Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. Hey. Hey.
Hi. Hi. This is like during COVID when people who were in rehab had to Zoom call their family and say like, hi, like... Was that a thing? Yeah. I never saw that. I saw the Zoom graduations. Those were pretty dark. This is our Zoom rehab. All right, guys. So...
Lots to talk about, but not much we can say. Yeah, we're in quite the pickle, but that's okay. Hey! Oh my god, I just slapped the hell out of my mic. Before anyone says it, yes, I know you're probably like, Enya looks so gorgeous despite everything happening. Like,
she's how does she do it yeah i know and you're like oh yeah that's exactly probably what people ask it's like how do you do it and honestly i have no tips it is quite literally just genetics no it sucks it sucks um but and people are probably like how why does drew look so terrible like what is going on bitch i can't oh watch what happens when i turn them on oh
Do you see that? It's like-- it's basically my aura. I have like-- I don't think that's your aura, I think that's like the lens flare kind of. It's my aura. As you can see, it's white with blue-purple tints which actually-- let's look it up and see what that means. White-- You're literally like when we used to go on YouTube and look up conspiracy
and then look up latest uploaded and it would be someone driving and filming the road and being like, "As you can see, all the lights have just turned red and I just want to document this because this means blah blah blah blah." That is you. -I'm essentially an astral traveler of sorts. I feel connected to a higher power entering communications with their higher self. I mean, all of that makes sense to me, that tracks.
But what, like if that's your aura, then why does it go away when you turn off the light? Like, that's what I don't understand. Wouldn't that just be like your glow all the time? I literally, it's basically I'm a non-conformist, so I don't conform to like all this weird light shit y'all have going on. But what I do conform to is hating seeing myself while we record because here we are again, I'm fucking puggy.
You always say that you don't look bad when we record it. You always do that face.
well if anybody's wondering where kai is we lost him in the custody battle yeah we banished him to the shadow realm we lost kai in the custody battle well they he's actually locked in the basement um yeah we're trying to get him out but it's almost like i can hear him
Yeah, his presence. I feel really weird. I actually sucked my way out of the basement. He hacked it. What did he say? He said he sucked his way out. You always got to make it. Yeah, I sucked my way out of the basement. Ironically, it looks like you're in the basement. No, this is my room. This is my cool room.
Why do you have a nightstand right in front of your closet? Because I'm adjusting things. I'm moving things around. I just moved here like six months ago. So am I the only girl who gets manic at 3am and rearranges? It's you didn't have a childhood unless you change your room at least three times a week. I didn't have my own room growing up. So I wasn't allowed to do that kind of stuff.
Okay. Well, I just want to start this episode off by saying I really don't understand the Olympics. They don't make any sense to me. I literally don't understand what's happening. I know y'all are there and I'm seeing a whole lot of look at my bed tour, not a whole lot of
running, jumping, swimming, fucking chasing, whatever the fuck y'all do. Oh my gosh. I was going to say, I had a topic to bring up. They need to shut the fuck up about those goddamn cardboard beds. I swear to God, for the last 12 years, it's been like this. Like, oh my God, they have cardboard
cardboard beds they're like they need their sleep but they put them on cardboard oh whoa they're actually randomly kind of comfortable bitch we know y'all sleep in cardboard beds like shut the fuck up about them like please please please like go play basketball challenge like no literally also okay there's a lot to unpack because first of all
When do y'all start doing what the fuck you're supposed to do? Like, when do y'all start doing the damn thing? And I have a feeling by the time this episode comes out, they're going to be doing their damn thing. So whatever, like, oh, sue me.
Second of all, all of them are doing these crazy unboxing hauls of the stuff they're getting gifted. How are you getting that shit back home? Like I saw this US girl unload like four duffels worth of shit. And I was like, where is that going? Because that's going right to the fucking landfill. I know some countries put them in suitcases for them. So they like...
definitely had a problem where people were just like, I can't get this shit back home. Like I'm broke. I didn't win fucking bronze, gold or silver. So like, I cannot afford to bring this back and buy my own suitcase because they're also all trapped in the same village and they're all having sex rampantly. Okay. That's the thing.
the thing I know they give them like cardboard beds to make them not fuck but like damn after a hard day's work sometimes you just need a good fucking like literally they need to get their time schedule back on course like they're all jet lag they need a good fuck to go to sleep but I guess like the issue is
Like, that could be risky because people are fucking monsters and don't know how to, like, navigate those things correctly. Like, that's what I'm assuming it is. I think also, like, STDs were a thing. Like, Olympic Village STDs. Like, it's like a... The mass spreading? Yeah, but LeBron James is a flag bearer this year for USA. What the fuck does that mean? Like, he's carrying the flag? USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
That's the thing. The U.S. is employed to try to get back to nationalism, and it's not going to happen. Like, so all the fucking fits are ugly as heck. I will say, I think one country has, like, the most cunty outfits I've ever seen. I saw Haiti. Haiti had a cunty fit. Like, it was giving very Tom Brown, like, very, like, cut, like, suit, nice, like, embellishments.
i saw another one like i don't know if it was australia or what i don't know
really bad fuck there was something else i wrote about the olympics because the olympics have just been pissing me off like it's all over my fucking feed uh also do you win money if you win what do you get like just to like be the annoying bitch you've been like who can be like i won the olympics like that's what that feels like to me it's just they can be like i won the olympics it's basically like
Some countries, I think like Singapore or something, like if you win gold, you win a million dollars, which is like 720,000 USD.
But not every country. I think if you win a gold in America, it's like $32,000, but it's not a requirement by the country. And it's really like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we need to reel this back. Being the face of the country in terms of sports, you get $32,000. Yeah. But it's, it's not like, it's like an add on, on top because like, yeah,
No one's doing it for the cash. They're doing it for the clout. And also like brand deals post Olympics is like, I guess. Yeah. You get signed to Nike after that. And it's a wrap. Like, but if you're an Olympic athlete and you're not signed to Nike, you're a flop. I'm just saying. Oh my God. I don't think Nike can even sign that many people. But yeah, with that being said too,
huh kai has such a good fucking camera i'm actually done since you want to you want to make this shit all about your fucking self bitch i'm out of here turn your camera off kai turn your camera off okay mid oh my god who's this ugly bitch on my screen right now it actually scared the fuck out of me when she came on don't call her ugly
- Enya is fucking beautiful. Admit it. - Okay, stop. No. - Sorry. Sorry. - Everybody come back. - Enya-- I mean, Kai, that was, like, hella weird. You were, like, hitting on your boss. - I wasn't hitting on her. I was stating an objective fact and you are not acknowledging it. - Kai, let me find out. Drew isn't up here. - Oh, he is. He is. I-- for one second, he wasn't, but I switched it. - No, we need to reel it back because
kai said inya is objectively beautiful and then it said andrew you are not uh i am beautiful i'm stunner i'm a i'm a baddie i'm a i'm like you're a girl i'm a baddie i'm a star boy like don't play with me my words you're being manipulative yeah oh you're probably wondering why
why drew doesn't go to new york more often or at least as often as i do and drew literally physically can't walk down the streets of new york without agents chasing him ripping his clothes to shreds because they're trying to grab him through the crowds it's it's like y'all learn some fucking boundaries you can't just grab me like when i was in japan all of the scouting agencies out there were like oh my god like this white boy like he needs to be the face like our
brand like this white boy it's crazy it's really crazy i'm like the american dream i want to say i didn't call you ugly i said you're ignoring the subjective fact and then i think you're sexy like you know this why would i grab my ankles for you if i didn't okay enough enough enough because y'all are gonna make me mad as fuck
Y'all never told me I had this gross-ass fucking forehead vein. I look like a Neanderthal. You need to pack it the fuck up and go to confidence camp or some shit, bitch. Like, literally, I'm shipping you off tomorrow. Girl, I'm not going to conversion therapy. What are you talking about? No, I said confidence camp. Mm-hmm.
Well, I decided that something about people commenting like overly deep sentiments on people's TikToks is the weirdest thing that we've come to. Like this guy made this TikTok, which also like you saying that publicly, you're going to hell. You're going to burn in hell because his TikTok was like procrastinating on breaking up because I just want to be able to hold you a few more times.
okay, first of all, you're crazy as fuck. Like, you're crazy for publicizing that information. Second of all, the comments were like, ugh, I know the love is gone, but I'm willing to be hurt a little more to be held one more time. Like, all this shit. And I'm just like, bro, if I was going on TikTok, like, scrolling around and I found a TikTok like that, and one of y'all had commented that on the TikTok, I would literally blow your shit up. Like, I would, like, scream. You would blow me.
That's what you wish would happen. Hold on. No, I would take a screenshot and I would post it on my story for the next seven days in a row. Like it would, my story would be dots because it would just be like the same screenshot a million times. Damn. Yeah, no, I've always seen, it's like kind of the same thing, but the fucking...
Oh, what's it called? I'm looking through my history to find it right now. It's like those post-it notes. It's like the invisible project or something like that where people post...
the person's first name and then write a sentiment about them. Oh, like the website? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unsent or something? Yeah, some shit like that. But I went through and I looked up my name and I swear to God, there was like
at least five that I could trace back to me and I was like, oh wait, this is about me. This is about me and I make everything about myself. So I looked up y'all's names as well and yeah, you didn't really have any because you have an esoteric weird name. Kai, you never have ever had any bitches, period. So you had none either. But I had 20. They were all about me too. Okay, you have one of the most common names on the fucking planet. Like, hello. Oh.
Also, actually, it's less likely for them to be about you and it's more likely for them to be about me because I have such a rare, unique, sexy, alluring, elegant name. So like it makes more sense that the ones that are there are about me. By that logic, I do too.
I don't think your name is that. Oh, it is the Unscent Project. Hold on. Let's look up Kai. Kai Sinat. You got ate up with that one. You literally got ate up. My name is two consonants. Yeah, but people spell your name like Kai Sinat's name. Okay, wait. This is tea. They're all like kind of crazy. I hate that I still love you.
If it was your internalized homophobia that made you leave me, I hope you healed from it now. Wait. I got red. I miss you, Beanstalk. Let's look up in you. Okay. Shame you lost me. Okay. Bitch, I've never lost a hole in my life. Constantly, consistently, continually, always you. It's a cruel summer without you.
Not the Swift dimension. Oh, is that Swift? Yeah, Cruel Summers. But if he's written mine on my alphabet in the back of my mind.
Oh, mine are so sweet. Drew, you have a giant penis. Oh, no, I actually just found yours. Drew, you are so fucking annoying. I want you to shut up all the time, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you to shut up because I feel like a mean person. Drew, you are so ugly and fugly and nasty and you smell like shit. It doesn't look like you're reading anything. It looks like you're just saying that to your brain. No, no, no. I just memorized them. I was like last night in bed just reading them like a script because I just wanted to be able to say them to you. Oh, weird, weird.
- Merch! - I can't stand up 'cause I'm wearing pajama pants. I'm so work from home coded right now. - That is so COVID coded. No, yeah, we got a new colorway of this hoodie and then... - We have cute shorts. We have a really cute shirt that our friend Leon did a painting for and Orion did a poem for on the back of it, which is really sweet. And the poem made me cry.
We have a t-shirt with puppets
made by a fan plushies and we have your mom oh yeah we're selling pieces of your mom we're selling real estate i'm selling um a fleshlight replica of myself it's but it's fifty thousand dollars i literally have always wanted to make a willy kit and do it of mine and sell them because bitch i know those shit would sell out like oh that would be so great
That would make me so uncomfortable. It's so scary. Oh my God. Kai, can you make one for me? Yeah, I'll make you whatever you're talking about. Thank you. Might as well just use like a single finger. Maybe your pinky, Drew, if that's what you're anticipating. Oh, that tracks, that tracks, that tracks. Well, there has been...
an AI robot that is able... So I'll run you down through the whole experiment, but basically 10,000 people submitted photos of themselves and this AI robot scanned every single person's face and with 81% accuracy on men and 71% accuracy on women,
it was able to tell you were gay based off of your face with 81% accuracy. So there is like traits like one of them. Yeah. And one of them for like for the men, it's like they have like a thinner jaw, which I don't have. Obviously that tracks. They have smaller noses, which obviously I don't have. I have a fucking hog nose and they have bigger foreheads and gay men, which I basically have like a two head.
Why are you spreading your fingers so much? I mean, a three head is still small, bitch. I got that forehead. Sorry, gay men have bigger heads, like way bigger heads. Oh. And then women, it's like smaller forehead, wider jaw. And those are like the only two that like really made a difference. But yeah, that's T. So I literally don't have- That talks for me because I have a big head and no jawline. So. Right. Yeah.
love wins here it is here it is hey love wins no my favorite like my favorite me moment in my whole life is me posting a thirst trap the day gay marriage got legalized and I was like love fucking wins
We have to insert that. With like side boob like laying in bed and everybody was like, are you good? And I was like, hell no. Hell no. I'm pansexual actually. Thank you for asking. Thanks for asking. Oh my god. No, that is even better than she is so beautiful. Lana Del Rey. I have to find that fucking pose. I can't.
yeah did you archive it thirsting for the like the girls i was like wait wait wait subconsciously in my inbox no one even said in my fucking inbox bro yeah um oh no i'll save that i'll save that for a couple weeks from now um well i saw a tiktok where someone was like oh you can just look at certain couples and know they fuck like you know they have good sex
And everyone in the comments was saying the names of like random couples. No one said me and Drew. Literally no one said me and Drew. Absurd. Like, look at us. Don't we look like we like have. You put Inya in the top, right? No, I didn't. No, in the view scape. Because on mine, she's in the bottom.
Oh, and he is on the top left. You're on the top right. Just like the episodes. The hierarchy. Is that a test? Why did you say no, I didn't. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Well, I think I need to start saying yes, boss to us like in Bay or how they say yes, chef. Yes, chef. Yes, chef.
you need yes podcast host yes podcast host yes person with a microphone yes person with a microphone oh my god yes mommy ew motherfucker sorry like you were so nasty i'm sorry turn your shit off i was trying to yes and that bit okay
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Well, I saw another TikTok of this lesbian and she said, damn, like Drew has me questioning my sexuality sometimes. He's so fucking fine. Had 8000 likes and I was like, gag, like, wait, maybe I am like sexy hot. I went to the comments, the top comments.
The top comment had like 5,000 likes. It almost ratioed. And it was like, girl, you can have him. I got ratioed in the fucking comments. Oh, you want to hear one fucking better, actually? Never.
I never want to see anything posted about me ever again. I, at this point, never outwardly go and search for anything posted about me because y'all are rude as fuck and you wouldn't say that shit to my face. So literally shut the fuck up. Second of all, bitch, someone posted a picture of me in this, uh, gimmick was sure. That's like Navy one. It was like, Oh my God, where can I get this shirt? It's so cute. And then somebody was talking about my boobs, which already like,
Somebody was like, oh my God, they're sitting so pretty. I wish someone replied to it. It was like, that's what you say is sitting pretty. And that's a big insecurity of you. I'll have y'all know. I hate my tits and I do plan on having them removed. And when they're gone and I have a tiny chic boobs, I'm
I'm not letting her get that fucking surgery. You can't get those. That's all I care about on you. I literally have been with people who acted like that with me. Like I've always wanted a breast reduction and I've been with people who are like, Oh, don't get your tits removed. And I'm like, okay. They literally make me want to kill myself. They hurt your back.
But yeah, so because of that comment, I will be actually a lot of y'all thought I was on Ozempic, bitch. Now I'm actually going to take it and I'm going to inject it right into my fucking tits and see what happens. I injected Ozempic into my frontal lobe and shrunk it. So I have a no more. I have a no more. I have no more.
I have no more. The spider infestation in the house is getting out of control. It's getting out of... Azul is useless as fuck because why isn't he eating them? Like, he literally needs to eat spiders. Like, it takes me the fuck off. But I was laying in bed two nights ago and just kind of chilling there on my phone. And, like, for some reason, like, my body felt, like, hella itchy. And I would just, like, itch the spot. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Like...
This is weird. And then I like would feel like a piece of my hair on my upper back and I'd go like that, but it would just be my hair. Um, and I was like genuinely fucking tweaking out. Well, I started ignoring the itches cause I couldn't see like, um,
What the fuck was... You are not listening to me at all, Anya. I am, I am, I am. No, no, I'm just fucking with you. Your eyes were, like, literally going in completely different directions completely. I was, like, starting to space out looking at this fucking thing in this room. But I was laying in bed and I felt, like...
a bunch of itches on my leg and I was like girl what the fuck ignoring them and then eventually I was like okay this is like not just like hair on my body like this is something and I looked down there were two fucking bitters one on my thigh one on that like put
patella tendon like patellar tendon and i was like if you don't say the front of your fucking knee right now my patella tendon like grow the fuck up you you dropped out of school stop doing all that you're doing like far too much keep going it was on your fucking knee
tendon like um but yeah they like were probably fucking all over my body and they were literally on me and that's the first time they've been on me um which is just like absurd so immediately i took my apple pencil and i impaled it like right through the fucking abdomen or whatever the spiders have the thorax or whatever and
I displayed him with a hole in his body on my...
I don't know if animals are smart enough to see that and be like, there's danger here. Like, it's not like in the movies where somebody goes out into the jungle and they see a dead body and they're like, like, the killer is here. Like, we must be cautious. Like, I don't know if animals are that smart. Because literally yesterday, I'm at Orion's family's house and their dog had been raining all day. Like, very obviously raining. And the dog kept, like, looking out the window like it wanted to go outside. Yeah. And...
it went out there, touched the grass, saw it was wet and came back in. I was like, damn, animals are low-key so stupid because they couldn't look at that fucking glass and see it was wet and be like, I'm not going out there. Like it was raining all day, thunder, like storm, everything.
And in my head, I was like, oh, I guess it's an indoor dog. So maybe it just doesn't know. But at this point, you should know better. And you're pissing me off. No, literally. Learn a goddamn lesson. Well, Kai, Gen X, rise up, baby. It's your time. Gen X, they are damaged people that have...
A lot to fucking say to us Gen Zers. I'm not Gen X. I am an... I'm a cusp millennial. Wait, actually? Yes. You're Gen Z, bro. You're Gen Z. You're not a millennial. I won't let them put that on you. I don't even know, though, because I feel like us calling ourselves Gen Z sometimes feels a bit ridiculous, but I guess we are. We're, like, right in the middle. We invented Gen Z. Low-key.
A lot of you bitches are our sons and you don't even fucking realize it. No fraternity test. 29? If you're 29, you're a millennial.
um but if you're 28 you're a gen z maybe but you you you're not yeah you're not there i know i didn't claim that i was there was a delay on that gen x and you missed it is literally the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life on tiktok like it literally it
kills me every single time i see a video of them with that goddamn filter on their face have you do you even know what i'm talking about oh the old filter no no the big x the gen x filter there's a war actively going on on tiktok between gen x and gen z um and it's just gen x like fighting this like
bullshit battle that like Gen Z is not even like aware of so like obviously Gen Z is like trolling them back and like being like oh well I'm gonna cancel all of Gen X and they're gonna be over and like just shit like that and Gen X it's triggering the like Eminem genes
that all millennials have. It's all about, it's literally, it's from Eminem. It's like, you can't cancel Eminem, bitch. No one's trying. Like Eminem's a hag. Eminem's already fucking Floptown USA. He has, he has mayor, the key to the city and he is the mayor of Floptown USA and he's been there for a long, long time. You know what's tight is he probably,
How many monthly streamers or listeners do you think he has? Oh, I'm going to guess like 20 million or something. He's number five in the world with 86 million.
Wait, is the beef between Gen Z or Millennials and Gen Z? It's Gen X and Gen Z. So people that are in their 40s and 50s are fighting with Gen Z right now? That sounds right. That sounds actually right because they're always like... I've just been seeing a lot of the Millennials being like, I've been used. I thought I was going to look like this by the time I'm 40, but I look 18 because I've been using sunscreen. I've been using retinol. Right.
Like, literally shut up. No one fucking cares. Like, I know when I'm in a room with your old ass, I'm literally going to be like, I know you are in your fucking 40s because you're mad annoying. Ask a Gen X if they know what Dressed to Impress is and it'll fry their brain. Oh, I'm so obsessed with playing Dressed to Impress right now. I'm getting high as fuck. Okay, if y'all are wondering where me and Drew are at...
mentally not fucking good literally not good and the only thing that makes me happy is getting so high and playing dress to impress and being mildly catty catty enough that i can get good votings on the runway oh bitch i'm catty enough to annoy the fuck out of at least one person in the roblox we're
I'm frying people, like, I am brutally honest, I'm like, this fucking outfit is terrible, that outfit is ill-fitting, like, this is not on theme at all, like, don't fucking play with me, like, take this shit serious. Last night, I did a fur protest on the runway. I swear, I did a fur protest. What was the theme? It was, um...
the Oscars or the Grammys or something like that. Like one of those award shows and I did a fur protest. I was like, I'm tired of fucking seeing fur on this goddamn runway. And I think I'm going to do an oil protest next and figure out a way to have like concrete. You can do like oil slick. Yeah.
I think I'm just going to wear the bright orange shirt that they all wear. And then I'm going to have concrete on my hand somehow, like a bag and make it like silver. And I'm going to stay. Did you get VIP yet? No.
No, I haven't gotten it yet. I think I'm going to get it tonight because I think it's just like it's so annoying. It feels it feels like they shouldn't pit the VIP girls against us like regular people because it's just fucked up. Like I I don't have access to the goods you have access to. So I can't compete where I don't compare. I did see in a Weston and Kaylin video that the VIP literally is just like the same clothes, but
in a different room. Like there, it's not like what I expected it to be where it's like a million new options. Like there's like new pieces. You know what it is? I looked up codes because I saw on the side, you could like add codes. And I think people make things differently.
For Roblox that you can add codes and get a whole wardrobe that's just in your closet, technically. Because I have this random bubble dress that's in my closet. So we need to do that. We need to tap in and find a website with all the codes. Oh, I've also decided...
I've always liked that style of a Doen, cute lacy top. And I just can never really wear them because my boobs make it look like I'm a wench who's selling beer at the Renaissance Festival. And that's why I realized I can't do it. And there are some girls who can carry that vibe in such a good way. But I feel like a jester who...
beat up a random girl at the Renaissance Fair, ripped her clothes off, put them on myself, and now I just look like an evil wench. Why are you beating people up at Beyonce's concert? That camp shit did not work, babes. How do you know? How does she know? How does she know? Oh, no.
Well, our neighbors, they destroyed my trees. They went to my bougainvillea and beheaded it. They like destroyed all of the nature that I could see out of my window in a brutal fashion. It was one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen. And I was watching it actively happen in front of my face. And it was a very dark moment in my life. Well,
They started construction on a project in the backyard, literally ran out of money or some shit because it is just a concrete slab with wooden frame and nothing else. And it's been like that for three weeks. Well, yesterday it's been like three bajillion degrees in LA, like literally three bajillion. And yeah,
Our house, like I'm so frugal that when no one else is home, I don't run the main AC because it's really expensive and I'm going to save. I have to save money now. I don't got bread like that. Well, I didn't run the AC. So the house was like a bajillion degrees when I was going to sleep.
And typically, like I run my AC and my room cools down, but it wasn't like my personal AC, but my room was not cooling down. So I was overheating and I was literally on the brink of heat stroke. So I slept naked and I never sleep naked. I never, ever, ever sleep naked. I've done it a couple of times.
but I was, I was brave as fuck with all the spiders crawling over all of my body and shit. I'm surprised I didn't lay eggs inside of my urethra hole. And I didn't like maybe there's some shit, but I was under the covers. I made sure to get under the covers. Cause I was like, this is a T like this is like exposure. Like I need to be under the covers. Well,
In the morning, like it was like 7:30 and I would like just kept waking up to sounds like right outside the window. And I wasn't I was like in a deep sleep and like rising out and like not even thinking about it and just going back to sleep. Well, eventually I wake up at like 8:30 and I like look down and I'm like, oh, I'm sleeping on top of the comforter completely ass naked. Like, ha ha, that's funny. Like, that's really, really goofy. Like.
Well, thank God no one in your Josh wasn't home and barged in on me naked like da da da da da. Well, I look out of my window above the AC and there are five men at the
window level like ripping the roof off of the house next door and i know for a fact that they saw me butt ass naked laying on top of my comforter and they saw you butt naked nasty like a rick james super freak like a rick james super freak bitch i needed a uniform like hey i got rained on type shit like please like
no but they for sure saw me butt ass naked and for the rest of the day like i would just walk through the house and they wouldn't look at me they would not look at me in the face they wouldn't look at me but not my fault literally not my fault like i look he would have taken a picture for later i thought about that i was like dude like they fully could expose me right now like thought about it but
Well, the good news is we have a podcast and people who are normal and love themselves do not listen. Yeah, an independent podcast. A very awesome independent podcast. Oh my God. The thing is, I know I'm going to cry when we have to be back in the kitchen. Also...
Like Drew said, me and Drew are in separate places. I, after this, still have some traveling to do because me and Drew were like, you know what? We're going to plan some like off time. We're feeling really good about what's happening in the, like in our workspace right now, we're going to plan some off time and like do our little travel. Like we always do our summer travel. So yeah.
I'm gonna plan ahead and just do that because I saw somebody was like damn she don't play about her bag when they saw me at the Tory Burch thing like the day after we announced our separation because I was like she got on that plane and left no I had to deal with all that while I was on that trip and it was a lot and Drew carried like a king but um we have to do another zoom episode
And also, I know I'm going to cry when we're back in the kitchen. It's going to be horrible, y'all. If you see me crying, I am not clip farming. I'm actually so sad and distressed. Oh, bitch, I will be clip farming. Anything that I will be doing, it will be clip farming. What's funny is I feel like everybody has, in a way, clip farmed this on app and we haven't.
Yeah. If that makes sense. Did we get accused of clip farming? No, no, no, no. I'm just making the joke because every time I see a video of fucking LeBron James, they're like, this motherfucker is always clip farming. He's always doing dumb shit. Jason Tatum clip farming. Doing all that shit. Damn, you want an emo on Fortnite? So fucking bad. You need that fucking document. Wait, does LeBron James is...
emo on fortnight do his thing or did he come up with that after uh he's been doing that thing where he throws the shit up in the air for like two decades now but i don't know what his emote is on fortnight girl we haven't played fortnight at all especially you i know that shit lost my love like it's just they need to take that car shit out it needs to go back to a fucking shooter game like it's so annoying i i don't want i don't want it and
It's really sad, but they already got my money, so I don't know what more they want from me. It's not like they're dying without me. I'll come back if they give me skin. The thing is, I wouldn't even want a skin that looks like me. I would just want the opportunity to design a skin. That would be better. Our characters of the podcast would be such good. Like Cole. What did you say?
nice every time we film i get like sweaty as fuck because i think my adrenaline starts pumping because i'm like i need to be funny i need to be funny i need to be funny i need to be pretty i need to be pretty i need to be pretty um guys it's so hard being podcast hosts i know no one's about how hard it is it's really difficult well i got an email
that said hi my girlfriend is a teacher and one of her students a third grader drew her wearing y'all's merch a third grader drew something somewhere went terribly wrong no a lot of y'all's parents need to take your fucking ipads away bruh i was just talking about this with somebody on that brand trip i was like
We make a lot of like satirical jokes that if you know, obviously we were joking, we don't mean that shit. But then that's what scares me is I'm like, if there is for some reason a child listening to it, I wonder how much of the satire goes over their head and they actually just believe what we're saying. But then I'm also like, I would like to think
Also that that's not my fucking... I'm not your mom, bro. It's not my fucking fault you can't decipher the 36,000 layers of irony in every single word we say. Dude, a third grade?
- Third grader also, oh now I feel bad 'cause what if the third grader is listening? Like why am I feeling bad about hurting a third grader's feelings? - No, she's queening. Like I've never seen a third grader queen harder than me. - We're having a queen off with a third grader right now. - Yeah. What I was thinking in my head is it's someone's little sister
The podcast and the little sister like just thought that was a cool shirt. Or yeah, I was gonna say the like older sibling probably has the merch. Okay. Yeah. You're using context clues. You're figuring it out. You're fingering it out. I'm fingering it all out. I wanted to take another moment for today's sponsor Shopify.
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But y'all, you know what sucks balls very candidly is we recorded an episode that was supposed to go up last Friday that.
- Potentially was a top five episode of all time. - I know, it was really funny. - It was so fucking-- - I mean, when we haven't even listened to it, we will probably listen back to the episode and be like, "That shit was bunk as fuck," but I feel like we were on such a good one. - No, I feel like every single time we record, we're like, "That was the worst thing ever," and, like, "It's so embarrassing," and "Our life sucks balls." But everybody left that episode being like, "Wow."
That's a banger and it will literally never see the light of day. It's in the archive forever. Hey, we got episodes out of that set though.
Talk about lack of sustainability. Yeah, no, literally. Our footprint is like so insane. But, you know, it will all be OK. And that's the beauty of being, dare I say, a comedian is we have to shake it off and shake it off. What is Trisha's husband's name?
Moses? Moses. Moses was talking about us. And I think it was one of the, it stroked my ego and it was exactly what I needed to hear, especially in that moment. And I never knew I needed that validation from anybody else. But Moses was talking about, like they were just talking about
us like emergency intercom and Moses was just talking about how um were the type of people to have a show like a real show and like he was just going on about how like he sees that in our cards um in the future and I mean we've said it a billion times but that is genuinely one of my like
biggest pipe dreams. No, that's like literally, that's all I want to focus my extra energy on other than like making this transition happen smoothly. Yeah. Is committing ourselves to that. Yeah, because I mean, but...
I think Moses, I think there's like a joke that he like predicts a lot of things. Like when he talks on something or says something, it like eventually comes true. And I think he has a finger on the pulse and I think real recognizes real. And I do, I mean, I cannot imagine a future where that isn't like in my cards, like in my, in my future, when I think of my future, it is having our own like,
show whether on stream or on HBO like whatever like that is and not like a show that I'm acting in which will obviously happen but a show that um we created wrote directed all that shit but um oh my god
Well, it's funny you say that because when you were talking about the Oscars or the whatever the fucks, I was like, it's crazy how nobody's ever like, oh, like for the Emmys. Like no one ever talks about the Emmys because why is the Emmys like so funny? Like,
The Emmys is literally to me. I never see anybody's like, Oh my God, the middle child tonight. It's the Emmys. Like, yeah, it is so like the kid no one cares about. And I was like, why is that embarrassing to be like, I want an Emmy. But then I was like, bro, if we're lucky, that will be us. And somebody is going to clip that. If that ever did happen and be like, and this bitch was sitting here talking about fuck the Emmys. And it's going to be my ID post. That's like a mile long of being like, I'm just so utterly speechless.
Wait, but like actually, these clips are going to go so fucking hard in the edits of us when we have our show. Like that's the- I fucking hope, bruh. Like that's the tea. Just remember this moment. Episode, wait, this is, we were in the EI era, then we were in the post EI era, and now we're in the P EI era, prequel EI era. Yeah.
Y'all know, like, BC, PC, we're in, uh, we're in PC. I don't fucking know, bro. What is it? BC before Christ and then AD, like after death or something like that. Girl, you're asking the wrong motherfucker. I don't know shit about those people.
You're a cancel. What? About religious people? I don't know shit about what they do. They do some weird shit. They talk about shit all the time and I don't know what the fuck they're talking about. I'm canceling all Christians right now. I got it. Drew. Sigh. It just like silenced you out for so much of that. Coronary.
Corner. Wet t-shirt contest. How about a wet hat contest? I'm trying to see a woman's beautiful mind. Okay. This is not a brat summer. You're 32. Start a stretching routine. That was from Matt Z. Tim.
i don't know z-e-i-p-l-i-n perfume and no deodorant is kind of crazy sleeping like glossier you and shallot cheese mousse virus um no i literally have the cheese mousse virus i need my fucking vaccine the f and jfk stands for fortnite randomly radiohead when it saw the computer be like okay okay bitch you ate
Imagine your card declines at rehab and they just blow cocaine in your face. Kai is so mad because I said his backshot wind smells like horse hiccups. Bitches be 20 talking about wait for my glow up. Bitch, you're about to die. All India and Orion do is smoke, drink, and eat seafood boil. Y'all some fucking pirates.
I'll never forget when y'all did seafood boil on the fucking floor of our house. And you know, Ryan ordered like literally $200 worth of seafood boil on the fucking ground, picking it to shreds. It was watching the whale. Yeah, the whale. It was such a cursed vibe and it smelled shit in our house. Oh my God. It smelled like a...
He froze. It froze. So you were like, it smelled like... It smelled like crab back shots. Wait. He wants that fucking cookie so bad.
Guys, it's a dangerous game because if anybody makes me laugh, that's how I look at them. Yeah, you can win Inya's heart very, very easily. But, bitch, I can't believe I almost forgot to talk about the new doppelganger.
Kai there's a new doppelganger bitch it's giving sketch to the highest degree like it it is literally hard for me to convince people that I just didn't get leaked
Is that Photoshopped? No, it's real. I've been trying to find the fucking video for so long because I was like, it would be so funny to like post or like start the video. I just sent it to the group chat, but it literally like looks like me. And the only thing that like I can say to convince like,
um people that it's not me is the gold chain i've never worn a gold chain no you had the supreme gold chain with the little uzi on it oh my god in that fucking era too when i yeah it's also your body too like i feel like his arms are shaped the same way really big like
he has like long biceps. Keep talking. Okay, no, but that shit was literally when I saw that my heart sank. And I was like, Wait, is this like literally me and I got leaked like I was recorded like doing s without my permission. But no, it's not me. I swear to God. It's not me. I swear, guys. It's me. I swear. And like, it's just a it's just a doppelganger. Guys. It's not me. It's literally not me. So like,
You don't have to keep saying it's me because it's not me. What do you have to say? I have to say if anybody's worried about the transition, there's no reason to be worried. Daddy's going to take care of everything. Okay. Okay. No. Just editing. Oh, my video stops. Yeah. You mute him. Oh, there's a button. Oh, I don't know. Oh, are you? Can you guys hear me? I actually can't.
Oh, okay. He's gone. Like a parasite. I know. Wait, I just like, I was complaining about back pain and I feel like relieved. Back shots pain. Okay. No. All right. Funny joke guys. But anyway, yeah.
Daddy's here to take care of all the technical issues. The thing is you say that and I know damn well if anybody you were into called you that you would freak the fuck out and be like hell fucking no. If somebody called me that I would turn into dust like when Thanos snaps his fingers. Like Spider-Man. Fucking terrifying. Okay my media of the week. I'll do my music in a second but I started Iron Claw on the flight and
I fell asleep after like the first tragic moment in it, woke up to another tragic moment and was like, Whoa, what's happening right now? Like backed it up, knocked back out, woke up to the same tragic moment, felt like I was literally stuck in a cycle and I was so scared. And then I woke back up and I was like, I need to watch something to like rinse my brain. I was again, I know people hate when I mentioned it, bitch. I was highest hook on that flight back. No, I was chewing on this.
okay because we don't have a plug we don't have ads right now you can't be doing that oh wait was that an echo 2k that's an echo 2k chapstick look no it's not hold it back up cover the logo oh yeah this is official right there so stupid um
I rewatched Across the Spider-Verse again. Oh, my God. It's still so good. I still cried. I was still like, wow, this feat of animation. It still had me gooped like I didn't see it two months ago. I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe this movie. Oh, so good. And then my music media is still listening to Charm by Mrs. Clariana Grande. Yeah.
Still listening. Oh, this is my favorite song ever. Tin Man by America. And then I'm listening to Band on the Run by Paul McCartney and Wings. A Horse with No Name by America and George Martin. And This Eve of Parting, John Hartford. Perfect Day by Lou Reed. Cute, cute. Well, I watched Erin Brockovich.
I want to watch that. It is so good. It genuinely made me so happy. It was like...
literally I was like euphoric and I was sitting next to this like dude on the flight and he he was a very sweet guy he was like a really funny character like he wasn't saying anything funny and he was trying to be funny and he was really really unfunny but it was so unfunny that it was like charming and sweet and he was like in his like late 60s or something like that um well
A scene came up in a movie where Aaron Brockovich is like, they're called boobs.
And like, there's context to it. But like, he saw that happen in the movie and like waited for me to like move my headphone off, like literally an hour later. And he was like, what'd you think of the boobs part? It wasn't that really funny. He said, she said, it's called boobs. And I was like, yeah, man, like it was really good. And he was like really trying so hard not to say that she was hot to me. She was like, he was like, she's like so like,
so good of a person like in that movie like she's so like good of a person and she yeah she's a good person but then when we were getting off the flight um you know how there's rafts in the overhead bins every time well he like went up to a did you just ghost that
I didn't mean to. And I think I did. I like caught my mouth and I was like, dude, that's so embarrassing. You're a tweaker, bro. But he pointed to one of those rafts in the overhead bin. And he was talking to a flight attendant. And he was like, wait, wait, like someone forgot their boat up there. And the flight attendant was like, what? Yeah.
Like, what did I... Oh, he was like, oh, the flight won't leave. He was, like, so annoyed. He was like, the flight can't leave without that. And then he was like... And he just was so happy-go-lucky. He was just like... I'm genuinely jealous of his brain chemistry. But then he started recruiting everybody to vote red. And I was like, girl, get on my fucking face. Pervert talking about boobs and saying a girl's hot. You're a fucking pervert. But Aaron Brockovich and then...
I started listening to Steely Dan and I just like clicked play on his Spotify profile and don't have any songs by name but Steely Dan is cunt like I didn't realize I thought he was like corny or some shit but like I really like his music. I'm pretty sure it's like a common like thread that
like art students who do music love steely dan someone was telling me that that like at every art school or at every college that's like art heavy all the kids are like steely dan it's like the equivalent to the unemployed starving artists like radiohead oh i see kai do you have anything else to say uh can i do media
If it's some stupid shit on leave. It's not stupid shit. That's cool. It's like good ass music. Uncle Ace by Blood Orange. That's the song that plays in Challengers when they fuck. Yeah.
- Okay. - That's it. - Okay. - That song is good, have you heard it? - It is? Yeah, I know. - It's a great song. - Fucking, what do you call it? - All right, you're taking your moment too far. - "Hot Chip", a little indie sleep. - I love "Hot Chip". Is that the one with my yellow country teeth or whatever? - I think so. - I love that song.
And I went on a road trip with my manager to a merch factory in upstate California. And I said, I like that song. So he proceeded to play the entire discography over and over and over on the six hour car ride up. That's maybe a little bit too much hot chip for me. Hot shit. Be bisexual and lie. Bye.
Alright guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for sticking with us through this. Good to know you guys hated the studio. That's good to know. Yeah, literally. You fucking bitches. Three of my friends texted me and they were like, yeah, when you signed to them, it literally made no sense at all. It made no sense in my head. It was not a good fit. It was very...
Like, it just felt, like, unsmart. And I was like, girl, fuck y'all. Speak up like you got a pair. Like, now you're saying this shit. In fact, like, girl, fuck you. Speak up like you got a pair. That's good. All right. Well, I'm going to be incredibly gluttonous. And I will be going to Waffle House and then coming back and getting Wingstop. So that's my vibe. And I'll be taking merch photos. Because merch tomorrow. Go buy merch tomorrow. Please.
please please we're really proud of these and we brought back this goddamn hoodie in a different color way because are my eyes too close together okay bye guys they are