. But we did get a picture with her. And it was so gaggy. And she hated it. She did not fuck with me. She asked to take a picture with everybody and everybody. She was like, that was a good question. Like, thank you so much for coming. Being so nice. I went up to her one. I blacked out. Like, I'm not kidding. I don't remember. I look so goofy in my picture because I was like,

I don't remember like I literally after the picture I like I don't know if you saw me I started to like walk the wrong way like I literally was like it felt like I got flash banged I was like so stunned I couldn't even look the wrong way and I just like walked around and I had said hi to her and she didn't say hi back she didn't say a word to me she just took the picture and I walked away yeah and then I was the last person to take a picture and I made like a little silly joke I was like oh I'm last and she was like

save the best for last darling and then we took our picture and then she was like thank you so much for coming and looked me in the eyes and i was like it literally felt like i was looking medusa in the eyes like one thing about gaga is she is pr trained out her fucking ass like yeah she gives everybody the time of day like except for you know what this reminds me of it's like when dua lipa asked me to make that video with her oh yeah yeah yeah i just saw that

video again for the first time and in my head you don't move at all in that video but like you're going like this I was trying so hard to fit in I didn't know what to do

You're like, I'm chill. That's like alien vibes. Like I watch that and I'm like, who the fuck is that person? That's JD Vance energy. That was giving JD Vance for sure. JD Vance in the donut shop. Yeah. Like you had to leave. You know what it is too? I know exactly where your mind was. Like you didn't want to be the guy who's just on the wall not moving. So you feel like you have to move. But like... Oh, 100%. I was like... You were so in your head, huh? I was...

out of my body. I was like astral projecting and like watching myself because I was like, there's a lot of cameras. I feel like maybe this Drew and Anya end up seeing this somehow. And I was like projecting into the future and then going back and be like, all right, well then let me just look as cool as I possibly can. Like it's easy for me. Yeah. Well, you look cool. Oh yeah, that's for sure. That's for sure. Well, I want to like learn how to bake at one point in my life. Like I want to be the kind of person who could just like bake.

It just sounds like so much work. Yeah, I was thinking about like starting meal prepping. Dude, that's not...

That's not this. I don't know if that's what she's talking about. Yeah. Like broccoli and brown rice and chicken and Tupperware to bulk up. Also, like we don't have a microwave. I guess you eat all your food cold, though. I love cold food. It's so gross. I've been eating Mapo tofu with pork in it cold as fuck the past. For some reason, that sounds like it's good. It's so good, but I am not getting enough nutrients from eating that. Inya and I.

are fucking crazy people. Like we are actually fucking crazy people because girl, oh, you're going to be like, oh yeah, we are fucking crazy people.

Okay, so when I fell, I got this cut on my arm and anyone's like, no, it's actually cool. Like I'm kind of jealous. Like cuts and bruises are chill. So we then proceeded to sit on the couch for 15 minutes, punching our legs and arms, giving ourselves bruises. I did get a bruise. I have one right here. Look, I got one too. Yeah. Oh my God. We have it in

We like sat punching ourselves with our knuckle out to give ourselves bruises and then we like we were like oh my god like this is crazy. Because I was like oh I used to have bruises all over my leg last summer but I wasn't really doing anything. You were giving a lot of top. You were giving a lot of head. Sleeping around and shagging bruises on your knees. I've actually never understood that like the bruises on the knees things like is somebody like you're giving head like

You're like crawling towards it. You're like crawling on your knees. Like I've never understood. I've never understood why it's like...

All right. Let's take a quick break to thank today's sponsors. Dipsy. It's about to get romantic in here. Let's get freaky. Can you match my freak? I'm going to find a freak to match your freak on Dipsy. Listen, it's getting a little cozy outside. It's a good time of the year to just hop on and read a romantic freaking book. Listen, I'm going to find a freak to match your freak on Dipsy.

I read Fifty Shades of Grey in class. So you know I'm about my... You're really freaky. And I just listen to all of the sapphic novels. I just love Woman Love. I just love hearing it. I love watching it. But more specifically hearing it. It's really iconic just hearing girls...

B-girls. B-girls. Dipsy is the female-founded app for spicy audiobooks and more, created by women for women. For listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash intercom. That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to dipsestories.com slash intercom.

Let's take a break for today's sponsor, MeUndies. I know a lot of y'all are sitting in rattered, tattered, nasty, skunky, unky, funky underwear that you've had for like seven years. I can see the hole. Yeah, I can smell you through my phone. You need an upgrade. I can smell them through your jeans.

Being our coziest self this fall starts with a few new essentials. I used to put underwear so last on my list of priorities and then I realized that's actually disgusting and I should take care of myself and actually buy new underwear. It's fall time. You need to invest in a cozy lounge set so that when you're sitting around while it's chilly outside, you're inside having your little latte, your pumpkin spice latte, your hot

chocolate or whatever you like to do, lighting all your little candles. You don't want to look down and see that you were wearing the nastiest underwear or lounge set you've ever owned. And that's why it's important to upgrade and treat yourself. My favorite products from the Dream Seam Collection are the Long Boy Short and the Plunge Bralette. They're super soft, such good...

And honestly, if I'm going to be wearing a bra, I don't want it to be digging into my ribs and making me uncomfortable when it's a chill vibe. I just want to sit on my couch, watch a cute fall movie and feel cozy. Comfort is more than a dream this fall with MeUndies new Dream Seam line. Get 20% off your first order plus free shipping at MeUndies.com slash intercom. MeUndies, comfort from the outside in.

Freshly made ravioli or hand-pulled ramen noodles. When you dine with Chase Sapphire Reserve, either will be amazing because it's the choice between a front row seat at the chef's table while getting a live demo of how to make ravioli or dining family style as you hear the story behind your ramen broth. This weekend, it's ravioli. Next weekend, ramen.

Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Like, is that what you're doing? So, like, that's why you get so many bruises? Like, I've never understood that. Or when someone's like, I got crazy rug burn, I'm like...

You're being like slid around like I don't really understand. But yeah, I was saying like I missed having like bruises on my leg, which is a crazy thing, whatever. Like it's my life. Like I seriously and then I started hitting myself and Drew just started copying me and we were sitting on the couch. Literally, it was right after you walked out the door too. So we were literally just like on the couch like we don't recommend it. Don't do as I do. Don't do as I say. What is it?

Don't do as I do, do as I say. So don't do what I did. Do as I say. Right, right, right. I don't fucking know, bro. I can't believe some people are fucking engineers. I've realized, so I don't watch murder stuff anymore. I don't keep up with murder docu-series, murder mysteries. But what I do watch is I went from tornado videos and weather phenomenons

to now engineering like there's this guy who like tells you how like bridges are made how dams work like all these kind of those kind of like engineering like phenomenons that we just like have in our day-to-day life that literally keep us sustaining as a society what just engineering phenomenon well to me it really is like a phenomenon like i can't believe people just like

figure that out like what the fuck are you talking about it is so beyond my like area of comprehension and then I was realizing I was like damn I watch a lot of educational shit I absorb nothing I could not relay anything of substance to you because I just watch it to like dull my brain out and I'm watching it and I'm hearing it and I'm listening it but I am learning absolutely nothing like I

No idea how bridges are made. No idea how to read a weather map. Like even though the guy watched for the tornadoes would in depth describe it scientifically and then show videos. I don't know shit still. So I can't believe some people are just fucking engineers. Like that is so crazy to me. Like how the fuck do you absorb any of that? Like you have to actually just have a passion for knowledge. And I just don't. I don't I don't think I do. I think I'm going to ask my psychiatrist today if he could give me an IQ test.

So we'll see. That's going to be a vibe. You'll probably get like a 52, which is really good for you. I was going to say, like me and Rain were talking about it yesterday and I thought that like a 70 would be good. So to Rain, I was like, I'd be fine with a 70. And then we looked it up and I was like, holy shit. But then I was like, wait, Loki, if I had a low IQ, I'd be like,

scared because i feel like i'm doing you don't you do not have a low iq you have like a high iq i think i genuinely think i have a low iq i would bet money that you have an iq above 107

you have an ex you either have an extremely average like you have above a 100 for sure i would dude if i had anything below 100 i will genuinely be appalled and shocked me and rain were saying but like if i had an extremely high iq do you think you'd be a little like oh like that's kind of scary because for some reason if one of my friends had like a 160 iq i'd be like

What do you know? Oh, you're the killer. Like, you're literally the killer. All killers have high IQs, too. That's what I'm saying. You're the fucking killer. Because what's her name? The girl who shot Andy Warhol. She had like a 145 IQ. Like, she had a really high IQ. And she was the killer. She was literally the killer. Is there footage of Andy Warhol getting shot? No, that's... That's footage of him getting shot. That's the Beatle.

John Ramsey. John Lennon? John Ramsey. Wait, there's footage of that? No, there's not. I think so. Oh, he was vlogging? Or maybe I'm thinking of the dude. Oh, no, no, no. I'm thinking of the dude. No, no, no. There's pictures of it because there's a picture of a newspaper where he's getting shot.

because it was like right after the pandemic no literally but not but what i was really thinking of was that one dude that like killed his like child abuser when he was like walking from courtroom to courtroom oh oh yeah yeah that's kind that's iconic kitty kitty well i've said it before and i'll say it again

I wish conservative crazy people would just like go get a PhD in marketing because they are so good with those names. Have you seen the Mac? Like Plandemic, Plandemic Eats. That one's really good. They tore. They tore. Demoncrat tore. Why is there demon inside a Democrat? Let's have that conversation. No, they tore. But-

The real thing that they toured with is the MAGA fashion show. Have you seen it? No. They did a MAGA fashion show. Not the couture! No, it's couture down. That's giving Prada low-key. This is giving Cowboy Carter low-key.

Like this little number eight. Girl, fuck this. Beat. Beat. But they're giving Indie sleaze here a little bit. He's really good at singing actually. Like. I am so. Wow. Yeah. MAGA fashion show.

I, like, I really can't believe it. Like, damn, they have the fucking time. That's the thing. I don't understand, like...

Obviously, I know there's like blue collar workers who are MAGA, but like, why does it feel like they have all the time in the fucking world? Like, it really feels like they have the time, but it's literally because that is their hobby. Yeah, their hobby is fucking politics. And they're like, get a fucking hobby freak bitch. Like you need to start. Love yourself. Start fucking crocheting, bro. Like if we gave them like all like crochet kits and clay and stuff like they would be fucking happy. Wow, that was...

That was insane. Like I am like kind of like... It's really unsettling. I don't know if I was silent or if I'm silenced. Like I can't really tell. It was very unsettling vibe. Oh my God. Drew, stand up. Hey, we're bringing back this segment. Yeah, we're bringing back this segment for today. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. Okay. Fuck, hold on. This is so bad.

Can I get the Hawk Tua burger? Feathers on the side, please. Hawk. H-A-W-K. Fuck. I was recently in Arizona. No one told me not to sit on the cactus. Okay. That one's pretty good. Oh, fuck, dude. I forgot about these.

I dreamed I had to kill my cat to save my mom. As Justin Timberland once said, Bye, bye, bye. It's my cat. Justin Timberland. Okay. How did you think of that one? Like, what did that say? I don't know, bro. So I was wearing a thong the other day. Don't ask why. Why? Pause for laughter. Look around. Like, yeah, I really just said that. Okay.

Well, I've been over in the grocery store and a man said, look, it's a whale tail. Pause, look around for laughter. All right. This one's a deep cut. This one's like really important to our culture. Like to our. To like emergency intercom? No, not even the fans will get it.

I was talking to this guy in the street and he really started talking about how he preferred bagged milk over the tried and true American gallon jug. Someone check his hard drive. Whoa. What the fuck does that imply? Like, that one's like too... I don't understand.

I don't even know if I want to do these two. Please, please, please. They're so bad. I don't know. I don't even know what to do. Please. Did you write all of these on the play? I'm like crying. That's the scarier part is Drew just sits there and decides he's going to do this and all of these just come out.

I don't understand this one at all. I was climbing a ladder and my spotter literally let go to drink some water so I fell. You had one job, bro. Okay, that's more just like an anecdotal story. It's not really a joke. Dude, this one is like... I'm not even reading this one. I'll let you see it, but I don't even know if it's finished. Yeah.

Covered a wall in pie. Call that pie wall. What does that mean? I think that's what I meant. Dude, that was... Miserable. This one is crazy true. I didn't even want to read that one. Dude, that was... Damn, that was crazy.

Going from like the MAGA fashion show to hearing that, like my brain feels like it just got like... Bro, it's like literally when you forget to take your Prozac so you get brains out. Do you guys have iPhone pinkies? Yeah. You do? Not as bad, but yeah. Look at this.

-Yes, yours are crazy actually. -It's really fucked up. -What else are those pinkies do? -You've been alive for so long. -Finger your butt. -Thank you. -Ew. -Drew's Psyop Corner. -Yes, we need a palate cleanser. -How are you going to play #hardtoget when you're #hardtolookat? Motherfuckers go to the mall and say, "These shoes are so fucking hard. Oh my God," and then leave with some Auntie Anne pretzels in their hands.

I make bitches laugh to see if they're missing a tooth. Fuck off. If your house has bugs, you need to include that when I ask who's over there.

-That's so true. -I love that's-- No, man. -Wait, all I could think about is when we were talking about being pregnant and how I can't believe on top of being pregnant, being painful, you can't smoke weed even. I was like, "Bro, if I ended up pregnant right now, that baby's coming out asking for a Stizzy." It's not asking for a gram. It's literally like it doesn't need anything but a fucking Stizz. -Straight to the dome, dab rips. Dab rips.

Okay, can I get the Chapel Roan burger, but make sure it's hot to go. You're going to send me into spiritual psychosis in three seconds. Well, you're not dissing me. You're dissing Ava Pippins. Yeah. It was good. Yeah, it was good. They won't make flying cars because y'all's tanks stay on E. I can see y'all motherfuckers now falling out of this guy talking about, I know my car.

I know my car. Like, I got like 10 more miles left. That's so funny. All right, that's all I got. Well, my media of the week is I started Nurse Jackie. So I gotta keep watching that. Nurse Jackie.

That song played in my head when you were listening or when you were watching. I was starting to crave watching it yesterday, but I wasn't home, so I couldn't. And then for media, honestly, like I've been listening to the same like songs for weeks. Music brings me no joy, but I do like we can make it if we try by the soul by the silvers. And do I still figure in your life? Pete D'Lo and friends. Oh,

Blade's new album, Cold Visions, is pretty cool. There's like 150 billion songs. Did you know The Speakerboxx and Is It The Love Below? Did you know that's the highest selling hip hop rap album of all time? No, but that makes sense. 13 million copies sold. That's crazy. It went diamond. It's like the highest selling. And I was listening to Prototype and She Sits In My Lap. She lives in my lap. She lives in my lap.

I was watching this, like, documentary on Andre 3000, and I didn't realize how fucking cool he was. Like, I knew, like, whoever made, whoever's in OutKast is automatically cool, but, like, I didn't really, like, look into his life that much. Bitch, like, he made, I think, AT Aliens or whatever, AT Aliens. Yeah, AT Aliens.

- Al, aliens, yeah. - Yeah, whatever the fuck, however you say it. - Like Atlanta aliens. - And then he literally like came back randomly one day to the studio and was like basically like a monk and was vegan and like all this shit and everybody was like, "Whoa, what happened to you?" And he was like, "Oh, well like I just realized I was going down like a really dark path and like all these drugs and alcohol that I was doing was like ruining me and I knew I wasn't gonna be able to show up here and in other places in my life so I just cut it all out."

bitch that self-dedication and self-preservation is so inspiring and I'm like that's so cool like he's so fucking cool and then I watched this documentary on Beyonce which just was like I need to find out the name of this YouTube account because they made a Beyonce documentary and a Quentin Tarantino documentary and like both of them were like genuine masterpieces and I was like

it basically all he does is he finds like clips of these people online or like fan clips or like interviews or like whatever the fuck like clips of their movies clips of their music videos like all that shit and then he like somehow molds them to like fit his narrative and his like script and his storyline and it's like fucking really impressive yeah they're really good um let me see if i can find them

So I can shout him out because like it really is genuinely so impressive. But the Beyonce one is good. And the Quentin Tarantino one is very informative and cool. And I didn't like know that Quentin Tarantino when he was first directing was like, I'm only going to make 10 movies. And he's basically done. That's it. Let me find this. Speaker box in the lip below is so good.

It's also, I didn't realize how long it was. I mean, I knew how long it was. It's like half Big Boy and then half Andre. It feels like it's cut into two albums, and it feels like they made their two albums together but separately, so they each had their own thing together. The guy's name is Dodford, D-O-D-F-O-R-D, and it's the cult of Beyonce and then the Quentin Tarantino one, and I'm sure his other ones are good too. But I was like, goop.

I was glooped. Don't look at my likes. Don't look at my fucking likes. Actually, I'm so curious what's on there. Oh, this guy. I love his videos. The uniqueness of memes are very exaggerated. They're certainly a hallmark of the internet and modern anthropology, but they don't have some distinct psychology. They're not their own.

He's really esoteric and weird. Um, well, thanks for watching guys. Bye.