we are so crazy
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For

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experience amazing at your lexus dealer mom and dad here um we weren't gonna post the episode we filmed this week because we filmed on monday when we were still like a lot of you hopeful very hopeful i truly i truly thought i yeah with my heart and soul i truly truly believed but

It is what it is. And I don't know, we weren't going to post it because we really obviously don't want it to seem like we think this is something that's not a big deal because like a lot of you, we feel the heartbreak of what just happened. And it is consumed. It has consumed my entire being for the last three days. Yeah. And it's really devastating, but we thought about it and we decided this morning that

The one thing we can do right now is hopefully make y'all laugh. Yeah. That's like,

Like a little safe space and like a little moment of levity just like where you can like dissociate and just like not think for a moment. Because, yeah. Because I know we've all been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of doing. And a lot of watching of things that are not making us feel any better. And I think there is a lot we would like to say. But what we will say for now before you can just like release yourself from fear. Yeah.

It's super heartbreaking. It is devastating. So many people are going to be affected by this and are actively affected by this, whether you are POC, a woman, a part of the LGBTQIA. It is so hurtful to know that half the country feels the way they do. But the thing we are trying to lean the most on is...

The reflection that is so many people who believe in equal rights, blank, blank, period. Oh, I can't, I can't believe it. I can't, I can't, I can't. Okay, we're really bad, darling.

To be positive. So we thought we would just kind of like let you guys have a space where you can remove yourself and just like laugh at this episode again because we were going to re-film an episode but we are so sad and upset and we don't want to because it's sad and we thought, yeah, we're just going to be silent and like back away and really our dream was to disappear for the next four years as I'm sure a lot of people's dreams are too but the reality is...

That's what they want. That's what they want. That would be letting oppressors win and to exist and live in the spaces we all live in is the important thing. I think also...

We forget that we can quite literally be the most annoying people on earth if we wanted to. I'm not saying that's, like, maybe the right move right now. But, like, if it gets there, like, we truly, like, I have no problem ruining lives. Like, I really, I have no problem, like... Don't get me started because I've been sounding crazy. Yeah, like, the most out-of-pocket crazy shit. But everything Inya said and more, but...

I don't know, just hold out hope. Like, stick to your communities. I think that's the most important thing. And just like... Look out for each other. Be aware. And this too shall pass. Really just trying to lean into the positive side. Yeah. Okay, guys. Enjoy the episode. Please enjoy the episode. Go brain dead for a moment. Just let it... Let's act like it was last week. Shall we? When there was hope.

Toy. Oh, you're eating. You're gonna eat in my fucking face. I stay eating. I hate the sound of eating. Guys, welcome back to Emergency Intercom. It's been so long. Oh my god, like seriously. I have been crashing the fuck out. Literally D1 level crash outs.

Me when I send that text to your iPhone. What text? The crash text. We talked about this last episode. The text that makes your phone die. Oh, my iPhone be like, D1 level crash out. Why have you been crashing out? What's wrong? I actually haven't been crashing out. I was lying.

I was lying about it all. It's a weird thing to lie about. I am going to start this episode off by saying probably the most circa 2012 Twitter thought I've had in a while. But I just one night was really sitting with myself thinking about this. Red receipts are the craziest invention you've ever done. Like there is genuinely, there are no pros. It's net negative. It is like...

Like, net negative. It is just psychological warfare. Even... Because in my head, I was thinking, like, I was really going deep. I was thinking about this for, like, an hour the other night because also Drew wasn't in town. And I have also decided that I cannot be left alone for more than 12 hours because...

things happen things happen audio messages are being sent because i need to speak it like it's really it's not even like you're being trapped in your mind you just need to hear your own voice yeah i just want to hear me talk and i listen back to myself and i'm like oh god i'm so i love listening back to a voice and i send i literally love it when you send a really funny one you're like wait like exactly or like even like a serious one and sometimes i'm like what damn i really do have that in me don't i

Like I really do have it in me. But the good news is I wrote down what I was thinking and I was going to post this on my story, but I was like, I'll save it for the podcast so you guys can hear it from me directly.

Red receipts are still the craziest thing iPhones ever did to us. Like what? I genuinely can't think of a single fucking benefit to that. It's literally just psychological warfare. Like this feels like the most Twitter circa 2012 comment to make, but it's not even funny or original. But I'm seriously just concerned as to why we made that a thing. There is no benefit. And I was trying to think like, okay, maybe it's just so if I'm like, oh, I'm five minutes away. I can see you read it.

Bitch, I still want you to say okay. I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street. Hit them. Text me back challenge. Yeah, I want you to tell me that like you saw my fucking text. I just don't understand. Also, it ruined it for the people that leave people undelivered because now there's this whole idea that like, oh, I got left undelivered. I got left undelivered.

Yes, you did. I don't want to talk to you and that's okay. Also, why do I have to fucking respond to everything? Everything doesn't need a response. Also, if you were like one of my friends who has DMs me, you know more than anybody. If you think I don't reply to texts, bitch, a DM is not getting a reply. Like a DM. Also, I am crazy. If anyone is my friend, I think I've even done it to y'all.

When I post a story that a lot of my friends reply, y'all all are getting the same fucking response. I don't reply to stories. Dude, people respond to my stories because I'm just like so enchanting and like fun and witty. Oh, I get that. And I carry all these things like sex in the city. I reply to every story. Kai hearts every single story. Every single story I just reply to. Every girl's story he sees, he likes. Well, when I'm high, I start liking stories like they were sent for me. So I think I do that. Also, I just need to call out that I was quoting Miss, wait.

Oh my god. Hello, hello, hello. What the hell is her name? Well, her username is white male ego in a blunt. That's what I was saying when I said, like, I carry all these house sex acts in the city. Am I silly or am I insane? I'm giving me... Sativa. Mary Jane. Sorry. Well, I'm not joking.

I was in Texas, screen time was about at 14 hours a day for two days. I was really in the thick of it. And I think some of the best moments I've had with myself is when my screen time is the highest. Like really, truly, that's when I feel the most alive is when I'm on the phone as much as I possibly can. Well, I was scrolling through the old TikTok, TikTok, TikTok,

And I saw a video of a dog just chilling. Like it was just chilling, like minding its own fucking business. And this big ass like Rottweiler scary motherfucking dog pulled up on this dog and went to like actually go kill this dog. And without a fucking second thought, this cat that was hanging out with the little dog jumped in and beat the fuck out of this bigger dog.

It was literally like I didn't even have to think about it. And I'm not kidding. I sat there and was genuinely inspired by that video. And I was like, oh my God, be more like the cat. I was literally like, I need to actually get into a situation with Enya so I can take up for her. That was literally my vibe. The last time you did that, you literally had an awful night and you thought you were going to die. Like at the smoke shop, I got cat called and Drew stood up for me. And then he spent the next like...

Literal eight hours in a psychosis. I thought he was going to kill me. I literally thought I was going to be killed. Like I saw my death flash before my eyes. Also, I don't think we talk about how

Someone literally broke into our house. I mean, we do talk about it enough, but someone broke into our house and chased me, chased me through my own fucking home. Like also every time we say that to people, they are literally their faces are like, they can't believe it still. And you're still there. Yeah. And we still are because we're showing them. We don't talk about it enough. We don't talk anymore. How do I search so much shit up? Listen, like listen to my searches. Literally the last I was looking for the search that I found the cat video and

pop the balloon for gays lavender marriages damn i forgot twilight imperium adam sm6 band balding marcia p johnson i'm forming my own cloud baphomet hand symbols baphomet not okay sophie vacuum by arca niacinamide supplement on tiktok you're

this up? Yeah, this is like, and then I looked up Vlada, the Slavic doll, because she tore that runway. Her coke walk was incredible. Wait, which, is that the girl who was like

really tiny. She was like the Slavic doll. She wore that one blue dress with the frills up here and had the bouncy angelic hair. It's weirdly, you know a lot more about model culture than I do. I don't know models' names. I just think the girls are so fucking hot. That's really what it is. Oh, I forget. Yeah, the girls are so fucking bad, bro. That's why you want to start watching Project Runway.

runaway yeah yeah dude well i feel like they're really hot but they wear too much makeup right honestly i'm with kai on that girl should girls should wear less makeup because like it none of those guys no none of us guys like makeup period like none of us like it i've never really understood that like i've genuinely like

There's that like whole- On a core level, I've just never understood the beef with makeup. Like it really just feels like something to talk about. It's just beef-rooted misogyny. Right, right. Conversation like, right, right. I also hate when my girlfriend wears lipstick. Right, right. Well, it stains my penis. Nice. Nice. Nice. What's the- Fuck, what is it? Me. Bullrat. What is his saying? My wife. My wife. My wife.

Dude, I love when you're trying to remember something and you say all the things that are chiming in your brain to remember it. Like, what's the Borat thing? My wife. Dude, oh my God, I'm so smoked. But I don't think we really focused enough on my searches. This is just today, by the way. Baphomet into- What the fuck is Baphomet? As above, so below. What is it?

He's the universal symbol for balance, but it's been taken by the Illuminati. Really? People are like... What does it mean? What's the meaning though? Of as above, so below. Girl, I don't know. I just heard it today on TikTok. Oh, okay. I mean, I think it's like demonic, like heaven or like earth and hell, like balancing, shit like that. But I truly don't know. But I was just looking at Baphomet because...

I just want to know the hand symbols so I can throw them up and people think like, oh my God, is Drew a part of the Illuminati? All I know is this. Why is that? Oh shit. That was cool for me. That's my slime. That was cool for me to see. Y'all are making me feel fucking crazy. Like...

something is like really something scary is happening post halloween like the day after halloween everything shifted and from that day to now i have genuinely felt like i was living in the twilight zone like i think i slipped between a crowd inya literally came into my room after sitting in her car for an hour like crying and just like

writhed around on my floor wrapping herself up in my crumb blanket so you know it's bad when she's all up in my crumbs from my like food from the last month because like something she and it wasn't even like a sadness or an anger or like an emotion at all it was like nothing there was nothing behind i feel nothing wait what week of your ssri are you on i just upped it oh really yeah was it week four

I've been on it for like two months. There's other factors at play. Yeah, there are other factors. But we don't have to get into it. Demonic Halloween. Basically, I just think I'm going to die and that's okay. Also, I've been so fucking cold. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to survive the winter. I think I'm going to die. This is the craziest thing I'm about to do, but I literally need to show the layers I'm wearing right now to attempt cold. This is crazy, me undressing, but...

This feels really inappropriate because Kai's right there. I'm not looking. Take that shit off. Oh, that's fucking sick. Do you have any other layers on? Should we see those? Should we just shed another layer randomly? I don't know. I have a big diaper on. Yeah, and he's been wearing two. This fucking vibe is crazy. This is genuinely how I feel though. Oh, wow. But yeah, I don't know if I'm going to make it guys. So

Yeah, no, it's been so cold in our goddamn house. It's been brutal. The winter is going to be awful here. And I don't remember it being this cold last year. Honestly, I don't. But I also ran the... I say that every year. I never remember it being cold. Yeah, but I did run the heater all day every day last year. The second the temperatures dipped below 60. Wait, what did it dip below 70? What is that? Dip below? Dip...

Oh, a Frank Ocean song. What? Dip below? No, dip below 70 because I'm biking. Oh, I don't remember. I don't remember. Also, I decided I really still don't like sports because it is still so fucked up. The Dodgers just won. Yes. Go LA. That's awesome. Yeah.

And I really have no part in any of it. Like, I have no sportsmanship for any team on the planet, but I will never get over how fucking sad it is to see the people losing. Like, there is something so sad. Like, it should be illegal to record the losing team. Like, seriously, they just fucking lost. Like, now you're going to put a camera in their face and there's always a compilation of the team, like...

The best is when it's like the confetti that's colored like the other team. Yeah, and they're just like walking through and it's like, they're just so sad. Be better, do better, try harder. Like, I don't give a fuck. Also, fuck the Yankees. Sorry. But I also do agree, like in the Super Bowl, that was the saddest shit I have ever seen. Dude, it's just always so sad.

Because that was America's team this year. Like the team that lost. I'm not lying. If you put a gun in my face right now and you said, what teams played the Super Bowl? Just fucking kill me. I can't think of it. I literally don't remember. I didn't even know the World Series was happening. I just heard fireworks the night that it ended. I know Dodgers and Yankees. I can't think of a single. The Dolphins.

I know the Dolphins didn't play, but I'm just trying to think of names. I'm going to show you logos. I almost said bands. I'm going to show you NFL logos, and then you have to tell me what the team name is. Should I pull my pants back up? No, it's kind of a fucking vibe. Keep them down. The fuck? The fuck? Oh, Green Bay Packers, but it says Packers right there. Oh.

And I know that because Harry Styles, I think, really liked the Green Bay Packers. I'm not even kidding. Or it's like I know it's the San Francisco 49ers. I know those are two teams. And I know the San Francisco 49ers because... That's who played in the Super Bowl. Is that the Rams? I'm like low-key cheating.

-Texas. -Yes, it's Texas, the Houston Texans. -That's what they're called? Just the Texans? Why are the rest of them-- That's Rams, right? -Yes. -Wait, is that who played? -No. -Oh. -You know a little bit. I just told you who played. -Wait, who played? A girl, the fucking Beatles. I don't know. What is that? The bearded eagles. The eagles. -The Baltimore Ravens. -Sure.

Fucking Hawks. Yeah. Oh, or not Hawks, the Falcons. Oh, but like period. Okay. If you don't get this one, this is the last one. I'll be genuinely upset.

Dallas Cowboys. Okay, because the cheer show. And I know that because of the cheerleader. I was going to say. Okay, her. Like, I know a thing or two. You know. And now you should show me fashion designers that everybody should know and then I can guess. I feel like you would know them. No, I know too much. Yeah, you know way too much. I genuinely, I'm not kidding. And this is not an ego thing at all. I literally know too much. Like, it's to a point where, like, genuinely, like,

Like, it freaks me out. No, last night on the couch, it was literally cracking me up. Like...

I don't even remember our conversation, but we started just like talking about humans in general. And Drew was literally freaking me out because also I want to make something very clear because there's this idea because I call myself dumb. Like I downplay it. I call myself dumb because I have from a very young age. I keep standards very low and I like to call myself dumb so that I surprise people when they find out I'm not actually dumb because I'm not fucking dumb. But.

I genuinely think I block certain information from my brain for my own sanity because there are just certain things I shouldn't fucking know. I genuinely like, I shouldn't know the world is strange magic by Elo. I love that the world is magical. Like it really truly is like, it is pure magic. Once you go deep enough into like,

I don't know. Once you go deep enough and you start like really like connecting dots, you're like, oh, like actually truly this is magical. Also, you know what I found out recently is that like quantum experiment where it's like, oh, like the the I think it's called like the slit experiment. But I'm going to I'm going to like put my penis inside of the quantum slit experiment slit. If you put your penis into the slit and no one sees it, did it go into the slit? It's like Schrodinger's penis.

Schrodinger's body count? Yeah. Five below. This feels like the straightest episode we've ever had. No, I'm just talking about the quantum split. I don't know what that is. It's like, basically, like, the people that do know it is, we've been, like, fooled and lied to. It's not as crazy as it sounds. Really? The idea was, like, that everyone has in their head is that, like,

these like quantum particles when they're being observed, they like know they're being observed. But I can't remember what the real thing is, but I saw Mike Tyson, not Mike Tyson. What's the other, like the other dude with the last name Tyson?

Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah, Neil deGrasse Tyson. He was like, no, we've been taught wrong our whole life. Really? Yeah, but it's not as crazy as it sounds. Well, whatever that is, I think it happened to me after Halloween. Like, I genuinely think that's how. Quantum immortality. That shit freaks me the fuck out. Hey, guys. I wanted to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's episode, Shopify. Ka-ching!

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Oh my God, wait, should I talk about on Halloween how I fucking fell? Like I literally busted my ass. I was at a party and I wasn't drunk and I didn't get high because I was like, I don't know how many people at this party I'm going to know. I was already feeling really anxious and like I didn't really want to go out. So I was like, fuck it. I'm just like not going to smoke because earlier in the night I had smoked and we went to a party with friends who I knew and even that was like overwhelming. So then like two hours later when we ended up at this other party, I was sober and I was like, I am not sober.

doing that bitch how the fuck did i still fall like i fucking fell and it's so embarrassing because i got into this party one thing about me is i will be falling at the party like i will and it's not even like you're drunk to the point where you're like falling over you just like slip and fall i just fall so easily like i don't know what about me is like i one thing about me is i'm gonna fall i'm gonna bump into something i'm gonna wake up with a bruise like i'm just like i'm a clumsy kind of girl and i was going downstairs behind rain and she told me all she heard behind her was like

like me falling and I was loud as fuck and also my vocal cords were just prepped to scream like that because the second I got into this party my puff bar died so like imagine me an hour without nicotine no substances in my body only fucking water and I fell in front of everybody and it was so humiliating

And it made me laugh really hard. I've just had very embarrassing moments this past weekend because also I went to a spa and I won't say who I ran into. I went to a spa alone because I was just Drew wasn't around. No one was around. I was like, I'm just I'm on a new mission to like find a spa. Like so I went to this spa and I was like, this is awesome. I'm never going to see anybody I know here.

It's really horrible. Really? I mean, it's not horrible, but like... It's just so funny. Of course, this is what happened to me. We have to like bleep and like blur who I saw, but I had just gotten the worst massage in my life. First, let's start there. I got a massage and the woman hated me. Like something about her, she wanted to beat me up and honestly, God bless, but she was going so fucking hard on my tendons on

my back like less shoulder blade at one point I was like can you go a little softer and she genuinely said no you're tense you need this and kept beating me up the whole time so I got out of that and I already felt fucking weird because I was like okay that was like the worst massage in my life also actually it was a hot stone massage and she gave me third degree fucking burns on my back like I genuinely like it was so hot that at one point I went like I like

not trying to be funny. Like anytime I would find comfort and finally fall asleep and got used to the pain she was inflicting on me, she would bring out a new weapon. And her weapon was the fucking stones. And they were so fucking hot. Like they were the hottest thing that's ever touched my skin. And there was oil on my back. It genuinely felt like sizzling oil on my back. And it hurt so bad. And then I get out of there and I was like, whatever, I'm going to go do like the sauna and cold plunge and then fucking leave.

When I walk out, I am like near the entrance and I look to the left because I heard a familiar voice and I was like, oh, what? And then I turn and I see like someone and I'm like, and it's fucking. But I like saw them and I'm talking to them and I'm being really awkward because all I can think immediately is I'm like, oh my God, we're going to see each other naked. We're going to see each other naked. And I don't care. Like I'm not somebody who cares about being butt naked nasty around people, but I just like to go into it knowing that and going into something like,

I didn't prep like I was going to a One Direction concert. We'll just say that. I was very much like, who's going to fucking see me, bro? There was no sounds in the house that was like before I left. Not a single razor. All I could think is, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I'm going to have to see this person naked. They're going to see me naked. This is so humiliating. I'm going to freak out. But then she was like, oh, I'm going to get a massage. So I was like, oh, okay. Thank God. I'm not going to see them naked. Why the fuck were our lockers right next to each other? And my fucking fucking...

freak ass had my vape in the pocket of my robe and I was like I need to go put this vape down because like I'm gonna jump in the water with it or like it's just it's inappropriate for me to be walking around the spa with my fucking vape so I was like I'm gonna go put it in the locker and when I was turning the corner I like turned and I saw both of them naked and I like went to go away fast but had turned and looked at me and I literally oh my god my pants are so awkward I walked in my uh

I walked in covering my eyes. Oh, my God. And then she made fun of me. And she was like, oh, my God. Like, it's not that big of a deal. And I was like, yeah. And then somebody else was in front of my locker. So I just had to stand. But I didn't tell you this. I just had to stand between them while they were naked. And I was in a robe. And just looking away from them. Because I was like... And they were talking to me. But I just couldn't... Oh, my God. I couldn't face them. Because I was like... I like...

I think the other thing is it just felt inappropriate because I wasn't naked. So it felt like I was being pervy because also like they're both very gorgeous. I find them attractive like as people and I'm not close enough to them. So it was just like this really weird interaction. I think I was over reading it. Yeah, they definitely talk mad shit about you after they were like, and you was being so fucking all I could think is I was like, I'm being so creepy. I'm like literally being creepy.

I love the word creepy. But also, you know what it is, too? As I was thinking about it, I was like, I think I was overanalyzing it, too, because, like, this is somebody who, like, both of them are, like, so attractive. Like, I've, like, told friends that I, like, think, like, **** is cute. And, like, I was like, ****. I feel like that's gotten back to her. So I'm, like, really actively trying not to be a **** creep right now.

right now like I'm trying I'm trying so hard not to be a creep that I'm coming off really yeah really you putting your hands up is like the funniest visual ever because that is so not you like you were so shocked and stunned that you put your hand in front of your face like I don't know that that that visual is like so and it makes no sense because I'm straight so I don't know why I was acting exactly because it but

But yeah, I was trying really hard not to be creepy. And I think I just made myself creepy. Don't say ill about girls. And then I also, on top of everything, I ended up running into them one more time at the bathroom before they went to the massage. And I was talking to them and like,

one of them was like oh your headphones are like so interesting because i had the little like beats headphones that go in your ear and i pulled it out and i was like oh yeah like i love these headphones blah blah and we like talked about them for a second and then i was like all right i'm gonna go like enjoy your massage we split off into separate ways i go in the sauna and i sit in there for like 15 minutes and all i could think about is like what is wrong with me like i felt like the way you felt when you interacted with that uber oh my god i don't we never talked about that we never

Oh my God, dude. I was in this Uber and we were on the way home from the Conan concert. Um, and like Josiah was like playing like awesome, good music. Like it was, it was a great playlist and I could tell like the Uber driver was like vibing with it too. And like he turned it up and songs. Yeah. Yeah. He would turn them up really loud without us asking. And it was just like a little party in our Uber. And then like when we were getting out, he was like, um,

he was like, that was like a really nice like vibe you curated. Like those were like, that was a good playlist. And I was like, you like that? As I was getting out of the Uber, just like that, I was like, you like that?

And I got out of the car immediately and was like, oh my fucking god, I hate myself. I'm so fucking stupid and awkward and like why can't I talk to people? And I was like having a fucking meltdown for like 20 minutes after because like... Oh my god. You like that? You like that. Like and it wasn't even like, oh, it wasn't even supposed to be funny. I was just like genuinely like having a conversation with him.

It felt dead silent. Like it was like so awkward. I know, we just jumped out of the car and like ran into the apartment. It was so awkward, y'all. And like, I have so many moments like that where like,

I am just so bad at talking to people like even people that I like have known for years and years and years like I still am like intimidated by their presence for some reason and I don't know if it's because like when I was meeting them I all had them on like a pedestal and like da da da da da da da and like now I see them as my friends and I don't know if there's this like weird psychological thing. It like breaks through every now and then where it's like oh my god like look at who I'm talking to.

Yeah, I don't know. It's such a bizarre thing. But then it takes me maybe three minutes to get into it. And then once I'm in it, I'm a hoot and holler. I was quite literally anything but a hoot and holler. You were a creep and a purr. I was being freaky as fuck. And then I finally...

like remove myself from the situation i'm in the sauna and removing yourself from the situation i finally have like de-escalated and like walked myself off a cliff and i was like it's okay like you're overthinking it because my immediate thought was like to text them and be like i am so sorry if i was awkward but i'm i've been trying not to do that because like it just makes things awkward and it's all in my head and i'm faking it and like what i

And if it is awkward, you don't need to know. It doesn't matter because I will never know if they see me like that. It doesn't matter. And I finally just like I had removed myself from that. And then I'm sitting in the sauna. I'm like, damn, I'm about to fucking knock out. I need to go get in the cold plunge. And mind you, my headphones that I just got complimented by them. Oh my God, I fell asleep in the sauna, by the way. Really?

Like I fully, fully fell asleep. And then I like woke up and was like, because like I was so hot and overheating. I was like, oh my God, I like almost just died. Like my body woke me up at the perfect time before death. But sorry, keep going. And then I'm like listening to my music and I'm getting into it because I'm listening to like my new playlist. And I'm like, yeah.

am these songs are so good like I feel good and I'm like smiling to myself because I'm in such a good mood because I love cold plunges so much I'm like oh my god like it's so awesome I like put my foot in a little bit and I was so overheated that I didn't even feel cold and I was like this is amazing and I just jump in and I'm like in there for like three minutes just kind of like dunking my head in and like

Like, damn, my music stopped. Like, why did my music stop? That was such a vibe. Bitch, I got in the fucking cold plunge with my headphones and then I proceeded to look embarrassing as fuck because I got out and I tried to act casual, but I was freaking out and I was taking them out and like drying them. And also the like soft parts of the earbuds fell into like the big used towel thing. So then I looked like more like a pervert. You were smelling people's towels. Like digging through this towel.

Soiled towel box. And then I just had to give up because there was, like, a few girls behind me. I was like, fuck, like, I have the kind of ass where you just see butthole and you don't see cheeks. And I was like, I need to stop, like, bending over in front of them. I hate bending over in the... When I, like, am in the locker room butt-ass naked, this is how I bend over. Like, if I drop something, I, like, crouch down because no one is allowed to see my butthole. Oh, man, yeah, that was my...

This is the video that inspired me. That's where I've been at mentally. This is the video that inspired me, by the way. Damn, it's actually impressive. He's taken on four big-ass dogs, and then the other cat was saved. There was another one that I saw that was even more... Oh, also, in terms of...

Red receipts being psychological warfare. So is the citizen app because my phone somehow sensed I was home alone for the first time in like over a year. I haven't spent time alone fully to myself in so long. And I was on such a good vibe. I was like not fearful of my life. I didn't think I was going to be murdered, which is genuinely like such a relief. And

And then it is like 11 something and I get a random notification that I can't see because it's like show because it has an address in it. It just said like 0.3 miles away. A new sexual offender just moved onto your street.

Okay, first of all, it's fucking midnight. I know he didn't like registered like he didn't get the application for that home right now. Also, why would you send that to me as a notification? Like that's not something I want to just randomly be reminded. And then I sat and I looked through how many fucking scary people live near me. And I genuinely was shaking in fear and I was convinced I was going to be

And then I watched a murder documentary. I was going to say, y'all, you know, like we're like going through it down bad tremendously because like we're watching murder shows again. And that's how I gauge my mental health now. I can't like have an internal dialogue with myself anymore because like I'm so fucking deranged and I don't want to think thoughts is I look at like physical things that I'm like consuming or doing. And I am watching movies.

people murder their friends and family or people's friends and family getting murdered by a random fucking person. And oh my God, it is so like, I hate that. I love it. I hate that. I love it because it's so fascinating to me to see like, like how these people get caught and whatever. It's really just like,

I feel like I'm solving the mystery with you. I cannot believe that I literally only got two weeks of not being seasonally depressed. Like, I feel like two weeks ago was, like, the first day that the veil lifted, and I was like, oh, my God, like, I actually feel good. Like, I feel, like, lighter. Like, oh, my God, seasonal depression is over. Like, it only lasted nine months. It only lasted nine months. Bitch, I'm back in it. Like...

I'm immediately back in it. I know, bro. I literally had dinner yesterday at 5.30 p.m. And I think that's also what set me off is I had dinner way too early. And then I looked at the time and it was 7 p.m. That's how I feel every night. I'm like, can I just like, can it be midnight so I can go to bed? Go the fuck

like like i don't want to be awake and it's so cold in the house that i literally also like blah blah blah complain complain complain but this is just really where i'm at i wanted a heated blanket so bad because i've been dying in the house and i went to target and a cbs and they didn't have it and i sat in the car for hours like the whole time i was gone yesterday i was just in my car like i wasn't in any i was in both of those shops for a maximum of five minute each

And then I they didn't have it. And then I tried to Instacart it from like a Kohl's that's like fucking five miles away and they didn't have it either. So I just froze over in bed last night. And that's my story. And I ordered a heated blanket. But I'm also scared. Like, I feel like I'm the kind of person who will die from a heated blanket because every night before I go to bed, I look at my heater and I'm genuinely convinced it's going to set on fire and kill me. Like,

I know heaters don't just explode, but I genuinely feel like mine is destined to explode and kill me. Yeah, I think yours is going to explode and kill you. And I can't sleep with it on because I'm convinced it's going to kill me. And then I turn it off and I have to wake up in the middle of the night and turn it back on. Because in my sleepy haze, I'm like, whatever. If this explodes, I don't give a fuck. But before I go to bed, I'm like, the killer is here. I love sleeping with the heater. Well, I realized I can't think. You can't think?

I can't think straight when I'm not home and a package gets delivered. Like there's something like in my brain that like it's the only thing I'm fixated on. And I'm like, it's not even like I'm worried about it getting stolen. There is an element of that in there, but it's literally like, like it's,

It's all I can think about. And it could be like the most minuscule, like meaningless, like parcel ever. But if I know that it's sitting on my front porch and I'm not, I want to open it. Like I want it right now. Like, like I can have an empty box or like if I could have a box,

delivered to my door every morning even just with my morning coffee in there I would be so happy even just to rip it open like even if there was just a letter in there with like a receipt and nothing else in there just the joy of opening a box something that was sitting on your front porch like yeah it was like made for me like that was for me this was handcrafted with the expectation that Enya Umanzor would open it um but then also once I bring that box inside it actually makes me want to fucking blow the house up because I can't stand up

I hate fucking boxes, y'all. They just sit. Dude, we know. We know. What are you trying to say? You know. That sounded crazy. Oh, that sounded crazy. My God. No, but I really...

I really love a vagina, but I hate a box. No, I can't stand. I can't stand when there's a box in the house. Like, I will genuinely go out and do, like, if I need to run an errand and grab something, say I, like, fucking ran out of foundation, I will go to the store, buy the foundation and whatever other piece of useless shit I somehow got while I was out. Don't take any of the Sephora, bro. I will unbox everything before I get into the house because the last thing I want to deal with... Don't take your girl to Sephora for real. Yeah.

Don't take your girl to Sephora. No. Oh, fuck. The last thing I want to do. Don't hit me. Also, the Masked Singer genuinely needs to stop. It's the creepiest show ever. I think it is the weirdest thing. Like, I remember you talking about that once. It's demonic. Whatever, it's funny. What the fuck is the point of that? Like, I still don't understand the point of the show. Like, are the judges supposed to guess who's behind the mask? Because also...

I feel like I could hear anyone singing and if I didn't see their face or it wasn't an artist I listened to all the time, how the fuck am I supposed to know who you are? Wasn't Jojo Siwa like a masked singer? Stop. I think she was, yeah. And is it like a new person every episode or is it like a group of masked singers that like get voted off because they're not as good as the other ones and at the very end they do like a big reveal and it's like...

I don't know how it works. Okay, the point of a masked singer is to keep the identities of the celebrity contestants a secret while they compete in a singing competition. So it is a competition.

The goal is for the contestants to keep it up as the judges and audience vote for their favorite singer. The mass celebs with the least number of votes must unveil their true selves. Oh, so it's a humiliation ritual. Yeah, at the end of the day. At the end of the day, that's all it is. At the end of the day. Bruh, but like the costumes is literally, I can't believe we made fun of furries for so long and then the mass singer happened. Like, are you dead fucking serious? Also, some of these costumes,

costumes suck dick and balls they're the weirdest thing ever like what do you mean that's a victorian cheetah like literally that one reminds me of like hunter x hunter i kind of like the panda what the fuck is this is that a fly is that a sexy fly yeah i think it's a sexy spider i don't know it's got wings though but the panda's kind of cute ew these are fucking creepy bro

The beady eyes. I don't know how to get back to those because we should send those. Yeah, fuck a mass singer, period. Unless I'm on there, that'd be kind of iconic if I was a mass singer. You can't sing to save your life. I know, but it would be a funny moment. It would be the joke character they always bring on to America's Got Talent where it's so very obviously a fucking plant. What would your animal be?

You're going to say some weird shit like a fucking bug. Probably a dog because I got that dog in me. Oh, the puppy. You could be the dog who votes. Yeah, the dog that votes. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was going to say something. I forgot. Someone help. I sit in bed with the anxiety of...

I need to stop just like trying to read my notes verbatim because it never ever works out for me. I know when I read them verbatim, I have to add a bunch of words because I also do voice to text a lot of times and I don't know what about my voice. Siri does not know what the fuck I'm saying half the time. But I was trying to say I sit in bed with the same anxiety level of a human that was being hunted for sport. And it's literally just me actually just scrolling on my phone.

And I feel like I'm literally going to die at some points. Like I'm literally laying there and I'm like, oh my God, like I am so close to death. Dude, we have just strayed so far from our purpose. The plot has been lost. Like we need to like go back to the forest or something like really bad. Like I think me and Drew are genuinely getting very close to spiritual psychosis. Like we always joke about it, but I'm like...

Oh, it gets to a point like recently I've just felt out of breath, like just from existing, like I have to keep catching my breath and it feels like every waking moment I am on the verge of a panic attack. All that has to be said to me is one like sentence and it will send me there. Drew almost sent me there yesterday when you were talking about like evolution. Yeah, like I literally had to stop. I had to stop the conversation because I was like, dude, like.

This is too much because also, mind you, like 20 minutes later, I downloaded a game on my PS5 called Squirrel with a Gun. And it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to Inya for like five minutes. She was like, Drew, come look at this. Drew, no, seriously, come look at this game I'm playing.

And I was like, how much is it? And she was like, oh, it was 20 bucks. And I like almost fell to the floor. I was like, I could not believe that you spent 20 bucks on that shitty fucking game. And I'm going to play the fuck out of it. Like, I think I'm going to stream it without saying anything. Like, I'm not going to have like voice chat on or anything. I just want to stream it because like...

Dude, that was like the most at ease my brain has felt like to just be a squirrel. Also, then I got really sad yesterday because I was like, fuck, I like would have. Oh, that's what was freaking me out is I feel like I'd have such a good life as a monkey. Like, oh, I'd be so happy. And I wish I was Michael Jackson's monkey. Like, I wish I was Bubbles.

Because you know Bubbles was living it up. Yeah, Bubbles had a good life. Well, when I don't text someone back, it's because I saw the text and I was scrolling on TikTok and I didn't want to respond. And that's truly okay and acceptable. But when someone doesn't text me back, it's because they want me to die. And they fucking hate my guts. And I truly believe that. I know, the way you talk about people not texting you back is crazy. Like, what did I do? Like, actually, like...

What did I do for you to treat me this way? - I just like, I can't remember the last time I didn't get a text back and it like killed me. There is like one scenario, but that was kind of work involved. So I think that's why it bothered me so much.

But I don't know if I'm somebody like when someone doesn't text me back, I kind of get like this overwhelming feeling of relief. Like I've been freed. Like you freed the genie. Like I literally like I feel like the fucking genie. Yeah, because when you do text someone back, it's like opening Pandora's box in a way. And it's just like a whole conversation. I have to keep saying things and I have to keep thinking of new things to say. Like I don't want to think of anything else to say unless I just am like...

I don't have a burning desire to speak anymore. I think I need to get hit in the head. I was going to say I need a 72 hour psychiatric hold. I truly I think that I'm not joking. I think that would save everything for me. But I don't know if I would make it out. I think I'm I think I might get trapped in the system because I'm so fucking crazy. They'd be like, how are you feeling? And I would be like, oh, yeah, the like Illuminati is like recruiting me right now.

Because I genuinely believe that archive. Because I have something to show you after this that I'm not going to fucking mention on this goddamn podcast. Because it's genuinely fucking creepy. It scared the shit out of me. And I had just gotten back at home after a long travel day. I didn't sleep a fucking wink on my goddamn flight home because I literally don't know why. And I watched Disturbia, which freaked me the fuck out because I was like, cool, the killer lives next door to me. Also, Shia LaBeouf is like a decent actor. Yeah, and it was just like...

Really just like... Wait, did you guys see Megalopolis? Yes. I didn't. It was so horrible. It was ass, right? It was horrible. It was like literally butt crack. It wasn't even ass. It was like so, so terrible. Like I literally... But I will say it made me...

Kind of happy for him to be able to create that movie because it felt like it was like his like dying wish He was like we're gonna change the world and it was like sweet in that way but I got home and I was like already teetering on like a psychiatric break and I walk into the front door and I'm like The package was scary the contents of the package was quite literally the most horrifying thing I've ever received in my life really yes, I

Like genuine, like genuine terror. Like my blood went cold and I texted everybody and I was like, who did this? Who the fuck did this? And everyone was like, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't even, it wasn't me. And I even texted like my family and I was like, did y'all do this? And they were like, no, it's like really genuinely cooked for me. Um, look,

This is going to sound like a very ignorant thought, and I'm not naive. I understand that this is a necessity because we have just gone too far with plastic. But something about a recycled plastic container holding the food I'm eating doesn't sit right with me. Like...

I don't want to eat my sloppy soup out of a recycled container because all I can think about when I look at it is like literally what the fuck was this plastic before this? Like it quite literally could have been a rose toy. Like we don't know how anything is recycled. I want that plastic. Like I know like when you burn it down, like the bacteria gets killed, but something, something is so evil about it. Like I don't want my things and I'll always do it. Like I don't give a fuck. Like yeah, per recycle. Like yeah, stuff. Like give me plastic straws back.

- I can't stand a paper straw, I'm so sorry. - Like I don't give a fuck if that's like, if I'm over because I believe that, but like I, give me a bottle of Klonopin and a couple land mines and I will get plastic straws back into our ecosystem. Like I'm serious. - Well, haven't you had the plant ones? Those are pretty good.

Oh, the like brown like corn plants? Yeah, they're kind of like real. They're kind of plasticky. Yeah, they're like plastic. I think that shit's just fucking plastic and they're just like making it brown because humans are stupid and they're like, yeah. It's like 98% plastic but since there's no like FDA regulations they can claim the 2% like plant is like the whole fucking straw. Yeah, like the weird forks

like i hate a wooden fork too like a wooden i love a wooden fork the texture of it dragging my fucking skin it reminds me of being in school and eating like a cup of ice cream like bluebell ice cream those like i like chewing on biting down accidentally on like you know with ice cream they have those little like spoons that come with it and if you bite down on that i'm it

makes my body like collapse in one. It flavors the ice cream. Like it makes it like wood flavored. Like if you get a vanilla with a wooden spoon. If you bite it, you don't cringe. I thought that was like a human reaction. Like a basic human reaction. There's a difference. Like I like to chew on it. Like if I... Bitch, if I eat a popsicle...

That wood is getting it crazy. Like, I am chewing on that fucking stick till literally it's, like, about to give me a splinter. I think I really just like wood products. But if I'm, like, eating something, for me, it's more so, like, grazing my teeth by accident or grazing my lip by accident. Have y'all ever eaten tinfoil? Like, bit, like, chewed on tinfoil? Yeah, it's horrible. Like, that truly, like, is the worst sensation ever. But...

That is also coming from someone who like genuinely ate paper for like nine years of his life. I was just about to say, if I could go back in time and do anything, I would eat the brown paper from school. I would eat just regular white printer paper or the suckers, like the paper sucker sticks. I would like bite into them. Oh, like a lollipop? Yeah, I'd unroll it and eat it. Like, yeah, that's probably why I have stomach issues now.

Well, I ate those and I'm fine. You have stomach issues because... I was addicted to Percocet in high school and I think it seized my colon permanently. Yeah. Story for another time. But yeah, I think if I could go back to school and just like eat some paper, put it in the water, throw it at the ceiling, I think that would help a lot for my... I really do think it would shift things. I think it would. I literally feel like...

I genuinely feel like I broke the code. Like I think falling at that party, like did something. Like I ended up in a, I fell into a different timeline. - Another dimension, another dimension, another dimension, another dimension. Well, the scariest haunted house that I experienced this year was my own when I finally cleaned the, or hung up the pile of clean clothes on the floor of my bedroom.

I am normally so good about hanging up my clean clothes. Like it's the first thing I do. And I, one thing that Kaya said to me that has literally like become a, uh,

permanent reminder in my brain anytime I'm doing laundry and like I don't know why but it like has stuck with me and it's like Jonathan like saying I had a good nose like that stuck with me forever Kai one time I was like doing laundry in front of him and I like before I hang up all my shirts I like fold them and I put them on a pot like in a pile on my bed and then I grab my hangers and I like

up the folded clothes in my closet like I unfold them hang them up and Kai was like

Why are you folding your clothes to hang them up? Like you are literally wasting so much time. I know. I didn't know you did that. And it has literally every single time I'm doing laundry, I think of you, Kai, because of that comment. Do you still fold your clothes before you hang them up? Yeah, of course. Why? It's more of like an organization thing. Like it's like, okay, there's like a pile of... That's so weird. It's like there's a pile of my shirts. There's a pile of my sweaters. There's a pile of my hoodies. There's a pile of my pants. There's a pile of my underwear. There's a pile of my socks.

And then I can go through and hang them up by the pile because like doing it, like pulling it out and like hanging it up and throwing it in and just having like a bunch of random clothes. This is like some serial killer shit. I know. I'm like, what? No, someone out there relates because it's like, it just feels so like...

like primal to just like pick out a pair of underwear and fold it and put it away and then hang up a shirt right after i like kind of get that but i don't fold the clothes like i fold the clothes that need to be folded and i make all my little piles and then anything that needs to be hung i like have like a pile of shirts that need to be hung or jackets that need to be hung or skirts that need to be hung and i like line them up but i don't fucking fold them you freak bitch oh my god you're really weird and it makes me like look at you in a different light um

Whoa. Next time I leave the house and I haven't filled up my tank and I'm rushing somewhere and my car needs to be filled up and I'm like rushing and running more late than I already am. I think I'm just going to kill myself. Yeah, I feel that. Because I hate also I just hate gas station pumps because in Miami. Wait, should we kill ourselves together? I think so. Like that's kind of what it's giving. If we got rid of ourselves at the same time, we wouldn't have to worry about how it make each other feel. Yeah, I have to die before my family.

and Inya because I realized that if Inya dies before me and all of my family members die before me, I'm gonna be the creepy, pervy, old fucking nasty man in the government owned insane asylum old folks home where all of the STDs are going around and I'm just gonna be lonely and creepy. Is that a thing?

Oh, STDs are like rampant in old folks homes. Really? Yes, it's like a genuine problem. Like they all have mad STDs because they're banging each other. I mean, honestly, get freaky deaky while you can. Like...

Time is clicking. No, literally. Yeah, I wonder how much a syphilis diagnosis at 98 like really fucks with you. Yeah, not at all. Like, bro, what? I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm just going to spread this shit too. Like, I don't give a fuck. I mean, I already do spread my STDs around. Like, I have sex with people without telling them that I have them. That's illegal. And that's awful. Okay, but... You're not supposed to do that. Oh, and I'm not supposed to send unsolicited dick pics next. Like, what the fuck? You can't do, like, anything anymore. Like...

The liberals are ruining this concert. If I found out that was like what you were getting up to, I genuinely be so mad. Like anytime we talk about a hypothetical like that more than anything, I did just pisses me off at the idea of like any of my friends doing some shit like that. I'd be like, bro, for what? Like, why would you do that? You could have just been chilling and like having a good life and you destroyed it for what? Um,

well when i'm old i already said this last week i'm gonna have a spectacular death but i didn't talk about my funeral i want like a destination funeral i was gonna say i want to go on tour like i want my body to be embalmed and i go on like a stadium tour i know i want a destination funeral that's covered by vogue like it's a wedding like that's what i want i want like all my girls to get gowns her casket was designed by loewe

I'm going to have, like, my... It was, oh, it's, like, your casket is, like, aloe vera, like, purse, like, texture with leather, like, weave the leather. That would be kind. Okay, but coffins are really expensive. So, like, actually don't, like, genuinely burn me. Come on. Like... I was thinking, I was, like, I don't think I want to be burned when I die anymore. Like, I don't think I want that. Like, I think I want to be, like, buried next to a tree or, like, buried...

Not in a fucking cemetery do not put me in a fucking cemetery like I swear to God if I find out that I'm put in a goddamn cemetery when I die all of you bitches are for real unironically getting haunted because fuck that oh hell no so I need to be like buried like in the middle of like a forest with a seed planted on top of me I think I want to be buried like a dog

like a dog who got hit by a car. Oh, in the backyard? With like a rock on top? Roll me under there and like, yeah, put a rock on top so everybody remembers like, oh yeah. And it's like painted. Yeah, that's what I want. Or like, honestly, what I want is like, I don't give a fuck. Like that's how I genuinely feel. Like once I am dead, I don't give a fuck. That has actually nothing to do with me. How you choose to like treat my body after that is your fucking business. But actually don't do an open casket because that's pushing it because I know I'm going to look fucked up.

Like, don't do that to me. I saw something that was really dark-sided and sad about someone's, like, mom talking. Like, the daughter was like, I hate that, like, I saw my, like, sibling looking like that. Like, I would never want an open casket for myself. And then the mom said something, like, really dark-sided and sad and, like, poetic and was just like, well, like, that's the last time I can hold her or something. I don't know. It wasn't that gay, but it was, like, really deep. This is a really morbid episode. Yeah.

well i can talk about oh this is a good one those i don't know if you're gonna go skydiving and cut up my parachute okay i don't know if y'all remember this but those goddamn reversed songs genuinely had me feel like i was tapping into something like deeply sacred like some like really esoteric like illuminati level of knowledge like

Backward songs? Dude, when they would reverse songs and it would be like, it sounded like the mnemonic chants. Like that shit like really had me feeling like that Requiem for a Dream song. Let me play it. Like the, hold on. The things that make you think are so funny. Like I really can't make fun of you because I'm like headed down that same path. I think just like the older I get, like I genuinely, I used to be like, Drew's going to be a crazy old person. I think I'm going to be right there next to you because I'm losing it.

Oh yeah, that's it. Like when I heard those songs, I legitimately always was like, I'm putting the pieces together. Like I'm solving deep, deep mysteries. Like that song is so fucking good though. But like the context of it. Wasn't it like a Beatles song that you play backwards? Let's look one up. Billie Eilish has one. Kill it, kill it.

Scold the girl. Yeah, hmm. Mumbling whisper noises. No way out. Wish to tell him I'm in hell. These never sat with me. They never like struck a chord with me. This exact video. Proof of subliminal messages and stuff. Now backwards. Okay. What does it say? Oh, the Beatles one. All the people. Now backwards. The Beatles.

The war beside me? The people war beside me? Okay. I shot John Lennon. Yoko Uno kiss kiss kiss forward. Oh...

I just want to know like who made this video and like at what point were they just listening to songs and they were like I need to hear this back. I need to hear it back. I mean Apex Twin has always done some like really creepy shit like with his music with like the visualizer. And he's always done like good like he a lot of his beats he like will play backwards and like vocals will play backwards and that's how you get that like. He samples his like own music. He's really sick.

small artists y'all wouldn't know about i mean even fk twigs did that in that one song like uh i can't think of the name have y'all ever heard of bjork who is that she's like this small like musician that music probably sounds like shit like i actually don't give a fuck yeah no she she makes good music but like i feel like she's not known at all well i don't know her so she must be nobody sis

Okay, last thing I want to talk about is Jalen Colbert making lamps out of our characters. Oh my God, it's so awesome. Like, so goaded. Literally so goaded. And the last thing I want to talk about is these are my curses of the week. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Inya is starting a new segment called

called inya's curses of the week it's a working title yeah we're working on it but right now here are my hexes that i'm giving out to people and this week i was going a little light we've already had a morbid episode so i'll keep it light um people who are rude to customer service workers specifically the man who was rude and aggressive to my little sister um you will be paid

And I am casting chaos and bloodshed onto your bloodline. Your children will have the most dark, sinister futures. They will perish. Everyone in your bloodline will have awful, awful lives. We bought Etsy spells. Yeah, I'm buying Etsy spells for you. And then the men who stand too close to me in line at the airport. Those are the people who I'm cursing. I'm so sorry, but you will not be waking up tomorrow.

yeah just something like and also uh and you found your address oh no i actually did and you found your address and you found all of your socials this man attacked my sister at her job i found i know like that man will never see this but trust and believe i know your name i know your address i know your birthday i know like where you live your life your children your i know how many

siblings you have i i have everything and you will perish and burn and if i see anybody at my new thing is bitch i'm about to turn into fucking zoro i'm about to go out and find all you bitches who are rude to customer service workers because something is fucking wrong with you you will perish you will burn you will fucking die you will pay for your sins you are better than nobody you think you could just walk into an establishment and belittle somebody who's just trying to do their job just like the

fucking rest of us they're just trying to live and work and fucking live a life and you will die you will have such a painful and yet painful chill chill chill because who am i supposed to yell at if i'm having a bad day not the no i always yell at my waiters like i always scream in their face true don't do that yeah i just feel like they like

I can't even say it. Drew's Psy Up Corner. If your girl can change attire and you can't, it's your job to scream during sex. That's good. You'll be having a good day than someone your age has their... You'll be having a good day than someone your age announces they're buying a house.

Like literally get the fuck away from me, bro. It's so annoying. Dude, somebody like our age accomplishing anything and telling me, I'm like... Like literally get the fuck away from me. Actually get the fuck away from me. You're actually doing that? Like what do you mean? Am I supposed to be doing that? Because I like can't. Ugly bitches be like, my dude's gotta be at least 6'2". Bitch, you make me 6'2 my stomach.

And then the last one, sorry, I only talk to people whose soul I recognize from a previous life. When I read that, that truly resonated with me in a way that I like could not even like comprehend or verbalize because like that's really what it is. Like every friend, every person I've ever interacted with that I have a long meaningful relationship with. I know off the first. I know their soul. I know off of like the first look. I know off the first couple words. I know off like.

just so many factors that are like borderline bordering like not even from this like plane of existence i also feel like there's that weird thing like we meet people sometimes too where i have a really good night with them and i genuinely want to hang out with them but my soul isn't reaching for them the way i reach for other people and it feels like i'm building the foundation for my next life and then when our souls intertwine it'll be like oh my god i feel like we've met um

I won't be alive next week. I'm one singular karmatic cycle away from... Yeah, never mind. Okay, thank you guys for watching. No, we haven't done media bit. Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Well, mine is Lux Aterna by Clint Mansell. Just heard that. What did I watch? I watched something. Oh, I watched Disturbia...

That was really good. I watched the Borderlands movie. That was a box office disaster. I thought it was going to be like the worst movie I've ever seen. And it was very, very close to it. It wasn't fully there yet. But that's simply because it preyed upon my nostalgia. And I love the Borderland games. So it was like okay for me. It's okay.

And then I've been watching a lot of gay porn. Just studying, really. Just trying to understand those choices. Yeah, yeah. That's how I feel, too. I'm like, why would you ever want to do this? I just kind of try to understand. Trouble by Lindsey Buckingham. I have listened to that song 8 million times.

like when it's guy on guy like i really just need to know does it go inside the other penis yeah it kind of like opens up like an alien sucker oh it like bites it yeah who decides who's gets eaten it's kind of like um it's like how we're talking about past lives when you like meet someone and it's like that's how it is it's just like our souls no but my media is trouble by lindsey buckingham

And Chasing Moving Trains by Roy Blair, that album, is fucking awesome. And I've actually been listening to it a bunch. She listened to it while getting ready this morning. Purr. And that's it for media. Oh, do I get to do it this week? Hey, let's go. My media's porn. I love watching porn. All right. Okay. Jerking off to porn. Jerking off to porn.