We hate diet coke
01:05:21 Share

This episode is brought to you by United Airlines. When you want to make the most of your vacation, book with United. They're an airline that cares about your travels as much as you do. United is transforming the flying experience with Bluetooth connectivity, screens, power at every seat, and bigger overhead bins to help fit everyone's bag. And with their app, you can skip the bag check line, get live updates, and more. Change the way you fly. Book your next trip today at United.com.

*Maniacal laughter*

Dear Heavenly Father, please, for the love of God, please, for the love of God, give us a good episode today. I swear to God, like all the good parts, all the nutrients, please, please, please. Please, please, don't let the demons attack us. Don't let the demons attack us. Let us only be full of laughter and joy and true shit. Guys, I'm back and I fucked up. We started recording an episode and I didn't press record on the audio. Actually, we recorded 10 minutes. We did a prayer earlier and that was proof that prayer is actually...

it's manifesting evil like you're asking god not to do you're asking him to do something good for you but really he's gonna give you evil literally why do you only talk to him when you need something from him i feel like god loki i'm like god is what is that that's inya's fucking vibrator that's her wing bot outside yeah my vibrator's mad because i haven't been fucking with her so she's at the door right now and his libido is so low it's actually so fucking annoying

I know. I haven't been giving Drew anything. Why is that annoying, dude? She won't put out, right? Like, what's the fucking point? Yeah, I haven't been putting out for Drew. It's not like you can have sex because you have a stomach full of shit. Y'all, it is so fried for me. So let's, like, take it back a few days. I literally, like...

Like three days ago, I was like, damn, I haven't like... No, not even three days ago. Like a couple days ago. It was like, yeah, it was like by Wednesday, you were like... Damn, I haven't shit in like a few days. But like normally when I shit, I can like feel like...

it like or when I don't shit I can like feel it like in my guts like it's like horrible and like I was like huh like I don't feel that crazy but then I started doing the math and I was like oh my god I haven't shit since the day before we left for Big Sur so I was like

Oh my God, it has been now 11 days, 11 days to the day that I have not shit. And I was like, oh my fucking God, like actually what is going on with me? And it's those goddamn fucking pumpkin seeds. I swear to fucking God. Have you looked it up? It is. It's the fucking pumpkin seeds. They're fucking evil. They're sinister. They're dark-sided. I fucking hate pumpkin seeds. They taste so goddamn good. But like they're canceled. I'm canceling pumpkin seeds. Like I'm canceling.

Eating too many subs. Oh, I was like, right. It's because they're high in fiber. So if you have too much fiber, you fuck up your belly. Yeah, they're like so over. And I was just like...

Oh my God. And I was like, fuck dude, I haven't shit in like a week. You know, what's crazy is it kind of did constipate me in Big Sur. Like in Big Sur, I couldn't like poop as easy as I usually do. Usually I wake up and I just take a big, nice fucking heaping shit. And I just wasn't doing that in Big Sur, but I just assumed it was because I was eating hot dogs and sandwiches. I personally can't wait for it to come out of Drew. No,

It's like, it's literally Kai's twin inside of me. Like, like literally Kai came in and like saw that I was like giant and he thought I was fucking pregnant. He has a little pregnant belly. Yeah. We did go get a, what's it called? What do women get when, uh, you, what? Like they're working on a house or something. Yeah. Like fucking sawing through the wood, through the wood of the house. So there's a demon inside of me. Um,

and I haven't shit in 10 fucking days. So I brought out the big guns. I was like, oh, we're getting this shit out of me tomorrow. So I literally laid on the floor of the fucking bathroom ready for fucking war, y'all. Like I was really, I was fully prepared to get it out of me. It's like that fucking alien from like Romulus like breaking out of my fucking guts. Like I pray to God that shit would happen to me. And I was like laying on the floor of the bathroom for literally six hours from like 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

And I was like using saline enemas. I was using glycerin suppositories. I was using mineral oil enemas. And then I was like, oh, like I'm going to like actually get this shit out of me. And I this is final option for me. Like I don't do this often because when this shit happens, it is the most painful fucking thing in my entire life. Like what I imagine giving childbirth is like. And so I brought out magnesium citrate, y'all.

To no fucking avail. It is so canceled for me. It's over. What's crazy about you saying that about magnesium citrate is the only time I've been actually constipated. I asked Drew and he told me to take that and it was the worst night of my fucking life.

- Yeah, it's horrible. - Like I could have done a suppository and I probably would have been like fine. - No, it's fucking horrible. - Have you tried a suppository? - Literally, yes. - Really? - I was gonna try a second one, but it only said use one a day. So I'm gonna do another one today. - What? - Like nothing, I swear to God, nothing is working.

And I know it's bad because like I'm dizzy and I know I'm dizzy because the shit inside of my colon is fermenting and causing alcohol and I'm literally getting drunk off of my own fucking shit fumes. Like it's going straight to my fucking brain, y'all. It is so bad. Wait, if I was in jail, I would just hold my shit for a long time so that I got fucked up.

up literally past the time and like oh my god i was praying i was praying that i woke up covered in shit that like my bowels just released themselves while i was asleep last night so i could literally like have some fucking relief like i would have been so happy i would have been doing like snow angels in my fucking turds in bed like new bed new bedding like i don't think you would replace your mattress i would i swear to god i would i was i swear i was thinking about it last night i was like oh my god please like i will like

I will buy a new $2,000 purple mattress, like please. Cause it like has those holes in it. And I was imagining it like seeping in. And then there's that like white powder between every hole that it would have made like a paste it with. I was like imagining really dark things. Cause when you, okay, this is so gross, but when you take that many laxatives, is your poop just like,

It's just like liquid shit. I think it's supposed to draw water. Like it's their stimulants, like stimulant laxatives, which are supposed to like draw water into your colon that like liquefies your shit. And they also cramp your like intestines. So it like squeezes them out. But I'm pretty sure I just have a seized colon. Like, I'm not kidding. I think I actually do need a fucking pouch, whatever they're called.

a colostomy bag bitch oh my god if i had a colostomy bag it would be so over for y'all because if you crossed me i would take that shit off and like release the gas in the room like a fucking smoke bomb and like evacuate the room like oh my god um well i think and i understand that that is a medical necessity for some people so what i'm about to say is not judging anybody who has that but if drew had that i would be

so fucking mad because i know you would bring it out everywhere you would like i would show everyone you would literally talk about it all the time and it would be your thing and you'd be like oh i just don't feel good today like i want to stay home so i can like empty my bag if i had a colostomy bag when i met bella hadid that's my girl like that's like one of my best friends like bella hello um that's the first thing i would have shown her i wouldn't have shown her my colostomy bag

I would have like popped it out and been like, yeah, I'm strapped. Where do you get a name it when it finally comes? Hi, it's name is Kai. It's because it looks like Kai. It doesn't look like me. Y'all a little Kai. Kai, the first thing he said to me was like, oh, wow, like you're looking huge, Drew. He said you look pregnant. He said you look pregnant. He said you look pregnant. And I said, well, I said he did look pregnant, though.

I did say that. Y'all, it's so bad. Like, I have a very keen eye on my belt and I am four loops down when I'm normally three belt holes down. So I'm so fucking massive and bloated with shit. I'm literally full of shit. Like, I actually am full. Like, I mean, we know. Are you allowed to like go out tonight or like do anything? I'm praying that dancing at the Brat concert like relieves some of the stress in my colon. Maybe all the like, maybe all.

All of the poppers in the air will like, yes, your whole and you'll just start shitting and like exploding shit. Oh my God, that would actually be so iconic if I shit at the K-pop concert who shit herself. They put me on the big screen at the brat concert and I just spread hole and drop a spotlight going on drew for the Apple dance. Yeah, like that's when it releases. Yeah, I would love that. You know, that's seen in South Park for years.

Randy like shits and it like lifts his body off the ground. Yeah. That's what I'm imagining. That's what I want. I'm really, I am really terrified to pass this because like really what's going to have to happen here is I'm going to have to go to the hospital and the doctor is going to have to finger the shit out of my fucking ass because I was going to do it, but my nails are too long. And I was just like, I can't have shit under my nails. So,

That's a thing people have to do this like people it's like a part It's like a reality for a lot of people and it's fucked up that you would sit here and make fun of me for my issues I wish my body would work normally. I really do. I yeah, I haven't made fun of drew once about the huge shit That's stuck inside of him. Yeah, like literally did this like me you came in the house, but drew it's gonna be like the substance and

or it comes out of your back my back no it's i was gonna say what you're experiencing is your other you is taking all your spinal fluid so it's fucking with your colon that's the that's the effect that's happening to you is the pretty version of you is running around it's no it's literally stealing my energy y'all like i'm i'm nauseous all the time my stomach is cramping at least the sue is in your

No, literally. Monster Alisa Sue. Bitch, my like brain. I'm like actually shaking constantly for reasons that I won't explain because it's TMI. But I told Inya yesterday, like, it's really fucked up. OK, I'll explain because it's crazy. But bitch, it feels like I for the first time. And like my legs are shaking. Like, it's crazy. It's pressing up against my fucking. You were like, that's TMI. But I was like, oh, like I felt bad. I was like, oh, that sucks. My shit.

That is literally constantly being like... Engaged. Yeah, like... Well, here's the thing. That's kind of a vibe. Now that I'm back from New York, I might make you laugh so hard you shit laughing and squirt laughing. Yeah, that actually is a possibility. Wait, did you go to New York and get like a magical substance that like made you funny? No, I've always just... I've always been this way. I've always been my jovial self. Kaya is funny. Kaya's silly. I don't know that I would describe you as jovial. Jovial. You know, one time... Jovial, no. Silly, yes. One time I was at a table with somebody I like really respect and like...

I like it's a peer of mine who I'm like, you are like amazing. And then I don't know what came over me, but we were all talking about the way we're perceived. And I was like, would you say I'm a happy person? Like, do you see me? Like, cause we, it's a person I don't see that often, but when I do, I make them laugh and like whatever. So I was like, do you see me as a happy person? And they were just like, no, no, I don't think they were like happy as the wrong word, not happy. And then I was like, but I'm not sad. And they were like,

You're not sad, but you're something else. And then it was at a dinner table and I was like, okay. And then they were like, and you're not mean, but you're something. I just don't know the word for you. And I was just like, okay, this isn't fun anymore. I want to move on. Now I'm getting red to filth. Also, I realized that I have...

Seven orders of Wingstop inside of my body right now. - Oh, 'cause that's the main thing is all week he's been like, "I can't shit, I can't shit, I can't shit." He's eating fucking Wingstop and Jack in the Box 'cause Drew literally loves Jack in the Box. - I don't eat Jack in the Box. - Drew loves Jack in the Box. - Stop spreading this fucking rumor. - He loves those little wet tacos. - I do, those are good. - See, that's what I'm saying. He loves it so much. He loves the little fries. - Shall we go through my order history? 'Cause we'll see, we can see exactly what I eat.

Jack in the box, wing stop, wing stop, jack in the box, wing stop, jack in the box, jack in the box, wing stop, jack in the box, wing stop, jack in the box, jack in the box, jack in the box. Simply salad. Emphasis on the simply salad. He hasn't had a salad in almost a month. Simply salad, hello. I can't even get on you though because I was really and we need to move on because we can't talk about food for another 40 minutes. Like we need to fucking stop. But I don't eat fucking vegetables. I realized like vegetables aren't.

I don't know what that was. Yeah. Make a lot of fucking noise. The bomb that I brought to the podcast. Yeah. Kai is about to fucking pipe bomb and blow us up. I wouldn't even give a fuck. No, if we died. This is why people say you're not happy. If I heard a bomb start ticking, I'm sorry. I'm not running for my life. What? If you had one right now, I'd be like, fuck. I think my main concern would be Azul. I wouldn't want Azul to die. But I wouldn't be like,

No, I feel that. I would dive under the bomb and save you. Because the idea of running away, like, you know in movies when they're running away from a bomb and, like, they don't get far enough so they fly forward? Like, imagining me do that is too embarrassing. I'd much rather just take it as it lays. I have, like, a similar thing, but I know that I would instinctually go to deactivate the bomb. Yeah, I was saying I would dive on the bomb. Oh, exactly. Quite literally, neither of y'all's personality traits. No, I would dive on the bomb. You guys aren't serving, like,

savior citizen. Like you guys aren't serving that. No, you're not the hero. Drew would jump on it, he would curl around it and then I would get in there and just start deactivating it. And the shit would block all of the explosion and he would walk away unscathed. Because it's as hard as a fucking like Teflon like

It's getting really hard in there. Yeah, no, it's fermenting y'all. I'm dizzy constantly. It's not hard, it's a Teflon. Teflon. Teflon. Uh, Teflon. Hello. Um, well, no, no, no. I need to talk about bombs because we were talking about bombs. No, I used to go fishing with M80s. I would throw, uh, when I was like nine and obsessed with fireworks, I would throw, uh, firecrackers, uh,

into the river and explode and watch. There needs to be a designated CPS worker at every house of a Texan. Yeah. Like there just needs to be a worker who checks in once a week to see if kids are doing, because some of the shit you say you did as a kid, I'm like,

Who was around? It was fun. It was, it was fun. We would laugh about it even. Like, we really would. Well, I decided that I hate a big ass ugly fucking mural. And I hate a bitch that records themselves doing an ugly ass mural and gets online to boast about it. Actually, you're destroying the infrastructure of my fucking city. Get that funky ass ugly fucking mural off of that wall. I hate,

What about a good mural? Oh, a good mural will like set me off. Like when I see a good mural, I'm like, oh, that's,

What about the pink wall? Well, the pink wall is infinite. Like there's like that to me is that's my infinite. You know how crazy the pink wall. I'm like, there is the culture I'll never get to. Like there is so much culture behind that pink wall. Like people don't understand. People low key like they don't respect it the way they used to. Like there's no lines. There's no thousands of people gathering to it every day.

I don't know what the replacement of it's been. The replacement's been that one place where all the artists do their fucking pop-ups for photo ops on Fairfax. Do you know what I'm talking about? There's like where the old Supreme was, I think it is. Like they do pop-ups now for like Olivia Rodrigo album or Sabrina Carpenter album. That's the new pink wall. Like you guys are taking from the pink wall. I think my pink wall is like... My colon. Ew.

this is what i think we should do with the pink wall we should see we should paint over it have a huge qr code and then a bunch of different of like the top nfts i personally feel like that would be really cool nfts still exist yeah i think so yeah wait seriously yeah i think people still trade them that's like eating jack yeah i wouldn't know though i don't know

That is great. Bored ape is not like a crazy thing anymore. I can't believe that. I still think NFTs are just money laundering. Is that the same one? Or did you get a new ape? No, it's the same one. It's been in the fridge for three years now. Drew's going to like, his delusion is kicking in. He thinks he's going to sell that for $100,000. He has a beanie baby. Like it's like the beanie baby delusion. That will, that in my vision. No, that will be worth something because in the next 10 years, climate change will evaporate.

So that's why that will have canned water not because of what's like on it. It's literally just the water itself. Oh, yeah, I'll make her I have to oh I forgot I have to set up a Chi can my stomach What the hell do you think you're doing? What the fuck are you doing? It's blocking me. No, no, it's just it'll be subtle. Hi, it's literally blocking me. Oh

Yeah, it's a piece of shit. That is a piece of shit. Honestly, it's so much better that it didn't work. Sit the fuck back down. Sit down.

sit with that it was three dollars so i thought i would just save my $3 yeah no it was i wanted to have it where it's like blowing up and it's gone yeah i'll figure it out wait is it seriously not working no i think it's because i'm powering it from this so it's like fucked but i'll just do it a different episode

No, we're doing that. We're keeping all of that. I know, we're keeping it not working. Well, the geomagnetic storm just happened. And for like the past like four days, I was like violently depressed. And I couldn't tell if it was because I have 30 pounds of shit, seven orders of Wingstop inside of my body still. Y'all really, really think about that.

I have whatever I won't keep talking about it. I know I was like how much longer can we talk about the literal shit in your butt? Like I could talk about it forever because it's literally the only interesting thing happening in my life right now. But I was like violently depressed and I couldn't tell if it was because of the alcohol that's being made in my colon and I just constantly been drunk or if it's because I'm just like mentally ill and severely depressed. So then I looked up and

do geomagnetic storms cause depressions? Or I looked up like symptoms of geomagnetic storms or some shit like that. And 37.5% of men that were surveyed in this like study said that like during a geomagnetic storm, no, that they were like more depressed. And I was like, wait, so like...

I'm like, that's just like, yo, I'm really grasping at straws here. You're losing it. I really do think the geomagnetic storm made me depressed. I think it really did make me depressed. Saturday. Saturday. No, I think what made us depressed was being in Big Sur and having the time of our life for three days and then coming back to LA and being like, we're back here, like back to this apartment. Mm-hmm.

Hey guys, we'd like to take a break to thank today's sponsor, SeatGeek. It's finally fall, which means it is the perfect time to start going to concerts. I feel like I usually go to the most concerts at the end of the year. It's just everybody's ending up their tour, they're landing in LA, and I will be going to see them and I will be getting my tickets from SeatGeek.

Everyone can use our code intercom 10 and get 10% off any tickets on SeatGeek, whether you're a new customer or not. You can not only do concerts, but they do sports festivals. You freaking name it. SeatGeeks got it. No matter how many times you've bought tickets using SeatGeek before, intercom 10 is going to get you 10% off your next order. So take your phone out, open the SeatGeek app and add code intercom 10 to your account.

Literally, what are you waiting for? Do it now because this offer is only available for a limited time. Listen, before Shopify, when I was first selling my merch, I had no idea what I was going to do about the website. Literally, that was the last thing on my mind, especially because I was a young idiot and I am still a young idiot. And

Coding is just not in my DNA. Setting up a website is the last thing I would ever be able to do on my own, but Shopify just makes it so, so easy. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims or Allo uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom. All lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash intercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash intercom.

Did you guys feel like you were in Big Little Lies? I've never seen that. I'm not watching that bunk-ass show. Wait, why? It's so good. I do know I need to watch it, but I'm watching Nurse Jackie right now, and I've hit a lull, so...

Dude, I started re-watching Breaking Bad with Josh. It's really good. Breaking Bad, I heard, is good. I heard that that's a good show. Have you seen it? Yeah, I've seen it. I was re-watching it with Josh, and I was like, damn, this show is so good. This is crazy. I think it's the easiest show to binge watch on the planet because re-watching it with him yesterday, we watched three episodes when I wanted to go to bed early, but I couldn't walk away from the TV, even though I knew everything that was happening. But I was having one of those moments where I would like,

put the pieces together and remember what was happening next and literally just sitting there in pure anxiety like, oh my god, like literally these people. That's how I feel watching Nurse Jackie. That's how I feel watching you live your life.

i'm like oh my god like this idiot stupid person you really do think i'm stupid just wait though just wait i'll fucking kill everybody in here i don't think that'll make you smart i'll kill everybody in this fucking room well last night i was thinking about it and i just don't think i have the kind of life where like i was watching a fortnight clip and this kid was like let me lock in and he went crazy during this match and like saved everybody and i was

thinking about it and I was like damn I just don't live the kind of life where I would ever be able to say I'm gonna lock in and successfully lock in like for me locking in is being too drunk at a party and a photographer comes by and I have to try to act like I'm not fucking wasted that's like that's locking in to me but that's the only time I'm not locking in where I'm like sitting down to write and I'm like hold on I'm gonna lock in and like go crazy it's literally my locking in is that

When I'm drinking and driving and a cop pulls me over, oh bitch, I am locking the fuck. And I still haven't been arrested to this day. I've been pulled over five times drunk. They haven't got my ass.

I found out you were one serial drinking like a serial drinking driver drinking behind my back that alone would send me somewhere dark and deep in my brain second of all if imagining you drunk driving around like you can't even drive like sober you're like a bad driver yeah no sometimes I did turn down a one-way when I first moved to LA I turned down a one-way and I didn't drive for like six

Seven months. Yeah, he almost killed all of us in the car. And then instead of like getting us out of the situation, he pulled over on the one way and made me get in the car and fix it.

And I did because I'm a champion like that. I panicked. I'm a champion. I panicked. Wingstop is canceled. Take a shot of Drew's fermented alcohol shit every time I say Wingstop in this episode. Wingstop is over. Is this a real thing that you're citing? Like this shit getting you drunk? I'm making it up. It could be real though. I do know it ferments. It could be real. It's not. No, I know it does ferment. It makes people gassy and that's why I bloat. But.

Have you been farting crazy? No, that's a scary thing is today I haven't been farting. No, and every time he farts, he runs to the bathroom. And what's fucked up is we only have one bathroom in the apartment. So like we have one good bathroom and then the bathroom that we refer to as the boiler room. It's literally the nightmare on Elm Street boiler room under the fucking school. It's so scary. It's like,

Literally just a pile of all my dirty clothes and a basket full of half clean clothes that we all have to like climb over to get to this toilet in the corner and the toilets all fucked up and nasty and we hate that bathroom. But Drew's been taking the main bathroom. It's because the fucking dude that broke into the house shaved his pubes in there and left dark sided energy. Yeah, so we just. Dry shaved his pubes into my fucking shower. We have not used it since.

Yeah, no, we literally use it as a storage unit. Fucking scabies and hepatitis B on the floor. But Drew's been taking the good bathroom and it's like so annoying because every time he goes in there, I'm just like, fuck he like if he does shit, that bathroom is going to be like a no contact zone for the next three hours. It's going to be nuclear. Like when you said you had done everything you did in the bathroom, when I went in there after I literally like I felt something in the atmosphere. Like it felt like, yeah.

I felt like a ghostly, like, nuclear radioactive shit environment in there. And I was really scared to be in there. Nothing came out. So it's okay. It's still safe. I feel like me and Josh are both going to get pink eye after you finally shit. I pray. I pray. So y'all can feel a little bit of the pain that I'm suffering. But Wingstop is over. Wingstop is over, y'all. I ordered Wingstop.

three four nights ago three nights ago four nights ago three nights ago and um i really was just so excited for the ranch i was so fucking excited we were having a good night too it was a great night and we were watching the uh bride of chucky and i was gonna lay on inya's floor and eat my wing stop with my ranch and i ordered three ranches this time because i was like oh i'm gonna go crazy with the ranch mind you he hasn't shit for a week at this point yeah bitch they haven't they they

They gave me blue cheese. If you are a blue cheese enjoyer, I genuinely... I'm not joking, and I'm sorry if this is problematic. I hope you fucking die. Like, I really do hope you have, like... Never mind, I'm not gonna go that far. But die, bitch. Bitch, they gave me three cans of blue cheese, and I was...

oh i almost fucking vomited at the flavor it's like actually since shivers on my spine you didn't point out it was blue cheese my high ass would not have noticed i was fucking that shit up i was like i didn't get wings up that night but he did and he got enough so i could have some and i was like sitting there eating it and then he goes and eats and he's like that's blue cheese and then i got really insecure because i was fucking that shit up and i go oh my god ew yeah it is blue cheese oh like i hate that and then i just put it back but

later on in the night when you weren't using it, I went over and I started eating all the blue cheese. You're a monster. I hope you fucking die, bitch. Oh my god. Blue cheese is good. Really? It's just super funk. That shit smells disgusting to me. It literally smells like fucking toe fungus, bitch. But the best cheese smells funky. Okay, but so I... The cheese my grandma brings from Honduras smells crazy, but it's... But that's different. That's like good cheese, but...

That's like foreskin cheese. Let me get a little bit of that on my wing stop. Kai? Did you hear what Josh was watching? Top 10 ways that you hate BuzzFeed. But I ordered that fucking ranch. Didn't get it.

So I really didn't eat any of my Wingstop because like how the fuck are you supposed to eat Wingstop without ranch? So the next night I had like 10 pounds of Wingstop and I was like, you know what? Like I'm going to be freaky and I'm going to order a tub of ranch and that's it from Wingstop because there's no way they can fuck that up. There's literally no way they can fuck up because they don't sell a tub of fucking blue cheese because you're a fucking monster freak if you order that. They only sell a tub of ranch. So I was like, yeah, I'm going to get that. A cup of ranch.

Well, I did a double stop because I also wanted a soda. And I was being lazy. Which, like, I don't know why you didn't just get a soda from Wingstone. Yeah, I don't either. But I didn't want them to fuck my order up. And I wanted a vanilla Coke. And I was being really lazy. And I can recognize that I should have just gone and got this shit. I know. Don't fucking talk shit about me. But I ordered a tub of ranch. And I was like, okay, like, I'm about to feast tonight. I'm really about to feast. Bitch. Bitch.

They only dropped off my fucking vanilla Coke. They didn't even go to Wingstop. They charged me the money for the Wingstop and the tip and they didn't go to fucking Wingstop and they didn't give me my fucking ranch. Oh my God, I near had a conniption fit. Like I really almost had, like I almost fucking sped. Wait, what did you do? Did you eat it with QP Mayo?

No. You did. No. You ate wing salt with Kewpie mayo. No, I fucking didn't. No, I need to insert this picture. The amount of Kewpie mayo Drew eats and he's like, why am I constipated? Bitch, nobody should have this much fucking mayo. It's the pumpkin seeds. It's the pumpkin seeds. I swear it's the pumpkin seeds. No, look at this fucking. Y'all, I actually am declining very rapidly. Oh no, that's disgusting. No, y'all don't understand. Kewpie mayo. It's just me.

I was so embarrassed. He watched Drew squirt like literally half a cup of mayo onto a burger before he ate it.

And then the next day when we brought it up, he was like, that was me being frugal because you guys were all up in my business. Because I knew they were going to talk shit about me. And I was right. Had they seen frugal? Had they seen the real side of my Kewpie male addiction? I think I would have put me in rehab because it's really dark sided. I bought like three bottles. Is that the one that comes in like the bowling pin? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that shit's good, honestly. It is really good, but like... You can't put too much. You can't be too decadent with it. Oh, I can't.

Drew's very decadent. That's like the bitches who get like crazy with the caviar. Caviar is still the biggest scam ever. It's fucking nasty. Y'all are literally paying that much for fish turds. You're eating fucking sperm, bitch. It's literally like fish kumdala. Like it's fucking nasty. Like you're fucking gross and you're weird as fuck. Also like bitch, I don't want some shit that I have to eat off of like a non-metal spoon. I don't want some shit that comes out of a fish pussy. Actually, I do.

Have you had caviar? Yeah. You don't seem like somebody who's had caviar. I like the cream and the potato chip, but like the caviar that comes with it. I'm like, girl, like what is this? Dude, I can't stand caviar. I also can't stand oysters anymore. Bitch, order oysters to my fucking table. I'm throwing up everywhere. I like oysters because they're an aphrodisiac. Well, I used to love oysters, but I've been reclaimed by God.

I like oysters because they're the perfect thing to serve at a sex party. I was going to say, I don't like them. You would not get invited to a party like that. Actually, I get invited to sex parties all the time. I turn them down, though. He does. I don't like oysters because I might die if I eat them. Oh, Drew. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I don't get to experience the earthly pleasures y'all do. That's so sad. I will go into anaphylactic shock. They're so delicious. You should just try it.

I thought about it, but I really do need an EpiPen for me to like feel comfortable. You need to go get tested. I know, I really do, because that was scary. And it's crazy that I just like roam around not knowing. But I think it could have just been a one-off event, but I'm not trying it out. I used to love oysters, but Drew has a candle that smells like oysters. And I was sitting in his room one time watching a girl on TikTok eat oysters. I was like, damn, oysters sound so good. But then I smelled Drew's candle, and I'm not kidding. It changed my perception of oysters completely.

Forever. Like now for the past year and a half, oysters make me fucking sick. They're nasty. I love Inya's oyster. My clam? Yeah. My clam chowder? Her clam with tuna tartare.

Her steamed giant clam. What were we telling that y'all call my coochie like a tuna box? And I was telling somebody that recently. I think it might have been Rain and Tyra. I was like, that's what they call me. They call me tuna box. And they were like, that is so fucked up. And I was like, I was like laughing. I was like, no, it's kind of funny. And then they were like, that's crazy. They call you tuna box. You let them call you tuna box. And I was like, well, you are. You are a tuna box and you own it now. Like.

I have to, you guys won't stop saying it to me.

I'm not kidding. Nevermind. I'll shut the fuck up. And yeah, and I have been fighting all week long. Y'all like, if there's a, like a sinister energy, it's because me and any, I've been beefing and it's one because I've been flushing the fucking toilet after I use the bathroom. She gets really fucking pissed about that. Cause she wants to go and eat. I need some, I keep telling him, I'm like, you keep peeing and flushing it. I need that. Also. I locked the door when I was showering and she actually got upset.

She was like, I want to watch you show it. That's very toxic. It's toxic that he's locking the door on me. You need to respect Drew's boundaries. He's quite literally locking me out of his life. Kai, you don't know shit about my fucking life. You don't know our fucking dynamic. I'm literally trying to help you. This is why you're fucked, dude. Yeah, bitch. Yeah.

The idea of you jumping up that fast to hit someone. That's like the fastest I've ever seen somebody get up. Like smiling about it too. It's crazy how much mobility you have with seven pounds of shit in you. Oh, what's crazy? I'm not joking. I was at the gym and I was like- It's made you fast.

It's like pushing the like gravity is holding me. - It's my center of gravity is lower. Y'all, I was at the gym and I've been really trying hard to put on weight, like muscle. And I was at the gym like a few days ago and I was like, damn, I'm like fucking five pounds heavier. Like, yes, I'm like putting on weight.

Bitch, it's because I have like 30 pounds of shit inside of me. Y'all, I swear to God, I'm not eating. Like, I don't give a fuck if it makes me anorexic. I literally swear to God, I'm not eating until the shit comes out of me. I mean, where is the food gonna go? Every time I see you eating, I'm like, where is that gonna go? I think it's undigested in my stomach right now. I like keep burping and it hurts. Drew, do you think this is the most stuffed you've ever been? No, Kai, you filled me a little more. Ew.

Y'all are fucking disgusting. Y'all are repulsive. Also, um... Y'all are gluttonous, disgusting, repulsive, evil, sinister. Prideful. Sinister, y'all. I found out... I found out sinister...

translate to like left-handed apparently and it's because they thought left-handed people like were closer to the devil. We need to go back to that. Fuck left-handed people actually. I hate left-handed. If you're left-handed, bitch, I hate you. And if you're ambidextrous, you're the devil. We need to start burning witches again so that I can save them.

So I can stop it. Drew would burn faster. I'm gonna pull your fucking hair. I'm gonna pull it off your head. If I set you on fire, you would explode because of all the gaseous shit in your belly. Yeah, and it would be nuclear. It'd be like if somebody put a propane tank on a pile of manure. That's what your body would do. And I'm gonna pull that fucking wig off your head. Leave it? Okay, it's not a wig. It's a wig, yo. I'm not wearing a wig. Amy has been wearing a wig for the last decade. Why do you have to bring that up, bro?

It's like so fucked up. Because you're fucking bald, bitch. Okay. Like, stop. Okay, seriously, write that down. We're going to cut that. You're bald and scary. That's... Whatever. Okay. Sorry. Like... Well...

Diet Coke, y'all. We really have to have an actual-- like a real conversation. Did Diet Coke to me taste like if I left the gas running on the stove and all of the fumes got to my brain and then I picked up a Coke to drink it? That's what I think my taste buds would taste. No, like literally-- Yo, fuck Helen Keller, bitch. Helen Keller's not real.

I swear to God, I actually don't think she was real. I don't either. Like, she's op number one. Bitch, if I see Helen Keller, it's fucking on site. She was real, and she probably would have been a fan of Emergency Intercom. Didn't she, like, write a book? How? How would she have been a fan of Emergency Intercom? She was deaf and blind. Like...

Yeah, if you prefer Diet Coke... Actually, no. If you go to a restaurant with me and you have the fucking gall to order a Diet Coke after I order a real Coke, and then when it comes to the table, we have to do that weird thing where there's a possibility that I have to eat a cake. Ew, that you taste it? Diet Coke. That happened last night, and it genuinely set me down a, like...

of rage. I was so mad and I was looking around at everyone's cup and I was like, did you get Diet Coke? Is that what you ordered? Is that real Coke? Try it again. And then the person I was talking to was like, oh, I don't know if this is real Coke or not. Tyrell. He was like, oh, I don't know if this is real Coke or Diet Coke. And in my head, I was like, why the fuck are you

Diet Coke if you can't tell the difference. It's canceled, y'all. Like, you're over. Also, like, I really do truly think Diet Coke set women back at least 30 years. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, what it's done to, like...

- Girls, like it's really over. - Girl if you don't have your fucking like 23 grams of sugar, calm the fuck down. Like that shit literally tastes like fucking asbestos. That Diet Coke to me tastes like if nobody knew I was home and the house had to be fumigated for fucking termites and I was locked in the closet. - No, it really does. - Diet Coke tastes like. - It literally tastes like fucking blood clots. - You know what I like is just like cold water with lemon in it.

Do you know what I like? What? When you shut the fuck up. Exactly. Sorry.

This episode is brought to you by United Airlines. When you want to make the most of your vacation, book with United. They're an airline that cares about your travels as much as you do. United is transforming the flying experience with Bluetooth connectivity, screens, power at every seat, and bigger overhead bins to help fit everyone's bag. And with their app, you can skip the bag check line, get live updates, and more. Change the way you fly. Book your next trip today at United.com.

Actually, if you like water, like cold water with the fruit sitting in it, bitch, go fucking dynamite. Like, oh, I can't stand that. Like, people, oh my God, you know what makes it fancy? When you go and the water is like full of shit. It's literally full of shit. It's lemon pulp. Like, it's literally like it is contaminated water. The worst is cucumber. Yeah. I feel like it tastes like vomit. It literally tastes like stomach bile. No, I was about to say, when they put lemons, limes, and like,

Oranges in the water when you like go to a hotel Bitch, it literally tastes like I just threw up and I didn't brush my teeth and I just slept with it and I woke up the next day and tasted my breath like that's literally what Water with oranges in it tastes like bitch. Have you seen that picture of banana water? I actually want to try a banana water I feel like it might be nice. I feel like banana water might I don't know if banana Banana water is kind of nice is like juicy enough to like I had it It's good I had it at a poke shop

At a poke shop? Where? Sweefin? It was at Sweefin, yeah. They do banana water? They did and honestly it was good. I'm gonna go in there and like literally shoot the fucking glass so it explodes like an aquarium. No, banana water is good. It was like a nice little surprise. I fucking hate contaminated water, bitch. And if you're the kind of bitch who has to fucking drink water with those little squirts of sugar, you need to fucking die. Natural selection is fucking coming for you, hoe. Still water. What the fuck is gonna happen when Timu isn't making that shit for you anymore? Still water.

Like drinking water with lime is like still water. Is that like... You know what I love? I love cold water and just like a handful of almonds and I'm just like good for the rest of the day. Almonds is wood. What the fuck did you just say? That was for Orion. Orion told me...

I'm going to tell her a story actually because it's so funny. Orion's really sick right now and I'm an angel. So I went and saw her and brought her soup and stuff because I'm an angel. And when I saw her, she before I left, she was like, I have to tell you about this fucking nightmare I had last night. So she's going in and she was like, to preface this, you don't have Twitter. So I have to explain this to you. She saw a tweet that it was literally just almond is wood. And she thought it was really funny because it was like a picture of an almond and

all the replies were like damn almonds are just wood like if you look at them in the texture of them like it just tastes like you're eating fucking wood somehow that tweet like infected her brain and in her dream she was at her friend's house who had a nut allergy and when she opened the fridge her friend's mom was like did you bring nuts in this house and orion said she just turned to the mom and went almond is wood and in the dream that like solved everything and like nobody was scared of the nuts anymore um

So yeah, almond is wood. I've been thinking about that. Last night at the jazz night, I had almonds on my charcuterie board. Bitch, if you give me a charcuterie board and the salami slices are big ass fucking deli slices for a sandwich, I'm going in the kitchen and I'm stabbing the chefs. Yeah, that's not very demure. Whoa.

30 is hitting you like a train. 30 is running a train on your brain right now. Speaking of trains,

I want to go on the Amtrak across America. I feel like it would be very grounding for me to see all the people. Yeah, just like look around and just see everybody. Like I feel like it would be like a very sweet moment. Have you seen that train in Japan where the seats like face the window and you can just look at the beautiful scenery? There's some Amtrak carts that have that too. It's like they look like greenhouses or like stones. Yeah, it's like a foley. I love being on a train and just like reading a book.

Like looking out of the window. The thing is I get really car sick so I could never do that. I would like actually throw up because anytime I'm in the car and I look at my phone for two seconds it literally feels like somebody flash banged me and I'm like I close my phone and I'm like moving. It feels like a shadow of me is like moving back and forth. Like I'm literally like blurring through the window and I have to look outside and like run myself back to reality. Drew keeps clutching the baby. Natural selection. Is it kicking? Yes. Yes.

Wait, car sickness low-key is natural selection. Like, I just wasn't supposed to make it. You can't adapt. Like, I wasn't supposed to be born in a time with cars. Yeah, you can't adapt. You're failing. Also...

bitch do you know how long it took to travel across the country via horse i think i said this it's like months six months yeah really i don't want to go anywhere wait are you kidding that bad i feel like it should have been two months no six no because like once they hit like the mountainous area like it took it's actually really smart too i looked it up i looked it up because i was just like it's crazy that i wouldn't

by my own regard drive across the country like it's something that's on my bucket list i want to do at one point in my life but every time i've gotten near that i'm like bitch that takes too fucking long like i don't want to do that it sounds like a nightmare people were dying traveling by horse across the fucking country and it's because they were like i want to see the new city there's a new city across the world first of all y'all didn't even have pictures of it so what the fuck were you going to a lot of people were like a lot of people european like immigrants that were like oh i want to go to like

The gold mines. Go fucking home. That's where you should have gone. No, literally, literally. You should have went the fuck home. Go back to where you came from. Like, literally. Bitch. That is how I feel about, like, European people. I'm like, go back to where you were supposed to go. Yeah. What I was going to say about traveling by horse is humans are actually so smart because if you were traveling from, like,

like Seattle to New York or like Seattle to Florida what they would do is they would start heading that way at the beginning of fall so that it was like cooler temperatures and like since they're going south they're getting like it's getting cooler in the south so they don't have to like be through any like extreme heats or anything so they could keep it within the range of like it being 70 degrees yeah I know the whole way um we all fucking

Wait, does everybody know that? No, no. Oh, I was like, okay, I'm like actually stupid. No, no. Because when I saw that, I literally was like, wow, people make you fucking smart. That is like hella smart. I wouldn't have thought about that shit. I'd be like, bro, it's a nice day out today. Like, I'm going to start my fucking trek. It's 140 degrees. And I'd get to Arizona and I'd fucking die. Me and my horse would be like on the ground like a Family Guy character like in the heat.

But you can't do that anymore now because of climate change. You would literally like perish because every state would have like a different temperature throughout the way. Yeah. How hot did it used to be back then? Because they were being like fucking badges and pussies. Because like every time I'm literally like, like 90 degrees to me is like a good day. I'm like, that's like a like a really, really good day. And then I hear like local Californians be like, that is so hot. And I'm like.

You're a fucking pussy. Well, you're from like nasty Texas. Yeah. No, it's not nasty. Texas is iconic. Like, like, like it is. Brave of someone from Florida being like nasty Texas. Yeah. When we went to Texas, you're like, Kai, this is it. And it's just like hella freeways and McDonald's. Yeah, it's really cool. I was like, oh, great. It's really cool. I was expecting to be like Friday Night Lights or be like football players going through some sort of emotional arc. I thought it was going to be greener. It is like that.

it's not very green it's like dead it's always there i always imagined it being way greener like where you came from bitch that shit is breaking bad town like no it's dead it's scary yeah um shut up dude what the fuck is your fucking issue don't tell him to shut up thank you don't fucking tell me not to tell him to shut up yeah kai don't tell her to not the fucking shut up slut

Yeah, but that like you can't yell at him. He's a slut. He's a hoe. He's a freak. I don't know that. Got a different girl every day of the week. You know, I've never heard that. I gotta let you know that I got a crush on you. How do you not know that song? I heard. No. That's the beat you just played. I thought I just never knew the lyrics. You literally just did that. It's fucking Lil' Kim, bro. Oh, yeah.

No, I've never heard this. You've never heard that? I've heard it, Enya. Your whiteness is blinding. And you shut the fuck up! Oh my god, and your stupid fucking wig. I'm gonna rip that shit off your fucking head. You need to actually stop fucking mentioning it. Because nobody has peeped that yet. Nobody knows yet. I mean, everybody knows now. Your wig. Your stupid wig. Cut that. I don't have a fucking wig on.

Halloween episode soon. Y'all are not ready for my costume. Dude, mine sucks so bad this year, y'all. I'll face the music. You guys, what should I be? I want to be crazy and dress up this year and have fun. You should be this fart. I should be a fart? Yeah. You should go get the substance and be a better version of yourself. Okay. You should be... But that would be the hardest costume for you to ever put on. That would be very hard. You should be the turd inside my butt. He is that. Yeah.

You got your costume on and everything already. I'm wearing a nice outfit. How'd you get the smell? Kai, I have a few good ideas that I'll send you. Okay, please. Because I do want to finally, for the first time, dress up and have fun and be the life of the party. Because usually I'm just a side character. Oh my god, I don't want to go to a party ever. Yeah, I don't think I want to either. Hopefully I'm not here for Halloween. That would be iconic. Hopefully I'm not on this earth anymore. Um...

Who the fuck saw the lobster and thought, like, I want to eat that? Like, actually. It had to have been, like, an accident. Somebody had to have squished a lobster and, like, been like, oh, fuck, there's meat in there. Like, oh, my God. Like, I'm going to eat that. Yeah, because it was, like, peasant food at one point. It was? Yeah, like, all shellfish were, like, peasants. And then they, like, rebranded. Also, diamonds are not worth what they say they're worth. They're all fucking lab-grown now. Like, they're just really good at manipulating markets. I just never understood diamonds. Like...

chill like literally just chill it's a rock like I just don't I don't understand the value of it like I know it's because of like mining and like but like I'm like no you're enlightened like they're they're really worth like absolutely nothing at this point even gold sometimes like I love gold I like love gold I love gold I like gold for the family aspect of it like a lot of the jewelry I have like I've gotten gifted from my family it's been passed down I like it for that aspect

ho i'm not buying a new piece of gold fucking jewelry are you on meth like i want my shit used and abused from a pawn shop like i don't want some new shit also because all of y'all are plating fucking brass knuckles like i don't want that shit fuck you i want brass knuckles i'm gonna beat the

fuck out of Chi with it actually I'm gonna get brass knuckles with my name like instead of it being spiky it's gonna be my name like raised so I can fucking hit people and like my name gets imprinted and my teeth fucking fly out and I'm like scrambling to pick them up and I'm trying to put them back in my mouth I'm like pissing all over myself and it smells fucking rancid what the fuck are you talking about I'm I'm adding to your bit about like beating me up and stuff and I'm adding like details this isn't a bit it's a threat B12 urine don't get it twisted neon green B12 urine

Is that like brat? Like what? Yeah, no. My piss is brat coated after I take B-Complex. Half of you hoes going to that concert, I know your piss is brat green. I know your cooter bronson is brat green, like with the fucking discharge, bitch. Like...

I almost said something so disgusting. I guess you said discharge green. I was going to say you lift the clitoral hood and it's like a green emerald because it's just like calcified and untouched and unclean. Very visceral image. It's like clitoral cheese. I know a lot of y'all are fucking cleaning under that hood. If you drink Diet Coke, I'm going to kill you. Oh. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Like, this one is so bad. The way coochie is spelled. We'll put it in the episode. I'll read it. It's... Are you reading it? Oh, yeah. I'm reading this. Don't touch... Don't ever reach for my phone again. I'm gonna go through your phone. Can we start going through each other's phones? Actually, no. That would be really toxic. I don't give a fuck. I don't have shit on here. Oh, I'm gonna go through your phone and send myself all the pictures. Everything I used to be embarrassed of...

Like, I'm not embarrassed. Yeah, I feel like we've told each other literally everything. My Tesla robot, when he find out, he gonna be helping me wax this cootie cat. Cootie cat. Cootie cat. Cootie cat. Drew, sigh up. He has now been promoted. You are now an elite employee. Ew, Drew. If you're a man and you work from home, you're gay. Caveman, be like,

will be my year. That's good. Let's hope fingering is the next pandemic. Hoctow twins makes Hoctua twins make such good music. Like Toctua. Yeah. Toctua. Yeah. Toctua twins. Dudes be like I do construction whole time. They're the guy that's holding the stop sign. Right. Bet y'all didn't know Winnie the Pooh's grandma was named Pooh Nanny. Yeah.

Dude, last night before going to the jazz bar, I found a compilation of Drew reading Psy Op Corners, and I was laughing the exact amount when I heard them watching the video as I did in real time. And it was starting to freak me out, and I was like, okay, we have to stop watching this, because I don't like that my brain still finds these the same amount of funny as if I haven't heard them. It's pretty crazy. Finger me if I'm wrong, but is today Wednesday? What day is it Wednesday? It's Tuesday. Oh.

I have to finger you. Why does Kai get to do it? I mean, because you always do it and Kai is here. Yeah, give me a shot at fingering you, Drew. Maybe it'll be good. The thing is, like, a good fingering is lit. A bad fingering, bitch, how are you fingering wrong? Yeah. Like, how are you fingering wrong? Totally, literally. Yeah.

Respect. Respect. Like you got to get up in there and like the clitoris. Wait, how? Let me see. I couldn't see. You said you have to get into the clitoris. I just like, I want to see the technique.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, that was the other thing in the Psyop Corner thing. Like, it was him singing and it made me mad in person the way it did when I was there in person. Like, hearing it on video. I keep getting Drew singing the Sundays over, like, that fucking dog. Wait, which one? I haven't seen that yet. You've seen it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I do remember this. I did.

like this having 17 000 life let the dogs wear wigs we're gonna get into media of the week my media of the week is we watched a nightmare on elm street and we watched three movies in a night we watched halloween nightmare on elm street and the thin blue line yeah i didn't finish the thin blue line i was in bed before then but um no one told me that

Nightmare on Elm Street. I mean, like I knew it was great and I had seen it before, but like watching it with a developed brain was like really, really exciting. And it was so good. Also, no one told me that at the time it was made for $1.1 million, which is $3.3 million in today's money. And like looking at the practical effects, I'm like, y'all really, we really can't do that today. Why did Joker 2 cost $200 million fucking dollars? Like, why did it cost $200 million? Like really make that make sense. Like-

Like, literally. Was Gaga's like... That hurt my ears so bad. Like, it actually hurt. That hurt your ears? You want me to tell somebody who gives a fuck? That sounded like the gates of heaven opening to me. I agree with you, though. It literally is crazy. I miss when...

horror movies were like practical because it all the older movies I like the reason I like them is because they did practical effects and it just looks better even though it's like kind of campy and you're not looking at it being like that looks so real it's just it's cool to know a whole team came together to make that happen the old alien movies look so fucking good have you seen Space Odyssey recently no

It looks like it was literally made in 2023. Like, it's unbelievable. Like, can we, like, go back to making good movies? Because, like, also, this is a hot take, but I rewatched Halloween. That movie is boring as fuck. That was a hard one. I understand, like, the significance, and it is an amazing movie, and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That shit's boring!

Boring! That Halloween is how I feel about Elvis Presley. Like, literally boring. I'm like, I respect y'all who fuck with this, but for me, no. Yeah. I mean, there were some scary-ass moments, like the car scene got me. It was just making me laugh too much because the way you creep around the house, it just felt like...

I do creep around like Michael Myers, but also English teacher, please for the love of God, go watch that goddamn show. I need them to get renewed for four more seasons because it is the funniest thing on television right now. And I don't give a fuck what you're doing.

leave this episode right now and go start watching it because it is so good like that show is so funny but they didn't have to do like the gay stuff it probably would have been funnier i agree like all the gay shit is weird as fuck it's like if it was a normal show it would be like top 10 yeah if they were all normal why are you guys normal that isn't cool

I'm sorry, but I'm drawing the fucking line there. You go and follow the being gay being cool trend. We're going to follow the getting into the pearly gates of heaven trend. Being gay is cool. I'm saying it. I'm being the first one to say that. God asked me. God said wings. What is it? Fuck. Like a barbecue or lemon pepper.

at the pearly gates god god said uh what kind of wings do you want and i said lemon pepper and he kicked me out i said lemon pepper or i think it's like it was like do you want your wings he's like yeah can i get lemon pepper i'm shit like that i'm gonna have wings out tonight i think don't do that to me really please don't i'm shitting easy breezy oh wait what the fuck can i do a media

It's serious. Okay, yeah. You guys are so traumatized when I said porn. You said it like literally four times. You said it 14 times. That's pretty funny. Okay, I just wasn't made for these times by Brian Wilson. Wait, I'll play it. You sad as fuck.

That's pretty. It is really nice. It's really beautiful. It's nice to put on when you're feeling down and you want to kind of like lean into that and have like a cathartic exit out of your melancholy state. Wow, Kai. This one feels like that too. Okay, vocabulary. I see you. Have you heard this song? Yes, I love that song. It would have nowhere to go because you're all full. We didn't do media of the week. I don't have music. That's it. I'm not joking. I'm not pushing it. Really? Really?

You guys, Drew's belt is hanging on for dear fucking life right now. The buckle's gonna blow up in Kai's face. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for listening. Did you do media? I haven't been listening to music. I'm sad. Oh my god. I'm not even kidding. I'm like, this year has been so sad for me. I haven't, like, music doesn't sound the same. I don't have that same want for music. Look, I made a playlist, like, probably six months ago.

Oh, I know. It's like, could music please sound good again? Like, please, please, please, for the love of God, make music sound good. We're just in too deep. Like, my favorite thing to do used to be to, like, sit in the sauna after working out and listen to new music. And I haven't, like, had a moment in the sauna where I hear a good song and I'm like, oh, my God, like, I feel so good. That is...

the scariest symptom of being depressed it's being like oh this is just noise my one my one joy is listening to music yeah like i know i'm down bad when i'm not waking up and playing a song off my boo fucking who it's really fucked up i can't even laugh at that that's like fucked up when we get off of here you're gonna you're gonna learn to never do that to me again hit me i don't care

Oh, I'm not hitting you. I'm going to stab you. Stab me. I don't care. Maybe it'll release some of the gas. I'm going to stab you in your colon. It's going to like spray shit. My fucking bloated goddamn belly. All right. Thanks for watching, guys. Bye. Bye.