Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. - Hello, Drew? Guys, I've been trying to get Drew to do the fucking episode for actually 40 minutes. - I'm fucking sitting here. - I know, but you're not here. You are not here. You're like in a different wor- Are you watching a movie right now? - No.
I can hear it. Like, it's, like, very obviously, like... You haven't... Do you have enough... Can you hear me? You have it at full volume. Oh, sorry. I said volume right. Turn up the volume. Oh, my God, dude. So, if you are watching the episode right now, we have fully lost Drew to the Apple Vision Pro. He got his...
He literally landed yesterday and got home and immediately went and picked it up. Also... Okay, but I'm not using Grindr right now. They have Grindr on that thing? Can I use it? Can I see? Can I see? Is it actually on? Oh, I forget that I can't see with this thing. It should be above your head right now, actually. Like an omnipresent being the Grindr app in 4K. It's so funny that because like...
It's not calibrated. It's so hard to use this. Oh, can you look at the control screen and drag down and stop my screen recording? Actually, you, like, literally can't. Go to home screen and then look at the compatible apps folder. Oh, yeah, I see. I got Grindr, the church app, and I got Scruff, which...
warns you of the bears in your location so you don't go to certain hikes. Should I sign up for Grindr right now? Yeah. I was like, do I make an account for it to make a bit? But it scares me.
Wait, is Scruff a real thing? Dude, this is insane because it's huge. Oh, wait. Actually, maybe I need one of these because it's fully covering Kai right now. So it's kind of my ideal lifestyle setup. So instead of talking to Kai. You can change that though in the settings. Would you change it? Because I wouldn't. I mean, it's nice looking at Kai sometimes. Yeah. It's better if I could just like.
She's squishing me. She's trying to squish you, Riyadh. She's picking me up and throwing me out the window. Kai, what was the bit where- How do you throw someone away? Can you do that? Does it not have that option yet? You can't drag people out. Wait, so what's the point? I can't, like, get rid of Kai? You don't want to dress me up, put a little crown on me or something? No, I want to dress you up in stripes and put you in a nice room that has bars around it. But yeah, Drew came back from the airport, immediately went and got that. Fuck, I just deleted my screen recording.
Keep going. He's literally been using it for like 12 hours. He came home. He didn't even eat a meal. He used it for three hours and then knocked out. So he has eaten. He's already going on a hunger strike because of his apple. I've already lost 13 pounds. Well, no, because terrifying through it. Like it's so ugly. No, the thing is, is like, how am I supposed to eat? Like if the food like I've been eating digital food in here and I'm just confused because like,
-Y'all are saying I'm not eating but I'm literally eating plates of food in here. -But that's not, like, going to your physical body, like, can you feel this? -No. What'd you do? -I was touching you. -Really? -Are you that disconnected already? -I'm, like, so disassociated, it's like, I'm on fucking-- -Did he took it off and he was like, "Guys, I don't know if I can do the real world anymore, it feels so weird." -No, unironically.
I like wore it for like two hours and then I took it off to go hang out with my friends because like I need social time because this will become a problem if I don't. And when I took it off, like I literally felt like I entered the simulation when I took it off. Like real reality's frame rate was like freaking me out and my eyes had to like readjust to real life. It was so creepy. But y'all, this shit is actually unironically like goaded with a sauce and like
I don't know if I'm actually going to use it very regularly. But it like is giving in two or three years, this actually will be something everyone uses. And we won't have phones in our hands anymore. Because I can just text in here, I can watch my movies, I can scroll on TikTok. But it's like actually so inconvenient to have that big ass thing on your head to reply to a text. In two to three years, like that's
That's what I said. It'll be like normal? Yeah, yeah. It'll be glasses or it'll be contacts or it'll be smaller. Contacts would be insane. I genuinely don't think any of us will be alive by the time that's a thing. There's like no way. They can't even make this work without like a big battery pack yet. So I don't know how they would put it in our eyes. Literally technology is like
Exponentiating. Like it's going so quick. You're like actually not even doing the episode right now. You're like playing chess. I'm literally playing chess. I can't wait for like next episode. Drew sits down and he's like, I just haven't felt connected to my body recently. Dude.
Dude, I was saying like Drew already does such a good job of isolating himself. We've lost him. Like this is it. We have fully lost him. It's already like a miracle when he comes out to parties or social events with us. Well, that's a part of like the mysterious allure that I have. Like when I go out, it's like a unicorn sighting. It's like, oh my God, he went out. And that's all a part of my devious plan. It's like,
You can't spread yourself too thin. What you have to do is you have to, one, make yourself mysterious. Two, only go out so often because you don't want to overexpose yourself because when people see you, it's like a treat. But when you go out every single time someone invites you out, it's like, oh, this is the face I see every single time. But it really just works for me because I feel special.
That is a gorgeous, gorgeous way to dress up your social anxiety, I will say. It's a gorgeous gown for your social anxiety. Gowns, gowns, gowns. Well, I want to be the first person to have sex in my Apple Vision Pro. I'm sure somebody's fucked in those already. MKBHD definitely already fucked. With iJustine. Yeah. And they recorded it from the 18 cameras that are on there. Yeah.
They actually, the porn on this shit is going to go crazy once they start like capturing porn with the cameras on here. Cause it's literally 3d. Like the photos are so crazy. Okay. I'm going to take this shit off. Cause I can tell it. And he was actually getting upset. I'm not.
I'm not upset. It's just so jarring to have to talk to you with that on. Like, I literally feel like I'm not, I can't talk to you. It's like the same as when you can tell somebody sending out a serious text on their phone. So your animal brain is already like, I shouldn't speak to them because they're occupied. That's what that feels like. It feels like I walked into a room and you were on a call and I was like, Oh,
And I kind of just stand there waiting for you to finish the call. I was saying like I literally feel invisible when I have it on. Like I literally like I can't describe the feeling, but I feel like I can like play little tricks on people and like pull their pants down and like give Kai head. Oh. What? Oh, I thought you had the Vision Pro on. I didn't know you could hear me. No, you can still hear with it on. Ew. Dude, ew. Kai has like a permanent like open mouth when he's trying to figure it out.
Hold on, I need to get a video of this for everybody. We need to insert my footage of everything I was seeing. So embarrassing. Like every relationship that's already... He just tapped Pornhub. Oh, he did. Oh, I just locked it. I don't know your code. I'm not telling you my code. What are you doing? Oh, it's so cool. You can like see behind the glass and stuff. Yeah. What the hell? He's squishing something.
Oh, he's jerking something now? No, he's cooking. No, we can't record that. What are you? Are you cooking? Are you playing Cooking Mama? Are there any games on it yet? Yeah, there's a bunch of games. Because all I care about is Fortnite. Like, if I could play Fortnite on that, I would be so fucking happy. Because do you know how often I'm laying flat in my bed and I'm like, God, I wish I could play Fortnite, but I don't want to have to sit up. Someone will probably, like, release. Because someone just released, like, a YouTube app. Because YouTube...
said they didn't want to put their... Like they didn't want to develop an app slash they didn't want their app even in the App Store for Apple Vision Pro. So you have to use it in Safari. I guess because maybe they're using their own. Yeah, you just have to use it in Safari. But someone like...
uh indie dev developer made a youtube app that you can download and just have it so you don't have to go to youtube.com every single time which is cool so someone will probably figure out a way to like cloud stream fortnite to this in the next two weeks because you can also download like the steam app and play all your steam games on it with the controller so it's like pretty cool um yeah i'm sure because is it youtube owned by google so i'm pretty sure youtube probably doesn't want
Apple has such an awful relationship with all of their developers anyways. I think it's like they take...
57 cents per dollar transaction. So like app developers, that might be like, I think you have to, if you don't make 57 cents per transaction, you actually lose money to Apple. It might be like 33 or 37 cents per dollar, which is fucking crazy. That's honestly so funny.
I can't wait to watch that video of the guy at the wedding where his nuts pop out. Oh, that's like the best video of all time challenge. What's crazy? We'll insert it here. What's crazy is like, cause it takes videos in 3D, right? So like moments like that in the future will be captured.
where you can like see the nuts like they'll like jump out yeah they'll like flop towards you like 3d and this is the first thing i've used where the 3d is actually really good like the 3d glasses and the 3d tvs we had were so busted yeah i know i remember or i don't remember last night when you let me use it and like sit in like the salt flats thing it actually was freaking me out because i was like damn i do want one like i do want one now but i just wouldn't find any use for it but i will say like sitting and watching tv on it was so insane i saw somebody who did a review on tiktok and they like
They immediately were getting red marks around their face. What's crazy is this is going to change the form of people's faces. Because our faces are so, I think, moldable. And it's fully going to change the shape of your face. Isn't that the whole thing with mewing? If you're a kid and you do it, it actually can affect your face. We watched this mewing documentary. It was fucking crazy. We need to finish that. The son of the father...
literally like has this he like invented the technique or popular popularized it but the dad so the grandfather the old fucking man was literally experimenting on his children so he was like yeah he was like okay this one mewed right and they have a successful career this one mewed okay they have a semi-successful career this one didn't mew at all and like our techniques kind of sucked and he's like beat and
ugly and like has an awful career. And he just like went through like how like mewing completely like changes people's lives. Yeah. And they admitted to like fully just experimenting on their kids to perfect the art of mewing. It's called open wide. And their whole thing was that the grandparents, like the older couple, um,
feel like they grew up relatively normal because they had, like, narrow and long faces. And they wanted to see that if their kids...
were more structured-faced people, if their lives would be different. And it kind of proved a point because literally the guy who coins mewing online is super fucking successful. Yeah, he has a crazy practice. And also all orthodontists in the world fucking hate him and think they try to constantly destroy him and bring him down because if you have kids mewing from a young age,
they won't need orthodontics later in life. And like part, it's partly that. And also like his orthodontic practices are like so cutting edge and different that like, and he, he's has the keys to the knowledge. So he's not going to teach this shit out. So it's like proprietary technology that like, so he's stealing all these clients from everyone. It's awesome. It literally has a, he makes a thing to put in kids mouths to,
help them form like mewing techniques yeah like it's not like him explaining it to children like he was showing we really have to finish it because i want to know exactly what happened because they were making it seem like they were like orthodontics fucking hate me like when i go to dinner parties i do not say what the fuck i do because it starts bad conversations with other people who work in dentistry because he's just anti-classic
because he thinks like he is kind of against braces it was seeming because braces will pull your your jaw back and then
further your necessity for orthodontists because you want to fix those kind of things so you go to whatever it was so weird because he literally has like a little contraption and the dad was like yeah you know the first one i made didn't really work and one of them mentioned like a shock or an alarm and me and drew were like what the fuck was happening in that house they were like frankensteining the kid dude this new mewing technique that i found um
is where you suck like a lot of dick so you give like a lot of head and it apparently like makes your face shape really good so like you need to get on it and you need to get on it I'm the only person with a penis in the house right now so like y'all like get to it like apparently it's really good for your face shape you're gonna let him say that about you he said he's the only person well I've noticed a lot of um you know bone development in my face so I'm okay with it oh so you disagree you think it's working
I like giving Drew the type of head where he has to wipe his ass after period period so let's talk about let's talk about how both Enya and
And Kai abandoned me at the fucking airport. Oh, my God. I cannot believe I have awful friends in my life. Like, I was just stuck there. Put that shit on emergency intercom, bitch. I'm not going to get you. It was literally so scary, wet and cold. Like, I was so cold and frail and little and, like, brittle. And it was just so scary for me. And, like...
That's how I used to feel at the beginning of always having to take a car home. I was always like, wow, this is so awful. But for me, I'm just better. So it gave me the sense of independence where I was just like, I can get myself home. I don't need to rely on other people because I'm an independent woman. Well, it takes a village to raise someone like me. And I just don't have that. I thought I had that village. I will say, I forget you're 17. So I would be scared and alone at the airport. Yeah, but it was really scary. You're 17.
It was honestly dangerous. Actually, fucking Drewski was on my flight, which is so weird. Yeah, I wanted to go up to him and take a picture with him to put on here, but I was so scared of him. I was so scared that he would body me and be like, absolutely not. And I don't know how to approach people like that and be like, can I get a picture? I just don't know how to. I don't know how to approach Drewski. I don't think I've ever asked anybody for a picture, so I don't know how I would do it. Oh, I have. Insert the Tyler, the creator picture and video. But you didn't even ask for that. You just like did it.
Yeah, I just like went up he like pointed at me yeah, it was a vibe It was a whole fucking vibe, but yeah, I was so brittle. It was scary It was after a turbulent flight too, and I was just like oh I'm so glad I have my friends to rely on to get me through this hard time and they just Abandoned me and it was scary. Yeah, I was at the mall. I
So I was fucking busy, bitch. I looked at the time and it said an hour and 15 minutes because the trees were falling down. Because there were landslides and you had to go through fucking a tornado to get there. Yeah, I had to pick up a friend from the airport already. Also, that would have been the third day in a row I was at the airport. Not a chance. Someone like me, I'm sustainable. I'm just like, wow, this kind of damage to the universe. Girl, you were driving my car.
No, I wasn't. Actually, I was driving my rental. I have a rental guys because I don't have a car. I don't have a freaking car. I need a car really bad. I need someone to give me a car. Like I need somebody to just I need to win a car and like some sort of radio show or something because I can't decide on a car. What's that documentary? Don't take your hands off the car or whatever. Hands on a hard body. Yeah, that's you need to take your hands off that car.
That's where I almost said beauty beast. Okay. I'm like actually having a stroke. Oh, the other night I genuinely, before I went to sleep, I had a crazy heart rate and I couldn't breathe. And I was so out of breath and I was trying to talk and I couldn't talk. And I actually thought I was having a stroke. And I was like, dude, oh my God.
All the puff bar, all the Juul, all the smoking is catching up to me in this moment. I'm literally about to pass away and guess what I did? I still took a hit of my puff bar and went the fuck to sleep. 'Cause I was like, "What am I gonna do? Like, I can't stop it now if it's already catching up to me. I might as well keep pushing." I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, "Wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads."
But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like I miss the taste. Do you still get head rushes from it or? No, at this point, it's literally just an oral fixation. Like this thing. Wait, hold on. Oral fixation. What does that mean? That's what you wish I had for you. Wait, what does that mean? It's I just I can't stop putting things in my mouth. Yeah.
But yeah, it does literally nothing for me. It's just my baba. Like it is. It's your pacifier. Like it's my pacifier. I just need it. Can we wrap this up? Because I need to go use my Apple Vision Pro. Are you serious? We haven't even been going for like 20 minutes. That is 20 minutes too long. Without being in Apple Vision Pro land. Yeah, exactly.
Like I need to get back there. Also you know what's freaking me out is the data collection on that is probably fucking insane because every time you put it on the cameras are on and they're collecting everything. Like that is so terrifying. They scan your retinas and you unlock it with your retina. Like I don't have to type in a passcode when I get in there. It's literally like getting into the vault in Fortnite. Yeah exactly. But it's in real life.
We're Marc Jacobs Barbies. Yeah, yeah. We got flown out to New York, just something like, and interviewed a bunch of celebrities that actually really liked us and wanted to know more about us. Sofia Coppola recorded me on her vlog camera. It was just like a big moment for me. No, I was...
shitting myself. She is the one person in all those videos that I like. It was also our first one too. I very rarely get starstruck and I knew we had gotten a list of everybody we were going to be interviewing at the show so I knew I was going to see her and I didn't think anything of it. Of course I like adore her to the fucking bone but
But I really didn't have a second thought about meeting her because I don't usually get starstruck. It didn't help that she was the first person we interviewed of the day. We had just gotten there and immediately the team was like, hey, you want to just get your interview with Sophia over with? And me and Drew were like, I don't even think we had a chance to look at each other. You can literally visibly see me shaking in the clip. Like I was literally like stimming and rocking back and forth. I was shitting fucking bricks.
Because she's literally goaded. She's literally top 20 director, top 15 director all time. If not top 10 all fucking time. She's literally one of my heroes. And then...
There was Chloe, Miss Chloe Sevigny. We literally... I, like, it was... I was so scared of her, too. So scary, like... Like, she just had an aura... I didn't realize how important these people were to me until that moment. Exactly. And that was really jarring. Exactly. Because they're all people who obviously... I feel like I've even spoken about how much I adore Chloe on the podcast. But again, I didn't think anything of it. Um...
I felt like my mom was about to punish me. She just has like this aura, like this energy around her that like it's like the Playboy Cardi aura where like people are making jokes online like he just has an aura that like people are attracted to. It's literally like that times 50,000 for me like it was so spooky and like
I don't belong next to her. Like I don't belong in the same room as her. Like I make poop jokes for a living. So like, honestly, like even getting to share those like very few little words with her was like very special and magical to me. And like, uh, it was very, very amazing. And she also is one of my goats.
Yeah, it was so awesome. Who else did we do? Debbie Harry. Debbie Harry. Which was insane. Which was nuts. She could not read our vibe, which makes sense. Like, it's also shocking when people... I guess it makes sense when people see us and immediately think we're a couple. But she was the first person ever that we interacted with. And that was one of her first questions. She was like, are you guys a couple or something? And that kind of caught me off guard because no one ever asks us that. I feel like people just assume it and keep it pushing. Yeah.
um and when she asked that i feel like we gave a funny response actually no it got cut but we were literally like no we've just been friends for like a really long time yeah and then uh i asked dakota fanning if she was or not if she was coralline i was like why are we not talking about you being coralline like you're literally coralline like
Coraline, duh. And she really liked that. She was the nicest person on the planet. Everybody was like fucking awesome. And that was a sweet experience. And I hope we get to do it again. Oh, did you see the edit that made me cry? I cried to a Fortnite edit. So I think I really need to. I haven't been playing as much because this was...
This was crazy, the fact that this made me cry. We don't have to play the whole thing because it'll get copyrighted, but I have to show Drew. Did you see my close friend's story, Kai? I don't think I saw it. Oh, fuck. I'll show you too. But we're gonna have to cut it. You know why it made me cry? Because...
multiple things one i fully do use fortnite as an escape from my reality and to disappear also that like fucking phoebe bridger song you could put any clip to that and i will be crying it's that and some other fucking song that's really big on tiktok there's like a few songs that you could put any clip to it and if you edit it nicely it
A mass crying will be ensuing. But it was making me freak out and like start to tear up because one, I have such an emotional connection to Fortnite, which is kind of embarrassing. But I have so many good memories of playing with my friends. And I got really close to a lot of friends, especially my friends who live in New York and stuff. It's a way for us. I'm not good at texting and like calling and things of that nature. So that's the only way I really keep in touch with those people, which is really nice because it's a way for me
To almost hang out with them. And then it was freaking me out because that same feeling is what I felt growing up. Like, I wasn't allowed to go out. Like, I lived a very, like, strict teenage life. So I wasn't allowed to go out. And I had to make all these connections through the internet with, like, you guys and everybody. And then it literally, it's going to make me cry again. It started to make me feel so, like, sentimental because there's so many kids who probably feel that about friends.
Fortnite like me crying over that it's crazy but like I don't know like it's so insane to me how like I think about how before those kind of things there were probably so many kids who weren't allowed to go outside whether it be strict parents or you have parents who work late and like you just don't have the accessibility to go out and engage in social ways things like Fortnite although yeah whatever brain rot blah blah blah but Fortnite TikTok all these internet use things
make it so much easier for kids to connect and people in general to connect. And that's what was freaking me out because I was like, oh my God, why does Fortnite, why is it so important to me? But that's literally why. It's because it just, it does the same thing for me that it felt when we would find someone like Sky or Lana or somebody on the internet and you become really attached to this thing and you become obsessed with it. And then through that, you find community. Mm-hmm.
That's literally what Modern Warfare 2 did to like my generation of kids. Like that's why so many people are so attached to that game and like fiend for that feeling again is because it literally like created communities and it like FaZe Clan OG like in the past.
modern warfare 2 black op to black ops 2 era like that's why like young boys are so obsessed with video games and like still are it's because we like chase that fucking feeling and that's why i buy every single call of duty and it fucking sucks every single time but like i make friends on there like it's a vibe it's so fun like i literally love fortnite i actually do think i need to um
Like, I feel like I've been smoking too much and it's not... It's literally Fortnite has become my puff bar. Like, it doesn't give me the same head rush it used to. Actually, recently playing with, like, you, Mason, and Violet, and everybody on stream...
That's been really fun and it's kind of given it a new life because I do think I want to start streaming more. And that makes it more fun because I'm getting back to like the community aspect of what games can be. But also it's freaking me out because there was obviously this idea growing up. I feel like all of us experiences. There was such a harsh idea of video games being this isolating experience. And now so many video games are...
have so much community because of the internet. So it's kind of like a different landscape. Like I wasn't playing Crash Bandicoot or like Sly Cooper and all those games with anybody but my siblings. And now you can play all these games with a bunch of people.
And it's really crazy. That is sweet. And yeah, it made me cry because I just thought about, oh my God, there's literally some 10-year-old out there who gets home and every day plays with their best friend from school. And that's their way of still keeping up. And that's probably it. I don't know. It's like so interesting to think of something as stupid as Fortnite making room for emotional connection for children because it's so hard to...
make connections in person at school and things like that because you're at school and there's people around and I can only imagine there's so many people who really form intimate bonds with the people that they love by playing, like, a stupid game and just chatting and somehow it, like, can turn into serious conversation. Like, I have many serious conversations on Fortnite when I'm catching up with somebody and we're, like, talking about something serious.
But we're still being stupid and I'm like emoting on a 10-year-old who I killed. So it's pretty awesome if you ask me. That is lit and beautiful. I can't think of anything else that allows like two straight men to catch up for two and a half hours over the phone. No, literally. It's so insane. It's like one of the only things. I guess... No, because even like with TikTok and stuff, you could build community and like...
relations by sending TikToks back and forth, but you don't really get any communication out of that. But Fortnite gives me that, and thank you, Fortnite. Why do I not have an Epic Games brand deal yet? Seriously, I mentioned Fortnite all the fucking time. Fortnite characters, emergency intercom characters. Yeah, where is my fucking Fortnite skin? I act like I actually play publicly. That's why I'm going to start streaming so I can get a skin. But that's not going to fucking happen. That's literally never going to happen. Hey, never say never. Ah.
I said never. I will fight. I will fight till I burn. And yeah, that's my story. And then I did put on that song on the airplane and I started actually sobbing because it's my seasonal depression era. And I sobbed on the plane thinking about very, very dark things that I won't be saying. I just simply won't say them. But...
Yeah, I got back home and I've been able to disassociate from those feelings. So that's good news. I'm running. I am running very fast. Lit as fuck. How was Luna's B-Day? It was good. I'm super glad I did it. It was super fucking cute. And honestly, like Madeline is such a good fucking mom. It literally blows my mind. Like she had like...
invited like 30 people over almost every single person showed up for them and it was just like so cute like the relationships Madeline's built and also like this isn't me saying like this needs to happen but I think she's done such a good job at allowing people in and allowing people to care for Luna and I think that's honestly like very very important and I know a lot of people that like kind of just
want to do it all on their own and like don't want people in their kids life but like girl like that kid like they need those experiences they need the good bad and ugly and I don't know I just like love the way they parent Madeline and Steven and like I love the party they threw and it was so special being there for her and like fucking uh Madeline was telling me that like they were on FaceTime with Bayla and um Jared and like randomly Bayla is just like
Like they were talking about Luna's birthday coming up and that I was going for her first birthday. And Bela was like, why wasn't Drew at my birthday? And like, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. She's like at that age where she like holds grudges, literally. I fuck with Bela. Bela, I fuck with you. Bela stands on business. Bela's literally four and we'll never listen to this. Yeah, exactly. And she shouldn't. But yeah, it was really sweet. It was strawberry themed.
That's cute. I took pictures the whole time. We got to get Luna a Vision Pro. Yeah, we got to put her in there immediately. Yeah. Like immediately. Just start adapting her to the world she's going in. See, that's what we need to start doing instead of iPads, our Vision Pros. For the babies? Yeah. Just straight out of birth so they live inside of like augmented or spatial computing. And it'll be a fucking vibe. It's going to be so jarring in like two years.
When you go to a restaurant and there's a family at the table and all the teenagers or 10-year-olds of that family are sitting at the dining table at a public restaurant wearing their Vision Pros, I will personally – and yes, I will be going to jail for this, but I will personally be ripping it off of their head and smashing it on the ground. Oh, wow. Because I don't believe in that and take that away from your baby. Yeah.
My unethical life experiment that if like ethics weren't a thing and I had unlimited funding and there were no morals were good or bad, I would take a baby that was first born and just pump it full of LSD and Molly and drugs. And like from the time it is born.
one years old to the time it is 18 years old and just see what happens to them i don't know if it would survive it might die no like if you like dose it out correctly where they're not like if you microdose it yeah or no like macro doses constantly for 18 years like god level would the kid go to school and you're like no it would live inside of a shell and it would raise itself essentially like it would be put in there and like
Like for the first few years of its life, like it would be fed. But that's what I want to know. Like what would happen if a fucking baby was literally put in a fucking dome where it had to raise itself and like fend for itself after like two years after it like got on its feet? Like what would happen? See? It would lose its mind. Yeah, now you're thinking. Or would it like just become this like powerful omnipotent being that sees all and sees all. Oh, it's raining again.
Yeah, I asked it too because I know you didn't get to see some of the rants. So I just made that happen. I was like the landslides and the hills weren't enough. My girl needs terror. I need an earthquake. I need an earthquake. Baby, can you give me an earthquake? What are you going to give to me?
Devastation. Okay, I'll give you an earthquake. I'll get you an earthquake. I need the nuke to go off already. I want an earthquake simulator. If I had enough money, I would just get an earthquake simulator attached to my home so if I have kids, every time they're bad, the house is going to shake and it's an earthquake and I'm like, see God? God is not happy with you. When you're bad, God shakes the house. When you're bad, God causes destruction and you shouldn't do that again.
Okay, wait, there was one. Oh, I wanted to show Kai this because I just like was sitting in it and I thought about it and it literally sent shivers down my spine how fucking gross this chair has gotten. Oh, yeah.
What's crazy is that it really does show where your ass cheeks are. Yeah, it is literally melting and conforming to my body in real time. I want to insert that video, but I'm going to sing the song so we don't get copyrighted, okay? Yeah. Yeah.
You're slowing down. You're losing stamina.
That sounded so good. I think the copyright might still get fired. It might clock it. It might still strike that. It might clock that. It sounded that good? Yeah. Oh, my God. A lot of people say, oh, Drew, your voice fucking sucks. You can't sing. Well, put it in two times speed and then tell me it sounds bad. That's everybody on this planet. Only me. How do you think Alvin and the Chipmunks had a job? Hmm. Think about that.
You were like, girls think they're crazy and oh, I can fix him, but you're crazier than him. I saw a lot of conversation where they were like, I don't know what just happened or why they reacted like that. It's because I flopped. It was because it was like,
It was poorly timed. It sucked. Like I stammered and stumbled on my joke. It was just not a funny fucking thing to say. And it just freaked us all out. So we had to run out of frame. I just wanted to explain that real quick. Yeah. I couldn't believe people couldn't catch that. It's weird. Like what planet are you living on? Are you serious right now?
Well, I wrote a bunch of notes for this week for something else. But I don't, I can't talk about them. So hopefully next week I can talk about them. But what I'll say is that a lot of people have been saying I look like Conan Gray recently.
No, I don't think anyone said that. It's uncanny how closely similar we are. And we're both very beautiful people. And I can see it. I can definitely say that about him. But I'm not seeing the correlation. I feel like that's my twin. I just feel like that's my twin. My long lost twin. Well, I was getting freaked out because I keep watching...
I was starting to watch like Keith Lee videos and now my whole timeline has just become insane food. When I was in Texas, I literally stalked Keith Lee for like five months worth of videos. Yeah, I just went down a crazy rabbit hole.
Humans are so fucking weird. Like, food is so funny to me because we needed it for necessity. At what point did we start getting freaky with it? Like, I know in the 1930s we had weird, nasty, gelatinous, fucking weird-ass American food. I know that sounds so good to you. Ew! Ew!
No, I want that shit so bad. The gelatinous ham and fucking banana. Unironically, I want Jell-O with, like, hot dogs cut up inside of it. Like, I think it would taste good. Like, it's the tech... Like, the Jell-O just tastes like dog bones. No, I think it's because they hadn't figured out Red 40 yet, so they were getting really bored and they were trying to make something happen. And then once we found Red 40, bitch, we ran with that. Like, it is actually insane that...
The kind of concoctions people make. We ran so far with red 40 that we made blue 30 and green 20 and yellow 76. I honestly respect you for doubling down. Okay, right, yeah. Well, it's crazy the concoctions that I see on my fucking timeline, man. Like, it actually freaks me out. Every three days, I feel like a new...
Food business starts up and they are just like, how can we put so much hot food in this white styrofoam to go plate that it will concave on itself when somebody picks it up? Like the beginning macaroni, chicken, hot chips, chow mein, Fritos, like mixing every cultural identity into one plate. It's like, then we'll put carne asada on top and then we'll put tomatoes and then we'll put red ford.
at 40. Should I put them onto some game real quick? Like I have a wonderful idea that is going to make someone. Okay. I need to know what you're claiming with the verbiage of claiming it's wonderful. What is your wonderful idea? It'll change the world. Like someone will make millions, if not billions of dollars off this idea.
I want to start an emoji restaurant. Oh, my God. You using the adjective wonderful for an emoji restaurant. No, listen, y'all. Drew has been talking about emoji restaurants since we moved to LA. I'm listening, y'all. It was one of his first real bits in the front group because he would sit us all down and be like, okay, so you get to the restaurant and the menu is all emojis. It's all emojis. You point at the emoji food that you want and it comes out and it's shaped like the emoji food.
It's genius. It's like the selfie museum or like the ice cream museum. I will say, we've always given this to you. I could see it doing really well. Yeah, it would eat down. People would eat down. No, but the beginning of the end for like fusion foods was the sushi burrito. I think that caused a rift. That split us into such a dark direction. I will agree. I've actually never had a sushi burrito. Like it's always felt...
very wrong because it's so huge has someone made a sushi pizza yet i guarantee i look that shit up on tiktok and there's a fucking sushi pizza on there like i'm gonna lose my god damn it's always like when it's that kind of fusion when people are fusing sushi with something it's always like very americanized sushi like it's always a california roll or like a spicy tempura they literally did it
Fuck my baby daddy. Fuck my baby daddy. Ski-ee, when you see me and you trying to see what's up. And they're up in the club. Ski-ee, and I know what's up. Ski-ee, and I fuck my baby daddy. Okay, this isn't like as bad as I thought it was going to be. That's not, like, I was imagining somebody actually mixing, like, pizza pizza with sushi. Pizza pizza.
Pizza Bay. Hey, Pizza Bay. You my Pizza Bay. Were you a Little Caesars or like a Domino's or Papa John's house? Domino's. Yeah. Domino's, but I grew up and now I'm a PJ. I fly private on PJ Airways. I was just asking because I feel like you know exactly where somebody's family was at financially during the recession based on what they had. Bitch, we ran up Little Caesars. Little Caesars...
made if you bought if you bought stock from little caesars after 2008 my family would have made that stock worthwhile with how much pizza we got people born in 2010 or 23 now really i hate that i genuinely was like oh my god because i was thinking the other day that kids born in fucking tooth my sibling is one of them that bitch is 15 was born oh
Oh my God, she turned 16 this year. She was born in like 2008. Me thinks. I can't do math. During the recession, like shit got really fucking rough. I had to stop flying private. I had to fucking fly business class to fly to New York to get Scars pizza. Like that was how down bad we were.
Like it was fucked up. When we were hungry, like we used to just rent a private jet, go to fucking Italy, get a bowl of pasta, then fly fucking home like on the same day. But like we were down bad. Like it was scary. Oh, and like we didn't even have the fucking Lamborghini Urus to pick us up at the airport. That's not down bad. Yeah, that's actually like I if that's
down bad. Y'all are so fucking classist. Like it's really scary. It actually scares the fuck out of me. I'm just saying like I'm almost I'm trying to empathize with you and say although you look back and Don't touch me. Don't touch me if you're gonna yell at me. Don't touch me. Did you say don't touch me when you yell at me? Do you remember that prank I pulled on you where like
In college, I befriended you and then I was... Don't tell him about this. Well, I mean, I think it's time. I basically befriended Drew. I became really close-knit with him and his family.
And then I killed him and then I ended up inheriting his estate. Oh, okay. Did you also drink his cum water and stuff? I was going to say, that was fucking weird. That was fucking weird. Wait, do y'all have a movie based off of you now? Yes, it's called, what is it fucking called? Salt Bae. It's a documentary, technically. Salt Bae. That was a documentary? Yeah. Oh, weird. Wait, how is he not in jail? How are you not in jail?
I don't know. I guess you technically didn't kill anybody. You just played the game, right? I pled to the court. I pleaded to the court. I said, please, please. He's a good person, I swear. Oh, you went on defense for him. Oh, wow. That's actually beautiful. For giving that pile of dirt back shots. Yeah.
I actually haven't seen Salt Bae and I will literally never, ever fucking see that movie. I don't give a fuck. I've heard enough. It's weird to be weird. And I don't care if it's your favorite movie. Like, it's not good. I don't care. I'm not watching it. I'm not watching it. I'm not watching it. That's also how you feel about Barbie because you hate women. I love women.
I literally love women. That's not even a joke. He literally does. I literally love women. Are you obsessed with women? Like I'm obsessed. No, you know what's crazy? Is actually. Wait, I'm obsessed with women right now. No, I literally like was watching my mom and sister get ready. And it like sent me back to when I was like 12 years old. When we were all in the same bathroom together. And like they were both getting ready at the same time. And I was watching them get ready. And I used to like.
wish so badly I had long hair and that I could like choose an outfit and do all this shit because I was like oh my god like this is such a vibe and I still do it to this day with you and Orion when y'all are getting ready for something and going out like I have so much envy and I just like watch y'all and I like I'm like I wish I could do that yeah it is kind of sad that men don't have any real ritual for getting ready because that is one of that's honestly the best part about being girl is makeup and hair
and hair and clothes and whatnot. And period. Yeah, and periods. All the blood in the toilet down the drain. But it is kind of sad because men literally need like 20 minutes to get ready and women... And that's a universal experience. It's literally like a meditation process for me. Like I used to just do my makeup for fun because it was meditative. Like I just got to...
disconnect but now I have Fortnite so I don't have to do that and I could just sit in my sticky pajamas that I've worn for multiple days in a row but I only wear them at night so it doesn't feel that dirty and I just get to play Fortnite and rot for four hours and then by the time I look up it's dark outside and I haven't eaten and I'm so sad so then I just keep playing guys can I tell you something what no
Okay. Wait. What were you going to say? Don't even act like he's not here. I was joking. You can say it to me. I always want to hear what you have to say. Alright, so should we get into some media? Do you have any side up corners or do you hate us? Oh, the moon landing is fake. I've decided. Oh, yeah. That shit's fake as fuck. We did not go to the moon. I don't give a fuck. I literally don't believe it. Like I will die on that hill. I think we've talked about this.
We've talked about this so many times. Well, look at the moon lander. It's garbage. It is a pile of garbage. Because there's a chance you're being, as time goes on, it's like we're your parents. Like you feel like you've heard the same thing from your parents a hundred times, but they're just trying to make sure that you're on the right track. Because when you're not around your parents, you're hearing all that propaganda that the moon landing was real. And we just want to reassure you that that shit was not fucking real. You said prolapse butthole? I did not say that, Alan.
Not even close to what? I think you're just like remembering what it's like to have your Vision Pro on and what you were looking at. But that's not anywhere here. We're in real life right now. You downloaded the pink sock app? Yeah.
What was the bathtub girl? What is it? That one? Oh, the girl peeing in her own mouth. Like spraying shit into her own face. No, I didn't know. Tub girl. Tub girl, yeah. Shout out tub girl. Did you know they're making a lemon party? But it's like an A24 movie. No. They're doing like a remake.
Lemon party I believed you I literally buy any shit like Marcel the show Where's annoying orange a24
I swear to God. It's in the creation. I think that's coming. Dude, the teeth on that motherfucker were crazy. Like the yellow of the teeth of annoying orange was insane. I can't be the only one that wanted to fuck that little orange. Oh, so Timothee Chalamet gets to fuck a peach, but I can't fuck annoying orange. I guess you can, but you have to court him first.
And he's really freaking annoying, so I don't even know if you're willing to go through all that for some cooch. All right, we're going to do fucking media. This is a wrap. Drew, I sigh up corner of the week. What's the pH of the orange, Jesse? Dude, it's literally fucking 38. It's crazy. Side bitches got beef with other side bitches. Coleslaw versus potato salad.
That's good. And yeah, you need to stop forcing a coochie print. If you're coochie bony, it's bony. Actually. Yeah, don't even say that. I'm not putting that on you. You can't put that on me. Bitch, I'll serve camel toe in the roughest pair of jeans you've ever seen in your fucking life. And it eats every time. Yeah, my coochie literally eats up my fucking clothing. Don't play with me. This was me.
for the first three or four years living in LA. Somebody in a twin bed right now posting, "I'm tired of sleeping alone." Like they got room for another motherfucker. That was literally me, except I was never alone. - Also, your twin bed was my ex's old mattress. - And I still use his pillow to this day.
And it's yellow as fuck. And it's my classic pillow. I love it. No, I was just so, I was so like frugal. I still am that I took like a quarter inch mattress pad and use it as my mattress for three years. Like, and I didn't buy it. I just love Drew being like, he's frugal. You aren't buying this goddamn headset.
I know what he decides to splurge on is fucking crazy. But honestly, this is I'll say yes to this. I save my fucking money. I save my money. Who want to come over tonight and play house? If you're ugly, you got to be the roach. So that means you're the roach. Okay, wow. But I live here, so I'm not coming over. I'm just like here. Oh, here we go. This is a good one to end on. I've been sleeping on myself. I'm up now. Okay.
Wow. Womp, womp, womp. All right. I got my media out if you want me to go or if you want to go. I'm going to go first. You got your meat out? What the hell, bruh?
My media of the week is the Mick G album. That's like not out yet. I guess when this episode comes out, that's going to be out. But I've been listening to the singles that are out on that. Like How Many Miles and Candy. And that's pretty freaking good. For Ilana Del Rey from the Grammys. I know. Oh, my God.
my god we didn't even talk about that i literally cried she needs to win y'all are literally fucking bullying her why do you keep nominating her if you're not going to give her her fucking flowers it's all these fucking evil did you see the article that came out where it was like um like slandering her and she was like i haven't taken her serious as an artist since the snl incident and then they also went on to like talk about fiona apple and i'm like oh bitch like some
I'm going to stab you in the fucking neck. I'm literally going to stab you in the fucking neck. Yeah, they literally do because I think they were talking about like Killer Mike or some shit in the same thing. And I was like, oh, like, so you're big fucking op and you're going to die in your sleep tonight. And then your wife is going to be sobbing over your dead body while your kids are standing in the doorway watching your slumped over dead body in bed and your mom screaming. And listening to Born to Die. Yeah, literally. And then maybe they'll like have...
have some fucking respect for Lana. Like, I'm not kidding. Like when I was watching all that shit go down, I was literally livid. I don't even stand that woman. Actually, I literally do, but I don't stand her in the way that I once did. But this dredged up like really visceral feelings in me where I was like, oh, like,
This is like my girl. No, I literally cried. I would post the video if I didn't look absolutely awful and I wasn't clutching onto my flume float. But what I will insert is I pressed my face into the sofa and there's a tear mark and I got a picture of it. Um,
Fuck you, bitch. It literally, oh my God, it makes me so sad. Lana, if somehow you see this, I love you. I've loved you for over a decade. You mean the world to me. That fucking award doesn't mean fucking shit because you are absolutely phenomenal. And you are amazing and you are very important. And I'm very excited for your country.
Exactly. Literally, she's in her Kacey Musgraves arc. Like, it's going to be crazy. She's going to eat down. Like, she's going to revolutionize. You better go with Sir fucking Harry Nilsson, my queen. Yeah, literally. It's going to be so folky, too. Yeah, I'm so excited. She's going to do it so right. Also, Keith Urban died today, which is one of the most horrifying things. That's sad. My jaw dropped to the fucking floor. Rest in peace. For real, for real. That's sad. I'm getting on my phone. But...
Yeah, the Grammys are bullshit. They're flops. You're the people's artist. You are your favorite artist's artist. You... Like, she is...
All time good. That's what drives me fucking crazy is so many like new artists have quoted her as being an inspiration. And the fact that she has not won a single fucking Grammy, but the Grammys are fucking rigged and fucking crazy. And every year they piss me off. And that's why I try not to get involved. And I try to like ignore it with all my goddamn might because it always pisses me off. It always disappoints. It always disappoints.
Bitch, fuck you. But I would like to go to an after party because that sounds cunt. You guys remember when Macklemore won best? Yes, best rap album. Macklemore has 30 million monthly listeners still. By the way.
Like, I don't understand. And I understand music is subjective, but come the fuck on. Like, y'all are literally going crazy. And yeah, Lana's not going to have sex with you. She's not going to hear this and she's not going to have sex with you. You don't have to defend her like that. Oh, I didn't think she was going to have sex with me. I don't want sex from her. That's why I was saying it. But I would. Oh, that's why you were saying it. Yeah. I don't think she's. You kind of look like her brother. She was my first woman crush Wednesday. Literally. And I still was like, my man, my man, my man.
I was like, oh my God, my man listens to the same music as me. My man is in tune with his femininity. All right. And then the rest is, I'm still just, yeah, I'm still listening to the same shit, fucking Hall and Oates. And like, you already know the fucking vibe. Stop fucking playing with me. My media is The Fifth Element. I watched it again and I watched it with,
an even more open and an even open heart and an even more open mind and you're blocking me and you're blocking me like like i literally cannot talk with you serving in front of me am i am i oh am i grabbing your mic and pulling it away keep fucking talking oh my god
Yeah. The fifth element, go watch it. Greatest sound design in a movie of all time. I'm not talking about the soundtrack. I'm talking about the sound design. It's so bassy and fucking lit. Yeah.
And I think the character's name is Ruby. The sequence of them in the airplane, like runway thing, doing the radio show was one of the greatest performances I've ever seen in my life acting wise. And there's like Meryl Streep.
No, no, no, no. She's in that movie. Tucker, Chris Tucker could do that. Fuck, I don't know what the fuck I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say Chris Tucker could do Meryl Streep, but Meryl Streep could not do Chris Tucker. Chris Tucker. Can I shut the fuck up? Oh my God, can I shut up challenge? Oh my God. I'm so fucking stupid. Hey.
Hey, it was so funny. But yeah, go check out that flick. It's really good. You know, like Xander Zoo exists. We all know Xander Zoo exists. But someone needs to take the...
the Jean-Paul Gaultier wardrobe from that. Did you know Jean-Paul Gaultier designed the entire wardrobe, every single costume in that movie? For Fifth Element? Yes. That makes a lot of sense. And someone needs to... I've still never seen it. Do that. I was on Google till like...
The second I fell asleep, I woke up to the tab open. The tab's open on my computer still looking for original costumes from that movie because it would be so cool to say I own a Jean-Paul Gaultier Fifth Element piece. But all I could find was the cop uniforms on the space cruise ship, which they're not the best costumes in the movie. But anyways...
movie is great go check it out it's so fucking campy and cool and I wish it like continued I wish they made like a Star Wars world of the fifth element universe I want to live there so bad anytime I see cyberpunk I want to live there get in your fucking Apple Vision Pro and go since you want to go there so bad literally actually that's actually so smart I'm gonna live in there and then I've just been on a crazy Macklemore run like I love his fucking music Can't Hold Us featuring Ray Dalton
Glorious featuring Skylar Grey. These Days, Jesse Glynn. Good Old Days featuring Kesha. I didn't even know he made that much music. Dude, he has like 30 albums in here. It's crazy. Wow. He's so good. You need to check him out. You should listen to Thrift Shop too. David Bowie just like, his grave just shook. It's good. People think Thrift Shop's good. I think that's like one of his lowlights, honestly. I know.
All right. No, the music has the right to children by Boards of Canada. Check it out. Dom said one of the funniest fucking things ever. He was like, if you told me this was an AI generated image, I would believe you. Like Boards of Canada had access to like AI. Before anyone else. It literally looks like that. Can I do mine? Yeah. Okay. Mine's a movie. It's called Twink Gets Guts Completely Rearranged.
Oh my god, that's crazy because I saw that in the recommended after tripping with MILF woman who was left home alone for 24 hours. People aren't supposed to know about my films. Yeah, that one was really good too.
They're not supposed to know about my films. Wait, you were in that? Can we cut that? No, you should have your moment. I wish I was in tripping with MILFs who were left alone for 48 hours. I am an adult entertainment star. Surprise! Okay, my real one is 500 Days of Summer because I'm in my twee era. Oh, fire. And then tangentially related. One, two, three, four. Each day I love you more. Us by Regina Spektor.
Fucking tea, you know what your tweet reminded me of is Yeah, okay and yet hate and yet does not approve of this All but fuck I can't even oh just sing it. I can't remember. Okay But it doesn't really sit with me
Is this PC music? Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm