Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.
The Emergency Intercom. Whoa, I made it guys. The Emergency Intercom Drew's 18th birthday extravaganza. How are you feeling now that you're 18? Forever 17, baby. I started in OnlyFans. That's like, I mean...
You can do whatever you want, but you should maybe take some more time to think about that. Absolutely not. I'm already making 50 grand a month. But nothing's changed about your brain chemistry from yesterday to today. So maybe you let yourself develop a little more mentally and then you can decide if that's something you want. That sounds like you're broke and jealous of my 50 grand a month for the rest of my life. 50 grand a month on OnlyFans? Hello, have you heard what the other girls make? Like you're fucking behind. Actually, let me check it right now.
Oh, it's up to 300,000 a month. You didn't even open an app. You picked up your phone. That's crazy. Um,
I almost made a million in a day too off of tips and shit so wait but then how did you get 300,000 a month that's like not close to a million it's subscribers so that's oh okay but I'll probably make closer to two million a month just based off of like sending people butthole pics privately because it's all bikini photos okay up front yeah just need to clear that up it's you in a bikini or you in like a speedo bikini okay what are you covering nipples for uh because it's
It's really sad that women can't show their nipples. Oh, so you're actually being very patriotic and feminist bound. Yeah, I'm taking a stance and covering myself as like, you know what I'm saying. You get what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm trying to understand. I cover my body because the woman can't free theirs. I'm a big proponent of free the nipple. We know this. Yeah.
We know this. I talk about it all the time. Right. But yeah, it was my 18th birthday or what? I literally am going to actually forget how old I am and just start. OK, whatever. It was my birthday yesterday and I did not want to do absolutely fucking anything because growing older is horrifying and scary. And I don't think we should celebrate getting one year closer to death.
Okay. What would we celebrate? Nothing. No one needs a birthday. It's all phony. Yeah, I guess it is kind of capitalistic when you think about it. It's so that restaurants can get a 10-person table and then everybody can argue over who's going to take
Yeah. Did you see that whole conversation online? People were saying, which I kind of agree with. People were saying that if say it's my birthday and I invited all of you guys to a really expensive restaurant. You should cover. I should cover it because I'm choosing like this expensive restaurant. So to assume all my friends can cover their tab would be kind of ridiculous. I agree with that up until you have a homegirl who's like getting fucked up.
like don't come to my birthday dinner and get like 18 margaritas and a fucking espresso martini to top it off me and then be like literally homegirl in question and then i have to pay for it but i feel like we've always done that because we're just like good people we will like cover the bill because we're just like we're good and we're like so giving and nice and people don't talk about that and we always write our usernames on the receipt after giving a hefty tip like you should
- Post us. - Yeah, post us and tag us. - Do us a follow. - But yeah, it was my birthday yesterday and I was left here alone. All of my friends left me. You know what I got for my birthday? Do you wanna know what I got?
I got a $8 Fortnite card, not even enough to cover a fucking skin, but they covered it by getting me a $25 Wingstop card. I don't know. You get to eat good tonight. Yeah, so Wingstop on me. It's literally just going to cover my meal. But yeah, that was the only gift I got. And I was so excited because I was like, oh, and you're such a good gift giver. I know she's going to get me something so good. Right, right.
She didn't give me shit. You may find that when every day waking up is hard, a gift is the last thing on my mind. But I gave you the gift of my presence. Yeah, that's true. That's true. We did have a really, really great day yesterday. But no, I'm just kidding. She did. I treated my man to a gorgeous day full of candy and treats. I know. She took me to a Thai market and we got a bunch of Thai food.
Thai little treats and candies. And I got to turn to him and go, it's all me. Yeah, it was all on Enya. And then Enya had the great idea. Okay, so I have been obsessed with this specific food item for months now. Haven't done anything about it. Enya had the idea to make it. Guys, guess what we went and made gourmet for dinner last night.
Jacket potatoes with tuna salad on top. You know what that is, guys? You got a picture of it. Oh, yeah. It's going to really gross you out. It is a baked potato with a crispy skin, three pounds of butter,
orange and white cheese. I know it's cheddar and white cheddar cheese, but they call it orange and white. Jesus Christ. They call it orange and white cheese. That looks so good. And then you put British baked beans on top of that. And then on top of that, you put tuna salad. And I know y'all, it sounds horrifying, but Inya can vouch for me. It was so good. It was really yummy. Like,
I was expecting when we okay so we like had a whole day we went to the Thai market then I'm the kind of girl who I need my coffee so we stopped for me to get a coffee and I got like a little hand roll next door so I could like have something to eat because it was like 5 p.m. and I had to eat in and I was like the last thing I need to do is wait till 8 p.m. and the first thing that goes in my body is a jacket potato because it's gonna make me throw up Jackie so I already like had a little food but I wasn't fully full when we were at the grocery store getting all the ingredients I
I literally, Drew was looking up the cheeses and looking at pictures and I couldn't stop myself from physically gagging at the pictures. Like fully shuddered, like body shudders. I couldn't stop. Her body took a fucking screenshot, y'all. It was crazy. Like I was staring at his phone and thinking about what I was about to do to my body and I couldn't fucking believe it because I pride myself so much in being like a relatively...
like good consumer of food. Like I eat good food. I eat delicious, yummy food. And that sounds like a hydrogen bomb and a plate. And it did smell, what? Oh, it smelled like Don's whole stuff. Yeah.
Okay, so I've been doing this thing. I've been recording a bunch of videos. They may never see the light of day, but it's me eating my bedtime double meals, and I eat it in my bed every night, and it's like this little series that I'm working on. And we ate it in my room, and we left to take out the garbage and wash the dishes and shit. And when I came back into my room, y'all, like the stench, the odor, like it was...
really really it was like heavy in there yeah so weird it stained my bed like not like physically stained it like the scent stained my comforter like oh like absolutely not but it was so fucking good y'all yeah it was delicious i will say each of us only had half the potato so if at home you're thinking of making a jacket potato one potato does serve two because you'd be shocked how full of beans and tuna you get beans
tuna potato and cheese you get butter like it's a lot of butter it's a lot of fucking butter and we got a nice ass butter which was cracking us up because we asked sydney carlson like if you don't know she's like sexy hot girl makes amazing food um and she always does these like very cute videos and i want so badly to convince her to do a video of her making a jacket potato like her just serving cunt and like her little like ting
And then the ingredients list goes up and it's literally potato, tuna salad, baked beans, cheese. Like I need her to make it so badly. But we asked her what a good butter was because for some reason we were like, we're going to get like the finest ingredients for our jack of potatoes. We're going to make it fancy pants.
And she sent it to us. And then like four hours later, we didn't tell her what we were making. We never told her why we needed the butter. And we just sent her a picture. And she was like, oh, my fucking God. That looks like a British person. Yeah. At first, all she said was, oh, my God. That is all she said. I don't think she ever responded back to your text. Oh, yeah. No, because she had mentioned she was like, I'm obsessed with this British girl on TikTok. And it looks like something she would fucking eat. And we were like, it literally is a British person food. Like this is British people food. And she never responded. Y'all.
Something really bad happened to me. Like actually, actually really bad. Oh my god. We should insert the audio that we recorded the other night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyways, I...
I got I've had like ear pain and like my ear has been clogging for like a year and a half now. And I literally just like thought it was benign. And I was just like, whatever. It is not that deep. I've probably complained about it on here a couple of times. But I was like, it's literally not that deep. Like it's not like altering my life. But then like I started like falling asleep at night and like my ear would like hurt really fucking bad. And I was cool. I was like, cool. I have like an ear infection. So I started looking some shit up.
which you never fucking do. And I looked up like why my ear was like going in and out of like clogged mood. And like four different people were like, oh, I had like a tumor in my brain next to my ear and it would like it would physically block my like ear canal. And I was like, OK, cool. I have a tumor like this is fucked up. And so I
Turning the age that I'm turning, I get kicked off of my parents insurance. So I was like, oh, I'm going to like book this appointment really quick. Just get this over with. It's going to be nothing like it's not that fucking deep, like whatever. Like I'll get on my own insurance and I won't have to go to the doctor ever again. So I'm just like doing a little tune up before I go to my doctor or before I turn the age that I'm turning. Y'all will never know. Y'all will never know. Maybe when you can Google your name and like that's the first thing that pops up.
It's a lie, though. It's a lie. Yeah. You're in your Alexa Demi bag. Exactly. Exactly. Um...
But I went and I was not thinking anything of it like I went to the office for the ear nose and throat throat go doctor They have sex with you there. It's really fucked up. How fast can you get an appointment? You can book on Zoc Doc almost immediately No, I literally booked it that night and then I woke up the next day and when it was like the tea and
But I went there and the doctor's office was like young and hip and they were a vibe and they were all like talking to me like how I speak and it was just like it was a fucking vibe in there like it was it was a key and then like my gay ass doctor my gay ass like nurse assistant or whatever came out and he was super gay and a vibe. His name was Andrew too and we were just like having a key. It was like it was literally so fun. That's like remember recently when I was saying how it freaks me out now that all the doctors and nurses are
our age. Yeah. And that just freaks me out because I'm like, you're literally a peer who I'm supposed to meet at a bar. Now I'm letting you poke my fucking stomach. Like, I'm literally terrified of you. It's scary as fuck. And I know you cheated. And I know you cheated on those texts. I know y'all bitches were using fucking Google and what was the notes app or the notes cards app?
Good notes good reads some show. Yeah, it's not that they were using chat GBT. No, no There's those it's like flashcards that like have the answer to every single test question. Is it like virtual? Yeah, it's on Google, but whatever so I never did so I wouldn't know yeah, but in reality I actually never have studied once in my life and I thought about the other day and I don't even know how I would begin to study and I don't understand studying and it doesn't make sense to me but keep going
But my gay doctor, we're just like having a vibe. And then...
he sits me down in this fucking chair that literally looks like it's gonna like kill me and it's gonna like squish me and use all my juices I don't fucking know and he's like oh we're just gonna do a CT scan of your head and I'm like okay like you're gay like can you do that like I don't know if you're allowed to do that I'm kidding y'all but no it was it was a vibe like we were just like shooting the shit like while this fucking robot was scanning my brain and then there was like another gay like
CT scan technician and they were like having like a gay conversation like across the like metal barrier it was super chose like a very lax environment and I was like oh I like feel really comfortable in here and then my CT scan pulls up on this big ass screen in front of them and they literally gay gasped they were like
And I was like, like, what, guys? And they were like, come here. And I was like, what? And they like pointed to this side of my face. And like there was like in my sinuses, there was a black one and a gray one. And they were like, are you sure you don't feel any pain in your sinuses? And I was like, no, I don't feel anything at all. Like, what are you talking about? And they were like, are you sure? Because we haven't seen this like ever. Like your entire right side of your face is like full of blood, pus, mucus, blood.
inflammation. And I've just been existing with that for years, for God knows how long. And they were like, are you sure you don't feel anything? And I was like, no, I don't. So then they were like, okay, well, we'll put you in your room, whatever. And I went there for my ear and now I'm freaking out about my sinuses. They didn't say shit about my ear.
Where I like sit down in this chair, the doctor doctor comes in there and she's really scary and like about her shit. And I was like, OK, like chill as fuck. Well, then she takes this long fucking rod this long with a camera on the end of it and shoves it into my ear. And I started having a panic attack. I literally did not know I was scared of things going inside of my face. And I don't think anybody just expects that. Bitch, I don't suck dick. I don't suck dick. Like stop.
I knew you were going there. But I like... This like long rod is like all the way in my fucking brain and it hurts so bad, y'all. And there's little pinchers on the end and she's like pinching around in there and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I start like kind of like...
having an anxiety attack low key and I like have to tell her to stop a bunch of times and then like she'll stop and then I'm like maybe like it just feels like it's too big like it's hurting the walls of my ear like stop and then she's like okay let's try something else and then she puts the exact same fucking tool in my brain and it like hurts and then I start freaking out because I'm like oh she's like the sounds it was making. Girl she's trying to hit the reset button.
No, literally, that's literally what it felt like. The sounds it was making inside of my head, like I've never experienced anything like it in my life. And at one point I literally started laughing out loud because it was like, it was funny sounds. And she was like, why are you laughing? And then she was like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm fine. But she was like not fucking with my vibe after that because I told her she was hurting me and she got pissed at me. Literally sounds like, nevermind. Anyways,
she like proceeds to like look at the screen and I could see her like face turn a different color and I was like oh my god here we go again like this is not great this isn't not the vibe and anyways she proceeds to pull out a ear plug size like you know the orange ear plugs that you put in your ears it was an egg sack of fucking spiders that was just in my ear so
No, I'm lying. I'm lying. I'm lying. It was like a plug of earwax that she was like in blood. What we're calling as Drew's just dirty boots. No, no, no, no, no. No, it was because of my sinuses that it was like draining into my ear and it was like blood and earwax. And it was...
so fucking painful coming out. And then when I saw it, I was like, oh my God. Did you get a photo? No, I didn't. Are you serious? I asked her to take photos and she was like, no, we don't let you do that in here. And I was like, your technicians just let me take a picture of my CT scan. So like, I'm confused. Because you were king with them and she doesn't. I know. She did not fuck with my energy. But anyways, she pulled that shit out of my ear.
I swear to God, I thought she damaged my eardrum because like, you know, when they say like smelling colors, like I was hearing frequencies out of this ear that I've never heard in my life. And I was so sensitive. And like, I really thought she punctured my eardrum. Dude, this ear now feels like,
dirty, like it feels gross. And she looked at it and she was like, it's all fine. This one is like, it's still like I can like when I like tap shit, like I can hear the frequencies that I've never heard before. Like it was really actually scaring me for like two days, but it's back to normal now. And then she got to my sinuses and it turns out that the last day I went to the doctor before I had to switch over to my new insurance,
I have to get surgery. So on my sinuses. So I'm done. I'm done. It's over for me. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh, my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like I miss the taste.
You have to get surgery actually? Yeah. Fuck. They go up in my nose and inflate balloons in all of my air passageway and like break the cartilage because that's why it's like fucked up is because like I have like really, really tiny. My sinuses are so petite and small. Yeah, you're such a tiny girl. I'm so tiny. Yeah.
But my air passageways are really small, so I have to go in and like inflate them with the balloon and break the cartilage. And I'm going to be like bleeding out of my nose for four days. Like it's hell. And they were like, don't blow your nose. Like you're going to want to blow your nose. And I was like, bitch, I don't blow my nose now. Like, what are you talking about? And she was like, that's why your sinuses are fucked up. And I was gagged. I was literally gagged. But she was like, you're going to want to blow your nose, but don't do it. And now I have like this strict, I have to go pick up like, bitch, I get fucking perks though. So it's about to be a vibe.
We're fine. It's gonna be a vibe. I'm gonna get fucked up. I'm gonna take two at once and have a fucking key. But long story short, after I realized that
that is the office that is going to be doing my surgery. At first I was like, oh, this is a vibe, like this is fun. But then when I found out that they're going to be doing my surgery, I was like, oh, I'm going to get a second opinion. I'm going to go to another doctor and see what the vibe is. See, my problem growing up so removed from health care and doctor visits is
is that I don't believe that. In my head, I'm like, do a neti pot, you'll be fine, keep it pushing. Like, I just can't comprehend actually getting a surgery. It's a medical necessity, but I'd be fine. Like, I have, like, bacteria and shit in my sinuses, and I'm sure I could drain it out somehow and not have to, like...
literally have like a little procedure done but the problem is is it would just be persistent because my airways are so small and so it would just happen again after i got sick do you think it's just gonna happen again oh no because they're gonna like bust your walls open yeah yeah that's the the surgery is balloons in my brain i would have assumed you've already had your walls busted oh a hundred times over babe a hundred times over um
That's a good leeway into, well, we have to play the audio clip because I was talking to Drew about the surgery. Also, it doesn't help that Drew, like everybody knows how I feel about Drew and his sicknesses and talking about being sick. I literally can't take it serious. I had a meter when we first met that I was like,
oh my god, is he okay? Now when he talks about having any illness, I literally feel like I'm battling like my real life legion, like my pathological liar. I just can't tell. And I should put a tracker on your car so when you say you go to the doctor, I can see if you're actually going to the doctor. I have all of the notes, all of that. I believe that you're getting surgery, but I just can't take it serious because also you like...
You love it so much.
But I'm back to being excited because I found out that I'm covered to the end of the month. So we're going to squeeze me in and I'm going to be fucked up. I'm going to be like little baby, like high on perks and like all like cozy and people are going to have to be like taking care of me and like picking me up from places and dropping me off.
It's going to be a vibe. With Josiah, did we get it in the audio message? In the audio recording we got the other night? What? When you were like, yeah, who's going to pick me up and drop me off? I was like, nose goes, nose goes, nose goes. And Josie said he'd do it, but I'll probably do it because...
It only makes sense. My mom was like, I'll fly out there. And then she called me the next day and was like, actually like thinking about driving. Like I'll Uber you to the place back and forth, but I'm not driving in LA. Because she's scared to drive here? Yeah. I'll drive you and then you'll be so high that I'm going to whip the piss out of the car and you're going to be like shaking around. The balloons are going to fly out of my nose. I'm going to like do all my airness. They don't stay in your nose, right? Yeah. They like disintegrate. Really? Yeah. Yeah.
yeah they actually i i don't know because they were like you have like a post-op in like four weeks so maybe they go up in there and take them out or some shit like i don't fucking know that is so disgusting well if you can't do the podcast i gotta find someone to fucking replace it no i'll be able to do the podcast i'm only like down for three days um and then i'm gonna be bleeding for like a week
So I'm gonna have a bloody nose on the podcast and everybody's gonna be like, oh my god, Drew, are you okay? Well, that's gross. And when I take you to the surgery, I'm not gonna come directly home. I'm gonna run all my errands and leave you in the car perked out. Wait, they did surgery on a Drew. Ew. Ew, Kai. They did surgery on a Drew. Should we talk about my scary thought process when we were watching RuPaul the other night? Yeah. Um.
I got home from hanging out with friends and Drew and Josie were like six episodes into RuPaul and they were trying to catch me up. But I...
Got really high really fast and I had kind of mentioned it to them But I don't like being like guys I'm about to be really high like please be careful because they will not be careful They will try to scare me further And we were sitting there watching and we were all joking about like certain things but then in my head I don't know what it was. Oh, Josie made a joke it because I like had said something I was like
okay to something someone did like i didn't think it was good on the show and josie made the joke and he was like see that's why we waited for you to leave the house to watch this because then we could be safe watching it without you like we have a safe space without you and then i was so high i got so deep into my psyche i was like oh my god what if my friends actually genuinely believe i'm homophobic and like there's this like ongoing conversation behind my back that i'm homophobic
And I got so scared. And then I don't know if you know, I was like dead silent for like five minutes until y'all started joking. Because I was like, oh my God, maybe I am like disrupting their peace. Like I am literally a problem. I mean, it wouldn't be a problem for me like personally. Yeah.
You can be whatever. Like, you can be homophobic. Like, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't even affect me. Wait, why wouldn't that bother you? Like, I feel like that would bother anybody. Not me. Absolutely not. Oh, is it because you're straight so you don't care? Yeah. I think even if you're straight, though, that should kind of bother you. The rainbow mafia. Yeah.
But yeah, it was really funny. And then they were showing me. It was actually greening me out. Like, I love that show. But every time we all have the same feeling when they do the musicals and stuff, it really freaks me out because I'm just like, oh my God, it is someone's full-time job to make a Rusical. Like, they are on salary to make and produce the Rusicals that RuPaul does. And they did like an SNL skit and there was this one girl who I don't know her name. She was freaking me out.
Like, what is her name? I don't know her name either. We had to insert the clip that we were like laughing so hard at. It'll be like an untucked that never ends. Okay, we're done. Five, two, and out. Is it though, it's not the one of her riding the house in the water. It's the one of her in the office. Like, yeah, yeah. There's... And she goes, toodaloo. Toodaloo. It was freaking me out and making me so sad.
Lindsey Graham she did Lindsey Graham didn't know who Lindsey Graham was so she just like did this whole fucking bit that's like she read it yeah and it makes me so sad because I really feel like to be good at drag race you have to be everything you have to be funny you have to be crafty you have to be witty you have to be quick you have to be like super like
ready to like snap back as somebody you just have to be so well rounded in every course and some people just don't don't have that mark and like which is understandable because it's asking a lot of a fucking entertainer um like i couldn't be able to do it
I would. No, you wouldn't, babe. No, I wouldn't. You wouldn't. You would start fighting. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Like, if Josiah started doing drag five years ago, he would be an all-star on Drag Race already. Like, he really is, like, so good at that type of shit. Like...
But yeah, that was my story is I got really scared. And then I told Drew the next day and he just laughed at me. He was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I was like, no, I literally was so scared for like five minutes. Like I was so deeply in my head. And then I just started thinking about who I was as a person. And if you guys actually like me and like if you ever had a problem with me, would you be like willing to tell me about it? Or would you just let me continue? Which I know y'all would tell me if you actually had a problem with me, but...
It was really scary. No, I wouldn't. You've made an environment where if I say something to you and speak up, I get hit. She hits me. No, that's so funny that you mentioned that because I had a dream. I think I told you this morning or last night at 1 a.m. because I accidentally fell asleep at 930 and then woke up at 130. But in that time frame, I had a dream about Trixie Mattel. And like it was Ricky Montgomery, like the singer, right?
like was shooting a music video in this van. Um, and he invited us over and we went over and we were just like chatting and then Trixie Mattel and Katya, I can't say her last name, um, came out like into the front door and they were like, uh, get out here. You marketable motherfucker. I have it written down because like, what does that mean? And then we went out there and took pictures with fans. And then I woke up, um,
And you said that I stayed in the van. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just me out there with Trixie. So you had a bunch of pictures with Trixie in fans. Yeah, so it was really, really an insane dream. Really an insane dream, y'all. Yeah, does it sound that insane when you put it into that perspective? I had a scary dream, but I don't remember it. But I know that when you tried to wake me up the first time, I woke up from it. And then I knocked back out. I...
i've been sleeping till 3 p.m every day no the latest it goes is like one but i haven't woken up at one in a while you and orion did sleep till two and it was the night after something scary happened and i really thought the idaho four massacre happened in our house and that orion and inya were murdered in her bedroom and that i was just existing in this house until two and then i went to knock on her door and i was like imagining them like
bloody and battered and bruised and I was like cool like I have to call the cops now and they're gonna think I fucking did this shit and I didn't fucking do this shit no it was actually because we stayed up so fucking late watching love is blind and we then we we stayed up late watching love is blind then we got in bed and we watched tiktoks and we only went to sleep when we did because the sun was fully up so
So crazy. And we were scared of the sun keeping us up longer. So we were like, turn off your phone, turn off your phone, just go to sleep. Just turn it off because we're going to keep looking at it. Turn it off. And we both turned off our phone and turned over into the pillow so that we could go to sleep. And it was fun. It was a very fun night. Such an amazing vibe. Amazing vibes all around. Did y'all figure each other? No, not that night. We were too tired. And you slept in my bed. Oh, I literally did.
And did we figure each other out? Yeah. Drew falls asleep instantly. Drew isn't a fun sleepover vibe. Because he just knocks out. Like we got in bed and we were trying to figure out what to watch. He was like, honestly, just put anything on because I'm going to fall asleep. And he did. Like two seconds later, he fell asleep. That's what you did last night too. Last night we were sitting on his bed after eating the jacket potatoes. And he was like, damn, maybe that's my new food because it's not even knocking me out. And then he laid on the bed and we were watching something and he knocked out 10 minutes in.
It was fucked up. It's fucked up. That's another doctor appointment I need to schedule is to find out why I fall asleep after I eat. Also, I came to the conclusion. Remember how Drew used to say our old couch had black mold? It never had fucking black mold. It was the start of Drew's weird fucking thing where he eats and knocks out and he would eat and then go. Yeah, he would.
eat and then go lay on the couch and knock out and he was the only one experiencing that but he'd be like guys something so weird happens when i put my face at this couch and he would always lay down and be like watch in like 10 minutes i'm gonna be asleep and he would be asleep but it was after he fucking ate food he would like lay on the couch and knock out crazy fucking vibe bro well what's gonna happen if you go to the doctor and you actually do have pre-diabetes and you have to change your eating habits change my eating habits
Will you? No. I'll eat what I eat until my fucking feet fall off, bitch. Like, I'll be walking around with stubby fucking legs if I have to give up Takis because I'm not giving up Takis. You are so annoying. If they say give up Red 40 or we'll take your feet, I'll let them have my feet. Yes.
Just take my feet now. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I guess who would you be without your nighttime concoctions? I don't know. Like if you would lose yourself, you're having the same thing. People have been like, who would I be? Like I would lose all my spark if I took an SSRI. That's you with your food. I would lose all my spark if I wasn't literally feeding my gut. The most diabolical. That's the thing is my microbiome controls my brain. So I have like a very eclectic, weird microbiome in my gut.
That's a weird way to describe a really unhealthy microbiome. I have an eclectic microbiome. You're thinking like there's like trinkets and charms in your stomach. No, it's literally like red 40 corn syrup and acid. Every time I eat, I kill them. You kill all the healthy bacteria in your gut. No, but like once a month you'll have a green juice. Yeah. I've been good about eating green. I really have been.
And don't even sit there in front like I haven't. You had a single... I saw you eat a salad for the first time. I ate a salad. I ate broccoli and broccoli and cauliflower. It was Dave's hot chicken sandwich, macaroni. He had Reese's Take Five, Smarties, peanut M&M's, and some other random shit in there. Oh, no, and a KFC cake.
Chicken cheese pizza, which is a KFC chicken thigh with it's like a fake fucking Parmesan like. Yeah, it's a cheese. So he ate all of that with the salad on the side. And that mind you, that's how he drenched in ranch. Listen, listen, there's a yin and a yang, a given a take. And I have to balance the good with the evil because if I'm just eating good things for me, I'm going to be sad. I have to experience the bad to be happy.
oh i ate am i ate holy shit no don't deprive yourself of the things you want to eat that's the takeaway if i want to eat a salad i'm going to eat a salad eat what i want but not the way you do like i i had that mac and cheese from dave's hot chicken i was like yeah i'm gonna have that mac and cheese but i'm also gonna eat like not red 40 on the side with it my red 40 stare
Yeah, guys, it's been getting out of control. I eat like three meals at once at night in my bed. It is a vibe, though, because I get a late night snack out of it. So I get to have my dinner at a normal human time of like 7 p.m. And then around 1 p.m. I can just walk into Drew's Buffet and it's like the nastiest things I've ever seen. And I get to have a bite of everything. So I get to have
all your evil food. Evil, evil food. For my late night snack, which is actually kind of a vibe. Literally. Thank you for that, actually. This is probably a problematic take, but I miss Bon Appetit, Brad, and Clara, or Claire, so fucking much. Oh, yeah. I miss that era of life. Because it also was like a vibe. And also, like, it was so fun shipping them, even though they probably hated each other. And, like, I stumbled upon, like,
Brad's TikTok recently and he's still fucking weird and doing weird shit and I love him and he's sexy hot and then I stumbled upon Claire and she's making TikToks now and she's sexy hot and it's just like literally such a vibe like I love them and she's so matronaut matrily how do you say that matrily I think so is that how you say that Kai honestly I don't know but it sounds right and I just want her to hold me
And she makes like these like browned butter sugar cookies with chocolate. I wish I had the lust for life that people who cook really good meals for them do because I really make myself meals to survive. We made jacket potatoes. That's true. That's what was cracking me up is to Drew. I was saying how we haven't cooked. We haven't made a meal in this house that needs heat. What I fucking eat.
i can't even make fun of what you eat because what i eat is fucking you eat ingredients yeah i eat ingredients but no no it's deconstructed it's deconstructed yeah it's kind of like michelin star vibe like deconstruction it's cottage cheese and heart of palms that bitch was on to something the lady on tiktok who's eating heart of palm with mustard and cottage cheese that shit is fucking yummy and i got the stuff to make it today so i'm gonna today i'm gonna have a tuna sandwich yeah and heart of
palm with mustard and cottage cheese. You know what I'm going to do is I'm going to have tuna and Ritz and then I'm going to get some cottage cheese and I'm going to scoop out half of an avocado one bite at a time and then put the cottage cheese in the bite and eat it all at once and y'all I swear to God it'll change your life. It'll change your life. Well the birds are back to chirping and I think it's going to be okay. I think it's all going to be okay.
You heard birds? Yeah, because when winter starts to end and the birds are back to chirping outside my window, I do feel a little spark again. And I heard it yesterday. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, guys. You were on a good one yesterday. I'm literally going to be okay. See, because I had to show up for my bae. No, you were actually feeling good. You were happy. Yeah. Let's say it that way. Yeah. I was so happy. I was so happy. I'm so happy! I'm so happy!
- I'm so happy! - Just wait till the hummingbirds come back and they're flying around our living room window. - Dude, I feel like we have to insert it. There's a TikTok of Josie and I either feel like that picture. - Or I feel like the character running through a Silent Hill map.
Those are my two variations of mental states right now. And I'm to the point that usually talking about my mental state will make me burst into tears, but I actually feel better.
Nothing. Oh my God. Wow. Makes you think I feel nothing. You're like, I literally, it is actually so funny where my mental state has been, but I'm just hoping and praying that it goes away soon or I start taking an SSRI and I never have to feel this again. And that's my vibe right now because being 25 post five years of therapy and still feeling like this,
Something's not adding up. Something is not adding up. But yeah, that's my mental update. I feel like I give a yearly around this time a mental update. And just so you know, I'm right back to where I started. I did the circle and I'm right back to the starting point. But it's okay because...
I just get high as fuck and I play Fortnite and I act like I don't exist. And then it's fun. It's fun. Or if we do stuff like yesterday when I just distract myself all day. But then at night, Drew fell asleep way too early and I was alone with my thoughts for like four hours. And I felt fucking insane. I was so down bad. I played a U2 song on Fortnite Festival to distract myself. That's how down bad I am. Because I...
played the Lady Gaga and the Olivia Rodrigo songs too many times and I don't want to play fucking a Nelly song. Why is that in the Fortnite like festival? Like it kind of makes no sense. I don't want to play a Nelly song. I don't. I'm so sorry. I don't give a fuck about Blink 182. Like, oh, kill me. I don't want to play that. I want fun girl songs. Like, where's all the girl songs? So I played a U2 song and I just sat in silence alone in the living room playing a U2 song on Fortnite festival. And I felt like
My head was going to explode, but then Drew woke up and told me about his dream. And then I got up and I was like, I need to go to bed because this is not helping me right now. Sending you to the dark place. Right. Well, I am just so incredibly happy and just so happy. So happy. I'm so happy. Everything she said, I'm feeling.
So we're just like this bubble. We just potentiate each other every single night and it's actually a really dangerous environment to be in. So I've decided I'm not going to feed into it anymore and you can't feed into mine anymore. And that's the tea. That's the real tea. And I've been electrocuting my brain. Yeah, I was going to bring it up, but I was like, I'm going to let Kai talk about that because that is not my tea. You know what's crazy is, so I've been doing TMS, which is like,
When girls have periods and they're like really angry. No, it's not the same as that. That's PMS. Oh.
Not me educating you. So I basically be doing this thing where you like you electrocute like a part of your brain literally and it's supposed to stimulate it. It's a vibe. I've heard of it. Yeah. It's supposed to work. We'll fucking see. Because every time I'm in that chair, I feel like I'm in Clockwork Orange and my fucking memory is being erased. Your eyes are like pulled. Yeah. But the first I went in for like the first one and the person that was like helping me with it was like,
What do you do for work? And I was like, oh, I produce this podcast. And he was like, oh, emergency intercom. And then he pulled the switch and was like...
And I was like getting electrocuted. And it's not like I'm like kind of like joking when I say it's like you're getting electrocuted, but you are. No, you are. You literally are. You smell burning flesh. It's like your brain is touching like a dangerous socket. Are you telling me your doctor that's electrocuting your brain listens to this podcast? Well, the person that set me up, yeah. I haven't been paired with them again, but...
That's so gag worthy. But I was like, you're literally strapped into a chair, like tied into it because they don't need to move. Because if you go too far to the right, then you like your brain turns off. Yeah. I've seen videos of it. It's like pretty intense. Like they're like,
It was just the craziest situation because they have Roku on and it's just like drone footage of like farmland. And he was like, cool, like how long have you guys been like doing that? Like I just started listening recently. I was like getting electrocuted. Damn, he wasn't even listening like in the beginning. He's not even OG. I think he's like been a fan for like a couple months.
but okay then we get with your shit yeah yeah but he was really sweet and it was actually kind of fun talking to him well i got like an electric current pulsating through my yeah i guess that's a better situation is having like a semi-normal conversation with somebody rather than like a sterile ass doctor just being like you ready yeah okay again yeah but they've been upping the power every single day
And it's to the point where like my face twitches every time. It's daily, y'all. He's gone. He has like three more weeks of daily brain zaps. Do you feel like it's helping? I'm going to be honest. I have felt better. You have. The last couple weeks. I feel like you can pick up
yeah i was gonna say you've like yeah every time we've like had our hour-long phone calls me and kai talk on the phone i have a screenshot we talk on the phone for like an hour almost every night it's a vibe um but yeah i just like keep mental notes and you're i've been feeling better it's been like the first time in like nine months but with all this shit i'm like i'm not gonna say it's a success until it's like six months deep yeah but
But yeah, it's been good. And I think it's a really funny thing to do. Yeah. Which is the most important part. It's a bit. Yeah. I feel like I'm literally a cartoon character. Dude, I've been doing this thing called masturbation. Have y'all heard of that? Yeah. Yes. That's not like a... I actually think that might be... If you do it too much, I actually think that might be bad for you. No.
Oh. Are you proving the statistics wrong? I just did it. I just did it just now. Like, literally just now. You know the thing where, like, samurais that are really good will, like, barely open the sword? Fucking flat. That's you, but with your wiener. Ew. Ew. Y'all are fucking nasty boots. Have I ever told the twin experiment in college? Yes. Yeah. I've talked about that on the podcast. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
No, I didn't. I swear you have. What is it? Why do you think we're lying? What is it if I talk about it? It's like they tried to take you and Madeline or you thought they took you and Madeline for a study or some shit. You've talked about a twin experience. On here.
Yes I've heard the story multiple times Okay, well they are gentrifying the pyramids and it's bullshit. I swear to God they are they literally are gentrifying the pyramids like they're going in there and they're adding fucked up fake plaster rocks to like Rebuild to what they look like instead of leaving them in the ruined state They are in now and it's really we'll know it's a wrap when they have a tripod with the ring light and the iPad between it
No, they already do have that like it's crazy. They have like photo areas like a blue bottle to the middle of it Yeah, yeah, there's a blue line like if I was out there in the middle of nowhere I'd be like fuck I want a coffee so bad and then I'd see it I'd be the first person in line. Yeah, we got to get out of there though. Like literally we got to get out of those tombs and
Yeah, because it's like a sacred fucking place. Exactly. Like people got to leave. But I want to go. I want to go so bad. I want to feel the echo chamber. There's like a vibration room like inside of there where like one of the bodies was buried were buried. And the frequency that reverberates out the walls is like.
In like whatever. Whatever. It's cool. It's fucking lit. I want to go inside the pyramids. And me and Madeline and Steven were planning a trip. Oh yeah right before COVID. Yeah but then they were like you can't go. So fuck me right? I don't know if there's any landmark I've ever been like I need to go there. There's like I don't think I have a single one. Like I don't. I can't even think of a landmark. What's that big ass thing that's like flat? Drew's penis.
Why would it be flat? I was trying to get it in before you said flat. Drew's ass there. It's big and flat. Wait, but what? A big flat one? It's where the aliens touch down. It's in the United States, this huge plateau. Oh, no, no, no. Is it- It's called Devil's Plateau or something. I don't know, actually. I don't know about that. I think it's that- Is it sacred land? Devil's Tower?
I think some dude parachuted out of a plane and landed on that but didn't have a way to get down. This is insane.
Yeah, yeah. Some dude jumped out of an airplane, landed on it in the 30s, and then didn't have a way to get fucking down. So he was just trapped up there for a week and a half. That's a Mr. Beast video. Literally. It became national news. And they had to send supply drops with propeller airplanes. And they would just drop food and shelter for him every day. And then eventually five rock climbers climbed up and then climbed him down.
Isn't that tea? I'm just thinking about how there's nowhere I want to visit and it's freaking me out. But really, I've just decided I don't really give a fuck about... You don't want to go to Iceland and see the volcanoes in the silver suits? Yeah, but that's different because that's not like a historical... It's not one of the seven wonders of the world necessarily. I just want to see it because I saw a movie about lavas and volcanoes and...
And I know it'll be pretty. And I want to do that kind of stuff. But I want to like get into like all I really give a fuck about when I travel is if I could go somewhere and get into a body of water, that's what I want. And if they have a Dover Street Market with the rare Dover Street Market clothing. No, I like literally have decided I don't like to travel.
for cities. What you gotta do is you gotta get high and then watch a documentary on the pyramids and then it'll be the only thing you can think about for six months. It just sounds like that environment will fuck up my eczema. That's all I can think about when I look at the desert. Like watching Dune, I was like, dude, this would destroy me. Like it would feel like my skin was being ripped off. Now you have the suit that recycles your pills. Yeah. That's so gross. No, I'm entering my architect arc soon, y'all. I think I'm gonna start building little houses.
In the middle of the wood. Or in the woods. In the middle of the woods. I'm going to like go to Home Depot and buy like plywood and shit and just build like houses. I'm imagining you like getting like nails and building something and it falling over and you go like freaking out the way you do and something fucks up and you're like fuck, fuck, oh my god, fuck. I'm going to fucking kill myself. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. No, no. If I'm out alone, I can't yell because I'm not yelling towards anybody. Ooh.
I ate again. I think you might still yell. I would yell. Not me. I'm different. You don't talk to yourself at all? Yeah, I do. I do a lot. I'm fucking crazy, y'all. I'm fucking crazy. I'm so fucking crazy. Okay, well, let's get into some media stuff.
We watched Dune 2. We did a back-to-back double feature. Oh, yeah. That's what I was saying. We watched Dune 1 here at the crib. It was three hours. And then we went to the theater and watched Dune 2 for three hours. Dune 2 is fucking awesome.
awesome uh duh everyone says it's awesome it is awesome it was like there were some comparisons made before where i was like girls like what the fuck are you talking about like people were saying it was like better than the godfather and shit like one why are you comparing those two movies to like it's literally not so like don't say that but um it was good as fuck and it
It's something you should go watch, point blank, period. That was the thing that Drew's birthday wish for us all to do is to see Dune 1 and 2. Actually, no, I literally just forgot it was my birthday when I bought the tickets and it was my birthday, rolling into my birthday as we got in there. Then everyone was like, oh, it's your birthday. Like, oh, okay.
come and join yeah that's why I did it because I was like I know because now that I've pointed it out that it rolls into because I pointed it out and I was like I don't really want to go but I guess it's kind of like your birthday wish and you were like oh
oh, yeah, I guess it is. I guess you have to do it unless you don't fucking give a fuck about me. And he said it to me and Josie because me and Josie were like, we're not doing that. We don't want to. But me and Josie sat next to each other during it. But when we were here, I was like, I feel like if I got high, I would tap in. Like, I just know I would because watching across the Spider-Verse in that state literally had me thinking that I made the movie. Like, it was the craziest feeling I've ever felt. I was like,
oh my god it was so gorgeous being a part of this movie that's what it made me feel like and then watching Dune 1 I got so tapped in in a way that I genuinely don't believe I would have sober because I'm such a bitch about sci-fi and I don't really care for sci-fi because I grew up in a household with a parent who really liked Star Wars so I grew up
watching those movies all the time and they would piss me off and I would always take a nap and be like wake me up when this shit's over like I don't want to fucking watch this shit again so I don't like sci-fi because of that and I was so tapped in and me and Josie sat next to each other for the second one and we sat next to a man who did not fuck with our vibe like we are respectful we did not talk during the movie but during the fucking ads and like the random trailers we were making jokes to each other about it and he wouldn't look at us but he was doing this the whole time like
Like just staring at us and we were like, oh my God. And he like didn't like they were sitting behind us. So I would get up to go get snacks from them and come back down. And when I would be coming back down, I would literally just watch him like stare at me into my seat. And like he didn't want to turn his head to us, but we knew he
he was so unhappy to be sitting next to us. Were y'all being annoying? No, during the movie, I literally said to Josie, I was like, okay, during the movie, we're not going to talk because this man's actually going to stab us. Like, don't fucking speak to me. Me and Josie did not utter a single fucking word to each other during that movie because he gave me the aura that he was actually going to like,
Stab me a mass stabbing was going to happen to me and Josie if we even breathed too hard during that movie So we didn't speak during the movie also There was one point when I was falling asleep because I don't think any human should watch six hours of doom also I cheat coded that shit cuz y'all hoes waited for fucking years to see the second one bitch I got to binge it like it was love is mine like I just saw the whole thing in one night um
It was lit, and I was the only one who clapped after. Dude, it was so funny. Me, Josh, and Lucas, and Christian were dying laughing, and you clapped and went, woo! It was silent. It was so silent. Y'all aren't vibing the way I was, and I had a really good time, and it was freaking awesome, and then I came home, and I knocked out. That's my story. It was a vibe. It was a vibe. It was the best birthday I've ever had in my life.
Um, okay. Well then my music media is, I made a new playlist on Spotify and it's called, I want to like music again. So, so bad, please let me enjoy music. This is out of control. Um, and it's because I don't like music right now. Hence my media has been so fucking boring. Um,
Go listen to that playlist if you want to hear what I'm trying to like right now. And it's mainly just all Inya and Orion's music that they put on in my vicinity. And that's my media. My media is Nothing Stays the Same by Elastica, Claire de Lune No. 3 by Claude Debussy. Bussy. Wondering Who by The Jacksons.
it only happens delegation oh and roll on babe Ronnie Lane spray on bitches my favorite song is spray on bitches um okay juice I up corner juice I up corner y'all bitches want to try fentanyl try fentanyl this dick in your mouth oh my god
Oh, my gosh. Folklore Evermore canker sore. I don't give a fuck. Where's the liquor store? This girl just put $1 on pump two. Where the fuck she going? Pump three. And these are all screenshots from my email. So y'all got to get better. Do better, y'all.
Okay, let's see. I literally can't wait to eat a tuna sandwich right now. That's what's keeping me going. Period. This one's so stupid. Got a meatloaf flavored vape from Goodwill and now my arms won't bend. Eric Ivan Wolf. Okay, well...
That sucks. Oh my God. I'm done with y'all. Send me good shit next time. How about that? Okay, motherfuckers. Oh my God, you're so evil. Well, that was it for the episode. Sorry if we bummed you out. We? You said you agreed with me. No, it was a we thing. I hope everybody... I feel like everybody's in a bit of a slump right now. Yeah. Love you.
We will all prevail and maybe... You hear the birds? Yeah, maybe the birds will save me. It's not that I'm down, but I'm like, the birds are safe. The bird is the word, y'all. The bird is literally the word. All right. Thank you guys for watching. Peace and love. The good news is the new Fortnite season comes out this week. Oh, when is that? Is it this week? It might be today. Really?
Yeah, it's this week. So let's go. Big things coming. Big things coming. Because I get drunk alone and play for hours. Dude, I like can't play Fortnite not sober because I suck so bad. But I've been sucking really bad because it's to the point of the season where all the fucking like crazy motherfuckers are playing. Yeah. And it's just only the people, only the streamers. Yeah. And like bitches like you are playing right now. Thank you. So I'm just getting murked. Also, we got stream sniped. Oh.
Oh, yeah. Really? I was playing on stream and somebody stream sniped us. And I didn't notice until somebody posted a compilation of how many times me and Drew got killed in a game we were playing. And the same person killed me twice. Aw, behavior. So you're evil. Fucking loser. Also, guys, I know I've been making all these jokes about drinking alone. They're not jokes. Oh, my God. I'm getting fucked up every night. No, they're jokes. They're jokes. I have...
I'll have like five beers. Oh, that's a lot. Okay. Someone said I was pushing 50. I am. You are not pushing 50. I am. You're barely pushing 30. But no, if you think about it, 25 is halfway to 50. Anything over 25 is pushing fucking 50. I'm pushing fucking 50, y'all.
Well, I'm pushing pee, so. Penis and pushing penis. Penis and vagina. We're all going to make it through this, guys. We will listen to the birds. All right, bye.