the Hey Incident
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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Episode 15. We made it. We made it to 15. I almost said, that's three weeks in a row. What is that, like three, almost four months? Almost four months.

Of consistent weekly posting. That is absolutely unheard of. Like, us being offended when people are like, what the hell? Like, yeah, bitch, it is shocking. It's shocking, it's shocking. But we're here to stay, baby. You can't get rid of us. Hopefully. Just wait till we start making money. I know. I was gonna say, I mean, we're here to stay if it turns into something. But by this time, we thought we'd be able to pay a bill or something, but...

No money. We can't even pay Kai. We've got free interns. We're free workers for ourselves. Literally... No, never mind. I'm just saying, we're doing all this work for free for them. Like, they're getting us for free.

I think they've always gotten us for free, though. So, like, that's not that crazy. It's not like we're, like, Netflix stars or, like, usually you'd have to pay a subscription to see us. I want booking fees per video. I want age. If everybody who watched this video sent us $10, that'd be awesome. Well, that's why we were going to start a Patreon. Yes. But not for $10. Because literally, what would we do for $10?

A lot of shit. There are people out there who would give you $10 a month if you practiced three times a week trying to learn how to do a backflip. I'll do it. I swear to God, I'll do it. The thing is, I know if you tried to do a backflip, you would be the person to break your fucking back and I'd have to be wheeling you around. No, I think I could land a backflip if I practiced for a while. I don't think tall people can do that. Yeah, I think that's like...

Eh, maybe not actually. No, but I could do a backflip if I like practice for like, like give me six months and I'll be able to do this is literally like when you watch the Olympics and you were like, I could be a sharpshooter like no, I okay, literally, but like think about that. Like you just stand still and hold the fucking gun and shoot it like that's the easiest thing ever. You don't train physically at all. Yes, you do.

You think because you go to war once a week on Call of Duty. I haven't played in a long time. Good, girl. I would go into your room and it'd be like steaming. Which doesn't make sense. You should be playing it when it's cold. But I guess since Brandon's wedding is coming up, is that why? Yeah.

My brother's getting married. Congratulations, Brandon and Rachel. I love y'all. I love y'all so much. I'm sorry I'm not going to be there. You flaked last second. Did you know that this is perfect to bring up on the podcast? They've already ordered your food and it's $85 a plate. And now they have an extra plate of food. I'll drive there.

I'll go for two days and then come back. Let's do it. I'll do it if you kiss me. Kiss me. Okay, do we get into the topic or do I get what's on the forefront of my brain out and then we can get on the topic? Get on the forefront. Get on the forefront. Yes. When you said that, I imagined you handing me a gun and like pushing me. We need to start going back to war. Yeah, there hasn't been like...

Enough war. Yeah. That's why there's so much like tension in society right now. It's because all the men are just at home and we're just not at war. Send us away and life will be good again.

That is actually very interesting. I wonder if that correlation has been made before. I wonder if that thought has been made. I hate that, like, your face genuinely turned, like, hmm. Like, you believed yourself. Yes. I guess, I don't know. I don't know if the world was any better. Bitches, like, couldn't drive cars. No, bitches could drive cars by then. Yeah. We had, like, tanks and airplanes. I don't know the car life.

Bitches can drive tanks. I have to get what's at the forefront of my brain off because my brain is actually on fire right now. There's like two very important things. Three. The first one being that I need to let y'all know because I tell y'all about all of Azul's bowel movements. At 6.30 a.m. today, I woke up to the sound of like gagging and like coughing.

And I looked down and Azul was just looking down at her vomit that she's thrown up onto my bed. And I literally sat up and I was like staring at her and she was looking at me. And I think I like moved to go like see where she threw up and she like ran away. And I wish I got a picture of her because like a little bit of sunlight was peeking through Azul's

And it genuinely looked like the alien standing in the doorway. Like, that was Azul in her shadow. And she was standing there so shameful, just staring at the floor for, I'm not kidding, like 20 minutes. Oh, he knew he did a bad thing. He didn't mean to do it. No, he didn't. I wonder what, though. I bet he fucking... Well, I caught him chomping on my plant again. The reason why I left that there is because there's a dead leaf on the ground. And I'm like, if he's going to eat anything, he can eat this dead leaf and get it out of him and just eat my fucking plant. I need to order that spray because...

He's destroying all of my plants. Yeah. That whole corner is just fucking mangled now. He munches on it. I think he could get to it by my big, long, fine plant he's been, like, chomping on since it's such a small plant. Like, why is he doing that all of a sudden? It's actually driving me insane. It's because he wants more attention. I'm going to give him attention. That sounds like you're going to hurt him. Ew. And then the second thing is...

Actually, this is not important to talk about, but like bad baby. I can't believe like that's a person. That's kind of it. She's kind of awesome. Like in her own ways. Oh no, this is what I was going to say. I think she's trying to tell people she's Mexican. There's a Mexican flag in bad baby's bio and she's been looking like hella pale, but like

Like, the makeup is, like, going towards, like, a Kali Uchis vibe. Yeah, I saw that TikTok. Not that Kali Uchis is Mexican, but, like, she's inching into Latin. Every time I see her, she looks different. Like, completely different, and it actually blows my mind. But she just has the Mexican flag up. And then I was like, no, is that the French flag? No, that's the Mexican flag. Maybe she has a little bit in her. Maybe she's, like, 25% or something. Or maybe... Wait, wait, wait. Let me see before I, like, call...

Oh no, no, no, it's the French flag. Okay, what? Like why? - Or is it the Italian flag? - Wait, what is the Italian flag? Oh, maybe it's Italian. I think it is the Italian flag.

know what all these shit look like. Because she is, like, Italian. Oh, okay. Dude, I wish it was the Mexican flag. I knew that the emblem is in the middle of the Mexican flag, but in my head, I was like, oh, I guess they didn't put it on the emoji because, like, it's just, like, so small you won't see it. It's not in that detail. But I saw that last night and literally was cracking the fuck up because imagine, like, bad baby just entering her Mexican era. She freaks me the fuck out. Legitimately scares me. Like, if I saw her on the street, I'd be terrified of her. She talks... She, like...

like, flexes how, like, quote-unquote petite she is all the time. It's, like, very odd. I was, like, doing heavy stocking, and she's like, I'm 87 pounds. I'm 93 pounds. Because she's 4'11", so she's like... Do you remember when she got into that fight? I forgot who she fought, but, like... Was it Malu? Yeah, maybe it was Malu. I don't know. I remember her fighting someone, and it was, like, it broke the internet for a little bit. She just breaks the internet constantly. Like, she knows exactly how to piss everybody off.

It's good. She gives very like Miami, Florida behavior. So I'm like, let's not expect anything of that baby. Like when, like, of course. Yeah. Like what? A lot of the things she does are wrong. But like, why are we holding out hope that bad baby is going to come to the Internet in any form of PC like form? No. One day she pulls up to the Internet and like.

just with like minimal like Alexis Ren makeup and is like hey guys and like that's my favorite arc like literally like whoa Vicky had that arc like she was like the worst person of all time and now she's just like a Christian who like loves children and like wants a child like

Her arc was, like, crazy. My thing is, like, what I try to remember is think about how bored you are and, like, the people watching, like, have, like, jobs and, like, go to school and, like, have, like, these full lives in their own towns. And then think about, like, think about how bored you can get even though you're, like, leading a full life where you have, like, responsibilities. Think about how bored Whoa Vicky is. Like...

And like people like bad baby. And then think about if you had that much free time, there's a chance you're going to be a fucking piece of shit at some point because you are so bored. And also like when the money's right, like people do stupid shit for money at any time of their life. Yeah. Like squid game. Like I'm so glad the documentary was made about that. I know. Like that needed to actually be talked about. Yeah. Because like the lengths in which someone will go for two for money and like how they'll just like turn their back on you. I can't believe that happened in real life.

No one is talking about that. See, that's one of my problems is school doesn't teach you important things like how to do your taxes in Squid Game. How to win Squid Game. I mean, technically, the recess, you do learn a little bit. But we didn't grow up in Korea, so we'd fucking die. I'd be like, what are these games? Someone posted and they were like, Inya and Drew would win the Squid Game. And I was like...

Yeah, we probably would. Like we're kind of maniacal. Like I'm sorry, but I forget his name, but the dude who like fucked everybody over at the end and like didn't really. 119? Yeah, 119. Like that's how I would play the game. I'm sorry. Like I just would be, I would be a devil. Like I couldn't play fair. I would be an asshole and I'd do anything to win because I want to live.

See, that's where we're different because I relate to 456. I'm like, I would immediately emotionally get attached to everybody around me and then be trying to make sure they live with me. Yeah, but no, I'm kind of, I'm like a lone wolf. I'm a popular loner. I would have to have sex with 67 and the girl she partnered with because you probably miss in the behind the scenes. That's what that episode actually like...

met that was the like special meaning of the episode everyone was partnering up with who they wanted to have sex with oh yeah so I would probably they would probably I would be like the girl who didn't get a partner and then they just throw me into like a threesome with one of them and I would pick 67 and like I don't know her name or her number that duo literally I don't know like I love both of them with my whole heart

Yeah, I mean, I have a deeper intimacy because we did have sex. That was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced in my life. Legitimately the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced. I know. No, I like you saying that's the most heartbreaking. Like, actually, like, that made me cry, like,

So hard. I was literally like, I was showing my friend on the phone yesterday like what I look like when I use my iPad and I literally like lay back and since I don't have a, we don't have a case to bend it on or anything, I literally put a pillow or a plushie on my chest and then put the iPad there and it's this close to my face and I was like,

And like looking away and like pausing and like crying and like... And then continuing it. I cried in the bath. It was awesome. Oh, I cried in your mom's arms. I was literally... No one talks about this, but how I was literally the first person to watch Squid Game. Like I actually was the first person to watch it. They like showed me before everybody. It like actually... I did. I did. You were up at like whatever... No, they emailed it to me via Dropbox.

I don't know. That's like really risky to be sending something. It was 100 gigabytes. I feel like that shit was way more than 100 gigabytes. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's get into this episode because we've been talking about absolutely nothing for the past 10 minutes. Well, you got to give them a feeler. Make our watch time go up. You know, it's like when someone makes a video. No, they clicked off. They already clicked off. But when the big thing doesn't happen until later. No, there's that one motherfucker who timestamps. Oh, yeah. For us. I haven't seen him in a while.

though. I know he dropped out. He may have passed. And I don't know if the playlist updater is still there for Spotify. Damn. It's funny how people just like stop caring about you. They like change. They switch up. They prey on your fucking downfall and then they get it and it eventually comes true. Okay. So we're here today to talk about

The hay incident. The hay incident. I think we've teased this for four or five years, literally since we've known each other. Yeah. And I think now is the perfect time to really dive into it. Makes me uncomfortable a little bit because it's embarrassing. Well, it shouldn't be embarrassing for you, bitch. It's embarrassing for me because I could not read a room. No, it's embarrassing for me because...

I just froze. That makes sense, though. I was, like, very, like, extroverted and fucking annoying. And I brought it up a lot. I was, like, not cool about it. I was very annoying. So, if you don't... How do we do this? If you don't know what the hay incident is... Yeah. We're talking about the time Drew literally ghosted me and fully rejected me and destroyed my ego. He gave me ego death. So, we'll start from the very beginning. So...

Like, how long ago? Six years ago we met each other? Five years ago in person? We, like, became friends in, like, late 2014, early 2015. And then... We met. So, like, we knew of each other. We've known of each other for a while. Yeah. And then just, like, through the internet and, like, whatever. But, like, we never really spoke online. We just kind of, like, were in the same crowds and, like, really just knew of each other. And then...

We finally met in person on tour. Yeah, and I think before that, I had finally... We followed each other, like, a few months before. Yeah. Because Christian was the reason I got on tour, and you were close to Christian. Yeah. So then I was like, oh, I should follow the people on tour, so it's, like, not weird. Yeah. But yeah. So we met each other for the first time in 2015, and it was in Miami, and...

and you got invited to one of our tour dates and yeah, it was, it was a good time. It was like, it's awkward at first, obviously. We did have sex immediately. Yeah. It was really awkward. It was gross. We took each other's like virginity, like immediately. It was really gross. Um, in the middle of the like banquet hall where everyone was watching. Um, but no, when I went, I remember I thought I would hang out with like Christian and like

more because like those were the people who I knew more out of everyone but it was actually you like I we like hit it off immediately twin flame like soulmates like legitimately platonic soulmates but yeah we literally got along

instantly and then I think after the show oh no we even did our table together yeah we did like a little duo thing together damn that's actually crazy like immediately like pairing up and then we did it every show yes from then on that's so sweet I never thought about that um

But yeah. Oh yeah. Cause our tickets weren't even being sold as like, we weren't even having duo tickets at that point. That's crazy. It was literally just separate. And then we just were like, let's just combine our tables. Cause I felt like we already had like very similar audiences. Cause we were like monsters online. Like we were like evil people online. Um,

But yeah. But yeah, we like hit it off immediately. We hung out and did our like meet and greet table together the whole time. And then after we like walked to Starby's together. Starbucks. Yeah. And I don't remember anything we specifically spoke about, but it was very chill. Like we got along really well. And then there's. I remember thinking like, oh, like this is weird. Cause like whenever I meet new people, I'm like so closed off and like genuinely like not like myself. Um,

And that still is like even today. And it took me like weeks before I was like comfortable around Christian and Michael. And like I remember immediately I like felt like normal. Like I just like could be like a monster with you. I was what you needed in life. Yeah, exactly. And you were what I needed. And I was what you needed. Okay. Yes. Yes. And I'm striking out. I'm tweaking. I'm a fucking tweaker. Yeah.

I'm tweaking out, man. Mikey! Mikey! Go get him! I was like, Enya! Enya! Go fucking get him! The way you do your job is perfect. So, me and Drew were getting along. The funny thing is, too, I don't think we...

Spoke that much outside of Tor. Or maybe I'm tripping, but I don't... Not immediately. Yeah. I don't even think, like, when we were in the, like, really thick of it of being homies, I don't feel like we were, like, huge phone communicators. But maybe we were. We were. Yeah, we were texting, like, literally almost immediately. Like, we were, like, texting, like, almost every day. I mean, like, not, like, at first, but, like, I remember, like... Yeah, as it got into it. I, like, considered you, like, my... Like, one of my best friends. Oh.

um and i was like this is about to be my favorite okay also for like context um not to demean your attractiveness or whatever but this was a time in my life where any boy or person in general who gave me the time of day and actually like spoke to me a lot and gave me a lot of attention and like was very kind to me i was like we should date yeah i was like

And it doesn't help that I'm like literally absolutely sexy, like drop dead gorgeous, like just like bulging all over. I don't know if you were like... Gray sweatpants challenge every day. You were always in those gray sweats. I was in those Nike tracks.

I know, literally. In your Nike tracks and like weird shirts. Yeah. My Metallica shirts. I could not name a single Metallica song. The Metallica Thrasher era. Dude, okay. Band T era, Justin Bieber Purpose tour merch era. Like we need to burn that shit. That is where fast fashion began. Began. That was like the start. That was the moment fast fashion looked at us and was like, I'm about to take advantage of you. I'm about to beat this bitch's ass.

But yeah, I just thought everyone who was nice to me, I was like, I should date them. That's two plus two equals four. We get along. Why aren't we kissing? So I don't know if it was immediate, but I think it might have been. When it happened, I didn't feel like I was leading you on or anything. I genuinely was like, oh, we're just really close friends, but maybe I should have thought about it deeper. No, I don't even think, it's not like I showed signs of it.

Of having a crush on you. Like. There was one time. What? No. There was one time. You know what I'm talking about. Was it Boston? With Cody. Next to us.

It was like, yeah, it was Boston. It was 100% Boston. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

Boston I was brave. Yeah, you were brave in Boston. I remember I was very brave in Boston. I was a prude and a virgin. I would like never like actually make a like crazy move. An actual move. That's the other thing like all of your like moves were so subtle and like weird. It was just like it was just like it was unreadable. Yeah, it was just something that you could like still yeah, I don't think I've ever been good at like

hitting on people or like making it known i like them but especially when i was like 16 and like just into karen i was like this is what someone wants like i think like as far as i know this is what tumblr has taught me so this is what my fanfics taught me so um but yeah and i don't think it was very obvious at all but in my head it was like a blazing i was like

I think every, especially teenager, does that. When you have a crush on someone, you read into everything they were doing. Also, another thing is, I was just a crush whore. And I feel like everyone goes through that phase. But I had a crush on you. I had a crush on two guys at school. I had a crush on a close friend of mine. But I was at the top of the list. Yeah. Come on. Of course. You'll always be at the top of my list, girl. Thank you. So yeah. I think it was like 2016. Yeah. Yeah.

The hay incident happened... Like, late 20... Like, middle 2016, maybe? I think top 2017. It was, like, right before we moved out. Nuh-uh. It was, like, a year... Or almost two years before we moved out here. I wish we had the timeline perfectly laid out. But basically... I think I could find it. Because I have to find the... I have a screenshot of the hay. Yeah. So, Enya, like...

Yeah, like sending me signals. I wasn't reading them. Like, I feel like I'm pretty good at like picking up when like people have like crushes on me or whatever. And I like, yeah, like because I'm easily like crushed upon. Like, I just get it so often. Yeah, it happens to you all the time. Like literally people are all over me. September 8th, 2016. Oh, wait, no, no, no. The actual text, I don't know when it was sent out, but I had posted...

something that said #NeverForget #Survivor Oh, so it was literally way before that then. Yeah. So then it was like 2016. Okay, let's keep going. Which is so brave of me to post on an account you follow. That's like so mean. I was a cunt.

But yeah, so I don't know at what point I was like, fuck it. Maybe it was after this Boston incident where I was like trying to be like, no, but like I'm so hot. Also, we were like sharing beds. And again, like I can't, I'm trying to like kind of cut around it. Okay, I'll literally just say I like slept in my underwear next to Drew and I was like getting closer because I was like, I was like, he's going to hold me. Like I was like, he cannot resist me. And like I was like, get off of me. Eddie.

And he was just like so uncomfortable.

No, I genuinely, I don't even remember that. There was another thing that I was talking about. Oh, wait, can you say it and then leave it out? I don't remember that. Oh, that's what I remember is I remember I was like, I'm going to be crazy and I'm going to be like, I didn't bring like pajama pants and I'm going to sleep in my underwear. Also, it's not even like I had sexy underwear. I had like fucking like gap ass underwear, which some would argue that like that's sexier than like a thong, especially if you have like no ass like me. It's like embarrassing to wear a thong for me. But.

What I was thinking of was when it was like me, you, and Cody Ryle. And we were like all in a room in, I guess it was Boston. No, I do not remember doing that. That literally happened. Yes. I can't do that anymore. Yes. I do not remember that. That happened. Stop, because that's way worse. Yeah, that will get bleeped out. I think around the time when I was like, fuck it, I'm just going to text him. Because a few of our mutual friends knew.

Um, because I would like tell them that I did and like they would all be like, I think it's like, but goes both ways, which is like a fucking lie. Like bitch, tell me the truth. Um, and at this point I was just like, it's not fun anymore. I'm just like bored and I'm just going to say it and like, see if he says anything in response. And literally the text is so like 17 year old me brain. So this is, this is exactly how it went down. So it was a Tuesday, right?

At 3 a.m., like, cool. So at 3 a.m. my time, oh, no, it's like 1 a.m. But it was on like a school night, so whatever. I say... I was awake. I remember it vividly. I said, as if you didn't already know, I have the fattest crush on you. So I wanted to tell you that I do indeed have the fattest crush on you.

And then I ghosted. He just didn't say anything to that. And it was like hours. I had seen it. No, it was almost a full day. Yeah, that's what I meant. It was a long time and I just completely ghosted it. I didn't want to talk about it.

Because I was like, no, like, I actually like hanging out with you. Like, don't ruin this. But little did you know that, like, for me, I was like, all right, okay, fine. Like, this, I was butthurt, but it was, like, more funny to me. Like, the whole thing for me was more funny, but I'm glad you, like, were caring about not wanting to, like, muddle our relationship. Yeah. But...

Again, I was like a crush whore and I had a crush on literally everybody. It was like actually fucked up. And then I would lead a bunch. And then almost 24 hours later, I just responded. Hey. Oh, wait. No, actually, it's high. It's not even. Hey, I responded. Hi. And then I almost immediately was like, hi.

And then nothing. He didn't say anything after that. Because I was like, I don't want to... I don't know how to fucking address this. Like, I don't... I don't crush on you back. Like, I didn't have a thing for you back. So then...

Later that night at 10:52 p.m. You're just not my type. You know, I say yeah, cuz I'm not inside out dad bitch You're just not my type if I was inside out dad though, and I said and I said this to you. Would you go for it? Yeah, I would have felt like flat fire in my stomach and my heart would have exploded into a million butterflies if I would have felt it in my penis tip

If I was 67, you would reply instantly. Yes. From Squid Game. You would be like, hello, hello, hello. Exactly. Yes, yes. Me too, me too. Mama, mama. That's how I responded. Mama. But what if at 67 I didn't like being called mama and I found that really weird and I was like, okay, don't talk to me anymore. I'm baby girl. My girl. Okay.

for more insight is like for like I had a crush on Drew but I it wasn't like a true crush like when I think back to it it literally wasn't an actual crush it was genuinely like I just immediately loved this person but I couldn't because especially it was like a man in my life I couldn't

the two ideas of like, oh, this is someone I like actually just love on a platonic level versus this is someone like I have a crush on. Because realistically, I did not want to like I would think about like, oh, what would like making out with Drew be? And never once was I like I need to do that. And I would say that, which was so annoying because I would say that to all of my friends. I'd be like, no, like I'm not like sexually attracted to him or anything like that. And it's not like I'm an asexual person. I was very fucking horny. Yeah.

But I had no want to like make out with you or anything like that. But I'm just saying. Do you want to make out with me now? No. I would literally. We've talked about this. Us having sex now would literally be so fucking funny. It would be the worst thing ever. It would be the worst thing ever and like so like, ew, it would just be funny. Like. I like saw it. I saw it in my head. I saw it in my head. I saw it in my head.

But yeah, and I would tell this to all my friends and they'd be like, girl, that's because you're a prude. And I'm like, no, I've definitely looked at other people and wanted that. But like, I don't know. Harry Styles. Yeah. Niall Horan. Drake. But yeah, I like, so I think I'm saying that because I want to make it clear that like,

It wasn't even going to go anywhere. But it's such a funny thing. But that night at 10.52, I say hi back. And then minutes later, I say hi back. And then I was being a fucking cunt because I was like, cool fucking poking Facebook poke game we're playing. So I just sent him a screenshot of our text.

And it's hi, hi, hi, hi. Like us saying hi like four times in a row to each other. But my friend at the time, like a close friend of mine at the time who was friends with Drew, I sent her that screenshot and she printed it out and like took a picture with it.

So it's good to know that all of my friends were making fun of me behind my back. Because I know it was all the girls getting together, having a key, making fun of me. And then I was just here, oblivious to the whole situation. And it's not my fault I didn't have a crush back on you.

And that's okay because realistically, now that I know you very well and we know each other very well, I would actually rather die than us date. Like, but I feel that about all my friends because it's like now you don't go in like with rose colored lenses. Yeah. You know, everybody for their flaws. You've seen me cry. No, I've seen you be a fucking brat and you've seen me be a fucking brat piece of shit. So it's like, um, yeah, well I wouldn't date you either.

Is this your, like, coming around the bend arc? You want to date me? I wouldn't date you either. Me and Drew will get married if we're not married by... We have to push it past 30 because now I'm like, 30 isn't old enough. If we're not married... Like, we're gonna, like, finally, like, be hot when we're 30. Yeah, by 30, that's when I'll start, like, getting interest is because...

It makes me very happy when I see people like 67 from Squid Game because she's like 28, 29. And I'm like, she is so fucking hot. And I look at myself and then other 20, like two, 23 year old girls. And I'm like, I just...

I don't look like that yet. Like, what's... When's my time? When is my puberty? When is my womanhood gonna, like, really set in? Like, I look like a woman, but I want to, like, look like a woman. Yeah. I want to serve like Orion woman. Yeah. But yeah, we made, like, a pact that...

that we were going to get married when we were 30 and have children. I think it was 40. I'm pretty sure it was always 40. It was. No, I think because we said this when we were like 18, 19, 19, 20. And we were like 30 is so fucking viejito, like far away, like ew. And now we're like almost like. Don't say it. At the. I don't say it. Halfway point. So it doesn't seem that far. So being like when we're 30, I'm like, bitch.

I won't even have a house when I'm 30. Like, I can't do 30. Well, I'll have a house when I'm 30. But yeah, we have this pact. We have a blood pact where we're going to get married when we're 40 and adopt children. We could have children. I'll take a Viagra. Thanks a lot. I'll inseminate you. I'd actually rather fucking end my life. But no, we could do that thing where it's like, you have to go do your business in a cup and then they like,

Put like a turkey, like the thing they put. Yeah, baster in me and they just like give it to me. Our kids would be pretty. We would have cute babies. Maybe. No, we would have cute babies. We'd have cute little like Hispanic white babies. Honduran white babies. Do you have blue eyes? No, you have brown eyes.

What the fuck? I wish I had blue eyes. Dude, growing up, my siblings had... Dante's if he had hazel eyes, and that's all I wanted. I was jealous of Madeline's eyes growing up. She had, like, green-brown eyes. That's hazel, sis. No, like, the insides were green and the outsides were brown. I think that's hazel, sis. Well... But yeah, and I don't even know how it flushed out. I know I brought it up to him all the time. Like, I would be, like, annoying. Like, we'd be hanging out, and I would just bring it up and be like...

And like be like really annoying about it. Honestly, legitimately, unless I trauma blocked this, like I remember just like moving on from it. No, yeah, it was not a big deal. Personally, I did not have a second thought about it. I wasn't like, oh, this is like awkward. This is going to be weird now. Like I remember we like we're probably together that next weekend and like we probably hung out the entire time. But yeah, legitimately, like...

It didn't cross my mind as uncomfortable. I wish we had like maybe spoken about it back then, but it probably would have made things fucking even more weird. I know, like just in teen brain, it was like, whatever, moving on. Like it was not that big of a deal. Next crush. Yeah, I literally, I genuinely don't think I thought about it for more than, it was just funny. And I knew going into sending that text that it wasn't gonna like, you weren't gonna turn around and be like, oh my God, yes. And I didn't want that anyway, because like it literally, I feel like so many people can agree with that.

The fun part about having a million crushes is that it's going to go nowhere. And it's literally just like, I'm bored. Also, crushes literally feel good. It's like a dopamine hit. Yeah, it's just fun to like engage in whether it's like reciprocated or not. That's another thing. Like, I bet depressed people have more crushes because it feels good to like have a crush on people. And like every time you see them do something, you're immediately...

for that and you get crazy amounts of dopamine and serotonin pumped into your brain. Probably. Because I had hella crushes and I wanted to... You feel me. I feel you. But yeah, I think I just moved on and it was literally never spoken about and then I went on to date...

so many people and have so much sex like oh my god like i can't even don't get me started like i just was like always like seeing someone and having sex and since we were sharing rooms it was like the same bed as me yeah and we are a lot and in bed with drew you know oh actually you know what is the only thing that i think made me think maybe we you liked me back is when we would like

do stupid videos where we were obviously trying to act like we were dating and that is something that i see a lot on the internet and i'm like y'all are playing a risky game because i was makeup yeah like i was lucky that i walked away and i was like that's not real and like whatever but there were moments where i was like wait is this a thing because we were like so like good at like putting it on for a camera i'm just an actor um you're a fucking piece of shit leading me on yeah um no but uh

Yeah, that's like the beginning of our fruitful relationship. Yeah, and now we've been dating for seven years without telling anybody. I mean, like, kind of. Like, if we see each other every fucking day, like, we hang out every day. I would not want to see anyone I'm dating every single day of my life. That sounds like a nightmare. No one can tolerate me the way, I mean, you can't tolerate people the way you tolerate me.

I was trying to think of something mean to say, but I was like, it would be too real if I was like, I fucking hate being around you. But yeah, and now we have a very sweet, loving, platonic relationship. And what's crazy is we still kept sharing rooms and sleeping together and doing the whole thing. And it literally was not a big deal. Yeah, it genuinely wasn't weird at all. I miss those days when you could just move on.

Now everything hurts. Now it hurts. Now it feels like a stab in the heart. Um, but yeah, that was that. And I don't, I don't even know how to end it. Cause basically I get bitches and I can pick and choose who I want and who I don't want. And any, I'm sorry, but you were a rotten apple. I don't know where the fuck I was going with that. Um,

Yeah, that was that. Maybe one day we'll get into like the stories of the tour days because that shit was fucking batshit crazy. That was the... We'll do that next episode because that was legitimately like the most insane time of my life. Like...

Like, the stories from that fucking... The tour days were, like, not chill. And not even, like, oh, look, rock star stories. But, like, literally... Like, nightmare, like, children in, like, a not okay situation. Yeah, like, in a diabolical situation. I mean, like, if that story is, like, anything to, like, take from tour, like, the scenarios we were put in were, like, diabolical. Yeah, because also, like...

A bunch of random horny, bored teen kids should not have been trans. It's not going to end well. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to have a crush on my bestie. You're making me do it. But yeah. And then now we live together. It's literally nothing. I could not... Neither of us could imagine dating each other. I think some people maybe still hold out a hope that that's a thing. Yeah. And I'm sorry to break it to you. It will literally never happen. It will never happen. I've seen too much of Inya. Yeah.

Yeah. Just see me like burst into tears multiple times and be a fucking maniacal evil piece of shit. So,

And vice versa. I get crazy. I get crazy. I get crazy. I get crazy. Also, imagine dating 16-year-old me. Thank God I wasn't dating anybody when I was a teenager because I was la toxica to the max. I mean, if that screenshots anything, you literally screenshotted our text and sent it back to me. You would have tore my shit up. You would have fucking ate me alive. I would have put you in your place. Yeah, you literally would have. You would have been a different person.

I probably would have like you would have destroyed me to the point where I was like, I can't I can't keep doing this and I would have dropped off the face of the earth and like just tended to my fish tank and never posted online again. And that would have been maybe a life you liked. It would have been the best fucking life imaginable. Like me at fish conventions, like selling coral and like rare fish like that is my fucking dream. Like a reptile convention selling lizards like.

Literally me in 2019 when I was like so determined to leave the internet and be a barista. I've never talked about that online but when I was like in the rut of my depression I was like dude I can't do this social media like I actually can't like it's destroying me and every single day I would wake up and go to the coffee shop I liked and like talk to the baristas and I was like

I'm going to do it. I'm just going to work here. Yeah, I remember that was a whole phase. And then we were like, okay, but what if we opened our own coffee shop? Which I still think would be fucking awesome. Yeah, I've always wanted a coffee shop, but...

I can't even put some of it down. Like, in 20... But, like, hiring people to just do all the work for us, like... But, like, we design it and make sure the coffee tastes good and, like, bring the drinks. Yeah, I think... I liked the idea of, like, building a space and I've, like, always had a love for coffee, so I was just like, a coffee shop. Like, making a coffee shop would be, like, the best thing I could ever do in my life. No, this was as far back as, like, 2018 when we first moved here. Yeah, no, this was, like, other than, like, our second tour, like, this is the first thing we were, like, planning on doing. And then I just...

Never happened because we can't even get a fucking investor for a podcast. So I don't know why the fuck I thought someone would give me money to open a coffee shop. It actually is insane how people literally don't care about us. And that's okay because it's a very humbling thing. Like some people call paparazzi on themselves and like go to Nobu every day even though they like can't even commit to eating like the good fish there. And they go there and they like...

eat the fucking rice and then leave. Which is like, why go to a nice sushi restaurant if you're going to eat like the fried chicken and like rice or like the steak and rice or whatever. That's just me. We should just become villains.

Like, we should literally become the villain. I'm... Like, I toy with that idea so often. Just becoming the villain of the internet and really fucking leaning into the role and let everybody just fucking hate me and call me names. But at the end of the day, like... I can't do that. All publicity is good publicity. But...

I get called ugly once or I get called boring once and it literally eats me alive for three weeks. Yeah, I know. The people who like live that life are just like in a different reality. I genuinely am so impressed by like the worth ethic of like other people in our industry. No, because genuinely like...

does nikita dragon have a therapist like does she have a therapist does she just do the like crazy shit she does then puts her phone down like maybe that's what it is it's like these motherfuckers just post crazy shit and then literally put their phone down but there's no way because they're also self-absorbed they have their screen times are all 18 hours like it's literally like not chill like the only time they're off their phone is when they're in the club

And even that, they're like with their fucking LED, like, um, LED ring light selfie cameras. Like, um, not the life for me. I'm like, not the life for me. I'm good begging my followers for Patreon sub and sitting down next to the candle that's going to burn Drew's plushie alive. Drew's been, I've been doing set design. Yeah. He's been sprucing up the set for y'all. So that's a little different. Do you like what I've been doing with this?

Oh my god, when it gets actually cozy, we should set it up fall style when you get back and lean into the...

Dude, the only thing about that is like... Also, now we're just talking. Ooh, and then a Christmas tree right here. It'd be cute. The only thing about that is that we have to set this shit up every time we film. It's fucking terrible. Yeah, I know. That's another thing. We need a Patreon so we can get a fucking studio and a cool set. Like, that's what I want. Our original plan was like, oh, we're like, oh, trust me. The second we put an episode, sponsorships are going to be flying right at us. They're going to be flying.

Fighting for their time. We got one email. And it turns out maybe we're not profitable. No, we are. Just give us a fucking chance.

Give me a chance in here, baby. But no, we decided we're going independent. We're going fully independent. We're funding this ourselves. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You're funding this for us. Oh, wait, no. Love you, love you, love you. Mercury is not in retrograde. No, it is. You got a chemical imbalance, babes. Like, let's talk about it. No, it is very interesting that every time Mercury is in retrograde...

I feel like I don't exist. Like for the past, I don't know if you could tell, but for the past four episodes,

three episodes maybe four i legitimately have not been present um the last episode i felt like that but you know what it is like sometimes in life you just have to really really push that feeling down like you're just like really like there's just this weight of despair and like lack of motivation and there's absolutely no lust for life and you might think like you know i should talk about it i should figure it out but then once you get to 22 you're like you know what this

is going to be here for some time so you got to just get up and you got to put all your weight on it and push it down and push it down to your feet and by the night time it's rised back up to your head but it's too late because you're tired and you're going to bed so you don't have time to think about

Or you get on your iPhone all day. You get on your fucking iPad and watch TikToks. iPad, iPhone, TV. Have them all blasting at your senses at once. Spotify just blasting noise into your ears. And so you literally can't think about these thoughts. There's no time. There is no time. That's a lie. I have a therapist and it slays. I have performance anxiety, I think.

No, because I felt dead before even the podcast. I don't know. We'll figure it out. Hopefully I become alive again. I have felt dead ever since the drinking the night where I almost died. So maybe I literally...

need to go to the doctor and figure that out because my brain has been foggy since then. Also, what I will say is you were on a really good run of eating healthy. Yeah. Like, not to be that annoying person, but you were having your, like... This is so annoying. You were having your, like, air-worn meals of, like... You were eating, like, kind of... I don't want to be that person, but you were eating, like...

for the most part like predominantly like vegetarian but you've been doing that you've been having like curry which doesn't have any meat in it but yeah you were eating like your meals like twice a day getting your little bevvies in my bevvy i don't know we'll see we'll see i'll probably just snap out of it dude that's the thing that's such an unhealthy mindset that i have is because when i was like 16 and like the most depressed i've ever been in my entire life one day i just woke up and i felt

totally fine and now that I'm like a grown ass man and an adult I'm like oh like one day I'll just wake up and it'll feel good but that's just literally not that's not how it's gonna happen I'm gonna have to do the fucking work life is ebb and flows yeah you will have to do the work and um you know therapy doesn't fix it but it makes it easier you've been trying to convince me to go to therapy for two years I think I try to do it because genuinely it has helped me so much and like

I feel like I've seen like very dark places and you've heard me the way I was when I was in those spots and literally like TheraSlay. They should start calling it TheraSlee. TheraSlay. TheraBay. Slaycology. I'm going to school for that now.

um so yeah we have to like psychology report yeah we have to tie this up because i have a ucla like zoom meeting about my psychology class the toxic or slaycology report is like what they do on you after you have a night of yossing they like review your slate your yas boards yeah your yas levels um my my

I need to think of another one. I popped way too many yass pills last night. I literally can't stop yassing. Or gay bacon strips. I'm trying to think of one for dope sick. I'm slay sick. I'm so fucking dope sick. I'm literally so slay sick right now. Dude, that was like the gnarliest era of my life. When I would just lay in bed in the morning and not get out of bed and like call you and Josh in my room and be like, I'm dope sick. I need dope.

It's fucking fun. But yeah. I'm allowed to. I know. I'm like, don't fucking question my jokes about substance abuse because you don't know my fucking life. You don't know anything about me. Fuck you. I don't know you. Fuck you. Maybe I'll get into that one day. Subscribe to my Patreon. Fuck you. I hate you. Fuck you. Bitch.

I'm literally, I'm not kidding. I am this close to inching back into being a fucking maniacal psychotic bitch. Fuck you. I hate you, bitch. That's what I was saying. It would be so fun to be the villain, but it's just not sustainable. Yeah, it's not because that was like, I wasn't even doing it to the level other people were doing it, but that time in my life was the most turmoil I've ever felt.

And it was so unenjoyable because you would get like this rush of adrenaline, which would turn into like embarrassment and shame and like...

Self-degradation and like it's just like it's quite the cycle But I guess these motherfuckers are also like too busy being drunk and like fucking silly anyways. I wish I wish I was sociable I can't do it. I don't know what happened I just can't do it anymore like literally the two weeks of hanging out three weeks of hanging out that we've had has Actually, I genuinely think made me feel this way. I think I just need a break from society again I think I need to go away

And lock myself in the woods. You're going to get your text in slow, though. Yeah, but I need to go, like, away. Not solo. I can't go solo. I need to go somewhere in the woods and just reset.

I know that's so lame to say, but legitimately, like, I just need to reset. No, I don't think that's lame to say because I, like, was going to Big Bear and, like, shit like that for a minute, and it was the slay of my life. Yeah. We're just different. Like, I'm always out and about, and, like, my life is a movie, and your life is, like, a really sad, like, Edgar Allan Poe poem. I'm the main character, though. Main character syndrome. Okay, we need to end this. Jesus Christ, please stop giving me your hardest battles.

I'm so weak. I can't handle it anymore. No, I just want to talk about this real quick. Oh, your shirt? I have secretly been blaming everybody for the loss of this shirt. I blamed my mom. I was like, she stole it from me. I blamed Inya in my head. I was like, she stole it from me. It's in the back of her closet. Like she has it.

I just blamed everyone. I was like someone stole this shirt from me. I haven't seen it in months and I was just I did like a deep cleaning of my closet this morning um to find like slacks and sure enough it was at the very bottom of my pants pile which was so random but I found it and it was dirty as shit and it smells really bad but I threw it in the washer with a wet sock and a dryer pad and de-wrinkled it and it still smells like shit.

But that's my story. That's my story. I found my shirt. That actually just made me think I had a muchacha shirt, but I gave it to Josie because it was like my boobs would take up all the fabric and it did that thing that small shirts do when it flares out and it like makes me really uncomfortable. That's like how this one does, but I kind of like my lower back showing. It's like a reverse crop top.

God gave the biggest tits to his weakest soldier, which is me. I don't even have that big of boobs. There are people who look at me and they're like, girl, can you shut up about your boobs? I wish I had your breasts. My beautiful, luscious breasts. God gives the biggest balls to his strongest soldiers, and that's me. I have a short butt crack, like, because I have no ass. Dude, you can find something to be insecure about, like, all the time. Like, you literally find a new insecurity, like, once a week. And I'm like, girl, like, okay.

A short ass crack? That makes no sense. Like, why is that a thing? No, if you saw it, you would scream. I have literally seen your ass before and it does not make me scream. You have. I've gotten way too... It makes me scream without the... Yes. Always got to have one of those zingers in there for the clips. For the TikTok clips. Right? Yo, Jack, clip that. But I have gotten so comfortable. Literally, like, almost everybody I've met has seen me, like, undressed for the most part. Oh, yeah. And I don't care because...

My body is not a wonderland. It is literally a vessel that I am fucking stuck inside of. Your body may be a temple. My body. You staring at the flame. I didn't even know where I was going. Okay. So media of the week. Squid game slay. Squid slay. She's so late. Like I saw it first. He did. He was the first person I heard talking about it. And he was like, oh, like. I was like, it kind of sucks, but it's like fucking awesome. It's just like brain dead. You just watch it and enjoy it.

But now that I've let it marinate, it is really fucking good. Okay, so it's Squid Game for me. Also... Oh my god. I was going to say a movie. I literally was just about... I've been watching The Simpsons, which isn't that interesting. I think I said that in the last episode. And actually...

Watched Nightmare Before Christmas last night because it's that time of the year. Duh. Oh my god. Those kind of movies never get boring. No, they're always good. I'm never tired of watching those. And then, do you want to go for music first? No, you can go ahead and finish your whole thing. Shut up. I want to talk about this album because...

The like, I'm like the listeners are going up, but I only say that because I found them when it was at 400 and now it's like tripled in the past year and I'm like scared, but I don't want it to be a thing. I don't know why. Like what is in my head that I don't want people to know about music? I don't know. Do I just let go of it? Like since I save it for the Patreon. Oh, if you want our deep, deep cuts, deep cuts, go on. Cause look at this, look at this album that I made today.

Dude, this fucking album. It's private, but the girls want what we have. I heard you listening to this half of this this morning and this album. This album and this album literally remind me so much of my happiest moments in 2020. It pisses me off. Have you listened to this album? No. And their song is one of the better songs on that album too. And also Them. Them.

And also just them being on that album is fucking crazy. Dude, no. That whole collective album is fucking awesome. It's so weird. And all of those cuts that they did together as a collective. Okay, we'll talk about that on the Patreon. If y'all want the real deep cuts, the real good shit, the real stuff we're listening to, subscribe to us on Patreon. Just don't fucking...

Post it on your story bitch Fuck you Pissing me off I'm about to start privating all my fucking playlists Like I'm sorry These The girls The girls are finding my playlists And posting all my music from them And normally I'm like

why gatekeep music like i don't give a shit but now i'm like but now y'all are posting like the really deep shit from my playlist and i went through and removed all of them because i'm like y'all i'm not kidding drew this is so annoying when i heard you listening to that one album like the one that i'm like this is my favorite album ever when i heard you listening to today i was like i went through your place to see if it was in there because i got like a shock of panic i was like oh my god it's like if this becomes like i think i'm gonna kill myself even though

I don't know why. I have the CD, so I don't have to think about that becoming a thing. I don't know why I gatekeep. I gatekeep because I have such an emotional connection to this music, and I don't want other people to be like me because I have an individualism ego, and I'm a fucking freak, and I fucking hate you. Fuck you, bitch. Don't post on your fucking story. Subscribe to our Patreon. Please. Okay, what is your music? Well, actually, I'll give this one because...

This is, like, also one of my favorite songs ever, but it's a cover of a cover of a cover, so whatever. But the chances of you knowing it are, like, so low because, like, I'm just, like, very cutty and, like, I, like, do the research and, like, I'm different and I might have big tits, but I know a lot about music. Wait, that's possible? Yeah, I know. Big tit girl know music? What? Hinga dinga dergan. Big tit girl like Doja Cat. She don't know nothing else. Um...

Didn't want to have to do it. It's a cover of like, I think a song by like the Spoonful. But this version, the version that is the best one is by Cass Elliott.

That song, literally, there are certain songs in the world that I don't think I, like, would ever do it. But certain songs, I'm like, I want to just make a cover of this. Like, actually, like, certain songs make me want to genuinely learn how to fucking play the guitar and, like, make covers in my room. Because I'm like, this song is fucking awesome and I want to, like, belt it. This song is so awesome, I want to, like, colonize it and make it my own. And, like, I want people to hear me because I want to somehow make this about me. Let's make it about ourselves.

So that is one of my songs. And then someone's going to like laugh at me because like this is genuinely the only Wilco song I like care about is like Jesus. Is it Jesus Don't Cry or Jesus ETC? Whatever the fuck it is. That one song is like Jesus Don't Cry. I love that song. Actually, I need to know now.

Yeah, Jesus ETC. Yeah, that song for me is so good. I haven't really been able to get into other Wilco songs because I don't know why. And then an album I'll give is Ambient Volume 2, The Plateau of Mirror, Harold Budd, Brian Eno.

um and if you want more like boring shit like that you have to follow the patreon but that album is like such a good album harold harold budd is so good r.i.p um imagine i grabbed my coffee and like poured one out for him right now i'll pour some candy wax out for that fucking album is so goddamn good um if you want to feel like shit and cry and like shit yourself have i talked about this

I think so, but I would... I think you've mentioned it lightly once, but I would mention it again for, like, a good Halloween movie to watch. Yeah, that's... Okay, so... My movie recommendation this week is House, 1977. It's, like...

a Japanese horror that is just fucking so fun to watch. It's super campy and, like, there are some actually really scary elements that I was like, whoa, like, how the fuck were they doing this back then? It's really, like, like a groundbreaking movie. And it really is just, like, super good. It has a good story. And, like, there's some really beautiful shots in it, like, in the beginning that I've even, like, painted from because I was like, well... It's literally just visually so pleasing. Yeah, it's, like, it's just...

Really really fun. It's not the most scary movie in the world, but oh my movie rec is Mars Attack because that's literally one of the best movies ever and it used to scare the fuck out of me as a kid. I love Mars Attacks. It's so good. And then I'm seeing Killer Clowns from Outer Space on Friday. And if you really want to just like freak the fuck out watch Waking Life. But watch at your own risk because that'll ruin your whole month, week, or

My music is "It's Nice to Be Alive" by Vegan. It's a really pretty song. "Strawberry" by Doss and "Daisy" by Strawberry Machine. And those are my three songs this week. That was the episode. We slay. Every day. My bae. In our own way. You're gay. Thank you guys for watching this episode.