somebody broke into our house and watched drew sleep
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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today is a more serious episode. Something really scary has happened to Drew. I just don't know what it is yet. So last night, it was like the latest I have stayed up in a very long time. Like I was up till like...

2 a.m 3 a.m which is like very out of character for me yeah i was shocked when you said that because you're like impeding on my time yeah it's like yeah well you woke up kind of early this morning which is my time um but i uh was laying in bed kind of just like spiraling thinking about everything as one does very existential very like what is the point to all this like and then like i hear

rain and it starts raining and I'm like oh thank God like I had such a good day yesterday like mentally and emotionally like thank God I have rain to final like to put a cap on this day like this yeah just like yeah perfect day how could it get any better yeah and so I have my window wide open and I

As some of you guys know or remember, I sleep with my windows unblinded. I hate blinds. They feel constricting. They make my space feel even smaller than it already is. I don't like blinds. So I'm used to having whatever, the elements coming in. But yesterday, I opened my window to listen to the rain, and I stayed up late to experience the rain.

And I'm like laying in bed with my window open watching succession. And I hear this sound in our neighbor's backyard.

And I'm like, what the fuck is that? And it like is very eerie. It's like a very eerie sound, like a, like almost like a heavy breathing sound. And I'm like, oh, hell no. Like what is going on? So I like look out of my window and I can't see anything because I still have my like overhead light on. And I like look out and like, I don't see anything. Obviously, I just said that. But yeah.

I go and turn off my light because I'm like really curious because this sound is like getting louder and it feels like it's getting closer. And I'm like, literally, what the fuck is going on? Like, what is this sound? I was like, oh, maybe it's just our neighbor's dog, like just breathing heavy, being weird because they neglect that thing. And it's really sad. And they just lock it outside all the time.

That's not the point of the story. I look out there and there's literally a fucking person. Oh, you going on like your tangent about the way they treat their dog in the middle of your story. But there's a person standing in their fucking backyard. I'm being dead fucking serious. I even took a note because I was like, oh, that's the killer and they're about to be killed. And like the police are going to come over here and question me and look. But there's like this big fucking dude standing in their backyard breathing heavy. And I was like,

I thought you were asleep and I didn't want to wake you up and scare you. And Josh was already asleep and I was just like, I don't know what to do. So I just shut my window and went to sleep and took a note at 2 or 3 a.m. and was like,

there was a person in their backyard and if they wake up dead or don't wake up dead they were murdered by him and i'm gonna go to the police and like talk to them about it but i haven't heard anything from them so they could have been murdered but there was a person just standing breathing in their backyard dude what no that is actually like that's not no i know that's what i'm saying it's like actually scary that's like actually the killer i know it was it was giving the killer and like

I don't know if he was looking at me. Like, I don't know if he was looking into my window. And I was just like, oh, my God. Like, this is the first time in my life, like, I want blinds. Like, it was very, very eerie. I can even show you the note. Because I was like. I wish you took a picture. I was, like, so scared. I was literally shaking in my boots. And normally, like, I know. Normally, I would text you and be like, there's someone. But I really was, like, freaking the fuck out. Like, PTSD'd from, like, the first home invasion. Oh.

I was like shaking in my boots. Like I wanted to come and grab a knife. We've literally been manifesting... Yeah, for real. Like evil things. We've been retelling all of our stories. You're just not supposed to talk about anything bad that's ever happened to you because you're just going to manifest more things. Yeah, we've been manifesting like all the bad shit. But look, I look... 203M heard sound in neighbor's backyard and then I looked out and he was fucking standing there. It was...

So scary. Oh my fucking God. It was so scary. Well, I had fun on my iPhone last night. I fell asleep watching The Muppet Show and looking at cars on Facebook Market. And then...

I went to sleep and then I was doing my investigative research on estate sales because I still don't think they're real and I still have not figured out how to find them. But I really want to go to one before I leave town. Like I'm like really determined. There's probably like a website that's like estatesales.com. No, there literally is, but it was made in 1942 and it literally functions like for somebody who only reads newspapers.

Like if you really look at it, a lot of those old websites are based on newspapers and I've never read a newspaper in my goddamn fucking life. So I have no idea what to look for. I like don't know how to navigate that with my eyes. The only time I ever like used. Okay. So when I was younger, like Lone Star News would have like field trips and we would go and see how like newspapers were made. Do I look big today or something? Like why do you keep looking at me? Oh, I'm looking at your belt and I keep thinking about how I have those two belts that I ordered. Um,

That don't fit me and I need to return them and I already put in the exchange. So I'm getting sent these other belts and I'm probably just going to get charged for these belts. My tummy hurt. What? But...

we would go on field trips to like see how newspapers were created and it was really sick and really exciting for me because it was like giant rolls of paper like fucking massive and then the other time I've ever read a newspaper was when I took silly putty and you would put silly putty on the newspaper and you could create a stamp and lift the ink and

put it on the thing and i did that i think i did that with my magazines i did that with my newspaper article about me winning the art show because i was like oh i'm so like i'm so different like i don't you are different you're like doing collage other kids are like outside playing like and enjoying life and you're inside like doing mosaic playing with ink that probably had lead in it i did mosaic one time the one and only time i did mosaic um

I like was cutting the tiles and like I was making this like design. I don't know what the fuck to call it. And there were tiles like all over the floor. That's cool.

And there were tiles, like cut tiles all over the floor. And like I was moving around on my knees and I sliced my knee open. You fucking dumbass. No, it was bad. It was to the bone. Did you have like jeans on at least? No, it was shorts. It was to the bone. I was literally like 10 years old. Why were you doing mosaics and playing with glass at 10 years old? Because I was just an artistic being. Honestly, no, it goes to show like where were your parents? Like actually why were you having no guidance? No, actually where were my parents?

Mom, where were you? No, she was helping me. Well, it's funny you went to a newspaper factory because the only factory they took us to as a kid is we went to Krispy Kreme. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme.

The fuck? Why did you nod now? That's not it, right? Oh my God. Well, that is it. Is it? Yeah. It's a dude who's like, back at it again, I can't speak. Oh, for some reason I thought it was a different franchise. Because the whole funny thing is like, does he do that all the fucking time? Yes.

Why is he in there flipping? I think that is like magnum opus vine for me. My favorite vine is that one specifically because of the amount of questions you have after that one. And I bet you thought we wouldn't steal a bus. We stole a bus. And I just recently watched like a dissertation video on that video. And then I found out that she made a video telling the story of how her and her homie. Oh, I need to see that. It's really sick. But yeah.

I also need Kay and Kali come get your juice, but I don't know their names. That's my biggest thing. Come get y'all juice. That's my biggest thing is like, I don't know what,

what the names are. It could be like Kim and Colin, like Kay and Colleen. Like it literally could be like so many names, but because I can't see them, I literally was gonna do this thing during COVID. I don't know if you remember, I was like writing down a bunch of vines that I felt like had so many questions to them. And I really wanted to be on my investigative journal shit and hunt these people down and know what happened after. Like, how did that happen? Why did you do that?

who had the idea and all these things but I have the brain of a mastermind no I have the mind of a

What the fuck was I going to say? I don't know. We need to bring them onto the podcast one. But what was I starting? Oh, the thing about the Krispy Kreme video is it never actually happened. Why do you keep looking at me? I'm looking at your shirt. You're making me insecure about my body. You literally have the most graphic t-shirt on that you've worn in like the past four months. And I'm just looking at the design on it. It's also the same shade as your skin. So you kind of just look naked. Looks like you have a huge nipple on the front of your chest.

And also your hat is like the same. Oh my God. Kai, you're going in. Can you leave me the fuck alone? Sandy shoes. Sandy fucking bottom. Soggy bottom, bitch. Why do we have to bring up the shoes? You're a dusty, saggy, soggy bottom. I really can't believe there's video of your shoes like actually turning to dust on camera. The sand spilled out. It's really, really jarring. It's really, really crazy. It's not bad. It's just you look naked and...

I think it's a good outfit, but you look naked. Okay, and it's not bad that you're a soggy, dusty bottom. I never said that was a bad thing. Okay. But yeah, we went to the Krispy Kreme factory. That's where they took us. They didn't take us to like a newspaper factory, a magazine factory or something. No, they fucking literally took us...

us. Also, it wasn't even the factory. It was the Krispy Kreme store that all of us had already been to in our life. And they took us there and they had the windows and had us put on little hairnets and go stand outside of the window. We didn't even get like a VIP experience. We got the same experience you got when you went to this Krispy Kreme because this was one of the Krispy Kremes that had all the clear windows so you could see the machines making them and everybody making the Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

So they literally just took us to fucking Krispy Kreme and had us pay $15 to the school to take us to fucking Krispy Kreme. That is crazy. Do you remember going... Which is actually such a scam because everybody like... Someone made a really funny TikTok where it was like...

Why are plane tickets so fucking expensive? Bitch, you're already going that way. Just let me get on. Like, stop being fucking stingy. And that's literally how I feel about the fucking field trips. Every kid, like, 50 kids don't have to give you $15 to cover the bus charge. The buses work for the school. That same bus is taking me home after school. Like, I'm already getting on the bus. Like, why are you taking $15 from me? And you have to bring your own lunches and shit. I know. It's insane. At least feed me. And then, like, the stress of having to get your fucking...

Your paper sign? Signature. I would fake the fuck out of that signature. I was never brave enough until I was, like, in high school. Like, I wasn't brave enough to, like, forge my parents' signatures. I think as a kid, I didn't understand that, like, forging a signature was not only immoral but a crime. But in my head, I was like, why am I going to have this conversation with my parents? Like, no. And I would just sign it. Also, I would always forget. Like, I would constantly forget because...

If I turn my head from something, it no longer exists if I'm not, like, having my eyes on it. So I would always forget. And then the morning of the field trip...

My teacher would be like... Or, like, the day before the day of the field trip, she'd be like, all right, last call. Like, who has your field trips? And then I would just forge my dad's signature. That's lit. That is lit. Yeah. That's really lit. Oh, my God. Okay. Like, you don't sound like you think that. No, it's just, like, cool that you would just commit a crime like that. Like, fraud, but, like, whatever. I was, like, I didn't realize. I don't know. I just don't find that shit cool. You know what's crazy is...

When I was like 14 or 15, there was like a vine made of me. So I had just gone to a rave that night. I was like, no, I was 16 because I drove there. And I went to this rave in Dallas and I snuck out and it was not supposed to be there. And my mom and my parents like knew I was going to these raves, but they didn't know what I was doing at this rave. Like I was always like good at like being

They thought you were just dancing. Yeah, they thought I was just having a fun time. But no, I was doing Molly at 16 and ruining my brain. Don't fucking do that. It's the worst fucking thing you can ever, ever, ever do to your brain. And I'm not kidding. Don't do what I do. We're perfect examples of that because like, just look at me.

And it's like, whoa, gorgeous. Really grew into that brain. Then look at him and it's like, whoa, something went very wrong. No, there's definitely holes in my fucking brain. I don't know if that's real, but the fucking Molly worms milled into my brain. Millie walked into my brain. What the fuck were you saying? Where's the story going? Okay, so I went to this rave in Dallas and I did Molly at the ripe age of 16 and it was the worst thing I've ever done. But...

We still had to get home and I was like the only one that could drive because everyone was also twacked out and I was just like, fuck it, like I'll do it and like drove like

an hour and a half, an hour and 45 back home. Like I was driving hella slow, very safe. It was, I'm genuinely saying like, this isn't me trying to be cool. Like this is not chill. This shouldn't have happened. Do not do this. Like it's the worst, one of the worst things I've ever done. But then I got home at like midnight and one of my neighbors were throwing a party and I went to this party and

the bathroom Like me and my homies like went to the bathroom and they started doing really really bad things and I was like, okay That's where I draw the line. I'm not gonna do that And while we were in the bathroom they were banked like cops started banging on the door and busting the party and like they Filtered out the house and they didn't go into the bathroom. We're like, oh we're good Like we just have to camp out here for like another hour and we're good and then they started banging on the bathroom door and they were like, yeah

Get out of the fucking bathroom and all this shit and we were like no like we're gonna stay in here and then um my homie like threw the bad shit in the toilet and flushed it and The cops were screaming like don't flush the fucking toilet Why are you flushing the toilet like all this shit? And then we all three like came out And they were like what the fuck were you doing in there? And we were like, oh we were just like chilling like we were we were hiding We were just like trying to get away from you guys well

This was a party of a bunch of minors with alcohol, but I had just gotten there and I wasn't planning on drinking because like I know like the reactions that that causes in your brain. It's just not good. It's very neurotoxic. And I was like, if I'm going to do one neurotoxic thing, I'm not going to fucking do two and ruin my brain even further. So I was just like, I'm going to chill. Well, the cops took all of us outside. There was like probably 40 of us out front.

and they put us in a big circle and it started to rain and they started breathalyzing each and every single one of us like all in the circle and I was the only person that blew zeros because I didn't fucking drink that night and the cops were super sus about that and they were like why did everybody else blah blah blah blah and I was just like I didn't drink and then like as I was blowing the second time around a kid was recording me and uploaded it on vine of me blowing zeros and like everybody in this circle like celebrated and was like fuck

Fuck yeah. Like just going crazy. And that's kind of my story. And then the cops, when they were going back around reading everybody, they're like breathalyzer numbers. Um, they, um,

I switched mine with this girl and they said that I blew numbers and everybody was like, he just blew fucking zeros. Like, why are you trying to like, and they were like fighting. And then I was like, I'll blow a third time if I fucking have to. Like I didn't. And it was just like this big deal. But then he was just like, okay, go home. And I just got in my car and drove home or no, we walked there and I got in my car and walked home. Yeah. So that was your victory story, but it's funny because you still did drugs. So like,

If I was there, I would have snitched on you. Drugs are cool. Drugs are really cool. If I was there and I was drunk and I knew you did Molly, I would have been like, yeah, he blew zeros because he did fucking Molly. And then we would have never been friends. No, like the thing was, was like, you know, the story, the show Euphoria, that was written about my life. I was actually in the writers room. Oh my fucking God. That makes so much sense. And that's why I'm in the third season.

Yeah, that makes so... I mean, like, being in the third season and being the janitor that's, like, in the background at the school, like, I don't know that, like... I wouldn't put that on my, like, IMBD or anything, but it is still a feat to be on camera with some of the biggest stars in the world. I just don't have...

Lines. You don't have lines. But like I'm still on screen sharing this screen with Sydney Sweeney. That's what I'm saying. Like that's cool, but I don't know that I would brag about that. Okay. Yeah. You'll be saying that once I get my royalties check. Of three cents. Yeah. Three cents a month for the rest of my life. But we were talking about that yesterday. Yeah.

that like we're actively witnessing like the Robert Downey Jr., the Leonardo DiCaprio, the Scarlett Johansson's of our generations. I was going to say you better name a woman because you're counting on that. Oh, no, I got the girls. Yeah, okay.

The girly, the girls. Yeah, we're literally watching the Hollywood Renaissance happening where all the like the stars we grew up on are just like moving on and kind of moving out. Maybe not by choice because they're all like obsessed with still being famous. And it's like, dude, if I had the money you had, I would like shut up and never be on camera again because like I don't want to watch you on screen anymore. But that's just my take. So you're and I'll probably have a different take by the time that like I'm

If I ever get to be on camera like that, I'll probably do it till I'm like 88 because I love attention at that point. So I should shut the fuck up. But it's crazy. Like, yeah, seeing all the new faces. And it's crazy. Like, I'm one of those faces because I'm actually in the idol. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm on the big finale. I shouldn't be saying that. We have to cut that. Yeah, we have to cut that. On the big finale. It's just me.

I don't play a character. Okay, well, I'm also in Stranger Things. It's Lily's character is like decompressing and like, she's like, whew, hard day being a pop star and it's her in bed and she's watching my YouTube videos. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Nasty. Because it's her comfort. It's my old vlog. Her comfort video. I don't know if I would want to be tied to that. I mean, that's what you say until you see my royalties. See, I have real royalties. 17 cents. Should I read the crazy thing that I wrote that I don't remember writing yesterday? Or like this, I remember this is...

um, I said this into my phone. So also Siri is fucked up and could never understand what the fuck I'm saying. So this probably has a million typos, but it's a really long paragraph that I just like went on a tangent over. I said, there is no better feeling than derealizing for five hours on the couch to any media I can get my hands on to, uh,

Whoa. To any media I could get my hands on to overstimulate me for that time. And then after those four hours, getting up and realizing I can move my legs and like move my whole body. And it just gives me this insane adrenaline rush because it's a reminder that I am alive after being gone from this planet for six hours. So I blast a song I really like and I dance around for like two minutes. And then as the song's coming to an end, I start realizing that

I have nowhere to go to to dance like this. So dancing like this in my house is just not nearly as fulfilling as being out in the wild or being out at a club and dancing with other people. And then going back to overstimulating myself because I just can't get that kind of joy that I had for two minutes and that I'm seeking in this moment because it usually happens around 3 p.m. anyways, which is brief.

Which is brave of me to even say because that would insinuate that I wake up at 9 a.m. or something. But I haven't woken up before 11 p.m. in like nine weeks and I think I'm going to kill myself. So I said all of that into my phone last night alone in my bedroom. Something is seriously wrong with you. Yeah. Like there's something really wrong. I mean, someone out there knows exactly the feeling I'm talking about. No, no, I fully relate to that. So it's like something's actually something's wrong with you because I didn't even I wrote that for people like you.

I don't have those feelings. I just wanted to monetize and profit off of people, weird people like you who have that feeling. Yeah, mental health is sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mental health is like a thing that you can sell now. Yeah, and it's weird. Mental health is weird. Taking care of yourself is weird. The commodification of mental health. The yossification of mental health. Okay, well, this is one of the notes that I have. I can look at a guy or girl...

You know what I'm saying. We don't discriminate here. Oh, okay. Okay. Finish your sentence. And I can look at a guy and a girl and know if they have stinky private parts. I can just tell. It's like a sixth sense. I really can just look at you and know if you're a little stinky down there.

But I would even say that it's kind of hard because some of the most like clean and well put people I've ever met, you find out that they have really not lit hygiene. What? I just noticed. I know someone. Yeah. Like you get down to the bottom of it and it's like, damn, I would have never thought that if I saw you outside. It's like, but that's it. Woo!

And there's a lot of people who like fake practice good hygiene. They don't got that. They don't have that. I don't fake it. You, yeah, because you just don't do it. Yeah. So. Well, I. Wait, you did something crazy. Oh, my God. Drew showered twice yesterday. Yeah. Something is happening. I showered at the gym and then I showered last night because Enya was smoking cigarettes and blowing it all over my body. And it was in my sebaceous glands. And it was just like I could smell it faintly. And it was just awful.

awful, awful. He'd rather smell like fucking methamphetamine from his puff bar. Yeah. Cigarettes. Yeah. I literally, I've never smelled meth, but some of those puff bars is what I assume the smell of someone doing math. Josiah smells like cat piss, like unironically smells like cat piss. And like, I'm not the only person to tell him that. And when he smokes that, like I can find, uh, I don't know what it's called.

Is it the red and orange one? Yeah, I can find him like in the house based off of the scent of cat piss following him wherever he goes. Drew is sipping on watermelon sour peach today. If anybody was wondering, we should do your flavors of the day. Yeah, watermelon. But I guess that's going to end because since you're in a week. Oh, I think when this episode comes out, you will have quit already. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Which is very big, very big news.

And we also yesterday watched or two days ago watched the Apple Vision unveiling. And I wanted to get your tea on that. I wanted to know what your thoughts are. My thoughts? It's annoying because like we just have such like

Not such opposite thoughts, but I think everybody knows that as much as I rely on technology and social media for my livelihood, I just have so many grievances with it and disagreements with it. And I don't know. I fall in this in-between place. I remember I got into a really crazy argument with my ex over surveillance and how I just don't care for surveillance. And I...

kind of still feel like that, but there are certain things that I think are crossing the line. And once it starts to feel super inhumane, the idea that I'd be wearing this thing and it can sense another human, like, looking at me and coming up to me to talk to me and then giving a recording of my eyes, it just feels weird. Like,

I don't know. I'm in between. I think it's awesome because specifically for a plane, like I would love to have that thing on on a plane flight, like on a flight, on a seven hour flight. That would be awesome. Although it only fucking lives for two hours. So I just saw that in a comment somewhere. I don't know if that's no. Marcus said it did. Really? Oh, yeah. We love MKBHD in this house. We stay. I literally I genuinely love him. Like, hi, Papa. No, it's literally giving. We're like,

But yeah, he said it lasts for two hours, but you can plug it into like a fucking port or something and like keep it going forever, which I think would actually drain all the power from a plane and crash it because the machine shouldn't be plugged in in a plane. I wonder if they're going to make like different size battery packs. Yeah, I mean, I would it would be beneficial to have like a bigger battery pack, but.

Just so that it can live longer. Because he made a good point in his video too. That a huge thing they're trying to sell with it is this interactiveness in terms of watching movies. And like...

Josh just passed away and his ghost floated out of the house. I hope you could hear that. This immersive experience of watching movies. So why the fuck would the battery only last two hours? Most movies are either two hours and ten minutes or like, oh my God, you're like fading away. Oh my God. I know sometimes it's like scary. There's like an energy coming from the camera. Yeah, sometimes it's like we're talking and then it's like.

Oh, you're here. Oh, wow. No. I didn't know you were actually going to come. So it's like, I don't know. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I can't believe I miss reading ads. I miss the taste.

Yeah, the battery life is weird. But mainly how I feel about it is I just believe that I don't believe in the progression of technology. And whatever, people can argue that. I understand there's pros and cons. There's pros and cons to everything. But in my head, I'm just like...

A lot of it is scary. Like, I don't know. My take on it is I think Apple Vision is going to suck. I think the first generation product isn't going to be what we want. But like four generations down the line, it'll get smaller and cheaper and it will be sick. I'm still getting one. Might get a second one. Yeah, I mean, I still want to get one just because of the...

it's important it's like a huge step in technology even though but i also probably won't do that because i won't touch it yeah even though vr has like been around for so long like i do think this is like the genesis of like the new frontier that we're going to explore like the iphone was like i do think it's going to be something that's like adopted widely not at first because they're even limiting it to an american audience which is crazy like a user database like to do that like

Maybe it's because our data laws are so much more loose here that they can consume. No, literally. I wonder if that's it. It's because it's like also an American company. So that's most companies are probably like, we don't want you fucking collecting data here, bitch. But my ultimate take on it is like, I'm excited for, I'm excited for the future. And like, we've been living in this like weird dystopia for like the last like 10, 20 years where it's like,

All of the bad things about the future are happening and we're not getting anything good, but like we're finally getting like the good part, like one of the good parts, which is like something you can just like immerse yourself in and like escape all the bad parts. It's like it's a product of the environment. Like it's not.

gonna fix the problems but like at least it'll make it a little easier it literally this is the corniest thing ever but i watching marx's video i was like damn i need to re-watch wally as a full-grown adult because it is so real it's coming soon we really are just like headed towards the inevitable end which i won't be alive for which makes me happy um and if it does start i will simply kill myself stop fucking playing with me um

But yeah, but that's also I just have the tendency to think very pessimistic. And also I do nothing but envy the lack of technology. Yeah, I'm just falling for that. Even though I'm obsessed with technology because it like runs my whole life.

but yeah I'm just falling for the psychological operation of the Apple vision like I recognize that but like but you also in general just usually you're like way more invested in like the future of technology than I am I am like I just like to see the good the good and everything I just try I try hard scares me really bad but

But that's also why I was like, I'm like, where does this conversation even go? Because it's just always me being like, no, that's a no from me. Because I just, it freaks me out. Also, it shouldn't take pictures. Like that, like, shouldn't take fucking pictures. Yeah, that was the craziest thing I've ever seen was being like, oh, like, you can...

immerse yourself in memories. Yeah, you can watch back your memories like a Black Mirror episode, but then they showed how it's done and it's this dude with this fucking mask on his face taking photos of these children like...

It's weird. It's like the dad with the 14 foot fucking giant camera at the birthday parties when they were younger. Like it's an eyesore. It's weird. It's not natural. Which even that I wonder if that felt as unnatural because I think it's one thing to have this like thing because already with iPhones, it bothers me. Like I genuinely don't believe in recording everything. But then I think about how I am so jealous of people who have these tapes. There's but I don't know. There's something so different about.

It being like a digital phone where you can upload it and immediately rewatch it. And this, for some reason, that really bothers me. And I feel like with like tapes and digital cameras, even like before, before the year 2005, it was a big thing to record a few minutes of something and then kind of like drop your phone and keep it pushing. But I don't know, maybe I'm just...

Being one of those annoying people who's like it's so different now when it's kind of been the same people have always wanted to record and document things that are happening because memories have always been such an important part of not only history but human nature people love to preserve ideas and feelings because we're so obsessed with feeling good and a part of feeling good is being nostalgic blah blah blah blah. So there's that but something about it being on your fucking face. I think that's so crazy. That's the killer. Yeah, that's like unanimous like

It will only be adopted when it's a chip into your brain, like widely. And I will be getting that chip immediately. I don't give a fuck. But you should look into the work of Ted Kaczynski. I think you'd really like his work. Oh. Well, listen to this factoid. 295,000 people, 0.00037% of the population holds 33% of all wealth on Earth.

It's pretty crazy. I'm not kidding. Numbers are like, I have no idea what you just said. And I really tried to listen. Like I was like looking at like a blank thing because I was like, okay, he's saying numbers. I have to listen. But numbers are so hard for my brain to grasp that I have no idea what you just said. So you have to repeat it or I'll read it. 0.00037% of the population holds 33% of all wealth on earth.

So insane. That's literally what I was thinking of when I watched that keynote. Yeah. Because I remember I watched it and what the next day I drove over here to do the podcast and I was like, the roads in LA are so fucked up. Like I want healthcare. Like this is, I don't want to strap a computer to my face, especially when like the people that are in that fraction, they make passively money.

like a million dollars a day just from like what they owe. Also, they're so fucking old. And like, it's all these old people who are just giving it to their fucking greedy little fucking mongrel families. Nasty fucking kids. Who are going to just do the same fucking thing because they are going to grow up and be like, my life was fucking awesome. Why would I suffer when you don't have to suffer? You just don't need to hoard. It's literally a fucking disease. Like you have a fucking disease. You are a whore.

Yeah, no, dead ass. It's weird. It's scary and diabolical. And I just wanted to share that factoid with y'all because it is very interesting. It's fucking insane. Very, very much. Which brings me to my next point that my most ideal life is starting a small business and packing the orders myself and selling little trinkets and plastic goods out of my bedroom in my house in upstate New York.

That sounds really nice. I'll just work for you because I don't want to do anything. So I'll just take the stuff to the post office. Well, you'll have your shop. I'll have my online shop. I do want to shop. That's like my dream is to have a shop period. I want to get a tattoo on my finger with a little mustache. I was going to say, yeah. And then hold it like this and then ride a unicycle. Galaxy bacon. Why don't you actually just do it? Galaxy mustache bacon. I'm going to. Galaxy mustache bacon. I'd like to see it.

You should literally just do it. Who cares? Tattoos are literally funny. I'm going to. Galaxy goggles. I'm like, yeah, you should do it. Yeah, you're like, ruin your life. I mean, you're already like, you don't have much left. You might as well do the fun stuff. You're like pushing. Like, you're getting really old. No, I have many, many years. Wow. I have many years. I don't know if I would call four years many, but you have some years under your belt left. No, I'll be... No, I have many decades. You'll be 87? Yeah.

No, I'm not going to be 87. What the fuck? Why does it keep moving at me?

I'm going to be working on this podcast with you guys for 40 years. We'll miss you. It's going to cost $500 to buy a cup of coffee. Yeah. And we're all going to have computers strapped. Yeah. It's going to cost $500 to buy a coffee, but then like everything else will reflect it because like, that's just the government is good like that. And like they make sure it reflects. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Wages will go up about two percent. And Florida. Oh, and by that time, Florida will be like number one state. It'll have the crown. Yeah. They're so good. And it will be underwater. Yeah.

Damn, dude. Someone the other day said I was like, we were all talking about where we're from and they go, I'm just from Florida. And I was like, no, I'm not. I literally was like, guys. You don't claim that. I literally was like, guys, don't fucking say that about me, please. I was like, I'm from Miami. And they're like, yeah, Florida. I'm like,

um fuck um it's it is not the same but it is under the same scary state yeah that was like now like it's always been a joke to be like oh you're from florida but florida is so fucking terrifying right now it is the worst that somebody like looking at me in a car and be like florida it literally felt like it was like one of those moments where someone points in a movie and you believe everything florida is doing right now that's what that person is saying

I'm not saying that. Oh, okay. I thought you were trying to like put me out there. Oh, no, no. That's between us. Wait, what? No. Whoa. I just feel like you guys are fucking putting me on the spot. And like, I don't think I need to like- Those are crocodile tears. Those are crocodile tears, honey. Whoa. I think I would be happier if I was somebody who let outside clothes on my bed. I thought about that. Yeah, 100%. Because I've been so like-

not happy recently. That is like a debilitating disease that you have that like you can't do anything. It's like not chill. Like I just don't like to be in my room when I'm dirty and then I just haven't been hanging out in my room because I just don't want to be in there because the only place to lay is my bed but I don't want to get in my bed in my outside clothes so I just don't hang out in my room and last night when I got to my room I had this thought that I haven't been in there in so long and that's probably what's been making me so sad but I think I'm just so sad because every day is

Been the same. Every day's a noon say. Every day in LA has looked the same. I'm sure you've seen everybody complain about it. I wrote that down because I was like, dude, it has been cloudy for 86 days in a row. And I am the first person to support and rally behind an overcast day because it really is like the greatest thing to ever happen. But it's overcast without rain.

It's bullshit and like it's starting to be really scary. And it's just also annoying because you see everybody else on your iPhone out in the sun having fun.

And I live in a sunny place, aka Los Angeles, but where is the sun? What do you think? It really makes you think. Yeah. Everybody in New York posting, this episode is coming out so far after this, so me saying this is so stupid. Everybody posting the fire skies in New York are so obviously people who have never lived in L.A.,

because everybody's posting it like when people in la see a rainbow and we all have to post it because we never see rain or rainbows so we like have to post it on our story that's what everybody in new york is doing about this guy they're like it's an orange out like yeah they've obviously never grown up in texas i grew up in hood county okay really did i know but like i'm from the trenches of granberry

Granberry is a place, yes. Yes. Granberry is the worst place. They made an episode of We're Here about Granberry. I know. I think we talked about that. Did we talk about that? I think we might have. We might have. Yeah, we briefly touched on it. Really diabolical vibe. Really scary. Really scary what this world has come to. And another thing that people have been saying about me recently is that there was pre-LASIK and post-LASIK Drew and that I was a sillier boy previously.

pre-LASIK, which, yeah, that's probably true. A ciliary boy? Yeah, that's probably true. Wait, why? But I was also... You said ciliary. No, I said ciliary. But I also, like, am, like... An adult? An adult, a grown-ass man with a fully formed brain. Like, this is the brain I'm going to have for the rest of my life, unfortunately. And it's really terrifying. Yeah. It's, like, genuinely...

Yeah, I was also thinking about how like I've literally never been in love in my life because I'm not capable of love I'm capable of love like I love people in my life But like love love like that's never gonna happen for me and that the closest I ever got was with Someone who is scared of themselves. Yeah, I mean it also you just still fucking obsessed with me They're nasty. Leave me the fuck alone. You freak bitch. I

Like, it's not even, like, hurtful at this point to get a text from them. It's literally disgusting. And I'm like, leave me the fuck alone. You're embarrassing. It's crazy because there was... I was thinking the other day, like, there was a world where that did happen. And it would have been so not good. It would have been so, so bad. So it's good that it didn't happen. I would have been killed. Yeah. I'm not kidding. You would have been killed. Everybody has their killer and that's Drew's killer. I don't know who my killer is yet. I haven't, like, unveiled them. Like, it's still, like...

Yeah. Maybe it's sitting right in front of you and you've never even noticed. Yeah, maybe it is Drew. Maybe it is Drew. I don't think it's Drew. I think it's you. What? No. No, Kai's too pussy to kill someone. No, I was saying that I'm your killer. Oh, okay. That makes more sense. You are not the killer. Wait, no. I could definitely kill someone.

No, I could. Oh, my God. Absolutely. I am not too much of a pussy dude. This is going to age like that clip of David Dobrik being like, what if I accidentally kill one of my friends? Yeah, for real. For real. Okay, my other note is I think I just need to do meth. And that's the last thing I thought to myself at 2.45 a.m. that I thought was necessary to right now. And I say that because...

Um, I don't know. I need excitement in my life. I actually think I'm gonna go see a psychologist. Um, I decided last night. You can just get legal meth. Go to a psychiatrist and get legal meth. Adderall, y'all are all taking meth. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist.

because i don't want to like be given anything but i want to go to a psychologist because i want them to tell me what's wrong with me and i want to see if something's wrong with me and i will bring back my results don't you worry should we do that together yeah unless they're actually frightening then you will never hear about this again but i need to know what's wrong with me i genuinely cannot describe in words how i feel i literally feel like my brain is

has half of its power. So me and Inya have been watching some stand-up comedy recently with Josh, and it has been genuinely scaring the fuck out of us and, like, making me think very, very weirdly. Okay, they're alive. The neighbors are alive. Okay, good. Has been making me think very, very weirdly about...

comedy in general and performance in general. And it's specifically people bombing that makes me very, very uncomfortable. But like, also like on top of that, like the persona, a lot of these comedians take up like as part of their like,

character because they're performing like they're that don't think they act like that in real life and if they do it's a character that they've got lost in um but yeah i like it's just been freaking me out all of it has just been freaking me out and we watched an episode of this like podcast um comedy thing and there was a guest judge on there or not even a judge there was a guest on there that like

He was freaking us the fuck out. It was so awkward. It was so bad. And like, it was so bad for my brain because right before we watched it, we had watched Eric Andre. Which still holds up. It still holds up. It's still so funny. But we watched one episode and then I was like, dude,

i'm sorry to do this but i have never watched that show high and i was like if this is funny to my sober brain i need to see how my high brain reacts to this so i was like i'm gonna take an edible and we're gonna like let's watch something else for 30 minutes and then we'll watch this but what ended up happening is we watched an hour and a half of this show which i'm sure if people watch it they'll know what the fuck we're talking about but i'm not saying the fucking name of that show um i know i don't want to say it either like no um

I want to bully that little man. But... Nasty fucking blazer. Like, nasty blazers. We ended up... Instead of just watching, like, a Mr. Beast video or something, we ended up in this hour and a half journey of literally watching somebody go through their, like... I don't even know what the fuck it was. But because I was high, we started it when I was sober. And then right when this guy started tweaking and fucking freaking the fuck out... It was weird. I was getting high, and then it was freaking me out. And I literally, at one point...

He's like, I'm going to shut up because my edible is hitting. But he didn't shut up. He just kept getting like crazy. It was really, really dark. It literally felt like I was watching myself or something like I was like, oh, my God, have I ever acted like this? Like, this is really insane. And it was just did it was freaking me out. Like, yeah, it was just dude. I yeah, it's just something you have to see and you'll never see in like

and like you already know. Yeah. Oh my God. It was so scary. Like stand up is so weird. And then like we watched the Eric Andre show. So funny. But then we moved back to stand up and it was crazy.

freaking me the fuck out like i genuinely couldn't understand not that i couldn't understand the jokes but it was just making me feel so weird like people gathering in a room to watch someone tell jokes is such a weird concept and like they all hold them like the comedians on such like a high pedestal and like when they don't make you laugh like you freak out and you get angry and

And it, like, just makes me so uncomfortable. Like, it literally makes me so uncomfortable when someone's saying a joke and it doesn't make me laugh, even though I'm not there. Like, I'm literally watching a video of this, and then I think about how it's our job to be funny, and I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? We're like, ooh, that is so weird. It was just, dude, it was really freaking me out. Like, I literally, there shouldn't be videos of people doing stand-up on the television. Yeah, for real, for real. On the television. On the telly. On the telly, love. Oh, yeah. Like, I shouldn't have...

access to seeing someone bomb like there shouldn't be that shouldn't be recorded and put on the internet that is honestly the most evil thing ever which is brave of me to say because most of this podcast is like there's at least 10 hours of me just bombing and not doing well so brave of me to say that but like oh dude it was just freaking me out it was really really scaring me and then it was crazy because i was thinking about how i've never bombed on this what was i saying um

Okay. I just have a hard time lying, so I just couldn't reply to you because it would hurt your feelings. But, fuck, what the fuck was I going to say? Oh, my God. Sorry. Oh, it also was freaking me out because I was just thinking about how, like, we're moving into this era of AI and wondering if laborers, like, people, like, who...

Like people in my family who like do construction and like labor and physical work. I wonder if they'll, well, I don't know that they'll be working by the time this switch happens, but we've talked about this, how with the,

of AI and it's going to be able to take so many jobs, a really important job, or at least what we're assuming will be laborers, like people who have physical talents, physical things they can create, they can do, they can build houses, they can build a table, they can do all these sorts of things. Yeah, and then...

Because of that and because of watching stand-up, I was just thinking about how being like a jester and a fool used to be such a low-grade job. It used to be this thing that was a mockery to society. There's always been entertainment, but like I feel like there was a point where actors and plays and like all these things and all these other forms of artistry, which is, again, brave to call comedy artistry. To a certain extent, I think it is.

Yeah, to a certain extent, for sure. But, like, because entertainment in general is art. It's expressing yourself. Yeah, entertainment is art. But, whatever, that's a whole other conversation. But...

like it used to be like oh the king's jester this fucking idiot who you just drag into the room and you fucking they don't get paid anything they're like just a ball and chain and you're like oh you stupid fuck do a dance to think that it went from that to being people get paid so much to go on world tours where they're just on stage telling jokes was really freaking me out and then i was like damn dude things change so much and now people who aren't funny have comedian in their bio on ig

That is true. That is very true. Now people who aren't naturally funny won't shut up. Someone's going to be like, yeah. Us too. Like, yeah, I'm so funny. I just gave you an easy blow. That's how funny I am, is I gave you like an easy blow. A little lob. But yeah, that's it. I'm just feeling existential, I guess, today. And I need the sun to come out or I actually think something really, really, really, really, really fucking bad is going to happen to me. Yeah, hello, I'm sitting right here.

I'm the bad thing that's going to... I'm the bad thing for rough. I'm the bad fly. Did you make that up? No, Josiah did. That is really good. I'm the bad fly. Do you get it? That's something like Weird Al would make in like 2003. We need Josiah back on because Josiah is literally such a hoot and holler. You know, I don't think people want to see Josiah again. But, you know.

You have no choice. It's our podcast and not yours. Someone said I was the Katya and that Enya was the Trixie. Fair. And it ain't. I want Trixie and Katya on this show. Because I'm sexy and you're scary. Separately. Yeah.

And that's the dynamic that always works. Did you call Trixie not sexy? She's... I didn't say she's not sexy. I said she's scary. Trixie... Or no, no, no. Katya. You called Katya. Katya's a little scary. She's the girl. No, Katya's hilarious, but can we agree she's scary? Yeah.

Yeah, but... She's scary the way you're scary. Because I don't think either of you are real people. I need them on the podcast separately. I know. We could probably do it because I think they're with the same company. It says, go into the genreverse. Into the genreverse you go. What the fuck are you saying? I just got a thing that popped up. What the hell was that? Hey, the loudest notification ever just played. Hello by Beyonce. Um...

The Big Dream, David Lynch. I, Chifa, DJ Paul. Let's Make a Stain, MC Mac. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not giving you. I've already given that one. Motion 3 by Roan. That's my media. And then I'm watching the last season of Succession. Pretty good. Pretty chill. Pretty good. Best show ever. Come on. I've never seen it. Watch Mob Psycho.

Um, well, I've been watching The Muppets Show. Oh, no one's talking about The Muppets anymore. That's where I'm at. I'm watching the fucking Muppets. Um, and then my songs are Goodbye Again, John Denver, Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross, Is That Love, Todd Reddington, and then, um,

I go to Rio, but the Muppets version. I don't want to go to Rio. I said no, no, no. This is mine. Did you start that because of Josh or did Josh start because of you?

dancing um josh randomly brought up the muppets to me and he i don't think he realized like i was obsessed with the muppets when i was younger so then i was just like talking to him about the muppet show because he was watching the muppets movies and i was like have you seen the show and he was like no i didn't know there was a show so then we went on a deep dive together of just watching the muppets and then in one of the episodes they did this one and i hadn't seen this episode

One day we'll have Josh on here, but he's a big vagina baby and won't be on the podcast. Josh is a loser and won't be on the podcast. You hear that? I don't think he's here anymore. No, he's here. I could hear him back there laughing and the ghost leaving his body. The ghost of Josh left his body because we could have him on to talk about great things like the Muppets.

Same with Orion. She's a big loser. She's a loser face. You know what it is? Is I will say, I think for most people, podcasts are really scary. Horrifying. And I understand why because you have to fill an hour with talking. And most people don't realize that it is, it's annoying to be like, it's a taxing thing, but it's-

not the easiest to not only talk but hearing yourself talk for an hour straight back for the first time is really jarring because all you do is over analyze yourself and listen to the words you say and the way you form your sentences and it's really easy to be like wow I am one of the most unintelligent humans walking the fucking earth I should never speak again and I think most people are scared of that um but

But I think we'll get Orion on this summer. No, wait, actually, are you sad? Pride, when this comes out, Pride is almost over. It's like halfway over. You mean the deadly sin month? Pride month, the deadly sin? I don't know that. Oh, I, oh my God. Wait, Pride is actually one of the seven deadly sins. Yeah, let's talk about it. I mean, but no, but that's a different Pride. I mean like LGBT Pride. Bell Pride month out and look in the middle. You'll see your answer.

D LGBT BD? D? Fuck D-E-M-O-N, demon. Oh. Demon crats. All of the demon crats out there. The liberals. You know, wait, what's the one guy who was like, my wife isn't, doesn't get wet? Ben Shapiro. You serve Ben Shapiro when you start talking about fraud. Yeah, I don't fuck with that crap.

It's really just not that... I just think it's weird to even...

like talk about it like that you could just have a stance where i mean if you feel it has nothing to do with you just like let it happen and let people enjoy themselves and express themselves absolutely fucking not okay i mean you just fill your time with being hateful the illuminati hello the illuminati is gonna get us wait i don't know if you saw this tiktok i sent you like 18 tiktoks and i don't think you watched any of them all this one is what you're serving

this is what you were serving about last night i watch every tick tock every single person sends me because i'm a good person you're just like on your phone like that like i am screen time at 16 hours challenge yeah try to beat it where is this tick tock dude oh i think the one i'm trying to show you oh oh wait maybe i didn't send it to you it's like that lady oh this one it's this one's literally you when you start talking about pride

Oh, it's unavailable. The video is gone. Wow. Flop, flop art, flop era. No, it is. Fuck. It was a lady. Like she was just somewhere else. And she was like, my neighbors are watching me through the walls. They're sending me walls and they're screaming and yelling the signals through the walls. I saw it. Yes. That's you in pride. And I said that was Josiah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thank you guys for watching. Bye.