Tomorrow doesn’t exist
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I just found out my grandma died five minutes before this. Why do you have to fucking start it with, like, sad shit? You said you were going to leave that outside of this. I just...

I'm so scared of dying. I'm so scared of dying and I feel so bad for my mom. You know what you should do? Tell someone who fucking cares. I'm so fucking tired of you bringing up... I've never seen something shatter into so many people.

That just exploded. It was crazy. I like want to watch that clip back immediately, but holy shit. Also, it looks like you have bloody dandruff now. Really? Yeah. I mean, it's literally like pure sugar. Okay, cool. So that is going to take 18 fucking years to clean. I literally have to like shower again.

But yeah, I'm just tired of you bringing that sad shit to the podcast. Like this is supposed to be an enlightening, fun experience and you're just always sad. But that is actually so sad. It's really dark. My condolences to you and your family. That's very upsetting. I love you, mamma. And I love you, mom. Love you, Pam. Sorry for literally in the first three seconds making a joke about that. That's like not true. No, like before we were like planning that bit out and I was like,

Maybe we don't say that. And then I was just completely disregarded that and said it anyways. Yeah. I didn't know if I was supposed to follow through with the bit, but you know, someone like me is like, I get the sign to go and I go. You do the bit. I go. I turn up. You take any chance to get to inflict violence upon me. Yeah. If I can hit you, I'm going to take that chance. Or poke my butthole. Oh,

Also, before we get into this episode, for real, for real, if you are in the greater Los Angeles area or you, for some reason, would like to drive out to this event we're throwing. Yeah, big party, big party. We're doing an interactive photo op slash exhibit event.

with heaven for the podcast. This is something we've been playing for a while. It was supposed to be on the two year anniversary, but someone like me, I had to get that out of here. So it got pushed. Um, but we're really excited. We're going to have like original art, like pieces we've made for the podcast, which is funny because it's a podcast where we talk about shit, poop and farts. So the fact that we have like actual art aligned with it is like,

Yeah, and the podcast set is going to be there. You can come and sit in my nasty, stinky, fucking gross chair. Come sit in these chairs. Yeah, it's just going to be like a little vibe, a little emergency intercom museum. And something super fun and exciting is going to be there that we haven't even seen yet. And I am so nervous to see it. And I'm so excited because it's going to be awesome. But it's going to be fun. Two things, two things that we haven't seen yet that we're excited about.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think I know what you're talking about. Yeah. So, yeah, just stop by if you would like. It is on the 11th and 12th and then also the weekend of the 18th and 19th. So if you're around, it's from 1 to 5, I think. Yeah, 1 to 5 Friday or Saturday and Sunday. And then the following Saturday and Sunday. Yeah, 1 to 5 the following Saturday and Sunday. Nice.

nervous to see something we've been planning for so long be in person and uh my brain can't grasp it but that's okay because i already spent countless hours at my desk uh literally tweaking i'm literally so planning so please show out show up and show out but be behave yourself they are shooting yeah um but literally behave yourselves but have fun bring a friend it'll be cute

Okay, that's the end of this episode. Thank you guys so much for listening. Bye. Should we talk about the fact, did you read my text yesterday? Which one? Wait, I'll just like pull them up because I was dying. So like everybody's going on tour. Like I feel like every time we do an episode, we talk about concerts and stuff. Tonight, we're actually going to go see Faye Webster and I'm sitting here for the second time. I literally forgot about that for the eighth time. Yeah, that's why we had to do the truck pickup.

Yeah. Yeah, we're moving all the stuff for the pop-up. We're just, like, really hands-on with our stuff. No, it's actually, like, a real problem. Like, we cannot relinquish any bit of control over anything we do. And so, like, we just drive ourselves insane. Like, for, like, the last week, like...

We've been just kind of like bickering with each other and it's because we're just so fucking stressed out. But guys, it's going to be a blast. It's going to be awesome. I know anytime we do give up control, then I immediately go back on it. And I'm like, why did I give you control? I don't know why I did that. And then I fuck it all up and like have to redo it in like three days. But there's something so exciting about that because I feel like my hands are useful once again. Other than sexually. Oh, my God. Okay. We know that. But...

So we know everyone's going back on tour, but I sent you this because have you seen the videos of Uzi on tour? Like the demon skull and shit? Yes, like the huge building they made. Yeah. Like, this is actually fucking insane. Yeah. Like, this also costs so much, but did you listen to my audio message? We are...

More like Devil Land. Devil Land Crybaby. Um...

Anyways, but no, I feel the same way about fucking like Travis Scott. Like I don't like his music that much, but like I can respect like the craftsmanship and like how much time and effort he puts into like the creative of everything. And like his stage design is quite literally the craziest stages I have ever seen in my entire life. It's like Tyler's like Tyler had the whole front facing of a house. Like, damn. Also,

Y'all got money like that. Yeah, that has to cost so much. But it is so insane. And I was literally freaking out last night. I was like, oh my God, we are literally like, we're watching art. Like music is art. And I was just like going in. I was like, oh my God, music is art. And then I continued to overstimulate myself and go down a hole on Etsy and listen to Cocteau Twins on my phone. I've been on Etsy so much recently too. Etsy is the vibe.

the vibe. Etsy is the place. Like, everybody's like eBay, Depop, whatever, whatever. But Etsy is where it's at. Etsy is where you find all the good shit because it's just little ladies in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, like knitting just cool stuff. And they're committed. They're committed to their crafts. Yeah, but...

I saw something like Taylor Swift had like, I think like 150 like roadies that could be like a gross exaggeration, but she had like 150 people working on the tour that would just go to every show like security, like all like stage design set up like that.

all of that and i think she gave them all like a 50 000 bonus at the end of the tour and i was like well i mean the tour generated like basically a billion dollars like it's it's crazy like each show she probably covered like the stage design and paying people salary and merch sales alone like it's it's absurd like she's probably doing a million in merchant night like she is like not a real person

But didn't you see there were flashing lights and at least I had the decency to run and hide. That's one of the newer songs, but I haven't listened to that one. Now that we don't talk eats, though, but sped up, it has to be the sped up version. OK, well, guys, I've seen I've literally seen it.

Stop sending it to me. Actually, no, I love when you send me things, like send me more things. Like I literally love it so much. But yes, the rumors are true. I am signing up for Neuralink. I'm going to be the first person to get a Neuralink installed into my fucking brain. They're going to take out a piece of my skull. Why would you do that?

Because you'll see... What will you gain? Oh, everything. There's literally everything to gain. Nothing to lose, everything to gain. I guess the bonus of that is can you scroll TikTok in your brain? Yeah, you can probably close your eyes and TikTok will be just behind your eyes. Oh my god, that's a nightmare because you already have a problem with not looking away from your phone. Imagine closing your eyes and your phone is there. It's going to be a problem once I'm fully augmented cyborg. But I don't think I told this story, but when...

Like a month or two ago, like they posted that they were like looking for like trial people to like get it installed because like it like helps like with certain illnesses and stuff. And I signed up and I fully lied. I said I was like a blind person with like.

You know all they would have to do is literally Google your name and see you sitting on that damn chair. Yeah, I said that my legs didn't work and that I was blind. Because I really just want to end like me. I'd like pull up in a wheelchair and like with like blind goggles on and like just lie up until I get on the OR table and get that shit installed.

I think they would probably tell. They'd definitely be able to tell that you can not only walk, but you can see. Also, why do they want... Is it bad? Is it bad? My God. Oh. They're crazy. They're humongous.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like I miss the taste. Dude, that is so cool.

That's literally so cool. Sorry, we just got an update on some of the things going there for the pop-up and they're like, okay, this is this woman's actual fucking house. Like she's literally like, where did they find this person? She's literally go to. I the skeleton feet on my girl. Ew, I don't like her puss.

Her stinky gash. Dude, that is so fucking awesome. That is crazy. Yours looks insane. I love the little belly they gave him. That's awesome. How are they going to finish that in like three... I guess three days is... Whatever. Um...

But when you get the Neuralink, I'm probably going to never talk to you again. Because I'm going to feel like you're recording me and listening to me and watching me. I was going to say, I'm going to become omnipresent, omnipotent. I'm literally going to be this cybernetic being that you can't avoid. I'm going to become God. You will still be nothing but flesh and bone. No, no, no. I'll be able to talk to you in your brain. I'll be able to send radio frequencies to your brain. I'm genuinely asking this. What does the Neuralink do?

um other than they can track your brain activity i think right now like they can like heal certain ailments and like like if you have like parkinson's they can like send electrical pulses through it's very rudimentary right now but like what they're hoping for is in the future like depression and like hd and stuff that's literally like the whole thing is like they could literally cure like uh brain-borne illnesses like it's it's really really actually like

good like for the future as much as I don't like Elon Musk like literally literally um but as much as I don't like Elon Musk at all um not anymore at least um

It's a cool thing. Like, it could be a very cool thing. But then they're going to start showing you, like, Tesla ads in your brain, like, when you're asleep. While you're sleeping, you're going to be like, Tesla, Tesla, Tesla. Yeah, but... Something is happening. The world is moving. Like, something is seriously happening outside because there's, like, banging sounds and a helicopter flying overhead. So somebody in the next door house is probably being raided. No, I feel like there's probably just MS-13 gang members running around, like, and they're trying to capture them.

right ms-13 runs our neighborhood i'm really scared actually you need to shut the fuck up they're gonna get me they're gonna get me okay i do have something i want to talk about um okay so we all know like i'm a slime connoisseur like og slime parakeet slime like the goats like um momo slimes like just to name a few i love slime

Why haven't any of those people made fuckable slime yet? When you said that, I thought that too because there is something... I hate that everything is sexual to us. Actually, wait, wait, wait. Your coochie when it has bacterial vaginosis is fuckable slime. My discharge. Right now, on my period, I'm low-key giving fuckable slime. I'm serving fuckable slime right now. Girl, that's not a period. You're literally miscarriage. Yeah, I'm actively miscarriage a child right now, but we don't need to talk about it.

she left blood all over the toilet seat guys did i actually no it's it's that runny that like that's my concern it's like i'm just dripping like a fountain bitch i'm the fountain of youth right now like give me some of that to take a shot of the stem cells they're like dead adrenochrome i think if you consumed period blood you would actually get extremely sick

It's all right in front of you. Oh, what I was going to say was there is something so sexual about the slime thing to me. I know someone's going to be like, bro, it's literally slime. But no, there's something so visceral about it. I want to fuck it. I'm not even going to lie. Me and Drew were sitting in bed watching it together. I was like, this is literally we might as well be watching porn. Because we both watched it and were like...

Like we start making like borderline moan sounds watching somebody scoop slime. The wet, wet slime, that shit gets me. Like the one that looks like water, I need that. If your man knows that song, oh, he's over. He's watching the TikTok.

He's watching all the TikToks of people twerking. We need to see you do that. I don't even know what the dance is. It's like you go to the side and then you like bounce your ass and then you go to the other side and like... Let's try it. It's like... It's like... Make me say... Boom, boom. Make me hot. Boom, boom. Okay, okay, okay. Why do you have to...

It's like a psychological thing I've realized. You feel like you're lifting it. Yeah, no. Like you see the movement if you see my hands making the movement. Yeah, it's like an illusion. It's an illusion to the audience. Yeah, it gives. One of my only notes is something that I don't think has aged well, but it's just, it's okay. You first with a girl so hard on the plane, it was magical. Wait, what? It like...

I feel like women, we all have this experience. And it's periods and makeup and tampons. And boobs. And boobs. Playing with each other's boobs. Boobs.

But, like, every woman has this experience where you were, like, over... You're just naturally, overtly polite. Like, no, it's okay. Like, the amount of times someone does something to me in public, that's not okay. And I'm like, oh, no, you're so fine. It's okay. Because that's just what I am, like, designed to do. But me and this girl who I was sitting next to... Not designed, indoctrinated into doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. True, true. But we were, like...

Like, both got to the bathroom at the same time. We were, like, sitting next to each other, but we went on each aisle and, like, we just ended up at the same bathroom at the same time. And I was, like, going in, and I was like, oh, it's okay. You first. Like, you first. And she was like, no, you first. And I was like, no, it's okay. You first. And I am not kidding. We did it for so long that I was just like, oh.

And I went in and I literally got in the bathroom and laughed out loud so hard because I was like, what was the point of that? Girlhood. One of us should have just been like, bitch, you fucking go. Shut up. Girlhood. But yeah, we just, no, it's okay. You first so hard that I went in the bathroom and I squirted. Like it was so like, it was almost horny of an experience. Actually, I didn't know where that story was going, but I'm glad I started listening. But that was the immediate joke I thought of. I'm like, damn, like, why were we flirting? Like, yeah.

But we literally just stood in the hallway. Anya thinks every pretty girl she speaks to, they're flirting. Yeah, because you are. Why are you talking to me? Like, literally, why are you talking to me unless you're flirting with me? Like, you have no business talking to me for this long. Every pretty girl. Yeah. I'll never forget when we first moved here. Yeah, elevator at Target. She was...

Oh, my God. And you literally talked about this woman for, like, I'm not kidding, three years. Like, she would just randomly casually bring it up. I still think she was one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in my life. Like, I remember the dress she was wearing. She was wearing a yellow dress. It was, like, kind of, like, tight at the top and, like, flowy but not overly flowy. Like, it was way too nice to be wearing to Target. Like, it wasn't casual enough. But she was gorgeous and she was really tall and she was literally gorgeous. Yeah, she was really tall. She was so gorgeous and she had the softest voice I've ever heard. What color was the dress?

yellow what color were the shoes i didn't i don't know oh my god oh if i got sent back to 200 ad people would be like oh no yeah yeah yeah okay okay okay no no no if like people have this conversation where they're like oh if i got sent back 2000 years like i would run shit like i'd invent a cell phone like i'd i'd run shit like no no no

If you got sent back, if I got sent back to 200 AD, they would burn me at the stake without fail. They would see the clothes on my body and burn me or they'd hear the way I'd speak. One, not be able to understand me. Two, hear the dialect, the straight dialect.

Oh, the warehouse street you saw. Yes, yes. Do you think they'd be able to recognize any tinge of, like, gay voice in 280? Yeah, no, I swear to God it transcends, like... Like, there was definitely cavemen who were like... It's like, yeah...

it's primal like it's like you know like the uncanny valley that like we all have just in our brain like it's whatever that is to humans that's like what like gaydar is like it's like deep deep deep deep inside of us like we know we know like there were definitely cavemen who were like cavemen and women who were serving gay like

And, like, nobody really understood what that meant yet, but they were like... The butch caveman using a stick as a strap. Did you know... Listen, listen. Did you know... Did you know when...

A stick is a crazy thing to think about. Yeah, well, they take the bark off, obviously. They sand it down. Yeah, they sand it. They knew better. Yeah, they know. They know. Make sure the base is flared. Oh, my God. I know things. I'm one of the girls. Like, I know things. I know a thing or two. But, okay, that helicopter circling is... It is so goddamn fucking distracting. ...is going to, like, actually... I need Lana Del Rey.

come here right now and do her damn thing with the helicopter. - With a fucking rocket launcher. - Like we need to call her immediately. - What the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah, when lesbians get a new strap, their body count resets. - Is that your new theory? - It's like a born again virgin. - Yeah, I guess I understand that. - I just know a thing or two about culture. - Yeah. - The culture. Okay. Oh my God.

I almost dropped my phone. Everything is going wrong. Okay, so I, me and Inya were sitting on the couch. No, we weren't. I don't sit with you, bitch. Yeah, you do. You can't wait. Why can you not sit with us? I literally can't sit still. But we were sitting on the couch and Inya is on Instagram right now. I was, I was, I was. It's like crazy, crazy vibes. Okay.

But we were sitting on the couch and I, like, just... I don't remember how this conversation got started, but I haven't laughed in years. You are so... We were watching something. Wait, what the fuck were we watching? And Drew, seriously, like, in the... He was not trying to be funny. He literally was watching TV. He goes...

I just haven't laughed in so long. And I was being dead serious. Like, I felt that to my core. Like, I haven't had, like, a crying laugh. But I'm just so jaded. Like, everything is going wrong in my life. You know what I was going to say, too? Is, like, we are just so spoiled with laughter because we, like...

have all of our friends are comedians. So now like the bar for extreme, like diehard laughter is so high that it's like, it's just harder to get to. And also all of our friends hate us and they don't hang out with us as much anymore. So we're just like alone. It's just me, Josiah and Inya versus the world. Everyone else has just,

We're not working. Me when everybody else is just adults and they're like working. We're like doing our own thing. We just used to like. If they wanted to, they would. Oh, wow. If they want. If they wanted to, they would. Why do you say. If he wanted to, he would. Like if he wanted to buy you flowers every day, he would. Are you. Yeah, I know. That's like. I cannot believe I came up with that just now.

Holy shit. If he wanted to, he would. If she wanted to, he would. If they wanted to, they would. Well, we were watching Fifty Shades of Grey the other day and I cannot believe. Oh my God. Wait, you need to say what you said. Wait, let me. About public transit. Oh, so there was like,

for some reason, like a five to seven year period where older women were just squirting on public transportation because of Fifty Shades of Grey. Like they would be like reading that book. Reading in public? Yes. And like literally squirting juice like everywhere. Like it was crazy. It was crazy. It was kind of like an act of service. Like how like your love language, that was an act of service love language to the public for women to squirt. And like your jeans would just like wipe it up. Ew, ew. Oh my God.

But that movie is so goddamn horny. Also, yes, the rumors are true. I did read that in ninth grade on my iPod in class. Did you actually? Yes, I did. Yeah, bitch, I would just be sitting in class reading that shit. Like teacher talking about like biology. I'm like, bitch, I'm learning the true biology of human nature right now. Yeah, no, literally. And I went around the same time as Fifty Shades of Grey for Halloween. That?

movie series is so weird and dark and would have it will never it would have never played out mm-hmm

with the kind of love it got when it came out. I cannot believe they made a third one in 2018 that still got like $380 million box office. Yeah, no, it's a billion dollar franchise. Like, it is a huge franchise. I did not know they kept making them. Also, when you were in the bathroom, because I was high as fuck while we were watching it, I was trying to find out how much all the movies made. And I couldn't remember the name of the second one. And I seriously googled Fifty Shades of Grey-er.

Like Fifty Shades of Grey as the second one instead of Fifty Shades Darker. And I was like, where is this movie? There's no trace of this movie online. It doesn't exist. And me and Josiah were just laughing. I always thought like a parody of that movie would be like if...

We need to bring back parody movie culture so bad because, like, now is literally the perfect time. Maybe we... Brad Rivera just destroyed parody culture. I know. I don't know why I pin it on him, but I pin it on him. Like, he just made it so, like, annoying. But, like, we need to write a parody movie and just start pitching it around. Like, scary movie. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, there needs to be, like, a scary movie franchise again. Yeah, because, I mean, there is... There are so many...

cultural events that are constantly happening i feel like they've been happening like way more recently that like if you took a year to write a movie and then released it like filmed it wrote it filmed it edited it and released it all in the same year it would destroy the box office right now because there's just so much we are so much more connected there's like so many more viral moments i think that's why it's like harder to do because we're like in like this

never-ending revolving door of moments. And it used to be like... I mean, when The Ring came out, The Ring dominated horror for years. So then a movie like Scary Movie and then all the movies that came in between it, a movie like Scary Movie got to make fun of that and two other movies in one movie. And they didn't miss the window for it. But now shit moves way too fucking fast. It's scary. That's why time feels like it's going so quick. Because we're just experiencing so much. We're experiencing time dilation in the future.

affects the present just as much as the past does. And since we have technology like our phones, we're basically like living in this like quantum world where like we can experience the future just through our phones. So we're just compressing the time smaller and smaller and smaller until sooner than later, it's going to become just like a black hole where it just sucks all time and the universe is going to end.

isn't it crazy tomorrow doesn't exist yet that is so weird but i don't believe that i'm not buying that shit like i know exactly what's gonna happen tomorrow like yeah i know as i was saying that and like while you're talking i was thinking i was like it's crazy how like tomorrow doesn't exist but you can literally plan it out and make it happen don't ever say that to me again because that literally just like freaked me out like you don't have any pictures from tomorrow you can have like an idea of what tomorrow is going to be and like you can try to plan it but like you can plan it but your brain can't

That's why we're in a simulation because it just like render everything out. Or does tomorrow already exist? Is time like either time is linear or it's not linear. And I don't think time is linear, but I don't know. Just never, ever say those words to me ever again. Cause I will be panicking about that. You will have a conniption fit. Yeah, no, I am already planning on it. Cause I'm going to like freak out with my head on a pillow. Okay guys,

So not to change the conversation, but I really think everyone needs this right now. And it's just like a little like meditation exercise. And I just think it's really important to just like almost like break the fourth wall a little bit and just like recenter and ground ourselves. So if you could and you're willing, just please participate with me. Oh my fucking God. Please participate with me. Okay.

Please participate with me and just do as I say. Now it feels like you need it because you're starting to freak out. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Do as I say. Okay, everyone. So now close your eyes. You too, Anya. Are you closing your eyes? Of course. Now unclench your jaw. Like just like relax the jaw muscles. Like maybe give like a little shimmy on your shoulders. Like just relax.

Yeah, just like let it out. Let all the tension out. And now shit yourself and just crap all over yourself. I think crap might be the funniest word ever made. Crap. What the crap? Like just crap. I just made crap out of my butt. I just can't stop crapping. We are literally so stupid. Like, I hate that that's funny. You know what I need? I think like what the exercise I need is to like,

I need to break something with both my hands, raising over my head and slamming it like a monkey. Like, that's what I really need. Like a rock? I decided, yeah, like, I need to, like, grab a rock and, like, sit with, like, my legs open and, like, break something. Have you seen the otters, like, doing gay sex together? No. Like, it's the otters and the bears and the wolves and stuff. Oh, okay. No, no, no. Like, the little otters, like, grabbing rocks and, like, hitting them on, like, shins.

like, critters to, like, get their meat out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to do that. Like, that's a vibe. Maybe we should just go on Survivor. I would die. No, I would be...

See, because Survivor is like a game. Survivor is like a game. Like, it's less about surviving and more about how you, like, play the, like, society that you build. And, like... You can make it a psychological game. Exactly. Like, the winners are, like, always, like, Harvard graduates. Like, one winner, like...

his like thesis at Harvard was on like how to win survivor basically. So like it's, it's really is like more of like a psychological game than anything because like if you win all of the challenges really early on, you're just going to get voted out by everybody because you're a fucking threat or like you have to kind of stay in the middle and like,

chop it up with everyone and make sure you're cool with everyone and lie and make factions with these people but also have a faction with this person and just like be a snake without getting caught like it's it's it's so diabolical I like I actually want to get back into that show because now that I'm thinking about it it's really cool

Also, Drew did that shitting thing to me yesterday. And I fully thought, like, something, like, he was trying to, like, help me because I was so stressed and anxious. And, like, having the worst 48 hours ever. And I was like, okay, like, this will be good for me. But it was him sitting on the couch and telling me to shit myself. But the laugh healed you. The laugh did revive me. I needed that. You needed a laugh. I needed that. Everyone needs a laugh. I needed this. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I needed this. Me sitting at the campfire in the middle of nowhere. Okay.

So this is something that I'm surprised no one's really talking about because I feel like this should be like one of the most talked about fucking things ever, period. But they built an entire city for Claro in Egypt and they even built like big pyramid tombs for her. Like...

I can't believe we're not talking about that. And like, see, you're laughing at it right now. Like, I know. I'm just confused. It's like how some people's name is like June. And it's like, oh, no, they didn't like they didn't name a month after that person. My grandma's name was Jean. She was they named jeans after her.

They wanted to commemorate. She wore the pants in the family. I don't know if like, I think it might be like someone heard Jean and I was like, oh, if you take the fourth be with you. Star Wars day. She wore the pants in the family. What can I say? What can I say? Yeah, no, I think that's just like coincidental kind of thing. Yeah, well. Claro que si.

They gave Claire a Spanish word, too. Claro que sí. Claro. Claro. What is that? It's like, obviously, like, yes. Claro. Duh. Like, obviously, yes. Like, clearly, yes. But yeah, those pyramids they built for her were epic. And it's crazy that they predicted her. I think she might actually be, like, this... She's like a god. Time traveler. Yeah. I mean, the music she makes is...

very telling. Like she makes good music and only someone who's lived thousands of years could make music that good. I mean, Youngblood also makes really good music. Yeah. So it's like, what is he? Where's his statue? Yeah. Youngblood, like all I, when I hear Youngblood, I think of spitting on fans for some reason. Yeah. Cause I'm pretty sure he did that. He just spits on people. And that's like his whole thing. He like hawks loogies. Like,

I would fucking hit you. But maybe I deserve it because I have no business in a fucking young blood crowd anyway. So dude, like, I remember being very young and I'm still this way. Like when I would see people hawk loogies, like it did something to me like,

Like it's it is the most foul shit you can do is like spit up snot out of your esophagus. What? No, no. And seeing it like in a green pile on the floor. Who would you let do that to you? Is there somebody who would Oscar Isaac? Yeah. Yeah. No, actually, even that. Oh, what's the dude from Star Wars? I mean, not Star Wars. Strangest thing. My co-star. David. Yeah. David Harbour.

Is that his name? I think so. David Harbour. Dak Harbour, maybe. Dak Shepherd. Let me look it up. Yeah, David Harbour. Yeah. David Harbour. What a name. Yeah, he's hot as bones. Yeah.

yeah ew but still like that is like so fucking gross i just honestly feel so weird even talking about him especially with season five coming up and like i have like a i have like a main part and he's definitely gonna see this and then like you're gonna have beef with lily allen you and lily allen no she's my biggest op right now i'm not even kidding lily allen is one of my biggest ops it's crazy that you won't even watch my fucking show i've been in the last three seasons and you won't watch it okay

Okay, well, it's just because I know you, so it would be weird and I think it would make you uncomfortable if you walk in the... Let's just say you're getting blackballed from Hollywood. Let's just say that's the strangest thing. The strangest thing about you...

Is you not tuning into my show out of jealousy? No. The strange thing about me is that I've spent every night high as fuck watching South Park. And you got a fucking stizzy. If you know what a stizzy is, the day most dangerous. People are probably so fucking tired of me being like, I was high. But like, I always...

only ever even like mentioned that to explain why I think the silliest things ever are so entertaining because I'm just like a dark soul and I just don't think that you would assume that I would find the most measly insignificant things amusing the dark twisted I'm sick and twisted sicko and twisted sicko mode

Okay. Also something I did want to touch on. Rest in peace, paint grandpa. Literally actually made me tear up and almost cry when I saw that shit. Like I watched like a compilation video of him and like it was so fucking cute and literally just like.

Rest in peace, Mr. Like, you'll be missed. Oh, my God. When I die, I know y'all are going to use that stupid fucking screenshot of me in a compilation. Oh, my God. Yeah, and we're going to laugh. We're all going to laugh. You're going to laugh at me. Yeah. I guess I would hope that. You know what? I've always thought about, like, what, like, the slideshows and, like, the memoriam videos from me would be at my funeral. And, like, there are maybe three good pictures of me that exist on the internet.

in in its entirety and like those are gonna get their way in town then the rest are gonna be like no chin photos and me dead on the ground like there's nothing of me i've given no one anything real of me that's okay because you're preserving yourself for your real life i'm protecting my peace you're protecting your peace so that you have space to sit on your phone for 12 hours yeah yeah yeah what's just your time looking like now grinder for 12 hours a day

It's a church app. Y'all are dumb as fuck. I know. Like, why do you have to assume that it's for something else? Like, he said multiple times that he doesn't, like, do anything, like, that would even be associated with an app like that. It's just two hours today.

No, what's it yesterday? The day before? Because I saw very high bars. 7.33. I think my screen time might be insanely high right now. Let's check it. Like, I'm not even going to lie. My screen time check. Okay, this is something I have to say it publicly because if I don't say it publicly, then it won't happen. But I really want like a call-in phone where people can call in and we do like a segment where like people call in and like we talk to people. My screen time yesterday was nine hours and 19 minutes. Damn.

We like worked all day. I know. But you know what it was? It's just leaving it unlocked. You know what it was? Is I was like playing like TikToks. Wait, I texted for two hours and 16 minutes yesterday. No, I do the same thing where I leave my phone unlocked.

That doesn't even make sense. That don't even sound right. But yeah, I want to do like a phone where like you all can call and like we can... You either leave a message or we have a conversation or you ask a question or you be really evil and it just will be a good vibe. Yeah. Period. I just had to say that out loud because it won't become true if I don't. We'll get that set up for sure. Okay. I got a couple more things I want to say.

And then we'll get into Drew Seilvin media. We're making a short episode today because we got a lot of shit to do.

I love being cuckolded by video games. Like, I love watching someone play video games. Like, I don't need to be the one playing video games. Yeah, you get all the joy of watching it. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't have to, like, think and be present. I can be on my phone and I can do all this shit, which is, like, what basically streamers are. But, like, it's crazy to me that they're, like...

I say like I haven't done this before, but then I think about like me like on TikTok for 12 hours a day, draining my soul and my energy and giving way more than money to the world. Being like a streamer or like I will never understand the want for it. I understand like the want to consume that is because like

especially if you you're feeling a bit lonely i can understand wanting to watch someone for very long yeah but i don't understand the mindset and the brain and like the emotional bandwidth you have to have to be live all the time like kai senate i think just did like a live stream like for days yeah for days on end i think it was like a seven day thing or something like oh like the prison cell yeah i don't know if it's still going but like

You have to be so goddamn committed. And you also have to have like the bandwidth of like, I don't even know who to be able to withstand being perceived for that long. Like even having this much content of ourselves on the internet with the podcast and stuff every now and then I literally will freak out. And this stuff isn't even live. It's like, we like can cut it if we feel like we're not funny or we like whatever. But imagine just like

being live for that long, like four hours straight. But I also do remember like how fun it is. Like every time I'm like live or something, I do have fun and I'm like, I need to do that more. But I just get so anxious about like before doing it because I feel like if I'm not funny, then I'm useless and I should die. Yeah. I mean, that's true. Either that or be in the kitchen.

What the hell? What about you, though? What about you? Like, you're not funny. What do you do? I don't have to do anything. I'm a man. Oh. I just can exist. I just all I have to do is hold doors open for people. What do I have to do? Like clean, cook, laundry, brush my teeth, make babies, make bed, do ass. That's really it.

I can't do like any extracurricular stuff. Oh, no. Okay. The last thing is I don't know if I'm going to insert the video because it's kind of crazy unless I get Kai to blur this person's face. But we were driving home from all the toy stores. And like I look out of my window and I just see this dude like.

holding like a big ass chunk of hair in one hand and we're driving on the freeway and then in his other hand he has a scissor or has a pair of scissors and like it's like insinuating you can only infer that he just cut his hair and he like is driving and he's like

like looking down at it every other second his hair because no when we first pulled up to him he fully was like trimming the end so we couldn't tell if his hair was really long and he was holding the ends up or if he just chopped it off and was sitting and driving and like playing and cutting with it but it was the oddest thing ever also i don't think i told you i think i said in the group chat nobody said anything but i left the house other night late at night for some reason i don't know where the fuck i was going but i texted y'all

Oh, it's when I went to the gym. But on the way to the fucking gym, I saw somebody sucking out of a Nas balloon. Somebody was taking Nas balloon, like sucking down Nas as they were driving. And he was like swerving a little. So I was like, oh my God, this motherfucker is crazy. And he easily looks like he was like 19 years old. And I was like. I get it. I used to like get cavities on purpose to get laughing gas. Like that shit is so. It just doesn't do it for me.

Yes, I've had Nas, guys. Yes, I am chill and I'm down for anything and I'm like a super cool girl. Down for the vibe. Down for the vibe. I'll take you anywhere. I'm down for the vibe. I can't believe you even know some of those lyrics. Yeah. I'm special. I'm crazy but you like that. You like that. Hands up on the dashboard. I'm crazy for it.

Shut the fuck up. Okay, let's do Drew Psyop Corner and then media or media and then Drew Psyop Corner? Drew Psyop Corner, then media. Okay. What up? Welcome to Drew Psyop Corner. Bitches will have a manic episode and think they're Jules from Euphoria. Bitch, you're Gabbie Hanna. Bitch.

That's good. You know what I was listening to when she was like, I'm a bad bitch. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Literally. And you're trying to tell me how to live my life. I have like a privated TikTok of me like lip syncing to that. And it's really good. The public saw it for like two minutes and then I deleted it because I felt bad. But yeah.

They should add a feature where we can fuck over the podcast. Like fuck a fan challenge, but over the podcast. Um, no. Yeah, I think you're right. I told Azul, Enya's cat to stop biting me. And he replied, criticism like rain may dampen the spirit. Yet from such showers, the soul's garden blooms even brighter.

Oh my god, and then she kept fucking biting you, bitch. Yeah, and then he shit on the floor and went in my bedroom, ate my fucking plant and vomited it up. Never forget. Someone find that clip and repost it if you want to go viral. Okay. If you want a viral moment. Um, podquat. What is up with you? That is Drew's biggest pet peeve.

repeated a bunch but he will do the same to me but when i do it to him he does not like it and you don't like it when i wait what's our podcast oh my god podcast equipment should be harder to purchase than a firearm every time i go on my phone it's one of the worst experiences of my life and that's all i have um should i i should have wrote down mine yesterday that i said in the car

Crazy, but you like that. Let's see if I can find it. I did a lot of Googling last night, so it's going to be like possibly in Google. Google. Google.

um okay i found it they're selling our merch on timu i am currently being prosecuted by the fpc for all the biohazard i have caused by shitting on you bitches oh yeah i remember that one i made that one up it's pretty bad now that i say it was like good yesterday it was funny in the moment it was like you had to be there you had to have been there you really had to have been there for that one because it was just like off the top of the home so it was like good but like

Okay. Well, media. I've literally only been watching South Park. I don't think I've watched a movie. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, actually I watched, but I'm a cheerleader. So funny. So good. But everybody knows that. So I'm not.

I'm not really given anything new. And then I've just been listening to the Cocktail Twins' Blue Bell Knoll album a bunch because it's that time of year, you know? Oh my God, it is that time of year, guys. Seasonal depression can fucking kill itself. Yeah, I like... Can fucking kill itself. I don't even want to get into it, but this, yeah. The sun is going down earlier. It's hard times. Guys, I don't know. The last two days have been...

Like, even today has been fucking horrible. I woke up feeling a little more normal today, but...

Now that the caffeine is draining from my body, I feel the way God intended me to feel. Awful. So just know you're not battling this battle alone. We're with you. You're a strong soldier. This happens every year. Don't let it convince you that it's any different. Don't let it dull your shine. You'll wake up one day in three months and be okay. I love you. But...

i watched anatomy of the fall or the anatomy of a fall um

Goated movie. Really slow, but awesome. It was like fringe court. That's how fucking court should be. And for everyone in the world, it's just everyone arguing back and forth. But that fucking dog, they need to open a category for fucking animals like in the Oscars. The Academy needs to open. Well, that's the only way you're going to win a Grammy. Because I got that dog in me. I'm like, ow, ow, ow.

oh my god bro um i got that pussy in me why don't rappers say that um but for all the pussies or for all the cats pussy cats um but yeah that dog gave like i'm not kidding one of the greatest performances i've seen in a movie this entire year can i touch your boobs

Please. No, bitch. Never again. I let you suck on one. You're a bitch. You used your turn. You're a bitch. Whatever. But that dog gave like there's this one specific scene where I was like, damn, dude, like that. I'm not even exaggerating when I say it. It's like legitimately like the best performance I've ever seen this year. When I am breastfeeding, one of y'all are going to have to suck on my boobies.

my boobs yeah I'm gonna relieve you like someone's gonna have to like I have to breastfeed one of my friends yeah just to see like what it tastes like straight from the nozzle or like if for some reason when I have my baby like I am single like I'm gonna like

Find somebody to suck on my breast milk. Me. I'll be here. Even... Well, even if I'm not single, you get to... But that might be too far. No, it's not. It's not. It's literally not. Breastfeeding... Breastfeeding is not sexual. You need to let me do it. Just let me do it. It's not too far. It's not. It's not. It's literally not. But, yeah, the kid in that movie with the fuck-ass Bob gave, like...

I'm not even exaggerating when I say this. I know I say it about everything, but the best child performance I've ever seen in a movie. Like, I genuinely think he could be nominated for an actual Oscar this year. That would be fire. I think he... And he could literally win it. We could hit up our people and make sure that happens. Yeah. Our Academy people. Yeah, we're well connected. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

um but with that i don't got any music i'm still listening to the same shit always i have that playlist on my ig first time i've ever listened to music or on my um spotify but the playlist is first time i ever listened to music emergency intercom um vibes and whatever and i just listen to this playlist on repeat there's nothing new nothing new has happened or changed for music for me

But yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. We love you. And New York. I'm not kidding. I just leaked as I did that. So I'm going to go. Bye. Bye. Bye.