Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome to Emergency Intercom. I was gonna do like, welcome to this episode of... You didn't. You obviously didn't pick up on that vibe. Yeah, I didn't pick up what you were putting down. I didn't smell what you were pooping out. Why did we find love in a vibeless place?
I think we found love in like a hellscape. That's what I'm saying. A hellscape is a vibeless place. It's a vibeless place to be if you ask me. Girl, if Lana Del Rey said we found love in a hellscape, I would have busted a nut and literally busted a nut and slipped in it and broke my skull like you.
One time I was talking about a crush I had on, like, a celebrity, and I just went on the craziest, nastiest. I was like, if they fucking squirt, I would only be so lucky to, like, be running down the hallway and, like, slip in it and get a concussion and wake up in a hospital bed. And, like, the only thing they could give me is IV fluid of their squirt to, like, bring me back to life. That's, like, fucking crazy. And I was all up top of dome. But we were...
Just in our separate environments just now and I was like on TikTok while they were setting up in here or I don't know what the fuck y'all were doing in here. I heard weird sounds. But anyways, I was scrolling on TikTok and I heard or I found this account that like makes t-shirts. The shirts are actually fucking sick and I literally am going to buy one if she sells them or if they sell them. I don't know. But yeah.
Basically, what she does is she takes the shirts and she cuts up the letters of the shirts and makes them into different ones. There was a Hello Kitty one that said she made it say, I am a toilet. And then she just sews it into the shirt. It's really ill. But, oh my God, why did I just say ill?
You need to stop. Why did I just say that? That was weird. It's really ill. That was weird. No, you're true. It's super true. No, I've been true, for real. Been true. But she pulled out this baby onesie. It's a onesie for an infant that says, Lock Up Your Daughter's Baby Gap 1989.
Crazy fucking vibe. Dude, that's like such a common thing. They still sell those shirts. That's the crazy thing is we've gone so far in society, but we're still giving little baby boys, lock up your daughters. Yeah. Your daughter's better run and fucking hide. Your daughter better fucking pray to God every night that my son doesn't show up at her doorstep. I'm gonna fucking kill your daughters. My son is gonna kill your daughter.
be so weird and dinky like oh he's so handsome he's gonna literally steal your fucking daughter away from you and lock him up in the basement um yeah I had a I had a lock up I had a lock up your daughter's shirt that I got from
Like Walgreens forever ago. And I remember I was doing a brand deal for this watch company. Was it Daniel Wellington? I think so. Yeah. Oh, dude. My dead brother loved my Daniel Wellington watch. Loved it. I actually got it back. Really? Why? Because he died. I wanted it back so bad for like years and he wouldn't give it back to me. And then... So you did the unthinkable. I won in the end. Well...
Actually, no, it was for a fucking glasses company. It was for Glasses USA. But I had that shirt on and it's a picture of me like sitting at a table. But like you could see the shirt on, which I don't know why I thought I'm shooting a brand deal. I should wear my lock up your daughter shirt. Like, I don't know why I thought that was going to slide. But they were like, can she retake this with a different shirt? And I was like,
oh you're so annoying I know that boiled your blood because that would have pissed me the fuck off I was like these pictures eat you're like literally tripping like I'm gonna post them ahead of their time and that photo did eat um
But I think I had to edit it. So if you see the shirt, it looks like just a black shirt or something. Like I edited it somehow that I didn't say that. Yeah. Which I don't know how I did it. Maybe in FaceTune. I don't know. I don't know how to... I'm not a Photoshop kind of girl. Like honestly, if someone held a gun to my head and was like, you need to Photoshop this, I'd be like...
I know people. I know people. I know literally like I would rather die than Photoshop. But for some reason, I use Photoshop literally maybe twice a year where I actually have to use it for work. And I am subscribed all the way throughout the year. And it is $60 a month, which is fucking crazy and should be illegal. I have a whole Adobe package. Don't use it. Yeah, it should be illegal to charge that much for that shit because like,
$720 a year for something that I could have bought for fucking $12. Y'all are psycho. I know, it's insane. I'm in a pirate shit. I'm starting a pirate shit. I'm going to see it off my computer. We need to get back to that. We've come around the bend and now we know we can steal from big conglomerates, so we have to start doing it digitally. There needs to be more digital theft. That shirt that's like, you wouldn't download a car, would you? Yes, I literally would. What are you talking about? Yeah.
If I could illegally download a fucking Bugatti, I would do it. What are we talking about? Oh my God, I got a 3D printer. It's not here yet. And he's going to download a Bugatti. I'm going to download a Bugatti and 3D print it in my like micro printer nine inches at a time and put it over my car. But there I...
I know we do media at the end of the episode, but I had to fucking talk about this show that I've been watching. Have you heard of Tiger King yet? What is that? It's this dude, Joe Exotic. He's a gay cowboy that owns...
And he runs Tigers. Wait, he's gay and he likes Tigers? Yes, it's really crazy. And he's just, like, such an eccentric... Wait, that's it? That's the show? He just likes Tigers? He's such an eccentric character that that's all it really needs. And then there's, like, murders and shit. But, yeah, it's really amazing. And then...
Why did the world not believe that? I know, it was crazy. We couldn't believe it, but it was also because it was a week into lockdown and we were like, help! Dude, I want to go back to lockdown so fucking bad. Literally, take me back. That was the best time of my fucking life. It won't get sweeter than that. Me, when I'm tired of the creator, I'm like, take me back. Take me back. Take me back. Take me back. Take me back. Take me back. Take me back. But yeah, there's also Squid Game. Oh, what's that about?
I actually couldn't tell you. I don't know how to explain that one. So this guy, he gets taken into a car, right? And you're like, why is he in this car? But then he's in a Mr. Beast video. Yeah. Oh. Oh, you know Mr. Beast? They made that off of Mr. Beast. Yeah, yeah. They made like a Mr. Beast, but like with murder. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. Like, I hope he got his like checks for that. Why did he remake that? Why?
why did he late stage capitalism like that's literally funny like that got built up and then just fucking destroyed yeah it might actually still be that it might be uh he what he should have done is turn it into a fucking museum i was just gonna say he should have turned it into like a like a selfie museum he's gonna get us on the team yeah fucking team whoa
Oh, my God. Wow. I'm hungover, by the way. I literally have a throbbing headache. Is that where you were looking for Advil this morning? Yeah. I need a...
So bad. And you drank wine last night, but Dune 2 poster. I never drink wine, but like don't sit me in a room with other girls and some alcohol because a mass talking will happen. A mass talking and drinking. Were the girly pops there from the other night? Not everyone. One of them was, but not the one. Okay. So Dune 2. Yes. Which I don't know why they need another one. Because that show is our new Star Wars. It's like, it's like, okay.
Look at like one of the new farm style houses that are being built, like the white ones with the black trim. Yeah, the James Charles houses. Yes, the James Charles houses. And then look at a mid-century modern house built in the 1970s.
I forgot what point I was making. What did you say? Oh, Dune is the mid-century modern from 1970s house, and Star Wars is like the fake farmhouse. That's saying a lot. I know. That's what I'm saying. It's just elite, better, big, tall windows. That's it. Well, I don't know that I agree, and I haven't seen Dune, but I've been forced to watch a lot of Star Wars movies in my life.
unless they also have a horny scene where a big slug captures a girl
A girl in a bikini? Then I don't know if Dune's winning. What's his fucking name? Oscar Isaac? Naked as fuck. Wait, is he in Dune? Yes. And he's naked and hot. He's in it. Why didn't you tell me that? Like, now I have to... I'll watch it and skip around. Yeah, but it's kind of like tragic where he's naked, but it's like literally fucking lit. Oh, Timothee Chalamet. Do you see his wiener? No, they don't allow that.
But you basically do. I mean, when they were filming, they probably did. I mean, you basically did in, like, scenes from a marriage. Yeah, true. He was...
Let's stop sexualizing people. I know. I need to stop. Like, anytime he gets brought up, it becomes really fucked up. Very real. But I realized that I'm violently dehydrated. And if you took me to a doctor, I haven't been drinking water. Like, I really haven't. And my skin is, like, dry and cracking and nasty. And, like, it's fucked up. Well, it's also because it got back to being cold as fuck in L.A., which is so annoying. Yeah.
And very scary. Because I don't think it's supposed to feel like this in May here. No, it's really weird. At all. It's like insane. It's been the winter for like two years in LA. I know. It's fucking insane. Imagine it was like this literally forever. I would literally bust a knot. Like that would be so fucking weird. I think I would kill myself because I love this weather. But I am like, can the sun come out? The sun is out and I'm feeling okay. See, y'all love the Beatles so much, but they love when they say here comes the sun. I hope you have a really good day. I want it to be hot so I can pop my shirt off.
just haven't really been able to do that. Maybe it would be good if the weather stayed like this. Yeah, I was about to say it would be nice if Kai kept his shirt on or the weather stayed. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Also, I realized now my new fear is when I meet new people and then the, I like the topic of jobs comes up and I'm like, oh, please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me. Like, it's like,
It's like everybody's talking about what they do. And then I know it's going to be in slow-mo when something embarrassing in a show happens. And they turn to me and they're like, what do you do for work? It freaks me out. No, don't say that. I literally say I'm the I-word. I literally try to disappear. When I see people talking about work and I know there's a chance that they turn to me, I'm like...
I evacuate the room. No, I literally, if someone asks me, I literally say I'm the I word. Like, I'm an influencer, unfortunately. But then I'm like, no, I'm fucking not. But, like, here I go saying I'm a podcaster. Like, absolutely not. I say that. I'm like, I have a podcast with my friend. I'm a YouTuber podcaster. And I'm like, oh, I'm one of those people who has a podcast with my best friend. And that's almost even worse.
What they don't know is that we're one of the most successful podcasts in the world. They're assuming we're lying. Oh, what they do know is that that's not true. Oh, trust the analytics. The analytics don't lie. Yeah, exactly. The analytics tell the truth.
Did we get an Amber alert? Oh, it was a be real notification. Oh, well, mine was PayPal taking money from me for Uber Eats. Whoa. Also, that should be put into like a scientist's room and studied that one phone vibrated and we all looked at ours immediately. Like there's something. Well, ours vibrated at the same time. That's why I thought it was mine. There's something really scary about that.
really scary about that well i think in ye olden times if the phone rang everybody ran to the phone and you fucking and i know you're mad and jealous of what i just did i didn't get a green apple green apple's the best jolly rancher they changed their formula it's bullshit that is crazy that you think green apple is the best flavor oh yeah but then when somebody asks me what i do for work and then i say that and then it's the next question is like what's the name like what's the name of your podcast i'm like
I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.
You shouldn't listen to it. And like, you don't have to listen to it because they're always like, I'm going to listen. I'm going to listen. I'm like, you don't. One, you don't have to say that. Never feel like you have to say that. Two, please don't. Thankfully, most of the people that ask me what I do are random people from Granbury, Texas that like I kind of don't give a fuck about. So I'm just like, whatever, whatever. I'm just always meeting new people because I'm so sociable. So it's like, it's like worst thing ever for me.
um okay well did that come up last night yeah oh but i was it was funny because like it's usually okay when it's people around our age when it's older people that's when it's really hard because i'm like oh my god you're gonna think like i should be like working in the mines like or something well we do yearn for the mines but minecraft but they were like
They're like around our age. But in my head, I was like, damn, we're having such a good conversation that now I feel like she's going to listen to the podcast and be like, it's more fun talking to her in real life than hearing this. Yeah. Which is probably true because I'm just like, when I walk into a room, I fill it with joy and piss because I pee everywhere. Wait, what? I do want to talk about... I'm so fucking stupid for having this jolly rant around my mouth as I'm literally speaking. But...
I wanted to talk about my drug dealer horror stories from when I lived back in Texas. And yeah, I just wanted to talk about that. But I'm going to shut my mouth real quick. Whoa. I'm sure this is like a universal experience where their local drug dealer is like 23, 25. And all of his clients are 16, 17-year-olds, 18-year-olds from Texas.
Like the high school, the local high school, which is the number one horror story is like that environment is so scary. And I'd see like my homies that were the same age as me just like chilling on the couch with this grown ass man. And it was really fucking eerie and scary. But I'm sure that's a universal experience. That's not exclusive to me. With the drug dealer being hella old. Yeah. And just being creepy with like younger girls. Yeah. That's like so classically like drug dealer vibe. It's insane. But...
This is a story unique to me, I'm sure, and I cannot believe I haven't told this on the podcast, probably just to protect the like people, but no one knows who I was friends with at the time. But we had recently switched drug dealers. We had recently gone from the one really close by my house to the one close to the high school, which is like 15 minutes away. And he lived in like an apartment complex, literally. So the apartment complex is here. The
police station and pseudo courthouses here and then the high school is like right up the street so it was like really really crazy to be like selling drugs out of there actually it might have been a good facade but anyways um he was like
dealing out of there and we went there and this was like the first time he invited me into his house and I did not want to go in there but like basically it was one of those situations where he was like holding the weed like hostage and like making you hang out with him because he's so lonely um well we got into the house and we're just chilling on the couch and it's me and two of my buddies that I'm not gonna mention by name um and we're just hanging out in there and like it is like
nasty fucking vibes in there like a single couch with like nothing else in the room like there's a bedroom at the end of the hall and you can see through the door that well maybe he just believes in like minimalism not over consuming so you're just being judgmental I mean he had bread because he was like the only other drug dealer in our hometown and everybody needed to like put drugs in their system because like there's nothing to do there but
he um you could see through his bedroom and see like that is half of his mattress was showing and that he had like a pile of clothes next to the bed and like it was just really really bad vibes um and we're just like chilling there and then all of a sudden he brings out a pipe and we thought it was weed and then he went up to like my
so i was really close with one of the dudes that i was with and then like by proxy was with the other kid and he went up to him thank god it wasn't me and was like if you want your weed you're gonna have to smoke this and like prove to me that you're not a cop and we were like we're 15 16 years old we're not cops like what are you talking about and he went up and was like i'm literally 13. yeah i'm literally a child and he was like you're gonna have to prove that you're not wearing a wire and like that like
you're down with the shits or whatever. And we were like, oh, well, like, okay, it's just weed. Thank God it wasn't me. Well, he like had the pipe and this was like one of those, or so I thought was one of those pipes where it was like the bowl and you hold it like this with the carb right here and you hit. I thought it was one of those until he started lighting the bottom of it. And we were like, I've never seen weed be lit like that. I wonder if it's like, like in my thought process, it was like, oh, I wonder if it's like,
like heating up the cannabinoids and like it's almost like vaporizing it instead of like smoking it and inhaling it and then I saw like a giant plume of smoke fill this like orb and I was like oh
this is fucking crack like this is meth or crack or like i don't know what the fuck it is and he made my homie literally smoke meth in front of me and like it was the craziest fucking vibe ever and like i didn't want to what happened to the kid like what he actually was like hella chill like a champ yeah he was he was he like bodied it like for being bro this might be my new swag yeah no literally like it was it was really insane and that's like so dark yeah but like
He was fine. We're all fine. But literally, I never went back to that house ever again. And I never owned weed again because I was like, fuck that. I don't want to own this shit. Oh, my God, dude. Literally, I just want to see if you're chill. Yeah, like I want to make sure you're not the cop. I always start doing that to people when they come to the house and be like, I just want to see if you're chill. Hit this pipe of crack. Hit this pipe of unannounced drugs. The cocaine epidemic. You don't trust me? My fucking God, my friends don't trust me anymore.
that's what i'm gonna say i really just close your eyes i'm like wait you should close your eyes because i'm gonna give you a surprise and then make them smoke meth did you eat chick-fil-a last night no i literally got it this morning because i woke up and i stood up in my fucking head like pounced from the back of my skull to the front and i was like i need food so that i'm not nauseous because i was really nauseous and then i had like five chicken nuggets and
I feel a little better. A little better. A little better. Do you know what a gravity bong is? Yeah, it's like when in the big jug and you like pull it out. Yeah. Bitches are so desperate to get high. I know. That's when it's like, okay, just do math. That's when I'm like, just do the fucking math, bro. Like you need something more because you're literally like you're defying gravity for like a weed high right now. You're like, shh.
Pushing it into your lungs at like a crazy rate. Like it's really, really dark. You just need to like. I did it once out of a fireball bottle. He had like drilled into it. It was really sick actually. And that was fine? Yeah. I mean, it literally probably was fine. Like unironically, it probably was. Dude, I can't imagine you doing that. Did you freak the fuck out? Yeah. I literally laid on the couch like drooling. Like, I'm good. I'm good.
I'm like, good. Like, it was fucking crazy. And then on the drive home, I had my head up against the window and it was like, we were coming from like a bumpy gravel road. And like, I was like, literally sedated. Yeah, I couldn't like control my body. And it was like bouncing off. I forgot to wear a hat. Y'all get to see my hair. We gotta just get you a helmet. No, what we gotta get is a haircut. Throw up. You got it.
But... You're in the back of the car like... I was in the front seat, but like, it was like... And I was like moaning and he was like, oh, we're almost out. We're almost out of the gravel road. Like, I promise it's gonna be good. I was like, oh my fucking God. I was just like choked on air.
but yeah that's my gravity bong story i could tell you my dab story the one and only time i did a dab dude if i did a dab i think i was fucking like i would have that for us i don't know how y'all do that shit like i know he's a bitches are like yeah i'm gonna smoke this joint rolled in wax rolled in uh with a dab on top with keith on it i was saying like why don't we got into a conversation last night at dinner where one of our friends was like
Um, if your friend was like on their deathbed and they dead serious looked at you and they were like, this is so crazy and you're going to laugh at me, but I really want you guys to eat a piece of me before I get cremated or anything. And he was like, would you do it? Like if one of your friends was like, oh, like, fuck it. Yeah. Like,
If your artist friend was like, oh, I've used my hands all my life and they're so meaningful to me because I made all this art. I would love if each friend had a piece of meat to eat from my hands. I literally eat the skin off my fingers and toes and my toenails. I don't give a fuck. I will eat some of that. And then I was saying, I was like, girl, fuck all that. Why not just roll my ashes like they're Keith? Put some wax on a joint and then roll the joint in my ashes and then just smoke me.
I'd be down for someone to smoke me. I would do that. I don't think I would eat someone's finger. You would rather smoke someone than eat them because I feel like smoking them is kind of gross. You just said that too. I know, but I'm like disgusting and I'm okay with that. I feel like that's... Well, to be clear, I would do both. I don't care. Really? Yeah. I wouldn't eat a piece of someone. To me, that feels weird. If it was like mixed into like spaghetti bolognese, like it was like a little piece of meat like mixed in and I didn't know, like I would literally do it. No, I would like
I'm like, I need a chef to, like, go crazy on it. Like, it's not, like, just fucking boiled drew and I'm eating it.
I think I would still just be like... I need, like, a chef to come in here and, like, prepare it on a really big white plate, and it's, like, the tiniest piece of food with, like, a little, like, garnish on it. Imagine it, like, sashimi style, like... Hell no. You would taste like shit, too. Hell no, I would taste good as fuck. What are you talking about? I would taste like Jolly Ranchers. You would have the reddest meat ever from all that Red Forty. Yeah, I don't taste like Jolly Ranchers. Your meat would look like Wagyu steak, because it'd be so red. Yeah, it literally would. Yeah, you're right. A5. No, but it would...
imported straight from los angeles it literally tastes like fucking rabbit tail okay like i know the whole joke is like how can you get like 20 nuggets for two dollars from wendy's i don't give a fuck because those are like the best nuggets on the market right now and i will die on that hill like they're so yummers yeah i agree i'm like so over mcdonald's like i also watched a new video
of how mcdonald's chicken nuggets are made and it's literally ground up fucking bones it's literally bones ground up into a well that's pretty good for you then and yeah isn't that like that's what like collagen is collagen is bones yeah that's why people are like oh drink bone broth because you'll get the nutrients of the bone and that's why it's like bone shards yeah that's why collagens uh or vegans can't have like collagen because it's
uh mainly like cow bones i knew that but like watching the video completely changed it for me because it's like little fucking chicken skulls and beaks like going into a grater and coming out as this pink goop and it's like just how does it get mass or macerated that's kind of like a crazy full circle but you know how like native americans would like use the entire animal that's what i'm saying like it's kind of lit like so now i think i'm back to mcdonald's it's funny how that goes
Y'all just do everything against me. Y'all. Oh, you know you are. You need to finish fucking eating that. Y'all. We're going to get demonetized for that song. You're a devil's advocate kind of guy. I am. Wait, why am I a devil's advocate? Is that a song? Devil's advocate. It's what? Oh, I know. But, dude, that was crazy. But, no, I think that's a song.
is y'all remember zoons zoom zoom z-u-n-e oh the mic like imagine asking for an ipod for christmas and you got a fucking zoom let me see what this is suck balls i wanted one though because i wanted to be different so fucking bad it was terrible even as a child i wanted to be different from everybody else and i would make sacrifices in technology to be different like i would be like oh i don't want an ipod like i want a zoon or i don't want an iphone i want an android like
something is seriously wrong with me like it's crazy i've never seen this before really a zune yeah have you seen the teenage engineering cm15 oh yeah we're gonna buy them that did see that thing looks sick it kind of reminded me of a zune the mic yeah the this thing yeah we were gonna buy them for the podcast but they're so expensive but yeah here i go
They kind of reminded me of a Zune a little bit. Why do they put... I know, that was on mine too and it scratched the fuck out of me last night. Like, this has like a bar thing in it. Like, is this so that like I don't steal it from a store? Like, I don't understand. I don't get it either. Yeah, I'm wearing the Jenny X Calvin Klein Before It's Out. Like, it's just chill kind of vibes over here. Yeah, and I slept in it last night. Do you got any baby names? No, I don't. Like, I might name my kids like after like dead people. I know.
You know, keep them going. Yeah, that makes sense. Even though that's not what that does for your soul and it doesn't cure you, but I'll do it. I'm going to name my kid Trauma. I'm going to name my kid Bond. So Trauma Bond. And they'll be friends. Oh, well. My cousins... But we have to give them Trauma so that they actually bond over Trauma. So it's a funny story, actually. Her name's Trauma and Bond, and we bonded over Trauma. My cousins...
What? Myself. I don't know why I said that. True, immediately. Well, my cousin's children, he has two boys, I think three now. He's obsessed with the Texas Rangers, specifically Nolan Ryan, and he named his children Nolan and Ryan.
Damn, I'm gonna name my kids Michael and Jackson. Oh no, Billy and Gene. Also, I think I've said this already, but I gave them Billy and Gene. That's all me. That is literally all me and I won't let them have that. Josiah and Lucas call themselves Billy and Gene because one time they were on set with me for that stupid ass brat show I was on and I told the director, I was like, yeah, these are my friends Billy and Gene. And I also made Billy and Gene, we are not your lovers. And we are not your lovers.
So I own a percentage of that podcast, whether they know it or not. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also, I can't say that. You're awesome. I can't say that. Well, let me look at my notes because I have two really awesome notes, guys. Don't even worry. Oh, I got a good one. So I've been using...
TikTok. So there's this idea like KaleFone, CocaineFone. I'm sure you've literally heard of it. I've been going down CocaineFone route. It's like weird stock bro crypto side of the internet bullshit. But it's basically the idea that KaleFone...
It's like don't use your phone at all cocaine phone is like it's the most powerful tool humans have ever had access to why would you not use it to the fullest ability get to fucking phones like that's the idea and I've been like cocaine phoning on I unintentionally because I'm addicted to it and it's really bad and embarrassing but.
I've been going down the craziest TikTok rabbit holes and I found this thing called TikTok Battles. I'm sure you've seen them before. Oh, the live streams? Do you know what it is? It's basically you go live. Say you went live and I went live. We could do what's called a battle together. And basically...
All it is is your fans giving you money and me money and whoever gets the most money by the end of like the two and two minute 30 second timer wins and moves on to the next. And like there are people making like $16,000 a week doing these TikTok live stream battles. Like it's really the most insane dystopian shit I've ever fucking heard of in my entire life. That is so unreal. Like what?
We should do it. I know. Should we try it? Yeah, we should just do it and take money. What do they do to get the money though? They just stand there. They literally beg. They're like, come on guys. We need to beat them. We need to beat them. Come on. It's close. We're so close. Do you think it's kids who give the money? It has to be really young people who just have like
A card attached to the account or something. I don't know, but the FTC is going to sue the fuck out of TikTok if so. Just like Fortnite got taken down. Yeah, because I feel like a lot of people who have people who are sitting there buying shit for them on live, it's usually children, I think. Or maybe, I don't know. Maybe they're adults. Maybe it's like how there's like Twitch...
who are down to, like, donate. But that makes more sense because most of the time it's, like, either, like, a live kind of podcast-style thing and then, like, a gamer or something. But, like, for it to literally be like, come on, guys, please! Please, please!
it's crazy so insane also tiktok implemented like drop shipping onto their platform now so basically like say i like had this water bottle and like i had like a drop shipping palette somewhere i could like open up a shop on my tiktok page where tiktok takes like 15 to like
do it and like it's basically a storefront on your tiktok page but you never have to really own a product because like you can just ship it straight from china and like the warehouse it was created in like it's really that app is like actually fucking maniacal it's going downhill like it's it's really really crazy i mean it's been going downhill for the last fucking four years since it's genesis but like i fucking hate the direction it's going and it's just like when um
Instagram implemented marketplace. Everyone was like, what the fuck is this? But they have to make money somehow. I know. I will say now, people fully use it. There's so many accounts that I follow for clothing who use it. My dad uses it. Yeah. I've never bought anything from the Instagram store.
marketplace because that's insane and i'm not crazy like your dad but i will say i do look it's actually hilarious like he ordered like what he like you know those like inflatable giant sharks that like you can control with like a remote control and they like float around
He thought he was ordering that because that's what was advertised. But it was like $12. No, it was $25.99. And when he got it, all he got was like a bubble mailer this big and a plastic toy shark was inside. And he got scammed so fucking hard. And by the time he went to dispute it, like he couldn't find the listing anymore.
Dude, that is so insane for that to be happening off of Instagram.com. That sounds like a, like, 2001 eBay problem. Like, it's like, look at this big thing for, like, $3. We've talked about this, though, how scared it used to be buying shit online where it's like, I hope what I just bought. They're probably shipping a bomb to me right now. Like...
is that most restaurants aren't actually making like nice gender neutral bathrooms. What they're doing is just ripping off their old sign and putting on the gender neutral sign onto a bathroom that smells of fucking 18 years of urinal piss. And I don't want to be in there. Urinal case. Anytime I am,
in a fucking bathroom or in a restaurant and I see the gender neutral signs, I will literally open each one to see which one has the urinal in it because I refuse to sit across from that thing. Like it is so nasty. There's piss all over the floor. It fuck,
fucking stinks like you don't flush the piss so it's just sitting there until it like slowly drains like i like don't understand urinals i think they were so poorly engineered because you're literally getting pissed all over your pants like every man you know has pissed all over his pants like there's no way it's not splashing back all over your jeans that's what urinal cakes are for
What do they do? They stop the splash bed. I don't think it does a good job because every time I go into a bathroom, the floor looks like they did a half...
Matt half like glossy like speckle decoration on the floor because in certain lights you see all the piss. Bad seed that will piss on the floor and ruin it for everybody else. Drew doesn't get any piss because he'll stick his dick into the hole. Oh, that is a good idea. He'll put his dick all the way down. Yeah, I mean it drains better. Yeah. Plus it feels good. And it's super considerate. There's like mold and shit in there. Oh, okay. Yeah.
Feels good. Well, that was my rant because I hate being in stinky bathrooms that are just like the bathroom that boys are still using. Like, men are just gross. And girls are nasty and they stink. I have to agree. Men's bathrooms are fucking vile. They're fucking insane. Like, the sound you make, the... That's what it smells like walking past the men's bathroom at the airport. Like, that's what it smells like. What the fuck was I going to say? Oh, also...
It's crazy what hot people get away with. I know, dude. I can get away with so fucking much. My whole life, I do bad shit and people are just okay with it because I have pretty privilege. Oh, I don't think that happens to you. It's really hard for me. No, because you don't even do much. So you definitely don't...
You're not like using bad shit. No, hot people privileges. Like there was this girl who's like really gorgeous, like sexy, hot. And then she posted a video, just her straight to camera, like raw style piece to cam. Um, like, yeah, it was her piece to cam and she's just singing her ass off. And like, she's not a singer. She's just like a really gorgeous girl. And,
And it genuinely shocked me so much because I've never seen her talk, let alone like start belting her ass off to camera on Instagram.com. And it was obviously a video that she recorded outside of stories. And then later on went back and looked and she's like, I got to post this. Like it's too good. But she only got away with it because she's so sexy. Like singing is like so embarrassing. Like it really is. Like why is it humiliating people who could like,
kind of sing who are just like really about it it's like no you shouldn't do that but if I got on Instagram stories right now and with my whole chest started singing my life away people would genuinely make fun of me until the day I die you would get bodied like no one would ever ever ever
Like, if I wanted to go into singing, I would have to, like, learn how to play guitar and, like, be in a dingy room and record it on a film... On, like, a film camera or a tape recorder and have it, like, be this, like, artistic, like, body of work for people to be like, okay, I kind of get it. Like, I kind of see where she's going. But if I just got up in this outfit right now, put my phone up and started singing, like...
People would be like, what the fuck is happening with her? And people would think it was a joke. What if you found out a year of me working with you guys on this that I had a TikTok account where I would sing It Wasn't Me by Shaggy? I would fire you. I'd say we have to let you go. We just don't see eye to eye. Really disturbing. So we've discovered a part of you that I don't think you ever wanted us to see.
If it was like a different song, it would be the best day of my life. Like if it was like an Adele song or something that you really liked from like her first album and you were singing it all the time, I would literally have a joy ride with that. Like I would be like, this is the craziest thing I've ever seen. I would show it off at parties like it was a trick. I'd be like, do y'all want to see something crazy? And then I would fire you. Just really earnestly belting it out. Yeah. What if you guys found out that I was singing Adele?
Whoa. What? What would you be singing in the hypothetical? I don't know. Just like Ed Sheeran. Wait, what the fuck is that lyric? Wait, hold on. What is that lyric? That he in love with my body. Call him Ed Sheeran. He in love with my body. What the fuck does that mean? Well, because I think he says he has this song. I'm in love with the shape of you. Yeah.
Oh, I've been trying so hard to figure that out. Dude, if I go into a bar and that song is playing, I know it's going to be the worst fucking 30 minutes of my life. I'm in love with the shape of you. Or like that playing in like a kind of deserted mall is so crazy. It is a creepy ass vibe. It's a dangerous vibe. That's a song that has played in one too many bands on this planet. Also, I know everything is fake because...
how hyper inflated Ed Sheeran and Selena Gomez Spotify numbers are. Nothing is real. It's all bots. Like I haven't heard someone play a Ed Sheeran song once in my life other than inside of a mall. And that does not account for 57 trillion fucking listens. Does he have like the most listeners? Like who has the most listeners on Spotify? Probably The Weeknd right now.
I'd say The Weeknd, Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber is always top contending and Selena. Ed Sheeran. There's a bunch of Latin artists too that have like... Oh yeah, J Balvin. Oh, Bad Bunny's up there now. So yeah, it's like Ed Sheeran, Drake, The Weeknd, Taylor Swift, Bad Bunny, Justin Bieber, BTS.
Bruh, how are people still listening to Justin Bieber like that? Is he making music still? Does he make music still? That's what I'm saying. It's all fake. Bruh, I play Yummy every day. Can you get that yummy yum? That yummy yum? Urinals is such a good album, man. Urinals is such a good album. Rollercoaster, rollercoaster. Also, Baby is genuinely a masterpiece of a song. Like, I think we've grown enough as like,
a culture to like realize. It's awesome that the mics didn't pick that up so it looked like you just glitched. Like Baby is a great song. Like it really is actually a good song. I'll never forget when I showed my friends in fifth grade Justin Bieber on YouTube and it was before he was like a thing and I was like yeah like. This is my boyfriend. This is like a guy I've been looking at.
He's like, I got my eye on him. And then my friends like two years later, or maybe like a year later, once like Baby and Everything really came out and he was like huge. All my friends were talking about him. And we got into a serious argument where I was like, that is my artist. Like, that's mine. Like last year when I showed it to you, you didn't give a fuck. And now you give a fuck because he's on the radio. You still do that. Rollercoaster. Rollercoaster. It's so random. Yeah.
I'll like kind of go back and watch that video probably like once every baby every year I don't know why but wait baby just to watch like him playing the video game what what when you mean when he's at the bowling alley which one's baby I don't know if I recall
It's he's like at the bowling alley with Usher. Drake. No, Drake's there. Drake's in that? Drake's in the baby music video. Wait, what's happening? Because now I'm freaking out. I literally cannot believe this right now. Pull that up because I'm so cute. He's just like dapping people up. And he's hanging out with like 12 year olds. Damn, dude, this shit's too fucking lit. Where is this? Is this in L.A.? My God, this shit's so lit. Yeah, it's in L.A.,
Dude, he was too lit. Like, what a time. It's like a ska song now. It's so cute. Well, I just sped it up because I want to finish watching it so we can finish the episode. The clothes they had him in were really crazy.
Dude, I wanted to be his girlfriend so bad. I literally was like, I need him. He maybe was like 13 here or 14. What's crazy? I actually don't know his age. Justin Bieber has never had an age. I think he's 28. What's crazy is... He might have been like 16. I got my first kiss at the Justin Bieber documentary movie. I saw it in theaters. One. And then two...
I was secretly obsessed with Justin Bieber, but obviously you couldn't do that, especially in Texas. So I was such a fucking hater of his online. And then I would also go on Facebook and lie and say I won two tickets and that I'm selling them to his concert in Dallas. If anybody wants to buy them, I'm selling them for 500 bucks each, their front row, and everyone would hit me up.
So you were a scammer. I never took money from anybody. No. Just for attention. Yeah. It was just fun to lie. I lied so much on Facebook. Like, I would, like, say, like, my brother is, like, severely sick. Like, he's, like, this is his face. And it was, like, a face of, like, a mutilated person from, like, one of the meme photos that would go around. Like, the one that I post on my story where it's, like, selfie. Yeah.
Like a week ago. Yeah, sorry now I'm down a really crazy Justin Bieber rabbit hole and I'm watching the beauty and a beat Oh, that's good. That's the second best one. I wanted to be at this party so bad I was like fuck I need to get in that pool I need to get in that pool and get really self-conscious because I think Justin Bieber is gonna look at me and now I have bodily perception of myself and I'm scared Like I needed to be in this pool like what everybody here is so lucky. Yeah
Was this like post X? Because this video feels super like everybody saw X and they were like, yeah. And everybody saw Project X and they were like, what if we did a music video where there was a huge party? It probably was. It was the biggest party in the world at our house. I never saw Project X. Never seen that movie. I feel like it was really good.
I feel like it was one of those movies I had to have seen like when it came out because now it's like this is the worst movie ever. That's how I felt about watching Hackers. Like Hackers, the vibes are there but that is the one of the worst movies ever. That movie sucks. The only one that holds up is Superbad. That one is as good. No, Superbad is like literally
one of the best this is like comedies this is the end is pretty good but I feel like super bad out of all of those I'll watch it and I'm like this is maybe even funnier yeah because also super bad is like shot really nicely too like it like looks good it's really like the opening like yeah it has like a lot of artistic spots I'm not arguing against you I'm just saying also oh yeah
This is the end is pretty fire. Yeah. I haven't seen it. And I started it and then I like turned it off because I was started it right after I watched Superbad.
And it was, like, late. I was talking to my enemy. Michael Cera's character in that is so fucking awesome. I know. I mean, the beginning 15 minutes of that movie is literally so fucking awesome. Didn't they, like, all hate each other on set or something? Like, Michael Cera and, like, Jonah Hill or... For Superbad? Yeah, someone... They had, like, beef on set. It was, like... Actually, I just got told this the other day. Like, everyone hated Jonah Hill, actually. It was, like... No, it was, like...
Jonah didn't want to film with Michael because I think Jonah Hill wanted Michael Sarah's role or something. But then they found Michael and they gave Jonah the role he ended up playing. And he was really pissed because he was like, dude, I don't want to be this character. He wanted to play Michael Sarah's character. He didn't want to play his character. What's crazy is how Jonah Hill was casted for that movie. It was like Seth was at like...
a movie or a screening for one of his like movies that just came out and Jonah was sitting right behind him. And Seth at the time was developing super bad and was like,
This kid is perfect for this role. Wait, no, no. That's for 40-Year-Old Virgin. Sorry. Yeah, I was like, what? Yeah, that's for 40-Year-Old Virgin. He was like, oh, wait, why don't you just be the kid, the eBay guy? Yeah, because Jonah Hill, he has such a funny role in 40-Year-Old Virgin. I haven't seen that in a really long time. I need to rewatch it. I actually don't know if I've finished that movie ever. That was always one of those movies I saw. It was on TV, so I would always start it and just never. That movie is so well-written. That's a classic.
I love Steve. Dude, also just like comedy back then was like, it was like the perfect level of like, okay, like we're being like a little like... We're being a little facetious. Yeah, we're testing the waters. That's a new word for me. Like we're saying things. That's also not the right way to use it, but whatever, I'll let it slide. Is that not? Facetious is like lying. But basically...
Yeah, it was just the perfect level of being problematic and also being wholesome and nice. Yeah, and being aware. And then shortly after that, it spiraled out of control. It blew the fuck up. It was fucking crazy. And now I feel like we're finally starting to get back into it. I'm sure in the next two or three years, comedy will be funny again. We'll save comedy. I think we have to. Yeah, yeah. We have to save comedy. I think we just have to save comedy. We must save comedy. You just can't say shit anymore. Yeah, I want to be able to be like...
Crap. Fuck. Fuck. All right. So media of the week. Yep. Somehow we were trying to do a 45 minute episode today, but we somehow pushed over. Pushed over. So you're welcome. Yeah, we're going to 45 now. So everybody be upset and sad and like cry about it because I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I read a really good book, but I'm not going to say it out loud.
Because I'm going to gatekeep the book. Yeah, for media, I'm just like, I listen to a lot of good music and watch a lot of good shows on TV, but I'm not telling you. So that's my media for the week. My media is Boutique Joy by Yasuka Shimizu. I'm probably saying that really wrong. I just want to talk to you. Let me talk to you.
Charles Brown Sleepy Creek that song is so fucking good You Make Me Weak at the Knees Electrolane and Alone Again by Gilbert O'Sullivan Gilbert Arenas I was listening to my Discover Weekly and you cannot fucking trick me don't make old sounding music bitch because I know when that shit's new I can fucking hear it in your stupid whiny voice and somebody had a song that was supposed to sound old but it sounded like the beginning of Alone Again so I was like when I first started listening to it I was like
I was like, I don't think this person would have sampled this so soon after this song came out. So it sounds like we've got a little faker on our hands. And like...
And lo and behold, I saw that cover and I was like, you can't trick me. You can't trick me with your fake old looking cover. I hate that shit. When the people are making like old sounding music. And then also the cover is very like, we made this out of cardboard and ink with our hands. This is actually a vinyl sleeve just printed and scanned. We just scanned a vinyl sleeve. It's real. And yeah, and then I blocked the artist on Spotify.
- Well, I've been tapping back into Death Grips because I'm getting ready for their concerts in LA and I need to go. And if I don't go, I'll die. - Yeah, you won't die. - Birds by Death Grips, Black Dice by Death Grips are really good songs that I've liked recently.
And then there's this band called Black Dice. And I am only assuming they're inspired by Death Grips because their music is like noise music and like really annoying and bad. But Broken Ear Record is really fucking good by them. But it's just like sound music. And if you like that type of shit, they make good noise music. But like if you don't.
You won't get it, and it'll be like hell for you. And then... This, welcome to your nightmare. Fuck, I've watched like so much shit recently. Oh, I've been watching that show Working Moms. I didn't know there were 36,000 seasons out. And like, I realized... I just made a face, and I know it was really bad.
We'll find it. But we'll look for it. I actually shocked myself. I felt the way my tongue hung out of my mouth just now. Why are you crying? I've never felt that in my life. Sorry, keep going. You were watching Working Moms? Yeah, it's like the acting is terrible and the casting is awful sometimes.
for most everybody except for Anne and the main girl. But that show is just like a guilty pleasure and I like watching it. It's on Netflix. And then Demon Slayer season three came out and literally no one fucking told me. I'm so confused because that wasn't there when I finished watching season two, which was like two months ago. And then now it's there. Like, it doesn't make sense to me, but whatever. Yeah.
Well, I'm finally in season five of The Sopranos. The Sopranos. I always say Sopranos, but I think you're supposed to say The Sopranos. Whatever the fuck that means. Like, let me pronounce shit how I want, bitch. The fuck? Golden Hours by Brian Eno. Why do I have to pronounce things right? I should just be able to say things how I want. Whatever. Sleepy Time, Raymond Scott, and Be My Baby, The Ronettes. Be my baby.
And be my little baby. Be my little baby. Be my baby now. I'm pretty sure that was the song. But let me see the cover of Be My Baby because maybe I'm thinking of something else.
Okay, I'm pretty sure it's Be My Baby, but they really didn't want that song. There's like a crazy story behind it. Like they really didn't want to do that song. I know you're talking about it and I don't think it's Be My Baby. Is it not? No, but it's another that era. Is it by the Ronettes or it might not be the Ronettes. I can't remember who it is, but it's like from that era of music, there was like a band who really didn't want the song. Oh, dude. It's the worst day ever because like we may never know.
I guess you never know. Also, the movie, fuck, what's it called? Walk the Line is really good. The Walking Phoenix? Yeah, The Walking Phoenix. But that was this episode of Emergency Intercom. I wish I knew. I hope you enjoyed. And I hope you find love in a house game.
Peace, love, unity, and respect.